Tfokomala Nami

Understanding what love is and how it grows in a marriage Many of us have grown up dreaming of the wonderful feelings of romantic love and wait expectantly to fall in love. Movies and love songs have a way of stirring up that longing in us. People in love seem so joyful and alive and we yearn for that in our lives too. Those of us who are in relationships or marriages for a couple of years now, do have partners or spouses in our lives that we love and care for deeply. So where are those magical heady feelings of love? That’s the first shocker – contrary to all the stories we’ve seen – love is not just a feeling. What is love? Many of us mistake love to be only a feeling. Let’s take a moment to think about our own experience of feelings. We’ve all experienced feelings of attraction – these feelings go up and down – here one moment, gone the next! Which can be confusing and painful. If we confuse love with a feeling, we may find ourselves asking questions such as: “How could I love someone I didn’t really know so well?” “I love and care about my partner so much, how come I don’t feel that kind of excitement around him / her anymore?” “Is this love?” “Have we fallen out of love?” The questions are many and the answers can be scary so at times we attempt to shut out these thoughts. But even if we do that, there could remain a sense of lingering sadness – of something missing. What is missing perhaps is an accurate understanding of what love is. Clearly, feelings are transient and so love would have to be more than a feeling. Love has been described by psychologists and writers as a decision, a choice or actions. According to social psychology, love is a combination of emotions, cognitions and behaviours. To understand what love is better, let’s look at real life as opposed to the fairy tale. Understanding the difference between passionate and companionate love We often get together with our partners when we ‘feel love’ or ‘fall in love’. The experience of ‘fa talkitover.in

Sexual Dysfunction and Marriage: My Journey For some of us, there is no amount of self-love or body-positive work that will inspire passion and sexual tension in our partners. For many of us, our partners simply don’t find touching our bodies desirable and aren’t capable of manufacturing that sensation. It’s not about us, though it unquestionably has a huge impact on us. Dressing provocatively, engaging in self-affirmations, living loud and proud, knowing we are sexual and desirable beings – sometimes those things don’t change the fact that our partners simply can’t generate sexual interest, desire, or physical companionship. Knowing that can be incredibly hard on self-esteem and on a whole host of relationships – including relationships with our partner and with the people who give advice but who don’t fully understand the realities of living with and loving a person with intimacy issues. Good relationships, no matter how well partnered people are, have challenges. For some, it’s about fidelity; for others, it’s about money or children. For some of us, it’s about two people who genuinely want to have intimacy, but one partner simply can’t. For both people, that fact can create heartbreak and a sense of failure, which can lead to isolation, anger, and crisis. For me, it’s been a decade of learning – learning how to cope, how to find compassion within myself, how to build a new framework for self-acceptance and change the paradigm of what a successful marriage looks like. I married someone who was a good match for my appetites but, because of medical emergencies and life-saving medicines, my husband lost that part of himself. I’m not talking about dysfunction alone; I’m speaking of the loss of intimacy and desire. I’m not sharing a struggle that can be overcome. I’m trying to put it out there that some aspects of life and love aren’t fixable – and that, for me, leaving or divorce is nowhere near the answer. In my situation, my marriage is good and strong, and the thebodyisnotanapology.com

Loneliness In Marriage Many of my clients discuss a feeling of loneliness within their marriages. Often their spouses look at them with confusion or contempt, asking how it’s possible to feel alone when they are in fact, in the same house or even room with them a great deal of the time. I’ve written this article for those who have difficulty telling their spouses, their therapists, or even articulating for themselves why they feel lonely even though they are married. This other article, Mr. and Mrs. Just Not Feeling It, Or The Divorced in Spirit may also be helpful in explaining how you feel as well. When you feel lonely within your marriage, you don’t feel like you’re part of anything bigger than yourself. You feel alone, and there is no “we,” only you and your spouse, completely separate entities. You may seem to be a happy couple to others (or you may not), and you may be able to keep a united front for the kids (or you may not). Either way, when it is just you and your spouse talking to one another, you don’t feel close or connected, and you don’t feel secure and safe. You realize that you and your spouse are worlds apart on some basic values, which frightens you and makes you wonder why you married them at all. Your spouse seems to say the wrong thing at the wrong time all the time, and you wonder if this was always the case and you were too young or stupid or infatuated to notice. You feel like your spouse doesn’t pay attention to you. Compliments are few and far between, and not about things that you yourself are proud of. You feel that your spouse wouldn’t be able to answer basic questions about what’s important to you or what you feel or think on a daily basis. You personally have very little idea what they think about all day either. You have tried to ask and the conversations seem to go nowhere, with your spouse seeming confused and annoyed, wondering what you want. loneliness-within-marriage

Forgiveness in Marriage 1. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. We may not feel like forgiving. We may want to harbor the anger and hurt and make him pay for what he has done. But, once you decide you want to grant forgiveness, you can begin to work through those feelings. 2. Share your hurt. After your husband has apologized and asked for forgiveness, you need to talk about the matter before you move on. It might be uncomfortable, but you need to share how you feel. Don’t point a finger; just share how you feel so he’ll understand the depth of your hurt. Make sure you feel heard before you move on. 3. Plan for change. The goal here is not to punish with requirements, but to set up guidelines that you both agree to. That way, there will be fewer gray areas that can lead to disappointment. 4. Stop the video. Do not replay your husband’s infraction over and over again in your mind. When your mind starts to wander and you begin to dwell on the incident and the hurt it caused you, tell yourself to stop. It’s one thing to need to talk to someone like a pastor or a counselor about your pain so you can move past it, but it’s another when you keep inflicting the pain on yourself by dwelling on the hurt. Deciding to truly forgive your husband is re-committing to your relationship. Don’t sabotage that recommitment by focusing on the negative. 5. Give yourself time. forgiveness-in-marriage

1. Your partner assumes you no longer careYes, life gets busy. But rightly or wrongly, your partner may come to feel that your everyday inattention means that he or she no longer matters to you. Whether you've just given birth to your second child, or your demanding job has you traveling more often than you would like, your marriage is vulnerable when your attention is elsewhere.You see, when you were "in love", you had this inner sense that you'd always be enough for your beloved, just as you are. As the initial love hormones diminish, small mindful gestures of attention and affection make a huge difference, provided they matter to your spouse.Make it clear to each other that, "No matter what, when you need my attention, I'll clear out time for you." In doing so, you make your partner less tempted to cheat. Granted, maybe you won't have time the split second one of you gets home, but take your partner's request seriously.Whether it's a long distance call or after the kids go to bed, put on your best listening ears and be there for your partner (and don't problem solve until asked ... just listen!).2. Opportunity leads to promiscuityAccording to one recent study, "More than one-third (36 percent) of men and 13 percent of women said that they gave in to temptation on a business trip."You're alone with no one to talk to, plus you're enjoying a few drinks, and in that situation, inhibitions plummet. Highly committed couples know this and make it a point to touch base around the world by phone, even if it's the middle of the night or you must interrupt your business dinner.Want to know a set up for an erotic extramarital encounter? Complete a challenging project or deal with a good looking team member of the opposite sex in another part of the world.If you want to safeguard your marriage, make fidelity a much talked about big deal. Explain what it would mean to you if your partner betrayed you. Let that be on your partner's mind because you have

Top 10 Reasons for Divorce: 1. Infidelity Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe. Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy. Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says cheating expert Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair”. 2. Money Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true. Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point. “Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples. 3. Lack of communication Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage. On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage. Practicing mindful communication, to change age-old marriage mistakes, can be hard but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship. 4. Constant arguing From bickering about chores to arguing about the kids; incessant arguing kills many relationships. Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated. Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution. www.marriage.com

Marriage Closure Therapy is slowly gaining attention and recognition. ... As a mediator, Infeld was limited in her ability to help a couple work on their marriage or, their divorce, and reach closure in their relationship. Enter Marriage Closure Therapy, a therapeutic intervention that ... www.mediate.com

Women Magazine, love life, marriage counseling, living a healthy life style

Relationship Control Issues: Most Common Controlling Behaviors.Co-dependent ControllersIn addition to the overtly controlling behaviors, there is a whole host of other behaviors that are harder to spot. These are carried out by the co-dependent controller.This is the type of person who needs other people to behave or feel a certain way in order to feel okay.If you are a co-dependent controller, you may be the people-pleasing and care-taking type. Here are the ways control is achieved:Martyrdom. This is when you do so much for your partner that you create a sense of indebtedness in them. They will never be as good or giving as you.Re-activity. You react to your partner’s every thought and feeling. If they say something you disagree with, you either believe it or become defensive. You have a stake in what they think, so you try hard to convince them of your point of view.Care-taking. You put other people ahead of yourself. You need to help, and you feel rejected if your partner doesn’t want your help. Care-taking is another way of controlling the situation.Guilt-tripping. You feel hurt and make your partner feel guilty. You do this not just sometimes but rather guilt becomes part of the fabric of your relationship. Your partner does things for you to avoid feeling guilty.

Tests and diagnosis A complete diagnostic work-up for albinism includes a: •Physical exam •Description of changes in pigmentation •Thorough exam of the eyes •Comparison of your child's pigmentation to that of other family members A medical doctor specializing in vision and eye disorders (ophthalmologist) should conduct your child's eye exam. The exam will include an assessment of potential nystagmus, strabismus and photophobia. The doctor will also use a device to visually inspect the retina and determine if there are signs of abnormal development. www.mayoclinic.org

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Signs and symptomsInformation regarding history of previous urticaria and duration of rash and itching is useful for categorizing urticaria as acute, recurrent, or chronic. For chronic or recurrent urticaria, important considerations include previous causative factors and the effectiveness of various treatments, as follows [2] :• Precipitants, such as heat, cold, pressure, exercise, sunlight, emotional stress, or chronic medical conditions• Other medical conditions that can cause pruritus (usually without rash), such as diabetes mellitus, chronic renal insufficiency, primary biliary cirrhosis, or other nonurticarial dermatologic disorders• Family and personal medical history of angioedema - Characteristics of angioedema [1] include vasodilation and exudation of plasma into the deeper tissues more so than with simple urticaria; angioedema can occur with and without the wheals of simple urticaria and presents clinically as subcutaneous swelling that is generally nonpitting and nonpruritic; it can affect the mouth as well as the mucosal surfaces of the respiratory and GI tracts, manifesting as hoarseness and GI upset; it can be a feature of anaphylaxis if the throat is involved, leading to airway compromise

Trust and support in Marriage Our trust in another individual can be grounded in our evaluation of his/her ability, integrity, and benevolence. That is, the more we observe these characteristics in another person, our level of trust in that person is likely to grow.Ability refers to an assessment of the other's knowledge, skill, or competency. This dimension recognizes that trust requires some sense that the other is able to perform in a manner that meets our expectations.