Power Your Parenting: Moms With Teens

In this episode we have a very special guest Dr. Anna Tanner. Dr. Anna Tanner, MD, FAAP, FSAHM, CEDS, is the Vice President of Medical Services for Veritas Collaborative, a national healthcare system for the treatment of eating disorders. She is a Board-Certified Pediatrician and Certified Eating Disorder Specialist who has spent over 20 years of her career working with complicated adolescent patients with a special emphasis on treating patients with eating disorders. I invited Dr. Tanner to be a part of this show to talk about healthy eating, stress eating and eating disorders in our teens and what moms can do.. Brene Brown has said that the #1 area of shame for women and especially our teen girls is body image. Billions of dollars are spent in the beauty industry to make us feel that our bodies and how we look are not okay. Not only does this cause a lot of suffering and pain in our teens, but a distorted body image can manifest in eating disorders. This puts mom in a hard parenting position. Moms, we can get triggered when we see our daughter eat the entire box of donuts. Our teens erratic eating habits can trigger a lot of fear in moms. And when you try to talk to your teen about body image and healthy diet, it can be met with a lot of drama and emotional outbursts. Why? Because body image is such a trigger for shame. This is why I brought in an expert who has a positive approach and is full of very helpful information. Here are some of the questions I asked Dr. Tanner. 1. A lot of us are stress eating during Covid-19. Is that something to be concerned about? How should moms talk to their teen girls who are stress eating? 2. Most females have issues around body image. Culture norms and media plays a big role here. How can moms help cultivate a positive body image in their teens? 3. When should moms start educating their teens about eating disorders? What should they say or not say? 4. When should moms be concerned about their teens eating habits? What are the red flags? 5. What should a mom do when she sees these warning signs in her teen. What are her options for treatment? If you want to reach out to Dr. Tanner you can call 855-875-5812 or go to [email protected] or veritascollaborative.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What is novelty? Anything that’s new, different, or unusual that gets our attention. Novelty happens naturally for our teens during a normal year with school activities, programs, dances and musicals, soccer games, graduation dances, parties and interacting with hundreds of teens in a day. Also novelty happens naturally in the summer with camps, vacations, work, mission trips, internships and foreign exchange programs. However, because we are still in the middle of a pandemic and many are still shelter-in-place, our favorite things to do and go to places are shut down. We are experiencing a lack of novelty. We are seeing the same people, in the same place, and doing the same things over and over again. Teens need novelty. This is hardwired in the teen's brain. In this episode I talk about the science behind novelty. Basically, novelty gives us the reward of Dopamine, the feel good chemical in our brain. Teens especially crave novelty, which leads them to seek out thrill-seeking-behaviors. There is an upside to this and a downside to this. Here's the challenge. Many camps and programs have been cancelled this summer. Teens are disappointed and are bored. Many teens don't have a reason to go to sleep or wake up in the morning. In this episode I explore how to create positive novel experiences for you and your teen in the middle of this pandemic. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Summer is here! How do you feel? Are you excited, relieved, or more stressed? The moms I have talked to feel let down because many of their plans have been cancelled. Recently I talked to a couple that looked forward to going to Hawaii every other year and they had to cancel their trip this summer. Many of us have had our fun summer plans cancelled and therefore mom, dad and kids are disappointed. Instead of moms feeling relief about the summer, we're stressed and plagued with the question of what am I going to do with my bored teenagers? Bored teens at home cut into mom's personal space and work time. Summer can feel like an extension of the school year except that teens have even less to do. I know every mom has different restrictions from shelter at home to different phases of reopening. Despite what phase you are in none of us have forgotten about Covid 19. And many feel there is more pressure and uncertainty as our cities and states reopen. There are more questions like--now that restaurants are open is it okay to go? Is it okay for my teens to go? Do we try to take a vacation? Should we fly or drive? Is that safe? When your teen wants to go over and see her friends at a pool party, now there are even more things to consider about those decisions. So it's not easy and all this uncertainty just adds stress. This is why in this episode I give you Summer Tips for an Unusual Time for you and your teens. This will give you a way to think about this summer and how to make the most of it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I have a vibrant conversation with my friend and colleague Megan McNealy. Megan believes well-being is the greatest asset we have. She knows this one personally. Twelve years ago Megan was super successful in her wealth management business, and yet her body was giving out on her. She had crippling rheumatoid arthritis, kidney disease, and kidney cancer. Megan was able to turn this around. Her formula for her recovery is in her award winning book Reinvent the Wheel: How Top Leaders Leverage Well-Being for Success -- her book was featured on the Top 20 Must-Reads of 2019 in Forbes and was awarded a Silver Medal by the Axiom Book Awards. Megan McNealy has devoted her career to helping others reach their highest potential in their personal and professional lives. As an award-winning, 22+ year Senior Vice President and Wealth Management Advisor at one of the largest financial firms in the world, she specializes in working with senior corporate executives and has become known as the “CEO Whisperer.” Megan is simultaneously an impact entrepreneur and a prominent Well-Being Thought Leader who founded Well-Being Drives Success, a multi-faceted platform designed to serve those in our workforce who strive for exceptional wellness and extraordinary success. Her work has been featured in the UK Telegraph, Fast Company, Chief Executive, Thrive Global, Business Insider and Entrepreneur to name a few. During this stressful time of the COVID-19 pandemic, Megan has been one of the most sought after speakers in the United States on how to rise in this moment by prioritizing well-being. A guest on six high profile podcasts in the last two months, plus this one (!) she thought it would be a wonderful way to serve an audience eager for uplifting advice. Megan is a single mom of two teen daughters, She is one of us! Megan recently has interviewed eighteen top leaders that she had previously interviewed in her book Reinvent the Wheel and asked them to share their behind the scenes well-being strategies during this global pandemic. Listen to hear this very helpful advice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I talk about how to get the most out of your relationship with your teen their junior and senior year in High School. When your teen is a junior or senior, what do you think it will be like? Are your expectations positive, (I look forward to having more quality time with my son and watching his soccer games) or is it negative (It's going to be a huge battle all year to get my daughter to take her school work seriously?) After listening to moms, expectations tend to default towards the negative their junior and senior years. I believe there is a way to enjoy your teen during their junior and senior year in high school. I mean really relish your time with them. Enjoy their energy, their liveliness, and their playfulness. In order to enjoy these years you need to avoid 4 big drama traps. Listen and learn how. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I am bringing you another powerhouse guest to help your through this quarantine time with your teen. . .Diana Graber. Diana Graber is the author of “Raising Humans in a Digital World: Helping Kids Build a Healthy Relationship with Technology” (HarperCollins Leadership). She is the founder of Cyber Civics, an innovative digital literacy curriculum being taught in 44 US states and internationally, and Cyberwise, an information portal for digital parents. I interviewed Diana in the 52nd episode back in November on How to Keep Teens Safe Online. And ya’ll really loved that podcast. Diana really delivered helpful information in that episode and you won't be disappointed with this one either. Diana has graciously offered to our listeners a Technology Agreement that you can download at cyberwise.org in their learning hub. In this episode we focus on how to peacefully come to an agreement and not be battling with your teens about their screens. Also, we discuss what to do when teens want to stay in their rooms all day. Bottom line is that we want our teens to be safe, healthy, and flourishing humans both online and offline. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode addresses how to gently get back on track. In the beginning of the pandemic our adrenaline was buzzing and we reached for comfort food, drank lots of alcohol, and binge watched our shows. This all made sense when we were in the acute phase of the pandemic, but now six weeks in we have entered into a chronic phase. The numbing takes a toll on how we feel. We can feel blah, sleepy, irritable and default into the why bother syndrome because we have gotten off track. I have invited Elizabeth Barbour as our guest today to help us think through how to gently get back on track. Elizabeth Barbour, M.Ed. is a passionate advocate for smart, sustainable self-care—especially for women who are juggling the demands of career, family, and life. Elizabeth has been an intuitive life and business coach, speaker, and retreat leader since 2000. She’s appeared on PBS and in Experience Life and Martha Stewart’s Body & Soul magazines. Elizabeth is known for her ability to inspire busy professionals to make Smart Self-Care an integral part of their plan for success in both business and in life. For immediate inspiration, you can download 7 Daily Rituals for Self-Care, Sanity & Success (a free pdf) at www.elizabethbarbour.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hey moms I know none of you signed up to have your teens quarantined in your homes doing online school. This only adds more pressure on you. Are your teens procrastinating and not motivated? Are they spending way too much time on their phones? Are your seniors worried about getting to go to college in the fall? And what will college admissions look like next year? I wanted to bring in an expert that can help you with this. Neha Gupta is the founder of College Shortcuts, which is a leading college admissions consulting firm that has helped tens of thousands of students achieve their academic dreams. For more than 14 years, they've supported students with services in mentorship, college admissions, and test prep. Their results include increased improvements in students’ confidence, reduction in stress and anxiety, and higher chances of getting into their top choice school based on their own merit. She has been on every news outlet during this crisis and is a leading expert for teens and parents in the admissions process. This episode is full of super practical advice that will help you and your teens. Neha has generously offered a free discovery call to those who are interested. Just go to collegeshortcuts.com/apply to sign up for your free call. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we talk about How to Recover and Rebound Fast Part Two. Last episode I focused on how you can recover by paying attention to you (and not ignoring your needs), honoring your feelings, and asking for help and setting boundaries. Part one is designed to help you recover first, Part two helps you recover with your teen and family and rebound fast. Part one is answering the question "what just happened?" in you. Why did I get so triggered? Part two is answering these questions. What just happened with my teen and what do I do about it? How can I stay connected to my teen through this? How can we come back from this even stronger and closer? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this time when you are quarantined with your teens, and dealing with the daily bad news of covid-19, stock market, and the economy, you can see an increase in drama in your homes. I want to give you some tools on how to recover and rebound fast after drama. I want to help you dial down the drama and stress because high levels of this is going to weaken your immune system and hurt family relationships. What do you do after the big fight? Do you take intentional action to recover and rebound fast or do you do nothing. If nothing is done, what you can see over time, is that your teen shares less and less with you and spends more and more time in their room. How it impacts you is that you really don’t like your teen or spouse anymore and find you get angry, frustrated and hurt really quickly when you interact with them. What you can see is that everything becomes a battle, even the simplest of interactions. In this episode I give you some practical tips to How to Recover, Restore and Rebound Fast after the Drama. This is Part One of a two part series. Today I focus on helping you recover by 1. Don't ignore yourself, 2. Honor your feelings and, 3. Set boundaries and ask for help. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is an unprecedented time in our history. The definition of unprecedented means, "never done or known before." Our old life has been temporarily suspended. This week we enter into a whole new realm. Mom, soon Your inner alarm is going to go off and you are going to feel like, "Okay everyone needs to get out of the house and get back to school,NOW!" Your kids will feel the same way. They want to get back to what they typically do. Everyone in your family is going to feel restless and off kilter this week…because its not normal. Moms this is new territory, and there are lots of unknowns. The old rules and expectations don’t apply. This is why I am giving you... Six Guidelines for this Unprecedented Time. Time to be understanding Time for low expectations Time to be flexible Time to be creative Time to lean in Time to extend grace Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Moms, I want to encourage you in this global crises. I know your life is up in the air and upside down and for this reason I wanted to give you eight practical ways to stay grounded and steady in these uncertain times. First, I want you to know that I am here for you. This is a very difficult and scary time for all of us, and especially hard on you moms. Your kids and teens are going to be home from school and quarantined in your homes for several weeks at least... And the hardest part is that we just don’t know when we will get past all of this. I feel for you moms. This is going to completely mess up your day-to-day schedule and beyond. Most of us have had to cancel our fun plans for spring break and our teens are disappointed and we are too. But there are many more disappointments with sports and musicals and concerts cancelled at your teens school. For 8th graders and seniors this is not how they wanted to end their school year. And this is really hard for moms, because we like structure, schedules, and certainty. The coronavirus has pulled the rug out from underneath us. Anxiety feeds on the unknown and we are surrounded with it. If you listen to the news for even one-minute, fear and anxiety can overtake us. Besides the coronavirus there are many other worries. But there are some things we can do! In this episode I give you 8 practical ways to stay steady and grounded. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode talks about the biggest drain to your energy, vitality, and your life. Fear...especially all the fear around your teen and parenting your teen. If you are a parent of a teenager; you can't escape fear. You are going to experience fear. The challenge is how to make the fear useful. Unbridled and unconscious fear can cripple you and drain you of all your energy, joy, and happiness. In order to not let fear dominate your life, you need a way to manage your fear. This starts with being aware of what your fear is...because if you are not, fear can unconsciously drive your thoughts, feelings and actions. This is not helpful to you or your teen. You can become paralyzed by fear and not able to protect your teen. Or you can become so obsessed about your fear that you are constantly combative towards your teen. This episode will help you take obsessive fear and make it useful. You will learn how to dismantle the F (fear) Bomb. You will learn a 3-part process; identify your big fear, Excavate the truth, and Turn your fear into action steps. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We can't always go to a tropical island to escape stress. In this episode I give you 3 practical ways to dial down the stress by... being kind to yourself dialing down the drama being intentional instead of reactive, specifically about the way you think about your teen and how you spend time with them. This episode is full of tips and takeaways that can dial down your stress today. We live in a stressful culture. Stress has become the new normal. We need to be proactive to resist this trend, and bring down the stress in our lives, relationships and home. Why is this important? If you don't, stress will rob you of everything good about the teenage years. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What you think about your teen greatly impacts you, your parenting and your teen. How you think about your teen is not hidden from your teen. It is very evident to them. You wear the delight, the joy or the fear, sadness or anger on your face. How you think about your teen comes out in your words. It comes out in your actions. It comes out in your questions. It comes out in your body language. How you think about your teen is the deep work of parenting. How do you think about your teen? If I asked you to fill in the blank. My teen is_____ . What would you say? Because teens are hard wired for drama, it's easy for parents to think of their teens in a negative way. But that's not the whole story. That is not who your teen is. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode you'll explore what moms should and should not tolerate. An important question to ask yourself at the start of a new year is, "What am I tolerating in my life?" Clue, if you are not enjoying your life and you feel drained and you cant remember the last time you had a really good day, there is a strong chance you are tolerating something you should not be tolerating. What do I mean when I say tolerating? You are putting up with things in your life that you do not want. These things often annoy you, irritate you, weigh you down, and drain your energy . They can be things that you tolerate in yourself or surroundings, or in your relationship with friends, family or kids. You don’t choose to live a life that you are just tolerating. It happens over time. The problem is when you have been tolerating something for a long time, you don't even see it anymore. It becomes the new normal. There are 4 situations that you should never tolerate from your teen, if you do it will be detrimental to your teen and to your heart and soul. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I have spent a lot of time listening to what frustrates moms. At the top of the list is not being able to communicate to their teens. When I dig down and ask the moms what they mean by this, they say they want an open, authentic, and positive response from their teen. Because if you don’t get a positive response you are not going to have the conversation or the behaviors/results you want. The million-dollar question is, “How do you get a positive response from your teen?” There are many aspects to this question, and here's a big one. John Gottman, PhD (a very well known author, clinician and researcher) states, "94% of the time the way a conversation starts, predicts how it will end." So, how you start a conversation with your teen is going tostrongly influence the response. In this episode we explore the difference between harsh startups and soft startups. You will be given 6 key components to soften your startups. Some of you might be thinking, “This just sounds like too much work…I’m going to just be myself and express myself anyway I want.” You can express yourself anyway you want--- but does it give you the results or responses you want? Yes, being more intentional, and strategic is a little more work . . .but the work is worth it. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Moms have no problem being hard on themselves, but often have a hard time being kind to themselves. Moms don’t do this intentionally. It happens by default, because we are taking care of everyone else's needs we forget and don't take the time to care for our own needs. This is not very kind. My last episode was on expectations. Because we live in a culture of perfectionism we are often striving after unrealistic expectations we put on ourselves. We end up feeling defeated and that’s not very kind either. We live in such a fast pace world and are constantly bombarded with information, to-do lists leaving us with no time to breathe and that’s not very kind. In this episode we explore what being kind to ourselves mean, and how to do that in a practical, doable way. When we are kind to ourselves everyone benefits. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode focuses on expectations and parenting. To be human is to have expectations. Our expectations can help us feel hopeful. They can help us get through hard times and transitions. But they can also cause parents a lot of pain and be the impetus for drama. Recently, one mom told me, "I have been so much happier lately. Since I have adjusted my expectations, things have been so much better between me and my teenage daughter. This got me thinking about how big a role expectations play in parenting. They have a big impact on you and your teen. We will explore realistic vs. unrealistic expectations, no expectations vs. high expectations. We'll explore why teens have immature expectations. And why competing expectations between parents and teens can be a big source of drama. This is especially relevant in the holidays. Parenting is difficult because every day there are conflicting and often unexpressed expectations between parents and teens. The daily battle is often the competing expectations between immature expectations of the teen and the mature expectations of the parent. I close the podcast with some tips for managing these competing expectations in the holidays. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is about, Gratitude: Are You Feeling It? Even though Thanksgiving is just a few days away, this podcast is about (way) more than just Thanksgiving, this info is relevant 365 days a year. In this episode we will talk about why gratitude is good for us. It’s the gateway to true joy and even miracles. We’ll explore why being grateful is challenging at times and definitely not our natural state in this culture. Also, we’ll look at practical steps to put some genuine gratitude back into your life so that you are really feeling it. One definition of gratitude is, the feeling of thankfulness and appreciation. The key word is feeling. See, you can write 5 things that you are grateful for every night in your gratitude journal and not be feeling it. Naming things to be grateful for is a good start, but you are not going to reap the benefits of gratitude, if you don’t feel it. Did you know the root of the word gratitude is the Latin word gratis. Do you know what that means? You might think thankful, but it means to be free. So if these words gratitude and free are connected etymologically wouldn’t it make sense that the two are connected psychologically and even spiritually as well. Listen to see why. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I discuss How to Keep Your Teens Safe Online. with Diana Graber. Snapchat, Instagram, Fortnite, cyberbullying, sexting, and technology addiction are some of the digital concerns that keep today’s parents up at night. Moms toss and turn, worry, second guess themselves about their rules and boundaries about all things digital. This is why I brought in an expert in the field to address your questions. Diana is the author of “Raising Humans in a Digital World: Helping Kids Build a Healthy Relationship with Technology” (HarperCollins Leadership). She is the founder of Cyber Civics, an innovative digital literacy curriculum being taught in 44 US states and internationally, and Cyberwise, an information portal for digital parents. Diana is an innovator in the field of digital literacy and trained in media psychology, Graber fully understands the overwhelming influence technology has on today’s young people and the challenges this presents. Everything a young person does online—every post, comment, photo—contributes to a digital profile that can open or close doors to their future. We discuss how Diana teaches reputation management and privacy with her teens. You'll learn what's the difference between Digital Drama and Cyberbullying and the importance of digital breaks and digital vacations. You can contact Diana at [email protected] and she will send you a PDF (Teen Hookup Sites Parents Should Know About.) You can visit her websites at: www.cyberwise.org www.cybercivics.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we are going to look at parenting, through the lens of experience. There are many lenses in which we can examine parenting, like mindset. Today we will focus on the lens of experience. The goal of this podcast is to dial up thriving positive experiences with your family and dial down the negative ones by becoming aware of several X-factors that rob you of enjoying the teenage years. This is especially applicable as we approach the holiday season. Often there are parts of the parenting experience that we are not aware of, or we haven’t yet named yet. I call these the X-factors. One definition of an X-factor is, "A variable in a given situation that could have the most significant impact on the outcome." These intangible variables often are in the way of you having a happy home. You can’t ignore these variables. They have a significant impact on the outcome of your teenage years. They set the tone for your whole parenting experience. Being aware of these variables allows you to create more positive experiences in your home than negative. When this happens you have a Positive Sentiment Override. In this episode we will explore some of these negative X-factors, so that you won't have a Negative Sentiment Override over your home. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In my work I talk a lot about how to prevent and dial down the drama. A crucial part of this is how to repair the relationship after the conflict or the big blow up. And the good news is that you can repair the relationship. The first step is to give a sincere apology. And this can be challenging for teens. Have you ever asked your teen for an apology and got, "SORRY" or "SORRY you think I’m an idiot." or "SORRY that you are so sensitive." This is an insincere apology and doesn't make you feel any better. In fact it can make you feel worse. In this episode I will talk about why there is so much resistance to saying "I'm sorry" and how to move past it. A sincere apology is important for two main reasons; to grow individually, and to repair the relationship. I will explore the different components of a strong apology. And then I will address the million-dollar question...How can you get a sincere apology from your teen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we are going to talk about how to help your teen figure out what's next after High School. Are there any moms out there that have teens who have no idea what they want to do after High School? I'm sure a lot of you do. Have you noticed how much drama comes from questioning or talking with your teen about the future? I frequently see these big decisions, like, what am I going to do after high school, stirs up a lot of anxiety. Therefore this anxiety can make it hard to have a conversation with your teen about what's next and can lead to a lot of drama for both teens and parents. Today we are in for a treat. I am going to interview Emma Perez who is a coach and mentor and helps teens and young adults make decision for their lives after high school Emma is the Founder of Life Quest, that helps guides teens through self-discovery, career exploration, and vision creating. This leads young people to a future that allows them to live thriving and fulfilling lives. Emma is also the author of "What's the Point of School: Ed Transformation, A Matter of Life and Death. Freebie: http://www.emmabperez.com/journaling.html More about life quest http://www.emmabperez.com/life-quest.html To schedule a free consultation https://calendly.com/emmabperez My book http://www.emmabperez.com/whatsthepointofschool.html Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Okay, in this podcast we are going to get real. Is it possible to be happy and be a mom of a preteen or teenager? And when I say happy, I mean are you truly happy? One definition of happy says, "feeling pleasure and enjoyment because of your life, situation." Do you feel pleasure and enjoyment in your life? Do you feel pleasure and enjoyment from being a mom? Many moms don't, and it is a source of shame. This episode will look at six guaranteed ways to be an unhappy mom and how to turn that around to being the six keys to being a happy mom. I know that it is highly improbable that any mother of a teen will live in a constant state of happiness. That's not what this episode is about. This episode will give you practical suggestions on how to dial up your happiness in the teenage years. This not only benefits you but your whole family. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's hard to say "no" to an angry, upset, or demanding teen. Moms often feel pushed in the corner and begrudgingly say "yes." But when we do that it's not in the best interest of your teen or you. How do you feel when you say "yes" to your teen when you really wanted to say "no." I know from personal experience and from listening to thousands of moms that it doesn't feel good. You second guess yourself. You stress and worry. You feel disempowered as a mom. And you feel your teen is not protected. In this episode we will explore 5 reasons moms say "yes" when they want to say "no." Sometimes the best answer is not "yes" or "no." There is a third option which I will teach you.. Finally, you will learn 5 tips to standing up to your teen, being clear so that your "yes" really is a "yes" and your "no" really is a "no." Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Often moms are told to "not take things personally," which could be said by a well-meaning spouse. Sometimes those words are said to shut down the conversation that mom desperately needs to have. Well, that's not helpful. However in this episode we are going to explore "it’s not personal." My intention is not to minimize mom's experience, it is to help protect mom's heart and energy. "Taking things personally" can cause so much anxiety, hurt, anguish, sadness, suffering and just sucks the life out of you. We will explore what "taking it personally" really means. What are some of the things moms take personally? Why does taking things personally cause so much pain and suffering? Why taking things personally is not helpful to you and your teen? Then we will look at why "it's not personal" through the lens of neuroscience. Finally, and most importantly we will discuss how you can protect yourself and your heart from taking things personally. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you ever wake up and wonder, "How good can the teenage years get?" or do you think, "How am I going to survive the teenage years?" Many moms just wonder how they are going to survive the teenage years. And that's no surprise since this is one of the most challenging times to parent teens. The problem is, human beings have a propensity to remember only the negative. We can forget that we have good moments with our teens. The negative experiences can erase the positive experiences from our memories. The truth is that there are many gifts we can receive from our teens and the teenage years. Because of the unique challenges in this culture you will not naturally experience how good the teenage years can be. You have to be intentional and strategic and knowledgeable about the teenage brain. In this episode you will learn how to dial up the good experiences with your teen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your teen stress you out? If you have a normal teenager then the answer should be yes and the reason for that is where they are developmentally and I talk about the science behind that in the podcast. So yes your teen will stress you out. The better question is how often does your teen stress you out and to what degree? In other words whats the intensity of the stress you feel. In this episode I go into the major categories of what stresses parents out like monitoring, worrying about their safety and their future. There will be stress but you don't want the stress to dominate your life, your parenting, your teen and your home. Stress is not good for you or your relationship with your teen. Here’s the dilemma. It is stressful parenting a teen but your stress impairs your parenting. Your stress can stress your teenager out. Learn 4 ways to dial down your stress so that you can enjoy the teenage years. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today we are going to talk about the "4 Steps to Creating the Routine You Want". This is crucial to establish routines that work for you and your family this new school year. It's easy to think that you are starting your year off with a blank slate, but it is never a blank slate. Here’s why. The truth is that the same issues and struggles that drove your crazy last year are going to reappear this year. And why is that? Patterns repeat. Your son and daughter will do what they normally do and then you and your partner will typically react like you normally do. Over time these verbal and behavioral exchanges become predictable patterns of interactions. These interactions are often unconscious and on autopilot and can be triggered with an eye-roll, disrespectful comment, or the infamous slammed door. And then your last years amnesia has shattered and you remember the draining teenage drama from the past. You don’t want these unconscious patterns of interactions to become your “automatic routine” for your new year especially if they were fraught with drama. Many parents fall into routines or patterns that are not working for them or for their teens. You may be aware of some routines and not be conscious of others. Because the fall semester is busy, it’s easy to go on automatic pilot and just tolerate disrespectful behavior day after day. And this becomes routine. The good news is this year doesn’t have to be a repeat of last year. But things won’t automatically change you have to be intentional. Listen to find out the "4 Steps to Creating the Routine You Want". Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The new school year is starting soon or may have already started. Before the year takes off at full time speed, I want to discuss why intentional downtime is a big deal. With our busy schedules downtime is not going to happen naturally, you have to be intentional. Downtime is a pressure-free zone. It's non-productive time. There is no competition or comparing yourself to others . There is no pressure to get anything done. There is no agenda. There is nothing hanging over your head. Downtime allows for your mind to wander instead of having focused attention. You get to relax and chill out. Downtime is restful. In this episode I discuss the 5 Benefits of Intentional Downtime. 1. Downtime allows you and your teen time and mental space to let go of stress caused by friends, grades, a busy schedule, and lots of demands. 2. Downtime naturally brings out our playful nature. 3. Downtime allows for creativity and innovation. 4. Downtime allows you to slow down. 5. Downtime allows your mind to rest, 6. Downtime is good for the teenage and adult brain. I spend the rest of the episode getting practical. What is a good use of downtime and what is not? How to insert downtime into your very busy schedule? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Has your teen ever said anything like, "Mom you are the only one who won't let me . . ." or "Everyone else is doing it so why can't I . . .?" If they have, congratulations you have a normal teenager. Teens from all over the planet use tactics like these to try to manipulate you to get their way. In this episode will look at the many different tactics that teen use. These teenage tactics only work when we are not 100% clear if we are making the right decision. These tactics can open the door to a whole lot of drama. You can shut these tactics down when you are 100% clear. However, there are two big challenges to becoming clear. One, is the Moving Target Syndrome, and two, is Mother Fog. We will discuss how to take your clarity back. Also, in this episode we will discuss the downside of making decisions based on consensus and why your clarity is a personal decision. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode we'll discuss why curiosity makes you a better human being and parent. You’ll learn how healthy curiosity dials down the drama, and improves your relationship with your teen. Healthy curiosity is the secret ingredient to a well-lived life. Curiosity makes us feel alive, leads to more happiness, boosts achievement and creativity, expands our empathy and strengthens our relationships. Walt Disney once said, “We keep moving forward, opening new doors, and doing new things, because we're curious and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.”. Instilling healthy curiosity to your teens is one of the best gifts you can give them. You'll learn how curiosity brings down the teenage wall of defensiveness and helps you have the hard conversations with your teen with minimal drama. This skill is foundational to parent effectively. There is also a dangerous side to curiosity, that our teens are especially vulnerable to. When you combine a strong drive of curiosity with the teenagers faulty brake system (of their undeveloped prefrontal cortex), it can lead to trouble. You'll learn what you can do to protect your teen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I hope that Mothers' Day was all that you hoped it would be. But if you ended up disappointed, you are definitely not the only one. Heres the problem with Mother's day. I think you come to that day with huge expectations that your kids and partner will somehow make up for everything that was not right in the past year. Realistically on Mother's Day you are still dealing with teen issues and are in the kitchen cooking a meal for your mom or your mother in law. Even on Mother's Day it's hard to have a whole day that you are actually off duty. That's why moms need more than a day! Often moms are influenced by implicit messages in the culture like, "it's selfish to pay attention to me." It feels like that this message is true, so many moms feel guilty if they spend time taking care of themselves. They wait for someone to give them permission to invest in themselves. This results with moms feeling "all mothered out" and resentful for not being appreciated enough. Actually, it's not selfish to pay attention to you; it's CRUCIAL. 1. it's crucial to pay attention to you . . .So you can honor and appreciate you for everything you do for your family. 2. It's crucial to pay attention to you . . . to reclaim your self awareness. This is the first step to know how you are doing, what you need, and what you want. If you don't know what you need, a good place to start is the 5 essential areas of feeling good. In order to feel your best, you’ve got to focus on five essential needs: foundational, maintenance, relational, self-enrichment, and spiritual. 3. It's crucial to pay attention to you . . . every day. See part of each day needs to be mothers day. What I mean by this is that YOU needs to get in your calendar. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Whenever I speak to moms I tell them, "This is one of the most challenging times to raise a teen." A huge reason for this is navigating through the treacherous waters of cell phones, social media, and internet with teenagers. Most parents are blind sided with their teens about all thing digital because we didn’t go through this when we were teens. It feels like the iPhone has been around forever but actually it was released in 2007. So your mom didn’t have to deal with these cyber space issues when parenting you. Did you know that the average American touches their phone 2617 times a day? Did you know that According to Common Sense Media, teens spend an average of nine hours a day online? Studies have shown that the rise of anxiety and loneliness in teens is directly related to how much teens are online. 1 of 3 teenage girls will experience significant anxiety. In this podcast I talk about "The 4 big problems with phones, social media, internet and teens." 1. The addictive nature of all things online 2. Loneliness 3. Social comparison and why selfies are more like a question than a statement 4. Fomo (Fear of missing out) and how Snapmap is really EOMO (Evidence of missing out.) Most importantly we will end with what moms can do about this. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I think what's challenging and perplexing about parenting is that your child/ teen can feel like a moving target---or you could say a growing target. You feel like you finally have mastered one stage and then your teen grows out of it and you are up against the next stage. This new phase has new dynamics to figure out and its own set of perils. Every time you turn a corner, there is new terrain to manage. You finally have elementary school down and then they are off to middle school. You finally have middle school down and then they are off to high school, and then your kids are wanting to get their drivers permit and on it goes. . . Add to this moving or growing target another factor that can completely throw parents off balance and is the source of much confusion and frustration. This is the Maturity Gap. Maturity Gap in adolescence has been studied by many neuroscientists. They look at the maturity gap through the lens of brain development. They define it as the discrepancy between an individual's cognitive maturity and emotional maturity. I am going to broaden the definition of Maturity Gap and will share some interesting studies about the brain. Here's what I mean when I am talking about the Maturity Gap. All the different facets of your teen (physical, social, cognitive and emotional) are not growing together at the same rate. Because of this there is a maturity gap between the different parts. Some areas of your teen may seem more adult-like. You can feel like your teen is maturing and you can relax, but then your thrown off by another facet that screams immaturity. This Maturity Gap doesn't magically go away at 18, it's alive and well until age 25. This podcast will explore how knowing about the Maturity Gap can help you be a better, happier and wiser parent. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I hear parents second guess themselves saying things like, "I wasn't hard enough on him," or " I was too soft on her." And what they are really talking about is their parenting approach in regards to discipline. The challenge about parenting is "one approach doesn't fit all." I have seen parents come into my private practice baffled because the first two kids sailed through the teenage years with no problems, but their third kid who now is a teenager is driving them crazy. Why is that? They are doing the same things with the third kid that they did with the first two. Why the different result? This podcast gives you some guidelines on how to approach different types of teens, specifically the one-down and the one-up teen. The one-down teen is a little more sensitive. She is hard on herself. She has poor self esteem and lacks confidence, She often has the intelligence and the abilities, but lacks the confidence. She needs to be pulled up to feel like she is on the same level as others. This is the one-down position. The one-up teen thinks he is better than everyone else. He has insecurities they are just more covert or hidden. Teens in a one-up position put others down because it feels good to be at the top. In other words they have to put others down to feel good about themselves. They tend to belittle, brag, bully and think they are always right. When they are in a one-up position they need to put someone else down in order to feel powerful. Bottom line When you are dealing with a teen that is in a one-up position they need to be pulled down to have good self-esteem. You need a very different parenting approach for the one-down or one-up teen. The one-down teen can greatly benefit from the wild card of grace. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How do you foster your child/teen's creativity? Expressing your creativity through art, dance, writing, film and music is an excellent way to develop the teenage brain. The brain is having a major growth spurt during the teenage years. It is a season where you use it or lose it, meaning that neurons that are not used wither away. Neurons that are used wire into the teenage brain. It is the easiest time to learn a new language or a piano concerto. There are many challenges parent face when trying to encourage their teen's creativity. Teens don't want to practice. They want to quit. There is too much competition. All of these situations can lead to arguing and conflict. In this episode I share an interview by Jean Ireton on her online video series Breakthrough to Creativity on how to get past the drama and truly encourage your teens creativity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

My friend sent me a post that said, "Check on your friends with strong willed daughters. We are not ok." I laughed but what really struck me is how many thousands of moms had shared it. Obviously it struck a chord. A strong willed daughter has an upside and then the shadow or dark side. Think of it as different sides of the same coin. Really we want a strong willed daughter. Strong: Having great physical, moral, and intellectual power. Will: used to express desire, choice, willingness, consent, or in negative constructions refusal. There is something beautiful, courageous and noble in a strong willed girl. And then the dark side of an immature teen.. 1. They approach the world from a one-up position. 2. They are relentless about getting their way. 3. They are all armored up. They hide the vulnerable emotions. 4. They can take on too much. It's hard to ask for help. In this episode we will talk about how to protect the spirit of the strong willed girl and how to effectively parent the dark side. And not let it get the best of you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You need to be prepared when your teen has their first big break up. Parents see the worst version of their teen after a breakup. This makes it hard for you to help your teen and console them. They are angry and shut down. They can lash out at you. They are edgy and negative. They lose their motivation. They don't want to pick up their room, do their chores, or their homework. Helping your son or daughter successfully work through a big break up is extremely important. They will end up either wounded or wiser; depending on how they process it. This is a season where your teen is very vulnerable. The big break up is an assault on your teen’s heart. It's not just girls who have broken hearts I have seen plenty of teenage boys who have been deeply affected by a painful breakup. Often parents are more worried about their teen’s sexual activity than their hearts. We don’t want our teens to get pregnant or get an STD but we also don’t want them to have lasting trauma from a bad break up. This episode looks at the 3 big reasons teen relationships will probably end badly. You'll learn what "not to do" when your teen has a broken heart and what your teen really needs. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why is it that you can be a CEO of a company and feel on top of the world and yet a sassy teenager can bring you to your knees. Why is it that moms of middle school and high school teens rarely wake up and think, "Wow, I am a successful mom. I'm rocking it with these teens." What is a successful mom? The important question is who or what is answering the question. There is a cultural definition of a successful mom that looks a-lot like a perfect mom. These implicit messages from the culture inform our expectations of what a successful mom is. These unrealistic expectations and ideals lead to hyper vigilance, which leads to anxiety, and then leads to exhaustion. Both parents and teens are not benefiting from this definition. It's time to redefine a successful mom. You can dial down the pressure just by redefining the successful mom. Listen and find out how. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this episode I interview my friend and colleague Angela Caughlin, MA. Angela is an expert on how journaling can help you find your inner parenting wisdom. She has lived her message. When recently widowed she had to raise three children by herself. Angela has authored four books on different aspects of journaling. Angela is an Integrative Coach, which means she uses a holistic approach that integrates with other modalities of treatment during her coaching or counseling sessions. Angela’s integrative approach comes from her extensive training in journaling and her training in mindfulness and meditation, as well as traditional western psychology. Angela discusses all the positive benefits of journaling. It can help you be a better parent, stay connected to yourself and have a better relationship with your teen. She shares Dr. James Pennebaker research which reinforces this. Angela states that journaling can be your best friend and she shares her 3-part process which helps you move out of reactivity into a much greater clarity. What is emotionally true is not always factually true. This process helps you sort through your emotions to discover what is really true. 1. Download your emotions. 2. Ask yourself, "What's really true and what's not true. 3. And then you can rewrite your story. Towards the end of the episode she shares her practical tips for how to get started, how to protect your privacy, and how to find time in your busy schedule. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What do I mean by a hard conversation? Basically it's any conversation your teen doesn't want to have with you---and there are a-lot of those. In this episode I give you 5 key elements to help you have a (successful) hard conversation with your teen. 1. You want to balance the hard conversations with intentionally having positive conversations/experiences with your teen. 2. Timing has to be right. Bottom line is that if either you or your teen are emotionally flooded or have been drinking or high, it's the absolute worst time to have that conversation. This comes from understanding neuroscience. When you are emotionally flooded, you are in stress response. You are offline from that part of the brain that has everything you need to solve a problem. 3. You need to be clear. And to do that you don't want to rush into that conversation. Time is your friend. I describe the different areas you need clarity. If you rush in too quickly you vent. The problem is that venting is all over the place and it's not a conversation. Venting dials up the drama and your teen will not learn anything from this.. 4. You need to listen to your teens and hear their story. This can be challenging because often you need to have the hard conversation because they did not tell you the truth. But if you can get your teen to open up, you'll find the gold. You want to find the places your teen is stuck. The more accurately you can identify this, it informs the consequence and lets you know what your teen needs to learn. 5. You must be strategic and not reactive. The strategy is slowing down and deciding how you are going to approach these conversations. Often it is mapping out what you are going to say in the next conversation...and it might take multiple conversations. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every mom worries. You can't eliminate worry. Parenting a teen gives you endless things to worry about. Worry can be useful if it leads to effective action. But too often worry is just wasted energy. It doesn't lead to solutions it just leads to more worry and before you know it the worry grows exponentially like a wildfire. You don't want worry dominating your life and your parenting. Don't let worry control you; you can control the worry. A worried mom lives in a state of worry where her actions and responses are continually fueled by worry. Constant worry is not healthy for you and actually is a hindrance to your parenting. Constant worry negatively impacts your relationship with your teen. We want to replace the worry energy with reflective energy. All moms worry in some ways. We are biologically hard-wired to worry, but not all moms are reflective. Reflection is incredibly important to your parenting. Reflection is essential for you to be a happy, thriving, "I love my life" mom. Worry leads to a drained, anxious, and resentful mom. In this episode I am going to contrast worry with reflection and show you why worry is a hindrance to parenting and why reflection is the key to enjoying the teenage years. Reflection is foundational for conscious and intentional parenting. If you are tired of living in a state of worry, learn how reflection can actually set you free from the burden of worry and set you on a course to create the life you want. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Power Your Parenting: Moms with Teens is back. This is going to be an exciting year. I have lined up some great guests and of course I will be sharing some practical parenting tips and sharing current research on teens. One of my primary goals is to raise the bar on what's possible for moms and teens. You don't have to dread these years. You can actually enjoy them. In this podcast I first answer the question, "Why am I hosting a podcast on moms and teens?" Was I the perfect mom with the perfect teen? You'll have to listen to find out. :) I will share with you 3 key strategies that turned my relationship with teenage daughter around. You really can change your relationship with your teen in fifteen minutes a day. I shared some of these ideas in my TEDx talk, "Stressed-Out Moms and Ticked-Off Teens: 3 Keys to Dial Down the Drama" Watch here. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z0U-U-Gggf8 Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do your teens need better communication skills—especially when they are wanting something from you? In this podcast I interview Laura Lyles Reagan who is a family sociologist with more than 30 years of experience in practical youth development and parenting coaching. She holds a Masters in Sociology specializing in interactionism and communication dynamics. She is the author of her new book, “How to Raise Respectful Parents” which is a teen’s guide to navigating adult culture by equipping teens with communication skills. Each chapter introduces a new communication skill by using real world examples and conversations between parents and teens. I’ve invited Laura to be on this podcast because I think Laura will bring a very interesting perspective. In my book Dial Down the Drama I empower moms to reduce conflict by using effective communication skills with their teens especially when there is drama. Laura trains the teens to communicate effectively with their parents and gives them the tools that they desperately need. She teaches a technique called co-creation, which especially helps with the hot button issues of teen life such as failing school grade, desire for more freedom, alcohol use/abuse and social media. You can contact Laura at www.lauralreagan.com. Her book How to Raise Respectful Parents is available at Barnes and Noble and Amazon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you feel like you worry about your teen 24/7? Does your son and daughter seem to always be stressed? Ready to dial down the worry and the stress! In this episode I interview Jodi Aman, who has been a psychotherapist for over 20 years. Jodi is also the author of You 1 Anxiety 0 Win your freedom back from fear and panic. Besides being a seasoned therapist, Jodi is also a mom of teens and can relate as a parent. Jodi answered these two questions. What tips do you have for moms struggling with their own anxiety?What can moms do when they see their sons or daughters really anxious or stressed out? Jodi believes you can win your life back from fear and panic. Her advice is practical and based on science. The good news is that though we live in a fear based culture, worry doesn’t have to define your life or your family. Bio: Jodi Aman wrote the bestseller, You 1, Anxiety 0 to help people WIN their life back from fear and panic. With sharp empathy into the complexities of people’s pain–since she has recovered from her own family chaos and panic attacks–and a keen understanding of how and why people get stuck there, Jodi has decided to dedicate her life to helping people feel less lonely and afraid. Find her at http://jodiaman.com. Check out her videos at http://youtube.com/jodiaman. Get inspired on Instagram @JodiAmanLove. Or feel loved on Facebook: http://facebook.com/jodiamanlove. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Has your daughter ever eaten a big bag of Cheetos and then fifteen minutes later run out of the room and screamed, “I’m so fat.” Monitoring teenage girls and their food choices can be tough for moms. You can tell your daughter is struggling with her body image and you try to calm her down and she gets angry. You try to hold your daughter accountable by asking her if she really wants that second Crave cupcake and well…she doesn’t say thank you mom. Moms know that a healthy diet is important and when we try to help our daughters it can quickly go to drama. In this episode I interview Connie Sobczak, the author of Embody: Learning to Love Your Unique Body (and quiet that critical voice!). She is an educator, speaker, filmmaker, and co-founder of The Body Positive, a non-profit organization where, for the past 20 years, she has skillfully and lovingly reconnected teens and adults to their body wisdom to make more balanced, joyful self-care choices. Her Be Body Positive Model offers a guide for people to create a relationship with their whole selves that is guided by love, forgiveness, and humor. Connie’s experience with an eating disorder in her teen years and the death of her sister Stephanie inspired her life’s work to create a world where all people are free to love their bodies. She raised her daughter, Carmen, in The Body Positive community, where children and teens learn to value their authentic beauty and identity, and use their energy and intellect to make positive changes in their own lives and in their communities. In this episode Connie tells us why she started The Body Positive and why she wrote her book Embody. (which I highly recommend) Connie encourages moms to not make negative comments about their daughters food choices and eating habits. She states that it won’t help and will only create shame and resistance. Connie has a fresh approach that is practical, helpful, and doable for moms. In this episode she shares her proven techniques of The Body Positive that she has used for 20 years in schools and communities. Connie believes in creating supportive communities so that it’s not all on mom. She also shares what moms can do to help their daughters love their unique bodies. You can contact Connie at [email protected] Her website is www.thebodypositive.org. On her home page is a FREE gift for you: 3 ESSENTIAL SKILLS FOR LOVING THE SKIN YOU’RE IN! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why do you need a long-term perspective when parenting a teenager? The answer comes from the final Chapter in my book, Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting with Your Teenage Daughter. It’s important to remember that we were once teenagers and we did a lot of crazy stuff too. Despite our secrets and mistakes we made it safely into adulthood. When you are mired down in the daily drama it is easy to lose perspective. We just want the stress, struggles, conflict, and attitudes to go away and we can end up counting the days till our teen leaves home. It’s important to remember that your teen is a work in progress. Much of these irritations are because your daughter’s brain is under reconstruction. As she matures many of these infuriating behaviors will fade away. But perspective reveals another facet of the teenage years which is what’s good about teens. Teens have many gifts to offer us. They are emotionally vibrant, adventuresome, playful, creative, and lots of fun. They can wake us up from our doldrums and help us break out of our routines. It’s also important to have a long-term perspective on your relationship with your son or daughter. This is what helps you get through the teenage years with your relationship in tact. Dialing down the drama, is also dialing down the potential to do harm to you and your teen. There is a belief that once you ship your daughter off to college that your relationship will magically improve. This is not true. I’ve worked with women in their 60’s who are still having issues with their 90-year-old mothers. You want to create a relationship now that will carry you and your daughter into her adulthood. It’s not to late to rebuild your relationship with your teen. Start creating healthy patterns of communication now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

“How to be your daughter’s (or son’s) dream maker” is a complicated question. Your daughter or son may not know what they want to be when they grow up. Your son is set to get a scholarship for baseball in college but he decides his... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices