Beat Your Genes Podcast

Today's show we go over these questions: 1. If two people typically rate as 10/10 yet one is deemed more attractive on average, would that mean they're objectively better looking while being in the same tier? 2. Could someone who is genetically lower in conscientiousness maintain performance that would resemble a higher level in the trait? 3. Jimmy the guitar player calls in to the show

In today's show, we go over the following questions: 1. I think that you are absolutely right when you say that happiness comes from esteem, earned in the right way from the people that matter. It's really beautiful to me how that works. But on the other hand, I occasionally meet women who impress me a great deal, strictly based on their DNA- i.e., above-average looks, brains, and personality. Or, as you might expect, even just well above average looks. So my question is, how can attraction be such a profound emotional experience when so much of it is purely on the basis of DNA, and nothing that has been done to earn it? And in fact people are more impressed with someone when it appears that they are not trying? Is how we feel about ourselves based on what we earn, but how we feel about others mostly just a matter of their DNA? 2. How does IQ affect relationships? Specifically, a male having a greater IQ than his female partner, at what point would this cause problems in the relationship and how? 3. I am a recently single 30 year old male, and I've been hitting the online dating apps once again. With my more finely tuned evolutionary lense thanks to your podcast, I've noticed something interestin. It seems as though most of us, while we want to put our best foot forward in order to increase our chance of success, we still can't help but leak potentially market-limiting queues. Is it simply that we are programmed to be honest so that we don't end up wasting our time with people who wouldn't find these market-limiting interests appealing? Is this a simple energy conservation cost-benefit analysis?

Today's questions: 1. Does the myelin sheath development also apply to more purely mental abilities like reading and comprehension, or the ability to imagine and come up with inventive solutions to a problem? For example, how much can learning and practice be helpful in growing infants and children? Will a baby that is spoken to for 5 hours a day learn to speak significantly faster than one exposed to only an hour of language a day? Or are parents kidding themselves when they spend so much effort to give their child an edge in cognitive development? 2. I'm a private person: I cringe when people air their dirty laundry or have what to me are very private conversations in the facebook comment section. I don't signal affiliation or loyalty the way most people do, and tend to minimize advertising even when it would be seemingly beneficial: I recall declining someone wanting to write an article about me back in high school because "it's nobody's business". I realize I'll always be like this, but the way you and Geoffrey Miller talk about advertising opened it a new perspective. Do you think I'm missing out, and if so, how could I improve where it matters? 3. How do scientists go about measuring genes? How do they identify and associate them with human behavior? Is this something they can see with Petri dishes and a microscope? What would a behavioral scientists day look like?

In today's show, the Drs answer the following listener questions: 1.I was married to a man for 3 years who was a recovering drug and alcohol addict. In any case, we have recently divorced. There is another man who I have known for about 20 years. We have recently reconnected and are exploring the beginnings of a relationship.I am noticing a heavy drinking behavior in the man in the new relationship. Its hard to tell because right now we are long distance and only see each other on weekends. So am I attracted to addicts? 2. I often hear the term "control" thrown around in pop psychology and fiction. It often turns up in dialogue like one person asking why the other did something stupid or self-destructive and the answer being "I just really needed to feel in control, just for a minute". Or there is the notion that people will calm down when given (the illusion of) control. 3. I'm male, early twenties, been on a whole plant food diet for about 1,5 years. Arguments I can handle (I'm pretty disagreeable), but my family has been emotionally blackmailing me, having what amount to interventions with my mother crying, them saying I'm wasting away and will one day find myself in an ambulance. I'm 5'9 about 132 pounds. I lost about 20 pounds early on and have not lost any more for over a year. I have always had low muscle mass, even when working out -I've come to think I'm just naturally low on that bell curve. But for a year I've finally been able to do proper push-ups, pulls-ups and the like and generally feel fine. I feel distanced from my family and have come to dread spending time with them. What can I do?

On today's show, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk will answer the following questions: 1. Imagine a 20-year-old male. Every day, he plays video games, eats Twinkies, drinks Mountain Dew, binge watches Netflix, mindlessly scrolls through Social Media, and watches . What are the long-term and short-term effects of all this supernormal stimuli? 2.I feel like I'm stuck in a diet mindset where my internal audience won't recognize any of my efforts unless I'm 100% compliant all of the time. Considering all the crap other people eat, I feel like I should be able to have one meal a week that's not 100% wfpb and still be fine and not feel all this guilt? 3. I understand your view on how to handle questions about "why do eat that way" etc however i am wondering about what to say when people say things like "Oh i really need to do something about my weight so i have just started eating low carb high fat". Or " i have diabetes so i can't eat pasta or potatoes." Lately my respone has been to smile and say nothing however i am left feeling frustrated that there is so much that i could contribute to the conversation but i just hold back. What is the best approach when people say or do things that either simple wrong or not the best solution, particularily when you care about the person and want to be helpful? 4. I am impressed with the data behind a whole foods plant based diet but felt this wasn't something I could stick with long term. I've read in the pleasure trap strategies for telling others to buzz off, but still didn't like the social implications of being a young male vegan. Long term concerns for being on this diet? Would you recommend it for anyone?

