What Fresh Hell: Laughing in the Face of Motherhood | Parenting Tips From Funny Moms

Why is it that summer never seems to be the picture-perfect, sun-washed experience we want for our kids? Amy helps a listener ditch her mom guilt over not providing her kids with the "perfect" summer. "I have the end of summer scaries. Or end of summer mom guilt. I feel so bummed that I have spent most of the summer in survival mode instead of really enjoying it with my children. I probably have seen way too many of those "you only get 18 summers" posts. My oldest starts first grade in two weeks and I feel like I completely failed. I wish we had spent more time swimming, riding bikes, all of that quintessential summer stuff. Instead, I feel like I've spent most of it breaking up fights with his 4 year old brother, keeping the 18 month old from injuring himself, and saying "no" to every request. I'm notoriously hard on myself so I probably just need a reality check. Does anyone else feel this way?" It's totally normal to feel like the summer is a more difficult time of year, especially with three little kids to entertain, Amy explains. There are more hours of daylight and more unstructured time. And, by the way, your kids don't vaporize once they turn 18, and if they're away at college, summer is when you WILL see them, at least somewhat more than you did during the school year. Try to decouple yourself from the overwhelming "you only get 18 summers with your kids" messaging. It robs you of the ability to remain present THIS summer with your kids. So how do you try and be present with your kids without worrying about how many summers you have left in the bank? Start super small. Declare that it's "ice cream dinner" tonight or let the kids cover the driveway in chalk drawings. The "summer memories" we're supposed to be making are by definition lazy and unstructured. And those little things we may think are nothing special are probably what our kids will look back on most fondly. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How can we place reasonable limits on our kids' screen time— and how do we know what's reasonable? Ash Brandin, better known on Instagram as @TheGamerEducator, brings their experience as an educator (and gamer) to help families better understand and manage technology in ways that can benefit the entire family. In this episode, we discuss: why screens are "value neutral," and why their educational merit is derived more from how screens are being used the one question we should ask ourselves to know whether screens are okay in a given moment how to raise kids who will be able to set their own parameters around screens and gaming once we're no longer there to harass them Here's where you can find Ash: TheGamerEducator.com @TheGamerEducator on IG We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Teaching kids about how money works feels ever more important in a world where we pay for things by waving our phones, and where a couple of taps brings us anything we want to our doorstep twenty-four hours later. Sometimes we feel like protecting our kids from the realities of our financial situations is what is most appropriate. But somewhere along the way we can start teaching kids financial literacy by making our family decisions around money concrete and transparent. In this episode we discuss: our children's many "blind spots" around money and spending (and what were once our own) the differences in spending when people use credit cards versus cash how to discuss your family's "money values" in terms of what you are (and are not) willing to spend Here are some links to resources mentioned in the episode: @bethkobliner on Twitter BusyKid: What Your Child Can Understand About Money, Age by Age Beth Kobliner for PBS News Hour: Money habits are set by age 7. Teach your kids the value of a dollar now Jana B. Woodhouse for How Money Works: Can You Teach Your Kids How Money Works? (Yes!) Shereen Marisol Meraji and Andee Tagle for NPR's Life Kit: Want to teach your kids about money? Start by including them in the conversation Johnathan G. Conzelmann and T. Austin Lacy for Brookings: Financial and student loan (il)literacy among US college students Our episode "Should We Pay Our Kids To Clean Our Rooms?" Our Fresh Take with Bobbi Rebell Check us out on YouTube! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you host relatives in your home in a loving and generous way without becoming overwhelmed? Margaret explains that hosts, not guests, get to make the rules for timing and length of their visits. A listener asked: Do you have any ground rules or tips and tricks for having family come stay with you? My husband and I live interstate between both of our families of origin, so if they visit, they stay with us. We don't live in a large house and we're finding the line between hospitality and what we can handle hard to draw. How can we simplify our approach? When people come to your house, it's perfectly acceptable to set ground rules that represent roughly 50% of what you need/want, and 50% of what your guests would prefer. Ultimately, though, it's your house, so you have veto power should a disagreement arise. You have the right to decide when and how long people come to stay with you. You may get pushback from relatives, but you are within your rights to gently decline their requests. That being said, operate from your maximum place of generosity and do your best to accommodate the people who raised you/your spouse and want to be in their grandkids' lives. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why are women expected to love pregnancy and new motherhood without exception or complaint? Erin Pepler, author of the collection of essays "Send Me Into the Woods Alone," discusses the stigma that still persists around mothers expressing difficulty and displeasure with their lives—and how reading and writing about motherhood has improved her own life. Erin Pepler is a freelance writer whose work has appeared in Today’s Parent, ParentsCanada, SavvyMom, Romper, Scary Mommy, MoneySense, Broadview Magazine and more. Erin and Amy discuss: Why pregnancy is "objectively weird" Why women are expected to downplay their pain and suffering particularly as new mothers How anxiety can shape us as parents... and when it's time to take a closer look Here's where you can find Erin: erinpepler.com @erinpepler on Instagram and Twitter @erinpeplerwriter on Facebook Buy SEND ME INTO THE WOODS ALONE: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781988784892 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Rooms where no one was allowed to go? Saving up phone minutes? Opening one kind of cereal at a time? What odd rules did we once live by that we can't imagine following now? Amy and Margaret discuss: The Good Room Snuggies Peek Freans Links to references in this episode: The Onion: Bloodthirsty, Undead Ghoul Advocates Chocolate-Cereal Consumption "Certain things are for company" - comedian Sebastian Maniscalco "Company is Coming" - comedian Chris Fleming Peek Freans Follow us on Threads @whatfreshhellcast We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What are the signs that kids no longer want to share a room, and when do the cons of a shared space outweigh the pros? Amy cites a study or two to help a mom decide what's best for her two boys. Emily asks: How do I know when the right