Tell Me About Your Kids

If your child is highly emotional or sensitive, aggressive, a picky eater, reactive to loud noises, very physical, has a hard time sleeping, etc. an occupational therapist can prescribe an individualized “sensory diet”. From infancy thru high school, your child is giving you behavioral cues. Occupational therapy can be a wonderful adjunct to help you find “attunement” and with those cues to help your child. Join Bonnie and Chelsey Harrington as they discuss how occupational therapy can provide the help you didn’t know you needed.Chelsey Harrington is a pediatric occupational therapy assistant. She is a holistic family health coach. You can reach her here:Instagram @chelseyharringtoncoachingEmail: [email protected] Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

I am pleased and honored to have my two adult children on the show talking about life growing up in a connected family, what it’s like for each of them as both parents and partners, and their hopes and fears going forward in this unpredictable world. Hang in till the end to hear some powerful social media advice from a high school teenager.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

You don’t hear me! is the emotional cry underneath the explosions and irrational pleadings of 8 ½ yr. old Jude. His parents have come a long way in being patient, but they get stuck and threaten punishment when he refuses to do what he has to do. They fear he will push others away with his demands, will always have to be right, and will have no friends. Renee and Gary have recorded episodes of Jude’s raging that are included. When we discuss how to respond to the need under his screaming, Renee and Gary fear they will have to give in to what he wants. Learn how to be as considerate of your child’s wishes, no matter how irrational, as you hope him to be of you and others.To learn more about Integrity Kids, check out https://bonnieharris.com/9-signs-your-defiant-kid-is-actually-an-integrity-child/ on Bonnie's websiteBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Jean has a difficult parenting job given her three children’s special needs. As much as she prepared herself during her pregnancies to be the best for them, life threw curve balls. Having three high needs children which means she is a high needs parent with no off switch. Being addicted to doing more and better leaves Jean always with unfinished business. Listen in to hear how getting back to basics can be just what her children need most.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Parents who use punishment methods attempting to control children’s behavior find themselves fighting within themselves to do the right thing. When one has been brought up on the reward and punishment system, it requires a major mindset shift to take focus off behavior and put it on emotional connection. Julie must travel through the stage of feeling like a neglectful parent to see the benefits of her children first and foremost feeling good about themselves to then behave better. Listen in while she connects the dots and comes out with the perspective she needs to truly help her children feel good enough from the start.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

How many more children will it take? Bonnie and Adam tackle the horrific and latest school shooting resulting in the loss of many, many children and teachers. How can we better value our children as a culture, from the dilemma of gun control to the pain and fear all of you parents are experiencing right now? The ripple effects of this issue take us around the bend and back again. https://www.everytown.org/ to learn more about how you can help stop gun violence. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

With three children five and under, Yanina finds mornings harried, loud, and frustrating. From fielding sibling fights, to getting breakfast in them, shoes on their feet and everyone out the door, Yanina is short on understanding and time. But consideration for what they want doesn’t take extra time, it takes a different mindset. Listen in to hear some tips Bonnie shares for making mornings a bit easier. With small children, mornings will not be smooth and calm, but Yanina’s shifted attention becomes an investment in the day when smooth, calm mornings are more the rule than the exception. See also Episode #60 – The Two Hour Nagging Train Out the DoorBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Anna has been trying to get her 7 year old to accept her safety and screentime limits she believes are absolutely appropriate and understood. So when Maddie continually ignores them, Anna sees a defiant child who is not listening—a button-pusher. Bonnie helps Anna see that the reason a limit is not followed is not because her daughter is belligerent or dismissive. It’s because the limits are not logical to Maddie, her Integrity child. If time and time again a limit is disregarded, it’s time to question the limit not the child. Articles:9 Signs Your Defiant Kid is Actually an Integrity Child - https://bonnieharris.com/9-signs-your-defiant-kid-is-actually-an-integrity-child/6 Warning Signs You Need to Empower Your Harmony Child - https://bonnieharris.com/6-warning-signs-you-need-to-empower-your-harmony-child/ Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Bonnie and Adam discuss what makes a bully and a bully’s target. Temperament does not but certain combinations of temperament together under an autocratic parenting style means that bullies are made at home. It’s all about power and insecurity. Listen in to hear Bonnie’s take on the remedy we need to resolve bullying—as well as raising kids with connective parenting.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Jade and Richard are concerned about their 16 yo daughter who is convinced that she can let go of her grades in certain subjects because she’s decided on an art-focused career, she doesn’t need to worry about her grades in courses she will never use. And she might not even need to go to college at all. When her parents try to convince her otherwise, Beatrice digs in her heels. Listen in to hear her arguments and learn what Beatrice really does need from her parents.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Dawn worries that her quiet two year old is always the one who gets the brunt of her peers’ aggressive behavior. Is Maggie undisturbed or does she not know what to do? Dawn’s childhood experience of being bullied is hard for her to ignore when she observes her daughter’s passive nature. Bonnie explains the how-tos of role playing—no matter how old the child—to help empower a child who appears the underdog. But she also warns parents to support who their child is and resist the fear of who the child could become.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Kelly, a naturally organized person who kept her toys in order from the get-go, is at war with her seven-year-old who makes a thick carpet of his toys all over the house. Kelly has attempted to give her two children a life where they want for nothing. But now her oldest is seven and demands she get him water. She feels trapped and exhausted by the constant clean-up struggle. Listen in to learn how Kelly can begin to step out of the battle. It requires allowing her son to struggle.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Lisa’s daughter Ayla is a sensitive child who gets triggered easily by things not going her way/not going “right” from her point of view. When that happens, she expresses loudly, angrily, and often physically. Lisa worries that her younger son is getting overwhelmed by his sister’s meltdowns and fears he will think that he gets short shrift whenever Ayla wants to get her way. Listen in to gain strategies for handling these big emotions and ensuring that the bystander sibling will be just fine—also handling sibling fights between the two kids.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

We all want our kids to feel motivated to be successful, but we often get motivation mixed up with pressuring them to do what we think is right. Unintentionally we can send our kids down the path of anxiety and perfectionism when we lose trust in following their impulses, desires and tendencies. Tune in to hear Bonnie discuss the differences and how to make sure you are not setting up unrealistic expectations your kids may fail at meeting.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

A huge part of the exhaustion and drain of parenting comes from our need to teach our children how to be good people. What if you didn’t need to teach so much? What you need is to be the respectful, responsible person you want your child to become. Arbitrary consequences are disrespectful of a child and interfere with the powerful teaching of natural consequences—which require allowing rather than teaching. Respect of self and others means having a clarity of boundaries that makes parenting life much easier and less complicated for your children to figure out. But of course, respecting yourself may go against everything you learned as a child.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Of course we want our children to play. Who doesn’t? But how many of you are willing to let them play the way they want to—and need to? Parents are too quick to jump in and supervise in well-intentioned efforts to teach children right from wrong, how to be “nice”, and how not to be selfish. But do these intentions fit with a child’s normal developmental processes? Children’s play has become more and more supervised and externally directed. The result can be dire for later learning and discipline issues in our youth.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

For eons, children have been “taught” to do what the parent wants using punishment as a tool. But punishment actually teaches the opposite of what you want your children to learn—because it teaches out of fear. It’s also hard to get out of the head that you as the parent should not be the “boss” of your child. In fact, you want your child to be the boss of herself. Just not of you. Enter problem solving—the tool of partnership, engagement, and balance.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

You want to know what’s going on with your kids—why they’re doing what they’re doing or what feelings are festering inside. But most parents go about trying to find out by asking questions. What’s wrong? Why are you so upset? How do you feel about that? Why can’t you understand that? They don’t know why or what’s happening in their emotional state—until they get to be emotionally literate. Most kids don’t have the maturity to #1 understand what they are feeling, and #2 put those feelings into words. And most kids, especially introverts, hate to be asked questions. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Caroline has a strong sensitivity to noise and gets easily overwhelmed by her young children’s normally expected loudness, especially from her very boisterous 2 yr. old. But her attempts to control herself from yelling at them result in shutting down or withdrawing, which may send them the wrong message. Listen in while we examine ways for Caroline not only to own her problem honestly but engage her children in helping.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Every parent I know wants to limit their kid’s screen time. Making an agreement with a child to do so is not the hard part. It’s getting them off when time is up that can drive the best of parents mad. Lacie and Weston are worried about the slippery slope their 5 yr. old is on. He wants to veg in front of a screen at the end of his very active day. That’s fine. But when and how does it stop? Think motivate instead of threaten.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Do you find it hard to land on moderation in your parenting and to help your children find moderation in their activities? Adam and Bonnie discuss the ins and outs of finding balance in everything from technology to emotions—and sometimes it requires allowing the discomfort of the lack of it. Anxiety is becoming pervasive in childhood. Moderation is the antidote. Rather than swinging to one end of the pendulum or the other, finding the gray areas in the middle means letting go of what we might think is right. Your tone sets the stage.EP 7 Parenting In Public https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/tell-me-about-your-kids/id1524545638?i=1000489718226Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Deb is in shock since her once “good” girl has turned 15 and is budding into her teen energy and behavior. Fear takes over and blinds Deb to the strong connection that is there with her smart, responsible daughter who needs her trust. When fear takes over, trust is lost, and Grace feels it. Grace has no choice, she thinks, but to sneak to get what she wants.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Kate’s 8 and 7 yr old boys love to roughhouse and tease their little sister—common, ordinary kid behaviors that can provoke real fears and even panic in the most progressive of parents. Fear and projections of her own past play into how Kate mitigates this natural kid behavior. Bonnie shows how storytelling, natural consequences and letting kids come up with the answers are far more effective than lecturing or punishing when managing potentially dangerous behaviors.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

After a father’s sudden death, trying to pull life together can leave big holes in a family dynamic. Nate, the 20 yo, tries to fill his father’s shoes leaving 15 yo Julia struggling with the loss of her father, the pandemic, her working mom, and starting high school remotely. Alone in her pain all day, her world begins to unravel. When her mom is upset with sinking grades, Julia’s internal world crumbles leaving her external behavior as cries for help.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Friendship isn’t parenting, right? “I’m the parent and my kids have to learn to do what they’re told.” But when you parent from this perspective, your relationship with your child is at risk. You are likely setting up an obligation-based relationship. Do you want your goal to be friendship or obligation? Do you feel obligated to your parents? Listen in as Bonnie and Adam dig into the whys and wherefores of relationships and how to end up with the relationship you want with your kids. Read Bonnie’s article about Your Parent Authority - https://bonnieharris.com/using-your-parent-authority/ Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Barbara has brought up four outspoken children unafraid to share their opinions about life and politics. Their dinner table is lively. As proud as she is of their confidence, Barbara feels hurt, criticized, and dismissed in the face of them doing what she taught them to do—exactly the feelings she once felt when faced with her exacting, critical grandmother. Listen in and see how the dots get connected to help her regain her bravery.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

To end the year, Adam and I chose some choice clips from several of the most popular podcasts of 2021 (Two of the top 5 are in 2020). As we replay them for you, we comment and recap the moments together. As it turns out, so many of the issues parents bring to the podcast have similar themes that point out the fears and catastrophizing that keep all parents stuck in the heat of the moment with angry reactions and out of the moment of connection. So much can be learned from listening to multiple sessions with multiple parents. Here are the podcasts we grabbed clips from:Episode 63: In the Heat of the Moment—When Your Button Gets PushedEpisode 59: “We can’t make him do anything.”Episode 64: “She’s taking up all the space.”Episode 61: What’s the Password for My Kid?Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Veronica is emerging from that dark place in parenting when you feel you have no control over an out-of-control child. Her 10 yr. old has gone from rage to bullying his parents and sister—just like her brother did with her. Veronica’s growing self-awareness is giving her a better view of where it’s all coming from. Now she must help her children find a sense of security that her parents couldn’t help her with. The When Your Kids Push Your Buttons Audio Seminar - https://bonnieharris.com/books-etc/audio-parenting-seminar/https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Leeann and Mark have a very challenging, impulsive 4 yo. There is nothing wrong with this sweet, loving, smart little boy who is easily provoked when he perceives he has been done wrong—the signature of an Integrity child. Bringing his behavior in line without triggering shame and more anger is the job at hand. When a child thinks he is bad, he behaves badly. After Jax has given his teacher a fat lip with a punch, Leeann and Mark are desperate for his behavior to stop. Listen in and learn the many ways of looking into the problem without only looking at the problem.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingWebsite: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected], mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Andrea fears that if her 10 yo boys stop believing in the magic of Santa, bad things are just around the corner. If she can keep them innocent, she can avoid the complexities and problems of their upcoming years. Tune in to see how allowing her son to become a keeper of the secret instead of remaining a believer becomes a lesson in trust—even as her son sees the whole Santa thing as a lie.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Miriam, mom of five and three-year-olds, is struggling with a husband who parents differently than she does. His loudness and demands provoke Miriam’s intervention in the moment. In turn, he feels undermined and gets angrier and more defensive. Sound familiar? Listen in to learn how Miriam can improve their communication so they can be better models for their children. See episode #25 Jan. 7, ’21 — Community Pieces #1: When Conflict between Parents Needs the Big ConversationBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

What, when and how your children eat can become an intense focus that influences their eating for years to come. We want our children to eat good food when they are hungry and stop when they are full, and that takes a foundation of trust and letting go from the beginning. But when they seem to want only food that is bad for them, it’s hard to let go. In this episode Bonnie offers some tips to developing healthy eaters that requires an environment that does not focus on food. See also Episode #48, June 24, '21 "My brain is telling me this isn't what I want."and Episode #23, Dec. 22, '20 Eat Your Peas or No Dessert This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

In the name of good parenting, parents often end up guilt-tripping and shaming their children when they fear that normal egocentric behavior signals entitlement and inconsideration. The “You don’t know how good you’ve got it” and “After all I’ve done for you” litany holds the expectation that children should be able to compare their lives to the lives of those who have less and appreciate all they have and all you do. Could this be more about you than your children?As you listen to Adam and I discuss the concept of gratitude and how to encourage it in children, think about your own childhood and what you perceived was expected of you. Did you meet up to those expectations?Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Morgan wants to know the reasons why her five-year-old chose not to wear his Halloween costume in the school parade. He’s been coming up with lots of different reasons, none of which make sense to her. So she doesn’t know what to do about it. Join us as Morgan learns that when she simply acknowledges how her son feels, he can stop making up reasons and she can feel more connected. Episode #56 Aug.19, 2021- Tip #3 What does your child’s behavior really mean?AlsoEpisode #62 Sept. 29, 2021 Puzzle Pieces #8 Getting to CompassionBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Jessica is struggling with her 16 yo school-resistant son. Because she has been working hard to connect with him, to truly get why he feels the way he does about school, she has given him an anchor to hold onto so that he can push himself to do what he hates most. That connection requires putting her worries and fears to the side—at least some of the time—while she listens and hears and understands.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

No matter what your race, do you know how to talk to your kids in a coherent, age-appropriate way about race and racism? Were you brought up ignorant about racism, thinking it was only about someone else? I talk with Emma Redden and Grace Aldrich about their work in helping people discover their own histories in order to help their children understand theirs.Grace and Emma are community educators and work with groups of teachers, parents and caregivers. If you are interested in working with them contact them through their website {thefullstoryschool.org} or by email at [email protected] and Emma have a podcast Freedom Means. In each episode they role play talking through a conversation related to race or colonialism with a child.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Making agreements rather than setting rules is the best way to gain cooperation and buy-in from your child, especially with tweens and teens. But agreements can’t be you getting your child to agree to what you want. Jade and Richard have been in a battle with their eleven-year-old over phone use—so far there has been no cease-fire. We dig into the circumstances of the struggle and how to make an agreement they all can trust.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Leah and Nic have classic Integrity and Harmony children. Mallory, age 7, uses up most of her parents’ attention by arguing and fighting to get what she wants. While 5-year-old Easton remains quiet and complacent in the background behind all the noise. We not only get into strategies for Leah and Nic to manage situations with Mallory but also the dangers of seeing Easton as being perfect.https://linktr.ee/bonnieharrisparentingProduced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Jenny is great at connecting with her two boys. She has put a lot of work into her parenting and is grateful to be raising them differently than she was raised. However, 10 yr. old Scott knows just how to push her button, and in the heat of the moment, her past takes charge. We dig out what her button is and why it gets pushed. New awareness and self-compassion can prevent Jenny from dumping any more baggage onto her son. (see episode #59 from 9/9/21 to learn more about Integrity kids)(to learn more about how your buttons work - see How to Stop Yelling at Your Kids in Psyche Magazine.(Adam refers to episode #18 aired 11/17/20 - Building Bridges out of Trauma)Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected] Your Kids Push Your Buttons book, audio book, workbook and audio seminar all available here.Books: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Most of us don’t think about where our responsibilities lie when it comes to emotions—ours and our kids. Adam and Bonnie discuss what those responsibilities are and are not using a strawberry rhubarb pie metaphor (!) Sibling relationships come front and center with the goal of getting to compassion even after the worst fighting. And as always, when Adam is involved, laughter is too.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Breaking the code into those hard conversations with your kids can be tricky when shut down and lock out is the norm. Kids don’t want to hear what you want when it means they don’t get what they want. Kim must plan carefully how she talks to her 13 yr. old son about maintaining some control over his (actually her) phone. Planning the right time, the right words and the right tone can take time but make all the difference. Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Janice’s mornings are fraught with battles with her strong-willed 3 year old. Janice has learned that the only way to get Emily out the door is to bribe her with M&Ms. Emily has learned that too. She knows just what to do to get rewarded. The expectation that a young child will cooperate with being rushed out the door sets up a dynamic of resistance and anger. This episode offers a shift in perspective so that Emily can eventually want to cooperate. And Janice can get out of the trap of doing what “works” right now and setting up the slippery slope.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Ankita and Amon have a 9 yo integrity kid. Stuck in a negative feedback loop for a long time, their son has lost trust in them and has gone into self-protective mode. They in turn anticipate his fights and refusal to do anything they want. Attitudes and disapproval have set the stage for resistance and a very stressed family. Other podcasts about Integrity and Harmony kids: Episode 12 – Oct. 6, ’20 The Orchid Child and the Dandelion Child Pt. 2Episode 13 - Oct. 13, ’20 Stubborn Kid, Frustrated ParentsEpisode 34 – March 18, 21 The Squeaky Wheel Gets the Most but Wrong Kind of AttentionEpisode 40 – April 29, 21 Controlling the FightEpisode 49 – July 1, ’21 “Parenting him is like a full-time job”Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Katie has 8 children living at home. Her first died at age 9 ½. Her fear regarding her teens when she can’t be with them is completely understandable but could interfere with their growing independence if she doesn’t learn to manage it instead of mask it.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Without realizing it, we often lose sight of what our children should be thinking and feeling and end up expecting more maturity than they are capable of. The ‘Of Course’ mantra keeps you in the right head to stay calmer and meet your child where she is.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Our culture doesn’t understand behavior. We take it at face value and treat it accordingly. In doing so we add insult to injury with already hurting children. Learn how to see your child’s behavior from the perspective she needs you to.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Praise is overrated and misunderstood. Praise’s intention is to help children feel good about themselves, but blanket praise often results in children feeling patronized or becoming dependent on it. Learn what to do instead to create connection and really help your child feel good.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

We interrupt our usual programming for something new. Each week in August we are offering you short succinct parenting tips to help in your day-to-day parenting. We'll be back with one on one sessions in September. Enjoy these in the meantime. Thanks for being here. Tip #1 Empathy vs Sympathy When trying to connect with your children, feeling sympathy is not usually as effective as having empathy. We often mix these up but it’s important to understand the distinction. It’s about your role in what your child is going through and how to be the support your child needs most.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Seven-year-old Lynn has always been more nervous and worried than her twin sister. Since summer camp began, she expresses her worries every night and every morning. And she has begun collecting bits of odd things that feel like her belongings. Her mother Ann and I work through how to talk about her worries and her collections. The gist is getting into Lynn’s reality with her in order to be helpful.Bonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com

Concerned about how your kids will approach their sexual development? Want to remain their source of influence? This podcast provides great lessons on the benefit of openness and sharing with your kids instead of hiding your own experiences. Beth suddenly discovers her son is “a twelve yr. old in a man’s body” with concerns about what he does now. Building a relationship from the get-go creates an environment that allows him to come to her about important issues like, when do I have sex? Book recommendation: Hold Onto Your Kids, by Gordon NeufeldBonnie Harris, MS.Ed., director of Connective Parenting, 30+ years of coaching, teaching, and writing for parents. Website: bonnieharris.com Email: [email protected]: When Your Kids Push Your Buttons (workbook available) Confident Parents, Remarkable Kids: 8 Principles for Raising Kids You’ll Love to Live With Audio BooksThe Buttons Audio Course Counseling/CoachingAll books and audiobooks can be purchased here: https://bonnieharris.com/shop/Produced, mixed, and scored by Echo Finch www.echofinch.com This is a public episode. If you would like to discuss this with other subscribers or get access to bonus episodes, visit connectiveparenting.substack.com