Interior Integration for Catholics

Episode 32. – Trauma, Trust, Treatment and Truth September 7, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where with God’s help you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 32, released on September 7, 2020 and it is titled: Trauma, Trust, Treatment and Truth. Today is a deep dive into the effects of trauma and attachment wounds on Trust. And then we will discuss how by God’s grace and with his help we can experience God as he is, not our distorted God images, rise out of the ashes of our experiences and our injuries. Very specific techniques to help. Era of Coronavirus – call to trust God and Mary. Reviews Episode 30: discussion of why we mistrust God so much, and it is because we are trying to be way too big. Trying to make it on our own we don’t feel safe. We hate and fear the dependency required to be in a real relationship with God. On my terms, on my conditions, within my vision, within my understanding. We’re going to meet as equals. We are going to be partners, like equally or almost equally yoked. God is my co-pilot bumper sticker. Becoming small so that God can be big. Episode 31 The One Thing You Must Have to Be Resilient. The one thing that you need, the one prerequisite. Absolute childlike trust There is one thing that separates those who are resilient from those who are not. Childlike Trust (particularly in God’s goodness and his Providence for me in particular) separate those who are resilient from those who are not. In both those episodes, we look at the critical period from age 0 to 24 months, when the major developmental task is to resolve the conflict between trust and mistrust. Almost every development will psychologist points to this as the critical developmental work in this stage of life. We also discussed how so much of the developmental work in this during the ages of 0 to 24 months is done not by the infants or the toddler, not by the little child, rather by the parents. We don’t expect infants and toddlers to be listening to self-help tapes and engaging in self-improvement classes. They are far from the age of reason. So in this issues of trust, God and Mary do the main lifting. We allow ourselves to be changed, to be formed. What little children, what infants and toddlers have is a great capacity for receptivity and a freedom from self-consciousness. They have a natural humility. They don’t worry about their self-image so much. They are flexible. They use their imaginations. They don’t fear failing. They don’t degrade themselves when they’re trying new things. They can be learning to walk, falling down, and laughing at themselves. They can make mistakes, they can try things out. No one expects perfection from a little child. Most therapies have focused on greater maturity, greater self-efficacy, being a more effective agent in the world, growing up. List of therapies and their goals These therapist have trouble when there is complex trauma, especially when that trauma goes back to the first two years of life. Recent protocols developed. Bootstrap therapies don’t work. Very low success rates. 1. Focus on complex trauma –2. Complex trauma: a. is usually interpersonal i.e. occurs between people usually people who know each otherb. involves being or feeling trappedc. is often planned, extreme, ongoing and/or repeatedd. often has more severe, persistent and cumulative impactse. involves challenges with shame, trust, self-esteem, identity and regulating emotions.f. Results in different coping strategies. These include alcohol and drug use, self-harm, over- or under-eating, over-work etc. i. emotional dysregulation ii. changes in consciousness – dissociation iii. negative self-perception – shame, inadequacy iv. problems in relationships v. distorted perceptions of others, including abusers vi. loss of systems of meaning – losing my religion REM 1991g. affects emotional and physical health, wellbeing, relationships and daily functioning3. Complex trauma is trauma that occurs repeatedly and cumulatively, usually over a period of time and within specific relationships and contexts.” Examples include severe child abuse, domestic abuse, or multiple military deployments to dangerous locations.Single incident trauma occurs with `one off’ events. It is commonly associated with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). Single incident trauma can occur from a bushfire, flood, sexual or physical assault in adulthood, or from fighting in a war. Dyadic resourcing is typically a five step process: 1. identifying a nurturing adult res

Episode 31. -- The One Essential You Must Have to Be Resilient August 31, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 31, released on August 31, 2020 and it is titled: The One Thing You Must Have to Be Resilient. The one thing that you need, the one prerequisite. Absolute childlike trust. Repeat. Absolute confidence in God’s providence. But to have that absolute confidence, you have to be like a infant or toddler, a parvulum if you’re a guy or a parvula if you’re a gal. Jesus told St. Faustina, “The graces of My mercy are drawn by means of one vessel only, and that is — trust. The more a soul trusts, the more it will receive. Souls that trust boundlessly are a great comfort to Me, because I pour all the treasures of My graces into them. I rejoice that they ask for much, because it is My desire to give much, very much. On the other hand, I am sad when souls ask for little, when they narrow their hearts”. (Diary 1578) Saint Maria Faustina Kowalska Freewheeling1. Up until the last episode Scripting – more like a formal presentation – some moments when I broke out and riffed. 2. Now much more natural, more conversationala. I like this better anyway, to be with youb. Getting used to not seeing you physically, but I can see you in my mind’s eye3. I’m learning to trust in this process, that God and our Lady will be present and guide me, I am working on being small with this and having fun with it, much more childlike way.4. That the episode doesn’t have to be perfect, and that it’s better to leave room for spontaneity and inspiration5. Saves time – 6-7 hours, a lot of it fretting about wording. a. I can put the time back into the community in other ways.6. Thank you to the RCCD community members for the feedback – Jonathan, Martha, Ann, and John it helps me with my growing edge to keep trying new things. Best Spiritual Reading Book Chapter Title ever -- Chapter 2 of Life of Union with Mary – Fr. Emile Neubert Take Only what Applies to You” Review: spiral back to Episode 30 – Why do we have so much difficulty trusting God – it’s because we are too grown up. We’re too big. Eric Erickson 1902-1994 1. Emphasized social development rather than resolution of sexual issues2. Developmental Tasks that need to be resolved in each stage3. Birth to 18 month the main conflict and developmental task is trust vs. mistrust.4. This is the most important phase of life. Shapes our view of the world, in addition to our personality. a. Can I trust those who care for me, those who are near me? b. Task is Hope – if this phase is adequately resolved, the result, Erickson said, is a sense of hope and confidence that relationships are beneficial, they are good. A sense of personal competence. c. If successful in this, the baby develops a sense of trust, which "forms the basis in the child for a sense of identity." Failure to develop this trust will result in a deep pervasive fear and a sense that the world is inconsistent and unpredictable. Parallel in attachment theory – John Bowlby 1907-1990 psychologist, psychiatrist and psychoanalyst Infants and toddlers instinctively turn to their parents in distress unless there is disorder – what Bowlby and Ainsworth found. The formation of early healthy emotional connections to mother and father is central to identity development. Relationships are crucial, and challenged Freuds ideas about the primacy of psychic energy. Security is dependent on healthy relational bonds. Erickson and Bowlby said that the first and greatest challenge, the first and greatest task in the natural human development is to learn to trust, to be able to trust in relationship, it’s the foundation for all other development. Gotta get that straight. I argue that the first and greatest task, the first and greatest challenge in the spiritual life is to trust God. There is one thing that separates those who are resilient from those who are not. Childlike Trust (particularly in God’s goodness and his Providence for me in particular) separate those who are resilient from those who are not. We are resilient not because of our own efficacy, our own ability, our own strength, our own intelligence, our own resources, our own knowledge, our own skills, talents, money, possessions, but Catholic resilience depends on connecting to and sharing in the love and power and omniscience of God, sheltering under His wing. And if we are spiritually small in our relationship with God, when we fall, it’s not that far to the grou

Episode 30. How Small and Childlike are We Supposed to Be? -- August 24, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. Let’s jump right in with this critical, central question. Why is it that we have such a hard time trusting God? Why is it that our confidence in God is so inconsistent, why is it that we are so fickle? Why is it so hard for us to have the absolute confidence in God that He merits, that he deserves from us? That’s what we will be addressing in episode 30 of Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem!, released on August 24, 2020 from the Souls and Hearts studio in Indianapolis. The title for today’s episode is How Small and Childlike are we Supposed to Be? We’re going to get into the psychological side of this question of childlike trust in particular. There are other sides to the question – the spiritual side, the moral side – we’ll address those sides in passing. But what is so often neglected, so often denied, so often ignored, and thus so unknown and unavailable to so many Catholics – what we really need so badly -- is a realistic, accurate understanding of the psychological factors, the factors in the natural realm that get in the way of us trusting our God and our Lady. We’ve certainly touched on some of these factors before, so let’s review for a moment, let’s go back to take a look at what we’ve developed in previous episodes. So here is the causal chain as we’ve described it so far:We have distorted God images in our bones, we have distorted God images in the emotional, intuitive parts of us. The trouble happens when we give in to those God images, we let them dominate us, we let them take over, we default to them, and we act in accord with those false God images. Then, our self-image deteriorates. Meanwhile, we drift away from God or even flee from him. All the while, we are losing our peace, joy, well-being. When that gets bad enough, we become symptomatic – anxious, depressed, apathetic, hopeless, panicky, obsessive, whatever our symptoms are. So let’s back up one more link in the causal chain and ask the question: What’s the main psychological reason we don’t resist our problematic God images? I’m again talking psychological reasons here, not just spiritual reasons like having a particular vice. Psychologically, we lose track of who God really is. We don’t God clearly in those moments, and we waver, we are tempted to doubt, we are inclined to fall again into our destructive patterns, whatever those are for us. We are lured by our false God images into ways of thinking, feeling, desiring and acting that are harmful to us and to others. Why Do We Mistrust God and Mary So Much ? I’ll give you the answer. It’s because we are too grown up. We are trying to be way too big. Actively mistrusting – fearing. Or just not considering God at all. That what we are like when we act big.We know this. We know the Bible verses. We’ve heard them. But do we really get what they are saying? Matthew 18 1. At that time the disciples came to Jesus, saying, “Who is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven?” 2 And calling to him a child (RSV, NAB), “little child” (DR) (ESV)he put him in the midst of them, 3 and said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven. 4 Whoever humbles himself like this child, he is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven. 5 “Whoever receives one such child in my name receives me; 6 but whoever causes one of these little ones who believe in me to sin,[a] it would be better for him to have a great millstone fastened round his neck and to be drowned in the depth of the sea. 1 In illa hora accesserunt discipuli ad Iesum dicentes: “ Quis putas maior est in regno caelorum? ”. 2 Et advocans parvulum, statuit eum in medio eorum 3 et dixit: “ Amen dico vobis: Nisi conversi fueritis et efiiciamini sicut parvuli, non intrabitis in regnum caelorum. 4 Quicumque ergo humiliaverit se sicut parvulus iste, hic est maior in regno caelorum. 5 Et, qui susceperit unum parvulum talem in nomine meo, me suscipit. 6 Qui autem scandalizaverit unum de pusillis istis, qui in me credunt, expedit ei, ut suspendatur mola asinaria in collo eius et demergatur in profundum maris.very little, very small, tiny. petty, insignificant, Tiny. Like babies. Like sheep in their understanding. When we approach God: like that. When sent out as sheep among wolves Matthew 10:16 Wise (Shrewd) as serpents, simple as doves. Harmless, plain, sincere, without guile. Without me you

Episode 29. Magic Genie Gods and Party-Pooper Gods, August 17, 2020. Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 29, released on August 17, 2020 and the title Magic Genie Gods and Party-Pooper Gods. Hang in there with me today through this episode and at the end, I will be walking you through an exercise to help you identify your God images. Brief review: let’s go back and review, what are God images again? My God image how my heart feels God to be in the moment. My God image is who my emotions tell me that God in this present moment. My God image is very subjective, often driven by factors that are outside of my awareness in the moment, it can be miles away from who I know God to be when the sun is shining and the birds are singing and all is well with me and the world. . So it is critical to understand is that your God images are not necessarily who you profess God to be with your intellect and your will. They are the subjective, unfiltered, spontaneous, passion-driven representations of God that can vary wildly, sometimes even from moment to moment. Similarly, my self-image is who I feel myself to be in the present moment, it is who my passions are telling me that I am right this minute. M self-images are much more driven by emotion, much more intuitive, subjective, and they also vary a lot more from moment to moment. My self image in the moment fits with my God image in the moment. Sometimes the self-image can drive the God-image, and sometimes the God image drives the self-image. If you want more about God images, check out episodes 22, 23, and 24 of this podcast where I go into the concepts in much more depth. Jessica from Texas has been intrigued by God images – she’s taking us another step with this question: How do God images affect our relationships and reactions to others? Repeat. This is a great question. We’ve discussed God images and self-images and how they differ from our God concept and our self-concepts. Similarly, our God images and self-images impact how we see others in the moment. Let’s consider an example. If I’m really struggling with an Elitist Aristocrat God image, where my passions are telling me in the moment that God doesn’t need me, he’s too good for me, he has other people that he prefers, others who are much more in his favor, upon whom he bestows his gifts, his graces, and his love, with little for me. If that’s how I’m seeing God in my God image, and my self-image is that I’m left out, excluded, denied, and the private of good things from God, this God image and self-image combination is going to have an impact on how I see others. For example, I might experience jealousy toward my brother Phil whom I consider to be in God’s favor. I may resent Phil, and if I give into this image of him, I will treat Phil out of that jealousy, by holding back good things that I could give him because I feel my brother Phil is already getting so much from God. Why should I give him anything – he already has so much and I get so little from God. I need to keep what I have. Let’s take another example. With his Elitist Aristocrat God image, 24-year-old Ian might feel inadequate around Tina in their Catholic Young Adult Group. Ian sees God favoring Tina in so many ways. Ian feels unworthy of being around Tina, and therefore he refuses to engage with her, in order to avoid an exacerbation of his sense of shame. So even though Ian is romantically attracted to Tina, he doesn’t ask her out because of the inhibiting effect of his God image and the self-image that goes with that Elitist Aristocrat God image. God images and their corresponding self-images impact the way we see all aspects of our lives. Our perceptions of reality are profoundly influenced by our God images and are self-images, and this extends not just to how we experience others, but it reaches to the furthest corners of our minds and impacts all our internal impressions, not only of God and self, but of everything. Our God images and are self-images create filters that color our perceptions of everything that has happened, that is happening, and that will happen in our lives. Many of these perceptions and impressions do not enter into our awareness, but they impact us just the same.In fact, I argue that we build an implicit religion around each of our individual God images. Let’s take this slow and easy, because this has some conceptual depth to it. The Catholic Dictionary defines religion as the moral virtue by which a p

Episode 28. Police Detective Gods, Pushy Salesman Gods, and Heartbreaker Gods – August 10, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 28, released on August 10, 2020 and the title is Salesmen Gods, Police Detective Gods and Heartbreaker Gods. So will cover three more God images today, the Outtogetcha Police Detective God, Pushy Salesman God, and Heartbreaker God. In the previous three episodes, numbers 25, 26, 27, we covered a total of nine God images. Brief review: let’s just spiral back and review, what are God images again? My God image is my gut-felt sense of God -- it’s how my heart feels God to be in the moment. My God image is who my emotions insist that God is right here, right now. My God image is very subjective, it can be miles away from who I know God to be intellectually, who I profess God to be. So it is critical to understand is that your God images are not necessarily who you profess God to be with your intellect in your will. They are the subjective, unfiltered, spontaneous, passion-driven representations of God that can vary wildly, sometimes even from moment to moment. Similarly, my self-image is who I feel myself to be in the present moment, it is who my passions are telling me that I am right this minute. M self-images are much more driven by emotion, much more intuitive, subjective, and they also vary a lot more from moment to moment. My self image in the moment complements my God image in the moment. That’s a brief review of God images and self-images, but if you want more of a conceptual background for God images, check out episodes 22, 23, and 24 where I much more in-depth explanation of them. So what is the connection between problematic God images and resilience? Because remember, we are in a sequence in this podcast that is all about resilience. Here is where we get right down to it. We need a deep and abiding confidence in God, especially in God’s Providence in order to be resilient. That resilience is an effect – it’s a consequence of the deep, abiding confidence in God, especially in God’s Providential care for us, His love for us. If you have a deep, abiding, childlike confidence in God and His providential love for you, for you specifically, you will be resilient. Period. Full Stop. Let me say that again, this is absolutely critical to understand. If you have a deep, abiding, childlike confidence in God and His providential love for you, for you specifically, you will be resilient. Let’s keep in mind how the main psychological reason why we don’t have that deep abiding confidence in God is because we don’t know Him as He truly is. We have problematic God images. We give into those problematic God images, we default to them, we let them dominate us. And these distorted God images lie to us about who God is. They whisper half-truths to us and they draw us away from the real God when we give in to them, when we don’t resist them. These distorted God images also lie to us about who we are, leading to distorted self-images. Note please don’t misunderstand me. There usually are at least some elements of truth even in the most distorted God images and the most warped self-images. The messages from these distorted God-images and these inaccurate self images aren’t purely false. The messages actually have some kernel of truth in them, which can make it confusing for us. So here is the causal chain:We have distorted God images à we give in to those God images, we let them dominate us à our self-image deteriorates à we drift away from God or we flee from him à we lose peace, joy, well-being à we become symptomatic – anxious, depressed, apathetic, hopeless, whatever our symptoms are. Too often, we tried to intervene at the end of the causal chain. We want to intervene at the symptomatic level. For example, we may take antidepressants to try to knock out our depressive symptoms. Or we might use progressive muscle relaxation or guided imagery or grounding techniques to reduce our anxiety. I’m not condemning these practices, they can be helpful for symptom management. But no medication in the world is going to correct a dysfunctional, distorted God image on its own. Have you ever heard of any psychotropic drug that in its slick advertising promises to improve your relationship with God? Symptom-focused approaches don’t get at the root causes of our psychological distress. They can create some space with symptom relief for us to more effectively address the root causes, b

Episode 27. Robber Gods, Aristocrat Gods and Marshmallow Gods – August 3, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 27, released on August 3, 2020 and the title is Robber Gods, Aristocrat Gods and Marshmallow Gods. For those of you who are new to the podcast, first of all, a very hearty welcome to you, I’m glad you’re joining us. I want you to know that each episode can stand alone, and I will provide you with the background you need to understand each episode. However, if you want more of a conceptual background for God images, check out episodes 22, 23, and 24. Brief review: let’s just circle back around and review, what are God images again? My God image is my experiential sense of God it’s how my heart sees God, what my feelings tell me about God. My God image is very subjective, it doesn’t necessarily follow what I know about God in my head. My God image is formed out of the relational experiences I’ve had. Different God images can be activated at different times, depending on my emotional states and what psychological mode I am in at any given time. So what’s important to remember is that your God images are not necessarily what you profess to believe with your intellect. Rather, they are the unfiltered, spontaneous, uncensored, gut-felt sense of God in the moment. Similarly, my self-images are much more driven by emotion, much more intuitive, subjective, and they vary a lot more from moment to moment. My self-image is who I feel myself to be in a given moment, it is who my passions are telling me that I am in the moment. Self-images go together with God images – they impact each other. In the last two episodes, episode 25 and 26, we looked at a total of six different negative God images originally identified by Christian psychotherapists Bill and Kristi Gaultiere in their 1989 book Mistaken Identities. Those were the Drill Sergeant God, the Statue God, the preoccupied managing director God, Unjust Dictator God, the Vain Pharisee God, and the Critical Scrooge God. I do want you to know that I’m going beyond their initial conceptualizations and adding much more in these podcast episodes, most of it derived from my clinical experience and also my own experience in my journey with God. So I just want you to know that I am adding a lot of new material, but I do think their initial pioneering work really deserves to be credited. All right, so let’s go to listener questions. Ryan from Texas has this question: “After identifying problematic God images in my own life, I want to know how deterministic God images are. Are they imprinted from childhood or do they change with time? And what we do to make our God images align with the loving and caring God we profess to know in our God concept?” Great question, Ryan. Let’s get into that just briefly right now, and I will say much more about it in future podcast episodes. I also very much want to do a much more in-depth course at Souls & Hearts on God images, particularly how to respond to them, and also how to bring them into greater harmony with who God really is. That’s one measure of mental health, is when our God images reflect the reality of our loving and caring God. So if you are interested in a course like that, let me know. Once I have 25 people that would be committed to a much more in-depth course, and would be willing to pay for it, I could begin to set aside the time to create it. If you’re interested in that, call me or text me at 317-567-9594 or email me at [email protected] and let me know, and I put you on the list. So back to Ryan’s question Initially, God images are formed in us from our first days. Even as infants, we are learning about the world and nonverbal assumptions are being formed in us. Imagine an infants, I will call him baby Joe, who has an attuned, psychologically healthy mother who can really enter into the baby’s experience. The mother is able to intuit what the baby needs, and meet those needs in a loving, competent way. The baby has a sense of being seen and known, and also has safety and security, which are the first to conditions of secure attachment. This sets the baby up to have a greater sense of safety and security, a greater sense of being seen and known by God. Contrast that baby’s experience with another, who I will call baby Tom, whose father recently divorced his mother. Baby Tom’s mother is stressed out, having to reenter the workforce, feeling a deep sense of shame and abandonment, an

Episode 26. Dictator, Pharisee, and Scrooge God Images – July 27, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 26, released on July 27, 2020 and it’s called Dictator Gods, Pharisee Gods, and Scrooge Gods. In the last episode, episode 25, we looked at three different negative God images proposed by Christian psychotherapists Bill and Kristi Gaultiere in their book Mistaken Identities, published in 1989. Last week, I decided to reach out to the Gaultieres and let them know that we were discussing their book on this podcast so I emailed them. Sometimes I do that. I just reach out to people. Who knows what will happen? And Sue, the representative from their ministry, their ministry is called Soul Shepherding – Sue got back to me – Sue got back to me and said “What a blessing to hear from you and to learn of the good work that you are doing for the Kingdom! It was such an encouragement to hear that you are able to use our resources in your ministry.” Isn’t that cool? I think that’s cool. But wait, there’s more. I made a request of the Gaultieres and their ministry for something I wanted to give to the member of the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem Community – I wanted their permission to be able to pass on something special to those of you those of you who have joined the RCCD community and they said yes. At the end of this episode, I will tell you what that something special is, so stay with me until the end, OK?. Oooh, very exciting. In the last episode, I put the question out to you, my audience members – are you interested in this stuff? Do you want me to cover more of these god images? And if so, which ones? I really want this podcast to be interactive, I want to hear from you. Jane in Indiana emailed in, “I want you to do all the God images. They are fascinating!” Now that is enthusiasm, thank you Jane. I just love it. I really want this podcast to not just be transformative, not just to make a big difference in your life, but to be interesting, no, not just interesting, but fascinating. Along with Jane in Indiana, I think this God image stuff is fascinating. It’s also vitally important, not only for our spiritual well-being, but also our psychological well-being. You can’t have abiding peace, a deep joy, or a solid sense of well-being if you are dominated by negative God images. It’s just not possible to give in to wretched God images and be happy. This is so vitally important, people, this God image issue, because how we respond to God images is really going to determine our peace and joy and well-being, both in the natural realm and in the supernatural realm. Will we approach God? Will we flee from Him? Will we fight him? Will we refuse to follow Him or even believe in him? So we have two ways we can overcome this issue. One is to recognize our negative God images and respond to them in a positive way. And in future episodes we will get into how to respond to negative God images. I promise. So the first way to handle negative God images is to recognize them and respond well. The second way is to resolve them. I mean it. To actually resolve them, to heal them. And we will discuss how to do that in future episode as well, and especially in the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem community that has grown up around this podcast. In this episode, we’re going to review three more problematic God images described by Bill and Kristi Gaultiere’s book Mistaken Identities Brief review: let’s just circle back around and review, what are God images again? My God image is my emotional and subjective experience of God, who I feel God to be in the moment. This is my experiential sense how my feelings and how my heart interpret God. My God images are heavily influenced by psychological factors, and different God images can be activated at different times, depending on my emotional states and what psychological mode I am in at a given time. God images are always formed experientially. God images flow from our relational experiences and how we construe and make sense of those images when we are very young. My God images can be and usually are radically different than my God concept. God concept is what I profess about God, what I choose to believe about God, what I endorse about God. Intellectual understanding. Self-images are much more driven, much more intuitive, subjective, and they vary a lot more from moment to moment. Who I feel myself to be in a given moment, it is who my passions are telling me who I am.

Episode 25. Drill Sergeant Gods, Statue Gods, and Preoccupied Manager Gods, Oh My…July 13, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 25, released on July 20, 2020 and it’s called Drill Sergeant Gods, Statue Gods, and Preoccupied Manager Gods, Oh My… Self-concept: This what we intellectually believe about ourselves, who we profess ourselves to be, what we understand about ourselves, our mental construct of ourselves. The self-concept of a practicing Catholic, for example, may include being a beloved child of God. There’s a link between God concepts and Self-concepts – they go together, they harmonize. Loving Shepherd, little sheep. Self-images on the other hand, are much more emotionally driven, much more intuitive, subjective, and they vary a lot more from moment to moment. These go together with God images – they impact each other My God image is my emotional and subjective experience of God, who I feel God to be in the moment. May or may not correspond to who God really is. Initially my God images are shaped by the relationship that I have with my parents. This is my experiential sense how my feelings and how my heart interpret God. My God images are heavily influenced by psychological factors, and different God images can be activated at different times, depending on my emotional states and what psychological mode I am in at a given time. God images are always formed experientially. God images flow from our relational experiences and how we construe and make sense of those images when we are very young. My God images can be and usually are radically different than my God concept. My God concept What I profess about God. It is my more intellectual understanding of God, based on what one has been taught, but also based on what I have explored through reading. I decide to believe in my God concept. Reflected in the Creed, expanded in the Catechism, formal teaching. So in the text exchange with a listener who I will call Beth, because that’s her name, Beth told me that she was having a hard time figuring out her own God images. So I thought I would bring in the best resource Mistaken Identity William and Kristi Gaultiere 1989 Fleming H. Revell -- 3 decades ago. 14 Unloving God images – drawn from I Corinthians 13, 4-7. Preoccupied manager director GodStatue GodRobber GodVain Pharisee GodElitist aristocrat GodPushy salesman GodMagic Genie GodDemanding drill sergeant GodOuttogetcha Police Detective GodUnjust dictator God Marshmallow GodCritical Scrooge GodParty-pooper GodHeartbreaker God Preoccupied Managing Director God: God is busy running the world, but God doesn’t take the initiative, time, or energy to really relate with me, to connect with me. God cares about me, but he is overtaxed. He is impatient, it is hard to get His attention. God may want to give more to everyone, but He has limited resources and has to allocate them carefully, to those who most deserve them. Comfort and help might come if I my situation is desperate enough. Bible verse: Psalm 13 opening: How long, Lord? Will you utterly forget me? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I carry sorrow in my soul, grief in my heart day after day? How long will my enemy triumph over me? Self-image: I am not important enough, not worthy enough for God’s attention, for his care, for him to be concerned about me. The problems, cares, and concerns of my life are not significant enough to warrant his attention. God can’t be disturbed with my relatively minor concerns and difficulties. God has little bandwidth for me, doesn’t need to be saddled with my petty wishes and desired. Twisting in the wind. I am an unprofitable servant, so God leaves me to my own devices. Attachment History – over-parentified children of families with harried, distressed parents, often with financial concerns and time pressure. Children with a Preoccupied Managing Director God image learn that they are rewarded for being “low-maintenance” and not adding to their parents’ troubles by voicing their concerns. Praised for how independent, mature, and responsible they are. Anxious-preoccupied attachment style – they want intimacy, connection with God, but they feel that have to go without it, because they just don’t matter enough. They generally don’t feel seen and known, and they don’t believe that God cherishes them – rather God sees them as a burden. Coronavirus Crisis: Readily activated now – some are not feel much of God’s presence. Lots more

Episode 24. God Images and Self ImagesJuly 13, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 24, released on July 13, 2020 and it’s called God Images and Self Images. Today we’re going to consolidate some of our learning to date, spiraling back to a few key concepts and then bringing those key concepts to life in a story. You may remember Richard and Susan from Episodes 17 and 19 when we were doing a three-episode series on grief – you long-time listeners that were with us six to eight weeks ago may remember. And you may have forgotten. No worries. Don’t worry if you don’t remember. We are going to review all the key concepts briefly here and I’ll catch you all up on the doings of Susan and Richard, as we begin this fifth installment on Catholic resilience. We’re also going to take a close, in-depth look at the negative God images that Richard and Susan struggle with, and how those God images impact how they feel about themselves and each other. Now if you are just joining us, Richard and Susan are made up – I created these characters to illustrate the concepts we’re discussing, buy they are realistic, and have issues common in our lives. I said were going to review what a God image is, so let’s just go over that again briefly. My God image is my emotional and subjective experience of God, who I feel God to be in the moment. May or may not correspond to who God really is. Initially my God images are shaped by the relationship that I have with my parents. This is my experiential sense how my feelings and how my heart interpret God. My God images are heavily influenced by psychological factors, and different God images can be activated at different times, depending on my emotional states and what psychological mode I am in at a given time. God images are always formed experientially. God images flow from our relational experiences and how we construe and make sense of those images when we are very young. My God images can be and usually are radically different than my God concept. My God concept What I profess about God. It is my more intellectual understanding of God, based on what one has been taught, but also based on what I have explored through reading. I decide to believe in my God concept. Reflected in the Creed, expanded in the Catechism, formal teaching. This distinction between God image and God concept is so critical, I really want you to grip onto it, to really understand it a deep level. I hope you can really digest to the difference, not just at a conceptual level, but at a much deeper level in you, and hang onto it for the rest of your lives. I mean that. Remember the causal chain that we discussed last time? Letting ourselves be taken in by our bad God images leads us to lose confidence in God, which in turn causes us to become much less resilient. Allowing our problematic, heretical God images to dominate us, to exert influence on us in subtle but powerful ways. In the last episode, Episode 23, we discussed how the greatest sin against the First Commandment among us serious Catholics is defaulting to our negative God images, and letting them rule us, not resisting their pull on us, letting them draw us away from God. The more we give into our negative, heretical God images, the more they color our God concepts, leading us to entertain doubts in our intellect about God’s love, his power, his mercy, his goodness. And once we abandon our God concept to the notions of our heretical God images, we are headed for major trouble. Richard and Susan from Episodes 17 and 19 on Grief. We’re going to take a close look at Susan’s God images throughout her life to date in more detail, and in order to do that, we have to go back 100 years, and some generations. Susan’s father Pawel-- Born 1919 in Pittsburgh to Polish immigrant parents, Pawel’s mother died shortly after he was born from Spanish influenza. Youngest of three brothers. Grew up in the 1920s with his father and two older brothers. No sisters, no experience of mother, no stepmother – some extended family but not really close. Pawel’s father (Susan’s grandfather) was a wheelwright, making wagon wheels. At age 10, Al experienced the stock market crash and the Great Depression, hard times, unemployment, and a rough house, with some alcoholism. So Pawel grew up in difficult economic circumstances, completed 8th grade, went to work as a printer’s apprentice and then to war in 1942 and fought in the American infantry in France under Persh

Episode 23. Sinning, God Images, and ResilienceJuly 6, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 23, released on July 6, 2020 and it’s called Sinning, God Images, and Resilience.I am really excited to be with you today, we have a great episode coming up, where we will be bringing together all the conceptual information from the last three sessions and seeing how it all works together in real life, in real situations, real adversity and real hardship, all from a Catholic worldview. Let’s start with a brief review, spiraling back to the critical concepts that we have been studying about resilience from a Catholic perspective. If you are new to the podcast, first of all welcome, I’m glad you’re here. All you need to know conceptually we will cover in the next few minutes or so. You can review the last three episodes, episodes 20, 21 and 22 if you want to get into more detail about the concepts in this brief review. Let’s start with the definition of Catholic resilience – you will see how it is really different from secular understandings of resilience. For our purposes, I’m defining Catholic resilience as “the process of accepting and embracing adversity, trials, stresses and suffering as crosses. Catholic resilience sees these crosses as gifts from our loving, attuned God, gifts to transform us, to make us holy, to help us be better able to love and to be loved than we ever were before, and to ultimately bring us into loving union with Him. That is what I want for you. For you to transform your suffering into a means of making you holier, more peaceful, and more joyful. Not to take away any necessary suffering from you – not to take away the crosses God has given you. I am here to help you reduce, to eliminate your psychological impediments to not only accepting those crosses but embracing them, and transforming your suffering into the means of your salvation. You have to be resilient to do that, and not as the world sees resilience, but resilience firmly grounded in a Catholic understanding. Remember how we need a deep and abiding confidence in God, especially in God’s Providence in order to be resilient? That resilience is an effect – it’s a consequence of the deep, abiding confidence in God, especially in God’s