Love, Happiness and Success with Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Your Holidays Will Be Good When Your Boundaries Are. In case you hadn't noticed the towering pumpkin displays in the grocery store, the catalogues and coupons clogging your mailbox, or the tinsel-spangled interiors of every store you dare step foot in... the holidays are upon us. The holidays can be so amazing: Its the time to expand our souls, embrace generosity and good will, enjoy the warmth of our families and friends, and be grateful for the wonderful relationships in our lives. And... as you well know, holidays can also be fraught with stress, overwhelm, overspending, and tense moments with family members. In my experience as both a marriage counselor and therapist (as well as personally) the "dark side" of the holiday experience often happens when people struggle to hold healthy boundaries. The Usual Suspects: Too Soft: When people are too passive and boundary-less they often wind up feeling put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by family members (or partners!) -- and resentments brew. Not fun, particularly when suppressed seething bubbles over in passive aggressive comments, or bursts out in straight up hostility. Too Hard: When people are too rigid with their boundaries, friends and family members may feel put-upon, mistreated or disrespected by them -- and tempers flare. It's not fun to feel like people are irritated and put off by you, and have no idea why. Unclear: When people struggle to hold healthy boundaries with themselves, they overcommit time and energy, have unrealistic expectations of themselves and overspend -- leaving themselves feeling stressed out, overwhelmed, and emotionally (and financially) depleted by the time New Year's rolls around. Not fun at all. Because these kinds of boundary problems are so common (and so darn avoidable, with advance planning) I thought I'd put together some holiday-specific boundary advice on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. I'm sharing some tools to help you get your boundaries "just right," and enjoy yourself this year. I sincerely hope that it helps you avoid the pitfalls and enhance all the wonderful moments that the month ahead has to offer. From me to you, Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com Music Credits: Ty Segall, "Ceasar"

For those of you so deeply affected by the latest crazy-making experience in your toxic workplace that you're almost too stunned to type... For those of you sitting at your desk, cradling your head in your hands... For those of you frantically searching co-workers’ faces for clues, wondering if you’re the only one noticing the madness... This podcast is for you. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm joined by expert career and executive coach. She's sharing her best career advice for how to tell if your workplace is toxic, and if so, how to survive... and ultimately move on victoriously. Links to the resources we discussed here: https://www.growingself.com/toxic-workplace-career-advice All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

In our hectic, demanding lives, it's easy to lose sight of ourselves: Who we are, how we feel and what we need. Even more challenging can be figuring out how to assert all-of-the-above in our relationships with others. This is particularly true if you've been existing in a toxic relationshipor codependent relationship, or navigating the aftermath of a bad breakup. In the midst of stressful circumstances, attaining empowerment can seem out of reach — especially when you've been focused outwards rather than within. Attaining Empowerment On today's show my colleague, therapist and life coach Teena Evert and I are talking about many of the "pieces" involved with cultivating personal empowerment, including: Mindful self-awareness Building self-loveand self-compassion Why building a sustainable self-care routineis key to maintaining your solid foundation How stress can impact your empowerment The need to create balance by staying aware of your feelings How to be assertive and set boundaries in relationships... while also being flexible Trusting yourself How to ask for what you need... while also having compassion and empathy for people you love Developing a sense of self worth that is independent of external validation How to not give your power away, blame others, or lose yourself in relationships How to not fear your own power I hope our conversation gives you insight into how to begin cultivating empowerment in your life. With love and respect, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com PS: We discussed a number of resources on the show today. Find links to them here: https://www.growingself.com/self-empowerment

Are you on pins and needles, riddled with anxiety about a new relationship? You're not alone. For most of our dating coaching clients, the "dating" part is not that hard. You put a profile together, attend social functions with a smile on your face, and you're going to have opportunities. Going on an actual date or three is not the biggest deal. What IS the biggest deal, and what our dating coaching clients really struggle with, is how to manage all the anxiety, insecurity, and angst about the unknown that comes with finding someone they really like and who they've started seeing regularly. That's when all the questions come up. Today, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm tackling some of your new relationship questions in hopes of putting some of that new relationship anxiety to rest. We'll discuss: How to manage new relationship anxiety The stages of a new relationship New relationship questions When to bring up topics like dating exclusively, or how you really feel Things to look for that indicate red flags and / or compatibility When you should move forward dating someone with a history of depression or other issues (and when to fold 'em). What to do when someone you like hasn't called or texted in a while, or gives other signals that they might not be that into you How to put self-love and self-worth front and center of all new dating relationships How to move a new relationship forward without "scaring someone off" All that, and more, on the podcast. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com PS: Resources we discussed on the show: The How Healthy is Your Relationship Quiz, and How to Cultivate Healthy Self-Love PPS: Do YOU have questions for me? Dating questions, or otherwise? Leave them in the comments: I read every one! :)

Going through a breakup can feel like emotional whiplash. One day you’re angry, the next you’re crying, and somehow you still miss the person who hurt you. If you've ever wondered, “How much more healing do I have to do?” — this episode is for you. In this deep dive, I’m walking you through the stages of a breakup so you can understand what’s happening inside you, where you are in your healing, and get the clarity on what you need to do to move forward. Breakup recovery isn’t linear — it’s layered, emotional, and sometimes messy. But when you understand the stage you’re in, you can take back your power and do the exact work your heart needs. Whether you’re still obsessing over your ex, stuck in grief, or wondering why you feel fine one minute and wrecked the next, this episode will help you normalize your experience and give you a clear roadmap to healing. Timestamps: 00:00 – Why Breakup Recovery Matters 02:35 – Who I Am and Why I Care (More Than You Know) 05:30 – My Own Breakup Story (And Why It Shaped Everything) 07:58 – The Science Behind Breakup Recovery 17:23 – The 7 Stages of Healing (and Why They're Not Linear) 19:03 – Stage 1: Craving Contact with Your Ex 23:35 – Stage 2: Deciding It's Really Over 38:02 – Stage 3: The Grief Hits (Hard) 41:08 – Stage 4: Working Through Anger, Guilt & Shame 50:04 – Stage 5: How to Stop Thinking About Your Ex 52:03 – Stage 6: Learning from the Pain (Without Blaming Yourself) 57:14 – Stage 7: Trusting Yourself to Love Again 01:05:01 – What Healing Actually Looks Like 01:09:39 – Listener Q&A: Real Breakup Stories & Support Navigating the 9 stages of a breakup can be an incredibly emotional and disorienting journey. But one thing is clear: there is a path forward and you don’t have to walk it by yourself. Here are a few resources to take the next step toward healing. 👉 Check out my free breakup recovery quiz: How Over Your Ex Are You? It’s designed to help you understand what stage of healing you’re currently in, and more importantly, what you need to focus on to move forward. Whether you’re stuck in anger, bargaining, or detachment, this quiz offers personalized insights that can help you make sense of your emotions and gain clarity on what comes next. If you're ready to talk to someone who truly understands what you're going through and can help you move forward, we’re here for you. Our team at Growing Self specializes in helping people heal from heartbreak—not just to feel better, but to grow into stronger, wiser, more empowered versions of themselves. 👉 Schedule a free consultation with one of the expert counselors or coaches on our team. This isn’t just about moving on—it’s about creating your new beginning. Xoxo Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com P.S. Know someone who’s going through it right now? Share this article with a friend who could use some clarity, comfort, and hope. You never know how much a simple message can help someone feel less alone.

Break up or stay together? Who hasn't wondered the same, during a seriously difficult time in their relationship? Or, entertained an even bigger question: Should you try to save a relationship? How hard should you work? Especially a relationship that has been feeling really hard and unsatisfying for a long time? How do you know when it's time to call it quits? Because deciding whether to break up or stay together is such a hard decision, we have many questions come through from clients, listeners of our podcast, and readers of our blog wanting help in deciding if their relationship can be saved, or if it's time to throw in the towel. They want to know things like: "How long should it take to see improvement in my relationship?" "In my heart, I don't want to be married to this person anymore. Will it ever come back?" "Is what I'm seeing solvable, or is this a sign we should break up?" "Once a cheater, always a cheater? Or can you have a good relationship after infidelity?" "I'm not being treated well by my boyfriend. Can this change?" "How do I know if I've tried hard enough to save my relationship?" If you've been going through a hard time in your relationship that has led you to have doubts, I hope that this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast can help shed some light on signs that it's time to break up, or whether your relationship can be saved. Sincerely, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby P.S. We discussed a number of resources on this show. Here's where to find the links to all of them: https://bit.ly/2Pga85B

How to Create The Career and Life You Want The fall season is nearly upon us, and with it comes fresh, transformational energy. If you're like many people showing up at Growing Self for life coaching, career coaching or therapy right now, it's because this is the time of year to let go of the old, get re-aquainted with yourself, and design new goals for the next chapter of your life. To support you in your quest for personal evolution, life coach and career coach will be sharing her advice for how to move forward fearlessly in your career, your life and your relationships. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we're talking about: How to organize your life around what brings you the most energy and fulfillment Identifying the self limiting beliefs that may be holding you back Avoiding the common, self-sabotaging traps of perfectionism and negative self-talk Resources to help you to get clear about your values and your goals Key skills to making good decisions about where to go next with your life How to transform your personal and professional relationships Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Miscarriage or infertility can be very hard to talk about, and the lack of support for women and couples going through it can make it even harder to know where to go for help. For this reason, I've invited Growing Self marriage counselor, therapist, women's health and fertility expert Sonya J to join me on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. We're talking about: What women who are grieving after pregnancy loss need from their partners, family and friends. How the healthcare system fails to support the emotional needs of women and couples going through the experience of miscarriage or infertility. How couples are impacted by infertility and pregnancy loss, and how they can support each other through it. How couples can protect their sexual relationship as they are dealing with infertility. The difference between simple and complex grief, and how to heal emotionally after a loss. If you've been dealing with this extremely difficult life experience, we hope that you join us and listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Sincerely, Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, BCC www.growingself.com

Any good marriage counselor or couples therapist will tell you that sex isn't the ONLY thing in a great relationship. Friendship, teamwork, communication, emotional safety, respect, and appreciation are all fundamentally important too. And yet, even when all those strengths are present, if you're not connecting sexually over a long period of time... eventually lack of physical intimacy can erode even the best relationship. To help us understand the most common sexual problems that couples encounter, and how to resolve them, I've invited expert sex therapist Dori Bagi to speak with us on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. We'll be discussing: Why couples often have differences in sexual desire (meaning one person wants to have sex more than the other) and what you can do about it. The role that pornography can play in a relationship — both positive, and negative. Why body image and self-esteem issues are so often at the root of sexual problems, and how you can work together as a couple to resolve them. Differences in the sexual response cycle between men and women, and how understanding arousal can help you both develop a stronger sexual connection. How to talk about your sexual relationship in a healthy and constructive way. Hope this conversation helps you find your way back together again... Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Anger Management Help "Anger issues" are a common problem for many people, and in many relationships. So today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I've enlisted the support of my colleague Dr. Georgiana, to share her expertise about anger. Dr. Georgiana is, among other things, an Emotional Intelligence Coach, Marriage and Family Therapist, and a Life Coach too. She specializes in helping angry people learn how to get to a better place, helps couples communicate and reduce the anger and frustration in their relationships, and I'm so pleased to have her share her "anger advice" with you today too. We'll be talking about: What anger really is The different ways that "anger issues" can show up "Anger Styles:" The differences in the ways that people perceive and express anger Anger management strategies, and anger management techniques How to control anger in relationships How to manage your anger personally and in different situations How to deal with anger in other people I hope that listening to this podcast helps you learn how to manage anger, and find inner peace — both for yourself, and in your relationship. All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby GrowingSelf.com

Everyone has the right to growth, and to feel safe, comfortable, welcome, and understood in what should be the most healing environment of all: Therapy, life coaching or marriage counseling. However, for African Americans, people of color, and other minority groups in the U.S., that has not always been the case. Particularly for black people, getting involved in meaningful growth work can be fraught with obstacles. The time to change that is now. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I've invited my colleagues Anastacia Sams, Teresa Thomas, and Zachary Gaiter to talk about their perspective as black therapists and black marriage counselors. We're discussing: The historical influences that have created feelings of stigma or unease for black people to get involved in therapy. How the idea of using personal growth for self improvement has not been part of black culture... And why that needs to change. How the legacy of racism has led to a culture of concealment about vulnerable topics among African Americans, and how this impacts both individuals and couples. "Black Love," the "Superwoman Syndrome," and the impact of prejudice on self-esteem, intimacy, personal responsibility, and empowerment. How affirming and healing it can be for black people to connect with a supportive black therapist, black life coach, or black marriage counselor who really understands them, where they come from, and how to help them grow. We hope you join us today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Zachary Gaiter, M.A., LPCC, Teresa Thomas, M.A., Anastacia Sams, M.A., LMFTC and Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby, LMFT www.growingself.com

Have you been considering a career change? Sometimes, the first, hardest step is getting clear about what it is that you want to do. But even with that clarity, there can be other obstacles that need to be worked through before you can find a career that you love. Questions like: Should I go back to school? How will changing careers impact my family? What career is congruent with who I really am? What am I really good at? (And can I get paid for that?) Should I take a leap, or should I make an incremental change? Should I just focus on improving the career I'm currently in? How — Or If — To Change Careers Today on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I have the great pleasure of speaking with a master career coach, an executive coach, and a life coach. She's sharing her wisdom and experience to help you figure out if it's time to make a career change, and if so, find your ideal career and transition into a job you love. Today, we're talking about: How to figure out if you're having "escape fantasies" and if so, how to avoid making mistakes in your career. The myth of the perfect career, vs what a realistic "career experience" should be. Escape fantasies vs making slight shifts Differences around career changes between men and women The utility of taking a career assessment test, or career placement test How to use your dark emotions to illuminate your career truth How to manage career challenges unique to different stages of life No matter if you're a recent graduate looking to get clarity about what you want to do with your life, if you're in an established career that you're feeling dissatisfied and discouraged with, or if you're getting back into the workforce after taking a break, you'll definitely want to hear this great career advice. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Do you know what's standing between you and the life you want? Really? As a life coach and therapist I regularly meet with clients who show up for counseling or coaching, certain that they know what their problem is, and what needs to be done to fix it. Aaannnddd.... the next phase of the work in counseling or coaching is often helping people go further, and dig deeper to understand what the true source of "the problem" really is. (Hint: It is almost never what you think it is). Once that is revealed, we can then move to creating action-oriented strategies that will create meaningful and lasting change. They go from feeling stuck, and like they're just spinning their wheels as they ineffectively chasing after what they think is the solution to the problem, to feeling like they are actually making progress. But the first step is truly self-awareness. If you don't know what's really getting in your way, you can't possibly fix it. Can you relate? If so, you're in luck: Today on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm walking you through an activity that will raise your self-awareness, and help you "get under the hood" of your inner experience. You'll learn some new things about yourself AND get direction for how to start making changes. Here's to growth! Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Your Relationship Questions, Answered. Today, we're answering your relationship questions in order to give you real help for your relationship. Here are some of the relationship questions I'm answering today: Ms M asks, "How do I know whether my relationship is worth saving, or if I should let this go and move on?" Lisa asks: "Should I stay friends with my Ex?" Mr. T asks: "I'm shutting down with my partner. How do I stop?" Ms. K asks: "I'm afraid that my boyfriend is emotionally unavailable due to his own issues. What do I do?" I mentioned many resources and links in this episode. Get access to all of them on the post for this show: https://wp.me/p6UUlQ-dmt Do you have relationship advice for these questioners or personal experiences that you can relate? Perhaps you have your own relationship questions, self-improvement questions, breakup questions, or career questions for an upcoming episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? If so, please leave them in the comments! All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

How To Improve Self Esteem How do you feel about yourself? Are you confident in your power to make good things happen in your life? Do you believe that you are just as good as anyone else? Do you trust yourself? Do you feel like you are a good person, who is worthy of love and respect? Too many people go through periods in their lives where self-confidence feels elusive. They doubt themselves. They may feel "less than" others around them. Perhaps they don't ask for what they deserve or don't feel able to take the risks that will move them forward. And as a result, they may settle for less in their relationships, their careers, and their lives. Self-esteem matters. Self-Esteem, Self-Confidence, and Self-Worth Feeling good about yourself (not in a narcissistic way, but rather in a healthy, self-accepting way) is key to having a good life. Yet many people struggle with this, and it is something that we routinely address with our therapy and life coaching clients. So, to help you cultivate healthy confidence in your own life, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm joined by two of my colleagues, Anastacia Sams, M.A., LMFTC and Kathleen Stutts, M.Ed., LPCC, both of whom are experts in helping people heal, grow, and restore their optimism about themselves. We're talking about how to improve your self-esteem, how to create self-confidence, how to cultivate healthy self-worth, and most importantly, how to use the healing power of self-acceptance to (paradoxically) create real and lasting change in your life. We hope this exploration helps YOU on your path of growth and healing, too. xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Dating Coaches Get Real. Yes, modern dating can be challenging. For as constantly-connected as we all are digitally, it can still be hard to establish a genuine connection with someone new — let alone someone who's a good match for you. Whether you've been doing online dating, or spending lots of time out and about chatting up attractive strangers you know that dating in this day and age can be daunting. And... I also want you to know that dating, with intention, courage and strategy, also works. There are many great people out there, just like you, who are looking for love — and finding it. Modern dating can and does lead to love. But there are questions about dating that need to be answered first. Namely, what's the difference between the type of people that modern dating seems to work for, and those for whom love is always elusive? What are the changes that you need to make in your dating approach to get better results? So Why Am I Still Single? To get to the bottom of this, I've asked the person who understands the realities of modern dating better than anyone: Brian Howie, to join me on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Brian is the founder, host and agent provocateur of The Great Love Debate. All over the world, Brian has been amassing single men and women together in the same room (often with some relationship and dating experts thrown in) and then sparking passionate conversations between them all about what is either leading to (or getting in the way of) love and connection. Through these debates, Brian has gained a unique perspective into modern dating as well as a remarkable insight into the specific things that both men and women are unintentionally doing that either sabotage their chances of creating a meaningful new relationship.... or lead them into the arms of "the one." Listen to his expert advice, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Do Long Distance Relationships Work? Oh yes. In fact, long-distance relationships can have strengths over in-person relationships, and be a wonderful experience for everyone involved. However, to have a successful long-distance relationship, you need to be mindful of a few key factors in order to help you both feel loved, secure and connected although the miles keep you apart. To talk all about how to make long distance relationships work, I've enlisted the support of long-distance relationship expert Brogan Crosby, M.S., LMFTC. We're talking about: Why long-distance couples can actually have strengths and advantages over other couples, especially when one or both partners are ambitious and career-focused. Some of the unique challenges that long-distance couples face and how to overcome them. What the most important factors in making long distance relationships work are, and how you can mindfully incorporate certain strategies to keep your connection strong. Strategies to use during the transitional period when you shift from a long-distance relationship to living together (or nearby). Listen to this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, and learn how to make your long-distance relationship thrive. All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

There are false myths about men that are unhelpful to everyone; themselves, the people who love them, and their relationships. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, our mission is to understand men and "the male experience," especially when it comes to self-development. To this end, I've enlisted the support of my fellow couples counselors, therapists and life coaches, Zachary Gaiter, and Seth Bender Here are just some of the questions about men we're discussing: Why can it be so hard to get men to open up? Is it true that men are less likely to get involved in personal growth work, or want to pursue couples counseling? How can women help the men in their lives get help if they're worried about them? What are some things that men need to figure out, that women never even think about? What are some of the things that men really need their partners to know, but might not know how to say? What is the difference between a "guy" and a "man," in terms of male identity development? And what are some of the unique situations that men may be struggling with, but that never even get discussed? All here for you, on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Ghosts, Zombies and Breadcrumbs, Oh My! If you've been on the modern dating scene for any time at all, you've probably become aware that the way people connect with each other is changing. Old "rules of dating" that we could once take for granted are no longer the norm. In fact, dating advice from just a few years ago might now steer you in the wrong direction if you're looking for love. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm joined by Match.com's lead researcher and scientific advisor Dr. Helen Fisher, as well as Denver dating coach Markie Keelan, to talk about their latest dating advice and how you can make it work for you. Here are just some of the dating questions we're discussing: What does it mean when someone you like disappears, only to show up again weeks or months later? How do a significant percentage of long-term relationships start these days? (Hint: Not with a first date!) How can you tell if you're in a "situationship" that's going to turn into a real relationship? (Or not). Why does keeping your options open sometimes reduce the chance of finding authentic intimacy? How is the evolving political landscape impacting the way people behave when they're dating? Why are some parts of the country notorious for "Ghosts, Zombies and Breadcrumbs" - and what you can do to avoid this trap? All for you, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

How Do You Get Over An Affair? I know it sounds hard to believe, but you can heal after infidelity, and stay together. You may not ever "get over" an affair, but you can certainly heal your relationship. It is also possible to rebuild the trust after infidelity. However.... getting past infidelity is an active process, for both partners. Time alone does not heal an affair. You cannot just "get over" infidelity. After you've been betrayed, you can't just flip a switch and put the past in the past, and trust your partner again. But you can heal, and you can trust again... when you're both doing the work of recovery, together. Real Advice For Rebuilding Trust and Security, After An Affair On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm sharing the ten crucial steps that every couple must take in order to repair their relationship after infidelity. I hope that this discussion creates a road-map for you to follow, as you work to reclaim your relationship, your trust, and your sense of security after an affair. With love and respect, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Ever had your heart smashed into a million pieces... and then had zero clue what you were supposed to do next? If you're dealing with heartache and feel like you're barely keeping it together, I’m sure you have a million questions on how to move through the pain. On this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success podcast, I did something a little different. I opened my inbox — and my heart — to you. To your questions about breakups. Your stories. Your confusion, longing, grief, and pain so I could help you through the heartache and so you can start feeling like yourself again. Timestamps: 00:00 – Why this episode matters 02:35 – My Own Story of Heartbreak 08:37 – Answering Your Breakup Questions 16:31 – Should You Seek Closure or Let It Go? 28:26 – How to Deal When Your Ex Moves On 38:49 – Why Do I Feel Ashamed I’m Still Not Over It? 42:34 – I See My Ex All the Time — What Can I Do? 48:09 – Why Do I Feel Like My Ex ‘Won’ The Breakup 1:00:55 – Real-Life Breakup Stories You’ll Relate To 1:08:19 – How to Heal From Heartbreak If this episode resonated with you, here’s the most important thing you need to know: You are not stuck. There is a way forward from this pain. And it starts with understanding where you are in the healing process—and what you need next. 👉 Take My Free Heartbreak Recovery Quiz: How Over Your Ex Are You?It’s more than just a quiz. It’s a mirror held up with compassion. This quick, insightful tool helps you identify exactly what stage of healing you’re in and offers clear guidance on what your next step needs to be. Sometimes what we really need most is a real conversation. A place to say the unsayable. To unpack the confusion, the longing, the guilt, or even the hope that maybe it’s not really over. If that's where you are... 👉 You can schedule a free consultation with a compassionate, expert member of our Growing Self team—someone who specializes in breakup recovery. Whether you’re barely holding it together or starting to imagine life on the other side of this, talking to someone who understands can make all the difference. You don’t have to keep navigating this alone. You can get the support you deserve, right now. And we’re here to walk with you every step of the way. Xoxo Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com P.S. If someone you care about is going through a heartbreak right now, send them this article. Sometimes, hearing they’re not alone is the best gift you can give.

How to Stop Self-Sabotage From Derailing Your Goals. Do you ever feel like your own worst enemy? Or feel frustrated that, despite having the best of intentions, you can't seem to actualize your goals? What I've learned from many years as a life coach and therapist is that when people fail it is NOT because of lack of motivation, or determination, or willpower. Most of the time it is because people are unintentionally sabotaging their own success... from day one.The worst part is that they usually have no idea that they're even doing it. The antidote is having awareness about the subtle forces that will pull you off track every time, and the practices that will help you stay on course. Using the six strategies I'll be teaching you about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast will help you stop unintentionally sabotaging your success, and set you up to achieve your most important goals in 2018. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

It's Time To Stretch Your Soul This is a sacred time of year, no matter what your beliefs. Spiritual traditions of every flavor honor this special season. Even if you have no spiritual belief system it's still a time for reflection, generosity and new resolutions. It's a time of year for gratitude, showing others how much you love them, and thinking about who you want to grow into as the next year spins into focus -- for everyone. It's also the perfect time to cultivate the practice of unconditional love. In the near future, you will likely have fork-in-the-road moments with friends, family, your kids, siblings, and your partner, in all their disappointing, annoying, frustrating, and hurtful humanity. At these moments you can choose judgment or empathy; contempt or compassion; anger or acceptance; grudge-holding or forgiveness. Its easy to love when your ego is stroked, when you feel gratified, and when you're awash in pleasurable "loving" feelings. But the heart of every religion teaches us that our purpose here is something else: To love when it’s hard. It can be challenging to stay compassionate and understanding with people who behave badly. The grand, beautiful paradox of this time of year is that -- with all it's unique stressors -- you will have many opportunities to practice staying soft and loving in the face of challenging relational moments. Accept the Challenge of Unconditional Love Choosing love even when it's hard feels selfless, but truthfully, you're the one who wins. Choosing love expands your soul, softens your spirit, and makes you a happier person. In giving love, you receive it -- whether or not anyone else participates. Learning how to do this will not only help others, make you feel good, improve your relationships, and contribute to world peace... it will help you grow into the self-actualized, "best self" that you were meant to be. With love to you, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com The Season For Unconditional Love: Listen Now Music Credits: The Kronos Quartet, Black Angels: "Spem in Alium" P.S. Are you on the Love, Happiness and Success Express? Sign up on my website and I'll send you a monthly roundup with the latest from the blog.

What to Do, When The Dark Season Brings Dark Emotions In the months leading up to the holidays, and in the months after, many people struggle with "dark emotions" such as depression, grief, and sadness. There are many reasons for this, including the reality of Seasonal Affective Disorder, changes to many people's health and nutrition habits in the wintertime, and the fact that for many people the holiday season often brings with it unique stressors and emotional triggers. Many people dealing with hard life transitions like a breakup or divorce struggle during their first holiday alone. For others, bittersweet memories of years past and lost loved ones infuse the season with feelings of grief and loss. All these experiences are normal, and natural. Many, many people are dealing with these feelings privately as they go through the motions of making merry. However, because these extremely common feelings are not often discussed publicly, many people experiencing them can feel isolated as a result. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, we're breaking the silence and talking openly about this common experience, and how to move past it. We'll be discussing how to deal with dark emotions in a healthy way: when to lean into painful feelings, and how to work through them productively. We'll talk about the difference between situational depression and the symptoms of major depressive disorder, how to get a handle on seasonal affective disorder, how to work through the stages of grief, and the natural remedies for depression that can help you feel healthier and happier. Wishing you all the best on your journey of growth and healing, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Start the New Year Strong, and Inspired As a life coach who specializes in helping people grow and make positive changes in their lives, I'm well aware that every new year brings with it a wonderful opportunity to take stock of your life, get connected with your core values, get re-focused on your goals, and craft a plan to achieve them. Most people have a renewed sense of hope and motivation around their New Year's resolutions, which — when given the right tools — increases their chances of being successful in achieving big, positive changes. But it can be hard to set (much less achieve) your New Year's goals. Many times people make New Year's resolution lists that are not tied to their deepest values, meaning they list the things they think they should want — or that other people want them to do. These are never successful, because they're not tied to your authentic wants and needs. Other times, people do have clarity about what they want to achieve, but their "grand plans" fall apart because their aspirations are not tied to a concrete, doable action plan. But neither of those sad fates will happen to you. Because today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is all about supporting you in your New Year's resolutions success. I'll be walking you through my "Start Your New Year Strong" free mini life coaching session so that YOU can get clarity about what you want for yourself over this next year, and also make a concrete plan for how to create it. Note: This is an "active" podcast meaning that I'll be walking you through some exercises to gain self awareness and make specific plans. Before you start listening, please click on this link to download the free pdf worksheet so that you can do these exercises with me today. You Have The Power to Make Amazing Things Happen in Your Life I'm excited to share this activity with you. My hope is that you'll leave our time together feeling inspired, energized, and with some tools and concrete new strategies to help you make great things happen for yourself in 2018. With love and respect, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

