Rebel Buddhist

In this episode we explore one aspect of our Dharma, our purpose in life.People often think this is one thing. Like, when people say “I’ve always known I wanted to be a marine biologist, ever since I was a kid.”Or, “I just knew I was going to be a teacher.”But the truth is, many of us have multiple strengths and passions that we long to share with the world - especially freedom junkies like my clients, and like you rebels out there listening to this podcast - but we never give ourselves permission to explore and cultivate them.One term used to describe a person with many passions is “multi-passionate,” and here’s what usually happens when someone is a multi-passionate:You notice that bright shiny object (aka new passion)Then uber-obsession kicks in and you think about it all the freakin’ timeThen you take a deep breath and dive in. You learn all you can. You immerse yourself in it. If you’re like me, it make look like an obsession.Then, you start doing it - the new hobby or the new adventureAnd eventually, once you got it figured out or learned “enough,” you may ditch it, or quickly finish it up/get it over with...or add another passion to the listCan you relate?Other characteristics of multi-passionate people:// They love to learn. That’s me 100%. I budget thousands of dollars a year just for learning. I love it THAT much. I wish school was free. But it’s not. So I have to reign it in a bit.// Multi-passionates also read widely in divergent areas that often are not connected.Like how what I’m reading now ranges from a revisiting of Martha Beck’s Steering By Starlight, Michael Benavov’s Men of Salt, about a man’s journey along the Sahara’s ancient salt trade route, and the “green journal” of the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology. Seriously.But what ends up happening with multipassionates is that as a result of this exposure to so many things, we have tons of idea babies.We start to see connections across seemingly disparate areas - and for people that get really good at it, there are brilliant new discoveries, inventions, new ways to apply things, amazing collaborations.Justine Musk, who was formerly married to Elon Musk, the founder of PayPal and the CEO of Tesla and SpaceX (another multi-passionate, right?) once gave some advice about how to become a billionaire. She recommended choosing something unique and helpful that no computer could replicate, and to master that. Then to choose a second thing and become the master of that as well. Then she said, “Introduce hot ideas to each other, so they can have idea sex and make idea babies that no one has seen before”.Brilliant!And this, fellow humans, is what a multi-passionate at their best can do!So it’s actually a blessing to have so many interests, especially when we let our brains explore the different ways we can combine them allWe know a lot about ...a lot! Some examples of multi-passionates are people like Leonardo DaVinci who was a scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, painter, sculptor, architect, musician, and writer...he’s been credited with inventing the helicopter too!Then there’s Maya Angelou. I mean, she has done so much. She danced at a strip joint, ran a brothel, mastered several languages (after not speaking for 5 years as a kid), published a variety of books from cooking to children’s books to poetry. She wrote plays and screenplays and acted in them (she was even nominated for an Emmy!)! And more. I mean what the what????Another characteristic of multi-passionates is they have the ability to focus on a given topic for a long period of time. Many people think multi-passionates have ADHD - and many might, but actually most MPs can also deeply focus on a topic – but with the caveat that they can focus on a given topic as long as it is necessary to learn what they need to know. After that, they move on.And this powerful ability to focus is not to the exclusion of everything else.Rather, it is a stepping-stone to the next thing!The thing that causes a lot of suffering in all this for MPs is that lots of us freak out about having to choose one thing.We don’t want to.But the world really really really wants us to.And we feel that our changing directions lead others to see it as proof that we are confused or something.And we worry people might see us as flaky.I know when I was first starting to strut my multipassionate colors, I would also constantly feel really self-conscious when people at parties would ask, “What do you do?” Where do I even start?Even my hair stylist - she said, “Hey what exactly do you do? I was telling someone about you and how you help women get more confidence and build resilience and have more adventure...but I realized I didn’t know exactly what you DO?”And that’s because it doesn't fit into a box, my friends.Multi-passionates often hear, “Why don’t you just do the safe thing instead? The ‘normal’ thing. The obvious thing?”And our response is usually...because that seems kind of boring.And pe

Every now and then I get comments about charging for what I teach. Like how dare I teach certain tools and charge for them. How can I charge to help people to stop overdrinking? Or have less anxiety? Or how to manage their mind? Or how to feel free?They say it is very “unspiritual” of me, very “un-Buddhist” of me, to earn a living helping people this way.So I wanted to discuss the concept of “right-livelihood” more in-depth, because I think there are some big misunderstandings of what right livelihood is - and a misunderstanding of the teachings and how they were created for monastics and the way it is different in teachings for lay people.These misunderstandings lead to a lot of people with good hearts and amazing skills not making a living doing what they love because they have some old stories about what is a noble way to earn a living.“Right Livelihood” is a traditional Buddhist teaching and is considered one of the factors of the eight-fold path to enlightenment. The idea is you follow these 8 guidelines and they help create the conditions that make attaining enlightenment easier.I find it helpful to not interpret these as commandments per se, which a lot of people are used to. Many of us grew up being told hey if you do this spiritual thing you're good and will go to the happy place, and if not then you go to the really bad place.So when most of us hear about things we “should” or should not do, we run for the hills, right? Or we run straight towards what we’re not supposed to doI know I do! And I know many of you rebels do too.The way I was taught was to see them like they are like a recipe, a proven recipe from a really good chef.Sure, we could come up with our own recipe, but if we want to make life easier on the path that we choose, we might want to follow some advice from those that have gone before us and see if it works for us. So we check for ourself if practicing right speech, right actions, right livelihood etc helps us grow spiritually.If it does, great! If not, then we can choose to leave it.Right livelihood is part of a series of recommendations that makes attaining enlightenment easier.Jack Kornfield said, “Right Livelihood is considered a part of the way to enlightenment most simply because it’s very hard to meditate after a day of killing and stealing! We can use our work as a practice and a form of meditation.”I totally relate to that. Essentially, right livelihood is refraining from types of work that cause harm to other living beingsIt’s about avoiding trades that directly or indirectly harm others, and the examples traditionally given are like selling slaves, weapons, animals for slaughter, intoxicants, or poison.But ultimately, the teaching of right livelihood is about ethical livelihood. And that, I think, helps the term right livelihood be more clear.But there is a lot of muddled energy around money and its role in right livelihoodLike sexuality and desire, money is a form of energy - and it's quite neutral.It can be used in beneficial ways, and it can be used in destructive ways.And in most people, it comes with a serving of shame - either feeling ashamed to have been born with it, or ashamed to not have enough of it.We add to that the spiritual teachings we hear about renunciation that reinforce a negative judgment of it, and shame. Monastics are taught not to touch it, and that they can only beg for food and can’t buy it.And then our money stories get mixed with greed, and desire, and all of those things together with it and whew...it becomes a lot.What's our role in a culture with wide disparities between the rich and poor? And are we participating in the injustice of it? Are we contributing to the solution?Should we have money or give it all away? And in a society where money is power, how does that influence things?It’s not black and white – it is complex, and it is something that we have to contemplate and really pay attention.You might ask if you should take a certain job and make a bunch of money and wonder if it is ethical or not.Or what to do when the family is fighting over an inheritance.Or how to spend some money you came across.Or what you're willing to do to get out of poverty.But ultimately, we want to understand that money is energy and that money is an expression of the energy of the world.And if we take that energy and combine it with a vision of a world that is more caring and more just, and with integrity, then it can do amazing thingsThere are a lot of teachings for us that who are not monks and nuns that are really important, and I share some of them in this episode. They're not emphasized much because most of what was written down in the Buddhist tradition was written for monastics, but they are there.Ultimately, you want to get comfortable with money and look at your own relationship to it. And then you're going to have to get clear on your relationship to it in how you choose to earn a living.When I asked Jack Kornfield about how to handle it when some

Today we dive deeper into how desire fits into our life when we want to continue to evolve spiritually and act in ways that are compassionate to the earth and to others.A lot of people think of desire as this thing that we develop… but really, we have desire wired into us as humans.The essence of what Buddhism offers and teaches through mindfulness, lovingkindness, and compassion, is freedom of the heart. Not “needing” things, not being attached to things. But rather inner freedom. As a result, desire and attachment are often misunderstood.And all the practices that I’ve learned and that I teach here and in Freedom School - all the ways that we work with our minds - are to invite that sense of true inner and outer freedom. To cultivate a release from fear, a release from all the entanglements of life.Often the root of so much suffering is resisting what IS because we are attached to how we’d rather have it be.So where do desire and attachment fit in when freedom is our goal?One important thing to remember is that freedom is not a freedom to remove ourselves from the world, but to actually be more fully present and free to know, to respond, to be open to life, and to find a wholeness in each moment.And the amazing thing is that when you meet people who have this sense of freedom, it's contagious. You can feel it in some way. You can tell when they walk in the room. You’re like, “I want me somma that!”Here WE are in this human incarnation. And need and desire is a real thing.We need money for rent, and we need food, and job security, and health insurance, and a sense of belonging, right?And yet desire also can be a weight, an entanglement, and a cause of suffering.So how do we deal with desire in our life? Especially because it's not just the desires we have for external things, but we can have that same unhealthy desire come into our spiritual practice as well.Kabir, a great mystic, says, "Friend, please tell me what I can do about this world that I hold to and keep spinning around. I gave up sewn clothes and wore a robe. But one day I noticed the cloth was well-woven, so I bought some burlap. But I still throw it elegantly over my left shoulder. I pulled back my sexual longings and now I discover I'm angry a lot. I gave up rage and now I notice I'm greedy all day. I worked hard at dissolving the greed, and now I'm proud of myself."What does it mean to work with desire and to ease both the grasping and the attachments inwardly, or to the views and opinions that we have?The Buddha said that those who are strongly attached to their views go around the world annoying people. Truth of that is so apparent right now.We live in an addicted society, where consumerism is focused on keeping you busy to take the edge off your challenging emotions, and keep you busy with your fixes so you don't actually notice the problems with racism, or with the environment and climate change, and warring nations and suffering refugees."Here, buy something. Drink something. Smoke something. Do do DO something. Distract yourself in some way."We live in a society that keeps us from actually being present for the way things are.The misunderstanding of desire and attachment seems to be how people think there are only two choices:1) You either abandon it and release it2) or you grasp it - which creates sufferingA big part of the spiritual talk you might here is about non-attachment and that we're supposed to give up desire.But underneath the desire is really a longing.And the longing can be for companionship, acceptance, security, love, adventure, feeling ALIVEThere is longing that is meaningful and healthy, and also that which hooks us, right?In this episode, we explore how there is healthy attachment and unhealthy attachment, healthy desire and unhealthy desire.The key lies in understanding desire and attachment.This also means we become familiar with the absence of desire and attachment,What we often find in its absence is love, stillness, attention, care, aliveness.In Latin, the root of "desire" is desiderare, which means "away from your star."Tara Brach pointed out that we can interpret that as “when there's a longing or desire, there's some perception that we are away from the source of what we are, what we long for and what we need.”But we have the ability to fulfill our longing within us.This desire + attachment?We are ...being human.Learning the art of living in this body with all its wants and needs and desires and longings.Mary Oliver, in her poem Wild Geese, says, “Let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.”Often, as humans, our deepest longing is that of belonging.And we can remember that we actually become what we're longing for when we allow it in a healthy way.So remember: we train with not just the state of feeling desire and longing, but also the experience of what's happening when there is no craving or resistingWhat we often find is that we have...enough.In the episode you’ll learn:// The difference between he

Last week we talked about how important it was to be able to start to embody the person you need to be in order to create the future you want – you need to already think feel and act like that person who has already achieved the things in life you want to manifest. Whether that is a future of more kindness. More freedom. Most justice for all... no matter what you want to manifest, the principles are the same.And like you may have heard me say before: the things we talk about here don’t pick sides. It's not like manifesting work and thought work is only effective for peace and love and funding non-profits.Depending on what we choose to focus our energies on - our thoughts and feelings - we can also manifest negative things, things that don’t benefit the greater good or ourselves. Or we can be very selfish with what we use these things for.So when we do work manifesting material things, I try to always remember why - what is the purpose of this? If it is because I think it will make me happy, I need to rethink this.But if is it fun? Then YESIf it is a challenge? Then YESWill it solve some problem so I can put my energy to more important things? YES.And my favorite: Will creating this help me evolve?Then HELL YES!So we need to be very intentional with what we manifest. And because compassion and integrity are big values here at Rebel Buddhist, I think we also need to be mindful of how what we manifest impacts others - the world, the earth, people in other countries, future generations, our neighbors, other sentient beings.It’s not abundance that creates evil or corrupts. I don’t believe that for a second. I know way too many amazing philanthropists and good that has come out of abundance.Rather, it’s how we get there, and what we do with it, yeah?So I want to teach you a very powerful tool that I use often, and with it comes some responsibility, so I want to ask that you please use it to go out there and make this world a better place - to help you live your purpose and make the most of this one precious life, and to have a ripple effect to inspire others and help the world be a more joyful and kind place where humans get back to what they were meant to do: enjoying the precious life.This process is called the 4-Step Mini-Visualization.Visualization is a very valuable technique. It’s when you go through a process or experience within your mind’s eye and it helps with planning and with taking actions and performance, which is why it’s used by many entrepreneurs and athletes as wellBut don’t think it's just for what some would call “worldly goals.” As I mentioned last week, one of the first visualizations I was ever taught was with Lama Zopa Rinpoche, and he taught me to visualize myself as Shakyamuni Buddha and to picture myself as already enlightened, to feel my body as Shakyamuni Buddha’s, and to see myself acting with the utmost kindness and compassion and selflessness of a Buddha.And it definitely helped me be more kind, compassionate, and selfless.Visualization works in many contexts because we are BEING that which we wish to be - and that - as you learned in the last episode - is one of the keys to creating what you want in life.This particular technique is meant to be relatively quick, and I use it when I have something happening relatively soon that I want to go a certain way - like an interview, or a program launch, or a meeting, a difficult conversation.In this episode I’ll walk you through the 4 steps in detail so you can show up in a way that you’re proud of in any scenario – whether that’s confident, compassionate, calm, excited...whatever way you need to show up to impact the world in the way that you want.Why do we even both with visualization?Because if you can’t even visualize it, it can’t even happen.But if you can imagine it, now it has the possibility of happening.You’ve been there maybe, or a perhaps you’ve had a friend who’s been there - where we try to imagine a better outcome for something we’re super upset about and we think, “Oh wow...I can’t even imagine what that would be like.”Well, exactly, and too bad because then it aint’ going to happen!So the creation of a new reality begins with imagining it.This goes for your next job.Your next orgasm.Your next vacationYour next relationshipYour next meetingAnd it can expand to your community - how you show up as a leader, mentor, an inspirationThe world we want to create - how do we go into that meeting and convince someone we need to prioritize black lives?Cut back on carbon emissions?Increase the number of BIPOC hired?Give women equal pay, create a safer work environment?Advocate for Universal Healthcare and a liveable minimum wage?Can you see that it is ALL connected? How the principles or manifesting are universal?I recommend you do this visualization a few times a day working up to the event, and FOR SURE do this right before it.And FEEL those feelings in your bones. In every cell of your body.See it as happening. As good as DONE!If we

Us humans tend to think that it is only when we finally achieve our goals or dreams that we can feel more confident and happier and experience more self-love...and more worthy. And not before.But this is actually backwards...and I explain why in this episode.What a lot of people miss is that in order to manifest that life you just visualized, you need to start BEING - thinking, feeling, ACTING as the person who already has manifested those thingsAnd this is probably the most important part to actually manifesting that life you are dreaming of.Many of us think we need to wait until we reach the goal to feel complete, to feel successful, to feel accomplished, confident, loved, worthy.But the trick is that like attracts like - your energy will attract things to it that are similar. What makes up your energy are your thoughts, your beliefs...and your emotions and what you do/don’t do.So if you’re stuck in lacking and needing and having a pity party and not allowing yourself to be happy until you achieve something...how do you think that energy is?And what do you think it attracts? Probably a lot of scarcity thoughts, which lead to missed opportunities and distractions and worry and thinking about the past... and overall attracting more scarcity and less abundance.Now you may think this is BS. A lot of people think, “Well, it’s easy to have that mindset when you have money and freedom and location independence! But I don’t have that.”So in effect, people assume that people who have abundance already had it to some degree - inherited something, were born with unearned privilege like being white or being born into a wealthy family (which we know can be true - but it ain't the whole picture), married into it, won it. That it takes money to make money and it takes freedom to create freedom.While there is some truth to that, it’s probably not in the way you are thinking, because it is more about your internal experience of abundance and freedom than what it looks like on the outside.In this episode I go into detail about how mindset helped me to create a life of freedom, adventure and purpose, even though I came from a poor socioeconomic class, a dysfunctional family with severe mental illness and abuse, growing up in a violent neighborhood with bad schools, and didn’t have a trust fund to fall back on.I hope it inspires you to see that anything is possible for you too.In this episode you’ll learn:// How visualization can help you create the life you want// Why it’s not just about having positive thoughts and being able to imagine an amazing life// The three questions to ask yourself to start to BE the person who already has achieved everything you want to// Why you don’t need to wait for external things to change before you start actively moving towards your goals// The most important part of creating your ideal lifeRESOURCES// Check out Episode 14 where we talk about How to Create New Beliefs// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.