Providential care and love for us. If you have the deep, abiding confidence in God and His providential love for you, you specifically, you will be resilient. Repeat. Remember also how the main psychological reason why we don’t have that deep abiding confidence in God is because we don’t know him as He truly is. We have problematic God images. Our God images fluctuate, they can be as unstable as water. These are the subjective, emotionally-driven ways we construe God in the moment. These are automatic, spontaneously emerging, and they are not necessary consented to by the will. These God images stand in contrast to our God concept, which is the representation of God that we profess, that we intellectually endorse, that we have come to believe intellectually through reading, studying, discerning. It is the representation of God that we endorse and describe when others ask us who God is. When our problematic, inaccurate, heretical God images get activated, they compromise our whatever confidence have in God, whatever childlike trust we have in God. So here’s the key causal chain:Bad God images lead to lack of confidence in God, which leads to a loss of resilience. And psychological factors contribute to these bad God images. Here’s the idea. Think about al little child. 12 months old or 18 months old, looking at his father. To that toddler, his father seems like a God – really huge – probably 10 times his weight, more than twice his height, so much stronger than he is, able to do so much more in the world. That toddler, as he comes into awareness about God, is going to transfer his experience of his parents and other caregivers into his God images. Here’s an important point for you to know as you wrap your mind around God images. God images are always formed experientially. God images flow from our relational experiences and how we construe and make sense of those images when we are very young. And that’s critical – we shape our first God images in the first two years of our lives. Those first two years of life have huge impact on the formation of our initial God images. And that makes sense, because our first two years of life have a huge impact on how we experience and understand

Episode 22. The Core of Catholic Resilience June 29, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 22, and it’s called The Core of Catholic Resilience. Today we are going to the core of Catholic resilience, we are going to discover what drives resilience in the saints. We are discussing the one central theme that is absolutely essential for the kind of resilience that transcends this natural world, that incorporates not just our natural gifts, but grace as well. The saints are the most resilient people who ever walked the face of the earth. What is the secret of the resilience of the saints? That’s the question we are focusing on today. What is the secret of the super resilience of the saints, the secret that allows them to rise up again when they fall under the weight of adversity, of persecution, of their own failings, weakness and sins? We are getting to that in just a moment. I am a believer in spiral learning, especially for this podcast and for the online learning at Souls and Hearts. So what is spiral learning? Guess what! It’s definition time with Dr. Peter. [cue sound effect]In a spiral learning approach, the basic facts of a subject are learned, without worrying much about the details. Just the main, plain concept. As learning progresses, more and more details are introduced. These new details are related to the basic concepts which are reemphasized many times to help enter them into long-term memory. Repeat. That’s spiral learning. Homeschoolers might recognize that from the way Saxon math works or the way some other programs teach. Why spiral learning. I really want you to integrate what you learn in these podcasts into the whole of your being – not just have them go in one ear and out the other, but for you to really grip on to them, really hold them, even when times are tough, even when you are in a dark place, even when emotions run high. My self-defense instructor James Yeager, in a fighting pistol course I took several years ago taught the class that “The only things you really possess are those things you can carry with you at a dead run.” He was referring to gear, including weapons mindset – he is really big on mindset, having your head right in crisis situations, and worked with his students to integrate his teachings throughout their whole beings, to have the right responses come up habitually, automatically, reflexively. I want that for you. So in these podcasts, we’re nourishing the mind, we’re focusing on the concepts, we’re starting there. The experiential work will help with the rest of the integration into your heartset, your soulset and your bodyset. Since we are already on a hard road together in the Christian life. I want to make the learning about Catholic resilience and growing in resilience as easy as possible for you. So we will spiral upward, coming back to the main themes in the podcast over and over again with new details, new data points, lots of examples, and of course, stories. As a psychologist and educator, I want this to be really easy for you to take in. Another benefit of that approach is that each podcast episode can stand alone – you can just pick this up the middle of this series on resilience can get the background you need for the topic of the episode. I’m really thinking about you when I put these together. So let’s briefly review what we’ve learned in this series on Catholic resilience. In episode 20, two weeks ago, we discussed the 10 factors of resilience offered by the secular experts. These were the ten essential aspects of resilience as summarized by Southwick and Charney, two writer for a general audience on resilience whom I respect. In episode 21 last week we got into the three major ways that secular understandings of resilience are lacking from a Catholic perspective, three important mistakes that secular professionals make in understanding resilience, the things that they miss because of their non-Catholic worldviews. If you have the time, you can check those two episodes out if you haven’t already, they help to put today’s episode into context, but suffice it to say for today, that Catholic resilience is very different than a secular understanding of resilience.In the last episode, I offered a definition of Catholic resilience, comparing secular understandings of resilience to a Catholic understanding of resilience. So now, just to get us all up to speed, let’s review that definition of Catholic resilience. It’s definition time