time is for my two boys (ages 7 and 8) to stop sharing a room? Are there signs I should be looking for? For context, the boys have shared a room since they were 1 and 2. We have a guest room that we occasionally let one sleep in, but it’s usually just when one is sick. I have heard from other moms that the benefits of sharing a room can expire as they get older, but I am not sure what I should be watching for. If the current arrangement is working for everyone in the family there's no need to immediately change things up. But there are signs you can watch for that might mean a change is worth consideration. A child's desire for privacy, siblings who bicker constantly, a divergence in interests or habits, and increasing homework loads are all signs that separate spaces might be needed. Studies also show that kids also get more sleep when they don't share rooms. However, this doesn't necessarily mean separate bedrooms. There could be one room designated for sleeping/study ,and another room designated for play and activity. Don't feel guilty if your kids need to share a room, or if it just works better for the whole family that way. As far as knowing when it's time to change things, the clearest signal may be if and when one of the room-sharers actually asks for their own space. Here are links to some resources Amy mentions in the episode: Erin Quinn-Kong for Sleep Foundation: Having Your Own Room as a Kid May Be Worth 28 Minutes of Sleep Kara Carrero for Extremely Good Parenting: Should siblings share a bedroom? This research will help you decide! Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What "scams" about motherhood have we become subject to without really questioning them? What would happen if we stopped subscribing to these ideas? Raena Boston, founder of the Working Momtras, discusses ways to counteract the sexism inherent in parenting, particularly mothering, and how to make the personal political. Raena is a mom of three, co-founder of the nonprofit Chamber of Mothers, and a fierce advocate for working families. In this interview, Raena and Margaret discuss: Mom guilt as a scam and how we can dismantle it Why dads need parental leave too What federal paid family leave really means Here's where you can find Raena: www.theworkingmomtras.com @theworkingmomtras on IG @workingmomtras on Twitter Listen to our episode with Kate Mangino on her book "Equal Partners" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It's July bonus episode time! We opened up the floor for our listeners to ask us anything, and it turns out we're still learning things about each other after all these years. Topics include: The best parenting book Amy has ever read Pajama grams Billy Joel's and Bill Clinton's dogs To listen to the full episode, sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast. You get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if we didn't let other people's judgments change our game plans—as women, as mothers, and as humans? We're wired to pay attention to what other people think. There's a reason those judgments can be painful. Are there ways we can break free and care less? In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss... How our innate need to belong (and not ostracized) is hard-wired The "behavioral inhibition system" and how it gets triggered Whose feelings and judgments we should take into account Why parenting is an especially problematic zone for others' judgments of us Here are links to some of the resources mentioned in the episode: Our episode "Parenting With An Audience" Governor J.B. Pritzker's speech to the 2023 graduates of Northwestern University: "The kindest person in the room is often the smartest." Rachel Moss for HuffPost UK: How To Actually Stop Caring What Other People Think Of You hotter.com: At What Age Do You Feel Most Comfortable In Yourself? Arthur C. Brooks for The Atlantic: No One Cares! Naomi I. Eisenberger: Why Rejection Hurts: What Social Neuroscience Has Revealed About the Brain’s Response to Social Rejection Sarah Coyne for The Joplin Globe: Parenting with an audience changes the rules We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do you let your child experience natural consequences for their slowpoke actions—without going insane yourself? Listener Katie asks: "My 11-year-old has trouble meeting deadlines we set for her (running to catch the bus, not getting to bed by her bedtime). When my husband and I try to help her stay on track she talks back or purposefully stalls more! I don’t know how to not get triggered by that. It makes me angry which doesn’t help. Any suggestions? Either for staying calm or what to try with her? We rely more on consequences than positive reinforcement. I would love my husband to be more of a positive presence in the morning, which might improve things. I’m only partially around for mornings (which doesn’t help). Thanks for at least letting me rant!" Margaret has been here herself. She coordinated with her child's school and asked them to issue the appropriate disciplines for lateness to her child on days her child was late, removing herself from being responsible for the consequences. It's important to remember that children aren't just fed by positive attention; negative attention gets them going just as much. Eleven-year-olds typically begin testing boundaries and asserting their independence, since they have no real power of their own at that age. Try telling your child that they are in charge of their own routines, as well as all consequences for being late. Ask them what they might need from you to make the routine a success—a wake-up call, packing a lunch, whatever the thing may be—and then try to leave them to their own devices. Eventually, they will realize you are serious about their making their own trains run on time. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why shouldn't you tell people your baby name ideas before the baby comes? What happens when the early mornings with a toddler clash with the late-night schedules of comedy clubs? Comedian Hari Kondabolu, whose new comedy special "Vacation Baby" is available for streaming on YouTube, discusses how parenting has changed his comedy— and the unexpected pleasures, amidst the struggles, of parenting during the pandemic. Hari Kondabolu has been praised as "one of the most exciting political comics in stand-up." He currently co-hosts the Netflix food competition show “Snack vs. Chef” with Megan Stalter. Hari first achieved widespread recognition for his award-winning documentary "The Trouble With Apu." In this episode Hari, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Why having a pet is definitely not the same as having a kid What he wants his audiences that aren't parents yet to understand about being a dad Why representation has become even more important to Hari now that he's a parent Here's where you can find Hari: harikondabolu.com Social media: @harikondabolu Watch "Vacation Baby" on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/HariKondaboluOfficial Get the extended version of Vacation Baby: https://harikondabolu.bandcamp.com/ We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

It often becomes clear to us where our boundaries should have been set only after those lines have been crossed and left far behind. But whether it's with overbearing extended family members or partners who leave socks on the floor, how do we create effective boundaries? Especially after it's been established that we're not very good at it, and especially in a world that doesn't very much like women who aren't afraid to set them? In this "Best Of" episode we discuss why boundaries should be set early and often– and not just in problematic relationships, either. Healthy boundaries with our spouses, partners, and co-workers are what make long-term relationships possible. And don't forget positive boundaries. Want to start setting aside more money each month? Having one date night a week, or one weekend morning when you get to sleep in? It starts with saying so. Here are links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Fatherly: 16 Tips For Creating Healthy Boundaries With Your Extended Family Mark Manson: Boundaries Elizabeth Earnshaw for Mind Body Green: A Therapist Explains 6 Things People Get Wrong About Setting Boundaries Sarah Saweikis for Medium: Scared to Set Boundaries? How to Set Boundaries to Improve Your Relationships and Increase Peace of Mind We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Tired of buying new everything when your kid inevitably misplaces it? It's natural for kids to be a little disorganized, but if your kid is losing things left and right, there are some simple steps you can take. A member of our Facebook group asked: Any suggestions for the kid who loses everything? My son is 9. He lost three sweatshirts in the two months he was in in-person school, a tennis racquet at tennis camp, baseball glove at baseball practice, shin guards at soccer camp… and don’t even get me started on water bottles! The “lost and found” turned up one of the many things he has lost, but that is it. He swears each time that he put the things in his bag. Unless, there is a sweaty shin guard thief, this obviously is untrue. We’ve tried charts and check lists. We’ve tried making him earn the replacement items, but nothing seems to stop the constant misplacing of items. HELP! For the truly forgetful kids, the oft-cited "natural consequences"– if he doesn't have his shin guards, he won't be able to play, and he'll sure remember next time!– rarely work. Your child will feel chagrined, but be just as likely to forget the next time. In this episode Amy suggests what has worked in her household, like making reminders unmissable (put the reminder ON the doorknob, not hanging above it) labeling everything that costs more than the label would (Amy uses oliverslabels.com) use list-making apps and model using them yourself (Amy uses Workflowy) Kids do well if they can. Don’t give up on the checklists and the reminders if they don’t work right away. Keep your support system consistent– and non-shaming– and eventually your child will check for those shin guards before he leaves the field. Here are some resources worth looking into for kids who are a little disorganized: Check out Carolyn Dalgliesh's ideas for helping forgetful kids get organized: http://www.carolyndalgliesh.com/ Sara Olsher of Mighty + Bright has lots of great tools for helping kids stay organized Our Fresh Take with Ryan Wexelblatt, the ADHD Dude Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it really take to be a public school teacher in America? Alexandra Robbins, author of "THE TEACHERS: A Year Inside America's Most Vulnerable, Important Profession," illuminates how today's teachers battle against school shootings, shrinking budgets, irate parents and politicians, and the educational system itself. Alexandra Robbins is an award-winning investigative reporter who has written for publications, including The New York Times, The New Yorker, The Wall Street Journal, The Washington Post, and The Atlantic. In this interview Alexandra, Amy, and Margaret discuss: Our common misconceptions about what being a teacher entails Why the "teacher shortage" is a misnomer How we can truly support teachers Here's where you can find Alexandra: https://alexandrarobbins.com/ Facebook: AuthorAlexandraRobbins Twitter: @AlexndraRobbins Instagram: @authoralexandrarobbins Buy The Teachers: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781101986752 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we raise healthy, loving, polite, and appreciative teens? Is it humanly possible? From remaining "passively available" to taking our adolescents' seemingly trivial problems seriously, our listeners had great advice for bringing up teenagers. Amy and Margaret discuss: The blessing of nerd-dom How to keep your face in check when talking to your teen Why it's important to let your teen fail sometimes Here's our Fresh Take with Michelle Icard, author of "Fourteen Talks by Age 14" Here's the link to the full thread in our Facebook group Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we get our kids to do things the FIRST time they're asked, not the millionth time? Is it even possible? A listener from our FB group asks: "You have often given the advice from the dog-training world not to repeat yourself over and over again, because you are teaching your kids they only have to respond to the 3rd, 7th, or 100th time you ask. My question is: what do I do instead? Say I tell my toddler, "It's time to go brush teeth," and he ignores me to keep playing because: toddler. If I immediately remove the thing the toddler is playing with and pick him up to go to the bathroom, we are in tantrum land. Then bedtime is delayed by twenty minutes while we calm down. I don't want to turn every interaction into an exhausting battle of wills, but I also don't want to sound like a broken record. HELP." When kids are resisting instructions, it's important to suss out the real problems and find solutions for those specific instances. In this case of asking your toddler to brush their teeth: it's normal to sometimes have to repeat yourself with toddlers. But you also want to establish that you won't repeat yourself until they respond. You might insert an intermediate step where you say something like "Oh, it looks like you're really enjoying your truck right now. I'm going to go get the toothpaste out and give you a few more minutes." It's a back-to-one situation! And remember: just because you repeat yourself or get frustrated with your toddler doesn't mean you're doing anything wrong. You're doing the best you can. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When we're going through difficult seasons in our lives—illness, death, divorce, tragedy—it feels easier to protect our kids by leaving them out of the conversation. Sara Olsher, founder of Mighty + Bright, says kids don't miss a thing—and that we're missing the opportunity during such times to help our children learn resilience. Sara founded Mighty + Bright after guiding her child through her own divorce and cancer diagnosis. Mighty + Bright provides visual schedules, picture books, and other tools to help parents prioritize mental health for their kids, learning together and incorporating coping skills into their day-to-day lives. In this interview Sara, Margaret, and Amy discuss: How to raise resilience for ourselves and kids What works for families who are in hard seasons Why protecting kids from difficult issues doesn't work Here's where you can find Sara: http://mightyandbright.com @mightyandbrightco Check out all the amazing children's books Sara has written: https://bookshop.org/contributors/sara-olsher We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What does it mean to have a midlife crisis? What exactly counts as "midlife," and (yikes) are we already in it? Can we avoid the disenchantment and the rash decision-making that stereotypically accompany such times in our lives? A listener in our Facebook group asked: "Who has been thru their midlife crisis and how did you deal? Turning 40 next week has me feeling like I've wasted my life. Can I get over the what-ifs?" In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: How American culture has changed its views on aging Why women and men experience midlife crises differently Why the age of your children might be the thing triggering your crisis Here are links to some of the resources discussed in the episode: Howard P. Chudacoff: How old are you? Age consciousness in American culture Laurence Steinberg: Crossing Paths: How Your Child's Adolescence Triggers Your Own Crisis Mark Jackson: Life begins at 40: the demographic and cultural roots of the midlife crisis Sign up for the What Fresh Hell newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When our children have a brush with danger, we moms love to punish ourselves for what might have happened. So does society at large. Amy tells a listener how to complete her trauma response and move on from a stressful event. A listener on Instagram asked: "How do I move past the mom guilt? I'm the mother to an 18-month-old that loves dogs. We have a rescue. I didn't grow up with dogs. We went for a walk today and came across an informal dog play date that we joined…the dogs were off leash. I asked if it was okay to bring my child, and the other owner said yes. I stupidly at one point let my little one walk away from me. Another dog came to sniff at her, and my dog kicked into full-on protective mode. The first time I'd ever seen that. My little one almost got hurt. We left soon after that and I never let my child out of my arms again. And once I got home, I Googled and saw, no, you should never take a kid to a dog play park. I feel so bad, so ashamed. How do I move on? Amy suggests that this listener is stuck in an incomplete trauma response, which Amelia and Emily Nagoski discuss in their book BURNOUT. It's important, Amy says, to complete the stress cycle, or else you stay stuck in the tunnel (as these authors explain). In our Ditching Mom Guilt episode, we discussed how mom guilt is a result of magical thinking in your primitive brain. If you're the cause of what's going wrong for your kids, you can also be the solution. Amy suggests that gratitude-based meditation of "I am safe now, I am safe now" and extra cuddles with the little one can help complete the stress cycle, along with a healthy dose of self-compassion and conscious uncoupling from the undeserved shame all moms, not dads, are made to feel when their children are perceived to be in danger. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do we as women get accused of too much or too little ambition, but never the right amount? And why are mothers expected to let go of all nonfamilial ambitions once they become parents? Rainesford Stauffer, author of the new book “All the Gold Stars: Reimagining Ambition and the Ways We Strive," started by completely reconsidering the role of ambition in her own life. In this book, she invites us to redefine ambition for ourselves. Going above and beyond doesn't have to the worthiest thing about us. In this interview Rainesford and Amy discuss: How and when Rainesford changed her thoughts around her own ambition How parenting and ambition intersect How to define ambition for yourself Here's where you can find Rainesford: www.rainesfordstauffer.com Twitter: @Rainesford Instagram: @rainesford_stauffer Buy Rainesford's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780306830334 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why don't vacations feel like vacations for moms? Could it be all the prepping, packing, and traveling, with the additional pressure to make memories that will last a lifetime for our little ones? Here's how to make vacations truly fun and relaxing for the whole family. In this episode we discuss the wisdom of "taking turns being tired" why "going with the flow" is not an additive stance to vacation preparation why vacations get better as kids age Here are some links to some writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Marie Holmes for HuffPost: Behind Every Precious Vacation Memory Stands An Exhausted Mother CafeMom: Moms Don't Get to 'Relax' on Family Vacations, For the Husbands Who Don't Get It Colleen Lanin for Travel Mamas: Ain’t Nobody Happy if Mama Ain’t Happy – Tips for Happy Travel with Kids The Onion: Mom Spends Beach Vacation Assuming All Household Duties In Closer Proximity To Ocean We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we help our children transition from pampered baby of the family to middle child? Is the resulting misbehavior going to go on forever? Someone in our Facebook group asked: "My five-year-old became a middle child a few months ago. He is so sweet and loving to his new little sister, but has been acting out: spitting, running around, saying bad things, hitting another kid in his pre-K class. He has been very difficult at home, too. He was never like this before becoming a middle child. Somebody please just tell me this is a phase." Yes, it's just a phase, Margaret assures us, citing her own experience being usurped as the baby of the family when she was five. This acting out is boundary-seeking behavior. When presented with changes in the family dynamic, kids will investigate to see if they can get away with more than they were able to previously. You can make your child feel validated in his frustration, but it's still important to set firm boundaries around unacceptable behavior. Here's the article Margaret suggests: Kate Marple for BabyCenter: Helping your child adjust to a new sibling Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when we don't fit the "perfect mom" mold? Are we still good mothers even if we don't? Jamilah Mapp and Erica Dickerson are the co-hosts of the Good Moms, Bad Choices podcast, and the authors of the new book "A Good Mom's Guide to Bad Choices." In this interview Jamilah, Erica, and Margaret discuss: Being a single mother Breaking parenting patterns What authentic parenting looks like Here's where you can find Jamilah and Erica: www.goodmomsbadchoices.com IG: @goodmoms_badchoices Twitter: @Thegoodmoms Listen to Good Moms Bad Choices podcast Buy A Good Mom's Guide to Bad Choices: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780063161979 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

From being able to sleep anywhere to pulling loose teeth to staying calm in a crisis, our listeners are great at all kinds of things when it comes to being parents. Amy and Margaret discuss: Lowered expectations Self-care for its own sake Margaret's Fran Drescher moments Sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast to get all episodes ad-free, plus monthly bonus episodes. Supporting Cast works right where you already listen! Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Handicrafts? Puzzles? Competitive pickleball? Amy and Margaret discuss hobbies old and new, high-maintenance and low. Amy and Margaret discuss: S&H Green Stamps Pickleball injuries The Book of Meg To hear the rest of the episode, sign up for What Fresh Hell Plus on Supporting Cast, where you can get all episodes ad-free as well! Supporting Cast works right where you already listen. Go to whatfreshhell.supportingcast.fm to subscribe in two taps for just $4.99 a month, or $39.99 a year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What should we do when other people, relatives OR strangers, discipline our kids in front of us? Let it go, or intervene? Pamela recently wrote us to say: I'd love to hear your thoughts on handling relatives (or even strangers!) that try to discipline your kids. I recently had family in town and my six-year-old was given quite a few lectures on MINOR behaviors by a relative that has no children of their own. Things such as sitting in a chair well past when he was done eating, or accidentally kicking (when said relative started the roughhousing to begin with…) I’m able to call it out but why oh why does this happen?! Frustrating, to say the least, and confusing for my son! There are two matrixes that apply here: the "see this person 3 times a week / will never see this person again" axis, and the "totally not their business/ actually my kid was really bothering them" axis. If a particular example of discipline leaves your child red-faced and tearful, and the adult's reaction seems like an overreach, then attend to your child and make her feel safe. There are usually minimal returns for confrontation with a stranger– let alone a relative– but do what you have to do. But check your story. Did your kid brush it off and run along to play? Is the worst part of it all the "How dare you!" feelings you're left with? Reprimands from other people aimed at our kids can really sting us, because there are secondary (okay, primary) messages directed at our own parenting choices implicit within them. But if we keep our child's safety as top priority, other people's rights to a nice dinner or a no-throwing-sand sandbox a close second, and our own indignance a little further down the totem pole, knowing what's right to do in a given situation usually gets a little easier. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we untangle ourselves from technology? We give ourselves a hard time for not being able to put our screens down, but the platforms we use are designed to be addictive. It's not our fault. Gaia Bernstein's new book: Unwired: Gaining Control Over Addictive Technologies shatters the illusion that we can control how much time we spend on our screens by the force of willpower, timers, or yelling. Margaret and Gaia discuss: The psychological forces that make us keep scrolling What Big Tech and Big Tobacco have in common Why screen time limiters and other similar methods don't work Here's where you can find Gaia: https://gaiabernstein.com/ Twitter: @BernsteinGaia Buy Gaia's book Unwired: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781009257930 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hooray, summer is finally here! No more French quizzes or spirit days to dress for last-minute! So now what? Million-dollar summer camps? Kicking our kids outside from sunup to sundown so they don't drive us crazy? Here's how to give everyone, including yourself, a sane summer that won't send you into bankruptcy. Margaret and Amy discuss: Why summer light affects our mood the Farmer's Almanac predictions for summer 2023 (you get a heat wave! and YOU get a heat wave!) Summer camp inflation LINKS Johns Hopkins School of Public Health: 7 Things To Know About Daylight Savings Time Michele Marchetti & Mia Taylor for Parents: How To Handle the Rising Costs of Summer Camp American Camp Association: How To Afford Camp Robin Brandshaw for Beaumont Enterprise: Summer 2023 weather predictions We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when our kids ask us to explain scary things like natural disasters, accidents, and bad news? A listener in our Facebook group asks: "My 5yo is afraid of naturally occurring phenomena. Natural disasters like floods, tornadoes, hurricanes. I try to explain these things very matter-of-factly but she would continue with questions for days. “Do we get tornadoes?” “Would a flood come to our house?” If we are watching a show and someone injures themselves she would ask about what happened for days. “Mommy, what happened to that man? Why was he bleeding? Was he breathing? Why was his arm like that?” I realized these are very different situations but they all fuel some kind of anxiety in her. Does anyone else have a kid(s) dealing with these kinds of emotions? How can I help reassure her that she is safe and other people are safe when bad things happen to them?" Margaret says it's best to answer the question actually being asked— like "Is a flood coming to our house?" —rather than overexplaining natural disasters in general. Be honest with your kids about the nature of dangerous things, and be present with them. Ultimately what your kids really want is to process their feelings with you, their safe space. Lyra Fontaine for Seattle Children's Hospital: Helping Kids Cope with Anxiety Over Distressing News Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Dr. Becky Kennedy is a clinical psychologist and mom of three who’s rethinking the way we raise our children. She's the host of "Good Inside With Dr. Becky," named by Apple Podcasts as one of the best podcasts of 2021. She also empowers more than a million parents following her on Instagram @drbeckyatgoodinside. Dr. Becky specializes in thinking deeply about what’s happening for kids and translating these ideas into simple, actionable strategies for parents. Her latest book is GOOD INSIDE: A Guide to Becoming the Parent You Want to Be. In this episode, Dr. Becky, Amy, and Margaret discuss: How kids communicate through their behaviors How to navigate behavior regulation when you're short on time Why "Good Inside" is a slightly different parenting approach Here's where you can find Dr. Becky: www.goodinside.com @drbeckyatgoodinside on IG and FB Buy Dr. Becky's book We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Don't know left from right? North from south? Estonia from Moldova? We asked our listeners what they feel they should have learned a long time ago but still get tripped up by as adults. Amy and Margaret discuss: Couples Jeopardy The secret to using a tape gun The Red Wedding We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"Mommy! Why does that person look like that?!" Kids are naturally curious, and as recent guest Meg Zucker reminded us, it's not possible to program kids in advance to always fall in line with adults' preferred reactions. It's important to have the conversation early with your kids about how it's ok to notice people's differences but pointing them out in public can hurt people's feelings. It also helps to make your home a safe space to talk about kids' curiosities about a classmate, or someone they saw at the park, so they understand that people come in all shapes and sizes—and that the things we say, if we're not careful, still have the power to hurt others' feelings. Bodies are Cool by Tyler Feder is a great book that shows kids bodies come in a lot of varieties and they all deserve to be celebrated. Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we celebrate and encourage kids with disabilities and differences, without letting our fears and preconceptions dictate what we think they can do? How do parents of kids with less understanding of differences and disabilities allow for children's natural curiosity? Meg Zucker, author of the new book Born Extraordinary: Empowering Children with Differences & Disabilities, was born with a genetic condition called ectrodactyly. She is also the mother of three children, two of whom share this difference. Meg is also the founder and president of Don’t Hide It, Flaunt It, a non-profit with the mission of advancing understanding, tolerance, and mutual respect for people's differences. In this episode Meg and Amy discuss: "Disability" versus "difference," and how people choose the words that feel right for them How Meg's experience growing up different made her parenting kids with differences a little easier—though maybe not as much as someone outside that experience might expect the well-meaning "thrusting of help" that we might reconsider Here's where you can find Meg: @MegZucker @Justflauntit_ Buy Meg's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780593419380 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

"Mom guilt" is shorthand for what we think are two pretty different things: the universal, low-grade feelings of inadequacy that our soccer snacks aren't as good as Monica's the intense, deeply personal shame that we are definitely the only horrible parent who has ever allowed their baby to roll off the changing table Yes, we take on these feelings of guilt and shame—but society is pretty quick to hand them to us. In this episode we discuss why there isn't such a thing as "dad guilt" why mom guilt might serve as a sort of magical thinking if we can at least skip the feeling guilty about HAVING mom guilt part Here are links to some studies and other writing on this topic that we discuss in this episode: Lara Bazelon for The Atlantic: The End of Mom Guilt Amy Paturel for The Washington Post: Why we feel 'mom guilt'—and how to stop Fresh Take: Dana Dorfman on When Worry Works Fresh Take: Carla Naumburg on Why You Are Not a Sh*tty Parent Fresh Take: Sara Petersen on "Momfluencers" Fresh Take: Susan Linn on How 'Big Tech' Targets Our Kids Batram-Zantvoort, Stephanie et al, Frontiers in Global Women's Health: "Maternal self-conception and mental wellbeing..." Subscribe to our newsletter! Once a month you’ll get our favorite recent episodes, plus links to other things to read and watch and listen to, and upcoming special events: http://eepurl.com/h8ze3z We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we discipline our kids when they start sassing us with phrases they picked up elsewhere? We can view it as a teachable moment and foundation for cognitive development down the road. A listener in our Facebook group says: "My daughter is 3, almost 4. She’s been at daycare for about a year now and I’ve noticed she’s started picking up phrases from school that bother me. The thing is, some of them are probably also good things for her to be able to say, like “Don’t touch me” and “I don’t like you right now” and “Go away." The last one in particular really bugs me because while trying to gentle parent and be present, she only says these things when she’s mad at me for saying no to something. It somehow feels wrong because we don’t say that kind of stuff with each other in the home. There’s a part of me that’s glad she has the bodily autonomy to say no and I want to encourage that for her life in general. But when it’s just her and me alone I’m not sure what to do. Is this normal or should I be worried about what she’s picking up at school?" Is it necessarily a BIG deal that your child is sassing you at home? Not necessarily. Is it a teachable moment? Absolutely. Parenting gently doesn't necessarily mean never correcting a child when they're doing something unkind or hurtful. Your child is allowed to express when she'd prefer to play alone, for sure. "I don't like you right now" is certainly not an abnormal way for a preschooler to express that sentiment, but there are probably ways for her to express that preference without hurting the other person's feelings, whether it's a parent or a classmate. You can offer her more polite phrases like "I would really like to be alone right now, please" or "I need a break," so she can express those same feelings she's having but in a more respectful way. 3 going on 4 is when children start to learn theory of mind, meaning they can conceive of the thoughts, feelings, and desires of others as different from their own. So within the next year or so, with your help, she's going to be able to sort out how to let a friend down easy and how to stop a bully in her tracks. It's a process, and it's proper for you as her parent to be an active part of that learning. Links! Kendra Cherry for VeryWell Mind: How the Theory of Mind Helps Us Understand Others Special thanks to our sponsor, Pampers: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Is it possible to be your full, authentic self as a woman and mother without fear of failure or judgment from others? In her new memoir STASH, Laura Cathcart Robbins discusses her experiences confronting and moving through her own addiction, and how it intersects with her identity as a mother and a woman of color. Laura Cathcart Robbins is also the host of the popular podcast, The Only One In The Room. In this interview, Laura and Margaret discuss: Laura's journey through addiction and treatment while being a mother What it means to live authentically as a mother How our identities inform our choices Here's where you can find Laura: https://theonlyonepod.com IG: @lauracathcartrobbins, @theonlyoneintheroom TikTok: @mscathcartrobbins, @theonlyonepod Buy Laura's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781668005330 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Have you lost touch with mom friends since the pandemic? Do you feel that after so much isolation you don't even know how to make friends anymore? In this episode, we talk about how the last few years have changed our friendships, what's gotten harder, and why we're motivated to deepen those relationships again. Amy and Margaret discuss: The "decreased social stamina" many of us feel Why spontaneity seems to have gone out the window How knowing that just about everyone feels this way can really help LINKS: Fresh Take: Mara Glatzel on Being "Needy" Fresh Take: Kat Vellos On Friendship and Connection Vanessa Dueck for Medium: Post-Pandemic Mom Friends Catherine Pearson for HuffPost: Moms Have Held Everything Together This Past Year, Except Their Friendships Morgan Hill for Raising Teens Today: Raising Teens Can Be Lonely Amil Niazi for The Cut: Does Anyone Want to Hear About Burned-Out Moms Anymore? Check out our bookshop: https://bookshop.org/shop/whatfreshhellcast "The Mind" game We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When we have a child who chooses to withdraw and "not talk about it," rather than unpack his disappointment, is that a reason for concern? This week's question comes from our Facebook group: When my seven year old gets upset, he refuses to talk to us even to describe the event that led to his reaction. He seems to prefer to process things internally. And so his immediate reaction is to shut down and say, I don't want to talk. My spouse and I have both made a strong and conscious effort to validate his feelings and to be open and available for the times he does want to talk, but more often than not, my son just prefers to bury the experience and move on without talking about it. Sometimes this means him concluding after one bad experience that an activity is horrible and he will never try it again. Therapy is probably a direction we are heading in. But do you think we should start with the school social worker? Some kids, like some adults, are more emotionally expressive than others. That a 7-year-old processes internally is not necessarily a bad thing. It really depends on the intensity of the precipitating events, their frequency, plus how often you see these reactions from your child. If your kid is spending half his time at home in tears, then you do need to encourage opening up. As parents, the best approach may be to talk, in his presence, about the things that you and your spouse do to move past disappointment and hurt feelings. You don't need to draw a direct line from your own experiences to what you're asking your son to do in order for the point to come across. While frustration tolerance is something you might need to work on with your child, it's probably not something to be deeply concerned about at this stage. Keep an eye on it, push back against it, and over time you will hopefully see some growth in these areas. Special thanks to our sponsor: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Once we know what anti-fat bias is, it's easy to see it everywhere: in our schools, our doctors' offices, even in our own parenting. Virginia Sole-Smith, author of the new book Fat Talk: Parenting in the Age of Diet Culture, explains the perniciousness of anti-fat bias and how we can start to move away from its toxic messages. Virginia Sole-Smith is also the author of The Eating Instinct: Food Culture, Body Image and Guilt in America. Virginia's reporting on diet culture, health and parenting has appeared in the New York Times, Scientific American, and many other publications. Virginia also writes the popular anti-diet newsletter Burnt Toast and hosts the Burnt Toast Podcast. Virginia, Amy, and Margaret discuss: What anti-fat bias really is— and why it's everywhere How anti-fat bias shows up in parenting How we can identify and navigate anti-fat bias as people and as parents Here's where you can find Virginia: virginiasolesmith.substack.com @v_solesmith on Instagram, Twitter and TikTok Burnt Toast Podcast Buy Virginia's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9781250831217 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

We asked our listeners: what would be better if it were just a little bit different? Margaret's ideas include a network consisting solely of TV shows that you only need to pay half attention to. Amy advocates for magical cash dispersal from your phone. In this episode, Amy and Margaret discuss these and our listeners' top ideas, including LEGO vacuums properly-sized ketchup packets hand-dryers that don't hurt your ears Read the entire thread in our Facebook group! We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What do we do when our house is filling up with plastic toys from Happy Meals and goody bags that just make cleanup and attempts at organization SO much worse? Margaret explains how "benevolent dictatorship" helps her navigate this issue at her house. Garbage starts at the door, Margaret explains. She tries to stop things she doesn't want in the house from coming in in the first place and expressing this (gently) to her kids. It's also perfectly okay to throw away these things and NOT involve kids in the decision-making, which only makes for tears. Margaret says that in a whole decade of this approach, her kids have noticed the absence of this "junk" maybe twice. Listen to KC Davis's podcast Struggle Care We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do the "momfluencers" who post perfect pictures of their crisply dressed children in lavender fields hold such a sway over us, and what can we do about it? Sara Petersen, author of the new book Momfluenced: Inside the Maddening, Picture-perfect World of Mommy Influencer Culture, gives us a glimpse into what makes mommy influencer culture so seductive. Sara Petersen also writes the newsletter In Pursuit of Clean Countertops, where she explores the cult of ideal motherhood. Amy and Sara discuss: What exactly a momfluencer is How parasocial relationships can backfire on momfluencers The benefits of momfluencers on social media It's natural to want external validation that we're "good" mothers by collecting likes of our carefully staged pictures on social media. In addition to simply logging off Instagram for awhile, it's good to check in with yourself about what you really value as a mom versus what you feel pressured to perform for others, and that could save you a really stressful trip to a blueberry patch. Here's where you can find Sara: Twitter and Instagram: @slouisepetersen In Pursuit of Clean Countertops: https:///sarapetersen.substack.com/about Buy Sara's book: https://bookshop.org/a/12099/9780807006634 We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

50% of preadolescent girls and 30% of boys report disliking their bodies. Those numbers go up in adults— 60% of women and 40% of men report the same dissatisfaction. How do we help our kids when they struggle with their body images—especially when some of those struggles are our own? Especially when unrealistic images of bodies are everywhere on social media? Especially when dieting and weight loss are normalized, along with the assumption that all of us would change something about our appearances if we could? We may not be able to fix the messaging that surrounds us and our kids, but there are ways we can start to subvert it. In this episode Amy and Margaret discuss: why body image issues and eating disorders are related but separate issues how "media internalization" makes things worse why TikTok's "body positivity" movement isn't the perfect answer, either Here are links to some of the writing on the topic that we discuss in this episode: Susan Cowden for VeryWell Mind: "Body Dysmorphic Disorder and Eating Disorders" Lauren Muhlheim for VeryWell Mind: "The Connection Between Body Image and Eating Disorders" Bobbie Eisenstock, Ph.D: "Media and Your Body Image: What You Need to Know" Jean M. Twenge for The Atlantic: "Have Smartphones Destroyed a Generation?" Jill Di Donato for HuffPost: "Gen Z Has A Body Positivity Problem, And It's Lurking On TikTok" Quittkat Hannah, et; al: Body dissatisfaction, importance of appearance, and body appreciation in men and women over the lifespan We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we get kids to view saying "sorry" as more than a get-out-of-jail-free card? This week's question comes from our Facebook page: I have 5-year-old and 2-year-old boys. My question: how do you help kids around 5 years old understand the meaning of "sorry"? My son will do something wrong– and know it’s wrong before he does it– then immediately say he’s sorry. I try to give him a punishment to help him understand what he did was wrong, but he will still do the action again, then say, “Well, I said I was sorry." How do I help him understand the meaning of being sorry so he won’t do the action again? Not all kids are great at apologies. And grownups sometimes go at this the wrong way too, overemphasizing a perfunctory, mumbled "sorry" from the wrongdoer and then moving on. "That's where the conversation ends," says writer Rachael Rifkin in Today's Parents, "with little if any discussion of what happened, why it was hurtful to the person they’re apologizing to, how they can address the hurt they caused, and what they can do to change their behavior." When it comes to apologies, elementary school teacher JoEllen Poon has a great 3-step approach that hits all the key points. Help your child complete these three sentences: 1)I’m sorry for... 2) This is wrong because... 3) In the future I will... A 5-year-old will need some help with this at first, of course. But keep at it and he'll start to really understand what Daniel Tiger said best: saying "sorry" is only the first step. Special thanks to our sponsor: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we maintain connection with our kids when they're busy slamming doors or talking back to us and we are all sick and tired of each other? Dr. Tish Taylor, author of "Fostering Connection," gives us some tips for diagnosing and troubleshooting problematic elements in our relationships with our kids. Dr. Tish Taylor is a licensed psychologist with a private practice in the greater Kansas City area. She has an established practice specializing in clinical assessment and the mental health treatment of children and teens. Margaret and Dr. Taylor discuss: The difference between disconnection with teens and natural cleaving from us as they age How to start to address disconnection with our kids, and why quantifying interactions works Dr. Taylor's "Who's Showing Up" system Here's where you can find Dr. Taylor: Tish Holub Taylor, Ph.D. on Facebook @TishTaylorPhD on Twitter Buy Dr. Taylor's book We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This "best of" episode explores the trap we all fall into of thinking that every day with our kids has to contain a “snow globe moment" - a social media-worthy image of perfect joy for our entire family. And even if part of us knows that’s not realistic, another part of us thinks that it’s all supposed to be fun. That there must be something wrong with us if we don’t love every single moment of our chaotic lives with little ones. But once we kick that shame to the curb, there really are ways to make our lives as parents more fun and lighthearted. Even on a regular Tuesday. In this episode, we discuss: How we can be lighthearted, even when things aren’t fun How we can have fun even when things aren’t easy How we can have fun even when our kids definitely aren’t Our basic takeaway: parenting definitely gets a little more fun as our kids get a little bit easier… and by “easier,” we mean “not throwing themselves into mortal danger every ninety seconds because they don’t know any better.” The first step to having more fun may simply be to wish that it were so. As motivational speaker Danielle LaPorte explains: “Knowing how you want to feel is the most potent form of clarity you can have." Links! Gretchen Rubin: "How to Be Happier: Ten Tips for Being a More Light-Hearted Parent." We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

How do we convince our kids that getting all of the newest toys isn't the most important thing in life while also respecting their enthusiasm for their various obsessions? A member of our Facebook group asks: "What do you do with a kid who wants ALL the toys? I've got a second grader who insists his friends' parents buy all the Pokémon cards and my husband and I are the worse because we refuse to buy every single thing he asks for. He's got a pile full of Pokémon cards but they're not the cool ones, I guess? We're not going to change our buying habits, but how do we talk about this with him?" Margaret explains that you can affirm your child's obsession with Pokémon or Fortnite to make them feel heard while also not giving in to their every whim around it. Margaret developed a shorthand with her son for the feeling of wanting things obsessively - the 'grabby greedies.' Naming it obviously didn't completely solve the problem, but having language around it helps keep the conversation going. Setting up an allowance/chore system can be helpful, e.g., "If you clean your room and feed the dog every day this week, you can have x." Because kids have so little control over most aspects of their life, giving them some agency around things that really matter to them can be helpful. After all, one day, they WILL be making these decisions for themselves, and so the more they can practice making smart decisions with their own money, the better. Special thanks to our sponsor: For trusted protection, choose Pampers, the #1 Pediatrician Recommended Brand. Download the Pampers Club App today to start earning free diapers. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

What if we're looking at autism in the wrong way? Dr. Lynn Koegel, co-author of Hidden Brilliance: Unlocking the Intelligence of Autism, explains how to engage with the strengths in kids with autism rather than focusing on what they're lacking. Dr. Lynn Koegel is a clinical professor at the Stanford School of Medicine. She and her husband developed Pivotal Response Treatment which focuses on motivation. She has been supporting autistic individuals for more than 40 years. Dr. Koegel and Margaret discuss: Why we're focusing on the wrong things when we assess kids with autism The power of peer support Connecting authentically with kids with autism Dr. Koegel explains that professionals are often trained to look at what's "wrong" with children with autism rather than what's right. It helps to look at the differences in children with autism, as Margaret likes to say, as morally neutral. Here's where you can find Lynn: autismPRThelp.com @lynn.koegel on Facebook hidden-brilliance.org We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

When our kids reach a certain age—as young as eight, some experts say, and definitely well before thirteen— they suddenly don't think their parents are as great as they once did. Congratulations, you're officially the parent of a tween! This week we're talking about what tweens are going through emotionally and psychologically... and how we can give them room to grow while still seizing opportunities to connect with them as (big) children. Margaret and Amy discuss: The cognitive shifts that happens in tweens' brains Why the ways we relate to our tweens has to change along with them Why "not taking it personally" is, and isn't, the right advice We may feel the urge to defend our actions or intentions to our tweens when they spar with us, but we don't actually have to get down "in the mud" with our kids whenever they push our buttons. Links! Michelle Anthony for Scholastic Parents: Cognitive Development in 11-13 Year Olds John Mersch, MD for Medicine Net: Tween: Child Development (9-11 Years Old) Here’s our interview with Katie Hurley, author of No More Mean Girls: The Secret to Raising Strong, Confident, and Compassionate Girls. Our "Fresh Take" interview with Dr. Becky Kennedy on being "Good Inside" We love the sponsors that make this show possible! You can always find all the special deals and codes for all our current sponsors on our website: https://www.whatfreshhellpodcast.com/p/promo-codes/ Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices