Stall It with Darren and Joe

How many legs does a crab have? According to Darren, who doesn't include his thumbs when counting his fingers, it's 8 making the crustaceans a distant relative of a spider. Why does it matter you ask? Well, they obviously need to know so they're fully informed when deciding if they'd rather crab legs or T-Rex arms.A close ally of Joe's gets in touch with a complaint about a recent trip to the fishmongers, inspired no doubt by all the recent talk of mussels on the podcast. His tale of woe leads Joe onto his latest whinge - Having his total rounded to the nearest 5c at the till, even when not using coins.And there's talk of boutique funfairs, Darren's imaginary podcast, and Joe's short film debut.Send your questions in to [email protected].

Darren is misidentified as British by a robot, while Joe races full tilt into the warm embrace of Artificial Intelligence authoritarianismCould Darren return to the dating scene? He worries he may never be able to; even if he was dating Amy. His plan for romantic success involves eggy bread and a spray painted dog. And maybe a disco.Joe visits London and returns home to announce that Dublin is a desert of entertainment. Can the lads change the city with scary mazes and axe throwing?Joe rages at Darren for missing a Bucket List moment right on his doorstep.There's a guest appearance form Darren's ma, as he tries to get to the bottom of a personal mystery (of sorts).Joe's collection of fake Rolex watches is expanding, but he feels this time he may have fallen prey to the scammers.Send any questions, comments or anything else to us at [email protected]

Joe’s silent defenders emerge from the shadows this week to defend his honour and fact check the fact checker on everything from hair care to the global availability of black pudding.There are strange childhood recipes pored over, and  a historic tale of a strange end has one listener asking us what would be the most undignified legacy to leave behind.Joe proves himself surprisingly conventional in a couple of ways, but retains his all-round pessimism even in the face of a fairly staggering stat from one listener.Send your emails and questions to [email protected]

We bring you the incredible tale of two notorious Irish serial killers in Scotland, and the world famous skeleton they left behind after their shocking spree came to an end. Joe has been to a parrot show, and comes back to report it may be the most depressing form of bird entertainment ever performed.The parrot show is just one part of another hugely underwhelming holiday for Joe, with explosive illness, hostile hosts and overcrowded caves all getting in his way of a good time. He comes back to us with the newfound insight that everything is underwhelming and the rest of us just need to be more honest about that.Darren recalls a near death experience where nobody came close to dying, and Joe has made a grand romantic gesture – that he knew wasn’t wanted. Send your emails and questions (and names for the Stall It dog) to [email protected]

Listeners Christie and Jay have fired in two very different but equally thought provoling questions for Darren and Joe to chew over this week. One involves the real life pros and cons of having a friendly bear as a best pal and the other has Joe falling from space from a great height. They also hear from an irrate punter who claims they almost killed while he was on a treadmill recently.Yeah, there's a lot going on.Send your questions to [email protected]

The day has finally come. He had many doubters both on the podcast and beyond, but Joe has finally opened his food truck! In typical Joe fashion, he chose to do it at a charity match feeding the hungry masses his extra spicy spice bag allowing them to get as hot and sweaty as him and the other influencers on the pitch.While Darren was not and will not be participating in any team sports in the near future, he too worked up a sweat going on his first ever 5k run.There's also talk of obsolete jobs like Xtra-vision workers and knocker uppers. And a discussion on the pros and cons of life in a castle.

