Power Your Parenting: Moms With Teens

Have you ever felt like everyone in your family is driving your life? I had one mom tell me, “I feel like I’m my daughter’s personal assistant. I wish I had one!” This episode is the practical “how to’s” on how to recapture your life which comes from the eleventh chapter in my book Dial Down the Drama. The first episode of the Dial Down the Drama series was “Are you all Mothered Out?” We examined why mothers tend to let their own needs get bumped to the bottom of the never ending family to-do list. I can tell you after working with thousands of moms, this is not working for us. Here is the reality and this is the challenge. I have never met a mom who wasn’t busy. This is why we tend to let the daily demands consume our life. The problem is when we are speeding through our life we tend to lose control and sometimes our demanding daughter is driving the car. But to create a healthy home environment and live a healthy life, it’s crucial that you learn how to be the CEO of your life. A CEO steps back and evaluates the current situation and determines what needs to change. The CEO keeps the big picture in mind. She knows what are the important priorities are and how to implement strategies to move forward. She evaluates what is a waste of time and where she can delegate. This episode is full of practical suggestions to help you recapture your life like exploring “false obligations.” You can free up a lot of time when you eliminate these false obligations. They are the “shoulds” in our life (I should serve a home-cooked meal every night of the week) and we feel guilty if we don’t do them. In reality, we do have a choice and we can free ourselves from false obligations and decide what is best for us and for our families. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

What does your son or daughter need to thrive? This is an important question for both you and your teen. The answer is sometimes personal to your own taste, but often it is applicable to all of us. This is especially true for teens. One frequent mistake mom’s make, is becoming hyper-focused on the teen’s crises of the day, which causes us to miss important information. The episode today comes from the tenth chapter in my Dial Down the Drama Series. This gives you a proactive parenting strategy. Instead of reacting to the problem at hand, we look at the big picture. We zoom out to see all the crucial elements needed for a teen to function at their best. This podcast gives you a checklist to see what’s missing in your son or daughter’s life. For your teen to thrive they need the fundamentals of nutrition, sleep, and exercise. Your son and daughter need a flourishing home environment, a place to belong, and a team of supportive adults. Most of you know this information. The challenge is implementing it, because your teen is not receptive to your suggestions. When your teen argues with you day after day, it’s easy to let go of your ideals and resign that this is how it is. Don’t give up. This episode gives you some practical ways to communicate with your teen on these important topics. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Let’s face it disciplining a defiant teen is challenging. Because parents often feel powerless when it’s two hours past curfew, we can be flooded with a whole array of emotions. At this point we are not thinking clearly. This is why it’s so easy to” lose it”, but “losing it” is not an effective discipline. We may be “letting them have it” but there will be no lesson learned, except how to lose control. It’s important to get back to the basics. What is the point of discipline and what makes it effective? Discipline comes from the Latin word disciplina, which meant “instruction given, teaching, learning, and knowledge. This means that empowered discipline is about equipping, guiding, teaching, motivating, and ultimately empowering your teen. Implementing effective discipline is only possible when you are calm and clear. This takes time. At the moment you learn about her BIG mistake you are definitely not clear or calm. You feel betrayed, disrespected, angry, panicked, and hurt. You may need to wait a day or two to get clear. Effective discipline is strategic. It’s so much more than grounding. See the question you need to ask is not “How could she do this to me” but “What does my teen need to learn?” Remember your teen is a work in progress and though she may look like an adult her brain is under major reconstruction and she still needs your guidance and instruction. Teens are hard-wired to make errors in judgment. This episode will give you discipline strategies and equip you with four potent parenting tools. Don’t give up mom. Your teen needs you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How Good Moms Become Drama Mamas is the title of Chapter 8 in my book Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting with Your Teenage Daughter. In the previous podcast (which comes from Chapter 7) I discuss why teens are hardwired for drama. However,... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It’s easy to see why moms and teens can fight more during the month of May. Neha Gupta, Founder of Elite Private Tutors, gives us tips and tricks on surviving the month of May with our overwhelmed, stressed out teens with finals and how to... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever had a “What was she thinking moment?” If you have then you are going to want to listen to this podcast and see why her dramatic flair ups and disrespect aren't personal. This is the seventh episode in my Dial Down the Drama series. It comes from the seventh chapter, Why Your Daughter is Hard-Wired for Drama. Scientists in the past have blamed crazy teenage behavior on raging hormones, but in the last ten years neuroscientists have discovered there is a lot more going on developmentally. The teenage brain is under major reconstruction. Many of you know that the prefrontal cortex is undeveloped to the age of 25, but you don't really know what that means. That undeveloped prefrontal cortex is one reason the teenage years can be challenging. But there is so much more going on in that teenage brain. The teenage brain is having a tremendous growth spurt and there is a Window of Opportunity to “use it” or “lose it.” Simply said if the teenage brain is going to reach it’s full potential there are specific challenges the teen needs to pursue that will “use” it. Also, you need to be aware of how the teen can “lose” it and actually hinder the brain's development. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How to Like Your Daughter Again comes from the sixth chapter in Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting with Your Teenage Daughter. "Is it possible to have a healthy relationship with your teen?" "And what does that even look like?" This is the million dollar question. You don't want to be your teen's best friend but you don't want to be her enemy either. When you are in a daily battle with your daughter, it's easy to not like her very much. This is why so many moms believe they have to wait until she is older and out of the house to "like" her. It doesn't have to be that way! It is possible and crucial to have a healthy relationship with your teen. Even though your teen is depending on her friends more and developing her autonomy, a secure attachment with your teen matters significantly and can be her lifeline. There are three elements that make a secure connection with your teen that I dive into in my book. Being there for your teen.Being tuned in.Being responsive.In this episode we'll focus on the first element. You'll learn how to be there for your teen, and how to get your teen to open up to you. (You'll also find out why your teenage daughter is like a cat:) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Today's episode comes from the fifth chapter in my new award-winning book Dial Down the Drama. It takes a lot of energy to protect, nurture, and guide your teenager. And this is only one facet of your life. This doesn't include the rest of your family, or your life. Moms are good at pouring out their good energy to their family but typically we are not good at replenishing this energy. It can feel selfish. But if we don't intentionally recharge our lives it starts to show to everyone around you. Believe me everyone in your family knows when you are stressed or exhausted. See our life is like a cup. We can only give what's in our cup. If are cup is full of joy, we pour out joy. If our cup is full of frustration we pour out frustration. We can't give and give and give and give and not think that it will take a toll on our body and emotions. No one wins when you are exhausted. If it's been awhile since you've laughed or enjoyed yourself, then you need to listen to this podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode comes from the fourth chapter in my book Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting to Your Teenage Daughter---A Guide for Mothers Everywhere. Today we are going to discuss why your clarity matters. Your clarity is huge. Without it you can't parent effectively or enjoy your life. See your teenage daughter (or son) is clear about what they want. They may not be clear about when their history project is due but they are clear about what they want to do the next weekend. Often we lose our clarity because we live our lives at 90 miles per hour. We may accomplish lots of things on our to-do lists, but we can end up in a huge fog. What happens when foggy mom meets clear daughter. Well clarity trumps fog every time. It's time to get on the road to clarity which starts with understanding how you lost it in the first place. Next you need to know where you are, (which takes courage and honesty) to get where you want to go. This can be overwhelming for a lot of moms. You may feel like you have no idea what you want. Don't worry we can start small. I'll give you practical ways to tap into your clarity. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This podcast comes from the third chapter in Dial Down the Drama: Why Moms and Daughter's Can't Get it Right All the Time,which was published at the end of October 2015. No mom or daughter can get it right all the time, but we feel the pressure to do so. This pressure drives us to do more and do it better. I call this the Pressure to be Perfect. Not only do we feel this pressure, but your daughter feels this pressure too. She feels pressure to have the perfect hair, body, friends, boyfriend, and grades, even when she acts like she doesn't care. This pressure is a setup for drama between you and your daughter. You want to get this parenting thing right and so your self esteem can be linked to how well your daughter is performing or behaving. If your daughter is doing well in school, you feel good about yourself as mom, if her grades drop, you feel like your making a D on your mom report card. Because your daughter is hard wired to be imperfect and actually the same applies for you, basing your self worth on how she is doing will take you on a stressful emotional roller coaster. All of this craziness is driven by Powerless Parenting Messages. In this episode I look at replacing these with new messages that will empower instead of shame. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The podcast today comes from the second chapter of my upcoming book Dial Down the Drama. Today we are going to address fear and how this impacts you, your teen, and your parenting. There are no shortage of things that we can worry about. Will your son or daughter turn out okay? Will they make it into college? Will they turn out to be successful adults? And many of you have heard the saying, "keep them alive to 25," well that's not very comforting either. And then their are all the teenage issues from getting pregnant, addictions, eating disorders, to fatal car accidents. No wonder we can worry 24/7. The problem is that there is nothing productive with that kind of worrying. It robs you of enjoying your time with your teen and your life. Most of what we worry about and are fearful of, will never happen. It's just our imagination torturing us. The problem is that intense fear throws us into the stress response and compromises our ability to protect our son and daughter. You can literally be paralyzed with fear, or find yourself LOSING it with them when they come home ten minutes after curfew. In this episode I give you a tool that helps your dismantle the "F" Bomb. ("F" = fear) This way you can excavate the truth from the fear and take effective action to protect and guide your teen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Are you feeling "All Mothered Out"?You are definitely not alone. This has become a cultural phenomenon for women. In this podcast you will learn why so many moms feel "All Mothered Out" and how you can turn that around. This is the first podcast in my Dial Down the Drama series. I can't believe it, but in less than three months my book, Dial Down the Drama: Reducing Conflict and Reconnecting to Your Teenage Daughter---A Guide for Mother's Everywherewill be published by Amacom. Because I can't wait to share it with you, I decided that each week I would give you a couple of takeaways from each chapter of my book. I am also starting the Mom Question of the Week. On each podcast I will answer one question. If you are interested in me answering your question then you can leave me a comment here, email me at [email protected], or go to my Facebook page at Colleen O'Grady:Power Your Parenting. I look forward to hearing from you. I actually wrote a song called "All Mothered Out." It was great therapy---I'm sure you could have written your own verse. You can go to You Tube to hear my video or just click this link https://youtu.be/Rawxc9m3WZI. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Does your daughter feel like you are the clothing police? Well you are not the only one. This is definitely one of the hot topics for mothers and daughters. (and not in a good way.) You give her constructive criticism. "That dress doesn't look good on you." You just want to protect her. "You can't go out wearing that shirt or that short skirt." Your daughter doesn't see your good intentions and goes ballistic. What she hears is "you think I'm fat," or "you think I'm ugly," or "you are trying to control me." What is a mom to do? To answer this question,I invited Catherine Cassidy to share her expertise. Catherine Cassidy founded U*styled in 2008 to give professional women the tools to live their lives in style by curating a wardrobe they love that makes getting dressed each morning easy and effortless. For Catherine, it's not just about style. It's about empowering women to step into their power using their style as a catalyst. She helps women define their style, integrate it into WHO they are and how they show up and then help them build a wardrobe they love that supports their personal and professional goals. In this episode I ask Catherine these questions. 1. Brene Brown talks about the #1 shame issue for women and girls is body issues. Being a stylist how do you address this issue when helping women find their style. Would you approach teenage girls differently? 2. How would you work with a teenage girl? What can a mom do if her daughter is wearing something inappropriate? 3. What about mom's style...Her daughter doesn't want her dressing like a teenager but she also doesn't want to be embarrassed by what she wears. In this podcast you will learn how to talk to your daughter about her clothing and style in an empowering way. You will be given practical tips on how to approach your daughter, what you should say, and what you should avoid saying. You want to affirm your daughters beauty, build her self confidence, and empower your daughter to find her own style. Catherine has a message for moms too. Learn what it means to be a Style Icon. Learn more about Catherineand get her free gift How to Build A Wardrobe You Love!at www.Ustyled.com. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

No parent wants to believe their middle school teen (or younger) is sexting. Maybe it's not your teen, but it's the teen culture. One thing that moms don't think about, is that your teen may not be an initiator of the sexting but could easily be the recipient. Sexting has become a huge cultural problem for teens. Here are some statistics from 2009 and the numbers are not getting any better. The percent of teenagers sending or posting sexually suggestive messages: 39% of all teenagers, 37% of teen girls, 40% of teen boys48 Percent of teenagers say they have received such messages71 Percent of teen girls and 67% of teen guys who have sent or posted sexually suggestive content say they have sent or posted this content to a boyfriend or girlfriend.36 Percent of teen girls and 39 % of teen boys say it is common for nude or semi-nude photos to get shared with people other than the intended recipient.51 Percent of teen girls say pressure from a guy is a reason girls send sexy messages or images; only 18 % of teen boys cited pressure from female counterparts as a reason.52 Percent of teenage girls used sexting as a “sexy present” for their boyfriend.34 Percent of teen girls say they sent or posted sexually suggestive content to “feel sexy.”12 Percent of teen girls felt “pressured” to send sexually suggestive messages or images. In this episode I interview Benjamin Dancer. He is an Advisor at Jefferson County Open School where he has made a career out of mentoring young people as they come of age. He wrote the novel PATRIARCH RUN, a coming-of-age story. Benjamin writes about parenting and education. He is also a father of three. Today we are going to talk about a very important issue that catches many parents unaware--sexting. Besides being the founder of Power Your Parenting, I have been in private practice as a marriage and family therapist for over 20 years. I have worked with many teen issues over the past two decades. By far the biggest issue I have dealt with this year is the devastating consequences of sexting. Many of these clients were girls in middle school, who because of pressure, naiveness, and an undeveloped prefrontal cortex, ended up sending semi-nude pictures to boys who forwarded them throughout the community. This is every mothers worst fear. My hope is that this podcast will help moms become educated and aware, so they can educate and empower their teens to say no to sexting. Benjamin and I talk about when we were teens we made lots of mistakes. The problem in this culture, is that a mistake like sexting leaves a permanent record in the digital world. Here are some questions we address. At what age does sexting become an issue?What moms need to know about sexting.What can moms do to prevent and protect their teen from sexting?How do you talk to your teen about sexting?What should parents do if they suspect their son or daughter is sexting? *** If your teen has been shamed or humiliated because of texting there is a lot you can do. You can help your teen get on the other side of this.The girls I have worked with were able to learn big lessons from this experience and come out wiser, stronger, and with a greater confidence. Contact Benjamin Dancer at Website:BenjaminDancer.com Blog:http://www.benjamindancer.com/Blog/ You can download SEXTING AT SCHOOL for free at Goodreads or if you're feeling generous you can buy it for $0.99 at Amazon. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Not only is your teen impacted by hormones, so are many perimenopausal moms. In this episode I interview Dr. Anna Garrett who has been a clinical pharmacist for over 20 years. The goal of her business is to help women who are in the middle of midlife transition. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Your son or daughter is swimming in a teen culture of drugs and alcohol. Because of this you can't help but worry. Today my dear friend Julia Wolf answers your questions about the impact of drugs and alcohol on your teen. Julia is a seasoned Licensed MFT and has a thriving private practice in the Houston area. Julia was the Director of Community and Behavioral Health at the Houston Council of Alcohol and Drug Abuse. "So what's the big deal if my teen drinks wine and beer with her friends. They all do it." First Julia and I discuss how alcohol and drugs affects the teenage brain. The teenage brain is vulnerable to outside toxins of alcohol and drugs. This is because the teen brain is under construction just like a house with no roof. Because of this teens are more at risk for addiction especially when you throw in the undeveloped prefrontal cortex. Binge drinking and drug abuse are more than a moral issue, it is a brain issue. In this episode we discussed these questions. How does alcohol or drugs put your teen at risk? How can parents know if their teen is using? What are the warning signs? What do you do if you suspect your teen is abusing alcohol or drugs? The good news is that there is lots of support for moms and teens. One of the most important things you can do is stay connected to your teen. You want to be able to have honest and real conversations with your teen about the risks of alcohol and drugs. Most importantly you want to be your teens safe haven and take action when needed. Current research has shown that a healthy attachment between parent and teen reduces the risk of addiction. That's one of the reasons I created the Power Your Parenting program. It gives you practical ways to reconnect with your teen and open up the communication. You really can turn your relationship with your teen around. If your interested in learning more about the Power Your Parentiing program contact me. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I recently talked to a local church about why moms need to feel blessed to be a blessing. Moms frequently feel anything but blessed. They feel stressed, anxious, blah, resentful, and give up on feeling good. This is totally understandable. In fact our brains have a propensity to go to the negative. That's why you can have 55 good things happen in your life and one negative thing seems to erase all the good memories. This podcast gives you practical ways that you can not only know you are blessed but you can feel blessed. When you feel blessed everything is easier. You have more tolerance for the defiant teen, moody spouse, or the draining friend. You become the light to your family and community. The good news is that to feel blessed you have to be good to yourself, but when you do everyone in your life will benefit. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

School is winding down, but the stress is amping up. Finals are around the corner and the pressure is on. It's easy to find yourself in a battle mode with your teen around studying and homework. When you add stress to the mix, it's easy for your teen to blow a gasket when you ask them a simple question like, "Do you have a test tomorrow?" Tests, homework, projects, and finals can be very stressful for moms. You know their grades matter. It's easy to feel like the burden of your child's future is all on your shoulders. The good news is that it doesn't have to be. You can build a Mom Team. A great place to start is to hire a tutor, or an organizational coach. Neha Gupta, the owner of Elite Private Tutors states "she makes mom's life easier."In this podcast Neha talks about when is a good time to hire a tutor, how they can be helpful and what to look for. She gives advice on how to sell the idea of a tutor to your resistant teen who thinks they don't need any help. She also gives moms tips on how to best motivate you son and daughter and how to avoid the common pitfalls moms fall into. She believes the secret sauce for moms is to be consistently positive and encouraging to your teen. Get Neha's free report "How to Stop Your Child From Being Entitled Unmotivated and Disorganized" at www.eliteprivatetutors.com Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The greatest gift you can give your teenage son or daughter is to believe in them. The real question is--what do you believe about them? And what you believe, boils down to what you focus on. If you focus on their good qualities and you combine that with faith, you are going to believe good things. If you focus on their attitudes and mistakes it's going to land you in fear. When fear strikes it blinds you from the good qualities in your teen. Your sight get's restricted to the very thing you are afraid of. Fear blows things out of proportion and greatly impacts both you and your teen. Your son and daughter are significantly impacted by what you believe about them. See, there is no perfect teen. They are a work in progress. Every teen is a mixed bag of drama, mistakes, talents, beauty and amazing possibilities. Listen and learn the Five Ways to Restore Your Belief in Your Teen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The teenage brain is under major reconstruction during the teenage years. There is a window of opportunity to "use it or lose it." What this means is that the brain is doing some major pruning of brain cells. If you use these brain cells these neural connections will stay. Experience is what causes these neurons to fire and wire together. If you don't use them you will lose them and they will wither away. The neurons that get used repeatedly by experience are wired together into the brain's electrical networks. If the digital world is not monitored it can be a barrier to your daughter "using it." It's not that the digital world is bad. There are many benefits.The Internet is a great resource for learning, sharing information, connecting with people, and being entertained. But how things have changed since we were in high school.The new digital world catches us off guard, because it's unfamiliar territory. When I was in High School I had a phone with a telephone cord. I could only talk in the kitchen or in my parents' bedroom. There was some built in accountability, but no more. With the ever-changing apps, instant messaging, texting, skyping, on cell phones, ipad's, and laptops; monitoring your teen can feel like an uphill battle. Shelly is a therapist and has a daughter who is in middle school. Shelly came to my office extremely upset. She had just gotten her phone bill. Her 7th grade daughter had sent three thousand texts in the past month and most of them were from midnight to 4am on school nights. Shelly was shocked, hurt and felt extremely betrayed. Shelly was unaware and unprepared. She didn't think about the addictive side of technology. She didn't consider her daughter's undeveloped PFC, and the dopamine thrill of connecting with boys at night. Once Shelly was educated about teens and cell phones, she realized it wasn't personal. Shelly intervened and put the brakes on, and took her daughter's cell phone at night. There are three big reasons you can "lose it" with electronics, which is too much screen time, inappropriate content, and chronic distraction. Dr. David Walsh in his book Smart Parenting, Smarter Kidsstates, "Today the average school-aged kid spends more than fifty-three hoursa week watching television, playing video games, or using the computer." Most teens don't get this much sleep in a week. A huge problem with this amount of screen time is that it is empty brain calories.They are not investing their attention, skills, and abilities in real life. This especially impacts their relationships. Many moms have complained that when their daughter has a friend spend the night that they barely talk to each other. They can be in the same room texting other friends, or even each other. As shocking as this is to us, in 2010 Pew Internet & American Life Project found that face-to-face communication fell behind texting as teen's favorite way of communicating with friends. This causes big problems for brain development. This is a critical time for the teenage brain to wire networks for communication skills, empathic listening and the ability to interpret and respond to non-verbal cues. All of these skills take practice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

In this show you'll learn how I define the POWER in parenting, in contrast to the counterfeit of true power which is force. Many moms feel powerless instead of empowered in their parenting. One big reason for this is fear. When your teen is out of control you feel a mixture of fear, anger, and shame. Before you know it you are drawn into the drama vortex with your teen. This is when it's easy to default into using force. The problem is force is destructive to your teen and your relationship. It doesn't motivate or teach your teen anything except how to lose control and use force. But there is a deep, authentic power that heals, instructs, and protects your teen and your relationship.It's the power of taking care of YOU. It's the power of your energy, clarity, knowledge, love, play, rest, strategy, and spirituality. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Welcome to the very first Power Your Parenting Moms with Teens Podcast. I am so happy that you are here listening to my very first show. This is a gathering place for moms to be encouraged, nurtured and inspired. Also, you’ll learn the latest in teen research and trends. and get practical parenting tips. You really can improve your relationship with your teen, and enjoy the teenage years. Todays show is going to be a little different than a typical show. I'm going to give you a quick introduction of who I am and why I created Power Your Parenting. You'll hear what Moms with Teens Podcast is about and why I'm really hosting this show. I'll tell you how the show is structured. You'll hear how this will benefit you and why you’ll want to listen to this podcast in the future. I know you are super busy moms I want to make this worth your time. I will do my best to provide you some awesome content on this podcast, that you can apply right away. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices