Goonie’s World

After descending deep into a fungal-lit crevice, Henrietta, Archibald, and Cyrus discover the hard way that they are not alone on Luna. Also answered is the fate of the Russian explorer Vladimir Tereshkova. Imprisoned, the team must find a way to escape, and with the help of a rebellious local, overthrow a mad tyrant. Only then can they even hope of making it back to Earth.

An eccentric American inventor, Cyrus Grant, recruits a British physician and explorer, Archibald Riley, and a fellow Englander, Detective Henrietta Honey, to accompany him on an expedition to the moon. Meeting in Tombstone, Arizona, the American assuages the concerns of the Brits, and without wasting any time, they take to the sky using Cyrus’ newfangled propeller, soon plunging into the ether. Everything goes fine as they reach the surface of the moon, but in a split second, everything changes.

Springing into the air, Squirg, Jubal, and Mae Mae make it to the top of the skinny butte in the Busted Lands, where the anchorite is said to live. The man they meet, however, is not who they expected, but he does offer help. With a magical cube, the three hearthlings seemingly have the power to teleport anywhere they wish, which takes them all the way to the heart of the hobgoth citadel as well as the beaches of the Sea of Gas. It’s there, deep under the center of the sea, that they must test their mettle and finish out their mission.

Entering the town of Sour Hull, Squirg and Jubal’s first stop is to a tavern for a hot meal and important info, particularly concerning the anchorite they’d heard about from the town’s refugees. Next, they patronize the shop next door, where spells are exchanged, and soon after, finally find out what’s in Zar Narwal’s box. This leads to a confrontation with hobgoths who have overtaken the town, and a new spell comes in handy just when the adventurers need it most.

After Jubal receives a fitting punishment for failing to control his curiosity, he and Squirg are provided a wagon powered by a wind elemental and sent on their way with an enigmatic box to be dumped in the Sea of Gas. Eventually the road takes them out of the Neon Forest, though different regions, and into a dark tunnel. Blocking their way to the other side is a giant pit, but even more troublesome is the creature that lives in the pit.

In the world of Dearth, refugees Squirg Fallowshins and Jubal Tryx are fleeing their homeland and traveling south under the dying red sun to the city of Serus Arx. Along the road, they encounter odd peddlers and a vicious monster from underground. A fierce battle ensues, and the victors continue on their way, only to be accosted by more monsters, even nastier than the last. Injured and outnumbered, the adventurers retreat to the home of the wizard Zar Narwal, who promptly gives them a mysterious yet lucrative new quest.

Finally, the moment arrives for the master criminals to steal the statue of Viracocha from the museum during the wine and cheese event. Disguised as a security guard, Fingers enters the basement to begin cracking the vault but must first deal with the real security. Meanwhile, Flow causes a distraction upstairs, and Funeral spots the presence of a law enforcement. Before long, plans give way to pandemonium, and desperation turns to doom. The Incan god has one last surprise in store.

After scoring some snow, the heisters arrive at the Jupiter Springs Museum of Art for some reconnaissance, each inspecting a separate room. Fingers strives to impregnate a patron, while Flow bothers a security guard, and Funeral locates the stairs to the basement. They meet back up with new info and new ideas.

In the 1980s, three strangers meet at a restaurant in Jupiter Springs, California to hear a job proposal. Over crepes, they’re offered a caper (creper?) to steal a golden statue of the Incan god Viracocha from a local art museum. For Tony “Fingers” Farconi, Giuseppe “Funeral” Funari, and Kai “Flow” Filipowski, the money is too good to pass up. They start their preparations by visiting the Recorder of Deeds office to gather intel on the museum and its security. After causing an incident, they head to the mall for new outfits, giant cookies, and hair feathering.

A meeting with one of the missing hotel guests provides the superheroes with the answers they’ve been searching for and motivates them to infiltrate Bane Industries to stop an evil plot. In a restricted lab deep underground, they must pull off a rescue, succeed in a super-powered struggle, and escape with their lives before time runs out.

Inspector Specter and Honey Badger begin their investigation into the incident at the fundraiser and uncover mysterious evidence inside of two hotel rooms. Digging deeper, they discover the concierge has a guilty secret. With new information, the superheroes follow the clues, ultimately leading them into the Dragon’s Den.

Superheroes Honey Badger and Inspector Specter are attending a fundraiser at the Regency Hotel in Cape City when all hell breaks loose. Unknown supervillains are carrying off a guest while gunmen open fire into the crowd. After the fight, a senator has a sensitive job for the duo. [OPTIONAL: Everyone is John 1-2]

Travelling with the Flat-Faced People, the two Real People take part in a ritual and drink a sacred tea. Ghaagalk feels the love, while Doof has his mind greatly expanded. Afterwards, they’re taken to meet with a wise leader known as the Plungar. He presents them with an unexpected gift and tells them the location of the sky metal, a land inhabited by giants.

After a battle with the Hairy People, Doof and Ghaagalk enter the wide-open plain as they continue south on their quest for the sky metal, risking their lives against stampeding herds and stalking predators. Just when they think death is an eventuality, help arrives, but it looks and sounds like nothing they’ve encountered before.

When a fireball is seen streaking over their village, misfits Doof and Ghaagalk are ordered by their clan’s grandfather to search the forest and fetch an owl pellet, which will be used for divination. Successful, the two return home and are then, to the surprise of all, given a much more important and perilous quest: retrieve the precious sky metal.

A falconer, Addison Cooper, and a jester, Gregory Blake, are sent by their master, Lord Salisbury, to attend a Yuletide feast at the castle of his rival, Lord DeCoucey of Kent. Also in attendance will be King Richard II and his sister, Princess Mary, whom Salisbury and DeCoucey both hope to wed. Their orders are to embarrass DeCoucey in front of the princess and everyone, thereby eliminating the competition. The method of humiliation is left entirely up to their own creativity, and there’s a great reward if they should succeed.

Believing that his beloved captain may be dead, Dweich rests onboard Dick Starhopper’s ship, the Quantum Piledriver, until he meets Dick’s wife who attempts to seduce him under false pretenses. Eventually, Dick reveals his true intentions, and things grow tense. Just in the nick of time, the AstroGlide finally catches up, and Buck mounts an attack.

After passing out from a surprise gas attack, Dweich wakes up imprisoned in Black Soul Patch’s secret base, and Buck finds himself back on his own ship. While Buck and Flurf rush to Dweich’s rescue, they have no idea that they may, once again, be headed into a devious trap. However, what BSP doesn’t know is that Buck isn’t the only man coming for Dweich, and he’s got his own entirely different plans.

Captain Buck Goodsense and First Mate Dweich Stevens, joined by furry alien Flurf, stop at a space station for some R&R when they receive a call concerning a derelict mining ship that could be carrying valuable cargo from a nearby asteroid. Since their names were specifically requested, the space adventurers wonder if they're being lured into a trap. Ultimately, they decide there’s only one way to find out. [OPTIONAL: Lasers & Feelings #1-3]

Arkham, Massachusetts. 1920s. Reporter Rachel Hemingway is released from a yearlong committal at the sanitarium into the care of her companions, flapper Margo Macey and P.I. Saul Moran. While there, they are approached by a woman who claims that her great uncle, an archaeologist named Dr. van Horn, has also been committed yet is actually sane. After speaking with the doctor in his cell, they agree to retrieve an artifact from his house that he says is connected to an ancient cannibalistic religion. As luck would have it, they’re not the only visitors to come by the house that night. [OPTIONAL: Call of Cthulhu (Halloween Special) #1]

Dressed as a washerwoman, Petey pushes a laundry cart concealing Nick into the fort, attempting to avoid suspicion from the guards while searching for Two Toes. Finally, after some challenges, their pirate partner is unchained, but the trio must scheme and swashbuckle their way out. Little do they know that even if they escape the garrison, their lives may already be doomed along with Port Royal.

With Nick as the captain, the pirates set sail for Jamaica, and Petey gets his first taste of rum. Not soon after, another ship is spotted off the starboard side, and the pirates do what they do best, resulting in a fierce maritime melee. Eventually, they put in at Port Royal and promptly split up, each independently gathering intelligence on the whereabouts of their captured mate.

After a devastating shipwreck, two 17th century English pirates, Nicholas Nibble and Petey Tweed, cling to debris in the shark infested Caribbean Sea, separated from their friend and fellow pirate “Two Toes” Ramsey. Before long, they float up to the rocky shores of an unknown island, where they quickly discover they are not alone.

The sleepyheads wake up and continue to move from one strange room to the next until they ultimately find themselves staring at a sphere swirling with blue smoke, overseen by statues of Elven warriors. Suspecting the sphere may be the heart of the tower’s power, the heroes decide to shatter it and face the chaotic consequences.

After a skirmish with scarabs, the party is transported to another room of the tower where they must survive encounters with a fungus and a flute. The way out leaves them separated, with T-Gunn under the influence of a powerful sleeping spell and the others fighting venomous snakes. Dirk and Randolfus eventually join the Dwarf and give in to a deep drowsiness but not before startling secrets are shared which could forever alter the relationships of the party.

Having caught a Skinchanger literally red-handed, the do-gooders have a close-quarters quarrel, and afterwards, start a campfire. At last, the night of the full moon arrives and with it the fully materialized tower, a blue portal welcoming them in. The interior presents more portals and more peril.

Accompanying Inquisitor Randolfus to the tiny village of Carbuncle, Dirk Buckleheight and T-Gunn Stormstone help investigate suspicious goings-on involving a forbidding tower that only seems to show up during the full moon. Upon meeting the villagers, it becomes evident that the tower is not the only thing strange about Carbuncle. [OPTIONAL: Shadow of the Demon Lord 1-10]

Having been drawn in by chanting, the adventurers, including a newly remodeled Dwarf, secretly observe the celebratory aftermath of a successful cult ritual that ended with a man, presumably Pentachus Katandramus, vanishing. A much less successful scheme by Rusty leads to a battle with the cultists and then with something even worse. In the end, the party’s decision not to run away proves explosively fateful. [PREREQUISITE: Shadow of the Demon Lord 7-9] [OPTIONAL: Shadow of the Demon Lord 1-6]

After following through with their plan to dupe Shark McGee, Jimmy and Bobby proceed to the Bellerive Hotel where, according to Luigi, a ledger is stashed that can bring down Giovanni Salerno. Everything goes terribly awry, however, resulting in a gunfight, a car chase, and a fall.

Jimmy and Bobby prepare to whack Luigi inside his home while dealing with the pleas and procrastinations from him and his wife, along with the persistent cries of their baby. Before they leave, irrevocable decisions are made and true identities are revealed.

In 1930s Kansas City, union pipefitters Jimmy Carano and Bobby Marbles finish up a day of work in their other job -- persuading reluctant business owners to accept slot machines -- and are rewarded with yet another career opportunity: painting houses. A man named Luigi Vega has incurred the wrath of their boss, and he is to be “taken care of” as soon as possible.

After calming a riled up mob intent on killing Indians, Seamus and Barnaby are informed of a nearby encampment of outlaws. Newly deputized, they ride out at first light alongside future legends Wyatt Earp and Bat Masterson. A good old-fashioned shootout ensues, and not everyone rides back.

Waking up early, Seamus and “Uncle Sam” get in a final round of Q&A with the saloon-goers before getting the hell out of Dodge and heading north. What they find solves some mysteries but only deepens others. The searchers return after dusk as the bearers of bad news and bad arrowheads.

Barnaby Baxter and Seamus O’Shaugnessy, two drifters escaping their pasts, are headed out west in the 1870s when they come to a notorious city on the high plains. In the lively saloon, they confabulate with the barkeep and diversified patrons, discovering there’s no shortage of folk searching for other folk and decent rewards for those who’re able to find them.

After descending into the lava-lit depths beneath the Heap, the heroes find themselves staring into the many evil eyes of the Eye Tyrant. Will they perish or will they triumph, locate the lost ring, and make the treacherous trek back to the Amber Princess to partake in a fairytale wedding? Either way, this tale must end, thus concluding an unforgettable night of tabletop gaming for Chip, Dickey, and Plunger. Now on to the movie!

After departing the Castle of the Amber Princess, the valiant adventurers travel straight to the Heap on the Borderlands, hoping to find the ring whose possessor the Gelf promises to marry. At the heap’s base, they dare enter the dreaded Maze of Chaos.

Our heroes, Wendyl Woolbeard and Mÿke Tÿsen (and Silas Seeker), continue their perilous journey across the ensorcelled land, encountering the strange old hermit the Trog had mentioned, as well as foul beasts in the woods and waters. After a fork in the road, the travelers soon find themselves face-to-face with pure wickedness.

In the loft of a detached garage, three boys settle in for an epic night of fantasy roleplaying and fluff tasting. Join Plunger as the Gamemaster and Shadow Specialist, Dickey Newton as the Element Master, and Chip Estrada as the Pugilist while they navigate their courageous characters through a realm of magic and menace to find an infamous heap on the borderlands. [NOTE: A familiarity with the characters from our Kids on Bikes episodes is probably necessary to fully enjoy this series.]

Niles and Vinny go from spies to Spartaci as they engage in gladiatorial combat in a makeshift rooftop arena nine stories over the bay, jeopardizing their mission and their mortal lives. Are you not entertained?

Under the aliases of Dorian DeLorean and Jean-Pierre Rousseau, the spies attend the art auction and hobnob with various scum and villainy until they’re finally introduced to Diamondface himself, who seems very interested in their forged painting. When the opportunity arises, they do some snooping and uncover a surprise.

Washington, D.C. 1980s. Veteran secret agent Niles Thorpe is paired with younger rookie spy Vinny Rigatoni. Their mission: infiltrate an illegal auction of stolen art in Macau, China and appropriate a computer disk from the auctioneer, South African art dealer Diamondface, which contains Swiss bank accounts linked to code names. [Optional: The Spy Game 1-3]

After battling a giant mutant, Tegan, Dirk, and Rusty continue to explore the house in Purse, encountering more monsters and mysteries. Crunching too many crystals, Tegan involuntarily gains some new body modifications. Moments later, eerie chants draw the party’s attention, daring them to investigate.

After returning from the shrine, the three adventurers meet up at the Fallen Solider tavern where they hear rumors about the neighborhood of Purse and its walking dead problem. From a guard at the entrance, they learn about an outbreak of a deadly disease. With some persuasion, they are allowed through the quarantine and head straight for a house where an explosion is said to have started the whole thing.

Two short-statured adventurers, Dirk Buckleheight and Tegan Stormstone, enter a shrine hidden in the forest that reportedly houses magical gemstones. After narrowly escaping death, they eventually come upon a strange, inanimate clockwork and decide to wind it up. Together, they attempt to explore the rest of the shrine, discovering its many wonders and horrors. [NOTE: New listeners can start here if they wish. The previous SotDL episodes are optional.]

With their notoriety on the rise, O.K. Boomer, Bloody Dickey, and M.G. head to Las Vegas armed and incognito. There, they must find a way north to Area 51 where, if everything goes according to plan, a time machine will send them back to the 1980s. But everything doesn’t go according to plan. Sacrifices are made, heroes are chosen, and nothing will ever be the same.

After putting their trust in Mr. Boomer, the rebels travel by train to San Francisco where a contact awaits with details on how to save the world. To their surprise, the contact is a familiar face they haven’t seen in many years.

In a dark future, Dickey Newton and M.G. (aka Merlyn Grubb, aka Plunger) work at a marshmallow fluff factory serving Earth’s addicted alien overlords. After being appointed a new supervisor named Mr. Boomer, they soon discover the old man is not exactly who they thought he was. Suddenly, they’re presented with an opportunity to hypothetically make the world right again, but it won’t be easy. [PREREQUISITE: Kids on Bikes 1-6] [OPTIONAL: Fudge (Hard Time in Hardgate) 1-6]

Just when it seemed like everything was going their way, fate reverses course for Jorge, Merle, and Johnny, as the conspirators suddenly face the possibility that they won't get what they want. It all comes down to one day in late November, and oh, what a day it is.

Fate has brought together a Cuban exile, police officer, and nightclub owner who find they have more in common than they thought. What starts as a conspiracy to make some money soon escalates into something much more ambitious.

The moment has finally arrived for the former Night Rangers to make their great escape, but before they can, Duke must deal with Enzo who stands between him and the Bean Machine’s radio, while Frank is tasked with retrieving Stroker amid a deadly pudding riot. But breaking out is only the beginning, and many more obstacles will surely await them as they hightail it to Jupiter Springs with Melvin Grubb’s secret message.