Delight Your Marriage

In honor of Darcy's anniversary this week, I wanted to re-release this episode! I'm excited to share that my wonderful friend Darcy is here to share her story and advice for you! She is actually our wonderful Office Manager, and she reads all of your emails and prays for all of those who are suffering and in such difficulty in their marriages. She often weeps for you, listeners, and she truly, truly cares about you and feels your pain for those of you who are in need of hope. Her conversation today reflects what God has done in her and what she prays He does in you. The rest of this message are from Darcy: — Thank you, Belah, for giving me this opportunity. God is doing and has done so many amazing things and what an honor to testify of His power, love, and goodness! *"Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you. So I will bless you as long as I live; in your name, I will lift up my hands." Ps. 63:3-4 I pray that God speaks to and encourages many weary hearts through this podcast. "Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a desire fulfilled is a tree of life." Prov. 13:12 This is my prayer for you: Father, thank You for the one listening to this podcast. Thank You that You know them…intimately! You know how many hairs are on their head. You know their hurts, desires, and joys. You desire good for them and desire them to know and experience You and Your love in ways that will reveal to them the abundant life that You have offered to any who will come to You in faith in Jesus and walk in the power of the Spirit of God. Father, you see the tears. You see the brokenness. Even more incredibly, You care about them and have the power to do something good with them. God, You know that we so often want to run from hurt and pain! Teach us to trust You…to take You at Your word… I encourage you to read this scripture as though you've never read it before: *"For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us. For the creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God. For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of him who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be set free from its bondage to corruption and obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God. For we know that the whole creation has been groaning together in the pains of childbirth until now. And not only the creation, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Rom. 8:18-28 Thank You, Father, that You NEVER lie! Thank You that we can cling to You and Your promises through every storm, every hurt, every disappointment, and everything that we face on this planet! People may fail us, but You NEVER do! You use the trials and pain to teach us greater things. You may seem far off at times, yet You are more interested in the details of our lives than we could ever imagine! Teach us to relinquish everything we hold onto to You, trusting that You will never disappoint…we wait on You. …in Jesus' name, I ask this, amen. So, dear listener, remember: "The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." Ps. 34:18 * "Delight yourself in the LORD, and he will give you the desires of your heart." Ps. 37:4 And let me ask you: How long was Joseph a slave and a prisoner? How long did David wait for the throne or Abraham and Sarah wait for a son? How long were the Jews in captivity? Hebrews 11 tells us that some died not yet having received the promise, yet they looked forward in faith and believed what God said. God asked Abraham to sacrifice the fulfillment of His promise – Isaac. Abraham was willing. He even got up early the next morning to do so. Likely not because he felt like it or wanted to, but because he believed God. Husband…wife…are you willing to believe God? Are you willing to sacrifice what you hold dear and trust God to deliver on His promises regardless of how bad things look and regardless of how long it takes? Faith fleshes out in obedience. Because Abraham believed God, he acted like he believed God. What does that look like for you in your situation today? He is worthy! He is faithful! You and I can bank on it! Grateful for His presence and His great and precious promises, Darcy Of

For the past 30 years, she has tried everything to try and connect with her husband. It left her feeling lonely inside her own marriage. Tanya is a woman who feels deeply. She is wired to feel the world and those around her in a deep, empathetic way. But this is not the way her husband was wired. Since the beginning of their marriage, Tanya has felt a disconnect and a dismissal of her emotions. Her husband went looking for marriage help and found the Delight Your Marriage podcast. Through the podcast, he was inspired to join the men's program and that is when their marriage really began to change. She was shocked when she noticed he started listening more intently, he became more tender, and they would go on walks in the park holding hands together- something that had been missing since their dating days. This inspired Tanya to do the women's program and "jump in with both feet", willing to let this program change her the way it had changed her husband. Now, their marriage has flourished. Tanya never thought it would be possible, but here they are, more connected than ever before. She said she feels "let out of prison". The depression has lifted and she has hope for the future for the first time in so long. We believe Tanya's story will encourage you and inspires hope in you for your journey! Love, Belah & Team PS - If this story resonates with you and you want to see a change in your marriage as well, we would love to talk with you. Contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a completely free Clarity Call. (A call Tanya says is still impacting her even now.) PSS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate: Before the Delighted Wife Program: "We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways." After: "WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. Building it is now a journey and no longer an intense, overwhelming mission impossible... Biggest take away from this whole course is the GOD FACTOR. Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept. It was directly and purely to JESUS. He was the main focus, and everything else just fell into place. It helped me to re-center everything in my life."

Clarity is a Christian's speciality. Amidst a confused culture, a clear understanding of God's word is what we need. If you're a husband, I invite you to consider how Jesus led and what the Bible says about a husband's leadership in the family. If you're a wife, I invite you to hear what a man can be (really) so you are happy to be led. My story started without good role modeling. And then I tried to "submit" and it was soul crushing. Then I decided I would NOT submit, and it was stressful, frustrating, and deeply painful. Then I discovered God's way (though I still make mistakes at times), and it has made both my husband and I flourish. I can lead in many, many ways outside of our family -- but I love that in our home I am not the leader. My husband is trustworthy and good to me and our children. I hope you can catch a vision of what it can mean for you as a man or a woman to empower the right order of family. We are to be a light on a hill for the non-believers. I hope you'll curiously seek to gain perspective and growth into more and more of who God wants you to be in and through your marriage so you can do more for the Kingdom of God. Love, Belah PS - We can help -- if you're a husband or a wife -- that's what we do. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more. PPS - Here a quote from a recent graduate: Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program: "I had quite a few struggles when starting the program...we were arguing quite a lot, I was defensive in my responses and even blamed [her] for the issues. I also hadn't been intentional in terms of dating or cherishing her for a long time and she was feeling neglected and getting more and more upset about the situation. Neither of us was very happy. I tried to do more around the house to make [her] happy, tried to act perfectly but still failed and ended up walking on eggshells most of the time. Not feeling or acting confidently or as a leader." After MR: "I can see now that I had been both aloof and independent towards my wife...but also very dependent on her mood and feelings/actions towards me. I feel more secure now in who I am, I don't get defensive much at all any more and we rarely argue… I realized that I hadn't been a very good husband for a very long time. I didn't know the extent of it until I went through each week and realized that I hadn't really been doing the basics of knowing my wife, or making her feel safe and cherished. That was a hard realization, but actually really helped me to understand the situation and where [she] was coming from and also helped me to own my part in it. It's been a huge change for the better. I have daily devotions now, I practice gratitude daily now. I have more confidence and less anxiety around people or stressful situations. I feel closer to God now; what could be a bigger impact than that?"

We have all felt the frustration and disappointment of doing our best to do the right thing and life still does not go the way we thought. For 28 years, Stephen was a faithful husband to his wife. There were no drugs or alcohol or pornography. They raised two kids in a Christian home. From the outside, everything looked like it should be going right. But within their marriage, they were falling apart. Stephen felt emotionally and physically abandoned by his wife and didn't know what to do. After desperately searching "Sexual Intimacy" on Google in hopes of finding some answers, Stephen stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage. After the first podcast episode, he knew this was what the Lord had for him. He was shocked that after signing up, exactly what he had been praying for came to pass... his wife greeted him with open arms, a smile, and a "How was your day?" followed by a passionate night! Stephen had to do his work on himself. It wasn't easy and he had to have faith that God could change it all. And He did. This is the story we want for each person listening: to be desired by their spouse, to be connected, and to be loved in a delight-filled marriage. We are so thankful to Stephen for sharing his story with us and we hope that his story becomes your story too. Blessings, Belah & Team P.S. - If you want to know more about our Clarity Calls or how to become involved in the same work Stephen did, please reach out to us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. We would love to talk to you! P.S.S. - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: Before the men's program: "I often felt disrespected and controlled. To a degree I felt unloved because of the lack of physical intimacy. I often felt I couldn't be myself or express my opinion because of the disapproval I would feel when I did. There was anger and indifference growing in me. We were growing further and further apart…" After the men's program: "Tension between us is pretty much gone! Our relationship, our discussions have become much more peaceful, easygoing and playful than before. My wife has become more affectionate and has initiated intimacy more! We can now discuss physical intimacy and not argue. She has told me many times how she likes the changes she sees in me, and is expressing more and more desire to grow in intimacy herself!... Other people around us, even strangers, have noticed something different about us. One change that I think is the most telling of how the DYM program has impacted our lives: Prior to the program we had been sleeping in separate rooms for years. I am thankful to say that I am back in our marriage bed, physically, emotionally – for good now!" P.S.S.S… :) A few weeks ago, I had the wonderful privilege of being a guest on the 'That's Just What I Needed' podcast with speaker & author Donna Jones, who is a friend of DYM and has actually been on our podcast as well! If you'd like to listen to the episode, we talk about what you can do make your marriage better, regardless of where you're starting. You can find it here: That's Just What I Needed It was so great getting to chat with her and we hope the episode blesses you immensely! We want to support Donna and the great work she is doing so if you are on social media, please give her a follow on @donnaajones and make sure to check out her new book, Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life. Thank you again for having me, Donna!

"Throughout all of history, it is clear that humans naturally are humble, self-sacrificial, and want to be of service to others" ...said no one, ever. That is the right heart and mindset but it must be chosen and cultivated. When we look back at our lives the things we are most proud of are not what came easily. We are most proud of what was difficult, what took sacrifice and what was in service to something bigger than ourselves. By nature, we don't want to do "hard". Easy SEEMS better in the short-term, but when we choose the hard, we look back and see a life of meaning and purpose. As a wife, it's not easy to reject the lies that society feeds us nowadays. Lie - "Men and women are the same" The problem is if we're the same then we'll expect to give and receive love the same way. So, if a wife doesn't need sex to feel loved, she'll be bitter that her husband can't live without it. The truth sets us free. And the truth is men and women are designed differently -- equal in value and dignity but different in the ways we receive love (among other things). When I push myself towards the gym because of a doctor's wisdom, am I oppressing myself? Is the doctor oppressing me for suggesting such a gruesome and heinous encouragement that could leave me sore and in discomfort for days... No--I'm grateful he told me the truth so I can have the results he knows I want: health and well-being. Ultimately, if I do push myself to go to the gym, I feel a LOT better once I'm there and started. In the same way, if it is true and wise and good to go towards intimacy in marriage -- regardless of how I feel naturally -- I can change my attitude and go towards this gift that God has given. And generally with the right attitude, I'll start to enjoy it in the midst. The beautiful part about sex is when you sacrifice your feelings and wants for the good of God's plan for your marriage, you can actually start to enjoy, love, and relish in His good gift of intimacy! It all starts with a choice to say "Not my will, but Your will be done in my life". Love, Belah PS - If you are wanting to improve your marriage and have deeper intimacy with your spouse, we would love to talk with you. Please feel free to contact us at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call. PPS - Here is quote from a recent graduate:Before: "[Before the Delighted Wife program], My husband and I were at the brink of complete and utter separation. We were not communicating. There was anger and yelling and volatile behavior. We were not even sleeping in the same bed, in the same room. I was feeling absolutely helpless and broken. I feared for the future and for what would happen to our family. My health was being affected and all of the struggles were really destroying both of us." After DW: "Through the program, I realized that first, my husband is different than I am. Second, I learned that I was not respecting, admiring, or being wholehearted in my approach to intimacy. Third, I learned that the improvement that God was effecting for our marriage needed to begin with one of us and that it was me who needed to start… I learned to see my husband through God's eyes and am determined to love him with all of his strengths and weaknesses without wanting any change but instead being grateful for all that he is in my life… Delight Your Marriage opened my eyes to what the Lord has in store and has filled me with so much hope. Through the tools of the program, I have been able to see the improvements that have been affected almost miraculously. To God be the Glory!!!"

When you see everyone else has great intimacy except you, how can you survive? How can you live without this vital need being met (as God even designed it)? I hear you. It's painful. It really is. In this conversation, I hope you will feel encouraged and supported and also feel that God does care and there is direction. Blessings, Belah PS - Do you want to improve your marriage? Do you want to see a move of God in your own life and in the life of your spouse, family, and friendships? We want to help you. Check out this link to schedule a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "[Before the Masculinity Reclaimed program], I was stuck in the sin of self pity. We were not enjoying each other's company. Our youngest two children were noticing, and it was not the examples we wanted to be showing them. [After the MR program], I have become more thankful. I learned to focus on the positives. I have learned to become a better listener. I understand my wife's needs better. Because of past disappointments my wife was not my #1 priority after the Lord. Now she is... There is so much in this program that is good. I loved Belah's insights for each guy during each week's coaching call. I believe she is relying on the Holy Spirit for wisdom and it shows with each guy's reactions and progress."

If you're discontent... If you feel you've been praying against a cement ceiling... If you've actually felt disappointed in life and at God... Or maybe it's less severe, you're going through the motions in life but something feels "off"... I want you to know that your discontentment is something to pay attention to. God does come in dreams and visions (sometimes) but often he leads us by our feelings. And my wonder for you is are you paying attention? Are you considering the feeling of "discontentment" as something a - outside of you in your world needs to change or b - something about you in your inner world needs to change God gives us opportunities to change all the time. Change the way we think, the way we are, the way we understand the world. You don't need to assume this is as good as it gets and that we're not going to be able to do anything to make it better. I think God wants us to take Him at His word "we are more than conquerors" and stand on our own feet and decide to improve what we are discontent about. Yes, there are sad and bad things going on in the world. But as followers of Jesus, we get to DO something about it. We have the opportunity to change things for the better, all the time. Ultimately, I want you to take responsibility for your heart and what you choose to meditate on. Don't be a "Discontent Debbie" or a "Wallowing Walter!" It's not what God has for you. I promise. How about "Determined Debbie" and "Wonderfully Wise Walter"? And I think it has eternal consequences... Be a wise gardener of your mind and heart, so that you can have a life and joy that brings honor to Jesus. Blessings, Belah PS - Would you like to improve your marriage? Are you willing to let the Lord grow in you more of His love, grace, and power in your most important human relationship? Would you like our help? If so, schedule a free Clarity call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc To fan the flame of hope, a quote from one of our program graduates: "DYM [Delight Your Marriage] has been a great blessing to our marriage! After several years of feeling "stuck" in patterns in our marriage that left both of us feeling alone, hurt, unheard, and without much hope of any real and lasting change, I have found the material, ministry culture, and most importantly, the faith at work through the team of DYM to be exactly what I needed to take real steps of faith in practical ways that mattered to my wife and our marriage."

A man of God, in ministry, spreading the gospel, and without even realizing it, he had allowed his marriage to slip into a transactional relationship. After being married for nearly thirty years, Mark saw in himself that he was starting to become more grouchy, their connection waned, and his wife's physical desire changed as she began to go through menopause. Their four children were "launching well" but would soon be completely out of the house – changing the home dynamic completely. All of this put a strain on their marriage. They were now in uncharted territory and he knew he needed help. Mark felt he needed to lead as the man, but just didn't know how. He had been considering the men's program for about a year and finally decided to move forward. Through the program, we were able to help shed light to remove the things that were straining his marriage - going from transactional to selfless- and give him the tools to connect with his wife, even in the midst of all their changes. He finally felt he had the tools to be the man his wife needed him to be, so she could fully trust him and be free around him. We are so excited to share Mark's transformation story and hope that it resonates with you. If there is anything to take away, it is that you are not alone. If you are a soon-to-be empty nester, if you're navigating your wife's menopause, if you are finding yourself discontent and you don't want to be- we would love to help you too. delightyourmarriage.com/cc God bless you! Love, Belah and team PS - Like Mark, if you'd like to find out if the men's program would be your right next step, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call. Maybe you'll be the next success story! Here's another recent graduate's comments: Before the Men's program: "The emotional disconnection led us to a growing sense of distance. Physical intimacy had always been a regular part of our relationship, but there always seemed to be something missing… There was also difficulty about sharing vulnerable feelings and emotions for both of us. It was just a pattern of stuck-ness. Things might improve for a few weeks or months, but we would inevitably feel stuck again… All in all we were headed into a pretty 'lifeless' future together, that neither of us wanted or were excited about." After: "I find myself actually wanting to know about my wife. The listening skills have helped me to express my interest in ways that she can receive and helped me learn how to receive her more fully… I am able to express delight in my wife through compliments more naturally… There has been a bit of fun flirtiness that has never been a part of my relationship with my wife… I am free from most of my sex-related anxiety. I was constantly worried about when or if we would be physically intimate… I don't think I have ever been more intoxicated by her body, while at the same time I see each opportunity to enjoy her as a fabulous gift.I am so free to express my desire for her in ways that she loves hearing, without pressure or expectation, but with authentic desire for her."

Tom felt like his marriage was good, but knew it could be better. His wife was his best friend, but he was craving romance and passion in their marriage. After stumbling upon Delight Your Marriage through a Google Search and taking our free Marital Health Assessment, he realized that the marriage he thought was "good" was actually only just "okay" and ended up scoring a 5 out of 10 in the Marital Health Assessment (delightyourmarriage.com/health). He knew it was time for a change, so he signed up, hoping his wife would take the course at some point. Because that's what needs to happen… right? ;) Well, Tom found out, like all of our MR Graduates do, that change begins with ourselves. And as he took the course and began to implement the principles, he in fact, did see a change in his wife! She became more flirty and playful and the romance and passion that Tom had been wanting finally happened in their marriage after 4 decades! All because he decided to take the leap, take the Delight Your Marriage course, and truly implement what he learned. We know that God is in the business of transformation and He LOVES transforming marriages because the impact goes much further than just an individual couple. Love, Belah & team PS - If you are like Tom and feel like your marriage is pretty good, but also feel like there could be more, we want to invite you to listen to this episode and to take our free Marital Health Assessment (delightyourmarriage.com/health). PPS - And just the way Tom started, we would love to chat with you on a free Clarity Call! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Have you ever not done something because of fear? Have you ever done something that felt right at the time, but you were riddled with fear and anxiety later? Have you ever felt you had more potential than you were living into? Welcome to human nature. But is that what he should do? Is that living according to our fears or God's will and His way? I don't think so. Instead, the Bible says it's impossible to please God without faith. (Heb 11:6) You might wonder: Is it required to have faith for your marriage to change? YES. Even Jesus could do no mighty miracles in his hometown because of their lack of faith. (Mark 6:6) Does it mean He will most certainly change your marriage and make you not go through suffering because you have faith? Well, we can look at John the Baptist to see that even if you have faith it's not a guarantee that God will pull you out of the hard situation and cause a miracle. However, the woman with the issue of blood had suffered terribly for over a decade. She could have allowed her heart to grow calloused toward God and assume He doesn't care. She could have decided things will never change. She could have resigned herself to a life that would never get better. But she didn't, she stretched, she pushed through the crowd, she resisted anything that would try to discourage her faith... and by faith, she touched the hem of His garment, believing He could heal her. And He did. "Jesus turned and saw her. "Take heart, daughter," he said, "your faith has healed you." (Mtt 9:22) I want to ask you, when... When will it matter enough? When will choosing to notice that God is here wanting to restore, redeem, heal matter enough to you? When will you see Jesus walking by and reach out in faith? Resist the enemy's... Fear of being judged. Fear of loss. Fear of looking silly. Fear of being perceived a fool. Fear of change. Fear of responsibility. Fear of taking ownership. Fear of pain. I invite you to stand up and choose faith. Stand up in faith. Reach for His garment. Do not be offended by His response but stay, stay, stay in faith as He might want to do a miracle that you (by your fear) are blocking. Choose the faith of freedom, hope, joy, love, connection, unity, healing... Live into the potential life He may be inviting you into. Listen in today: Faith or Fear: When Will It Matter Enough to You? Love, Belah PS - Marital Health Assessment is a free tool to discover where you are currently in your marriage and to give you a vision of what areas you may be missing and need to gain insight. It also provides free episodes that are uniquely selected for your situation. delightyourmarriage.com/health PPS - If you're ready to transform your marriage through Christ-centered personal growth... we're here for you: delightyourmarriage.com/cc We'd love to help. Quote from a recent graduate heading for divorce: "Delight Your Marriage saved my marriage. It has changed the course of all four of my kids lives. There is now peace in our home and friendship between me and my husband. Without this program I do not think we would have gotten here. I was too stubborn and too hurt. Belah's teaching were humbling and eye opening to the ways I had repeatedly damaged my husband and the areas I had fallen short as a wife. Both of us have now gone through the program now and I know it was the push we needed to mature and build solid ground for the rest of our marriage."

We all know that marriage is a blessing from God. And when a marriage spans decades - ten, twenty, thirty years- we often stand in awe and amazement at that accomplishment. However, there are times when those thirty years privately have been disconnected and painful and becoming empty nesters resulted in feeling like even less than roommates. But, what if they found a program that changed it all and brought a deeper peace, connection, and unity to their marriage than they've had in three decades? That is Adam's Transformation Story. From being disconnected and treating her almost as he did one of his "employees" to learning what it truly means to be "safe" for his wife. So connected in fact that they are planning a getaway for their 30th anniversary! When just a few short months ago she felt there was nothing to celebrate! We are thrilled to share this transformation story with you because it's a miracle that we give God all glory and honor for what He did in their family. If any part of it resonates–the disconnect, the want for a change in heart, the desire for results like this one (planning a trip, deeper intimacy, deeper connection)–we encourage you to make a Clarity Call at www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc We hope this story encourages you, reminds you that God is for you, and that it is truly, truly, never too late to turn and create a new beginning in your marriage. Love, Belah PS - If you have been on the fence about deciding to go through a program we invite you to join in now, because in 2 weeks the pricing model and structure will change as we're having to cap enrollment. I hope you can jump in now as we'll be raising the price in two weeks. Check out delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more! PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: Before MR: "Lack of connection, lack of intimacy on each Spiritual, Emotional or Physical. I knew that our physical intimacy was lacking, My wife and I were friendly 'roommates', Physical intimacy was infrequent (3-5x a year) and not passionate. I knew I wanted and needed more, but I wasn't able to identify the lacking Spiritual and Emotional intimacy. I described myself as Helpless but not Hopeless because I had hope but didn't know exactly what was missing and what to do about it…." After MR: "(The) DYM MR program has drawn me closer to God, my wife, and my daughters. I have seen wonderful growth in my closeness with my wife and we've spent more time truly together in the last couple months than in prior years. We've gone from polite roommates where I had been jealous of my wife's craving of Diet Coke more than she seemed to need or crave me in her life to teenagers who do fun silly things to express our love for one another... My spiritual connections with God and my wife have improved 100 fold!... My wife and I are on an adventure to read the bible within the next year. We're also cooking together 3 nights per week…" Does your marriage currently feel like living with a roommate? We want to help bring the spark back! Visit delightyourmarriage.com/cc to schedule a free Clarity Call with us. We would love to talk to you!

Have you ever been in a place where a conflict has absolutely consumed you? Whether you're grocery shopping or with friends, that conflict is just circling over and over in your mind. Maybe you find yourself wondering how you even got there in the first place? And even more so, how to get out of that place? Well, author and speaker Donna Jones is here today to talk about just that. In her new book "Healthy Conflict, Peaceful Life: a Biblical guide to Communicating Thoughts, Feelings, and Opinions with Grace, Truth, and Zero Regret", Donna walks us through how to handle conflict with love and grace, how to be an Addresser of Conflict, rather than an Avoider or Attacker, how to lead with listening, and so much more. We were sad to have this episode end because it was such a treasure! We hope this episode blesses you and brings you and your spouse closer together- shoulder to shoulder, against the problem, rather than against each other. We believe God can heal any relationship and He can use you through His wisdom to do just that. Love, Belah

Delightyourmarriage.com/accessories Free training to gain insights, Christian how-tos and practical tips as well as specific recommended (non-scary) intimacy accessories. I hope this blesses you!

I was confused. There I was a new bride, having saved myself for marriage... only to find out that my new husband wanted me to do SINFUL things. Where did he get all this "inspiration" anyway? Oh, I knew: sinful places. So, of course, I refused. And of course, it brought mutual anger (covering each of our hurt). What's your story? If it's even remotely like mine, I needed to change the lens in which I was viewing sex. I wasn't viewing sex from a biblical standpoint. I was viewing sex from a sexually perverted lens. (Even though I saved my sex for marriage, I certainly received messages from the world that perverted the purity and unashamedness that is meant to be in the bedroom.) I was thinking about a sinful visual I had, at some point, encountered that I knew was wrong. Instead of recognizing the COMPLETELY different and HOLY context of my marriage, I decided the act was associated with my experience that was not God's will. Maybe you've gone through something profoundly tragic, if so, my heart goes out to you. And now you're married and there are so many things that feel hard to move towards because of the past. There is hope. Hope for healing and even hope for desire. Be washed by truth. That's my aim in this conversation. That you will realize that our God is a God of intimacy and freedom in your marriage. When you wash your mind with the truth of His design within the marriage bed, may you slowly wade (or dive in) into the waters of marital intimacy and find out it's nice and warm (with your spouse :) ) In this conversation, I talk about: 1 - the actual boundaries God gives in the Bible 2 - the clear freedom He gives, biblically speaking and logically reasoned 3 - the difference between masculine and feminine sex 4 - the invitation to align your typical life with the standard of the Bible (which is often overlooked... a frequent contradiction) Love, Belah PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it and bring you the freedom and joy you are longing for! Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc Start the process today and start enjoying your marriage! PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "We were emotionally, intimately, and spiritually disconnected. We lived in the same house, but didn't live together. I was angry and bitter…" AFTER: "My wife and I are closer than we have ever been! She has a glow. It's crazy how much we love each other. Life is fun!"

Bethany felt like her marriage was a lost cause. She knew that she and her husband were called to be together, but after years of serving in church ministry, three kids, and infidelity, Bethany and her husband began questioning their promise of "no divorce" and began considering separation. She knew she needed help. She was desperate. She searched for a Christian answer and found Delight Your Marriage. After listening to the podcast and the testimonies, she felt unsure because the testimonies felt too hard to believe. "God couldn't do that for me, could he?" But she kept listening until she felt God tugging on her heart telling her it was time. Through Delight Your Marriage, Bethany received encouragement, support, wisdom, and a team of people that was in her corner. She has seen a transformation in her marriage including surprise flowers and a softness in her husband that she had never seen before. (Not to mention weekly dates! Which was never a thing before!) We are so thankful to be able to share Bethany's story with you today and know that it is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what God can do in so many marriages. He is a good, thoughtful, and intentional God. Blessings, Belah and team PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work! Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc As Bethany said, "It truly is a CLARITY call." PPS - Here is a quote from a (different) recent graduate: BEFORE: "Before DYM, there was a lot of tension and stress in our marriage and disconnect. My husband had affairs and these were replayed constantly in my head… I did not trust him and had not forgiven him. Intimacy felt like something I had to do to keep him somewhat happy." AFTER: "After going through the program, the stress is gone and replaying the affairs in my head is pretty much gone… I told him I have forgiven him and intimacy is something I desire now and enjoy with my husband. We are both so much happier in our marriage!" Your story can be next, schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Maybe you've done something wrong... Maybe there's a deep discomfort that you keep trying to avoid... Maybe you feel if you let yourself be with yourself quietly, the shame will swallow you whole... The guilt and shame you feel may be justified. And that is exactly why we need a sacrifice that allows us to live in confidence and freedom, peace and joy in life. As followers of Jesus, we don't have confidence that "we're good enough" because of some baseless affirmation. We have a strong foundation of reason as to why we have confidence. The truth is, on our own... We aren't good enough. We don't deserve the goodness God gives us every day. And we don't deserve His sacrifice. But what we are as Jesus followers are receive-ers. We are trust-ers. We are people who say THE event that altered the human race 2000 years ago is WHY I can have freedom from shame. If you have felt like you've been "paying for" the sin you've committed, it's time to receive the payment from God and start walking in your freedom as His son and daughter. His payment actually means something in your day to day life. You can never earn your way into being worthy of His love and goodness, peace and freedom. You get to believe and receive it. He is that good and loving and merciful and kind. I invite you to let the gift of Jesus' sacrifice move you today. Spend time in the story today and this weekend. Remember and receive His sacrifice for every part of your life and heart. Love, Belah PS - We'd love to walk with you in this journey of living free in Christ, connected with your spouse in passion, purpose, playfulness and doing God's will as man or woman of God. We're here for you, find out the details at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: DW Before: We were planning on how to keep a family together while breaking our family up - We were at the end of ourselves and decided it was time to give up and go our separate ways. DW After: WHERE DO I BEGIN!!! I have grown in patience, perspective, my faith and connection with God, my understanding of my husband, and peace. I have learned how to build my marriage. ​​ Change starts with me - God can only save my marriage if I am humble enough to surrender and let Him start with ME!!!! ​​Belah always pointed us to Jesus NOT to a strategy or an idea or concept. It was directly and purely to JESUS. He was the main focus, and everything else just fell into place. It helped me to re-center everything in my life.

Maybe you're in the midst of a really tough season. It feels like you're alone and barely keeping your head above water. Marriage woes can be the most stressful aspect of a person's life. I want to encourage you that your suffering matters. I was walking through a museum with my son the other day, and a painting depicted a martyr who was tortured for his faith. It was a moment that helped me reflect on the importance of my suffering every day. If a moment like that occurred, where I would have to make a choice between Jesus and comfort... I would be strong enough and have endured enough hardship to choose rightly. I hope today's podcast will give you encouragement that you CAN endure ALL things through Christ who strengthens you. Love, Belah PS - If you'd like help with your marriage, we're here and would love to witness God transform it through the work! Your next step is a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc This may be the very best thing you've done for your marriage. Period. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "Prior to coming to DYM my marriage was at a 3 out of 10... We were at odds for most of our 30+ year marriage" AFTER: "My feelings towards my husband came back to life... This was the catalyst to the deeper changes that have given me a marriage I had always wanted."

If you're a pastor or are shepherded by a pastor, it is important to know that the work of the pastor is hard and can have a deep impact on the leader of such work. In this episode, we explore the emotional and psychological cost of deeply caring for others. In today's episode, we delve into compassion fatigue, its causes, and the impact it has on individuals in helping professions. Here's what you'll learn: What is compassion fatigue and how does it differ from burnout? Professions most susceptible to compassion fatigue. Warning signs and symptoms to watch out for. Strategies for managing and preventing compassion fatigue. I'm excited to speak with Kevin Bueltmann, a pastor who helps pastors with Compassion Fatigue. He went through it himself. I encourage you to find out more about him and his ministry for pastors at https://www.shepherdscanyonretreat.org/ If you are wondering if you are burnt out and/or have compassion fatigue, we have a great conversation with practical ideas. I believe this will bless you! Blessings, Belah PS - If we can help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn all the details. Graduate Quote: Before the program… "I felt that I was not connecting as well with my wife and children as I should. I could sense my wife's frustration with me…I was tired, I was grouchy, I was irritable and it was affecting my most important relationships. It was negatively impacting them and my relationships with them, and it needed to change." After the program… "My overwhelming feeling coming out of this course is gratitude - gratitude for my wife, for who she is, for how she has hung in there with me and not given up on me, for how she has continued to love me for who I am. I am grateful for this course and the blind spots it has helped me recognize. I wasn't a good listener at all. I was grouchy. I was ungrateful. I was often guilty of having a transactional mindset when it came to sexual intimacy. All that has changed for the better. It's all about the routine, and doing things [taught in the program] each day."

