Three Bean Salad

For the final episode of Season 5 Maddie of the USA hurls the beans towards the hot topic of swords. The Great Ham Cultures feature heavily, the lid is lifted on the art of car servicing and you’d better believe they cover hot pebbles (about ruddy time). The beans will return in September, fresh of face and fleet of professionally medicated foot.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLivestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

George of Canada has drawn inspiration from the fact he’s in Canada and picked the theme of “Canada” for the beans this week. Little could he have imagined he’d prompt a nation-ruining exposé as the beans unveil the gris(zz)ly truth about SBAJ!Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLivestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

This week the juicy topic of service stations is thrown the beans’ way by none other than Hannah Kohler of London. The episode is crucial listening for anyone at risk of being trapped in a well. In addition, geese get more than honourable mention and Henry drops a hot-dog bombshell.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladLivestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Emma of the Seychelles sends the beans on something of a busman’s holiday with the topic of sitcoms. Ben gives our the listeners the scoop on his latest project, Mike digs his heels in on his wolf identification skills and Henry unlocks the secrets of his own past.Livestream tickets for our show in September: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/online-three-bean-salad/ Tickets for Mike Wozniak's tour of his new stand-up show Zusa: https://littlewander.co.uk/show/mike-wozniak-zusa/ Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday June and we will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month on the basis of human rights), but if you want to listen to a new bonus episode (and all of our bonus output going back to the Genesis bean) you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Thanks to Dr P this week the beans get to grips with that fundamental unit of life: tubes. Essentially if looks like it tube and it sounds like a tube it’s a tube and if it doesn’t there’s a good chance it’s a tube after all if you think about it. Also we find out how Henry takes a bath.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

France is this week’s topic thanks to the theme nudging of Michael. Lifelong francophilobean Henry Paker is a cochon in the proverbial merde and gives us his hot take on croissants, the quotidien life of French bakers as well a live translation of La Marseillaise for those without a firm grasp of the French language or decent wifi.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Phillip Kerrigan of Kerrigan’s Mustards gets the beans talking about prizes. They offer up a lesser known travel tip for the Philippines, an approach for undergraduate exam preparation and Ben finally shows his true colours (listener discretion advised - they ain’t a pretty shade).Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Welcome back for SEASON 5 which Henry thinks means we’ve been going for either 70 episodes or 70 years. Thanks to Steph of London the season kicks off with the topic of bears. Literally and figuratively full of beans from their hiatus, the actual beans manage to steer on course for an admirable chunk of the episode but do manage to give glancing chat blows to Paul Hogan, Thug and Nicky the Pygmy Hippos and what might have happened to Henry’s missing bag of CDs.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until June), but if you want to listen to new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at patreon.com/threebeansalad

For the final episode of the season, tusk monomaniac Jerome of Indiana, locks the beans onto his favourite dental protrusion. It will come as no surprise to Jerome that the beans prod their chat fangs deep into the definition of true art, the ethics of umbrella storage and Henry’s arena-filling splinter project.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Sarah of Bremen decides this week’s topic for the beans is maps and they can’t be blamed for delving into the unchartered chat territories of compressed meat biscuits, what you should rub in Luton for luck and why Ben’s career as a fantasy novelist is doomed before it’s even begun.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

At the behest of Immanuel of Bremen, this week’s subject is mountains. The intrepid beans nearly perish in a conversational crevasse early doors, but can they get back on track and make it to the summit of Mount Chat?Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

What’s that? A light entertainment podcast has dared to dance across the the conversational minefield that is the antimacassar? That’s right. And that podcast is Three Bean Salad. And if Lauren from Bremen hadn’t got the beans onto the topic of snow in the first place this podcasting milestone might never have been achieved at all.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (it's a five Wednesday March and we simply will only do four Wednesday episodes in a month because we respect the natural order of the universe), but if you want to listen to a new bonus episode you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Chase (Bremen?) proclaims that goblins are the topic of the week. The beans tackle it with their usual rigour and in no time at all are back on the deck of the RMS Titanic. Spaniels get an honourable mention and we learn about Mike’s lesser known sub-specialty within the movie-making industry.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladMusic"That's Alright"Podington Bear soundofpicture.com

Hazel presumably of Bremen steers the beans towards the topic of bicycles and they absolutely chat the hind legs off it. Tonic wine, castanets and Noel Gallagher all find a place, Ben is slighted, Mike discovers new sopping kin, and Henry is taunted by a toddler.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

WARNING: chunks of this episode are foul but that’s not the Beans’ fault. The blame squarely lies on the shoulders of Devonshire Megan who bade them discuss slippers. Thoughtfully they soften the blow by veering into Thai massage, ovine mince categorisation and how to tell if Mike is behind a serious crime.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Roll up, roll up for E1 of S4 of Three Bean Salad in which Luke of Hertfordshire directs the beans towards the topic of dinosaurs. Tune in as hitherto unplumbed depths of ignorance are brought to the surface and listen to the beans discover they don’t know what they should know they don’t know about some of the basics.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week (we're away until March), but if you want to listen to new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Casper places the beans in grave peril by instructing them to discuss spies. They squeeze in the sub-topic of Japanese breakfast cereals but, to their great credit, largely stick to the main theme and in doing so discover Ben’s embroidered personal motto, Henry’s pushy side and that Mike isn’t only boring about guitars.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

WMG prompts the beans to roll up their sleeves and get their hands dirty with the topic of aliens. Ever thorough, they are careful not to neglect Newcastle or bananas and even dare to lift the lid on the secrets of the Mafia.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Holly reckons it’s high time the beans talked about museums. Sure, they get a little embrangled in decommissioned hangars and Eastern European concrete but do also expect to learn the meaning of an onion in a renaissance painting and how to conduct a 16th century eye test.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Thanks in no small part to Elizabeth (monarch status unknown) the beans forge THE DEFINITIVE chat on the topic of elevators. Gird your ears for the secrets of conducting low-cost business meetings, Henry’s criminal past and the criteria for both the ideal door and a decent canteen.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

No normal episode of Three Bean Salad this week, but if you want to listen to two new bonus episodes you can sign up to our PATREON at www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Ryan suggests the beans discuss zombies and so they slowly drag themselves towards the topics of Boots the chemists, aristocrats and bicycle puncture repair.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

SPOILER ALERT (sort of): the Beans get a bit bogged down with Squid Game early doors (obviously) so please bear that in mind. Non-spoiler alert bit: this week Hayley from America hoofs the beans towards the topic of biscuits. Helpfully they include advice on how tell if what you’re bucking is a bronco and how to identify Joss Stone, although the whole thing is ruined when Henry breaks the ultimate conversational taboo.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

Listener Sam gets the beans talking about immortality. They peregrinate around the topic, taking in clown eggs, tuna salads and getting a biscuit named after you. Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodJoin our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode; www.patreon.com/threebeansalad

The Beans are back! It's the start of series three and this time they're working up a sweat talking about exercise. Also featuring peregrination, shuttlecocks and the crab living between Ben's warm bumcheeks.Join our PATREON for ad-free episodes and a monthly bonus episode: www.patreon.com/threebeansaladGet in touch: [email protected]@beansaladpod

We present the final episode of Series 2 in which Dustin (of Bremen?) has the beans discussing the luckless Titanic. In this spooooky edition of the podcast, house dust mites get a long overdue mention as do hurled milkshakes, interspecies breeding and the benefits of a sub-aquatic moth. Please stay tuned to this frequency as the beans shall return SOON!Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Portraiture is this week’s topic, responsibility for which lies squarely at the feet of Phil of Baltimore. The beans gab hard and true and, ever thorough, gab seven bells out of ham (again), Helen of Troy, lying to barbers and coastal face erosion.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodFeaturing "superhero fanfare.wav" by humanoid9000 of Freesound.org

Courtesy of Dr. P we present an episode on the theme of pagans. Fill your boots with golf, jet-skis, the history of rambling and the single moment at which the universe began, probably.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodFeaturing "Castanets, Multi, A (H1).wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org

Gavin has the beans unpack the topic of Jeffreys (Geoffreys?). In an episode stacked with boo boos and bungles the beans tackle Steves, Daves, rubber giraffes and whether or not scampi can ever be a verb.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpodFeaturing "Orchestral Strings, Warm, A.wav" by InspectorJ (www.jshaw.co.uk) of Freesound.org

Olana decrees that the beans have it out about islands. They comply and, in an effort to be thorough, cover ear growth, alternative aviation fuel solutions and how to avoid over-ordering in a restaurant.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Hoist the Jolly Beans! Kathy of Bremen invites the beans to discuss flags and they are careful not to miss out memory aids, brownies, sliced bread and the secret to royal longevity.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Accordionist Alex directs the beans towards the subject of buffets this week. Pile your plates high with UN etiquette, poker with The Boys and how best to handle a fire in a chemical warehouse.Tickets for Beef and Dairy Network live on 11th September 2021 are available here:In theatre tickets - https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-3/Livestream tickets - https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/beef-and-dairy-network-podcast-11-9/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Listener Sam steers the Beans towards the nightmarish topic of dystopia. Naturally they cover goat silos, national service for children and Andrew Lloyd Webber but they also reveal the true nature of Henry and Mike’s working relationship.Tickets for the livestream of the beans' live show on 2nd September 2021 are available here: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-online-streaming-event/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Battling through a minor bean emergency, the beans take on the topic of romance. Roses, chocolates, candlelight, forcing an eel to swallow a wedding ring.Tickets for the livestream of the beans' live show on 2nd September 2021 are available here: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-online-streaming-event/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

The beans are back! It's time for series two and they kick off by discussing condiments at the behest of a listener called Lloyd. Also covered are gnocchi, electricity pylon safety and shooting a toucan.Tickets for the livestream of the beans' live show on 2nd September 2021 are available here: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-online-streaming-event/Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Series two starts next week, but before that, here's a little bean tasting menu of the Beans' favourite bits from series one. The idea is that this might make be a good episode for confirmed Beanheads to point non-Beanheads in the direction of. Why not send it to a friend? Or a sibling? Or basically anyone whose email address you have. Even if that's the customer service email address for your energy supplier. It could be just what they need.

The Beans are doing their first ever live show (and livestream) and would like to tell you about it.London Podcast Festival, 2nd September 2021, 7pm (UK time)Tickets for the livestream can be found here: https://www.kingsplace.co.uk/whats-on/comedy/three-bean-salad-online-streaming-event/

Victoria (probably from Bremen) suggests the topic of purple and the beans roll up their silken sleeves and get stuck in. But not before they've talked about the fact that two of them have recently run into deceased dolphins (one of which was actually a porpoise). Regretably, Mike also talks about his guitar.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Lynzee (don’t know where she’s from, but one assumes Bremen) suggested that the beans talk about magic and in doing so, they discover that Henry used to work in the company of some professional sorcerors. They also read an email about a randy quail.Get in touch:[email protected] @beansaladpod

When Anna of Bremen suggested the beans hit the topic of musical instruments she could not have known how lethally boring Mike is when he starts talking about the guitar. Luckily the beans navigate away from this sub-topic with skill and cover Henry’s youthful golden flute obsession and why Ben should stick to badminton. Listeners of a sensitive disposition should be warned this episode contains a bean crisis plus Emergency Pompidou.Get in touch:[email protected] @beansaladpod

Victoria suggests that the beans talk about the subject of sleep. On their way they touch on Margaret Thatcher, soldiers in the jungle, and the act of eating a crab's memories. Plus bird stories.NOTE: do not listen to this episode while you are sleeping or it will reprogramme your brain and you'll wake up with the intellect of a small brown bird.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Someone called Michael suggests that the beans talk about asteroids. With this episode, the listener probably benefits from a working knowledge of six-time world snooker champion Steve Davis (also known as The Nugget, Steve "Interesting" Davis, The Ginger Magician, The Romford Robot, Romford Slim, Master Cueman, Golden Nugget) but crucially, it's still enjoyable even to a listener with no knowledge of this snooker titan. You'll really love it if you ARE Steve Davis.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

It's the first episode based on a listener suggestion, and what a suggestion. Someone called Fiona suggests that the beans talk about bags and the they go at it with gusto and laser-guided precision. Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod

Submarines is this week's topic, and inevitably the beans end up talking about flightless birds. And flightful birds. And flaming pedalos shaped like birds. And macadamia nuts.

Rome is the topic this week so Coventry, sponges and Russell Crowe all get a mention and that's just for starters. Once again, thanks to a man called Gareth for the theme. Soon it'll be your turn to point us in the right direction.

A man called Gareth suggests that we discuss the topic of lizards. And so we cover crabs, octopuses, wolves, and of course, the royal family.Get in touch:[email protected]@beansaladpod