The Weird Tales Podcast

Because my life has been All Kid All The Time, and I haven't had time to record almost anything at all, here's an episode from the Patreon. You can listen to more of our silliness and shenanigans by becoming a patron. One dollar a month, and you get this sort of whack-a-doo stuff every other week.

In which our heroine learns the value of dreaming Seen and Not Heard: https://seenandnotheardpod.carrd.co/ Caroline Mincks: twitter.com/SaucyMincks CaroMincks.bsky.social

This week's episode is read by Aaron Moy. Please check him out on twitter: @Moyceover or email him at [email protected]

This story performed by Ashley Heather Quills (@voicequills) Care For Gaza: https://twitter.com/CareForGaza or https://www.gofundme.com/f/CareForGaza

In which our hero does a little house shopping Performed by Alex Kingsley. Strong Branch Productions: https://strongbranchproductions.wordpress.com/ The Strange Garden and Other Weird Tales: https://www.amazon.com/Strange-Garden-Other-Weird-Tales/dp/B0BW23RTGB Http://AlexyQuest.Itch.IO

In which our hero takes a little trip, and then does SCIENCE!

In which our hero goes in for some art evaluation

In which a hundred heavily armed young men go to war against one poor old lonely dude out in the middle of nowhere.

In which our hero delves a little bit into events of the 17oos, and our authro delves a little bit (or maybe a lot bit) into casual racism, cause we can't have nice things.

In which we meet our hero, sorta. There's a LOT of Washington Irvingesque unnecessary detail here. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1YRf0tUkzO_BBhDSHt5Gr0_S7oj0caHa_/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero goes for a little perambulation in the glorious afternoon light. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/15452827Y2Q2rr6G509TCaa1p-aUi6Z3j/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1F1FJGqnsstMn4n7MHL1wx4W7X9946TYs/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero receives a late night visitor. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1F1FJGqnsstMn4n7MHL1wx4W7X9946TYs/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which all these tales come to an end. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1vEWbiI3DgvF0NnTd91ycrHOWa0tuDwaE/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes stake out. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1SGgWAX59IVytiL-_S6kT1WHRRQcGHjyB/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes conduct interviews and make plans Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gQJeeBswGFq5DD1VzaHzZE4upyhcVuJo/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes exchange clues. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1WOKiGygKzgaB1B2OEypGDKo79OF3Uwdg/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero partakes in local gossip. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1cq0Sj2W0M7tGQeCM1aHmsVH82Qfy58yM/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero has some story time Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1LpeYPkg5-JO4L1qoahaTkYfoh2J6Jdjw/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Darkhorse Road, and Other Stories: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0CVFFLVNL Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes uncover secrets Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1boUTwbTm1vBjfrP4mjG7_Ibl7V1kyQoX/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes investigate Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1gcaGEkReTF3srJrfX2VoadPPoX_AgsGJ/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero gets a geography lesson from a teacher. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1A1iCP3PY8BT-MF_meihJmnM3jeW_oyjF/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes arrive at home Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1p_2yKXmpt3hcJroWmIBr4qSU6Tq9rvR1/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes do some bad sewing. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1rcBbYU5YEEuGcTkvF80oS9gaQjUgWwmK/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes begin their investigation Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1AekViU22H27zPS41QMQMsPExF8GfDZ6W/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our heroes hear a family history Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KrzTel7JZxSixhr5CnT5uchrttM5_US1/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero follows directions

In which our hero goes to a meeting

In which our hero runs some tests

In which our hero plays a game

In which our hero has... moments.

In which our hero locks himself in a room

In which our heroes ask for help

In which our hero makes a promise

I'm a dummy. There's nothing more to say. I'm a dumb. Dummy.

Tangents: Our heroes’s religious history, Weird Al’s innuendo, Lindsey Stirling, O Holy Crap, Mike’s own little personal Mandela Effect, Garett’s Toys R Us life, Frank Sinatra can save anything, Feel free to click on the links below, but you’ll spoil the episode by seeing our lists. But, these are show notes, not cops, so you can’t be stopped if you really want to. Mike’s Top Ten: 1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AN_R4pR1hck 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBSyByHtvoY 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NlaBn4v2e1c 4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bQ6LIS6m8qE 5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2uZnbzTG1jY 6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2nlZN570YFM 7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HGVNzgUxE-g 8. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmddeUJJEuU 9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vmumgxAfTwA 10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k-W2Bkz_Rno Garret’s top ten: 1. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IJPc7esgvsA 2. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KmddeUJJEuU 3. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8NcQzMQN_U 4. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_xq3Bj_tas 5. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wtgGBgpNcIo 6. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dfws2Y8BN2k 7. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hJw-ey1DPRA 8. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x6zypc_LhnM 9. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iI6SjsTjwXU 10. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FJU4GrXztE Honorable Mentions Marshmallow World, by Steam Powered Giraffe https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hltEVBnakxs You’re a Mean One, Mr Grinch, by Thurl Ravenscroft https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cGSneujgGT8 The Nutcracker Suite, by Tschaikovsky, specifically The Russian Dance https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1hMjxnwig0o The Nutcracker Suite, by Tschaikovsky, specifically The Dance of the Flowers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yZIZ6cO7VHE Stock Up On Joy https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AXXPIk4v6aw It’s Beginning to Look a Lot like Fishmen https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3tTHn2tHhcI O Holy Crap https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QvGX2Ta-1Q4 One More Sleep (Robin’s Version) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g_OPIxB_CE4 All I Want For Christmas Is You https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yXQViqx6GMY All I Want For Christmas Is You (Toad’s Version) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RtI5UEZlzU Dominic the Donkey https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ca5wXojemRM Do They Know It’s Christmas (seriously, though, DON’T LISTEN TO THIS SONG. IT’S TERRIBLE.) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j3fSknbR7Y4 Christmas Shoes https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYiM3_EzAi8 An Old Fashioned Christmas https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DguvASLTmTI David Hasselhoff’s Hooked on a Feeling https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

In which our hero goes to church. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ADdT9dUzDiIeH0Oi3HIAY7erukjwkh25/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero recounts the history lesson from last week and then FINALLY the story starts. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1HPwerLhtliVxRm20TFS22BQ5UEPr6qgR/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero complains about receiving an extensive history lecture, then gives us an extensive history lecture. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1bn2d0ZwtqAS2Oe_ZlLMtEu0WBWsinluy/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which two of the goodest boys are the best boys. The protagonists of this story are two dogs, but nothing bad happens to them, so listen without anxiety. The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero does a task with the bloodymindedness of a star ship captain. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1USZ92Ksb7DqrMQQ53TuvcUCMFhNgu_5a/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero spends way too much time and effort for a story he really should know better than to inquire about. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1PbY8gaBf750U0XlYFpIBUpnHzpV68c0D/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero commits all sorts of crimes, misdemeanors, and atrocities, which would get him executed or imprisoned in any country in the world, but here, gets to marry a princess, cause that's how these things work, and he's totally ungrateful, cause he's kind of an idiot.

In which our hero champs and stamps, and then stands still. Transcript: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1ZeBxSrb4HyCBJV82K_SUuo0BBf35oUpU/view?usp=sharing The Colin Malatrat Museum of Curious Oddities and Strange Antiquities: https://www.amazon.com/Malatrat-Curious-Oddities-Strange-Antiquities/dp/B0BJ4MMW1N Podcast artwork by Ruth Anna Evans (https://twitter.com/ruthannaevans) Please consider supporting the following: Sister Song https://sistersong.nationbuilder.com/donate The Afiya Center https://theafiyacenter.org/donate SPARK: Reproductive Justice NOW http://sparkrj.org/donate/ Center for Reproductive Rights https://reproductiverights.org/take-action-abortion-is-essential/

In which our hero learns to NEVER trust a blood sausage.

In which our hero marries a perfectly terrible person.