How To Handle Challenging Relationships Over the Holidays Ahoy there! As I'm sure you're well aware, the holidays are fast approaching. If you're like many (most?) of our life coaching, therapy, and marriage counseling clients, over the past few weeks you've probably had lots of questions on your mind about how to handle this time of year - especially when it comes to managing your most important family relationships. While family holidays have the potential to be fun and meaningful opportunities for connection, they can also be fraught with delicate and/or infuriating interpersonal dilemmas for many people. You want to have close relationships with your family or in-laws, and at the same time, it can feel very challenging to navigate the high-intensity holiday season without your family pushing your buttons, and firing off your emotional triggers. Because of having had bad experiences in holidays past, many people can spend weeks, if not months, leading up to the holidays in a state of "holiday anxiety." We have had a number of thoughtful and heartfelt questions come in recently from our listeners, readers, and clients about how to handle various relationship situations over the holidays. As a little holiday "care package" for them and for you, I'll be putting on my family therapist hat and addressing them on today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Here are some of the questions our listeners (and clients) have been asking lately. I chose these questions in particular because I think that so many people can relate to them... Grandparents Not Respecting Parents "Dr. Lisa, I love my husband's family. They are so kind, and generous with us. At the same time, I feel that they do not respect our (especially my) authority as parents. In our home we have expectations for our kid's behavior, and also set limits around things like junk food. I feel that my husband's parents disregard these completely, even when we directly ask them to. The grandparents are overstepping boundaries. In particular, my mother in law is controlling and overbearing. It doesn't matter what I say or how I feel. My husband tells me that it's just the way she is and to go along with it. But I am so frustrated when I'm around her. I need him to set boundaries with his family and he won't. I need to be setting boundaries for grandparents. We are going to be staying with them for a week. Help!" How Do I Deal With My Judgmental Family "How do I deal with nosy questions? Even if they are well-meaning, I feel like my family does not get me at all, and like they're always judging me and my choices." Spending Christmas Alone After Divorce "This is my first holiday after my divorce, and I feel really sad. All I can think about are holidays I had with my Ex. My friends are busy with their families. I feel lonely. I think I am starting to get "holiday depression" over it. What do I do?" Toxic Parents: Do I Avoid My Family Over the Holidays? "I want to have a good relationship with my family, but over the years I have become aware that I have toxic parents. I believe they may even be narcissistic parents. Both of my parents are critical and judgmental of me. My mother can literally be abusive towards me. She is also completely codependent. I have dealt with it in the past by avoiding family gatherings, and avoiding my family during the holidays. My friends have told me I should cut off family entirely, and honestly I have considered cutting family out of my life. I don't want to do that, but I don't know what else to do to protect myself from my toxic family." Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents "My parents are the nicest people ever but they drive me crazy. My mom is constantly complaining about her health, and then I watch her sit on her butt all day and eat junk food. She is seriously overweight, has high blood pressure, is pre-diabetic, and will not do anything about it. My father constantly interrupts people. He drinks too much. He talks with his mouth full. My parents are not in a great place financially, and spend way too much money on our kids during the holidays and they make bad financial choices in general. I am literally embarassed by my parents. I want to help them but when I say anything they shut me down. All my "holiday stress" is tied to my frustrating family. How do I deal with this?" I answer all these questions on today's podcast. Listen, and get some advice for how to manage all of these challenging family situations with love, compassion, tolerance and strength. Do you have follow up questions for me? Or comments? Please share them on the blog! All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com P.S. Here's a link if you want to check out one of the resources discussed on today's show. Crucial Conversations; Tools For Talking When the Stakes Are High, by Patterson, Grenny, McMillan & Switzler

Single During the Holidays? As a breakup expert and dating coach, I know all too well that many single people — particularly newly single people — often dread the holiday season, envisioning themselves enduring the upcoming string of holiday celebrations without a +1. But truly, there is no need to worry about feeling lonely during the holidays. If you're single, and want to be in a new relationship, the holiday season is actually a fantastic, highly advantageous time for you to connect with a new love. Why is dating during the holidays such a great time to launch a beautiful new relationship? Three main reasons: 1. You have the opportunity to meet more people in person, because of all the holiday gatherings and events happening at this time of year. 2. Many, many other singles (fun, beautiful, desirable, successful singles just like you) are also feeling motivated to connect right now and are putting themselves out there too. But there's more: Match.com consistently finds that the Sunday after New Year's is the single most popular day for people to create new online dating profiles. They see a 30-40% increase in their membership on that one day alone. If you get your act together now, you'll have the pick of the litter come January. 3. Possibly most importantly, you have a legitimate reason to wear sequins, sparkles, and / or hilariously ugly holiday sweaters. (All of which are fantastic conversation starters, making it extremely easy for anyone to start up a conversation with you.) You could totally walk up to this guy and talk to him about his bells and puff-balls. Or maybe just give him a hug. In short: If you've been sitting on the sidelines, feeling discouraged about the dating game, now's the time to get off the bench and take another swing at finding love. And today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast is going to help you do just that. Free Advice From a Dating Coach There are just a few keys to successful dating: Clarity, Chemistry, Connection, and Evaluation. We're going to be talking about each of these today to get you prepared to be your best self as you head into this sparkling season, ripe with potential for new love. I'll be putting on my "dating coach" hat to give you some advice on how to get clear about who you want to meet, and how to attract them. We'll also be discussing the all-important "chemistry factor" and what YOU need to be thinking about and doing to wow all the attractive new people you're about to meet, and leave them wanting more of you. Additionally, we'll be talking about how to make the most of all your opportunities for connection. You'll have natural "IRL" opportunties this season, in the form of parties and holiday events, as well as the chance to freshen up your online dating profile. Because your photos will make-or-break your success with online dating, I've invited professional portrait photographer Kelly Weaver (who specializes in online dating profile photos) to give you her top tips for getting some fantastic new photos for your profile. After that, we'll also be discussing the downsides of being so gorgeous and irresistible, which is how to competently handle all the attention you're getting — not to mention the sheer volume of messages and invitations you might be flooded with. No really, having a solid plan in place to manage all the back-and-forth without acquiring a bunch of pen-pals, and quickly figure out who's a good fit for you and who's not will help you focus your energy on the people who are a match for you. Lot's to learn about dating during the holidays, on this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Listen now... xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com Ps: Do you have a follow up question or comment related to this podcast? Join the conversation!

How to Cope, in a World Where Bad Things Happen Like so many of you, I too was shocked and horrified by the events of last week when so many innocent lives were taken in the Las Vegas shooting. Among other things, it led me to scrap last Monday's podcast plans and create this one for you instead: Some advice for how to deal mentally and emotionally when terrible things happen. I hate it that we live in a world where this even needs to be addressed, but it does. Together, over the past years, we've been through so much. Shootings. Natural disasters. Terrorist Attacks. War. Human Suffering. In our day-to-day lives we're all under assault; choking down an endless barrage of information about all the latest horrors ... but with no guidance for how to cope with it all, emotionally. Death is the only wise advisor that we have. -- Carlos Castaneda, Journey to Ixtlan Our counseling and coaching clients here at Growing Self have the luxury of being able to process all of it, and get actionable advice for how to manage the grief, the fear, and the anger. And most importantly, our clients have support in channeling all those dark feelings into something positive and empowering. I believe that you deserve the same. So today, on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I thought I'd offer you some of the same ideas we've been teaching our private clients lately about how to cope, during these dark times. Listen now, and learn: Strategies for dealing with grief and horror in the days after a tragedy Ways to regain your sense of empowerment, safety, and control How to use difficult times to get clarity about your core values Anxiety management tips to ground yourself Inspiration for how to be a force of good in the world Theses ideas help me personally, they help our clients, and I sincerely hope that they help you, too. With love and respect, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Do you attract the wrong people? Do you keep having toxic relationships? If so, you're not alone. You'd be surprised at how many people come to us for life coaching, breakup recovery, individual therapy, or dating coaching hoping to achieve one goal: Having a healthy relationship. (And how to stop getting involved in unhealthy ones). They show up to therapy or life coaching because they have, over time (or after the latest heartbreaking breakup) become aware that they are engaging in "non-ideal relationship patterns," over and over again. They keep getting involved with narcissists, or people who treat them badly. They keep choosing emotionally unavailable men, or aggressive / controlling women. Whatever the sad pattern is, they want it to stop. Above all else, they want to work on themselves to heal, grow, and ensure that NEXT time they get involved with someone they can love and be loved in a healthy relationship with a good person. And so we dig in. Identifying Your Blind Spots The first stop in figuring out why you keep choosing the wrong man or wrong woman is uncovering what unconscious motivations are driving your choices. Getting outside help in understanding your toxic relationship patterns can be a wise move, because of the entirely subconscious nature of the problem. You don't consciously choose bad relationships -- no one does. You choose what feel in the moment, are good relationships.... and then wind up having bad experiences. (That are often mysteriously, eerily similar to the past experiences you thought you were trying to avoid). Unhealthy relationship patterns can happen for many reasons. Sometimes it's old, unfinished emotional business from the past. Other times, your self-esteem or feelings of self-worth can get in the way. Yet other times, the root of the problem is imbedded in way you communicate or set boundaries with others. Because you are a complex, unique, individual, your truth will not be exactly the same as everyone else's. Avoiding Toxic Relationships However, there is one very common thing that most people have done at least once, and which will almost always lead to heartbreak: Falling victim to "Black Hat Love." Learning how to spot the one fatal factor that makes you most vulnerable to getting involved in toxic relationships can help you stop the madness, and finally create the happy, healthy relationship you're longing for. And that's what I'll be teaching you about on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Have follow up questions for me? Leave them in the comments @ https://wp.me/p6UUlQ-92A xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

"And the greatest of these is love." Did you know that opposites really do attract - but only sometimes? Do you know what love has in common with addiction? Or how anti-depressants can interfere with your relationships? Or the difference between love and attachment? How about the kinds of personality combinations that create lasting love, versus lots of conflict? I didn't either, until I discovered the research of Dr. Helen Fisher. Through decades of research as a biological anthropologist, Dr. Fisher has uncovered the ancient secrets of love. Her groundbreaking work has revealed just how old, powerful, and biologically-based romantic love is through brain-image scanning. For example, the drive for love lives in the same part of your brain as the drive for water and warmth. You know how, when you've been in love, it's totally consumed you? You're not imagining it: She's shown that your brain is actually wired that way. There's more: Through her work with Match.com and Chemistry.com Dr. Fisher has collected data from literally millions of people, and shown how your biologically based personality style determines your ideal lover. She has also helped us understand the biological basis of sex and love addiction, and the mechanisms at work in love, lust, and attachment. She's given TED talks, written books, published articles in peer-reviewed journals: And now she's here talking to you, on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. Listen now, and learn the truth about love from the expert: Dr. Helen Fisher. All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

It's Time to Grow. Many people think that the most natural time to make big changes to their lives is around the New Year. Many people flock to life coaching around then, to help them actualize their resolutions. But, as a life coach, I'm going to let you in on a little-known secret: While the turn of the year is certainly a poetic time for transitions, there's actually one that's more powerful and effective if you really want to make change in your life. And that time is now. Why? Think about it: For all of your formative years, your life had a natural rhythm built around the school year. Summer was a time of self discovery and expansion. You got to step out of the daily grind for a little while, have new experiences, focus on relationships, and generally relax. Then as every new school year began, you had a new opportunity, and a new beginning. Your clothing and school supplies were freshened. Plans were made. Intentions were set. And you got clean slate on which to reinvent yourself, define your new identity, and create a different reality with each passing year. And most years, you succeeded, didn't you? You moved forward. You grew and changed. You were able to manifest a new incarnation of yourself. Every year was a chapter in the ever-evolving story of you. This cycle was repeated over and over and over from the time you were a small child, until well into your twenties and beyond. Our work and vacation seasons still follow this natural order. If you're a parent, you're reliving something similar with your children now. This natural cycle of growth and regeneration is now pretty much hard-wired into your system -- even if you're not in school anymore. However, many adults are no longer consciously aware of the ebb and flow of this seasonal growth energy in their lives. They just move from season to season without thinking too much about it. Sadly, they miss the opportunity for reflection transformation that this time of year affords. But today I'm here to help you learn how to through fully and intentionally harness the power of this special time, and take advantage of it. By deliberately using the psychological and emotional forces that become available to you during this unique time of year, you can make important and lasting change in your life. On this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'll be walking you through some new ideas and activities that will help you give your entire life a makeover. To start, you'll learn how to begin the process of shedding the old, and embracing the new. We'll cover how to de-clutter and re-organize your relationships, your habits, the way you're managing your time, your energy, and yourself. You'll learn how to take stock of different areas of your life to figure out what's working for you, what's worth building on, and what it's time to release. I'll give you some strategies to help you reflect and gain self awareness around the thoughts, feelings and behaviors that need to be released. Then we'll talk about how to craft a plan for this chapter of your life, that includes setting the goals and making the daily changes that will help you create the life you want. You deserve all the love, happiness and success in the world, and I sincerely hope that these ideas help you create it. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Looking for free relationship advice from a marriage counselor? Here it is... Everyone needs relationship advice sometimes, and it can be hard to know where to go for trustworthy advice that will help you repair your relationship. (Sadly, much of what you find online is not evidence-based). One of the most meaningful things I do in my role here as a marriage counselor and relationship coach is putting lots of free information out into the world, in hopes that it connects with you at your time of need. Today, I'm making a show of it. Literally. I have people from all over the world get in touch with me, asking fantastic (and heartfelt) relationship questions. I want you to know and I get all these questions. I've been listening to you, and hearing what you're looking for help with. Today, I'm here with answers. I've picked a handful of a few of the most frequent types of relationship questions I commonly hear, and am addressing them personally on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast. On today's show I'm dishing out some real relationship advice that answers listener questions, like: "How to I manage my own 'baggage' in such a way as to not negatively impact my relationship?" "Should I let a relationship go, or give it another try?" "My husband is totally withdrawing and won't talk to me -- what do I do?" "We are fighting about everything: Kids, communication, finances, and more. How do we even start repairing this?" I bet you can relate to some of these, and if so I hope that my perspective finds the two of you help you find your way back together again. Do you have a question for an upcoming episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast? Leave it in the comments of this episode -- I might use them on a "Relationship Questions, Round 2" podcast soon! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Do you compare your life and your accomplishments to those of other people? In this day and age it's harder than ever to trust your own ideas, believe in yourself, and actualize a self-directed vision. Why? There are many forces at work in our culture that make us question whether we're measuring up. Not least of these is our consumption of social media -- the never-ending digital conveyor belt of information about all the amazing things our friends and acquaintances are doing with their lives, in vivid color. Vacations, milestones, weddings, births, and promotions are artfully showcased to enviable perfection. When you're constantly confronted with semi-histrionic proclamations about the magnificence of what other people are doing, your own life can feel less-than in comparison. (Listen to "Schadenfacebook" on The Hidden Brain Podcast.) But when you're measuring yourself by someone else's yardstick, it takes a toll. For starters, it creates anxiety and insecurity. It can also lead you to begin crafting your life to garner the approval and admiration of others. When that happens, you become disconnected from your vision, your truth, and your personal power. When the positive affirmation of other people starts to feel really important, it can lead to a downward spiral in your feelings of intrinsic self worth. What Happens When You Lose Yourself Becoming overly focused on how you compare to others makes you vulnerable to all sorts of problems. For example, you might find it increasingly hard to make decisions without second guessing yourself. It can feel hard to persist in the face of adversity when you're not certain about who you are, and what you want. When you need people to treat you a certain way so that you can feel okay about yourself, your relationships can suffer. You may feel increasingly out of touch with who you are, and what makes you authentically happy. Worst yet, being other-focused may lead you to (ironically) become less able to create the kind of successful life you want... leading to even more anxiety and dissatisfaction with your current reality, and more dependent on the opinions of others to feel okay about yourself. (Check out "Why Gen Y Millenials Are So Unhappy" on the Wait But Why blog.) Here's a poignant note on exactly this subject that I recently received from a listener of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: "Dear Dr. Lisa, Recently I am trying to consciously make time to work on building cognitive skills and self awareness with the tips and lessons you share in your classes, blogs and podcasts, and also from feedback I get from [the coach I'm working with @ Growing Self.] [Through my personal growth work] I found out that one of my unhealthy thinking habits is "comparing myself with others". I was comparing myself with my boyfriend, my friends, and this was so on "auto-pilot" most of the time, I wasn't even so aware about it. Since I could always easily find what I was lacking when I did comparisons, it brought me many problems. I was always lacking confidence, I was always seeing proof of my shortcomings and reasons about why I shouldn't/counldn't do something, and I always struggled with anxiety and uneasiness. It was most painful when I felt inferior than others in things I value most. (Being compassionate, intelligent etc.) Also, I realized that deep in my mind I used comparisons to feel good about myself, like comparing my achievements to others' and assuring myself that I'm doing great, which is maybe not so bad and what people naturally do, but it could make me feel guilty or empty at times. I was in this unhealthy, unhelpful place for a very long time. I'm still working on this, but I felt very liberated after I learned that these unhelpful thinking patterns can be shifted with effort to more productive ones, and that people have different natural talents and strengths and it's okay to accept myself as who I am. It was almost a surprise to know that there is actually a way to be happier. I would be interested if you could do a podcast or write an article about comparisons someday, if you have anything to share about this topic." Sincerely, - H How to Stop Comparing Yourself To Others, and Start Believing in Yourself Oh yes, dear H, I do. I have quite a lot to share on this topic, actually. In my day-to-day role as a therapist and life coach here at Growing Self, I talk to many, many people who express the same anxiety and heartache that you expressed in your letter. You would not believe how many gorgeous, healthy, blazingly intelligent, high achieving and objectively successful people feel the same way about themselves and their lives. No matter what they do, they harbor gnawing anxiety that it's not enough. Their accomplishments are quickly disregarded in favor of the next amazing thing they should be doing. Their feelings about themselves rise and fall based on what others think of them. And when they do experience inevitable disappointments and setbacks, they

Feeling stuck? Here's How to Break Free... Most people who want more out of life seek out counseling or coaching because they are not willing to settle. They want to make a positive change in their lives, their careers, in their relationships, or in themselves, but have run out of ideas. They have tried everything that they, personally, know how to do to improve the situation... and it hasn't worked. They feel stuck. If you've been feeling this way lately, I want you to know that 1) you're not alone, and that 2) I'm going to help you with this. Like right now. Here's the big secret to getting unstuck: Self awareness. What nobody realizes, before entering personal growth work, is that "the problem" they've been trying to fix is not actually what needs their attention. Focusing on the circumstance, or the situation, is not going to move the needle for you. The answer is not outside. It's inside. Only when you identify the unconscious, inner obstacles that have been getting in your way will you start to move meaningfully forward. Until that happens, you'll spin. (And seethe. And beat yourself up. And get increasingly frustrated.) As frustrating and uncomfortable as this stuck place is, can be it's really an amazing opportunity in disguise. Why? Because it's often feeling ABSOLUTELY FED UP WITH STUCK-NESS that launches people into the life-changing journey of growth and soul-expansion that would not have been possible otherwise. Often, this journey carries people through places inside themselves that they'd never even imagined existed. As people move towards empowerment, towards designing their lives, and towards "creating change" they often discover that the path is one of growth. Of personal evolution. Of compassion. Of self actualization. Sometimes, even one of healing. This is a beautiful experience and one I believe passionately that everyone deserves. So on this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm actually going to give you a "Master Class" of the main ideas that all our counseling and coaching clients arrive upon, eventually: The path to creating change outside yourself starts from within. Only by uncovering the inner, hidden obstacles that have been holding you back will you be able to move forward and create meaningful and lasting change in your life, your career, your relationships... and in yourself. Self awareness is the first step of personal transformation. Only when you understand yourself, and the unconscious obstacles you've been wrestling with, can you make the changes that will actually help you break free. How to Cultivate Self Awareness: Step 1: Listen to the podcast to learn about the "four domains of stuck-ness" that people often get trapped by. See which resonates with you! Step 2: Click here to take the "What's Holding You Back" quiz to find out which of these domains is the most powerful in your life. Step 3: Then use your newfound self-awareness to take positive, and most importantly effective, action. Step 4: Share your experiences in the comments on http://www.growingself.com/break-free/ We all learn and grow from our connections with each other, after all... (I'll even go first). xo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby http://www.growingself.com

Do you have issues with your parents? If so, you're normal. As a therapist, family therapist, and life coach I know that many, if not most, people in their twenties, thirties, and forties are still working through different aspects of their relationships with their parents. This doesn't mean rehashing the past, but rather letting go of old baggage so that you can move forward into the life you design. Though this work can be challenging, it can also be absolutely necessary for you to re-define your relationships with your family of origin as you grow into your happiest, healthiest, "best self." Understanding how you relate/d to your family can also be profoundly important to understanding how you relate to your spouse and children. Sometimes, this work involves healing, and forgiving your parents for things that happened in the past. You may need to learn how to establish healthy adult relationships with your parents, as you create your own family. Or, you might need to set new boundaries with your parents, and release the responsibility and guilt your're carrying. It's a lot, and for many this type of work can feel very "big" and overwhelming. So on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm going to be talking you through some really common "parent problems" that adults face, and give you some tips for how to resolve them successfully. This episode might be helpful to you if you have: Critical parents, judgmental parents or (shiver) narcissistic parents. Intrusive parents, controlling parents, or generous parents who give gifts with strings attached. Parents who are a mess, and emotionally or financially dependent on you. Unfinished emotional business with parents who have disappointed you, or hurt you. Yes, these are deep topics, but ones I know that so many of you can relate to. I hope that the advice I share here can help you to not just create healthier and happier relationships with your parents, but can launch you on your own empowering journey of healing and growth. May peace be with you, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Because You Don't Just Want to Get Married. You Want an Amazing Marriage. As I've written about (passionately!) in previous posts, there are specific things that smart couples do -- right from the start of their relationship -- to set themselves up for a happy, healthy, successful marriages. Step one? Relationship education. Regrettably, no one explicitly teaches you how to have good relationships. We all muddle through, learning from our mistakes, and breaking some things in the process. But your marriage is much to important to wander blindly through. The quality of your marriage is the center of the life you'll build. Don't take chances. Do it right. Believe it or not, there is actually an instruction manual! What we know from research is that couples who engage in high-quality marriage education programs either before they get married or in the first few years of marriage have much better outcomes than couples who don't: Lower divorce rates, higher marital satisfaction, and a stronger partnership. You can achieve this too, by investing in your relationship, and educating yourself. Why does this help? Because proactive couples on a positive trajectory who learn ahead of time how to handle inevitable issues, how to communicate, and how to keep their love alive prevent relationship problems from happening in the first place. Our Wedding Present to You If you are getting married this year (or even if you jumped the broom a few years ago) I am here today, to support YOU in creating an amazing, strong, enduring marriage by providing you with loads of free information. I want you to have everything you need to be happy and successful in your relationship for years to come! Specifically, today, I have two "marriage education" presents for you. Free Premarital Counseling Advice The first: I have enlisted the support of one of our resident premarital counseling experts, Meagan Terry, M.A., LMFT. Meagan is a licensed marriage and family therapist, an emotional intelligence and communication coach, trained by the federal reserve to do financial counseling with couples, AND she teaches our Lifetime of Love Premarital and Relationship Class. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast Meagan will be SPILLING THE BEANS about the kinds of skills and strategies couples need to learn to create a lifetime of love together. Listen to our interview and learn the kinds of things you and your sweetie can start doing now to ensure that your relationship stays strong. You'll also get some insight in to the skills and strategies she teaches her premarital couples to help them get on the same page around finances, sexuality, priorities, and more. Ask a Wedding Expert The second wedding present I have for you: We are co-hosting a super-fun happy hour event at our Denver office on Wednesday May the 10th called "Ask The Wedding Experts." If you are planning a wedding, this is your big chance to mix and mingle in a casual setting with wedding professionals (like master wedding planner Laura Peterson of L Elizabeth Events) who are ready to share their wisdom around things like: How to pull off amazing wedding without breaking the bank, and stretch your wedding-budget dollars. "DIY dazzler or disaster?" - The projects that are worth (or not) the effort. Wedding day Do's & Don'ts to keep your special day running smoothly. Styling tips to help your day (and your photos) to reflect what is most authentic an beautiful about your love. And of course, Growing Self premarital counselors will be on hand to help with tricky family situations, communication tips, boundary setting, and more. This event is FREE. If you'd like to attend in person, register now so we know to save some champagne for you. And, because so many of our online premarital counseling clients are outside of Denver, you can still get the scoop. Email me with your questions, OR leave your questions as comments in this post. I will ask our panel of wedding experts your questions on your behalf, and I will post their answers for you in an upcoming blog post. Get your questions to me by 5/9, and then stay tuned for the answers! xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

Breakup Advice For The Most Common Breakup Questions The only thing worse than going through a breakup or a divorce, in my opinion, is the mental and emotional fallout that comes after. Most people dealing with a split are consumed by unanswerable questions, replaying events in their minds, and trying to make sense of what happened. They also often worry about how they'll ever get over it... and when they'll stop feeling so terrible. Since I do so much work around breakup recovery I often have people get in touch with me with questions, and for help in dealing with a bad breakup. But I recently had a listener of my Love, Happiness and Success Podcast get in touch with me in the most unique way. She had read my book, "Exaholics: Breaking Your Addiction to An Ex Love" but had some additional questions about how to get over some of the most common (and frankly, hardest) aspects of breakup recovery. But instead of just emailing she recorded her questions into the sweetest video, and shared it with me. As I watched her ask her heartfelt questions it I thought of all the other people who were probably going through the exact same things. I got back in touch with her to see if it was okay to use her recording in an upcoming episode of the podcast so that my listeners (and YOU) could also benefit from hearing the answers. She was kind enough to let me share them, and today's podcast is the result. So if you're also going through a breakup and also wondering... How do I let go of the guilt and regrets I have about this relationship? How do I repair my self esteem after being rejected? How do I deal with seeing my Ex's friends out? How do I cope with being "blindsided" by a break up? Will I ever feel hopeful and excited about finding a new love? ... you'll definitely want to tune into this episode of the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast. I hope our conversation helps you find your way towards growth and recovery too. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

What's the only thing better than free dating advice?? Evidence-Based Free Dating Advice Valentine's Day is once again upon us. If you're single and ready to meet your soul mate, I have a special present for you on this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast: Some fantastic evidence-based dating advice from relationship researcher, and Match.com scientific advisor Dr. Justin Garcia. Dr. Garcia, along with evolutionary biologist Dr. Helen Fisher, have just released their latest batch of research from their ongoing "Singles in America" research study. They have some fascinating new data about what singles are really looking for, what's most important to them, and what some of their biggest turn-off's are. His dating advice can help you seriously "up your game" when it comes to dating. No doubt modern dating can be challenging, but as with all things knowledge is power. If you educate yourself about the realities of the dating game, learn how to play up your most attractive qualities, and are mindful of the common dating mistakes that can turn people off you've already got a huge advantage. Random dating research tidbits that can make or break a first date: Did you know that 66% of all singles surveyed reported that having their date send a text while they were together was a major turn off? That number gets bumped up to 75% if you answer a call while you're out! And you won't even believe what your dates really think about your cracked phone screen... Listen to my interview with Dr. Garcia to learn: What do men really think about women who are go-getters? What are modern singles really looking for in a partner? What people really think about first-date s-e-x? And so much more... You'll get great love advice and learn the easy things you can do (or even more importantly -- avoid doing!) to increase the odds that next Valentine's Day you'll be snuggling with your sweetie. If you'd like even more specific advice to help you master the art of modern dating, get instant access to our new "Find The One" online dating coaching program. xoxo, LMB www.growingself.com

Free advice from a Life Coach: Did you know that making New Year's resolutions can actually get in the way of your making real and lasting change in your life? Today on the Love, Happiness & Success Podcast I'm putting on my Life Coach hat: I'm going to teach you a totally different way of thinking about "success" that will help you clarify your values, focus your energy on what's really important, and help you make massive progress towards the things you want most in life. Sounds bold, I know, but this is a system I use all the time with great results -- both with my clients, and myself. Today I'm going to be teaching it to you, too. (Psst. Have you subscribed to the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast yet? Subscribe to get the latest episodes in your feed, and while you're there leave a review!) New Year's Resolutions Don't Work I felt compelled to share this to you because I know that you -- like all of us -- probably have high hopes for the coming year. And there's nothing worse than making big plans for change... only to feel like a "failure" before February even rears it's heart-spangled self. What we know from research (click here to review the Stanford study on New Year's resolutions) is that only 8% of Americans achieve their New Years resolutions. Pretty grim. That's 92% of people feeling like they missed the mark. So What Will Actually Help You Achieve Your Goals? In order to understand what will work, we have to first understand what traditional New Years resolutions are lacking, and why they fizzle fast. It's because even the most heartfelt resolutions are often disconnected from the things that will get you real results: Your values, your time, and your energy. It's one thing to set a goal. Goals are great, and give us a direction to move towards. But making things happen in your life is altogether different than "achieving goals." To hike up the tallest mountain, you have to stay on the path. The right path. If your only focus is the mountain peak, it's pretty easy to wander off into the bushes that are right in front of you. Here's A Simple System That Will Move You Forward, Meaningfully. This podcast is a New Year's gift to you. I'll be teaching you the system I use, and that I use with many of my clients to help them refocus, recenter, and kindle a motivational fire under them. It will help you not just start the New Year off on the right foot, but help you get on the right path for the long haul. And - FYI - If you happen to be reading this AFTER the New Year, that is great too. This approach is a life-skill that you can use any time of the year to get re-focused, re-centered, and re-energized. Walk through the activities any time you're feeling like you need to get back on track. Because I'm all about making things easy and effective I even made you a worksheet so that you can work along with me during the podcast, and do the activities I'll be walking you through. Get it through this link: www.growingself.com/start-strong. Learn more about any of the other tools, free information, online classes and programs I referenced on my website: www.growingself.com. All the best, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby

It's not "The Most Wonderful Time of The Year" when your heart is broken. Even if the holiday season usually delights you, it's hard to be cheerful when you're consumed by painful memories of holidays past. The first year post-breakup, or post-divorce, can be especially traumatic. Everything reminds you of your Ex, and the fact that you are not together anymore. Thinking about the ice skating rink that you held hands at last year, how you're going to explain this to your anxious Grandma, or even the sight of sparkling lights is enough to throw you into a heavy state of sadness. The holiday season can also feel particularly lonely if you're nursing a broken heart. Emotional pain feels isolating and difficult to share when it seems like everyone else is happy and having a good time. And of course the last thing you want to do is go to a party when 1) you need to fake cheerful "okay-ness" and / or 2) you're worried about running into your Ex or their friends. That's not even taking into consideration how challenging it is for the newly single to to negotiate high impact social situations without their usual "plus 1." In short: this time of year makes a hard situation feel even harder. If you're like most people in this position you probably have lots of questions: "How should I handle myself in certain situations?" "Should I even try to go to parties this year, or should I lay low?" "How do I take care of myself?" and "Will this loneliness and pain ever end?" Truthfully, the answers to those questions are not always easy or simple. The answers really depend on where you are in the breakup recovery process. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to walk you through the stages of healing after a breakup, and show you how to actually use the opportunity of this challenging time of year to move your "heartbreak healing process" forward more quickly. Not only will your "what to do" questions be answered, but you'll also get a good roadmap for the recovery process ahead. I hope that this information will help you invest in yourself, and make the coming year a fresh, positive new chapter of your life. All the best to you, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

How to Cope With Disappointment Having your dream crushed can leave you sitting in emotional rubble, feeling disempowered and confused. Our disappointments have many faces: Causes, or candidates, you believe in get creamed. The most interesting first date you've had in a long time ghosts out. You realize that your partner is never actually going to change. The pink lines of the pregnancy test fade away, and the bleeding begins. Bad things happen to good people. People fail you. If you get in the ring of life, sooner or later, you're going to take a gut punch. So how do you keep going? We know that grit — the ability to get back up and continue plodding forward despite adversity — is the ultimate key to success. But It’s hard to maintain your hope and motivation when reality slams the door in your face. If you've suffered with disappointment lately, here are three ideas that can help, plus the one thing you should definitely avoid doing. I hope it helps you find peace, strengthen your resolve, and turn your face towards future. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Overthinking: The Curse of the Most Creative and Intelligent Really smart, creative, and thoughtful people have many strengths. They can plan things in advance, avoid potential pitfalls, and envision their future reality. Vividly. However one thing I have learned from my years of experience as a therapist and life coach is that all these positive attributes, when left unsupervised, can also create boatloads of anxiety. Overthinking and Indecision = Disempowerment When you anticipate possible problems you feel constricted. When you plan every step you often encounter roadblocks. When you want to make the "right" decision before taking action, you invest more time and energy in to thinking than into doing. At these times it's easy to become riddled with uncertainty, and decide before you even try that things aren't even worth doing. Slam! Analysis paralysis has clamped down on your life, and stopped you from living courageously. The result? A safe life... But a smaller life. Authentic Happiness Requires Risk One of the core skills of authentically happy people that I discuss at length in my online Happiness Class is the ability to take measured risks. Why is the ability to try new things related to happiness? Because when you take action to bring your life into alignment with your core values, it gets better. Another component of fearless living is being able to handle uncertainty or adversity with confidence and competence. That means your happiness is still intact, even when things go differently than you'd hoped. That's true resilience. Being resilient and trusting yourself means that it's safe to take chances. When you're able to fearlessly try new things, your world expands. When you give yourself permission to take action, you get to learn and grow no matter what. Not knowing exactly what is going to happen next adds sparkle and excitement to your life. When your life gets bigger and more interesting, so do you. Fearless Living Nourishes Your Relationship Furthermore, novelty and learning new things are core ingredients to having a fresh, fun long term relationship. When your life atrophies, so does your partnership. If you want to have an interesting relationship, you need to have an interesting life. Plus, there is nothing sexier than a passionate person who is enthusiastic and confident. When you set aside anxieties and allow yourself to live fearlessly, you nourish both yourself and your relationship. 5 Steps to Stop Worrying and Start Living Fearlessly On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast, I'm giving you the scoop on how to release worry from your life, feel more confident in your decisions, strengthen your sense of competence and resilience, and cultivate fearlessness in your own life. Listen now, and learn all about the care and feeding of your inner tiger. xoxo, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Just because you don't feel good doesn't mean you are depressed. "Dark emotions" are not just normal and healthy parts of life, they are also essential to personal growth. Feeling unhappy is often the catalyst for making positive changes in your life. There is light and dark in all things. Experiencing grief, sadness, disappointment, hurt, and regret - unpleasant though they may be - are part of being a whole person. Furthermore, listening to those hard feelings and taking guidance from them can help you understand yourself, your core needs, and your values more clearly. Even though they don't feel good in the moment, dark emotions are not just healthy... they are valuable. When you listen to those feelings instead of dismissing them as "bad," you have the chance to heal and grow. What is Depression? Depression is different from the pain of a "growth moment." Depression is not motivating, instructive or valuable. It's an illness. Depression is a mood state that impacts the way you think, feel, and behave. Unlike the dark emotions that are connected to growth opportunities, depression is not productive or constructive. In fact, depression can be a serious illness that needs to be treated and relieved before meaningful personal growth is possible. On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm taking you inside depression, so you can understand what it is -- and what it is not. I'll help you identify the symptoms of depression in yourself or your loved one. Depression Management Strategies We'll also talk about what to do if you think you have depression so that you can create a practical strategy for conquering it. We'll talk about natural remedies for depression, cognitive behavioral therapy, and when medication for depression is the best idea. I'll also discuss what to do if you suspect that your partner or loved one is depressed, and how you can help them recover. Depression exists on a spectrum from mild to serious. One thing I discuss on the podcast is that when depression becomes very serious, it can become life threatening. Here are links to get emergency help if you or your loved one are in real trouble and need help immediately: Colorado Crisis Hotline: 1-844-493-8255 National Suicide Prevention Hotline: 1-800-273-8255 I hope this episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast helps you identify what's going on in your life, and whether you're dealing with depression or a "growth opportunity." If you do believe that depression is gaining power in your life, I hope this discussion provides you with both hope (as depression is very treatable) as well as actionable steps you can start taking today. Lisa Marie Bobby

Do you have hundreds of "friends," yet still feel disconnected? As a therapist, people share their deepest feelings and fears with me. What I've been hearing a lot lately is about is how disconnected and alone many of my clients feel, even though they may have contact with dozens upon dozens of people a day. Ironic, right? But there is such a difference between knowing people, and truly being known. Having contacts is not the same as having authentic connection. Many people with dozens of "friends" are still craving actual friendships where they feel known, valued, and understood. I'm a marriage counselor first, so my podcast and blog often does skew on the side of discussing your relationship with your "primary attachment" (that's shrink-speak for "significant other."). However having meaningful friendships and close connections in your life is just as important to your over all happiness and well being as the state of your marriage. In fact, having close friends that you trust and who you can be emotionally intimate with can buffer you from the rest of life's ups and downs. But, creating and maintaining authentic connection and friendship can be challenging. This is especially true as people move out of their twenties, and into their thirties and beyond. For one thing, it's harder to meet people when you're not going out all the time. Secondly, it's challenging to spend time with the friends you have when everyone is stretched so thin between their careers, their families, making time for their spouse, and just keeping their lives in order. It's about the best we can do to comment on each other's posts once in a while. How to Have More Friendship in Your Life To discuss this issue that affects so many people, and get some practical tips on how to cultivate authentic friendship in your life, I have enlisted the support of an expert: one of MY oldest and dearest friends, Amy Rocen. Amy is not a therapist or a life coach, but of all the people I have ever met - personally or professionally - she is truly an authority on making and keeping good friends. She's graciously agreed to discuss her "friendship super power with me" on this edition of the Love, Happiness & Success podcast. We're going to be talking about the things that she and I have done to keep our friendship strong and emotionally intimate for over twenty years. Amy is also going to be sharing her tips for how to connect with new people, as well as her perspective on how to keep a rich and full life of meaningful relationships through the ups and downs of time.

Am I in the "right" relationship? How do I find my soulmate? Are we truly compatible? Many people show up for dating coaching, life coaching or even marriage counseling with a lot of angst around these unanswered questions. People who are dating can wonder if they've found "the one." Premarital couples sometimes worry whether they're compatible enough to get married. And even married or long time partnered people can wonder if their relationship issues are due to their being too different. (Or having "perpetual problems" as marriage and family researcher Dr. John Gottman likes to call it). I'm simply glad that people are asking these kinds of relationship questions. After all, who you choose to marry is going to have a greater impact on the quality of your life and your long term happiness than just about anything else. And it's also true that everyone is a mixed bag, with aspects to them that are both delightful and frustrating as all get out. So how do you determine what is a relationship red flag, or sign that you're fundamentally incompatible? How to you figure out what differences are okay? When do opposites not just attract, but actually strengthen a partnership? When can you have big differences, and yet still be highly compatible soul mates? The answers might surprise you! On today's episode of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm going to talk through all these questions with you. To do this though, I need to wear three hats. Relationship Compatibility in Marriage First, I'm going to put on my marriage counselor cape hat and talk about the most common culprits that make married couples wonder if they are compatible or not. Listen and learn what (frustrating!) differences might actually be strengths for your relationship, and what differences are harder to overcome. I'll also give you tips for how to build bridges to the center, and appreciate each other for who you are. Want to see an example of this in action? Check out my recent post: "How Jenny and Greg Fixed Their Relationship." Finding Your Soulmate Next I'm putting on my dating coach wizard hat to talk about the serious business of finding your soul mate. Dating is all about "auditioning" people and getting to know them over time. I'll share the down low on the biggest mistake I see dating people make, and how it can impair their ability to find a true soul mate. If you are on the dating market, I'll help you understand what's important to look for in a potential partner, and what is NOT as important when you're looking for love. I'm also sharing some practical steps you can take to make sure that you're finding a good match in terms of both character and chemistry. For Premarital Couples Lastly, I'm sharing my advice as a premarital counselor. If you're planning a wedding with some lingering questions on your mind, you'll want to check out the case example I shared about what it looks like when someone is NOT asking the right questions leading up to marriage. The best time to prevent potential pitfalls is before the wedding. It's essential to have serious conversations about your personalities, hopes and dreams, and expectations prior to the "I Do's." Why? First of all, it's enormously helpful to get on the same page and identify potential problems before you're married. But an even bigger reason? Because the one of the most serious red flags for a relationship is not being able to talk through important things respectfully. If you are literally not able to have "Who are we, what do we each want, and how are we going to get on the same page?" conversations together, you might want to slow down. Relationship Compatibility Test One of the resources I talked through on the show is Dr. Helen Fisher's personality test. If you would like to take it for yourself (and / or ask your partner to) you can find it here: http://bit.ly/2cOmEX6. For more information about the ideas behind Dr. Fisher's compatibility quiz and how they impact people in relationships, I highly recommend her book, "Why Him, Why Her." With love, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Healing From Infidelity, Emotional Affairs, and Betrayal As a Denver marriage counselor for over a decade, I've had an up close, front-row seat to all aspects of the tragedy of infidelity. I know with certainty that being involved in an affair is one of the most traumatic and damaging things that someone can live through. When feelings of lust and romantic infatuation overwhelm someone's core values, commitment and good judgment, families can be shattered, and lives are often ruined. In the aftermath of infidelity, everyone involved is left feeling emotionally bankrupt and broken, and with unanswered questions blaring in their heads. This podcast is my attempt to answer some of them: Why do affairs happen? Why does infidelity happen in even happy marriages? Why is everyone in a love triangle profoundly damaged by the experience? What are the early signs that an affair is simmering? Most importantly: How do you even begin to recover, not just your relationship, but yourself in the aftermath of an affair? Protecting Your Marriage From an Affair Affairs, like any other type of cancer or addiction, throw off lots of red flags and warning signs in the early stages. If you know what to look for you can check yourself, and / or protect your marriage. Early intervention is key, and I'll show you what to watch out for to prevent the nightmare of an affair from unfolding in your life. Rebuilding a Marriage After the Affair If you are in a marriage that has been shattered by an affair, I want you to know that hope, healing and forgiveness are possible. An affair does not necessarily mean that divorce is around the corner. While it is hard work to rebuild trust in the aftermath of an affair under the guidance of a competent marriage counselor many couples are able to not just heal from infidelity, but create a stronger and more satisfying relationship than ever before. I'll share the key ingredient to help you start growing back together again. Healing After Betrayal Being cheated on, lied to, and betrayed by your number-one person cuts deeply into soft places that are hard to heal. Recovery involves repairing your self esteem, working through grief and anger, and learning how to trust again -- both other people, and often yourself. I'll give you some tips for how to understand what happened, and protect yourself from future betrayals. Forgiving the Unforgivable Furthermore, hope and recovery is also possible for The Other and The Occupied -- the people who did terrible things over the course of an affair that they now feel ashamed about. No one gets out of a love triangle unscathed. When betrayals happen in the context of a toxic relationship, everyone involved is emotionally wounded in the process. Abandoning your values, and feeling that you've allowed yourself to be degraded by an affair can leave your self-respect mangled, and damage your trust in yourself -- not to mention your trust in others. The silver lining: We'll be talking about how such unique pain brings with it an equally unique opportunity to learn, grow, and become a better, healthier, more powerful person because of it. Recovering From Infidelity On this episode of The Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we are descending into the darkness of infidelity together, so that you can understand how and why affairs start, how to prevent affairs from happening, and how to rebuild your life if you have been through any aspect of this experience. I sincerely hope it helps you on your journey of growth and healing. With love, Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby Music Credits of this episode: PJ Harvey: Dry and To Bring You My Love (Albums)

Restore Your Sexual Connection Feeling disconnected sexually is one of the first signs that a relationship may be heading for trouble. But it can be a difficult topic for couples to address openly, even in marriage counseling. Despite feeling sadness, rejection, pressure, or frustration around sexuality, many couples feel inhibited from discussing it with each other: It just feels too vulnerable. So they avoid the conversation. Over time, unfortunately, they often become increasingly disconnected -- both sexually and emotionally -- as a result. Don't let this happen to your relationship. It's time to fearlessly face your sexual relationship, and start having the open conversations that will help not just restore your sex life, but restore the emotional intimacy and positivity to your relationship again. Be honest: Is your sex life withering? Has it been weeks, months or even years since you and your partner had a meaningful, let alone erotic, sexual experience together? Does sex feel more like another obligation as opposed to a pleasurable point of connection? Are you starting to feel more like room-mates or buddies than lovers? If so, you're not alone. Many busy, high achieving couples start to lose their sexual connection over time as the "stuff of life" starts taking priority over sexual intimacy. Keeping eroticism and passion alive in long term relationships requires effort and intention, but unfortunately it's one of the easiest things to put off. Many couples let it go for too long, and over time start to experience negative consequences in many different areas of their relationship as a result. The good news is that intimacy and desire can be restored. You can have a vibrant, enjoyable sexual connection again. The first step on this journey is educating yourself and learning new ideas that will help you address the core issues affecting most dissatisfying sexual relationships. On this edition of the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast I'm offering my best advice on how to: Stop neglecting your sexual relationship Have time and energy to invest in your erotic connection Increase your (and / or your partner's) sexual desire Use your sexual relationship as a vehicle for personal growth Listen, and learn how to banish "sexual apathy" from taking over your marriage, and what new research on sexuality and desire shows about how to bring sexual energy back to life -- both in yourself, and in your partnership. I hope this information helps you start to find your way back together again. Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com

Getting Married is a Big Deal. Do it Right. Are you ready for fancy dresses, impromptu family reunions, teary toasts, and inebriated aunts doing embarrassing things on the dance floor? Yes, it's wedding season, y'all. While most of the time on the Love, Happiness and Success Podcast we talk about how to have a great relationship, today, in honor of wedding season, we're talking about the art and craft of weddings themselves. Why? For the last few months we've had droves of young couples at Growing Self preparing themselves to have fantastic marriages, through either our "I Do!" premarital counseling program, or our Denver premarital counseling class, "A Lifetime of Love." It's inspiring to see so many smart couples who are heading off potential problems by doing premarital counseling so I decided to make you all a little wedding present. If you're not getting married yourself this year, it's highly likely that you'll be a guest at a wedding. And that comes with it's own set of challenges. Anytime far-flung extended family and friends come together for an alcohol infused weekend, drama can ensue. How do you support your loved one who is getting married while setting healthy boundaries, and still have a good time in the process? Whether you are gearing up for a large scale traditional wedding, an intimate gathering to formalize your partnership, weddings are a big deal. A marriage is an incredibly meaningful and important day, and it can be uniquely stressful to plan and prepare for. On this episode of the podcast I've invited Laura Pearson, founder of L Elizabeth Events, to share some of the things she's learned from her 10 years of experience as a Denver wedding planner. Some of the questions I've asked her on your behalf: What are some of the biggest mistakes engaged couples make? What's the secret to enjoying your wedding, instead of being a stress-case? How do you handle intrusive parents? What can you do to make your wedding more enjoyable and meaningful for your guests? As a guest, what do you need to do to support your friend or family member on their big day? Listen Now! Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby www.growingself.com