The Dick Show

Doing a three quarter-ass job, the Trump balloon, how to pull teeth, filming white people filming black people, racial sensitivity training, the gender outrage porn gap, Cat Girl gets sued, Chris Chan Gets extorted, COBRA, Null, Palestine's lasers on the moon, The Nihilist Devil's Advocate, and Mental Jess considers a call in; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

People getting stuck in holes, snipers for hat snatchers, a real-life PvP solution, racist artificial intelligence, yelling at an Apple Genius, the 20 Million Dollar Mead man calls in, Dame Pesos' news segment, and Clay Bangs a Trans Woman; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Road Rage: Dallas ends in a shooting, Peach calls in about the Mustard Chug-off, I have a solution for the Supreme Court, an erotic story about shoes, uncucked racism, small Tupperware, Madcucks' retirement and the final bonus episode of the Biggest Solution in the Universe, the microphone interlock device by Soyboy Industries, exploding honey mead, more countersuit backtracking, bar stools, fat asses, Pride-vertising, the Forth of July, and Road Rage: Atlanta; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Post Traumatic Ball-Busting Disorder, family vacations, floating prisons, Map Rotators, Spider Savers, I sink a boat, culture is a zoo, praying to God finally works, Landau Breaks up with Maddox, Asterios' Legal Offense Fund, too-long of a foreskin, Lowtax's #MeToo moment, Peach's mustard wager, and Sean can't make it; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

My dad tries to correct the record on the Optimus Prime story, Sh*tty Passenger gets mugged, I have mana problems, packing a fake penis in your pants, #MeToo and the duality of abuse, lactating dads, Antoids falls asleep while waiting to talk, a string of very generic parenting advice, to have kids or not to have kids, movies need a man-hating score, newscasters with racist accents, arguing with a Boomer, my incredible speed, the 3-hour GFY marathon, Larry hits 100 episodes, and a Dickhead from Korea sends in a box of snacks; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Road Rage: Dallas tattoo, Tim Pool calls in to bury the hatchet, I try to stop everyone from going to Greenland, "Dead or Alive", computer jiggle physics, and the War on Sexiness, Madcucks calls in to read from The Worst Interview in the Universe, Antoids brings in the "Airing of the Grievances"--possibly the most embarrassing audio ever recorded, Allan from Not For Human Consumption plays the Asterios throw up audio, TDS goes Hamilton, and all the money your apps are hiding from you that could be yours today; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Landau is putting together a settlement offer AFTER THE DISMISSAL and is upset at his Google results, Mental Jess catches Maddox "trying to cheat" on her and immediately drops dysfunctional dimes on Facebook, I get the Ralph Retort a strike on YouTube, racism and jokes and the death of everything funny, shooting the Lolsuit courtroom transcript, why we have Incels in one simple graph, Snapchat filters for men, the The Dick Show Facebook group is shadow banned, stealing bum wine, the good and bad of reputation management, eating mustard with your hands, annoying baby talk, and another ridiculous Biggest Problem: Uncucked edit; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Jerusalem is Disneyland for the somber, Israel likes their flag as much as the US does, the time Mohammed jumped into space, Ramadan and the sweet sound of black women, Sweaty Suits, mildew towels, how to make your girlfriend lose weight, "making it official", Dustin returns, Road Rage: Dallas, gun fever, the lolsuit, countersuits, and Asterios is no longer employed by Webber Shandwick; all that and more on this week's episode of The Dick Show!

Maddox's lawsuit against me is dismissed with prejudice, I am detained by the Abu Dhabi customs police in a libertarian nightmare, hiding Israeli receipts from the secret police, Israeli women, the politeness of supervillains, my new classification of countries above first world countries, toilets in the kitchen, my take on Midwest Maddox getting fleeced by an ego project, a Dickhead courtroom reporter calls in, Landau's manservant, Gorgeous Greenberger, killer lines from court, Judge Ramos the "wildcard", Asterios paywalls a freely available courtroom transcript, and My Man in NYU; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Donating your kid's birthday presents to charity overhead, the importance of a sharable thermometer, why some straight men are obsessed with gay rights, Aydin Paladin on why women love talking in a way that resembles a joke (but isn't) about their gross bodies, Mumkey Jones' book "Diary of a Supreme Gentlemen" is banned, firing your dad, my grey pubes and nude performances, Clay Early rats on a chick who pooped in his bed and gives a shout out to my mom for Mother's Day, and Sean's obvious solution for peace in The Middle East; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Boomer humor and their legacy of spilled popcorn, "The Diary of a Supreme Gentleman" by Mumkey Jones, The Cassandra Bias--AKA why everyone thinks they're smarter than people smarter than them, Asterios gets kicked out of a bar, Madcucks vs Maddox, Thanos the Incel, killing yourself in Greenland, "Cool Cat Stops a School Shooting" and other gigantic letdowns, Tony from Hack the Movies and his rushed beejays, the Intervention of Asterios Kokkinos, incompetent tech judges, the five word challenge, internment camps, and why all my selfies are ugly; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Sean brings in a problem, I miss an opportunity, Asterios doesn't get a lap dance, a ban on running, unfair hangovers, more idiocy from the papacy, Denzel vs. Peach, the erosion of the troll, miracles are all around us, Tim Tams, sharking, a legal bill measuring contest, my mom calls in, and resisting the inescapable craving to fail; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Happy little protests, Bob Ross can't paint a cabin to save his life, Ben from Drunken Peasants calls in, my own banned words list, experience creep, my only weakness, a premature movement for robot rights, problems with the conveniences of an automatic car, being worth less than nothing, Bill Guy the Science Dude answers your questions, drinking urine, "Sh*t Talker" gets an upgrade, getting bored while jerking off, Pavlov's nut, an annual YouTube Bloodsport tournament, free black coffee at Starbucks, and the Uncucked Episodes of "The Biggest Problem in the Universe"; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Maddox loses his trademark application for sole ownership of "The Biggest Problem in the Universe", bullying, bully hunting, and hunting the bully hunters, Happy Birthday Thieves, the first stop in Asterios' Garage Tour, middle age Jaeger's, everything you ever needed to know about buying a house, four-square disasters, congressional hearings, the hot girl on Izzy Nobre's Instagram, custom Gameboys, The Sucker's Paradise, my new Skinner Box app "S*ve the Whales", Kimball vs. Madcucks, Stephen Burch the Hero calls in, an Erotic 4/20 Story from a Real Man, and Sean's sisters are in studio; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The myth of blue blood, prostitution and Congress' continuing attempt to get in Lady Liberty's pants, what is simple battery, times I have been attacked by women, the LARPing bearded "badasses" of LA, Mumkey Jones the almost English teacher, playing baseball for the worst team in the world, Kevin from The Thought Cops, the time I was attacked by six housewives, a financial aid based cryptocurrency, and 80s Girl is assaulted by a drunken Caitlin Hall at the Seven Grand after an argument about Maddox's Lolsuit; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

My problem with Sateen sheets, the Smurflings were whack, Status Quo bias, the taxes that boil us slowly, Lagavulin says Nick Rekieta drinks their Scotch wrong, Bunty King calls in, the death of humor on the Internet, Digibro and Mumkey Jones' fall out and who is the Maddox, defending the indefensible, I am worse than (virtual) child porn in some circles, interrupting Dad's sexy time, the advent rage calendar, and five million downloads, and my latest legal bill; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Pornhub: The Promised Land of de-platforming, taking protesting teenagers off the streets for their own safety, gearing up for "The Revenge of the Jedi", the Squatty Potty debate, Maddox's attempt at a $2,545 shakedown, how to tell if a chick is ovulating, Captain Jack*ss investigates Dustin's Dickumentary, how many chicks is too many chicks, the Omnibus bill, eating hair, Ron Babcock is "sorry not sorry", and Chutzpah explodes all over the lolsuit with a new motion for sanctions; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Chick Jeopardy, Intersectional Engineering, Brad from Phone Losers gets raided by the FBI, replacing your credit card numbers, making the NRA friendlier, Peach has more issues with the bathroom, MyRoomRecords releases "Too Small of an Album", St. Patrick's Day, midnight miracle vomiting, Squatty-Potties, the mustard bet, an erotic forgery, "My First Sanctions", Maddox's newly filed and massively frivolous hissy-fit, and the show prepares to pass FIVE MILLION DOWNLOADS; all that and more this week on the Dick Show!

An altercation with a cliche on International Women's Day, why no one goes to sporting events, The Dodgers commit Opening Day ticket extortion, Peach sends in her greatest Jass number yet, the effect of weed on the police, Grant Mooney has a new podcast, Nick Rekieta Bible-splains to me, why Rucka will never be on this show, Martin Shkreli makes people happy, more sure-fire pickup lines from America's Wingman, and Maddox admits to impersonating "Heather S" [in an attempt to destroy Asterios' career]; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Dick Show Album charts at #2 in Billboard comedy, Vicodin hoarding nurses, brushing my teeth with new things, youth sports parents, Male Autism, David Hogg is a little POS, FigBat DiggerNick gets kidney stones, UPS postage reuse, Larry's Flag Day, Harmful Opinions talks Twitch ToS violations, uppity waitresses, customer service hostages, the Corporatocracy, and the cuck bounty; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Road Rage: Portland, planting the strip club seed, women hiding your stuff, bathroom fans that are too quiet, playing the poop blues, cops preventing crimes, 80s Guy loses his keys, the Portland Goss Bomb, Jane Walker Black, the future dystopia and the purchasing power of women, The Dick Show IQ Test, double doors, self-censorship, and getting my nipples pulled off; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Dick Show Album is released and hits #1 in ALL CATEGORIES, I have an altercation with someone else's neighbors, The Maddox IQ Test story, catching your pocket on door handles, a new working lolsuit theory, my life-threatening whale T-shirt, Peach tells us how to identify a lesbian, The Winter Cuck Olympics, Madcucks news, school shootings are not news, Sean and I get in several arguments, and Maxwell Kimball shows Maddox's breakup letter to 80s Girl to girls in high school who give their honest opinions; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

People who ignore "The Zipper", the mystery of my broken toilet, Smiley my broken handyman, "My House" TV has turned me into a dog, Nick Rekieta calls in with some Hot Goss about Maddox's maybe two or three time DUI lawyer "Dog Bite" Kevin Landau, Asterios' Cernovich sex tape, a special erotic story for Valentine's Day, Sean learns to ride a bicycle, The Skate Mate, being on The Milo Yiannopoulos show, the feminist caliphate, drunk dogs, and the nature of getting caught; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The bikini chicks from Ivan "Ironman" Stewart's Super Off-Road, Western Feminism intersects with Islamic Fundamentalism, eSports "practice", the "fake because", April O'Neil, the endless blue balls of waiting on a single computer part, forgetting your wallet, Jordan Petersen is Al Bundy with statistics, the time I smuggled weed into Belgium, people who see each other driving when they're driving, nymphs are NSFW, Holy Testicle Tuesday, resistance training like a woman, and history with Kian Magaña; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Ultimate Douchebag Machine, Acting!, Small Time Tyrants, Dexter meets The Gimp, Coach is pregnant, a mob of angry Q's from Google target Nick Rekieta, The 2018 "Be More F-able" Challenge, Smeagol in bed, what Lettuce Jones missed the most in jail, the buying power of Dickels, Negasterios calls in, Stephen Universe is Degenerate: Part 2, Layc's Singled Out, and advice for the guy who couldn't get off; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Yoga pants vs. bustles, NSFW: a pitch for the mutually beneficial segregation of men and women, "content" ruined the Internet, man's endless quest to escape the mob, "Steven Universe" is degenerate, The Women's March, oddguy from Encyclopedia Dramatica calls in with a lolsuit of their own, a school shooting gone wrong, my erotic pallet of familial Jungian archetypes, children singing obscene songs, the One-And-Done Champion, "Look Who You Made Me Sue", the ruination of modern pornography, bras, better studio lighting, "The Rise and Fall of Maddox the Loser", Road Rage: Portland, and Dickels: the first and only comedy podcast ICO; all that and more this week on The Dick Show.

Katt Williams chews out Asterios for his $600 invoice, "The Fountainhead" and making furniture with my dad, a "hehe" laugh track, women and Mario Kart, Justin Rupple does impressions in bed, more information on the "Heather" fiasco, getting vicariously rejected, Adam P'nache: Cajun Attorney, who hates swearing, "You're Welcome (For the Snacks)" by Myroom Records, Webber Shandwick puts me on blast, I don't believe Mr. Fancypants buys his own clothes, and I get roasted by a child; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Weed should be illegal again, Count Dankula calls in with a fuckery update, Denzel gets cramps, Nick Rekieta goes over Asterios' lolsuit defense and defines defaming, Scotland brings the dumbest asshole in the world out of retirement, an erotic story of an attempted ravishment, The Dick Show Album draws near, the world's wiggliest dildo, Road Rage: Portland is confirmed, I fix Dredd in a new Dicktation, car alarms, throwing chicken skins in the garbage, and Sean is not attracted to a cartoon; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

#NotMyShower, Policing Language of Dehumanization, The Waut3rgate Leaks: Part II, unbelievable loading spinners, Maddox's Christmas Lights, 10-round magazines, exact change, manipulative popups, a reimagining of Aeosp's Fables, Don't Walk...Run, "hehe", megalomania, destroying small businesses, and Dickles; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Yawn Police, post-seasonal regret, lies on Tinder, getting to first base with an alien, universal habitat for humanity, how to handle your gentleman's sausage in space, how to have sex in space suits, Antarctica's semen policy, sour grapes, Madcucks' invoice, Asterios' new lolsuit, and ordering oatmeal at a fancy restaurant; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Office Christmas party disasters, Asterios defends his $600 invoice, email auto-responders, the Pope embarrasses himself again, Star Wars is not Star Wars, Net Nuetrality [sic], Cracked calls me the face of "conservative comedy", Jamie's outsourced news segment, Jesus, Lost Legos, many bing bong remixes, $5 oil fights, new Christmas traditions, and the Race War; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Asterios tops the Billboard music charts for the second time this year, VERY FAKE NEWS CNN attacks me with violent alt-left phraseology, Kian likes Malort, my YMCA reboot, Eastern fetishization and the night of ten thousand bing bongs, my unstoppable Magic: The Gathering deck, Asterios' $600 invoice, how to properly follow police instructions, the great Madbux buy out, things I am advised not to say about a marriage, Wikipedia begging, how to wear the TDS Gentleman's Hoodie, the TDS Top Gay calls in with Hot Goss, the meat machine works against you, how to send your neighbors a message, and Izzy's story about sex toy returns; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Christmas lights and looking at Christmas lights, furries vs. cat ladies vs. cat cafes, Coach's $61.00 invoice, Road Rage: Chicago and the minds blown therein, "Thank You" cards, self-identification of hardness, Kimball vs. Peach: the Cuckening, short privilege, many NSFW rants, Braveheart II: The Patriot, my drunk driving self-driving car app, and throwing up in Jujutsu class; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

My legal dream team, not helping someone up when they're down, Madcucks reads his own version of the letter, Carmen Mandiego, flu shots are a scam, falling off a child's bicycle ramp, Larry doesn't wax-off at his TNS Dojo--if you know what I'm talking about, Bitcoin retirement homes, silicone ice trays, Ken White sends out the Popehat signal and despises me, a keen eye for Morlocks branding, I track down the Maddox fan who I believe is responsible for all vulgar abuse directed at Mental Jess, the fate of free speech online rests in the hands of Santa Cuck, unboxing dress shirts, dominant hands, and I steal an entire podcast from Madcast Media, how's that for irony? All that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The LOLSUITs against me build on multiple fronts, I find a smoking gun for the first biggest mistake in the universe, Sean and I attempt to imagine the unimaginable, wearing jeans at the beach with no underwear, having to poop while you're camping, Peach sends in a jass number, the file-a-lawsuit kit, using fancy words to show off, paying half attention, Mister Metokur makes a video about the lolsuit, the 867-5309 joke, losing a frisbee, full-bone hangovers, a young man's first BTFO, stealing people, and I give an impassioned plea for Maddox to give up on entertainment and leave Los Angeles to for his own well-being. How's that for irony? All that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Implicit and explicit misogyny, I am wrong several times, dopamine and talking about doing things but not doing them, I grade Louis CK's sexual harassment apology, getting negged about the show, antics at a smash room, Diego saves Chicago, Peach gets erased from a Maddox video, Adam Panache calls in with a Cajun meme game, a caller who went to an SJW church, Peach has a problem with me, The Dick Show Album nears completion, how Tinder and pre-emptive opting out has ruined the world, National Novel Writing Month, Layc's laugh track, an erotic story in a retirement home, and Sean fights with his brother; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The Ballad of LA Phil, Cab Calloway's corpse and the Chicago scat man championships, John Stamos is a terrible singer, Cupboards are a scam, Boneitis draws my fursona, the Great Pyramid according to Bill Guy, how to flip eggs over easy, Kevin Spacey puts a stop to a pretend female president, Madame Nash calls in with a meme-based game--and then calls back again to complain about it, some facts about Cuck Norris, Jamie and Layc sit next to each other, a very bitter loss against the Houston Astros, annoying girls who have alcoholism, noisy windshield wipers, and Sean gets a T-shirt; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Banned from Twitter, shoulder nipples on leather jackets, corporate birthday wishes, Randy's too-hard high-fives, Coach builds a step, internalizing authority, Adam Nash calls in, how to eat a cinderblock, modern infomercials, my new cereal, a DickHead in the publishing industry, Blaire Witch urinal positions, and Bitcoins; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

"F*ck Whales" bombs, the economics of publishing, #MeToo Musical Chairs, a sure-fire fix for power-tripping policemen, Crocodile Dundude hunts the Australian Internet Outback for book sales, Madcucks returns for Road Rage: Chicago, shutting down crosswalks for children, several songs about cucks, cutesy error messages, the Lena Dunham meme hero, the trans Playboy issue, blurring lines, misremembering the A-Team, and I'm writing a new book; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Road Rage: Los Angeles, the Boy Scouts' new crappy merit badges, upgraded security measures, the time Sean and I triggered an overly protective father, promise rings, Bill Guy the Science Dude takes questions, Demolition Man trivia, DIY Sisyphus and the endless Home Depot trip, the purpose of sphincters, building stairs, man-scratching posts, the precariousness of the 19th amendment, fistfights at the show, the offensive line at the show, stage dives at the show, the Biggest Problem Lost Episode giveaway, a very uncomfortable investigation, and fan favorites turning heel; all that and more this week on The Dick Show.

Gun Week, Shark Week, GIF vs. JIF, why everything is "toxic", give me a hobby or give me death, the gratuitous lols of online creeps, Schrödinger's Racist, not taking chick sports reporters seriously enough, a flowchart of crappy gun arguments, the time I got Harvey Weinerstein'ed, Bill Guy the Science Dude is back, the lackluster money shot of a Rick and Morty finale, the Wheel of Fortune National Anthem, Maddox misses a trademark deadline, wedding invitations, a new way to talk to people, and the average man is illegal; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The season of obligations begins, I send Peach to the hospital, being a ghost vs. being a man, a libertarian haunted house, an apology cryptocurrency, front-of-the-line passes, Japanese suicide phones, men holding hands under any circumstance, the Sean hentai challenge, my Rick and Morty prediction, Lowtax gets banned from Twitter, Sean's secret Instagram account, a shocking revelation by Peach that upstages my erotic story, smart soda machines, anti-robites and the curse of the blue collar opiate addiction, and Captain Jackass with Hooker News from Facebook; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

"What have you been up to?", soft water, the National Anthem and the un-skippable cut scene, defending a woman's honor, Mr. Fancypants does a bad job pitching his novel, Denzel songs, Asterios vs. Madcucks, the Dick Show calendar, life in low-definition, High School Musicals, Facebook News, Christian Ronaldo fighting muggers, Lacy's non-existent ideal man, and the crisis of leverage; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The scourge of phony lollers, real life cupcake wars, sex vs. a hangover, picky garbage men, [email protected] gets a hit, the slow death, the kid with better stuff than you, Sam Hyde's War on Pornography, several musical tributes to Sean's D, condensation and condescension, organic comedy supplements, Choose Your Own Adventure books, Goss Squad interviews Asterios Kokkinos, Asterios' School of Satire, Denzel makes a girl cry, and Sean doesn't get Family Guy pornography; all that and more this week on the Dick Show!

Modern church and the devil of incompetence, the volume box on your iPhone, Sean's Dingus Fantasy Football Team, people who throw beachballs over the side at baseball games, putting an end to that Ed Sheeran song, girls who are worried about looking "too buff", drunk time traveling, gay detecting computers in the Middle East, Madcucks-gestions on how to interview, auto-playing news videos, customer service at Pornhub, Matt Miller Ink, and the live show tattoo; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Sean's performance review/birthday, ROAD RAGE: LOS ANGELES, fire alarms make me wish I was burning to death, Rocketman and asteroid mining, Steve Hofstetter, comedian pilots, airport bean bags, I don't know what is a parsec, Asterios' alt-right business ideas, Hazencruz's fat girls on Tinder song, package thieves and Jokey Smurf, The Indiana Jones Leather Man BAG network, Trump Sci-Fi, an acceptable reason to abandon your family, pee arguments, the tipping point of a hangover, taking a plane crash to he face, and problems with The Red Cross; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Hurricane Hindsight and the party of the century, Back to School and the orgy of the matriarchy, using the F-bomb on TV, Mr. Fancypants in studio, the Super Nintendo f'ed in the a machine, the Black Experience, Gab's ICO and Andrew Torba calls in, seppuku for IT blunders, sacrificing virgins, PSA for moms: the triple parentheses, the secret of the meme factory, a monster truck rally, terrible wedding gifts, the fake boob blathering drunk stare, an erotic story resolution, The LA Live Show, the causes of the Civil War, and a completely new way to pee incorrectly; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

A really bad mood, a plethora of positive platitudes, throat bubbles, the stupid eclipse, UTIs or UT-lies, the Confederacy, a parody song from Hazencruz, a flatulent erotic story, virtual book burning, theme park revisionism and the eternal present, Nazis and chicks looking for free dinners, Mayweather v. McGregor, me v. The Mystery Box, the time I tried to make a movie with Edward James Olmos, the masterpeen, Mexican vocabulary, the LA show, a voicemail threatens to destroy me, and a doctoral thesis in armchair psychology when a girl wants to look at your phone; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

The worst thing politicians do, a call from a fake policeman, Nazis and tiki torches, Asterios' birthday cuck cake,The Dukes of Hazzard, Aydin Paladin vs. Asterios, boobs on a battleship, trans in the military, America's imaginary stupid baby, the pressure cooker, the world's dumbest fans, another leak, racist carbon credits, and heroes; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!

Rage math, fat mannequins, my man moves to Abu Dhabi, fit models for your fly, getting stranded, the world's most fun car, surprise parties, Target vs. CVS, an existential crisis over a cute waitress, a weight loss tip you've never heard before, making out with beer, Google's War on Engineers, and the show gets a producer; all that and more this week on The Dick Show!