In today's show we discuss the Evolutionary psychology of individual, group, and self punishment and revenge. How does this factor in to Hamilton's rule? Listener questions: 1. Why do people seek revenge and compensation pain from a person who has angered them even if they lose as well? Why do people take an approach of 'I will hurt you back even if it means I get hurt as well' when they are in rage? 2. Are there evolutionary reasons for sending signals to the others by physically harming oneself? 3. Kind of a weird question but why is it so hard to convey to guys/male partners that they should simply put down the toilet seat after they are done peeing? I find this conversation extremely unnecessary and childish however it seems to me that there is something deeper behind (evolutionary) otherwise it doesn't make sense to me to make such a big fuss about it. I know it sounds dumb but thanks for answering! 4. What is it about human social psychology that make Stone age tribes or "villages" tend to Max out around 50 or 150 people or so? Was it that nothing could invite more people than that under any common purpose?.

In this episode, we have an on-air session with a listener whose new boss micromanages everything he does.

In today's show we have the following questions: 1. What are Dr. Lisle's thoughts on group therapy? What is the purpose if there is one and how would he apply evolutionary principles and esteem dynamics to group therapy? 2. My MIL treats her 4 granddaughters quite differently. I am a disagreeable person who really values fairness. It's hard not to comment or approach her when she treats them so different. Let's not even begin to get into how many more clothes and toys (resources overall) she gets for her daughter's girls. Is there a way for her to look at my daughter differently and allocate resources fairly? 3. Recently you described the Enlightenment Trap, which interested me greatly and I wondered if you believed there was some degree to which meditation practice was a means of beating the genetic disposition for egoistic drives for status enhancement. Robert Wright certainly seems to think so. I recognise that there are apparently many examples of pseudo- meditators displaying their practice conspicuously as a status / virtue-signalling attempt, but do you believe there are some devotees who genuinely manage to reduce egoistic drives? 4. I am a professional woman in my middle years and want to be less critical of people and other things. 5.

We go over the following questions: 1. What is impostor syndrome? Can you change the perception of feeling like a fraud? 2. A dad's son climbs on a roof to look at his neighbor's nude sunbathing. Dad handles it, but mom is furious and thinks this is huge issue warranting psychiatric medications. 3. A listener's boyfriend ended up at a stripclub with coworkers. He denies he got a lapdance even though everyone else got one. Listener wants to know if she is the one insecure and if a more confident woman wouldn't mind this happening. And also if this is 'normal behavior' for men and so she should expect it from any future partners. 4. Does having more wealth increase the trait of openness? 5. What does the future hold for humans capable or not capable of thriving in the modern environment in the face of so many traps?

The questions for tonight's show are as follows: 1. I was wondering how Dr Lisle reconciled two seemingly opposing thoughts I've heard on separate episodes. 1. CBT is an effective therapy to mitigate cognitive distortions and 2. The human brain/nervous system does an immaculate job of evaluating its effectiveness and status within a group. If our brains do such an amazing job of evaluating feedback from the group, why are cognitive distortions so common? 2.I've often felt anger when someone seems to misunderstand something, perhaps honestly and perhaps disingenuously in something that is approaching an argument. The feeling often keeps me from explaining exactly what I mean because I expect that the exact points of the disagreement are disingenuous so it won't matter and I will only regret justifying myself and "opening up". You've often mentioned that that communication in relationships isn't faulty the way most psychologist say, but you've also talked about getting crystal clear. So should I beat my genes and get crystal clear, or is the inference that it won't change a thing correct?

We welcome to the podcast our newest guest, Dr. Jen Howk. We'll find out about who she is, how she got interested in Evolutionary Psychology, the work she has done, and her thoughts on a few select topics.

In today's episode, Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk, discuss the following questions: 1. My niece and I have been debating whether it's safe for attractive young solo female travelers to couch surf. She believes that a careful reading of a host's couch surfing profile enables her to spot would-be predators. What are your thoughts on this Dr. Lisle and Dr. Howk? 2. Can you talk about what resilience is with regard to personality/the big 5? Do you think that it is possible to help people develop resilience or grit? 3. I dated a guy for about 5 years who would never commit and cheated on me several times, though I did not learn of his indiscretions until after the relationship ended. I recently found out that he married one of the women who he cheated on me with after dating her for only a brief time. After our split was all said and done I definitely felt like I came out it with the better end of the deal, and I'm now in a relationship that has major *magic 10%* potential; so my question is: why am I so irritated about my loser ex's quickie marriage? 4. I contracted Herpes from a long term boyfriend who was cheating on me about 10 years ago. I find it so difficult to share this information with a new person. I am 50 years old and reasonably attractive but haven't been dating from shame regarding this condition. You're straight talk suggestions are so helpful on this podcast, I'm wondering if you can advise me on how to best frame this situation for myself, my status, and potential mates.

Questions for tonight's show are: 1. Why am I so stagnant? Despite doing poorly in practically all the dimensions of my life (romantic, social, pursuit) I don't take any effective action. I've done an immense amount of therapies from various modalities, worked with many therapists, including numerous other things to no avail. I stew and rage but don't do anything and I don't know why. I also like to feel like a victim so as to not feel the pressure of responsibility. 2. Your explanation of anger and guilt being mirror emotions really struck me. Do you think there is always a mirror emotion like anger and guilt? Or is it rather mostly a spectrum like your explanation of depression and boredom, when related to stress? I would be curious to hear about more on categorizing emotions. 3. I am a bit confused about when disagreeableness is seen as a negative and positive trait. You said agreeableness is a highly valued trait, and while it is clear that one would want a disagreeable lawyer, you also said that charisma basically comes down to disagreeableness, and when most people think of charismatic people, they certainly don't think of pushiness and anger. I am probably ~75th percentile disagreeable (but pretty stable) and generally try to beat my genes by hiding it, but, not contradicting people, avoiding confrontation, for example with groups of friends. Am I right to do so, or could I win more friends/esteem by being more "assertive"? 4. I'm trying to work on it, but I feel I have an issue with agreeableness. I'm too agreeable, to the point that I feel bad about myself for disappointing others, like turning down a job offer or rejecting a potential partner when it's obvious that those situations won't work out. How do I get past this, "trying to please all of the people all of the time" mentality?

We welcome back Dr. Jen Howk for her part 2 debut on the BYG podcast. Dr. Lisle and Howk answer the following questions from listeners: 1. I would describe myself as a 9. I am pretty and fit. I am educated and have a great job. Since I have graduated college I have had an extremely difficult time with dating. 2. If I slept with someone that I like too soon and they are showing less interest in me is there a way to get their interest back? I remember one episode you mentioned looking your best was a way to do this which I am working on losing some weight. Are there any pyschological mind tactics I can practice in the mean time? If someone is actively ignoring you is it best to do the same? 3. I have a question regarding the full moon on the female psyche The Mother of my two children becomes more abusive and more unstable during a full moon. Generally she is a pretty tricky person to deal with and tripping over some petty little trap opens a gate for verbal and sometimes physical abuse. She often blames the full moon or PMS for these episodes but she is rarely a picnic in the park in between. My question is whether there is any validity in the claim that the full moon has on anyone's psychology or is it just an excuse for bad behaviour and just some new age hippy nonsense for people who are high in openness. 4. What advice would you give to a female who is being stalked? 5. Is it reasonable to suggest that modern third-wave feminism is now about confusing males about the dominance hierarchy and their own sexual selection criteria, so as to turn them into being beta males? To find out more about Dr. Howk or to book a phone consult, visit www.JenHowk.com

Our questions for this show are: 1. Given the profitability of prescribing pills and surgical procedures, do you believe the mainstream medical-industrial-complex will ever reach a tipping point and head in the direction of true health care? As opposed to the current system of what basically boils down to disease maintenance? 2. In church this week I felt very guilty. No one is specifically asking me for nutrition advice but every week we hear about and pray for members of our congregation that have everything from kidney stones to cancer and everything in between. All of these conditions would be helped by a whole food plant based diet. I don't feel comfortable saying much about my diet at church but I feel very guilty about not speaking up if information that I have could help someone who is suffering. Do you have any recommendations? 3. I am a Clinical Psychology Doctoral candidate, and I will have my first patients this Fall. I am nervous, excited, but mostly curious. What concepts and theories from EP have you found most useful in your clinical work? And what are the one or two things from EP that I can focus on to help better serve my patients? 4. Given that many core characteristics of personality are genetically determined, and that the evolutionary process of blind variation is bound to produce extremes, aren't there always bound to be some individuals in society who are likely to experience impulses to commit violent acts - with particularly horrific consequencies when gun laws allow comparatively easy access to lethal weapons?In the 'bottling up' episode you say that some people are bound to be 'shitheads' - so aren't there also always bound to be 'psychopaths' and no amount of moral education, religious observation or societal conservatism could ever eradicate the problem of mass killings?

In this episode, we introduce Dr. Jen Howk, who recently earned her PhD from Harvard. She brings a female perspective to our male/female dynamics questions and offers her insights to our show.

"I'll do it, but not because you told me to" is a common humorous refrain in movies & TV shows. In this show, we explore where this emotion comes from. First, by reviewing a famous study that found that kids spend less time drawing if you tell them that they'll get a good student award for drawing a good picture, compared to if you just let them draw without telling them anything. Then, Dr. Lisle answers the following questions: 1. With regard to the ego and pleasure traps, if you want to instill a sense of motivation, do you set goals and fundamentals that solicit a stress response as opposed to soliciting an anxious or depressive response? How do you decide on a goal or the fundamentals that can begin the process of getting you out of the ego/pleasure trap? Is it a matter of deciding what is 10% better than what you are currently doing? 2. Can parents toughen up their children, including infants, so that they don't cry as much, by pampering them less? In other words, is there evidence that you can make infants cry less or make young children less sensitive or whiny be letting them have to deal with a little discomfort rather than helping them out all the time? 3. When you talk about narcissists you usually discuss those who come across as highly disagreeable. But it seems some can be very charming. Can you explain the charming narcissist and how to spot one? 4. Why does my anxiety and feelings of regret tend to peak at night but dissipate throughout the day?

We start this episode with a question about the Enlightenment & Ego Trap - left over from last episode. The rest of the questions are about interacting with children/kids. 1. I have a number of friends who come from difficult backgrounds – a family history of mental illness and/or abuse, poor decision-making, relative poverty and very little work experience. I've found that they're generally unwilling to consider most basic employment options to alleviate their financial difficulties, figuring they are "better than" most realistic jobs and even enduring a great deal of debt to get dubious education credentials which – most anyone with a critical eye can see – are not going to simply leapfrog them into a high-paying job, especially given the lack of work history. Can the "ego trap" exist for those who don't have much outside esteem coming in? Is it a form of deferral of failure? 2. I have a 2 yr old and another baby on the way. Being a dad is teaching me that I have to constantly fight my disagreeableness, because I am having to give more of myself to my kid and can't sustain trying to trade at 75/25 with him. My brain keeps telling me I am getting a bad deal with my kid, but I know I signed up for this and need your help beating my genes. What tactics or advice do you have for someone to at lease fake trading at less than 75/25 with a toddler? 3. Why kinds of adult things should generally be kept from kids, say 8-12 year olds? Is there any harm in letting them have unfiltered access to the internet, as long as we make sure they aren't getting into drugs or risk of pregnancy? In other words, to what age should they be kept fairly innocent, if at all, and why? 4. This listener's question is about her mother, a school teacher, who lost her cool with an unruly child and had some significant resulting guilt.

In this show, we discuss showing weakness as a sexual strategy, then we move to a question about dominance hierarchies vs. competence hierarchy (is there a difference?). Next question is about the mixed perceptions of evolutionary psychology. Finally, Dr. Lisle then takes some time to discuss elements of the ego trap. The questions are as follows: 1. Do you think there are situations where a man showing weakness to a woman can be positive? Can women get away with it easily, or weakness also a signal of sexual interest when it comes to them? 2.Some people seem to be so driven to compete and rise to the top, however their internal audience is constantly asking them, "are you sure you're not being too dominant? Is this step up worth it?", either directly or indirectly in the form of general stress. Emotional stability seems to be a huge component in how this plays out on an individual basis. I'd be curious if you think this competence/dominance inner battle is part of what plays into the pleasure trap. 3.I want to spread the truth of evolutionary psychology but I also don't want to hurt my mating chances by getting labeled a reject. Should I keep my evolutionary thoughts a secret and only explain it in easy to digest chic talk or should I spread these ideas with testicular fortitude? 4.I am wondering about how the ego trap might apply to people who have not been given reason for high expectations. In a sense, whether there is some interaction between the ego trap and the Dunning-Kruger effect of lower-capacity individuals being less likely to recognize their own limitations. Can the "ego trap" exist for those who don't have much outside esteem coming in? Is it a form of deferral of failure?

Dr. Lisle goes in depth about why nature has selected for subjective experiences. The question is as follows: What is your take on why a subjective experience would have been selected for, as opposed to animals simply being like machines with no subjective experience inside? More importantly, what is your take on how a subjective experience can possibly be created in the mind? How could neurons firing create a personal experience? Next, he tackles this broad few questions: Why were we given the intellectual capacity to overshoot our evolutionary advantage and create inventions that cause our demise? Why would our minds become so advanced to create a world where we live with and around multiple pleasure traps daily, where even the strictest, most conscientious of us will fall prey to decision fatigue and give in to a few of these traps, thus affecting our happiness? Why do they have the capacity to do this? It seems as though we would have been happier animals as a species with a little less intellect.

Questions tonight are as follows: Can you please talk about the relationship between money and self-esteem and how to learn to enjoy the money one makes? If women in one's social circles, acquaintances, friends, etc. seem receptive to casual mating, should we go for it without much worry, or is it bound to lead to future problems with them and the group? Why does it appear that people make so much up? (at least on TV when asked questions) Am I the oddball for feeling that when you've known someone for a long time, that means something? Is it because I'm low in openness and introverted?

A recent study published in the Journal of Personality & Social Psychology* attempts to tackle understanding the stress of decision making. Nate G goes over the article and Dr. Lisle offers his take. Can the stress of decision making be explained solely by the personality trait conscientiousness? Dr. Lisle and Nate discuss. The next topic stems from a listener's question: "Can we choose who we want the most esteem from? Is there a way I can care less about the esteem from some people? It is sometimes exhausting to try to please everyone." *PDF of the JPSP article : http://blogs.cuit.columbia.edu/mayarossignacmilon/files/2018/08/Chen.Rossignac-Milon.Higgins.JPSP_.2018.pdf

In this episode, we review a new study in the science of happiness. The first, by Bruce Headey called, Happiness and Longevity: Unhappy People Die Young, Otherwise Happiness Probably Makes No Difference, explains what effect happiness has on our longetivity. The first listener question is from a young man whose short love life has allowed him to feel the moods of happiness while in a relationship. Since the most recent breakup, he feels as though he has low self-esteem and is curious about whether this low self-esteem is due to his need to seek validation from others. The next question is about evolutionary mismatch and whether happiness may come from correcting as many evolutionary mismatches as possible. To finish out the show, we have a live caller asking about how to fine tune his diet & lifestyle and get over the proverbial "hump" after losing some motivation.

We start the show with a question about whether a higher extroversion individual would act more introverted due to status loss. Then, we move on to a question about why & what to do when getting ignored or constantly interrupted in an academic setting. Then we move on to a quesiton about whether we have natural, genetic discipline and ambition. Dr. Lisle shares his opinion about a recent book, Blueprint by Robert Plomin.

Ben Franklin effect, Burying feelings, Bottling up emotions, Internet trolls

Does casual mating doom pair bond chances? Evo psych & spiritual experience, sibling rivalry

Being cheap, Loaning money, Alcoholic husband, Influencing others

On-air session with a lady who has questions about how to spot casual mating

Advice for an indecisive man, Advice for a teacher, Delusional friends

Is knitting a sexual display? Is sexual inexperience a turn off?

Finding a dream job, Drama at work, Helping parents find happiness

Why do suckers get suckered into things, Are emotions contagious?

Epigenetics, Stress and health, ego-centric bias while dating

Where does guilt come from? Why do some people have 'body issues'? What's the difference between empathy & compassion? Specifically, in the context of a sociopath? Is there a link between highly-open people & reduced genetic preference?

Dating down vs. up Do we embarrass to assess mate value? What to do if alcohol becomes the preferred social lubricant? Do pair-bonded agreeable people feel happy together?

What if your kid doesn't want to go to college? Is there an anti-10 paid dates culture? Why are things "manly"? How to tell if a potential employee is agreeable & conscientious? Why does family discourage physical fitness vs. career success? and more!

Expectations vs performance, politics questions, business partner conflict

The second part of a 2-part show explaining the ego trap. In this episode, we take questions from listeners about their own ego trap.

Explaining the Ego Trap 1 of 2

Special Episode - Broadcasting on Facebook Live

Internal audience, public speaking, Hot/cold lovers,Getting over a breakup

Are women harder on themselves, Stuttering, Marriage problems, Is there a limit to esteem

Free time, Pseudo esteem

Keeping attention in class, When authority is altruistic, autism, war

Dilated eyes, Friendships, Romantic excitement, Live caller

Female ambition psychology, Messy roommate, roots of privacy

Falling out of love, Cultural shifts, Faced w food temptations

Anger in relationships, Falling in love w a monk, Food cravings

10 paid dates from a man's perspective, Open-loops from casual flings

How to deal with a micro-managing boss - an on-air session