Being there for your kids

Every once in a while, something new comes along that is exciting, provides a critically different perspective, and just fills the bill. Such is the case with a new treatment strategy, Mentalligent Psychotherapy (MPT). Among the ABC's of therapy, MPT is the new kid on the block. Following is a brief introduction. Get more by looking into my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, available at amazonbooks.com. Blessings, Dr. Jon

When we face adversity, our "stuff" brings us down and we can get stuck. Some people actually say their life feels "like I'm spiralng out of control. Getting through our adversity and stress involves changing direction, from downward spiraling to upward spiraling. Mentalligent psychotherapy is a means for changing your life direction and soaring, that is, finding ways to manage your stress and maintain resilience when life gets you down. Check out this podcast for more. Blessings, Jon

Much of counseling and psychotherapy feels like same ol' same ol'. In my new book, The Healing Journey: Overcoming Adversity on the Path to the Good Life, I offer a paradigm shift on how we can engage in effective therapy. Whether you are looking to start therapy yourself, you are learning how to do therapy, or you want to add to your toolbox as a seasoned therapist, check out this podcast. It might be just for you.

If you seem to be stuck in unhelpful same ol' same ol', they it might be time to consider starting psychotherapy. Therapy is a great way to embrace new beginnings and find healing. Mentalligent psychotherapy is a treatment strategy used to help you find your healing journey. I have a new book out that helps you get started. Check out this article.

We all define our success in different ways. How we define it impacts how we raise our children. Success comes in moments of time, not only is reaching your goals or accomplishments. Use your relationship with your children to help ground them in the foundation for successful living, and then be their with them in their struggles to model how a successful lifestyle empowers them.

When the worst thing happens with your child, do you doubt if you are passing or failing in your parenting? The key choices you make in the moment define your success or failure at the most important job we all have in life, the legacy we give our kids.

Long car trips can be a bore for everybody, but especially for kids. Are we there yet? is a common refrain that can lead to turmoil if not addressed. When IPads and cell phones are not available, consider filling the time with family car games.

We are more than related individuals living together. We are a family. But what contributes to our identity as a family? One element are the family rituals we keep. Check out this podcast and consider how your family rituals bind you together.

All kids love to blow and play with bubbles. Popping them in flight is such fun. Lifestyle bubbles, however, not so much. Here I share my thoughts about how we can help our children expand their experiences by avoiding lifestyle bubbles.

Did you know? Your child's sibling place in your family matters. First-borns, middle children, and youngest child all have certain personality traits in part because of their position in the family. In this piece, I underscore those traits according to birth order and encourage parenting patterns for each child that takes their birth order into consideration. Hope this is helpful. Blessings, Jon

Teens often seem to be in their own world. But, do they really want to be? Their universal goal is to form their own, individual identity, which will carry over for their lifetime. Sadly, that goal can be at great expense to others in their world. Coming to terms with your teen means accepting where they are at any given moment, being there for them, and helping them navigate those troubled waters.

What kind of parent are you? Are you the good guy? the bad guy? the strict disciplinarian? the lax one? All kinds of parenting. Hopefully you are a bit of each of these. If so, add to your list, the cuddler. Cuddling is essential to relationship-building and to character-building for your child. Make time to cuddle each of your kids regularly.

Parenting often seems limited to stern lectures, supervising chores, helping with homework. While these things may represent the hard work of parenting, it's important to meaningfully plan playful time with them. The concept of playful parenting provides the foundation for your children listening to you, accepting your direction and leadership, and being a part of the family. Here are my thoughts on playful parenting.

Legacies come in many forms. They could be the family business, a piece of property, some passed-down item from family antiquity. If we are looking at qualities, rather than stuff, helping your kids learn and use being resilient in life is a great legacy. Resilience is making the best out of a bad situation. It's dealing with stuff in a positive, redeeming way. It's learning to draw the blessing out of even the toughest situation. Resilience, pass it on to your kids.

Next to life, death, and marriage, residential moving can be waaay up there as stressful. Following is an article my colleague, Cheryl Conklin at [email protected]. Having moved 8 times in my life, I share your pain. Hopefully, these eight tips can smoothe the transition for you. Blessings, Jon

How does your family handle the loss of a loved one. It's going to happen. How does it affect you and your children? In this podcast I ask the question, "Is Dying Painful?" I then outline the stages of grieving and things you and your family can do to cope with the loss, experience the grieving, and continue moving on.

In today's busy, non-stop, electronic world, how much time do you think you actually have with your kids and as a family? Thinking about and applying the categories of quality family time will promote family gathering and interacting, despite all the obstacles that could get in the way. Here are some thoughts.

Kids are all over the place. Keeping up with them is a hassle. Teaching and molding them is an even greater task. Here I offer two keys to "training them up in the ways of the Lord, so that, when they grow old, they will not depart from him." (Proverbs 22:6). Active Listening is the royal road to healthy relationship with your kids. Knowing the Four Stages of Parenting helps you stay in sync with them. Keep these tools in mind, as you find teachable moments with them.

Every family has at least one character. You know, the one who draws attention in funny, silly ways, the jokester. Having a character in your family, however, is different from helping your kids build character. In this podcast, I list several ways for parents to help their kids build character.

The only 3 universal events all of experience are death, taxes, and change. Change happens. It's how we handle it that matters. The tone you set for your kids will greatly impact how they handle change in their lives. Here I offer 2 rules of change. Get these rules in your head and you can set the tone for how well your kids handle inevitable change.

You don't have to, but you want to. Nobody told you to. You came up with it all by yourself. This is the origin of being kind. Isn't is strange that we may give up our seat on public transit for an elderly or handicapped person, but we're not typically kind to those we love? Check out these comments to find three encouragements for becoming kinder in your family.

All kids act out. It's one way that they explore their world, assert themselves, and nurture their natural curiosity. However, there are three kinds of acting out that create difficulties both for you as the parent as well as for your child. Check out this podcast to learn more.

Have you ever had your child jerk your chain so hard that you couldn't wait to give them a piece of your mind (or maybe THE BELT)? What parent hasn't? Today I have such an example. However, I put the example in context as a learning experience for your child. Making your child into a "mini-me" is not the goal of parenting. While our kids are the best and the worst of both of their parents, first and foremost they are who they are. The takeaway" Kids will be kids.

As parents, we all are hard-wired to fix things, problem-solve, kiss the boo-boo. That is sufficient most of the time. But what about when your child is in an emotional meltdown? That's when he needs your compassion. Help him to weather the emotional storm before trying to make things better. This way, you give him the tools to right his own ship when he's grown and you're not always there anymore. Check this out. Blessings, Jon

Families have drama all the time. It comes in all shapes and sizes. How you handle the drama in your house sets the tone for all others living there. I've given three examples, the wrong ways to handle them, and a sample of healthier ways to handle them. Make sense? If you want to share your drama with me, contact me at www.thereformykids.com.

Every parent has a superpower, but often it goes unused. When things are great at home, at work, with your kids, well, life doesn't get much better than that. When things are not so great, that's the time to invoke your superpower. Resilience is your superpower. In this column, I explain all the facets of resilience and give an example of mom using resilience to recapture equilibrium. Check it out.

Are you an "Ella?" She's a young mom caught up in a life she can't seem to escape. She has spent all of it preparing to die. In my brief article, I share the differences between preparing to die and preparing to live. Some minimal lifestyle changes can make a world of difference. Blessings, Jon

Home stretching the school year. Time to get summer plans started. In the first letter, mom frets over summer expenses, kids' activities, and not getting enough me-time. Planning ahead and delegating, with accountability, works wonders. In the second letter, mom is all over an upcoming residential move ruining summer fun activities. I encourage planning for both/and, rather than either/or. Families can both get the packing/moving/unpacking successfully done and also make time for fun during planned breaks.

Even though the pandemic is mostly behind us, some families are still reeling from its effects. My first letter asks about using family planning meetings to plan for summer activites. I encourage full participation, using active listening and problem solving to create a great, fun summer for all. A mom writes me in the second letter feeling overwhelmed with kid activities and bemoaning no time for herself. I encourage her to look at the circumstances in both/and terms, not in either/or terms. With supervision and accountability in place, there can be self-caring for mom without kids running wild.

Stuff happens. Even bad stuff can happen. How you all respond to it helps define the kind of family you are. In my response to the first letter, I help a mom sort out ways to help her younger son deal with tragedy that befell her older son. In my response to the second letter, mom is befuddled as to why her 5-year-old has migraine headaches and how to deal with them. Feeling a kindred spirit? Check them out.

Showing interest and involvement in your child's schooling is a blessing of good parenting. Where she might be having difficulties, it can be helpful for you to supplement her classes with schooling at home. The one-on-one attention you give her can help her catch up, become more interested, and enrich her potential. Emily Graham, a "mighty mom" indeed, offers suggestions for maximizing your child's school experience.

Danger lurks and tragedy can occur in a nanosecond. Being aware of some statistics regarding child safety will help you focus on prevention. Know the potential dangers and take the appropriate precautions. Check out the quicklink references for more information.

Bullying is a pervasive phenomenon, particularly in schools, but also with adults in their workplace. Wearing glasses can be a trigger for being bullied. Nvision provides this article on the topic, and I'm happy to share it with you.

Very few families get by on one income these days. It takes two incomes to make expenses in most homes. That means someone, even both of you, will be juggling home, work, and kids. Mastering the baby balance takes some effort. Check out this podcast to find some ways to keep things in balance.

A "mompreneur" is the best mom combined with the best entrepreneur. Creating an in-home business can be challenging, but also rewarding. It can be a whole family endeavor that creates teachable moments and connectedness. Here are some thoughts by guest columnist Emily Graham to help you get started

Our guest contributor has great tips for saving money. Check it out.

How can you both corral the kids, but also get them to be helpful and useful during stress-filled holidays and moving days. These two letters tackle this question to help frazzled parents get through family transitions and difficult times. Check them out.

Holidays can be chaotic, with kids home from school for chunks of time. Beginning with a family meeting, these times can be fun for everybody. Getting everyone involved from planning to completion is the ticket to having holidays go well for your family. In my second letter, mom is having a pity party about not having "me-time." I helped her distinguish between selfish and self-caring. Getting "me-time" is about planning for it, keeping kiddos supervised and occupied, and making the time for yourself.

Transitions of any kind are stressful. Moving your family into a rental can be the worst! The following article comes from contributing podcaster Cheryl Conklin. Check her work out at https://wellnesscentral.info/ Great stuff!!

Families aren't supposed to be win/lose propositions. We need to build them to be win/win for all members. Making family plans for the summer can be taxing and stressful, where one or more family members feel left out. Enter the family planning meeting. This process gives everybody voice. The first letter addresses this. In the second letter, mom fears not getting her own needs met. I encourage her to switch her mindset from either/or to both/and. As long as kids have supervision and accountability, mommies can get their needs met too.

This pandemic has taken its toll on all of us. While things are much better, we're not there yet. How can you be there for your kids and for others in these tough times? The first letter is from grandparents who want to be active again. I counsel, go, but go slowly and with safeguards in place. A mom writes me about her son's best friend who is very ill from this pandemic. While encouraging her son to talk our his feelings, in his time frame, I also encourage creative ideas for the boy to be there for his best friend in these tough times.

Summer is almost here. Kids almost out of school. What to do? What to do? A mom shares her frustrations and worries about planning amidst pandemic and world crises. Active listening is the tool to use to help calm your kids down. After you have their attention, use brainstorming techniques to open up a family planning meeting. Any and all options are on the table, within family time and money constraints. As an extra, I've included my own family meeting activities list to activate the brain cells. Blessings, Jon

Tragedy can befall any family at any time. In the first letter, mom wants help not with her elder son who is quadriplegic, but rather with her younger son, whom she fears will be left out. There's a place for all in the family, no matter what the trauma. In the second letter, how could a sweet, adorable, little 5-yr old girl suffer from migraine headaches. Mom is fraught with worry and concern. I helped her come up with options to help ease her daughter's pain.

Parenting a special needs child is challenging under any circumstances. Add COVID-19 and the situation compounds. This podcast is not letters, my usual format, but rather an article sent to me that I'm passing on to you. Take heart. You can both self-care and tend to your special needs child.

What to do when one of your kids embraces the awe of Santa Claus, and her older brother intends to burst her bubble by saying that Santa is "not real?" As parents, we are to respect our children's developmental stages and convictions, while guiding them away from power plays. Also, how do we keep the family and spiritual side of Christmas alive in our family? In the second letter, mom is frustrated with the disruption to kid bedtime with the change of routine around the holidays. Ideas?

Stuff happens. As parents, we are charged with helping our kids when stuff happens. In our first letter, mom asks about psychosomatic tummy aches her 6 year old daughter is having. Yes, psychosomatic illness is real, not "all in your head." I give her some hints for easing her daughter's pain. In our second letter, mom wants help with her middle schooler having to wear an eye patch the rest of the school year. Cognitive reframing is at tool mom can help her son use to adapt to his awkward, difficult circumstances.

My letters this week are preventive in nature. One mom wonders if her son's behavior is symptomatic or normal. I talk about distress and eustress, and how stress is normal. The six-week rule is good to go by. If your concerns last longer than six weeks, what you are noticing may be symptoms. My second parent wonders if it is a good idea to have yearly mental health wellness checks, just like our kids have annual physicals. What a great idea!

All of our kids know more than we think they know. When we are faced with adversity, share with them in an age-appropriate way. In my first letter, dad feels bad about not being able to afford a used car for his younger son, after having gotten one for his older son when times were better for the family. Active listening his frustration and jointly problem-solving options will be helpful. In my second letter mom fears her 6th grade son being bullied by eighth graders in middle school. Being a "helicopter parent" never works, and deprives our children of figuring things out for themselves. Instead of "doing for," consider offering wise counsel and brainstorm what to do if bullying occurs.

We all have breaking points. With the pandemic, our buttons are being pushed more frequently. It's all just too much. In my first letter, a mom is frantic about her son's senior year in high school being all topsy-turvy. He's not handling the changes well. I encourage her to go to him and ask permission to talk with him. When he agrees, she will want to active listen without judging, criticizing, or even coming up with great suggestions. Let him take the lead, while she advises and supports. In the second letter, mom and dad are frantic to tend to their 5 yr old and everything else in their lives all at once. I reinforce what they seem to be doing right, and then suggest some behavior management strategies to help their son be successful. Soon, all of this pandemic will be just a memory.

The holidays are upon us and all of us want to get back to a normal gathering, putting the pandemic behind us, right? Uh, no! With vaccinations in full swing, gatherings are more do-able, but with good planning. In my first letter, I share with the writer several ways to plan for low risk family gatherings. In my second letter, Debbie Downer laments celebrating the holidays this year for "just the two of us," because of distance and limitations. I encourage creativity in making a special occasion for the two of them. Also, I share two rules for addressing depression that will also give the holidays a boost for DD.