Delight Your Marriage

You might be one who can work all day and feel great. And maybe you struggle to take a vacation. Maybe if you're really honest with yourself, you think productivity is next to godliness. If you're like Brad and I -- that's us nodding our heads. We're just wired that way. That's not the end of the story... But Brad had a mentor that wouldn't let go of him until he could see that drivenness is ruining his life. Not the fact that he is driven (Brad didn't give that up), but the fact that he felt he wasn't enough unless he achieved X, Y, and Z. Brad's marriage journey is pretty powerful and directly relates. If Brad was more committed to his work than his wife -- she would feel betrayed. As many wives do who have this dynamic in their marriages. Many out there sacrifice the possibility of peace and joy in their lives because they're too busy to notice the life Christ offers them. God is sufficient. God rested. God delights in us -- you can delight in this world, and you can delight in those He intends for you to delight, your spouse and your children. Let's abide in Him and learn from Brad as he shares these refreshing insights. Find out more about Brad and his work with marriages in churches at gracemarriage.com Blessings, Belah PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!) PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "My contact with DYM has completely transformed my life. I was depressed, pessimistic, shackled by shame, and largely unaware of who I was and what effect I was having on my family. Through the skills and habits I learned in DYM God has truly made me a new creation. I now look forward to each new day and have a deep, healing, life-giving relationship with God that has freed me from shame, depression, and self-loathing."

Today marks the day that God stooped so low to live a perfect life and die a gruesome sinner's death -- to save you. And save me. Why? Not because we were perfect. Not because we could earn His love. Who could earn that? But because He decided we were worth it. We aren't deserving of His sacrifice because we're so great -- it's because HE'S so great. He's so good, kind, and gracious that He decided we were priceless to come and rescue. And if you are priceless -- a prized treasure Jesus came to save... Is your spouse? If the answer is yes... Are you treating your spouse like they are Jesus' prized treasure? Priceless in the eyes of the God of the Universe? Do you believe they are? In today's episode, I hope to remind you of how loved you are by the Lord. And with that in mind, I hope you also remember how loved your spouse is. May that encourage us to love each other better and with a fuller heart. Blessings, Belah PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!) PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "My contact with DYM has completely transformed my life. I was depressed, pessimistic, shackled by shame, and largely unaware of who I was and what effect I was having on my family. Through the skills and habits I learned in DYM God has truly made me a new creation. I now look forward to each new day and have a deep, healing, life-giving relationship with God that has freed me from shame, depression, and self-loathing."

Become the man your wife respects and desires again—before prices increase Book your Clarity Call now -------------------------------------------- I'm speaking to a man who wants to fix things. He is not a whiner, complainer, or blamer. He's interested in taking responsibility and making things better. But if he's really honest with himself, sometimes he feels that his wife prioritizes the kids above him. If you're in that category, I'd like to speak to you directly. You're right, it's not ok. This isn't a good dynamic. And if she's a Jesus-follower, it's also not biblical. Ok. Now that that's settled. What do you do? The thing you CAN control is yourself. You can update the lens by which you are evaluating the situation. As a driven guy you know that if you do the same thing in business, you'll get the same results. But if you shift gears and do something else -- you'll see different results. That's what I'm inviting you to do today. Shift gears. Try on a different set of lenses and see if God can change your marriage through you. Let's go. Here to see you win, Belah PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call today (before prices increase!): https://www.delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching program graduate: "I was living in a repeating cycle of expecting sex, not being fulfilled by it because of her lack of desire for me, being angry at her for not trying to connect with me in the relationship, holding it in for as long as possible, then trying to "fix it" by talking to her about it or lashing out at her..[Now,] The biggest celebration I have had would be my change in perspective…I have learned that as a husband and father it is up to me to set the tone in our family. I am now living in God's purpose and design and the pieces around me are falling into place. Realizing that it's not what happens around me but how I see it and react to it has been the biggest blessing from this course."

526-How to Get Her In the Mood (& Turn Her On) [Re-Release] I think all the wives will want their husbands to listen to this one. Because I have the good fortune of working with men every (work) day and hearing their unfiltered thoughts about intimacy… I can help you understand why your wife often rejects you. One of the major truths is that it's SCARY to initiate sex with your wife. So, you probably do… But in general, it's a half-invested way, in hopes that her rejection won't feel so painful. Because from experience it has been rejected, even your best attempts. Fast forward to today. Now, because a husband's attempt at enticing his wife to make love is so "inadequate" for fear of rejection. (Jfyi "inadequate" was the thesaurus's replacement for "lame" ) For this reason, the wife naturally would reject it. But what if we took the fear out of this exchange entirely? And your enticing her towards intimacy was filling for her and could even be successful!? AND you're not full of fear. Is that even possible? I think with these insights, you will be well on your way. to invite a wife–who is never in the mood– to be in the mood! [Original Release Date: October 8th, 2021] PS - Ready to take the next step in healing your marriage? Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors: delightyourmarriage.com/cc PPS - Here is a quote from a recent Coaching Program graduate: Before MR, miscommunication and emotional distance were our normal. We argued often, and a deep sense of distrust had taken root, largely because I had failed to make our marriage a true priority...The ongoing conflict left me carrying a constant weight of guilt while doing ministry on campus, knowing things at home were not going well...[After MR], I've come to realize that the problem began with me and was fueled by my own selfishness...Shifting from arguing nearly every day—or at least every other day—to having only a handful of disagreements in the past six months has brought a new sense of stability and peace to our home...I now feel equipped with the tools to continue moving our marriage forward.

