The Biggest Problem in the Universe

Episode 57 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Social Justice Warriors (SJW) 10786 Shitty Dads 2508 Soy 1439 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We’ve got two 800-lb gorillas of problems this week where Dick and I put up a rare united front to the afront of the outrage-army. Plus the other 800-lb gorilla: people who eat soy. More specifically, soy itself. I’ll bring in the people another time. Here is my Twitch channel. I kept saying “twitch dot com” when it’s actually “twitch dot tv:” Could there be a Street Fighter Alpha 2 competition in the works? Sounds like a question only a pro gamer can answer. Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Go to https://casper.com/biggest and use the promo code “biggest” to get $50 off, or don’t to pay $50 more. Here’s the fan art we talked about during this episode: By Gorepump By Rob Hyde And finally, here’s that Chet Hanx quote: Awesome Thumbnail credit: Eliazar Tatar Thumbnail sources: Flickr – Flag Flickr – Knights Flickr – Castle Sources: Oxford Journal of Medicine – Soy makes your sperm weak. Men’s Health – Some of the negative effects of soy. WebMD – A lot of the claims here don’t have external sources, so take them with a grain of salt. Or drop of soy sauce. Journal of Personality & Social Psychology – Women who are told to “ask” for a raise do so as opposed to women who are told to “negotiate” for one, p607.

Episode 56 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Teleology 2370 Honor Killings 2274 The Netflix "Are you still watching?" Button 345 High Heels -817 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Ever wonder why things happen? Turns out it’s for a reason. Also, I bring in the two big “H” problems this week: honor killings and high heels. Dick and Sean think wobbly feet and permanent injury are a small price to pay for beauty. Thanks to Audible for sponsoring this episode, thanks to you for supporting us but thanks most of all to me for everything. Go to http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest for your free audio book download. Apparently talking about high heels, honor killings and teleology aren’t nearly as contentious as talking about the Netflix, as you’ll hear near the end of this episode with the debut of our new guest-host: Baby-Dick. Sources: Osteopathic.org – High heel statistics BBC – Honor killings are believed to have originated in tribal customs. Wikipedia – Emo killings in Iraq Stanford.edu – Teleology in biology Ashford University – Take the quiz. Are you a teleology?

Episode 55 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Pregnancy 1555 Tractors Pulling Out In Front Of You 1179 Speech Recognition 945 Pizza Snobs 714 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We have a super-stuffed episode this week that’s bursting at the seams with the amniotic fluid of comedy. Plus a certain DIGITAL CYBER DEMON stops by with an Internet report. Did you know those exist? Broaden your horizons. Also, one of us is an armchair evolutionist (hint: see sources below to settle the debate). And here’s that kickass artwork that we talked about at the start of this episode: By: Jacob Mantia (some artwork may be NSFW) Make sure to listen past the closing theme of this episode to hear the song sent in by David Ellerie and my favorite Asterios bit to date. Speaking of, here are the credits: Hilarious thumbnail: Jack Tubbs Asterios Bits: BED MUSIC: Cybersdf – https://soundcloud.com/cybersdf/ Night on Bald Mountain – Mussorgsky SOUND EFFECTS: Thunder – SoundBible Correction: The “Cock Wankerson” voicemail about cyclists was by John Costanzo, not David Ellerie. Sources: Tufts.edu – Early Greek pizzas called “plakous” Berkeley.edu – MISCONCEPTION: Evolutionary theory implies that life evolved (and continues to evolve) randomly, or by chance.

Episode 54 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Perfectionism 2355 People Who Complain About Being Cold All The Time 1142 Forest Fires 589 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week, idiots who are too hot and idiots who are too cold. I bring in a problem and a potential solution to that problem in the same episode (though still a problem in its own right). Dick and Sean walked right into my trap that I baited them with this episode. Plus, we reveal that Shifty Sean actually did bring in a problem for our 1-year-anniversary, but the problem mysteriously got deleted. Who could have done it? What happened? We’ll find out soon enough… Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” for $5 off your first purchase. In case you missed the announcement last episode, here’s the book announcement. Thumbnail Credit: Jack Tubbs Sources: WildfireToday – Some surprisingly robust statistics about forest fires FEMA – Some cool deathly statistics about forest fires.

Episode 53 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Bad Blowjobs 1846 Psychics 1751 Automatic Sensors 959 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week we’re joined by the very funny and badass, Ron Babcock. His Instagram account, @heyron, has some of the best tour photos I’ve ever seen. Here’s one of my favorite sketches Ron has done: Last episode lured a lot of armchair economists out of the woodwork, and everyone except for me and a few critical thinkers in the comments section turned out to be idiots. Ironically, the care package we received last episode with the broken bottles turned out to be way more valuable than had those bottles shown up intact. Maddox: 1, Economists: 0 (forever). Speaking of psychics, I didn’t have time to mention it on the show, but in 2011 a psychic claimed to have a vision about a mass grave in Texas, which caused police to search an innocent couple’s property while the FBI, police dogs and helicopters buzzed overhead, which caused their neighbors to think they might be murderers. The psychic turned out to be wrong (gasp). This week’s sponsor is our own bonus episode, thanks for supporting our show: Bonus Episode 7 In case you missed the announcement last episode, here’s the big news: I’m writing a new book. Thumbnail credit: All me And finally, the closing song, “Maddoxnomics”, by Robert Araujo. Sources: Discovery – Fake predictions by fake psychics cause real damage to real people Caltech – Tangshan Earthquake shits all over the broken window fallacy: p. 852, “A contract system in which the building funds came from future profits and tax relief.”

Episode 52 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Armchair Economists 940 Bicyclers -130 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Our big 1 year anniversary episode! And my big announcement is finally here: Click here or go to hellThis is our biggest episode yet and may be one of my favorite episodes. Easily in the top 52 of all time. Dick is so blinded by the butt-hurt he feels towards cyclists that he refuses to even call them “cyclists.” Plus I’m so blinded by the butt-hurt from all you idiots that I demolished your stupid “broken window fallacy” that all you morons kept parroting in the comments last episode. More like broken-record fallacy. Here’s the hilarious song by @BandWagonBedlam: And Bags of Sand by Christopher Strand Want to support our show? Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” (or just click on the link) for $5 off your first purchase. And here are all the pictures from the Butt Sanchez package: Special thanks to @Reverend_Scott and Andy McKee for the song at the end. Make sure to listen past the closing theme song. Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs And in case my website goes down due to traffic, here’s a direct link to the sign-up form: sign up here. Sources: About – The busted broken window fallacy Investopedia – The broken window fallacy in more detail Expert Reviews – Some of the technology and industries that came out of World War II Bicycle Universe – Bikes vs. Cars Energy Calculator Daily Mail – Bicycling wrecks your prostate

Episode 51 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Earthquakes 2186 Gossip 1405 Flowers 1028 Bachelor Parties 388 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Ever heard of an industry so shitty that boycotting it would make things worse? Think about that next time you buy flowers for your mom. And speaking of, happy Mother’s Day, suckers! And I didn’t even get to mention this in the episode, but the simple act of buying your wife flowers will make her think you’re cheating on her (source below). Plus, a big announcement on my website… Also, Dick brings in a problem that objectively deserves to be on this list. Just not higher than #11. We’re one episode away from our milestone of 52! What a fun number, just rolls off the tongue. Thumbnail: Diego Rivera, The Flower Carrier, 1935 Sources: US Leap – The depressing lives of flower workers Times of India – Buying flowers for your wife? Nice try, cheater. Psychology Today – To gossip or not to gossip? That is the stupid title.

Episode 50 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Unexpected Guests 2754 High School Prom 1950 First-Time Child Experts 907 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Big surprise this week in our Big 50th episode, and what may be the most elaborate prank Dick and I have ever experienced. We’re joined by special guest, @Asterios again. Except now he has a new nickname: The Sneaky Greek or Greek Sneak, along with his sidekick, Shifty Sean. Speaking of, here’s the brilliant “The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man” series: http://devastatorpress.com/megaman2/ And because you asked, here’s a picture of Sean: Special thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode, go to casper.com/biggest. It really helps us support the show, thanks to everyone who has supported our sponsors for keeping us going for 50 episodes. The hilarious song/voicemail at the end of the episode is by @Reverend_Scott with music by Andy McKee. Make sure to listen past the closing theme song. And finally, here’s that fan art sent in by Canon Manley of drunk Dick throwing a shitty orange. You know it’s not a Cara Cara orange because I’d be right there to catch it in my mouth: Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Sources: New York Times – Unwanted parenting advice from strangers Scary Mommy – Snarky response to unwanted parenting advice from actual parents to actual parents (aka, not Dick)

Episode 49 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Wage Gap Truthers 3914 Reefer Madness 2200 Getting Too High -138 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); It was 4/20 this week, which means everyone lights up and celebrates weed on the day Hitler was born. Dick makes an impassioned case for why pot should be legalized, and why people who smoke too much of it are idiots. We also go more in-depth about the wage gap article and video I released recently. Here it is in all its debunking glory: Here’s the Charlie Brown fan art we received from John Nikolouzos: And this accurate piece: And for those of you who are still blazing, here is the Sativa Sean song by Christoffer Strand. Thumbnail credit: Clay Rodery, Illustrator. http://www.clayrodery.com/ Sources: Maddox – Nobody will ever read them, but all my sources are here

Episode 48 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Obesity 4495 Bacon Worship 2419 Income Tax 1243 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); I’ve got a stats for you. Who has two thumbs, an expensive watch and is writing this episode’s post? Dick Masterson, that’s who. Like usual, controversy begins before the show does as we count down to a major milestone, but which one are we counting down to? 50 episodes or 1 year? Voice your opinion in the comments or by voting down monkeys. Maddox attempts to shit himself out of the shit he stepped in with last week’s Guardians of the Galaxy problem. That problem went down harder than the Titanic. Or did it? Maybe we’ll find out in the next 30-second installment. I bring in a timely vote grab: Income Tax. Maddox brings in some alarming stats on obesity, like that cars and trucks consume 938 million additional gallons of fuel per year transporting the weight Americans have put on since the 60s. And lastly, we invite everyone who worships at the Church of Bacon to try a bacon-wrapped go-fuck-yourself. See you next Tuesday. Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Sources: WHO – Obesity stats CDC – Fat adolescents increased over 400% since 1980 LiveScience – Cars & Trucks consume more fuel to haul ass National Priorities – Tax money comes in, Tax money goes out Tax Foundation – Average worker pays over $8,000 in income tax Whitehouse.gov – Tax Calculator, if you put in your salary and turn it upside-down, it says FUCK YOU.

Episode 47 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Losing Your Cell Phone 1787 "Wash Me" -951 Guardians of the Galaxy -2855 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); I gave everyone blue balls by hinting that I’d bring in Guardians of the Galaxy a few episodes ago. Well it has finally come. And by it, I mean you. I shit all over the movie in this episode. I didn’t even get to all of my gripes due in part to Dick’s inexplicable love for boring superheroes like Superman. And here’s the little dick that Dick found on his car. I wonder who drew this work of art? Dick suggested that there was no other movie in which the good guy distracts the bad guy with dance, so I did some research. Here you go: Stupid Austin Powers dance to destroy the “fembots:” Lion King (thanks to listener Sayan Ban for pointing this out): Uhura from Star Trek dancing to distract the bad guys: Chris Tucker from Rush Hour basically only had a repertoire of dance moves (though technically this wasn’t done to distract the bad guy since his car has already been exploded): Sources: TV Tropes Great Escape TV Tropes Spanner in the works Twitter @tweet_secrete – “One of these things…” song Picosong Full Dick BBC song

Episode 46 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. Vine Stars 1673 The BBC -271 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Big episode this week, with the most elaborate Dick vs Dick in the show’s history, going all the way back to episode 1. Also, Dick’s penchant for shitty Vine videos and his hatred of the BBC. I love the BBC and I would change my last name to BBC out of spite if I had a last name. Here’s the picture of what I’d look like with a sumo bun. Even when someone tries to make me look like a hipster, I look like a badass. Sources: IB Times Rainn Wilson drops vine star BBC – BBC Fees The Guardian – BBC Spendings Wikipedia – How BBC fees are collected Twitter – Dick’s agenda to ban the BBC

Episode 45 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Penis Injuries 2765 Utah 2631 Mars One 2535 Loud Talkers 2374 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Love overbearing governments, nothing to do and anal? Utah might be for you. Plus, Dick breaks his penis and I eat a steak with a dash of barf. Here’s that clip from Boiler Room I mentioned in this episode: “We could use you at a two.” And here’s the bingo game again if you want to play along while listening: http://nathanc.me/bpbingo Update: The 3kHz hum has been fixed. It was filtered out and shoved up someone’s ass. Here’s Greg Simon’s full song played this episode: “If He Could Turn Back Time: Dick vs Dick” Sources: Purdue Review – Defining Conservatism Thrillist – Some of the crazy drinking laws in Utah Harris Polls – Loud talkers ranks #2 on the list of annoyances Medium – Mars One “Scam” and the full story

Episode 44 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #4 of 4: Vote on the problems below: Well-Intentioned Idiots 4748 The Huffington Post 3391 Unsolicited Advice 2661 Smart Phone Fact Finding Fuckheads -178 Kid Prison -696 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Here’s the article that this week’s problem was based on: http://thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=dancing_man Dick, the contrarian-in-chief, did his best to defend party girls. I go into a lot more detail on my website with relevant tweets and sources: The final live episode that we recorded at YouTube Space is available here: LIVE Episode #4 Thanks to us for sponsoring this episode. Here’s a link to the bonus episode we played clips from at the top of the show: Bonus Episode 5. Also available on iTunes. Sources: Maddox – The Dancing Man and the Cult of Well-Intentioned Idiots Rolling Stone – Rolling Stone article with editor’s note

Episode 43 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #3 of 4: Vote on the problems below: Chump Syndrome 2088 Spoiler Cry Babies 1260 The Pronoun "They" 276 People Who Turn Left -435 Having Sex In Weird Places -1705 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Spoiler alert: if you care about spoilers, you’re an idiot and your children won’t get into a good college. In this episode, I make a case for how left turns cause terrorism and Dick reminisces about his man and the Duke & Dutchess of weed. Speaking of, here are a few of those Sean memes: Thanks to @HeroGreg Watch LIVE Episode #3 by clicking on the link I mentioned eight words ago in this sentence. Three down, one to go. Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Here are the pictures of fat people made skinny from Reddit’s FatsoShop thread: Thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the code biggestproblem when checking out to save $5 off your purchase and it’ll help our show. Here’s the dashcam footage that listener Zach Garness sent in where a car loses control and fishtails (probably turning left) while he was listening to The Biggest Problem in the Universe in the background: And here’s Wauterboi’s song we played at the end of this episode. Finally, Bonus Episode 5 and the great Oculus Rift debate is now available on iTunes. Sources: PubMed – Manuka honey shits all over Dick’s superbug problem. Maybe. USA Today – No left turn: Companies try to save fuel as prices rise Washington Post – The case for almost never turning left while driving Bloomberg – UPS Makes no left turns in quest to deliver sustainability

Episode 42 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock. The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #2: Vote on the problems below: Student Loans 4184 Fit Shaming 2384 Superbugs 1435 Hotdog Truthers 1031 People Who Complain About What Others Are Doing On Social Media -176 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); The backlash to “fat shaming” seems to be “fit shaming,” which is abjectly stupid. I could spend all day eating overpriced steak while standing in line at the Apple store and hammering nails into my pee-hole, and fit-shamers would still be dumber. Also, Dick doubles down on his non-theory about allergens, and doesn’t like to read NPR or any other news source. I also get yelled at for fact-checking as a side effect of Dick’s powerful anti-fact antibodies. Despite that, I was correct about the life-expectancy rate around the turn of the century (sources below), as well as the BBC article about peanutbutter, the NPR article about the new antibiotic that kills superbugs. I’m right about everything. Also, the Live episode #2 is live. Easter Egg: At the end of this episode, I went on a rant about “lucid dreaming” and mentioned an article I wrote but never posted. It’s actually available on my server, and the URL is pretty obvious if you look for it. If anyone finds the article, I’ll post it here and give you a shout-out. Well that was fast. Listener Justin Main found the article almost immediately after this episode went live. So as promised, here it is, my previously unpublished article titled: “Lucid Dreaming is a waste of time” – http://www.thebestpageintheuniverse.net/c.cgi?u=lucid_dreaming Thumbnail Credits: Thanks to illustrator @sword_and_ink for the kickass thumbnail. Here’s the picture from the Brazzers porn, “Tour of London: Part Two,” that a fan sent in to compare to my jacket from the live episode: Thanks to Audible. Check out http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest for a free audio book download. And here’s the fit-shaming image of Maria Kang: Sources: NPR – The NPR article that shits all over Dick’s problem this week. BBC – Children who started eating peanuts earlier in life had allergy levels 10 times lower than children who didn’t. So I guess it’s crazy to extend this theory to other allergens or drugs we’re exposed to, even though it applies to hot sauce, martial arts and caffeine. Berkeley – Life expectancy by decade Thumbnail: Illustrator – @sword_and_ink FDA – Petri Dish NIAID – Bacteria

Episode 41 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Recently Enlightened People 1844 Hay Fever 979 Bathroom Attendants 591 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We are joined by a very special, fan-favorite guest this week. You asked for it, so you got it. Here’s a plug for our guest’s upcoming project: Fans of angry rebukes of our fans should love this episode. Plus, live episode 2 coming next Tuesday, March 3rd. Also, “Guardians of the Galaxy” sucks full-time. Everyone’s an idiot except for me. Sincerely, -Maddox, Thought Leader Thumbnail by: Clay Rodery, Illustrator. http://www.clayrodery.com/ Sources: The Telegraph – Honey includes wind-blown pollens from grass and birch trees that may help mitigate allergy symptoms. Boring as Heck – Science for the motherfreaking win.

The wait is over: The Biggest Problem in the Universe – LIVE #1: Vote on the problems below: Episode 40 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Newscasterbation 2304 Ethnic Cleansing 2268 Other People Shitting In Your Toilet Who Are Not You 878 Nerd Culture -149 People Who Love To Sleep -732 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); First: this episode was delayed, the live episode was delayed, everything is delayed. The reason is because we ran into some technical hurdles for legal clearance because it turns out it was too awesome. It’s a bunch of technical bullshit that nobody cares about, not even us, but the episode is coming either late tonight or early tomorrow morning (Feb 18). If it doesn’t, I’ll shave Dick’s eyebrows as punishment. The live episode is live. This episode we hear more stupid Titanic bullshit, along with a fan-made Titanic song by Grant Mooney, which is among the worst things I’ve ever heard (up there with babies and the laughter of children). Then we hear a cool song by Jiggity Smith. And our favorite segment, “On this day in Shitstory” makes a return thanks to Boisterous Coconuts. Sources: WebMD.com – The risks of oversleeping, which include death, diabetes and being an idiot. ABC News – Christiane Amanpour biography – she’s one smart cookie.

Episode 39 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Rose Peddlers 2400 Valentine's Day 2395 Sex With The Ex -64 Love -1745 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Ever wanted to hear somebody defend “love” on the grounds that it cures cancer? Hope you like fallacies, because Dick cites a study that does just that without controlling for variables such as increased access to insurance benefits and medical care for couples who are married. Love increases oxytocin levels in your body, which makes you more trusting. In other words, a mark. It’s the same feeling animals get when licked, or thieves get when they plan a heist. Enjoy getting taken advantage of, suckers. As for me? I’m an unloved genius. And finally, Dick trades in all his remaining man points to defend Valentine’s Day. Big thanks to Casper for sponsoring this episode. Here’s the picture of the box my King mattress came in. I’m genuinely impressed with the product, delivery and service: Get $50 off any mattress by going to https://casper.com/biggest and using promo code “biggest” Thanks to Clay Rodery for the kickass thumbnail. Send your Valentine’s Day Cupid Slaughter art to, [email protected]: Thumbnail credits: Clay Rodery, Illustrator – http://www.clayrodery.com/ Sources: Psychology Today – Why love is for suckers* (*May not be actual title) All The Tests – Compatibility test written for morons NPR – The Dark Origins of Valentine’s Day Statistic Brain – Depressing Valentine’s day statistics about how women send themselves flowers at work About Flowers – According to this survey, 19% of women buy themselves flowers on Valentine’s Day. Depressing.

Episode 38 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Ghostbusting the Patriarchy 2619 Type 2 Diabetes 2302 Black Income Disparity 1696 Automatic Hand Dryers 1110 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); If you haven’t listened to these episodes past the outro, you’re missing out–bro. we’ve been adding extra voicemail to the end of each episode. This time a fan, Tim Johns, sent in a “spicy erotic audio book” clip called “Changing the Sheets.” It’s an erotic adventure starring yours truly, Dick and a special Boisterous cameo. Also, prepare to be bummed out with a real problem. You idiots got what you asked for. Dick has a great problem for wrong reasons (full disclosure: opinion just expressed is not necessarily that of Dick’s), and I make a strong case for why automatic hand dryers are a bigger problem than diabetes. That is, unless you don’t think going deaf and breathing gallons of bacteria into your lungs is a problem. Sources: CNN – Black and White inequality stats CNN – The stat that made Sean do a double take Restroomdirect – Hand dryer noise levels Tork.com – Hand dryers increase bacteria-forming colonies on hands by up to 254% according to a University of Westminster study Edit: Here is Tim Johns’ erotic masterpiece “Changing The Sheets” without the commentary track.

Episode 37 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster No Fun League 920 The Travel Bug 877 Overpriced Vintage Clothing 37 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We are joined by comedy writer Nathan Buckley this week. He’s written a bunch of stuff, but the pinnacle of his career may very well be writing for The Biggest Problem in the Universe: Live Show. Here’s his badass Twitter account: @duplicitron. Also, another new “On This Day in Shitstory” by everyone’s most mysterious contributor, Boisterous Coconuts I snuck the problem of moths into my “overpriced vintage clothing” problem. You’re welcome. Here’s the fan art by @danielwarren86 that we talked about on the show. Dick vs Dick. Who will win? My money’s on Dick: Sources: Dailymail.co.uk – The threat of moths ruining your life is increased by up to 75% by vintage clothing NCRP.org – CEO of Portland’s Goodwill takes pay cut. Wikipedia – Goodwill’s orgy of executive compensation. Update: Listener @CallDaCopsIDGAF made this awesome Bingo-card for this week’s episode:

Episode 36 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Loud Muffler Douchebags 4170 Non-Porn Porn 2020 Jury Duty 735 Changing Your Sheets -1022 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We don’t often do this here at The Biggest Problem in the Universe, but as a public service announcement, we feel it necessary to mention the following: your obnoxiously-loud exhaust system isn’t impressive, won’t help you get laid and sounds like shit. You don’t need to announce your small penis at 110 decibels. Also, Dick didn’t send me any stats, so I researched it myself and found the bullshit-sounding “study” he referenced about different cars arousing men and women differently. The study was furnished by an insurance company called “Hiscox.” Sounds legit (source below). And here, for nobody’s viewing pleasure, some non-porn “space porn:” And “bacon porn” for all you idiots who can’t simply enjoy something without calling it “porn:” As for jury sizes being 12, it varies from country to country and can be as low as 6 in the US, while still meeting constitutional requirements. Sources: MoneySupermarket.com – Most common reasons people modify their cars: vanity. Wired.com – I did Dick’s research for him and actually found this study funded by “Hiscox.” Thumbnail credit: Jack Tubbs Thumbnail Sources: Episode 36 Image Sources Update: A few fans with a good eye noticed that this thumbnail is a reference to my 2002 hatemail article: http://maddox.xmission.com/hatemail.cgi#car Good job, Jack Tubbs.

Episode 35 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Manspreading Discontent 2677 Satire -3087 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); In this episode, I suggest banning satire and the larger implications of terrorist ideology and Dick wants to air out his crotch. Here’s to hoping we, as a society, create a national satire registry to check all written documents for witty or sarcastic language that is used to make a point, often ironically. Here’s the Big Boss fan art sent in by Jeremy Belcher: Yeah I have no neck in this image, that’s because I don’t need one. Another fan, Lilly Barrera, made her own Christmas sweater based on the thumbnail I created back in Episode 32: Lilly says, “I bought the sweater, but I knit the design into it myself. This is the first time I’ve ever knit.” First time, nailed it. This sweater will reverse the trend of ugly Christmas sweater parties and usher in a new era of sexually-arousing Christmas sweaters. We didn’t get to it on this episode, but here’s a link to an article about how one of the first victims in the Charlie Hebdo attack was a French Muslim police officer: Independent.co.uk: Ahmed Merabet And finally, here is the track by wauterboi, set in an alternate universe where Dick is a man: Alternate Universe

Episode 34 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Lesser Minds 2065 Detox Diets 1980 Hangovers 995 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); For our first regular episode of 2015, we cover diarrhea diets, otherwise known as “detox diets” like the “Master Cleanse” and “Fruit Flush,” which is aptly named. Dick has a hangover, so business as usual. Also, I get more petty than normal by responding very thoroughly to a long-ass criticism of my debating style. Here are some of the sources mentioned: Bonus Episode 3 – The great wine test NBC News – Experts say there’s little evidence that the Master Cleanse does anything non-diarrhea related. NPR – The body has its own detox system called your “liver” and “kidneys” Alternet – Some detox diets produce soap in your stomach Maddox – Side effects may include “gas with oily discharge” And finally, this uncomfortably sexy fan art by @sword_and_ink. Along with Maddox’s response: “WHY AM I THE CHICK? THIS IS BULLSHIT!” Thumbnail courtesy of: Jack Tubbs Image sources & attributions: Credits

Episode 33 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Made In China 1713 New Year's Resolutions 783 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Want to make a New Year’s resolution? How about solving world hunger or curing cancer while you’re at it. These are all things that are about as likely to occur because people treat New Year’s resolutions like magic lamps. Also, Dick thinks the majority of products from China are inferior, yet keeps buying products from China and supports companies like Walmart. We also received some gifts from our lovely transcribers, Laurie and Megan. Plus more outrageous claims and frustration when I ask for evidence. Here’s me bloviating from this episode: Dick and I laughing at each other’s expense: A reading from Cuss Control: Sean with his butter fingers: “What do I do with this?” Dick’s look is priceless: And here are some of the sources mentioned: StatisticBrain – University of Scranton Journal of Clinical Psychology Forbes – Just 8% of people achieve their New Year’s Resolutions USA.gov – Popular New Year’s Resolutions

Episode 32 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Sony 1902 Buying Christmas Gifts 1661 The Whole Virgin-Birth Thing 791 Ugly Christmas Sweater Parties 435 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week, Dick doubles down on an urban legend about euthanized pets in dog food, to the tune of 200 tons per month–all without a single shred of evidence. It’s a Christmas miracle! We also discuss the difficulties that apparently only I have in buying Christmas gifts for women. Then Dick predictably defends Sony for yielding to terrorists. Hint: it’s Obama’s fault for not installing anti-virus software. And finally, I point out the obnoxiousness of the phenomenon of “ugly Christmas sweater parties.” It’s a trendy, insincere, one-note joke that uncreative douchebags have glommed onto. So much so that the second result on Google is from people searching for “ugly Christmas sweater ideas.” What ideas are there to be had? It’s the same assembly of smug, ironic losers standing around swishing their red Solo cups, winking and nodding in self-satisfaction during their unintentionally ironic self-parodying party. And now they make this shit for dogs too, so your pet can also be in on your ironic cultural misstatement: Here are the sources and research for this episode: FDA – No pets in dog food Note: Much to Dick’s insistence to the contrary, the FDA tested 74 samples of dog food for the presence of cat and dog DNA. FDA – FDA does regulate pet food. FDA – Within FDA, the Center for Veterinary Medicine is responsible for the regulation of animal drugs, medicated feeds, food additives and feed ingredients, including pet foods. Dailytech – Here’s a flashback to Sony’s original DDoS debacle after screwing over their customers Here’s GeoHot’s “fuck you” to Sony: The Register – Sony’s bullying tactics to shut down Bleem! The Register – Sony employs illegal attacks to disrupt file sharing networks. RIP The Pirate Bay New York Times – Aaron Sorkin’s Opinion piece about the Sony hack and yellow journalism. Stay tuned for info about our live show. We’ll be posting it early-to-mid January if you want to schedule a doctor’s appointment to repair your kicked ass.

Episode 31 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Hunger 6598 Audio Engineers Deleting Podcasts 2678 Gourmet Dog Food 43 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We recorded two episodes this week, but only one will ever air. The reason? Tune in to find out. The thumbnail is a big hint. This week Dick tries to argue that hunger is a bigger problem than gourmet dog food, and misses the irony of a society that places higher value on feeding their dogs gourmet food than feeding starving people. You can’t simultaneously argue that hunger is a problem and that spending $3.30 for “vitamin-infused mountain-spring water” for your dog isn’t. Here are the sources mentioned in order: Stop Hunger Now: Dick’s impartial source NY Times: Boeuf Bourguignon Again? Pet Foods Go Gourmet NY Times: For the Dogs’ Has a Whole New Meaning Science Daily: Dog food goes gourmet: Nine emerging trends in pet food And finally, on a serious note, here’s the website mentioned in the show for non-offending pedophiles: http://www.virped.org/ And for those who want to listen to the entire “This American Life” clip referenced in this show, you may do so here: Tarred and Feathered Act Two: Help Wanted

Episode 30 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Pedophiles 3125 Goofy Lightsabers 143 Audiophiles -354 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Big episode about the two worst kind of “philes,” specifically the audio and pedo kind. This is an important episode. Especially Dick’s insight into goofy fictional swords. I’m posting all of the sources cited in this episode at the bottom of the post this time because I still think the constant stream of links peppered throughout articles are annoying and distracting. So in order of appearance, here are the sources cited: BBC: How Many Men are Pedophiles? The Daily Beast: What Science Reveals About Pedophilia Gizmodo: Audiophile Deathmatch: Monster Cables vs. a Coat Hanger NPR: Why vinyl sounds better than CD, or not. Vox: Vinyl’s great but it’s not better than CDs Wikipedia: Nyquist Shannon Theorem JSTOR: Florida State Study And finally, here’s a great video describing why I’m right, and why everyone who thinks vinyl is a superior music format is a slope-headed, subhuman, neanderthal moron: And in case you missed it, here’s the submission form for tickets to our first-ever live show on the 19th.

Episode 29 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Celebrity Worship 5811 Hipsters 2797 Bro-Downs 2760 Undercooked Rice -46 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Celebrity worship has given rise to anti-vaxxer dipshits, birthers, creationists and war zealots. In other words, some of the biggest problems in the universe. Here’s an article about the psychology of celebrity stalkers as well as some of the general characteristics of Celebrity Worship Syndrome. And here’s the classic song, “Being a dickhead is cool:” Even NPR has done stories about The Hipsterfication of America. If you wanted to hear the entire, uncut voicemail from Angelo’s mom, here it is: And finally, here’s video of the bro doing his Kamehameha at the party: Stay tuned for information about our live taping on December 19th in Los Angeles! Update: You can sign up for our live show using this link (or click on the image):

Episode 28 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Airline Surcharges 3989 Not Enough Black Friday Violence 2609 Mandatory Holiday Shifts 807 Snakes -2151 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Listen up, consumer whores! Want a federally mandated holiday off? Too bad! Even requesting a day off between November 15 and January 1st isn’t allowed in some stores. Not that it matters, because over half of consumers will be shopping online, so all these draconian slave-labor policies are moot. And the biggest horse-shit justification for all of this? Walmart thinks they’re doing you a favor, like airlines and gas stations. Speaking of airlines, good news: their profits are up because of ancillary revenue*. To the tune of $20.4 billion dollars. *Good news is strictly for the airlines, and not ass-hammered consumers. And now the House has anonymously approved the “transparent airfares act,” in a move to help destroy irony for all time. For some reason, there’s an incredibly detailed list of snake bite fatalities in the US. Specifically the preacher and his son who died while performing the miracle of mishandling a snake. And here’s the Black Friday Death Count scoreboard. Let’s hope it hits 7 billion this year! And finally, here are the bullshit songs Dick commissioned from someone just to gloat. I wasn’t sure what the titles of these songs were, so I named them myself: 1. Dick’s an asshole – douche guitar mix 2. Dick is a jerk store that’s open 24-hours a day that sells nothing but jerks, i.e., himself. Update: because people asked, here’s the alternate “Snakes Are Boring” thumbnail for this episode:

Episode 27 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Engineering Sexism 8632 Facebook 3092 Burlesque Dancers -2 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week, Boisterous Coconuts is back! Check out The Adventures of Twenty-Something Mega Man or the Digital Cyberdemon himself on Twitter. Here’s the article about the ways to be insufferable on Facebook. This was a big episode because there was a lot to cover, but I could have done an entire episode on Facebook alone. Lots more to come. And here’s the horse-shit outrage-porn where people are tripping over themselves to be offended at this guy’s bowling shirt that has apparently set back the civil rights movement by a decade or two. And here’s the video of the “Problem With Facebook” I mentioned in the episode: And finally, for reference, here’s the shirt in all its infamy:

Episode 26 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Diamonds 4069 People Who Don't Curb Their Dogs 2650 Fake Lawns 1496 Chaise Sofas -2016 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Think you can multitask like Dick? Then you’d better plan on scraping a lot of dog shit off your shoes because people can’t multitask. If you think you can, here’s a multitasking game with an unfortunate techno soundtrack to test yourself, or take this multitasking test from the New York Times to prove how woefully inadequate you are at multitasking. I am the only exception to the rule as I wrote this paragraph, created the thumbnail for this post in Photoshop and passed the Battletoads Bike Stage with my toes all while simultaneously pleasuring a supermodel and grilling Korean pork spare ribs. And as mentioned, here’s the article titled, Diamonds Are Bullshit. And here’s the very thorough and interesting article from The Atlantic that posits a simple question: Have You Ever Tried to Sell a Diamond? Finally, if you have 45 minutes to kill and want to get depressed, here’s what your arbitrary diamond-fixation is costing: Blood Diamonds: The True Story [VIDEO]

Episode 25 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock & Laurie Foster Pyramid Schemes / Herbalife 4403 Pennies 2087 Cop Motorcycle Fairings -413 Catcalling -1050 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Exciting news: our first-ever BONUS EPISODE is launching tomorrow available now! Dick finally mans up and accepts my hot sauce challenge, and we have a supercut of our very first unaired pilot that we recorded over 2 years ago. I sound like I haven’t aged a day… ever. As in, I sounded just like I did when I was a baby, which is exactly how I sound today. Here’s the NPR piece about the Problem With Pennies and the cool Coinflation.com website to see how worthless your money is. And here’s poor Larry David getting harassed just for walking down the street: And finally, here’s the ABC News piece I referenced on this episode: Thanks to listener Nik Berger for the “pennies” suggestion. Want to support our show? Special thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the promo code “BIGGESTPROBLEM” (or just click on the link) for $5 off your first purchase.

Episode 24 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Witch Alarmists 2221 People Who Don't Dress Up On Halloween 639 Not Enough Razor Blades In Candy 401 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); We are joined by Roger Barr, creator of I-Mockery.com and expert on all things Halloween. Check out his Twitter account at @imockery and his games here. Here’s the first thing that comes up when you Google razor blades in candy. And against all odds, people in Priest River, Idaho are more worried about dying from Ebola than they are about dying in Priest River, Idaho. And surprise surprise, Dick brought some stats in again this time; that’s 2 in a row! Or 2 out of 24, F. Here are the sad and disturbing statistics that 26% of people believe in witches, and the breakdown of the believers by generation. And as promised, here’s my Predator costume from Tournament of Nerds at Comic-Con: Are you a witch? You might be, and here’s some bullshit criteria you can check. And finally, here’s a taste of the hysteria surrounding razor blades in candy. Here’s my Tekkaman costume from Anime-Con a while back. I think I nailed it: Here’s another with a bunch of babes who were too busy fantasizing about me and being distracted by the attention to detail in my costume to look at the camera: And here is some nerd who was not amused when I photo-bombed his merry band of winners. He’s shooting pure daggers at me. Get over it dude, digital “film” isn’t a real commodity: It takes a second to snap a new photo, who cares? And finally, here’s the Curb Your Enthusiasm clip I referenced in this episode: Photo credit: Abhijit Tembhekar Update: Fan Antonio Piluso sent this in, “NAILED IT:”

Episode 23 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Ebola Alarmists 2909 Meetings 1961 Snapchats of Not Tits 1674 Chatty Uber Drivers -448 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Worried about Ebola? Don’t be. Worrying about getting Ebola makes you more susceptible to getting Ebola. Here’s Why Extreme Fear Of Ebola Is Bad For Your Health. And here are some facts about how overblown the Ebola threat is, when the flu will kill more people this year. And every year. And here’s the link to research about just how much of a time-suck meetings are. Here’s the kickass glow-in-the-dark shirt I mentioned. Everything should glow in the dark always. I don’t know why more shit doesn’t glow in the dark. If you don’t agree, prepare to be ostracized by all of your friends and family and more importantly, me. And finally, here’s the link to Warby Parker to support our podcast, look super cool and get free 3-day shipping. Dick snapped this photo during this episode while I was yelling about something (spoiler: everything). Edit: If you need more of that sweet, sweet outro, here it is: Maddox, Dick Masterson, Please Stop the Fighting by wauterboi

Episode 22 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster California Drought Dickbags 2796 Hippies 2591 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Here’s the 1984 Big Brother water tattling app that you can use to usher in our impending dystopian future. Not that it matters, because 80% of our water use goes directly towards agriculture and industry, not to mention 15% of our water goes directly towards alfalfa crops. Next time you want to eat alfalfa, eat a dick instead. And what Tuesday would be complete without a gallon or two of sweet, sweet governmental hypocrisy? Apparently council members are too important to abide by their own credo. And even though many municipalities exceeded water usage targets, it hasn’t stopped preachy hipsters from their “well, actually…” sermons. They won’t be happy until everyone stops showering. And speaking of not showering, here’s how to be a hippie according to WikiHow. Because apparently being a judgmental, deadbeat hypocrite takes effort, and a uniform. Photo credit: Darlin Barry, Kaz / Pixbay.

Episode 21 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Anti-Vaxxers 12018 Toms Shoes 3213 Nut-hugging Android Fanboy Cheerleaders Who'd Rather Jerk Off Over Stats and Features in their Basement Than Talk To People in Real Life -1437 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week we are joined by Asterios Kokkinos, very funny comedian and all-around good guy. Here’s his newly-released mini-comic, The Enemies of Twenty-Something Mega Man. Dick has a fit about Androids this week as we learn that he doesn’t read the front page of this website because he’s too busy fellating low-level employees at an Apple “Genius” bar. Here’s a link to the CDC Morbidity Rates I cited, as well as the Mother Jones article about the futility of trying to convince anti-vaxxers. And in case you wanted to check yourself, the most affluent neighborhoods are opting out of vaccinations. I guess it doesn’t matter because they can afford coffins. And here’s even more evidence that rich people hate vaccinations. And it’s not just rich people in Los Angeles, it’s rich people in Australia. This week’s sponsor is Audible. Go to http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest to download a free audio book. Photo credit: Feed My Starving Children (FMSC)

Episode 20 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster iPhone 6 2814 Transgendered MMA Fighters 2530 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week’s problems were so big, we only brought in one each. First, here’s the Wired review of the iPhone 6 in which everything about it is hailed as “a new gold standard,” while in the same article it acknowledges that better cameras do exist, the native apps crash too frequently, the camera doesn’t always work from the lock screen, and the phone does indeed bend. Here’s the waterproof Samsung Galaxy S5, which I don’t own, so I don’t have a horse in this race. Also, I don’t give a shit about whether or not you switch from your stupid precious iPhones. Go ahead and run to the “genius” bar every time you need big mama Apple to do something as simple as replace your battery or wipe your ass. I prefer you idiots suffer from your bad decisions. Just shut up about your stupid iPhones already, nobody cares. Samsung, HTC and LG need to stop copying shitty iPhone features. iPhones blow. And yes, the phones do bend. I’ve seen the Wall Street analyst tweet about how he wasn’t able to bend the phone. Apparently he’s weaker than these kids. Also, I’ve seen the flawed Consumer Reports bend-test, however their test puts pressure directly in the center of each phone they tested, not near the buttons where the phones are most susceptible to being bent while sitting in your pocket. Shut up about the shitty test already. Kids are bending the phone, game over. Finally, thanks to Harry’s for sponsoring this episode. Use the code biggestproblem when checking out to save $5 off your purchase and it’ll help our show.

Episode 19 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster AIDS 3473 Flat Tires 1757 The Washington Redskins Controversy -178 Fireball Cinnamon Whiskey -1105 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This preview from the new season of South Park perfectly sums up the Redskins controversy: Correction: 1 out of 6 people don’t have AIDS or HIV. The correct stat according to the CDC is: More than 1.1 million people in the United States are living with HIV infection, and almost 1 in 6 (15.8%) are unaware of their infection. Source The confusion on the episode comes from this shitty infographic from aids.gov because they separate the statistic with a giant image that breaks up the text. And here are the stupid conspiracy theories about the origin of AIDS if you’re in the mood for reading bullshit. And finally, here are some articles about awesome tires that exist but we’re still not using: A Tire That Evolves as It Wears Reinventing the Wheel (and the Tire, Too) Tweel photo credit

Episode 18 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Outrage Porn 5988 Transportation Security Administration (TSA) 4288 Babies 1121 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week we’re joined by bestselling author and director of marketing for American Apparel, Ryan Holiday. He shares his keen insight on the growing trend of outrage porn, or the strategies that click-bait websites use to appeal to your base emotions. Check him out on Twitter, @RyanHoliday and books on Amazon. Here’s some incredible fan art by @acupoftim: Website: http://www.acupoftim.com/ And if you’re in the (black) market for a baby, here’s the baby cost calculator I used. And here are some helpful tips you can follow to try to prevent your baby from suddenly dying without any appreciable cause, symptom or reason. And even then, they might still suddenly die if they don’t develop a flat spot on their head (CDC). Update: Listener Karmic sent in this photo in reference to Dick’s phone going off: Baby photo credit

Episode 17 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Nepotism 3446 Parents Television Council 2921 Shitty Passengers 2223 Jennifer Lawrence's Tits -2526 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Check out these nepotistic douchebags hiring everyone in their family for a job. The shittiest employee at every job is usually the boss’ son/daughter/nephew. So if you downvote this problem, you enjoy having shitty, inept co-workers. Here’s the Ad Week article about the Parents Research Council losing funding, along with their attempt to regulate YouTube. And here’s the New York Times article I referenced about them trying to cancel $#*! My Dad Says. And here’s Gawker’s hypocritical double standard about celebrity nudes. Special thanks to Angelo Vildasol for the badass king-head illustration. Finally, we have Audible as a sponsor for our episode. Go to http://audiblepodcast.com/biggest to download a free audio book. Audible will determine whether they’ll continue sponsorship on our podcast based on how many listeners use the service. So give it a try to support this podcast. You don’t even have to create a new account because it uses Amazon to log in. Let us know what books to check out in the comments that we may discuss in a future episode. Update: Reader Seth Johnson sent this clip in from “A Bronx Tale:”

Episode 15 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Militarized Police 10332 Facebook Satire Tags 3567 Emoji 688 Spiderwoman's Ass -1363 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Here’s an article that discusses how Facebook’s satire tag is damaging our ability to think critically. Here’s a frankly tedious history of emoji. It’s not important to read and I don’t recommend it due to boringness, but it’s there nonetheless for people who are curious about how our language has started to devolve into hieroglyphs. And here’s the heinous article by an LAPD cop who acknowledges that corruption and police brutality exist, yet still doesn’t want you to challenge him. The Onion did a brilliant piece about the pros and cons of militarizing our police [NOTE: THE PREVIOUS LINK IS SATIRE, WHICH MEANS THAT IT’S A HUMOROUS PIECE THAT POINTS OUT THE ABSURDITIES OF MILITARIZING THE POLICE USING SARCASM] But most importantly, the real biggest problem this week: Spiderwoman’s ass. Read all about the controversy in this weepy post at io9.

Episode 14 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock People Who Don't Understand Social Cues 227 Wine Snobs 169 Maddox Gets No Credit -141 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); This week we are joined by special guest, The Alphabet of Manliness illustrator, Leah Tiscione: @leahtiscione Here’s the link to the article about how wine tasting is junk science. And here’s a quick run-down of my ABC News saga that forced them to issue an apology for being douchebags. And finally:

Episode 13 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Female Genital Mutilation 10778 Beats By Dre 4630 Monkey Copyrights 2778 The Death of Phone Calls 853 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Here are the depressingly high stats on female genital mutilation from NPR. And here’s the personal account of Nimco Ali, a British national who got cut when she was 7 in Djibouti, Africa if you really want to bum yourself out for a few hours, or minutes depending on your tolerance for the practice of vaginal massacre. And here’s the My Fox Chicago story about some guy who got jumped for his Beats By Dre (and was subsequently saved by his “guardian angels”). Here’s the clip of the dumbass who got his Beats stolen. I’d say this is a good thing, but thieves are also annoying and stupid, so his beats are now in the hands of someone slightly more obnoxious: And finally, the ZDNet review of Beats, along with Gawker’s stupid tips on how not to get your Beats stolen.

Episode 12 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock The Nuremberg Defense 5098 Hyphenated Names 1331 Anti-Cyclists 199 Too Much Swearing -3760 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Here’s the full clip and story about the dickhead Comcast employee who wouldn’t let the customer cancel. And because I’m a man of candor, here’s the article about the extremely rare occurrence of a cyclist killing a pedestrian from the New York Times. The argument about hyphenated names is that people who can’t make decisions eventually trickle up into positions of power in government, which causes political gridlock and an inability to compromise, hence being the Biggest Problem in the Universe. But feel free to dismiss the nuance and foresight in my argument as you shovel fries down your collective throats. And finally, here’s the CCA, or the cuss control academy.

Episode 11 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Slacktivists 10484 Neil deGrasse Tyson 1075 Know-it-all Masseuses -3 Fries -4723 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Here’s the article about the slacktivist RED campaign so you can share my hat(RED) for it. And the USDA stats on fry consumption with an interesting inverse correlation to the rise in obesity according to the CDC. Not that any of this matters because you morons are addicted to your shitty oil-coated starch sticks.

Episode 10 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Drones 3250 Priests 3071 Lady Thor 435 Indignant Co-hosts -2291 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Here’s the video of the CUPID drone (more like stupid–burn for days). Can’t believe they didn’t have the foresight to go with ZEUS. Idiots. And here’s the latest piece of shit anti-crowd drone that’s a precursor to our not-too-distant dystopian Half-Life 2 future. And finally, here’s the note sent to us by listener @emotionallyeasy about the “indignant drivers” problem last episode:

Episode 9 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Movie Ratings 3840 Shame Shaming 3463 Indignant Drivers 1406 Leaving Your Fly Open -1767 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); Maybe it’s time we all quit telling people how they should or shouldn’t live their lives. If you believe that everyone should be allowed to live their lives how they want, that includes letting people shame others. Shame can be a powerful force for good, as Kotaku points out in an article about a cosplayer who lost weight and is now happier because of it. And here’s one of many weepy screeds from Salon about the matter. And the oft-cited study about how fat people live longer, where everyone conveniently ignores the cause: more hospital visits.

Episode 8 Transcript courtesy of Laurie Foster Webby Awards 1838 Global Warming 1452 Not Enough Bartenders 785 Self-Checkout Lanes -995 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); In the last episode, Dick and our audio engineer, Sean, made the claim that they could tell the difference between Diet Coke from McDonald’s and other sources. We had a test to settle the debate. Also, before any idiot starts spouting off about how “House of Cards” deserves a Webby, it’s a show based on a 1990 UK television series that was based on a book published in 1989, eight years before the Webby Awards even existed. As for the “stats” that Dick loathes, here’s the article on MassLive.com about how “self checkout lanes not only do not save their customers time but usually take them even more time.” And yet another article about how Albertson’s grocery store chain is also pulling their heads out of their asses. I win.

Episode 7 Transcript courtesy of Megan Pennock Armchair Psychologists 7305 The Movie Frozen 1480 The Resolution Race 767 Shy People / Introverts -2058 See All the Problems... jQuery(document).ready( function($) { console.log('test'); $('.voteup').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_up', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { console.log(response); obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); $('.votedown').click(function() { var problem_id = $(this).data("id"); console.log(problem_id); var data = { action: 'problem_vote_down', problem_id: problem_id, solution: false, }; var me = $(this); var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-admin/admin-ajax.php'; var ajaxurl = 'https://biggest.thedickshow.com/wp-content/plugins/big-list/vote_handler.php'; jQuery.post(ajaxurl, data, function(response) { obj = jQuery.parseJSON(response); console.log(obj); $('.votes-'+obj.problem_id).text(obj.votes); }); return false; }); }); If you want to be enraged by self-described intellects who can’t deign to spend their precious energy on you, here’s “Dr. Carmella’s” guide to understanding introverted people: And here’s the interesting article from LiveScience.com about how introverts treat humans like inanimate objects: The introvert’s brain treats interactions with people the same way it treats encounters with other, non-human information, such as inanimate objects… Source And here’s the source for the 3D TV being dead clip from France 24 International News. Photo credit: Werwin15 / Flickr