Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

A lot of ladies out there want to eat the booty, what about you? Charles Schwab's daughter Brenda transitioned into a massive man, Brendan Schaub. We speak to him about his amazing life (and how much he looks like a man now). Plus we ALL laugh at a man who was electrocuted on live TV. Does he live? You'll have to listen to find out. The FGTRTD saga continues, we read your emails, play an AMAZING new prank call featuring Top Dog AND does President Obama listen to YMH?!?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The jeans are back and ready to pull them up! There's nothing like a fart prank on a dad. Dad's definitely have the best, angry reactions. PLUS, the gay porn writer/actor/directors that brought us the "my daddy taught me" classic lines are back with another and it's even better! Speaking of farts, famed fired security guard, Paul Flart joins us for a quick chat AND Tina gets super uncomfortable with the "I'll make ya cum guy" and his new message. Your mothers also discuss Louis CK's "comeback," a horrific public phone call a grandmother took, sucking feet in public and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Beep! Beep! Beep! No, there isn't a dump truck backing down the street, Bert Kreischer AKA Burnt Chrysler is back and his body makes that same noise whenever he takes a step. We are celebrating this enormous man's great, new hilarious Netflix special SECRET TIME which is available worldwide AUGUST 24. We discuss it all with Bert and have some laughs that are too good to describe. This one is an instant denim classic. Special thanks to Tony Celano and Eric Freedman for the amazing animation and Jake Glazier for the perfect voice overs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Nothing quite like a real dad losing his mind over a mediocre joke. You should know if you listen to this show that Tommy was raised by a hardcore dad boner who can barely finish a sentence if he's struck by his own "hilarious" thought. We may have found some competition for Top Dog this week. PLUS, if you are a lady or a ZER do you want a man/zim to treat you like the perfect little princess that you are? Gross. And why do all those girls talk like that, Britttany?!? We are joined in studio by the great Brad Williams a hilarious comic and friend of ours. We break down some hooker sales pitches, guess what FGT RTD means, read your emails and hear Brad's great stories about the lamest stuff he hears from people about being a little person. This one is a certified denim classic! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Done with white people? This guy is too. Not the brightest guy, but he's white so what can you expect? Plus grief is real. The best way to process it is to dance and record it and share it with the world. Please share your grief dances with us! Loud cell phone talkers - please stop or get shot (something we're working on). The great Matt Braunger returns to the show with a lot of hilarious insight. Check out Matt's new podcast, Advice From a Dip S**t with Matt Braunger. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode was delayed due to Tom's demanding movie star lifestyle, but don't worry, it's HOME HERE NOW. Christina had a THEYBY. She and Tom go over the huge upside of raising their child in a gender neutral world. There's also a new cool guy who is just putting out to the world that he would like some sex and he chooses the most unflattering of camera angles to rope you in. AND Charo and Top Dog are on the show discussing everything from M**ijuana to Charo's amazing farts and so much more. PLUS, your emails cover ANNOUNCING you have a big dong before you should it to a lover and whether or not your mommies fight before or during the show. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is one really loaded. Upon playback, it hit us. Could this episode be TOO good? Yes, but you deserve it just for hanging with us. This week we discuss a rapper who likes women who are almost not women - could he like men? Sure seems like it. We get on the phone with Daddy Long Neck who tells us the full story of his neck, his voice and a potential fight with Crazy Locs (probably not a good idea). Charo and Tom join us on a call to discuss the new Sicario movie among other things. THEN due to CP's pregnancy and the recording schedule we had to keep things going, we have a DENTAL UPDATE with Charo and Tom IN STUDIO. As if that isn't enough, the great and hilarious Nikki Glaser joins us in studio to discuss her blossoming radio career - she hosts You Up? on Sirius, she continues to travel the country performing stand up and she recently taped the CC Roast of Bruce Willis, where she no doubt burned him badly. Please support our sponsors: ShadyRays.com code: MOM Stamps.com code: MOM 23andMe.com/mom DollarShaveClub.com/mom Quip.com/mom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Jeans are probably cuddling a new baby (non-gender specific) as you listen to this. Please know that God watches you when you watch porn and you'll probably have to answer to him. Also, do you think we should get fart mics for the studio we might be moving to? Pull up your jeans and listen what will be an all time classic. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The great Ari Shaffir AKA Airy Shaeffer returns to the motherland. It's always a treat when the most uncompromising podcaster and comic on earth decides to stop in. As usual, Ari doesn't hold back on anything. He's even transitioning (into a European comic). This one is full of laughs and HO-LEE S**T moments. Please support our sponsors: NewYorker.com/mom SquareSpace.com/mom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The great Kevin Nealon is in studio with absolutely amazing stories about his rise in the comedy world. From his days working the bar at The Improv to Carson and SNL, you will not want this one to end. Kevin is a natural fit with your mothers. Pull your jeans up for a real treat, meow. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's a double date! Moshe and Natasha join us to discuss the Honeymoon Stand Up Special on Netflix and the mind-blowing reality of their fart situation. Plus, we learn a lot about Jews and how loud screams from people in pain are indeed FUNNY. please support our sponsors Stamps.com code word: MOM There's no reason not to join! Get yours at DollarShaveClub.com/MOM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A new shirtless guy with an absolutely terrifying message for you! AND, why does self imposed harm that results in a horrendous scream not elicit joy from Tommy? Are the Water Battles of your moms in the news? We have a prank call using the Try it Out guy and it just might be our favorite thing ever. AND there is a great possibility that the White House just released the funniest/scariest video of all time. Let us know what you think. Support comes from: Stamps.com code word: MOM Brooklinen.com code word: MOM PolicyGenius.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jean and Jean are together with no one else home on this one. We FINALLY found him - a super creepy guy that is beyond menacing and get this, he's wearing a shirt. It's a first here at YMH. Plus, the ladies are letting us know that they don't always have a man telling them to write in or say outrageous stuff to us - they do it themselves! AND did Dr Drew call Tom "Bert?" We have dental updates and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Daddy is finally here with mommies. Chris D'Elia joins us for pretty much non stop laughs. We already want him back. Plus, some lady says she really wants The D badly and can't find someone to give it to her. Can she be trusted? AND is it possible we found a less impressive, more infuriating musical "skill" than scatting? YES. This is an instant classic. Pull your jeans up. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You wanted it, we wanted it and now all of our wishes have come true. The magnificent Dr. Drew Pinksy is back in studio evaluating our clips and us as only he can do. Will he agree that the lung infection singer has lung issues? Does he think the sissy of Freemont comes from a traumatic background? Will scat sex get you physically ill? And most importantly, is Dr. Drew going to join the 4 Stroke Gang? All the answers you want are here! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Need your sack shaved? There's a really nice guy who is willing to do it. He's pretty naked if you don't count the leather straps. Don't be weird about it - a LOT of straight guys get it done too. Plus, when you have to make a brown and the store you're in won't let you go, there's only one thing to do - yes, that is correct. Sam Tripoli joins us and so did so many talented FEMALE listeners who are just dying to TRY IT OUT! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This one is just Jean and Jean. We find yet another man who is putting it out there for the world wide web with a plea that is sure to touch a woman's heart. We find a man who represents the Dark Siiiiiide and you may not be ready for it. Plus, is Hummus good to eat before a massage? How many days is too many without a shower? AND - we may have uncovered the secret to what the Try It Out guy is saying! Four Stroke Life Shirts are now in store! Get one just to annoy Christina. Wear them to her shows! Please support our sponsors: Brooklinen.com Code word - MOM SaatvaMattress.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Poop Pile is REAL. The question is, do you believe? Some people don't want the truth and some people are building their own piles. The great and wonderful Sarah Tiana joins us to discuss everything from meth to scatting like Kanye to whether or not an old guy saying nasty things is really that offensive. Sarah is hilarious and insightful as always. Please support our sponsors: Stamps.com Code: MOM forhims.com/house fabfitfun.com Code: YOURMOM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Tiger Mom Belly's House. It's finally happened. The great Bobby Lee & Khalyla join us for some silly good times and OMG revelations! We got some meth smoking tips that might just change your life or at least how you spend time with your brother! Plus we revisit some fun John McAfee clips and a lot more. Tommy laughs so hard he almost passes out. Jeans Up! Please support our sponsors: Stamps.com code word MOM Dollar Shave Club: There's no reason not to join! Get yours at DollarShaveClub.com/mom Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you don't know how to eat butt, we have all your bases covered. Basically, we want Tina to finally do this like an adult. We'll see what happens. Plus we have the most intense prank call ever and it involves Tommy and Bert and Joey and Joe and well, dudes doing stuff exclusively with dudes. And Wheeler Walker Jr joins us and gives his thoughts on SCATTING and a whole lot more. Please support our sponsors: Go to Daily-Harvest.com and enter promo code MOM to get three items FREE in your first box! Stamps.com promo code MOM Brooklinen.com SaatvaMattress.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Any ladies out there looking to beat the sissy of Fremont for fun? You have to be white and tatted, but he seems cool if you meet that criteria. By cool we happen to mean decidedly NOT cool. He does however do his video shirtless, which we've come to realize might mean WATCH OUT - not 100% well man sharing thoughts. Plus we talk about Andre the Giant's farts and more importantly his best friends beard. What do you think of a chin strap beard? AND, how many donut holes could you eat in one 12 minute sitting? We feel a competition brewing. Tommy defends the open defecation accusations and MORE! Pull em up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Skibbity Scabbity doo! We love to pretend to be an instrument with our mouths. It obviously takes WAY more skill to scat than to learn to play an instrument. We are MASTERS of the craft and welcome you to learn from us. Also, God, is he real? Is he a he? Seems unlikely. If you ever wanted proof that religion is likely just comfort food, listen here. We are EXPERTS. Plus, God doesn't like sausage. (This is, of course, difficult to reconcile with the previous paragraph, but we also have an expert on this so just trust us). We have all that plus Dental Updates and much more! Pull em up. Thanks to our sponsors: Stamps.com Code word: MOM FabFitFun.com Code word: YOURMOM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Open defecation - we're into it. Unfortunately, it's not that popular in Los Angeles. Let's explore where it's still a thing AKA where people know how to party. We thank YOU, the listener for sending in your Ball Hog vids and we talk to everyone's 'Best Friend' Alison Rosen about her new book, Tropical Attire Encouraged. Pull your jeans all the way up for this one, unless you use a wash cloth in the shower (because you are poor). Thank you for supporting our sponsors: ZipRecruiter.com/house Stamps.com code: MOM AdoreMe.com/Mom Dollar Shave Club: There's no reason not to join! Get yours at DollarShaveClub.com/MOM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's a very upset lady in an internet chat room that says a lot of things we can relate to. She's fired up that someone called her the R word and she has a new and exciting version of English to battle back. PLUS, Age Gap Love is our new obsession. It's a show that follows couples who have way too many years in between them and yes, these people are gross. Old dudes, old ladies, just old, old, old. Yuck! Imagine someone loving your grandparents. Well, that's not the best way of putting it. Imagine dating someone that looks like your grandparents. Done vomiting? We have more. AND friend of the show, Tom Rhodes is back after too many years away. He's hilarious and full of travel tales and so much more. Pull your international jeans way up! Thanks to our sponsors: Brooklinen.com Promo code: MOM Stamps.com Promo code: MOM SaatvaMattress.com LoomandLeaf.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you want to go on a date with a nice lady follow the lead of this episodes opening clip - offer a lady money to have a family with you. Plus, the golden duo of comedy joins us in studio. The Sklar bros also known as the Brothers Sklar put it down. Hilarious guys who are doing a LOT is all you need to know. They are also here to talk about their new documentary, Poop Talk, which as you can imagine, is right up our lane. Did the bros involve Tom and Tina in their new doc? You'll just have to listen. And we ask all kinds of twin questions and these guys are here for it. Lots and lots of laughs with two great comics. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get your power tools and sex toys ready for a fun, informative episode! The Jeans are high and tight with this one. We examine DPC's and what REALLY counts. Christina has a recent one that she shares. Do you think it should be verified? Tommy has high standards for Starbucks. Just like his dad does for McDonald's. Is he turning into Top Dog? Plus Blueban labels a file that makes the mommies laugh so hard we almost had to stop recording. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

J-J-J-Jean Unit! We found some adult stars who share some pretty gnarly stories about working in their industry and shooting their "Scenes." PLUS Tommy gives us the scoop on his "Scenes." Will he shoot DP's? Boy/girl? Boy/Boy/Girl? We get into all the details of his dream coming true. AND we go further into Love After LockUp. One of the greatest terrible shows of all time. AND just when we thought a listener prank call couldn't be topped, a new Gold Standard is set in this episode. It's totally AMAZE. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week Jean and Jean get together to Meow Down. Here's a cool thing we explore today: God + Swinging. It's pretty neat if you're willing to listen while a stranger has sex with you and your spouse. Just try it. Come on! Plus, we're ALL IN on Love after Lock Up and you should be to. You should also reach out to a felon right now (for a relationship!). AND, one of your made an amazing call posing as Peyton Lafferty. This episode is AMAZE! Please support today's sponsors: ForHim.com/house Stamps.com Code Word: MOM Brooklinen.com Code Word: MOM Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

He's tall, he's (very) young (looking) and he's coming for that title. Johnny Pemberton is in studio and you will find it SO amaze how well he can do and decipher accents. Semen. We know it's great for your skin. Is it also super nutritious? Try it out! AND we may have found a new Burp Champ. Turn the volume WAY UP! Show support by visiting our sponsors: ZipRecruiter.com/house SaatvaMattress.com SquareSpace.com CODE: MOM RXBAR.com/momshouse CODE: MOMSHOUSE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's just Jean and Jean on this one. Your mother and I hang out and have the fun we always have when you're not around. Put your triple D swingers in a supportive bra, pull you jeans up and enjoy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The man, the myth, the Maron. One of our all time faves is finally in the building. If you know and love podcasting, especially the kind involving comedians, you know Marc Maron. His wildly successful podcast WTF inspired a television series and hundreds of copycats to do what he has mastered. He's funny, insightful, charming - look, we love him. So many laughs in this one with Would You Rather's, Fart Logic and so much more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh my goodness, Jean. We don't really think this episode needs a description. The great Bill Burr joins us and Hen has some amazing, hilarious thoughts, just like you thought he would. We discuss who is a bigger psycho, Billy or Tommy. PLUS, will Bill stop gender identifying his child? We hope so. AND, will Bill laugh at a man getting crushed by a car? We have the footage. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Looks like some Ball Hogs are willing to share their secrets! We are willing to listen! We found a great new rapper and get this, he's using the name TOP DOG to work on his rhymes. Hope you end up supporting him. PLUS - the reviews are in! People are loving DISGRACEFUL on Netflix. Everyone. 100% of everyone across the board. Not one negative review. We'll go over a few. Pull your jeans up. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Women, it's time to reclaim your place in the world and also it's time to do something gross. Luckily we found someone who was willing to do both. Also, are YOU a ball hog? Are you sure. Maybe you should Try it Out? The great Paul Gilmartin of the Mental Illness Happy Hour podcast joins us for some juvenile fun. We read emails, break down clips and basically act like 6th graders with him and we can't wait to do it again. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We like foreigners and we like cursing. When foreigners curse? Magical. Plus, you have SERIOUS questions about Blind people and their standards, twin girls and their periods and now peeing is brought into the equation - does it affect farts?? Tommy's parents are about to retire. Wait until you hear about Top Dog's newly crushed adventure. And don't forget to check out DISGRACEFUL - Tom's new 1 hour special. It begins streaming worldwide on NETFLIX January 12. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ya'll know what it is. If you gotta brown you might as well go to where the brown ends up anyway, right? One man already figured that out and is talking to us from a gutter! Plus, how cool is being a virgin? How cool is it to RECLAIM your virginity? Hold up, we are bundling ourselves in blankets from how cool the previous two questions are. No more than 2 people should wear white if three people are hanging out together. That is an Australian rule that we explore. AND hilarious comic, podcaster and all around great guy, Josh Wolf joins us on the podcast today. Pull your jeans up and enjoy this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

J-J-J-Jeans Unite! As we wrap up another year of tightly woven denim we want to give thanks to you, the little mommy. Hope you have a great holiday filled with love and rectal touches. Here we have the last live show we did at the Irvine Improv a little while back. Thank you all for being the best fans anyone could ever want. We would fart in every one of your stockings if we could. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

After years of podcasting and hundreds of shows we thought, "How about a little intelligence on this show for a change? How about...a Doctor?" Luckily for all of us Dr Drew agreed (before knowing what our show is about) to come on and no description can do it justice. He shared stories about his life and let us know what he thought about the many clips we play on this show. All we can say is, we wish it never ended. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh s**t, bro! The Weasel is in the house. The wiser weasel has some great advice and hilarious stories from his days as an MTV VJ and international movie star. Plus we get in to whether or not FARTS are assault (they are) and if Tom can sue Tina (He can). You looking for free rent? Come over to my house and beat me, pee on me. Try it out. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A few years back Tommy went to Asia (voluntarily, tho under some duress) and did stand up with some great guys: Chad Daniels, Pete Lee and the guest of this episode, J. Elvis Weinstein. The trip was filmed for a documentary that is available NOW. Please check out I NEED YOU TO KILL on itunes, Amazon or wherever you pay to buy and rent movies. J. Elvis Weinstein is a comedian, writer, director and co-host of his own podcast, Thought Spiral with Andy Kindler. This episode is full of laughs and love. Get all up in there like it's the night before your 70th birthday. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is as good as it gets. Joey Coco Diaz is in the building. This lovable, fiery felon is sure to make you laugh as you sit by the fire and ask your mom if she will 69 your dad on his 70th birthday. By the way, a bunch of those came in and they are HILARIOUS. PLUS we talk CATS, Dad Boners and we read your emails. Say No More, just listen, JEAN. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Jeans Within! Jeans Within! Looks like College Football isn't immune to the Jeans within your heart. Nick Saban has the full commentary. PLUS, we got more tracks for you: Machines and She's Retarded - all different styles that you, the listener submitted. AND we have a transracial woman, well, she sure sounds like one. What do you think? Charles Manson is dead! John Daly hates water! and "Do you 69 at 69"?? Get into it, Jeans. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When the mommies prank any media outlet with Mommy lingo we LOVE IT! Get em, jean! Amazingly, someone else hates Puking as much as Tina and Tina has some advice. Equally as astonishing, Adam Carolla is on the same page as Tina with...showering?! PLUS, we have She's Retarded remixes, Louie CK talk, profane coaches with kids and MORE!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Water GOD is back in the building. Before we get to more hydrating satisfaction we have some GOOD stuff for you. And nothing kicks things off like diarrhea. Public diarrhea. Have you ever just, you know, gone. In plain view. I'd like to hear about it. We have MORE Machines Within and some NEW She's Retarded tracks. Grab a bottle of mineral water and ENJOY! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Yo! Tommy got a Lambo wit the brains blown out! Naw, he didn't. But he made Bert and Ari think he did and that was worth every penny. We give you the full scoop on that PLUS we find a good potential roommate for you. All you need is a strong sex drive and, well, we should just let him explain. Seems like a nice guy. We also have the KING farting on his dog. Is this okay? And Steven Seagal isn't just the worst actor he MIGHT be an equally bad person. Lets explore! MACHINES WITHIN!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The great Greg Fitzsimmons is here! You know his book, his podcast, his radio show and his stand up. He's absolutely one of our favorites and he will be one of yours if you listen to this episode. Lots of crazy, lots of funny, Machines Within and of course a Dental Update. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you want to get really horny and you're having trouble getting there we've got the secret formula for you (okay it involves Benadryl). But we're not telling you how many (unless you listen to the episode). Plus, Machines Within probably won over your heart last week. This week, it's a chart-toppin banger thanks to the many musically inclined mommy's out there. And just when you thought Mr. Rub Rub Rub only cared about the fellas, we dig deeper into the SAME interview only to discover he has some sage advice for the ladies as well. Put in your earbuds and let this one rip. It's simply Jeanstastic! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is one of the most fun Pomcasts we've done in a while and it's just Jean and I. We do what we do best - make fun of people. From the c*m huggers to the people who struggle to string together a sentence we simply don't hold back. When a juggalo dreams of writing a new song, well, DJ Dadmouth helps make that dream come true - IN THE MOMENT. Is there a hit on our hands? Don't forget to watch CP's new special, Mother Inferior only on NETFLIX! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does 338 pounds of alcohol free fun sound like? Download this podcast to find out. We had to remove a wall on our home so the crane could lift him up and place him in his seat, but we couldn't be happier we did it. Enormous, but fun comedian Burnt Khrysler is in studio for a very real very honest and very funny conversation. Seriously though, Bert is the best and we love him. This is one of our favorite episodes ever. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you had 3 foot long nails how could you wipe your bum? Luckily we have a detailed example from a gross person. The great Tom Papa joins us for some good ol' making fun of people get down. We have your emails and they are very offensive - thank you for sending them. PLUS, if you're white and you get a great tan, are you now black? One completely insane person thinks so. Pull those jeans up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices