Hole in My Heart Podcast

It's time. We finally brought in some Enneagram experts. Beth and Jeff McCord are definitely Enneagram experts, and are definitely not weird about it. Their approach is focused on the gospel, takes in mind Core Longings (!!), childhood woundings, and even though we invited them to talk marriage and the Enneagram, the conversation (as always) was applicable to all humans--no matter their marital status. We also asked how each Enneagram type might be responding to the pandemic. (It. Was. Fascinating!) We can't stop thinking about this episode or their book. Get it, fam. //: Highlights: "The Enneagram is an X-ray. It clearly shows you what is broken and what is not broken, but it does not do the healing (like X-rays don't). The gospel is the healing power in our lives." --Beth McCord "What the Enneagram really prepared us for ... rather than for us to miss each other and spin out in anxiety, anxiety and conflict become an opportunity for us to connect with one another at deeper levels than we could have ever done without a pandemic like this." --Jeff McCord //: Do the Next Thing: Take an Enneagram assessment from Beth and Jeff here. Find more resources here.

So. Has God called you to singleness or marriage? How did you discern that? If you are called to singleness, is it temporary or for life? How did you discern that? If you are called to lifelong singleness ("vocational singleness," as our guest today calls it), is there a creative way to not be lonely in the midst of it? Why not start a modern-day monastery? That's what today's guest, Pieter Valk, did, and the conversation about the modern-day monastery's origins and daily life (including how it has changed in the pandemic) was fascinating. We also explore how to hear the voice of God, and why we identify differently. (Pieter identifies as gay and I (Laurie) don't--but we also don't fight about it.) This was a fun one. //: Highlights: “About three years ago, I felt God was calling me to vocational singleness, but I had no idea how to do that well or, in particular, I didn’t know how I would find family in that.” —Pieter Valk "‘You still need family,' [my pastor said]. 'Could I challenge you to create it? … I think you should start a monastery.’ … The rest was history.” --Pieter Valk "Married people know...you can't keep smiling anymore. You can't do fifty years with this person who is annoying... You're just going to say it... If you're a single person but you're not in a living arrangement where you're stuck with people in a good way (in a healthy environment), you're never going to get to that point where you're really honest with people and iron starts sharpening iron." --Pieter Valk //: Do the Next Thing: Learn more about the Nashville Family of Brothers here. Find more resources here.

In the circles we run, there is one common answer to the question: What will be the next thing when it comes to sexuality? Their answer? Polyamorous relationships. What do you know about them? (Other than that they are a romantic, sexual relationship between three or more people?) Did you know that 24% of church-going people think that consensual non-monogamous relationships are morally acceptable? Or that as many as 1 in 5 Americans have been in a consensual non-monogamous relationship, and 5% are currently in one? (That’s about as many people who identify as LGBTQ+.) How can we biblically respond to people exploring polyamorous relationships with outrageous love and winsome truth? Dr. Branson Parler is back to walk us through it. //: Highlights: “Start with listening. Start with understanding. Start by asking, ‘What does [polyamory] mean to them’?” —Branson Parler “If someone says to me, ‘This was allowed in the Old Testament, why can’t it be allowed today?’ I would say, ’It’s because of confusion about what time it is.’ Jesus has come. The new creation has been inaugurated … God regulates and allows a number of things that are a less-than-ideal reality [in the Old Testament]. But when Jesus comes and the Spirit is poured out, you see this new creation reality that connects up with God’s original intention in creation.” —Branson Parler “What our culture doesn’t believe is that anybody is ever faithful … They see that in relationships, their parents’ marriage … Why even go down that route? The only solution to that is to stop looking at faithless people and start looking at the faithful Savior. Only that—only looking at our faithful Savior—will give us the ability to truly be faithful to another person.” —Branson Parler //: Do the Next Thing: Check out Branson's site here. Find Branson's pastoral paper on polyamory here. Find more resources here.

But what about the kids? **We recorded this episode pre-quarantine, and once again, God provided the content we needed for this unforeseen moment. I know our own kids (Matt and Laurie's) are wrestling with their emotional balance in this quarantine life. Are the kids or young adults in your life struggling at all? Let's help them, yeah? (Whether they are wrestling with anxiety, depression, have been walking a journey on the autism spectrum, or have experienced sexual trauma as kids.) The person who is going to help us to help them is Dr. Matthew Stanford, CEO of the Hope and Healing Center & Institute in Houston, and adjunct professor of psychiatry at Baylor College of Medicine and the Houston Methodist Hospital Institute for Academic Medicine and author of Grace for the Children. He's legit qualified. Let's walk with the littles (and teens), friends. //: Do the Next Thing: Find Grace for the Children: Finding Hope in the Midst of Child and Adolescent Mental Illness. His book for adults? Grace for the Afflicted. Check out Matthew Stanford's organization, The Hope and Healing Center. Listen to more episodes for parents here. Find us on the IG to answer the Question of the Week and more.

This is the therapy sesh we all need right now. Counselor, author, and teacher, Dr. Alison Cook, co-author of Boundaries for Your Soul has a word for us about what to do with our overwhelming thoughts and emotions. (Anyone got some of those these days?) But, what can we do with them? We can turn them into our allies. "Emotions are not your enemy, they are queues," she said. "Learn about them, pay attention to them, don’t let them rule you, but get to know them. Let them be an aid to you on your journey to wholeness." How do we do that? Alison does a beautiful job of helping us take not just the next right step, but a few down the road to peace. //: Highlights: “Awareness ... that’s the hardest step … That’s the very first step.” --Alison Cook “That’s what we mean about turning your emotions into allies: You can see them as queues to pay attention to as opposed to enemies to fight.” --Alison Cook “You are more capable than the anxious part of you understands.” --Alison Cook //: Do the Next Thing: Find that book Boundaries for Your Soul here. Her site? Here. Our coaching sessions I mention? Find them here. Through the end of April, if you become a supporter of the ministry at $20 or more per month, we will send you a free Journey Well book. Thanks so much!!

Again. God, in His mercy, knew that we would need this episode today when we recorded it over one month ago. Today, Matt and I (Laurie) introduce you to our for-real small group. These are people who are a huge part of our lives and are truly the reason Matt and I are still married. In an age where large-group churches cannot meet and small groups are meeting online, this group has become even more of our lifeline. Now, we don't just meet every-other week for a couple of hours hours, we meet online every week, have started a daily online Bible reading together, and are texting and praying for each other frequently. Praise God. We are so honored to share these precious friends with you. But, we didn't just win the small group lottery. How did we not just become a group of people who go kinda deep every once in a while, but became each other's family? Listen in and we will share how you--Lord willing--may be able to replicate the gift God gave us with the people around you. Yes, even online. //: Do the Next Thing: Find that HIMH Podcast FB page here. My Laurie Krieg author page to join some of our FB Live convos? Find it here. More Impossible Marriage Workshop info? Save the date! October 23 and 24! Find out more and to sign up for updates here. Are you stressed/anxious and live in MI? Hit Matt up for a free 20-minute consultation to find out if Caring Well Counseling could come alongside you. Find him here. Interested in supporting the podcast (and the Kriegs!) in this tough financial season? Partner here. See a pic of the small group here.

In this home-centered, pandemic-laden world we are in, God, in his kindness, had Matt and I (Laurie) record a mini-series last month where we opened up our real world to you. Today, we are sharing it. In episode two of three of the "Our World" series, we invited our friend, Stephanie Thole, to help us learn how to have a conversation bridging the gap between sexuality and race conversations. Are these conversations so similar? Are they so different? Is it really true that if you are pro- "Black Lives Matter" you also must be pro- "Love is Love"? Hang out with us and our real-life friends today on the pod, and perhaps learn how to better engage both of these challenging topics with grace, truth, and love. //: Highlights: “ We were one of the few black families. I remember always being so attracted to all of these white boys. In my mind, I was like, ‘I gotta get rid of this…’ I understood at a very early age that that was not allowed.” —Stephanie Thole “I was very much aware at how different I was. That I was 'other.'” —Stephanie Thole “A lot of us have made mistakes, have had hard conversations, have offended the wrong person, and it’s been a painful, awkward experience. Don’t let that stop you. Keep walking.” —Stephanie Thole //: Do the Next Thing: Are you stressed/anxious and live in MI? Hit Matt up for a free 20-minute consultation to find out if Caring Well Counseling could come alongside you. Find him here. Interested in supporting the podcast (and the Kriegs!) in this tough financial season? Partner here. Find more great stuff here.

As many of us hunker down into our homes, Matt and I (Laurie) open up our real lives to you. In this "Our World" mini series, will cover the following topics: 1. When I walked with someone for months and it seemed like a failure, 2. The sticky intersection between the race and LGBT+ conversations, 3. How God encouraged us to form a small group that has changed our lives. Today: When discipleship "fails." I walked away from a discipleship relationship with Kara Martin several years ago feeling hopeful but doubtful. I was hopeful she would follow Jesus, but I wasn't sure I did anything to help her move in that direction. What happened after we stopped meeting? How can God still use us when we feel like we completely failed at walking well with others? What is a good way to walk alongside someone who is wavering on their path of Christlikeness? We cover these questions and more today on a challenging but critical conversation straight from "our world." //: Highlights: “Walking away enabled me to get my heart in the right place to actually want to figure this out on my own—and not to have Cornerstone or Laurie telling me ‘This is what it should look like.’” --Kara Martin "I wanted to pursue dating girls. More than that? I wanted to pursue God’s plan for my life… That [latter] motivation was not my own.” --Kara Martin "You can tell people what you believe all you want, but that’s not what’s going to change their hearts. What’s going to change their hearts is when God gets in there.” --Kara Martin //: Do the Next Thing: Connect with Kara, see her favorite resources, and discover more here.

This is timely. In the midst of a global pandemic, one of the stock market's worst weeks, and fear invading many corners of our hearts, bestselling author, John Eldredge, brings a critical message to the podcast table this week. “Your soul is never meant to carry all of this," he said. "The human soul is not designed for these conditions.” It isn't. We are not meant to carry the insanity of a broken world. So how do we engage it with maturity? Learn with us as we talk through a message that literally changed (and is changing) our lives. //: Highlights: “The world that we live in gets everybody spun up … emotionally, physically and spiritually. We want relief. The quick relief is to reach for the bag of cookies or the bottle of scotch or binge watch your favorite show. But relief is very different from restoration. When you’re done [with relief] you don’t actually feel any better.” —John Eldredge “Maturity is not an option because of the gnarly hour that we live in. Union with God—cultivating it as a life goal—is the invitation.” —John Eldredge “We have neglected our souls … The rescue for me has been to love Jesus in the midst of my suffering.” --John Eldredge //: Do the Next Thing: John's book Get Your Life Back is here. That Pause App that is wrecking us? Find it here. For More? Here.

"Let us run with endurance the race God has set before us," the writer of Hebrews tells us (Heb. 12:1). But what does that mean, exactly? Where are we going? To death? To the New Heavens and New Earth? To more suffering? And how do we run this race without being legalistic about it: Just keep swimming. Just keep going. Just do it. That's what Christians do. Author and teacher, Trillia Newbell, helps us understand more of this race running in a compelling conversation that we hope will inspire you to take the next right step. //: Highlights: “What legalism is is you’re trying to walk the walk--but not because you love Jesus … it’s because you feel that the only way to approach God is to do these [certain] things … This is sometimes why people give up on the Christian faith: Because they are working real hard and life still sinks.” --Trillia Newbell “Part of the reason we are not gritty is we are trying to do it ourselves, so, we give up.” —Trillia Newbell “We cannot endure as Christians if we don’t know the One who sustains us.” —Trillia Newbell //: Do the Next Thing: Trillia's book? Here. Trillia's site? Here. For More? Here.

Yes, yes, yes, we know: We live in a sex-saturated world. Move on, right? Maybe. But is there something we can do about it? Do we simply have to endure the brokenness around us and within us, or can we take some Christ-following steps in the right direction? Our dear friend and newly minted author, Rachel Gilson, thinks we can. Her critical new book, Born Again This Way, not only tells the story of how she came to Christ at Yale through a stolen copy of Mere Christianity, but she unpacks how someone who experiences same-sex attraction can do the stumbly discipleship walk of daily surrender. One of our favorite pieces of her discipleship walk is how she learned to view our sex-saturated world through the lens of family. This is an important one, friends--I mean, siblings. //: Highlights: “We kind of intuitively sense that a sibling relationship is a special kind of relationship: It has both really deep intimacy but is absolutely not erotic.” --Rachel Gilson “A lot of time what temptation does is it wants to pull away our focus from, 'God has given me gifts and opportunity to—with His Body—build His kingdom.' Temptation ends up being this big gospel waste.” --Rachel Gilson “Occasionally, you get this best friend situation where you turn inward like an ingrown toenail ... you end up pairing up in a way that shuts out the broader body. There is something about sibling-hood that reminds us we are a part of a family.” --Rachel Gilson //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is your favorite sport to watch or to play? (Are they the same or different?) //: Do the Next Thing: Get her book!! Here. Find Rachel's site here. Find her on Twitter here. Find more links and such here.

Identity. Labels. Names. Who are you? God knows. No, not like, "Oh, only God knows," but like, He knows you. Knows us. Knows our true identity. Esther Fleece Allen, author of the new book, Your New Name: Saying Goodbye to Labels that Limit, is determined to help us know it, too. Her story is gripping, and her love for Jesus and people is palpable. Join us? //: Highlights: “If I don’t know who I am and who God names me, I will inevitably be redefined and renamed by the culture.” --Esther Fleece Allen “I was thirteen ... I probably should have gone into the foster care system. I didn’t know how to ask for help. I didn’t know what lament was. These families just recognized that I had a need. They recognized something was off, and they pursued me in that. God showed himself to me in that. One family bought me a car. One family paid for my gas money. One family paid for my prom dress so I could go to prom. On family paid for me to apply for colleges. This is what the Body of Christ looks like.” --Esther Fleece Allen “[Our labels] can be like a self-fulfilling prophecy: ‘I was orphaned, so I’ll never be loved. My own parents didn’t want me, so I’m not lovable.’ We start putting these walls around our heart, and we start decorating the walls. Suddenly, our lack becomes our identity instead of asking God for something new.” --Esther Fleece Allen //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What snack do you love that you get super judged for liking? //: Do the Next Thing: Esther's gorgeous book that made me sob? Find it here. Find Esther's site here. Find us on the ol' IG here.

Is anyone tired? Is anyone a tired leader? Author, teacher, and today's guest, Ruth Haley Barton, cares about you and the wellness of your soul (and so do we). But who is a leader? "If anybody is following you," Barton said, "then you are a leader and you need to pay attention to your leadership and the influence you are having on the world." This means stay-at-home parents, ministry leaders, people in the marketplace, and all of you with followers on the socials are leaders. We are tired as leaders, Ruth! She gets that, which is why we dove into how we can uplift our souls today on the podcast. Together, we explore signs to look for to see if we are edging on burnout, the effects of isolation, technology, and a lack of kindness in the world, and how women in 2020 may be feeling the pain more poignantly. (Are we?) Let's go, leaders. //: Highlights: “To have a place to go with God that is safe, that is restful, that enables us to experience the love of God especially for us ... we must cultivate that place with God or we will not survive." --Ruth Haley Barton "Leadership is a crucible. It changes you. You cannot be the same after you have been in leadership for 20 years." --Ruth Haley Barton "Our job [as healers] ... is to find ways to open up the channels for God to do what only God can do in those deepest places." --Ruth Haley Barton //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What reality TV show do you watch that you like to observe, but think, "Nope. Never could do that." //: Do the Next Thing: Find Ruth's leadership book here. Find her site here. Check out that Transforming Center here. Find us on the ol' IG here.

Oh, guys. We went to town on this one. David Bennett, a former atheist gay activist turned Christian apologist, came back to the HIMH podcast for the second time and turned. It. Up. We talked about why in the world gay/straight/everyone needs to engage this sexuality conversation, the “slippery slope” of universalism, debating people on the internet, and how to practically love our friends who disagree with us with genuine love and gentleness. Listen to all the grit and the glory, and then … how about we start a revival after, yeah? This, in our humble opinion, is not one to miss. //: Highlights: “I’ve never really recovered from the power of that [conversion] experience. It’s defined my life. It’s taught me how much I am loved. It’s taught me how much I fail and how much that is okay—not because failure is okay—but because God’s grace and strength is manifest in it and it can be redeemed. That frees your heart.” —David Bennett “This isn’t just an abstract question. This isn’t just a theological question. This is about people’s stories— people’s real heart difficulties. [Hearing them] healed me. There is this deep identification I could have with [an affirming friend’s] humanity even if I disagreed with her conclusion.” —David Bennett “I have been so transformed [by God’s love] that to compromise on any level is just not an option for me.” —David Bennett //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What country has your heart—besides the one you live in? Why? //: Do the Next Thing: Find David's book A War of Loves here. Find David on the ol' FB here. Read that First Things article we mentioned here. Hit us up to talk about how we can serve your team here.

Because of this interview, I [Laurie] called the trafficking hotline for a suspicious building I drive past. I didn't know if that was a weird or helpful thing to do before before talking with our guest today, Rebecca Bender. Rebecca is the author of the new book, In Pursuit of Love, is a survivor of human trafficking, and has trained law enforcement officers, Homeland Security and the FBI on how to approach anti-human trafficking efforts. She also trained us a bit through this interview. “What’s really important is trafficked victims like myself grow up in the same culture as all of you," Rebecca said. "When you talk about thinking [of trafficking] as being in shanty towns in foreign countries, so did I.” Trafficking is local, and can happen for many reasons. Rebecca fell victim because of that hole in her heart. “In high school I was as a varsity athlete, I got great grades, I graduated a year early," she said. "I still, deep down, wanted to love and be loved, and [my trafficker] made me feel that.” How did Rebecca get free after six years of living as a victim of human trafficking in the United States? Why didn't she run earlier? How did God arrest her heart? How can we take practical steps to promote anti-human trafficking efforts? And how can we all relate to that God-shaped longing in her heart? Check it out on today's episode. //: Highlights: “It’s so important to know the red flags, the warning signs. It all began from that one neighbor tipping off a law enforcement officer and an investigation began.” —Rebecca Bender “I heard the voice of God again immediately—like a dad running to meet his prodigal kid. I remember Him saying, ‘If you give me the same amount of time you gave the enemy, I will never be outdone.’” —Rebecca Bender //: Question of the Week for Next Week: Where is the weirdest place you have fallen asleep? //: Do the Next Thing: That number for you to call if you suspect something suspicious? 1-888-373-7888 Find Rebecca's book here. Find Rebecca's site here. Find us and more stuff we chat about on the ol' IG here. For More? Here.

Anyone relate to thinking that life will be x, but then it’s not even y … it ends up being q? Or t? Or 27? How do we deal with these unmet expectations besides throwing clichés and sprinkling a lil’ Jesus on it? Author, teacher, and broadcaster Sheridan Voysey offers zero clichés and all real-life learning how to suffer well with his own version of facing “When Life Doesn’t Go as Planned.” Get it, fam. //: Highlights: “You think about trying for a child? Every month there is an expectation followed by disappointment. An expectation followed by disappointment … That’s the first three or four months for many couples. Often, after that, expectation is met with excitement. For us, it just kept going month after month after month, then year after year after year. That picks away at your very being.” –Sheridan Voysey “I will not give you clichés [and say] Jesus is the wonderful self-help guru we always want him to be–He smiles at us with pearly white teeth and all our problems go away. No. [But], this very darkness you are going through, that you are waiting and you are hungering and you are hoping for with that new birth, God can be doing things in you right now under the surface without you even realizing it that are all part of making you who are called to be.” –Sheridan Voysey “When you built your life on a few key identities and they are taken away? That’s when you discover how deep this idea that may be that— like me—you’ve preached about, written about, shared with your friends, this idea that *we are a child of God.* When you have the other identities taken away, that’s when you discover whether or not that truth actually penetrated into the deepest depths of your being.” —Sheridan Voysey //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What fact about the world makes your jaw drop and perhaps worship God? //: Do The Next Thing: Find Sheridan's site here. Find the Making of Us book here. Find us and more stuff we chat about on the ol' IG here.

Bestselling author and pastor David Platt rocks. He navigated our interview with humility and courage. Not only did he open up his heart and journals with us about his new book 'Something Needs to Change' (and how he went from writing "coldhearted" sermons about poverty and sex trafficking to weeping about them both), but he also encouraged us and leaders everywhere not to sit down when it comes to engaging culture's urgent challenging questions about sexuality. Hear his humble exhortation with us today on the podcast. //: Highlights: "If I preach the whole counsel of God but ignore the areas in which the Devil is at that moment attacking in the culture around me, then I am not faithfully confessing Christ--no matter how much other stuff I may say." --David Platt "You go up to people on these trails and you say, 'What do you know about Jesus?' And they say, 'Who is that?' --like you're talking about someone in their village that they've never met." --David Platt "I wrote a sermon on the plane on the way over there talking about poverty and trafficking. I wrote it from this frighteningly coldhearted perspective. Apparently, it's possible to know a bunch of facts and even know the Bible ... and totally be unaffected by these things." --David Platt //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is your spiritual gift? //: Do the Next Thing: David's book Something Needs to Change ? Find it here. That sermon he gave on God's design for sexuality? Find it here. That Christianity Today article highlighting one of David's favorite moments in the book? Find it here. That Journey Well Study? Find it here (Use offer code PODCAST to get both the videos and book for $19.99 only until Jan 31!) For More? Here.

Maybe it's just us, maybe it's just our generation . . . maybe it's just this year? But it seems to us as if the vulnerable pursuit that comes with friendship can be extra challenging for some men. Can we get an a-men? (Ha...) Today, we invited some of our new friends, Sam and Blaine Eldredge (yes, the sons of John and Stasi), to help us better understand why friendships for men can be extra challenging. We talk about some intense (and fun) things, of course, including: What do are you nerdy about? Why don't many men pursue each other's hearts? (How can they?) How can men neither detach from the calling to be God's man nor stomp on others while falsely declaring themselves to be manly? //: Highlights: "Friendship is a characteristic activity of a whole heart." --Blaine Eldredge "When you interact with a man, whether they seem timid or brash--whether they seem they are going to stomp on you and carve their name in marble and build a mausoleum (or if they just want to hide and be alone in their garage with their hobby)--you are meeting different forms of brokenness and different forms of posing." --Sam Eldredge "The story is not just: 'Men, be friends.' The story is: 'The restoration of all things is underway. You have a role to play. You will need people around you if you are going to walk out your role.'" --Blaine Eldredge "Find a few other men that you really want lasting friendship with and make their battles your battles. Truly take on that posture of 'When you go to war, I am going to war as well.' Whether that's for your kids, for your marriage, for your job, and even for your heart." --Sam Eldredge //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What was the most memorable youth group game you ever witnessed (or endured)? //: Do the Next Thing: Find Sam and Blaine's site--including their podcast here. That Pause App their team developed? It's here. That gender podcast with Tim Keller? Find it here. Find us on IG. For More? Here.

New year, new Hole in My Heart Podcast theme music, new website ... what else is new? Well, with all of this new, how about something old? Like throwback time? Matt and Laurie realized that there are many NEW listeners out there, and you might not know their stories. So, we deep-dive a bit into them. Matt talks about the heart of his journey with pornography addiction (and how he finally got set free from it), and Laurie talks about her discipleship journey with her version of broken sexuality. We also take your premarital questions. (Ya'll send us quite a few! We love them--any variety. Keep them coming!) We cover things like: "I'm not straight but dating someone who is. When should I share with them my story?" "How can you know if you're supposed to marry someone?" "How important is attraction in marriage?" Let's dive in, friends. (Thank you, Dr. Forest Wakeman at Calvin University for the sick beats!) //: Highlights: “I had been though seminary; I had my undergraduate in youth ministry. I knew all the head knowledge about God, but I had never really felt this soul-deep, heart-level, permeating knowledge that He loves me and that He desires me.” —Matt Krieg “Had I not gotten rid of everything—limited all access? A. I wouldn’t have had a detox from porn because it would have always been in my pocket. And, B. I would not have realized my issue wasn’t just porn. I was screen addicted … I was always looking to distract myself from myself.” —Matt Krieg “I found myself joyful. And filled—not every minute of every day, but even one out of twenty times seeking God—it was enough of a foretaste of what we will experience in eternity forever that I was like, ‘I’m in.’” —Laurie Krieg “It’s the heart stuff that often leads to physical [connection]. But even if it doesn’t. Can we give ourselves grace today? There’s not a scorecard for you guys or us. It’s just: Are you working on your metaphor?” —Laurie Krieg //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What are you nerdy about? (We are pushing that one forward to next week.) //: Do the Next Thing: If you want to see a picture of the Heart Map we mention and those Core Needs? Here. That Pause App Steve mentioned? Here. Find the Journey Well Study and corresponding videos here! (Use that PODCAST code!) If you just want to Amazon it, find it here!

Guys. We wrote a study! And it's been published! I--Laurie--began writing this while I was walking out my discipleship journey with my mentor, Carolyn. I take the lessons she taught me, sprinkle additional ones God has brought me through over the years, and invite you to join me on the journey. We explore things like how to listen to God, lament, what to do with temptation, how to process shame, Core Needs, and lots more. This is literally the book I wish I had been able to walk through when I was wrestling the most with my sexuality. It is zero percent conversion therapy. It is all the gospel's good news for my version of broken sexuality, too. This study is meant to be done in mentorship pairs, groups, or on your own. If you have been wishing/hoping/praying for a tangible something disciple-y to do with someone or as someone who experiences broken sexuality similarly to the way I do, this is our gift to you. Practically, here is the gift I can offer you! FOR PODCAST LISTENERS starting now to the end of January 2020, order the book and videos on our site--using the code PODCAST, and get it all for $19.99. The episode today explores more of the how, why, and what of the book (with Matt interviewing me!). Thanks for caring about this decade-long work of my heart. Love you, guys. //:Highlights: “I said to God, ‘If I make it through this hell season . . . I’d love an opportunity to talk to even one other person who is even a half-step behind me.’ And I started writing.” --Laurie Krieg “This is not gay-to-straight sort of reparative therapy junk. This is: Can you walk into this third, middle, suffering-well path—with whatever version of broken sexuality you have--and can you encounter God there?" --Laurie Krieg "We Can. Not. Do. This. Without you. Ruthlessly eliminate sin in your life. Ruthlessly eliminate shame. Shred that. Start a group with your friends--whether it’s a Journey Well group or whatever ... Get in. Come shoulder-to-shoulder with us." --Laurie Krieg //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What are you nerdy about? //: Do the Next Thing: ​Find that book and corresponding videos here. ​If you just want to Amazon it, find it here. Watch a one-minute preview here. We gonna talk more about it on IG here. For More? Here.

Let's just have a little fun, yeah? Gwyn and Juliette Krieg, Matt and Laurie's two oldest kids, come into the studio to discuss favorite parts about Christmas, what to do when you feel lonely and there is no one to hug, and--because we can't stop won't stop--what marriage means to them. Merry Christmas, podcast fam! For More: https://lauriekrieg.com/podcast/merry-christmas-from-the-krieg-kids/

Okay, guys. This one. I don't think we have ever been as surprised as we were with Kenneth Boa. He is a highly accomplished scholar, author, and teacher--with four degrees (and two doctoral degrees)--and good grief: When we asked him the questions we ask everyone (about when the gospel was first good news for him) we were floored. This guy came to Christ while on an LSD trip during the summer of love in the 1960s. Yep. You heard it here, guys. You have to listen to understand and believe how God did it. After recovering from our shock, we were surprised again: Ken is not just an academic guy with degrees and books littering his office; Ken is someone who is alert to the presence of God. Come sit with us, hear his left-turn gospel story, and learn practical ways to experience the presence of God. //:Highlights: "I have never regretted any act of obedience ... I have always, in the long run, regretted every act of disobedience." --Ken Boa "God stoops to conquer." --Ken Boa "What is normal in the Scriptures is not typical in this world." --Ken Boa "Intimacy energizes and animates activity." --Ken Boa "We used to work with a lot of hippies (it takes one to know one), but we never told them to get off drugs. We told them about Jesus. You will never get rid of something by trying to get rid of it. That's extinction. You'll never do it. Instead, you need replacement: Replace the inferior with a greater good.... Then, finding that, you'll realize that's what you were looking for all along." --Ken Boa ​ //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What was your word for 2019--if you had one? How did it go? ​ //: Do the Next Thing: ​ Find Kenneth's book, Life in the Presence of God: Practices for Living in Light of Eternity here. Check out Kenneth's blog with all of his resources (including that app he mentioned!) here. Find us and/or answer that question of the week here. For More? Here.

Talking about walking away from toxic people can feel like a too-challenging (and maybe unbiblical?) conversation. But, shoot: Relationship expert and author, Gary Thomas, convinced us through his latest book and this interview that knowing when to walk away from toxic people is a critical practice for Christians. Jesus walked away from toxic people (or let them walk away from Him), and we should to ... for the sake of the Kingdom. Why? How? We dive in with Gary, and explore toxic discipleship, marriages, friendships, and the most critical one for us: how we can stop being toxic to ourselves. //: Highlights: "Throughout Jesus’ life and ministry, He would share the truth (generously and in a relevant way) with compassion and empathy. He loved those people. But if they didn’t receive it? He would find someone else who did. He walked away." --Gary Thomas "Most of us, if we are healthy, we want a peaceful work environment. That’s boring to a toxic person. We want a mutually encouraging marriage where we support each other. That’s boring to a toxic person. We like the thought of a church pursuing a mission of reaching the lost and helping people recover from issues. That’s boring to a toxic person. A toxic person *has* to engage in conflict." --Gary Thomas "Jesus chose his disciples and so should we." --Gary Thomas “When I make myself the hero of my life and somebody treats me in a toxic way, I’m tempted to hate them: ‘How dare you challenge my role of being hero!' Or, I’ll disappoint myself: I’ll sin. I won’t respond with compassion. Because 'I’m supposed to be my own hero,' I will *hate myself* for not living up to my highest ideals. I [am only free] when I realize, ‘There is only one hero in the Bible and that’s Jesus.’” --Gary Thomas //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What really helps you focus on Jesus at Christmas? ​ //: Do the Next Thing: ​ Find Gary's book, When to Walk Away: Finding Freedom From Toxic People ​here. Gary's blog--full of resources? Here. Find that paradigm-shifting marriage book he mentioned here. Answer that Question of the Week or find us on our HIMH Podcast FB Page here. For More? Here.

Guys? We got some big changes coming to Hole in My Heart Ministries, and we are excited to share them with you today. In addition to the changes, we are exploring a couple of your questions with some answers: Why does marriage have to be between one man and one woman? (We share our top three--well, four--favorite reasons.) How do we walk with and speak truth to a believer who believes a same-sex, romantic relationship is right for them? (We offer some specific help.) Let's dig in! //: Highlights: "You guys didn't assume the 'Why marriage?' question. That's what's been really unique about learning this stuff together with you: You dared to ask that question." --Steve "Matt is so different from me to represent how God is so different from us--and yet he wants to marry us! That's bananas! It's not cosmic joke. That's beautiful cosmic design. That's worth dying to yourself for." --Laurie "With these questions there is always a sense we need to call them away from what they are doing. 'I need to somehow convince them that that is the wrong the to do.' Honestly? That's a theology of 'no.' ... Your job as the friend is *not* to have them say 'no' to this thing over here, but say, 'How can we more and more and more say 'yes' to God?' --Matt ​ //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is the most annoying sound? //: Do the Next Thing: ​ Read Preston Sprinkle's People to Be Loved to learn more about why God's design for marriage is between a man and a woman. We refer to this pastoral paper a few times on the episode. To hear more about the changes, read it on the podcast episode page. To follow all of our shenanigans, find us here on IG. For More? Here.

God puts a dream inside of all of us. Wait. Does He? How does that work? And how do you know if it is a selfish one or something that is literally from Him? And what about those of us who feel like expendable folks--with "worthless" or no dreams? Lauren Chandler, wife to Matt Chandler (yes, that Matt Chandler), and mother of three, is a worship leader, author, and helper of us in this conversation about how can we balance our dreams with God's desires. It's a poignant interview that includes God taking a starry-eyed Lauren through an addiction group (Celebrate Recovery) to help her see her life (and dreams) are all about Jesus. Join us. //: Highlights: "We are always going to be a worse version of somebody else. We are meant to be original. Ourselves." --Lauren Chandler "Here I was, the pastor's wife--young, but still the pastor's wife--and I am sitting in my seat [at Celebrate Recovery], and my heart is pounding in my chest. They offered this chip of surrender ... You could not have kept me from running up there." --Lauren Chandler "I started to *see the people* instead of being the *focus of the people.*" --Lauren Chandler "I think the way you can tell if your dream is God's dream is: are you willing to be open-handed with it?" --Lauren Chandler "I believe there is going to be is something special for those people who did things in obscurity--where no one has ever heard their name." --Lauren Chandler //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is your favorite part of the Thanksgiving feast? (Or another near holiday if you are not from the States?) //: Do the Next Thing: Check out Lauren's site (and find that children's book we talk about) here. Find her on IG (her fave social) here. Email [email protected] or hit us up on IG here. For More? Here.

Many people abuse hearing from God. But just because they misuse the process, does it mean we shouldn't engage? Jim Samra, someone who literally wrote the book about it, helps us to think about how we can wisely approach listening to God. (And that book title is pretty funny: 'God Told Me: Who to Marry, Where to Work, Which Car to Buy ... And I'm Pretty Sure I'm Not Crazy.') Jim also guides us through questions such as, "How mature do you have to be to hear from God?" "What if you are living in sin--does God still speak to you?" "How does the Bible interact with this process?" "Can and should we pray for a spouse?" We loved this one. //: Highlights: "There are lot of people who abuse this idea: They are going to use the 'God told me' or 'God speaking to me' language just to masquerade for the things they actually want to do." --Jim Samra "If I just had one or two points to get across, it'd be one: God loves you, and two: the burden of communication is on Him." --Jim Samra "Take the example of voice recognition software ... you are training it to recognize your voice. The Bible is the Word of God--meaning this is what God's voice sounds like. The more time you spend with the Bible, the more you are trained, 'This is what God says.'" --Jim Samra "If you're going to wait until you're holy enough to hear from God--that's just not how it works ... While you are *still wrestling with sanctification* God still speaks to you.... Just give Him a chance." --Jim Samra ​ //: Do the Next Thing: Find Jim and Lisa Samra's website here. Jim's book on listening to God? Find it here. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What did you want to be when you grew up—when you were 5-8 years old? Email [email protected], or find Laurie Krieg on Instagram. For More.

This is another episode where if we could pay you to listen to it, we would. We believe it is that important. Heather was born female, but in her young twenties, fully socially transitioned to male. Now, she is again living as her born-female self, and is running toward Jesus. How did this happen? You know, for all the conversations we have about gender/sexuality/etc., it's funny that we keep waiting for the answer to, "How did this happen?" to be something other than the gospel. Something other than learning how to suffer well alongside each other. Something other than surrendering idols and learning to experience God. But it isn't. The good news of the the gospel is it is good news for everyone and everyone's pain. So, the answer to "How did this happen?" once again is the gospel. Listen to another version of *specifically how* the gospel is good news for everyone every day alongside us today. ​ //: Highlights: "There are people in my life that didn't call me by name for two years, and by extension, didn't use a pronoun when referring to me ... How can you expect to have any trust or relational equity built if you are not even willing to refer to someone in a way that distinguishes them as human?" --Heather Skriba "I didn't know how to let God into the painful, hurting, and dark places of my heart--not just gender-- but anxiety, codependency, insecurity, and self hatred. I didn't know how to access the heart of God in those places ... I think that is something that is really missing from a lot of relationships when people try to walk with LGBT people and LGBT Christians." --Heather Skriba "So often for trans guys, surgery is looked at as, 'This is the thing that is going to make everything else okay.' ... But I remember the first time I looked down at my chest, and I had this sinking feeling of, 'This is not what I was hoping it would be. I mean, it's good, but this is surface level ... This was supposed to be *it,* and it's not." --Heather Skriba //: Do the Next Thing: Heather works with our friend Ty at Walls Down Ministries. Find it here. Heather also recommends www.theallendercenter.org and Ransomed Heart that have helped her on her journey. (She also recommended us, but, we don't need to refer you to us, but we are grateful for the shout out. :) ) You want to talk with Heather? Hit us up, and we will connect you at [email protected] Listen to A Gender Conversation Part 1 here. Heather mentions how her church connected to her. Want to learn more about how your church can approach people like Heather? Here is a pastoral paper on it. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is your current life song? What song describes the season of life you are having (or day you are having)? Email [email protected] or find us on Instagram. For More.

This is another one of those episodes seeking to answer questions we receive often: At what age do we start talking with our kids about sexuality? How do we do it, exactly? What about gender stuff? How do we help alleviate some of the blurring of the lines that is going on with gender these days--without holding onto stereotypes? Who better to help us out than author and teacher, Dannah Gresh? She has been in the ministry of educating young people regarding sexuality for many years. (And if you think she is speaking old-school purity movement stuff, think again. This woman is on fire, and is ready to preach the holistic good news of the gospel for our sexuality in 2019, 2020 and beyond.) Let's dive in again to this critical conversation with grace, truth, and love. //: Highlights: "Marriage and sex is a picture of the gospel. It tells us that story from Genesis to Revelation. … How motivated do you think Satan is to see that destroyed in your life ... [and] destroyed in our children’s lives?" --Dannah Gresh "Our worldview is established by our 13th or 14th birthday. If you wait until then to talk to kids about sex? Woah. You have missed the boat. Meanwhile, their ears have been hearing all of these other sexual messages, and your silence has just become a megaphone to the world’s lies." ​--Dannah Gresh “In the Bible there is not one place *ever* where the formal education of moral belief is ever assigned to anyone but parents ... You cannot phone this thing in. Moral development is assigned to you.” --Dannah Gresh //: Do the Next Thing: Watch Dannah's TED talk, "The Walk of Fame or the Walk of Shame" Check out Dannah's site here. Dannah has a master class she teaches on these things with her husband. Find it here. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is something that makes you laugh the most these days? Email [email protected] join the HIMH Podcast FB page or find us on Instagram. For More.

The purpose of this podcast is to "explore how the gospel is good news for everyone every day." Most often, we talk about how the gospel relates to sexuality/gender (as those conversations have been neglected for too long in the Church), however part of the good news of the gospel is it eliminates walls and barriers between people—racial barriers included. Our friend, Kinita Schripsema, helps us to launch into this conversation from a place we need to start: the heart. Kinita was kind enough to let us ask many dumb questions (although she was gracious to not call them dumb!) in order to get to a place where we can speak heart to heart. This is an important one. //: Highlights: "All of us in human race want not only to belong, but we want unity, acceptance, authenticity and freedom. If that is the common ground, when we are aware of what our cultural bent is, we are then able to see the other person as a human and for their heart--not their skin color." --Kinita Schripsema "It's really crucial we all take a step back and allow grace in this space. The only way we can actually do that in each of our stories is if we have done our own personal work of forgiveness [and] our own internal work of reconciliation." --Kinita Schripsema ​"It's not okay for us to say within the context of our church, 'But we are united in Christ, right?' You can say that but I sure hope you're being inclusive. I sure hope you're embracing and *walking with,* and *most crucially* stepping into the mess with people." --Kinita Schripsema //: Do the Next Thing: Interested in learning more about Kinita and her work? Here is her site. Her Facebook And Her book, I am Hagar: Forgotten No More. Dan Allender is doing a great podcast series right now on "Becoming an Anti-Racist." It's a great next step. Latasha Morrison's new book is another great step. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What do you have duct-taped together now? Email [email protected], find us on Instagram here. For More.

