Stall It with Darren and Joe

Joe’s depressing dodging of karma for his many sins in the concert world lead us in a roundabout way to wondering if we could make a living selling merchandise outside gigs, which then leads down a strange path that ends with us browsing aircraft hangars and full sized rollercoasters.Darren makes  big footwear announcement, and Joe wants to partner up with Joe Exotic to achieve stardom.And we discover the surprisingly dark world of competitive tickling, and the even darker world of tickle torture.

Darren is going through more windows at 4 in the morning, there’s some deep consideration to the best time to wear a suit of bees, a listener gets on to us to fact check another listener, and the lads weigh up the pros and cons of writing their own story, or having someone pen their legacy for them.

In his typically humble way, Joe makes the case he can win a fight with one of the great apes, and Taylor Swift can’t hold a tune. And it all, somehow, stems from him being disappointed that Dublin Zoo is just too damn good these days.A listener tips us off about the fascinating origins of eels (turns out it’s quite a mystery), and Joe has an audience with the Pope in the Vatican. Which means he now has two passes into heaven, which is handy.We also search for Darren on Goggle street view, and hear about his new collectible habit, which this time Joe is actually interested in.And we have a time travel challenge, with a 10 year old Darren Conway tasked with alerting the world to impending disaster.

There’s big news coming in of a major feat of athletic endurance in west Dublin, and there's cause for celebration as Darren is finally made aware of it.Joe puts out a call for someone to create a dance track for “The Conway” – all submissions will be very gratefully received.With the offer of performing at any music festival throughout history on the table the lads take two very different paths, with Darren choosing to try out his stand up routine at history’s most notorious nu-metal melee, while Joe goes for something entirely more local and sedate, but no less grandiose.Joe can’t escape the newly discovered USA branch of the Stall It fan club, and we get a fascinating insight behind the scenes of one of the great depictions of Dublin Bus life.

A consensus is reached this week, as we decide to bring back some good, old fashioned traffic.Joe has a rare moment of self doubt as a conversation in a pub unleashes the fear he may look older than he actually is, and he comes to the studio looing for reassurance.Darren is set for the chance of a lifetime and the chance to live out his dreams of managing a real football team, and it’s none other than his beloved Man Utd.Joe breaks the news that all life is a simulation, and he proposes that our entire universe could be nothing more than a computer game run from far in the future.And we take a short trip through the history of Dublin’s Concerned Parents Against Drugs movement in the 1990s.

We get another listener tribute from the mountains, with very high production values, and we receive a disgruntled communication from across the Atlantic - as Joe's lack of gratitude does not go unnoticed.A gross ignorance of sheep is exposed, life in Siberia is compared to life in a haunted house, and Darren reveals a potentially controversial new character.

We find ourselves wandering through the world of mass hysteria and moral panics this week, from dancing plagues in medieval Europe, to meowing nuns, and on to satanic panics.Joe proudly confesses to a low level, shameless scam, while Darren has been schmoozing at the top tiers of Irish sport and stands on the verge of having very high friends in high places.Joe tells us, strangely for the first time, of how he once was babysitter for an Irish international footballer, and Darren reveals the death of one of his most beloved viral characters.

We pause for some time travelling this week, as one listener’s question offer options for leaping forward in time, where anything is possible, from witnessing the apocalypse to Joe scoring a tap in at an elite level of competition. Meanwhile, one listener drags us back into Stall It’s past.There’s talk of iconic, and shite, landmarks. A very kind listener sends Joe a potential logo for his spice bag empire, and an encounter with some fans leads Darren to reveal his true identity.

Darren has a rant about chemists, reveals why he'd prefer to buy tampons than condoms and rebrands a common disease.Joe has a run-in with the Gardaí at Dublin airport and accidentally almost gets himself a night in the locker. He also goes on a deep dive into a documentary he just watched featuring one of the most incompetent ship captains in modern history, hits us with a mind bending Abraham Lincoln fact and they all get into it about the Mummy who got a passport. You listen, you learn!

We’re thrown into the deep end with a question that offers a choice between penguin herding in the most inhospitable conditions, or a stint as an undercover duck.Joe is asked for his most maverick marketing plans for the spice bag truck, and settles on a strategy that carries significant risk.And when posed with the chance to become King of the Town (any town) we’re derailed by castle shopping.

Darren admits to a grave fear of moths and butterflies, which leads us to Joe making what might be the most stunning comment ever made on this podcast, Joe admits to a staggering ignorance of everyday local insects.And we hear the fascinating story of Rasputin of the Bronx – an incredible Irishman in New York in the early twentieth century.

Darren realises his only nemesis is a man he once went belly to belly with, while Joe could put on an entire festival of enemies.We accidentally wind down a strange road asking questions about human cannibalism, and find ourselves facing a deeply tricky moral conundrum.Joe almost admits flying a plane is a skill, before rowing back on it, while Darren dreams of acquiring the skill of instant sleep.

Inspired by another of Joe's strange adventures, Darren takes us on a tour of his hometown this week. It's a day out with everything from famous flooring shops to abandoned airports and famous sausages on the itinerary.Joe is left shocked after he meets people who don’t know Banksy, visits yet more tombs, and also proudly proclaims his powers as a prophet of minor public delinquency.We give the floor to the listeners who have a bone to pick with Joe over his claims around archaeology, and that leads us on to picking which extinct animal to resurrect – if the option arises.

Is it weirder to want to marry Nala from the Lion King or Cat Dog? Darren and Joe debate as they look to answer one listeners question inspired by Joe's recent tale of discovering hentai via his mother's new T-shirt.Another listener wants to know what mundane experience we will come to miss in the next ten years in the same way we miss renting a video from Xtra-vision - And of course, there's no end to Joe's suggestions as he predicts a world without cows where we all pay for goods via biometric eye scanners.And forget about Charlestown Athletic - Darren's putting together a new team and it's animals only.Send in your questions to [email protected]

Joe has been on an odyssey, travelling across Dublin in a day filled with ever more bizarre, curious and excruciating people, places and situations.His day of adventure brought him from underwhelming escape rooms to midday strip clubs, and left him wondering what lay behind Dublin's closed doors.He spent some time in the company a gang of urinal destroyers, more time being harassed by a flock of hyper-irritating TikTok clowns, and (strangest of all) being ambushed while kayaking down the Liffey, by a man who was definitely not a fan.Meanwhile, Darren has been the victim of a drive-by-shouting.The Dublin portal gets picked apart, as does the sub-genre of Hollywood superstar vanity projects.And there’s plans afoot for a stage version of Joe’s food truck story, Spice Bag: The Musical.

Darren predicted the people would never turn on him – this week we learn he was sorely mistaken.Joe has identified the talent that separates him from the rest of us, and he’s really going for it.Your questions lead us to contemplate what might await us living a life as Crash bandicoot, and we weigh up the best of the local animals.

Darren catches Joe hitting the sun beds, and we discover this is a part of a whole new approach to Joe's grooming.We hear about the potential for circuses in the Gaeltacht, and that leads us down a  rabbit hole trying to understand the widespread fear of clowns, and a sinister viral trend that made clowns so hated they had to retire Ronald McDonald.Some questions about the ocean lead us to a difference of opinion over some big claims about disappeared civilisations, and we end up hearing about zombie viruses rising from the thawing soil in deepest Siberia.And we, at last, decide to figure out if a real-life Death Star could be constructed.

We’re weighing up the very best category of pint, and hearing tips from listeners on the various body parts of Christian saints scattered across the land.A lifetime of kissing absolutely everyone gets little love, while life spent inside a horror film as a duo attempting to outrun the killer holds a certain appeal.A question about life in a barn full of animals, or your home full of farmyard animals, sparks a surprisingly in depth discussion on the pros and cons of all variables.

We resume normal business with several issues to iron out. Joe has been making more big claims that need to be contested, but somehow Darren has managed to upset Eoin to the point Joe is now off the hook.As Joe’s food truck empire grows at a staggering rate Darren reveals he’s been holding out on sharing a secret family recipe for curry sauce.We weigh up the pros and cons of joint weddings, from sharing fireworks to who has to sit in the front seat in the wedding car.Darren has started a new habit of walking that’s entertaining nobody, while Joe has finally found a source of cringe that’s too much even for him – in the surprisingly complex world of hardcore cosplay from 19th century France.

Joe's stomach is rumbling again and it's becoming a bone of contention in the studio, There's also a lot of fish talk - probably too much - as we return to your queries. One listener has been trawling through the archives and spotted a serious inconsistency in one of Joe's stories, while another has the lads giving fairly predictable answers to which is their favourite planet.A listener has a suggestion for a charity event that will put Joe's latest big talk to the test, very publicly. And we weigh up some eternal states of mild discomfort.

Is any man truly beautiful? Is Darren Conway a perfect example of God's handiwork, or a distant second to Real Madrid's Jude Bellingham? Joe sees deception everywhere and argues that all beauty in the male form is in fact faked, particularly when it comes to Jude.Darren has been helping to hang tellys and worries he might have left a ticking time bomb clinging on to some plaster board, while Joe's attempts at DIY have left an entire family afraid to put their toothbrushes in their bathroom cabinet.And there's a debate on authenticity in life and sport, with Darren leaning towards the hipsters and their instagramable pizza, while Joe wants something that bit more real from his existence.

As Joe's venture into the world of hospitality looms large, there's only one question on everyone's mind - Will he accept tips? The lads consider where they'd hide if they were the subjects of a nationwide manhunt, and Darren reveals his reluctance to leave Dublin, even at the expense of his own life.Joe once again claims he'd last in a UFC fight by running laps of the ring, and they both make quick work of a question about the ideal ratio for hot drinks, and berate the dreaded watery handshake.Send in your questions to [email protected]

We weigh up the best technology to bring with us the stone age, and hear Joe’s take on a particular period in history as he lays out some theories of mushroom inspired communication from the past.Darren gets an education on the powers of various saints, and picks his own favourite from the canonised crowd.There is a twist in the tale of the now, partially hostage, food truck, and we at long last get the big reveal of what Joe will be selling on his path to becoming a fast food magnate.Meanwhile, Darren’s patenting a very particular kind of cheese, and all of this food business has turned Joe into a real man.And there’s animal talk, from cursing parrots, to cuddly peacocks, and foxes with the zoomies.

We return to the bonus episode with more on Darren’s new found taste for jumping through windows, which has now escalated to kicking beds.We hear about Joe’s views on climbing Mount Everest, and if it is an impressive feat or not, and hang-gliding across the breadth of Dublin city centre.We get the big reveal on the food truck, and there’s much thought given to which celebrity most deserves a punch in the face.

Darren and Joe return to the studio after the success of the live show, and bring with them talk of bizarre CIA mind games, intriguing subcultures, and student revolts against the faculty. There's of course plenty of talk of the live show, from human centipede jokes to a rush to take home some Barry Keoghan cardboard cut outs, and Joe's strange encounters in the show's aftermath.

Maybe Joe's crystal has some power after all, seeing as both the lads have enjoyed two big weeks - Joe has wrapped shooting on his short film which he hopes will shine a spotlight on a part of our recent past that often gets ignored and Darren has stepped into a spotlight of his own after being crowned Dublin's Best Celebrity.Gracious enough to still grant us with his time after his big win, Darren tells us all about the night, which included his first ever trip to Coppers and a potential foray into politics.Joe reveals the content of his pockets includes but is not limited to 5 sets of keys, a door knob and a poker chip. And Darren explains why he got more Easter eggs than Joe's kids did.

There’s a tug of war afoot between factions of the Stall It audience this week, as the supporters of Joe lock horns with those who object to some of his most recent claims.And a brain buster about sneaky home invasion pranks leads to (much) talk of jumping through windows at 3am, postcards from the future and a haunted bathroom mirror.

Joe’s tales of crystals and their magic powers returns but it’s coming up against some opposition this week, and he has a fight on his hands to win over the crowd. However, he has won over one local cat, who appears to be drawn to the high vibrations inside Joe’s house.There’s a lesson on quantum physics for Darren, some theories on “the sound of the universe”, and a disappointing (for Darren) crash course in Egyptian history.As Darren finds himself nominated as one of Dublin’s most loved celebrity we ask if the idea of him becoming Mayor of Dublin is really that far-fetched? And once he’s in the Mansion House, how would Darren spend his   year in the big job?

You come to us for advice this week, as we offer guidance on navigating a potential combustible conflict around a bike and a door; assess a proposed route for Darren to get into heaven; debate the pronunciation of icebergers; analyse a call for mass surveillance of the restaurant industry, and we hear a very odd tale of a very odd late night encounter from one listener.

Darren arrives to record the podcast all shook up after a trip to the doctors quickly turned into a scene from Venom, not helped by his general feelings of confusion caused by watching Jedward eating a roast dinner at 10pm on a Tuesday.Joe descends into the glittering world of all things crystals and emerges with a supposed piece of a meteor to help improve his mood and give him a more positive outlook. It doesn't stop him from getting into a row though after he slips up on Mother's Day. The two lads also brainstorm ideas for a potential Worst Film of the Year winner but can only come up with Oscar worthy ideas, and they wonder whether Ireland's latest Oscar winner, Cillian Murphy, is as aloof as he may seem. Although, with their track record of embarrassing interactions with celebrities, they may not want to meet him even if they could.

One of our listeners treats us to a particularly cinematic gift this week, which somehow leads to Joe making big claims about cloning, and Darren telling tall tales about tractors.The lads are introduced to a new geographical term, and an education on the history of Ireland's most famous graveyard.We have questions about quizzes, and urban legends about gameshow mishaps.And a listener comes for Joe over a big, and seemingly inaccurate, claim he made about a very significant foodstuff.

Joe's really done it this time - He's bought a food truck! But, it's too big for his garden and too heavy for his car to pull so whether his mystery food venture will be up and running in time for the live show on the 6th of April remains to be seen.The discussion sparks a memory for Darren about a unique breakfast location in Finglas during his childhood and Joe talks about his recent trip to a cafe with it's own unique selling point of making all decorative memorabilia themselves.The various days of celebration at the creche frustrate Joe and teach Darren about the latest children's cartoons and might even encourage him to read a new book.Buy tickets to the live show on Ticketmaster now!

Were you to live life as the owner of a dog-sized insect, which species of creepy crawly would you choose as your companion? We spend an unreasonable amount of time exploring the many potential pitfalls of life as the custodian of giant snails, bees and flies.We also discuss the hairstyles of history's most famous vampires, from Dracula to Count Duckula.There's a discussion on the lesser known Baldwin brothers, and consideration given to the scourge of ghost-on-ghost crime.

Could there be anything more shambolic, inept and deliberately shite, than a theme park (or "experience") designed by, and dedicated to, Stall It? We attempt to answer that very question, and dream up everything from haunted houses of wheelie bins and a shopping trolley, to a crafts workshop that is really in pretty poor taste.We also hear tales of being stopped at gunpoint, an attempted kidnapping, bulletproof vests as fashion accessories, and Joe's new "fight, flight and kiss" self defence system.

We explore options for educational reform, with mastery of the treadmill at the core of the future curriculum. Joe calls out the scandal that was false advertising at school open days, particularly in the science lab.The option of a lifetime of riches is spoiled by having to share with a detested neighbour, and we eschew personal wealth in favour of plaguing our enemies with too much sleep, extra cold showers, and two Italian BMTs.Plus there's a breakdown of the breakfast market, from the sweet to the savoury and even the buttered.

Joe tells us about how he once almost became a property mogul, at the tender age of 17. He stood on the edge of an empire, with plans to revolutionise the pool hall scene in Dublin.Sadly this tale is not one of triumph and the business gods didn't smile on Joe, and he is left not with a property empire, but an empire of dirt and a heart full of resentment.Darren has an update on his pawn journey – he’s left the comfort of the couch and entered the real world of haggling over antiques. He’s been haggling at pawn shops and enjoying the thrill of the ride.There’s talk of visiting the Garda seized property auctions, debate over which fictional character Joe most resembles, and updates on his ongoing battle with the food truck industry.

Darren tries Haggis, we hear of exotic visitors to the live show, and weigh up icon Dublin landmarks and institutions to be erased from history.And somehow a discussion on shaving pugs leads to an existential crisis as Daren falls into a wormhole of philosophical thought about the meaning of life, and pugs.

The much discussed fake Rolex arrives amid much fanfare, while Darren’ been literally throwing cash away. Inspired by Darren's reckless disregard for precious metals, Joe’s itching to go on a scavenger hunt, until he learns the laws are  bit more complex than “finders keepers”.Continuing their newfound historical theme, Darren’s been tomb raiding in a supermarket and finds himself considering replacing his collection of toys with a very sensible exhibit of affordable dinosaur fossils.We learn of a remarkably simple but effective scam run inside an English shop, and lament the decline of the simple Swiss roll.During a discussion on social faux pas in Ireland and around the globe we learn that Joe remains utterly undisturbed by what others expect of him in social situations.

Jorts, showband names and multi-pronged pet empires are tangled into the odd web that is this week's bonus episode. Your questions spark discussion on how many businesses you could fit into one truck, why life without a belt is Darren's choice for eternity, and some unfortunate celebrity lookalike allegations.Tickets for Stall It Live at Vicar St are available now at ticketmaster.ieSend your listener questions to [email protected]

Spite once again takes the wheel of Joe’s life, as the desire for petty revenge leads him to lay the foundations for a potentially life changing business venture. But this time, could he be on to a million dollar idea? Or could Darren’s plan for the invention of kebab burgers beat him to the pot of riches?There’s some shocking revelations about 00s cult classic Pimp My Ride, which inspires the lads to design their dream vehicles – with mobile pet grooming, fish tanks and coffee machines at the forefront of the wish list.Darren reveals how Akon fandom remains dominant in his household, which leads to Joe undertaking a mission to get Darren close to his idol, and there are multiple incidences of false advertising of Hollywood superstars appearing at our upcoming live show at Vicar Street.

Is 35 too old to come to the Stall It live show in April? The answer is no, although Darren and Joe may not be the most reassuring comparing the listener who was concerned to other 'ancient' audience members like their mothers and other 'relatives'. They also discuss their favourite conspiracy theories and Joe explains all about the secret Lidl in Antarctica, while Darren wonders about the harsh realities of being ejected from an airplane. Send in your questions to [email protected].

The lads are joined by fellow comedian Kevin McGahern this week who gives the lads an education on life in the country - He explains why he puts on a stronger culchie accent when speaking to the Garda and the boring reality of life on a farm. Darren even attempts to shed his own Dublin accent but only succeeds in taking off his gilet.There's also talk of some previously unheard tales from the Titanic, and other slightly less significant disasters like Joe's first kiss and Kevin's reinvention of himself in a new school. Kevin also shares a story of an audition gone terribly wrong after he went too method and showed up with a can in hand.

Joe claims that he'd be bored on a trip to the moon and reckons there was more craic during the 1916 Rising. Darren meanwhile has dreams of trading stocks and shares, although it quickly becomes apparent that he's actually just planning a scam.A listener gets in touch to offer Joe a gift, but only after it was refused by the Pawn Stars shop in Las Vegas, instead of graciously accepting it, Joe decides he'll recreate a pawn shop at the live show in April. Darren's wedding day attire also comes into question after he was spotted modelling a gilet at a recent wedding fair. There's also a debate about coddle versus stew that inspires the two lads to share their own top cooking tips which include ketchup on spaghetti.Send in your questions to [email protected].

This week we are treated to Joe’s definitive guide to New York City, from the Pecking Ducks of Downtown to the essentials for getting into a row in a burger restaurant, and on to his recommendations for curious local delicacies.We have a bizarre tale from New York, of perhaps history's greatest example of someone backing up their pub talk, driven on by a few pints and a stolen plane (or two).There’s a story of a Hitler matchbook, and questions about what other strange memorabilia commemorates history’s monsters.And Darren tells us about his big day out, riding the DART, enduring an odyssey on Wicklow’s buses, and encountering a gang of sea swimmers.

Joe tells of a terrifying dream that saw ET haunt Dublin's flats, the Stall It audience spots a potentially historic moment at a stadium that could see Joe vindicated at long last, there's a strange tale from a German listener, and Darren saves the world against robot invasion using just the power of dance.

We're joined this week by film director, and long-time collaborator, Ger Walsh. Ger reminisces about how he met Darren, and the power moves Darren deployed in their first meeting.We hear a peculiar conspiracy theory relating to one of Ireland’s most famous actors, Darren celebrates winning the Best Boyfriend award, and Joe reveals his foolproof system to beat the system in Rock Paper Scissors.Joe also tells us about his da’s illustrious career as a competitive draughts player, while Ger’s claims to be a director are called into question as it becomes apparent he does not know the plot to ‘Bean’.

Your queries and musings have put before the lads a raft of tricky choices this week. Is the life of an embarrassing clown or a respectable bore the one they want to lead? Is there more worth in reading a few human minds, or talking to all of the animals? In a room full of spiders, are the lights your friend or enemy?This week we’re joined by Ger Walsh, the director of Darren and Joe’s sketches and TV shows, and he manages not only to challenge the lads with some questions of his own, but also to coax an original Christopher Walken impersonation from Darren.

We reach a remote and unique crossroads this week, as the supernatural and creepy meets relationship advice.Joe makes a ferocious stand on cobwebs, and what they are or are not, while Darren breaks down his system for conflict resolution.We hear about spider wars and the attic invasion saga continues, with the reassuring realisation that “ghosts don’t shit”.There’s a debate on white socks versus black socks, and Joe reveals his fear of empty buildings.Meanwhile, the mailbag grew fat over the Christmas period, with your correspondence going unanswered in our absence. So we take a dive back into it, and hear about sightings of Joe as a background character on First Dates, and Darren has fallen down a pawn shop reality TV rabbithole.

How would Stall It bring Irish culture to the world? Should Joe's conspiratorial views on the aviation industry be entertained any longer? Would you be able to handle being pelted with pencils at breakfast by a former Belgian international footballer? Is a stubbed toe or a lifetime of ham sandwiches a worse fate? We bring you nothing but the very biggest questions this week.

We make our return to the studio after the break and Joe comes armed with many a strange tale, while Darren fears he's been the victim of a grand dog food con.He’s been back to Disneyland and been left frustrated and baffled by the experience. There have been strangers attempting to get into his home, and he's been calling out plumbers to turn on the radiators. It's all left Joe with a shopping list of grievances.Darren is suspicious he’s been tricked, at least once in life, into eating dog food, plus he’s all geared up for the potential catastrophic results of a solar flare, and he’s changed his life with a new headache cap.