Hiding from one of cinema’s most terrifying monsters is the challenge for Darren this week.Joe is offered a road to karmic redemption via a niche 00s TV reference, but he has complicated feelings about it and thinks life as an incarcerated martyr might be easier than a simple apology.Biscuits prove a big distraction and Joe realises he had made himself very unpopular with one of Ireland’s biggest music stars.And Joe's churning stomach becomes a surprise guest.Send your questions to [email protected]

It’s a consequential week in the Stall It universe, as Joe’s losing battle with karma continues. The universe will not relent in its onslaught of petty revenge against McGucken. In fact, it’s got so bad that he’s been looking for a tropical paradise to escape to.And in a major, monumental change of policy, he has revised his policy on birthday celebrations.Darren is entering the world of athletics and worrying about if he can cut it on the 5k circuit.The lads are communally panicking about baldness and Darren is offering Joe a lint roller for his hair.And a Stall It listener or two have been reporting sightings of Joe having a very bad time at IKEA.(Disclaimer: This episode was recorded before Joe's latest moves with his famous spice bag truck - we'll have more on that next week)Send your questions and anything else to [email protected]

We find ourselves thrust into a serious debate about corn, on multiple fronts, as the much maligned vegetable has its reputation thrown in the gutter, only to bounce back empathically.We get a rare insight into the filtering process that clears questions for inclusion in the bonus episodes - and hear of some of the strangest ones we get in.There are some harsh truths for Joe about pet ownership, and a fact check on a trampoline, and one listener is out for us as a Stall It related bout of exhaustion led to a very unfortunate incident.Send your questions to [email protected]

There’s a conspiracy theory afoot this week, as Joe arrives late to the recording and finds few believers of his official version of events.He’s been off schmoozing with the greats of Irish film and TV, and comes back to the studio sounding like he had quite the weekend.There are tales of roof hopping and Darren and Joe find wild eyed fascination in the most mundane details of Eoin’s daily life.Joe plays the role of a lifetime, at his son’s birthday party while Darren reveals a very fancy Sunday dinner tradition, and we hear of bizarre gameshow prize from around the worldAnd we hear some revolutionary ideas in the sports merchandising arena.

Joe needs to expand his pallet but are pickled pork rinds really the right way to do that? Maybe it would be the secret to surviving a beheading?Darren's true feelings about self checkouts are revealed and let's just say they're not positive. And that's not the only potentially controversial opinion he shares as he slates a much beloved TV show.They also wonder whether 24 hours of night or day would be better, and ask if Joe would get a Neuralink off Temu.Send your questions to [email protected]

Joe's on a health kick that includes lugging around the world's biggest, and most passive aggressive water bottle. He won't be taking up jumping for exercise though and has something to say to any adults thinking of heading along to jumpzone. Darren's considering investing in a storage unit - either for his own stuff or full of someone else's potentially valuable junk, it remains to be seen. Joe might be getting a dog, or else he's been scammed again, and after hearing Darren's tale of a recent trip to the vets with Frank, he might prefer the latter. There's no trips to the vet with a pet rock though, only awards ceremonies. There's also talk of some great inventions that never came to fruition and some bizarre ideas that made their inventors millionaires.

We attempt to design the perfect day, which takes us from pastries in bed, to a BBQ in Finglas, with some parachuting on the Amalfi coast, and a couple of trips into space.Joe remembers, with some disgust, the short lived availability of alcoholic milkshakes.The people have come out in support of Darren’s crocs, and making him feel very validated.We weigh up the differences between a world populated with Vampires or Zombies, with Joe enticed by the chance at eternal youth (relatively speaking).

We return to one of the strangest, sleaziest reality TV shows of modern times, as Joe updates us on how they're delving to new depths for season two.We hear of an Ireland under Darren Conway, Finance Minister, out to shape the world in his own vision.And Joe has had a bad week, from being wronged to some public embarrassment, and he's not finding a lot of sympathy. But he's also brought news of the most opulent, indulgent midnight snack in Stall It history.

The fate of humanity rests in the hands of our two resident comedians, and to save our planet (and the lives of all aboard) they must show a potentially murderous alien invader the best possible night on the town. The answers may leave some despairing for humanity.A question on ageing provides a window into Joe’s unique approach to the topic, including an eclectic mix of treatments and procedures.And Darren gets offered the festival ticket of a lifetime.

Joe’s depressing dodging of karma for his many sins in the concert world lead us in a roundabout way to wondering if we could make a living selling merchandise outside gigs, which then leads down a strange path that ends with us browsing aircraft hangars and full sized rollercoasters.Darren makes  big footwear announcement, and Joe wants to partner up with Joe Exotic to achieve stardom.And we discover the surprisingly dark world of competitive tickling, and the even darker world of tickle torture.

Darren is going through more windows at 4 in the morning, there’s some deep consideration to the best time to wear a suit of bees, a listener gets on to us to fact check another listener, and the lads weigh up the pros and cons of writing their own story, or having someone pen their legacy for them.

In his typically humble way, Joe makes the case he can win a fight with one of the great apes, and Taylor Swift can’t hold a tune. And it all, somehow, stems from him being disappointed that Dublin Zoo is just too damn good these days.A listener tips us off about the fascinating origins of eels (turns out it’s quite a mystery), and Joe has an audience with the Pope in the Vatican. Which means he now has two passes into heaven, which is handy.We also search for Darren on Goggle street view, and hear about his new collectible habit, which this time Joe is actually interested in.And we have a time travel challenge, with a 10 year old Darren Conway tasked with alerting the world to impending disaster.

There’s big news coming in of a major feat of athletic endurance in west Dublin, and there's cause for celebration as Darren is finally made aware of it.Joe puts out a call for someone to create a dance track for “The Conway” – all submissions will be very gratefully received.With the offer of performing at any music festival throughout history on the table the lads take two very different paths, with Darren choosing to try out his stand up routine at history’s most notorious nu-metal melee, while Joe goes for something entirely more local and sedate, but no less grandiose.Joe can’t escape the newly discovered USA branch of the Stall It fan club, and we get a fascinating insight behind the scenes of one of the great depictions of Dublin Bus life.

A consensus is reached this week, as we decide to bring back some good, old fashioned traffic.Joe has a rare moment of self doubt as a conversation in a pub unleashes the fear he may look older than he actually is, and he comes to the studio looing for reassurance.Darren is set for the chance of a lifetime and the chance to live out his dreams of managing a real football team, and it’s none other than his beloved Man Utd.Joe breaks the news that all life is a simulation, and he proposes that our entire universe could be nothing more than a computer game run from far in the future.And we take a short trip through the history of Dublin’s Concerned Parents Against Drugs movement in the 1990s.

We get another listener tribute from the mountains, with very high production values, and we receive a disgruntled communication from across the Atlantic - as Joe's lack of gratitude does not go unnoticed.A gross ignorance of sheep is exposed, life in Siberia is compared to life in a haunted house, and Darren reveals a potentially controversial new character.

We find ourselves wandering through the world of mass hysteria and moral panics this week, from dancing plagues in medieval Europe, to meowing nuns, and on to satanic panics.Joe proudly confesses to a low level, shameless scam, while Darren has been schmoozing at the top tiers of Irish sport and stands on the verge of having very high friends in high places.Joe tells us, strangely for the first time, of how he once was babysitter for an Irish international footballer, and Darren reveals the death of one of his most beloved viral characters.

We pause for some time travelling this week, as one listener’s question offer options for leaping forward in time, where anything is possible, from witnessing the apocalypse to Joe scoring a tap in at an elite level of competition. Meanwhile, one listener drags us back into Stall It’s past.There’s talk of iconic, and shite, landmarks. A very kind listener sends Joe a potential logo for his spice bag empire, and an encounter with some fans leads Darren to reveal his true identity.

Darren has a rant about chemists, reveals why he'd prefer to buy tampons than condoms and rebrands a common disease.Joe has a run-in with the Gardaí at Dublin airport and accidentally almost gets himself a night in the locker. He also goes on a deep dive into a documentary he just watched featuring one of the most incompetent ship captains in modern history, hits us with a mind bending Abraham Lincoln fact and they all get into it about the Mummy who got a passport. You listen, you learn!

