What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Sometimes we need to stop trying so hard for things to get easier. We asked our listeners: where’s an area of your parenting where you got better results by doing less? In this episode we discuss our listeners' best advice on how to parent more lightly by caring less about our children’s: homework potty training outfits palates basic hygiene birthday parties We also talk “bare minimum parenting” in its many forms with guest James Breakwell, author of Bare Minimum Parenting: The Ultimate Guide to Not Quite Ruining Your Child. James says bare minimum parenting isn’t about the number of kids you have: “Two children aren’t twice as much work as one. If you’re already yelling at the first kid, just add the name of the second kid at the end.” For James, bare minimum parenting is about playing the long game. Can you look around at a group of adults and pick out which ones had baby massage or language-immersion preschool? Okay, sometimes they’re dead ringers. But most of the time you can’t, and we think James’s new book is slyly revolutionary in the way it enables all of us to do less, worry less, and get our kids to pretty much the same place in the end. In other words, Bare Minimum Parenting doesn’t have to mean no rules. It can mean basic rules that work for your family. But those rules aren’t set by the family next door, or that clickbait-y guilt-inducing article you just read. And when the rules don’t work? Put them aside for a bit. No regrets. ICYMI: in this episode Margaret mentions this slackline as her key to bare minimum backyard fun— her kids play on it for hours. Here's where you can find James: Buy James's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982599294 @XplodingUnicorn on Twitter @ExplodingUnicorn on Facebook We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

At what age are our children ready for the sometimes shark-infested waters of social media? What limits can we set and tactics can we use to keep them safe while allowing them to communicate with their friends and stay connected? Megan sent an email to [email protected] to ask: "I’m getting so worried about social media as my kids grow older. As a mom of three (ages 9, 12, and 14), I find myself at a loss when it comes to navigating this digital landscape. My oldest, who is in 8th grade, is starting to express a desire to get social media. She keeps talking about how all of her friends have it. However, I can’t help but worry about the unrealistic standards it sets, and how that could affect her development and self-esteem. Am I crazy for not wanting her to get Instagram and Tiktok? I want her to grow up like an average kid and not miss out on things her friends are doing. I just wish social media wasn’t so toxic, especially for girls." Your kid is likely telling the truth when she says that most of her peers are on social media. That doesn't mean your concerns as a parent for her safety and privacy aren't incredibly valid. Social media doesn't have to be an either absolutely-none or no-holds-barred decision. Privacy settings, and controlling what your child is posting, give you some control. It's possible to start with tighter reins and more oversight and then slowly let out the slack line. Take the particulars of your own kid into consideration. You know what's right for your kid. Set the rules you want with an open dialogue, rather than have it become something that your daughter can't talk about with you at all.Approaching social media with your child, rather than forbidding until she figures out how to do it behind your back, is probably the better option. Links to resources Amy mentions in the episode: Wait Until 8th: https://www.waituntil8th.org/ Devorah Heitner's book Growing Up In Public: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593420966 Bark.us (use this code for a free trial: https://www.bark.us/?ref=2R4XYRK) Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Two recent national studies underlined that there's a surprising group of children at risk for worse mental health outcomes: kids who go to high-achieving schools. How do we protect our kids from the pressures all around them to succeed at any cost? Jennifer Wallace, author of the new book Never Enough, shows us how to teach our kids that they matter intrinsically. Jennifer Wallace is an award-winning journalist and a frequent contributor to the Wall Street Journal and the Washington Post. She lives in New York City with her husband and their three teenagers. Amy, Margaret, and Jennifer discuss: Why achievement pressure is at an all-time high How parents contribute to, but are not solely responsible for, this pressure How to teach our kids that they matter independently of their achievements Here's where you can find Jennifer: jenniferbwallace.com @jenniferbwallace on IG @jennifer.b.wallace on FB Buy Jennifer's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593191866 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when the usual parenting advice feels zero-percent applicable to our own situation? The first step is to let go of any "second arrow" self-blame that that is the case. The second step is to chart our own paths. Amy and Margaret discuss: What types of kids may not benefit from the one-size-fits-all parenting advice Why the concept of default parenting advice is harmful Why kids "irritating behaviors" are signs that they are growing and learning appropriately Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Sarah Lyons for Western NY Family Magazine: "One Size Doesn't Fit All" Our episode "When Your Kid Doesn't Fit the Mold" Jeanie Lerche Davis for WebMD: 10 Commandments of Good Parenting Dana Bosu: How to Cope When Your Child is Different Andrew Solomon: Far From the Tree Ross Greene: The Explosive Child Rita Eichenstein: Not What I Expected Deborah Reber: Differently Wired Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when, despite every tactic we can think of, our child refuses to eat dinner? Margaret puts a mom's anxieties around missed meals into perspective. Jillian asks: "What do you do when your two-and-a-half-year-old absolutely refuses to put a lick of dinner in her mouth? Night after night I offer multiple items. We've tried eating on the couch and in front of theTV, hoping the mindless eating scenario might happen. None of it has worked. At my wit's end!" Margaret recommends buying the book Child of Mine: Feeding with Love and Good Sense by Ellen Satter. Satter explains that the parent decides what to serve, and the child decides what to eat. It's not our job to force feed our kids when they would rather be doing anything else. They may simply not be hungry, especially if they had a late afternoon snack. If you think there's something serious underlying this reluctance to eat, definitely reach out to your pediatrician. But if your child eats well at other meals, there is probably not reason for concern. Don't chase your child's behavior and bend over backwards to get them to eat at all costs. Even if they don't want to eat, they can sit quietly at the table while everyone else enjoys dinner. If they start throwing food or otherwise misbehaving, don't hesitate to end the meal for them or otherwise give appropriate consequences. And as Margaret can attest from the other side, it will get better as they get older! Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it mean to have an identity outside being a mother? How do we forge a new sense of self that includes motherhood but isn't defined by it? Life coach Bea Kim provides tips for defining our true values and then living those values out. Bea Kim is the founder of Parent Refresh, a company that provids parent-focused services through life coaching, fitness, and community, and Awaken, a diversity, equity, and inclusion educational company. Bea and Margaret discuss: The liminal space between pre- and post-parenthood How mismanaged expectations cause problems for new moms What it means to define our own values and why it's important for mothers Here's where you can find Bea: https://beakim.com/ https://medium.com/bea-kim-coaching on Medium https://www.linkedin.com/in/beabahn/ on LinkedIn @beakimcoaching on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We all know someone who causes chaos, lawful and otherwise, wherever they go. Those people, are called "crazymakers," a term first coined by Julia Cameron and which perfectly describes the unwelcome disruption they bring to our own peace of mind. Here's how to spot the crazymakers in your life, and how to avoid getting caught up in their mischief. Margaret and Amy discuss: The true definition of a crazymaker and the three top types Why crazymakers use low-power strategies of dominance How maintaining your own self worth helps deter crazymakers Check us out on YouTube! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we tell our kids not to curse when they insist that everyone around them—maybe even their parents—do so? Amy explains different scenarios for cursing and what she deems appropriate for her own kids. A listener asks: "Can you talk about when kids curse, when we curse...does it matter? My kids are almost 13 and 15 and they say everyone curses. We allow some cursing—heck, we have even been known to toss out some ourselves—but now I think my oldest curses too much and yet she is a straight A student." When it comes to younger kids, Amy explains, it pays to be strict about cursing or else you'll run out of room to enforce rules around such things when they're older. There's a big difference between cursing at, say, a stubbed toe, and cursing at someone or calling them a curse word. The latter never flies in Amy's house. You can also differentiate for your kids the kinds of conversations that happen amongst friends and those that occur in formal settings like school and work. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Can we grieve the person we were before motherhood? Jamilla Svansson-Brown, who runs a YouTube channel with her wife Que, discusses how motherhood changes us, strengthening marriages, and listening to people with different lived experiences. Jamilla and Que are a two-mom family based in Atlanta, GA, who have been creating content for over 7 years after recognizing a gap in the influencer industry and not seeing creators who were Black Women, Fem/Masc presenting, or a part of the LGBTQ community. Jamilla and Margaret discuss: How parenthood changes our relationships with our partners How the division of labor works in the Svansson-Brown household What it means to be an authentic ally Here's where you can find Jamilla and Que: www.jamillaandque.com @jamillaandque on YouTube, TikTok, and IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Are people with clean houses doing a bit? Are people with messy ones somehow less worthy? Kendra Adachi, author of THE LAZY GENIUS WAY tells us how to make a just-good-enough system that works for exactly us - and stop caring about everything else. Kendra Adachi also hosts "The Lazy Genius" podcast and is the mother of three young kids. Kendra, Margaret, and Amy discuss: How to implement systems that are practical rather than Pinterest-worthy Why we should stop applauding chaos as the only indicator of vulnerability The power of putting everything in its place Here's where you can find Kendra: www.thelazygeniuscollective.com Buy The Lazy Genius Way: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780525653936 @thelazygenius on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When our child is suddenly being left out of their friend group, how can we help them cope without giving in to our own emotions about the situation? A member of our Facebook group writes: "My 9-year-old finally made a new group of friends this year in school, and the other day at recess they announced that they don’t want to be her friend anymore. She is crushed, and while I know this is part of growing up, I don’t know how to help her. I let her stay home today- to be honest, partly so she doesn’t have to endure a recess with this group of girls ignoring her or worse. I know missing school is not the answer. How can I help her? " Margaret reminds this listener that she's not on the emotional roller coaster with her kid in this situation - rather, she is a neutral and safe space for her child to express their feelings about the situation. It's important to let your child feel whatever they need to about the situation without trying to "fix" them or suggesting how they might behave differently in order to gain entry back into the friend group. Remind them that they can only control how they react to the situation, and empower them to focus on other friendships, hobbies, and activities for the time being. In the meantime, watch out for signs that your child is suffering from severe bullying, such as weight loss, loss of appetite, or loss of interest in normal activities - this could mean that they need a more robust form of intervention on their behalf. Here are links to some resources Margaret mentions: Sherri Gordon for VeryWell Family: 7 Tips for Helping Kids Deal With Being Ostracized Our episode about bullies Our episode "Mean Girls with Katie Hurley" Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What happens when your perfect life comes crumbling down? Lara Love Hardin, author of the new memoir "The Many Lives of Mama Love" shares her experiences of addiction and incarceration, how it affected her children, and how it shaped the new life she has now. Amy and Lara discuss: What it's like to parent from prison How the prison system keeps women down How Lara found her own version of redemption Here's where you can find Lara: https://www.laralovehardin.com/ IG: @laralovehardin Facebook: Lara Love Hardin Buy Lara's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781982197667 The Gemma Project Watch Lara's TED Talk We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Once your kids are a little bit older, can you be dropped into the madness of having little ones again without missing a beat? Apparently not - here's what Margaret learned after a brief season of tending to little kids again. Amy and Margaret discuss: The stakes of babysitting versus parenting All the little things we block out once our kids are more independent How times stretches out forever when you've got little kids to entertain all day If you're near New Braunfels, Texas, check out the McKenna Children's Museum! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why is it that summer never seems to be the picture-perfect, sun-washed experience we want for our kids? Amy helps a listener ditch her mom guilt over not providing her kids with the "perfect" summer. "I have the end of summer scaries. Or end of summer mom guilt. I feel so bummed that I have spent most of the summer in survival mode instead of really enjoying it with my children. I probably have seen way too many of those "you only get 18 summers" posts. My oldest starts first grade in two weeks and I feel like I completely failed. I wish we had spent more time swimming, riding bikes, all of that quintessential summer stuff. Instead, I feel like I've spent most of it breaking up fights with his 4 year old brother, keeping the 18 month old from injuring himself, and saying "no" to every request. I'm notoriously hard on myself so I probably just need a reality check. Does anyone else feel this way?" It's totally normal to feel like the summer is a more difficult time of year, especially with three little kids to entertain, Amy explains. There are more hours of daylight and more unstructured time. And, by the way, your kids don't vaporize once they turn 18, and if they're away at college, summer is when you WILL see them, at least somewhat more than you did during the school year. Try to decouple yourself from the overwhelming "you only get 18 summers with your kids" messaging. It robs you of the ability to remain present THIS summer with your kids. So how do you try and be present with your kids without worrying about how many summers you have left in the bank? Start super small. Declare that it's "ice cream dinner" tonight or let the kids cover the driveway in chalk drawings. The "summer memories" we're supposed to be making are by definition lazy and unstructured. And those little things we may think are nothing special are probably what our kids will look back on most fondly. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can we place reasonable limits on our kids' screen time— and how do we know what's reasonable? Ash Brandin, better known on Instagram as @TheGamerEducator, brings their experience as an educator (and gamer) to help families better understand and manage technology in ways that can benefit the entire family. In this episode, we discuss: why screens are "value neutral," and why their educational merit is derived more from how screens are being used the one question we should ask ourselves to know whether screens are okay in a given moment how to raise kids who will be able to set their own parameters around screens and gaming once we're no longer there to harass them Here's where you can find Ash: TheGamerEducator.com @TheGamerEducator on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Teaching kids about how money works feels ever more important in a world where we pay for things by waving our phones, and where a couple of taps brings us anything we want to our doorstep twenty-four hours later. Sometimes we feel like protecting our kids from the realities of our financial situations is what is most appropriate. But somewhere along the way we can start teaching kids financial literacy by making our family decisions around money concrete and transparent. In this episode we discuss: our children's many "blind spots" around money and spending (and what were once our own) the differences in spending when people use credit cards versus cash how to discuss your family's "money values" in terms of what you are (and are not) willing to spend Here are some links to resources mentioned in the episode: @bethkobliner on Twitter BusyKid: What Your Child Can Understand About Money, Age by Age Beth Kobliner for PBS News Hour: Money habits are set by age 7. Teach your kids the value of a dollar now Jana B. Woodhouse for How Money Works: Can You Teach Your Kids How Money Works? (Yes!) Shereen Marisol Meraji and Andee Tagle for NPR's Life Kit: Want to teach your kids about money? Start by including them in the conversation Johnathan G. Conzelmann and T. Austin Lacy for Brookings: Financial and student loan (il)literacy among US college students Our episode "Should We Pay Our Kids To Clean Our Rooms?" Our Fresh Take with Bobbi Rebell Check us out on YouTube! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you host relatives in your home in a loving and generous way without becoming overwhelmed? Margaret explains that hosts, not guests, get to make the rules for timing and length of their visits. A listener asked: Do you have any ground rules or tips and tricks for having family come stay with you? My husband and I live interstate between both of our families of origin, so if they visit, they stay with us. We don't live in a large house and we're finding the line between hospitality and what we can handle hard to draw. How can we simplify our approach? When people come to your house, it's perfectly acceptable to set ground rules that represent roughly 50% of what you need/want, and 50% of what your guests would prefer. Ultimately, though, it's your house, so you have veto power should a disagreement arise. You have the right to decide when and how long people come to stay with you. You may get pushback from relatives, but you are within your rights to gently decline their requests. That being said, operate from your maximum place of generosity and do your best to accommodate the people who raised you/your spouse and want to be in their grandkids' lives. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why are women expected to love pregnancy and new motherhood without exception or complaint? Erin Pepler, author of the collection of essays "Send Me Into the Woods Alone," discusses the stigma that still persists around mothers expressing difficulty and displeasure with their lives—and how reading and writing about motherhood has improved her own life. Erin Pepler is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Today’s Parent, ParentsCanada, SavvyMom, Romper, Scary Mommy, MoneySense, Broadview Magazine and more. Erin and Amy discuss: Why pregnancy is "objectively weird" Why women are expected to downplay their pain and suffering particularly as new mothers How anxiety can shape us as parents... and when it's time to take a closer look Here's where you can find Erin: erinpepler.com @erinpepler on Instagram and Twitter @erinpeplerwriter on Facebook Buy SEND ME INTO THE WOODS ALONE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781988784892 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Rooms where no one was allowed to go? Saving up phone minutes? Opening one kind of cereal at a time? What odd rules did we once live by that we can't imagine following now? Amy