Three Bean Salad

Forests is this week’s lukewarm topic for which Rowan of Bremen is responsible and it’s nothing to be ashamed of. Henry blindsides the Beans with a revelation about his foresting past, Benjamin is exposed as a ruthless negotiator and Mike is forced into discovering a skill he never knew he had (albeit one that could land him in in hot water). Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

It’s Ryan from Bremen’s turn to direct the bean chat and he has them get busy on board games.Tim Rice pops up of course. There’s a tiny knight’s helmet and a hot tip for those hoping to thrive socially in any suburban cul-de-sac. All this AND a rare audio visit to the toilets in the Barbican Centre.

Welcome back to Season/Series 7 (we think) of Three Bean Salad and what an opener the beans have for you as Michael from Bremen proposes the topic of animal husbandry. Expect a deeper understanding of little Christmas trees that dangle off rearview mirrors, an explanation of the principle use of passata and a rare insight into the life of Joanna Lumley.

Take yourself back to August/September 2021 and enjoy this compilation of highlights from our second series. From King Kong to Amelia Earhart.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until December), but if you want to extra bonus content you can sign up at our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

This week’s topic, courtesy of “Your Worst Nightmare” is glass. Having comprehensively and definitively covered the science of glass in the deep bean past the beans find time to get entrepreneurial (watch this space, dog owners), satirical (watch out, The Man) as well as sorting out their pension plans. They even manage to squeeze in a smidge of Gérard Depardieu for good measure. A bumper crop for the last episode of this season. The beans shall return in December. In the meantime, for heaven’s sake, don’t sit on your own arse.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

In what would probably the worst episode ever for a brand new listener to sample the show fresh, Phillip Kerrigan of Kerrigan’s Mustard gets his Bean Machine double dip and has the beans discuss mail. What follows is a feast for veteran ears but more of a sick bag for novices as the beans get into rat poison, Bonjamin and, of course, ham.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

This week in Three Bean Salad starring Henry Paker, Mike Wozniak, Benjamin Partridge, Neil of Bremen suggests Henry Paker and co tackle a subject close to Henry Paker et al’s heart - sandwiches. Included in this episode of Three Bean Henry Salad Paker with Henry Paker: Henry Paker ably interrogates second fiddle Benjamin Partridge on economical sandwich sourcing, Henry Paker discusses Mike “podcast linesman” Wozniak’s thoughts on sandwiches for him and Henry Paker tells a pakeresque story from the past of Henry Paker featuring Henry Paker.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Jen mines her own dreams this week to provide the beans with the topic of going to Disney World and not wanting to be dressed up as a ruffian. Silk worms get a shout out early doors, before the beans glide through Gary Lineker, glance briefly over Bulgarian politics and end up somewhere in the region of The Fonz. Enjoy but remember: you can’t sit on your own arse.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

The topic this week is no topic owing to an excess of intro prattling which the Bean Machine was unable to cope with. Did Henry forget to clean the Bean Machine slough-sump? Did Mike fail to de-scale the low-pressure waffle sprocket? Has Ben been at the raw prawns again? Or maybe rats got in. In time we may have answers for you but in the meantime here’s a hamless ham sandwich of a podcast episode to help you get to sleep.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodFeat. "Shop Jazz" by https://freesound.org/people/Migfus20

Paul from Widnes (bot status unconfirmed) serves up the topic of Artificial Intelligence for the beans this week. Sure, to begin with they simply respond by making a series of vague futuristic noises, they’re only flesh and blood (confirmed), but soon enough they get busy and deliberate crab newspapers, an unusual use of hair conditioner and the truth about the Netherlands.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Steph of London isn’t shy about getting the beans to tackle hats and tackle hats they do. For the sake of completeness they incorporate oral tomato snooker, pencil sharpeners and Dobermann puppies. Also expect to hear a hot, fresh exclusive about Ben’s upcoming rebranding.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLivestream tickets for our live show on Saturday 17th Sept: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Away we go for Season 6 which begins with the topic of teeth as suggested by Josh of Bremen. Tune in for tales of sea snakes, how close the world came to seeing its first coin-operated man and why you should be suspicious of anything that costs £78.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLivestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until September), but if you want to listen to extra bonus content you can sign up at our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

For the final episode of Season 5 Maddie of the USA hurls the beans towards the hot topic of swords. The Great Ham Cultures feature heavily, the lid is lifted on the art of car servicing and you’d better believe they cover hot pebbles (about ruddy time). The beans will return in September, fresh of face and fleet of professionally medicated foot.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLivestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

George of Canada has drawn inspiration from the fact he’s in Canada and picked the theme of “Canada” for the beans this week. Little could he have imagined he’d prompt a nation-ruining exposé as the beans unveil the gris(zz)ly truth about SBAJ!Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLivestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

This week the juicy topic of service stations is thrown the beans’ way by none other than Hannah Kohler of London. The episode is crucial listening for anyone at risk of being trapped in a well. In addition, geese get more than honourable mention and Henry drops a hot-dog bombshell.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLivestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Emma of the Seychelles sends the beans on something of a busman’s holiday with the topic of sitcoms. Ben gives our the listeners the scoop on his latest project, Mike digs his heels in on his wolf identification skills and Henry unlocks the secrets of his own past.Livestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/ Tickets for Mike Wozniak's tour of his new stand-up show Zusa: https://littlewander.co.uk/show/mike-wozniak-zusa/ Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday June and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of human rights), but if you want to listen to a new bonus episode (and all of our bonus output going back to the Genesis bean) you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Thanks to Dr P this week the beans get to grips with that fundamental unit of life: tubes. Essentially if looks like it tube and it sounds like a tube it’s a tube and if it doesn’t there’s a good chance it’s a tube after all if you think about it. Also we find out how Henry takes a bath.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

France is this week’s topic thanks to the theme nudging of Michael. Lifelong francophilobean Henry Paker is a cochon in the proverbial merde and gives us his hot take on croissants, the quotidien life of French bakers as well a live translation of La Marseillaise for those without a firm grasp of the French language or decent wifi.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Phillip Kerrigan of Kerrigan’s Mustards gets the beans talking about prizes. They offer up a lesser known travel tip for the Philippines, an approach for undergraduate exam preparation and Ben finally shows his true colours (listener discretion advised - they ain’t a pretty shade).Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Welcome back for SEASON 5 which Henry thinks means we’ve been going for either 70 episodes or 70 years. Thanks to Steph of London the season kicks off with the topic of bears. Literally and figuratively full of beans from their hiatus, the actual beans manage to steer on course for an admirable chunk of the episode but do manage to give glancing chat blows to Paul Hogan, Thug and Nicky the Pygmy Hippos and what might have happened to Henry’s missing bag of CDs.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June), but if you want to listen to new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

For the final episode of the season, tusk monomaniac Jerome of Indiana, locks the beans onto his favourite dental protrusion. It will come as no surprise to Jerome that the beans prod their chat fangs deep into the definition of true art, the ethics of umbrella storage and Henry’s arena-filling splinter project.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Sarah of Bremen decides this week’s topic for the beans is maps and they can’t be blamed for delving into the unchartered chat territories of compressed meat biscuits, what you should rub in Luton for luck and why Ben’s career as a fantasy novelist is doomed before it’s even begun.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

At the behest of Immanuel of Bremen, this week’s subject is mountains. The intrepid beans nearly perish in a conversational crevasse early doors, but can they get back on track and make it to the summit of Mount Chat?Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

What’s that? A light entertainment podcast has dared to dance across the the conversational minefield that is the antimacassar? That’s right. And that podcast is Three Bean Salad. And if Lauren from Bremen hadn’t got the beans onto the topic of snow in the first place this podcasting milestone might never have been achieved at all.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday March and we simply will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month because we respect the natural order of the universe), but if you want to listen to a new bonus episode you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Chase (Bremen?) proclaims that goblins are the topic of the week. The beans tackle it with their usual rigour and in no time at all are back on the deck of the RMS Titanic. Spaniels get an honourable mention and we learn about Mike’s lesser known sub-specialty within the movie-making industry.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMusic"That's Alright"Podington Bear soundofpicture.com

Hazel presumably of Bremen steers the beans towards the topic of bicycles and they absolutely chat the hind legs off it. Tonic wine, castanets and Noel Gallagher all find a place, Ben is slighted, Mike discovers new sopping kin, and Henry is taunted by a toddler.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

WARNING: chunks of this episode are foul but that’s not the Beans’ fault. The blame squarely lies on the shoulders of Devonshire Megan who bade them discuss slippers. Thoughtfully they soften the blow by veering into Thai massage, ovine mince categorisation and how to tell if Mike is behind a serious crime.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Roll up, roll up for E1 of S4 of Three Bean Salad in which Luke of Hertfordshire directs the beans towards the topic of dinosaurs. Tune in as hitherto unplumbed depths of ignorance are brought to the surface and listen to the beans discover they don’t know what they should know they don’t know about some of the basics.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until March), but if you want to listen to new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Casper places the beans in grave peril by instructing them to discuss spies. They squeeze in the sub-topic of Japanese breakfast cereals but, to their great credit, largely stick to the main theme and in doing so discover Ben’s embroidered personal motto, Henry’s pushy side and that Mike isn’t only boring about guitars.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

WMG prompts the beans to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty with the topic of aliens. Ever thorough, they are careful not to neglect Newcastle or bananas and even dare to lift the lid on the secrets of the Mafia.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Holly reckons it’s high time the beans talked about museums. Sure, they get a little embrangled in decommissioned hangars and Eastern European concrete but do also expect to learn the meaning of an onion in a renaissance painting and how to conduct a 16th century eye test.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Thanks in no small part to Elizabeth (monarch status unknown) the beans forge THE DEFINITIVE chat on the topic of elevators. Gird your ears for the secrets of conducting low-cost business meetings, Henry’s criminal past and the criteria for both the ideal door and a decent canteen.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week, but if you want to listen to two new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Ryan suggests the beans discuss zombies and so they slowly drag themselves towards the topics of Boots the chemists, aristocrats and bicycle puncture repair.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

SPOILER ALERT (sort of): the Beans get a bit bogged down with Squid Game early doors (obviously) so please bear that in mind. Non-spoiler alert bit: this week Hayley from America hoofs the beans towards the topic of biscuits. Helpfully they include advice on how tell if what you’re bucking is a bronco and how to identify Joss Stone, although the whole thing is ruined when Henry breaks the ultimate conversational taboo.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Listener Sam gets the beans talking about immortality. They peregrinate around the topic, taking in clown eggs, tuna salads and getting a biscuit named after you. Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode; www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

The Beans are back! It's the start of series three and this time they're working up a sweat talking about exercise. Also featuring peregrination, shuttlecocks and the crab living between Ben's warm bumcheeks.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch: [email protected]@beansaladpod

We present the final episode of Series 2 in which Dustin (of Bremen?) has the beans discussing the luckless Titanic. In this spooooky edition of the podcast, house dust mites get a long overdue mention as do hurled milkshakes, interspecies breeding and the benefits of a sub-aquatic moth. Please stay tuned to this frequency as the beans shall return SOON!Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Portraiture is this week’s topic, responsibility for which lies squarely at the feet of Phil of Baltimore. The beans gab hard and true and, ever thorough, gab seven bells out of ham (again), Helen of Troy, lying to barbers and coastal face erosion.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodFeaturing "superhero fanfare.wav" by humanoid9000 of Freesound.org

Courtesy of Dr. P we present an episode on the theme of pagans. Fill your boots with golf, jet-skis, the history of rambling and the single moment at which the universe began, probably.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodFeaturing "Castanets, Multi, A (H1).wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org

Gavin has the beans unpack the topic of Jeffreys (Geoffreys?). In an episode stacked with boo boos and bungles the beans tackle Steves, Daves, rubber giraffes and whether or not scampi can ever be a verb.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodFeaturing "Orchestral Strings, Warm, A.wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org

Olana decrees that the beans have it out about islands. They comply and, in an effort to be thorough, cover ear growth, alternative aviation fuel solutions and how to avoid over-ordering in a restaurant.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Hoist the Jolly Beans! Kathy of Bremen invites the beans to discuss flags and they are careful not to miss out memory aids, brownies, sliced bread and the secret to royal longevity.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Accordionist Alex directs the beans towards the subject of buffets this week. Pile your plates high with UN etiquette, poker with The Boys and how best to handle a fire in a chemical warehouse.Tickets for Beef and Dairy Network live on 11th September 2021 are available here:In theatre tickets - https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-3/Livestream tickets - https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-11-9/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod