Get Your Marriage On! with Dan Purcell

How does your current marriage dynamic help or hinder intimacy? Are you good at expressing your desires within your marriage? How does growing into your best version of yourself translate into a deeper connection with your spouse? And how can these things contribute to really good sexual experiences? These are the questions I've had on my mind as I reached out to Eric and Kate MacDougall, founders of Evolved Marriage. They're marriage and relationship coaches, and I hope you learn as much as I did from this conversation.

Talking about sex with your spouse is not easy for most of us. Whether it's about preferences, desire level differences, pornography use, physical difficulties, or a number of issues, many of us find it easier to just resent our spouse rather than see the situation honestly as it is and take responsibility for our role in the matter. I enjoyed this interview with Amanda Ammons. You'll get to hear us discuss practical and helpful strategies on how to discuss sexual issues with your spouse and how to design the kind of sex life you want for yourself and for your marriage. You can learn more about Amanda and her work by clicking here.

What if your spouse isn't enthusiastic about the same things you are? I get this question often. Specifically, what to do if your spouse isn't on board with your desires sexually. I have five thoughts about this that I want to share. There is much more that can be discussed here, as every person's situation is complex, but I hope some of these ideas can help!

This is episode #69, and in honor of everyone's favorite two-digit sexy number, I thought we'd have some fun and do an episode all about oral sex! The best sex is intimate sex, and if you have the right mindset, oral sex can be very intimate, leading to deep connection and relationship satisfaction. There's something very intimate about opening your heart and letting yourself be known to your special someone in this way. From a practical standpoint, oral sex is also very pleasurable, which we'll talk about. As Dr. Ian Kerner, an American sex educator, once said, "When it comes to pleasuring a woman, the tongue is mightier than the sword" (and you can probably guess what the sword is). My friend Amanda Louder returned to join me in this fun discussion today. If you're not familiar with Amanda, she's a certified life coach and coaches women on embracing their sexuality as a part of their wholeness. She's also the host of the Sex For Saints podcast.

The thing that stood out to me the most in this interview you're about to hear is how important it is to focus on being our best selves if we want to fix our marriage. Also how important it is to shed our egos. And when we married, we signed up to love our spouse: meaning, to be their champion and cheerleader, not their critic. Laura Doyle is The New York Times best-selling author of several books, including The Empowered Wife. She's also the star of the Amazon Prime series Empowered Wives. Her books have been translated into 19 languages and published in 30 countries. Over 15,000 women credit her with not only saving their relationships but also showing them how to become desired, cherished, and adored for life. She is the founder of Laura Doyle Connect, an international relationship coaching company that teaches women the intimacy skills they need to have passionate, peaceful relationships. Laura lives in Newport Beach, California with her hilarious husband John Doyle, who has been dressing himself since before she was born. They have been married for over 30 years. Resources: Laura Doyle's Website: https://lauradoyle.org/

Passionate marriages require a healthy tension between two forces that paradoxically are at odds with one another: Security which is love and intimacy and Growth which is desire, autonomy, and adventure. In this episode, I had the privilege of interviewing Alana and Paris from the Kingdom Sexuality Podcast. We discussed how one can navigate love and desire in marriage and cultivate more desire & erotic energy in your relationship. Alana and Paris have a cool story. They were friends as youth, attended the same church, but each moved away, married, and started a family of their own. About the same time, each of them felt impressed to start a ministry around helping others understand God's design for sex and intimacy. Alana and Paris reconnected and are now best friends, sharing their message of faith and hope. And that's how their podcast Kingdom Sexuality came to be!

Part of being an adult is unlearning the things that no longer serve you, and learning new things that bring richer meaning to your life. When it comes to sex, there's a lot that isn't helpful that we can unlearn, and a lot we can learn to bring deeper meaning and joy to our most important intimate relationships. I had the pleasure of interviewing Cami Hurst, a talented and passionate certified sex therapist out of Boise Idaho. We talk about how to make sex more "nutritious" and "gourmet" for the couple, why motives (or the why) around improving one's sex life are more important than the "what", and what to do when your spouse has different sexual preferences than you do.

A few years ago, I was sitting around a campfire with other dads, hearing their stories of exciting trips and getaways they've been on with their wives. I was depressed, thinking, "woe is me!" With 6 young kids, and on a budget, all I could think of was reasons why I would never be able to enjoy that kind of an experience. Fast forward six months later, I was sitting on a beautiful beach in Florida with my wife, just the two of us, enjoying one of the most intimate and romantic moments of our marriage up until that point. We had experienced a miracle in our marriage. Miracles happen, and 2022 can be the year you experience more of them in your life. One of the most often-repeated themes in the New Testament is "ask and ye shall receive." In one way or another, that theme is expressed 100 times! God is a giver of good gifts. He wants to bless us with good things and experiences that give us growth, joy, and hope. We invite God to help us by identifying clearly our goals, creating a vision, asking, and living with gratitude for everything we receive, both the good and the bad. It's up to us to desire, ask, work for, and be grateful for the kind of marriage we want. You can have a smoking hot sex life as you put this process to work in your life.

The quickest way to improve your relationship with your spouse is to first work on yourself. However, working on ourselves can be hard. Participating in a high-quality group coaching program can often be just the thing to get you going in the right direction. Last week we shared an inspiring story from Mark and Mindy. This week I have two inspiring guests, Tom and Jeff. Tom and Jeff were part of the last cohort for my Men's Intimacy & Desire coaching program. Both Tom and Jeff are successful in their careers and have seen quite a bit of success in their marriages too. In this interview, I ask them what they learned from the coaching program they wish to share with others. My biggest hope is everyone that who listens to this episode walks away inspired, filled with hope. I love this interview because Tom and Jeff are real, raw, and unabashed in sharing the transformation they experienced over the last three weeks. In case you're interested, the next cohort for my coaching program starts on January 19, 2022. There are only a dozen seats available and as of this recording, several have been taken. You'll find the details on my website at getyourmarriageon.com

In today's podcast, you'll have the privilege of meeting one of my favorite couples on the planet, Mark and his wife Mindy! Mark was in my most recent Men's coaching cohort. Six months ago Mark and Mindy were on the brink of divorce after 25 years of marriage. However, they have worked really hard and with God's help, and a little bit of effective coaching, they had grown a lot in a short time. I'm excited for you to hear their story! If you're interested, the next cohort for my coaching program starts on January 19th, 2022. There are only a dozen seats available and as of this recording, several have been taken. You'll find the details on my website at getyourmarriageon.com

I hope you've enjoyed the slight change of pace over the last couple of episodes. Rather than interviewing professionals, I want to share stories from real ordinary couples about how they've transformed their marriages into something extraordinary. Their stories are real, raw, vulnerable, and inspiring. This is our third and final "Sextimony" episode in our three-part Sextimony series, where we're sharing stories from ordinary couples about how they've transformed their marriages and found great joy and connection from a satisfying sex life. Maegan and her husband Sam have been married for over 10 years. You'll get to hear Maegan's inspiring story of overcoming unwanted pornography use, how a disappointing honeymoon lead to her speaking up more for her desires, how oral sex has helped her connect with her husband and led her to be more adventurous and confident, how honest improvement in her sex life has led her to a stronger faith in God, and how being playful in the bedroom leads to great sex. *Please Note: Starting Friday, December 31st our podcasts will be released on Friday mornings.

I've personally gained a lot from courageous couples opening up to me, in appropriate ways, how they've found deeper connection and joy in their sex lives. I want to share stories from real ordinary couples about how they've transformed their marriages into something extraordinary. Their stories are real, raw, vulnerable, and inspiring. These four couples talk about mindset shifts that lead them to better sex. We'll call this a "Sextimony" series! This is our second installment in our four-part Sextimony series. Our guests today are Faith and Brennan West. They're such a great couple, as you'll soon find out :) I'm grateful they've been willing to share their story of overcoming the baby blues, gaining confidence in the bedroom, how the Intimately Us app helped them find excitement and connection in the bedroom, and how they're better connected to each other.

