yourmomshousepodcast

<p>Not everyone can read the future by touching their worn panties, but this is Your Mom's House and we found someone that can. </p> <p>Plus, never before heard audio of your two favorite mom's making love. Is this real? </p> <p>We have Master Of Accents, a man throwing up that REALLY upsets Tina and Top Dog and Charo on the phone. Is there anything boring in this episode? Yup, we got some of that for you too. </p> <p>JEAN forever. </p>

<p>Mummy, here's the truth - we have sick jeans this week. Both of us. Please bear with us as we compete for the immunity championship. </p> <p>We welcome all our witches and wiccans to approach this episode with caution as we delve into a dangerous spell. </p> <p>Plus, who's the real elitist? Tommy has a pretty strong argument for Tina being a closet snob. What do you think?</p> <p>AND our cars both have smelly AC's - what's the deal? Is it a dead animal? Maybe F-A-R-T?</p> <p>And we honor the great athlete, Nelson Mandela. </p> <p> </p>

<p>Are there any Jean's in the house? How about uncircumcised ones? Well, this is the episode for you. We have a very helpful man that teaches you how to clean it (it involves a wash cloth). Speaking of wash clothes, those are for poor people, right? </p> <p>T Bunz ran into Kane a few weeks ago at the airport - do you think he yelled his infamous call in public? You'll just have to listen, Jean. </p> <p>Plus, Tommy once saw an older lady touching her stuff in public at a bar and Jean thinks it's a questionable story. How about 'chu?</p> <p>Can a man have dinner with a lady that's not his wife without wanting to fill her up? </p> <p>We really hope you have the STANIMA for this episode. </p>

<p>There's a crazy fat kid running North Korea and nobody is going to debate that fact. </p> <p>Do you know all the U.S. Presidents? We certainly do not. There's a JV squad and we go thru it. </p> <p>When first class disappoints you, what do you do? We complain, bitterly. </p> <p>Plus, Jean has a very important dental update (cause she's a show off). And a LIVE F-A-R-T was captured on the show and it should settle the Fart Champ debate once and for all. </p>

<p>Some people are just gross and then there's THIS lady. Whoa. And coming from us that's pretty special. She puts her finger, well, just listen. </p> <p>Plus, if you had to say one of us is a better burper who would you choose, Gene or Jean? </p> <p>There are some epic Dad Boners in this one and an absolute gift of a Hey Mommy order. And thankfully there's a nasal alien that breaks that down for us too. </p>

<p>Dearest Jean, </p> <p>This is a great podcast. Today we recap our lunch with Dan Pena and Tom's ill-fitting suit. Plus, Jean got an iWatch and boy does she love it (more than she loves Tom). </p> <p>Some French guy wants to teach you about loving your lingam and the mommies saw Get Out - go see it!</p> <p>How often do you run into massage therapists that are also smokers? I guess Tom's just lucky. </p> <p>All of that, plus vocal fry, dental updates and more!</p>

<p>When you're on a plane and you're bleeding from your tumors you just need people to MOVE.</p> <p>Jean and Tom break down their one night getaway and how Tom's browns have changed for the better since he cut sugar (mostly). </p> <p>Plus Tina gets grossed out by a gagging video and we have some new really boring stuff to play for you. </p> <p>Some fashion is absurd and we gladly make fun of it. How do some guys tolerate ball kicks? Are you one of those guys? could you drop us a line? </p> <p>We are more than honored that the President spoke our name. Please enjoy these fresh pressed jeans. </p>

<p>Live from the Irvine Improv with 500 mommies in the stands. Let er rip!</p>

<p>How much sausage do you need to feed your whole family? What if there are some big women in it? Probably more, right? Would you leave an angry voicemail about it? </p> <p> </p> <p>This episode has Gucci Mane, bloody yoga pants, boring videos and the SECRET to a Double Pipe Classic? WHAT?!?! yeah. Listen. </p>

<p>If you haven't ever seen a whale penis, you don't size and you don't know Penis. </p> <p>Tommy hung out with Top Dog and Charo this weekend and he has tales to tell. </p> <p>Plus Gene had a dream that Tommy was bad and now she's mad at him in real life. Does this nonsense happen in your life as well? </p> <p>Tina's phone got a new text. Anyone interested in DRUGS?!?! </p> <p>AND, more boring videos, Hey Mommy and much more!</p>

<p>When someone goes on strike you know they mean business. This lady is going on strike for something so important we can't actually spell out what it is (It's Gross and comes out of a man's penis). </p> <p>We step in to Studio G with Super Dad Nerd, G. </p> <p>We wear our awesome new Pup Masks as we are always heightening our sense of smell. </p> <p>Plus absolutely AMAZE music from so many of you. We're putting Bitsy on a diet and SO much more. </p> <p>Thanks, Jeans. </p>

<p>As perhaps the leading non-binary couple in the podcast comedy world today we are thrilled to bring you this aspect of the wonder from the perspective of our obtuse reality. Hope that was clear. </p> <p>Sometimes when you are making a brown someone will crawl under the stall to see if you are indeed browning. What would you do in that situation? </p> <p>The Mommies saw another horrible movie. Hope you get to have a night ruined by it as well. </p> <p>Plus another guy had vocal fry and it wasn't even the worst part of his personality. He also liked to....kill and eat people. Can you guess who?</p> <p>This episode is full of such a good time we HAD to find some boring audio to dull it down. Hope it's boring enough for you. </p>

<p>Have you ever tried to get a hearing impaired person to lick your stuff but you weren't sure how to do it? We have answers. </p> <p>Plus we're pretty sure we found our sons little league coach. Hope he's still around when Little Jeans is ready to play. This guy emphasizes that losing sucks and no one wants to be one. </p> <p>Tina and Tommy both break down what they individually hate and what they hate as a couple (acoustic?). </p> <p>Hi Mommy...Thanks Jeans rages on and much more!</p>

<p>Don't hit me, Mummy! Don't hurt me, mummy! This week Tommy recaps his big celebration trip with Burnt and both pairs of Jeans have a Dental Update. Who do you think has the more perfect smile?<br /> Jack Reach Around Two is reviewed. Spoiler Alert: It's a pile of garbage.<br /> More emails and more orders of Hey, Mommy....Thanks, Jeans!</p>

<p>Finally! Someone is talking about the real issues - how do you mop up all that stuff after you make kisses? A nice British lady is going to show us the way (it's the Shower).</p> <p>Plus - you weigh in on the Personality Battle. Hey, some of you are a little TOO honest. Thanks.</p> <p>We meet a lady who wants to live with no environmental impact. That includes REUSING toilet paper. NEAT.</p> <p>And Hey, Mommy...Thanks, Jeans rolls on.</p> <p> </p>

<p>The McAfee Virus guy isn't just a genius when it comes to protecting your PC. He also has discovered that hammocks are great for lounging on and pooping off of. Just listen to this parade of women tell you about it. </p> <p>Plus, you've picked sides when it comes to #Water, #Posture and #fitness. Now the two jeans break down who has a better #personality. Which side are YOU on?!</p> <p>We have a new most boring video ever. Is it real? Doubtful. More dad accents, Horrible or Hilarious and some Hall Of Fame level ordering of "Hi, Mommy...Thanks, Jeans!"</p>

<p>Reach into your pants, hold on to your twig and berries and take a DEEP SNIFF.</p> <p>That's how you train to be a good pup. Good boy. </p> <p> </p> <p>Tommy is deep in his weight loss competition with Burnt. These last 24 hours are rough!</p> <p>We revisit with Orlando Brown who has new ways to describe his sexual exploits. </p> <p>Plus, what YMH word does Tina add to her coffee order? Are you ready to step up your "Hi Mommy, Thanks Jeans" Game? </p> <p>It's all here. </p>

<p>Does your shoulder hurt? Have you tired saluting the Fuhrer? We can tell you one thing for sure - It Helps!!</p> <p>Christina considers the Skullet - the haircut that Tommy has been pushing for years. Will you urge her to get it done? Thanks.</p> <p>The Mommies consider potty training for their little boy. What word should they use to describe going number 2? Making brown, caca, taking a dump. Lets figure it out together. </p> <p>We revisit the EV mic guy and more mommies are doing "Hey, mommy" orders.</p>

<p>These Jeans are ready to party. We always knew that Subway served up sandwiches, but we didn't realize there was so much MUSTARD on them. In this episode we explore two entirely different locations with two very upset customers - each expressing their disappointment in a unique way.<br /> PLUS - Top Dog and Charo stopped by to do some line reads. We play you the whole thing. That and SO much more. Merry Xmas, Santa Jeans.</p>

<p>This week, the mommies dive deep into the world of Orlando Brown, get festive for the Holidays with an amazing Instagram singer, discuss the weight loss competition and much much more!</p>

<p>Diamonds on the crevice of your ??? I'll give you three guesses.<br /> We have so much to share with you! Get ready to pull 'em high and tight! This week we tickle some bodies with our new favorite Disney star, talk about Tom's time in West Palm Beach, and find out just how unparliamentary Elizabeth May can get when she's had a few drinks! Jeans up!!</p>

<p>We love our brothers and sisters to the North, but there's one lady in Parliament who clearly isn't on board with the show - she's anti F-A-R-T! Please keep heckling her.</p> <p>You think you know Tom and Tina, but have you met Karen and Bobby? They're here unless they're drinking or smoking or having sex.<br /> Plus an outrageous call with Top Dog and Charo and some amazing clips including one really cool lady who loves when guys spray their love on her (face).<br /> This episode is LOADED.</p>

<p>Would you marry your mom? Really. That's so cool, cause like, me too. Kiss her for real. </p> <p>The Mommies moved this week and with a lot of help came a lot of stranger dumps. So many. </p> <p>Plus a really massive, fat lady will let you pay to watch her be gross. Master of Accents, Pup Play and a lot more. As always, Bert is so fat and it's being celebrated all over the world. </p>

<p>We did it, We locked down the guy who will call you a C**T to your face. That's right, Dan Pena is on the show! </p> <p>So fun to talk to the master of cursing in business. Dan was as fun as you might imagine. </p> <p>Plus the Jeans are not only fresh off their Bannismurfurney where they got a Couples Massage (yuck), Tina also claims disrupted relaxing time with a F-A-R-T. </p> <p>AND, seems that President Camacho is actually going to run the free world. Interesting times ahead!</p> <p>Many Masterful Accents in this one!</p>

<p>Even babies know the truth - Bert IS fat, but also our dear friend Burnt Chrystals has a new special coming to Showtime called The Machine and he goes by the name Bert Kreischer in it. Plus Tommy and Tina watched the movie, Shark Bites - you might like but it has one BIG flaw (same as the Martian with Matt Damon). </p> <p>There's a really white DJ who really feels comfortable with BIG WORDS and all kinds of accents to master in this one. Who is the Water Champ? Now we can all be with the NEW Water Champ shirt! Get one for Christmas or just to show everyone who H2Flow is in your house. </p> <p>Keep those jeans up!</p>

<p>NO Loose jeans allowed here. We find the ultimate dad boner who relights the fire that only Garth can put out. Plus, Tommy AKA Tomaso speaks eh, de Espanish on TV, we have Would You Rather, Perfect Smiles and MORE!</p>

<p class="p1"><span class="s1">This week on YMH, Tom and Christina take a look at Christina's ex-boyfriend who know works as an insane deck hand, a couple of fighting brothers who desperately want you to look at them, and go in depth on Tom's most recent physical</span></p>

<p>This week, the mommies watch a bunch of public service announcements, some hilarious, some horrible. They also get a translation for the Persian voicemail, which kicks us off to a journey into Christina's childhood. Wipe down!</p>

<p>In what will certainly be discussed as one of the realest episodes of any podcast ever, the mommies throw down and learn that "Dick" will make you slap somebody in the face! What? Yes! A recent discovery of an older television show makes Tommy get introspective and discuss his love and obsession with black culture - what could it be?!? BIKES! Also, both mommies tell stories of issuing death threats. Watch out! More dental, oversharing, plus the mommy dome is moving! </p>

<p>Seriously? Seriously! It's the return of Maria "Seeeriousllahhh Guys, I Don't Talk Like That! AAHHHHH!!" and we couldn't be happier. We salute our veterans, share details about how Tina and Tommy met and fell in love (Really!) and then we give you Maria - RAW and UNCUT! You don't know FIRED UP until you hear Maria in her own element! SERIOUSLLAHHHH, Guys! Plus much more in this episode. No Loose Jeans Allowed!!</p>

<p>Welcome to Braceland! He's finally here. The star of Gigolos on Showtime and soundbites in our hearts, Brace, joins us for a lengthy conversation about life, karma, fitness, grooming, and pounding chicks. Tommy and Tina are overjoyed to spend time with affable and hilarious Brace. Also, get ready for updates on the move, becoming a C*m dog, Fill Her Up, and more!</p>

<p>Get your orignial jeans on because we're going back to basics -Tommy and Tina and nobody else. Great audio from the holidays including OMG Seriouslahhh Maria ordering Starbucks LIVE! Plus Top Dog and Charo discussing dumping in a hazardous situtation, how we would kill each other and dispose of the body and more! WARNING - we hit on brown talk a lot. Including a SHART story you didn't know about! Wipe Down!</p>

<p>LaLaLaLaLAAAA! Can you sing? Good for you. This week our guest has a golden voice, twisted mind, and strong hands (Tom's ass found out the hard way). That's right, Brian Haner, who some of you know as Guitar Guy stops by the Mommy Dome to continue our love affair that began in South Africa. If that sounds confusing listen to the episode and solve the mystery! We have great conversation, Brian sings for us, and we even get to play Tom Or Black! This is the time to pull that denim up!</p>

<p>Oh my what a good time we have for you here. The Voice, Michael Schiavello superb sports broadcaster and all-around great guy became a world-wide phenom this week when his pronounciation of Danny Mainus' last name sounded more like My Anus and well, hilarity ensued - especially if you are like a 5th grader like we are. Luckily for us, Schiavello is our budy so Tommy gave him a call and got the EXCLUSIVE scoop! Plus Tommy and Tina share their love of Downton, arguing over becoming "dog-Sh*t" people, how Tina's dad handles dogs & problems, World Wrestling Nonsense and more!! This is one of those episodes that will have you wishing you had tighter jeans. </p>

<p>Wuss goin on here? Public dicks. How many have you seen? We recap a lifetime of sightings and the way they have affected us. Not only has the OG Ryan Sickler graced us with his feast-like presence we also have Tinas cousin Juli in the Mommy Dome. We talk about drugs that hit ya in a way you didn’t expect (NOT GOOD). We go over different types of Punk music (anarcho, crust, awful, etc.) and how much Christina still hates UB40 (the world’s greatest band?). What do you know about Sister Nancy? Prison dudes love booty and more! Go ahead and bookmark this as one of your favorite episodes yet. Cut holes in your jeans.</p>

<p>Put on your lovey jeans, Jeans! It's ValenTIMES day! Today is the official kissy face day in America according to the US constitution Abraham Lincoln and Benjamin Franklin were kissing in a bathtub when George Washington walked in on them and said "Less war, more Kissies, guys." And that's how that happened. This episode covers the jammy jams that are now all about droppin some D in warm, welcoming place (the essence of Valentimes). The Mommy's also try to make a love connection happen in the real world! Comedian and friend Erik Lundy is looking for love and we want to help him. Listen and perhaps, PERHAPS, love him! Run a bath, light some candles and get ready for the love from both of us! </p>

<p>ATTENTION all Jeans, we hope you can hear this! Sorry for the trouble with 107 - it wasn't me! (It wasn't Blueban either). Can a loving mommy have more than one pair of jeans? Jada-Pinkett Smith sure makes it sound like Big Willie Style has been doing his best to drop his D in as many extras as possible. We discuss whether or not we could tolerate Tina with all her Ricans and Tommy smashin road box. Tina updates you on her Russian teeth fillings and we bring back Fill Her Up/Seal Her Shut with some modern day broads up against some throw-back ho's. Theo gets back on the mic and Would You Rather is at its best - real homerun scenarios. Jeans Out!</p>

<p>Oh Canada! Some people are just meant for the Mommy Dome and today's guest, Ian Bagg is just one of those people. This fun-filled episode covers a breakthru with Brace from Gigolos, Canadian love, Brown Talk, NEW tourettes talk, full retard, Fill Her Up and more! Truly one of the most fun episodes the mommies can ever remember doing. Strap one on and get ready for Juice! Juice!</p>

<p>Tina and Tommy have their jeans so high you can barely see their eyes on this one! They get warmed up with prison talk and how they better get ready to eat some box and throw some punches to survive (if they get locked up). Tommy reveals that someone from his past is Filling Up and Sealing Shut one of his All-Time Faves! In our Real Talk segment we explore the sad truth that some reality tv is anything but real, especially TLC's hit show Breaking Amish. A toilet paper test FINALLY reveals who is using the most TP in the mommydome and a MOMMY JEANS EXCLUSIVE - Maria, who TALKS LIKE THAT, is finally on the show in full Maria-Mode. Plus a review of Tom's new album from his mother. </p>

<p>This episode is uh, retarded (a retard). We play retarded clips (literally) - some FULL retard, some not. Christina shares stories of an Iowan tour and brings with her an interview with the one and only Chuy Bravo of Chelsea Lately fame! Tina also talks about the new beard she's been growing - HELLO, Gillette! Tom talks Tacoma and how he's one degree closer to getting Brace from Gigolos on the show. We explore some softcore porn and the Queen of late night skin flix, ZANE - DVR that sh*t! And of course, what you all want, More MARIA!! She shares her ABSURD Starbucks orders and more! Plus we tell you Why You're Single! Stop sharing so much! Your mommies love you! </p>

<p>You'll never want this episode to end. That's how full of delicious treats it is! GG Allin, coconut "C*M" water, Double-Pipe Classics, Tina and her bestie, Dick Detectives, Top Dog, and More! How is this even possible? Well, thru the love that your mother's have for you - that's HOW. It is a savory masterpiece of an episode and all for you to consume. We guarantee you'll be coming back for seconds when this episode gets into your mouth, Jeans. </p>

<p>KABOOM! Guess who stepped in the room? TICAL! or YOSHI! Back with more of that ISH you just can't get enough. Our conversation with Yoshi was so loaded we HAD to split it up into TWO episodes. Here is more of what you came for, part 2 of Yoshi's return with a real "talking to" about prostitution. Get your jeans ready for a brand new belt! SUSHI!</p>

<p>Chang chong ping pong! Guess who's back? It's the great Yoshi! This is by far one of the craziest episodes we've ever done. Yoshi goes deep. Deep into his mind, soul, and past. He shares a lot and it's fantastic, compelling, terrifying, sad and hilarious all at once. What a guest! There's no way we can describe everything we talk about, but here are some key words: Porn, fighting, death, fleeing, kids, blood, hookers. What do you think? Yeah, I thought so. Come back in 2 days for part 2, Geisha Jeans!</p>

<p>International Jeans can be worn comfortably in this episode as we welcome world-traveling funny man and all around charming lad, Tom Rhodes into the Mommy Dome. Rhodes puts us at ease immediately and an easy-going conversation about anything and everything develops. We cover his amazing success in Holland including his television show, why the Dutch are not impressed with celebrity, Tom's family and their black voices, butt flutes, Fill Her Up, plane sharts and more!</p>

<p>YES! Good things come to those who wait and we can't think of anything better than having STEVEN BRODY STEVENS in the Mommy Dome. They just don't make jeans high enough to express our excitement. Brody is his usual POSITIVE self and opens up in a way that will only make you love him more. We talk the Valley, audience warm-up 101, positive energy/positive language, some sports, Daisy the dog, mental health, and much more. If you're not screaming "818 til I die!" by the end of this episode then you needs some meds of your own! </p>

<p>The Mommy Dome got a little more Mommier this week with our very special guest, Mary Lynn Rajskub (also a REAL mother). Rajskub definitely wore her jeans extra high for us and we couldn't be happier about it. She shares stories of starting out in the cold, hard streets of THE D. After standing up for herself against neighborhood toughs and winning multiple rap battles, Rajskub moved to San Francisco before working on iconic shows <em>Mr. Show with Bob and David</em>, and<em> 24</em>. We also cover a Dental Update, Tom's never-ending cough/illness and a revisit from OMG Seriousalahhh Maria. Yes, she gets fired up! Get ready to MOMMY OUT. It's so cold in the D!</p>

<p>Oh lovers of love and those who desire to be loved more, we think this is the episode for you. Dear friend, hilarious comedian and writer and LADY WHO WANTS YOUR TO TREAT HER LIKE ONE, Sarah Tiana, joins us in the mommy dome with advice that is so good we might just transcribe this episode and sell it as a book! Tiana is a natural fit in the dome because she is one of us - an old friend who just came to kick it. There's a lot of laughs, good times, and excellent insight from romance guru, Tiana on how to get a girl like her. Also, she will blow you (multiple times) if she likes you. Now are you ready to listen? Unbuckle your jeans and get ready to be her.</p>

<p>Baby Jesus was born and so we celebrated and now we give you this: More laughs and good times with Canada's finest, Ian Bagg! We play amazing audio of two of the dumbest women alive - YEAH! Ian also shares what it's like to live where the sun never goes down - CRAZY. We talk about the state of comedy and we read the craziest email ever sent to us by one of Christina's family members! FYI - it's pretty offensive! Merry Christmas, bright light jeans!</p>

<p>The implications of this years election are massive and who better to way in than the Mommies! In an EXCLUSIVE interview Christina and Tom happlly welcome Peace and Freedom party nominee, Roseanne Barr. Barr is her vintage self, never holding back and sharing her policies and why she thinks she should be in the White House. This BONUS episode also has reactions from Top Dog, Tina's dad, stories from moving, and more! Plus you'll never stop wiping when you hear the teaser at the END of this episode. </p>

<p>The NEW Mommydome welcomes its first guest, comedian Brent Weinbach aka B-Weezy. The episode guests down and dirty from the jumpoff with Cm Dog audio to get you in the mommy mood. We go over our glorious history with Brent including our time in Austin and the surely soon-to-be-award-winning short film, Bear In A Bathtub. Brent also plugs his new album, Mostly Live and we get into lots of tomfoolery including very in depth BROWN TALK that might have you asking, Does Brent know Top Dog? Plus so much more! Keep your Cm Dog on a leash.</p>