The other day someone had posted a comment on a FB post I made and she said, “Please unfriend me. We obviously have different beliefs.”And this really stood out to me because I thought it was so...immature to not want to see differing opinions.But it’s quite pervasive these days, right?So I replied, “Actually, we aren’t friends on Facebook, but if we were you are always welcome to do so. But I want to invite you to consider that unfriending people just because they disagree with you might not be the best practice if you want to grow and learn as a human. I think there is a lost art of disagreeing, and when we are open to new ideas and people who think differently it allows us an opportunity to expand what we know.”Suffice it to say there were crickets after that, but I’m so curious how many people out there would agree with me, and how many think we should just avoid contact with those who disagree with us.So today I wanted to talk about how to disagree with someone, because I think that as a whole we sort of suck at it. Not just around politics or religion, but lifestyles and other personal choices as well.Believe it or not, it is possible to still love someone who wildly disagrees with you.You don’t have to get pissed off. You don’t have to hate them.So why is it so hard?What we often see instead is people having a really hard time even listening to different opinions... and an even harder time doing so without trying to change each other’s minds.It’s easier to do this with smaller things like your favorite beach, favorite food, favorite multipitch alpine route, fave movie, saying “snow machine” vs “snowmobile.”We’re able to have people disagree and still say, “Alright, I love you anyway...even though you’re totally wrong about that.”But other things are much much harder, especially around politics or religion or other topics related to deep personal values.And I’m sure you’ve been in this situation. I know I have before.I want to encourage us all - when we find ourselves triggered and just want the other person to believe different things or to go away or just be quiet - I want us to ask ourselves, “Why is this causing us so much suffering? Why do we want them to just be silent?”What would happen if instead we came from a place of curiosity?Because spoiler alert: it’s not their opposing political opinion that’s upsetting you.Your brain is the source of your suffering. Your thoughts about it.Attachment to how things need to be in order to feel good.Attachment to how the world “should” be.Your thoughts about what someone else is saying are what’s upsetting you.What they’re saying is completely neutral - a circumstance.If you’re in Freedom School or the Rebel buddhist FB group and you’re doing thought work, you would put their opinion in your C line.It’s completely neutral not because it doesn’t create a response in you or someone else - because clearly it does. It is completely neutral because it doesn’t upset you until you have a thought about it, until you decide you disagree with it. In itself, their opinion has no inherent quality of good or bad, right or wrong.Now, can you disagree with someone - a colleague, a family member, a politician - and still love them?Can you still hold space for their opinion?Would you like to be able to do that?Because what I‘ve seen is that by silencing them or ignoring them, we’re ultimately saying, “I don’t care what’s in your mind. I don’t care about your thoughts. I only care about mine and those of other people who think like me.”And in my opinion, that doesn’t move us any closer to a better world.Why is it so hard for us to be with someone who doesn’t share our same values and morals and ethics and thoughts?Usually it’s because we think we’re right. Actually, it’s probably more accurate to say that we think we know we’re right.But coaching has taught me a lot about holding this non-judgmental space.Because when I am coaching someone, my opinion about what should or shouldn’t be done in the world is not for my clients. My opinions are for me.My job is to help them see their mind and the thoughts they have and decide if they want those to change - if they find those current thoughts and beliefs aren’t serving them anymore - and to help them consider different ones that are going to help them show up in the world in a way that they’re proud of.My job isn’t to force people to be mindful or compassionate or do loving kindness meditation or Tong Len or quit their job or leave the marriage.No…After all my years of coaching, I’ve heard it all. I’ve had high-end call girls as clients. Clients from the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (I’ve been taught by them to say it the long way now..not LDS or Mormon…). I’ve had clients who are in a marriage with their high school sweetheart. Ones who are polyamorous and others who are swingers. I’ve had clients who’ve never done drugs, those who are working on stopping overdrinking and those that have cannabis farms.Ultimately

I have a special treat for you today - after the last few episodes, I have received a LOT of comments and questions about how to not care what other people think about you.Another way I think of this is how to let people be wrong about you.And did you know that my podcast episode on exactly this topic was the MOST popular one of 2020? It’s true!I am one to follow signs that come my way - not signs that tell me about rule - no...as you know by now, I like to break rules that don’t make sense to me as long as they aren’t hurting anyone;) I’m talking about signs from the Universe that something is important.So, today I wanted to encourage you to listen to this episode and take notes. And if you’ve already heard it, listen to it againThis episode is so important, because we waste so much time, money and energy on caring about what other people think. It keeps us from taking action we want to take, from stopping things we no longer want to do, letting go of things that no longer serve us.Hell - caring about what other people think and not letting people be wrong about us keeps us from just LOVING ourselves and being happy about the miracles that we ARE.Letting people be wrong about you is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself. This month in Freedom School we’re also covering How to Get Shit Done, and what I’ve found is that when I don’t care what other people think, I am WAY more productive. You stop worrying about if something is perfect or obsessing about what so-and-so might think. You just DO the damn thing.So you see, letting people be wrong about you is good on so many levels. Enjoy - may it be of benefit.And if you want to dive more deeply into this topic and more like it, come learn with us in Freedom School. Enrollment is closed right now but will be opening soon - join the waitlist at JoinFreedomSchool.com and be the first to know when it does, alright?.OK Rebels - have a listen and remember this quote by Dr Seuss: “The people that mind don’t matter and the people that matter don’t mind.”Topics in this episode:Why we seem to obsess over what other people think about us – how it holds us backHow to let people be ‘wrong’ about you + learn to be OK with disappointing othersHow I learned to stop giving a flying hooha about other people's judgement – and how it freed me up to live the life of my dreamsWhy you MUST start doing you instead of what other people think is ‘right’, even when it’s hard and uncomfortableHow you not caring what people think can inspire otherResources:// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.If creating the life you love includes drinking less in the New Year, Freedom School also gives you access to Drink Less, Feel Free, a 4-week program where you learn ways to free yourself from overdrinking. The tools here worked for me – and hundreds of others. You can also give it as a gift to someone you love that has repeatedly told you they wish they didn’t always overdrink. Life is too short to waste hungover or feeling guilty, right? Plus, saying you’ll do something and then not doing it screws with your self-confidence. This program is set up to give you the support and accountability you need.Click here to learn more.

We’ve heard stories of people that have taken prison sentences and transformed them into opportunities of spiritual development, or those who have taken extremely challenging life circumstances like tragic deaths and came out the other end, and people who don’t have the financial freedom to travel or not worry about paying the bills, but who feel joyous and free on the inside.How is that possible?While there are certainly many inalienable human rights that can help to define what freedom is, that’s not the freedom I’m talking about here, because I’m sure you can think of plenty of people that are privileged to have those rights, like people who travel freely, work freely, have freedom of speech and freedom to go to school, and yet they feel suffocated and stifled.They might feel like like they will never know their true self, or live their true life.They feel anything but free - even though on the outside it seems they are.Some of the first things my clients say when I ask them “what does a life of freedom look like?” is that they want::: a location-independent lifestyle:: to be their own boss:: or have enough money to do what they want and not stress about finances.But what’s interesting is in all my years of working with people to create more freedom in their lives, they are surprised when they finally achieve those things yet they still find themselves...wanting.They feel anything but free, even though everything is lining up with what freedom looks like on the outside.Here’s what I want you to consider: for the work we’re doing here on our minds, I’m talking about internal freedom. Emotional freedom. And this Freedom – the kind of freedom no one can take away from you – is a feeling.When it comes down to it, feeling free actually has very little to do with what the world looks like on the outside.The reason why is those things my clients listed off that were a part of their perception of freedom are external freedoms. They are measured against us being able to DO/be something without involvement from others.Now external freedom is important - especially when it comes down to the human rights that we are constantly fighting for, and then to the right you have to create the life you are meant to live. But those alone will not help you feel free.There are different currencies of freedom.timemoneyenergycreativitylocationWhile these are currencies of freedom, they are not to be confused with freedom itself.Notice that these also have to do with the freedom TO do things.To travelTo work from the beachTo buy what you wantTo do what you want on your own timelinesThere is a difference between freedom To and freedom FROMAnd we often forget about freedom FROMFreedom FROM never being happy.Freedom FROM never being satisfied.Freedom FROM insecurity and self-doubt and negative self-talkFreedom FROM fearSo how do you get to this internal freedom? This emotional freedom?True freedom is when YOU are able to fully accept you, be you, love you… and also accept things as they are.It means you are also going to be willing to feel whatever feeling is arising - you are willing to feel any emotion.Think about it - the reason we do anything is because of how we think it will make us feel - that it will help us feel better or to help us avoid feeling pain.Often, we don’t take the action we want to because we are afraid of theoretical risks - usually of experiencing failure, or embarrassment, or humiliation.These are all “just” emotions.Yet we let the fear of feeling them keep us from honoring our truth, from creating the life we are meant to liveWe are imprisoned by fear, by never feeling like it is “enough” - and consequently we don’t feel free.If you want true freedom – deep freedom – it starts with going within.It can be easy to get distracted by the external freedoms, and trying to shape your life into the perfect little scenario where you don’t have to rely on anyone, or answer to anyone.But take it from someone with over 20 different certifications, 3 graduate degrees, 3+ places to live (read: run away to), and over a dozen ways I’ve learned to make money in case myriad things happen to the economy or political state so that I will always have my needs met: it doesn’t mean anything if you aren’t really free on the inside.It only means that you stop wishing things were different, and get on with actively creating the world you want, while (and here’s the clincher) accepting and loving you and all the present moment has to offer.Until you are able to pull that off, you won’t ever truly feel free, no matter how many beaches you take your laptop to for work, or how many Instagram photos you post about your travels. You’ll perhaps feel badass and very adventurous…but not deeply free.In this episode you’ll learn::: Three ways to create TRUE freedom:: Some of the most common misconceptions people have about freedom:: Why it’s not just about being able to work from anywhere and having adventures (even though all those things are t

You know we’re all about Freedom here at the Rebel Buddhist – inside and out.One of the things I’ve found that we can do to give us the most emotional freedom in the next year is to partake in the courageous act letting go of things that no longer serve us, and one of the most radical acts we can do to let go, one of the things we can do for ourselves that can truly help us feel more light and free...is forgiving.So that’s what we’re talking about in this New Year’s Eve podcast episode: how to forgive.I believe that the lack of forgiveness and the need for forgiveness are some of the biggest challenges many of us face.One of the most powerful things I ever did was forgive my mom for abusing me as a child.You see, I had a lot of anger about my childhood for many years. I was uber-pissed, and for objectively good reasons.I won’t go into details, but you can imagine the myriad reasons people feel wounded and broken. Many of those things happened as I was growing up, but regarding my mother specifically, I was so angry that she hurt me physically and emotionally. I was resentful that I didn’t have a mom I felt safe with, and that I was this angry person walking around, blowing up at my boyfriends, feeling defensive, and easily losing my shit.“What a bitch for making me so angry!” I’d think to myself.And it was weighing me down.It was also impacting my relationship with her...with her as an older, gentler, less angry woman who wanted to be close to me.While I was angry and bitter, for a long time, in the end I knew that deep down, despite her mistakes, she was doing the best she could in the moment with what she had available to her.So, as an adult, I had a choice to make:1) I could keep reminding myself and my mom that things really sucked growing up and about how much she hurt me, and that I was all sensitive and defensive because of her, and that she really screwed up royally with some things.Then she’d apologize and feel shitty about herself and I’d feel guilty and all upset after re-hashing all that crap. And we’d do this over and over, as I strived to get back at her for hurting me the way she did through guilt-trips and passive aggressive behavior and not-so-passive aggressive behavior…OR – I could stop thinking that I was deeply wounded and broken, wanting to make those feelings go away until I allowed myself to move forward...wanting to “understand” everything and have it make sense – and have everyone else understand and agree that I was wounded – before I allowed myself to be happy…I could stop all that and instead…2) Say, “Well, that sucked. Royally. But now it’s time to create my new life.”Needless to say, after years of the first, victim-mindset option and hanging out in therapy wondering why I was still having panic attacks, I decided to try #2.And it changed everything.I can’t completely describe the shift that happened when I stopped thinking that in order to heal, I had to wallow in the past until some magical moment when things would feel right.I realized that insight and understanding don’t fix everything. They feel good, sure. They’re useful, sure.But what created a real shift for me was changing what I DID. How I thought, how I responded, the situations I created. How I FELT.It was ACTION that allowed me to grow and change…and ultimately, heal.It was me taking ACTION that allowed me to see myself as whole, and perfectly resourceful and creative. That I was indeed perfect as I was. Not broken. Not wounded to the core. Not in need of more therapy or days of crying to feel seen.And the most courageous action I took was to forgive.Of course, I found therapy helpful for some things, especially learning how to notice what I was feeling, and being able to share my story with someone who wasn’t going to try to explain it away or justify things.It helped me make sense of certain memories and I felt incredibly safe sharing deeply with someone that seemed “qualified” for me to lose my shit in front of. But in hindsight, which is always lovely, I realize that maybe I just needed one round of that.Then I needed to get off my ass and do things differently.I needed to create a different relationship with my mom, or walk away. The latter wasn’t an option for me, because I do love her deeply.So one day I said, “I’d like to talk.” And I asked her for what I needed to hear in order to be able to forgive her. I asked her to please try to say she was sorry, to acknowledge all the ways in which she had hurt me.I asked that she reflect on it and come back to me if and when she felt she could say it with full sincerity.Now, I was lucky, because eventually, she did. She told me how she didn't know better, how she was one of 11 children and how her mom didn’t bother to explain anything or try to be patient - that she just hit them when they didn’t behave.She’d seen the next generation raising their kids and how they took parenting classes and anger management classes and how she wishes she had been able to do those

In last week’s episode I mentioned that I call the process of reflecting on the past year and creating intentions for the new one REVIEW, REFLECT + ALIGN.Today we dive into the alignment part, because when we are in alignment, if feels damn good.When we are happy, what’s often going on is that our outside world is in alignment with our inside worldThere is consistency, integrity, with what we value and how we are living our livesSo when we think about what we want to create in the next year, it’s important to first get clear about what our core values are.The quintessential self-compassion question I often ask you to ask yourself in difficult times is, “What do I need?” But we really can’t fully answer that question unless we also know what we value most. What we want.So some of you might ask: Wait - what's the difference between goals and core values?First, goals can be achieved; whereas core values guide us towards and after achieving our goals. Goals are destinations; core values are directions.Goals are something we “do”; values are something we “are.”Goals are set by us; core values are discovered. We discover them as we have life experiences and notice, "Oh that - that is important to me."Some examples of core values are::: Compassion:: Generosity:: Honesty:: Loyalty:: CourageAnd you may notice that what first comes to mind when we think of core values is having to do with how we treat others, but many also have to do with meeting personal needs that are deeply important to us... but may not be so important to others.Some examples of personal core values are::: Adventure:: Freedom:: Personal growth:: Creativity:: Peace/tranquility:: Exploration : NatureIn this episode I guide you through an activity that helps you get clear about your core values, and how to live a life that is more aligned with who you are and how you want to show up in the world.I also teach you how to get back on track then you’ve strayed away from how you want to show up in the world.And you know that whole Word of the Year thing you may have heard about? This is a method to help you figure out what yours is.Once we’ve gotten clear about our core values, and once we’ve reflected and learned from the past...NOW we are ready and ripe to create our intentions for the new year in a way that is truly ALIGNED with who we are and the life we want to create.When you go through this process, you don’t waste time, money and energy on goals that don’t serve your highest purpose.It can help you avoid focusing on things that you’ll end up realizing - way later - that they weren’t what you really wanted or needed.Whatever your value is that you want to devote yourself to, that can guide you.And when you commit to this - devote yourself to this - making it happen is as Good. As. done.In this episode you’ll learn::: What alignment has to do with you feeling like sh*t:: Why you MUST know what you want to live an aligned life:: How to discover what your core values are:: How to identify and overcome obstacles to living the life we are meant to live:: The point of doing the whole "Word of the Year" thing - and how to fidn your OWN!Resources:// Download the gorgeous REVIEW, REFLECT + ALIGN workbook by clicking here.// Is your word of the year Adventure? Have a listen to Episode 31 here.// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.// If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.If creating the life you love includes drinking less in the New Year, Freedom School also gives you access to Drink Less, Feel Free, a 4-week program where you learn ways to free yourself from overdrinking. The tools here worked for me – and hundreds of others. You can also give it as a gift to someone you love that has repeatedly told you they wish they didn’t always overdrink. Life is too short to waste hungover or feeling guilty, right? Plus, saying you’ll do something and then not doing it screws with your self-confidence. This program is set up to give you the support and accountability you need.Click here to learn more.

Ever have a New Year resolution you didn’t follow-through on? You’re not alone! “Resolutions” seem to resonate less and less with how people want to enter into the New Year. After all, more resolutions are broken than kept, and that doesn’t feel like a way to enter the New Year with integrity.With traditional resolutions, people often find themselves stuck in the same place year after year – even with having the best of intentions and setting achievable goals that seem totally doable. Goals they really, really want! Some have been wanting them for decades! Many of us stay stuck and don’t manifest our resolutions because there isn’t also a reflection of the dominant thoughts we’ve been having. Thoughts are the things that truly shape how we feel, what we do or don’t do, and what we create in our lives - the results we get. The reality we experience. So it’s time to make that reflection a part of our New Year review and get unstuck.Create a new experience for the New Year.Here we review the process I use each New Year transition called Review, Reflect + Align. It’s what we’re focusing on in Freedom School right now. All month. In this episode we will talk about the Review + Reflect components that can help you step into your inner wisdom, your true compass, your desires, and your heart-centered visions for your life with the most astute observation, integrity, wisdom, generosity and compassion that you can muster.In this episode you’ll learn::: Why most resolutions fail – and how to avoid those mistakes:: The EXACT questions I ask myself every year to make sure the next one is a success:: How to use mindfulness while creating your resolutions:: How to make the most of the challenges 2020 gave us:: The difference between goals and intentions and why it matters:: How to create a NEW kind of resolution:: The importance of knowing what you WANT vs what you think you “should” do:: and of course...more!Resources:// Download the gorgeous A Year in Review worksheet by clicking here.// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life. // If you’re interested in a really awesome way to make the next year your best one yet, join Freedom School. It will set you up to live the best version of you in the year to come. This is an amazing group of rebel women committed to creating lives of freedom, adventure and purpose. You can even gift a Freedom School membership to someone that you know could use the boost and come together! You’ll dive into getting clear about: what you want, how to clear your life of the things you don’t, skills for living an authentic life so you are out there being YOU and not what other people want you to be, and more.If creating the life you love includes drinking less in the New Year, Freedom School also gives you access to Drink Less, Feel Free, a 4-week program where you learn ways to free yourself from overdrinking. The tools here worked for me – and hundreds of others. You can also give it as a gift to someone you love that has repeatedly told you they wish they didn’t always overdrink. Life is too short to waste hungover or feeling guilty, right? Plus, saying you’ll do something and then not doing it screws with your self-confidence. This program is set up to give you the support and accountability you need.Click here to learn more.

Today, we talk about adventure and being devoted to it.Adventure is essential to our evolution.When I was a child, I would get soooo bored. I was an only child in a poor neighborhood that had so much gun violence I wasn’t even allowed to play in the front of the house because of all the drive by shootings...let alone walk to a friend’s house.I made a promise to myself that when I grew up, I would never—ever—feel bored again.While this promise ended up creating a full-blown addiction to adventure, what I didn’t expect was that adventure also helped me along my spiritual path in surprising ways.Adventure is a very personal word, and my definition of adventure doesn’t have to be yours.You can feel adventure when climbing a mountain; you can feel it overcoming a physical challenge like a marathon, or experiencing an illness like cancer; you can feel it when you risk your heart to be with your soul mate. I even feel adventure when I go to a new city, check out a new restaurant, try a new yoga pose, or learn a new skill. Or, more recently, move to a new state.Good ol’ Merriam Webster defines adventure as:1: an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks2: an exciting or remarkable experienceAdventure often involves risk – but not necessarily danger. It can be very self-limiting to confuse the two.The main take-home is that adventure includes an element of something out of the ordinary.Definitely not routine.Definitely not boring. So why exactly is adventure – and the risks we take with adventures – important to our evolution?When things get too familiar or routine, our minds grow dull, and the negative thought patterns and limiting beliefs that we all have are harder to break.Things feel more permanent and real. We think we have “proof” that they are permanent and real because nothing seems to be changing.But this isn’t true.They only appear to not be changing because to be efficient, our brains prefer to travel down the same neural pathways and do things the same way they’ve always been done.Therefore, we do the same thing, and we get the same results.Nothing changes.Then we say, “See! That’s how things really are!”When we think things are static, that’s when we think we don’t have a choice. That’s when we suffer and get stuck. That’s when we give up.It becomes the Same. Old. Sh*t. Every day.Adventure helps us get unstuck. And it is essential to your evolution.In This Episode You’ll Learn:What being DEVOTED to adventure looks likeHow adventure changes our brainHow to live an adventurous life on your own termsThings you can do to bring adventure into your life every dayResources:// For the geeks, you can check out the 2011 study by Ben Fletcher here.// If you’re new to the squad, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

Self-image, at its core, is the way you see yourself. By “see” I mean how you interpret and think about yourself – not just the factual way you see yourself but also the opinion that you have of yourself.An important concept to understand is that self-image is totally subjective. It is totally up to YOU. Your opinion about yourself. It isn’t factual.We spend a lot of time being concerned about what other people think of us. We spend way more time trying to control or manage what other people think instead of how we see ourselves. And of course, it’s impossible to control how others think of us.But still, we worry about what we wear, what we drive, the house we live in, how good we are at ZOOM homeschooling during a pandemic...and we do all this concerned about how we measure up in other people’s minds, often without realizing that that's what we're doing.Doing the work to change this could really blow your mind and change your life.Maybe you don’t know how to access your own opinion in the way you thought you did. Maybe you don’t know how to identify your needs because you’ve been so deeply socialized into people-pleasing.So, to really think about what bothers you and why, what your preferences are and what you have an aversion to, what feels the best in your body and for your body...asking yourself those questions can yield truly magical results.In practice, this isn’t easy – so many of us are so obsessed with what other people think about us that we don't even want to look at it.In this episode, I offer up some exercises you can do to trick your brain into not rejecting the idea that you care what other people think about you but to sit with it. It starts by asking yourself: “What is my dream of how others see me? If I could really dictate everyone’s opinion of me, what would it be?”I push you to go to those best-case scenarios so that you can unearth the true “why” behind your desire to be seen in such a way.What is it you think will help you arrive at worthiness?Now, there is a huge difference between having a positive and healthy self-image and being narcissistic.When you are a narcissist, you think highly of yourself and look down on other people. That is not what I'm encouraging here.When you have a healthy self-image, you think, “I'm already 100% worthy and ovable. Yes I am a miracle, and so are you.”From this place, worthiness doesn't come from being better than someone else. Instead, worthiness comes from authentically being you. Not from other people’s opinions, but from being who you are.In my own life, I’ve noticed that the more I love myself, the more I can give to others, to the world. The more I can love othersThat’s what I wish for you.To know that you’re capable of achieving your dreams, and that you are worthy and lovable by just being YOU, not by what someone else decides or what you think of yourself.A healthy self-image knows that you're perfectly imperfect and that you don’t need to be perfectAnd the bonus is that you get to see yourself in the way that you most want others to see you. You don’t have to change anything about you. Not your clothes, your weight, your car, or your job.You can just do YOU. Exactly as you are.Remember that you are miracle. See what happens if you walked the world believing that you are a miracle, totally worthy.In This Episode You’ll Learn:Why we spend so much time trying to manage how other people see usHow getting to know yourself – your needs, your desires, your preferences – can blow your actual mindThe stark difference between a positive self-image and narcissism – and why we want to steer clear of the latterWhy loving yourself actually helps you show up for others and contribute to the world in a more real way – and how I realized this in my own lifeA couple of exercises for developing a stronger self-image – and facing why you care so much about what other people thinkWhy having a healthy self-image doesn’t mean you have to be perfect – and that knowing you are worthy by design is one of the most powerful ways you can be in the worldResources:// Check out Episode 11 for more on How to Stop People Pleasing!// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

This episode is all about the most common ways I see people misuse thought work and mindfulness.When I coach people on how to self-coach, I get so many clients who are confused about the difference between a) changing your life, b) changing your feelings about your life, c) truly processing your emotions from those original circumstances, even if you’ve already changed them.That last one so important.Because usually, when we try to change the external world and circumstances without first understanding our current thoughts and allowing the hard feelings about it, we end up carrying the unprocessed emotion from that circumstance with us to the next one.So we have the same thoughts, same emotions and therefore the same actions...and even though they might be happening in a different circumstance, because we didn't change them, we create the Same. Damn. Result.If you're carrying the same thoughts and feelings into a new circumstance, you’re going to show up very differently than you would if you were showing up having already processed those emotions, right?So that often leads us to wonder:Should I change my life, or change my thoughts and feelings?Should I stay, or should I go?In This Episode You’ll Learn:What the top two mistakes are that people make when trying to use the Model to either change their feelings or change their circumstancesThe importance of processing unresolved emotions before moving onto the next thing in your lifeWhy our brain can hold us back from reaching our highest potential – and how to do the hard thought work necessary to change thisHow to get your power back and trust in yourself to make the decisions that are best for you, in any situationResources:// If you’re feeling like you need to back up and learn more about what the Model is and how to use it before you can really take in what this episode offers, check out Episode 18 – it’s all about how to coach yourself using applied mindfulness.// Want more help making decisions? Check out Episode 25 on Decision Clutter.// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

Circumstances are neutral.Another way of saying this? Things are empty of inherent qualities.Today, we’re digging into what a practical application of emptiness looks like in our everyday lives.This concept is really revolutionary in my book. So many buddhist conceptions are (even though they’re often seen as these quiet, calm, benign principles).In Buddha’s time, it was (and still is) revolutionary to accept that suffering comes from our own minds and not something outside of us.In our times, following these principles is truly rebellious. Because most of the world thinks that suffering comes from shitty situations, bad circumstances, mean people. Most of the world believes circumstances are not neutral.As rebel Buddhists, we know that learning to free our minds is the most rebellious act we can do in our lifetime. And being willing to explore our own paths, to find out what is true for ourselves – that is a key part of freeing our minds.The simple truth?In the same way that our thoughts about our emotions are what creates our suffering, it is our thoughts about our circumstances, and our arguments against them, that affect us the most.How we choose to think about a particular event or circumstance or statistic is what causes us to feel a certain way, not the thing in and of itself.The event itself is empty of inherent qualities, not empty of facts.This can be a tough concept to grasp, and I work through the important nuances using specific, real-world examples in the episode.But the key is this: our attachment to the way we want things to be, instead of how they are, is what makes us suffer.No matter how horrific your past, no matter how horrible the event, no matter how awful someone treats you, the only thing that ever causes us emotional pain is our thinking about it.This realization is very empowering.Because you are the one that gets to decide what things mean. You are the one that gets to decide how you're going to feel about your circumstances.Accepting the things we cannot change is one of the most powerful things we can do. It seems almost paradoxical to think of acceptance as a powerful action, but it is.Many of my newer clients also believe that if they accept reality, that they lose all their power to ever change it.But the opposite is true. Give the episode a listen to find out why.And remember: there is a huge difference between accepting and condoning.All this is not to say that racism does not exist. Or that patriarchy does not exist and that oppression does not exist. Those are facts.Accepting the way things are does not mean we agree with them or condone them. It just means we're not trying to change something by pushing hard against it. We are choosing not to go to battle with reality.I invite you to sit with this.There is so much freedom when we release resistance against what our circumstances are in the moment.We can act from a place of peace and fierce love and still move towards change.It’s very normal to need to move through the fight phase when you’ve been overly passive. But I urge you to see how much this is sucking your energy, to recognize how much more lovely it is when you can trust in your Ziji, your radiant inner confidence, to have your own back.If you understand that everything that happens in the world is neutral and that your interpretation is what defines your experience, you will also start to see that you are so much more powerful than you could have ever imagined.You get to decide how you will use each situation in life to either serve your life and your higher purpose, or take energy away from it.So hear this, rebel: freedom from the fight in our minds is where we must begin if we want freedom in the world.In This Episode You’ll Learn: What I mean by “circumstances are neutral” and how to apply this practically to your lifeWhy accepting that things themselves are empty of inherent qualities is a revolutionary and rebellious actHow to understand the nuances of these fundamental Buddhist concepts in a contemporary contextWhy I think learning to free our minds is the most rebellious act we can do in our lifetimeA few real-world examples that can help you understand where emotional management comes into play with this workWhy what you think about your circumstances can determine the trajectory of your entire lifeResources:// Seeing circumstances as neutral is not all about checking out and being disconnected and indifferent. Check out Episode 19 On Anger.// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

I’m going to let you in on a golden nugget of truth that maybe you’ve never heard before: feelings are optional. Yup, you read that right. The ability to feel a full spectrum of contrasted, complex emotions are an inherent and integral part of the human experience – it’s what makes our species who (and what) we are.But we do not have to be at the whim of some emotional rollercoaster. Feelings don’t happen to us. We get to choose how to feel. Try to wrap your head around this.The most fundamental truth of my work revolves around this teaching: Our thoughts create our feelings, which influence our actions and the results we create in our lives. Today, we’re digging into why our emotions are not actually caused by external factors, but by our own thinking – and how to work this to our advantage.So here’s the thing: when we stop feeling bad about feeling bad, we feel better.This does not mean that you should try to choose to feel great all the time. There is a huge difference when you decide that feeling sad is what you want to feel, versus believing that an emotion is not within your control.If you feel like your anxiety, frustration, sadness, grief, or pain is caused by the external world (which you’re unable to control), you will be tempted to buffer – to escape what you’re feeling.You will be tempted to avoid your emotion because you think there is nothing you can do about it.But that’s not true. Because the world doesn’t cause you to feel what you feel, your thoughts do – and only you are in control of your thinking. By and large, our inability to manage our emotions is the root cause of our suffering – so we need to learn how to do that better. But it’s a process. Step one is developing an awareness of our emotions. Step two is being willing to feel any emotion, for as long as it takes. And step three is where we’re at – learning how to change our thoughts about our emotions.It all starts by asking yourself: What are the feelings that I want to experience in the world? What emotions do I want to be able to feel in order to have the full human experience?If we don’t consciously reflect on this, we get into what I call ‘feeling habits’. We get stuck in a pattern of experiencing only a small repertoire of feelings and begin to think that they are part of us – our temperament, who we are – and we close off to new and different feelings.But when we really understand why we’re feeling the way we do, what we’re thinking and what’s causing it, then we can start to understand that these habits we have include feeling.So I invite you to start paying attention to your thinking. Decide what you’re going to feel on purpose and deliberately change your thoughts to eliminate the feelings that aren’t serving you.Not just to feel better. Choose emotions that will help you evolve.Because to be willing to add new emotions to our repertoires, we need to::: Allow unwanted feelings in order to release resistance:: Eliminate the indulgent feelingsWe have to earn the ability to change our emotions. Only then can we experience new emotions and practice including them in our lives in ways that will actively help us create our dreams.And rebel, you – and you alone – get to decide what that looks like.In This Episode You’ll Learn:How to gain control over your thoughts instead of rejecting and resisting your emotionsWhy the external world doesn’t cause us to feel what we feel – our thoughts about our circumstances doHow to stop compounding your thoughts and emotionsAn exercise you can do to figure out which emotions you want to keep in your back pocket, and which you want to let go ofHow to break your “feeling habits”Why, if you want to feel better, one of the best ways to start is to accept that not feeling good all the time is part of being humanResources:// For more on why saying “I don’t know” is a huge energy suck, check out Episode 25 on Clearing Out Decision Clutter.// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

Humans go through life thinking that feelings happen TO us. We think, “Ugh I am so stressed out, I wish it would stop!” Oftentimes, we act so confused about where it is coming from.Or we say, “OMG I am so irritable today.”Or in a funk.Or anxious.Or sad...maybe there’s some grieving going on.We feel powerless a lot of the time. Like our emotions can just take over and make us victims of a bad mood.The antidote?Really learning about feelings and how they work; making a concerted effort to learn how to manage our emotions instead of letting them control us.We all think we know what feelings are, but we often struggle when it comes to labeling what we’re feeling, or naming why we are feeling different emotions – and what the hell we want to DO with those feelings.Do we actually let ourselves feel them?Resist them? Or avoid them?React to them?Here’s the thing: Feelings are part of the human experience, not an aberration. We are supposed to feel different feelings all the time.What we often miss is that it is also totally normal to have a contrast of positive and negative feelings.Truth is, you need the dark to see the light; you need the contrast. They can’t exist without one another.We wouldn’t be able to distinguish joy without sadness.Energy without fatigue.In spite of this, most of us are under the assumption that life “should” be better than it is. We desperately want there to be more good in the world than bad. But what we don’t realize is that this one belief has caused more pain and violence than has ever been necessary. In today’s episode, we dig into why accepting the first noble truth of Buddhism – that suffering exists, that it’s part of being a human – will enable us to take an actual step towards freedom.I introduce you to a new way of looking at the world, which might change the way you think, feel, and ultimately, the results you create in your life. So, I invite you to hear this, to let it sit with you::: Get to know the shadow side of your life – work to understand it, not hide from it, resist it, or pretend it’s not there.:: Change your internalized narrative that you should be happy all the time, and that negative emotions are something to eradicate. Embrace the necessary balance that contrast offers.:: Stop trying to escape reality – redirect the energy you spend buffering (overdrinking, gambling, overworking...etc) toward learning to manage your emotions, the highest ones and the lowest.When you do this, your power to effect change in the world increases exponentially.Because this gift of feeling the range of emotions – it’s part of our journey in this life, in this body, on this planet, in this community we are in.And remember: whatever is happening right now – it won’t last. That's the nature of things. Change. Impermanence.Something wonderful will happen. Then something hard. Then something awe-inspiring. Then something heartbreaking.My friends, welcome to humaneness.In This Episode You’ll Learn:Why the human experience is a balance of positive and negative emotionsThat we have the ability to create, allow, or resist emotion – and why this matters big timeWhat the 4 Noble Truths of Buddhism are, and why learning to accept these truths is an immensely courageous actWhy the Brooke quote “Discomfort is the price of your dreams” hits so close to home for me, and (after listening) hopefully it will for you tooHow to start choosing your emotions – and some tips on cultivating true self awarenessWhy being 100% happy and positive all the time is NOT the end goal – and what it takes to be fully present for this beautiful messiness that is the human experienceResources:// Check out Episode 24 on How to Feel ANY Emotion// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

In case nobody ever told you: life is about making choices. The ability to choose is an incredible power that we humans have, but it takes some serious skill to be able to use it wisely. Research shows that the average person makes roughly 35,000 remotely conscious choices per day. Assuming that most people spend around seven hours a day sleeping, and therefore choice-free (depending on the type of dreamer you are), that means we make about 2,000 decisions per hour...or one decision every two seconds.Decisions free up our energy; they make us live a more conscious life.But here’s the thing: as your level of responsibility in life increases, so does the range of choices you’re faced with. Each choice carries certain consequences – both good and bad. All these decisions wear us out and zap our energy, leading to decision fatigue. Much in the same way that consumer debt (or clutter from all the things we don’t let go of) can leave us feeling spent, we often feel tired, stressed, and anxious when we have a bunch of decisions looming over us.We form this ongoing to-do list in the back of our minds of stuff we need to “clean up” but are trying to ignore (like the pile of clothes on the floor or that stack of college books we think we’ll read again).But when you make a decision in your life, it moves you forward. Saying “I’m going to do this thing,” or even “I’m not going to do this thing,” moves you in a new direction either way.What happens when we don’t make decisions, when we put them off and procrastinate?When you’re living in this state of “I’m going to think about it” or “I don’t know” or “Not yet” or “Maybe” or “I’m confused”, you have an unfinished decision hanging in the back of your mind, sneakily draining your energy and robbing you of forward momentum.When we make a decision, we can then harness our energy and focus it on the actions we need to take in order to create the result of that decision.Making a move, changing jobs, leaving a toxic relationship.But when we think about making all those decisions, we are afraid we’ll screw up.We choose instead to stay uncomfortable in the way we are because at least we know what it IS – no risk; maybe it’s shitty, but at least we know what kind of shitty.Here’s the hard medicine, though: not making the decision because you’re afraid it’s the wrong one is like failing ahead of time.When you don’t make the decision, you don’t have to risk being uncomfortable.Instead, you perpetuate a kind of holding pattern: the idea that you’re doing something by waiting to decide, when really all you’re doing is procrastinating.So, I want you to think about what your own decision clutter is costing you. You need to ask yourself: :: What do I want to use my brain energy FOR? :: If I have a limited amount of energy, what do I want to spend it on?:: What is the decision I am making, and why am I making it? You have to make a decision in order to find out what you want. Because the suffering comes when we question our decisions, and when we don’t know what we want.So many of us aren’t deciding to live the biggest version of our lives because we’re putting ourselves on hold with our own indecision. Today, I challenge you: decide to want what is, or decide to change. Either way, remember this: you are able to have an amazing life. You can be happy. Whatever decision you make is the right decision for that moment. When you really believe that, then which choices will you make? In This Episode You’ll Learn:Why I am a big proponent of making decisions ahead of timeWhat happens when we don’t make decisions, when we put them off and procrastinateWhy most people spend their lives on autopilot – living by letting life happen to them, instead of intentionally deciding what they want and going after itWhat “re-deciding” is and why it can help you create the life you want, or take more ownership of the one you haveWhy our internalized belief systems about making the ‘wrong’ and ‘right’ decisions keep us stuck in fear rather than seeking what will really serve usAn exercise on how to pinpoint how much brain energy is being taken up by waffling back and forth between your decisionsWhy, if you have a hard time making decisions, you probably also have a lot of clutter somewhere – because getting rid of clutter means you need to make decisions about what to keep, and what to let go ofResources:// Click here to check out a Rebel Buddhist podcast on how to make decisions// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

The Buddha taught that, to be free, we need to investigate every part of our human experience with an intimate and mindful attention. This includes emotions.Emotions aren’t “bad” in and of themselves.It’s what we do when we feel them – the thoughts that ensue, the actions we take as a result – not the emotion itself, that often causes our suffering.Practicing a mindfulness of emotions helps us to learn about ourselves and our mind. It helps us not get hooked by a difficult feeling, or the buffers we turn to – like overdrinking, overworking, over-Netflixing...etc – to keep from feeling it.When we can be mindful of our emotions, we can be less reactive And that is when we have true freedom – the freedom to choose how we want to respond, instead of slipping into our default mode.For many people, the idea of being with an emotion can seem daunting.Mindfulness enables us to take advantage of what Tara Bennett-Goleman calls “the magic quarter-second” – the space between an impulse and an action.By being present with an emotion instead of indulging in the stream of thoughts that stems from the emotion, we can use this magic 1/4 second to create a different response than we normally would.We can stop the spiral of thoughts that might exacerbate an emotion by simply being present with the emotion itself.So how do we practice mindfulness of emotions?The first step is pausing to recognize that we are experiencing an emotion.The second step is choosing to be present with our moment-to-moment experience.We need to recognize the emotions with an accepting, curious and kind attention, without getting hooked; without attachment or aversion.The result of this presence becomes the capacity to release habitual reactivity, to respond to our life circumstances more skillfully, with a wise heart, and to step out of the looping thought patterns we fall into when we get hooked.Because the thoughts are what create the drama, what keeps the emotion hanging around longer than it needs to, what keeps us stuck and spiraling.Why is this importantEmotions occupy a lot of our energy and mind space. And the truth is, our feelings show up in our body – whether we are aware of this connection or not.I see so many patients that have physical manifestations of their psychological and emotional experiences; people whose deep trauma has led directly to any number of illnesses or diseases.Doing the work to be present with your emotions now can help you get to know your body and better manage your daily stressors so that you may be able to avoid other serious health issues down the road.In reality, it takes a strong dose of courage to really be with your emotions. This work is not for the faint of heart, but you can do thisRemember: the point is not to get rid of feelings, or to have some notion of the “right” feelings.Some people think equanimity means not feeling any emotion. But emotions are an amazing part of being human!We get to feel joy and feel horny, happy, connection and joy.We get to feel sadness and grief, anger and jealousy.ALL the feels.In this episode, I offer exercises for beginning to live in a more conscious relation to your myriad feelings, and give some tools for how to do this with loving self-awareness.So I invite you to join me.Learn to let your emotions season you, not rule you. Because when we can be with any emotion, we are truly free.In This Episode You’ll Learn:What the four foundations of mindfulness areWhy learning to be with your emotions will help you avoid unwanted habitual reactions – like yelling at a loved one, worrying too much, or bufferingHow to break painful patterns of thought-looping and anxiety spiraling by taking advantage of the “magic quarter-second”Why describing how the sensations of a feeling appear physically in your body is one step you can take to be more present with your emotionsTools on how to pause and recognize whether an emotion you are experiencing is either pleasant, unpleasant, or neutral – and why doing this reflexively will help you stay unhooked from judgment, attachment or aversion to your ranging feelingsWhy true freedom requires the ability to be with ANY emotionResources:// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

Humans have a great capacity for communication.Yes, animals can communicate in other ways with unique sounds (probably telepathic ways we aren’t able to tune into...), but because of our cerebral cortex, we are capable of communicating complex plans about the future, stories about the past, and lots of amazing, abstract ideas. It’s a real evolutionary gift. But this level of communication can also get us into a lot of trouble. We can really hurt people, or act in ways that aren’t in alignment with how we want to show up in the world – especially when we're not being mindful.When we talk about mindfulness, we tend to talk about a sense of awareness, both of ourselves and our surroundings.Mindfulness meditation, in particular, is geared towards observing our thoughts and where we are in the present moment.But what about the other aspects of ourselves?What about speech? What about listening?Words are powerful, and being mindful about what we express is as vital as paying attention to how we behave or how we think.Today, we dig into what mindful communication (as both speaking AND listening) looks like, and I offer some tools and exercises that you can try in real time to start figuring out what this means for YOU.True – this work is a lot easier said than done. So we talk about some practical tips that can help us communicate more mindfully.In a nutshell:Being mindful about speech simply means slowing down and choosing our sentences with care.It helps us recognize and undo patterns that create separation.It helps us cultivate empathy in communication.The goal of mindful speech is not to police your sentences.And it’s not to silence speaking out against injustice (quite the opposite).The point is to be conscious of the words that we often take for granted.Some people worry that mindful speech is too restrictive.But that has to do with one’s attitude around mindful speech – how we are relating to it – when really mindful speech can be a shift from an encumbrance of a rigid set of rules, to one of adventure.When we bring attention to what we’re saying we can have unexpected possibilities of how we communicate with another person; how we connect with them.It's not the opposite of spontaneity – it is what makes spontaneity possible.Truth is, we have to know that we are not going to nail mindful communication right out of the gate. If it was that easy, we’d all already be doing it.But I invite you to look at it another way; to see the work of mindful communication as an opportunity to create more freedom in your life.Because that’s really what it is. So go on.:: Learn to free yourself from your habitual patterns – your autopilot.:: Open yourself up to a more creative way of being in the world.:: Embrace the self-compassion necessary to actually grow from any fuck-ups along the way. Mindful communication will allow you to be more present, more authentic and more humble in every relationship and every facet of your day-to-day life.I can’t wait for you to get started. Life is too short not to. In This Episode You’ll Learn:What mindful communication looks like, and why it differs from the more broad mindfulnessAbout the three questions you can ask yourself to be more thoughtful during conversationsThe art of the pause – why it’s important to remember that we can create the pause, and how the acronym WAIT can help us build this reflexWhy mindful listening is more than just hearing what another person is saying – it’s bearing witness to another human’s experienceThe reason self-compassion is crucial to engaging with this work on a deep levelSome exercises you can practice in real time to help you identify where your own roadblocks lieWhy mindful communication is one of the best ways to create more freedom and spontaneity in your lifeResources:// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

Can money buy happiness?Many great minds throughout history have tried to answer this age-old question. And I bet you’ve pondered it a time or two...Over the years, there haven’t been any great anwers eithe, leaving many of us still wondering if money can truly buy happiness, and others assuming that it does.As a result, millions of people have bought into the idea that they need to spend their lives chasing wealth as the way to happiness and wellbeing.Which totally works out for capitalism, right? Make people feel like they need more shit to be happy. Keep the world turning round.Enter Daniel Kahneman, a 2002 Nobel prize winner, whose research has added some interesting perspectives on the role of money in increasing a person’s sense of well-being.In a nutshell, his study determined that having enough financial resources to afford life’s basic needs is crucial to avoiding significant degrees of emotional distress. He found that in the United States, the income that seems to hit the bullseye on the money-happiness relationship is about $75,000 per year. At these levels, higher income may increase life satisfaction, which refers to how people think about their lives. But well-being or how life feels on a daily basis, stays the same.More recently, a 2018 study from Purdue University used much wider data from the Gallup World Poll and found that the ideal income point for people is $95,000 for life satisfaction and $60,000 – $75,000 for emotional well-being. So taken together, these studies found that people’s emotional well-being, or how they felt on a daily basis, didn’t improve as they made more than $75,000, but their life satisfaction, or how happy they were with their life overall, did...up to about $95,000.Interestingly, above $105,000 it started to go down!Dr Sonja Lyubomirsky, a leader in the field of positive psychology, summarizes the idea like this:You need money to meet basic needs, such as access to healthcare and a safe place to live. If you grow up without resources like food, clothing or shelter, then having more money really makes a huge difference in your life and overall well-being.But once you hit that middle class level, there really is no correlation above that. When you have a bunch of money, at the end of the day you still ask yourself, “Am I living a meaningful life?”“What is my purpose?”You still have to answer those questions.And here’s the other thing: being rich is relative.We have an evolutionary tendency to compare ourselves to other people. When we feel like we can’t maintain the same standard of living as our peers, it makes us unhappy.How you rate yourself in terms of your subjective well-being, like whether you feel like you’re happy or satisfied or not, is very dependent on how you see other people doing around you and what they have.But here’s something I want you to remember: despite the role that money does play, purpose is more important than money to be happy.Research consistently shows that if you want to be happier in your job, you shouldn’t chase a high salary. It doesn’t mean you should turn down a good salary, but don’t let that be the driving force. From a happiness standpoint, it’s more important that your job provides a sense of meaning or purpose.A place for you to have your strengths shine.And the ability to have those basic needs met.Not only does having meaning make you happier, but studies have shown that you tend to be more productive, too. When you’re engaged in an activity that you find challenging and satisfying, you experience that flow state – what I like to call your “Peak Experience”.Truth is, how you spend your money is really critical to your happiness as well.In today’s episode, I share some pro tips on what this could look like and offer suggestions for a few places you can start right now.We are in a time when our habits around money and shopping are changing.Simply understanding what will make you happy is essential. Being aware of our money beliefs and being open to challenging them and shifting them, is more important than ever.The work needs to start on the inside – with your thoughts, your goals, your values, your living with meaning and purpose.Finding balance between finances and other life-domains is a key aspect to achieving happiness. I invite you to dig in with me. And I challenge you to ask yourself::: What level of financial freedom do you want to see in your life?Like you’ve heard me say before: Money in this society is power. And we need more people with that power who want to use it for good.Money is not evil in and of itself. It's how you earn it and how you spend it. So earn it with integrity. Spend it with love. In This Episode You’ll Learn:Why how you spend your money is critical to your happiness – and why spending it on experiences, rather than material things, might be a good place to start;)Various studies that have examined the plateau point for money’s impact on people's happinessWhy dream-based budgeting can make all

What is true success? What is a truly “rich life”? What is a life of true FREEDOM?We all may have our own preconceived notions of what the answers to these questions look like – notions that are subliminally based on societal norms, familial or cultural expectations and the systems of power that order our world.Today, we’re digging into what “living a life of freedom” means to you – and how to move from just imagining this, to making it happen in the here and now.For me and for many of my clients, ‘freedom’ is also about being able to choose the lifestyle you want.What does that look like for you?Is a life of freedom::: Being able to get up at 8am and have two hours to go for a hike or a run on the beach...and then a yoga class?:: Always waking up with the sun, not when someone else thinks you should set your alarm?:: Traveling for four weeks at a time?:: Not wasting three hours fare-shopping when trying to save $50 on a flight?It may be all or none of these. Truth is, freedom doesn’t always mean being a dirtbag (in my case, climbing guide) or a millionaire.And it’s important to acknowledge that it’s a huge privilege to be able to think about what “our path” even is. To have the mental space to think about what we “want” to do in life. To not just be focused on survival, safety, and putting the minimum amount of food on the table.I understand from personal experience that it’s not possible for everyone to be this selective.But I also know that most people assume it isn’t an option for them to be picky when – and I’m living proof – it actually is. Here’s the thing: not everyone prioritizes freedom, per se. If this is you, no problem! All the principles and tools in this episode are still applicable. Instead of “What would a life of freedom look like for me?” ask yourself, “What would a RICH life look like for me?”:: Would you only work while your kids were in school?:: Would you earn enough to give freely to organizations you care about? Or only work for organizations aligned with your big values?:: Would you travel the world and learn about other cultures?This is all up to you. There is no right or wrong way to design a life of freedom.But first you need to decide. And then you need to start creating it. Because rebels, we never know when our last breath will be – and that means the time is now. I want you to die knowing you lived this life fully. I have my own definition of freedom. I challenge you to cultivate yours.In This Episode You’ll Learn:How to figure out what ‘freedom’ means to you – and how to design a truly rich life, right nowWhat the many different levels of freedom can look like – and how to choose where you want to beWhy my parents realized that giving me options – the freedom of choice – was the best gift they could have ever given meHow my time as a climbing guide helped me understand why there is “a leisure class at both ends of the social spectrum” – and how to make the most of the time you haveWhy learning to define your freedom is 100% crucial to creating the life you want and deserveResources:// Go to DefineYourFreedom.com and get my Clarity + Courage course now – FREE for a limited time only!// Check out some of my past blog posts for more of this Jedi juice: True Freedom is a Feeling and The Truth about Freedom: 3 Common Mistakes People Make// If you’re new here, grab the starter kit I created at RebelBuddhist.com. It has all you need to start creating a life of more freedom, adventure, and purpose. You’ll get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.

At an early stage in our lives, most of us have been taught that we need something outside of us to be happy – the right body, partner, job, car, house, bank account. Then somewhere along the line we also get taught something like, “True happiness comes from within.”And we think we’re totally on board with that. We think, “Right. It’s not stuff that makes me happy – it's things like kindness + compassion that make me happy!”The thing is, none of the above is true. Want to know why? Because while it may seem obvious to many of you that “things” don’t cause lasting happiness, neither do kindness and compassion. It’s deeper than that.Sound blasphemous? Stay with me.Here’s the deal: we need to get really clear (like ASAP) on what, exactly, comes from outside of us and what comes from within.And we need to learn this not from someone telling us what’s-what, but through our own experience, our own investigation, our own inner knowing.Most of us think that what’s going on in our mind is the same as what’s going on in the external world. When we don’t understand the difference between the two, we’re constantly exhausting ourselves trying to control the world in order to feel better.We’re always grasping, searching, and believing that if we could just get fit, if we could just find the right partner, if we could just make more money, if we could just move to a different state, then everything would be so much better. We would be able to stop feeling like shit about our lives.But the thing about how humans roll (and let’s be honest, capitalism hasn’t helped with this) is that we want something, we get it, and then we want the next thing. But there IS no “thing” we can “get” or achieve that would stop us from wanting.The truth is: even if there was, none of that outside stuff controls how we feel. Facts, things, circumstances...they don’t cause feelings. Our thoughts about the facts in our lives cause our feelings. The good ones and the bad ones.And compassion and love? They don’t cause a feeling like happiness either...because compassion and love are feelings, just like happiness. So what causes those? Yup. ThoughtsSee where I’m going with this?In order to stop feeling like shit, we need to know what causes the shitty feeling. ALL feelings.When you understand that our thinking is really what creates our feelings, you realize you can create any emotion you want right now. And this is the Jedi mind trick to top them all.Because think about anything you want in your life. You want it because of how you think it will make you feel. Anything you don’t want, you don’t want because of how you think it will make you feel. And since we do everything in our lives because of how it will or won’t feel, we get into a whole new place of empowerment when we learn how to create that feeling ourselves instead of needing something outside of us to feel it.We no longer need to wait to feel a certain way. It is accessible to us right now.In the meantime, we also need to learn how to feel emotions – any emotion – because this isn’t about being happy all the time. We can choose to feel grief when a loved one dies or anger when we witness injustice. But we can’t effectively create a new emotion without completing another.And until we master being with any emotion, we will still be wary of feeling the hard ones – which will hold us back. We’ll be afraid to feel embarrassed or humiliated or like a failure.But once we learn how to be with any emotion mindfully, without judgement – to sit with the sensation it creates in our bodies rather than our narratives about the feeling – only THEN will we stop reacting to and resisting it.Instead, we will open up to it. And we will understand that the only thing holding us back is our fear of feeling our feelings.And then we’ll say, “C’mon world. Bring it on. I can handle it.”Today, I invite you to dig into this work:Discern what comes from the external world and what comes from your mind;Learn and believe that facts, things, and circumstances don’t cause our feelings. Our thoughts about those facts do;Know how to feel an emotion. Allow it. Don’t resist or avoid it;Be willing to feel anything.Now, I don’t want you to just take my word for it. Go check it out for yourself. Try to find evidence against these things!Because when you move beyond just understanding them intellectually, and you integrate these teachings into your bones and believe them wholeheartedly, I promise:You’ll be able to create any emotion. Take any action. Manifest any result.We need more people using this wisdom for good. To live the life they were meant to live, grounded in loving kindness and compassion and justice.We need more rebels like YOU to step up and start practicing these Jedi Mind skills so we can stop acting from fear and feeling powerless in our lives.Hear me when I say you are more powerful than you can ever imagine. To own that – and use it for the right reasons – is one of the most amazing ways you can make a differ

Whether or not you had a childhood marked by conflict, or grew up in an environment of rage, you have likely – at some point in your life – struggled with anger.Even in the closest relationships (especially in the closest relationships) anger and conflict are inevitable.And so, when they show up it’s not necessarily a bad thing – it’s not a “bad sign” about the relationship, per se, because what anger is most often showing us is that our basic, most fundamental needs are not getting met.In this sense, we need anger – it is important and helps us function.Anger is awake. It's a signal – part of our human makeup when we've experienced a violation to our basic needs – that there's something going on.But to understand anger, and to be able to use it in a helpful way or even to move beyond it, we must remember that something deeper lies beneath our rage.When someone loses their shit over you not sending a text, or when you lose your shit about your partner not calling you to say goodnight, it isn’t about that.It’s about a deeper need for connection, or safety – something vulnerable below the surface. And that can be difficult to recognize; even more so to name and communicate effectively.The hard truth?People hurt each other. We come into relationships with pre-existing wounds from our childhood experiences, from systemic racism, heterosexism, ageism, from a misogynistic and patriarchal society, from traumatic life experiences and the collective wounds of our culture.So then, in each relationship we create an energy push and pull. We want to move closer, then we pull back… We feel the need to be close then we get a little wounded and we move away or lash out, which results in a reaction from the other person...We get attached and then we cut our hearts off.In a relationship, both people are trying to get their needs met, and those needs are often different or even conflicting.And it’s completely natural that we react. Our limbic brains were wired to react when we weren’t getting our needs met; as we were evolving, we needed that to survive – to react when someone took our food or threatened our safety.As I’ve spoken about in previous episodes, we humans are evolving.So what is the next stage of our evolution?I deeply believe that it involves a more refined ability for compassion, and also less vulnerability to the whims of our emotions that arise from our more primitive brain.To truly transform and break old patterns, we need to become aware of our own default strategies. How do we react, how do we manage our mind and our emotions, when we are hurt by someone – whether deeply or superficially?When someone breaks your trust, or judges you or criticizes you, pulls away from you, harms someone you care about... what happens?We know that what happens initially is we get “hooked,” as Pema Chödrön likes to say. Then we usually lock onto defensiveness, blame and aggression.When we don’t have a regular mindfulness or meditation practice, all this can happen in milliseconds.So we also need to ask ourselves: when we get hooked, are we in the habit of calling on some mindfulness and some compassion in our response?Awareness precedes change.Today, we dig into why one of the initial steps to addressing our anger and the conflict in our lives is to wake up to our own coping mechanisms. The next is to cultivate wisdom and compassion, for ourselves and for others.I ask you to consider: how can you interrupt your default behavior and create more freedom in how you choose to show up in the world?I invite you to remember: you have 100% capacity to respond to what's going on within you in a way that is wise and kind.In the end, working with anger is about moving from reacting from a small sense of self, to responding from a more whole sense of our being (which we are totally capable of).Because we NEVER get our needs met when we are raging.And if we keep going around eliminating triggers, and leaving relationships, and dropping friendships, and judging, and self-justifying, then we'll never process the places inside ourselves that need the emotional healing.This work isn’t easy. And for many of us, it takes a long term commitment to persevere. So in this moment::: Give yourself some self-compassion.:: Ask yourself what you need.:: Then set out to go give yourself exactly that. And rejoice in it.I promise, you will feel so amazing and FREE when you realize you have what you need within you.In This Episode You’ll Learn:How to recognize different types of anger – and what is really underneath when it comes to the surfaceWhy, when we act out of our default mode, we don't actually get our needs metThe basic formula for expressing our anger in a helpful wayWhy it is so empowering to enter ‘emotional adulthood’ – and accept 100% responsibility for our internal experienceHow to respond to situations that trigger anger from a place of freedom, wisdom, and compassion instead of from our reactive primal brainA handy acronym (HALT) that remind

As a life coach, part of my job is helping people develop the tools and skills to be able to do something really crucial to their own long term growth: coach themselves.Yes, I am here as a sounding board, a listener, a co-conspirator and a co-mastermind in helping my clients create the lives they want and deserve, (as a kick in the you-know-what if that’s what they need!) – but I cannot do the work for them.We all have to do our own groundwork to free our minds, so that we can free our lives.Self-coaching is a tool that I use on myself daily, and it’s also a model that I teach to my students in Freedom School and use regularly with my clients.In practical terms, it is a way to apply many spiritual teachings while off the cushion, or off the yoga mat.Really, self-coaching’s power is that it shows YOU how to understand your own mind.And best of all, you can use it on the fly.Today, I dig into why unlayering your mind, deliberately easing into new thought patterns and building a reflex of self-compassion in the process is essential to creating the life you want to live.I also offer up a tool us life coaches use – called The Mindfulness Model – to help you begin to break down and understand your problems (through an approach that parses out your circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions and results) so that you can create real, tangible change in your life.It may sound kind of abstract right now, but you can start to think of The Mindfulness Model as a form of active meditation, or applied meditation – a practical way to engage mindfulness.One of the biggest mistakes people make with mindfulness of thoughts is that they think thoughts, in and of themselves, are true. They are real – but not true. Coming to understand this distinction may just be one of the most important elements of thoughtwork you ever do.So, I invite you to take this in today.:: I invite you to consider different ways of thinking about your past that actually serve you.:: I invite you to learn how to use these tools in a way that really works – for YOU.If this is your first introduction to this model – or it’s the first time you’ve ever even heard about it – you may very well be like, “Ana, what are you talking about?”I get it. It’s often unsettling because it often means you need to be willing to be wrong about your old worldview.But if you are willing to open to that, then you’re going to be willing to adopt new ways of thinking about your life and about yourself and those in your life…And this will help you create the life you were meant to live, to less suffering, to more joy, more compassion for yourself and for others, and to not wasting this one precious life on believing things that no longer serve you, on regrets and resentment and anger.It will help you free your mind, and free your life. I want to share this gift with you in this episode.In This Episode You’ll Learn:What The Mindfulness Model is and how to use the tools it offers to free your mind so that you can free your lifeAbout the components of the model (circumstances, thoughts, feelings, actions, results) and what they meanWhy any problem can be categorized into The Mindfulness Model – and how this can empower you to become a pro at working through your shit as it comes;)How to build self-compassion into your reflexes – and get rid of the negative self-criticism that isn’t serving youWhy paying attention to what is going on in your brain takes a lot of effort – and is absolutely essential for real personal growthWhat the process of ‘unlayering your mind’ looks like, in real timeWhy, when you start understanding your mind, you’ll develop the ability to change your feelings, change your actions, and change your results in your lifeHow to get to the place where thinking really positive, nurturing, nourishing thoughts comes naturally to you – and why this takes lots of practiceResources:// Click here to download a visual of the mindfulness model and a sample model form//See a visual of The Mindfulness Model at // Check out Episodes 3 and 14, on how to change the past and learning how to believe new things – both offer tools applicable to the teachings in this episode.// If you need any help with starting to use The Mindfulness Model, please go to RebelBuddhist.com and get access to the private Facebook group where you can ask me questions! Once you join, there’s also a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.// Enrollment is currently closed for Freedom School, my one-of-a-kind membership program that helps you free your mind and free your life. We deep dive into everything I teach here. If you want to be the first to know when enrollment opens, go here to get on the waitlist.

Human brains love black-and-white thinking. Thinking in terms of absolutes: of ‘right or wrong’, of ‘good or bad’, of ‘all or nothing’.With black and white thinking, there’s no tension or resistance – none of the discomfort that comes with cognitive dissonance. Because things are either one way or the other way, and this allows us to settle into the comforting absence of ambiguity – the comfort of being 100 percent convinced that we’re right, or that we are good, or that they’re wrong, or that that’s bad.In truth, there is a level of indulgent comfort in this way of thinking. It saves us from having to think critically or negotiate the complexity of the reality we want to create in life.Here’s the catch: humans are not good or bad. Humans are good AND bad.And ideas, thoughts and approaches are not right or wrong. They are, most often, right and wrong.So, when we can hold these conflicting truths – of both things being true at the same time – and use our critical thought, we can evolve ourselves much more quickly.When we understand that life is about succeeding and failing, getting it right and getting it wrong, being a good person sometimes and being a “bad person” others...there’s freedom in that.Freedom in being able to use the word “and”, instead of “or.”Today, we dig into what black-and-white thinking looks like and why it’s necessary to shift these thought patterns in order to grow in big, tangible ways.If you’re bent on being good and being right and only speaking when you’re the ‘expert’ on a topic, you’ll miss that opportunity to evolve as a person.You also miss the opportunity to listen deeply, to be curious, and to learn.Being open and not afraid to consider other ideas – knowing that your values will hold true for you, or that maybe you want to question your values or your history, and that you’re starting to identify how you want to change – that is a beautiful thing.That is evolving. When you can embrace the ‘both/and’ that exists in the world and in yourself, it will be easier to forgive yourself, to cut yourself a break AND show up in ways that are important, to both hold yourself to higher standards and understand yourself (and other people) more authentically.Let me be clear: the path to get there is a much harder one. It takes strength and stamina to learn these skills, because it’s easier to rest on your ‘either/or’ laurels.But we NEED to learn to hold both at once.So I ask you::: Can both/and be true?:: Can you hold space for the both/and’s in yourself? All the contradictions in your life?:: And when you do, what do you notice? What happens inside your brain and inside your body when you’re willing to give up the all-or-nothing thinking?Consider this. It’s an urgent invitation.In This Episode You’ll Learn:Why black and white thinking is limiting for personal, professional and societal growthHow to train your brain to be able to hold all the ‘both/and’s’ that exist in this one precious lifeWhy it’s easier to think in absolutes than sit with the discomfort of cognitive dissonanceHow to apply the tools shared in this episode to your life so that you can start to see change in your thinking habits and patternsWhy the spaces in between all the polarities that exist in the world are where the magic happensHow to use ‘both/and’ thinking to grow, evolve and live more authentically – in the long term, and everydayResources:// The reason many humans like all-or-nothing thinking is because there’s no cognitive dissonance. Check out Episode 14 for more on what cognitive dissonance is and how to create new beliefs that actually serve you.// Read this piece I wrote in Elephant Journal about How to Drink like a Buddhist, and learn the 4 steps that helped me cut back on the booze.// If you want more of this Jedi juice, head over to our Rebel Buddhist Facebook page and join the free private group where important conversations are happening in a safe place. There’s a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, and it’s a place where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.// Want to learn more about how to free your mind and free your life, go to RebelBuddhist.com and grab my free Rebel Buddhist Toolkit, where you’ll receive a video training on cultivating resilience, a copy of the gorgeous Rebel Buddhist Manifesto, and more!// Enrollment is currently closed for Freedom School, my one-of-a-kind membership program that helps you free your mind and free your life. If you want to be the first to know when enrollment opens, go here to get on the waitlist.

Have you ever noticed that we think we need to control the world, and that – somewhere in the back of our subconscious minds – other people need to behave a certain way so we can feel good?We have so many rules for our relationships that we’ve stopped experiencing them and are locked into the expectations of how the relationship SHOULD be, instead.The secret is this: your relationship with anyone is dependent on your thoughts about them. That means that, in reality, our relationships are simply thoughts about another person.The big kicker here? Your thoughts about them are dependent on your expectations of them and how well they meet those expectations.Here are a few simple truths:You can’t have love for someone – you just have love when you think about themYou can’t be mad at someone – you have thoughts that make you mad.Someone can’t hurt you – you have thoughts that hurt.These can be tough pills to swallow.That’s why this episode is all about getting to know the other person you are in relationship with – whether that relationship is romantic, platonic or professional.In order to get there, we wade through what your thoughts and expectations actually are – how to recognize them – and why you’ve got to eliminate them to truly move toward unconditional love, friendship or respect.Once you truly understand this, your relationships will never be the same – they will be so much better in every way.Because the truth is, while we may not realize it, we all have a manual of expectations that informs how we want others to behave so that we can feel better in the long run.It’s like an operation manual... a book of rules and expectations of what is normal, kind and acceptable behavior according to us. In Buddhist terms we can see this ‘manual’ representing our attachment to how we want other people to behave.When we get along with people or love to hang out with them, it's usually because they are following our manual. We may not even know we have one until someone isn’t following it.And here’s the catch: we often don’t realize we’re doing this.We forget that, as adults, people – including you – have the freedom to behave how they want.Often, relationships morph into two people just following each other’s manuals. This has become a primary focus of modern therapy, and self help too: “What do you want or need? And what does the other person want or need and how can they show the other person this?” And then you meet in the middle and end up with no one getting what they really want. Just a life of compromises.Now, I'm not saying relationships don’t take compromise. That’s a given.But this is also true in any relationship: we are responsible for meeting our own needs.We need to remember our happiness comes from within ourselves – not whether or not our partner/friend/employee lives up to our expectations.Today, I invite you to lean in to the process of letting go of your manual, of setting boundaries and honoring the responsibility we carry to take care of ourselves.Start out by asking yourself: in what ways DO I want to control other people? Why? Where does this come from within myself?Real talk? We lose our power in a situation or relationship in which how we feel is dependent on someone else's behavior.Let’s change that. Choose to focus your brain in ways that serve you. Choose to invest in your relationships in ways that feel good. Choose to shift your expectations and stand in your truth. Cause one thing’s for sure – you won’t regret it.In This Episode You’ll Learn:What ‘The Manual’ is – and how to better understand the expectations we carry that dictate how we want others to behave (so that we can feel better)How to stop trying to control other people – learn instead to control your mind and your response to how other people behaveWhy I believe we are responsible for meeting our own needs in our relationshipsWhy you’ve got to know what makes you happy to do this workThe two main things that have us compromise more than we need to in relationshipsHow to stop denying yourself love when someone doesn’t follow your manualResources:// Want to know more about how to create boundaries like a Buddha? Grab this free training on how to set boundaries that actually work – and how to do this from a place of kindness. And stay tuned for an episode on this coming soon!// If you want more of this Jedi juice, grab the free Rebel Buddhist Training Kit and get insider access to join the free private group where important conversations are happening in a safe place. There’s a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, and it’s a place where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.// Enrollment is currently closed for Freedom School, my one-of-a-kind membership program that helps you free your mind and free your life. If you want to be the first to know when enrollment opens, click here to get on the waitlist.

Ever find yourself wishing you could just stop over-drinking? You don’t identify as an alcoholic, per se – your drinking habits may be affecting your body or brain power a bit negatively, but they’re not affecting the lives of others or those you love – and maybe you don’t want to quit cold turkey, you just want to...reign it in a little?I hear you. I’ve been there too. And it ain’t easy.When I quit drinking, so many of my friends changed.When I stopped over-drinking, it made me less easygoing – in a good way.Because when we drink, we don’t care as much about things. We’re not thinking about them as much. We’re overeating, we’re thinking and worrying about our bodies instead of thinking and worrying about our lives.So first thing’s first: why decide to drink less, or stop altogether?There’s no moral judgment about alcohol here – I want to know what it is inside you that is urging you to cut back?What is that still, small voice in your head saying you’re missing out on something when you over-drink?It may seem like freedom is the ability to drink however much you want, whenever you feel like it.It may feel like you are constraining your freedom when you stop at one or two drinks, or when you don’t drink at all.But friends, what’s going on when you change your relationship to alcohol is this: you get your freedom back.When you NEED a drink to feel better?When you NEED a drink to deal with boredom or the lack of self care?When you NEED a drink to loosen up or to have fun at a party?That is NOT freedom.The truth? Having something like this to work on – whether it’s over-drinking or over-eating or over-binge watching...etc – will help you in the long run. Because when you learn to manage your urges, when you learn to address attachment and desire, you learn skills you can apply to any area of your life.Luckily, there are tools out there, like this podcast, to help give you a boost in that direction;)In my life coaching programs, I use a lot of tools to help people do things like finally free themselves of anxiety, create the confidence they need to leave the job or the mediocre relationship, or lose the weight they’ve struggled with for years. And all those cutting edge tools are based on mind management from Buddhist psychology, applied positive psychology, and brain science.Turns out – those exact tools work on drinking too!So I invite you. Take charge and honor that little tug inside you that draws you to this topic. :: Find out what resonates with you.:: Envision what you want out of life and start building the skills necessary to change your habits.:: Don’t wait to try the tools offered in this episode. Your rebel self can’t afford for you to not GO for it.If there’s one thing I’d like everyone who wants to drink less and feel free to know, it’s that it is possible to release this unwanted desire to over drink. It is possible to get to where you want to be, to reach those new heights of Jedi magic.I did it, and I’m here to share how.In This Episode You’ll Learn:Why, for some, drinking less can be a lot harder than stopping altogetherHow having this challenge can help you live a more full life.How to stop your ‘drinking thinking’ – and free up more time and energy to put towards living your life to the fullestSome of the brain science behind all this + how to combine it with Buddhist mind management tools to help you honor the ways you want to grow (and act on them)How I used to overdrink as a way to tolerate things in my life that were waaay out of alignment – and how I turned this on its headA bunch of steps you can take RIGHT NOW to drink less and feel free – to be more present for all that this one wild and precious life has to offerResources:// Read this piece I wrote in Elephant Journal about How to Drink like a Buddhist, and learn the 4 steps that helped me cut back on the booze.// Learning how to drink less goes hand in hand with learning how to quit buffering. If you missed it, check out Episode 13 on exactly that.// Alcohol is one of the most common forms of buffering, and can be one of the hardest to recognize or know how to change. Check out my Drink Less, Feel Free training and sign up for FREE to learn the 3 most crucial steps to changing your relationship with alcohol.// If you want more of this Jedi juice, head over to our Rebel Buddhist Facebook page and join the free private group where important conversations are happening in a safe place. There’s a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, and it’s a place where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.// Enrollment is currently closed for Freedom School, my one-of-a-kind membership program that helps you free your mind and free your life. If you want to be the first to know when enrollment opens, go here to get on the waitlist.

Cognitive dissonance. It’s one of those big, fancy scientific terms you may have heard before but only have a vague understanding of what it actually means when you really try to think about it.The official dictionary definition? Cognitive dissonance is “The state of having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as relating to behavioral decisions and attitude change.”But in lay people's terms – and in terms of how to apply this concept to creating a life of freedom, adventure and purpose – cognitive dissonance is as simple as this: feeling like shit as you try to create a new belief.Because to create a new result in your life, you need to create a new way of thinking. And that process feels...very uncomfortable.The “cognitive” part of cognitive dissonance refers to the mind – more specifically, our thoughts.It also refers to the dissonance that exists between two different thoughts in your brain that are occurring simultaneously (a.k.a. when who we think we are is different from what we are doing).For example, that moment when you’re like “Wait, I think of myself as a healthy person, but I’m drinking a bottle of wine every night.” There’s cognitive dissonance there that makes us uncomfortable because two thoughts are clashing. In that sense, it can also be helpful in letting us know when things are out of alignment.But it isn’t as helpful when we want to create something new, and that something new is different from our current reality and belief systems.Because when you have two thoughts that contradict each other in your brain, you are going to have mental discomfort.Which (let’s be honest) feels like shit.So here’s the rub.Anytime you want to create a new result in life, you have to DO things differently which means you need to THINK differently.Like Einstein said, “We can't solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”To create something new – to achieve a new goal – you will need a new thought....Welcome to cognitive dissonance.In this episode, we dig into confirmation bias, what it takes to change your belief systems about yourself, how to let go of old beliefs in order to create new ways of thinking, and how to sit with the mental discomfort that comes when you set goals that push you beyond what you previously thought you were capable of.The bottom line is that developing a willingness and an ability to be uncomfortable really is what you have to do to experience deep growth and change. To go for your dreams. To make a meaningful difference in this world.So go on, I dare you.Develop the muscle and the resilience to hold two contradictory thoughts at the same time and not shy away from the dissonance this sparks.Learn to bridge the gap between your old belief systems and the new ones you want to create.Decide what you want in life – then practice believing you can get it – and build the skills to go f*cking make it happen.The world needs you to invest in yourself like this right now. To put in the work.And remember: there is a reward for you on the other side of all this.In This Episode You’ll Learn:What cognitive dissonance is – how to recognize it, how to create new thoughts and let go of old beliefsWhy cognitive dissonance is the reason most people don’t want to set goalsLots about confirmation bias – why the brain is constantly trying to prove what it already thinks of as trueWhy, in order to create change in your life, you need to be willing to experience cognitive dissonance and the mental discomfort that comes with itMore on our FAVE topic: the mighty Motivational Triad – and how it relates (almost contrarily) to the way cognitive dissonance moves you towards discomfort & away from pleasure or what’s easyHow to bridge the gap between the two models of your life – the one in which you currently live, and the one in which you WANT to live;)What laddering thoughts are and how to use them to change your belief systems about yourselfWhy cognitive dissonance is actually required for us to live the best version of our own livesHow my business is literally built around helping people feel really uncomfortable – and why developing a willingness to be uncomfortable is the recurring theme that lies at the heart of SO much thoughtwork, mindfulness and resilience buildingTips & tools for changing an old, habitual thought into a new one that can change your life – and others’ lives tooResources:// If you want more of this Jedi juice, head over to our Rebel Buddhist Facebook page and join the free private group where important conversations are happening in a safe place. There’s a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, and it’s a place where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.// Want to learn more about how to free your mind and free your life, go to RebelBuddhist.com and grab my free Rebel Buddhist Toolkit, where you’ll receive a video training on cultivating resilience, a copy of the gorgeous Re

So many of us use (or have used) buffering as a way of tolerating things that aren’t acceptable in our lives.We use alcohol to make a boring party more fun. We use food to get rid of that anxious feeling in our stomach when we know our partner will respond with anger when we bring up a difficult topic. We use Netflix to distract ourselves from a stressful job that we hate.What’s underneath this is: you have something in your life that isn’t great, something in your life that doesn’t really work, something in your life that you want to change.But instead of changing it, instead of working on it, instead of making it better, you just buffer instead. And all of that buffering will make the fact that something isn’t right in your life a lot easier to tolerate.What’s wrong with this, exactly? What’s wrong with being able to tolerate something hard in life a little better?It doesn’t fix the problem.Buffering just makes bullshit more tolerable instead of seeing that your emotions are information and are trying to tell you something – which can then lead to actions to change the situation that you’re tolerating.When you feel anxious. Angry. Bored. Restless…All of that is telling you that something is out of alignment. Something isn’t right with how you want to live your life. How you want to be living this one precious human life that we have.Whatever it is, when we don’t allow space for those hard emotions and buffer instead, sure, it makes the shitty feelings easier to deal with – it buffers them – but we don’t take action to solve the actual issue.We don’t have the hard conversation with our partner asking to be treated with more respectWe don’t start searching for another job. We don’t get to bed earlier and wake up to work out and meditate to deal with our stress.Truth? Yes. It’s a helluva lot easier to buffer than face those hard truths. Because buffering doesn’t require anything of you except to escape.But in reality, all buffering is doing (whether it’s with food or alcohol or overworking or shopping or adrenaline sports…) is helping you tolerate something you shouldn’t be tolerating.The magic is, when you take away the buffering, your life as it really is becomes clear.This gives you an opportunity to change and to grow. To have the courage to feel your emotions instead, to process the urges, to go through that whole process.When you stop buffering, you get to pay attention to your deepest desires and fears. To the life you want to create.Then you don’t miss out on life. On your authentic self.Then you discover your power and live your truth.And this isn’t selfish. This is what the world needs.Think about what kind of world we’d be living in if people looked honestly at their lives and didn't try to escape the hard truths.Think about how people would show up differently in the world if they were living the lives they were meant to live.I honestly believe we’d be living in a more compassionate, connected world.Buffering doesn’t make us better people by helping us tolerate. It’s totally selfish because instead of making positive changes, we tolerate all kinds of shit in order to avoid hard truths.So yes, this is not work for the faint of heart.But it is necessary, because all humans want to fulfill their dharma, the reason they were put here on the planet – the thing they, and only they, can gift to the world.We ALL have a purpose.We ALL have our unique gift.And when we buffer, we don’t discover that. We don't know that gift, we don’t fall in love with it. I want you to look at your life and I want you to ask yourself:In what ways am I buffering?And if I stopped buffering, how would I feel? Why? What is it that I’m tolerating that I shouldn’t be tolerating? When we buffer we don’t hear that soft still voice inside us, that inner wisdom, our highest self, asking us to be rebels, calling us to go against the grain, telling us to do the courageous thing, the scary thing.Telling us we are meant for more.I don't know about you, but I want to be awake to my real life.So, look at your life. I don’t want you to look at the buffering as something that you’re tolerating anymore. I invite you to completely remove that from your mind for a minute and really ask yourself this:What do I need to do in my life to make it better than anything I’m doing to escape it?What needs to change? Where do I need to stop people-pleasing? In what ways am I not telling the truth to myself and to others? How can I start rocking my own house down instead of just going with the grain and trying to be normal to get society’s approval?Mmmm, yes. Those are all urgent questions.So, seriously, don’t wait. The world needs you to not wait.Stop buffering in order to tolerate your life. Create the life of your dreams, instead.In This Episode You’ll Learn:Why we buffer as a way to tolerate things in our life we shouldn’t have to tolerate How learning to face your hardest truths and emotions will enable you to instead act to change situations that you

Here’s a golden nugget of truth I’ve learned the hard way throughout my life: the more you have an aversion to discomfort, the more you actually suffer. It’s totally ironic, right?If all you did was stay in fancy places, if all you did was protect yourself from discomfort and everything was always temperature controlled and soft and tasty and nice...the minute shit went wrong, you would have a much stronger reaction to it than if you had practiced being with discomfort and reminded yourself that life isn’t always comfortable.And that discomfort isn’t something to be…feared.This episode, we dig into why expanding our comfort zones is essential to our personal development and growth; why we have to learn to trust ourselves and to speak up, even when it’s uncomfortable.Because, the truth is, you don’t get to do cool shit in life without knowing how to be uncomfortable. You don’t learn how to be truly honest with yourself until you face what you routinely shy (or run) away from.Embracing discomfort, expanding your comfort zone – these are skill sets that will help you be able to do whatever it takes to make the most of this one precious life. To create the life you were meant to live.Today, I invite you to seek out more than comfort and joy. And I urge you to:Develop the ability to know that life inherently includes challenging times and that you don’t need to run from them - because when you accept this fact, you actually suffer LESS.Build the courage to step into discomfort, and trust that what lies on the other side will be so worth it.Embrace the deep knowing that you can handle anything so that you don’t shy away from taking risks in life. This is a skill you can learn.So the next time you feel uncomfortable, don’t try to push it away. Try to expand what you are able to be comfortable with, and see what it has to teach you.You don’t deserve comfort. You deserve better.In This Episode You’ll LearnHow to reflect on what makes you uncomfortable and recognize where you have room to grow in facing thisWhy, at this point in my life, I’ve struck a balance in knowing that, for me, it feels right to have a little discomfort and a little poshHow to make being uncomfortable a daily practice that will aid you on your way to more fully expanding your comfort zone in the long runWhy you must understand that nothing “wrong” is happening when shit gets hard – it’s just the way life is and you suffer LESS when you accept this.How to appreciate what you already have – so you feel abundant and can call in moreWhat the mountains and my dirtbag days taught me about embracing discomfort, how far to push my own limits and who I had the capacity to really be in lifeResources// Check out my blog post on why you deserve better than comfort here: https://www.anaverzone.com/you-dont-deserve-comfort-you-deserve-better/// If you want more of this Jedi juice, head over to our Rebel Buddhist Facebook page and join the free private groupwhere important conversations are happening in a safe place. There's a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, and it's a place where you can ask questions that come up as you do this work – in all parts of your life.// Enrollment is currently closed for Freedom School, my one-of-a-kind membership program that helps you free your mind and free your life. If you want to be the first to know when enrollment opens, go here to get on the waitlist: https://freedomschool.anaverzone.com/freedom-school

One of the most common issues my clients come to me for coaching on is their tendency to people-please.On the one hand, we can feel good when we do things for other people. This is pure generosity and kindness.But with people-pleasing, doing things for other people is the MAIN source of joy and often comes at the expense of self-love and self-care. And the intention behind it stems from insecurity and fear.When we people please, we are not being authentic and living our truth. People pleasing leads to doing and saying things because you want to affect or change the way the people think about you. Or because you think their needs are more important than yours.It can come in many forms — avoiding speaking up when someone says/does something racist to avoid their/your discomfort; not advocating for yourself in a partnership because you’re afraid they’ll love you less if you ask for what you need; avoiding being honest about something you don’t like that your partner does in bed...and MUCH more. (**To be clear, these situations are nuanced; I am NOT victim blaming here, or referring to the complex safety issues – experienced more acutely at work and in everyday life by BIPOC – that may necessitate certain strategic forms of carrying oneself. More on this in the pod;)Can you see how people pleasing is also closely related to your level of confidence, to ziji? And to self-love?All this people pleasing is also exhausting, because not being yourself and honoring your truth is fucking exhausting. You spend all day wondering how other people might see you or what they might think. You’re so afraid of disappointing other people, you end up being a version of yourself that isn’t you – not your whole self, anyway.You put someone else’s happiness in front of yours. You prioritize their needs over your own.And you know what?Oftentimes these habits aren’t coming from an authentic place within us – a genuine, purely generous desire to make others happy – whether we realize this or not.Instead, people pleasing comes from wanting to avoid a sense of anxiety or guilt if we say no, or wanting to avoid disappointing someone, or wanting to change how they think about you.And despite our best intentions, sometimes the impact of our people pleasing can turn out to be the very thing we were trying so hard to avoid.So the truth is, when you think you are doing something to make someone else feel better, to feel happier, it’s actually because of how YOU want to feel – or don’t want to feel.When we are doing something because it makes us happy when we do it – and there’s no resentment or expectation that other people will respond to us or think of us in any particular way – that is LOVE. Not people pleasing.Want to become a pro at recognizing the difference between the two? I invite you to dig in.Here are my three challenges to you on your journey to quit people pleasing:Learn about what you love and what you want to do, what you crave and desire.Recognize your thoughts and which ones come up when you feel like lying or doing something you don’t want to do.Prioritize cultivating self-love, self-compassion, and an awareness of your inherent lovability and worth. And be willing to disappoint someone to stay true to yourself.I invite you to do this NOW.To begin, you’ve got to give yourself permission to be raw and wild and authentic...and brave.Because you know what? You already deserve every drop of juice available in this one wild and precious life.In This Episode You’ll Learn:How to stop putting other people's needs and happiness in front of yours and start prioritizing your ownWhy a big part of confidence and self love is being willing to be uncomfortable – and being willing to disappoint other peopleHow to start doing the work to see your worthiness in YOURSELFWhy there is such a strong association between people pleasing and being defined as a ‘nice’ or ‘good’ person – how to get past your own perceptionHow to stop conflating people pleasing with loveWhy what you are doing to make someone else feel happier is actually because of how YOU want to feel – or don’t want to feel.How to stop inadvertently rejecting yourself and change your thought patternsWhy the more we try to please others, the more we need others’ approval and depend on external validationTools to start honoring your truth, knowing what you want and stop deferring your needs Once. And. For. ALLResources:// Click here to read the original version of Oriah Mountain Dreamer’s poem, “The Invitation”: http://www.oriahmountaindreamer.com/index.php// For more on the motivational triad, check out Episode 2 here: https://www.anaverzone.com/2-how-to-not-care-what-other-people-think-about-you/// If you want more of this Jedi juice, head over to our Rebel Buddhist Facebook page and join the free private group where important conversations are happening in a safe place. There's a weekly FB live called Wake the F*ck Up Wednesday, and it's a place where you can ask questions that come

Did you know that the average person makes 35,000 ”remotely conscious” choices per day? If we are spending about seven hours a day sleeping and likely not making decisions (depending on the type of dreamer you are ;), that makes about 2,000 decisions per hour And it may sound like a crazy number, but according to researchers at Cornell University, we make 226.7 decisions each day on just food alone. As time goes on and life gives us more responsibilities, so does the range of choices we’re faced with.“Would it be totally stupid to quit my job in this economy?” “Should I leave my relationship?” “Is that really worth the money?” “I want to say no, but what if they’re mad when I do?”It’s easy for us to get into “analysis paralysis,” wasting so much time, energy and, let’s face it – bottles of wine – ruminating about which decision is best for us. But life is about making choices. And our brains can get really good at this – especially when we are clear about who we are and what we want – but it takes learning some skills. This episode digs into the different types of choices we can make, and how to make decisions – even hard ones.Cause life is short, and we don’t want to f*ck it up if we can avoid it.In This Episode You’ll Learn:How to move beyond “decision fatigue” and finally make a decisionWhy making choices (or don’t make them) is central to your inner confidence, sense of authenticity, and alignment with your integrityWhy it’s important to take responsibility for your choices Why developing the skills to make active decisions rather than passive ones will really benefit you in the long run...even if its a painful learning curve at firstHow to claim your own agency in your decision making – and become more resilient in living with the consequences of your choicesWhy facing your hard decisions head on will help you curb unnecessary stress, depression, procrastination and even physical illnessTools that go beyond “listening to your intuition”Why “wrong” decisions don’t make YOU wrongThe profound effect that the ongoing and continuous act of making choices – mindfully – will have on your lifeResources:// Check out my free 7-day Clarity + Courage Course course here: www.claritycouragecourse.com// For even more tips and tools on how to make hard decisions, read my blog post here: https://www.anaverzone.com/make-hard-decisions/// Want to know how to build unshakable confidence and resilience? Have a tribe that supports you? Learn about the Rebel Buddhist Manifesto? Click here to grab the Rebel Buddhist Toolkit for a free resilience training, an active online community, and more.

Think about this for a minute: if you knew – like really knew – you only had a year or a month or however long left to live, how would your mindset change? How many of those inner obstacles currently holding you back would fall away if you truly grasped the impermanent nature of your own life?Because we think we have time, we spend time on habits (mental, physical, and spiritual) that distract us from creating the life we’re meant to live. We allow ourselves to remain in that comfortable cocoon of “for now” because we’d really rather avoid having to deal with the anxiety, fear and overwhelm that we’d have to overcome to take action. We wait for… another time.We put the important things off.We put off the big adventure – and it’s not just the adventures we put offWe put off the inner work, tooWe put off forgiving that thing that happened a long ass time ago.We put off telling someone we love themWe put off just letting ourselves be fucking happy already.One of the main reasons we do this is because we believe we will have tomorrow, or next month, or next year, or after we retire, or after we graduate, or after we get the raise…But we don’t know thatToday we’re digging into a couple topics that many people like to avoid the most: the true impermanence of our time here on earth, and the big kicker, the uncomfiest of subjects: death.But hang with me, there’s a method to this madness!The first step to changing our mindsets and our actions to create the lives we really want, we have to talk about these things. To recognize, sit with and meet them head on. Because when we fully realize 1. how precious, fleeting, and miraculous this life of ours is, and 2. we are going to die and we don’t know when—that is when we truly start living. Our hearts open, we give love freely, we find the courage to face our fears and start living the way we’ve been longing to, right now. Believe me, I learned this the hard way.It isn’t just me who thinks all this. Meditating on the preciousness and impermanence of this human life are the first two steps on the Tibetan Buddhist Path to Enlightenment. In this tradition, it isn’t until you have grasped these two concepts that you can move on to the other stages on the path to enlightenment.And you know what? The other truth is, if you're living a life that is not in alignment with your truth, with who you are...an authentic life of love, compassion and integrity and whatever else you value – freedom, passion, joy, adventure – then life is going to feel too long - no matter how short.So you see, the preciousness of this life, the impermanence of it, death...these things aren’t something we should ignore or put off as depressing.When we are aware of them, we live life more fully.And while we can’t live every day like it’s our last, we CAN ask ourselves what would make today a good day? One we have no regrets about. One that might even be a good day to die.Or at least not be a shitty day to die.I invite you to be brave today, to sit with these topics that may have previously been sources of fear and anxiety for you, and to see them in a new light – a sexy light. A liberating light. And a motivating one.In This Episode You’ll Learn:How to stop avoiding thinking about death – and how to instead acknowledge what facing it can teach you about living nowA few ways to shift your mindset about impermanence + use it to mentally reframe your own narrative About one of my biggest regrets in life and some life-altering decisions I made along the way – how they pushed me to create the life I wanted and live in integrityWhy your fear of death is actually your deeper fear that you have not lived your truest life (Steve Chandler)How to stop putting off the things that make us happy for ‘another time’ and start living fully nowWhy we must recognize the preciousness of human life in order to take real action toward making the most of the time we haveResources:// Read this Elephant Journal piece I wrote about The Buddhist Way to Wake the F*ck up & Really Live your Life.// Want to know how to build unshakable confidence and resilience? Have a tribe that supports you? Learn about the Rebel Buddhist Manifesto? Click here to grab the Rebel Buddhist Training Kit for a free resilience training, an active online community, and more.// Ready to dive even deeper into all this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

You probably think you know what ‘s important to you, right?But in my coaching practice, I’ve found that while most people believe their values are very clear to them, when it comes down to putting words to our values, a lot of people get stuck! That’s totally OK – and to be expected, because not a lot of folks have been given the chance to sit down and consciously reflect on all this.It might seem like a no-brainer, but it takes more conscious effort and commitment than one might think: In order to really understand what you WANT out of this one wild and precious life, you must get clear about who you are and what’s important to you. Period.Because if we don’t know what we want and what our values are, we waste so much damn time, money and energy on things that don’t serve us.This episode is super interactive (for all you experiential learners out there!) – we dig deep into how to get clear on what’s important to you, and I offer a few tips and practical exercises for a solid starting place. Got your pen and paper ready?Taking the time to get clear about what we believe in, what we prioritize, and what feeds our soul is invaluable. Decisions can become more clear when we pause to think about how our actions – and their consequences – fit in with our values.Too many people wait until the Big Event happens – the new job, the new degree, the kids leaving for college, finally getting pregnant or having a partner, to fit into their old jeans, or make X amount of $$$ – before they start feeling joy and that their outside life is in alignment with their internal values.The catch is that, to manifest all those things you want, you need to start feeling that way NOW. Because our thoughts create our feelings, and our FEELINGS drive our actions, which create our REALITY.If you want to do what it takes to create your ideal life, don't wait to feel amazing. Give yourself permission to feel that way RIGHT NOW. This work is foundational to creating the life you want and is super fun to do...So let's do it. Right here, right now. It doesn't take too long!Give the episode a listen and learn to unearth the wisdom that YOU hold inside yourself – see how you can use it to manifest honoring your values more often in your daily life, so that you can feel the alignment, clarity and courage that comes with doing this.Feed your soul. Nourish those parts of yourself that are of the utmost importance. And give yourself permission to grow, learn, and evolve! Because your values can – and will often – change as you gain new experiences and new wisdom. In This Episode You’ll Learn: A few tips and practical exercises for getting clear about what’s important to youHow to explore your Peak Experiences (memories that spark your soul) to help you more clearly identify what your deepest values areWhy tapping into your core feelings of your personal values is essential to this workHow to get past trying to find the “perfect” word to articulate your values – and a couple fun alternatives for thisWhy it’s so important to take a small part of each day to connect with your "special place” – and how to create space in your life to enter it more oftenHow to cross-check something you want to make sure it's aligned with your core valuesThe difference between your personal qualities and your values – how to whittle these down to your MOST important traits and release the ones that don’t serve youResources:// Check out my free 7-day Clarity + Courage Course course here: www.claritycouragecourse.com// Want to know how to build unshakeable confidence and resilience? Have a tribe that supports you? Learn about the Rebel Buddhist Manifesto? Grab the Rebel Buddhist Training Kit for a free resilience training, an active online community, and more at https://www.AnaVerzone.com/rebelbuddhist// Ready to dive even deeper into all this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss. Go to http://www.JoinFreedomSchool.com

Ever have moments where this realization just hits you like a runaway train? “Oh shit, I am not living in alignment with my values right now. How did I end up here?”Yeah. I hear you. I’ve been there. And it can be a pretty stop-you-in-your-tracks, flip-your-world-upside-down kinda moment. Because then the second realization comes: “I’m so fucking unhappy. It’s gonna take so much work to change this.” Then maybe: “I’m not sure I’m up to the task.”If this is you, I’ve got you! I’m with you! And I have some things to share with you that I think really might help you on this journey.This episode is all about an UH-MAZING little document – called the Rebel Buddhist™ Manifesto – that I created years back as a manifesto for Freedom Junkies and has evolved into its current iteration for all you rebel buddhas out there.I dig into each of its 15 tenets and share some personal experiences that crystallize how I came to be clear about the values of my life, my business and this podcast.I hope that by sharing this with you, it will inspire you to get really clear about yours too, because here’s the thing: when you get clear about your values, it’s a whole lot easier to be happy.When we are happy, it’s often because our external life is in alignment with our internal values.When we are unhappy – anxious, unsettled...it’s because we sense our life is not in alignment with our values.And that’s exactly what this manifesto is for – helping you get back in alignment with who you truly are. Each part serves as an offering of guidance on everything from learning to study our minds and practice FIERCE self-compassion, to cultivating radiant inner confidence and healthy boundaries from a kind place, to accepting the responsibility of our power to move society towards social justice and anti-racism.If you can listen and sit with these offerings – pay attention to your opinion on each one, reflect on what it brings up inside you – you’ll be one step closer to flipping your world right-side up again.So, I invite you to start today.To constantly seek out new experiences – both internal ones and external ones. Big ones and small ones.It’s not just about adrenaline sports (something that became a big outlet in my own life) or seeking freedom willy-nilly without strong intention and drive.It’s about making new friends, trying new foods, talking about hard topics like racism and white supremacy to people that might think differently than you, exploring countries where you don’t speak the language, or where you are the minority, starting a business, writing an op-ed...or that BOOK.I don’t know about you, but I am not pretending that I have forever. I am not pretending that mending a relationship can wait until later. I am not hoping that I am the one exception to this eternal rule - that we are here for way less than we want to be, no matter how long.I’m damn proud of this manifesto, and I hope you are proud of being a part of this community too. Here’s to you discovering your power and living your truth.In This Episode You’ll Learn:Why the root of all true courage and confidence is being willing to feel ANY feelingHow to speak your truth with strength and kindness – and why that’s more nuanced than just being straight up honest or delivering the cold hard truth all the timeHow to learn from your mistakes, look for solutions and move forward when life rips you a new oneWhy we must release ourselves from victimhood and choose to take back our power so we can share our gifts with the world and help make it a better place for everyoneHow adventure helped me mature the grit I had developed throughout my fraught childhood – and pushed me to actively create the life of my dreamsWhy adventure is essential to your evolution, tooHow to recognize the impermanence of life and use your time on this one wild and precious ride to the fullest – in a nutshell, how to Wake. The. Fuck. Up. and let go of what’s not serving youResources// Want to know how to build unshakable confidence and resilience? Have a tribe that supports you? Learn about the Rebel Buddhist Manifesto? Click here to grab the Rebel Buddhist Training Kit for a free resilience training, an active online community, and more.// Grab this free training on how to set boundaries that actually work – and how to do this from a place of kindness.// Check out this piece I wrote on why adventure is essential to our evolution.// Read about one of my über uncomfortable (but proud) moments, and consider who you are willing to disappoint or make uncomfortable to honor your truth.// Ready to dive even deeper into all this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

Many people are facing a hard realization right now: “If I don’t learn how to take care of myself, I will burn out.”It’s true. You cannot dedicate yourself to creating the life you want, contributing to and changing the world… and then ignore your own bodily, mental and spiritual needs. Because that’s what causes self-combustion. And then you’re not helping yourself, let alone anyone else.In reality, it’s a balancing act – in order to show up for others in your fullest capacity, you must first learn to nourish yourself so that you CAN show up, and show up well. When people ask me how I do so much – my multiple graduate degrees, traveling for months out of the year, the business, the mommy daughter days…yoga, meditation, and all my other multipassions, I always tell them that a huge part of it is I know how to take care of myself and I prioritize it.I know how to work hard and how to play hard and how to make sure my body and mind and spirit can deal with all the things I take on.When I talk about my self care to people outside of the coaching industry (because most coaches already know how important this is), I often get, “Well isn’t all this self-care kind of …selfish? Isn’t it just all about you you you?”Here’s the thing – being “selfish” is almost always considered something negative in this society. By definition, it means “to put one’s needs and desires before other people’s.” But, wait…could being ‘selfish’ in this way also produce positive results at times?I invite you to search for the grain of truth in this. Because you have to know what you need to be able to operate in the world most effectively. You have to know yourself, how your mind works. Your strengths. How to keep the engine running.From that place, you will have so much more to offer the world – and you’ll be able to take action from a much more skillful place.Learning to give from a full cup When we learn to take care of ourselves, we can do something forever, because we aren’t sacrificing our energy for short-sighted thinking.One of the things almost all my clients say is they want to give back to the world, to contribute THEIR gift. But that’s impossible to do if your well is empty. The fountain of giving is impossible to sustain when you’re constantly depleting yourself for other people at your own expense.Of course, there is an actual version of being selfish – ONLY thinking about yourself and taking from other people at their expense and creating more freedom in your life at the expense of the freedom of others.That’s selfishness.Many of us have been taught that if we don’t put others first all the time, then we’re being selfish.But as with most things, there’s a middle way.And from that middle way, we can give way more than we can than trying to pour from an empty cup. When you have more to give, you show up for others more authentically – not out of obligation or resentment or self-sacrifice, but out of joy and love and energy.Then giving is something that energizes you instead of something that depletes you.Why are we so worried about people thinking we’re selfish? Because, on some level, we think there’s something wrong with us, there’s something bad about us and that we need to go prove something to the world, that we are worthy.So many people right now are posting and commenting and writing about how much they care about anti-racism and Black Lives Matter with the intent to look good for other people – to get positive feedback from others. For the optics, their self-image. This comes from a place of insecurity and shows up in not taking care of ourselves as well – people-pleasing, trying to make them like us, lying and doing stuff we don’t want to do and being full of resentment…But in truth, people can sniff that BS from a mile away.It is so much more effective and genuine when you know you are worthy and loveable no matter what other people think.I invite you to learn how to come from THAT place. How to take action out in the world based on your own self-respect and alignment with your values – not in an attempt to get it from someone else because you’re feeling so empty.You have to learn the skill of giving and filling yourself up, so then you can go out in the world and give.Can you see how this is the first step in being selfless? Even the Buddha discovered this – after a long time of physical deprivation, he realized he had to eat from a bowl of nourishment before he could attain enlightenment. This is when he discovered the Middle Way.Now I’m not saying to wait to take action until you’ve got all your shit figured out. Because that’s a lifelong process. I’m saying to not wait to take care of yourself – because so many of us say, “I’ll do it when this problem is finally gone.”But that’s not how it works.So, here’s to being selfish first so you can become more selfLESS. Because we really, really need you to be in this for the long haul, and I know you want to contribute. To do the right thing. To make this world better th

If you’re like most mindful people right now, you are responding to racial injustice and the Black Lives Matter movement and the awakening that has resulted from the murder of George Floyd and those before him - and those after as well.You may be engaging deeply or supporting materially or recommitting yourself to anti-racism work and education for the long-haul. You may have questions, be grappling with how best to take action and show up, or be wondering what true allyship looks like and how you can embody it, now and always.All this might look different if you’re a white person thinking through the complexities and limitations but necessity of allyship, or a non-Black person of color possibly already steeped the various ways to stand in solidarity with the movement for Black lives.The truth is, at the most basic level of true allyship and the heart of what anti-racism work requires is this simple thing that many people – white folks in particular – still actively struggle with, whether they’re conscious of it or not: a genuine willingness to be uncomfortable.This work is not easy. It’s not clean and it’s not pretty and if you think you can show up for the movement without ever having to step outside your comfort zone, you’ve got another thing coming.One thing that goes hand-in-hand with – and is often a product of – someone’s UNwillingness to be uncomfortable is the focus of this episode: a harmful habit called tone policing.Let’s break this down.In her book Me and White Supremacy and her Instagram course on this topic (see ‘Resources’ below), Layla Saad describes tone policing as “a tactic used by those who have privilege to silence those who don’t by focusing on the ‘tone’ of what is being said, rather than the actual content.It is when white people ask BIPOC to say what they’re saying in a ‘nicer’ way.It’s saying (or thinking) things like: I can’t take in what you’re telling me about racism because you sound ‘too angry’. Or your tone is ‘too aggressive’....Or if you would just ‘calm down’ then maybe I might want to listen to you. Or you’re bringing too much ‘negativity’ into this space and you should focus on the positive. Or, or, or...There are so many direct and subtle ways [akin to gaslighting] that tone policing takes over. Essentially, it is a request that BIPOC share experiences about racism without sharing any of their (real) emotions about it. It is also a demand that racism be presented in a form that is more palatable, and doesn’t make White Fragility flare up.”Tone policing didn’t just come out of nowhere.It stems from a looong history of policing Black bodies in this country. It has origins in the rhetoric, ideologies and structures of white supremacy designed to control and “civilize” BIPOC, so it’s not new or specific to this moment, even though this conversation is especially pertinent right now.When white people or non-Black allies tone police Black voices – even when we don’t know or recognize that we’re doing it – it is one way that white supremacy, racist ideology and internalized anti-Blackness manifests in the contemporary moment.Know what? It’s well past time to learn how to check these habits.To learn to be an anti-racist, to be a true ally when it comes to racial justice, one has to develop the reflex of checking their own defensiveness, their tendencies to tone police or assert their “manual” for others in order to avoid their own discomfort.What’s interesting is we often don’t know we have a manual until people stop following it, until our little “instruction book” is being challenged. When this happens, we have to face the fact that we've subconsciously tied all of our emotional life to whether or not people follow our manual. If they don’t, the walls we’ve built to protect ourselves from experiencing discomfort become destabilized, and we lash out instead of listening and really taking in valid criticism or feedback.In the case of tone policing, white people often think they are asking something reasonable when they expect BIPOC to share experiences of racism without sharing any of their (real) emotions about it.But asking someone to recount, explain or describe their experience of racism in a form that is more “palatable” or “safe” for white people – that only reproduces harm.People seeking to embody true allyship when fighting against racial injustice must learn to sit and be present with what makes us uncomfortable. We must learn to self-soothe, to manage our reactions, to listen in a deep way to what is being said and learn to interrupt our thoughts and habits that make an important conversation, encounter or moment about us.Because we are responsible for our emotions. Not someone else.I want to invite you to start this learning now. I want to invite you to put yourself in positions that are risky. That create fear or self doubt.I want you to really listen to Black voices, to BIPOC voices that make you feel uncomfortable – ask yourself why and then do the honest work to

As nationwide protests continue to erupt throughout cities small and large in the wake of the recent murders of George Floyd, Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Arbery, and many more, hard and important conversations have taken hold. Conversations about systemic racism and white terrorism. About police brutality and militarized violence. About collective rage pushed to the brink from centuries of oppression in a country that was founded on genocide and slavery, on stolen Indigenous land and on the backs of enslaved people stolen from Africa.This moment deserves space. This moment demands attention. This podcast is my imperfect attempt to hold that space by offering thoughts on how to use radical mindfulness + thoughtwork to rewire our internal biases and internalized racism, so that we can move toward anti-racism work and social justice action.Here’s the deal: by being born in a society where white supremacy is the bedrock – one in which we are taught negative messages about Black and Brown people and positive messages about white people – racist thoughts and ideologies are taught to us (whether intentionally or not) from a VERY young age. Sometimes we are not even aware of these thoughts we hold and did not consciously choose. But just because we did not consciously choose them does not mean they do not exist.Many people who hold societal positions of unearned power and privilege – white people in particular – only begin to question or deconstruct these racist ideologies and systems once they grow older; some never do. People of color – and Black people in particular – are not often afforded the same luxury. Because structural racism, and the generational trauma of racial violence, is woven into the very fabric of their lives and daily experience From. Day. One. In truth, white supremacy and systemic racism hurts everybody – but in different ways and to obvious, varying degrees of violence. To believe the burden of “undoing” or “solving” racism falls on Black folks or people of color and not white people, is to be sorely mistaken. The same goes for social justice and anti-racism work. EVERYONE must take an active role to combat injustice.The process of UNlearning internal bias and racism takes WORK. It is not pretty. It is not easy. It takes risks. And it looks different for everybody.I want to invite you to do the work in the way that you can show up.Many people also don’t take action or speak up because they are afraid of doing it “wrong” or of being criticized or judged.You have to be willing to feel negative emotions to do hard things - like anti-racism and social justice work.As a coach, so much of what I teach is that we need to learn to be uncomfortable. That’s why so much of my work is around building emotional resilience. Because being uncomfortable is where the true growth happens.And what I’ve seen is that, for the long-haul, we need to also change our beliefs – (thoughts that we’ve had over and over again).One of the main purposes of our practice is to encourage you to investigate your mind, to be with emotions like shame and guilt, to see the results they are creating in your life, and to ask yourself if you want to continue that way.The Buddha taught, “You are not your thoughts”. And thoughts and actions are not the same.We need to be willing to not identify with our thoughts so that we can work with them.When we can admit that we have prejudiced thoughts, then we can take the next steps. We need more people taking action.What will lead to productive and sustainable action?For me, radical mindfulness is a tool for individual liberation that leads us to more skillful action for social justice. I want to encourage you, as my teacher Geshe Tsultrim Gyelsten said, to “Check your mind.” See your internal biases. Your internalized racist thoughts.I want to encourage you to use any guilt you might have as a signal that things are out of alignment with your values and that things need to change.I want to encourage you to not indulge in feeling shame and spinning into inaction.I want to encourage you to see that your thoughts are optional. And that you can unlearn them.**Use your privilege and donate, support, fund, and hire in an anti-racist way. Be explicit – not just intentional – because impact trumps intent. It should be no surprise to people that you are anti-racist (see ‘Resources’ below)!Remember that this is a long-term process – not a thing you get a certificate for and you’re done.And while you do this VERY important work, I want you to take action, because the world cannot wait for everyone to get their shit together.In This Episode You’ll Learn:How to use thoughtwork + radical mindfulness to rewire internal biasWhy it’s important to develop emotional resilienceThe difference between shame and guilt, and how to move beyond both toward actionHow to acknowledge when we mess up – ways to listen, learn and act instead of getting defensiveThe difference between equality and equity, between diversity and in

Past experiences shape who we are. We, humans, spend an incredible amount of time reliving our pasts and forming narratives that, consciously or unconsciously, can begin to dictate how we think of ourselves and how we show up in the world.But the truth is, you likely have some stories about your past that aren't serving you – that are, instead, keeping you from owning who you are NOW and rocking the hell out of this one precious life.Today, we’re going to talk about your past and how to change it.For many of you, this may be the most important work you do in your life. Because far too often, we base our entire identities on our past experiences.All those things we regret.All those things we feel victimized by.We spend a lot of time with those memories – those thoughts – of the past.In turn, this influences how we experience the present moment – and how we create our future.What is the past, anyway?The “past” as we experience it now is a thought – a thought about what happened.We feel like our thoughts about the past aren’t optional – that they are just recollections of facts. We don’t think we have a choice about how we think of the past.This is why, when we spend all our time perseverating about the past, we keep living the same life over and over. We keep repeating the same patterns.But actually, we get to remember our experiences however we want to.Does this mean that all those traumatic events in our childhood didn’t happen? F*ck no. Of course, they did. Does this mean that all that work we did to heal and overcome them and move forward somehow becomes minimized by not giving them as much brainpower? Never.But our interpretation of those facts – the STORY we tell about them – THAT’S optional. Ultimately, our thoughts create our results.Using myself as an example, I could choose to tell myself the story of how hard my life was because I grew up poor and in a violent, gang-ridden neighborhood, with a mother who abused me, a mentally ill father who gave away all our money whenever we might have had any, and because I was raped at 16 years old. And I could use all that to have a big ol’ justified pity party for myself.But instead, I choose to tell a story of triumph and how I am the true heroine of my own life. (you can hear more about that on the podcast).I want to encourage you to use your past in a way that actually serves your present. Because believe it or not, our brains can only be in one place at a time – right now.To create a DIFFERENT future, you need to create new thoughts. Choose new thoughts.When we are mindful and aware of our thoughts about our past, we can choose thoughts that help us show up as better humans in the world.It is possible to rise from the ashes - I’m living PROOF.And to do so, the story you tell about all that past stuff has to change.Your PAST does not define you. YOU get to define you.Topics in this Episode:Why our thoughts about the past can keep us from living our lives to the fullestHow to use your past in a way that actually serves your presentWhy our identity is tied to our story of our past – and how to change thisTips on embracing what I refer to as “practical” emptinessWhy my past suffering helped me develop grit, start my business, and ride out the ups and downs of abusive internet trolls and hate letters.How you can come up with the new thoughts about your past + ways to really start practicing these new thoughts, instead of defaulting to old ways of thinkingChanging your narrative – the reason you should get curious about why a past experience happened for you, instead of to you**Please note that the content of this episode does not apply in the same way to people with a diagnosis of PTSD or severe trauma or other mental illness which continues to impact their daily functioning capacity – that’s out of the scope of what I’m referring to. If this is you, feel free to still listen to the episode but please consult with your provider knowing the podcast content may not be fully relevant to you at your current stage of healing.Resources// Want to know how to build unshakable confidence and resilience? Have a tribe that supports you? Learn about the Rebel Buddhist Manifesto? Click here to grab the Rebel Buddhist Training Kit for a free resilience training, an active online community, and more.// Ready to dive even deeper into all this? Check out Freedom School where we have an entire month on content on this topic. See what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

Why are we so willing to work hard for someone else’s dream but not our own? Why are we so willing to disappoint ourselves instead of someone else?The truth is—unless you’re some kind of crazy-evolved superhuman—you probably spend a good deal of time and mental energy obsessing about what other people think of you. You may not even realize you do this. Or, you may be hyper-aware of it and wish you could just STOP CARING, but don’t know where or how to start.Either way, you’re not alone.One of the most common reasons people come to me for coaching is to manage the anxiety + insecurity they have about caring so much about what other people think.Some of my clients have panic attacks worrying about what their ex thinks of them, so they end up living stuck in the past instead of getting out and rocking their life without the ex.Others don’t question their faith or ask the hard questions because people will see them as disloyal to their community, or they don’t want to leave their stable job to start their dream business because others will judge them for following their passion.The lack of action they have comes from being afraid of what people might think of them – if they succeed OR if they fail. When you care too much about what someone thinks about you, it’s a no-win situation. You fail ahead of time.How do you start to change this?Worrying about what other people think of us doesn’t just affect our mood or self-confidence; it actually affects our behavior in all kinds of crazy ways. It takes a HUGE toll on our ability to reach our fullest capacities, and oftentimes prevents us from doing what is in true alignment with who we are.To change this – to really start living the life you were meant to live – you’re going to need to rebel against what people think is right for you, even if they have the best intentions or elements of what they’re saying is true. You’re going to need to be OK with people thinking you’re crazy, too full of pride, or irresponsible or too sexy or disrespectful or a total bitch. You’re going to need to be ok with them feeling threatened, embarrassed, jealous or holier-than-thou.Because when people see you doing what’s risky and deciding to follow your dreams, do you know what it does?It causes other people to question their own life and the way they’re showing up.We need people to shake things up and make other people uncomfortable so that they wake the hell up.We need rebels like YOU to lead the way in realizing that the point of life isn’t to be happy all the time. The points are:To live this one precious life fully.To feel ALL the feels.To not fail ahead of time by not even trying, but to die at least knowing you gave it your all.How what someone thinks about you really IS about them - and not you – so let people be wrong about you. Yes, you can (and should) come at it from a place of compassion. But start living in your own truth. And start doing it now.Topics in this episode:Why we seem to obsess over what other people think about us – how it holds us backHow to let people be ‘wrong’ about you + learn to be OK with disappointing othersHow I learned to stop giving a flying hooha about other people's judgement – and how it freed me up to live the life of my dreamsWhy you MUST start doing you instead of what other people think is ‘right’, even when it’s hard and uncomfortableHow you not caring what people think can inspire othersResourcesHaving healthy boundaries is key when you practice letting people be wrong about you. Click here to grab the free Boundaries training.Want to know how to build unshakable confidence and resilience? Have a tribe that supports you? Learn about the Rebel Buddhist Manifesto? Grab the Rebel Buddhist Training Kit for a free resilience training, an active online community, and more.Ready to dive even deeper into all this? Check out Freedom School and see what everyone’s obsessed about. It’s not just group coaching. It’s a mindset revolution that you won’t want to miss.

We have this one, precious human life...at least in this body, on this miraculous planet, with these unique whacky people in our community around us.Yet too many of us spend this amazing opportunity tolerating things that no longer serve us.We tolerate our limiting mindsets, behaviors, and situations that no longer serve our highest good. We tolerate our negative self-talk, the soul-sucking job, the “good enough” relationship, the toxic friends, the lover that’s just not that into us. We tolerate our unhealthy habits like not exercising when we say we will, not meditating as often as we’d like, emotional eating, or overdrinking (which used to be my personal favorite) and over-Netflixing (my current favorite). And because how we do anything is how we do everything, we are more likely to tolerate the sexist comment made to our colleague by the boss, or the racist remark we overhear at the dinner party, or the crappy healthcare system. Why do we do this?It’s actually really odd, because humans are not built to tolerate. On the contrary, we are built to be brave and to go out into the world and evolve and make a difference. We want to feel we are making the most of life and our potential. We crave a life of freedom, adventure, and purpose. We all have that Universal source within us - our Buddha nature - and we want to realize it. In fact, it can be a big source of suffering when we don’t. While our nature is to want to evolve, there’s a problem we encounter while trying to tap into our highest potential - and it’s called OUR BRAIN. Its primitive parts want to keep us safe so we survive. It wants us to stay very, very safe and not do anything to rock the boat. Which is quite handy...until it’s not.Because not tolerating means taking risks and potentially feeling awkward. Or embarrassed. Or even humiliated or disliked. Evolution requires going into the unknown, being willing to adventure and not know what the outcome will be with any certainty.To live a life of no regrets means choosing to rebel against the nature of our primitive brain, and tap into our highest self.We need to rebel against our old mindsets and the stories that no longer serve us. We need to rebel against conventional thinking that says to be happy you have to change what’s on the outside.We need to rebel against the notion that we are not powerful enough to make a difference.We need YOU to stop tolerating, and to discover your power and live your truth.Topics in this episodeWhy we tolerate things in our life that no longer serve usHow your brain contributes to tolerating BSWhy we make the same mistakes over and over - and why I know you are not brokenHow my cancer helped me stop tolerating - and how you should not wait for something like cancer to stop it yourselfDiscomfort and why we need to learn how to feel anythingTips for how to manage your mind so you STOP toleratingWhat is ziji and why you MUST have itResources:Grab my free Unshakeable Confidence training at www.UnshakeableConfidenceCourse.comHow to Set Boundaries That Actually Work: https://www.anaverzone.com/how-to-set-boundaries-that-actually-work/