We’re thrown into the deep end with a question that offers a choice between penguin herding in the most inhospitable conditions, or a stint as an undercover duck.Joe is asked for his most maverick marketing plans for the spice bag truck, and settles on a strategy that carries significant risk.And when posed with the chance to become King of the Town (any town) we’re derailed by castle shopping.

Darren admits to a grave fear of moths and butterflies, which leads us to Joe making what might be the most stunning comment ever made on this podcast, Joe admits to a staggering ignorance of everyday local insects.And we hear the fascinating story of Rasputin of the Bronx – an incredible Irishman in New York in the early twentieth century.

Darren realises his only nemesis is a man he once went belly to belly with, while Joe could put on an entire festival of enemies.We accidentally wind down a strange road asking questions about human cannibalism, and find ourselves facing a deeply tricky moral conundrum.Joe almost admits flying a plane is a skill, before rowing back on it, while Darren dreams of acquiring the skill of instant sleep.

Inspired by another of Joe's strange adventures, Darren takes us on a tour of his hometown this week. It's a day out with everything from famous flooring shops to abandoned airports and famous sausages on the itinerary.Joe is left shocked after he meets people who don’t know Banksy, visits yet more tombs, and also proudly proclaims his powers as a prophet of minor public delinquency.We give the floor to the listeners who have a bone to pick with Joe over his claims around archaeology, and that leads us on to picking which extinct animal to resurrect – if the option arises.

Is it weirder to want to marry Nala from the Lion King or Cat Dog? Darren and Joe debate as they look to answer one listeners question inspired by Joe's recent tale of discovering hentai via his mother's new T-shirt.Another listener wants to know what mundane experience we will come to miss in the next ten years in the same way we miss renting a video from Xtra-vision - And of course, there's no end to Joe's suggestions as he predicts a world without cows where we all pay for goods via biometric eye scanners.And forget about Charlestown Athletic - Darren's putting together a new team and it's animals only.Send in your questions to [email protected]

Joe has been on an odyssey, travelling across Dublin in a day filled with ever more bizarre, curious and excruciating people, places and situations.His day of adventure brought him from underwhelming escape rooms to midday strip clubs, and left him wondering what lay behind Dublin's closed doors.He spent some time in the company a gang of urinal destroyers, more time being harassed by a flock of hyper-irritating TikTok clowns, and (strangest of all) being ambushed while kayaking down the Liffey, by a man who was definitely not a fan.Meanwhile, Darren has been the victim of a drive-by-shouting.The Dublin portal gets picked apart, as does the sub-genre of Hollywood superstar vanity projects.And there’s plans afoot for a stage version of Joe’s food truck story, Spice Bag: The Musical.

Darren predicted the people would never turn on him – this week we learn he was sorely mistaken.Joe has identified the talent that separates him from the rest of us, and he’s really going for it.Your questions lead us to contemplate what might await us living a life as Crash bandicoot, and we weigh up the best of the local animals.

Darren catches Joe hitting the sun beds, and we discover this is a part of a whole new approach to Joe's grooming.We hear about the potential for circuses in the Gaeltacht, and that leads us down a  rabbit hole trying to understand the widespread fear of clowns, and a sinister viral trend that made clowns so hated they had to retire Ronald McDonald.Some questions about the ocean lead us to a difference of opinion over some big claims about disappeared civilisations, and we end up hearing about zombie viruses rising from the thawing soil in deepest Siberia.And we, at last, decide to figure out if a real-life Death Star could be constructed.

We’re weighing up the very best category of pint, and hearing tips from listeners on the various body parts of Christian saints scattered across the land.A lifetime of kissing absolutely everyone gets little love, while life spent inside a horror film as a duo attempting to outrun the killer holds a certain appeal.A question about life in a barn full of animals, or your home full of farmyard animals, sparks a surprisingly in depth discussion on the pros and cons of all variables.

We resume normal business with several issues to iron out. Joe has been making more big claims that need to be contested, but somehow Darren has managed to upset Eoin to the point Joe is now off the hook.As Joe’s food truck empire grows at a staggering rate Darren reveals he’s been holding out on sharing a secret family recipe for curry sauce.We weigh up the pros and cons of joint weddings, from sharing fireworks to who has to sit in the front seat in the wedding car.Darren has started a new habit of walking that’s entertaining nobody, while Joe has finally found a source of cringe that’s too much even for him – in the surprisingly complex world of hardcore cosplay from 19th century France.

Joe's stomach is rumbling again and it's becoming a bone of contention in the studio, There's also a lot of fish talk - probably too much - as we return to your queries. One listener has been trawling through the archives and spotted a serious inconsistency in one of Joe's stories, while another has the lads giving fairly predictable answers to which is their favourite planet.A listener has a suggestion for a charity event that will put Joe's latest big talk to the test, very publicly. And we weigh up some eternal states of mild discomfort.

Is any man truly beautiful? Is Darren Conway a perfect example of God's handiwork, or a distant second to Real Madrid's Jude Bellingham? Joe sees deception everywhere and argues that all beauty in the male form is in fact faked, particularly when it comes to Jude.Darren has been helping to hang tellys and worries he might have left a ticking time bomb clinging on to some plaster board, while Joe's attempts at DIY have left an entire family afraid to put their toothbrushes in their bathroom cabinet.And there's a debate on authenticity in life and sport, with Darren leaning towards the hipsters and their instagramable pizza, while Joe wants something that bit more real from his existence.

As Joe's venture into the world of hospitality looms large, there's only one question on everyone's mind - Will he accept tips? The lads consider where they'd hide if they were the subjects of a nationwide manhunt, and Darren reveals his reluctance to leave Dublin, even at the expense of his own life.Joe once again claims he'd last in a UFC fight by running laps of the ring, and they both make quick work of a question about the ideal ratio for hot drinks, and berate the dreaded watery handshake.Send in your questions to [email protected]

We weigh up the best technology to bring with us the stone age, and hear Joe’s take on a particular period in history as he lays out some theories of mushroom inspired communication from the past.Darren gets an education on the powers of various saints, and picks his own favourite from the canonised crowd.There is a twist in the tale of the now, partially hostage, food truck, and we at long last get the big reveal of what Joe will be selling on his path to becoming a fast food magnate.Meanwhile, Darren’s patenting a very particular kind of cheese, and all of this food business has turned Joe into a real man.And there’s animal talk, from cursing parrots, to cuddly peacocks, and foxes with the zoomies.

We return to the bonus episode with more on Darren’s new found taste for jumping through windows, which has now escalated to kicking beds.We hear about Joe’s views on climbing Mount Everest, and if it is an impressive feat or not, and hang-gliding across the breadth of Dublin city centre.We get the big reveal on the food truck, and there’s much thought given to which celebrity most deserves a punch in the face.

Darren and Joe return to the studio after the success of the live show, and bring with them talk of bizarre CIA mind games, intriguing subcultures, and student revolts against the faculty. There's of course plenty of talk of the live show, from human centipede jokes to a rush to take home some Barry Keoghan cardboard cut outs, and Joe's strange encounters in the show's aftermath.

Maybe Joe's crystal has some power after all, seeing as both the lads have enjoyed two big weeks - Joe has wrapped shooting on his short film which he hopes will shine a spotlight on a part of our recent past that often gets ignored and Darren has stepped into a spotlight of his own after being crowned Dublin's Best Celebrity.Gracious enough to still grant us with his time after his big win, Darren tells us all about the night, which included his first ever trip to Coppers and a potential foray into politics.Joe reveals the content of his pockets includes but is not limited to 5 sets of keys, a door knob and a poker chip. And Darren explains why he got more Easter eggs than Joe's kids did.

There’s a tug of war afoot between factions of the Stall It audience this week, as the supporters of Joe lock horns with those who object to some of his most recent claims.And a brain buster about sneaky home invasion pranks leads to (much) talk of jumping through windows at 3am, postcards from the future and a haunted bathroom mirror.

Joe’s tales of crystals and their magic powers returns but it’s coming up against some opposition this week, and he has a fight on his hands to win over the crowd. However, he has won over one local cat, who appears to be drawn to the high vibrations inside Joe’s house.There’s a lesson on quantum physics for Darren, some theories on “the sound of the universe”, and a disappointing (for Darren) crash course in Egyptian history.As Darren finds himself nominated as one of Dublin’s most loved celebrity we ask if the idea of him becoming Mayor of Dublin is really that far-fetched? And once he’s in the Mansion House, how would Darren spend his   year in the big job?

You come to us for advice this week, as we offer guidance on navigating a potential combustible conflict around a bike and a door; assess a proposed route for Darren to get into heaven; debate the pronunciation of icebergers; analyse a call for mass surveillance of the restaurant industry, and we hear a very odd tale of a very odd late night encounter from one listener.

Darren arrives to record the podcast all shook up after a trip to the doctors quickly turned into a scene from Venom, not helped by his general feelings of confusion caused by watching Jedward eating a roast dinner at 10pm on a Tuesday.Joe descends into the glittering world of all things crystals and emerges with a supposed piece of a meteor to help improve his mood and give him a more positive outlook. It doesn't stop him from getting into a row though after he slips up on Mother's Day. The two lads also brainstorm ideas for a potential Worst Film of the Year winner but can only come up with Oscar worthy ideas, and they wonder whether Ireland's latest Oscar winner, Cillian Murphy, is as aloof as he may seem. Although, with their track record of embarrassing interactions with celebrities, they may not want to meet him even if they could.

One of our listeners treats us to a particularly cinematic gift this week, which somehow leads to Joe making big claims about cloning, and Darren telling tall tales about tractors.The lads are introduced to a new geographical term, and an education on the history of Ireland's most famous graveyard.We have questions about quizzes, and urban legends about gameshow mishaps.And a listener comes for Joe over a big, and seemingly inaccurate, claim he made about a very significant foodstuff.

Joe's really done it this time - He's bought a food truck! But, it's too big for his garden and too heavy for his car to pull so whether his mystery food venture will be up and running in time for the live show on the 6th of April remains to be seen.The discussion sparks a memory for Darren about a unique breakfast location in Finglas during his childhood and Joe talks about his recent trip to a cafe with it's own unique selling point of making all decorative memorabilia themselves.The various days of celebration at the creche frustrate Joe and teach Darren about the latest children's cartoons and might even encourage him to read a new book.Buy tickets to the live show on Ticketmaster now!

Were you to live life as the owner of a dog-sized insect, which species of creepy crawly would you choose as your companion? We spend an unreasonable amount of time exploring the many potential pitfalls of life as the custodian of giant snails, bees and flies.We also discuss the hairstyles of history's most famous vampires, from Dracula to Count Duckula.There's a discussion on the lesser known Baldwin brothers, and consideration given to the scourge of ghost-on-ghost crime.

Could there be anything more shambolic, inept and deliberately shite, than a theme park (or "experience") designed by, and dedicated to, Stall It? We attempt to answer that very question, and dream up everything from haunted houses of wheelie bins and a shopping trolley, to a crafts workshop that is really in pretty poor taste.We also hear tales of being stopped at gunpoint, an attempted kidnapping, bulletproof vests as fashion accessories, and Joe's new "fight, flight and kiss" self defence system.

We explore options for educational reform, with mastery of the treadmill at the core of the future curriculum. Joe calls out the scandal that was false advertising at school open days, particularly in the science lab.The option of a lifetime of riches is spoiled by having to share with a detested neighbour, and we eschew personal wealth in favour of plaguing our enemies with too much sleep, extra cold showers, and two Italian BMTs.Plus there's a breakdown of the breakfast market, from the sweet to the savoury and even the buttered.