Grief Out Loud

Judith Finneren's husband Ralph, or Ralphie as she liked to call him, was hit and killed while riding his bike in the summer of 2011. Even when grief and anger are close companions, most of the time there isn't a particular person to blame when someone dies. In Judith's case there was. A young man named Brett who in a moment of distracted driving ended her husband's life. Soon after Ralph's death, Judith went to film school where she created the documentary, Ghostbike, which explores her grief and also her attempts to connect with Brett. We discuss love, blame, forgiveness, and the tenets Judith holds onto in her grief. Judith also wrote Remember His Name, a book about Ralph, their life together, and her grief.

Sweaters, shoes, a favorite coffee mug, the pen always angled a certain way - items, big and small, form the landscape left behind when someone dies. Nicole Leslie was 15 when her mother died and at first it was too painful to go through her things. A few years later, as she and her sister began the process, Nicole discovered clothing she had never seen her mother wear before. This discovery became the originating point for Nicole's turn to fashion and creativity as ways to express her grief. She started Remembrance Wardrobe, a blog where she posts photos of herself wearing outfits that are a combination of clothing from her mother, grandmother, and her own collection. She pairs each outfit with a line from her mother's poetry, opening a window into the life of a woman who lives on in Nicole's memories and creative expressions. Check out all of Nicole's posts at Remembrance Wardrobe.

When grief enters our world, many of us expect to cry and feel frustrated, but we aren't as prepared for the intense fear and worry that can also be part of loss. Someone being 10 minutes late getting home sparks visions of a car crash or getting a call from the hospital. A random ache or feeling extra tired leaves us thinking we must be dying. Maybe sleep eludes us as we spin over how to do day to day life without our people. Sometimes the hardest part about anxiety is how it can catch us off-guard, either because we've never dealt with it before, or because the anxiety we already knew well has ratcheted up to untenable levels. Claire Bidwell Smith, a licensed counselor, author, mother, and grieving daughter recently published her new book, Anxiety, the Missing Stage of Grief, that delves into all the ways anxiety can be part of grief. Before Claire was 25, both of her parents died of cancer. Her adolescence and young adulthood were deeply etched with their illnesses, treatment, and deaths. Out of this devastating grief grew her desire to help others facing similar situations. Be sure to visit Claire's site to learn more about her work.

When someone dies, many of the people left behind seek out formal sources of help like a therapist or traditional support group. What happens though when those avenues don't feel like the right fit? This is what Carla Fernandez and Lennon Flowers, co-founders of The Dinner Party, ran into after they both lost a parent to cancer in their early twenties. Since their first gathering in 2010, The Dinner Party has grown to over 275 hosts in 100 cities. It is a community made up of those ages 21-40 who are seeking connection, friendship, and meaningful conversations about grief and how it affects our lives. Check out The Dinner Party to find a table near you or start one in your community.

The list of things that are hard to do when you're grieving is long - eating, sleeping, focusing, surface-level chit-chat, remembering where you left your phone, planning for the future, or forgiving yourself for the past. Throw work or school into that mix and it gets really tough to feel like you can show up and function at the same level you're used to. When Alica Forneret went back to work after her mother's sudden death, she found the opposite of what she needed in terms of support. That experience inspired her to explore ways companies and organizations can better support their grieving employees as well as small things each of us can do to attend to our grief in the workplace. Alica Forneret writes for a number of publications and websites, including, SAD Magazine, Modern Loss, and Vancouver Magazine. She also created the Dead Moms Club lapel pins as a way to express grief more publicly and connect with others who are grieving their mothers. Check out Alica's website with articles, resources, and even recipes for supporting yourself and others who are grieving in the workplace and beyond.

We hear about how powerful and important it can be to keep memories and connection alive with the people we are grieving, but how do we actually do that? Allison Gilbert, Emmy award-winning journalist, speaker, and workshop leader, is the author of numerous books including the groundbreaking, Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive, which outlines 85 creative ways to remember those who have died. We discuss turning a treasured recipe into a scavenger hunt, repurposing clothing, books, and other belongings, and how to navigate this idea when the relationship you had with the person was complicated or conflicted. Read more from Allison: Website Passed and Present: Keeping Memories of Loved Ones Alive Q&A's with actors, writers, and other public figures "The Reflection Effect" essay in O, the Oprah Magazine

In grief, having the opportunity to tell your story can be vital. Grieving children and adults want the chance to talk about the people they are grieving and express how these losses have altered their lives. StoryCorps, a non-profit working to preserve and share the stories of people from all backgrounds, recently launched a new project in partnership with the New York Life Foundation called Road to Resilience, Memories That Move Us Forward. As part of this project, StoryCorps is partnering with children's bereavement programs across the US to offer grieving children and their adults the opportunity to record a conversation and tell their story. The Dougy Center is honored to be one of those partnership sites. Our guest, Modupeola Oyebolu, is a national facilitator with StoryCorps and she joins us to talk about what it's like to grieve both in the US and her home country of Nigeria, the power of storytelling, and resilience she's witnessed in recording conversations with grieving families. Check out Olivia's featured Road to Resilience story.

What is it like to grieve for a father you know only from stories and photos? In August of 2018, Joy Wallace traveled to Tinian Island to see the place where her father, Kenneth, died when the plane he was flying as a 2nd Lieutenant in the Army Air Corp in World War II crashed. Joy's father died three months before she was born and she grew up with a longing to visit the place where he died. Her trip, which was filled with synchronicities, broke open the grief she'd been carrying for over seven decades.

Okay, so it's not really a grief party, but it is Grief Out Loud's 100th episode. When we started this show four years ago in January of 2015, we weren't sure we'd do more than 10 episodes, never mind 100 and we have you, listeners and guests, to thank for helping us reach this milestone. In the past four years, we've had the honor of hosting 99 storytellers - people coming forward with the emotions and thoughts that may never have been spoken aloud before. For many of us, grief resides in the shadows. It's tucked behind, kept quiet, and told how to behave. And by behave what most of us mean is please stop existing. Stop tugging on our hearts and taking up space in the vacancy left behind by the people who have died. But what we've learned is grief doesn't take kindly to being told what to do and it really doesn't love being told to shush. So that's what we hoped to create with this show - a place where people can talk openly about the swirl of thoughts and feelings that come with grief. A place where those who are feeling lost can come for connection and flashlights of hope. A place to feel less alone and maybe a little less lonely. As a way of thanking listeners and guests for making Grief Out Loud what it is, we wanted to turn the show over to you today. We asked you to tell us what the show has meant to you. Thank you to everyone who helped make this episode happen!

In 2000 Doreen Wiggins, MD began having vivid dreams that her husband was going to die. These dreams, combined with a session with an intuitive healer who confirmed her fears, prompted Doreen, who was already an accomplished surgeon, to seek out training in supporting grieving children. Then in 2009, while skiing in Colorado, her husband died suddenly due to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy. Doreen's fears had become a reality. Devastated and still needing to parent their 5 children, she first turned to therapy and then yoga, finding a lifeline in what would become a daily practice. This overlap of her medical training and the benefits of yoga sparked her interest in researching how grief affects us physiologically, emotionally, and spiritually. If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out for help. 24/7 Crisis Text Line: Text Hello to 741741 24/7 Crisis Phone Line: 1-800-273-8255 (TALK)

Nothing says end of the year holiday stress like grief. Dougy Center staff member Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence is back with more great tips on planning for and making your way through the holidays when you and your family are in the midst of grief. We also share some new activities to try that can be done solo or as a family. Downloads to explore: The Gift List article Chef for a Day activity Holiday Plan & Worksheet Listen to Ep. 27: Grief And The Holidays

For Camila, death came barreling into her world with zero warning. When she was 21 her world shifted on its axis on an average morning in September. She woke up in the house she shared with her mother in the Bay Area expecting just another day. Then, she went to check on her mother, only to find that she had died in her sleep. There were no warning signs. No indicators that anything was amiss. Her mom was there and then she wasn't. In the 9 years since that morning, Camila has grieved intensely and intently. She's searched for connections with her mother, finding an outlet for expression in writing. Check out Camila's recently published book of poetry: The Progression of Grief. Full text of the poem Camila reads at the end of the episode: The Absence of Her As the crisp November breeze Drowns out the rest of October, The aching sadness Meanders in. At first, I attribute it To anxiety, To my fear of scarcity Rooted from fantasy nightmares Instead of reality. I want to blame it on The cold Or how nostalgic the Changing seasons Makes me feel. But as the days pass, And it becomes mid November, And the familiarity of this pain Settles into all the crevices of my heart, I know what this really is. My grief returns, Amused mildly at my assessment That it ever left. As the orange and yellow leaves Are more present crumbled on the ground Than dancing on the branches, I feel myself pulling inwards. In the absence of The lady in purple, The woman who always made me feel Like everything would be okay, I have created a life that I love. A life better than I ever Could have imagined. And yet, The absence of her, At times -- Many times, Still feels gaping, Still feels unjust, Still feels like I will never recover. In the absence of The lady in purple, I allow myself to see all The signs of hope and connection, Always craving another connection to her. As we barrel forwards, Approaching another holiday season, Another winter, Another year, The hole within me still feels gaping, Still feels empty, Still craving her love and comfort to fill it. ~Camila Martin

November is National Children's Grief Awareness Month and as part of the effort to raise awareness about children's grief, the National Alliance for Grieving Children (NAGC) invited people to write a letter to their younger grieving selves. In this mini-episode, we share two of those letters. One by Brennan Wood, the Executive Director of The Dougy Center, to her 12-year-old self. The second letter is a compilation of suggestions and advice for the staff at The Dougy Center. To learn more about the NAGC and their work to support grieving children, visit their site.

On a random Monday morning in the Bay Area of California, Beth Duckles realized too late that she was in the wrong lane of the highway. A lane that would take her across the Bay Bridge from Oakland to San Francisco. This unexpected trip across the bay bridge would alter Beth's life. Swerving to avoid a parked car, she watched a man walk to the edge of the bridge, climb onto the railing, and step off. She called 911 and somehow managed to drive across the bridge until she found a safe place to stop on the other side. In ways she couldn't imagine at the time, witnessing this man's death would become an experience that deeply connected her to long-standing family grief and her own mother's sudden death four years later. Check out Beth's powerful essay about this experience.

When someone dies, we often discover things about them we didn't know before. Those discoveries can range from mundane preferences like realizing your dad didn't love chocolate to huge revelations that alter your entire perspective on the person and the life you shared with them. What author Jan Canty discovered about her husband after he was murdered changed everything and left her shocked and angry. Now, 30 years after her husband's death, Jan is working on a book entitled Till Death We Did Part: A Memoir of Deception/Murder and Recovery. Ways to connect with Jan and find out more about her upcoming book: Facebook Website

What does transformation mean and how does it connect (or not) to grief? How can people make their way into everything that comes with this kind of loss and still keep track of themselves? Phelica Glass is a Licensed Specialist Clinical Social Worker in Topeka, Kansas. In her private psychotherapy practice, Phelica works with children, teens, adults, and families who are facing major life transitions, including grief. In this episode, we talk about : Grounding techniques for when the grief tide rolls in How therapy can help ease the anxiety that is often present in grief Transforming our relationship with the person who died Connect with Phelica: https://www.facebook.com/1PhelicaGlass/

As much as schools are places of learning, students don't leave their lives at the door when they enter the building. They bring their whole selves to the classroom, and for many, that includes grief. We talk with school social worker, Kate Sherwood, LCSW, about how to support students and the entire school community when grief shows up. Kate shares ideas for acknowledging grief, notifying the school community when a death occurs, and the power of bringing students together in their grief. For more information about Judi's House/JAG Institute's Childhood Bereavement Estimation Model (CBEM), check out their site.

In 1955 Jack was ten and living with his mother, who was raising him alone. She and Jack's father adopted him when he was a tiny infant, which meant she was the only mother he knew. Jack's mother and father got divorced when he was really young, so for the most part, she was also his only parent. One night, Jack's mother died suddenly and unexpectedly of a heart attack, leaving him not only in deep grief but unsure of where he would end up and who he would live with.

Halfway through her junior year of high school, Lily's father died suddenly of a heart attack. In shock and angry about everything that would be different in her life without her father, Lily was devastated. As she made her way into this new landscape of grief, Lily sought to fulfill her father's wish that she do what he didn't have the opportunity to do - graduate high school, attend college, and grow into the powerful whirlwind of a woman he raised her to be. Lily shares tangible suggestions for teachers, counselors, family, and friends on how to show up and support a teen in grief. Be sure to watch Lily's powerful documentary about her father.

Ryan's favorite person in the world is his older sister. Seven years ago he got one of those phone calls - the kind that changes your life forever. In that call, he found out his sister was dealing with an aggressive form of Multiple Sclerosis. Since then, he's learned a lot about how to be a support for his sister while also taking care of his own emotional, mental, and physical health. Ryan shares suggestions for what to ask (and not ask) when someone's family member is dealing with an illness and also what he's discovered about caring for someone while honoring their agency and independence.

Jana's dad's dad, Antonio DeCristofaro, died in 1963. She talks with her dad, Tony, about how his dad's death when he was 14 drastically changed the course of his life. This is the third in our series looking at how the approach to supporting grieving children has or hasn't changed over time. We'll be talking to people who had parents die in different decades, starting in the 1940's. We're hoping to discover how parents, kids, and other adults such as teachers and coaches reacted to children after a death. For more information on supporting grieving teens, check out our Tip Sheet.

This episode is part of a series looking at how the approach to supporting grieving children has or hasn't changed over time. We'll be talking to people who had parents die in different decades, starting in the 1940's. We're hoping to discover how parents, kids, and other adults such as teachers and coaches reacted to children after a death. Cathy was just 5 and a half when her mother died of suicide. While she knew her mother died, Cathy didn't fully understand what happened because the death wasn't clearly explained to her. As a teenager and into her early twenties, Cathy filled in the gaps of the story with new information. Information and that enabled her to make more sense of her mother's death and how the grief continues to be part of her life, 40 years later.

This is the first in a series on how the approach to supporting grieving children has or hasn't changed over time. We'll be talking to people who had parents die in different decades, starting in the 1940's. We're hoping to discover how parents, kids, and other adults such as teachers and coaches reacted to children after a death. Did they talk about it? Avoid them? Act like nothing had happened? We know that even today, in 2018, children are often shielded from the truth of someone dying and as a result, left out of the collective grieving process. Sometimes this happens because people think children are too young to understand and a lot of the time it's because it's really painful for parents and caregivers to be present with children's grief. Today's guest is Dean Conklin. Dean is one of two volunteers at our program for grieving children and families that started over 30 years ago. That translates into thousands of hours spent listening to and playing with children and teens facing the heartbreak of a parent or sibling's death. Dean came to this work like many volunteers, with his own story of loss. In 1945, when Dean was just 8 years old, his father died in a work accident.

Is it grief or typical child or teen behavior? Most parents and caregivers will have this questions at some point in their grieving child's life. Dr. Kitty Huffstutter, LCSW joins us to talk about ways parents and caregivers can best support their child's grief while also setting limits and responding to big behaviors. We explore the idea of a recovery environment, finding the right time and place to problem-solve, and the importance of identifying natural and formal supports for both caregivers and children. Parenting and grief can be extremely hard work and if you're seeking more support in the form of therapy or counseling, please reach out for resources. You can email us at [email protected] or contact your county's mental health program. If you or your child is experiencing a mental health crisis, please call 1-800-273-TALK (8255), or text HOME to 741741. To learn more about Dr. Daniel Siegel's work, check out his website.

In December of 2014, Eidan was a young professional moving up in her career as an engineer. In the last year and a half she'd gotten married, started a new job, and she and her wife Michelle were busy doing what they loved - going to live music, doting on their five animals, and spending time with friends and family. Then, on January 13th, 2015, everything changed. Eidan went for an MRI and before she made it back to her car, the doctor called and asked her to return to the hospital. They had seen a mass in her brain. The eventual diagnosis: a grade 3 astrocytoma wrapped around her brain stem. Three and a half years later, Eidan is living with cancer. We talk about what it's like to be a young adult with this diagnosis that has no cure and no definitive course. We also discuss how she and her wife are making decisions about finances and the intentional way they choose to spend time and energy. Eidan shares suggestions for supporting those dealing with a cancer diagnosis, including what questions to ask (and not ask) and ways to show up that really make a difference. The First Descents program we talk about provides life-changing outdoor adventures for young adults (18-39) impacted by cancer. Be sure to check them out!

When we are grieving there can be emotional hot spot days throughout the year. Some of these might be known quantities like a birthday or the anniversary of the death or diagnosis. Others are unexpected - random moments and days that catch you off guard and bring the grief into stark relief. How we approach these significant days can be as unique as we are. In this episode, we hear from a variety of people about how they navigate these days. It's not a recipe for how to do it the right way, because there is no right way, but just a variety of ideas and perspectives. Thank you to everyone who contributed to this episode!

Five years ago Sarah was 23, doing what a lot of 23-year-olds do - working, hanging out with friends, starting life as a "real" adult, and living at home with her mom and dad. Then on a totally average day in May, Sarah walked into the house to find that her mom had an aortic aneurysm. The paramedics came and she was rushed to the hospital where she died later that night. How do you go from being in one world - the world where your person is alive and washing dishes and folding laundry and calling your name down the hall - to another where this person no longer exists in their physical form? How do your brain and body and spirit even begin to make sense of that? Sarah talks about the extremely close relationship she had with her mother and how she worked to bridge this before and after world of grief.

Over the course of 6 weeks when she was just 24, both of Cynthia Whipple's parents died, leaving her reeling and without a sense of home or family. We talk about what it's like to be grieving in your early 20's, the ways grief influences parenting, and how this experience inspired Cynthia's determination to create her own family. Resources we mention in our conversation: Cynthia's essay on the site Option B. Cara Blevin's empowHER organization for grieving girls HBO's The Conversation - Stories That Matter Video conversation about mother loss.

Kara Jones is a practitioner working with grieving people and professionals supporting those in grief. She is also a heART maker, exploring creativity as an avenue for expanding our definitions of grief, meaning, and self-care. We talk about Kara's personal grief after the death of her son and how that experience opened the door to recognizing how access to care and support after a death is influenced and affected by so many factors including race, gender, class, geographic location, education level, and more. We discuss how important staying curious and aware are in working to acknowledge and address these inequities. Resources we reference in our conversation: Kara's site for those in grief Grief and Creativity Kara's site for professionals The Creative Grief Studio Madness & Creativity by Ann Belford Ulanov LGBTQ-Inclusive Hospice and Palliative Care: A Practical Guide to Transforming Professional Practice 1st Edition by Kimberly Acquaviva: Self-Care Sustenance (Includes link to Beyond Self-Care Bubble Baths: A Vision for Community Care by Abeni Jones) An earlier version of the equity illustration Later version with everyone on the team Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741 Warm Lines National Suicide Prevention Line: 1-800-273-8255

Heat Smith's mother, Jan, died of cancer almost 18 years ago. Heat, who was 25 at the time, became her mother's full-time caregiver. We talk about their intense and complex relationship, how Heat honors her mother's memory, and what it's been like to become a brand new parent without her mom.

How do we hold intense joy and deep sorrow at the same time? This was the question facing singer-songwriter Licity Collins as she celebrated finalizing the tracks for her debut album, One Girl Town, on the same day her mother died from Alzheimer's disease. Licity talks about the complex relationship she had with her mother and what it was like to chronicle her grief in real time as part of her Open Diary project. To learn more about Licity's music, her Open Diary project, and purchase her album, One Girl Town, visit her website.

How do our early experiences with attachment and primary attachment figures inform and influence our grief? With her signature combination of humor and insight, Pearl Waldorf, MA, joins us to talk about the ways in which grief shows up in her counseling office and how an understanding of attachment states can support people in grief. Pearl Waldorf, MA is an individual counselor in Portland, OR. To learn more about her practice, please visit Pearl Waldorf Counseling.

Who Died? was created by Aimee Craig to give voice to the memories of those we carry with us. Each episode is about one person's life and death as told by a loved one. Episode 5 is a conversation with Phyllis DeCristofaro about her father Filipo (Philip). More information at https://www.whodiedpodcast.com/

Just as she was on the verge of publishing her first book, Suzanne Anderson's husband died of suicide, tossing her into a very dark and difficult abyss. Her entire life was changed by this tragedy and she turned to the same self-care and support practices she taught as a writer, speaker, and leadership innovator. These practices enabled her to be present with each of the emotions and experiences connected to her grief. We talk about the shame and stigma associated with suicide and how she worked to dismantle both as she grieved her husband's death. To learn more about Suzanne's work and her book, The Way of the Mysterial Woman - Upgrading How You Live, Love and Lead, visit her website, Mysterial Woman.

Leslie Browning is a poet, publisher, novelist, and soon to be memoirist with the publication of her newest book, To Lose the Madness - Field Notes on Trauma, Loss and Radical Authenticity. Leslie is also a grieving mother, who miscarried twins in 2015. This loss served as a cracking open point, leading to months of struggle into and through childhood traumas, physical health crises, and mental illness. To Lose the Madness is a personal offering and a practice in radical authenticity - a willingness to speak out about what so often goes underground, and secreted away. To learn more about Leslie and her work, visit her website.

In Episode 4 of Who Died? host Aimee Craig talks with Brandi Maxell about her mother. Music written and performed by Lida Husik.

Megan Devine, writer, speaker, and grief advocate discusses her work to bring grief out of the whisper corner. We talk about how to talk about grief, the death positivity movement, Megan's book, It's OK That You're Not OK - Meeting Grief & Loss in a Culture that Doesn't Understand, and what she terms the grief revolution. Ways to connect with Megan that we reference in the episode: Article - Death Positivity in the Face of Grief on The Order of the Good Death website. (www.orderofthegooddeath.com/death-positivity-face-grief) Book - It's OK That You're Not OK - Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn't Understand (www.refugeingrief.com/book/) Website - Refuge in Grief (www.refugeingrief.com) Review of her book in The New York Times - Understanding Grief: Megan Devine and the Grief Revolution in Jane Brody's Wellness column at the New York Times. (www.nytimes.com/2018/01/24/learning/how-do-you-cope-with-grief.html) Music written and performed by Leila Chieko

What do schools need to consider when someone in their community dies of suicide? There are many decisions to make that require compassion and care. How will they share the news? What kinds of emotional support are needed? As a school, what are ways to remember and honor the person who died? Donna Schuurman, Ed.D., Senior Director of Advocacy & Training at The Dougy Center, shares ideas and suggestions for school administrators, teachers, and counselors faced with creating a supportive response plan when someone dies of suicide. For additional tips and suggestions for schools when someone dies, listen to Episode 35: After A Death - 5 Tips For Schools You can also read our Tip Sheets: Supporting Students After A Death - Tips For Teachers & School Personnel Supporting Children And Teens After A Suicide Death If you or someone you know is struggling with thoughts of suicide, please reach out for help. 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text Help to 741741 Music was written and performed by Leila Chieko.

When it comes to finding the right avenue of support in grief, it can be hard to sort through the options. How do you decide between a peer support group or individual, family, or group therapy? Our guest, Matt Modrcin, LCSW, specializes in individual, couples and family, and group psychotherapy. He has over 30 years experience as a clinician, educator, and trainer, he is a member of the American Family Therapy Academy and the National Association of Social Workers. He received both his M.S.W. and Ph.D. from the University of Kansas School of Social Welfare. Jana and Matt discuss similarities and differences between peer support and therapy and identify ways to decide which (or both) is the right fit when someone is grieving. Music written and performed by Leila Chieko and Doctor Turtle Doctor Turtle/"Which That Is This?" From the Free Music Archive CC BY http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Doctor_Turtle/Jonahs_Message_for_New_York/Which_That_Is_This

Who Died? was created by Aimee Craig to give voice to the memories of those we carry with us. Each episode is about one person's life and death as told by a loved one. Episode 3 is a conversation with Lida Husik about her mother, Selma. More information at https://www.whodiedpodcast.com/

Some people are private in their grief, some are more public, and some put their grief onto large public murals. Artist Max Collins joins us to talk about his powerful work creating murals for and with people in grief. Max is collaborating with this year's Celebrate Silas, a family-friendly, non-competitive 5k run/walk in Portland, OR (Sunday, 3.4.18) started by Jodie Brauer in honor of her baby Silas who died a week after his first birthday. Max is collaborating with Jodie and Celebrate Silas to help participants create their own mural of a loved one who has died. Max and I also explore east coast vs. west coast grief and discuss if there really are any differences. To learn more about Celebrate Silas and Max's mural project visit their site. (www.celebratesilas.com) To register for the walk visit The Dougy Center. To contact Jodie - [email protected] To connect with Max and learn more about his work: [email protected] maxcollins.net Music: "Which That Is This?" by Doctor Turtle From the Free Music Archive CC BY http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Doctor_Turtle/Jonahs_Message_for_New_York/Which_That_Is_This Music: "I Thought of Pills" by Lee Rosevere From the Free Music Archive CC BY http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lee_Rosevere/The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score/Lee_Rosevere_-_The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score_-_07_I_Thought_Of_Pills

Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence, Pathways Program Coordinator at The Dougy Center, joins us to talk about creating legacies when someone is dying. What is a legacy? What memories do children and teens value most? What prevents families from engaging in legacy activities? What can supportive friends and family do to help create these legacies? We explore these questions and share suggestions that can apply to anyone who wants to capture memories and experiences with those they love. For more suggestions, please visit: legacyproject.org thelegacycenter.net ethicalwill.com Previous episodes with Rebecca Hobbs-Lawrence: Grief and the Holidays Grieving the Death of a Sibling Grief and Developmental Disabilities Music: "Which That Is This?" by Doctor Turtle From the Free Music Archive CC BY http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Doctor_Turtle/Jonahs_Message_for_New_York/Which_That_Is_This Music: "I Thought of Pills" by Lee Rosevere From the Free Music Archive CC BY http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lee_Rosevere/The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score/Lee_Rosevere_-_The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score_-_07_I_Thought_Of_Pills

Who Died? was created by Aimee Craig to give voice to the memories of those we carry with us. Each episode is about one person's life and death as told by a loved one. Today's conversation is with Karol Collymore about her mother, Julia. More information at https://www.whodiedpodcast.com/

Sue Klebold is the mother of Dylan Klebold, one of the two shooters at Columbine High School who, in 1999, killed twelve students and a teacher, and wounded more than 20 others before taking their own lives. In our conversation with we explore how current day mass tragedies continue to affect her. We also look at how tragedies like Columbine occur - and how someone's thinking can become suicidal and homicidal. Before publishing her book, A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the Aftermath of Tragedy, Sue spent 15 years excavating every detail of her family life, and trying to understand the crucial intersection between mental health problems and violence. Instead of becoming paralyzed by her grief and remorse, she worked to advance mental health awareness. Sue is donating all author's profits from her book to organizations that promote brain health and prevent suicide. Resources mentioned in this episode: Sue's TED Talk, My son was a Columbine shooter. This is my story. https://www.ted.com/talks/sue_klebold_my_son_was_a_columbine_shooter_this_is_my_story Sue's Book, A Mother's Reckoning: Living in the aftermath of Tragedy http://amothersreckoning.com/ If you or someone you know needs help, please contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) Music: "Which That Is This?" by Doctor Turtle From the Free Music Archive CC BY http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Doctor_Turtle/Jonahs_Message_for_New_York/Which_That_Is_This Music: "I Thought of Pills" by Lee Rosevere From the Free Music Archive CC BY http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Lee_Rosevere/The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score/Lee_Rosevere_-_The_Big_Loop_-_FML_original_podcast_score_-_07_I_Thought_Of_Pills

Kimberly Warner's father died in a car accident just before she graduated from high school. Two decades later, a DNA test revealed he wasn't her biological father. Eager to understand more about the mystery of her beginnings, she began a search for her biological father, only to find out he disappeared in a sailing accident when she was ten years old. Unfolding this part of Kimberly's history continues to be a complex and poignant adventure of self-discovery, threading together universal themes of identity, belonging, family secrets and the strange, unconscious pull of DNA that encourages us into our fullest expression. The song featured in this episode, Have You Seen, was written and performed by her biological father, Charles Brauer, on his 1982 album, Home & Away. To learn more about Kimberly's photo series, short films, and amazing collection of felted artwork, UV Rex Series (which she created during an intense period of recuperation following her bike accident), visit www.kimberlywarner.com. Kimberly would like to devote this podcast to her mom, whose integrity, love and commitment to truth have been nurturing and shaping Kimberly since her conception.

One aspect of grief that rarely gets mentioned is losing someone twice- once in a life-altering circumstance and again when they die. This feeling can arise from a variety of circumstances including substance abuse, mental illness, the personality changes related to a physical illness, or other situation where there is a radical change in a relationship long before someone dies. For people left behind, this can add a complexity in understanding their feelings of grief. Our guest Caraline's older brother Bobby died of mental illness in 2016, 10 years after being diagnosed with schizophrenia. Six months after Bobby's death, Caraline had an epiphany. She realized she never dealt with her feelings of grief surrounding his diagnosis. A realization that would serve as a major turning point in her grief. To learn more about NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) visit: www.nami.org.

After someone dies, we rarely get the chance to talk about how they lived because any conversation about them tends to focus on how they died or on how we are doing in our grief. The lack of opportunity to talk about our people - who they were, what they loved, how they influenced us - is what inspired Aimee Craig to create a new (amazing) podcast called Who Died? Grief Out Loud is guest hosting Aimee's podcast as it builds an audience - which we know won't take long at all! We'll be interspersing Who Died? episodes with our regular content and hope to post one each month. Who Died's first episode is a conversation with Doug Wells whose wife Neeley died in 2015. To learn more about Who Died? check out their site. https://www.whodiedpodcast.com/

What do big behaviors look like when a child is grieving? How do we best support them in these big behaviors and the corresponding big feelings? Heather Dorfman, Dougy Center staff member, joins us to talk about creating safety and connection in the midst of this swirl of feelings and behaviors. For more tips and suggestions, check out these previous episodes: E038: What helps when you're grieving - ideas for body, mind, and spirit E045: Supporting grieving kids with mindfulness - tips for teachers and parents

When it comes to grief support for teens, SLAP'D (Surviving Life After a Parent Dies) is a unique online community where teens get support and ideas. directly from other teens, about how to cope with the death of a parent. Our guest, Asher Liu, is SLAP'D's (Surviving Life After a Parent Dies) current Teen Board Chair. Asher, whose father died in 2012, talks about what inspired his sister, Genevieve, to start SLAP'D (Surviving Life After a Parent Dies) and how being involved with the organization has changed his grief. He also shares suggestions for other teens who are new to grief. To learn more about SLAP'D (Surviving Life After a Parent Dies) and find ways to be part of the community, check out their website. (www.slapd.com)

Interacting with others while grieving can be wildly confusing and tricky. You've probably been there. You run into someone you haven't seen in a long time, likely in a public spot, and this someone doesn't know the person in your life died. Maybe they ask an innocuous, "How are you?" or more specifically, "How's your mom, dad, husband, wife, partner, sibling, or friend… doing?" On the spot, you're charged with either telling this person that your person died or faking a sudden and urgent task - maybe yelling out a "Hi! Sorry, I forgot I left my keys in the car. Bye!" In this episode, we talk with Caitlin Sweeney about these potentially awkward social interactions in the midst of grief. Caitlin's mom died of a pulmonary embolism in November of 2015. Caitlin is the youngest of two and until recently, lived in the same town as her older sister and father. Just a note of acknowledgment that this episode is not meant to shame anyone who's found themselves voicing platitudes in the face of grief. Platitudes are what we've been socialized to say and in a moment when we don't know what else to say, they tend to jump out of our mouths.