I'd like to be part of changing the stigma around talking about elevating sex in marriage. I've personally gained a lot from courageous couples opening up to me, in an appropriate way, how they've found deeper connection and joy in their sex lives. So far in this podcast, we've generally interviewed experts in marriage or sex-related careers to one degree or another. I want to switch gears for the next three episodes. Rather than learn from professionals, I want to share stories from real ordinary couples about how they've transformed their marriages into something extraordinary. Their stories are real, raw, vulnerable, and inspiring. These three couples talk about mindset shifts that lead them to better sex. We'll call this a "Sextimony" series! Our first "Sextimony" is from Sharon Williams. She talks about shifts that helped her realize she can be in charge of her pleasure and how it's changed sex from a chore to something she absolutely looks forward to. Be sure to read her award winning essay called "Bridging the Orgasm Gap" which captures her journey of learning how to get what she wants in the bedroom. Since our interview, I read her free downloadable ebook called "10 Tips for Bridging Your Orgasm Gap" and can recommend it to you too. You can find both on her website.

We communicate a lot about who we are and how we feel about our spouse by the way we engage (or avoid) sex. Intimacy is about a willingness to let ourselves known, and that can be scary sometimes. If you're new around here, welcome! We are thrilled to have you. My wife and I hosted a couple's retreat in beautiful St. George Utah! It was in the mountains, with a lake, and each couple had their own private cabin or stayed at a nearby hotel. Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife was the instructor and she did phenomenally! She taught us for all three days. I took pages of notes and learned so many things that I'm working to apply in my marriage. I wanted to share a few things with you today.

Ok, I'm just… really curious. I have a ton of questions about sex toys. Teresa and Blair are the owners of the website, Romantic Blessings, and were gracious to have a frank conversation with me about vibrators and sex toys. I've had this view that sex toys were dirty, bad, and all about solo masturbation. I had this stigma that they were unsavory. But I'm learning they can be a great addition to you and your partner's sexual experience. In the right context, they can add to the bonding and intimacy that makes sex fulfilling. Toys can also add novelty, which is really important for long-term relationships: they can make sex a whole lot of fun, feel new gain, be exciting, and of course pleasurable too. I hope this episode gives you some helpful info -- whether you're new to toys or experienced, I hope the information shared helps. With Christmas coming up, perhaps you'll want to try some new things after listening. Visit Romantic Blessings and use our code for 15% off! Code: GYMO15

I've heard it said that issues relating to money are the second leading cause of divorce in America. Although we focus a lot on sexual intimacy on this podcast, with Christmas and the financial stress it brings to marriages right around the corner, I thought addressing how to get on the same page with your spouse regarding money would be a good topic to address. And that's when I found Ashlee Binderim on Instagram. Ashlee and her husband Dave started their marriage with over $225,000 in debt. They were both working part-time, going to college full time, and barely making ends meet. After years of struggling, they finally figured out how to link arms and tackle financial goals together. Current debt payoff: $162,000 to date! Now, she's a certified financial coach and on a mission to help other couples reach their goals by getting on the same page with their finances so they can set up a secure future. To learn more from Ashlee visit her website Beyond Millions.

Do you or your spouse live apart for part of the time? How do you keep your marriage strong when you may not see each other every day? And can distance really make the heart grow fonder? If you're wondering these things too, you're going to love this episode. Roughly 4 million American couples live apart for some of the time, whether for military, pilots, artists, traveling salespeople, medical professionals, or for other reasons. Elaine, a licensed marriage & family therapist, and her husband Abe, found themselves in a commuter marriage through some unique circumstances. They help other couples in similar situations maintain a strong relationship while apart. They are the co-host of the "Love Is In The Air" podcast (featuring an airplane as their logo -- get it?). Together they have 5 children.

About 1 in 8 couples have trouble conceiving. Infertility can become a real struggle for couples, sometimes interfering with intimacy and impacting their sex life. I'm was fortunate enough to meet Sadie Banks, a mother of one (soon to be two) who has dealt with years of struggles revolving around infertility and the impact it's had on her marriage. In this episode, Sadie shares what she's learned and offers helpful tips on how to keep your marriage growing through it all. If you or someone you love is struggling with intimacy during infertility, I hope this episode inspires you and gives you hope. Sadie Banks is the owner and creator of Good Grief Journals. In 2018, she was in the trenches of her Infertility Journey, she needed a guided outlet to help her through the emotions and hard experiences that her infertility journey brought into her life. After interviewing over 100 women who had experienced infertility or who were experiencing infertility, she created a prompt journal specifically for working through infertility trauma and grief. Shortly after creating the Infertility Journal, it was clear that guided journals for other types of grief were needed too and Good Grief Journals expanded.

Modern electronic media has had a big impact on relationships, especially in the last two decades. It's never been easier to stay in touch with loved ones or improve real-time communication. Like many things in life, media use can be helpful and harmful on our relationships, depending on how it's used. I got in touch with McCall Booth, a super-smart Ph.D. candidate at Indiana University that researches the media's impact on marriage and families. I hope her insights help you and your lover draw closer intimately with wiser media choices.

Building a strong marriage requires each individual to also be strong on their own. We also want to feel free in our relationships, which requires a lot of maturity and personal growth. My guest today is Julie Bender. I love her story because she illustrates what growing and maturing in a relationship can look like. Julie's shares how she's learned how to embrace her story, and in that, found healing and her true self. To learn more about Julie check out The Julie Bender Show Podcast and the This Grit and Grace Life Podcast which she co-hosts. She also produces a weekly video series for wives called #prayingforyourhusbanddaily.

This episode, #52, marks 1 year of podcast episodes for Get Your Marriage On! I've had the privilege of interviewing many sex experts over the previous year. In many of the episodes I ask them what black belt sex tips they'd give to a couple in a healthy marriage up the quality of connection and pleasure in the bedroom. I've rounded up my favorite 20 tips. Ready? Let's go!

Have you ever wondered how do you talk to your kids about sex? Why does talking about sex with our kids feel awkward most of the time? What's the best approach to talk about dating relationships, our bodies, and everything in between? What about the hard topics? Well, if this has been on your mind, you're in for a treat today, as I am able to sit down with Tammy Hill. Tammy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an adjunct professor of Family Life at Brigham Young University.

Have you ever noticed that there's something almost invisible and intangible that interferes with our ability to connect with our spouses sometimes? According to our expert guest today, it affects women more than men. It's about the mental load we carry, how our minds are constantly buzzing with all the things that need to get done. Couples that develop the skill of "bearing one other's burdens so that they may be light" find more room to connect and find happiness in their relationship. Morgan Cutlip has a PhD in counseling psychology from the University of Akron and holds a master's degree in Human Development and Family Sciences from Ohio State University. She specializes in helping individuals and couples find happiness and health in their relationships. She and her father are the founders of My Love Thinks, a company dedicated to creating user-friendly and practical relationship education resources. As you'll soon hear, Dr. Cutlip has a special passion for helping couples find a fair distribution of responsibilities in the home and helping mothers engage in meaningful self-care.

Ahhhhh, communication in marriage. It's so important, and also a source of frustration in our most important relationships! We don't always know how to talk, and more importantly, listen to one another, especially when emotions run high. Learning to talk about intimacy in marriage is also a skill we can develop. My guest today is Denise and Oliver Marcelle founders of Denoli LLC. They mentor couples on improving their communication skills for deeper intimacy and connection. They've been married for 20 years and have 3 children.

We all experience times of loss and grief. I received an excellent question from a listener in regards to this: "My wife and I are grieving due to loss and it is something we are trusting God with and through but this is an odd space to be in to think about or bring up sex. I know things need to look different but help to navigate this would be helpful. Can you do a podcast episode or a blog or something on how to think about intimacy while walking through grief?" So today's podcast is going to do just that! I reached out to Cecilie Ott, a licensed Marriage and Family Therapist that specializes in helping individuals and families deal with times of loss. I learned a lot from her teaching and I hope this helps you whoever this episode was meant for.

Taking care of yourself is part of taking care of your relationship. Join me for this SOLO episode and learn how to use the 3-2-1 rule to enhance yourself and your relationship with your spouse.

Dan interviewed Joy Skarka from Authentic Intimacy. Joy's story can be described in one word: freedom. She is passionate about creating spaces to free women from shame. Tune in to hear how Joy found freedom from sexual abuse, sexual addiction, and how she navigates painful sex. Joy is the Authentic Intimacy's Director of Discipleship. To learn more about Joy and her work visit Authentic Intimacy.

Close romantic relationships are often fraught with anxiety. It just comes with the territory, and it's a beautiful part of what makes us human. How we deal with that anxiety is a different story though. I read Dr. Kathleen Smith's excellent book, "Everything Isn't Terrible" and learned sooo much about how my family's dynamic affects the way I show up in my marriage and other relationships. Tune in to hear my interview with Dr. Smith on how differentiation - a term she uses to describe a mature way to deal with anxiety -- leads to better relationships.

Mindfulness is a buzzword these days, but its roots are deep. In this podcast, I interview Dr. Chelom Leavitt, PhD, an impressive woman that researches the link between mindfulness practice -- the ability to be fully present -- and sexual satisfaction in long-term married couples. Your full presence is one of the greatest gifts you can give another person. When you're mindful you can be with the person you love in mind, body, and spirit -- especially in our most precious intimate moments!

A common question we get at Get Your Marriage On! is what is okay to do in the bedroom. When faith, values, and personal desires collide it can be confusing or even discouraging. People often seek a checklist of do's and do not's. In this podcast, Dan interviewed clinical Psychologist Daniel Burgess who specializes in Marriage and Family Therapy and has a passion for helping couples navigate sexual intimacy. Dr. Burgess challenges us to grow and become curious about our physical intimacy as he explains why understanding our values and relationship with God is important when it comes to what goes on in the bedroom.

One huge factor in enjoying a life-giving sex life is your overall attitude towards your own sexuality. Today, we have the privilege of interviewing Dr. Anthony Hughes. In this episode you'll learn to embrace your sexuality and not be ashamed of cultivating and sharing this powerful force within our marriages. Dr. Anthony Hughes is a sex therapist and founder of Covenant Sex Therapy. He is also a professor at Brigham Young University, a private religious school. Tune in to hear his view of sexuality from a faith and spiritual standpoint. Spoiler alert: it's very positive!!

In today's podcast episode I hope to share a message of hope and understanding to those that feel like the intimacy they experience in the bedroom is duty sex. I want to talk about what duty sex is and what it isn't, why couples fall into the pattern of duty sex, and what you can do about it.

The difference between an ordinary marriage and an extraordinary marriage is the little 'extra'." When you say "I Do", it's not the end of your dating years: it's just the beginning of a lifetime of growing and learning together. There's no one else I know who's more dedicated to making it easy for couples to keep dating after marriage than Tara Carson, the founder of The Dating Divas. In this episode we'll discuss how to come up with great date ideas, how to keep dating when you have little children, how to find great babysitters, and other ideas to keep the fires of romance burning bright for a long-lasting marriage. To find out more about Tara and the Dating Diva's sign up for their newsletter! Other resources mentioned in this podcast episode: Date Ideas 10 Minute Marriage Challenge Dollar Dates Babysitting Co-op Anti-Shake Tool for Bed

Have you ever thought about hiring a Boudoir photographer? Even the thought of having boudoir photos taken can be uncomfortable. Being willing to be photographed, as you are, imperfections and all says a lot about your willingness to accept and love yourself for who you are. What an admirable trait. Listen in as Caley Newberry Caley Newberry Studios a Nashville Boudoir photographer shares her story and how boudoir can bring you joy and a newfound love for your body. Enjoy!

Like any good story, every sexual encounter has a beginning, a middle, and an end. Most normal marriages have a few "scripts" they follow when it comes to their sex routine. In this episode Dr. Ian Kerner, a New York Times Best Seller and famous sex therapist, walks us through how we can analyze our scripts to improve the quality of sexual experience. In this episode we also discuss challenges that most monogamous couples face, incorporating both intercourse and "outercourse" into our scripts, ideas for closing the orgasm gap, and much more! Enjoy!

Join Dan this week as he discusses scheduling sex with Sexperts Tony and Alisa DiLorenzo from ONE Extraordinary Marriage. Tony and Alisa share how scheduling sex into their busy lives changed their marriage. They also address common concerns with scheduling sex, such as loss of romance. Tune in to learn more!

Want to spice up your love life but don't know how? Desire, fantasy and foreplay are natural part of sexual intimacy. Sharing your desires and fantasies with your spouse is a fulfilling way to brings more passion to your marriage. Join Dan and our Sexpert Dr. Laurie Watson's to learn more tips on overcoming common difficulties surrounding foreplay, desire, and fantasy! Dr. Laurie Watson is a nationally acclaimed sex therapist, author, blogger, and co-host of the Foreplay Radio podcast.

