CORN DOWN Prank Calls

A few more calls than average, and about 20 minutes more than usual made the cut. Looking for hotel exits, finding where to poop, determining the biggest number, dealing with an unpleasant shower, investigating sex noises, finding hotel drugs, counting the creeps, thinking about bugs, and seeing a pregnant. Thats what I did this week. What about you??

This was a fun show. I want whole foods to stop hiring. There seems to be some kind of an issue with either mostly women, or nothing but men out in the parking lot, and that’s not right. Also I deal with an Aaron who might spell his name with an E. The Frito Man is here. I find a fun-crime partner to do parking lot illegal activity. It may or may not involve raw weed. When is taco night?? And I have a dog to return. And some more stuff probably that I didn’t write down. I hope you still love me.

This weeks show contains (at minumum): shoe cleaning. asian treatment. canadian treatment. poor treatment. Hose hookups. Dog retrevials. Lowe’s Hotels. Labeling Holes. Toilet Dice. Reporting crimes to different businesses. Putting hands where the feet go. Oh and there’s basically a advertisment for Panera bread in there too. I left it because I didn’t call any paneras this week. Not because I didn’t notice until I was done with all the other editing. If you live close, you should go get a bread bowl there.

Uh oh. Bad news. I did such a grood jorb listening to my own show last week that I did a bad job this week. So… I hope it’s good? There’s probably a lot of calls about spiders. There’s been a lot of those lately, so it’s a safe bet. I might get to it eventually. But don’t count on it. Oh also, if you’re at the I LOVE YOU!!! support level and I have your address in Patreon, check your mailbox soon maybe. Don’t get too excited. It’s nothing cool. Just some nonsense.

Wow. I actually listen to every call. Because there’s less of them, because on a count of it being to the last call being almost an hour’s long before I edited it. It’s still over a half hour. It’s about riding an elevator, ON DRUGS. So, here’s the tracks in order and the calls other persons did is indicated. I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU also like always.

This show was mostly spiders. It was really fun though. So I hope it’s funny. I never know. I just keep making the calls. Topics include: Grocery Spiders. So many grocery spiders. In a good way. Easy Jobs. Pineapple skins. Employee Blunt. The Smart Person. Drug Screening re: Spiders.

Fun fact: a good portion of the snapple facts are not true. This show contains Hotel smell. hotel expiration. Hotel eviction. squatter punching. Arby’s odor. food expiration. hotdog trial program. something good. Sesame Connection. pants expiration. ground water. lemonade. sobriety test. purchased goods expiration. Street Numbers. Sexual Time. room 215, adult time stuff. Bathroom smells. fake number. Box Check. Sister Scare Hotel.

without drink. Reservations. punch policy. Water products. Customer overtime. Which way does the driveway go? Low butts. gas stains. getting Registered. eelin’. Put it underneath. drive illegally. Friday 13th (Scare my sister). left handed pump OR right handed drive. My Enemies. phone bill. Safe Area from my girlfriend trying to hit me with her car. Raccoon’s Cashews. Last Day Tickle.

this show was listened to by me already! good job me. It contains; Pants Stain. I’m emotional. Far away, but the same. Same as Omaha. quick pee. a different Arby’s. Arby’s bathroom. Hold my stuff. hold my beer. Hold my Keys. Sobriety Check. Drive thru instructions w/ wasted- 9 minutes. Motorcycle Drive-thru. motorcycle lessons. Pants Cleaning. Kbbles debut! Wash her hands!! Wash My hands, a lot.

Hey i listened to this one. I still didn’t do anything with 79. I have failed you. This show contains, well, basically every call is about a blind spot. Bathroom water filter. Nothing scary. blind spot. Shattering windows. shattering windshield. Blind spot Glass (the wasp distraction). Indoor blind spots. quick question: real glass? What are you typing? taking notes. Found a cat. blind spot concussion. graham crackers. operator agent b/w loud children

Ok so here’s the deal. I didn’t get to listen to this one before uploading, but I did get it uploaded ‘on time’. I INTEND to listen to it tomorrow, and replace this text with my bare-bones description of the calls, but you don’t get to be mad at me if I never do it. I probably will though. But, like, legally, you’re not allowed to be mad. It’s the law.

This was fun. Good calls. INCLUDING: Magicians Allowed. (NOT) Mike Maione The Silly Magician. Checkout Procedures. Marriage Proof. Dollar store drugs. Single Proof. Dollar store register. Window Exit. Window procedure. Hotel Hints. Hotel Procedures. Magician Policies. Broken Leg. Defibrillator. Third Degree Burns. Small Concussion. Parking Policies. Thieving employees. Run Away. Cut Off Toe. Sheet Instructions. Angry Sheet Instructions. Bachelors Magician. Situation with the parkings procedure. Things I Tried. Hotel Bathroom Candy Concussion.

What’s good for the goose is as good for ganders as well. This show contained prank telephone calls. Some of the topics include (but are not limited to): diarrhea symptoms. Edible Items. Light Duties. Apology Opportunities. The person with the piercings. Inappropriate comments. What is theft?? Bathroom Candy. Stick Shift. etc

This show starts off REALLY slow for me. Wasted did pretty damn good from the start. The end is worth it though. Some calls may include: Inside/Outside carts. 1 or 2 drivethru windows. Cash or Credit. Providing identification to Dollar General. Filing a bunch of false police reports, and maybe getting trespassed for real. And WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO ABOUT IT? Adopt a cat?

We start with a handfull of pretty much entirely failed calls. Icecream Mans. Parkinglot Meeting. Manager Secrets. Secret Message. Do you have honor? Middle finger FREE SPEECH!!! Have a talk with wasted’s friend. Juvenile Raccoon. Diggin holes. Hit a raccoon. Dead raccoon, blood everywhere, double trashbag. Dont get my raccoon in trouble, many times, maybe the raccoon is dead? Dumpster Painting. Raccoon Funeral, a racooneral. Car crashes! Lie to my mom. Re-creational marijuana. Being required to go to the desk. More raccoon trouble. Corn and Potatoe.

Ok so I didn’t get a chance to listen back to this one yet. I hope it’s good. On the up side, I’ve been doing pretty good at uploading calls (you probably already heard) to my youtube page daily. It’s the worst place to listen to me, but the easiest to share! Tell your uncle. http://www.YouTube.com/dragonmere

In this show I’m not difficult. I’m not obsessive. wasted got hit by a car. Im not stealing. A string of birthday calls, be responsible and sobriety checks and birthday secrets. Happy birthday; Sean, Madison, Bailey, Bailey’s Dad, Georgia, Lincoln, Brandon, Brandons Dad, Eddie, Deante, Matt and more. Looking for jumper cables. Plus other things.

39 calls. Accidental hotel stay. Have you been working here a long time? Hiding spots. A college goof burglary. The type of extension cord you use to beat an outside dog to power my mouse killing machine. Switch my opossum for a raccoon. Raccoon for an opossum. The twizzlers that don’t leave a mark. The secrets of the pumps. Super Mario warp whistle help. Job trial run. Complaints from 3 years ago. Getting physical. Phone calibration. AND MUCH MORE BECAUSE I ONLY FINISHED LISTENING TO THE FIRST HALF.

Oops. I didn’t listen to this before posting, again. But it’s because I had the day off work. So I ended up walking my dog long before I processed this audio, and I usually listen back to it while walking my dog. I think it was raining or some shit last week. Sorry. 33ish calls. 20 min call with wasted getting drive thru instructions. Good shit.

Listen. I’ve been doing pretty good at listening to the majority of the show right before I post it, and putting up at least a rough idea of what the calls contain. I am not going to lie to you. I didn’t do it this week. I’m sorry. All 36 calls are here and ready to go, I just didn’t listen to them. There’s probably some stupid hold music or something I didn’t cut out. Don’t tell my mom, please. She would be ashamed of me.

Lots of calls this week. 45? Relapse incidences information. Feeling nervous. Accidentally buying drugs. Depression food. How does the drive thru work? Lots of going through cars in the parking lot, going through guests rooms, finding concerning stuff. Telling my mom on me. Calling all guests. A little 3 person confusion. Drunk baby. Sneaking alcohol. Hiding places. Hit by a car. Hospital bills. Looking out the window. NOT impersonating the police. AND MORE MAYBE.

Whats in these calls? I’m glad you asked. Enraged rodents with a device b/w Which way is east . Trimmings and clippings of the bushes and grass. Dog cremations. Reporting people for hotel food. Dog sitting in the hotel room. Getting a form signed. Dog won’t eat lettuce. Finding drugs in luggage you stole. Tricky drive thru. Lettuce expert. Possibly more. I don’t know.

The calls this week? Well it starts with technical difficulties which leads to breaking the 4th wall. Stuff for couples. Permission to take clippings. A room to fire people, business. check engine lights. Cricket hunting. Sweepings. AND MORE OH WOW.

Whats in these calls? Permission for hanging out. More introducing Doug. Managers blessing to date. The employees faces, what do they look like? My brother teased my dog. Various bathroom creams. AND MORE. Amazing. Enjoy it. Whats not in these calls? wastedmemory. He had to work.

Interactive tours. Pictures with Jeff. Bad attitudes. Romantically involved employees and issues with HR policy. Introducing Doug. Punch a employees. Beating your kids. Killing an animal for food. AND MORE. WOW. WHAT A GREAT VALUE.

What was in this show? Well, maybe I’m the guy who’s been pissing in the trash can. Is it OK for the uber eats driver to spend the night in my hotel room? My son cut off part of his finger, please find it and throw it out. All these, and more. It was pretty good show.

I’m not going to lie to you and say that I remember what any of these calls are about. So…

Hey I almost remember some of this one. Calls about my feces being stolen, calls about borrowing shovels and burying secrets, and classic calling for the phone number. Plus a ton of stuff I dont remember.

sorry im late with this one. blame wastedmemory for coming to visit and bringing toxic waste. he prevented me from posting this earlier.

Wow I actually listened to this before posting! I can actually tell you what the calls are about! Are you ready? It’s like 90% about kissing. Mostly Trader Joe’s kissing policy. Some hotel parking lot kissing, bathroom kisses, kissing witness, cousin kisses. I also had some issues with my genitals tearing the toilet paper. Checking on pregnancy times, and some general hotel tricks. Oh! And SnappyBakes had debilitating connection issues, but for real, not for pranks.

Damn. All I remember is that the first half of the show was more fun than the second half. It doesn’t mean it’s better, but maybe? So, if you stop half way through, I won’t be mad. But only because I have no way of knowing. I’m not OK with it. I’d be pissed if I found out.

Thank you to the new supporters. I don’t have very much memory of this show. Was this the one with WINDOWS UP? I hope so. Because that was funny. ZIP file attached below contains the calls as individual MP3s. Collect them all!

I dont really have much to say about this show but that I fucked up like 5 times when running my CLOUD BASED AI MACHINE LEARNING audacity macro (its mostly just a butt load of compression) to edit it, and had to start over almost every time. It was kinda annoying. I hope the show is good.

The only thing I remember for sure about this show is I ate an entire dozen eggs all at once. I hope some of the other calls were fun too. Oh, I tossed my wallet on a few roofs, by accident, and that was fun too. I’m sorry for the light audio clipping at some points, I think I know where it came from and it shouldn’t be happening again. Anyway — Enjoy.

Another week, ANOTHER new install of windows. This time on to a brand new SSD (THANKS wastedmemory!!!). So hopefully from pt 56 onward, you won’t hear any of the audio chirping and skipping and cutting out any more towards the end of the show. Fingers crossed, because if it wasn’t a HD read/write issue, I’mma have to replace the whole damn computer, rather than playing with more part swap out bullshit games. I have no recollection of the contents of this show. Enjoy.

Oh look. I uploaded this one the day after the show. You know what that means??? It means calls about parking by employees cars. Asking where to put my weed pipe when I go in the store. Complaining that my change is a small amount. Finding a hotel room not used for sex. Taking empty bags in the bathroom, and taking my clothes off for a poop. Maybe even more stupid stuff than that. Just listen to find out.

Ugh. Apparently Im back in the habit of being an entire week late uploading shows to patreon. Oh well. Maybe I’ll upload tonights show right away, so I’ll be able to put some comments about the contents of the show here, in the body of the post, rather than just rambling. Yeah, that’d be cool. Dont you think?

There’s a bug in my hotel room; Who can I speak to about this?? Thats basically all I remember from this show. Lots of calls about bugs in hotel rooms. Not that I’m complaining. A june bug in your hotel room is way cool. There was probably other good stuff too. Let me know. And thank you to all the new supporters, I love you.

woop woop. uploaded finally. how does a push-button-lamp work? And before you come up here to explain it to me, could you stop out at my car and grab my cigarettes? Thanks I love you.

Affirm your truths! The sky is blue. The sky is blue. The sky is blue. The sky is blue. The sky is blue. Now that you know you can trust me — This was an alright show. I approve of it. But only half-assed-ly; Not because I don’t fully approve of it… Just because I’m lazy.

Here’s just the calls from last night, but not the splink/toxic-waste portion, and only calls that originated from my dialer machine. For the rest, you’ll have to wait for SPLink/wastedmemory to post them. I’M THE FRONT DESK MOTHER FUCKER.

Here’s the christmas show! Grab a cool glass of Christmas/Hanukah Milk and enjoy. But don’t enjoy it RIGHT NOW. Because I edited and posted this during the SPlink/Toxic Waste/wastedmemory/dragonmere NEW YEARS 8 HR SUPER 7pm-3am ET TALKING TIMES right now at http://mixlr.com/wastedmemory are you here?

Show from Fri 18 Dec 2020. Getting caught up! I’m pretty sure I’ll have the Christmas show uploaded shortly after this. I’m also trying to get some calls uploaded to my youtube. It’s not new content, but it’s easier to show YouTube to your uncle. (PLEASE TELL YOUR UNCLE)

woo. this was a fun one. wasted was drunk or something. we discovered how uncomfortable it makes front desks when you ask a hotel if you can buy a punch-in-the-face off craigslist. Its good fun.

Normally I remove calls under 30 seconds, because its usually just me hanging up on a stupid computer system or fax machine or something. This week were were seeing how fast we could get people to hang up on us, so I have to leave all the short calls in. I dont even know if it was funny. It was fun though.

Here’s the ENTIRE UNEDITED 3 HR SHOW! It’s medium good. No guarantees tho.

This shits’ from like 2 weeks ago. How’s come no one harassed me about not having had posting’d it already? Well, here it is. I ‘ma upload the entire pranksgiving too, next. Enjoy.

Oh man. This one got dark. Lots of dead animals and miscarriages. So much fun though.

Oh shit. So CLOSE to being late. Make sure to tune in in less than an hour from now for live calls. on the mixlr. it’s pretty cool.

Ok. Lets see. I remember some stuff. Complaining about the quality of candy my son has collected from the motel. Seeing what would happen if I threw unpaid merchandise in the trash. That’s two things I can remember. And that’s two more than usual. Because it’s Two for Tuesday.