At Peace Parents Podcast

"Is my child Autistic with Demand Avoidance OR is my child PDA?"This is a question I get often from parents, so this is a free training to help you discern the answer that question for yourself. We will cover:Figuring out which "lens" is most helpful to support your unique child and the root cause of the behaviors you observe.Understanding that it is not an "either/or" or binary situation where PDA kids don't have social communication differences or that non-PDA autistic children and teens don't need autonomy and have sensitive nervous systems.Patterns I have observed that help you distinguish for yourself whether your child is PDA.Patterns I have observed among the 100s of parents I work with whose children or teens are indeed PDA.An invitation to take an experimental approach and collect data on *your* unique child.I hope it serves you!To connect with me, find me here:Instagram TikTokFacebookYouTubeFor Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLCThanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode, I answer this very commonly asked question: What is the difference between PDA and trauma? As part of my answer, I discuss five things:1. Why there is so much confusion between PDA and trauma. 2. Why there are different root causes behind similar nervous system activation.3. Where there are points of overlap between PDA and trauma.4. Different approaches to supporting them. 5. What we don't know yet about healing vs. accommodating a neurotype vs. neuroplasticity and where your child will land.Citations:"What Happened to You: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing," by Bruce Perry, MD, Ph.D. and Oprah Winfrey"The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk"Harnessing Electrochemicals to Treat Disorders Arising from Traumatic Stress" by Ronald Ruden (2019: 223)To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode is an excerpt from the "Progress with PDA" workshop and is a way of looking at progress, even when you feel your most stuck as a parent.This perspective is the "yin" side to the "yang" of tracking data and indicators of progress that you observe of your PDA child or teen as they move out of burnout and towards more well-being. I hope the episode serves you. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode, I answer the question: "What do I do when my PDA child or teen really wants to do something - see friends, play a sport, engage in an activity - but there is a big fallout afterwards?"To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode, Casey shares the logic behind why sticker charts, laminated schedules, strict routines, and many of the supports used with children who have social communication differences and executive functioning differences actually backfire with PDA kids and young adults. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode, Casey shares her story from the perspective of a parent as she experienced the time leading up to her son's burnout (3.5 years old), her son's burnout (5.5 years old), and the current moment (8.5 years old). She ends with a spiritual insight from Buddhism about not shooting oneself with the "second arrow" when things are hard.To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode, I share an excerpt from the Paradigm Shift Program session that focused on Marriage, Co-Parenting, and Communication dynamics while raising a Pathologically Demand Avoidant (PDA) child or teen. I share my personal story, how raising a PDA child has impacted my marriage and share one fundamental insight about being the "lead" parent vs. the parent who is doing less of the caregiving.This is a great episode to listen to with your partner to help you get on the same page and realize you are not alone in navigating these dynamics!Citations: Understanding Pathological Demand Avoidance Syndrome in ChildrenThe Tilt Parenting Podcast Episode with Harry Thompson (Episode 109) has been removed from the website because of allegations against Harry, so I can't link to it as a citation.  Atlantic Article "Why Women Still Can't Have it All" - the concept of "lead parenting" is named in the writing. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent. xoxo,Casey

In this episode, I outline the ways in which the description of Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) in the Diagnostic Statistical Manual (DSM)-5 overlaps with some of the surface-level indicators of Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) or "Pervasive Drive for Autonomy."Although there are many things that look the same on the surface, if we dig deeper to discover the root cause of your child's behavior, you may realize that Oppositional Defiant Disorder isn't really an explanatory diagnostic category, while Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) is.I also outline the five things that an Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD) diagnosis doesn't explain:Internalized expressions of PDA (e.g. freeze/fawn)Trouble accessing basic needs (e.g. toileting indepedently, safety, eating, sleeping, or hygiene)Sensory DifferencesSocial Communication DifferencesNeed for constant undivided attention/coregulationCitations: "High Masking" term by Rachel Dorsey, Autistic SLPTILT Parenting Podcast Reference: Episode 154: Dr. Mona Delahooke on Looking Beyond Children's Challenging BehaviorBeyond Behaviors by Mona DelahookeBody-Brain Parenting by Mona DelahookeTo connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode we explore identifying with a particular neurotype - whether it is Pathologically Demand Avoidant (PDA), Autistic, Neurotypical, ADHD, or none at all- and the choices we have for ourselves and for our children.At the core, we discuss how autonomy is incorporated into the process of your child choosing an identity, and separating that from medical diagnosis and the nervous system mechanisms that lead to fight/flight/freeze.Hope you enjoy!To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

Why is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) so hard to understand as a parent and for therapists, pediatricians, teachers, and people looking in on your child's life?In this episode, I answer the following questions: How do I know whether it is "defiance" or typical kid behavior or Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA)?How do I know whether it is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) or Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD), or ADHD? Can a PDA child appear totally typical at school or with a grandparent, but not at home?What if my child is not "explosive" - can they still be pathologically demand avoidant? (PDA) Citation:"Beyond Behaviors: Using Compassion and Brain Science to Understand and Solve Children's Challenging Behaviors" by Dr. Mona DelahookeTo connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

Why is Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) so hard to understand as a parent and for therapists, pediatricians, teachers, and people looking in on your child's life?In this episode, I answer the following questions: My child doesn't seem Autistic, can they still be Pathologically Demand Avoidant (PDA)?My child seems typical some of the time, can they still be Pathologically Demand Avoidant (PDA)? Citations: Term "High Masking" from Rachel Dosey, Autistic SLP"Far From the Tree: Parents, Children, and the Search for Identity" by Andrew Solomon. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode on Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) and Toileting, we discuss the impact that cumulative nervous system stress has on toileting, through two mechanisms: The nervous system's fight/flight or freeze response and how it impacts the metabolism, cortisol, and adrenaline, all of which impact digestion and toileting, and "Control coalescing" around toileting as a way to get back to a place of perceived safety.The episode concludes with some practical parenting advice on how to get unstuck from a PDA or demand avoidant child who refuses to potty train or who has had a toileting "regression" after being potty trained. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode, I tackle the complex and often difficult topic of managing siblings and a PDA child at the same time, as well as the impact on siblings of raising a PDA child or child with a sensitive nervous system in the same home. Please note: This is recorded from a live video and so often when I said "Accidentally" I used air quotes because it was not truly accidental. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode, I answer questions that parents submitted as "secret and inappropriate" about PDA. I answer as honestly and objectively as possible! The five questions were:✨ Can you have “PDA Lite”?✨ Is PDA always Autism?✨What happened to an older generation of PDAers?✨Can trauma cause PDA?✨Do you think autism and PDA are more common now or do you think it is because we have broader diagnostic tools?Citation: "Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity" by Steve Silberman.To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode describes the three stages of the journey that parents of PDA children and teens go through on their path to peace. First, the "Doing Everything" phase where you learn and do everything you possibly can to help your child. Second, the "Structural Change" phase where you make changes to your lifestyle and make difficult tradeoffs that reflect the fact that you are raising a child with a nervous system disability. Third, the "Surrender" phase where you seek out meaning, purpose, nervous system healing (for yourself), and sometimes spirituality as you let go of the things you cannot control in your life. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode describes why allowing yourself an experimental mindset while trying new approaches and accommodations with a PDA child or teen is so important.So you stop judging or paralyzing yourself with a fear of "doing it wrong" or not following some set of rigid rules.So you stop seeking answers that are already within your intuition and capacity to observe in day-to-day life with your child.So you stop comparing your path to other families, whether neurotypical or PDA.So you allow the accommodation practice to be fluid and change as your child does!Citation: "Neurotribes: The Legacy of Autism and the Future of Neurodiversity" by Steve Silberman, Chapter 7: Fighting the Monster.To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

In this episode I answer the question I get over and over on social media, in my coaching containers and in the programs I run: "Are you just rewarding bad behavior by using an accommodation approach with your PDA child?"It is a very valid question and one that I grapple with daily because we have all been conditioned to think like this. Here I give you four ways to think about this as you are making decisions about whether and how to accommodate your PDA child's nervous system and threat reponse. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode explores "high masking" in PDA children and teens, across both the introverted and extroverted expression. It discusses the importance of recognizing masking, both for the sanity of parents, your child's well-being, and getting access to the structural support (diagnosis, insurance coverage, support at school), that you need.Citations: Rachel Dorsey, Autistic SLP (@dorseyslp) for term "High Masking" Sally Cat, Introverted PDA Advocate. See her page "Sally Cat" for more information on masking from perspective of the nervous system. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode teaches you a new way of thinking about how to approach the holiday season with a PDA child or teen.First, of course, you will want to think about accommodations and lowering demands, but you also need to set up a contingency plan, prepare for de-escalation, and then allow yourself to take this year's experience as "data" about what you can change structurally next year to make the holidays for joyful and peaceful for the whole family. I hope this sets you up for success!To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode outlines four things to look for as a parent to help you determine whether your child is PDA or is Autistic with Demand Avoidance. Ultimately, I tell you that what matters most is not the diagnosis or lable, but the which lens wer are supporting our child through and whether it is helping! To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode explains the four things or "states" that naturally regulate your Pathologically Demand Avoidant (PDA) child's nervous system:1. Screens2. Another safe nervous system (likely YOU)3. Special interest or "Flow" (citation: Harry Thompson, PDA Autistic Advocate and Author of "The PDA Paradox") 4. Dopamine, novelty or sensory-seeking opportunitiesI offer some examples from my own life to demonstrate how to apply this framework in a practical way to your home while parenting a PDA child. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This brief episode explains what a "cognitive loop" is for a PDA child or teen, when they get stuck between their frontal lobe ("thinking brain") and their amygdala ("survival brain"). This is often when a child is experiencing an *internal* loss of autonomy because they can't do something they want or are trying to do. I provide exampes from my son's life, for example, on a ninja course and playing a video game. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode is a mix between a pep talk and some gently delivered tough love for parents of PDA children and teens, to get you unstuck, help you feel less alone, and realize that it's all gonna be OK.  I discuss the stages of grief, bargaining, and acceptance, and share examples from my own journey to illustrate and normalize the experience that parents go through. This was originally a part of a Q+A session of the Paradigm Shift Program. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This epsiode provides the NINE key truths and mindset shifts you need to make aligned decisions as a parent of a PDA child or teen around limits and boundaries in the home.Sources of Inspiration and references for mindset shift #9: "The Power of Now" by Ekhart Tolle"Radical Acceptance" by Tara Brach"When Things Fall Apart" by Pema ChodronTo connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode answers a question I often get from parents: If I can't use rewards and consequences with my Pathologically Demand Avoidant or demand avoidant child, how will they learn right from wrong? We talk about the long-game strategy for getting your child into their thinking brain (rather than the "survival brain" or Limbic System) so that they can learn, process information rationally and connect with you.I hope it serves you!Further Reading:For more on your child's "thinking" (or "upstairs" brain) vs. "survival" (or "downstairs") brain, see Chapter 3 of Dan Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson's "The Whole Brain Child"To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode provides five things you can do to support your Pathologically Demand Avoidant (PDA), Autistic, or otherwise demand avoidant child in their eating, espeically if more traditional behavioral, exposure, or play-based approaches haven't been successful.We talk about five things: Understanding whether eating if your child's "Stickiest" basic need (vs. toileting, sleeping, or hygeine) and whether control coalesces around eating.Looking at eating *first* through the "autonomy and nervous system" lens, rather than first the Sensory Processing lens.Managing your own anxiety and energy around eating.Accommodations including but not limited to: choice, offerings, use of language, Novelty, and buffets.How to adapt therapeutic protocols - like the SOS Feeding protocol - for Pathological Demand Avoidance or a demand avoidant child. For courses and support, you can find services at At Peace ParentsCitations and sources:For more on Declarative Language, please see the "Declarative Language Handbook" by Linda K. Murphy.Term "strewing" coined by Sandra Dodd in the unschooling community. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey

This episode is an excerpt from a free training hosted by the Miami Sudbury School about PDA and Self-Directed Education with Casey Ehrlich, Ph.D. of At Peace Parents, LLC and Je'anna Clements, an expert in Self-Directed Education.The excerpt is Casey's portion of the training and explains what Pathological Demand Avoidance (PDA) looks like in children from the outside looking in, as a parent, teacher, therapist, or psychologist, and offers some insights into the types of accommodations that might be helpful for a PDA child in an educational setting. For more information on Pathological Demand Avoidance, see the PDA Society Website. For more course offerings and programs from Casey, check out the website for At Peace Parents. Citation: Kristy Forbes of InTunePathways, in reference to terms "Leveling" or "Compensation" behavior in PDA children. For more on the "internalized expression" of PDA, please see Sally Cat. To connect with me, find me here: InstagramTikTokFacebookYouTubeFor more resources for parents, including #actuallyautistic pages to check out and a list of PDA-affirming practitioners in North America, check out the resources page at PDA Parents.For Courses, Programs, Coaching and Consulting, find me at At Peace Parents, LLC Thanks for listening! You are an amazing parent.xoxo,Casey