Brilliant Observations

Why do Incels have to ruin everything? It's a world gone mad, Dear Listener, with the Amish (of all peoples) in standing up for their rights. Amy saunters past the Costco in protest. And Missy wonders aloud how a simple reframe is all it takes to turn Failure To Launch into the new Side Hustle.

Naming conventions, unhappy Republicans and a Coach for all Comers. All this ya whore, on today's Brilliant Observations. Do doo doo do, doooooOooooooOooo!!!

The first rule of Robot Fight Club is don't talk about Bad Bunny headlining the Superbowl Half Time Show (because, honestly? just shut up). Missy explores the dark side of personal Coaches for All The Things. Amy muses on the opportunities of October. And we both share a giggle about life at Camp Dog Hair.

A tale of two dentists. Foiled again by luxurious packaging, Amy unwittingly buys geriatric floss from her once beloved brand, Cocolab (shame! shame! shame!). Melissa puts her own spin on Schrodinger's Cat with Asperger's Periodontist, aka her local tooth shop staffed by Drs. Butterfingers and Vacusuck. The story, you guys. I can't. Just play it. Trust me. It's thooooooooorrrrrrroooooouuugggggghhhhhh. All this ya whore, on today's Brilliant Observations.

What do you do when your friend asked to bring her "charmingly exhuberant" child to stay for a week or so? Listen and learn as Missy adds a new word to her vocabulary. All that, plus funeral friends, Jews in Church and surprise feedback from you, Dear Listener. Chuckle up, Buttercup!

It's episode 420, Dear Listener, and we must be high to laugh this hard. This week, we explore the unusual topic of Straight Male Gaycationing, RFK's latest vac-attack, and everyone's favorite, the World Gone Mad. Add in a lil teenagers behaving badly, low bladder control and profoundly felt love, and you've got yourself a podcast.

Holy Guacamole, Dear Listener! We've been through the ringer this week, but at least we're back in action with a jaunty episode filled with homegrown shock and awe. Missy and Amy take to the sand to set Margate straight after the renters evacuate. And the world slows just a bit to gawk at unruly mothers and shocking behaviors on Netflix. We cap it all off with a rousing round of LISTENER FEEDBACK you won't want to miss.

Oh my gosh, you guys, this show. It's so funny. Especially the part where we talk about creepy med techs who deeply require training in bedside manner. Then there's friends, talking, football, silliness, gagging (sorry) and speculation about the health of current inhabitant of the Oval Office. A girl can dream.

Feeling pretty smug, are we Dear Listener? Well, shame me not for my 65,000 inbox emails. I'm too busy doing the Lord's work to open your "please subscribe to my blog" email. And by busy, I of course mean chasing wolf spiders, playing Fishdom, and arguing over the proper use of the Oxford comma (see what I did there?). From Victorian fish forks to Cutwater canned vodka to vaginal spelunking, we skewer it all this week. Join us on a perilous romp through all the shocking foibles befalling modern society today. And yea, I kinda did say it.

Tomato sandwiches, dead deer and a whole heaping helping of giggly, googly eyed fun. All this and as the list-lipped mesothelioma lady says, so much more, on today's Brilliant Observations.

Holy chemical stimulation, Batman! Missy and Amy wander down sexual performance enhancement lane this week, Dear Listener, along with a full review of the flingable dildos spotted recently at the W-MBA. It's almost as fun as taking an edible at dinner. Hey, now!

Scotty Scheffler may know who he is, but as for Amy, she's still learning, Dear Listener. This week, we cover Hinge dating, the visual appeal of applying serums and Drive By Carb-ing. Bowl of Prop Cereal, anyone?

Beach houses, human teeth collections and circular diahhrea. Just another day in paradise, Dear Listener, and per usual we're here for it. We cover the passing of Ozzy Ozbourne, animal cremains and the long list of people's names Amy has no chance of remembering. Sprinkle in a bit of homespun wisdom, potty humor and lighthearted feminist manifesto and you've got yourself a show, folks.

Once again, Melissa goes out of her way to make Amy look bad by allowing Amy's mic to record and broadcast the exact things she says with her own mouth. Amy learns (refutes?) the lies behind the rules our parents told us as children. Missy learns how many songs make other people think of her. And we both discuss the C-suite homewreckers caught canoodling in pubic in front of then entire world (without their consent). Ahh, me. It's a rollick this week, Dear Listener. Promise.

Time to take yer teets out somewhere salty. The summer is closing, Dear Listener, and as we al know, it can only last as long as it can last. Missy Navy Seal breathes through the struggle as the kids laze, the eyes glaze and TVs on every floor blast Love Island: Creepy and Rapey Edition. Plus, Melissa shares an uplifting tale of solidarity and love courtesy of a Houston Yoga studio (creepy and rapey edition).

Amy cuts a solid six inches off her hair and literally no one notices. Missy violates the terms and conditions of Kraft Macaroni and Cheese. And we both attempt to decompress whilst upholding the rapidly loosening rules of polite society. Kinda.

It's the Poop Cruise plus Pee Wee, Dear Listener, and boy do we have opinions for you. Missy draws a hard line in the litter box over floating public vacations. Amy doubles down with her side-eye over Paul Reubens' questionable collections. And we both reminisce over the joys of time with family, salt air and silliness.

Aggressive athletics, with Melissa. This week, our fair friend finds herself (once again) challenged on the Atlantic City boardwalk by yet another geriatric upstart. Who will win? How long have you listened to this show?

It's love and abundance week, Dear Listerner, so let's kick things off with a timeless message... don't steal. Or maybe, don't get caught. See also: Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should. Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be. And whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life, keep peace in your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy. Plus, porn!

The pull of gravity has reached our jowels, Dear Listener, and the only one coming to save us is Corporate Thor. Good thing little girls are here to annoy the fugg out of us on an airplane. Interested? You should be. We explore all these topics this week, plus: should Melissa give up her daily sleepy-weed ritual? You be the judge (for a change). Lord knows we could use a break fomr that job.

"My home is not a landfill, storage unit or museum. How can I use my things if I can't even see them?" All hail Abigail Roe ad @downsizeupgrade for the chant that changed it all. Plus, Missy talks us through the act of sticking things where they don't belong. Amy thins her wigs. And the Boundary Police make another appearance, this time in the form of everyone's favorite word: No.

Busch Light Apple and the importance of teaching your children that no amount of added flavor can offset the actual flavor of anything with the name Busch in it. Moving on. Missy contemplates the wide open karmic spaces of a summer at the beach. Amy reports on the little one's State Championship lacrosse game and the ritualistic burning of Nottaway Plantation (no relation). And Missy does everything she can to avoid much needed rest.

From Action Dick to the gradual lessening of the finger bang, Melissa takes us on a journey of discovery that spans races, cultures and double stuff Oreos. Then, it's the Pope (as you would expect), plus liming, gift giving and the first installment of Ask Me Anything. And given where the content started, it's hard to imagine where these free-for-all questions will lead us next. Happy Mother's Day!

Don't say we didn't warn you, Dear Listener. TikTok is at it again with an obnoxious food-adjacent "snack" that can only be described as relationship-ending. Amy accidentally gropes herself in public (again). And Missy sums up the weekend that was after our 35th college reunion with the DSharps.

Be smart enough to shred your own cheese. And be worth it, Dear Listener. That's the lesson. In bread and all things, just be worth it. We hold space for you in our sacred sirloin area as Melissa determines the do's and absolutley do not's when it comes to foreign hands comingling with one's warmed bread. Plus, we acknowledge the Pope, and cinnamon, and Kenny Rogers, and problematic extended family in social settings (with equal reverence). You'll get it. Just press the button.

Fly away, friends! We discuss all sorts of air-based travel this week, Dear Listener, including Dogs on Planes, Birds on Branches and—cue the Muppets—Chicks! In! Space! Missy slips it in again. And Amy neglects her duties. Big. Suprise. Or is it?

An unexpected visit from the cops at midnight prompts Amy to reconsider her parenting techniques. Missy ruminates on why she ruminates. And the deadline for Our Second Act fast approaches—with no resolution in sight. (To say nothing of the poop podcast.) All this on more, Dear Listener.

Here'e the thing: if you're not experiencing heightened arousal at the sign of a delicately handled kraft paper bag, are you even alive? Join us, Dear Listener, as we journey down the rabbit hole of birthdays, work-husbandry and the half-life of a vat of Hellmann's.

Oh, Walt. If you could see how they're treating us you'd set fire to Epcot, too. It's Fat Shaming at the Magic Kingdom, Dear Listener, complete with actual weigh-ins and colored wrist bands lest you thought you could escape. Because nothing says vacation like a mandatory weight check before standking for hours in the Orlando sun. Good times. Missy muses about the business upside of hosting fictitious weddings. And Amy takes an unscheduled trip straight to the heart of Mafia Village.

If ever one wondered, Dear Listener, please know that sitting is the opposite of standing. Join us as we explore this and other truths this week while Stuart fights for his life after declaring his intention to "clean out" the garage. (Oh dear.) Missy updates us on her rising Legal Eagle. And Amy inxeplicably launches into a Ted Talk on international spam protocols. As one does. It's a laugh riot per uhuuuussse, sweet ones. So please enjoy. We certainly did!

Cadaver Flight, Chikfil-a Wedding Day and Guess What's Under the Mattress—all this and more, on today's Brilliant Observations! Join us, won't you, as Amy shuns Michael Jackson's musical legacy, welcomes appliance repair folk and resists the allure of the prison fork. Meanwhile, Missy does the research on imbiciles getting married, imbiciles making remakes and, of course, imbiciles doing the research.

Tom Hanks, high maintenance friends and relatable poop talk (is it, though?) are but some of the conversational gems we bring you this week, Dearest Listener. As always, thank you for tuning in, turning on and turning out for us each and every episode. We love you!

