Hole in My Heart Podcast

It sends terror through all parents: How do we talk with the kids about sexuality? Yikes. How do we? We bring our first returning guest, Dr. Branson Parler, Professor of Theological Studies at Kuyper College, and Director of Faith Formation at Fourth Reformed Church in Grand Rapids, MI, to talk about it with us. In addition to his theological cred, he brings real-life walking with his five kids, ages 9, 7, 5, 3, and 1. ​ What we share here is important ground work, and (I hope) specific next steps. We also talk about how to talk about Jesus with kids in general, and our favorite childhood snacks. (Oh yeah, there was that one time I thought I invented the quesadilla. Like, for real I thought that.) Also, we talk Kool Aid Man. Oh, yeah. //: Highlights: “[We need] to have the theological basis as God as the source of love and God as the source of life. From those, that’s going to provide the backdrop for thinking about God’s intention for marriage, God’s intentions for sex, and children (where do babies come from?). To be able to couch this in a rich theological setting is going to help us engage our kids to move from that to say, ‘This is who God is, and this is one way that we image God.'” “I want my child to be a follower of Jesus, not cisgender or heterosexual as an ultimate identity.” //: Do the Next Thing: For More

If women make up 1 out of every 3 visits to pornographic sites, if 17% of women consider themselves addicted to porn, and if half of women in a recent German sex study admit to watching porn, why don't we talk about it? Why are there so few resources? We talk about it with Amy Riordan, author, speaker, and writer for Covenant Eyes. Additionally, we explore the questions: If we are a woman who wrestles with pornography or lust in general, how can we get the shame-free help we need? If we are a friend of a woman wrestling with lust, how can we come alongside our friends? //: Highlights: "To me, intimacy meant sex. I didn't realize there was a difference between the two. That started this whole thing with God showing me what I was really craving and wanting was intimacy--not sex.'" //: Do the Next Thing: For More

Youth leaders, this one is for you. We talk with our guest and New York City youth pastor, Ray Low, about his journey with sexuality and how his youth pastor walked with him well. We also talk a lot about what it is like to be a double minority as an Asian American and a sexual minority. This was an important conversation we were honored to have. //: Highlights: "[At church] I saw a different kind of community that had a different kind of purpose. That's when the gospel started to make sense to me: when I started to see a community that extended beyond Sunday." "[My youth pastor] would treat people like people. He would treat people like he had this calling to form a faith identity in each and every one of us. That looked like giving us that space to wrestle." //: Do the Next Thing: You can find Ray on Facebook and Twitter For More

We laughed a lot on this one. We cracked up, and went to deep heart places with Nate Collins, special guest, author, and president and founder of the Revoice Conference. We chatted about starstruck moments (who almost got taken down by Francis Chan's security team, hmmm, LAURIE?!), vulnerability, and giving the historically Christian LGBT+ conversation a new voice. //: Highlights: "The way the gospel is good news for me now," Nate said, "is by living transparently. When that requires vulnerability, then being vulnerable. I've experienced so much grace in being known. And shame in being not known. [I was] put in the shadows, or ran to the shadows myself because I was afraid of transparency or vulnerability." //: Do the Next Thing: Find out about the Revoice Conference here For More

So...shocker: Parenting is hard. Also, life is hard. Today, we follow up with the brutally honest "Episode 24: Is There Hope for Us?" as well as discuss how we, as bleeding-heart parents, can be on mission (to make disciples) with our kids without hurting their hearts... //: Do the Next Thing: Laurie's post: The Day I Became Wonder Woman Psychology Today: 10 Reasons Why Today's Teenagers Are So Anxious For More

We have another guest! Dr. Branson Parler! To go with his movie star name and phD, Branson is FULL OF WISDOM! This was one of those conversations where Producer Steve, Matt, and I looked at each other while recording with our jaws dropped. ​He answered a lot of questions we had about the relationship between sexuality, married people, single people, and the Church. //: Highlights: "Paul can say, 'Stay single,' ...because the church is functioning as a family." "Our bodies matter. Matter matters... The way God communicates his love to us is not just through this intellectual message that bounces off of us, the Word became flesh." "Whether people are married or single, what everyone needs is a healing of our broken sexuality. It's not that marriage is this proper outlet for our lust. It is that lust needs to be killed across the board." //: Do the Next Thing: Branson's Blog A super helpful (and well-liked) catechism he wrote on sexuality Branson on The Center for Faith, Sexuality & Gender For More

How can you be a helpful friend to someone in pain? How can you be a helpful person in pain to your friends? How does co-dependency relate to this? We talk about it on the podcast with a guest, Tammy Perlmattur! Tammy Perlmutter is founder and curator of The Mudroom, a collaborative blog encouraging women to speak truth, love hard, and enter in with each other, and co-founder of Deeply Rooted, a biannual worship, arts, and teaching gathering for women in Chicago. Tammy is a member of Redbud Writers Guild, an urban beekeeper, and lives in an intentional Christian community in Chicago. We also talk lent, awkward clothes we used to wear (victorian lace boots? mullets? chopsticks in your hair?), favorite foods growing up (a whole loaf of bread on the table?), and women/friendship and same-sex attraction. ​ //: Do the Next Thing: Tammy wrote about her journey with her sexuality here on her Mudroom Blog site. You can also find her here: The Mudroom Deeply Rooted Facebook Twitter For More

"Love... does not demand its own way" (1 Corinthians 13:5). This... this one is gritty. And beautiful. And sounds like two people pursuing God and each other in the midst of pain. It sounds a lot like real life. Today, on our nine-year anniversary, Matt and I open up about the last year-and-a-half of walking through the effects of trauma with a person. May it only bless you. //: Do the Next Thing: For More

We talk birthday, which childhood movie traumatized you, and what have you said to friends when they say they can't "feel" and/or hear God's voice? Here's good ol' Francis laying it down per usual: “I hear people complain that they don’t feel Jesus with them, they don’t experience the Holy Spirit. I usually ask them: Are you busy making disciples? ...​ If I want to find my friend Andrew, I can usually find him a​t the gym. If I want to find Adam, he’s probably at the beach. If I want to find Lisa, she’s probably at Target. If I want to find Jesus, I should share the gospel with someone. That’s where He will be. He is on the battlefield. He is pursuing the mission" (Chan, 100). How can we pursue it, too--no matter our marital status? //: Do the Next Thing: For More

​Matt, Producer Steve, and I (Laurie) have a guest! We asked last week for feedback on this marriage book and conversation from single people, and my friend Joie VanHolstein answered the call! We chat about how we have seen Jesus romance us lately, and which game show (or reality show) we would unquestionably win (and which we would undoubtedly fail). The Heart of the Matter focuses on fighting through humility, how people who have been affected by trauma can "die to self" without getting re-traumatized, and taking your hands off of your of your own throat as you are in process. //: Podcast Extra: I quoted this: "If you want to build something significant for the Kingdom of God on earth, don't build a ministry, build a family." --Jeremy Riddle //: Do the Next Thing: Read or listen to the book for free here (Or just download the "You and Me Forever" app.) For More

Matt Krieg, Producer Steve and I (Laurie) chat about chapter two of Francis and Lisa Chan's book "You and Me Forever." Per usual, deep and silly conversations ensue including: What's up with drivers in California and in the Midwest? {and} What would our marriages look like IRL if the gospel was on display in them? //: Podcast Extra: I refer to "Sacred Marriage" by Gary Thomas, and this podcast about why God made us sexual by Dr. Juli Slattery //: Do the Next Thing: Read or listen to the book for free here (Or just download the "You and Me Forever" app.) For More

Do people in mixed-orientation marriages have a different Bible they live by? Do they have a different set of marital guidelines? In a word: No. We don't. It only seems that way because we--married and single--have been missing the point not only of married life but of LIFE. Life isn't about us. Is isn't about our happiness. It isn't about communication. It isn't about more dates. It isn't about fulfilling our needs. Life is all about Jesus. F or the next seven weeks we will be walking through Francis and Lisa Chan's book, "You and Me Forever," to see how we have missed this. We will get gritty and honest about real-life marital pain, but we hope to laugh and leave these weeks encouraged to build the Kingdom together: married, single, dating--however God has called us. //: Do the Next Thing: To read the ebook or listen to it along with us for free, visit youandmeforever.org and download the free app. For More

We go a bit off the rails with this one. Matt, Steve, and I (Laurie) talk about our best Christmas presents ever, and then we devolve...yet again...into angst/joy about Trans-Siberian Orchestra. If you've never listened to us, this is a great start to see if you like us. Merry Christmas! //: Do the Next Thing: For More

If you choose a life of vulnerability, you choose a life of continuously coming out--no matter your story, no matter your vulnerable places, no matter your struggle. ​ You are always coming out into authenticity. Today, I (Laurie) share one of the first times I came out to a friend. And this is cool: This friend, Amber McClurg, is on the show! Hear Amber and I talk about that first (quite awkward) coming out experience, and what good came from it in spite of the awkwardness. Additionally, Matt, Producer Steve, Amber and I chat about our words for 2018, things we don't like sharing, how to know if someone is safe to come out to, having a "healthy mistrust of yourself," heart-focused accountability, how we need more than one friend, and the risks of friendship. //: Do the Next Thing: For More

Are you a leader? (Is everyone a leader?) Do you ever feel lonely as a leader? Why is that? What can we do about it? We talk about loneliness on the podcast today as well as big changes that are happening at HIMH (no Matt??!), people who like the Trans-Siberian Orchestra (ew), and visit Gory Island as opposed to Goofball Island to brag about how we got our childhood scars. (Thanks for carrying me like a lamb in Jesus's arms, sixth-oldest sibling, Suzie!) //: Do the Next Thing: For More

Let's talk temptation! Often, temptation is viewed as the line before falling into sin. But is there another way to look at temptation that is not so laden in shame and fear? Things we also discussed were Matt's silent retreat (where Laurie didn't respect his silent boundaries!), what do we hope for the new year, and best dates ever. //: Helpful Bonus: “Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death” (James 1:14-15). In counseling, Matt uses what he calls, “The James Progression” based off of these verses to help clients self-diagnose what their heart needs in temptation. Core Needs ----- > Desires ----- > Temptation ----- > Sin ----- > Death //: Do the Next Thing: For More

It's easy to look around the world and become discouraged. The polarities on any conversation can make a person either want to stand up and scream or dig their heads in the sand and hide. Is there any gift to choosing neither option? Is there another way to weather the storm of extremes? Matthew Krieg is gone this week but Matthew Tuininga is here as a special guest! He is a professor of moral theology at Calvin Seminary, and is a courageous, authentic, intelligent thinker. We talk extremes we see both politically and in the Church. We share where it concerns us and the good that can come in the midst of it. We also talk about how we want to be more Christ-like at Christmas, and gender stereotypes we follow and don't at all. //: Do the Next Thing: Check out Matthew Tuininga's page here! For More

Happy Thanksgiving to you all in the U.S! We are so thankful for YOU, our listeners! We wish we could spend time hearing what all of you are thankful for around a giant thanksgiving table. Perhaps that's our longing for heaven talking... //: Do the Next Thing: For More

Sometimes, Millennials can look at the Christians before them and judge those who have believed a gospel of, "If I pursue God, I will have a lot of money and never get sick." However, Millennials can have their own version of a "health and wealth gospel" in the way we believe, "If I pursue God, I will be happy." But is this true? With SPECIAL GUEST Greg Coles (author of 'Single Gay Christian') we talk about this question as well as our favorite parts of the Caring Well Conference and Christmas traditions. //: Do the Next Thing: For More

How can we as the Church look more like the Church? It starts with looking at what we have misperceived to be the ultimate connector for too long: sex. We need to confess our idolatry of sex, and lean into relationships in a new way. The crew also discussed worst dates and Christmas favorites. (Hallmark movies? Yay? Nay?) //: Do the Next Thing: For More

How can we cultivate intimacy in marriage when we're in a tough season? But wait! This track is not just for married folk. People who are in relationships of any nature will benefit from practical ways to lean into relationships when they are not easy. Also discussed are things to bring on a desert island (hint: bag o' books) and swallowing the first five sentences you want to say when someone triggers you. [Please note we talk about sticking with marriage no matter what, but know if you are in an abusive relationship, we are not encouraging staying. Please read this article "Enough is Enough" with Gary Thomas for more. //: Do the Next Thing: For More

Laurie's "Spiritual Dumbledore" is in the house! Often when Laurie speaks she talks about her mentor/counselor, Carolyn Schroeder. Carolyn was instrumental in Laurie's decision to follow Christ no matter what. Matt, Laurie, Producer Steve, and Carolyn talk Heart to Heart Prayer, how to find your own spiritual Dumbledore (AKA...a good counselor or mentor), and discuss what they wish they hadn't quit from childhood. //: Do the Next Thing: For More

How do we forgive each other in a way that's less gritting our teeth when the offender is around, and more genuinely loving the offender? Matt and Laurie pick up the story when Laurie had a hard time forgiving Matt after he came forward with secret porn use. Also heard this week is a story about when Laurie wasn't served her favorite ice cream treat because it had too many calories. (Oh, California!) //: Do the Next Thing: For More

Episode 10, y'all! To celebrate the team did a Dad Joke Competition! (Watch it on YouTube to see their expressions here). Laurie, Matt, and Producer Steve also talk fasting fails, the angst about how no one can ever be happy or sad enough with you, "what is lament?" and Laurie's specific lament after Matt came forward with his pornography addiction. //: Do the Next Thing: For More

Pastor Marvin Williams of Trinity Church in East Lansing, MI joins Matt and Laurie on location (or off location?) at Our Daily Bread studios. (Thanks, ODB!) Things discussed are The Daily Examen, favorite and least favorite chores, true self/false self, and when the Holy Spirit convicts you to go back and apologize for something no one knows you did wrong. Thanks for your authenticity and courage as always, Pastor Marvin. //: Do the Next Thing: For More

Oh, Pastor David Beelen. Wisdom exudes from you. Matt, Laurie, and Producer Steve sat down to chat with Senior Pastor David Beelen of Madison Square Church in Grand Rapids, MI (and the chairman of the board of HIMH), to hear how Pillar People in his life push him onto more Christlikeness. The crew also discussed how much Dave sounds like Harrison Ford, and who they each would choose to play themselves in a movie. //: Do the Next Thing: For More

Welcome back! Laurie, Matt, and Producer Steve discuss whether or not we can hate people with a holy hate. They also chatted about what the crew might want to do if they weren't in the job they were in, Dwight K. Schrute, dungarees, Mutual of Omaha (listen to the whole podcast for a secret track!), and how we can love everyone from Neo-Nazis to each other in the room. //: Do the Next Thing: For More

I Have you ever felt "other"? Have you ever "othered" someone else? After Laurie, Matt, and Steve recorded this podcast and the next one, the three of them stared at one another saying, "Wow." They have never had so much fun and felt such a Holy Spirit movement while talking on a microphone. The focus of this episode is feeling "other" (ie. when you feel like you don't belong). The group will not simply throw logs on a fire of Church-angsting; they will turn the the conversation back around to how they "other" others. They also talk about clown music (Goofball Island got a soundbite!), Cincinnati-style chili (ie. dog food, according to Laurie), and how it sounds when two therapists golf together. //: Do the Next Thing: Follow Laurie on Instagram to see what we're up to next! For More

Who is Producer Steve? When Producer Steve agreed to be a part of the HIMH podcast, he thought he would simply push buttons and do a little editing. Oh, no. Not when you're hanging out with Matt and Laurie. You got to talk deep. And they are grateful for it. In this episode, Steve shares his story of finding God as he wrestled through addiction, pain, and the hole in his heart. (Also: The crew talks about personal idiosyncrasies such as including mispronouncing words, never touching metal, and Wicked Witch of the Westing their shoes.) //: Do the Next Thing: Follow Laurie on Instagram to see what we're up to next! For More

What is that hole in my heart? Ever wonder why we act out in certain behaviors? This week, Matt explains the concept of Core Needs--along with how we can use them to identify places in our hearts we need to invite God into! Join us as we listen and learn! //: Do the Next Thing: Learn more about the Core Needs Model here. Follow Laurie on Instagram to see what we're up to next! For More

What's the Story, Laurie? Today, we hear Laurie's story...thus far. (Aren't we all in process?) Matt, Laurie, and Producer Steve also discuss every day moments when we know we are loved, where we would like to apparate (or use Floo powder), and letting yourself be messy //: Do the Next Thing: Follow Laurie on Instagram to see what we're up to now! For More

Welcome to the very first Hole in My Heart Podcast! Join Matt, Laurie, and Producer Steve as they introduce and get to know each other with a variety of questions on all levels--from personality types to high school jams to the cultivation of deep joy in everyday life. In this living-room-style hangout time with the founders of HIMH, we begin all over again the conversation about how the gospel is good news to everyone, everyday. //: Do the Next Thing: Follow Laurie on Instagram for updates on what we're doing next! For More

Welcome back! In this podcast we talk Star Wars books, what does it mean to be "deep," escapism, and hear Matt's story...thus far. //: Do the Next Thing: For More