I pulled out a fan-favorite episode to share today! If you haven't heard it, you don't want to miss this story. It'll encourage you. -- Mick is a dynamic, charismatic, but also a tell-it-straight kinda guy. When his marriage was shallow in terms of connection, emotionally and intimately, he jumped at an opportunity that he discerned understood him as a man and also had a proven track record for change. After taking responsibility, the MAIN change was his heart. He shares some particulars on why that was so vital in the outward changes of his marriage. But, he began to realize who God actually is calling him to be as a husband. Mick's transformation is truly awesome. But he really took responsibility. He wasn't interested in waiting to see what happens in his marriage without intentionality. He was ready to do the work and take 100% ownership for his marriage transformation and had full accountability for himself. His heart…his change…his commitment to Christ, and then…living it out in his marriage. I encourage you to listen to Mick's story and witness God's transformation in him. From the outside they looked great, but it wasn't until God changed his heart that their connection went to a whole new level. Maybe you need this. Maybe a friend does…and you get to be the one to share it with them (like a friend shared it with his wife, and thus God did this in his marriage and for his kids). Love & Blessings, Belah PS -- We'd love to see if we can serve you in a Clarity Call where you dig into your specific journey and we help you clarify the challenges, where you're going, and WHY. Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc Quote from another recent graduate (2024): Before: "We were two roommates who both felt a lot of hurt and rejection. We lived together, but never talked about the elephant in the room." After DYM men's program: "I am so thankful to be in a loving and happy marriage that I could not have imagined only 12 weeks earlier. I am excited every day to go home to my wife, something that I felt anxious about three months ago." Maybe you're next? Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Maybe you don't really understand what "servant" means in relation to your spouse. Let's explore that together on our podcast today. Be your spouse's servant. That's Jesus' way. If we believe what He said, this should not offend us but teach us how to live. Mark 10:45: "For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve..." Matthew 20:26b-28 "whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave— just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve," Matthew 23:11-12: "The greatest among you will be your servant." Luke 22:26: "the greatest among you should be like the youngest, and the one who rules like the one who serves." John 13:14-15: "Now that I, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also should wash one another's feet. I have set you an example that you should do as I have done for you." Matthew 25:40: "The King will reply, 'Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.'" Mark 9:35: "Sitting down, Jesus called the Twelve and said, 'Anyone who wants to be first must be the very last, and the servant of all.'" Luke 14:11: "For all those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted." Matthew 5:16: "In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." Luke 6:38: "Give, and it will be given to you... For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Luke 10:27: "He answered, 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind'; and, 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'" If we truly believe Jesus, this should not offend us but free us to love and serve extravagantly. Be your spouse's servant. For great will be your reward. Love, Belah PS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PSS Client Testimonial: Before Delighted Wife: "Our biggest marital struggle was PRIDE. Pride sent us into a downward spiral early on in our marriage. It went unchecked and only got worse over the years. We were both hopeless and lost." After Delighted Wife: "I can finally SEE! God shined a light on my pride the very first week of the program. We had big celebrations nearly every week. I finally see my husband through God's eyes! I have grace for his imperfections and use them as opportunities to honor God by loving him through them with absolute joy. My husband could see a change pretty instantly. The energy in our home is positive and joyful! We've had celebrations of vulnerability and intimacy I never thought possible and finally share hope that we can actually have the marriage we've always dreamed of. We're all happier, sleeping better, and able to breathe! It's truly a miracle."

If you've been around for a while, you may have heard that we say you must have "0 arguments" in your marriage. "But that's not normal." "But that's not healthy." "But that means someone is not being honest." Well, firstly, it's not my rule. Among many other verses, let's look at Romans 1:29, 30, 32; 2:1, 2. "They have become filled with every kind of wickedness... murder, strife... gossips... arrogant and boastful..." "Although they know God's righteous decree that those who do such things deserve death, they not only continue to do these very things but also approve of those who practice them..." "Or do you show contempt for the riches of his kindness... God's kindness is intended to lead you to repentance" -- Let's not take God's kindness for granted. Allow His patience and kindness with us to lead us to repentance. Let us not take liberties because we haven't been "smitten" yet. -- I'll assume we're on the same page with the thoughts around no arguments, so how do you communicate differences? Are differences of opinion or disagreements allowed in a marriage? YES. But the marital relationship is unlike any other relationship. There is a unity that is not like any other relationship. Thus, things must be sorted through in a way that does not compromise unity. It matters how healthy your marriage is right now. Some topics may need to wait until you're healthier before it's wise to bring it up. I have several practical ways of looking at this that I am excited to share. May God bless you in this discernment of His way in your relationship. Love, Belah PS - Here is a free tool called the Marital Health Assessment to help you evaluate where you currently are in your marital health: delightyourmarriage.com/health PPS - Do you want help healing your marriage? We can help, and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc Client Testimonial: Before MR: "The biggest struggles were that my wife and I had a gap between us and we were moving farther and farther away from each other. My wife would use my shared vulnerabilities immediately against me and was constantly mothering/telling me what to do and how to do it. We had physically separated in the home and arguments hinting at divorce were starting to creep in. Our marriage was sick. Playfulness had long since gone from it, and the priorities of life and the world were weighing on us. I highly preferred not to be in the same room with her versus being around her." After MR: "I have grown to love my wife. I have grown to know God loves me enough to give me the miracle of a refreshed marriage—one that I'd hoped and prayed for but wasn't sure I was worthy of the help. And I'm not. But He granted it anyway and it has made ALL the difference. We are sharing plans and hopes for our future a lot more. We are making better decisions together."

The definition of a half-truth is "a statement that conveys only part of the truth, especially one used deliberately in order to deceive someone." I don't know that anyone who says these half-truths is INTENTIONALLY choosing to deceive someone. I'd prefer to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. However, we must look at these beliefs and discern if they are scripturally based. Certainly, the enemy has deliberately used them to deceive and wreak horrific tragedies in marriages and families. Unfortunately, half-truths are more slippery and harder to discern than outright (obvious) lies.​ Because we see something that somewhat resembles God's way, but we haven't given it the time or held it up to scripture to discern if it is actually aligned. My hope in this episode is to help you discern truth from half-truths. Here are a few we talked about in this episode: Duty sex is bad (true... and there are things you should do to change that) Women should not feel they have to keep their husbands faithful by offering him sex (true... and she has an opportunity to love him well and fill this God-designed desire) Men should not oppress women (true... and he is designated as the leader of the home) Everyone fights and it's normal (true... and the Bible is clear that it is evil) Listen in to today's podcast: 419-Half Truths Can Destroy More than Lies Listen to the episodes on iTunes, Spotify, Google Podcasts, or your favorite podcast platform I hope also you remember as I mentioned in the beginning ANYONE who has spoken these half-truths likely had great intentions. ​​Let's give them the benefit of the doubt and assume that everyone is trying to help marriages become God's best... I hope this shines a light on how God Himself designed marriage to be, according to our guide, the Bible. Let's have charity and kindness with one another as fellow believers. We are just seeking God's way above our own.​ Love and submission to Jesus, Belah PS - We'd love to help you and your marriage. Find out how to have a free Clarity Call ($300 value!) at delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - A recent graduate who came first and then because of his changes the wife joined and God did amazing things (!!) wrote this: "Hi Belah, I am well, thank you! And thank you so much for EVERYTHING you've done for me and my marriage. Your positive impact on my family will resound for generations. Truly words don't do justice to the blessing that you and DYM have been to us. God is good!" Glory to God for all of it! I hope you'll allow us to journey with you and see God transform your life too! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

(This is a re-release from previously.) I used to be so weirded out by sex because I was pursuing Jesus with everything. How could my life be sold out for Christ and have to engage in such carnal behavior? Then God opened my eyes to quite a lot. I hope you'll listen to today's podcast with an open heart and willingness to let Him reveal His true design and desire for you in your marriage. Love & Blessings, Belah PS – We'd love to help with your marriage/intimacy please set up a call with a Clarity Advisor to see how we can help: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

"We're just so different." "We have nothing in common." "Our personalities are not compatible." This is a big problem in marriages. People notice differences and assume it's a bad thing. This is understandable...but very wrong. God, in His amazing creativity, designed your spouse and you differently. He also made a deer look differently than an alligator. He made a duck's personality differently than an anaconda's. He made the octopus loners, but curious, and the ant disciplined, but incredibly collaborative. Why do we assume and expect God to make two humans alike? Especially when the two sexes are SO different in many other ways (hair growth, voice pitch, hip width...to name a few!) You're different from your spouse and it's to be marveled at as God's handiwork (Ephesians 3). And, HE knit your spouse together (Psalms 139). You GET to appreciate their uncommon traits. Not scowl and be annoyed at how unusual they are. This is GOD's creativity that YOU get to enjoy if you have the right perspective. That's my invitation today. Put on new glasses when you look at your spouse. The glasses of appreciating their uniqueness and idiosyncrasies and make that something that fills you with joy and respectful amusement and admiration. Love, Belah PS Do you want help developing healthy mindsets like this? We can help and we invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. Client Testimonial: Before Delighted Wife: "Coming into the program initially, things between us were very bad. We could not speak to each other at all and we felt pretty hopeless. Our home was constantly full of tension and negativity. My husband was singling out our son and taking his frustrations out on him." After Delighted Wife: "My biggest celebration is my shift in mindset and being able to see the good in my husband once again. Even for a long time while I was in the program, I was convinced that if my husband would "do something," things would improve. I did not realize how much I contributed to the discord in our marriage. I didn't realize how hard my heart was or how much healing needed to take place. It has changed everything! If I were to take the marital health assessment, I think our score would still be a low number, but we are the happiest we have ever been and I am going to focus on that and on making tomorrow better than today."

"Why can't I be fulfilled by what I SHOULD be able to?" -Higher-drive men, Higher-drive women "Why can't I get aroused by what I SHOULD be able to?" -Lower-drive women, PI/ED men I want to invite you to consider what brings you pleasure. I want you to consider what causes you to ENJOY life. At Delight Your Marriage we focus a lot of intimacy. (And this episode does too). God has designed sex to be a way to receive pleasure. But is it God's only way for you to receive pleasure in this amazing world? Did Jesus receive pleasure in this world? (Even without sex?) For higher drive husbands/wives (or those in sexless marriages): You are a wo/man who doesn't receive the pleasure from sex that you crave. Jesus was tempted in every way that we are, and yet he never sinned. (HOW???) For lower-drive wives/porn-induced ED/ED men: When you go on a journey of resensitizing your pleasure to everything this amazing world has to offer, you also resensitize yourself to the amazing gift of intimacy your spouse's unique body that God gives you in marriage. Gaining pleasure in many more things in this life is incredibly important for you to fulfill God's call in the world. Too many leaders/pastors/preachers have secret (and sometimes horrific) sins because they have no pressure release from the HARD work of ministry. They do not have ANY pleasure activities except sex (at least that's what they think constitutes a holy life). It's hard. Jesus knows it's hard to resist temptation. But he had MANY ways of receiving pleasure that had nothing to do with sex He had zero "sinful outside-of-marriage sex" and he had zero "holy inside-of-marriage sex". I invite you to listen with a curious heart to how God might want to invite you to resensitize yourself to the pleasure in HIS good world (in and out of marital intimacy) so that you can do the will of the Father ...as Jesus did. Blessings, Belah PS - We'd love to help you and your marriage be all that God wants it to be to ultimately support the life and call God wants you to have... go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for all the information of first steps! PPS -Recent wife grad: "I wish I could really express just how many celebrations I've had through my weeks in this program. Both alone, and in my marriage." Let's go! delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Many of our wife listeners have lower drives than their husbands. (I hear you!) And that's just the way it is. Nothing to be done, just deal with it. Also, if they're like I have been, since she has a lower sex drive she just has to put up with the requirement of her to make love even though she's less than enthusiastic about it because she has to have sex and can't do the things she really wants to be doing. Or sometimes avoids it altogether. I have been there. And so has Sarah. She and I both have high drive husbands. And we both know that sex is supposed to be a beautiful gift and a joy for him but we just couldn't desire it even if we wanted to. I want to allow you to hear Sarah's heart because she knew something wasn't right. She loved her husband and they waited till marriage to engage sexually together, as is biblical, but her desire just wasn't there, and it was so disheartening. But, she rejected the idea that there was nothing she could do about it. Even when sexual assault was in her past, she hoped God could still redeem and heal her sexuality. I'm excited for you to hear her story and see how you might be blessed by the advice and encouragement. Her first step was sharing her story with someone who gets it. That was the free Clarity Call she had with someone who had walked this road before and can share there is hope for change! Love, Belah PS - Would you like help? We would love to help. Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to have a compassionate and helpful conversation to evaluate if you're a good fit for our programs. PPS - If you're a husband who wants his wife to do what Sarah did, the best thing you can do is work on yourself first. From a guy who has been there, took the next steps, and did the work: "Before taking the course I would have defined our struggle as not being on the same page sexually. I thought that her view of me, and the attitudes that she held, were hurting our marriage. She thought I was too demanding and moody when my expectations weren't met. I felt she prioritized work, kids, church, her phone, etc. above me. The vast majority of the intimacy we had was duty sex. My biggest challenge has been my lack of understanding. I didn't realize how much pain I was causing her, or how self focused I was. I was trying to get her to change and should have been working on me. I am skilled at justifying myself and passing blame on my own heart. Understanding the concepts of Safe, Known, and Cherished was a big deal. Forgiveness and apologizing have been huge. The disciplines of faith statements, gratitude, prayer, and Bible reading make for a solid start to my day. My wife has told me she feels safe. She has begun to trust that my change is not a passing fad. I have gained understanding in how to love her well. I look forward to being around her, and to pampering her and loving her well. This has overflowed into intimacy emotionally, spiritually, and physically."

In approaching the new year, I invite you to rewind your calendar and consider...your marital performance in 2023. What if I asked your spouse what it was like being married to YOU this past year? Yikes! If my spouse chose to be fully open and honest I think I'd have plenty of... ehemmm... "growth-opportunities". :) Seriously though... feel free to go back through your calendar and check out what your priorities were throughout the year. Day by day. Week by week. Month by month. What was it like being married to YOU? If marriage is your first human assignment, was that reflected in... How you spent your time? How you spoke/listened to them? How you spent your energy? How you loved them the way he or she receives love? Assume you're looking at your year through your spouse's eyes. What were your challenges of the year? What were the things you should celebrate? Now that you have thought through that... We all know marriages are under attack, so what are you doing about it in your own home? You want it strong to withstand the challenges. & If you're a pastor or ministry leader, what are you doing about this for your flock or in your organization? (Aside: We have some exciting resources for ministry leaders that we'll be sharing with you in upcoming communications -- make sure you're on our email list to get notifications.) In this episode, I have some practical next steps and things to ponder as you're setting out into this fresh year. Love & Blessings, Belah PS - We'd love to help heal your marriage in 2024 (as has happened many times before), feel free to take us up on our gift to you: Clarity Call. delightyourmarriage.com/cc

As we are soon gathering together with loved ones to celebrate the Savior's birth, I would love for you to remember what life is all about. When we meet Jesus face to face, what do we want to be true of us? In today's episode, I walk you through a meditation I did with our men's graduate group a couple of months ago. It is really meant to give you a chance to consider eternity. What is Christmas really about? It's about Jesus. And are we living in light of His life, will and ultimate sacrifice. I invite you to listen in and gain more insight into what you want that day to be. Because we are Delight Your Marriage we focus a lot on marriage, but we will all stand before Jesus one day and this is good practice :) Love, Belah PS - Maybe you're considering launching into a healing season for your marriage in the New Year -- if so, sign up for a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - A recent lady graduate: "Years ago I prayed to God for a short life. I didn't want to break my marriage vow, but I didn't see how I could be happy with him and it was getting harder as the children became adults. Death seemed to be the only acceptable answer. I was obviously very unhappy. Now I enjoy spending time with him, look forward to dates and vacations, and we laugh and work things out together. I believe we are a great team! It's a miracle that we enjoy and like each other again. Physical intimacy is better than ever. He cares about me and I feel secure. When we come together physically, we feel closer and both of us look forward to it! I miss him when he gets busy with work and would be devastated if something happened to him." Maybe you're transformation is next. Learn more in a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

It's hard to discern (or even admit) if we are obsessed. So here's the definition: "an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind." Is your marriage an obsession? Or is God's will an obsession? (And your marriage is an important part of God's will for you.) I encourage you to consider what God's will is for you in this next season. It's all about priorities. If God is your first priority then everything else falls underneath. He puts all of our lives into perspective. Marriage shouldn't put all of our lives in perspective. It must be God first, then we can rightly serve our spouse well. I want to invite you to rightly obsess over God's will and put marriage in its proper place so that it's healed and somewhat on "autopilot" so you can get on with God's will for your life. Listen in to understand more about what this means for you. (I have an exciting announcement included in our conversation today, I'd love for you to hear it!) Love, Belah PS - If you're in a really hard place or even a really great place, I encourage you to get on a Clarity Call. Maybe (as a gent emailed me today) your marriage is a 10, but you feel you need to take this course because YOU need to become the man/woman your spouse needs, then we'd love to help. delightyourmarriage.com/cc A recent grad shared: (we try to never reuse testimonial quotes in multiple emails jfyi) "I've grown a lot spiritually, I had thought that I had always been a pretty good Christian...but realized that I was very selective in when and how I followed God's word. I feel a lot closer to God, and now realize that I can't really do marriage well on my own and truly need Him. The program was great! It so aligned with what I needed... If people seem stuck, don't hesitate to push...I know we should take that initiative ourselves but sometimes a spark or catalyst can help. I really believe in what you're doing...it's the best program out there… and think this program can really help a lot of people." Learn more at delightyourmarriage.com/cc

After 33 years of marriage, they were disconnected. At that point, they were sleeping in separate bedrooms. Maybe you're at a spot where it's hard to have hope because it has been SO hard for SO long. Jacques is here to say, even when only you do the work, it can change. Glory to God. Blessings, Belah PS - Could your marriage be one of the next ones to transform? Schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. You don't have to, but what if you do? Quote from a client... Before the program: "My biggest struggle coming into MR was openness with my wife about what I was thinking and feeling and fear of asking her about what was going on in her life. I had just come out of therapy for my addiction of lust and porn and trust was a big issue. I wanted her to know that she was the only one for me and I didn't know how to do that. I knew our marriage could be so much more but didn't know how to make that happen. It was a constant weight on me that made my everyday life like walking around on eggshells." After the program: "DYM has given me the confidence and tools to be able to handle difficult situations with my wife. It has given me such a better understanding of how my wife thinks and what is important to her. I have learned that I have to be the leader of the relationship. I love how the program was based on scripture in the bible. I learned how God wanted us to treat our wives and then how to do it. Surprisingly it has helped with my porn and lustful addiction. Now I respect women and my wife as they are all God's daughters. I am so excited for the next stage of my marriage."

You may wonder when God is going to show up in your life. In your situation. In your marriage. You may believe in God but don't feel His love for you, or at least haven't for a long time. Maybe you felt His love for you at first, and that is what brought you to give your life to Jesus, but slowly, things have really gotten stale. Maybe like your marriage. It was great at first. But slowly other loves entered the picture. Children. Careers. Commitments. Current events. Costs. Culture. Cars. Curtains. (Other things that also start with "C". :) Ultimately, our job is to sacrifice for our priorities. God. Spouse. Kids. Everything else. If you're not sacrificing for each (in that order), then it makes sense that you're not feeling the love from them. I encourage you to listen with a curious heart attuned to what the Lord may be drawing you to. Blessings, Belah PS - If you'd like our help with your marriage, your first step is a Clarity Call (a free gift from us) delightyourmarriage.com/cc Before the Delighted Wife Program: "Problems with tension and unforgiveness, exhaustion from childcare, loss of connection and lack of wholehearted intimacy. Husband was extremely resentful of me. I've lost respect for him. Was close to divorce. There wasn't peace at home, kids constantly saw us arguing, I didn't want to be at home, I was doing many things on my own with the kids because my husband didn't want to do things with me, I was craving for other male attention who valued me." After the Delighted Wife Program: "My heart has softened and I can now see the brokenness in my husband, that he was just a very wounded soul. He was trying to love me and wanted this marriage to work but he had no clue how to go about improving it and was instead making things worse. Wholehearted intimacy. Not arguing for a long time and the atmosphere has completely shifted, there is peace at home and he is a much happier and better father to the children... Impacted everything, it turned everything around. My husband is now loving, patient, caring, and a very present and patient father."

Tomorrow is the day (in the US) we set aside to be grateful. Or it's a day we set aside to get frustrated with family, binge eat, and watch football. Just kidding. I invite you to do Thanksgiving this year, Jesus way. Let's allow peace, joy, and thanksgiving being the most important aspects of this holiday. Everything else is after those. Let's be intentional to not allow wounds of the past (even from yesterday) to rob our kids or extended family of the opportunity to see how Jesus followers love each other. Whether they deserve it or not. I want to just encourage you to do a few things if your marriage is tense right now. Take 100% ownership to turn it to thanksgiving. Here are some very basic and very practical steps. Love, Belah PS - If you'd like our help to turn your marriage around, we're here for you. Your first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Randy felt lonely, disconnected, and that his wife cared about everything and everyone else more than his wife. He was a strong believer and prayed for change in his marriage. He stumbled upon Delight Your Marriage through podcast searching and found something that seemed right. He and his wife really dug into the material. And it did start to make sense. Sadly, they were again up at 3 am and both very frustrated and hurting. She decided to make the free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc And ultimately, they both chose to do the work together. As a natural skeptic and somewhat pessimistic he was concerned whether it was... 1- Going to work for them. 2- Whether it had a cult-like vibe. I think he was wise to consider this. But he assures you on this episode that it wasn't like that at all. Our goal is marriage transformed so they can continued doing the work of the Kingdom even better. Randy shares about how they are adoptive parents. Such important work requires a healthy marriage to love well. I'm so glad to see what God has done in these two and what He's continuing to do! Blessings, Belah PS - Join a free Clarity Call with a Clarity Advisor like Randy did and see how we can help you specifically: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - The holidays are coming. I encourage you to consider who in your life needs Delight Your Marriage. Maybe today is the day to tell them: You say: "Have you heard of DYM?" They say: "No" You say: "I'll send it to you". And then send them one or two and write: "Here are some that I got a lot out of". (That way it doesn't make them feel like you think there's something wrong with them.) Who knows, maybe you just changed the trajectory of a family, forever. Just by sending them a podcast.

Dads, When it comes to fatherhood, do you feel at times like you don't know what you're doing? At times, does the chaos and frustration of it all feel like you're left to solve a very difficult puzzle without directions? Dr. Don is here to tell you, "Every dad CAN win". He's been there. His wife, the "Relationship Ninja", Suzanne wants you to know that you are handpicked by God for this. For fatherhood. For your children. You can do this. Early on in his family life, Don felt like parenting was more like solving a Rubix cube with no instructions. Over the years of raising a family of 7 kids and gaining insights from other experts, they've discovered family comes down to 2 words: a- relationships and b- culture Don says, if you build your family right on the inside, then you can tackle anything that happens on the outside. They invite you to constantly ask the question: How can I connect to my child today? Words, time, & creating experiences and memories are all examples of how to connect. I specifically love when Suzanne says as parents, our goal is to take our kids from being parent-controlled to self-controlled. She also shares how wives can encourage their husbands in the midst. Seriously, gents, you can win at fatherhood. Even if you didn't have a role model. And even if--like the Rangers (TX MLB not NY NHL :)--maybe your track record hasn't been great... it is possible to still win! Seriously though... You can be a good father. It really is not too late. Don is opening an opportunity for you in the new year for fathers to learn how to do just that for free. Just email him [email protected] to find out more. Their many resources, podcasts, and courses can be found at crazycoolfamily.com I hope this message will encourage you to keep fighting to win! Love, Belah PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage. Maybe that has felt like it is the thing holding you back from working on your fatherhood. We'd love to get you to the other side and really enjoy peace and joy in your marriage, thus empowering your kids! delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call to discover your first step in marriage healing. Recent graduate wrote: Before men's program... "this inability caused me to be concerned about our future and caused me to feel like I was alone... There were so many needs and desires that would go unmet, that I struggled to be holy and joyful. After men's program... "Too many [celebrations] to recount here! In summary, she has made the most intimate bids for connection with me over the last weeks than I can remember! These have been both sexual and non-sexual. My biggest celebration could be that I feel loved and desired by my wife again, and that is so fun and empowering for life on a mission!" Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc so we can help you have that story too!

When I was first with my (now) husband he showed me my value. Value I didn't know I had. Worth I didn't know I was. He taught me how precious my heart was. He taught me how precious my body was. God loved me through my husband. God healed me through my husband. I remember on our first date I told him that I had never felt safer in my whole life. I felt completely respected and honored by this man. I felt like he would protect me from anything and everything (even from himself). Unassuming. Tender. Kind. And when I read the scriptures, I see that is what Jesus is to women. He is kind. He is loving. He doesn't speak to them harshly. He is moved by compassion when they cry. Seriously. Take a minute and think. Is there ever a time that Jesus is harsh to women? Even when he tenderly corrects Martha, it is in protecting Mary (a woman who had the gall to value herself enough to learn from the great Rabbi). I invite you to explore with me how Jesus treated women. Men if you have never learned from Jesus in this way, I think this will help you. It will help you see your wife as the daughter of the king. As a precious soul that you are tasked to heal and care for. And God can heal her through you... through your genuine safety. Book referenced: Unwanted: How Sexual Brokenness Reveals Our Way to Healing by Jay Stringer Blessings, Belah PS - If you want our help, feel free to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more info. PPS - Recent husband grad: BEFORE: "Constantly getting rejected was demoralizing and took a mental toll on me for sure. Not being listened to and the lack of respect was basically a punch in the gut pretty much daily, causing depression and definitely other issues within the house as well with the kids also." AFTER: "I wanted to think that I was doing all the right things and that it was her problems that were causing all of the issues between, but I was definitely wrong. Through this program, I have realized that I definitely was living up to my "man of the house" role. Mainly I was not providing her safety. My actions, or lack of actions depending on the situation, were not getting my wife into a safe place where she would be in the mindset to share herself with me physically, mentally, or spiritually. By doing this in turn it has proved to be beneficial with what I feel is much more respect from her, especially around the kids, as well as more frequent episodes of lovemaking."

Solomon. The wisest man in the whole world. Ever. Fell to sex. David. The man after God's own heart. Fell to sex. Samson. The real-life superhero. Fell to sex. Falling to sex is something men have done for a long time... AND each was severely punished. 1 Cor 10:8 We should not commit sexual immorality, as some of them did—and in one day twenty-three thousand of them died... These things happened to them as examples and were written down as warnings for us... 12 So, if you think you are standing firm, be careful that you don't fall! 13 No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted d beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it. For your own sake (much less for the sake of everyone who knows you follow Jesus) get humble. Humble yourself while the monster is one inch tall. Confess the internet search, the extended browsing, the questionable conversation, the __________________________.... Get humble at the earliest warning level. Run into the light. Share it exactly with your brother or sister (not co-ed).​​​​ ​​You have an opportunity to get healed. Put crazy strong boundaries in place. ​ Every man in our community... be open with your sin to another man. Every woman in our community... be open with your sin to another woman. Let's not end up with their consequences... Humble yourself. Be specific. Own your sin. Confess it to another person. Fully repent. Allow them to pray for you. Submit yourself to their accountability and humble yourself over and over again​...​​​ ...that you may be healed. Listen in to today's extra short (since it's a Monday) podcast. Belah PS - If you want our help, feel free to go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for more info.

Today's story is by a wonderful man who needed help to receive the intimacy he was really hoping for. As a person who believed in Jesus and was serious about the Word of God, the lack of intimacy in his marriage was not something he was willing to find a sinful outlet for. Instead, he had heard of Delight Your Marriage and began listening to the podcast. After listening for several years, he decided to sign up for the men's program when it began to be offered. The first time he went through the 3-month program, he learned, implemented, and saw results! He saw some great changes in his marriage. But after a year, he realized it wasn't enough. So, he did it again... I invite you to hear what his changes have been this time around, after he had a foundation to build from and really finetune his shifts. He's got some exciting things to share as a result of his second round of the program…an even greater progression of growth in his marriage. If you've done "all the things" but haven't seen your marriage change, I invite you to listen to David's story... God is still changing hearts and lives, marriages, and families. God bless you, Belah PS - Could your marriage change? What do you have to lose…and potentially gain? We invite you to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. Graduate quote: Before the program: "Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage. I felt totally unattracted to her and trapped. I became very depressed as a result of our unhappy marriage feeling like a life sentence that couldn't improve. The inability I felt to do anything positive in my marriage made me hesitant and unconfident in my vocation as a minister. I felt like I had zero positive influence with my own wife, so how could I have any influence with others that I hoped to point to Christ or build a trusting relationship with. Even more so, my role as a dad and as a friend to others was constricted by how small and worthless I felt." After the program: "I've seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I've ever felt. The faith-statements, the forgiveness exercises, and the daily gratitudes have made an enormous change inside me. The ways my wife saw me as unsafe and unsatisfied all seemed from my heart of anger and ungratefulness toward her. Forgiveness toward her has softened my heart, and the daily gratitude has accumulated to change my attitude toward her, even in a daily way. I sincerely have a delight toward her that I've not felt in over a decade."

You may be one who is really good about getting yourself filled up in order to be your best for your spouse. But for the rest of us, this episode is for you. I think we know that we cannot give what we do not have. But that doesn't stop us from trying (and failing often...Oh, how many times I have been there!) Then my stressed feelings take over and I am not kind or loving to my highest priority human, ehemm, my spouse. I want to encourage you that God is one who can fill your cup. But you have to discipline yourself and make room for him to renew and refresh you. Ultimately, your spouse cannot satisfy. God does. We want to get filled up with him and from that overflow, we bring our best to serving our spouse. Love, Belah PS - How can we help you? From some people who graduated recently (not married to each other). Women's program: Before: There wasn't peace at home, kids constantly see us arguing, I didn't want to be at home...My husband was extremely resentful of me. I've lost respect for him. Was close to divorce. After: Impacted everything, it turned everything around. My husband is now loving, patient, caring, and a very present and patient father. Husband's program: Before: There were many big marital struggles. Coming in, I knew my wife felt that I was unsafe for her, and that she felt alone and unknown by me. On my end, I felt deeply regretful of marrying her, angry with her, and hopeless to ever have a joyful marriage. I felt totally unattracted to her and trapped. After: I've seen progress in almost every area. I have grown in my own perspective on my wife. This has stunned me, and given me more hope than I've ever felt. I sincerely have a delight toward her that I've not felt in over a decade. Wow, I can't begin to think of improving it. It's amazing. PPS - If you're ready for these changes. Who knows, maybe this'll be you in 3 months? delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.

He's been a Christian for many years, yet couldn't seem to "crack" how people transform. He knew he wasn't where God would want him to be, but couldn't figure out how to get there. He had followed Delight Your Marriage for years and applied what he picked up, but it didn't seem to move the needle. Finally, he decided it was time and joined. He started seeing changes in himself and changes in his walk with God. And he was thrilled to discover a community of men that was, in his words, "extraordinary." He learned to be a man of God in a real sense alongside other men growing, as well. He finally felt unstuck. I hope this is encouraging and inspiring to you as well. Blessings, Belah PS - If you're a wife or a husband, I encourage you to sign up for a Clarity Call to see how you, too, can witness this kind of transformation in yourself and in your marriage. delightyourmarriage.com/cc From a wife graduate who also felt stuck: "Coming into the program, I felt stuck. My marriage was 1 year into recovery from my husband's infidelity, and though we had been counseling and working on moving forward, I felt like we hadn't made much progress. I had a major lack of joy and felt depleted emotionally and physically. I was unable to be the mom I wanted to be, and certainly wasn't able to love my husband well (though I wanted to!)" After the program: "The trajectory of my life has changed in a dramatic way. I feel more sure of the direction my life is heading. I am no longer allowing emotion or fear to control the direction of my life. I want my GPS to be the Bible, and Jesus as the driver. I am sure that God is trustworthy and capable and I am growing in allowing him space to work. I have grown in my character, my life goals are more aligned with God's, and I believe I am being obedient to God's will in my marriage."

My son, age 10, is going to talk to you today. And I invite you to ​​imagine this is your son. What kind of father do you want him to see? A leader? A man of character? A man of strength and integrity? So many wives want that for their sons, but they are unwilling to do what's necessary to make space for that to be a reality. These wives (and sadly I've been in that place way too many times) give into fear. Fear that he won't do what "needs to be done" in her eyes. ​​​​​​​​ So, instead of letting him lead, she takes charge and controls, criticizes, and even "mothers her husband" (yuck!)... Then... she expects him to stand up and lead? That wouldn't be sensical. So your husband either shuts down and reverts to apathy or he may get angry and explode. ​​​​ And ultimately, how does that impact the kids? ​​ On our episode, my son is actually going to be painfully honest about how we live this out (and there are some less-than-flattering revelations un/fortunately). The point is...​​ Your kids need their father to take his place as the leader of the home. ​​He was designed for this. ​My son points out,​ that it's a burden. And taking responsibility for the home is a scary thing. ​ How do you "get" your husband to lead? ​​There's a way to get there and it's not by controlling... it's about giving up the control. (I'll define what that means). I hope wives listen to my son with fresh ears from the perspective of a little boy who needs a dad to look up to. ​​As it may change your heart in a way that my words couldn't. (Also, my son sings a song to his papa at the end... I hope it makes you smile. Song: Saved My Life by Andy Grammer and R3HAB) Love, Belah PS - If you're a wife who is scared to give up control like we are encouraging, I was there! Your next step is a Clarity Call here: delightyourmarriage.com/cc A wife graduated today and wrote: "The trajectory of my life has changed in a dramatic way. I feel more sure of the direction my life is heading. I am no longer allowing emotion or fear to control the direction of my life. I want my GPS to be the Bible, and Jesus as the driver. I am sure that God is trustworthy and capable and I am growing in allowing him space to work. I have grown in my character, my life goals are more aligned with God's, and I believe I am being obedient to God's will in my marriage." God can totally transform your heart and your marriage, we get to walk wives by the hand into that reality many times over. Find out more and how we can help you on a free Clarity Call.

They saved themselves for marriage. (Yay!) But there were other hurdles encountered as a result of a lack of insight around intimacy and God's wonderful design. Hear how Lindsay got to the other side. Was it just flipping a switch and suddenly there's freedom? No. It was a process. It was a journey, and it took support and guidance. I look forward to you hearing from someone who got there, and you can, too. For men: her husband went first. For women: she had to commit and realize it was important enough for her to get free. Love, Belah PS - Like Lindsay, if you want freedom in your intimacy but have hang-ups from purity culture, you can get on a free Clarity Call to be listened to and asked questions. Maybe our program is the right fit for you. delightyourmarriage.com/cc If you're a husband who sees his wife "holding back" because of this, Lindsay's husband took the men's program first, so I also encourage you to get on a Clarity Call. delightyourmarriage.com/cc Program Graduate Quote: Before the program: "We had recurring arguments surrounding intimacy. I felt like [my husband's] love was conditional and he felt like I neglected his needs. It was so discouraging. [My husband] felt lonely and I felt like a failure. The cycle would repeat every couple months, leaving both of us discouraged and hopeless that things could ever change… especially after 23 years of marriage. It impacted every relationship in our life, including our kids, work, in ministry, etc." Same graduate after the program: "I am amazed at the peace and unity in our marriage. I no longer feel like sex is an obligation but something that I am really learning to enjoy! It's better than it has ever been. I have a hard time taking credit for it because [my husband] is killing it at implementing the principles from his 'Masculinity Reclaimed' program. I have never felt more known, safe or wholeheartedly cherished. It is easy to respond to a man who loves me like this. It is easy to be attracted to and vulnerable with a man who loves me like Jesus loves his church. I have really grown in vulnerability, boldness and freedom in my sexuality, including discovering how sex can be so enjoyable for me. And turns out, [my husband] LOVES when I enjoy it! I am overcoming my physical insecurities and realizing that my body is a gift for my husband. What a beautiful design and privilege that I can please, comfort and bless my husband in intimacy. I want to continue being courageous to experience all God has for our marriage. I see how my upbringing and the influence of culture have warped how I think and hindered me from experiencing marriage like God designed. I see how I desperately need God to renew my mind to see myself, marriage and sex the way He does. This is the best marriage material we have ever come across. The Lord is using you in huge ways!"

DYM Listeners -- Thank you SO much for all your help with this Pre-Engaged Workbook launch. And God got us on the charts... #1 New Release in Christian Dating & Relationships!!! Thanking God for His favor!! (Being on the charts means it will be seen by many more people). And a special thank you to Maria, Delighted Wife Facilitator, who was our amazing book editor! She edited and gave feedback and edited again -- Thank you! May God use this in a mighty way in the lives of those who read it. "It truly is a life changing resource if couples will apply themselves to the principles." Blessings, Belah PS - If you haven't yet purchased / reviewed the Pre-Engaged workbook, would love you to add your 5-star review to help spread this work as far as possible. Thank you!

We are LOVING the excitement about the Pre-Engaged Workbook, which will be released soon. (It is supposed to go live today, but isn't available yet... there is a hold-up in the review process. We will let you know once it goes live!) --- What I think happens a lot in marriages is a dynamic of competition. They both want to impress their spouse, and both of them are clawing on top of each other trying to get the other one to notice them and admire them. They're trying to get their spouse to see that they're doing a good job. At the very same moment, the other spouse is trying to get them to see that they're doing a good job and trying to impress them. So each is trying to get their security and their approval and their sense of doing a good job from their spouse. And so this competition takes hold. Instead of enjoying each other and the gift that they are---in the strengths and the differences---they are competing and they can't see past their own hurt and lack of encouragement from their spouse. So, what I highly recommend is that you consider if this dynamic is happening in your home. Are you trying to get compliments and admiration and encouragement from your spouse but getting hurt over and over and over again? My recommendation is that you listen to this episode to understand how to actually receive the affirmation, the approval, and the encouragement you crave. The good news is you could actually have both security and affirmation… and change the dynamic from competition to love and generous compliments. You'll find out how if you listen to today's episode. Blessings, Belah PS - Help could be a click away…you're invited to schedule a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see if you're a good fit for our programs. What do graduates say about the results of the program? "Before I took the program, I thought my wife and I were getting on ok, but as it turned out this was far from the case. It soon became clear that my wife had been feeling very lonely and isolated for years, and this had been showing in her behaviour, which though pleasant, was somewhat aloof and detached emotionally." "Things moved exponentially, very quickly, though not without struggle and some reverses.. She did not recognise this "new husband" as she put it! …Completely unintentionally I had made my wife feel ignored, not attended to, and taken for granted… Communication was generally businesslike rather than affectionate. …As the program has gone on, huge strides have been made in our marriage. We now spend quality time together most meal times, we've started going out on dates again, we are much more playful than before and we enjoy being with each other. Most importantly, my wife has relaxed, she's begun to trust me, and her true bubbly self is coming out into the open. And it's a delight to see. It almost feels like it used to when we were first dating. Sex has even taken on a completely new appearance."

I just have to apologize ahead of time because this headline is way too sensational. I can hear you saying, "It's frankly not realistic." I get it. But, hear me out. (Or, hear him out...? :) So, Hunter had twin 4-year-old girls. His wife was fed up with asking him to change. To pull his fair share. To be proactive in the family responsibilities. She said she was done. They had talked about divorce in the past, but there was finality this time. He could tell she was serious. And she was. This is when a lot of people would feel helpless and decide they're going to give up and end the marriage since their spouse wants a divorce. Not Hunter. He had done a Clarity Call a year earlier and wasn't ready to take that step then. But knew, at this point, he had to dramatically change to save his marriage. He said, "At the beginning of the program, I had trouble getting just a few sentences out before I would bust out in tears..." Week in and week out Hunter plugged along. But because of the amazing men in our program, he didn't feel he was doing it by himself. They were texting him, praying for him, encouraging him each time it got hard. When he had a bad week and felt absolutely worthless and hopeless, they'd be there to brush him off and remind him WHY he was doing this. They'd help him get encouraged and refocused. Hunter did one scary change after another, one step forward and one step back, one awkward skill practiced after another until it became normal, natural, and just who he is... And his wife started to respond. She started to end the snarky, mean comments. And she started even being receptive to his touch. Ever so slowly, she started to trust that he is indeed a new man. And he was indeed able to heal his marriage even though she didn't do the program. Now he feels closer to God and he can see that she is closer to God, as well. Now they are in love again… like when they were first married. Now their 4-year-old girls are 5, and they are in a family with parents that are unified and loving. This is a big deal and worth a giant celebration! And, a sensational headline (because it's true). Love, Belah PS - If you need a transformation like Hunter, please don't let hopelessness overtake you. Focus on WHY it's so important for you to save your marriage, and get help. We have resources to help you every step of the way (literally, it's step-by-step). You may be so flooded with fear and pain that you can't even think straight. It's okay, we've got a step-by-step process. It's proven, and it works. Wife or husband, we want to help you. Go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call. Like Hunter, take the next courageous step. It's worth it. Like Hunter, gain clarity on a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc Like Hunter... it could save and transform your marriage, forever. From a recent lady graduate: "Delight Your Marriage has brought a breath of fresh air to our marriage! It helped me to forgive myself and others for wrong that had been done in my life. DYM [Delight Your Marriage] gave me new tools to use to revive my marriage and a renewed focus on God to guide and direct our marriage through the next phases of life! I enjoyed every aspect of this program! From the first podcast I listened to, to the clarity call, accountability calls, modules, and coaching calls! It all has been a joy, challenge, and work that has helped me and my marriage now thrive!" We invite you to learn more! delightyourmarriage.com/cc (If you know someone who needs this... forward this episode to them! Maybe you'll save a family.)

We're all insecure. I am. You are. We might not be insecure about the same things, but we've all got it. Today, I want to talk about the insecurities that are common for women and the insecurities that are common for men. Spoiler alert: they're different. But the insight most of us miss is that our specific insecurity in marriage actually is harming our spouse. Because of the way our spouse is designed by God, if there are certain things missing in marriage, it pains them. Deeply. This is an episode I hope you'll take to heart. Your insecurities may be harming your spouse. Included in this episode: -What are insecurities? -What are yours as a husband or as a wife? -How are they affecting your spouse? -How to move past them? -How to get free of them? I really hope this helps. Blessings, Belah PS - We'd love to have you on the inside of a program and witness God do something amazing in and through you! Delightyourmarriage.com/cc is the place to sign up for a free Clarity Call. When asked how we can improve the program a recent graduate wrote: The course is absolutely brilliant. The course materials (videos and pdfs) are top notch in terms of content, and Belah is totally invested in her teaching and coaching, the content of which is simply superb. It's been meticulously researched. And the materials are attractive and mostly very user friendly. The accountability groups are a master stroke. Most of all, everything is covered by prayer and led by the Holy Spirit. I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious. More importantly no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behaviour as this one. There are very few things that could be improved. Well done Belah and all the team in producing something that is not only very professional, but is an absolute life saver in so many marriages, including mine!

Amber can tell you straight up... God has changed her. For so many reasons, she would have said her behavior was warranted. (I know the feeling and have said the words myself!) And God was kind to open her eyes to her pride. The pride that was ripping her husband apart. And yet, God got her attention. He stretched forth His hand and showed her what she couldn't see on her own. He used her husband's leadership to bring her to a place of recognition of her sin. And then she chose the humble and wise way. I must say I am SO proud of Amber. How she has grown. How she now lives out the joy that God restored to her marriage! It's worth celebrating. I hope you'll listen and be encouraged by what God has done in her heart (first), (then) in her marriage, and in her family. Love and gratefulness for our amazing Father, Belah PS - If you'd like to see how to transform your situation, we'd love to help. The first step is a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc Client testimonial... before the ladies program (the state of their marriage): "Completely overwhelming! It was causing pain and sadness in every area of our lives." After the ladies program: "Our love has grown beyond my imagination. My husband and I are tender and loving and supportive to each other like never before. My husband has truly softened over the last few months through my using the tools in this program. Our fighting has stopped! Arguing is not our way of life anymore. Our children are doing so amazing and I can see them feeling settled and safe. Our intimacy is God honoring and I desire my husband…which was never the case! Our marriage will never be the same! I honestly rejoice every day that Jesus brought this podcast and program in my life. Thank you from the bottom of my heart!"

There can only be 1 answer to this question: Yes, or No. Well, who do you go to to answer questions like this? Do you have a pastor? A friend? A mentor? A favorite author? A researcher? A scientist? A porn counselor? An SA therapist? A previous user? Your own experience? Your own intuition? Who has the authority in your life to answer this question? Ahem... "the great Belah Rose?" Just so we're clear, when I said, "Let there be light"... it stayed dark. When your pastor said it... when your favorite author/researcher/friend/counselor/author/confidante said it... probably the same. Maybe there was a window already open, so God's light actually allowed it to be light... but ultimately, they don't have power or authority anywhere, ANYWHERE close to God. God. But is He the biggest authority to you? Does what He says matter to you the MOST? I invite you to pause. Ponder. Are His words MOST important? To you? Let's say, your answer is yes. But then, how do you know what God says... especially about an exclusively 21st-century issue, i.e. porn? Well, actually it isn't a 21st-century issue. And God speaks about it. Many times. And He clearly answers this question. I don't know if you want to hear it, but He does speak to it. Before we get there. In truth... Apathy is easier. Skepticism is easier. Laziness is easier. But just because you don't care (apathy), or believe (skepticism), or want to (laziness), ...swim away from the impending waterfall, doesn't mean it won't kill you when you inevitably get to it. Do you care what the Bible says? Do you believe what the Bible says? Do you want to discover what the Bible says? I had a conversation via email with a dear friend about a year ago. I would love for you to read it to learn why I think the Bible should be pursued, is trustworthy, and can be utterly wonderful for you: delightyourmarriage.com/bible So, to answer this question... "The great Belah Rose" fears God too much to not tell you: yes, it is a salvation issue. "Anyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart... better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell." Jesus says it is. We're talking about hell. We're talking about lust. We're talking about salvation. (In Matthew 5:28) I hope one day this will be true of me... "I never shrank back from telling you what you needed to hear... either publicly, or in your homes [or in your earbuds]. I have had one message... the necessity of repenting from sin and turning to God, and of having faith in our Lord Jesus." Acts 20:20-21 Belah PS - Next steps: Repent from your sin. Turn to God [i.e. read your physical Bible to learn / discover / encounter who He actually is] and have faith in our Lord Jesus. PPS - There IS hope AND help. Maybe we can help. Jesus most definitely can help! If you'd like to investigate whether or not we can help, we invite you to schedule a free, no obligation Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc Quote from a graduate of Masculinity Reclaimed: Before MR: "My sex life was a mess before I found DYM. It's really hard to find anyone that will talk to you about sex in a godly way. The world is full of lies, DYM pulls the truth out of the Bible and gives you exactly what you need to get on a healthy trajectory for your marriage and sex life!" After MR: "I think my biggest celebration is just having the weight of discontentment lifted. It is so frustrating and depressing to be constantly dissatisfied with your sex life. It truly is like carrying around a huge weight. To finally be free of that and realize that I could be satisfied and happy without doing anything but changing my heart posture was amazing. I no longer feel like the victim of a bad marriage, but rather the recipient of a blessed marriage!"

I don't have to tell you that the enemy is out for families. Because the best-case scenario is a mom and dad that love each other raising children that grow up to be the men and women to do God's will in the earth. So, if the enemy can tear at the soul of the marriage. The most sacred part. The intimacy. Then the family crumbles. But God. Wayne is so courageous to share what God has done because he knows it can help someone, maybe like you to know you're not alone. This is a story I've heard many times. Wayne made a big error. One that could have changed his family's future to one completely different with so much pain and heartache. When he was found out, it was the hardest days of their lives. It was devastating. A friend told him about Delight Your Marriage. When he heard Mick's testimonial (Episode 363) he knew he had to do the program and he went ahead. It wasn't easy for him. It took ownership. It took struggle. It took perseverance. It took time. It took patience. It took prayer. It took other men rooting him on. Encouraging him. Praying for him. He didn't give up. And God healed their marriage. God healed their connection. God healed his wife's heart. There is so much good in that home now. Their many kids feel more relaxed and able to be themselves in the home. Their friendship is stronger. He appreciates all the levels of connection he now enjoys with his wife. She said, "if you told me this [is how it would be] a year ago, I wouldn't have believed it." He agrees "That's not who I was" but now it is. God be praised. I hope you are encouraged by another journey that God is healing families. It's not easy but it is SO worth it. If you needed this to own your mess and turn your family's future around. It's time. Don't waste any more precious time and join our men's program to transform it all. Blessings, Belah PS - Have a conversation with Dana at delightyourmarriage.com/cc to see how we can help you. PPS - A different husband who graduates next week wrote: "I feel very different. A kinder, more gentle, caring human being has emerged. I feel more confident in myself and in my masculinity. I can safely say that I have learned more in this course than any course I have done in the past, whether secular or religious. More importantly, no course or teaching has effected such a radical change in my character and behavior as this one." Maybe it's your turn: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

Driving down the road, crying out to God. And, maybe, the strongest he's ever heard the Lord responded to him. It wasn't rebuke. But an invitation. He saw into the heart of God. Real tears started rolling down his face. --- I invite you to listen to Dan's story. Maybe it's not unlike yours... ...have a marriage, for some decades. ...have gone through struggles and broken dreams. ​ ​...have a couple of children. ​​...desire to be who God called him to be. ​​...desire to have the connection with God he hoped was available. A friend at church shared with him about the podcast. He started listening to dozens of episodes... and eventually felt he needed to do a call. He took the courage to have a Clarity Call with Dana. Then found out his friend did the program and was on the podcast himself testifying of what God had done. I hope you are encouraged that, just as God spoke to Dan, He wants that level of connection and intimacy with YOU. I invite you to shut off distractions and go before Him... ...in joy, silence, praise, worship, prayer, bowed head, bowed knee, bowed heart... before our love, God, King and Savior, Jesus Christ. Love, Belah PS - We'd love to help you draw closer to God, live His way, and witness God transform your relationships: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Dan references the Pre-Dating workbook. Also, from a different wife who graduated today: "What can a blind man who now sees say, except "Praise God! It's a miracle! My life has been forever changed and I will be eternally grateful!" God did ALL of the work and He gets all of the credit. But He 100% did it through this program." Sign up for a free Clarity Call: delightyourmarriage.com/cc

I should be clear... I don't struggle with this. The stories I share about my pride in this episode are a complete rarity. Almost never happens. ​I also don't struggle with lying... :D (Just kidding :) I need this learning as much as anyone... which is why I'm excited to share what God is teaching me! ---- "My spouse needs to change..." "[He is / She is] doing so many bad things...so many..." "There's nothing I can do unless [he / she] changes..." I knew this was a disempowering mindset that I saw often. But it wasn't until this week when God confronted me with my pride, that I learned that "self-pity" is the sin of pride. Ouch. But true. (I learned this through the book by R. T. Kendall's The Power of Humility. I highly recommend it.) Wallowing in your pain isn't God's way. "But I don't deserve to be treated like this!" I hear you. Job didn't deserve his suffering either. His suffering was profound. Maybe yours is too. Job started out strong. Even when others encouraged him to deny God's goodness, he stayed faithful to God and honored His faithfulness regardless. But eventually, he succumbed to self-pity, he was severely corrected for his wallowing in self-pity. I hope you and I will heed what God said to Job. And that we would respond the way Job did to His correction. I encourage you to lean into His discipline. He is a good Father who disciplines His children. God is kind to bring us to repentance. And don't worry... I needed this episode too. Let's draw near to God. Lay down our pride and acknowledge and seek Him as Lord and King. Love, Belah PS - We'd love to help you with your marriage, go to delightyourmarriage.com/cc for a free Clarity Call. PPS - If you're wondering how healthy your marriage is right now to give you insights on what needs to change and the first steps in how to with free resources... go to delightyourmarriage.com/health to take the Marital Health Assessment. From another recent graduate: Before the men's program: "Struggles - Arguing, lack of trust, loss of peace frequently, little laughter, lack of joy, lack of fun. I was worried that if I didn't change, my wife might leave me after the kids leave for college. After:"Getting compliments and thanks from my wife (I would get them so so rarely). My wife hugging and kissing me and being playful. Holding hands and walking together when outside in public. Peace at home, laughter between us and with kids. We are in love again." Final thoughts: "It's the best life changing thing that happened to me. Its changed my view about my wife, about women, it helped me change to understand my wife and women better, helped with my relationship with my kids, my mother and sister. My relationship with my mom and sis was very bad, it's improving now. Trying to use the CIRQUE, No arguments, gratefulness, compliments at work and other relationships. It's worth a million bucks!!!!" Glory to God! We'd love to help you too! Find out more on a free Clarity Call: http://delightyourmarriage.com/cc