Make Some Noise with Andrea Owen

http://yourkickasslife.com/132 I talk a lot about taking responsibility for your life. I often tell the story from my own life about finding myself on the other side of two back-to-back really bad relationships, blaming everyone else in my life for how shitty I was feeling and deciding I’d had enough of all that. After picking myself up off the floor one day I decided to take responsibility for what I’d tolerated, what I’d attracted, what I didn’t know in terms of what a healthy relationship looked like, and what I wanted out of life. I started to do the hard work and everything changed. What I also talk a lot about it managing your negative self-talk. The inner-voice we all have that tells us we aren’t good enough. If you’ve ever been in that place I mentioned above, the place where you take radical responsibility for your life, you might encounter a side-effect: Massively harsh self-talk. It might sound like this: I can’t believe I allowed that kind of relationship. I was so stupid to behave like that. Only an idiot would do that. I’m so ashamed of myself. And on and on. Right? So, you’re trying to better yourself and by doing so, it’s necessary to shine the light on all the bullshit and messes you might have made. And at the same time I’m over here telling you all day and all night to do it with self-compassion. And you might be thinking, how the fuck do I do that?!? Never fear, I have some answers, ass kicker. First things first, it’s going to happen. It’s normal once you really start taking inventory of what’s up and what you want to change for you to look at your life with the stink-eye. If you look at your life or your former life and think, “Hmm...it’s really not that bad!” then either you’re still in denial and aren’t ready for self-help or it really isn’t that bad and you don’t need self-help. So, you’re just like the rest of us if you see it all and gasp. It’s going to be okay, I promise! Second, this happens to everyone and everyone feels the same way. Embarrassed, full or regret, guilty, ashamed, judgmental, disappointed, all the hard emotions in one big ‘ol pile of shit. Again, it’s part of the process. Third, practicing self-compassion is a learned process, don’t expect to get it right on the first day. Some people ask me, “but when I talk to myself kindly it feels weird and not genuine.” When you had your first two weeks in Spanish class learning “Me llamo Estacia y me gusta los tocadiscos” did you feel fluent? Did you feel like you could fly down to Guadalajara, Mexico and blend into the natives? I didn’t think so. Learning to speak in a self-compassionate manner is the same. It takes time and practice and more time and more practice to not only do it consistently with less effort, but to make it feel more genuine. You have to start somewhere. Fourth, watch where you start to dislike or hate that part of you. When you start to look at the parts of you that you want to improve, or that you never want to go back to, it’s easy to sort of “disown” that part of you. I did this too. In fact, once I realized it, I wrote a letter to myself apologizing to my former self. Remember, you’d never have gotten to where you are now without being that former person. You had to go through those hard time and made all those mistakes to get here-- being that person who’s improving herself. I know the success I have both personally and professionally was reliant on all the mistakes I made in the past. Yours will too. If you’d like more support on this, I invite you to check out Your Kick-Ass Masterclass. Nine weeks of getting the support and tools you need to live a life of confidence, self-compassion, courage and of course, kickassery. Click here to join us. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/R7 Today on the recovery series I interview Nicole Antoinette. Nicole doesn’t identify with being an “alcoholic”, but very much had a problem with her drinking and has been sober for 5+ years. A self-professed “party girl” she went through years of struggling with insomnia which inadvertently led to her sobriety. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/131 I’ve noticed something interesting over the last several years. As a blogger and online business owner, one of the things I do is look at my Google Analytics to see how people are finding my website and which posts are getting the most hits. And year after year, it’s the posts I write about relationships, more specifically posts about my breakups and the heartbreak they ensued. I’ve written about how to get over your ex, which has been shared more than 120,000 times (it’s probably much more, we installed the share tracking about a year after I wrote it). I’ve also had to turn off comments because of all the spam, people selling their love potions (not kidding. People selling poor heartbroken people love potions. There is a place in hell for those spammers). What’s obvious about the popularity of that topic is simply this: Most people in the world have had their heart broken by someone else and they have a really hard time healing. I don’t pretend to be the absolute expert at this, as I am still navigating it every day in my own life. But, I’m compelled to write about it today because I’ve been turning over and over the question in my head: Are we ever truly healed from heartbreak? And either way-- what does that even look like? At my ripe old age of 41 (which btw, I still consider myself young with A LOT to learn about life and love) I’m starting to think the answer to that question sometimes is no. And that’s okay. Let me explain. Here’s where I think the problem starts: I think we make up that we need to get over the people that have hurt us. And I’m not just talking about intimate relationships, I’m talking about parents, friends, anyone we’re close to that we’ve trusted and felt at some point or another has “broken our hearts”. We make up that we as humans, must get to a place in our hearts where we’re not hurt anymore. We don’t think about what happened, and if we do, we hold no sadness, anger, or hurt about it. I don’t know about you, but that seems awfully robotic and ….impossible. The problem worsens when we make up what it means when we’re not “over it”. We make up that we’re weak or broken, that we’re doing something wrong, that there’s something innately wrong with us, and we might keep obsessing on that person that hurt us. As humans, I think we want a definitive answer. Are we through it or not? Are we healed-- emphasis on the past tense? And my honest answer is I don’t know. I think we look for this place outside of us-- this place “over there” where we will be absent from all the difficult feelings around it. It’s completely subjective what this looks like but I think so many people spend the better part of their lives searching for this. Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/R6 Ass kickers! Welcome BACK to the recovery series! Thank you for your patience as I had to put the project on hold for a couple of months, but I am so excited to share episode six with you. Jean McCarthy of the Unpickled Blog is with us. Jean McCarthy thought she had it all figured out: go 100 miles an hour all day as a mom and business owner, then drink wine before bed to quickly de-stress and fall asleep. She had no idea that this perfect equilrium would evolve into addiction over the course of a decade. Now five years sober, Jean writes about her experiences as a person in recovery at unpickledblog.com and holds space for others to share their stories on The Bubble Hour podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/130 Welcome to episode 130 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Trauma and trauma resolution are two issues we’ve touched on before but today we spend an entire show on it. Our guest, Rachael Maddox, is an expert on both. Rachael is a trauma resolution educator, coach and guide who helps women heal and understand sexual traumas they’ve experienced so they can move through the world with joy and success. Rachael’s coaching certification was earned from The Coaches Training Institute, and she is certified in trauma resolution through The Alchemical Alignment. On this show, we dive into her very personal, firsthand experiences with trauma, how somatic therapy helped her heal when nothing else worked, and how that therapy ultimately led to what she does today. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/129 Hey Ass kickers! Welcome to episode 129 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! I’m thrilled to bring you this archived episode with life coach, master communicator and my very best friend, Amy E. Smith. Amy hosts a podcast called The Joy Junkie with her hubs, Mr. Smith. On the podcast and in her business Amy helps people find their voice, and stand up for themselves (without being a dick). I brought her on the show to talk about self-love: what it is and how to practice it no matter who you are or where you are in your life. We get into the common misconceptions and pitfalls about self-love, why loving yourself actually helps you change your life and why choosing self-love is a daily practice. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

www.yourkickasslife.com/128 Welcome to episode 128 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Today I’ve got another amazing guest for you, Susan Anderson. Susan is considered the founder of the Abandonment Recovery movement, and is a dedicated psychotherapist who has spent over 30 years helping those who struggle with abandonment trauma, grief, and loss. Naturally on this episode we discuss abandonment, and also how she came to write the book The Abandonment Recovery Workbook. She shares the neuroscience behind the deep wounds abandonment imprints on us, and we both share our personal abandonment experiences. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/127 Welcome to episode 127 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Today I’ve got yet another special guest to share with you, Jenny Blake. Jenny is an internationally-known author, speaker and career and business strategist. She’s also a fellow podcaster and has been my friend for nearly a decade. On this episode, Jenny and I are talking about her latest book Pivot: The Only Move That Matters Is Your Next One, what pivots are and are not, and how she has learned so much from navigating pivot points in her own life. You’ll Also Hear: ● What inspired her to write this book? ● What are the four stages of a pivot? ● The three things to test when you are in pilot mode. ● Does your life contain the clues you need to discover your next pivot? ● Does all change involve loss? ● How to trust your emotional process when pivoting. ● What has she learned from meditation? ● Why she calls 2013 her apocalypse year, and what it taught her. ● Why Jenny believes our challenges are chosen for us. ● And much more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/126 As the year comes to an end, I love thinking about not only my accomplishments, but what I’ve learned. And this year I’ve made a list of the lessons I know to be true off the top of my head, 38 to be exact.There are loads more, but here’s a start: Cleaning up my own messes is the best way to sleep at night. This means apologizing when I’ve been an asshole and just generally doing my best to fix things I’ve made a mess of. Taking radical responsibility for my life is the only option. No one else is responsible for my happiness. No one. My children don’t define me. I used to think becoming a mother would be my ultimate life purpose. It isn’t. I used to have a lot of guilt and shame about that. But, I don’t anymore. No relationship will complete me. Not a single one. My vagina looks the way it does, and I’m okay with that, I even love it. That also goes for my boobs, tummy, and every other body part I used to hate. I’m done listening to people that tell me I need to look different. “Taking the edge off” really needed to be examined. For me, I was taking off all the edges. And sometimes edges just need to be dealt with. Exercise really is the best medicine. The voice in my head that tells me I’m not enough is a liar. Progress, not perfection. “Let it go” is 99% of the time, the best way to solve a problem. “No” is a complete sentence. If I listen, my body is usually trying to tell me something. I only apologize when I really, truly can stand behind it. There will always be people that don’t like me and it’s not my job to change their minds. (I admit this one is still tough. It’s a one-day-at-a-time lesson.) My parents did the best they could, with what they had at that time. And as parents, that’s all we can do. Forgiveness is more about me, and not them. Time really doesn’t heal all wounds—I’m in charge of that. Time helps, but being proactive is the catalyst. All wisdom is created from healed pain. Trying to control everything is my one-way ticket on the crazy train. Sometimes I forget this and get on board. The comparison trap is basically made-up stories of what I think someone else’s life is like. We’re all scared. We all have fear. The people that say they are fearless are just pretending. None of us get out of this alive. And in the end, I want to be proud how I lived it. If we all worked on our insides as much as we worked on our outsides, the world would change for the better. You end up with what you put up with. Examine it and change what you don’t like. At your funeral, no one will talk about your failures. So, keep failinguntil you get it right. At that same funeral, no one will talk about how your body looked. Your heart and spirit matter more. You really do catch more flies with honey than with vinegar. In other words, don’t be a dick. Uncomfortable conversations are always hard. However, that elephant in the room isn’t going anywhere (and takes up a lot of space)—so you might as well call it out. Most people really are too busy thinking about themselves to be obsessing about you like you think they are. It’s usually never, ever as big a deal as we think it is. Ever. That person that treats you like shit is a giant invitation to not be around that person ever. If you spend time nosing in other people’s business, there’s probably something important in your life you’re purposely avoiding dealing with. God always has your back. Kindness really always does win. Love is always the answer. Having an open mind can many times blow your mind. None of us are broken or need fixing. Improvement, yes. Whatever you think you are, will be your truth. And you are completely in charge of that, babe. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/125 This is a re-broadcast with Sally Hope, one of my favorite podcast guests. As many of you know my father passed away last month and I’m taking a break for a few weeks and re-airing archived episodes. I thank you for your patience during this time. Next week is a brand new episode! Another amazing edition of the YKAL podcast is upon us! I’m here with Sally Hope, founder of The Wildheart Revolution. I love Sally’s take on life and I’m sure you will too. In this episode we talk about several different important topics... In a recent blog post Sally talks about trying to please everyone and how to stop doing this. We discuss the gist of her post, how we’ve both learned to do our best of NOT caring so much if other people like us. Next we talk about LIFE PURPOSE and how to actually take the pressure off ourselves in our quest to finding it. (Because in actuality that pressure is keeping you from finding it!) Sally’s message screams to not apologize for who you are.We discuss that being your biggest self might mean having to leave some people behind and how to go about dealing with that. One of Sally’s big things is going on adventures! I ask her where would someone start that doesn’t have a ton of time or money? This conversation segues into talking about friends (aka your tribe) and how to create that in your life. Sally has NEW ideas for you! I’m just certain you’ll love Sally Hope as much as I do! She’s such a great inspiration full of love and authenticity. And get ready for next week for an all new episode! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/124 Hey Ass kickers! Welcome to another episode of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! My friend Randi joins us to talk about the all-important topic of boundaries and how nice people set ‘em. Randi is THE expert of experts! She’s a life coach, hard truth-talker and creative producer of products that encourage women to step into their truth, and transform their inner and interpersonal struggles. Trust me, I KNOW boundaries are difficult and we ALL struggle with them-- whether it’s family members, co-workers, or our neighbors, we could all use some help in this area, right? On today’s show she shares with us how creating our own container of what we want in our lives sets our boundaries, what gardens have to do with boundaries and ultimately why we struggle with boundaries so much. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/123 Hi Ass kickers, As you’ll hear in this week's podcast episodes, my father died on last Sunday. Over the next several weeks, you’ll get some re-broadcasts of my favorite episodes. I’ve also decided to put the recovery series on hold until January. Thank you for your patience and understanding during this time. ******************************************************************** I’m so glad you’re here for another episode of Your Kick-Ass Life. Today we’ve got the fabulous Christina Dunbar. Christina is an actress, poet, activist and women’s leader. She offers programs for artists, entrepreneurs and wild women helping them take the stage and share their own soul story. She’s also the inspiration and creator behind her one-woman show, Dirty Me Divine. On this episode we dive into that experience fully as well as what it means to take a stand, and why that is often difficult for women, and what steps we can take to express our unique voices. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/R5 Welcome to the 5th episode in the recovery series with our guest Dawn Nickel of She Recovers. This is the last episode in this series until January when it will pick back up. In this episode you’ll hear: Dawn has been drug and alcohol free since 1989, and then relapsed in 2000. She tells us her story. I ask Dawn what advice do she has for someone who isn’t quite 100 percent sure they need to quit. She tells us her advice for someone in their first few months of sobriety. And last, I ask her to tell us one thing she’s proud of right now and one thing she’s struggling with. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/122 Another YKAL podcast episode is here and as always, I’m excited you’re here to meet our guest. Jenny Fenig is a coach, yogi, mom of 3, and all around amazing woman whose message to women is get gutsy in order to find your soul’s true calling. In this episode you’ll hear: How has the tragic loss of her sister and two friends played a role in her finding and living her calling. Her journey from corporate leader to yogi to business owner. What was her moment that made her decide to release alcohol from her life. What to say in social situations when people ask why you’re not drinking. What are “pivot point moments” and how they can helpful for women trying to discover their soul’s calling. And more! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/R4 Episode 4 in the special recovery series is an interview with Holly Whitaker. Holly is the founder of Hip Sobriety, which aims to provide a modern, holistic, accessible and desirable path to sobriety, and to remove the stigma associated with addiction (and sobriety). In this episode you’ll hear: ● Holly shares about her relationship with alcohol and when she decided it was time to quit. ● She tells us her feelings about Alcoholics Anonymous. ● What is devolution and how does it happen in addiction. ● Holly shares advice for someone new in sobriety. ● And she tells us some of the things she does to to stay sober. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/121 As a coach, it’s my job to ask women questions. Lots of them. Over the years, I’ve seen patterns of the women that come to me and what questions to ask to get down to the nitty-gritty of their lives. In no particular order, here are five questions I’d love for you to answer about yourself… Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/R3 Episode 3 in the special recovery series is an interview with Laura McKowan. Laura is a mom, writer, and recovery warrior. In this episode you’ll hear: ● Laura’s progressive story of her relationship with alcohol and when she decided it was time to quit. ● We both share stories of when we felt immense shame as mothers around our drinking and the moment we both knew it was affecting our children. ● I ask Laura if she ever has that voice that tells her it might be possible to moderate. ● Laura tells us what she does to stay sober— what she’s tried that’s worked and what hasn’t worked. Ass kickers, I hope you’re enjoying listening to these episodes as much as I enjoyed recording them with these magnificent women! If you have any specific questions you’d like me to ask the guests, please contact us to let us know! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/120 Hello ass kickers! Today I’m bring you and oldie, but goodie— a re-airing of a podcast from many moons ago— an episode with my friend Tanya Geisler. She’s talking with us about the Imposter Complex, a syndrome that many of us have experience with. If you’re not sure what that is— just listen to the first few minutes and you’ll be sure to say to yourself, “Oh, wait, that’s me too!” Tanya is Leadership Coach who’s coached hundreds of people who were ready to step into the starring roles of their lives. She’s an in-demand TEDx speaker who talks with great passion about the Impostor Complex, personal leadership, on all things joy, meaning and purpose (just try to stop her). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/R2 Ass kickers! I’m so excited to bring you the first interview in the special recovery series. Courtney Webster is here with us today and Courtney is not only someone who has over a decade of strong recovery from alcohol, drugs, and an eating disorder, but she’s one of my closest friends. Before I jump in, if you’re just hearing about this, in addition to the regular episodes of the YKAL podcast, I’m going a 10-part bonus series for anyone who thinks they might be struggling with alcohol, anyone who knows they are struggling with alcohol, or even if you know someone who is and want to better understand them (or forward these episodes to them!). Courtney and I met at coach training in 2008 and in 2011 when I got honest with myself and was thinking about trying sobriety, Courtney was the first person I called. I was so afraid to tell her I was struggling-- afraid she would judge me. Well, she didn’t. She let me talk about it and told me if I wasn’t 100% sure I had a problem with drinking, then I could quit for 30 days and see what happened. Let’s just say it was very telling! Listen to the ep to see what happened… Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

https://andreaowen.com/empowering-women/4-signs-youre-self-help-hamster-wheel/ Hey, in case you missed it yesterday– a BONUS post/pod episode came out yesterday on the topic of recovery and sobriety! Click here if you missed it and I would be honored if you shared it with people you think might be helped from it. *************************************************** Self help. What many jokes are made of and maybe some of us still feel a little embarrassed standing in that aisle in the bookstore. God forbid anyone will know that we struggle, don’t have all of our shit together, and want to change things in our life that are making us binge eat/drink entire bottles of wine in one sitting/try to control everyone and everything (er, not that I know what any of that is like). And I’m fascinated why some people change and then others stay the same. What really fascinates me and what this post is about, is why some people want to change and know their lives would be better if they did that, but they don’t. There is much psychology behind the reasons, but what I’m talking about today are signs that it’s time for you to take a look at WHY you’re stuck in self-help-dom so you can hopefully make some changes in the right direction. So, I’ve compiled a list of signs you might be on the “self help hamster wheel” and what to do about it. Buying self-help books without reading them. I think we have ALL done this one. Someone recommends it, or we see it at the bookstore, or the title seemed to scream, “THIS BOOK WILL FIX YOU!” so we buy it. And it sits on our bookshelf unopened for years. And then we feel like shit about that. But really, sometimes I think we’re just not ready to read it. I know that sounds crazy, but I believe it. In some weird, serendipitous way, The Universe will know when it’s time and it will somehow make its way into your hands and into your heart. Signing up for self improvement classes, feeling relieved… and then not doing the work. Getting your credit card out before hitting “buy now” is not a magic wand that will fix you and ease your pain. The actual WORK will. There is a direct correlation between people that see growth and empowerment in their lives and doing the actual work it takes to get there. This includes worksheets, journaling, quality introspective thinking, doing what you commit to doing, listening to your intuition instead of your fear and more. Getting really good at telling your story about how screwed up you are and where your issues stem from. Don’t I know this one all too well. Here’s a typical scenario for the type of woman that is into self help: Step 1: She comes to a point in her life where she wants to feel better and/or she has a pretty heartbreaking turn of events and decided to change her life. Step 2: She tells anyone who will listen about her story. Step 3: She reads about helping herself and maybe takes a self improvement class here and there (and especially loves the ones where she’s invited to tell her story). ... Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/R1 Original post from September 27th, 2012. This is the first in a ten-part series I’ll be hosting on alcoholism and recovery. If you don’t want to miss the rest of the episodes, make sure you sign up here to be notified when a new one comes out. And stick around until the end where I’ll share a clip from next week’s recovery post! My stomach lurches as I begin this post. I considered not going public with this, but that damn intuition of mine had other ideas. There’s a part of me that wants to make this post bright and cheery somehow, but I’d be lying to you and me if I did that. I’d like to preface my story with this: I know there are so many more women like me. So, I chose to go public with my story because of that. There is a part of me that has massive amounts of shame around this, but coming clean helps heal. And if only one woman gets sober on account of reading my story, then all the shame is worth it. ***************************************** Hi, my name is Andrea and I’m an alcoholic. Yep. Me. If you’re anything like me, when you hear the word “alcoholic”, you get that vision of the homeless man in the gutter, drinking from a paper bag, or maybe the leathery skinned, worn-out woman at the bar, falling off the barstool, or any other pathetic image you conjure up. Not often do you picture a successful life coach, living a great life in the suburbs. And that story is a big part of what kept me drinking. I’ll start by backing up. My battle started in my late teens with love addiction. When I was 25 my struggle grew into an eating disorder, and thankfully I got help and healed from those when I was 31. It wasn’t until years later that I realized and admitted the eating disorder was bad enough that it could have killed me. To add fuel to the fire, when I was 26 I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and panic disorder, which at that time, was being helped with medication prescribed by my doctor. Throughout my 20’s, in terms of drinking alcohol, I was a “normal” girl . I drank socially just like all my friends, but could always put down the bottle without a fight. Sure, there were episodes where I made bad decisions (does anyone make good decisions drinking?) and had some embarrassing moments, but nothing so humiliating to write about. Looking back, I believe I didn’t need to rely on drinking then to cope, because I had my eating disorder to fall back on, as well as an addictive relationship with my ex-husband. Those behaviors fed the addict me and I didn’t yet need alcohol to numb me. Upon recovering from the eating disorder and love addiction, I skipped along into my new life with new tools and thoughts to cope without turning to a relationship, a man, or my eating disorder. When I was well into recovery from those two addictions, I was so proud and happy. I was convinced I was finally “mentally stable”. But, little did I know, my alcoholism took its place. Quietly, it snuck in like a lethal, poisonous gas that I couldn’t see. I really had no problem quitting drinking when I was pregnant, but after the birth of my second child in 2009 is when my drinking picked up serious speed and momentum. Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/118 Welcome to episode 118 of Your Kick-Ass Life! Today I’m thrilled to share with you my dear friend, colleague and repeat guest Ms. Amy Pearson. If you haven’t heard Amy before you are in for a treat! She is the founder of Live Brazen, as well as a Master-certified Martha Beck Life Coach. She’s also a coach mentor and an instructor for Martha Beck’s life coach training. Plus she’s a writer, a teacher and a speaker who is on a mission to help the heart-centered entrepreneurs of the world! On today’s show, we talk about what it means to be addicted to approval - something she is intimately familiar with! She explains the different forms approval addiction can show up as, and how to know if you fit into any of them. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/117 Today I have a bonus episode for you! The regularly scheduled episode came out yesterday-- 6 reasons you’re afraid and what to do about it-- and today I wanted to bring you a special guest today for a specific reason. As you know, I’m a life coach. The term “life coach” has taken on many meanings over the last couple of decades. It’s a relatively new profession, and even more new as an online business. I get many, many people who ask me questions like, “How did you become a life coach? Can you actually make a living at it? What school did you go to? What does one need to do to be successful at it? How do I build an online business?” and while I do take a handful of private clients for consulting on this topic, I wanted to have someone on whom I trust implicitly-- someone I’ve hired to help me in my business and who knows all there is to know about building an online business, Tara Gentile. Tara is the founder of Quiet Power Strategy, a company that provides hands-on business training for idea-driven entrepreneurs. She’s also the author of three books: Art of Earning, Quiet Power Strategy and The Observation Engine. She’s been featured in Fast Company, Forbes, and Chris Guillebeau’s New York Times best-seller The $100 Start-Up. As if that wasn’t enough, she also hosts a podcast called Profit Power Pursuit! It’s a show dedicated to highlighting the real truth about the logistics of running a successful business. Today we continue that truth-talking about the life coaching business, including who this industry is for and who it isn’t. She explains why most life coaches are missing the answer to this very important question, and why the answer is so critical. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

https://andreaowen.com/coaching/6-reasons-youre-afraid-and-what-to-do-about-it/ Everyone has fear. I don’t care if you’ve led a charmed life or had the emotional shit kicked out of you time and time again. Whether you have self-confidence, whether you’re Miss America or a college student. We all have it. Let me break down the most common things people are afraid of (I’ve left out things like spiders, zombies, the dark, etc. because this is the mostly about the “being” part. Zombies are a completely valid thing to be afraid of, though.) Here we go: Fear of failure. Fear of not making the team. Not getting that promotion. Your marriage falling apart and divorcing. Being rejected when you ask someone out. Instead, we just don’t try at all. We sit on the sidelines and watch everyone else do things we want to do, and convince ourselves they must have some kind of secret sauce or some immunity to hurt, or perhaps they’re just fearless like everyone is talking about on Pinterest. Fear of success. Fear of being in the limelight. Having to sustain our success and keep moving forward. Shining too bright and making others uncomfortable. Showing off. So, we play small to avoid any of that. Fear of other people’s judgments, opinions, criticism, words, opposition, breathing. We DO care what other people think of us. I truly believe NO ONE out there really gives “zero fucks.” But, the real fear is of the haters. Our parents might think we’re crazy for leaving our crap marriage. Or friends might tell us starting our own business might be too hard. And then those anonymous people on the Internet can be really, really mean, so let’s play it safe and not risk criticism from them. Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/115 Welcome to episode 115 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Today’s show is guaranteed to fire you up - I’m joined by the fabulous Nisha Moodley to talk about women as leaders and the impact we can all have when following our greatest passions. Nisha is a women’s leadership coach and the creator of Fierce Fabulous Free, The Freedom Mastermind & The Freedom Sisterhood. She is also a featured expert on DailyWorth, and has been featured on CNN, Huffington Post and The Daily Love. On this episode, you’ll also hear about the truth and beauty in sisterhood, why we don’t need to perfect but simply walk our talk, the connection between freedom and sisterhood, and how women and their voices will free the world. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/114 Burnout. So, I’m in a burn out phase. It happens. I used to beat myself up for getting to a place of burn out, feeling like I must have done something wrong along the way, that I must have not balanced right, must have not delegated enough, didn’t lean in at the right angle. But, nine years into raising babies, a business, and participating in a marriage, for me-- burn out is part of the game. And some self-help experts might gasp and tell me I’m doing it wrong, and that it doesn’t have to be that way, and my response is that I’m doing the best I can, I’m totally confident of that-- and this is what works for me. I kind of look at my life and have found it possible and necessary to have self-compassion because when you do what I do-- when you hold space for people emotionally (sometimes a lot of people at once) it’s thrilling and beautiful and amazing and all of those things, and it can also be exhausting. Coupled with other factors-- a child with special needs, new big projects and it’s the perfect storm. Luckily, now, I see burnout coming like when the train tracks start to vibrate before you can see the train, instead of how it used to be-- not seeing it and letting the train hit me. So, now when I see it coming, I back out and figure out what I need to do in terms of self-care. What that looks like is that I’ve decided to NOT teach any more classes for the rest of the year. The Masterclass will open for registration either in December or January, (get on the waitlist if you don’t want to miss early registration which has a price break!) and we’ll start in the new year. I’ve also decided to put off some projects that I was gung-ho on earlier this year. They’ll wait until January. Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/113 Welcome to episode 113 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! I’m delighted to bring you yet another terrific guest, my friend and yours, Christine Hassler. You may remember Christine from her first visit to the show on episode 58 (it’s linked in the resources section below). To refresh your memory, Christine is a former Hollywood agent who left that life at the age of 25 to pursue a life she could be passionate about. In the 10+ years since then, she has become a life coach, a speaker, an author and a retreat leader. She helps women and men around the world uncover self-acceptance, find their passions and make an impact in the world. In addition to her latest best-selling book, Christine has appeared on The Today Show, CNN, ABC, CBS, PBS and regularly contributes to The Huffington Post and Cosmo. On this episode, we talk about topics like what her divorce taught her about honoring herself and her own path, and what proactively surrendering means to her. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/podcast/112 Today I’m going to talk about something I’ve never talked about before: racism. So, why this topic? I'm passionate about a lot of different important matters-- media literacy, the oversexualization of girls and women, recovery, sex trafficking, Autism awareness, LGBTQ rights, but the reason I'm talking about this now is because I think there's a lot of people who might relate to my experience and learn from this conversation. Also, what dawned on me is that if I’m passionate about female equality, if I want things like equal pay and the same rights for women as we have for me….isn’t this the same thing? Equality for all people, not just equality for women. So, maybe, selfishly, I’m here talking about this as a way of apologizing for my own ignorance. Maybe it’s a way for me to process the feelings around it. And for the record, I know that equal rights for people of color matter more than white people's feelings. I know that. But, I think for people who may be just “waking up” here, I needed to at least mention it. At any rate, I thought it would be helpful to do it all out loud and basically, I have some intentions for this episode: 1. To talk about my journey as a white person in America and how for me...coming to terms with my own racism, how I've unknowingly contributed and what I'm doing, feeling and thinking now. 2. Walk my talk in that to create change, we need to have these tough, uncomfortable conversations. I'm open to talk about a lot of hard topics, but this one has been probably the most uncomfortable yet. 3. To encourage you to get honest with yourself. I promise I'll be 100% honest in this episode and can 100% guarantee I'll want to throw up. Because at the end of the day, this podcast is about living your kick-ass life, it’s about you gaining the skills to have conversations about tough things that no one wants to talk about. Typically, no one wants to talk about vulnerability, shame, and fear and I ask you regularly to talk about those. I teach classes on how to do this. And this is what this podcast episode is about. Me having one of those hard conversations and inviting you to do the same. I don't expect you to go out and join a black lives matter chapter, or speak out publicly about this if you're scared (but if you want to, GO DO IT). Today is about talking about something that needs to be talked about. Again, I am really uncomfortable having this conversation. I’m afraid. Afraid of saying the wrong things. As someone who’s so new to this conversation, there’s a good chance I’ll get it wrong. I’m afraid people will say, “Please don’t. Please go back to just regular personal development stuff and save this topic for ‘real activists’” However...I feel called to do this. I was never called to appease the critics. I was never called to make everyone comfortable. I was called to create space and permission to talk about things that matter. To talk about the stuff no one wants to talk about. To talk about the things that make us uncomfortable. I was called to encourage everyone to be brave while being brave myself. And I hope I’m doing that for you today. In this episode I’m bringing in my friend Kelly Diels and you can read more about her below. And one more thing before I bring you the episode. If you’re a woman of color, this is something I never thought to mention before, but I want you to know you’re welcome here in the YKAL community. If you’re a lesbian, or transgender, if you identify as a woman, you are welcome in my community and in my classes. I don’t ever want any woman to feel excluded based on her race or sexual orientation. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

I’m terrified of zombies. I’m extra mad that they’ve become trendy lately and I have to see their dead asses all over the place like it’s funny or something. Well, let me tell you: it’s not. Just typing these words has made the hair stand up on the back of my neck, they effing scare the shit out of me. http://yourkickasslife.com/111 But, that’s not the type of fear I’m talking about today. I just thought you should be aware how much I hate zombies. Moving on… The kind of fear I’m talking about is the kind of fear that stops you from living your own kick-ass life, more specifically stepping out of your comfort zone. Going after your dream job, moving out of your home town, setting boundaries, having uncomfortable (but necessary) conversations, dating, leaving your spouse, whatever the thing is that you want badly to do, but don’t do it. You procrastinate, self sabotage, convince yourself it’s better to stay where you are, and buy into your bullshit excuses. And I used to do it too. I used to think that courage and confidence was for “the lucky ones”. They were born that way, they had some kind of special DNA or superpower that I didn’t have. So, I played small. And then my life fell apart and for the first time ever in my life I said, “Fuck. This. Shit”. My life falling apart created an entry point for me to start something. All my fears were brought to the surface like one big giant zombie attack. Some of my worst fears had actually come true. And it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Because I was still standing (barely, but I was). Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/podcast/110 Welcome to episode 110 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Today’s topic is one we can all relate to: mothers. Our guest, Karen Anderson, is an author and mentor who helps women who struggle with or are estranged from their mothers. Through her coaching, mentorship and Emotional Freedom Technique practice, she helps them overcome dysfunctional generational patterns and go on to live truly, happy, fulfilled lives. Karen is a master-certified life coach through The Life Coach School and is the also the author of The Peaceful Daughter’s Guide to Separating From a Difficult Mother. On this episode, Karen shares her personal journey with her mother, and how that led her on a courageous inner personal journey from victimhood to conscious awareness and healing. She explains how you can talk about your own story without becoming a victim, and why it’s important to take ownership of your thoughts and beliefs around any experience in your life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/109 Welcome to episode 109 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! As always I’m so glad you are here and so excited to bring you today’s guest of honor: Ms. Katie Dalebout. Katie creates videos, workshops, coaching programs and other offerings to inspire women’s wisdom. She does so because she believes every woman deserves happiness and to find their unique version of a holistic wonderland. As the host of her podcast, Wellness Wonderland Radio, she has interviewed people like Joe Cross, Gabrielle Bernstein and Tara Stiles. She’s also been featured in Teen Vogue, Yahoo! Health, and The Daily Mail and contributes to Refinery 29 and Mindbodygreen. Today we talk about the creation of her first book titled Let It Out. Katie spent an entire summer being outside and journaling while battling an eating disorder. Despite being surrounded by support and loved ones, she found her journal to be the most validating place where she could be seen and be vulnerable, while also being unfiltered. It was a powerful tool for her to reclaim her own intuition as well as acceptance and love for herself. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

This episode has a worksheet! Once you grab it, you’ll also see a special video from me where I walk you through the worksheet and give you extra resources. This can be a tough, multi-layered topic for many of you and I wanted to create as much support as possible. See you there! http://yourkickasslife.com/108 I would like to preface this post by saying that I have fallen into every single one of these. It wasn’t until I fell on my face for the last time, drew a line in the sand and said, “No more!” was I able to see my patterns, learn to love myself before I entered a relationship, and I was able to experience a loving, healthy relationship. So, in no particular order, here they are: 1. You’re so desperate for love, you’ll take it any way it’s served up. All of us want the same thing: to love and to be loved. And for some people there comes a point when we are not feeling loved enough so we’ll take any relationship over being single. Whether it’s tolerating abuse, infidelity, disrespect, or boundary violations. Perhaps in your gut you know it’s wrong to stay, but in your mind the pain of leaving is worse. “The only thing more unthinkable than leaving was staying; the only thing more impossible than staying was leaving.” -Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love This one could be its own post, but I will say this: If you know in your gut the relationship is not well, there is your answer. Period. And maybe it’s not time for you to walk away, but if nothing else, it’s a time for you to have a conversation with your partner that things need to change. And if they won’t work on it, there’s your answer. And P.S….love yourself first. Staying in an unhealthy relationship for the sake of feeling loved will always end in massive disappointment. Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/podcast/107 Welcome to episode 107 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! The conversation you’ll hear on today’s show is so important; it’s about friendships, and how to develop the intimacy and BFFs you really want. And there is no one better qualified to speak to this than Shasta Nelson. Shasta is the founder of GirlfriendsCircle.com, a woman's friendship matching site for women across the US and Canada. She also has authored two books on the subject of friendship, Friendships Don’t Just Happen and Frientimacy. Plus she writes regularly for The Huffington Post and has appeared on Katie Couric and The Today Show. Today we talk about the importance friendship plays in enriching our lives, changing us and keeping us healthy. Shasta also explains how to develop intimacy and when to know a friendship is ready to develop deeper intimacy. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/106 Recently this topic has come across my radar. I’ve been thinking a lot about “your thing” and not the “thing” that refers to a man’s penis (although that would be a funnier post than this), but “your thing” in reference to your life purpose, your greatest passion, that thing you were put on this earth to do. (Let me just start by saying- fucking fantastic. Let’s add another enormous pressure to the never-ending list for women.) Sarcasm aside, let’s look at this for a moment. I’ve always thought it was crazy to ask 16 or 17 year-old kids to pick a college major. To actually pick something they want to do as a career. Forever. When I was 17, all I wanted to do was pick the right body suit to wear (remember those, early 90’s?), let alone what I wanted to study for 4 years, then do as a career. I envied my peers that did know and felt bad about myself that I did not. Clearly there was something wrong with me and I was a flake. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

http://yourkickasslife.com/podcast/105 Welcome to episode 105 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! This week I’ve got another fabulous guest to bring to you - Ms. Sarah Jenks. Sarah is the creator and founder of Live More Weigh Less, a movement born from her personal experiences and struggles with weight loss and body image. As a full-figured woman who had struggled with her weight for years, Sarah one day realized she was waiting on the weight before pursuing a life she loved. So she let go of her weight loss fixation and instead went after the great job, the great wardrobe or the amazing relationship. On today’s show Sarah explains how doing so helped her lose weight without dieting, led her to quit her advertising job, go to nutrition school and start Live More Weigh Less. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

A few weeks ago I hosted the 7-Day Courage Challenge, where hundreds of women come together. I open up a Facebook group and these brave women come in and share their answers to daily challenges and questions I send them. One challenger posted this in the group, and I felt inclined to write about it... “The thing that I beat myself up over is the fact that I can't seem to get any of it right! I feel dumb saying that, I live a relatively nice life it's not like I'm alone and destitute or anything. I just feel like I've always been capable of so much more and somehow am too defective to make it work. I screwed up college so bad I never graduated. I've had opportunities pass me by because I either 1) start and never finish or 2) don't bother because I know I'll f*** it up. Now here I am staring 40 in the face and what am I? Like, shouldn't I know by now? I get in my head and make great plans and goals and dreams and I just can't get out of my own way to make it work. I don't think I'm doing life right.” -Sara First of all-- define “doing life right”. When I hear this term, it’s a big giant fucking red flag that screams one word: Perfect. Personally, I don’t know anyone who’s perfect (and I know a lot of really, really awesome people), and I don’t want to know anyone who’s perfect. I wouldn’t trust that person for shit. On the other side of that same coin, if I had to guess, I’d bet you have super high expectations of yourself. You thought you would be at x, y, and z when you turned 40 and you’re not there. Or, you’re comparing yourself to other people that are your age, or even strangers you make up have better lives than you do. My friend Christine calls this an expectation hangover, when we expect things will be a certain way, and they turn out different. So, check yourself. What is “so much more” that you speak of? Write it out. I’m all for you having goals to achieve your version of “success”, but watch out if that version of success is for you, or if it’s expectations that you think matter to make you “worthy” and loved more by others, or if it’s the expectations others have put on you. Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Just an FYI- along with reading, you can listen to this post as well. Simply click the “play” button. In 2008 I had a mentor tell me, “When your blog starts to grow in popularity, stay away from topics revolving around politics, religion, and race. It’s too risky, and one wrong move can ruin your reputation.” She was trying to protect me. Helping me “stay on course” and only talk about personal development. However. For me to go on pretending like nothing is happening, to say nothing at all is unacceptable. How can I tell you to stand up for what you believe in, practice courage, and follow your intuition if I’m not practicing it myself whenever possible? So, here we go... Two major things have happened recently. Let me start with the most recent. Although I highly doubt you haven’t heard, but just in case-- this past Saturday a man shot and killed 49 people and injured at least 53 in a popular gay nightclub in Orlando, Florida. This is heartbreaking. And infuriating. And scary. If you’re like me, you’ve been thinking about the victim’s families. And like me, you probably can’t help but think about your own family. I think about my children, how I worry about them going to school, and when they get older going to the movies, out dancing, and to places where they normally should feel safe and be safe. Many of us no longer feel safe anymore. Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 103 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! As always I am delighted to bring you today’s guest, Jen Louden. Jen has been a consultant and a teacher for over two decades, and one of the areas she focuses on is helping women to not hold back. When I asked what she means by that she explains not holding back means life is living us. Typically we are the ones who get in our own way and she helps women to stop doing that, and to stop holding back. Jen and I also talk about the role creativity plays in keeping us alive and “juicy”! Jen says we are all creators, whether it’s a meal we make, flowers we arrange, or the lives we build. And because of that we must remind ourselves over and over again we are the ones who can and do make things happen. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi ass kickers! Today I combine a solo episode and a listener question, plus some input from my good friend and colleague Kate Anthony. Here’s the question I received from Nikki, a member of the YKAL community: I would really like for Andrea to talk about life after divorce on the podcast. I know it is a really heavy topic, but Andrea is literally a picture to me of where I want to end up. I love that she is able to laugh with such joy, and I love that she managed to build a family and a beautiful business afterwards, so I think if she could help us dip our toes into what one should do at the different stages post divorce, in terms of your self talk and ownership etc. Andrea touches on all these topics, but I would love a pod specifically addressing divorce. Also a related topic, forgiveness, (whether or not it relates to divorce). Forgiveness, what it means and what it doesn't mean. Niki Evangelia Elizabeth __________________________________________________________ I got this question and thought it would be great to answer on the podcast because most-- if not all of us-- have been broken hearted. And it’s easy for me to quickly tell my story and tell you all that I’m so much better now, but you’re missing a big part of it-- HOW I did and continue to do so today. In this episode I talk about how I’ve come to the conclusion that sometimes we’re never fully “over it” or “healed”. And once we accept that, is when we can start to feel better, forgive, trust again, and move on. And to be really honest, I feel like I have scar tissue on my heart. Like I’m about 90 percent healed. And that feels like a lot and and it feels like enough. But, getting remarried didn’t heal me. Moving out of the city I used to live in didn’t heal me. Having children didn’t heal me. Having a successful business didn’t heal me. Time didn’t heal me. What healed me is surrendering to the process of grief, loss, longing, nostalgia, disappointment, and accepting the fact that the dream I had was dead. And honoring it. Listen to the episode where I go into much more detail about that. About halfway through the episode, I bring my friend Kate on. When my husband and I divorced, we had no children together, so I didn’t have to see him anymore. I didn’t have the agony of co-parenting, or anxiety of him getting remarried and having a stepparent in the picture. So, I asked Kate a few questions on how she has coped with her divorce, having had a child with her ex-husband. After Kate briefly tells her story, I ask her: What have you done to heal? How did you feel when he got remarried? Are you still heartbroken? If so, how do you deal with it? How have you dealt with forgiveness and what does it look like to you? I hope you give it a listen! Even if you’ve never been married, or you’re long divorced, I’m sure you’ll find some take-aways you didn’t know you needed ;) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 101 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Today’s guest is an old friend of mine, a truly insightful, wise and amazing woman named Cherie Healey. As a board-certified coach she works with women to help them get what they want so they can change the world. She is also the founder of Tapped In Leader, One Woman Effect and the Bring It Group. Cherie calls herself a possibilitarian and on this episode she explains what that is exactly! Also on this episode we talk about how she became the leader she is today, why teaching your knowledge is the final stage of learning and why that teaching stage is so critical to your overall development and fulfillment in life. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

As you may know, a foundational piece of the work I do with women is working on managing their inner-critics. Creating a new way of speaking to themselves that is kind and compassionate instead of beating themselves up. And every once in a while, I get this question “What if I see my inner-critic as my motivator? The voice that pushes me to be better in all aspects in my life?” And your thoughts might look like this: “Oh, Janice lost 30 pounds recently. If she can do it I can lose 40.” “I really was an idiot and screwed up that work project. I’ll stay late and come in early for the next month, and do a WAAAY better job next time” "You know your husband is an ass-man. Amp up the squats, Ms. Flat Ass" Basically, your inner-critic is comparing you to others-- saying you can do better, pushing you to do better based on you falling short or failing, and really just using any “shortcomings” to try and make you a better person. (You know where this is going, right?) People, let’s just be honest here. Your inner-critic is being an asshole by doing this. Does this ever feel good? Unless you’re a masochist (which, to each his own. Seriously.) this isn’t good for you. You know what always works and wins? Love. Kindness. Compassion. Courage. Giving yourself the internal beat-down might change your behavior on a dime, but I can assure you it’s for the short-term, ends up making you feel like shit, and diminishes self-confidence. So, no. The answer is no to “can my inner-critic be my motivator”. Your inner-critic is the voice that is sending messages from beliefs you have about yourself. Beliefs that we ALL have that don’t serve us. Beliefs like: I’m not good enough Everyone else has it figured out but me I’m a fraud and soon everyone will know I don’t deserve a healthy relationship And on and on. It’s like our inner-critic’s job to remind us of those beliefs on a regular basis as well as point out evidence that it’s true. See? You screwed up at work again. Looooser. See? Another fight. You’re doomed to be alone. See? Those pants are tight. You’re enormous. Y’all. It doesn’t have to be this way. No one beats themselves up into happiness, success, being in shape, or a kick-ass life. The solution is to start small. First, recognize the bastard. Hear it and see it. This isn’t a fun exercise, but awareness is half the battle. If you don’t know what is there and when it happens, you’ll just go on listening and believing all the bullshit. Second, slowly work on changing your thoughts and beliefs. Over and over again. Or, believe the a-hole and feel like shit. Your choice. I’m being really forthright here because I’ve seen this one thing change people’s mother-loving lives. Mine included. And if you want free and amazing support here, join me for a free online event: The 7-Day Courage Challenge where I'll teach you to speak kindly to yourself. We start June 1st! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 99 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! You are in for a very special treat - Susan Ariel Rainbow Kennedy (or SARK-- isn’t that the best name EVER!?) is here with us. She’s like the big sister you always wished you would’ve had and she’s bringing her big sister wisdom and guidance to this episode! SARK has known since she was a little girl that her purpose is to transform and uplift others and she does that with her books, her products, programs, her art and through speaking. She is a best-selling author who has been acknowledged and celebrated by such notable thought leaders as Dr. Wayne Dyer, Marianne Williamson and Maya Angelou.You know...no big deal. On this episode, SARK and I talk about how to feel multiple feelings at the same time and how to navigate them all, how to care for your feelings (including a 5 second technique to doing so) and the role curiosity can play in helping us solve many of our issues. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Let’s get one thing out of the way: I talk about the inner-critic a lot. I do it because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this beast— the voice in your head that keeps you small— has the capacity to be the ONE thing that prevents you from living your most kick-ass life. And when it’s uncovered, managed, and transformed...everything changes. This post is about a real-life situation that happened to me a few years ago, and how I’m dealt with my own inner-critic. I'll also weave in a couple of examples that might happen in your life... A couple of years ago I wrote a book. I got a book deal, the book went out to the world and in its first 14 months of publication sold over 10,000 copies. And I totally freaked out. It wasn’t an “OMG-this-is-so-amazing!” kind of freak out. It was a “I’m-so-incredibly-uncomfortable-with-all-this-success-and-attention-I-can’t-be-a-functioning-human-being-ever-again” kind of freak out. I soldiered on through the book promotion and hid out for about 4 months when it was over. Then I went head first into working on my own shit because what happened during that time was a HUGE indicator that work needed to be done. Then about a year ago the call came from my literary agent. He and my publisher are ready for me to write a second book. He asked for an outline and I told him I would have it emailed over by the end of May. May 30th came and went and I hadn't started. I procrastinated like it was my JOB. I’m was ready to write the book except OMG THAT’S SCARY! Why so scary, you ask? Because here’s what my inner-critic says to me the minute my agent tells me they are ready for book #2 and they want an outline: "What, I think I’m an author now?" "This one needs to be better than the first" "My new idea isn't good enough" "They're going to pass on it or make me change it" And when I dig really deep and ask myself what I’m really afraid of-- it’s failure a little bit, yes. But what scares me the most…is success. It’s the big message of “Who do you think you are?” I’m no stranger to this question. I’ve been hearing it and working on it (over and over) since I started my business nearly six years ago. Well, to be honest, most of my adult life. And as I’ve been going through it again and working through it, I knew I needed to tell you— my dear ass-kickers—what the steps are exactly to make my way through it and carry on. So, here they are: Before I jump in-- this doesn't have to be directly related to doing and accomplishing big goals. Maybe you want to speak up in a meeting, ask someone out, initiate sex with your partner, have a hard conversation with someone, or set a boundary. Any of those examples has the ability to make your inner-critic go nuts, so these steps definitely apply here. Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 97 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast! Thank you for being here and for listening to my chat with the lovely and talented Hannah Marcotti. Hannah is a coach for highly sensitive people (are you one too?); she herself is also a highly sensitive person. On this episode Hannah talks about some of the telltale signs that you or a loved one are highly sensitive, such as only being able to wear certain clothes because they feel right and nothing else does or not being able to tolerate loud, crowded places, etc. She also shares why it's so helpful to know this about yourself and appreciate the gift that high sensitivity offers you. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Usually when I record a solo podcast episode, you get to read the whole thing here in a handy-dandy blog post. However, this lesson/episode has a story attached that is so...I don’t even know how to describe it...painful/excruciating/funny/embarrassing, to type it up won’t do it justice. You’ll just have to listen. In it, I’m sharing with you times I’ve done something vulnerable and fallen on my face. Stories where it didn’t work out. And how I got back up again and moved on. I start with the story of me going to see Rob Bell speak last week in Durham and I made a complete asshat of myself, not once, not twice, but three times in one day. The second one wasn’t quite that bad, but the third one was so bad if you’re that person who has trouble watching excruciating moments during reality shows, (like me) this will make you uncomfortable. This picture of me with crazy eyes and Rob Bell was taken about 10 minutes before that third thing happened… I actually had a different episode planned for today, but this thing happened and I decided to share it for three reasons: When it happened, I swore to myself I would NOT share it with listeners b/c it was so humiliating. When I think something like that, I know it’s hit an edge with me and it’s something for me to think about, work through, and then share with you. Everyone has these moments. I teach courage and kickassery-- if I can’t tell you my failures and how I get back up, what good is it? I told the story to Amy (my BFF) and she laughed to hard she had tears streaming down her face. So, hopefully you can both cringe and laugh with me. Trust me when I tell you I wasn’t laughing when it happened, but I laughed when I told her later. Read the rest HERE Resources mentioned in this podcast: How to Handle Your Inner-Mean Girl blog post and podcast episode Dr. Martha Atkins podcast episode on death, dying, and grief Rob Bell’s website Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 95 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast. This episode is a first for the show: we are talking about death, dying and grief. You might be thinking, “Yeah, no thanks!” And yes, these are things we’ve never covered before but a topic that is incredibly powerful and necessary. Seriously, ass kickers, this was one of my favorite conversations on the YKAL podcast! Dr. Martha Atkins joins us to share her wisdom on this topic. Dr. Martha is the CEO of her own company, holds a PhD in counseling education and is also a published author on the topic of grief, death and dying. Even if you’ve never lost a close friend or family member you’ve still been touched by loss. When a relationship ends, a friendship changes or a job doesn’t pan out the way you had hoped, there is loss and with loss comes grief. On this episode Dr. Martha shares her personal stories of loss and grief, and what led her to do this work. Episode 95 is a powerful conversation guaranteed to touch you and provide insights on the grief cycle; the insights you hear today will help you the next time you’re faced with any kind of loss. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Hi ass kickers! Welcome to our first edition of Listener Q & A. You sent me your questions, and I’ve answered them on the podcast. If you’re not familiar with the podcast, simply click the pink player button above to listen, or you can find the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast on iTunes (Apple devices) or Stitcher (Android). I answered three questions on everything from relationships, to the inner-critic, to setting boundaries. And more! I hope you enjoy listening! At minute 3:51... My question is, how do I deal with in-laws that I don't trust? My in-laws live several hundred miles away, so I only see them 3-4 times a year. But, whenever I have to see or talk to them, I feel very anxious, tense and guarded. My experience with them has shown that whatever I say or do is closely scrutinized. I have to defend everything I say or do when I'm with them. As a result, I reveal as little of myself as I can. I feel like I'm hiding behind a shield of fabricated blandness. It feels gross and exhausting. I don't trust that they love me unconditionally and I don't trust they have my back. How do I maintain this relationship without all the anxiety and in-authentic posturing? I don't feel safe to let my guard down, but I hate the way this relationship feels and the stress it causes me. -Sara I have three juicy questions for Sara to think about, hopefully that will help her think some about the situation from new perspectives. I let her know she may have unrealistic expectations of this relationship and direct her also to another podcast I did with Christine Hassler, author or Expectation Hangover. If anyone has had disappointing relationships, give that episode a listen! Even if you don’t have the same situation with in-laws that Sara does, you probably have that person in your life where you have the choice to have a conversation with them about something that is unsaid. ___________________________________________________________________ Read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 93 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast. Today my new friend from Soul Camp is here to talk about love and relationships. Rachel DeAlto is a certified coach from the Institute of Professional Excellence in Coaching (IPEC) certified coach and a certified hypnotherapist from the International Association Of Counselors & Therapists (IACT). She’s been featured on The Today Show, Good Morning America, CNN/HLN, The Steve Harvey Show, Fox News, Cosmopolitan, and Glamour, among others. If that wasn’t enough she’s also given two TEDx talks: one on the Power of Kindness and another on Killing Fear! On this episode Rachel shares her perspective on what makes a healthy relationship, what self-love means and how she practices it, plus how to heal a broken heart no matter what stage of grief you are in. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Why do I talk about the inner-critic so much? This is the thing that gets in the way of us showing up fully, of having those tough conversations that allow us to get what we want and to stand up for ourselves. This is the voice that asks us “What will people think” that drives us to perfectionism, people pleasing, and trying to control everything. This is the voice that makes us feel like shit so that we lash out and blame. And a lot of times this is the voice of shame. Old childhood stuff that sticks with us and haunts us. So when we don’t know this is happening, it rules our life and nothing changes. That’s why I’m hellbent on teaching you all to manage that voice. Truth: I still have an inner-mean girl. It’s the voice in my head that tells me I’m not good enough, I’m not doing it right, I am most definitely falling short, and asks, “Who do you think you are?” when I go after what I want. Over the years I’ve worked and worked on her. I’ve embraced the little girl in her that is hurting and afriad. I’ve hated her, I’ve had compassion for her (btw- having compassion for her feels waaay better). I’ve listened to her, I’ve pushed her aside. And I’ve noticed over the years she gets bent out of shape for different things, depending on what season of life I’m in. And of course, over the last few years, she’s been all up in my face about a very important role in my life:MOTHERHOOD. And maybe your inner mean girl gets chatty around your body, your work, your relationships, your role as a daughter, friend, whatever. But, for the sake of this post, I’ll be giving you the example of motherhood. read the rest HERE Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices

Welcome to episode 91 of the Your Kick-Ass Life podcast. Even if you’ve listened to this show only a few times you know affirmations are not my thing. But a class I took at Soul Camp showed me affirmations can be incredibly powerful when combined with physical movement (who knew?!). Our guest for today’s show, Patricia Moreno, was the teacher of that class. Patricia has found a way to combine affirmations with yoga, martial arts, and dance: it’s called the IntenSati method. After being with her at Soul Camp and simply falling in love with her I had to have her on the show. In addition to teaching at Soul Camp, Patricia and the IntenSati method have also been featured on The Today Show, The New York Times, Oprah Magazine and The Wall Street Journal, among other places. She is an award-winning fitness expert, a mindset specialist and a New Age thought leader. On this episode we talk about what IntenSati is, how her upbringing led her to create it and how she’s fulfilling her mission to help others live the life they love in a body they love by spreading the IntenSati method worldwide. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit podcastchoices.com/adchoices