The Small Bow Podcast

Today we talk about how a lack of personal safety as little boys taught us how to be drunk, angry, impotent men. It’s about bullying and Bukowski and desperation and an inability to show love for ourselves and accept love from others. Usual shit. Show notes: John's book Theatre Kids: A True Tale of Off-Off Broadway. Swamp Dogg's record. In this episode: 01:24 - Keep on trying 06:06 - Curtains up, Beard ASMR, Daily Carry Bros 08:57 - Military & Theatre 15:20 - Meeting via Maxim, the Black Table 21:20 - Bonding over 'party fouls' 23:16 - The Email and the party 26:21 - The language of toxic masculinity 30:19 - Calling from the wreckage, John's advice to A.J. 36:46 - The little old lady 40:26 - Confronting fear in early sobriety 47:51 - Jane Fonda's Toxic Masculinity Observation 51:12 - Shakespeare on Masculinity, Back to Buk' 55:48 - Kid Stardust on the Porter House 1:00:22 - Trying to feel safe and loved 1:03:33 - Live from the boxing gym, losing fights, mano a wall 1:07:14 - Anger as an indicator 1:09:43 - Revenge fantasies 1:11:56 - How to become a villain 1:18:56 - Schoolyard: 1 Bukoski: 0, Swamp does CCR

We pause to introduce a new segment, and talk shop about some big plans in the works for the new year. The Small Bow universe is growing in exciting ways, with help from some new friends. Also, a little Q&A about how things are going so far in Season 2, what's next for the podcast, and some industry gossip. Want to help guide things? Take two minutes to tell us what else you’d like to see from The Small Bow in our listener survey here. Things we mentioned: Hear A.J. interviewed on PJ’s podcast Search Engine here. Listen to the Death Sex and Money episode we’re talking about. Check out Garrett's newsletter Healings. Did we…already mention the survey? There’s a survey. In this episode: 0:38 Intro 0:57 SOTS? 2:06 Growth Plans 3:06 Survey, App plans 11:12 What are people Googling? 14:00 Doing less, check engine light, Death Sex & Money 17:34 How the Slate Ask A.J. column is going 20:26 A.J.'s app plans 23:59 An entry point for early recovery 29:40 Ads creator economy, high bar 32:25 Partnering with people who want to work with us 36:32 Around the world, around the world

The acclaimed and wonderful author of Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma helps us sift through the ugliness of monstrous behavior and the guilty feelings associated with being a fan of the art made by vile people. Is it okay to still watch those movies and listen to those songs? Claire Dederer tells A.J. what to do, plus a lot of great advice on writing memoir, and navigating the world of publishing. Links: Claire’s book Monsters: A Fan’s Dilemma, and Claire’s essay in the Paris Review. Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy at Ohboy.com. Thanks to Robo9418 for your recording of people cheering for a banana. In this episode: 0:38 Intro 3:49 Origins of the book, feeling conflicted about Polanski 7:17 The gift of distaster and monstrous perspective 9:23 Feeling shameful in early recovery 13:23 AJ's experience with judgment, shame 16:27 How recovery changed Claire's work, Responsibility 22:07 Two things for A.J. that came from the book 25:37 Ubiquity of biography online, public cancellations, notoriety 32:29 No longer identifying with who you were 43:47 What do you tell your kids about your own monstrousness? 54:40 Different types of monsters 57:27 Charles Bukowski, Gena Rowlands, and other forms 1:03:44 Whether you are your work, Derrida 1:07:21 Are writing retreats helpful? 1:09:45 Claire v. A.J.'s therapist 1:13:46 Balancing sober content, Dopey, TSB's philosophy 1:18:57 Where A.J. feels shaky with blurred lines, how he approaches the newsletter 1:23:23 False Ending 1:26:57 The half-life of Monsters, avoiding getting typecast as a subject matter expert 1:35:52 Outro

Today we talk with writer Kerry Madden-Lunsford about how Al-Anon has helped her deal with the pain of having a child who’s treatment-resistant and now living on the streets of Los Angeles. Find more stories and conversations at thesmallbow.com. Kerry’s book Werewolf Hamlet Kerry’s Substack "Easy Crier" by Al Oldender Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy at Ohboy.com. In this Episode 0:38 Intro 4:51 Flannery's Childhood, Kerry's Parenting Philosophies 5:59 The Christmas Letter 8:04 Flannery Today 10:29 Being in Denial, then Noticing Signs 14:08 The most codependent family ever vs Al Anon 17:17 Diagnosis, Jail, Christmas 19:42 Self-Pity vs Al Anon 22:35 Werewolf Hamlet 25:28 Travel Town Museum, Torment 28:08 Realizing your child is unhoused 30:50 Looking For Flannery 32:50 Justin Szlasa 35:43 What Should You Do? 42:17 Ideal Outcomes 45:17 Kerry's current approach 50:22 Angels 55:04 Outro

For the past five years, TSB’s in-house social worker, Joe Schrank, has tried to get someone other than us (and Andy Cohen) to acknowledge Recovery Month every September. Alcoholism and mental health issues affect one in ten Americans. So why does no one want to talk about it? Find more like this at thesmallbow.com. And Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy at Ohboy.com. In this episode: 02:56 What should Recovery Month look like? 08:18 Stigmatizing Alcoholism vs viewing it as a disease 17:19 Care and Moralization, AA value system, Recovery Mass 21:09 AA vs Recovery, the Father Joe of Cyberspace 24:05 Joe's recovery ambassador work at Georgia State 32:45 Recovery month's competition, Andy Cohen 35:32 Recovery Ambassadors 49:14 Promoting Recovery Stories

We talk to each other about the state of the podcast, and whether A.J.'s workaholic tendencies torpedoed the chance for a second season with iHeartRadio. Also — we need more voice memos from you about your own workaholic/ambition problems. Hit [email protected] subject WORKAHOLIC, or 323-917-3846. Swamp Dogg’s latest record here.

We talk with writer Jennifer Romolini about Philly shit, her book "Ambition Monster," her relapse into workaholism while promoting the book, and how to be satisfied with a “B minus” work day. Also: We’re calling on the Small Bow Family Orchestra: Do you think you might be a workaholic? What moments come to mind? Send a voice memo along to [email protected], SUBJECT: WORKAHOLIC. Or you can leave us a voicemail at +1-323-917-3846. Read Workaholism 101 here. Find Jenn’s book and more writing here. Listen to Jenn’s podcast with Kim France Everything is Fine. Listen to Swamp Dogg’s new album "Blackgrass" wherever you get music, or buy a hard copy here. In this episode: 4:53 Interview Begins 6:53 Creative Burnout, Balancing Life and Writing, Jenn's Essays 10:17 Ambition & Insecurity, Trauma-Success, Acting in Charge 17:34 Changing Ambitions, Sober Heartbreak, Drinking Culture 21:33 Relapse, New Cycles, Parental denial 33:00 Getting What You Wanted, Working to Fix It 38:40 Status vs. What You Want, Consistency, Creative Blocks 42:20 How to Stay Sane When You Care, Self-Pressure 47:23 The Fuck You Voice, Burritoville 49:55 Trusting yourself? Being hypersensitive, Being patient, Parental growth 54:43 Reparenting 1:03:28 What to do if you're workaholic

Josh Radnor joins TSB pod to discuss the spiritual life he acquired while navigating the pitfalls of becoming internationally famous for his role as Ted Mosby on “How I Met Your Mother.” We also discuss the problem with gurus, the perks of solitude, free desserts, and “Brats”. Find Josh's newsletter here. And check out Swamp Dogg's album Black Grass here. In this episode: 2:43 Josh's relationship to Ted Mosby, surviving fame, spiritual work, No Bad Parts 11:00 Being famous but not the main character, suggested bibliography, 18:10 Turning 50, Josh's reading list, A.J.'s recommendation 25:04 "Brats" but like Andrew McCarthy, sobriety and public life 30:55 Finding camaraderie in sobriety 37:35 Gurus, charlatans, cults 43:25 Living with a dark side, expanding your definition of self 51:42 Seeking camaraderie in sobriety 54:30 Gurus, Charlatans, Cults 58:00 Richard Rohr, pride, feeling strange, writer brain, Mary HK Choi

Mary HK Choi returns to the pod to discuss her extremely popular NY Mag essay about her adult autism diagnosis. We also discuss social anxiety, self-forgiveness in the aftermath of both our father’s deaths, and Mary’s practice of using a post-it note to remind her to “go say hello” to other people in social situations and not to isolate. Some of this conversation is an update to Mary's last time on the show. If you like this, check out S1 E15 "Suffer the Adult Children". Find more of us at thesmallbow.com/podcast. In this Episode: 00:00:00 Top of Show The Essay 00:02:50 Mary’s essay, public response 00:06:29 Perceptions of autism, personal and professional challenges 00:15:27 What didn’t make the article, self-diagnosis and resources, https://embrace-autism.com/ In Relationships 00:27:07 Self-compassion, communicating needs, growing into things 00:34:18 Relationship to eating, food, autistically feeling your body 00:37:30 No Surprises Club, Julianne hello’s A.J. Parents and Parenting 00:42:27 Addressing the past, Ozzy vs Dr. Drew 00:50:07 Father-child relationships, Hungry Girls Forever, breaking cycles 00:55:10 Unsubscribe from your 11yo, Looking back without anger, old-boy dads 00:59:12 Reevaluating memories, choosing to have a relationship, saying goodbye 01:02:59 Asking what was my part? Being in our heads, “Don’t be like me” 01:13:49 A.J. geeks 01:15:00 Closing thoughts, our next super famous guest

The inimitable Peaceful John returns for our new season for another round of soothing lessons in reparenting ourselves. Today we talk about the difference between deserving and entitlement. Do you know the difference? Neither did we.

We reconnect with comedian Megan Koester and learn all about her (new) sobriety and how she’s finally excavating some long-buried family trauma. After multiple EMDR sessions, she’s learning how to grieve. But is she less funny now?

Emily Gould is a writer from New York Magazine. This Valentine's Day, The Cut published Emily's essay "The Lure of Divorce." Between the two, Emily was coming to grips with a mental breakdown. We talk about her bipolar diagnosis and the way back into herself and into her marriage. It gets real!

We've got some news.

Our last episode of Season 1, with our guest Swamp Dogg. Swamp’s the musical and spiritual inspiration for RGS. Today we talk about success, friendship, happiness, Johnny Knoxville, and all the highs and lows of his 70-year career. We also have New York Times wonder-journo David Marchese on to add some credibility to our show. Last episode! Let’s get it.

This episode is about the internet, specifically “Emotional Sobriety and the Internet,” which is something I’ve struggled with for close to 20 years. Should I just log off forever, throw my iPhone into the river, and walk away? We talk with journalist Karen Ho, AKA “The Doomscroll Lady,” about the surreality of her own Twitter fame. Plus, some listeners call in and tell us some of their online behaviors that cause them the most shame. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today we talk with Dave Holmes, former MTV VJ and host of Waiting for Impact, about what it’s like to get your dream job but still struggle with all the same real world insecurities. Plus, Dave tells us how he’s managed to stay decent in an industry which doesn’t traditionally reward nice people. Do you have a toxic internet behavior – trolling, stalking exes, compulsively buying shoelaces? Tell us about it in a voice memo up to 50 seconds, and send it to [email protected]. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today we talk with with meditation teacher James Baraz about the benefits of sitting one hour per day. But how is possible to do that when the world is on fire? Plagues! Insurrections! 90-Day Fiance! But also: being stuck in quarantine with three toddlers jumping around naked and smacking you in the face. Guess what– it doesn’t have to make you crazy. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

COVID, dinos, meditation... A little update. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Is this your first New Year’s Eve sober? Amazing! Nice job! But…you may feel lousy, too. This is an episode dedicated to you. Keep going–it gets better. Plus, we have Swamp Dogg doing Auld Lang Syne. Happy New Year! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What does it mean to detach? And how can you do it without cruelty—when parents are dying? Today we interview Mary H.K. Choi about how she’s navigating the People Progams and trying to find a path toward reconciliation with her immigrant parents. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What is strength anyway? How do you be new? Today we talk with journalist and strong person Casey Johnston about some of the hang-ups many of us have about entering a gym for the first time. Plus, she gives me advice about one of the most mortifying moments of my life. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Don’t spend this Thanksgiving dwelling on the past. Gratitude is possible – even if you’re haunted. Peaceful John gives a master class on how to trudge through grief with dignity. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

On our second Pretty Good Shares, we talk to writer, producer Claudia Lonow. We challenged ourselves to do a nightly inventory of our great and not-so-great behaviors for a whole week. The results were...mixed. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Jenn Sterger had a promising career in sports media until her life was blown up by an NFL sexting scandal she never wanted public. This is the story of two people whose lives were changed in different ways by the same big story, and the wild twist of fate that helped them both move forward. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Holly Whitaker guests on the first Pretty Good Shares, a series of B-side conversations about whatever's been on our minds. This time it's Coffee Dad, self worth, and trying to love the part of you with the knife. And yeah, that's some new music. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Today we talk with writer and philosophy professor Clancy Martin about what to do about those damn suicidal thoughts. Who to call. How to act – how to survive. Warning: suicide stuff. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Edith Zimmerman was a successful writer and blog editor who quit everything and dropped off the internet for three years while she figured out what she wanted to do with her life. She decided to stop drinking and start drawing. Her first year sober was the official start of her second act as an illustrator, and her comic, "My First Year Sober" became a huge hit. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Steve Wilson’s heart-tugging sobriety story begins in the bowels of Brooklyn’s bar scene and takes a sharp U-turn into the swamps of Florida. Steve transformed himself from a drunken madman who suffered one too many nervous breakdowns into a guy who runs moonlight marathons in the backwoods of Tallahassee. He’s figured it all out! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

As a sober companion, Joe Schrank has worked with countless clients – infamous and wealthy – but he became closest to comedian Greg Giraldo. For years Joe tried to help Greg with his drug and alcohol issues, but the relationship became more personal than professional over time. Then Greg died and Joe has never been the same. And he’s learned what you can’t do for someone else. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Writer and comedian Megan Koester lowers us into her deep dark well – from being an LA lab rat to pay for booze to debilitating depression, to financial desperation, professional rejections. Honestly, outside of the lab rat thing not much has changed. But she’s happy now! Somehow she’s happy, and she loves helping people. Being an jerk doesn't get you very far. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Dave from Dopey regales us with a twisted tale of depravity and redemption, where our hairy-legged heroin hero dresses as Big Bird for a children’s birthday party and proceeds to almost ruin it. But that's all behind him now. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Writer Cord Jefferson enters therapy, looks inside, doesn’t like it, sticks with it, gets some relief, and wins an Emmy. Then he freaks out during his acceptance speech and thanks his therapist. Progress! Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Author James Frey walks us through the ashes of A Million Little Pieces, Oprah’s concerned phone call, and wisdom from the Hells Angels, in the search for the truth. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Writer & former Jezebel editor Emma Carmichael talks about how we got here after the year everything bad happened – the trial, the job, the bridges... Oh, and the race cars. Wouldn’t anyone want what she has? Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.com See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Really Good Shares is a show about people talking about how they made it through hard things and got better because of it. Maybe some of this will help you get better too. And don’t forget Swamp Dogg. Learn more about your ad-choices at https://www.iheartpodcastnetwork.comSee omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.