H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends

Got Woken up between 2am and 3am ... I was exhausted and groggy (I apologize for the Yawning).But I knew I had something to say ... I didn't realize it was going to be so long ... but I take myself on a late night (or early morning) journey ... from My Dad's sudden Death .... and then My Mom's almost death ... and how I ended up choosing to finally take a BREAK ... and choose myself and my own health for the first time in my entire life. My Fever was breaking (in real time) ... I was coming out of the dense fog, that had been clouding EVERYTHING ... as I relistened to this on... I SWEAR there are moments and parts that I do NOT remember coming out of me .... but either way, everything recorded in this episode, was supposed to be said ... and is needed to be HEARD (by myself in addition to all of my listeners). Love, Alana.

The Cocktail hour doors have been opened ... the mashed potato and taco bars are stocked and ready! The good-looking waiters and waitresses are walking between the guests with their trays filled with Delectable Delights ...Everyone is buzzing about what the "Alana Michaels Show" will be like in "real life" ?? We have heard her voice ... but NOW we will see her "IN THE FLESH?!" ... What will she be like? Does she really talk that fast and have that much energy??? It can't be! Say it Isn't so!!! Everyone hears a voice coming from the crowd "Everyone! Everyone!" It's this handsome fella with a tight t-shirt that reads "Head of Security" - he is wearing an ear piece, and looks very very serious ... he announces "Okay Guys ... Get your drink from the open bar, grab a few cocktail weenies (also in a full jersey accent), and go find your seats ... the show is about to BEGIN!" - As the crowd enters the somewhat dark lit room ... they are greeted by music, and a count down on these GIANT screens in front of them ... counting down, to the moment, that so many of them have been waiting for .... the moment that I WILL HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR... my entire life .... The lights go down on the audience .... the stage lights come up ... as the familiar tune that EVERYONE recognizes starts to blare through the speakers .... in the words of the backstreet boys ... "Everybody! Rock Your Body! ... Everybody .... Backstreet's Back ALRIGHT!" ... "Ladies and Gentleman .... PLEASE welcome to the stage ..... ALANA MICHAELS!!!!! And the show Begins.

What is something YOU can NOT live without? Some would say Water ... some would say Wine... some would say The Bible ... .and some, including myself would say "My GPS!" This Entry recaps the incredible message I got to listen to at my new church, which was totally MEANT for me to hear today ... and in turn, I am now repeating it (in Alana Fashion of course) back to YOU (the listeners). .. in the hopes that something sticks! This is my second time "recapping" the sermon I heard at church, where it is based off of a story in the book of JOHN (yes, my Father's name was John) ... I hope I am doing it all justice! I truly find The Bible hard to read and understand ... but I truly LOVE listening to the message and the amazing music at this new church! TH

"Alana! Stop picking!!" That's a line I have heard since childhood... referring to the horrible habit of picking and biting at my cuticles ... I dive into this a little deeper in this entry ... remembering back to a time where I did not pick at all, because I was on a medication that must have subdued the urge ... but it also subdued my personality, my drive, my spark. So ... at the end of the day, if I have to bandage up my thumbs once in awhile ... but I get to be MYSELF?? I would have to say - "We're gonna need more Band-Aids!" ... What is a habit that you have that you realize isn't great ... but the alternative is worse? Then, I want you to think of something that you are using as a "place holder" (i.e. excessive exercising, smoking, drinking, biting nails, caffeine, etc.) ... where you realize it is doing more harm than good? Let's stop and think of our bad "habits" or bad "routines" .... or just plain old self harmful behavior, and let's try to make a change, TODAY. I'll start ... I'm keeping my fingers busy writing this, so it's physically IMPOSSIBLE for me to pick or bite at my cuticles! YAY! Your TURN!

When you find out someone has heart disease ... do you say "I had a feeling you were heart disease!" ... NO. SO why is it OK for someone to say ..."Ohhhhh I knew you were Bipolar." .... No. It's an illness ... its a sickness... it's a disease ... i HAVE Bipolar disorder, there is a big difference in saying it that way. This episode visits the frustrations I have with verbage related to mental illness (clearly) ... Anyway, I do tend to get heated when I feel I am defending "myself" i.e. defending all of us with mental illness ... as It is so frustrating when it sometimes become so obvious that most of the people out there do NOT have any idea what to "do" with someone that has mental illness... why don't we just start with the obvious? "ARE YOU OK?" ... and then be sure to follow that with "It's OK That You're Not OK" - like the book about grief and loss by Megan Devine ... highly recommend! Okay ... once again, I digress ... take a listen to this one, and PLEASE I ask that you think about the way you word things before you SAY them ... and that goes with any avenue of your life ... not just referring to mental illness. My parents used to always say "Use Your Head ... and THINK before you Speak.." - Pass it on!

Rest in Peace Mr McSteamy ... Eric Dane. I watched some clips of Eric's final interview just a few weeks before his passing ... and he said some powerful words and pieces of Advice, mostly aimed to his two daughters, but I believe his final words were left for ALL of us ... I reflected on this idea that came to me right at the beginning, before I even knew what this "journey" was about to become ... it was the line from Grey's.... "It's a Beautiful Day for Saving Lives..." But ... in my head, it was a bit different ... you have to listen to this episode to find out what it was! Thank you guys .. and let's all take a moment today to remember, that tomorrow is NEVER Promised. No Day But TODAY.

This is not an exaggeration. I have basically never called out sick to work, to an event, to a family function, for anything... I've always shown up for ... everything and everyone else. Basically, I am realizing today ... which is why I was never showing up for myself. This one takes us through a quick journey in the hopes that the listeners out there won't make the same mistake I have for most of my life .... worried SO much about the job, the day, the duties ... that you forget, the most important thing to worry about, is YOU. Take a Listen!

"Damn the Man! Save the Empire!!" - Empire Records. We visit the idea here ...yes, we need to drive in the right lane with our hazards on SOMETIMES ... BUT we also still need to honk our horn, and drive AROUND people when we have somewhere we need to go! I also visit the idea of "Do what you Love, and call it WORK." - from the song "Buy Dirt" ... and the fact about how much harder it can be when you are working for a dead dog for someone ELSE... - Listen to this one guys, make the changes, make the choices. 80% of our lives are spent at work ... we can't all LOVE our jobs, but we need to at least look forward to it ... or else... what is all of THIS for?? Hope you like this one!

"Send in the Flood... Drown them Out" - Taken from the song "This is Me" from The Greatest Showman. A song that was SO important to me back in 2018... after I did my "This is My Brave" ... then today, It came on ... and it was like I was hearing it for the first time ... Also! Good News! We are "going back to basics" and it hit me in the shower, that my "entries" are becoming too long ... and that is not what this was all about ... they are journal-entry style ...so I need to PULLLLL it back (which I have been told throughout my life lol).So be prepared guys ... this is about to get even MORE fun and EASIER for you to listen and follow along with my crazy stories and hearing my Message! I also mentioned in this episode ... I WOULD LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!! Please feel free to EMAIL me at anytime to let me know your thoughts, if you have questions, or if you want to join my TEAM of H.O.P.E in the future!! Chat Soon!

It's the 18th!!! As I have mentioned ... the number 18 is beyond just a "lucky" number for me in my life ... this one takes us through a journey of "cues from the Sky"... to meeting a possible new "love interest" with A TWIST! Also visiting the idea that just because certain people were close to you at one time, does not mean they signed a contract with you to always be by your side .... we only need people around us that lift us up, make us happy, and contribute to our inner and outer peace. So, with that being said, PEACE OUT for now .... can't wait to hear what you think of this one!

THIS. THIS. THIS ... I don't even know what to say. I swear, Dad wrote this letter ... to ME ... even though it's a letter to HIM from Me. I am ready... for my next chapter, the one that is going to change my life, "both sides now" ... I have love, and purpose. I am ready to surrender ... and trust God, My Dad, and My angels. This is the letter that will change everything ... that will mark the start of something amazing. Thank you ... for your support, your love... for being the calm to my storm ..... the heart to my soul... the true love of my life, and my soulmate.Not 100% sure who I am talking to here ... well, besides God and My dad ... I truly believe .... the listeners, the audience, the one person, who thinks to themselves "I can't make it ... even one more day" ... THANK YOU for showing UP for yourself... nobody deserves this more than YOU. ... I am in a place, where I know, my heart, my mind, and the deepest place in my SOUL.... is ready for you. I just can't wait for this curtain to go up .... so get ready everyone, it's SHOWTIME!

For anyone out there who have had a "situationship" and somehow.... it turned into the hardest thing to ever get over ?? Ever?? This one is for you. I look back on two of the most important relationships of my lifetime ... and how looking back with a "different lens" has taught me different things ... I invite all of the listeners to do the same... I ask you to think of a time of your life, and you have always looked at it ONE way ... but try to "spin" it ... try to look at it differently, and see if you realize a brand new takeaway from that part of your story. I really loved listening back to this one... I can never tell if these will hit the same to all of you, as it really is my story and my life ... but I hope it's "general" enough, for all of you to relate to. And as always ... Thanks for listening!

I can't take full credit for this one .... I heard a version of this off TikTok first thing when I woke up this morning (Thank you Dad). And it spoke to me so deeply to my core ... I just knew I had to record my own version of it. If I truly knew how TikTok worked, I would post it there ... perhaps once I have my "social media" team, they can help me! This one is not long ... and doesn't include any funny stories or "Double A's" aka Alana Anecdotes ... it's just real, raw, and true words that we all need to hear (including me, I listened to it numerous times and cried every time). I hope this resonates with you, the listener, because please please know we ALL deserve peace, enough is enough .... because after all, WE ARE ENOUGH.

"If you had ONE shot ... and ONE opportunity .... would you take It? Or would you just let is slip??" In the words of Eminem ... Lose Yourself. This felt really good ... definitely one of more of my upbeat, but also very theraputic entries ... I came to some realizations during this one .. I go back to my high school days, my Dad's opinion on my friends, my dream of becoming a rapper ... But ... the most important takeaway from this one ... it starts and ends, with talking about trusting your HEART ... beyond your gut, beyond your mind, beyond your friends and family ... trust your HEART ... and you will never ever believe where it could lead you. Thanks guys!

Valentine's Day means something different to me than to most people ... especially this year. The first time my most loving and supportive man in my life ... on all days, but especially valentines day, as he always gave me something sweet and told me he loved me... I miss you Dad ... very much. Valentine's Day is a day of loss for my dear Mother ... and I talk about her losses of both her Father .. who passed on actual Valentines Day ... and also another very close soul that she just lost the day before Valentines Day. There are some really funny laughs in this one... and of course some tears. But at the end of the day ... I said to my dad "I will follow your trail of little red hearts ... leading to the double rainbow."

This one ... was inspired after I ran into the Quick Check and "Everybody" by the Backstreet Boys was playing... and from there we go on a little ride .... a few different songs play a part in this one ... (not a surprise)!"The power of the Pause" I talk about my lifetime issue of having "knee jerk reactions" to things, and how now I reflect on that and I am starting to understand why... looking at things differently now in the way I respond and react to things... following the "signs" to give myself the peace and comfort I deserve. And ALWAYS putting myself first.... even when it's uncomfortable. Hope you like this one... and whatever you do, make SURE you listen until the very end!

THIS is an episode that started when I was fully "BUGSY" .. aka having major anxiety while driving the high way that I've driven my entire adult life... but after having this "break" from my "normal life"... I was thrown back into a situation that I equate with a very stressful and frustrating commute .... I was going to cut the recording pretty quickly because I was so overwhelmed and then started to drive in circles... but I kept recording ... and I am SO happy I did. For those of you, who get overwhelmed, and anxious in a heart beat .... this one is for YOU!

"Baby we can make it ... if we're HEART TO HEARTTTTTT" ... starts out with my wonderful singing ... so be ready for that!This one is dedicated to the quote on the back of my t-shirt from college ... that My dad used to always quote throughout the years .. "Time is Never Wasted, when You're Wasted All the Time." Such a great line!I visit the "feelings" I am having right now, about past loves, future loves ... and everything between. Trying to understand my "pull" to certain people .. or away from others. What is "meant to be"?? Who knows... but take a listen! I think you will like it.

This starts out with me "rehearsing" what my answer will be on the interview circuit on "HOW did you end up doing this Alana?" ... And then of course this Runaway train took a few different twists and turns ... and it seems like this train is ready for a permanent conductor ... (accepting applications within)!

"Things that no longer serve you will somehow find their way out of your Life." ... I make some comparisons to this when I found out I had to switch pharmacies. I then went on to discuss the importance of taking some TIME out of your day to get your own "ish" done. I share that I have not taken a true lunch break during my work day for over 20 years. And I am trying to make sure everyone knows ... YOU HAVE TO TAKE YOUR LUNCH BREAK! Put YOURSELF first. I promise you, it will change your life. I know it can't happen 24 hours a day ... but take at least that ONE hour a day... you deserve it.

This one started out being inspired by the song "You Will Be Found" from the Broadway show, "Dear Evan Hansen." It's a song that always meant a lot to me, but now I find myself tearing up and daydreaming as I hear it ... and then when I found the version by Jennifer Nettles from Sugarland? Well that just made my entire morning! ... I then begin to talk more about my experiences with casual dating, and making some realizations about how long distance romances seemed to have made the most impact in my life. I am now ready for intentional dating, I no longer have any interest in being the "side piece" or the "casual hang out." I'm HERE... ALL of ME.... Take Me or Leave Me! (As they say in one of my other all time faves, RENT)! This was a fun one...Be sure to listen to "You Will Be Found" by Jennifer Nettles AND "Stay" by Sugarland!! Both major songs that are discussed in this episode!

This is my VISION coming to life! Working on putting together my stage show (Alana Michaels presents... H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends)... so this is a really FUN one... get ready to sing and dance ... (in your car, in your home, in the walmart) wherever you are listening to this! As always, thanks for the support!!! LET'S DO THIS!

THIS! THIS THIS! It's funny ... someone said to me recently "DO you think you are channeling when you record some of these?" I've been thinking about that... and I swear, I think she might be onto something. I recorded this on a whim, based on a conversation I was having with myself in the shower .... it's from the POV of my "Ex" ... representing ALL of my "exes" and how they are feeling at this moment ... while listening to my podcast, and giving me the encouraging words that I guess I needed to hear?? Pretty sure my Dad had a big hand in this one too. After you listen, I invite YOU to either record or write down a letter from one (or all) of your exes ... if they could see you RIGHT Now, what you think they would say to you. Then read it back (or listen to it) and see how it makes you feel.

This one gave me such great energy to record. I had an amazing experience this morning at a church that was SO different from any type of religious organization I have ever been a part of. I loved it, it moved me to tears, and it is exactly what I needed in this moment. God knew that I would be there today ... and everything spoke to me. It's called "The Chapel of Warren Valley" in Washington, NJ (it's literally in a strip mall - you would NEVER know that it's a church)! I feel the way I "explain and interpret" the sermon is also pretty funny and interesting ... hoping it will resonate with some of you!

This was a really interesting one ... at first I wasn't sure I would post it, because I just wanted to have an audio recording of some of these journal entries ... but then I realized, and remembered, what I am doing this for. I think this episode represents BIPOLAR Disorder the best of any of them ... because it's not too long in length, yet you can hear the roller coaster of a journey that this illness can have on one human being. I made realizations in this episode that I had never connected before ... once again, involving Taylor Swift and probably her most Iconic song - "All Too Well." I hope you like this one guys .... I know I do.

Well... somehow my 2017 year old Manic self ... going 10 nights without sleep, hallucinating and then ending up in the psychiatric hospital.... well, that girl? She was a ROCK STAR! As I found photos and old "ideas" ... turns out she knew EXACTLY what she was talking about ... and NOW I am working on making HER dreams .. which are, and have always been MY dreams a reality!I don't know when ... or how.... but I PROMISE you, that you will be able to buy tickets to see me in the near future .... and I just can't WAIT to offer you my message of H.O.P.E - IN PERSON! But in the meantime... keep listening ... I am SO appreciative of every single one of you! And please remember ... no matter WHAT ... YOU. ARE. ENOUGH!

This is me 24 hours after one of the worst grieving days for my Dad ... and I talk about how even though I am talking SO much about loving myself and putting myself first, I realized, that I did not "allow" me to have a day like that. I think this is a good one for anyone to listen to who has bad days...and then you make yourself feel BAD about having a day where you are not productive, or not feeling well, or in a bad mood, etc. I mention this really great guy... please check him out! I promise he will say something that will change your day. Hamza Zaid @wesaiditanyway - Instagram@wesaiditanyways - TiktokAs always, thank you guys for listening!!

Quoted from the Broadway show of RENT ..."No Day but Today" has always resonated with me for different reasons throughout my life. So that is where this episode begins ... (and ends) ... but there is quite the variety of topics between point A and point B. I discuss the effects Caffeine has been having on me lately, the idea "do we actually have time to put ourselves first in this busy life?" - My five year long "situationship", and of course some laughs talking about my night blindness and doing a K-Turn on someone's LAWN! Anyway, this was a really fun one to make while I was taking the time to drive slowly on some back country roads ... Anyway, hope you like it!!

Hey Guys ... as I found myself hysterically sobbing on the floor of my dad's client huddled up in a pile of his clothes ... I somehow got this feeling from my Dad that he wanted me to record ... he wanted me to share this indescribable feeling of loss ... of heartbreak ... of gut wrenching ache, of realizing I was standing amongst my father's clothes ... in his room ... with all of his things ... and I would never ever see him again. So ... I peeled myself off the floor from the fetal position... and I hit "record" ... THIS is another example, of my "story" starting at one place ... traveling through the laughs and unbelievable memories ... and then somehow I find myself back to ... my dad's room, with my dad's things ... and I am smiling, instead of crying. I hope you guys like this one ... Thanks Dad.

GUYS!! This the ONE! (Yeah, I know I've said that about many men in my life...) BUT, this is the one that will probably matter the most, which is Ironic, because the main spine of this episode does not have to do with ME personally, it's more of a general message of HOPE and INSPIRATION to bring ourselves back to life ... to BELIEVE. It's a magical one.... so PLEASE, share it, post it, send it ... KEEP IT! I will be listening to this one when I really need to remember who I was, who I have become, and who I STRIVE to be!I hope this one sticks with you more than ANY of the others ... because in the end, it's saying the same thing as all of my stories ... but just with a better TWIST!

Just when I think to myself "Oh my god... that was definitely my most emotional episode ..." One like THIS happens. It's funny, people keep asking me if I have a "script" or an "outline" ... and the answer is Hello No. Besides my time on the stage throughout my life. ... I have never followed the words on the page ... well, actually -that is a lie. For a big chunk of time recently in my life ... I guess I forgot .... I have the power to "FLIP THE SCRIPT" .... and that's exactly what I am doing right here, as we speak. Hoping this one hits home with some of you.... TRIGGER I wouldn't listen while driving for this one! Thank you everyone.

Social Media can be a blessing and a curse ... this one takes a ride through Social Media, Marriage, Friendships, Looking inward - and .... Stranger Things! I enjoyed listening this one back, sometimes I even hear something that I barely remember saying (thanks Dad)... Hope you guys enjoy it ... and remember you always just want to make sure you take "the Power of the Pause" and "Practice what you Preach" - both quotes by Mommy Dearest.

Everyone in my life, who knows me, Should listen to this one. And as always, THANK YOU for your concern, your love, and your worry. Since recording this episode ... I met with my psychiatrist - for a 45 minute video session, where he could see my face, and look into my eyes. As we talked ... about 30 mins in... he stopped me. He said: "Alana, I've been seeing you for a very long time. I can say with 100% certainty you are not only NOT manic... is the is the most clear, and healthy I have ever heard you speak." ... And then he followed that by saying it is greatly conflicting with the emails that he had received from my loved ones.So, the professionals have spoken everyone! I am sleeping, I am not spending tons of money, I am not running out spreading my legs, and the biggest thing? I AM NOT ANGRY (this is not yelling caps ... its just stating the facts.)I am really proud of myself and how far I have come. Although I do believe I had experienced a bit of a "heightened" state over the past few weeks, I know that I am now in an extremely healthy and happy place ... I keep saying to myself "Alana, nobody recognizes you like this. And then I look in the mirror and say "Not Even Me."

Hey Everyone ... my mother has told me my whole life, when it's bad weather, bad traffic, car issue... "Alana, drive in the right lane with the hazards on." ... Well... I think I am definitely realizing I need to slow down a bit ... stay focused, keep going with my drive, my passion and love for what I am doing right now... but I don't have to do too much too fast, I think we could all use that idea in our mind ... once in awhile, just to see that person in front of you with a STOP sign ... let's be clear though .. I am not stopping anytime soon! But yeah ... I guess I can drive in the right lane once in awhile. Hopefully I'll see you there!

Guys ... I am soooo excited about this one. Hopefully you all have been listening from the beginning and know that I have a special connection to my Dad even though he is in heaven ... I guess he realized I really needed a "droopy drawers lecture" today. And for some reason that book from so long ago ... just popped into my head "Dear God, It's Me Margaret" ... and now I'm like "Dear Dad, It's Me Alana." Anyway ... as much as I cry a bit in this one, I think this will end up being one of my most memorable episodes ever!

Hello All ... this was a fun one too ... I came across some old cards and notes that really made me think of where I was, where I am now, and how far I have come. It made me happy, but also kind of sad ... but then proud. Thank you again for all of your support!

Parker woke up... right after the journal entry I had just recorded... telling me about a Dream he had about my Dad, saying it was April 1st, 2026 ... and I had told him it was an April Fools' Joke that he had passed, and that they were watching the JETS together, that dad looked younger (around the age of 50), he looked skinnier, healthier ... and Parker asked him how he lost the weight ... and as he flexed his muscles he said "Grandad Strong!!"THEN... after he told me about his dream, I went back and listened to the Full Moon journal entry ... and I realized ... OMG... I talked about the Jets ... and my dad Flexing his big muscles... If THAT is not Dad/Grandad wanting to be FULLY involved in this project of H.O.P.E .... I don't know what is!! Dad, I hope you know, you are the inspiration behind every moment of me sharing my story ... my life... my tears... my laughs. I would not be the "baby girl" I am today... if it wasn't for you. So, please keep flexing those muscles from Heaven ... and I just have this feeling, that you are not only saying "Grandad Strong..." but you are saying "Alana Strong." ... I love you Dada!

Woke up to the most beautiful and bright Full Moon today. This is a journal entry (with a few side bars as always) ... where talk about losing my Dad, the importance medication has had in my life, little miracles, the Jets, Phil Collins, and how Dreams really do come True. It's a little bit all over the place ... but hey, So am I!! I really love this one ... thanks for listening guys.

Hi Guys... now that I have come off of my coffee high ... I was getting ready for bed tonight, and I have been making it a point to journal at least once a day, so as I was journaling, it came over to me that I wanted to say something to the soulmate that I truly feel is heading in my direction ... so I wrote a little something. THEN, I remembered.... an astrology site that I had signed up for weeks ago in the blurry time between my father passing away and almost losing my mother, I know I did not pay any money for it ... but somehow they emailed me a "Dear Alana" letter from my soulmate ... and I must have glanced over it at that time, but tonight as I was journaling, I remembered it, so I turned on my voice note app (which is now my best friend) ... and recorded both letters ... which stirred up more emotion in me than I was expecting. I hope you all are as moved by this episode as I was ... and of course, THANK YOU so much listening! Remember to please pass along the word of H.O.P.E to anyone that needs it! Hang. On. Pain. Ends

Well... TRIGGER WARNING - this was recorded while I was FULLY caffeinated up after an amazing breakfast date with my bestie ... so... apologizing in advance! While driving on route 80 for the first time in 10 days ... I somehow went down a detour of some really crazy (and unbelievable) bad date stories while dodging huge rocks and bad drivers! This one might be one of my favorites ... when I listen back to some of these, it is almost like it was an out of body experience when these things happened because I CAN'T believe what I am hearing! Anyway, I do mention this fellow content creator a few times during this episode ... so I wanted to leave his soical media handle here! He's GREAT! Be sure to look him up .... ! Davide De Pierro davi87dp (on TikTok & Instagram) Anyway ... have a blast listening to this one guys! It will be a nice way to kick off everyone's weekend!

This is the pick-me-up (off the floor) check in that I recorded after that last doozy ... I am probably going to keep it lighter for awhile... I realized the energy I exude when I talk more and more about my struggles ... of course I will still use my experience with Mental Illness as the main theme of my Journey... but I think I am ready to realize, those struggles and obstacles were put into my life for a reason, God knew I would be able to get through them (barely) and I think I have good things ahead, so I will try my hardest to keep my mind there ... I know I will have my moments, my bad days, my set backs. But it is all about how I react, how I manage, and how I have to really trust in God, My Dad, and my Angels ... that they will continue to protect me and guide me to where I am meant to go.... and in the meantime, I am going to continue to text myself ... in the hopes I don't get GHOSTED!

Hi Everyone.. I just want to THANK YOU. Thank you for taking time for YOU and leaving your own struggles for a moment ... to hear about stories of someone's life that might be able to make YOURS feel a bit different tomorrow. Soooo with this being said, this one is a DOOZY. I promise you it's a story like you have NEVER EVER heard before .... get your popcorn, your coffee, your white claw ... and just sit back, relax, listen ... laugh... cry... and remember, Have HOPE!

Hey Guys - I am going to preface by saying this is the LONGEST episode I have done clocking at 50 minutes! So if you are looking for a quickie ... this isn't the one! But afterall, we can't be satisfied with Quickies ALL the time right??? (That's what she said lol) Okay - so ... in order to understand the name of this episode, "The Five People You Meet on Earth" - you need to listen to the WHOLE thing .. but I promise you, this one is worth it! Get ready for a lot of laughs ... NO tears this time I promise. Also wondering what you guys like better? Shorter or Longer check ins? I'll probably mix it up ... kind of like my personality - I'm basically a box of chocolates ... you never know what you are going to get! Have a great day guys.

Hey guys! This is a quick fun one! I hope you like it ... it's all about music and how much ONE song can just change the direction of your entire day. And that's what happened to me today.I promised in this one that I would post the recommended playlist that I dare you all to make on your phone today ... BUT ... you will have to pause the episode and write them down ... because by the time I posted it, my vibe had totally changed, and the below list of songs is more of an inspirational, "I am so much better than I was" type of feel. Both playlists are on my Spotify ... just depends on my mood (and yes, I have moods... it's allowed! There is a difference between a person who is more of a "moody" personality - or someone that is not properly medicated/treated for Bipolar disorder). ANYWAY ... happy listening! Survivor - Destiny's Child Lose Yourself - Eminem Rise Up - Andra Day When I Look at You - Miley Cyrus She Used to be Mine - Sarah Barellis (for me, this was me for the past 7 years...) My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion Overcomer - MandisaAin't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye, Tammi Terrell Tell your Heart Beat Again - Danny Gokey (THIS ONE??? OMG FULL TEARS EVERY TIME)

This one focuses on the sweetest 94 year old man I've ever met. My mom has been a caregiver to him for the past 3 years ... and she has changed his life, as he has changed hers. Unfortunately he has been hospitalized and in rehab for months now, my Mom visits him as much as she can, and he just sobs on her shoulder, bc all he wants to do is go home. Today was the first day I went inside with her to say hello ... and what I experienced I was not prepared for. This "gentle giant" as I would call him ... 6'4" ... muscular, strong old man ... was sobbing like a baby, as my mom had her arms wrapped around him.. and he just kept saying over and over "I'm broken .. they broke me." ... It was probably one of the most heart-breaking things I've ever witnessed in my life and has now become a core memory that I will never forget. As I was there, it dawned on me, that I might be able to help. So listen with me ... and I hope you leave with the message ... sometimes, you can go from Broken ... to Blessed, if you just have H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends.

Just a fun morning drive ... sharing thoughts on how hearing someone's voice even for just a few seconds, can make such a difference!

I've never claimed to be a Yogi. Most of all because I think the word "Yogi" is annoying. But, today ... on the yoga mat, felt like the first time in a very long time ... where I knew why I was there. In that Moment "in time" ... I knew I was meant to be there. So whether you know what a downward dog is or not... I think this is a good one. Especially for those of us that know, deep down in our hearts, it's time for a fresh start.

Good Morning. I wanted you to know this one was recorded in the morning ... because sometimes mornings are hardest for me. When I was in depression, the minute I woke up, before I opened my eyes, I would feel, for just a split second, that the depression had lifted... and I would have HOPE. And then ... my eyes would open, and I was still in the darkness. Similarly, when my Dad passed, I would wake up ... and say "Oh Dad, thank God you are still here ... I had the worst dream" ... And then my eyes would open, and I would remember the truth, my Daddy was gone forever.So ... this morning was one where my emotions ran high, and when I record something like this, where I am crying and feeling so deeply, I think to myself, I should not post this one. And then my heart whispers, "Alana, this is the only one." - So here it is... Raw and Real... and please share to anyone struggling with Depression or Anxiety, or just struggling with LIFE, as my only wish for sharing my story in this way .... is to save somebody, when they can't seem to save themselves. Love you Dad.

This one started as I was washing a mug that I never knew I had .... and then turns into making talking about Signs that help when you lose someone that you loved. Being open, and receptive to the idea that just maybe ... there is more out there then just this? And that just maybe... your loved ones will be able to guide you more from HEAVEN than they ever could when they were here on Earth. Maybe making the little change of looking around for a sign ... a song, a number, a phrase ... it could be anything that means something to YOU ... that makes you FEEL ... feel Something! Yesterday ... the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" came on ... out of nowhere. Haven't heard that song since Middle School, but always a song that hit my heart (probably because of the movie Beaches that was probably the saddest movie I had ever experienced EVER at that age). But as this song came on yesterday ... I listened to the words ... "Did you ever know that You're my Hero ... and everything I would like to Be ... I could fly higher than an Eagle... For you are the wind beneath my Wings. " - Dad ... you are giving me Wings ... just like you always told me "Zib .. you can do anything you put your mind to ... You can Fly." I love you so much Dada.

This one came to me while I was putting away the dishes .... just a thought about how different it is when you can hear someone's voice ... but not have to commit to an actual phone call, but when you need more than just a text message. Of course it also starts to go in many different directions ... but somehow it always finds its way back ... thank you for all hanging in there with me so far! Hope you are enjoying "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" .... (disney world reference) ... Dad used to use that one a lot lol. Anyway, thanks for listening!