ASITSETSI SIYALUNGISA (MAKE PULE) - Loneliness in Marriage

Loneliness In Marriage Many of my clients discuss a feeling of loneliness within their marriages. Often their spouses look at them with confusion or contempt, asking how it’s possible to feel alone when they are in fact, in the same house or even room with them a great deal of the time. I’ve written this article for those who have difficulty telling their spouses, their therapists, or even articulating for themselves why they feel lonely even though they are married. This other article, Mr. and Mrs. Just Not Feeling It, Or The Divorced in Spirit may also be helpful in explaining how you feel as well. When you feel lonely within your marriage, you don’t feel like you’re part of anything bigger than yourself. You feel alone, and there is no “we,” only you and your spouse, completely separate entities. You may seem to be a happy couple to others (or you may not), and you may be able to keep a united front for the kids (or you may not). Either way, when it is just you and your spouse talking to one another, you don’t feel close or connected, and you don’t feel secure and safe. You realize that you and your spouse are worlds apart on some basic values, which frightens you and makes you wonder why you married them at all. Your spouse seems to say the wrong thing at the wrong time all the time, and you wonder if this was always the case and you were too young or stupid or infatuated to notice. You feel like your spouse doesn’t pay attention to you. Compliments are few and far between, and not about things that you yourself are proud of. You feel that your spouse wouldn’t be able to answer basic questions about what’s important to you or what you feel or think on a daily basis. You personally have very little idea what they think about all day either. You have tried to ask and the conversations seem to go nowhere, with your spouse seeming confused and annoyed, wondering what you want. loneliness-within-marriage