TBTL: Too Beautiful To Live

Luke and Andrew wonder which one of them would win if they arm wrestled each other, but they make no plans to do so. They also inexpertly discuss the design flaws of some of the Galactic Empire's transport vehicles.

Luke joins the show from the storied Algonquin Hotel in New York City, where he's doing his best "Dorothy Parker After A Long Jog" imitation. Meanwhile, Andrew's anxiety about the upcoming TBTL-a-Thon is reaching new, albeit unjustified, heights.

Luke and Andrew discuss cats, kittens, Showtime at the Apollo, smokeless tobacco, Baz Luhrmann screeners, TBTL trivia night, cycling, lawnmowers, tractors, Tweety Bird t-shirts, and, of course, the Shroud of Turin.

A quick apology to Luke turns into a half-hour conversation about the viscosity of condiments. Plus, Andrew accidentally found himself embroiled in a home project last night involving something that looks like a little robot head.

Luke finally brought his new kitten home yesterday, and he's deeply, madly in love…although it was tough to take her away from her first family. We get all the deets on that, plus, Jon Bon Jovi seems to be losing his voice, and people are concerned.

Apparently Canadian astronauts are no longer allowed to commit space murder. Plus, Luke's getting his kitten tonight!

Luke tweeted a photo from the Seattle airport this weekend, and it got the attention of some city leaders. Will Luke be the change he wants to see in the world?

TBTL Friendo Brendan Francis Newnam hops on the show to talk about his new travel podcast, Not Lost, which includes a fateful trip to Vegas with one Luke Burbank. Plus, Andrew finally opens up about the first time he saw Jurassic Park.

Now that The Seattle Sounders are the best soccer team in North America, Luke and Andrew try to jump on the bandwagon. Meanwhile Andrew refuses to hear Luke's compelling argument as to why he should install a Pickle Ball court at his new house.

Luke joins Andrew in his new studio for the first time to discuss his serendipitous morning and a chance meeting in the Greenlake neighborhood. Plus, new details are out about the woman who fell down a trail toilet during a hike recently. The details are dazzling.

Luke and Andrew deal with a verifiably Bad News Day for America by soaking up some radio sunshine from the Tens of Listeners. Luke joins the show from Stockton, California, which happens to be home to one of TBTL's youngest fans. He and Andrew also hear from a youthful singing sensation on the TBTL voicemail line.

Luke suffered some DEEP embarrassment at the airport yesterday, but Andrew talks him through it. They also learn about one man's efforts to recycle gently used bars of soap left behind in hotels.

Luke is obsessed with a new TikTok trend that is very difficult to describe, but that doesn't stop him and Andrew from trying! Plus, Luke's favorite magazine gets an exclusive interview with the man who was secretly recorded dipping his hot dog into his beer at a Yankees game.

Something incredible happened to Luke earlier this week, and he didn't even plan on telling us about it. What the heck? He and Andrew also discuss the story of a woman who called 911 after falling down into an outhouse toilet.

Johnny Depp said something in court yesterday that stopped Luke in his tracks. Plus, the truckers orchestrating a protest convoy found themselves in the worst situation they could possibly imagine. It involved gridlocked traffic, Berkeley students, and an endless supply of eggs.

We joke a lot about "hot takes" on TBTL, but Luke has two very legitimate hot takes today, one of which was inspired by a photo of Henry Winkler. Luke and Andrew also discuss whether it's time to bring robot umpires into baseball, and Andrew becomes obsessed with tracking down a particularly bad Chevy Chase movie.

Luke and Andrew gear up for the Great Twitter Takeover by Elon Musk. They also compare notes on some home renovation projects, one of which led Andrew to almost have a freakout at Home Depot this weekend.

CNN's new streaming service is already history, and Netflix is struggling with its own numbers. Luke and Andrew weigh-in on the landscape of modern media….and on Paul F. Tompkins' Cameo videos, which are PERFECT.

Stephen King (the author) offered the internet a unique fish recipe the other day, and boy oh boy, did it cause a stir. Plus, the Seattle Mariners have explained why they stopped playing Louie Louie during the 7th inning stretch, but their reasoning doesn't satisfy Luke and Andrew.

Andrew's latest home project leads to an online shopping mistake that is haunting him. Plus, Luke is starting to really come around on this Nicolas Cage guy!

Andrew is very worried about today's Wordle puzzle based on what he's seeing in his Wordle chat group. Meanwhile, Luke's been digging the new HBO show Our Flag Means Death, AND he has an update on his new kitty, Bubbles, whom he's currently in a long distance relationship with.

Luke and Andrew have some big plans for this year's TBTL-a-Thon, and they're excited to share them. Also, Luke has some personal news of his own he'd like to share. (Don't worry, it's good news!)

Luke is officially a "glasses guy" now. And Andrew, apparently, is a "shelf guy"? Also, Elon Musk's attempted takeover of Twitter sends Luke and Andrew (and eventually Genevieve!) down a Cheers rabbit hole.

Andrew has developed a strong curiosity around Charleston Chews, and he might just act on it. Also, Luke is shocked to hear that a streaming platform with a household name has a smaller audience than TBTL.

Luke is considering doing something completely against his nature, and Andrew tries to guess what it is. They also look back at the life and career of Gilbert Gottfried, including his most important work on USA's "Up All Night," which many mainstream publications have overlooked.

Andrew tries to help Luke solve a mystery surrounding a little league baseball card from Luke's youth. Plus, an enterprise reporter is upset that people are stealing his stories and turning them into podcast series. Is there anything he can do?

Luke had a little accident in his apartment this weekend, and now he may have a new scar to show off the next time he's hunting sharks with a guy named Quint. He also has some thoughts about last night's finale of Severance, but Andrew doesn't want to hear them.

Andrew mowed his lawn for the first time yesterday and offers Luke a complete report. They also debate which of their childhood "flying novelty discs" was better. And they gear up for today's big Seattle Mariners season opener!

Luke and Andrew are hoping to take advantage of today's 70 degree weather before the snow comes this weekend. Because everything is fine and that's how weather is supposed to work. Plus, we have a big update on the Patty Moriarty mystery that led Luke and Andrew to Larrimah, Australia a few years ago.

A listener helps Luke track down the audio of his very first radio show from the 1990s, leading to a true moment of inception on TBTL. Plus, the Washington Post has published an absolutely fascinating story of a carpet cleaner in DC who speaks 24 languages.

Luke discovers a TV show from 1976 that is blowing his mind. Andrew learns that he's living with a Slender Man. And a listener's in-laws turn on the TV to see that they've made the local news.

Luke and Andrew are worried about the friendship between Will Ferrell and Adam McKay….despite enjoying the project that caused the apparent rift. They also listen to the best/worst radio intro currently on Seattle's airwaves. And Luke made a lasagna.

Former Seattle quarterback Russell Wilson has a new "NFT-powered hydration drink brand aimed at Gen Z consumers," because of course he does. Plus, Luke might have offended the world's biggest fish painting fan.

Luke and Andrew listen to the new official song of the Cleveland Guardians, the city's recently-rebranded baseball team. They also discuss Washington's new state sport, pickleball, and Andrew quizzes Luke on other state's official sports.

Andrew set foot in Costco for the first time ever yesterday and has a full report. He and Luke also discuss their own awkward brand of email etiquette, and they listen to Paul Rudd prank Conan O'Brien once again, despite all odds.

Luke is in Hawaii, but all hell is breaking loose at his apartment building back home. Meanwhile, Andrew's chair is pranking him, and -- unrelatedly -- he's just beginning to learn about The Costco Culture.

Andrew is disoriented in his brand new studio, while Luke joins the show from Waimea, Hawaii, where he can hear his neighbors through the wall. Nonetheless, they are here to talk about what happened at the Oscars ceremony last night.

Today is the final day Andrew will record TBTL from his Roosevelt District studio, and he marks the occasion the only way he knows how: By talking about antiquated technologies and the weird feeling you get when you watch a cable guy drill a hole directly though your house. He and Luke also discuss the story of a woman who took it upon herself to entertain a crowd waiting for a film to begin at a Burbank theater.

Seattle is going to install "Driver Report Cards" at intersections to make waiting for pedestrians more fun or something. Luke and Andrew are a little confused about the details. Plus, Luke wants to adopt a cat named Thimble. Who wouldn't?!

Luke got lost on a jog this morning and had to call for help. But he's okay. Plus, a single mention of Boston Market quickly becomes an obsession for Andrew. And we hear from Tens of listeners who use the TBTL voicemail line to tell stories of garbage-related shenanigans and to seek help for breakfast-related conundrums.

Luke finds himself in a nightmare transportation situation in Los Angeles, until he remembers a very old school solution. Plus, Andrew goes down memory lane and relives one of the more embarrassing moments of his adult life.

Another day, another Wheel of Fortune head-scratcher. Luke and Andrew discuss the latest buffoonery from Pat Sajak and the gang. Plus, Andrew says goodbye to the Cleveland Browns after a very disappointing (and very angering) turn of events.

The internet has unearthed a McDonald's character that time had almost left behind. Luke and Andrew look back at the life and legacy of Uncle O'Grimacey and debunk rumors of his connections to the I.R.A. Plus, a Papa John's franchisee in the U.S. decides to keep his restaurants open in Russia, because it's unfair to deny Russian citizens their share of subpar pizza.

Andrew confesses that the reason he always wanted to move to a city was so he could bounce rubber balls off of walls. Plus, Luke's been digging the brand new Netflix docuseries, Bad Vegan. And a Dazzling Donor introduces a new mystery involving a TBTL audio drop.

Luke and Andrew are convinced they're getting trolled by Annie Lennox AND Wheel of Fortune at the same time. Plus, the debate over Daylight Saving Time is tearing this country apart but bringing Congress together.

Producers of the The Goldbergs are still trying to use Jeff Garlin's likeness long after he left the TV show, but the results are upsetting. Luke and Andrew also discuss "frost quakes," Superman's mustache, and the way Sylvester Stallone pronounced "butter" in Rhinestone Cowboy.

After almost an entire month of retirement, Tom Brady says he's ready to play football again! Andrew and Luke try to figure out why. Plus, some Wheel of Fortune fans are calling Pat Sajak a H_P_CRI_E. And a listener has launched an investigation into a frustrating garbage collection scandal that goes all the way to the top!

A guy in a Ron Jon shirt totally tried to fight Luke at a carwash yesterday! Also, he and Andrew receive some shocking Shrek-related news about the new Batman movie. (Sorry, the new The Batman movie.)

Expert free-stuff-getter Genevieve swings by to help a listener who has an ethical dilemma involving some furniture she found in her neighborhood.

Tens of listeners help Luke and Andrew untangle their confusion over Greek and Latin number prefixes (not that they really needed any help, of course.) Luke also had to help his inconsolable mother process the news of Russell Wilson leaving Seattle yesterday. And Andrew receives some Very Big News during the show that may or may not be related to curbside garbage pickup.