Klein/Ally Show: The Podcast

We have the best Old People Secrets since Sweet Dibbets. Can you tell what Granny Victory is saying? Listen, play along and place your bets! Speaking of grandmas, we nominated people for the first time during Lifetime Achievement Awards. Here are the nominees. Who gets your vote? -Bored Grandma (aka free childcare) -Guy who gives you his parking spot -Person who gives you back your lighter -Mom who brings the good post-game snacks Plus Klein gets into a lover's quarrel with Grok, we hear your worst workplace arguments, learn about the most annoying driving habits in Clickbait, and Klein's trying to make BFDursday a thing (we don't know what it is either).

It's the first heat wave of 2026, which means Jake took to the streets for his first round of Pit Stops, smelling people's armpits with his new Meta Glasses. He smelled the pits of a giant man who just got off a boat and an exotic dancer named "La." We complained about good-gooders in Don't Be A Dick: Good Samaritans, shining a spotlight on people who hold the door open when you're really far away and people who over-post their good deeds. Vanessa told us a story about being upsold at a nail salon, Ally shared her concerns about her own parenting when her kid showed up with a girl's helmet to his first t-ball game, and Johnny got an 'impossible' math question during Johnny Doesn't Know. Shoutout Brian! Also, share your terrifying ski stories with Vanessa. We're gearing up for our trip to Colorado later this week and she plans to rawdog her first ski experience with zero training!

Big update! What happened to the dog Klein found wandering the streets near the studio yesterday? The job of finding the owner went to Ally after Jake, Johnny, Klein and Vanessa turned down the responsibility. You gotta listen to the full story, including a live call from the dog's owner! Michael from Evolve Anti-Aging came back to read the results of yesterday's Testosterone test, and you will not believe how it panned out. We have a new most masculine person on the show, and it's definitely not the person you'd expect. This person won their T amount in dollar form, and the person with the LOWEST t on the show won a new nickname! #joannie We also FINALLY got a payoff for Bathroom Interviews, a bit Kevin Ryder pitched to Klein two weeks ago. We listen to the audio with Ryder on the line and he pitches yet another bit to reboot next.

It was an exciting start to the morning when Klein came across a dog running across the street in a residential neighborhood. Klein stopped traffic, heroically forced the dog into his car and brought it to the studio. We now have a brown cocker spaniel that is terrified of all of us. Is this your dog? See pics and video @kleinallyshow on IG and YouTube. She took a shit in our parking garage. We also all got jabbed today by the guys at Evolve Anti-Aging, a place that specialized is Testosterone replacement therapy. We all got our blood drawn live on the air and the person with the highest T count will win the dollar equivalent of their level. 500ng = $500!! The owner joins us in-studio tomorrow to go over the results. Plus one of the most exciting Generation Wars of 2026, Second Hand Cindy receives an award, and Jake the Nerd is single-handedly saving Krispy Kreme. Buy up the stock while you can!!!

In this week's bonus pod we talk about anxiety, our upcoming trip and doing too much

Can honesty ruin a friendship? Klein's friend got a hair transplant and it looks like shit. If he says something, does that make him a bad friend? We talked to Coyote Expert Dana Stangel about the increasing number of coyote encounters in California, including toddlers being 'attacked' in their driveways. She turned out to be quite the coyote defender, which led to a lot of hate from listeners and a very strange call from one-arm Gary. Also on today's show: Klein gets in a fight with the owner of a Frame Store, Jake acquires yet another donut for 'pajama day,' we determine the most/least horniest person on the show, and we discuss the difference between Mrs. and Ms. during Johnny Doesn't Know.

Happy birthday Johnny! He's officially 28, but according to him he's still 27 because of some weird theory about the sun. All morning we heard from famous geniuses giving well wishes to the birthday boy, including Steven Hawking and Albert Einstein. We also celebrated by forcing Johnny to spin the Wheel of Punishments, and let's just say his new car will likely be undriveable afterward. We also heard your emergency landing stories, an Old People Secrets from 107 year old woman who definitely doesn't want to be alive anymore, and we tested robots in Man Vs Machine: Drug edition! This led to new tips like using the vahine to hide drugs and mustard sandwich. You can almost taste the meat!

We got your messages shaming Vanessa for her Box of Shame story on Friday, so let's be clear: Vanessa did not kill a dog & we love her. If you continue sending death threats, feel bad. Especially because you are sending them to a child. In other news, Ally somehow lost her phone in a shopping cart at Target and Klein walked into an adult store and confidently purchased the viral “Rose,” which backfired. Jake made his third attempt at getting a free donut at Krispy Kreme… and succeeded! Happy Super Saturday to all who celebrate. Postmaster Johnny failed his forced resolutions by not drinking every day like he was supposed to, so now we need listener punishment ideas. We get 'em to us! We spin the wheel tomorrow (his birthday). Plus, we break down the TikTok relationship “rules” everyone swears by: the 7-7-7 method, the 2-2-2 method, and the 5:1 magic ratio. Will any of them save your relationship?