[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description] As silly as it may seem, something as sacred and biblical as marital intimacy comes right down to the practical of "hey, it's just too quiet in the house for intimacy". So, how do you solve for the biggest reasons a couple doesn't connect in this God-honoring way? Well, that's what today's conversation is all about. In this episode, we do a lot less philosophy and theology and get into the specific tools that can help you no matter how busy your life is right now. Even if other things you've looked into haven't given you something practical to do that is attainable. My goal by the end of this episode is for you to consider new things you can implement into your life that can tear down the blocks to intimacy in a practical way. Ultimately, at Delight Your Marriage want to help and make your spouse and marriage feel loved, playful, and even passionate together. To read an AI generated summary, click here. Belah

[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description] Sometimes I have been asked if I, as a woman, should be teaching men. When it comes up, I really appreciate that question because it shows a level of maturity and commitment to scripture. The truth is, I never intended to be coaching or training men. That, in fact, is something I was against, at first. I intended to just follow Titus 2 by inviting women to learn to love their husbands well. As I wrote the book and started the podcast and coaching women with this end in mind, men started reaching out to me. It was kind of uncomfortable at first. I didn't know what to do with it. They were asking how they could get their wife to listen to my material. "I have no idea. That's on you." I wasn't cold-hearted, I just didn't think it was prudent. Well, I was speaking to my husband, and he felt like it would be ok to speak to some of them via email or possibly a phone call, just so I could understand. And when I did, I could tell "wow, now I see why she is rejecting". And not only that, I could see that she was really suffering too. So with prayer and wise counsel and the blessing of my husband, I went for it and tried a pilot coaching program for men. Amazingly, every single man got amazing results (even though only 1 went through the course -- and she didn't know he did it!) Glory to God. From there, we've tweaked and updated and, by God's grace, are at a place where God is doing miracle after miracle here. Would love you to hear Aaron's story of the pursuit of God's way in his marriage. As a pastor, he likely had to grapple with this question -- is it ok to be trained by a woman in this topic? And he decided the answer should be yes. You're welcome to check out our convictions surrounding Women in Leadership, here. And the Lord worked in his heart and in his marriage -- even though only he did the work. We are so excited to share his story with you! Would love to work with you too! delightyourmarriage.com/cc for next steps. To read an AI generated summary, click here. Belah

[Belah here - AI was not used to draft or write this description] I have grown in my journey of processing pain. But I still slip up. Today, I want to share with you a recent insight I've received on what I still need God's help to work through. I hope we can walk together, looking at our Savior, first and foremost to discover His purposes for our suffering. Your suffering matters. It matters to God. It matters in His will. There is comfort in knowing He has a purpose for it. I'd love to share what God is teaching me through His word and what I hope will be encouraging for you in your story. Let us be open to being guided by His Word first and foremost. Let us see His correction as His kindness that leads us to repentence because He is so, so good. To read an AI generated summary, click here. Love & sincere prayers for you my precious listeners, Belah PS - Quote from a recent graduate: After being celibate almost a decade, they are now intimate regularly and both are thrilled! Wife: "Overall I'm crazy about the DYM system and process. It worked for us like nothing else did in our 38 years of marriage." Husband: "I have learned that God is more important than sex. And sex isn't a reward for doing what I should be doing any way" Mic drop. :) Would love to invite you to be part of the journey! delightyourmarriage.com/cc to learn more.

A Marriage Transformation 5 Years in the Making: Dan's Story There are transformations that happen fast—like a spark, a breakthrough, a moment where everything shifts.And then there are transformations that happen patiently, steadily, layer by layer… over years. Dan's story is that second kind. Because five years ago, Dan wasn't walking around thinking his marriage was "bad." He actually wrote on his intake form that their marriage was probably a six or seven—a good marriage. A steady marriage. A marriage with history and shared life and inside jokes. But there was one ache that wouldn't let him rest: Intimacy had disappeared. And the pain of that—especially when you love your spouse, you're faithful, you're trying, you're confused, and you still can't "fix it"—can start to completely take up your mind. And Dan could feel it happening. So he did what so many people do when they're desperate: he went looking for answers. "This lady knows my pain…" Dan had never been a podcast guy. But when the ache gets loud enough, you'll do things you've never done before. He started listening to podcasts, searching for help, trying to understand. At one point, he even heard a podcaster say something like: Maybe you're not in the right marriage. Maybe you need someone new. And something in him basically said: No. Not here. Not this. Then he found the Delight Your Marriage podcast. And at some point he realized: "This lady knows me. She knows my pain." He listened to tons of episodes back-to-back. And for the first time, he didn't feel crazy. He didn't feel alone. He felt understood. But understanding is only the beginning. When pain starts shaping your identity Dan shared how consuming the pain became. He couldn't focus. He couldn't think about much else. He was constantly running conversations in his mind—replaying, analyzing, spiraling. And this is what matters if you relate: When intimacy is strained, it doesn't just affect your bedroom.It affects your heart. Dan knew his wife loved him. They spent time together. Their life was connected. But intimacy was absent—and that absence created a deep wound. The "last button" moment Dan told the story of how he finally joined the Coaching program. He had passed on signing up a couple times. And then the third time, he went through the whole checkout process… and just didn't click the last button. And he prayed something like: If God wants me to click that button, I'm going to click that button. Then came one of those days—the kind of day you can't focus, can't breathe right, can't stop the frustration boiling under the surface. So he clicked. He even looked it up later: October 16th, 2020. Sometimes obedience doesn't look "spiritual." Sometimes it looks like a trembling hand over a mouse, clicking a button you're scared to click. But God uses that. "I wasn't ready for success yet." Dan's growth wasn't immediate fireworks. It was slow. It was real. And honestly, it was holy. He said something deeply mature: "I probably wasn't ready for a lot of success in the very beginning… I would have misused some of that success." Do you hear the humility in that? He realized that early on, even when he was doing "the right things," his heart motive was still off. He was still doing the work for what he could get. And that's the turning point for so many people. Because you can "apply principles" and still be self-centered.You can "try harder" and still be serving your own appetite.And God loves you too much to let that be the foundation. Dan described the real shift like this: "I'm not doing it for her. I'm doing it for the Lord. And intimacy becomes a byproduct." That is biblical alignment. That is maturity. That is worship. The brotherhood you didn't know you needed Dan thought he'd try the graduate group for a only couple months… because he "didn't do well with whining." Five years later, he's still there. Why? Because what surprised him most wasn't the content—it was the brotherhood. When men get into a room (yes, even a Zoom room), they size each other up. But in this space, men began becoming honest, vulnerable, accountable, and deeply connected. Dan shared: "Once you get through some of the things we deal with… there's not a whole lot left to keep secret." That's not shame. That's freedom. And there is something healing that happens when you're fully seen—and still loved. He described men calling him out when frustration rose. It was painful at the time… but helpful, because those men knew what he truly wanted: to grow his marriage and grow with God. This is what iron sharpening iron looks like in real life. The tools that change daily life Dan mentioned a few practical pieces that became part of his transformation: Daily gratitudes Faith statements Learning "known, safe, wholeheartedly cherished" These were just a few of the tools he learned through the Coaching program that radically changed his day-to-day, and in turn, his marriage. For example, Dan admitted he was giving his wife

Truths Inspiring Me About Confidence and Character — A Conversation with My Son Sometimes the most convicting spiritual lessons don't come from a sermon. They come from hearing a child say something honest— something simple— and realizing God is speaking through it. And as you listen to this conversation about habits, confidence, and walking with Jesus, you may feel that gentle nudge to return to what's true. Lean into that. Because your habits are always taking you somewhere. And the small choices you make today shape who you become tomorrow. You Don't Drift Into Confidence You might think confidence is a personality trait. Something you either have or you don't. But confidence is rarely about personality. It's about formation. It's about what you repeatedly do. When you build habits that align with truth — reading Scripture, practicing gratitude, caring for your body, choosing honesty — something steady begins forming inside of you. Not hype. Not ego. Not loud self-assertion. But quiet strength. And the opposite is also true. When you repeatedly avoid truth, bend honesty, indulge jealousy, or neglect your health, that forms something too. And eventually, that formation becomes your character. You don't wake up one day confident or insecure by accident. You drift there — one habit at a time. What You Feed Your Mind Shapes Your Identity If you only occasionally open your Bible, what fills the gap? Your worries. Your spouse's tone. Your insecurities. The voice in your head that says you're not enough. But when you consistently feed your mind the truth of Scripture, something changes. You begin to live from being cared for. Not striving for approval. Not grasping for validation. But anchored in being loved. You cannot feel confident if you don't believe you are deeply cared for. And that belief doesn't grow accidentally. It grows through repetition. Gratitude Rewires Your Perspective If you only focus on what you don't have, you will start to believe you have nothing. You will compare. You will resent. You will feel behind. And even when you do get what you wanted, it won't satisfy you — because comparison has already shaped your lens. But when you practice gratitude — intentionally naming what is good — you retrain your heart to see abundance. You begin to notice: God has been kind. God has provided. God has not left you alone. Gratitude doesn't ignore pain. It simply refuses to let pain define the whole story. And that builds stability. That builds joy. That builds confidence rooted in truth rather than circumstance. Your Body Matters More Than You Think You are not "just a soul." You are embodied. Jesus didn't come as a concept. He came in flesh. Your body is not accidental. It is not disposable. Scripture calls it a temple of the Holy Spirit. When you neglect your body — through constant exhaustion, poor nourishment, or silent self-criticism — you aren't just affecting your health. You are shaping how you see yourself. And when you care for your body — even in small ways — you are saying: "This matters. God's creation matters." Confidence grows when you respect what God has given you. Not in pride. But in stewardship. The Habit That Quietly Undermines Everything Let's talk about honesty. You may not consider yourself a liar. But do you exaggerate to seem more impressive? Withhold truth to avoid discomfort? Bend the story to protect your image? Lies feel small in the moment. But every time you tell one, something inside you weakens. Because you know the truth. Even if no one else does — you do. And when you repeatedly override your own integrity, you slowly erode your own confidence. You cannot feel strong while betraying yourself. Real confidence is inseparable from integrity. And integrity requires courage — especially when no one is watching. God Delights in Integrity Zephaniah says something stunning: "The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing." -Zephaniah 3:17 ESV But just before that, it speaks of a people who refuse deceit, who walk humbly, who seek the Lord. "Yes, I will punish those who participate in pagan worship ceremonies, and those who fill their masters' houses with violence and deceit." -Zephaniah 1:9 NLT God delights in truth. God delights in humility. God delights in integrity. Not because He is demanding perfection — but because integrity aligns you with how you were created to live. When you choose honesty. When you confess sin. When you turn from a habit that weakens you — even if you fail again tomorrow — you are stepping toward freedom. You are stepping toward formation. And God delights in that movement. You Are Not Stuck If you're listening and thinking: "I have bad habits." "I've let things slide." "I don't like who I've been becoming." Hear this clearly: You are not stuck. Habits can be unlearned. Patterns can be interrupted. Integrity can be rebui

The Deep Theology of Sexual Unity (With Some Fun!): Interview with Randy and Rozanne Frazee Many of us were handed a shallow theology of sex — one that quietly divided the spiritual from the physical. But what if intimacy was never meant to be separate from your spiritual formation? What if marriage — even your sex life — is woven into the very story of God Himself? What if sex wasn't just God-permitted — but God-designed? And what if your marriage is part of a much bigger story than managing stress, navigating differences, or even improving your sex life? Because here's the truth: When you start seeing your marriage through God's storyline instead of just your stress and circumstances, something shifts. Not overnight. Not magically. But deeply. Steadily. For real. When you start seeing your marriage through God's storyline instead of just your stress and circumstances, something shifts. Not overnight. Not magically. But deeply. Steadily. For real. And that's exactly what Randy and Rozanne Frazee unpacked in today's episode. In this episode, you're getting a conversation that is both wildly profound and surprisingly fun. Because yes—you can talk about theology, the Trinity, the image of God, and sexual unity… and still laugh. And that's exactly what happens when you sit down with Randy and Rozanne. They've spent decades helping believers understand the Bible not as scattered verses—but as one cohesive story of God's love and pursuit. Randy has been a pastor for 38 years and had a personal mentoring relationship with Dallas Willard—so much so that Dallas asked him to rewrite Renovation of the Heart for students. And Randy and Rozanne are not just brilliant—they're the real deal. High school sweethearts, married 44 years (going on 45), four kids, and now five grandbabies in the mix. What makes this episode so special is this: They don't just talk about the Bible. They talk about how the Bible transforms marriage, unity, and yes… even your sex life. You Keep Reading the Bible Like a Reference Book… But It's Actually a Love Story You've probably been taught to read the Bible in pieces: a Proverb for wisdom a Psalm for comfort a verse for anxiety a passage when your marriage is hard And those are good. But if you only ever grab the Bible for a quick fix, you can miss the whole point: it's one grand love story—from Genesis to Revelation—about the lengths God will go to get you back. When you start seeing Scripture as one unfolding narrative, you stop reading it like a scattered collection of morals… and you start hearing it like a steady message: God is pursuing you. God is restoring you. God is rewriting what sin tried to destroy. And yes—this includes your marriage. You're Not Just Living a Life… You're Living a Story You live in what Randy and Rozanne call the "lower story": Lunches. Laundry. Bills. Hormones. Conversations you're avoiding. Tension you can't name. The ache of feeling alone, even though you're married. And it's real. But there's also an "upper story" happening at the same time: God's bigger plan, God's spiritual reality, God's redemptive work that you can't always see while you're in the middle of the mess. You see it clearly in Scripture: Job experiences devastating loss in his lower story… while an unseen spiritual battle is happening in the upper story. Joseph is betrayed, enslaved, and forgotten in his lower story… but God is positioning him in the upper story to preserve His people. That's why Joseph can say, "What you meant for evil, God meant for good." It doesn't mean the lower story didn't hurt. It means the pain wasn't the point. So ask yourself: What if the hard thing you're living through right now isn't proof you're failing… but proof God is working? God Created Marriage to Reflect His Image—and Sin Has Been Trying to Ruin It Ever Since You've heard the phrase "two become one." But you might not realize how sacred that actually is. Marriage wasn't just meant to be companionship. It was meant to reflect something divine: unity, love, covenant, oneness. In the beginning, God says, "It is not good for man to be alone." And you can read that like, "Aw, God wanted Adam to have a friend." But it's deeper. God Himself is relationship—Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. Not isolated. Not independent. Not self-focused. Unity. So when God creates marriage, He's not just giving Adam a partner. He's giving humanity a living picture of His image. And that's why the enemy attacks it so relentlessly. Because if your marriage reflects God's love, covenant, and unity… it becomes a threat to darkness. You Can Know Scripture… and Still Not Live It One of the most powerful themes Randy and Rozanne address is something you've probably seen too: You've met people who know the Bible. They can quote verses. They can correct theology. They can debate Greek words. And yet… They aren't gentle. They aren't kind. They aren't tender. And you're left thinking: How can someone love God's Word and still not look like Jes

Have Compassion on Your Husband's Desire This is a tender topic. And for some of you, even reading this headline might make your chest tighten. Because desire can feel complicated. Painful. Loaded. Or honestly… just exhausting. And yet, this conversation matters—not to shame you, not to pressure you, but to invite you into compassion. Not obligation. Not fear. Not duty-driven compliance. Compassion rooted in God's design for marriage. The Enemy Thrives on Distraction One of the enemy's most effective strategies in marriage is not always obvious sin. It's distraction. Distance. Avoidance. Silence. When sexual intimacy is broken in a marriage—when it's infrequent, half-hearted, or consistently avoided—it quietly becomes a distraction for both spouses. Especially your husband. Not because he's weak. Not because he's demanding. But because sexual intimacy is not a small issue in his life—it is deeply connected to how God designed him. When that connection is missing, it costs him far more than you may realize. Your Husband's Desire Is Not Separate From Who He Is Your husband's sexual desire is not something he can simply turn off. It is woven into his physical design, his emotional wiring, and his sense of being wanted and chosen. When that desire is consistently rejected, it creates real pain—often silent pain. Pain that takes up mental space, affects focus, and drains confidence and steadiness. Just as hunger dominates attention when the body is not nourished, deprivation in intimacy dominates attention when a husband does not know if—or when—connection will happen again. God Did Not Design Sex to Be Optional in Marriage Scripture is clear. "Do not deprive each other." (1 Corinthians 7:5) This is not a suggestion. It is not conditional on feelings. It is not shaped by cultural norms. God designed sexual intimacy to be part of the covenant of marriage—for unity, protection, and connection. This does not mean ignoring trauma. This does not mean tolerating coercion or manipulation. This does not mean silencing wisdom or boundaries. But it does mean that long-term deprivation is outside God's design—and He does not give commands without also offering grace and a path toward healing. If Intimacy Feels Difficult, There Is a Reason If moving toward intimacy feels heavy, forced, or emotionally overwhelming, there is almost always something beneath the surface. Shame about your body. Fear of being used. Past sexual pain or trauma. Resentment that has not healed. Pressure that replaced joy. Messages that taught you sex was dangerous, dirty, or merely a duty. These blocks are real and they deserve attention. But they do not get the final word. God is not asking you to ignore your story—He is inviting you to bring it into the light where healing is possible. Intimacy Was Designed to Be Good God designed marital intimacy to be: Naked and unashamed Enjoyed, not endured Protective, not destructive A celebration of union Scripture celebrates this openly, without embarrassment. Your husband was designed to enjoy the female form, and God gave him exactly one holy place to do that: within marriage. When that place becomes closed off, the cost is deeper than most couples realize. Start Before You Feel Ready Waiting until everything feels healed often means waiting indefinitely. Freedom usually follows obedience—not the other way around. Consistency matters more than perfection. Even choosing regular, predictable intimacy—without everything feeling "fixed"—can begin to rebuild safety, quiet anxiety, and soften resistance. When intimacy is rare, it becomes a mountain. When it is steady, it becomes normal. When it is generous, it becomes life-giving. Your Marriage Was Meant to Be Missional Marriage was never designed to exist only for comfort. It was designed to strengthen both spouses for the work God has called them to do. Healthy intimacy does not distract from God's purposes—it supports them. But when intimacy is withheld, it often becomes the very distraction Scripture warns against. Your compassion has power. It can steady your husband. It can protect your marriage. It can remove a burden he may be carrying quietly. Final Encouragement If this stirred something in you—conviction, grief, resistance, or even hope—don't rush past it. That stirring matters. God does not expose something in your heart to shame you. He does it to heal you. You are not being asked to become someone else overnight. You are being invited to take one faithful step—today—toward compassion, obedience, and freedom. There is grace for the journey. There is wisdom for the next step. And there is hope—more than you may be able to see right now. You are not alone. And God is not finished here. Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want help walking through this with wisdom and care, we would love to come alongside you. Book a free Clarity Call at delightyourmarriage.com/cc. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent graduate: "I was irritable and dep

Husbands, Draw Her Back: Order of Operations Gentlemen, you have likely heard that you are meant to be the leader of your home. You've likely heard it from the pulpit, maybe from your own family. So what happens when your wife feels distant? Maybe the invitation isn't to push her to follow — but to lead in such a way that her heart feels safe coming back to you, drawing her back with tenderness, compassion, and safety. In this episode, we are diving into why women often feel the need to control and how you as a husband can help shift the culture of your home, draw her back, and have the marriage you've always wanted–with a wife that trusts you, supports you, and is cheering you on. A Tale of Two Marriages If you have been around Delight Your Marriage a while, you might know part of the back story–married very young, determined to be a submissive wife, did everything a good Christian woman is supposed to do. And yet there was discord. There was quarreling. There was strife. There was even competition. There was a feeling of never being good enough, let alone cherished. There ended up being a filing for divorce (something to plead the blood of Jesus over) and walking away from God for a period of time. The hurt was severe. Everything had been done right, how did it go so wrong? Then came meeting Darrow. Even in dating, it was so different than anything before. After years of feeling uneasy, uncared for, and on edge– there was finally safety. Yes, physical safety, but also emotional safety. Safe to share and not be ridiculed. Safe to express emotion and it be received with steadiness, patience, and kindness. Safe to be fully open and not be mocked or shamed. That tenderness and kindness brought safety. And that safety led to trust. How to Lead a Leader As marriage went on, certain things arose. He wasn't taking as much initiative as before. He wouldn't get things done that needed to get done. He wasn't leading. But this time it was different. There was a realization: He actually didn't have permission to lead. It had not fully been given to him. There was still control, and that made him feel angry and apathetic, like "Why even try?" So, the response changed. No more steering the ship. No more hands on the reins. He is the leader. And now, there is so much more happiness and rest. But it was only because he had shown his character–that he is a trustworthy person, that he is safe–that there was even confidence to be able to allow him to lead. That confidence was not there in the first marriage. There was no safety. There was fear and unrest, and so control was the answer. Think of an animal that feels scared–is the best way to get them to follow you to continue being tough and assertive? Or is it to show that you are gentle and they will be safe with you? So, What Needs To Happen First To Draw Your Wife Back? So then, what draws your wife back? It looks something like this: Establish Safety She must be emotionally, spiritually, and physically safe. She is safe to open up. She is safe to express. She knows she is going to be accepted fully as she is. What if you can't accept her fully as she is? What if you are waiting for her to change and then, you can fully love her? If that is where you're at, consider what Christ did for you. "You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." - Romans 5:6-8 (NIV) Christ did not wait for us to be perfect in order to love us. And if you, men, are called to love your wives as Christ loved the church, it means loving her always, no matter the circumstance. Love her regardless and establish that safety. Grow in your relationship with Christ. Truly exemplify the fruit of the Spirit (remember patience :)). Slowly Reestablish Jesus-Like Leadership In all things, lead from love. If you have great leadership, but have not love, it is "but a clanging cymbal" (1 Cor. 13:1) For more insight on drawing your wife back, take a listen to today's podcast. A Final Encouragement Dear men, we want you to take up the mantle of leadership. In your workplaces, in your churches, in your families. But your wife needs safety first. She needs to know that she can trust you. Just like that gentle animal we spoke about before–will yelling and pressuring build safety and trust? No. Ask the Lord to show you in what you have built trust in the past. Then, ask Him to show you how you have broken trust. Finally, ask Him how you can rebuild trust again and create a culture of safety. It is worth it, dear gentleman. The time and effort are worth it. If we can help in a more specific way, speaking more directly to your personal marriage, we would love to do so through our Coaching programs. We are rooting for you, gentleman! With love, The Delight Your Marriage

It is our honor and privilege to have Charles on the podcast with us today. Many of you have maybe already spoken to Charles. He serves as one of our Clarity Advisors here at Delight Your Marriage and has done an incredible job of listening to your stories and giving you next steps, but most importantly, giving you hope. What you might not know about Charles is that he spent many years as a very successful businessman. I mean, he was (and is!) a force! And that's what people saw on the outside: 40 years in business, two homes, active in ministry, a wife of 3o years, two grown children. Everything looked perfect. But it wasn't the full picture. "On Paper, We Had Everything… But We Were Just Roommates" The full picture was that Charles was in pain. His marriage was suffering. He felt like they had become roommates and the intimacy and connection wasn't there. His daughter, after watching her parents fight yet again, brought up to him that "all you and mom do is fight". She didn't feel safe and their relationship was strained, so much so that she even mentioned she would prefer he not be the one to solely walk her down the aisle when the day came. There was pain, true pain. That moment with his daughter became a turning point. He cried out to God. And God answered. Finding the Delight Your Marriage Podcast Charles found the Delight Your Marriage podcast—and after only two episodes, he booked a Clarity Call and jumped in. What followed wasn't easy. It required humility. Repentance. Unlearning cultural "norms" that were never biblical to begin with. But what he discovered was sobering and freeing all at once: Being a provider is not the same as being present Strength without gentleness hardens the heart Leadership without humility blocks intimacy—with your spouse and with God And slowly—steadily—everything began to change. When a Daughter Finally Feels Safe One of the most profound transformations wasn't just in Charles' marriage—it was in his relationship with his daughter. Years earlier, she had told him, "Why can't you be like my friend's dad?" Instead of defending himself, Charles did something radically different. He listened. He apologized and owned the pain he had caused. And he stayed emotionally present instead of shutting down, like he had done in the past. That conversation marked the beginning of healing. Fast forward to this past Christmas, two years after starting this program, his daughter handed him a card. Inside, she wrote: "Every day you bless me so abundantly with peace and security of knowing you have me… I hope my future husband is even half of what you are to me." That card became the most valuable gift Charles has ever received, and he saw, even more, how the changes he had made changed the trajectory of his family. A Marriage Built on The Rock Charles often says something that shocks people: "I would give it all away for a shack on a rock if it meant having what we have now." Why? Because before, his marriage was built on cardboard and duct tape, as he says. Cultural assumptions, pride, and survival mode. Now, it's built on the Rock. Biblical wisdom. Daily repentance. Practical tools. Accountability. Peace. Life Now as a Clarity Advisor Charles' story doesn't end with his own marriage. Today, he serves as a Clarity Advisor, walking alongside other men and women who feel stuck, hopeless, or unsure where to begin. He's seen: Wives move back into homes after separation Pornography addictions broken Years-long intimacy restored Homes transformed by peace And now, pastors are bringing Delight Your Marriage Academy into their churches—because the need is everywhere, including globally. Final Encouragement Now, two years later, Charles' marriage is completely transformed, his relationship with his daughter is completely transformed, and he, himself, is completely transformed. God has truly turned mourning into dancing. This is not a one-off event. This is the God we serve–who heals marriages and changes lives, who heals hearts and minds, who redeems families and generations. He cares. He cares deeply about Charles and answered his cry. And He cares about you. If you are waiting for an answer from God, maybe this is the answer. Maybe calling and taking that next step is the answer. We are rooting for you and we love you. God bless you! Blessings, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS - If you want to take the next step and chat with our incredible Clarity Advisors, like Charles, schedule a free Clarity Call here. We would love to talk with you. PPS - Here is a quote from a recent DYM Academy graduate: "I thought this was well presented and very comprehensive. The clarity of what women need to be safe, known and wholeheartedly cherished was spot on. I understood the basics but seeing it formalized was really beneficial to me. The listening skills and the way they were presented cannot be overstated."

516-A Pastor with a "Prostitute" Mindset Changed His Ways: Jerry's Story There's a quiet frustration many good men carry. You've tried to talk. You've tried to suggest counseling, books, podcasts—something. You've even tried explaining your heart. And still… she doesn't seem to listen. Doesn't engage. Doesn't change. If that's you, let me say this gently but clearly: God may be asking you to go first. And yes—that can feel unfair. But it is also where real transformation begins. When You Find Yourself Becoming Someone You Didn't Want to Be One husband recently shared that after nearly three decades of marriage and years of faithful ministry, he found himself in a place he never expected. Not because his marriage had been bad. But because it was changing—and he wasn't prepared. His wife's body was changing. Their season of life was shifting. Transitions piled up. And slowly, something in him hardened. He was becoming "grouchy" and "crusty". He said it plainly: "I just didn't like how I was becoming… and I didn't like how I was treating my wife." That awareness matters. Because most men don't wake up one day intending to pressure, resent, or withdraw. It happens subtly—when expectations go unmet and entitlement slowly but surely begins to creep in. A Marriage That Became Transactional Instead of Sacrifical Many men come to this work believing, "If my wife would just listen… if she would just change… then we'd be okay." But here's the truth that was exposed in this man's life: he was living transactionally. "I didn't realize I was living in a transactional relationship until those transactions weren't happening." In other words: I give love → I expect intimacy. I serve → I expect responsiveness. This man had never thought of himself as transactional—until intimacy slowed and frustration surged. That's when God began to do the deeper work. Take the Focus Off Intimacy to Heal Intimacy One of the most countercultural invitations men hear in this process is simple—and deeply uncomfortable: Take your foot off the gas. Not forever. But for now. Because a woman cannot open her body when her heart doesn't feel safe. She needs to feel safe, known, and wholeheartedly cherished—especially in seasons of vulnerability like menopause, grief, exhaustion, or long-term transition. This husband learned that before asking anything of his wife, God was asking him to rebuild safety. And that required humility. The "Prostitute" Mindset Going through the Masculinity Reclaimed process, this man shared something that he learned that changed everything for him: "[Belah said] you guys are treating your wives like prostitutes. And the fact that you are not making them feel safe. You are not making them feel fully known...and you are not wholeheartedly cherishing your wives. Yet, you know, you flip the switch at...10 o'clock, 11 o'clock at night, and you want intimacy, and you're getting grouchy or whatever when that doesn't happen." He had never seen it this way before, and it changed everything for him. It was painful to hear. And necessary. Because intimacy without safety and care doesn't feel like love to a woman—it feels like obligation. Doing the Work Made a Change in Their Marriage This man didn't tell his wife he was doing the work at first. But she noticed anyway. She noticed the listening. The gentleness. The apologies for things that happened years ago. And eventually, she asked. Change preached is often resisted. Change embodied is felt. Yes, intimacy improved. But that's not what this husband points to as the greatest win. He says the real transformation was internal: Healthier expectations A reordered life A clearer understanding of his responsibility as a man Final Encouragement If you're waiting for your wife to change before you soften… If you're tempted to push, convince, or withdraw… If you're tired of feeling unseen… Hear this: God honors the man who goes first. Not the man who wins the argument. You are not alone. And this is not the end of your story. It may be the beginning of the truest work God has ever done in you. You can do this, sir. God bless you! With love, The Delight Your Marriage Team PS – Ready to take the next step in renewing your heart and your marriage? We would love to chat with you. Schedule a free Clarity Call with one of our Clarity Advisors, who have all been through the program and have been where you have been. It's time to take the leap. PPS – Wondering just exactly how healthy your own marriage is? Are you also surviving instead of thriving? Take our free Marital Health Assessment and see what your marital score is–and how we can help. PPPS – Here is a quote from (another) recent graduate: "We argued a lot. Said hurtful things to each other. Raised voices in front of the kids. Less emotional connection generally. Sex felt merely physical and not emotionally connected...not fulfilling. Usually felt like duty. And I have always been initiating and my wife has often complained about that...[Now

515-New Years Resolutions with Hope Happy New Year! If you're reading this a couple days into 2026—welcome. And if you're reading this in the middle of 2037, it still applies. Because God is still on the throne. He is still a good Father. And He is still interested in crafting and molding your heart—especially in the middle of real life… including the hard parts. Put Your Growth Mindset On (Yes, Literally) If you've been in our Delight Your Marriage sphere for any length of time, you know I'm a little obsessed with growth. So, the New Year is one of the things I look forward to the most. I want to share something that we do in coaching calls. It can honestly look silly… but it works. We put our hands over our heads like a hat and we say: "Put your growth mindset on." Why? Because the posture matters. A growth mindset says: "God can change me." "I'm not finished yet." "This isn't the end of my story." "My marriage isn't stuck forever." A fixed mindset says: "This is just how I am." "Take it or leave it." "This is all there is." For us as believers, a growth mindset is a reflection of our faith. Our hope is rooted in a God who raises the dead (Romans 8:11), who changes hearts of stone into hearts of flesh (Ezekiel 36:26), and who redeems the years the locusts have stolen (Joel 2:25). Having a growth mindset is a reflection of the hope we have in Jesus. A New Year Reflection That Actually Changes You Here's what I like to do around the New Year (and yes, if you haven't done it yet, you still have time). I go month by month through the previous year and write down what I remember—hard things, good things, major moments, heartache, breakthroughs. Then, I pray: "God, what do You want me to learn from this year?" Because honestly… if He doesn't bring it to mind, maybe it isn't the thing He wants me to carry forward. Then after I list the moments, I write two categories: Wins Learnings Not because I'm trying to build a scrapbook of accomplishments or places I fell short, but because I'm trying to build wisdom. When You've Been Crushed… God Is Doing Something There's a passage in 2 Corinthians 1 where Paul describes being: utterly weighed down crushed despairing of life itself And then he says this: 7 And our hope for you [our confident expectation of good for you] is firmly grounded [assured and unshaken], since we know that just as you share as partners in our sufferings, so also you share as partners in our comfort. 8 For we do not want you to be uninformed, brothers and sisters, about our trouble in [the west coast province of] Asia, how we were utterly burdened beyond our strength, so that we despaired even of life [itself]. 9 Indeed, we felt within ourselves that we had received the sentence of death and were convinced that we would die, but this happened so that we would not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead. 10 He has rescued us from so great a danger of death, and will rescue us; on Him we have set our hope [and confident expectation] that He will continue to rescue us. -2 Corinthians 1:7–10 (AMP) That suffering was to keep them from trusting in themselves… and to depend on God who raises the dead. Friend… what if that pain you walked through wasn't proof God forgot you? What if it was proof He was calling you deeper? Not into self-reliance. Not into "I'll just manage." But into dependence. And yes, dependence feels vulnerable. But it's also where hope is born. And we have a God that we CAN depend on. So wherever you relied on yourself this past year… know you can rely on God. The Subtle Trap: Distracting Yourself Instead of Depending on God Sometimes sneaks in during suffering: Distraction. When we hurt, we're tempted to numb. A screen. A scroll. A snack. A show. A YouTube rabbit hole. A constant something to get us away from feelings that are uncomfortable. And the question becomes: What am I trusting to comfort me? Is it God? Or is it a coping mechanism—even a "normal" one—that quietly replaces Him? If we want to be dependent on God, it must be for our comfort too. You Can Do "Christian Things" and Still Miss Love In thinking of resolutions for the new year, we need to also think about the heart behind it. I want you to take into consideration 1 Corinthians 13. It is not just a wedding reading. It's a mirror. You can do all sorts of impressive things: serve teach sacrifice prophesy lead build give generously …and Scripture says: if it isn't done in love, it amounts to nothing. So here's a New Year question that matters more than "Did I hit my goals?" Did I love? Conviction Is Kindness (And Shame Is Not From God) In thinking about growth for the new year, consider Hebrews 12. It says 'God disciplines those He loves.' So, conviction is not God crushing you. Conviction is God reminding you of truth. The world doesn't know what to do with guilt and shame—so they do mental gymnastics, or distract, or blame, or numb. But we know what to do. We run to Jesus. Because the gospel is not "try harde

514-40 Years of Broken Trust to Safety & Celebration: A Christmas Miracle (Laura's Story) There is a kind of marriage pain that does not look dramatic.It's not an outward struggle.Just a quiet ache.A marriage that functions but does not feel alive. Laura lived in that space for decades. From the outside, her life looked good. Forty years of marriage. Seven children. A faithful husband. A stable home. A shared faith. Everything a good Christian marriage is supposed to be. And yet, beneath the surface, something was missing. Emotional Safety.Real connection.Being fully seen. For a long time, she told herself she had nothing to complain about. Her husband was faithful. He wasn't an alcoholic. He never abused her. He provided well for his family. But inside, Laura carried a question she barely allowed herself to ask: "Is this really all there is?" The Hidden Cycle That Brought Broken Trust Even with her husband's steadiness and Laura's determination to be grateful, there was a painful habit that entered their marriage early on that would consistently rear its ugly head. Her husband was addicted to porn. This was their cycle for many years:-Her husband would confess porn use.-There would be repentance and renewed effort.-Then, pressure would follow. Laura would put the blame on herself, thinking, "If I did better, this would not happen." She read tons and tons of books, trying to better herself.She kept respect for her husband.She pursued intimacy, knowing it was important to him. And still, the cycle kept returning. So, she did what many wives do–she minimized her pain.She told herself others had it worse. After all, he worked hard. He stayed. He was a good man. Why complain? But the heart does not heal simply because we silence it. And this belief that Laura had that it was on her was not only a lie… but it was heavy and destructive. Decades of "Just Okay" Laura kept carrying the weight of keeping the peace and enduring that vicious cycle of porn use. So, she poured herself lovingly into family life. She homeschooled their children.She kept their home while he went to work, the way they were taught to do. And yet, beneath the surface, she felt emotionally disconnected. Alongside that, she felt there was no safe place to process her pain.No one equipped to walk with her.Even when reaching out to a Christian counselor, it wasn't quite enough. So, she pushed her own pain down...for decades. But pain does not disappear because it is ignored.It simply goes underground.And it shows up as numbness, distance, or quiet resignation. Eventually, Laura realized something had to change. She could not continue living like this. She told her husband he needed help for his porn addiction and that if he did not, they may need to consider divorce. Her husband obliged, and they tried counseling together, which helped some. But it wasn't until he entered the work privately through the Coaching program that something different happened. When Safety Was Introduced Into Her Marriage Though Laura didn't know he was taking a marriage course (He shared he was taking an online class), she started to notice a difference in the way he showed up to their marriage. He did not try to fix her or pressure her.He did not demand that she change. He began bringing home flowers, letting her know she was beautiful just the way she was, planning dates.He became emotionally present.Humble.Gentle.Safe. He changed. For the first time in their marriage, Laura began to feel celebrated for who she already was instead of feeling like he wished she were different. She no longer felt like she had to earn love. She felt cherished, emotionally safe, and truly loved–just the way she was. And it changed everything. From Feeling Skeptical to Feeling Hopeful After having heard a DYM podcast episode several years before these changes, Laura had closed herself off to the thought of DYM. But then, upon hearing an episode that we created for wives, she began to see the full picture more clearly and open herself up to the program. She decided to try it herself, even though she was still a bit skeptical. She realized that what made the difference was not only the content, but the context.She was no longer alone.She had community.She had a specific place to ask her specific questions about her marriage. For the first time, Laura had a safe place to speak honestly and to process pain without being blamed. She learned she could have a voice in her marriage. She could ask for help.She learned intimacy did not have to be driven by pressure.She learned she could say no to certain requests without any fear. Most importantly, she learned she mattered. 40 Years of Marriage–And Hoping For Many More "In short, it's better than it has ever been." Our hearts filled up when she shared this with us. Her husband is more in tune to what she needs and will go out of his way to bring in "delights"–if it's planning something special, bringing her flowers, or going along with Laura's sponta