Plumbing the Death Star

In which our heroes revisit Jurassic Park, go on another (mis)guided tour and run from the dinosaurs that have inevitable escaped from their enclosures while wondering if John Hammond is a bad boss. We look at the complications of building a theme-park on top of Central Park, the many ways one foolish man can traumatise young children, and the outstanding prehistory of horses. Jackson hires mercenaries to protect children, Zammit keeps tabs on how many children die, and Duscher just wants to accept the warm embrace of death. So step through the front gates, realise none of the exhibits are anywhere near safe or secure, and take a journey through Jackson B. Baly’s very own: Dinosaur Park. Nuuh nuh nuuuuuuh nuh nuh, nuuh nuh nuuuuuuh nuh nuh, nuuuh nuh nuuuuh nuh nuh nuuuuuh nuuuuhhh nuh.Want to help fund a class action suit against Jackson? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help take him down. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least three books about how dangerous terrorbirds are. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes will be there for you when the rain starts to pour, slap a reserved sign in front of an ugly orange couch, and drink far too much coffee while wondering who is objectively the best friend in F*R*I*E*N*D*S? In a process of elimination spanning several categories, we look at which F*R*I*E*N*D would dominate in a fight, who is arguably the best actual friend and unanimously agree that Ross is just the worst. Duscher tries to determine once and for all if Rachel and Ross were actually on a break, Zammit finds the ultimate woman in Monica, James goes in to bat for Joey’s kind-heartedness and Jackson just wants to make it through the episode without choking to death. It’s a case of keeping your F*R*I*E*N*D*S close and your F*R*E*N*E*M*I*E*S* closer, as we try to survive the episode without a marriage proposal from a dinosaur obsessed sad-sack.Want to help us get insurance to dance in fountains? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the quality of our waterproof gear.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least one book about the seven erogenous zones, according to Monica Gellar. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes get exposed to some chemicals, don spandex HazMat suits and generally do whatever a spider can while wondering just how radioactive Spiderman is. We look at how dangerously potent Peter Parker’s bodily fluids are, which of Spiderman’s girlfriends are most susceptible to radiation poisoning and how dedicated some of Marvel’s villains truly are. James ponders how many deaths Tobey Maguire is responsible for, Zammit makes a horrifying correlation between Spiderman and SIDS, Mason calls out Peter Parker for being as selfish as Tony Stark and Duscher just wants to get a burger without double pineapple while he reads a comic. It’s an inevitable study in creepy crawlies and creepy teenage boys as we try to swat Peter Parker off the ceiling and end up covered in sticky web threads. Want to help us make our studio radioactive spider-proof? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in plugging up the glowing cracks in the walls.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least seventy-three books about juggling two girlfriends while shooting webs from your limbs. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes gather up the world’s greatest villains, try to see their inner good and flip the switch to see which bad guy would make the best good guy. We explore how sharks can solve any crime, the benefits of dance magic and that there are some viruses worth having. Jackson wants to waltz all his problems into a jail cell, Zammit reinvents Street Sharks, Duscher gets stressed out over movies (yet again) and James just wants monkeys to shine in this bright new future. So join us as we turn the world on it’s head as up becomes down, black becomes white and bad becomes good. Because sometimes the right man for the job is the wrong man. And also a shark.Want to help fund a reboot of Street Sharks!? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in this baby boy’s life.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eighty-one books about reinventing yourself even when you are a monster. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes gorge themselves on chocolate, press all the buttons in the Wonka-vator, get PTSD from the Boat Tunnel and are handed the keys to a chocolate factory, all while wondering if Willy Wonka knows how to run a business. We look at the nefarious secret life of Mr Wonka, the use of slave labour in exchange for cacao beans and try to figure out how to pronounce the word pygmy. Jackson has grave concerns for the health of Charlie Bucket, Mason thinks Willy Wonka is an evil genius who doesn’t understand reality, Duscher has no idea what an Oompa Loompa is and James just wants to defend his controversial decision to read books. It’s a twisted adventure full of booby traps and everlasting gobstoppers as we try to balance the expenses of the factory, but ultimately just get super pissed at Grandpa Joe for lying to everyone about being bedridden. What a crook, a cheat and a swindler. Good day!Want to help us prove that Willy Wonka is in fact a secret Nazi scientist? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in re-writing chocolate-covered history.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least five books about opening your own factory to distract the general public from ever finding out you were once clearly a Nazi. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes take a rocket to the JLA satellite, take one look at the original members, and wonder what the hell Batman is doing amongst an underwater king, an invulnerable alien and the literal god of war. Jackson doesn't believe protecting one city is impressive enough, Zammit misremembers the sound of music, Duscher likens Batman to Hawkeye, and Mason just thinks the JLA look like a bunch of bunklers. So apply to join the Justice League, watch out for opportune punch moments, and find out why batman has no right to complain about Gotham. Anyway you cut it, Batman already knows how to kill you.Want to help keep Batman occupied? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help fund crimes for him stop.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixty-seven books about creating a hostile workplace environment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes join the Empire, check out the schematics for a new super weapon and witness a planet wide explosion as they start to question if the Death Star is really the best way to take out the Rebel scum. Join us as we discuss the Moff ranking system, the issue with Stormtrooper morale and Darth Vader's swimming trunks. Jackson thinks the Death Star is too big, Zammit is stressed about working for the Empire and Duscher just thinks he'd make the Grandest Moff. So shine your trooper helmet, climb into your Tie Fighter and get to work early, just because you work for the Dark Side doesn’t mean you have to evil about it.Want to help Grand Moff Duscher crowd fund the exhaust covering? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help prevent the wholesale slaughter of innocent government employees. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least forty-one books about how to create a better workplace environment. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes survive the initial onslaught, emotionally recover from yet another faked death and pause long enough to stop beating on a sentient room as they start to wonder if Charles Xavier really is a jerk. We once again wonder what kind of education Charles actually provides, how any of the X-Men can look each other in the eye, and try and figure out who bathes Professor X. Jackson wonders what happened to Mahogany Boy, James doesn’t want to go to a school where the principal can read your mind, Zammit once again shows off his encyclopaedic knowledge of Charles Xavier's transgressions and Duscher just wants to use Jean Grey like a canary down a coal mine. So develop a mutant ability, get enlisted in Charles never ending war against his siblings, and wish you'd chosen the Brotherhood instead. By gifted youngsters, Charles clearly means soldiers. Want to help fund a school that actually helps new mutants? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can provide an alternative to Professor X. And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixty six book about how to fight the crippled. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes eat after midnight, take a long bath and enjoy a frolic in the sun’s magnificent rays while wondering when can you feed a Mogwai? We discuss the arbitrary nature of midnight, how much of a wuss Gizmo is, and the amazing and ruthless nature of Mrs. Deagle. Jackson tries his hardest to connect Gremlins to the Alien franchise, Zammit shines a light on the potential secret history of World War II, and Duscher just doesn't understand how warfare works. Join us in an ill prepared adventure with the take away message that while the Chinese are clearly more responsible pet owners than us, they will never know the joy of inviting Corey Feldman over to help blend a Mogwai. So really, who’s the true winner of owning a sentient rat thing?Want to help bathe our pet Mogwai? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference with its gross matted fur.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eleven books about exotic animal handling. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes come ready with opinions, observations and their general feelings on what they thought of the latest cinematic masterpiece from Marvel Studios. We discuss how right and wrong our prediction were, give James some free material for his next ‘Every Easter Egg in the Avengers’ YouTube video and compare a lot of things to Empire Strikes Back. Zammit was mildly entertained, James loved it, Duscher is angry and Alli is just happy to have been allowed in the studio. So listen in as four adults talk about that movie where a bunch of guys are fighting robots on a floating island where one of them has a bow. There will be spoilers, in fact, it’s all spoilers. Want to help fund a machine that will help with our predictions? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can contribute to us knowing things slightly before they happened.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eleven books on analysing the mise-en-scènee. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes take a trip to Nal Hutta, start chatting to the locals and endeavour to start a criminal empire as we question just how the Hutts rose to power. We try to figure out how slug like the Hutts actually are, dry retch at the idea of Hutt Grease, and wonder if Hutts are just all muscle. Jackson proposes a symbiotic relationship between Hutts and Salacious Crumbs, James points out the similarities between Marlon Brando and the Hutts, and Zammit just wishes he could say Twilek without thinking of the delicious Twix chocolate caramel cookie bar, available from all good confectionary stores now. Twix. It’s the only one with the cookie crunch. So watch in awe as the Hutts exchange their evolutionary advantages for a life of crime, make human women dance for their entertainment and slither head first into the Great Pit of Carkoon.Want to help fund a study to prove the Hutt-Crumb hypothesis? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can contribute to this fascinating study.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eight books on the evolution of the apex predator to crime boss. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes make a wish, blurt out the truth without thinking and hijack an airport staircase, all while wondering what the ramifications of Liar Liar are? We look at how much of Fletcher’s motivation comes from redemption versus compulsion, if he should have a spin-off buddy film with Robocop, try to figure out if the kid making the wish has magical powers and as a group completely misunderstand how the powers of the wish work. Jackson wants Fletcher to use his powers for good, Zammit is convinced Jim Carrey knows everything and Duscher just wants people to stop comparing things to the film Lucy. It’s a case of disorder in the court as we try desperately to lie and just end up with blue ink all over our faces.Want to help us come up with a wish based truth serum? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our ability to handle the truth! Wait, no, that isn't right...And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixteen book about the power of birthday wishes. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes study up on the latest rumours, disregard it all in favour of wild accusations before turning to outright lies as we speculate what’s gonna happen in the Avengers 2: Age of Ultron. We predict inevitable character deaths, inevitable infinity stone reveals and inevitable trips for Hulk into space. Zammit explains the popularity of Russian ballet troops in the 60s, James thinks we should edit our episodes less and Duscher just wishes we could start predicting the events of Avengers: Infinity War. So take what we say with a grain of salt because in the end, it’s all just guesswork. But we do know one thing for certain; Captain America is gonna to shine bright like a bloody diamond, regardless of what Jeremy Renner says. Fuck off Hawkeye.Want to help fund an expedition to bring Hulk back from outer space where he is clearly going? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in his gamma irradiated life.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least one hundred and ninety nine thousand nine hundred and ninety nine books about how to correctly predict the shine factor of our favourite star spangled soldier. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes move from Gotham to Hell's Kitchen, request the services of Nelson and Murdoch, consulting the Avocados at Law to get their opinion on whether Daredevil is a better Batman than Batman. We look at exactly how much of a hassle the Joker is, wonder how being a superhero lawyer works morally and the logistics of Batman's sleep cycle. Zammit is scared of the Demon Bat that lurks beneath Gotham, James explains how Daredevil has the perfect secret identity and Duscher just lies about watching Ghostbusters again. It's Batman v Daredevil as we put both to the test and work out once and for all just who is the better bat and who is the better man.Want to help keep Matt Murdoch away from homelessness? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, we promise to keep a roof over his head.And don't forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there's probably at least 3 different books on fighting crime without killing criminals, so you too, can be a better Batman than Batman. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes bid farewell to their time period, crash a plane into the snow, and slowly become encased in ice while wondering what the ramifications would be if we woke up sixty years in the future. We imagine horrifying future porn, the nature of lactic acid and Rove McManus’ quest for relevancy. Jackson wonders how meaningful Captain America’s relationship with Peggy actually was, James believes watching any of the Saw films would cause Steve Rogers to commit suicide, and Zammit just wishes people would stop viewing the past through rose tinted glasses. So wave goodbye to your loved ones, scream at the overwhelming lights of Times Square and try to cope with a future you are not part of. It’s almost as depressing as realising Hawkeye twerks better than you.Want to help us employ Christopher Lloyd for wacky time-travel based practical jokes? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in helping Steve Rogers acclimatise.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably several versions of the Time Machine so you can get an idea of what you’re in for (Morlocks, you’re gonna be attacked by morlocks). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes get caught in a particle accelerator explosion, gain the power of speed and start putting other powered people in windowless boxes underground with the blessing of our cop dad and never once question any ethical dilemmas that might arise. We attempt to sue the Hulk, suggest meta humans should have their own system of law, and explore the bitchiness of the Justice League. Jackson points out that Flash's MO is the same as a Batman villain, Zammit could not deal with a solid 20 minutes in a box, and James proposes a virtual reality prison for meta humans. So ask your policeman daddy to give you carte blanche to kidnap people, tap into the speedforce, and decide who's box-worthy. The answer is usually anything that isn’t you.Want to help us find an ethical way to treat these superpowered criminals? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in helping this evil meta humans reform.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least seventeen books explaining the Geneva Conventions. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes open up a competing paranormal extermination business, buy some second hand proton packs and immediately cross the streams while wondering what New York did with all the ghosts before the Ghostbusters turned up? We discuss the transit responsibilities of Slimer, the government’s role in preventing possibly apocalypses, and the very real danger of warlocks. Jackson's not sure ghosts are a problem, Zammit is worried for his immortal soul, and Duscher just recently watched the film. So join the gang as they struggle to protect the world from something that might not even be a threat. Who you gonna call? Not the Ghostbusters. They have no kind of academic credibility.Want to help us stop the next generation of Ghostbusters meddling with the natural progression of life and death? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in helping us not spend an eternity in a shoe box in the basement of a firehouse.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least ninety eight books about finding the right ghost lover for you (oddly enough they all come to the same conclusion: Patrick Swayze). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes open the fridge, consider exercise, and decide teleportation is much easier. We discuss Joel Duscher’s patented Mutant Bird Theory, the X-Mansion patented Food-Ball, and how unlike a school Xavier's School for Gifted Students really is. Jackson can't imagine Scott Summers stopping in for a sneaky Maccas run, Zammit discovers he smoked cigarettes wrong, and Duscher decides to educate the gang on the nature of antibiotics. So turn the Danger Room into a gym, pluck an apple from Xavier’s orchard, and try not to turn your mutant powers into a crutch. It’s time to save the world and there’s no short cuts when the stakes are this high.Want to help Xavier cut down on his food bill? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help provide some financial relief for a man in wheelchair that just wants to do good.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least seven books about forming healthy habits when you’re superpowered. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes become scientists, blast a spider with radiation, and instantly move on. We discuss the eternal stupidity of comic books, the travesty that is the Amazing Spiderman franchise, and the tragedy of an intelligent Rhino. Jackson would rather not be put on the S.Q.U.I.D Project, Zammit expresses his issues with Symbiotes, Mr Sunday Movies wonders why the military already had a goblin mask, and Duscher just wants Tobey Maguire to come back. So chuck on your lab coat, choose an animal at random then forget about it and become super negligent. It's an amazing, sensational, superior, web of kind of time.Want to help restart the Spidermen program? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help provide some random high-schoolers with the responsibility that’s lacking in their lives.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least eleven books about the dangers of animal/human hybrid experiments. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes get hooked on a feeling, get high on believing and try to figure out the identity of Peter Quill’s father. We look at the potential of DCs Hawkman swinging by, the rather selective colour palette of Marvel’s aliens and whether or not Mama Quill banged a bird. Jackson doesn't know enough about the Marvel Universe to make a reasonable guess, Zammit uses his extensive knowledge to make a couple of possible candidates but ruins it all by making a planet sized error, and Duscher inevitably suggests the only man right for the job. So gather your team of mismatched antiheroes, hold onto an infinity gem for far too long, and try and do a something good. Or something bad. Really, it’s up to you, we’re not your father.Want to help Star Lord afford a paternity test? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help provide some closure for baby boy Quill.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least thirty eight books about seducing beings from another planet. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes succumb to the Dark Side, give into our anger and with each passing moment make ourselves more our master’s servant and almost immediately start plotting to overthrow him, which makes us wonder why do Siths even take apprentices. We discuss the Sith's lack of foresight, Anakin’s poor grasp of the English language, and Yoda's unfortunate swamp brain. Jackson needs all Star Wars explained through the Karate Kid, Zammit can't pronounce anything right, and Duscher just wishes he wasn't so sick. So join us as we decide to train up too many apprentices, go outside and check the force-tank, keep a weary eye on the outer rim and try not to get a lightsaber in our dicks.Want to help train the next generations of Sith? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in their dark side infused lives.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least sixty six books about learning a skilled trade. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes stand next to a literal god, cower behind a green behemoth and get inspired by the embodiment of the best of humanity while wondering why is Hawkeye in the Avengers? We try to figure out S.H.I.E.L.D's hiring policies, discuss a comic book PSA about bullying, and get all flustered thinking about Captain America. Jackson attempts to put together an All Olympic Avengers Initiative, Zammit wants to see Hawkeye become the new Spider-Man, Mr Sunday Movies points out Hawkeye the ineffectiveness of bows as a weapon, and Duscher just feels that Clint should go back to being a pretty good athlete. So let's all get together in the S.H.I.E.L.D helicarrier, try to be sympathetic and fire Hawkeye in the nicest way possible.Want to help Clint win gold in the Rio Olympics? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in this misguided archers life.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least fourteen books about archery and three dealing with workplace bullying. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes get seduced by Dracula, go for a long walk by the swamp with the Gilman and enjoy a moonlit picnic with the Wolfman while we wonder which Hammer Movie Monster would make the best boyfriend. We discuss the issues with sleeping next to a man who is more hair than man and weigh up the pros and cons of having an undead boyfriend who's been around for a millennia or an undead boyfriend who lives in the last century. Jackson finds himself less and less attracted to Wolfman as the episode goes on, Zammit wants a man who can become bats, and Duscher just desperately tries to find something good about the Mummy. So join the lads on their European Summer of Monster Love, as they try to forget about their high school boyfriend Chad by dating their way through castles, swamps and pyramids to find the perfect man.Want to help fund our mythical meet ups? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us find true monster love.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably fourteen books on finding Mr Right and two for finding Mr You’ll Do. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes take the monorail down to the seedy underbelly of Gotham, pay their respects at Crime Alley and watch Batman straight up clock a guy all the while wondering who exactly is the true hero of Gotham? Jackson derails the whole episode by stating that it’s the Penguin, Zammit encourages him and Duscher just doesn’t put up with any of his bullshit. We discuss: the hassle that would be working for the riddler, the definition of integrity, and Superman's evident disdain for Gotham. So strap a bomb to a penguin, stay away from the water supply and join the battle for Gotham supremacy as seen through the incredibly biased eyes of Jackson. Someone’s nose is gonna get bit off and it’s probably ours.Want to help fund Penguins retirement scheme? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our henchman lives.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably seven books on penguin rearing. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes gather our finances, register our ABN and completely ignore any and all tax obligations as we try and decipher which Disney Princess would be the best to open a business with. We wonder how quickly snowmen would ask for a Union, try and decide the price of hot fruit, and lead some poachers to the Pridelands. Jackson confuses a mother with a daughter, Zammit treats magic like a mutant power, and Duscher just wishes he could help out the Princess of Agrabah without it ending in a citywide manhunt. It's a magical, song filled, venture into the world of business, where finding your one true love comes a second to making profit for the year.Want to help with the initial start up? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us run a semi-functional business..And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least a book about opening up a business in a magical kingdom. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes sit down in the barbers chair, ask for braids and open an old copy of Journey into Mystery as we question how Thor gets his hair cut. We discuss Lex Luther’s hair envy, Ben Grim's little shorts and the all encompassing power of the Z-Men. Jackson gifts everyone with brilliant but irrelevant powers, Zammit is a fan of the sneaky mullet, and Duscher just wishes everyone would listen to his side-podcast: 'Naming Things.’ It’s an uncomfortable walk down the superhero runway as we all end up in bright lycra, fighting crime with our unmentionables clearly visible for all to see.Want to help us afford a pair of adamantium scissors? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help us cut Thor’s goddamn hair.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least six books about Superhuman hairstyles from the 80s all featuring Longshot. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes turn on the Truman Show watch him awkwardly navigate through puberty, strain through his first haemorrhoid and mourn the fake death of his fake father all the while wondering how everyone is okay with this. We discuss the 50% chance of Truman wanting to Batman water, the secret Mole-People living under the Truman set, and the Media saturation implied by a TV show watched by the world. Jackson thinks he'd get bored and watch re-runs of Seinfeld instead, Zammit is in favour of Kristof introducing an actual boogie-monster, and Duscher believes masturbation is learned behaviour. We learn a lot about ourselves this episode, none of it good.Want to help Truman be true to himself and become a free man? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help Andrew Niccol come up with even more heavy handed and blatant symbolism.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least three books about symbolism in films, at least no one has called a character Chris Treborn. What was that Butterfly Effect? Hm. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes open up their toy box, regress to their early days and are filled with childlike wonder as they discuss the sentience level in Toy Story. We look at the existential moment toys realise what they are, whether or not falling over is learned behaviour and just how many seemingly inanimate objects are internally screaming. Jackson wonders how sex toys cope, Zammit worries for toys filled with cigarettes and Duscher just wants to keep asking questions. It's a harrowing journey from the assembly line to the attic, then to infinity and on to the beyond and/or a garbage incinerator.Want to help us buy even more toys to neglect? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our attic space.And don’t forget to get your free audible book download and a 30 day free trial at http://www.audibletrial.com/SanspantsRadio there’s probably at least one book about toys. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes line up, hold out their wrists, and let a bunch of Jedi check their blood as we ask why isn't midi-chlorian testing mandatory. We look at the dangers of mid-chlorian filled moss, the potential of Jedi blood transfusions and the seemingly unnecessary rules surrounding Sith numbers. Jackson discovers he has only seven midi-chlorians, Zammit is pretty sure the Jedi are a cult, and Duscher just wants to be the one to bring balance to the force. So join the gang as they traverse a galaxy far, far away and hope they don’t end up drinking Hutt blood. It's sentient, it’s all powerful and for some reason it lives in your bloodstream. Be concerned.To help us screen for midi-chlorians head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our force sensitive lives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes don’t turn up to the studio, leave Duscher by himself, take a week off and lazily upload something from our past. We laugh, we cry, we avoid looking at Duscher directly in the face and wonder how we ever piece an episode together. Jackson just wants everyone to know where incest falls on the awful scale, Zammit patiently waits it out and Duscher just wants to get the intro right. It’s a supercut of every time Duscher fucks up introducing the show, but on the plus side it gets him to that right level of anger. So join the gang as we look back at our first season and come to the realisation that we aren’t very professional. Merry Christmas.To help us buy elocution lessons for Duscher head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in us getting the job done quicker. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes come together for one last job, find friends in unfamiliar places and devise a master plan to save Christmas in Plumbing the Death Star Presents: A Christmas Heist. We discuss the dangers of having Catwoman on your side, the best place to keep a stolen Christmas and how afraid Arnie is of his Turboman suit. Jackson puts his faith in Frosty the Snowman, Zammit manages to make this somehow about comic books and Duscher just wants everyone to know how amazing Argyle is. So join the gang as they scheme, strategise and scam their way into the bank vaults, but ultimately, your hearts. It’s a yuletide, holiday heist which will almost definitely end with an inevitable betrayal. To help us buy fancy tech for this Christmas heist head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in us avoiding Christmas prison. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes avoid getting petrified by the basilisk, dodge the whomping willow, trip on some moving stairs and wonder why Hogwarts hasn’t been shut down. In the thrilling conclusion of our seven part exploration of the Harry Potter Universe we look at the issues surrounding the tri-wizard tournament, the correct protocol when dealing with a murderous horse and try to outwit a boggart. Jackson wants to turn all his adversaries into cups, Zammit keeps getting Dumbledore confused with Voldemort and Duscher just wants to know why there’s a password to see the Headmaster. So join the gang as they lose 10 points by confronting the Great Evil but gain 100 for defeating said Great Evil. It’s nothing but mixed messages as every class is dismissed and every subject is passed on the whim of a crazy wizard.To help us bring Hogwarts up to code head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference for a whole generation of young witches and wizards. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes pass their O.W.L.S, get a solid D+ on their N.E.W.T.S and wonder just how poorly Hogwarts prepared them for the real wizarding world. We struggle to understand the patronus spell, question how any of the defence against the dark arts teachers got a job and can’t comprehend the timetable. Jackson dreams of being a football star, Zammit wants to know which of his teachers are werewolves and Duscher just wants everyone to understand Harry Potter is immortal. Join the gang as they try to find everyone a job, do some table math then kinda just give up on everything all together. It's an education that goes nowhere as we realise that no one is prepared for a single wizarding job.To help us find a real job head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference in our wizarding lives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes fail to exhibit any magical tendencies, are barred from attending Hogwarts, and become janitors as we wonder where Squibs fit into the Harry Potter Universe. We discuss Filch's unfortunate situation, Wizard genetics, Wizard medical procedures and the double standard of Mudbloods and Squibs. Jackson wonders how many Hermiones there are, Zammit gets existential about paintings, and Duscher just assumes he'd be a Wizard no matter what. It's an unfortunate, scramble for a job suitable for a Squib as we avoid being Squid shamed and watch all the cool kids learn magic while we can’t even learn how to mix a potion or tame a dragon. Want to help us enrol in Wizarding Community College? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our magicless lives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes get on our Nimbus 2000s, let the golden snitch slip through our fingers and get hit by a bludger while while wondering who thought Quidditch was a good idea? We look at the proud sport of Boulderhead, the problem of height, and the danger inherent in using cleaning equipment as sporting equipment. Jackson accuses Madame Hooch of having a drinking problem, Zammit wants to introduce some basic necessary regulations, and Duscher just wishes he could do a Scottish accent. It's a brutal, airborne, game of champions, that can only end when someone grabs a snitch.Want to help us get the newest Firebolt? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in our quidditch career. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes lock themselves in chains, try to avoid the dementors, and serve out their sentence, whilst asking what are the ethical implications of Azkaban. In part three of our seven part exploration of the Harry Potter Universe we look at the best ways to capture wizards, the job possibilities of a dementor, and the frankly incompetent justice system in the magical world. Jackson tries to sort out the deer/rabbit equation, Zammit refuses to actually reference Harry Potter, and Duscher just wants all criminals to be permanently paralysed. It's a lawless, crime filled wizarding world, as we find ourselves adrift in a sea of criminal negligence.To help pay for our wizarding defence team head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference to our continued freedom. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes count up their galleons, bamboozle some muggles, bully Ron, and wonder why the Weaslys are so poor. In part two of our seven part exploration of the Harry Potter Universe we look at the bizarre nature of Wizard currency, discover we don't understand brains in the slightest, and explore the danger of floo-powder. Jackson thinks the Weaslys would enjoy Catholicism, Zammit doesn’t think the Weasly’s are poor at all, and Duscher just wonders why magic wont solve everything. It’s a wizarding spending spree as we spend every last knut, galleon, and the middle one on a fleet of nimbus 2014s and all the butter beer we can drink so we can rub it in Ron’s impoverished face .To help Ron afford new robes head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference to his shitty poor wizard life. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes arrive at Hogwarts, cross the Great Hall, get up in front of the teachers table and wonder where the Sorting Hat will put them. In part one of our seven part exploration of the Harry Potter Universe we look at the Sorting Hat’s frightening omnipotence, the dangerous nature of Hogwarts dinners, and the distribution of babes across all houses. Jackson gets vomited on instead of sorted, Zammit accepts Slytherin house far too readily, and Duscher just wishes everyone would accept his position as teaching staff. It's a Hogwarts divided against itself, all at the hands of an old, shitty hat.To help our wizarding dreams a reality head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can make a difference to our muggle lives. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes defend Crystal Lake, wage a Dream War, aim our missiles at a Godzilla and decide which movie monsters they could take in a fight. We look at the ideal ways to grapple with a gremlin, crush a cave creep, kill a Cujo, and get rid of a Grundlefly. Jackson defends his home against the notorious toilet ghoul, Zoe just straight up commits cold blooded murder, Zammit attempts to drown a car, and Duscher just wants to eliminate every monster from David Cronenberg’s filmography. It's a spooky rumble where we go toe to hideous clawed toe in a battle between horror movie alumni and some out of shape idiots.Want to help arm us against the creatures of the night? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the battle between good and evil. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes don’t care that it’s bigger on the inside, aren’t impressed with how many parsecs you made the Kessel Run in and don’t want to deal with that mutant problem on Earth 616 because there are better fictional universes to live in. We look at the all powerful nature of dance magic, the problem of changing history, and wonder if it's better to be Tom Hanks or just live in the same universe as him. Jackson wins straight off the bat, Zammit accidentally learns two lessons, and Duscher just wants to own a shrimp company. It's a crisis on Infinite Earths as we attempt to insert ourselves into popular fiction with no regard for anyone else. Want to help the search for other worlds? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in locating our other selves. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes crash land on earth, get corporate, call themselves Clarke and act like a bunch of Kents while wondering why Superman find Lois Lane Attractive. We look at Kryptonian evolution, make an effort to get our heads around genetic attraction, attempt to rationalise forming an emotional emotional connection with an alien and struggle to imagine making love with a chimp.Jackson is obsessed with Superman’s butthole, Zammit is more interested in Superman’s penis and Duscher just wants to be the first astronaut to die of mustard gas poisoning. It’s an interspecies intergalactic interplanetary erotic journey as we do our best to answer the age old question of nature vs nurture.Want to help research the logic of Kryptonian buttholes? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in locating the bastard. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes plug ourselves back in to the Matrix, order a steak, bend all the restaurant’s cutlery and wonder why this computer simulation was programmed to have poverty. We look at the often mysterious and counter productive choices taken by our robot overlords, the final destination of the planets cows, and the potential eroticism of jackholes. Jackson wonders what the robots want with all our hair, Zammit proclaims he’d sell out Neo in a heartbeat to the surprise of absolutely no one and Duscher just wants to keep answering his own questions. It's a slow motion rooftop rumble where we answer the ringing pay phone, unplug, and find the red pill a little too hard to swallow.Want to help us feed the virtual poor? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in virtual lives of starving children. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes are orphaned on a desert planet, find a laser sword and boldly follow a strange old man on a misguided, ill-informed and incompetent journey into space. It's all things Obi-Wan as we look at his master plan of hiding Luke on Darth Vader’s home planet with Darth Vader’s last name with Darth Vader’s relatives in a house Darth Vader has definitely visited. Jackson proposes that Obi-Wan used up all his favours hiding Leia, Zammit questions how Hutts became the supreme rulers of the Outer Rim and Duscher just wants to know what Kit Fisto is up to these days. Join us in galaxy far, far away as we watch Obi-Wan give up and let Yoda deal with the consequences.Want to help Lord Vader get enough credits to find his missing kids? Head to http://www.patreon.com/sanspantsradio and for as little as $1 a month, you can help make a difference in the lonely dad’s life. Long live the Empire. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes put on some green tights, shove a firefly into a jar and go off in search of a princess while wondering why Hyrule is so easy to conquer. We look at the often overlooked issue of segregation plaguing Hyrule, the problems with Zelda’s prophetic dreams and how much the kingdom gets dunked time and time again. Jackson proposes a unified government to fix the problem, Zammit has a strange urge to be on team Ganondorf and Duscher just wants to make Goron sounds. It’s a hack and slash through some murky dungeons without a compass, map or a boss key as we all uncover Link’s true purpose in helping Hyrule from Ganon. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes drink on the job, hit on anyone and yell at everyone that we’re super secret spies while wondering why James Bond still has a job. Duscher claims he could be more successful as Jerry Steven: asexual and dressed for comfort, Jackson tries to stop him every step of the way as the Nefarious Dr Yang, the racial stereotype villain who wants to fuck the moon and Zammit is one half of the engineering duo, Q & R, tasked with fixing a chaffing problem. Jerry Steven, with his signature drink of stirred glass of water, fumbles his way through Dr Yang’s poorly designed base of operations and proves while he’s not the best secret agent, Dr Yang is an even worse villain. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes wonder why anyone with a time machine would be in such a hurry and start to realise that Doc Brown may be an idiot. We look at his plans and notice that they’re never thought out, he’s constantly wrong about the time stream and goes to great lengths to ensure the McFlys benefit and the Tannens have a shit one. Jackson wants to know why Doc keeps bringing Jennifer on time adventures just to knock her out and put her in some trash, Zammit argues that Marty Jr going to jail might not be so bad and Duscher just wants to know what happened to the terrorists. It’s a dark climb as we uncover the secret shame of the Tannen family tree and wonder why people keep shitting in their cars. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes look at Bruce Nolan’s life and wonder why God made him Almighty. We explore Bruce’s first act as good as he cause a municipal water problem, sexually harass a young woman and flat out steal from an upscale clothing store before committing anal based monkey assault on an hispanic youth leader. Twice. Jackson is horrified by the blatant abuse of power, Zammit has his own theory involving Morgan Freeman eating a God brain and Duscher just wants to punch a meteor and die a hero. It’s pure bafflement as we try to understand how God could let most of South East Asia be washed away and several star systems go super nova on the whim of a horny man. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes see how deep Bruce Wayne’s daddy issues really go. We take a close look at Batman’s life through the lens of his parents as we try to see if they would be proud of their baby boy. Revolutionary medical braces are kept behind locked doors as Batman is revealed to be the king of loopholes. Zammit can’t comprehend how a parent could be impressed of their son for faking their own death, Jackson argues that Thomas Wayne would rather the Penguin as a protege and Duscher just wants to know where the bill for the bat credit card goes. Join us for bad Michael Cain impressions, Martha Wayne chiding Bruce for not being Superman and Thomas Wayne as the saddest Riddler you’ll ever see. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes slip on a banana peel and blue shell themselves. It’s Mario’s reign of terror as we try to work out the logistics of organising a go-kart race with your nemesis, your girlfriend who keeps getting kidnapped under your watch, a living fungus and an actual, wild gorilla to name a few. Jackson looks at things from the perspective of a goomba, Duscher brings forth Mario’s clear agreement with Bowser to terrorise his friends every time they have a party and Zammit marvels at Mario’s diabolic genius of making his friends compete to join him on his next adventure. It’s a brightly coloured Mario themed Hunger Games as everyone spends far too much time doing terrible impressions of video game characters. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

In which our heroes come with you because they want to live. We look at all of Skynet’s ill-conceived schemes and wonder if they’re even trying. It’s a verbal journey as we explore the numerous options our future overlords had of taking out John Connor from mustard gas in the future, sending giant skin tanks to the present or just killing the bloodline in the far past. Zammit sells humanity out the first chance he gets to join team robot, Jackson has a watery solution for us to co-exists, at least for a little while, and Duscher gets far too confused and angry about time-travel. Skynet just need to get over their hate boner for John Connor, hunker down and focus on their robopocalypse end game. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.