She's stealing hearts and smelling farts, Dear Listener, so strap in. We've got another cavalcade of nonsense queued up for you this week, including Birthday Party Trauma, Mrs. Bojangles and (my favorite) Broken Chain of Custody Chicken. Weeeeee!

It's a knock down, drag out, fruit-based fight, Dear Listener, and only one pastry can be the winner. So grab a fork and stick it in your nosy neighbor's ass (because we're done with the niceties this week, also). As always, there's lots to share, lots of laughs, and even more to love. We're so glad you're back.

Easy, Perv. It only sounds gross. This week, we discuss Superbowl highlights, the merits of microaggression and fun with Florida. Look at us, making friends in every state. Gracious.

Oh, Dear Listener, dare we show our age whilst we ask: does no one take advice anymore? It's a conundrum, to be sure, especially when you consider how willling and able we are to dish it out. But alas. These young ones today seem contented to flout our ways. Look at them, with their vacation "registries" and luxuriously nonfunctional fingernails. Tsk tsk. To think? How do they wipe?

Tell me 50 attractive, non-sexual traits you seek in a partner (and why Blake Lively has none of them). It's a sweeping conversation this week, Dear Listener, starting deep on Broad Street with Fly, Eagles, Fly and continuing down memory lane into the train wreck that is It Ends With Us. Good thing Missy's here with 30 seconds of penis content. Wang!

What goes down must come up, Dear Listener, at least in terms of gastric juices. Biohazard Amy shares a shocking number of fluid-based mishaps, while Melissa grapples with her authority as a creator of worlds.

Happy New Year from Dry January Headquarters, Dear Listener. We're coming in HOT this week with a host of penis shaped weather nonsense, the miracle of salt water and Stuart's antics at the Sauna Club. All that plus 30 seconds with Amy, MIssy boards a plane and LISTENERR FEEDBACK (and it's not even Christmas).

Welp, we made it, Dear Listener. 2024 is officially behind us. And if you're like most, you're feeling remarkably un-verklempt at the passing of said Poo Sandwich. Good news is: we're gearing up for our Best. Year. Eva. And we want you to come with. Yes, Melissa. I ended a sentence with a with. See? There are worse things than all of 2024. Join us this week for a rolicking look back at our holiday foibles, our lives on sonder, tips and tricks for surviving dark hallways, and your favorite, Dear Listener Feedback! We're so grateful for you—and for this joyous gift of friendship. What a ride.

Happy Merry Joyous Blessed Easy Crispy Fresh Squeezed Hot & Ready Now, Dear Listener. (Should old aquiantance be forgot.) We love you, we mean it. Our highest best and always, Melissa and Amy.

Greetings, Soufganiot fans. You'll be pleased to know that the annual cost of Christmas Trees has now surpassed $4.6 billion per family. Score one for Hannukah! In other news, Missy continues to deal with the detritus of The Great Purge. Amy discusses the possibility of removing all her hair. And we both fantasize about the hidden riches of highway based realities.

It's Go Time, Dear Listener, and you're on deck with a mission critical assignment: FEEDBACK. Our girl is struggling this week, and the only thing to cure her funk is a mountain of positive reinforcement in the form of Listener Engagement. So hop on Gmail and drop Missy a line at [email protected]. Social media more your speed? Post to your channel and tag @ListenBrilliant. Or just stand at the nearest window and scream until your lungs expire. (Oh wait, that's what Missy's doing.) Once you're done, give us a listen. We promise we'll give you a laugh. Topics this week include smiling in the face of death, the great closet purge, CBS "television" shows, teen vomit, and the death of a healthcare CEO (or birth of a legend).

It's not everyday that Melissa dictates the name of the episode. But so moved was she this week, Dear Listener, that she did just that. We give you: Amy's Thanksgiving. Enjoy.

Dance, Monkey, Dance — it's Thanksgiving, Dear Listener! We've loaded up the laughs to make the time fly as you prep, plump, clean, commute, gorge, purge, decorate, designate and defacate your way through this blessed secular holiday. (Still sorry, Native 'Merica!) Join us, won't you, as we ignore the news, forget cultural references and dig deep in family drama. In You Can't Eat at Errybody House news, Missy suffers a fresh insult that shall henceforth be known as KUGELGATE. Thirty seconds with Amy is back, along with your favorite, Non Sequitur Theatre featuring Matthew McConaughey's whistling tuna sandwhich. Plus, Missy melts down over the anorexia cry for help masquerading as the Wicked press tour. (Eat a sandwich, Ariana. Seriously.) We love you. We're grateful for you.

Asking for a friend... and don't be gross. We cover a lot of ground this week, Dear Listener, including the perils of poorly planned Friendsgiving, toddlers making soup, Missy's fascination with the societal promise of gastrointestinal distress, and Brides Behaving Badly. It's another joyful romp through the ADHD wilderness. And we can't wait to take you along for the ride.

Continue the distraction with upbeat giggles and advice from We, the Righteous. Join us as we energize each other, embrace our unique talents, and smile our way through this glorous gift we call life.