Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

If you go on a run and you gotta make a brown is that really such a bad thing? One lady in Colorado Springs might do in on your lawn in front of your family! NEATO! Tommy shot a special in Denver over the weekend. We recap the festivities for you PLUS now Tina is the one with sick jeans. Dad boner with a snow blower? Yes. We have great emails from you and more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you make a Big Brown do you flush it down? Here at YMH we show it proudly. Our Big Brown can even talk - it's wild. We have stinky Vajees and how to detect them, we have surprise Big D's and obvious ones too - Hello, Takeo Spikes! All around good fun with our bud, Brendan Schaub. Plus a DENTAL UPDATE and a whole lot more. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is how it's done. The South Florida mom's came out in full force and we had the best time. We hope you enjoy this live episode that featured Fill Her Ups, Would You Rather's and so much more. Make sure you put on sunblock under your jeans before you listen to this one, Jean. It was after all recorded in Breast Balls Beach, Florida. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Uh oh, it's time to get your act together. Your baby's father, The Concierge, is in the building. If you don't know, now you do. Matt Fulchiron AKA The Full Charge is back and in top form. We break it down. Everything. How embarrassed would you be if you made poo in someone's bed? We found someone that doesn't seem that mad. Are all women Ho's in the context that this man explains? is digital Black Face a thing? I don't know, but we sure are probably guilty. Also, it's not a thing. Sit back, relax and let this one flow. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you're ever attacked you should consider biting your attacker below the waist! But only after you seduce him into thinking you're into him sexually. We recommend an hour or more to really trick them! Plus, Why are some farts hot? Why do those smell more? AND are you willing to wait in line to eat somewhere good? No thanks, Jean. When you visit Singapore keep an eye out for an older, gay, how you say, Gentleman. He knows what he wants and it's a lot. Put pee in your butt because we just found out it could solve this country's problems. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if you wipe yourself with toilet water to save paper but you flush a bunch so you're actually wasting water? Can you really say you care about the environment? Not sure, but you're definitely probably vegan. Plus, when blind people dream do they "see" what we do? Only twins with different sized penis can help us answer these important questions. We get the stories the OTHER podcasts choose to ignore. F*** you in your a**? We'll be right there. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What if it's only smells, but also it turns you on? Is that okay? What kind of smells get your engine going? Ladies, we're talking to you. PLUS, when Dad Boners are into animals and by animals we mean bees, it's borderline disturbing. AND the great Ms. Pat is back for amazing, honest and absolutely hilarious conversation. Her new book, RABBIT: THE AUTOBIOGRAPHY OF MS PAT goes on sale August 22nd. Be sure to pick up a copy of this incredible book. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We want you guys to orgasm all the time, even when you hug someone or shake their hand or just stand up. That's our mission and we hope this episode guides you to the forbidden place where we live. We have some great listener emails this episode PLUS a dad boner that gives Canadian highway dad a run for his money. And a white girl that uses BIG WORDS prompts a debate - Do you ever accept white people doing that? Wait til you hear Kim Ahn and Mr. Rub Rub Rub together. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Thank God for feminists like Roman who are out there every day fighting the good fight. He's out in the streets encouraging women to fart in his face. If it weren't for guys like him, would ladies even know they could fart??? Plus, TOP DOG gets on a call to go over a recent "ACCIDENT." Did you knoe R Kelly actually wanted to marry his mom? AND the great YOSHI joins once again for more of his hilarious travel tales. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some women associate giving birth with PAIN. Are they dumb? Maybe they just haven't been taught yet. They SHOULD be having orgasms. That's what childbirth is all about. PLUS, could Tommy's REAL mom be the fart mistress we've all wanted? AND special guest Brent Weinbach joins us. You wanna talk some s**t? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Tommy boy arrived in Los Angeles with hope in his eyes, it was Sam Tripoli who made Tom sit on the casting couch and earn his stage time thru butt spreads and oral favors. Kidding! That's a dream (for both guys). Sam Tripoli is a tornado on stage and off. Check out his new double album, The Diabolical and his numerous podcasts, including Punch Drunk and his new conspiracy theory podcast, Tin Foil Hat. We go hard on this one and big laughs are had the whole way around. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We have found a secret that even Wikileaks couldn't get. There is a man who may or may not be Ryan Sickler that gave a chocolate kiss to Hillary Clinton and we have the DETAILS! You are NOT ready. PLUS, would any of you like to come over for moose soup later? What if we smoked two packs a day and slept with the whole village? Okay, see you at 7! Two hot new joints make this episode the kind you just want to put on some new jeans and rock out to. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You have to be careful with a penis when it's really big cause you might end up dead! This South Florida man is really in a tough place (murder charge) because of it. Plus how many people/hours does it take for Johnny Depp to get ready? Let's take a guess! AND special guest Wheeler Walker Jr. joins us and blows us away with his amazing voice and beautiful voice. Ol' Wheeler has got some pipes on him. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When a longshoreman doesn't feel like talking, you better get to walking or you're gonna get trespassing. That's just the way it goes. Plus, your feedback is boring in for Christina's Fart Mistress Shed. Will she go thru with it? AND we have a new awful work song. It's really quite depressing. Hope you enjoy it! The real news is Ari Shaffir is not only back from his vision quest, he's actually HERE, in the mommy dome. He has a new special coming to Netflix July 18 called Double Negative. Oh and he still owes Tommy and Bert a trip. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's here in all its glory - episode 400 of Your Mom's House! And finally we face the question that has been bugging us all - will Christina BaBoey Chusay Oh Tom's B-Hole? A real conversation takes place. PLUS, will Tina start a side business in a shed? Is there someone out there who laughs as hard as Top Dog at awful jokes? We have those answers and more! Pull em up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's a wise, older Asian man that can have an orgasm without ejactulating and every time he shakes from within his prostate it's like watching a parade: pure, unadulterated joy. Aside from that this episode is full of fun. We have a man that uses ALL the Big Words he can think of, PLUS a job orientation that rivals the infamous Let's Get Social song. We have a follow up on Shaq's biggest "toe" and a big announcement for Tommy's fall shows. Plus, don't forget to MAKE FITNESS in our new official Fitness tank. (Imagine the sound of the Asian man shaking from the inside here). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you like heavy breathing into the mic? CHECK! What about laughing uncontrollably at street jokes? BOOM! Anybody poop their pants lately? You guessed it, Top Dog is in the building and he brought his Peruvian princess with him. Before we get to that we've got people marrying themselves and buildings, plus what's the opposite of a happy Dad Boner? Is it Dad Rage? Whatever it is, we found him too. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Oh Snap! We got the PodFather. The Mighty and Powerful Joe Rogan joins us to discuss all things JEAN. From the crazy current state of politics to some all time dad boner moments, Joe weighs in on it all. He even answers the question: Would you date your mom? Spark one up and pour some out, this is an all-time classic. Pull em up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This one is particularly Amaze, Jean. Nothing like the police scaring you as you literally swim with sharks. Hear the REAL audio and decide if you'll ever swim again. Plus, does anyone deserve a beating the way people who WISH they were disabled do? Can we start a fundraiser to get them their wish? We have a Horrible or Hilarious that is not, well, hilarious. So, just listen. AND, has Tommy finally crossed the line with Tina and his grossness? To make things even better we have our first guest in ages in studio. This guy is the REAL WATER CHAMP. It's water sommelier, Martin Riese. Get ready to get educated in everything H20. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does thinking about your family turn you on? Think harder. Now are you feeling it? Let's talk about something that your brain does a good job of blocking out. Plus Tommy got food poisoning. Can you guess what type of food caused it? Can you guess where you shouldn't buy that type of food from? Bingo. Just as Tina and Tommy realized they could plug in more than one thing in their bedroom, they also have come to the conclusion that they can buy more than one clock. Hear the riveting story. AND even more unsolicited callers weigh in on the personality battle. Who do you find more charming? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A lot people have opinions on their dog food like they know what their dog can taste, thankfully one guy dove in for the rest of us and taste tested different dog foods. We have the amazing results. Plus, single dad, Tom takes his son to the mall and gets some alarming looks. Would you look at Tommy that way? A "You Know" champ comes to us from the least expected place AND it seems like the Personality Championship can be put to rest. We have audio for you to consider. JEANS UP! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is the second live podcast we did on this evening at The Irvine Improv. The inimitable Yoshi joins us for some hilarious and often jaw-dropping conversations. *Please use HEADPHONES to listen to this episode. And of course, STANIMA. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you're a lady and you're having trouble getting pregnant or perhaps you want some more excitement in bed, there has been a new development that is changing lives - LEECHES. You just need to shove them up inside of you. Plus, aren't nail clippers incredible? This one dude thinks so and we happen to agree. We'd love to put the personality argument to rest, but both moms are still bickering. Isn't it obvious??? Plus, there's some big Chef John fans writing in and defending his UP-speak AND we have Would You Rather, Fill Her Up and MORE. There isn't enough denim in this world to match up with this episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Not everyone can read the future by touching their worn panties, but this is Your Mom's House and we found someone that can. Plus, never before heard audio of your two favorite mom's making love. Is this real? We have Master Of Accents, a man throwing up that REALLY upsets Tina and Top Dog and Charo on the phone. Is there anything boring in this episode? Yup, we got some of that for you too. JEAN forever. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Mummy, here's the truth - we have sick jeans this week. Both of us. Please bear with us as we compete for the immunity championship. We welcome all our witches and wiccans to approach this episode with caution as we delve into a dangerous spell. Plus, who's the real elitist? Tommy has a pretty strong argument for Tina being a closet snob. What do you think? AND our cars both have smelly AC's - what's the deal? Is it a dead animal? Maybe F-A-R-T? And we honor the great athlete, Nelson Mandela. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are there any Jean's in the house? How about uncircumcised ones? Well, this is the episode for you. We have a very helpful man that teaches you how to clean it (it involves a wash cloth). Speaking of wash clothes, those are for poor people, right? T Bunz ran into Kane a few weeks ago at the airport - do you think he yelled his infamous call in public? You'll just have to listen, Jean. Plus, Tommy once saw an older lady touching her stuff in public at a bar and Jean thinks it's a questionable story. How about 'chu? Can a man have dinner with a lady that's not his wife without wanting to fill her up? We really hope you have the STANIMA for this episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's a crazy fat kid running North Korea and nobody is going to debate that fact. Do you know all the U.S. Presidents? We certainly do not. There's a JV squad and we go thru it. When first class disappoints you, what do you do? We complain, bitterly. Plus, Jean has a very important dental update (cause she's a show off). And a LIVE F-A-R-T was captured on the show and it should settle the Fart Champ debate once and for all. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Some people are just gross and then there's THIS lady. Whoa. And coming from us that's pretty special. She puts her finger, well, just listen. Plus, if you had to say one of us is a better burper who would you choose, Gene or Jean? There are some epic Dad Boners in this one and an absolute gift of a Hey Mommy order. And thankfully there's a nasal alien that breaks that down for us too. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Dearest Jean, This is a great podcast. Today we recap our lunch with Dan Pena and Tom's ill-fitting suit. Plus, Jean got an iWatch and boy does she love it (more than she loves Tom). Some French guy wants to teach you about loving your lingam and the mommies saw Get Out - go see it! How often do you run into massage therapists that are also smokers? I guess Tom's just lucky. All of that, plus vocal fry, dental updates and more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're on a plane and you're bleeding from your tumors you just need people to MOVE. Jean and Tom break down their one night getaway and how Tom's browns have changed for the better since he cut sugar (mostly). Plus Tina gets grossed out by a gagging video and we have some new really boring stuff to play for you. Some fashion is absurd and we gladly make fun of it. How do some guys tolerate ball kicks? Are you one of those guys? could you drop us a line? We are more than honored that the President spoke our name. Please enjoy these fresh pressed jeans. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Live from the Irvine Improv with 500 mommies in the stands. Let er rip! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How much sausage do you need to feed your whole family? What if there are some big women in it? Probably more, right? Would you leave an angry voicemail about it? This episode has Gucci Mane, bloody yoga pants, boring videos and the SECRET to a Double Pipe Classic? WHAT?!?! yeah. Listen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

If you haven't ever seen a whale penis, you don't size and you don't know Penis. Tommy hung out with Top Dog and Charo this weekend and he has tales to tell. Plus Gene had a dream that Tommy was bad and now she's mad at him in real life. Does this nonsense happen in your life as well? Tina's phone got a new text. Anyone interested in DRUGS?!?! AND, more boring videos, Hey Mommy and much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When someone goes on strike you know they mean business. This lady is going on strike for something so important we can't actually spell out what it is (It's Gross and comes out of a man's penis). We step in to Studio G with Super Dad Nerd, G. We wear our awesome new Pup Masks as we are always heightening our sense of smell. Plus absolutely AMAZE music from so many of you. We're putting Bitsy on a diet and SO much more. Thanks, Jeans. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

As perhaps the leading non-binary couple in the podcast comedy world today we are thrilled to bring you this aspect of the wonder from the perspective of our obtuse reality. Hope that was clear. Sometimes when you are making a brown someone will crawl under the stall to see if you are indeed browning. What would you do in that situation? The Mommies saw another horrible movie. Hope you get to have a night ruined by it as well. Plus another guy had vocal fry and it wasn't even the worst part of his personality. He also liked to....kill and eat people. Can you guess who? This episode is full of such a good time we HAD to find some boring audio to dull it down. Hope it's boring enough for you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever tried to get a hearing impaired person to lick your stuff but you weren't sure how to do it? We have answers. Plus we're pretty sure we found our sons little league coach. Hope he's still around when Little Jeans is ready to play. This guy emphasizes that losing sucks and no one wants to be one. Tina and Tommy both break down what they individually hate and what they hate as a couple (acoustic?). Hi Mommy...Thanks Jeans rages on and much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Don't hit me, Mummy! Don't hurt me, mummy! This week Tommy recaps his big celebration trip with Burnt and both pairs of Jeans have a Dental Update. Who do you think has the more perfect smile? Jack Reach Around Two is reviewed. Spoiler Alert: It's a pile of garbage. More emails and more orders of Hey, Mommy....Thanks, Jeans! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Finally! Someone is talking about the real issues - how do you mop up all that stuff after you make kisses? A nice British lady is going to show us the way (it's the Shower). Plus - you weigh in on the Personality Battle. Hey, some of you are a little TOO honest. Thanks. We meet a lady who wants to live with no environmental impact. That includes REUSING toilet paper. NEAT. And Hey, Mommy...Thanks, Jeans rolls on. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The McAfee Virus guy isn't just a genius when it comes to protecting your PC. He also has discovered that hammocks are great for lounging on and pooping off of. Just listen to this parade of women tell you about it. Plus, you've picked sides when it comes to #Water, #Posture and #fitness. Now the two jeans break down who has a better #personality. Which side are YOU on?! We have a new most boring video ever. Is it real? Doubtful. More dad accents, Horrible or Hilarious and some Hall Of Fame level ordering of "Hi, Mommy...Thanks, Jeans!" Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Reach into your pants, hold on to your twig and berries and take a DEEP SNIFF. That's how you train to be a good pup. Good boy. Tommy is deep in his weight loss competition with Burnt. These last 24 hours are rough! We revisit with Orlando Brown who has new ways to describe his sexual exploits. Plus, what YMH word does Tina add to her coffee order? Are you ready to step up your "Hi Mommy, Thanks Jeans" Game? It's all here. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your shoulder hurt? Have you tired saluting the Fuhrer? We can tell you one thing for sure - It Helps!! Christina considers the Skullet - the haircut that Tommy has been pushing for years. Will you urge her to get it done? Thanks. The Mommies consider potty training for their little boy. What word should they use to describe going number 2? Making brown, caca, taking a dump. Lets figure it out together. We revisit the EV mic guy and more mommies are doing "Hey, mommy" orders. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

These Jeans are ready to party. We always knew that Subway served up sandwiches, but we didn't realize there was so much MUSTARD on them. In this episode we explore two entirely different locations with two very upset customers - each expressing their disappointment in a unique way. PLUS - Top Dog and Charo stopped by to do some line reads. We play you the whole thing. That and SO much more. Merry Xmas, Santa Jeans. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week, the mommies dive deep into the world of Orlando Brown, get festive for the Holidays with an amazing Instagram singer, discuss the weight loss competition and much much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Diamonds on the crevice of your ??? I'll give you three guesses. We have so much to share with you! Get ready to pull 'em high and tight! This week we tickle some bodies with our new favorite Disney star, talk about Tom's time in West Palm Beach, and find out just how unparliamentary Elizabeth May can get when she's had a few drinks! Jeans up!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We love our brothers and sisters to the North, but there's one lady in Parliament who clearly isn't on board with the show - she's anti F-A-R-T! Please keep heckling her. You think you know Tom and Tina, but have you met Karen and Bobby? They're here unless they're drinking or smoking or having sex. Plus an outrageous call with Top Dog and Charo and some amazing clips including one really cool lady who loves when guys spray their love on her (face). This episode is LOADED. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Would you marry your mom? Really. That's so cool, cause like, me too. Kiss her for real. The Mommies moved this week and with a lot of help came a lot of stranger dumps. So many. Plus a really massive, fat lady will let you pay to watch her be gross. Master of Accents, Pup Play and a lot more. As always, Bert is so fat and it's being celebrated all over the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We did it, We locked down the guy who will call you a C**T to your face. That's right, Dan Pena is on the show! So fun to talk to the master of cursing in business. Dan was as fun as you might imagine. Plus the Jeans are not only fresh off their Bannismurfurney where they got a Couples Massage (yuck), Tina also claims disrupted relaxing time with a F-A-R-T. AND, seems that President Camacho is actually going to run the free world. Interesting times ahead! Many Masterful Accents in this one! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Even babies know the truth - Bert IS fat, but also our dear friend Burnt Chrystals has a new special coming to Showtime called The Machine and he goes by the name Bert Kreischer in it. Plus Tommy and Tina watched the movie, Shark Bites - you might like but it has one BIG flaw (same as the Martian with Matt Damon). There's a really white DJ who really feels comfortable with BIG WORDS and all kinds of accents to master in this one. Who is the Water Champ? Now we can all be with the NEW Water Champ shirt! Get one for Christmas or just to show everyone who H2Flow is in your house. Keep those jeans up! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

NO Loose jeans allowed here. We find the ultimate dad boner who relights the fire that only Garth can put out. Plus, Tommy AKA Tomaso speaks eh, de Espanish on TV, we have Would You Rather, Perfect Smiles and MORE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This week on YMH, Tom and Christina take a look at Christina's ex-boyfriend who know works as an insane deck hand, a couple of fighting brothers who desperately want you to look at them, and go in depth on Tom's most recent physical Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices