Stall It with Darren and Joe

We set off on an odyssey through the world of petty crime, and crime prevention, this week. Joe has been picking locks but doing it at all the wrong times, while Darren is wondering about the process of career progression for an up-and-coming gangster, and what life must be like wearing a Canada Goose puffer jacket in 26 degree heat.The lads wonder about the decline of the post office raid, and marvel at the sheer effort involved in an ATM heist.Joe wants to stop banning things just because they can hurt us, while Darren is reflecting on the legacy of Dublin hash – which leads Joe to contemplate the decline of the humble hot rock.And Joe accidentally finds himself cycling on a motorway, where he is almost killed by a bus with Darren’s face on the side.

A listener ensnares Joe in a sting in a sleepy Spanish town, exposing his shameful behaviour to the world with an email detailing (in some detail) Joe's offences.Darren has some tips for a tourist's trip to Dublin, and some trouble coming up with a unique trait of his.The lads consider the benefits of a tour of Ireland's small towns, and Joe is accused of gross hypocrisy and (simultaneously) being the Dublin taxi driver of the high seas.

The lads return from their respective holidays and their show at Electric Picnic with much to talk about.Joe has been stealing swimming and surviving tuna attacks, while Daren went to Tenerife and entered the Very Good Very Nice multiverse.They both had very different experiences of Electric Picnic, with Joe blagging his way into the most restricted areas of the festival and doing some major celebrity spotting, while Darren got lost in a dark car park.And there's been some aggro, from over enthusiastic "saleh" shouters, to tourists encroaching on Joe's pre-booked spaces.

The lads have to consider the realities of fighting chickens in cars on an almost daily basis, or annual knife fights with an orangutan.Joe stakes a very typical position on the topic of when it’s acceptable to hang Halloween or Christmas decorations, and there are some suspect and marvelous trivia “facts” - which might be useless but are sufficiently comforting.

Joe's doctor makes some interesting observations and narrowly escapes an altercation. However, the bad driver who expressed his frustrations towards Joe in a carpark doesn't get off so lightly, and Darren explains that he too suffers from road rage even though he can't drive.The lads reminisce on their childhoods - which for Joe means the realisation that growing up in the flats may have affected him and for Darren means the surprising revelation that he was once a fixture of the Dublin teenage disco scene. There's also talk of a few new films, some of which spark debate, and others which can't be spoken about at all.

Joe won't stand for it any longer - A pint that is, he is strictly sitting down for drinks these days and explains his reasoning in detail. Darren pushes through his dislike of breakfast foods to create his own ideal bowl of cereal, complete with Prime in place of milk.And there's talk of a Stall It video game, the upcoming live show and one listener learns that you can't rely on anyone, not even your favourite podcast host, to repay a kind gesture.

Joe's talk of influencers and publicity stunts sparks a memory for Darren of a very interesting school day. He recounts, to an incredulous Joe, how a bear once threw sweets and chocolate bars into the yard during break time, and the two go on a deep dive into Finglas, 2006, to try and find some answers. They recruit some help along the way from eye witnesses who do their best to piece the mystery together, despite distractions like upcoming trips to Dunnes and those apple drops from back in the day.

Joe's dislike of seagulls has moved onto a different avian species, while Darren ponders the best way to include some basic arithmetic in his day to day conversations. And although it's been years since either of them were on the DART, the lads still have opinions on Dublin's public transport offerings and contemplate the pros and cons of becoming a bus.

Both Darren and Joe sleep in and arrive late to record the podcast, leading them to discussions about Joe's childlike, yet very self aware, dreams of skateboarding and togging out for Man United.Darren's extra hour of sleep unfortunately does little to get rid of his headache, and while it may just be a 'nocebo' effect from years of feeling a bit sick, it could be a sign of some previously undiscovered psychic abilities. And there's a deep dive into one doctor's attempt at establishing a 'Premonitions Bureau' to predict and prevent disasters.

Joe is adamant that forks have made fingers obsolete and wonders if it was the quantity of feta cheese being eaten in Greece that inspired the ancient civilisation to invent the utensil. The conversation then moves on to another piece of tableware as the lads discuss the legality of drinking a pint of Guinness with a straw. Darren looks to catch out listeners who piss in the bath and the manager of Charlestown Athletic makes an impromptu appearance to announce the signing of a new player, a move hoped to turn things around for the club after relegation.

Joe arrives in with a letter from home detailing his terrible tipping habits. Unfazed, he shows no shame for his behaviour, nor for any other equally embarrassing moments, not even one which resulted in a change of underpants. Darren meanwhile tries to decode the secret meaning behind a cup of pick-n-mix brought back from the cinema and briefly considers therapy to make him sound more distinct from Richard Dunne. There's also talk of chippers, corner shops and an exploration of the pros and cons of jocking people.

Making the best of a bad situation, one listener wants to harness Joe's incredible capacity to find the bad in the world and turn it into a big money spinning TV production. The lads are torn on deciding if they'd rather master all of the world's languages or become fluent in each of its musical instruments, and a listener has sent us in a cinematic video showing us what life is like working the farm, as you listen to Stall It pontificate on the pros and cons of farming life, despite knowing nothing absolutely nothing about farms.

Darren and Joe embark on another adventure of mystery this week, as they learn about the strange case of an unidentified body on a beach that left investigators baffled for decades, with theories abounding about spies, time travellers and jilted lovers. Joe is also remembering rigged raffles and Darren recalls his time as a lounge boy benefiting from the generosity of local small time crooks. And of course there's some talk about our upcoming live show at Vicar Street, on September 29th.

A letter of praise arrives all the way from West Cork, and it sparks something deep inside Darren & Joe, who just can't find it in themselves to be gracious - but are intrigued by the idea of farm life. There are decisions to make on if we would fare better against evil aliens or menacing AI, and with our live show at Vicar Street announced, one listener has put forward two potential scene stealing moments, and asked the lads to pick one.

This week we have an unseasonably supernatural wander through haunted tales, superstitions and potential possessions - from haunted bread to a floating wobbly woman coming up the stairs. Joe sends a shiver through our spines with a terrifying tale of some potential hauntings in his home and an inexplicable fear of a man in his bath, while Darren is suspicious of a ghostly sliced pan. We also explore the origins of superstitions, from knocking on wood to a fear of the ominous potential of black cats, and why poisoned crops lay at the heart of the Salem Witch Trials. There are some bizarre tales of impersonators - from a globe trotting French fraudster to the man who enjoyed the high-life posing as Robert De Niro. Besides all that, Joe argues playing a gig in front of 25 people in a pub is what musicians really want, rather than playing Croke park, and Darren tells us about navigating a world of violence in Finglas as a young lad.

Please for advice are coming thick and fast, with the lads posed quandaries on relationships, travel plans and There is a very direct answer to a question about a Darren V Joe WrestleMania bout, we hear of a hilarious Stall It misunderstanding in Canada, and two young Italian fans of the podcast are bringing the Stall It theme tune to the world. Joe almost gets away with no abuse from listeners, but not quite.

Darren has become a global superstar off the back of his biggest ever sketch video. He's a name from China to Guantanamo Bay. And it's all news to Joe, who somehow missed Darren's big breakout moment. That's because Joe has been on a cruise and he returns with a fresh batch of tales of adventure and minor grievance on the high seas. There's also stories of cows in Finglas, the terror of moths, and the bitter feud over the proper way to celebrate birthdays reignites.

Joe's list of bucket list holidays grows shorter as he ticks off yet another dream destination - but of course he still isn't happy. Darren considers and invite to a Stag do, and separately ponders his card for a celebrity deathmatch fight night. There's also a tricky proposition around a much maligned, but still somewhat iconic, Star Wars character.

In a major moment for Stall It, and cats, we receive word of the first known naming of a pet in honour of Darren and Joe – and it has us wondering what else might be out there. Joe is aiming for a more sentimental existence, after finding a long lost childhood letter from his sister and feeling the pang for creating a personal archive. He also has tales and tips from the world of shop lifting and prison yard smuggling. Daren has crossed over into the highest tier of celebrity he could ever dream of, as he gets a follow from the official Neca figures account – and now Joe wants him to make the most of the golden opportunity. Not that it’s stopping him mocking Darren’s “figure” collection in any way. There’s a look through casting decisions that could have changed iconic films, and Joe submits the theory that Rhinos might not be real.

There are some difficult choice placed before us this week, with a lifetime's supply of takeaway food and Necca figures (not toys) up for grabs - but there's always a catch. There are also life or death opportunities and risks involving a demented snail, and a chance at living your dreams, but in the presence of a disagreeable landlord of strange habits. And one listener dig up a very old and hugely bold claim by Joe, related to Lily Allen, and asks if Joe still holds these same views all these years later.

We take a look at humanity's greatest moments of spite, from opportunistic real estate deals to global sporting giants founded out of nothing but badness. Joe quite quickly and happily prepares himself to turn on his compatriots if an invading force lands on our shores, while Darren doesn't want to turn rat, but isn't sure he has the get up and go to be a resistance fighter. There's a journey through the world of low stakes gambling and Darren is fairly unmoved by the thought of a lottery jackpot win.

A delayed bonus episode has the listeners fed up and in the mood for airing their grievances, with complaints about Joe's understanding of theoretical physics and Darren's embarrassing mix up between mattresses and duvets. Joe also reveals what would actually make him happy, or at the very least - content, and Darren shares some sad news about DJ Fresh Vibes.

Illegal dumping for the fringe air miles benefits, caring for the overly-keen elderly and easily ignored life advice are on the agenda for the lads this week. Darren is exploring the finer points of the legalities around dumping, and wondering about how far he can go reporting his neighbours before he's classed a police informant, and concerned about is ow legal liabilities. He's also arguing for gender equality in the world of spinning. Joe has a lot to say about the posh classes and does his best to explain the world of rugby and rugby fandom to Darren.

A lump sum or a creative challenge are laid on the table of the lads to weigh up. Alternative career paths present themselves and Joe opts for the traditional while Darren admits to being a bit confused about the choices on offer. Darren makes a bold statement about the population of the entire country of Ireland outside Dublin, and Joe tries to figure out if there is any kind of money he wouldn't take, for any reason.

Joe sends Darren's head spinning with tales of multiverses and the potential for giants to exist everywhere all at once. The lads explore the massive potential of the parallel world of renting a friend or a mourner (or a podcast guest). The heat has Darren's summer destroyed, and Joe has been dreaming of battling Stone Cold Steve Austin in the ring.

A debate rages about the great shark films, a listener writes in to back up Joe, there are war stories, and a truly unsettling question around teeth. And then there's another big question, about the greater risk of seeing forward or back in time.

Welcome to the most disorganised 100th birthday party you'll ever attend. The celebratory mood of hitting this milestone is carried along by Darren’s new tin whistle, before it’s punctured by Joe’s scathing review of a miserable trip to Disneyland Paris – complete with shattered childhood dreams, miserable strike actions, ignorant taxi drivers, and exorbitant prices. We recall some listeners’ favourite moments from the century of episodes, and in the process we reignite a debate that threatened to split the pod in two. And to wrap it all up, an old friend (of sorts) returns for the occasion, bringing with him a very special listener question.

To mark the week of our 100th episode we are doing a competition - with listeners vying to win a very special prize by submitting their best questions. The top contenders have the lads considering the peace negotiations between the warring tribes of Ireland; homes with skateboard ramps as a feature; wildlife royal rumbles, and what one secret they would choose to reveal.

Joe reveals a deep and long standing vendetta against the world of TV talent shows, and explains how the roots lie in the painful rejection of his Burrito Song. And yes, he gives us a rendition. There's talk of crippling dental PTSD, and the curse of missing out of the genetic code lottery for ankles. Joe is off to Euro Disney and explains to us the bizarre cultural phenomenon of Disney Adults. Joe reminisces about an old Dublin culinary classic, and two of Ireland’s most sponsored and commercially endorsed men somehow try to take the moral high ground on product placement in movies and TV.

A curveball opening questions sends us down a squeamish road with tales of Joe's most disgusting moments, and Darren wants to love some very popular things but just can't get there. One listener wants to explore the lads deep preparation process for each podcast, while Joe wants to smash the stigma that people should shower at the gym. The lads learn about supersonic travel and Joe puts forward the case for teleportation as a last act in life.

Darren has been to the ultimate celebrity party and stolen the show to save the day when Jedward couldn't be found - and Joe is disgusted he left early. Joe tells us about his wife living with the phenomenon of aphantasia, which makes it impossible to mentally visualise images (like Joe's face). Darren has "had a fall", Joe tells us about the near perfect crime of a neighbour stealing his school uniforms, and the lads remember the days of Bebo and the picture of personality it let them create.

This week your questions have the lads pondering if they have ever spotted a tear in the fabric of the Matrix, weighing up what a month on a donkey is really worth, and trawl their memories for the most notable nicknames they've ever come across.

We begin in the Soviet Union at the dawn of computer game history and end up in Finglas, with Darren attempting to pet every dog in the known universe. Along the way the lads are deeply unimpressed by the record for the highest selling album of all time, feeling aggrieved Crash Bandicoot wasn't in more homes, shocked by just how lucrative the straight-to-video animation market was in the 90s, and slightly baffled by the amount of fish, words and dogs in the world. Besides all that, Darren revels in his new life as a foodie and Joe tells us he has received quite the brutal reality check by some daytime TV producers who feel he just isn't quite famous enough.

Doing the crab backwards up an escalator might initially sound easy, but as Darren's survey of multiple celebrities reveals, it can be a bit more complicated. Joe is sticking to his guns on life in Amsterdam, even in the face of a reasoned argument from a listener, and the lads debate how to sum up their life stories for the silver screen.

We're joined by Martin Eastwood, a business man of many talents with a few adventures to tell us about - from bringing the Finglas curry shop scene to the X Factor, to partying with John C. Reilly, and catching a young Joe McGucken out with some clever marketing ploys. He also fields the lads Dragon's Den pitches, and does his best to turn them into marketing masters. Besides that, Joe has had another paranormal experience, Darren is wondering what's the least amount of time he could spend on screen and still win an Oscar, and we hear the full review of Joe's strange weekend in London.

Joe weighs up which Olympic sport he would be better at, while Darren scrambles to find a way out of a prison sentence in Siberia. We weigh up which online trend is most irritating and disgusting, and an eagle eyed listener has uncovered something a little curious in the many layers of Darren's online persona.

We look at a history of hoaxes, leading us down a very strange road exploring the tale of a much coveted (and seemingly, much faked) relic that has crossed the globe for centuries. We also hear about a hugely elaborate nineteenth century prank that seems to have inspired The Simpsons, some very patriotic (and very fake) animals, and the story behind the hoax of Hitler's diaries. Joe explains his fears he's living in the Truman Show, there's a debate on what makes the perfect public toilet, and some appreciation of the genius of Lego.

Listeners come to Darren and Joe for life advice, and might regret it. Joe pushes back on the dullness of fact checking and insists life and parties are better with a reckless regard for accuracy in storytelling, Darren celebrates a free haircut and laments never getting a free car, and then there is some significant praise for the evolution of the character of Joe McGucken.

Joe is no longer impressed by the skills of airline pilots, while simultaneously admitting he failed to land a role playing a dead body in a film. Darren shares his own stories of failure on the audition circuit, while Joe consoles himself with a consolation IMDB credit as "Chicken man". Joe is off on a holiday packed with intriguing activities, and dreaming of globetrotting adventures, but Darren tells us about his holiday plans and proudly proclaims he has no interest in the capacity of travel to broaden the mind - while simultaneously admitting he failed on the first question on Who Wants to be a Millionaire.

Joe is accused of stealing form the church collection plate, while Darren faces allegations of public nose picking. Besides that listeners want to know if Joe would choose a life of daily curry, if eternity spent being tickled or mildly shocked is worse, and a listener predicts Joe is destined for a life sniping at society from the wilderness.

We take a deep dive into the story of the Unabomber, and how his mysterious bombing campaign baffled police for almost 20 years, before he unleashed his bizarre and controversial manifesto on the world. Besides all of that, Joe insists there's more skill in casual ironing than competitive fishing, Darren has been outraged by garden cushions finding their way into the bedroom, and Joe finds himself in an intolerably tough spot at Disneyland.

Despite pleas for calm, chaos has broken out among listeners and Joe has become the target of a now unstoppable wave of listener abuse. He's handling it all with grace, and has channeled his frustration in a full blooded argument that chicken soup is not real. It's a stance that sparks off one the most passionate debates in Stall It history.

Predictions for the future, life after death and discount portions of chips – we have it all for you this week. We delve into the realm of time travel, and hear predictions of uploading our personalities to the cloud where we can live forever – but would we want that? Joe brings us through the long and varied history of predictions for the future, from the eerily accurate, to the ridiculously wrong, and we look at current predictions for humanity’s next few years. Darren tells us about how his childhood football career was derailed by his harmonica habit, and Joe reminisces about the days of buying a few cent worth of chips when he just couldn’t scrape the cash for the full bag.

The lads pitch plans for concept pubs, weigh up a strange choice between Aidan Gillen and Westlife, and Darren considers if he'd prefer life as Joe or Christy the Crinkler.

Joe has been on a holiday, which inevitably means he returns to the studio with complaints, regrets and grievances to air. Darren has some theories about kangaroos he'd like to share, while also reminiscing about the day he came close to drawing a crowd of 10,000 people to The Spire in Dublin, and Joe is refusing to let the "beds in stadiums" dream die - in fact, he thinks he might have turned the tide on the debate.

Joe faces a spontaneous outpouring of scorn from listeners this week, and decides to fight fire with fire when his approach to the rounds system in pubs is taken to task. There's also several people throwing the same criticism at the lads over their remarks in a previous episode, with a helicopter and a Wolfe Tones song at its heart. And there is a bizarre choice to be made between a trip up Bray Head (of great consequence) and a unique bathing experience.

Could the lads make a new life for themselves as fugitives? This week they put it to the test as they embark on a new life, on the run, following their escape from Mountjoy. It turns out the fugitives' life is a varied one, taking in Unique Menswear, numerous shopping centres, ready salted crisps and life as a castaway surrounded by strange marsupials.

The lads run war game scenarios on a podcasters Royal Rumble, consider what personality trait they'd consign to humanity's dustbin, Darren's strange alarm habits are exposed again, and one listener wants to raise some serious issues with an idea Joe proposed in a recent episode.

A chance encounter in a pub leads Joe to wonder about life behind bars, which bring us through the history of prison breaks in Ireland and around the world - from helicopters to laundry carts and tunnels. With all of this new found knowledge the lads wonder if they could break out of the big house, and pretty quickly a complex and convoluted plot emerges... Darren also addresses the rumours of his future hosting the Late Late Show, and tells us about his financial run-in with a robot hotel.

Your listener questions come from around the globe this week, and we're thrown into discussing Darren's secret home recipes, some grisly wordplay, serial killer calling cards, and Sky Sports News themed birthday parties.