and Margaret discuss: The Good Room Snuggies Peek Freans Links to references in this episode: The Onion: Bloodthirsty, Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate-Cereal Consumption "Certain things are for company" - comedian Sebastian Maniscalco "Company is Coming" - comedian Chris Fleming Peek Freans Follow us on Threads @whatfreshhellcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What are the signs that kids no longer want to share a room, and when do the cons of a shared space outweigh the pros? Amy cites a study or two to help a mom decide what's best for her two boys. Emily asks: How do I know when the right time is for my two boys (ages 7 and 8) to stop sharing a room? Are there signs I should be looking for? For context, the boys have shared a room since they were 1 and 2. We have a guest room that we occasionally let one sleep in, but it’s usually just when one is sick. I have heard from other moms that the benefits of sharing a room can expire as they get older, but I am not sure what I should be watching for. If the current arrangement is working for everyone in the family there's no need to immediately change things up. But there are signs you can watch for that might mean a change is worth consideration. A child's desire for privacy, siblings who bicker constantly, a divergence in interests or habits, and increasing homework loads are all signs that separate spaces might be needed. Studies also show that kids also get more sleep when they don't share rooms. However, this doesn't necessarily mean separate bedrooms. There could be one room designated for sleeping/study ,and another room designated for play and activity. Don't feel guilty if your kids need to share a room, or if it just works better for the whole family that way. As far as knowing when it's time to change things, the clearest signal may be if and when one of the room-sharers actually asks for their own space. Here are links to some resources Amy mentions in the episode: Erin Quinn-Kong for Sleep Foundation: Having Your Own Room as a Kid May Be Worth 28 Minutes of Sleep Kara Carrero for Extremely Good Parenting: Should siblings share a bedroom? This research will help you decide! Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What "scams" about motherhood have we become subject to without really questioning them? What would happen if we stopped subscribing to these ideas? Raena Boston, founder of the Working Momtras, discusses ways to counteract the sexism inherent in parenting, particularly mothering, and how to make the personal political. Raena is a mom of three, co-founder of the nonprofit Chamber of Mothers, and a fierce advocate for working families. In this interview, Raena and Margaret discuss: Mom guilt as a scam and how we can dismantle it Why dads need parental leave too What federal paid family leave really means Here's where you can find Raena: www.theworkingmomtras.com @theworkingmomtras on IG @workingmomtras on Twitter Listen to our episode with Kate Mangino on her book "Equal Partners" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's July bonus episode time! We opened up the floor for our listeners to ask us anything, and it turns out we're still learning things about each other after all these years. Topics include: The best parenting book Amy has ever read Pajama grams Billy Joel's and Bill Clinton's dogs To listen to the full episode, sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast. You get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if we didn't let other people's judgments change our game plans—as women, as mothers, and as humans? We're wired to pay attention to what other people think. There's a reason those judgments can be painful. Are there ways we can break free and care less? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss... How our innate need to belong (and not ostracized) is hard-wired The "behavioral inhibition system" and how it gets triggered Whose feelings and judgments we should take into account Why parenting is an especially problematic zone for others' judgments of us Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode "Parenting With An Audience" Governor J.B. Pritzker's speech to the 2023 graduates of Northwestern University: "The kindest person in the room is often the smartest." Rachel Moss for HuffPost UK: How To Actually Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You hotter.com: At What Age Do You Feel Most Comfortable In Yourself? Arthur C. Brooks for The Atlantic: No One Cares! Naomi I. Eisenberger: Why Rejection Hurts: What Social Neuroscience Has Revealed About the Brain’s Response to Social Rejection Sarah Coyne for The Joplin Globe: Parenting with an audience changes the rules We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you let your child experience natural consequences for their slowpoke actions—without going insane yourself? Listener Katie asks: "My 11-year-old has trouble meeting deadlines we set for her (running to catch the bus, not getting to bed by her bedtime). When my husband and I try to help her stay on track she talks back or purposefully stalls more! I don’t know how to not get triggered by that. It makes me angry which doesn’t help. Any suggestions? Either for staying calm or what to try with her? We rely more on consequences than positive reinforcement. I would love my husband to be more of a positive presence in the morning, which might improve things. I’m only partially around for mornings (which doesn’t help). Thanks for at least letting me rant!" Margaret has been here herself. She coordinated with her child's school and asked them to issue the appropriate disciplines for lateness to her child on days her child was late, removing herself from being responsible for the consequences. It's important to remember that children aren't just fed by positive attention; negative attention gets them going just as much. Eleven-year-olds typically begin testing boundaries and asserting their independence, since they have no real power of their own at that age. Try telling your child that they are in charge of their own routines, as well as all consequences for being late. Ask them what they might need from you to make the routine a success—a wake-up call, packing a lunch, whatever the thing may be—and then try to leave them to their own devices. Eventually, they will realize you are serious about their making their own trains run on time. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why shouldn't you tell people your baby name ideas before the baby comes? What happens when the early mornings with a toddler clash with the late-night schedules of comedy clubs? Comedian Hari Kondabolu, whose new comedy special "Vacation Baby" is available for streaming on YouTube, discusses how parenting has changed his comedy— and the unexpected pleasures, amidst the struggles, of parenting during the pandemic. Hari Kondabolu has been praised as "one of the most exciting political comics in stand-up." He currently co-hosts the Netflix food competition show “Snack vs. Chef” with Megan Stalter. Hari first achieved widespread recognition for his award-winning documentary "The Trouble With Apu." In this episode Hari, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why having a pet is definitely not the same as having a kid What he wants his audiences that aren't parents yet to understand about being a dad Why representation has become even more important to Hari now that he's a parent Here's where you can find Hari: harikondabolu.com Social media: @harikondabolu Watch "Vacation Baby" on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/HariKondaboluOfficial Get the extended version of Vacation Baby: https://harikondabolu.bandcamp.com/ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It often becomes clear to us where our boundaries should have been set only after those lines have been crossed and left far behind. But whether it's with overbearing extended family members or partners who leave socks on the floor, how do we create effective boundaries? Especially after it's been established that we're not very good at it, and especially in a world that doesn't very much like women who aren't afraid to set them? In this "Best Of" episode we discuss why boundaries should be set early and often– and not just in problematic relationships, either. Healthy boundaries with our spouses, partners, and co-workers are what make long-term relationships possible. And don't forget positive boundaries. Want to start setting aside more money each month? Having one date night a week, or one weekend morning when you get to sleep in? It starts with saying so. Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Fatherly: 16 Tips For Creating Healthy Boundaries With Your Extended Family Mark Manson: Boundaries Elizabeth Earnshaw for Mind Body Green: A Therapist Explains 6 Things People Get Wrong About Setting Boundaries Sarah Saweikis for Medium: Scared to Set Boundaries? How to Set Boundaries to Improve Your Relationships and Increase Peace of Mind We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tired of buying new everything when your kid inevitably misplaces it? It's natural for kids to be a little disorganized, but if your kid is losing things left and right, there are some simple steps you can take. A member of our Facebook group asked: Any suggestions for the kid who loses everything? My son is 9. He lost three sweatshirts in the two months he was in in-person school, a tennis racquet at tennis camp, baseball glove at baseball practice, shin guards at soccer camp… and don’t even get me started on water bottles! The “lost and found” turned up one of the many things he has lost, but that is it. He swears each time that he put the things in his bag. Unless, there is a sweaty shin guard thief, this obviously is untrue. We’ve tried charts and check lists. We’ve tried making him earn the replacement items, but nothing seems to stop the constant misplacing of items. HELP! For the truly forgetful kids, the oft-cited "natural consequences"– if he doesn't have his shin guards, he won't be able to play, and he'll sure remember next time!– rarely work. Your child will feel chagrined, but be just as likely to forget the next time. In this episode Amy suggests what has worked in her household, like making reminders unmissable (put the reminder ON the doorknob, not hanging above it) labeling everything that costs more than the label would (Amy uses oliverslabels.com) use list-making apps and model using them yourself (Amy uses Workflowy) Kids do well if they can. Don’t give up on the checklists and the reminders if they don’t work right away. Keep your support system consistent– and non-shaming– and eventually your child will check for those shin guards before he leaves the field. Here are some resources worth looking into for kids who are a little disorganized: Check out Carolyn Dalgliesh's ideas for helping forgetful kids get organized: http://www.carolyndalgliesh.com/ Sara Olsher of Mighty + Bright has lots of great tools for helping kids stay organized Our Fresh Take with Ryan Wexelblatt, the ADHD Dude Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it really take to be a public school teacher in America? Alexandra Robbins, author of "THE TEACHERS: A Year Inside America's Most Vulnerable, Important Profession," illuminates how today's teachers battle against school shootings, shrinking budgets, irate parents and politicians, and the educational system itself. Alexandra Robbins is an award-winning investigative reporter who has written for publications, including The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Atlantic. In this interview Alexandra, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Our common misconceptions about what being a teacher entails Why the "teacher shortage" is a misnomer How we can truly support teachers Here's where you can find Alexandra: https://alexandrarobbins.com/ Facebook: AuthorAlexandraRobbins Twitter: @AlexndraRobbins Instagram: @authoralexandrarobbins Buy The Teachers: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781101986752 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we raise healthy, loving, polite, and appreciative teens? Is it humanly possible? From remaining "passively available" to taking our adolescents' seemingly trivial problems seriously, our listeners had great advice for bringing up teenagers. Amy and Margaret discuss: The blessing of nerd-dom How to keep your face in check when talking to your teen Why it's important to let your teen fail sometimes Here's our Fresh Take with Michelle Icard, author of "Fourteen Talks by Age 14" Here's the link to the full thread in our Facebook group Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we get our kids to do things the FIRST time they're asked, not the millionth time? Is it even possible? A listener from our FB group asks: "You have often given the advice from the dog-training world not to repeat yourself over and over again, because you are teaching your kids they only have to respond to the 3rd, 7th, or 100th time you ask. My question is: what do I do instead? Say I tell my toddler, "It's time to go brush teeth," and he ignores me to keep playing because: toddler. If I immediately remove the thing the toddler is playing with and pick him up to go to the bathroom, we are in tantrum land. Then bedtime is delayed by twenty minutes while we calm down. I don't want to turn every interaction into an exhausting battle of wills, but I also don't want to sound like a broken record. HELP." When kids are resisting instructions, it's important to suss out the real problems and find solutions for those specific instances. In this case of asking your toddler to brush their teeth: it's normal to sometimes have to repeat yourself with toddlers. But you also want to establish that you won't repeat yourself until they respond. You might insert an intermediate step where you say something like "Oh, it looks like you're really enjoying your truck right now. I'm going to go get the toothpaste out and give you a few more minutes." It's a back-to-one situation! And remember: just because you repeat yourself or get frustrated with your toddler doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. You're doing the best you can. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When we're going through difficult seasons in our lives—illness, death, divorce, tragedy—it feels easier to protect our kids by leaving them out of the conversation. Sara Olsher, founder of Mighty + Bright, says kids don't miss a thing—and that we're missing the opportunity during such times to help our children learn resilience. Sara founded Mighty + Bright after guiding her child through her own divorce and cancer diagnosis. Mighty + Bright provides visual schedules, picture books, and other tools to help parents prioritize mental health for their kids, learning together and incorporating coping skills into their day-to-day lives. In this interview Sara, Margaret, and Amy discuss: How to raise resilience for ourselves and kids What works for families who are in hard seasons Why protecting kids from difficult issues doesn't work Here's where you can find Sara: http://mightyandbright.com @mightyandbrightco Check out all the amazing children's books Sara has written: https://bookshop.org/contributors/sara-olsher We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it mean to have a midlife crisis? What exactly counts as "midlife," and (yikes) are we already in it? Can we avoid the disenchantment and the rash decision-making that stereotypically accompany such times in our lives? A listener in our Facebook group asked: "Who has been thru their midlife crisis and how did you deal? Turning 40 next week has me feeling like I've wasted my life. Can I get over the what-ifs?" In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: How American culture has changed its views on aging Why women and men experience midlife crises differently Why the age of your children might be the thing triggering your crisis Here are links to some of the resources discussed in the episode: Howard P. Chudacoff: How old are you? Age consciousness in American culture Laurence Steinberg: Crossing Paths: How Your Child's Adolescence Triggers Your Own Crisis Mark Jackson: Life begins at 40: the demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When our children have a brush with danger, we moms love to punish ourselves for what might have happened. So does society at large. Amy tells a listener how to complete her trauma response and move on from a stressful event. A listener on Instagram asked: "How do I move past the mom guilt? I'm the mother to an 18-month-old that loves dogs. We have a rescue. I didn't grow up with dogs. We went for a walk today and came across an informal dog play date that we joined…the dogs were off leash. I asked if it was okay to bring my child, and the other owner said yes. I stupidly at one point let my little one walk away from me. Another dog came to sniff at her, and my dog kicked into full-on protective mode. The first time I'd ever seen that. My little one almost got hurt. We left soon after that and I never let my child out of my arms again. And once I got home, I Googled and saw, no, you should never take a kid to a dog play park. I feel so bad, so ashamed. How do I move on? Amy suggests that this listener is stuck in an incomplete trauma response, which Amelia and Emily Nagoski discuss in their book BURNOUT. It's important, Amy says, to complete the stress cycle, or else you stay stuck in the tunnel (as these authors explain). In our Ditching Mom Guilt episode, we discussed how mom guilt is a result of magical thinking in your primitive brain. If you're the cause of what's going wrong for your kids, you can also be the solution. Amy suggests that gratitude-based meditation of "I am safe now, I am safe now" and extra cuddles with the little one can help complete the stress cycle, along with a healthy dose of self-compassion and conscious uncoupling from the undeserved shame all moms, not dads, are made to feel when their children are perceived to be in danger. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do we as women get accused of too much or too little ambition, but never the right amount? And why are mothers expected to let go of all nonfamilial ambitions once they become parents? Rainesford Stauffer, author of the new book “All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive," started by completely reconsidering the role of ambition in her own life. In this book, she invites us to redefine ambition for ourselves. Going above and beyond doesn't have to the worthiest thing about us. In this interview Rainesford and Amy discuss: How and when Rainesford changed her thoughts around her own ambition How parenting and ambition intersect How to define ambition for yourself Here's where you can find Rainesford: www.rainesfordstauffer.com Twitter: @Rainesford Instagram: @rainesford_stauffer Buy Rainesford's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306830334 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why don't vacations feel like vacations for moms? Could it be all the prepping, packing, and traveling, with the additional pressure to make memories that will last a lifetime for our little ones? Here's how to make vacations truly fun and relaxing for the whole family. In this episode we discuss the wisdom of "taking turns being tired" why "going with the flow" is not an additive stance to vacation preparation why vacations get better as kids age Here are some links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Marie Holmes for HuffPost: Behind Every Precious Vacation Memory Stands An Exhausted Mother CafeMom: Moms Don't Get to 'Relax' on Family Vacations, For the Husbands Who Don't Get It Colleen Lanin for Travel Mamas: Ain’t Nobody Happy if Mama Ain’t Happy – Tips for Happy Travel with Kids The Onion: Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we help our children transition from pampered baby of the family to middle child? Is the resulting misbehavior going to go on forever? Someone in our Facebook group asked: "My five-year-old became a middle child a few months ago. He is so sweet and loving to his new little sister, but has been acting out: spitting, running around, saying bad things, hitting another kid in his pre-K class. He has been very difficult at home, too. He was never like this before becoming a middle child. Somebody please just tell me this is a phase." Yes, it's just a phase, Margaret assures us, citing her own experience being usurped as the baby of the family when she was five. This acting out is boundary-seeking behavior. When presented with changes in the family dynamic, kids will investigate to see if they can get away with more than they were able to previously. You can make your child feel validated in his frustration, but it's still important to set firm boundaries around unacceptable behavior. Here's the article Margaret suggests: Kate Marple for BabyCenter: Helping your child adjust to a new sibling Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when we don't fit the "perfect mom" mold? Are we still good mothers even if we don't? Jamilah Mapp and Erica Dickerson are the co-hosts of the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast, and the authors of the new book "A Good Mom's Guide to Bad Choices." In this interview Jamilah, Erica, and Margaret discuss: Being a single mother Breaking parenting patterns What authentic parenting looks like Here's where you can find Jamilah and Erica: www.goodmomsbadchoices.com IG: @goodmoms_badchoices Twitter: @Thegoodmoms Listen to Good Moms Bad Choices podcast Buy A Good Mom's Guide to Bad Choices: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063161979 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

From being able to sleep anywhere to pulling loose teeth to staying calm in a crisis, our listeners are great at all kinds of things when it comes to being parents. Amy and Margaret discuss: Lowered expectations Self-care for its own sake Margaret's Fran Drescher moments Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Handicrafts? Puzzles? Competitive pickleball? Amy and Margaret discuss hobbies old and new, high-maintenance and low. Amy and Margaret discuss: S&H Green Stamps Pickleball injuries The Book of Meg To hear the rest of the episode, sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast, where you can get all episodes ad-free as well! Supporting Cast works right where you already listen. Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What should we do when other people, relatives OR strangers, discipline our kids in front of us? Let it go, or intervene? Pamela recently wrote us to say: I'd love to hear your thoughts on handling relatives (or even strangers!) that try to discipline your kids. I recently had family in town and my six-year-old was given quite a few lectures on MINOR behaviors by a relative that has no children of their own. Things such as sitting in a chair well past when he was done eating, or accidentally kicking (when said relative started the roughhousing to begin with…) I’m able to call it out but why oh why does this happen?! Frustrating, to say the least, and confusing for my son! There are two matrixes that apply here: the "see this person 3 times a week / will never see this person again" axis, and the "totally not their business/ actually my kid was really bothering them" axis. If a particular example of discipline leaves your child red-faced and tearful, and the adult's reaction seems like an overreach, then attend to your child and make her feel safe. There are usually minimal returns for confrontation with a stranger– let alone a relative– but do what you have to do. But check your story. Did your kid brush it off and run along to play? Is the worst part of it all the "How dare you!" feelings you're left with? Reprimands from other people aimed at our kids can really sting us, because there are secondary (okay, primary) messages directed at our own parenting choices implicit within them. But if we keep our child's safety as top priority, other people's rights to a nice dinner or a no-throwing-sand sandbox a close second, and our own indignance a little further down the totem pole, knowing what's right to do in a given situation usually gets a little easier. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we untangle ourselves from technology? We give ourselves a hard time for not being able to put our screens down, but the platforms we use are designed to be addictive. It's not our fault. Gaia Bernstein's new book: Unwired: Gaining Control Over Addictive Technologies shatters the illusion that we can control how much time we spend on our screens by the force of willpower, timers, or yelling. Margaret and Gaia discuss: The psychological forces that make us keep scrolling What Big Tech and Big Tobacco have in common Why screen time limiters and other similar methods don't work Here's where you can find Gaia: https://gaiabernstein.com/ Twitter: @BernsteinGaia Buy Gaia's book Unwired: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781009257930 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hooray, summer is finally here! No more French quizzes or spirit days to dress for last-minute! So now what? Million-dollar summer camps? Kicking our kids outside from sunup to sundown so they don't drive us crazy? Here's how to give everyone, including yourself, a sane summer that won't send you into bankruptcy. Margaret and Amy discuss: Why summer light affects our mood the Farmer's Almanac predictions for summer 2023 (you get a heat wave! and YOU get a heat wave!) Summer camp inflation LINKS Johns Hopkins School of Public Health: 7 Things To Know About Daylight Savings Time Michele Marchetti & Mia Taylor for Parents: How To Handle the Rising Costs of Summer Camp American Camp Association: How To Afford Camp Robin Brandshaw for Beaumont Enterprise: Summer 2023 weather predictions We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when our kids ask us to explain scary things like natural disasters, accidents, and bad news? A listener in our Facebook group asks: "My 5yo is afraid of naturally occurring phenomena. Natural disasters like floods, tornadoes, hurricanes. I try to explain these things very matter-of-factly but she would continue with questions for days. “Do we get tornadoes?” “Would a flood come to our house?” If we are watching a show and someone injures themselves she would ask about what happened for days. “Mommy, what happened to that man? Why was he bleeding? Was he breathing? Why was his arm like that?” I realized these are very different situations but they all fuel some kind of anxiety in her. Does anyone else have a kid(s) dealing with these kinds of emotions? How can I help reassure her that she is safe and other people are safe when bad things happen to them?" Margaret says it's best to answer the question actually being asked— like "Is a flood coming to our house?" —rather than overexplaining natural disasters in general. Be honest with your kids about the nature of dangerous things, and be present with them. Ultimately what your kids really want is to process their feelings with you, their safe space. Lyra Fontaine for Seattle Children's Hospital: Helping Kids Cope with Anxiety Over Distressing News Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist and mom of three who’s rethinking the way we raise our children. She's the host of "Good Inside With Dr. Becky," named by Apple Podcasts as one of the best podcasts of 2021. She also empowers more than a million parents following her on Instagram @drbeckyatgoodinside. Dr. Becky specializes in thinking deeply about what’s happening for kids and translating these ideas into simple, actionable strategies for parents. Her latest book is GOOD INSIDE: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. In this episode, Dr. Becky, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How kids communicate through their behaviors How to navigate behavior regulation when you're short on time Why "Good Inside" is a slightly different parenting approach Here's where you can find Dr. Becky: www.goodinside.com @drbeckyatgoodinside on IG and FB Buy Dr. Becky's book We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't know left from right? North from south? Estonia from Moldova? We asked our listeners what they feel they should have learned a long time ago but still get tripped up by as adults. Amy and Margaret discuss: Couples Jeopardy The secret to using a tape gun The Red Wedding We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"Mommy! Why does that person look like that?!" Kids are naturally curious, and as recent guest Meg Zucker reminded us, it's not possible to program kids in advance to always fall in line with adults' preferred reactions. It's important to have the conversation early with your kids about how it's ok to notice people's differences but pointing them out in public can hurt people's feelings. It also helps to make your home a safe space to talk about kids' curiosities about a classmate, or someone they saw at the park, so they understand that people come in all shapes and sizes—and that the things we say, if we're not careful, still have the power to hurt others' feelings. Bodies are Cool by Tyler Feder is a great book that shows kids bodies come in a lot of varieties and they all deserve to be celebrated. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we celebrate and encourage kids with disabilities and differences, without letting our fears and preconceptions dictate what we think they can do? How do parents of kids with less understanding of differences and disabilities allow for children's natural curiosity? Meg Zucker, author of the new book Born Extraordinary: Empowering Children with Differences & Disabilities, was born with a genetic condition called ectrodactyly. She is also the mother of three children, two of whom share this difference. Meg is also the founder and president of Don’t Hide It, Flaunt It, a non-profit with the mission of advancing understanding, tolerance, and mutual respect for people's differences. In this episode Meg and Amy discuss: "Disability" versus "difference," and how people choose the words that feel right for them How Meg's experience growing up different made her parenting kids with differences a little easier—though maybe not as much as someone outside that experience might expect the well-meaning "thrusting of help" that we might reconsider Here's where you can find Meg: @MegZucker @Justflauntit_ Buy Meg's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593419380 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"Mom guilt" is shorthand for what we think are two pretty different things: the universal, low-grade feelings of inadequacy that our soccer snacks aren't as good as Monica's the intense, deeply personal shame that we are definitely the only horrible parent who has ever allowed their baby to roll off the changing table Yes, we take on these feelings of guilt and shame—but society is pretty quick to hand them to us. In this episode we discuss why there isn't such a thing as "dad guilt" why mom guilt might serve as a sort of magical thinking if we can at least skip the feeling guilty about HAVING mom guilt part Here are links to some studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Lara Bazelon for The Atlantic: The End of Mom Guilt Amy Paturel for The Washington Post: Why we feel 'mom guilt'—and how to stop Fresh Take: Dana Dorfman on When Worry Works Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg on Why You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent Fresh Take: Sara Petersen on "Momfluencers" Fresh Take: Susan Linn on How 'Big Tech' Targets Our Kids Batram-Zantvoort, Stephanie et al, Frontiers in Global Women's Health: "Maternal self-conception and mental wellbeing..." Subscribe to our newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we discipline our kids when they start sassing us with phrases they picked up elsewhere? We can view it as a teachable moment and foundation for cognitive development down the road. A listener in our Facebook group says: "My daughter is 3, almost 4. She’s been at daycare for about a year now and I’ve noticed she’s started picking up phrases from school that bother me. The thing is, some of them are probably also good things for her to be able to say, like “Don’t touch me” and “I don’t like you right now” and “Go away." The last one in particular really bugs me because while trying to gentle parent and be present, she only says these things when she’s mad at me for saying no to something. It somehow feels wrong because we don’t say that kind of stuff with each other in the home. There’s a part of me that’s glad she has the bodily autonomy to say no and I want to encourage that for her life in general. But when it’s just her and me alone I’m not sure what to do. Is this normal or should I be worried about what she’s picking up at school?" Is it necessarily a BIG deal that your child is sassing you at home? Not necessarily. Is it a teachable moment? Absolutely. Parenting gently doesn't necessarily mean never correcting a child when they're doing something unkind or hurtful. Your child is allowed to express when she'd prefer to play alone, for sure. "I don't like you right now" is certainly not an abnormal way for a preschooler to express that sentiment, but there are probably ways for her to express that preference without hurting the other person's feelings, whether it's a parent or a classmate. You can offer her more polite phrases like "I would really like to be alone right now, please" or "I need a break," so she can express those same feelings she's having but in a more respectful way. 3 going on 4 is when children start to learn theory of mind, meaning they can conceive of the thoughts, feelings, and desires of others as different from their own. So within the next year or so, with your help, she's going to be able to sort out how to let a friend down easy and how to stop a bully in her tracks. It's a process, and it's proper for you as her parent to be an active part of that learning. Links! Kendra Cherry for VeryWell Mind: How the Theory of Mind Helps Us Understand Others Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is it possible to be your full, authentic self as a woman and mother without fear of failure or judgment from others? In her new memoir STASH, Laura Cathcart Robbins discusses her experiences confronting and moving through her own addiction, and how it intersects with her identity as a mother and a woman of color. Laura Cathcart Robbins is also the host of the popular podcast, The Only One In The Room. In this interview, Laura and Margaret discuss: Laura's journey through addiction and treatment while being a mother What it means to live authentically as a mother How our identities inform our choices Here's where you can find Laura: https://theonlyonepod.com IG: @lauracathcartrobbins, @theonlyoneintheroom TikTok: @mscathcartrobbins, @theonlyonepod Buy Laura's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668005330 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices