H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends

Well... somehow my 2017 year old Manic self ... going 10 nights without sleep, hallucinating and then ending up in the psychiatric hospital.... well, that girl? She was a ROCK STAR! As I found photos and old "ideas" ... turns out she knew EXACTLY what she was talking about ... and NOW I am working on making HER dreams .. which are, and have always been MY dreams a reality!I don't know when ... or how.... but I PROMISE you, that you will be able to buy tickets to see me in the near future .... and I just can't WAIT to offer you my message of H.O.P.E - IN PERSON! But in the meantime... keep listening ... I am SO appreciative of every single one of you! And please remember ... no matter WHAT ... YOU. ARE. ENOUGH!

This is me 24 hours after one of the worst grieving days for my Dad ... and I talk about how even though I am talking SO much about loving myself and putting myself first, I realized, that I did not "allow" me to have a day like that. I think this is a good one for anyone to listen to who has bad days...and then you make yourself feel BAD about having a day where you are not productive, or not feeling well, or in a bad mood, etc. I mention this really great guy... please check him out! I promise he will say something that will change your day. Hamza Zaid @wesaiditanyway - Instagram@wesaiditanyways - TiktokAs always, thank you guys for listening!!

Quoted from the Broadway show of RENT ..."No Day but Today" has always resonated with me for different reasons throughout my life. So that is where this episode begins ... (and ends) ... but there is quite the variety of topics between point A and point B. I discuss the effects Caffeine has been having on me lately, the idea "do we actually have time to put ourselves first in this busy life?" - My five year long "situationship", and of course some laughs talking about my night blindness and doing a K-Turn on someone's LAWN! Anyway, this was a really fun one to make while I was taking the time to drive slowly on some back country roads ... Anyway, hope you like it!!

Hey Guys ... as I found myself hysterically sobbing on the floor of my dad's client huddled up in a pile of his clothes ... I somehow got this feeling from my Dad that he wanted me to record ... he wanted me to share this indescribable feeling of loss ... of heartbreak ... of gut wrenching ache, of realizing I was standing amongst my father's clothes ... in his room ... with all of his things ... and I would never ever see him again. So ... I peeled myself off the floor from the fetal position... and I hit "record" ... THIS is another example, of my "story" starting at one place ... traveling through the laughs and unbelievable memories ... and then somehow I find myself back to ... my dad's room, with my dad's things ... and I am smiling, instead of crying. I hope you guys like this one ... Thanks Dad.

GUYS!! This the ONE! (Yeah, I know I've said that about many men in my life...) BUT, this is the one that will probably matter the most, which is Ironic, because the main spine of this episode does not have to do with ME personally, it's more of a general message of HOPE and INSPIRATION to bring ourselves back to life ... to BELIEVE. It's a magical one.... so PLEASE, share it, post it, send it ... KEEP IT! I will be listening to this one when I really need to remember who I was, who I have become, and who I STRIVE to be!I hope this one sticks with you more than ANY of the others ... because in the end, it's saying the same thing as all of my stories ... but just with a better TWIST!

Just when I think to myself "Oh my god... that was definitely my most emotional episode ..." One like THIS happens. It's funny, people keep asking me if I have a "script" or an "outline" ... and the answer is Hello No. Besides my time on the stage throughout my life. ... I have never followed the words on the page ... well, actually -that is a lie. For a big chunk of time recently in my life ... I guess I forgot .... I have the power to "FLIP THE SCRIPT" .... and that's exactly what I am doing right here, as we speak. Hoping this one hits home with some of you.... TRIGGER I wouldn't listen while driving for this one! Thank you everyone.

Social Media can be a blessing and a curse ... this one takes a ride through Social Media, Marriage, Friendships, Looking inward - and .... Stranger Things! I enjoyed listening this one back, sometimes I even hear something that I barely remember saying (thanks Dad)... Hope you guys enjoy it ... and remember you always just want to make sure you take "the Power of the Pause" and "Practice what you Preach" - both quotes by Mommy Dearest.

Everyone in my life, who knows me, Should listen to this one. And as always, THANK YOU for your concern, your love, and your worry. Since recording this episode ... I met with my psychiatrist - for a 45 minute video session, where he could see my face, and look into my eyes. As we talked ... about 30 mins in... he stopped me. He said: "Alana, I've been seeing you for a very long time. I can say with 100% certainty you are not only NOT manic... is the is the most clear, and healthy I have ever heard you speak." ... And then he followed that by saying it is greatly conflicting with the emails that he had received from my loved ones.So, the professionals have spoken everyone! I am sleeping, I am not spending tons of money, I am not running out spreading my legs, and the biggest thing? I AM NOT ANGRY (this is not yelling caps ... its just stating the facts.)I am really proud of myself and how far I have come. Although I do believe I had experienced a bit of a "heightened" state over the past few weeks, I know that I am now in an extremely healthy and happy place ... I keep saying to myself "Alana, nobody recognizes you like this. And then I look in the mirror and say "Not Even Me."

Hey Everyone ... my mother has told me my whole life, when it's bad weather, bad traffic, car issue... "Alana, drive in the right lane with the hazards on." ... Well... I think I am definitely realizing I need to slow down a bit ... stay focused, keep going with my drive, my passion and love for what I am doing right now... but I don't have to do too much too fast, I think we could all use that idea in our mind ... once in awhile, just to see that person in front of you with a STOP sign ... let's be clear though .. I am not stopping anytime soon! But yeah ... I guess I can drive in the right lane once in awhile. Hopefully I'll see you there!

Guys ... I am soooo excited about this one. Hopefully you all have been listening from the beginning and know that I have a special connection to my Dad even though he is in heaven ... I guess he realized I really needed a "droopy drawers lecture" today. And for some reason that book from so long ago ... just popped into my head "Dear God, It's Me Margaret" ... and now I'm like "Dear Dad, It's Me Alana." Anyway ... as much as I cry a bit in this one, I think this will end up being one of my most memorable episodes ever!

Hello All ... this was a fun one too ... I came across some old cards and notes that really made me think of where I was, where I am now, and how far I have come. It made me happy, but also kind of sad ... but then proud. Thank you again for all of your support!

Parker woke up... right after the journal entry I had just recorded... telling me about a Dream he had about my Dad, saying it was April 1st, 2026 ... and I had told him it was an April Fools' Joke that he had passed, and that they were watching the JETS together, that dad looked younger (around the age of 50), he looked skinnier, healthier ... and Parker asked him how he lost the weight ... and as he flexed his muscles he said "Grandad Strong!!"THEN... after he told me about his dream, I went back and listened to the Full Moon journal entry ... and I realized ... OMG... I talked about the Jets ... and my dad Flexing his big muscles... If THAT is not Dad/Grandad wanting to be FULLY involved in this project of H.O.P.E .... I don't know what is!! Dad, I hope you know, you are the inspiration behind every moment of me sharing my story ... my life... my tears... my laughs. I would not be the "baby girl" I am today... if it wasn't for you. So, please keep flexing those muscles from Heaven ... and I just have this feeling, that you are not only saying "Grandad Strong..." but you are saying "Alana Strong." ... I love you Dada!

Woke up to the most beautiful and bright Full Moon today. This is a journal entry (with a few side bars as always) ... where talk about losing my Dad, the importance medication has had in my life, little miracles, the Jets, Phil Collins, and how Dreams really do come True. It's a little bit all over the place ... but hey, So am I!! I really love this one ... thanks for listening guys.

Hi Guys... now that I have come off of my coffee high ... I was getting ready for bed tonight, and I have been making it a point to journal at least once a day, so as I was journaling, it came over to me that I wanted to say something to the soulmate that I truly feel is heading in my direction ... so I wrote a little something. THEN, I remembered.... an astrology site that I had signed up for weeks ago in the blurry time between my father passing away and almost losing my mother, I know I did not pay any money for it ... but somehow they emailed me a "Dear Alana" letter from my soulmate ... and I must have glanced over it at that time, but tonight as I was journaling, I remembered it, so I turned on my voice note app (which is now my best friend) ... and recorded both letters ... which stirred up more emotion in me than I was expecting. I hope you all are as moved by this episode as I was ... and of course, THANK YOU so much listening! Remember to please pass along the word of H.O.P.E to anyone that needs it! Hang. On. Pain. Ends

Well... TRIGGER WARNING - this was recorded while I was FULLY caffeinated up after an amazing breakfast date with my bestie ... so... apologizing in advance! While driving on route 80 for the first time in 10 days ... I somehow went down a detour of some really crazy (and unbelievable) bad date stories while dodging huge rocks and bad drivers! This one might be one of my favorites ... when I listen back to some of these, it is almost like it was an out of body experience when these things happened because I CAN'T believe what I am hearing! Anyway, I do mention this fellow content creator a few times during this episode ... so I wanted to leave his soical media handle here! He's GREAT! Be sure to look him up .... ! Davide De Pierro davi87dp (on TikTok & Instagram) Anyway ... have a blast listening to this one guys! It will be a nice way to kick off everyone's weekend!

This is the pick-me-up (off the floor) check in that I recorded after that last doozy ... I am probably going to keep it lighter for awhile... I realized the energy I exude when I talk more and more about my struggles ... of course I will still use my experience with Mental Illness as the main theme of my Journey... but I think I am ready to realize, those struggles and obstacles were put into my life for a reason, God knew I would be able to get through them (barely) and I think I have good things ahead, so I will try my hardest to keep my mind there ... I know I will have my moments, my bad days, my set backs. But it is all about how I react, how I manage, and how I have to really trust in God, My Dad, and my Angels ... that they will continue to protect me and guide me to where I am meant to go.... and in the meantime, I am going to continue to text myself ... in the hopes I don't get GHOSTED!

Hi Everyone.. I just want to THANK YOU. Thank you for taking time for YOU and leaving your own struggles for a moment ... to hear about stories of someone's life that might be able to make YOURS feel a bit different tomorrow. Soooo with this being said, this one is a DOOZY. I promise you it's a story like you have NEVER EVER heard before .... get your popcorn, your coffee, your white claw ... and just sit back, relax, listen ... laugh... cry... and remember, Have HOPE!

Hey Guys - I am going to preface by saying this is the LONGEST episode I have done clocking at 50 minutes! So if you are looking for a quickie ... this isn't the one! But afterall, we can't be satisfied with Quickies ALL the time right??? (That's what she said lol) Okay - so ... in order to understand the name of this episode, "The Five People You Meet on Earth" - you need to listen to the WHOLE thing .. but I promise you, this one is worth it! Get ready for a lot of laughs ... NO tears this time I promise. Also wondering what you guys like better? Shorter or Longer check ins? I'll probably mix it up ... kind of like my personality - I'm basically a box of chocolates ... you never know what you are going to get! Have a great day guys.

Hey guys! This is a quick fun one! I hope you like it ... it's all about music and how much ONE song can just change the direction of your entire day. And that's what happened to me today.I promised in this one that I would post the recommended playlist that I dare you all to make on your phone today ... BUT ... you will have to pause the episode and write them down ... because by the time I posted it, my vibe had totally changed, and the below list of songs is more of an inspirational, "I am so much better than I was" type of feel. Both playlists are on my Spotify ... just depends on my mood (and yes, I have moods... it's allowed! There is a difference between a person who is more of a "moody" personality - or someone that is not properly medicated/treated for Bipolar disorder). ANYWAY ... happy listening! Survivor - Destiny's Child Lose Yourself - Eminem Rise Up - Andra Day When I Look at You - Miley Cyrus She Used to be Mine - Sarah Barellis (for me, this was me for the past 7 years...) My Heart Will Go On - Celine Dion Overcomer - MandisaAin't No Mountain High Enough - Marvin Gaye, Tammi Terrell Tell your Heart Beat Again - Danny Gokey (THIS ONE??? OMG FULL TEARS EVERY TIME)

This one focuses on the sweetest 94 year old man I've ever met. My mom has been a caregiver to him for the past 3 years ... and she has changed his life, as he has changed hers. Unfortunately he has been hospitalized and in rehab for months now, my Mom visits him as much as she can, and he just sobs on her shoulder, bc all he wants to do is go home. Today was the first day I went inside with her to say hello ... and what I experienced I was not prepared for. This "gentle giant" as I would call him ... 6'4" ... muscular, strong old man ... was sobbing like a baby, as my mom had her arms wrapped around him.. and he just kept saying over and over "I'm broken .. they broke me." ... It was probably one of the most heart-breaking things I've ever witnessed in my life and has now become a core memory that I will never forget. As I was there, it dawned on me, that I might be able to help. So listen with me ... and I hope you leave with the message ... sometimes, you can go from Broken ... to Blessed, if you just have H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends.

Just a fun morning drive ... sharing thoughts on how hearing someone's voice even for just a few seconds, can make such a difference!

I've never claimed to be a Yogi. Most of all because I think the word "Yogi" is annoying. But, today ... on the yoga mat, felt like the first time in a very long time ... where I knew why I was there. In that Moment "in time" ... I knew I was meant to be there. So whether you know what a downward dog is or not... I think this is a good one. Especially for those of us that know, deep down in our hearts, it's time for a fresh start.

Good Morning. I wanted you to know this one was recorded in the morning ... because sometimes mornings are hardest for me. When I was in depression, the minute I woke up, before I opened my eyes, I would feel, for just a split second, that the depression had lifted... and I would have HOPE. And then ... my eyes would open, and I was still in the darkness. Similarly, when my Dad passed, I would wake up ... and say "Oh Dad, thank God you are still here ... I had the worst dream" ... And then my eyes would open, and I would remember the truth, my Daddy was gone forever.So ... this morning was one where my emotions ran high, and when I record something like this, where I am crying and feeling so deeply, I think to myself, I should not post this one. And then my heart whispers, "Alana, this is the only one." - So here it is... Raw and Real... and please share to anyone struggling with Depression or Anxiety, or just struggling with LIFE, as my only wish for sharing my story in this way .... is to save somebody, when they can't seem to save themselves. Love you Dad.

This one started as I was washing a mug that I never knew I had .... and then turns into making talking about Signs that help when you lose someone that you loved. Being open, and receptive to the idea that just maybe ... there is more out there then just this? And that just maybe... your loved ones will be able to guide you more from HEAVEN than they ever could when they were here on Earth. Maybe making the little change of looking around for a sign ... a song, a number, a phrase ... it could be anything that means something to YOU ... that makes you FEEL ... feel Something! Yesterday ... the song "Wind Beneath My Wings" came on ... out of nowhere. Haven't heard that song since Middle School, but always a song that hit my heart (probably because of the movie Beaches that was probably the saddest movie I had ever experienced EVER at that age). But as this song came on yesterday ... I listened to the words ... "Did you ever know that You're my Hero ... and everything I would like to Be ... I could fly higher than an Eagle... For you are the wind beneath my Wings. " - Dad ... you are giving me Wings ... just like you always told me "Zib .. you can do anything you put your mind to ... You can Fly." I love you so much Dada.

This one came to me while I was putting away the dishes .... just a thought about how different it is when you can hear someone's voice ... but not have to commit to an actual phone call, but when you need more than just a text message. Of course it also starts to go in many different directions ... but somehow it always finds its way back ... thank you for all hanging in there with me so far! Hope you are enjoying "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride" .... (disney world reference) ... Dad used to use that one a lot lol. Anyway, thanks for listening!

This one starts with me feeling pretty aggravated and a bit defeated. But by the end, I am in a much better place ... so I am happy I recorded when I did ... I just needed to talk it through. I hope this one helps for those out there that ARE OK ... but you are feeling like others don't believe you. It is also for the ones that are WORRIED that someone is NOT OK... ask them once, if they tell you they are, and their actions do not show otherwise, please just be happy for the version of themselves that deep down you knew they were always meant to be.

"You you have so many relationships in this life, only one or two will last. You go through all the pain and strife, then you turn your back and they're gone so fast." - MmmBop - Hanson.Whether you like boy bands or not, I invite you to listen to this episode that talks about stopping and remembering what it is that you LOVE, and making sure you make time for that in your life. So this HANSON episode one is another dedicated to you Dad, who woke up at 4am many years ago, taking me, my sister, cousins, and friends to see Hanson at Arthur Ashe Stadium in QUEENS, New York ... and never complained! In fact he was leading the charge! I love you Dad ... and will ALWAYS and forever be a Hanson Fan!

This one starts with the frustrations of shoveling snow for the first time in my life .... and then ends up talking about Celine Dion, Divorce, Self-Harm, the movie Ghost, and how I feel like Whoopie Goldberg talking to My Dad in Heaven! And of course, at the ending off with the message we all should know by now.... please keep holding onto that H.O.P.E - Hang On Pain Ends.

Let's Lighten this place up after that last one! This is definitely one that was fun to make .. because it went in a different direction as I kept talking! For those of you out there ... who sometimes just hear a song lyric ... or connect with a song and you don't understand why ... this one is for you! After you listen to this episode, I ask that you create a NEW playlist on Spotify ... called "H.O.P.E" and fill it with songs that have meant something to you at different stages of your life ... to remind you, how far you have come, and the adventure of H.O.P.E that lies ahead of you!

TRIGGER WARNING - This episode discusses heavy themes of Suicide Ideations. Please do not listen if this is something that is difficult for you (or if you know me, love me, and would have missed me... bc this is a very hard to hear).This is by far, the most emotional episode I have shared so far. I would not recommend listening while driving ... (especially after my last episode about the detours)! But this one is very real ... and I think SO many people who are struggling out there NEED to hear this. Keep holding onto that H.O.P.E - Hang. On. Pain. Ends.

This was an epiphany I had (while going to the bathroom... but that is besides the point)! About a time years ago, where I took on responsibility for something that happened to my sister, because of MY illness. The crazy thing? After I recorded this, but before posting it, I sent it to my Sister ... and she sent me back a voice note, saying that she wanted me to know, when she looks back on this... she NEVER had any connection that MY illness had ANYTHING to do with what happened to her... and she also shared, that the feeling I am having at this moment .. this drive and passion, and feeling like "this is exactly what I should be doing at this moment" ... is how she felt, after she lost the job, and started on her new journey. She said "Sis, I've never been happier that my life took that detour ... so, I am giving YOU the green light now! Keep going sis .. follow those signs, prepare for greatness."

This one reflects the fears that I know some of you have right now. So I know I "happened" to find this letter at the perfect time. (Thank you Dad). Just know, I have the tools in place, I have worked very hard to get where I am, and I won't let any of you down. Thank you for listening.

This one is more of a coffee shop chat! I touch on a few different topics ... with the big take away being.. I am realizing perhaps the reason I've had more "bad days" than "good" .... is because of the anger I have been projecting onto the world ... or on to my teddy bear? You have to listen to understand that one! Anyway .... as always, please listen until the very END - to get the message of H.O.P.E! l

I have to thank my Dad for this one... I swear, these words are him, he is telling this Story. THIS is something that I feel EVERYONE out there should hear ... and maybe listen to more than once. If I had heard this from someone years ago... I might have had this wake up call a lot earlier - but then again, it all happens in the way it's meant to. My platform started as a seed, focused on my struggles and stories with my mental illness, Bipolar Disorder. But NOW.. I am going to grow this thing into the most blooming flower you have ever seen. I am going to start sharing so many other things ... and I would love your feedback, give me a topic that you want me to discuss or journal about! I'll even dedicate it to you! The listener ... who I started all of this for... the only thing I ever want from all of this? Is to help people. Help the ones that at this moment, are not able to help themselves .... which, unfortunately, is most of us. But no matter what, always remember ... don't ever lose H.O.P.E - Hang. On. Pain. Ends.

So today (1/25/26) is the day that I created this podcast ... I've taken a lot of entries from the past, and will share them or have shared them here. But THIS one... I just recorded, and it encapsulates what I hope to do here ....and when I say "here" I mean, on this Earth. I truly feel sharing my story is my "life's work" ... I saw this as a very clear vision while in my last manic episode back in 2017 .... and now I am determined to make sure i have NO regrets ... and I do everything I can to bring this message of having H.O.P.E to as many people as will listen. This one really brought out a lot of emotions ... I think because it literally all JUST happened ... I mean, it's HAPPENING now... none of my work has even been made public yet, so I am taking a risk. But... as I said in my high school yearbook... "The Only Regrets in Life - are the Risks You Didn't Take." - Thank YOU for listening ... and for being my RISK! Hang On. Pain Ends.

This is where my dream started back in 2018 where I shared my story on a stage in NYC presenting with an amazing mental health organization "This is my Brave." ... After this performance, my life took a turn in a different direction, and my story went on the shelf. My light went out, my passion was lost ... but now? I lost my dad suddenly, a few weeks later came so close to losing my mother ... so something has changed within me. Life is too short for me NOT to share my story. All I want is for my message of HOPE to convince at least ONE person, to Stay here ONE more Day. This world deserves you, and you deserve everything.Also - If you would like to see the "O.G" performance (and see the face that matches the voice) take a look on You Tube - you can search "Alana Michaels - This is my Brave" - you can't miss me!