This week on Get Your Marriage On! Dan talks with Ariel Finlinson from @ladies.talkinglove about misconceptions some people grow up with about their bodies and sex. Ariel shares some personal experiences with how she perceived her sex prior to marriage and how that changed once she was married. Spoiler alert! - Intimacy in marriage is way better than what the world teaches.

Of course we want our marriages to be a lifetime source of happiness, fun and excitement! However, after you've been married for a while, it's so easy to get used to each other and our regular patterns that even sex can seem boring at times. It's natural to want to infuse newness and novelty into your relationship. But how? In this episode we discuss two ways of thinking about novelty: horizontal (by broadening your repertoire) and vertical (diving deep to find hidden treasures within your spouse). We also discuss how to keep things in balance for a long-lasting and "sexciting" marriage! Download our app Intimately Us!

This week on Get Your Marriage On! Dan interviews the The Christian Sex Educator, Carlie Palmer-Webb, MS. Carlie is a licensed Psychologist and Sex Researcher. Together Dan and Carlie discuss the importance of Sexual Agency within Marriage.

Purity Culture has impacted many of our lives. This week on Get Your Marriage On! Dan speaks with Dr. Camden Morgante. Dr. Morgante shares a few myths she actively works to dispel as a licensed clinical psychologist.

April Davis is a sex educator and runs the popular Instagram page called "the Vagina Blog". Join Dan as he and April discuss desire, arousal, sexual health, limiting beliefs, and making your sexuality a priority.

All marriages struggle with "fairness" within marriage at one point or another. Join Dan this week as he interviews Nate and Kaley Klemp from 80/80 Marriage on how to not get stuck competing with one another in the name of fairness.

Sex at it's very best is intimate. Join Dan this week by listening to his first solo podcast! Dan talks about initiation of sex and how that can differ from marriage to marriage or within a marriage over time! When you change your mindset from 'I want sex' to 'I want you' the very best intimacy occurs. Also! Tune in to hear 2 EXCITING things Get Your Marriage On! has happening this year! Whoot Whoot! You won't want to miss it.

Do you know your Enneagram number? Join Dan this week as he interviews Christa Hardin the Founder of Enneagram + Marriage! Christa is a Clinical Therapist and Life Coach. Tune in to hear Dan and Christa discuss the benefits of knowing your Enneagram and how it can impact or improve your marriage. If you are curious as to what your enneagram type is here are some resources: https://www.enneagramandmarriage.com/ https://www.yourenneagramcoach.com/ https://app.trueself.io/ https://www.truity.com/test/enneagram-personality-test

Did you know that the wife is the high desire partner in 15-20% of marriages? It's not uncommon for women to have a higher desire for sex than men! This week Dan sat down with J Parker - a Christian Sex Author, Speaker, Blogger, and Podcaster. J discussed what it's like to be a high desire wife. She also discussed how the common assumption that men are always the higher desire partner is simply not true. Tune in to find out more!

This week on Get Your Marriage On!, Dan interviews Dana Che. Dana is a relationship and marriage coach. Together they discuss how God can help you overcome common struggles within marriages while living true to your identity.

Do you know what a Pelvic Floor Therapist does? This week on Get Your Marriage On!, Dan sits down with Pelvis Floor Therapists Dr. Becky Allan and Dr. Corrie Maguire. Dr. Allan and Maguire share a plethora of information about the importance of pelvic floor health and dismiss some common assumptions. If you are experiencing pain during intercourse, erectile disfunction, have had a baby, or are planning to have a baby this is the episode for you!

This week Dan talks with sexpert Danielle Savory a trained neuroscientist and mindfulness coach. They discuss why people unintentionally settle for mediocre sex. Danielle shares some of her expertise on how to increase your mental awareness in the bedroom to enhance pleasure during sex.

This week on Get Your Marriage On! we did things a little bit differently. Dan and Emily were interviewed by Ariel Finlinson is the host of the Ladies Talking Love Podcast. Dan and Emily share their story of how a bedroom game changed their marriage. If you feel stuck in a rut or your sex life seems dismal, check out this episode for some tips on how to Get Your Marriage On!!