We get a decent amount of questions about how to engage healthy friendship (and touch) as single people. So, we asked one of our dear single friends, Meg Baatz, to help us navigate some more of this friendship quagmire. Some of the questions we explored include: What is the difference between finding community as a single person or as a married person? What is Meg's journey with finding community? Why are people so awkward when it comes to being friends with people of the same sex (if those people experience attractions toward the same sex)? How can we all be friends? How can we engage healthy touch with our friends? Dive in with us today at the podcast table. //: Highlights: "I knew [community living] would be hard. I knew it wouldn't solve all of my relational needs. I knew marriage wouldn't [either]. I knew trying to find the right *people* can be the same pitfall as trying to find the right *person.*" --Meg Baatz "I can desire to have the majority of my relational or emotional needs met from women rather than from God first and then from women ... [But] it's easy to go one extreme or the other: 'I have this really deep need for relational with women.' Or 'Oh, no! I don't want to idolize my friendships, and so I'm going to retreat out of fear or shame.'" --Meg Baatz "I think we can be ashamed of and afraid of our limits [with physical touch]. Instead we need to accept them ... and say, 'How can I honor myself as someone who God loves while loving and respecting other people through the boundaries I set up?'" --Meg Baatz //: Do the Next Thing: Check out Meg's organization she works for, Lead Them Home, here. Dive into Meg's personal site here. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What "stupid human" trick can you do? (Roll your tongue, shake your eyes, do some random dance move...?) Email [email protected] or find us on Instagram to answer. For More.

This interview kicked our tails. Do you know what to do when you encounter someone who is experiencing homelessness? We thought we did ... sort of? Give them a few bucks? Offer a pack of things you have ready in your car? Pray with them? Terence Lester, activist, speaker, and author of I See You: How Love Opens Our Eyes to Invisible People, ​helps us practically navigate how we can better see people experiencing poverty and homelessness and thereby learn a lesson on how we can really see everyone. //: Highlights: "We are all poor in some way. When we understand that (when we understand what God has done for us) it creates a bridge that we can walk over and show our brother and sister, who may be living on the street and experiencing hardship, the same type of love that we would want and have received from our God." --Terence Lester "The best phrases in the New Testament are 'Jesus saw.' Not only did He see people, but He became proximate to them. What will radically change our understanding and even our misconceptions about people is acknowledging them and getting proximate." --Terence Lester "Presence can trump money." --Terence Lester //: Do the Next Thing: Check out Terence's book I See You: How Love Opens Our Eyes to Invisible People. Check out Terence's site here. Find Terence on Instagram. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What does your name mean, and how does it affect your life? Email [email protected] or find us on Instagram. For More.

Friends. We need them. They can also be a big challenge. It can be hard to put them in their proper, healthy place (neither diminishing them nor elevating them)—whether we are married or single. Today, we primarily look at how to have healthy friendships through the married lens, but single people? We believe and hope and pray you will be blessed, too. Kelly Needham, author of the new book Friendish, helps us explore questions such as, “Can we have covenant friendships outside of marriage?” “What are signs of when friendships are moving into an unhealthy direction?” “Are our spouses supposed to be our best friends?" ​It's a needed conversation for our lonely world today on the podcast. //: Highlights: "If a friendship is starting to encroach on our relationship with our spouse or with Christ, that's a warning sign." --Kelly Needham ​"I don't think the word 'best friend' is wrong, but I don't think that it's right that we build covenants into our friendships ... That does not condemn single people to loneliness or missing out on something huge. If we believe that, then we are admitting that marriage satisfies preeminently in our hearts." --Kelly Needham ​ "Your loneliness is primarily alleviated in Christ ... Loneliness came as a result of sin, not alone-ness." --Kelly Needham //: Do the Next Thing: Check out Kelly's book, ​Friendish, here. Check out Kelly's blog and site here. For more on this episode //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What was your favorite school lunch? (Either packed or the hot lunch variety?) Find us on Instagram.

When Brad Klaver was ten, he watched three men in his church get publicly excommunicated for either experiencing attractions toward the same gender or for being in same-sex relationships. He made a vow to himself, "I will never share this part of me." Twenty-five years later, married to his wife and dad to four kids, God allowed this now-pastor to go through breakdown so he could experience breakthrough. Join us as we engage Brad's journey with his wife, friends, and church in this final story in our broken/beloved pastor series today. [Also listen in as we get hammered by a rainstorm and get word of a tornado in our area. It made for an exciting recording finish. ;) ] //: Highlights "I remember exactly where I was watching [the excommunications] unfold. In me there was this internal fear of: 'I don't know where this came from. I don't know why I have this. I don't know where this all began, or what was done to me to make me like this. All I know, based on what I am seeing now is ... this is what happens if people find out. You admit it, and you are shown the door.' ... I said to myself... 'I will never tell anyone. Ever.' That commitment was kept for 25 years." --Brad Klaver "The pages with the verses pertaining to homosexuality and marriage are the most well-worn pages in my childhood Bible. I begged God to either fix me or switch me or end me. None of that was happening, and so I took matters into my own hands and learned the art of religion." --Brad Klaver "The reality was not that I had done something--a moral failure or something that disqualifies me from serving in the church--the reality was that this journey that God was taking me on completely wiped me out." --Brad Klaver //: Do the Next Thing: Connect with Brad by emailing [email protected] Check out our Podcast Facebook Group. For more on this episode. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What drew you to your first friend(s) as a kid? (A game? Proximity? Mutual likes for something?) Find us on Instagram.

It's week two of our Broken/Beloved Pastor mini-series, where we try to break down stereotypes and halt the gossip train when it comes to pastors who leave their positions for various reasons. Today, we dive into the painful and gorgeous story of Johnny and Amanda McKenna. The middle of their journey includes him almost killing himself to hide his double life of affairs, pornography addiction, and alcoholism--while serving as a pastor. But there is a beginning and new ending to this story. Come and hear pieces of the whole broken and beloved journey with us today. //: Highlights: "I constantly felt like I didn't measure up. Pornography was an escape from that feeling for me. 'Finally, I don't have to feel that just for that moment.' But after that moment is over . . . now I'm right where I started, and in an even worse spot." --Johnny McKenna "We could not have sex for two years of our marriage. I was so ashamed. I didn't know what was wrong with me what was wrong with my body. I didn't understand it. It's so hard and embarrassing to talk about with people . . . I felt so helpless." --Amanda McKenna "All this is going on and I'm saying to myself ... 'You're such a scumbag ... It's time to take my life ... I'll be gone, but my legacy will be in tact. I won't be this pastor that is another Hall of Shame member. I won't have to tell my boys that I failed them--that I cheated on their mom. I won't have to tell my youth group kids and leaders. I can at least provide for them financially. They'll be in a better place because I had life insurance.' I thought that was the best case scenario. Those were the lies Satan was whispering in my ear."--Johnny Mckenna ​"One of the things [my friend] said was, 'Amanda, God is saving your husband right now.' It shocked me. 'What do you mean He's saving us? It feels like He's killing us.' But then that meaning sunk in: Johnny was living bound and held captive by his sin. But now, God was in the process of saving him. ...That's really beautiful if you think about it: God steps into the mess and he fights for you." --Amanda McKenna //: Do the Next Thing: Connect with Johnny and Amanda by emailing [email protected] Check out our Podcast Facebook Group. For more on this episode. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: If I walked into your house/apartment/room what are three things I would see that describe who you are as a person? Find us on Instagram.

This episode surprisingly convicted us because, well, we don't think much about food. But, good grief, what we miss out on when we see food as a way to shovel nutrients (or happiness) in as opposed to a way to know God more deeply. Food Network star, Melissa d'Arabian, invites us to the table with our creative, creator-of-food God. Through her vulnerable story and experience in the food entertainment industry, Melissa teaches us how to know Him more through eating. This is a sweet one. //: Highlights: "God could have created a nutrition-delivery system that was far less delicious and far more efficient that didn't require us to stop, sit, eat, prepare, and grow. But He didn't." --Melissa d'Arabian ​ "Food has a way of saying, 'I see you.'" --Melissa d'Arabian //: Do the Next Thing: Check out Melissa's book Tasting Grace. Check out her site (and food books/videos!) here. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is your favorite word? ​ Email [email protected] or find us on Instagram. For More.

The Church is precious. It's Christ's beloved and broken bride. But sex and sexuality conversations have notoriously challenged us for the last ... thousands of years. New York Times bestselling author, Mo Isom, helps guide us through some of these conversations we have forgotten, and does it with storytelling and great passion. (She takes us to church!) Grab a pew, and join us. //: Highlights: "A lot of my issues grew out of the fact that my family thought the church was talking to me about the hard stuff, and the church thought my family was talking about the hard stuff. So really, no one was talking to me about the hard stuff. Therefore, the world ... was teaching me." --Mo Isom "Nothing you bring to the foot of the cross is going to knock God off of His throne." --Mo Isom //: Do the Next Thing: Check out the book, Sex, Jesus, and the Conversations the Church Forgot. Check out that video resource, ​Conversations Continued, here. Dig deeper into her first book (and testimony) here. Discover More. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: If you had to be stuck inside of a TV show for the rest of your life, which show and what character would you be? ​ Email [email protected] or follow Laurie on Instagram to answer.

Touch can be ... a touchy subject. Some of us can overemphasize it and others can shun it. When Laurie recently said to Matt, "I wish I could live in a touch-free world," she realized just how touchy (and painful) non-sexual physical touch can be. Instead of bury it, in classic Hole in My Heart Podcast fashion, we are bringing the conversation to the table. Matt, Laurie, Steve, and guest, Hayley Mullins, toss around questions ranging from what to do when we idolize touch, to how to carefully speak the "love language" of touch with those been affected by sexual assault. This is another raw and (in our opinion) beautiful one. You are welcome to join us. //: Highlights: "The way Jesus healed most often was with touch. I have to imagine because we are created bodily, and because our natural reaction when we fall and scrape our knee is to take our hands and put it over that wound, there is something intrinsic to physical touch that when used in a giving way, when used to attend to the needs of the person as opposed to try and take is more pronounced."--Matt Krieg "When I was walking through a season where I was wrestling with, 'How do I use touch appropriately in a way that just loves people? ... How do I practice this ... if it is causing me problems?' [I needed to find] the ways to show the Father's love with touch in a way that is welcoming--in a way that draws them in as opposed to pulls them to yourself because of you. Instead, it welcomes in so that they can see Jesus more clearly." --Hayley Mullins //: Do the Next Thing: Feel free to email us your thoughts or to connect with Hayley at [email protected] That HIMH Podcast FB group? Check it out here. For More. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What was your favorite childhood toy? Find Laurie Krieg in Instagram.

How many of us have fought (and do fight) with heart-pumping, air-constricting anxiety? How can we practically do battle with it? Bestselling author and popular speaker, Rebekah Lyons, helps us put on our boxing gloves to practically combat it. //: Highlights: "We don't know freedom until we know bondage. So let's acknowledge we are so hungry for God's rescue, and let's ask Him to do a mighty work." --Rebekah Lyons "I questioned, 'Am I a fraud?' I thought there was a healing that happened, and I was loud about it. And yet I found myself in a place of frailty and desperation again." --Rebekah Lyons //: Do the Next Thing: Find Rebekah's book and more at: https://rebekahlyons.com Connect with Laurie on IG. Find More.

Therapist Matt leads us through a way we can pray that helps us envision the God who Sees Us and prepares us to lament.

There is intense pain in the world and in our hearts--based on national or personal tragedy. We may be quick to jump to anger, to text someone, to Twitter, to do something. These actions may not be wrong, but they can be wrong-hearted if we skip an important step: going to the Father with lament that leads to forgiveness and eventual love for our enemies. It feels impossible--really, truly loving our enemies--but as believers we are called to do the impossible with the One who empowers us. But how in the world can we do this lament that leads to forgiveness that leads to genuine love for our enemies? We get as practical as we can in this episode, breaking down how we lament in real life, and even give you a bonus episode where Matt leads us like a midwife to birth these laments today. :) //: Highlights: "I picture the cross of Christ, but I don't put the person ... on the cross ... He deserves it. So do I." --Laurie Krieg "If there is anything that you could get out of this, yes, lament and understand what it is. But, understand that the God we go to is a God who wants all of us. Not just the joy, not just the sad, not just the stoic, not just the put-together, and not just the broken. All of it." --Matt Krieg //: Do the Next Thing: Find the full episode notes and a lot here on the podcast episode page here.

When Laurie was a guest on Moody Radio, the station manager, Jack Haveman, was prompted to share this deeply personal and powerful story of God's breakthrough.

Friends? This podcast thing we do began as an act of obedience to God's prompting two years ago. We. Had. No. Idea. How. Much. it would bless us and others. No clue. Listening back to clips together got us feeling all the podcast feels again: Mostly, we felt the desire to fall on our faces and worship God who is knitting together this gorgeous thing called the Body of Christ. God is on the move, dear siblings in Christ. God is moving in and through the Church, and He wants to move even more through those whose hearts are fully submitted to Him (2 Chronicles 16:9). ​ Tune in with us as we reflect on the last season, and some of our favorite moments and yours: Episode 53: Saying "Yes" with Tom and Dana Mollhagen Episode 49: The Awkward Middle with David Bennett Episode 57: The "Whys" Behind Pornography Addiction with Jay Stringer ​ Episode 64: Exploring Our Souls of Shame Part 1 and Part 2 with Curt Thompson Episode 80: Fill These Hearts with Christopher West Episode 74: The Need to Be Seen with Jeff Maness and John Wilson Episode 83: Sexuality and Shame with Dan Allender Episode 81: Living an Authentic Life with Ann Voskamp ​ //: Do the Next Thing: That HIMH Podcast group? Check it out here! This episode. //: Question of the Week for AUGUST: How has this podcast impacted you? What guest ideas do you have for us for season three? Or themes we should pursue? Email [email protected] to answer!

A recent survey says that 90 percent of clergy believe it is their responsibility to speak on important social issues, but the top two issues they feel unequipped to speak on are LGBT+ and same-sex marriage. We need help. Thankfully, there are pastors like Bruce B. Miller who are willing to lead us as we lead others. In addition to walking us through beginning steps we can take as a church to better engage conversations around sexuality and LGBT+, we explore questions such as: ​What if the staff/elders/deacons aren't united? Can we be on different pages theologically? Do we have to do a sermon series? (How in the world do we do that?) What if people leave? This is another important equipping conversation to help us lead with grace and truth. (Click the links below for practical next step resources.) //: Highlights: "To not preach on [sexuality] is to not give people leadership in an area where people have tremendous questions ... You either lead people in confusion or you give people wise guidance as a pastor." --Bruce Miller "We need to start with ourselves and face ... the fact that I am also a sexual sinner. Because every adult past puberty is a sexual sinner." --Bruce B. Miller "It's our bad theology of sex and our bad theology of singleness that undermines the vibrancy of our message to LGBT+ people." --Bruce Miller "If you're not offending people on both sides, you're probably not doing it right." --Bruce Miller //:Do the Next Thing: Find More. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: It's our last episode of Season 2! How are you doing on your word for the 2019 year? Or your resolution? Where you at?

One in two women and one in four men have encountered sexual trauma. The enemy's attempts to shred humanity through sexuality is pervasive, but those of us who have encountered sexual assault are not hopeless. Author and teacher, Dr. Dan Allender, guides us through this hope-filled terrain utilizing decades of experience and research in the field of sexual trauma. He unpacks answers to questions like: Why is shame linked to sexuality, and why is contempt often linked to shame? Why and how do repressed memories resurface? How can we engage painful past memories without pushing "eject" on our lives? How can we respond in healthy ways to triggers? ​ Additionally, we explore some of Dan's gospel story out of a life of drug dealing and elicit behavior (as a response to his own pain), and invite him to kindly poke fun at Matt throughout the entire episode. //: Highlights: "The return on investment for the kingdom of darkness is profound in regard to abuse. [It] disintegrates some level of our faith, our ability to trust, our ability to dream and hope, and certainly our ability to give delight and pleasure to one another." --Dan Allender ​"When we use truth to deny truth ... we are doing what evil does when it quotes Scripture." --Dan Allender "​I've seen it literally thousands of times: People who enter the truth and allow their hearts to receive kindness ... that's the context for the Spirit of God to bring about remarkable change." --Dan Allender //: Do the Next Thing: Find More. //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What was your first car and what does it tell us about your personality?

Lament. We've talked about it. We love it. Let's dig deeper than we ever have into it on this episode. If we don't lament, what kind of people will we be? Is there a line of honesty with God we shouldn't cross? ​How do we really do it? ​Pastor and author, Mark Vroegop, guides us through these questions and more with wisdom that can only come from someone who has suffered much, and has found his way out of the darkness by singing the minor key tune of lament. Hear his story and practical care for our souls during today's conversation. //: Highlights: "People who know how to lament are comfortable with saying less or nothing. They intuitively have a heart that is oriented toward empathy. They don't panic when their friend says something that is edgy or a little scary." --Mark Vroegop "Lament is not just crying. Lament is talking to God about what causes the crying." --Mark Vroegop "One out of every three songs in the official songbook of God's people--songs that had music and were sung--reflect this sort of minor key [lament] tune. We are not only unfamiliar with lament, but our churches are generally lament-light." --Mark Vroegop //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is something God has been teaching you lately and through what media? (Devotional, book, life experience, podcast, your version of suffering in this season...) //: Do the Next Thing: Find More.

She has a huge platform: Hundreds of thousands of followers, millions of books sold, and many Christians are at least familiar with the name "Ann Voskamp." And yet when Ann writes, speaks, and engages social media, she does not hide behind the numbers. She writes grittily, authentically, and with boldness. How is this possible? How can someone with such a great impact on the world maintain such a humble, vulnerable, and others-focused life? We explore these questions as we engage Ann on living an authentic life. We talk the cost, the gifts, and the practical how-tos. (And of course, because we are the HIMH Podcast, we make time to take a trip to Goofball Island where we finally learn her real Enneagram number.) You're welcome to join us. //: Highlights: ​"I honestly don't think there should be platforms for writers. Jesus didn't have a platform. He had an altar where he came, he laid down his life, and he died for his friends. Writing is about a place to be brutally honest, have no reputation, and to pray that out of your death there can be people's resurrections." --Ann Voskamp "We either have the mentality of [God as], 'Oh dear, I've messed up, Dad is going to kill me,' or 'Oh, dear, I've messed up, I need to call Dad.' ... David doesn't run from God, he runs to God, and he trusts that when we want a do-over Jesus covers us with un-erasable grace." --Ann Voskamp ​ "We are called to a table-like theology where we not only break bread around the table, but we break open our hearts around the table." --Ann Voskamp //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What is a funny-ridiculous tradition your culture has? (Perhaps like how Laurie's Dutch family celebrates Tulip Time this time of year in Holland, MI. They dress up in old-timey Dutch clothes and painful wooden shoes and klompen dance.) What does your culture do that is silly like this? //: Do the Next Thing: Find More.

Matt and Laurie are doing an impossible thing (writing a book together?!) about their "impossible" marriage. Hear a little bit more about the start of their adventure!

Everything we do—good, evil, neutral—speaks to our longing for heaven. World-renowned teacher of Pope John Paul II's Theology of the Body and bestselling author, Christopher West, leans into this longing and unpacks it with outrageous wisdom and tenderness. This is one we are all going to be going back and listening to several times. It is that rich. (And don't worry: Those of you who want some of that goofball action, we make sure to talk about rats dying in Wendy's grease buckets. Yep.) //: Highlights: ​"Here’s the whole Bible in five words: ‘God wants to marry us.’” --Christopher West ​"​We have three choices when it comes to our desire: We are either going to become the Stoic and repress the desire, an Addict and indulge in the finite pleasures of the world that never satisfy, or I am going to become…[an] Aspiring Mystic…someone who opens their hunger to the infinite.” --Christopher West //: Question of the Week for Next Week: What were you modeled/taught to do with your emotions growing up? Share them? Bury them? Open up and emphasize certain ones? (Like anger?) //: Do the Next Thing: Find More.

This is the story of a man who experienced attractions toward other men from a young age, found football, found God, found the Air Force (and excelled), and as a ministry leader came to grips with his same-gender attractions--now as a married-to-a-woman man. God helped this man, Mike Rosebush, remove shame about his attractions, but people and circumstances placed him in conversion therapy. A major part of conversion therapy is seeking to make people change from gay to straight. It did not work. However, as a licensed psychologist, Mike found himself in a position of counseling others who had a similar story. Mike had a choice: Follow the script he believed was unhelpful and unbiblical (to idolize sexual attractions as ultimate by making orientation change the primary goal), or find another way. He found another way: the path of sanctification and the path of daily surrender. Hear more of Mike's journey and decision, and his exhortation to pastors and all Christians seeking to engage the LGBT+ conversation biblically and faithfully on today's episode. //: Highlights: ​ "Dear Friend ... We who have same-sex attraction, who are Evangelical, who devote our life to celibacy, and who absolutely believe everything in your orthodoxy, we are not your enemy." --Mike Rosebush ​ "I was not about to put those [clients] through what I was put through ... My perspective is: 'It's not going to leave. We don't know how it got into us. It's there. Let's live well with it'... [And] I absolutely knew and still know that the Trinity likes me and loves me--just as I am--even with these attractions." --Mike Rosebush ​ //: Do the Next Thing: Follow Mike on Facebook and check him out on his website. We mention a "The Shack" experience We also mention a Barna Study about pastors and leaders engaging the LGBT+ conversation We refer to Mike's letter he wrote to pastors. You can find it here. For More.

The crew is back together! ​Laurie, Matt, and Producer Steve dive into their first-ever Q & D (Question & Discussion) podcast. Together, they explore areas they have wanted to dive into more deeply including: More of Matt's story of when he felt so purposeless he decided to end his life in junior high (and then launched into a coping mechanism of pornography addiction) Some of our angst about left/right polarity and clinging to our "rights" as Christians How parents who are fighting with their LGBT+ kids can seek deep relationship with one another How false forgiveness has been used to silence victims And! Things we are looking forward to (including) future episodes with Ann Voskamp, Christopher West, and Dan Allender! //: Highlights: "I was trying to solidify myself. Eventually, I got to the point where none of the things I was doing made me feel substantive ... Everything I was trying to put in this place of giving me purpose and giving me value it [didn't] work. 'I hate it. And I hate myself.'" --Matt Krieg "If we don't see each other as family, we will throw each other each other under the bus as soon as the heat gets turned up. I am not going to to go the wall for a fellow customer at Walmart. But I will go to the wall for somebody who is a part of my family (even if I don't agree with them about everything), because I love them and am committed to them." --Steve O'Dell ​ "Are we grieving for our enemies? Or are we screaming at our enemies and clinging to our 'rights'? Jesus himself did not cling to his rights, but he considered them nothing and took the humble form of a servant." --Laurie Krieg //: Do the Next Thing: The podcast episode Steve alluded to about Laurie's talk on how to lament? Find it here. To hear more of Matt's story (as told on this podcast), listen here. For More.