Episode 21. Catholic Resilience – Where the Secular Experts Get Resilience Wrong. June 22, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resilience, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 21, and it’s called Catholic Resilience – Where the Secular Experts Get Resilience Wrong In our last episode, we started a deep dive into resilience by looking at secular conceptualizations of resilience. We discussed how in the secular world resilience is about adapting yourself to life’s demands, it’s about handling the challenges and curve balls that life throws at you with poise and confidence. It’s about getting back to previous levels of functioning and adaptation. It’s about getting up as many times as you are knocked down by dangers and misfortunes, it’s about journeying on under the load of troubles and difficulties that life brings us. It’s about not succumbing to failure, not collapsing under stress, not being destabilized by hardships and tough situations.The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress— such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences.” You know, like a racquetball that gets hit, squashed, and then regains its shape. {insert sound}Seems reasonable enough, right? I mean, it’s the American Psychological Association, you know, the professionals speaking here. And in fact there’s a lot of good in that definition that we can draw from. In considering resilience, though, we as believing, practicing Catholics need to rework the secular notions ingrained in us by our culture. And that’s what I am here to help you do. I am here to challenge notions commonly held by Catholics that are actually not grounded in Catholicism.There are three major problems with the secular definition of resilience.First problem: Secular mental health professionals look to at their clients’ personal resources, their talents, their skills, their gifts. The secular clinicians will work with primarily with those asset and strengths. These clinicians think about how their clients can have greater autonomy, greater agency, be better able to access their assets and strengths to better adapt to the world. Most of them will also assess the social support that their clients can access from their close relationships. Nothing wrong with that, insofar as it goes. Insofar as it goes. But it doesn’t go far enough. As Catholics, we’re not supposed to rely primarily on ourselves, we’re not supposed to be independent, rugged individualists. And we’re not supposed to rely primarily on our close relationships either, because all other people have their flaws and they will disappoint us. We’re supposed to rely primarily on God – on His love, His mercy, His power, His constancy. And while more and more secular clinicians are open to bringing in their clients’ spirituality to help their clients become resilient, it’s not the top thing on the list. Spiritual resources made Southwick and Charney’s top ten list of resilience factors, but not until number 4 and a little bit in number 10. From a Catholic perspective, God is absolutely primary in resilience. And this is the biggest problem of secular-based psychologies in general, not just with regard to resiliency. We need to not only understand with our minds who we are and who God is – we also need to involve our souls, our hearts, our bodies. This is not easy. There are lots and lots and lots of psychological obstacles to seeing God as He really is. And I am here to help you do that. We will go through this process together, harmonizing the best of psychology with a Catholic worldview as we go through all the factors of resilience. That is what is unique about this podcast. That is what is unique about Souls and Hearts. We ground psychology in an authentic Catholic anthropology, an authentic Catholic worldview. Now today we’re not going into all the solutions for Catholics to become more resilient. Be patient, I promise you that is coming up in future episodes and especially in the workshops and experiential work that we do in the Resilient Catholics: Carpe Diem! Community. I want you to become much more resilient, and we’re starting with understanding the conceptual landscape first. All right, so that covers the first problem that secular clinicians have with guiding others to resiliency – not giving God

Episode 20. Resilience: Ten Factors June 15, 2020 Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resiliency, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 20, where we are starting a multi-episode deep dive into resilience and discuss 10 elements that constitute resilience as defined by the general literature. Today we are going to define resilience and cover 10 primary resilience factors – from a secular perspective. This is episode 20 entitled Resilience: Ten Factors and it is released on June 15, 2020. In the next episodes were are going to get much more into how to develop greater resilience. In the next episode, we are also going to get into a Catholic understanding of resilience that incorporates what we know to be true by our faith. But for today, we are starting with how secular psychology defines resilience. We are looking at the elements that secular psychology states are the factors of resilience. We want a solid conceptual base, we are being catholic with a small c here, meaning universal. I’m drawing from many sources here, but there’s one book that stands out, one book that I’m using in particular for this episode, because of how it’s based in research and its simple, effective organization. It includes insights from neuroscience research, and it has great illustrative stories, so it’s more than readable, it’s engaging. The book is “Resilience: The Science of Mastering Life’s Greatest Challenges by Steven Southwick and Dennis Charney. The book is now in its second edition and I like their structure and their emphasis on looking for research-based evidence, not just their personal experience. So what is resilience? What does secular psychology mean by resilience? Let’s define resilience. It’s definition time. [Cue sound effect]The American Psychological Association defines resilience as “the process of adapting well in the face of adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats or significant sources of stress— such as family and relationship problems, serious health problems or workplace and financial stressors. It means "bouncing back" from difficult experiences.” Let’s break that down. In the secular world, resilience is about adapting yourself to life’s demands, it’s about handling the challenges and curve balls that life throws at you with poise. It’s about recovering previous levels. It’s about getting up as many times as you are knocked down by dangers and misfortunes, it’s about journeying on under the load of troubles and difficulties that life brings us. It’s about not succumbing to failure, not collapsing under stress, not being destabilized by hardships and tough situations.The word resilience derives from the present participle of the Latin verb resilire, meaning "to jump back" or "to recoil." The concept of psychological resilience draws from physics. In physics, resilience is the ability of an elastic material (such as rubber) to absorb energy when it is deformed by some agent and release that energy as it springs back to its original shape. Imagine a racquetball flying back to the player, [cue sound] who strikes the ball with the racquet, squeezing the ball, flattening the rubber. The ball absorbs the energy of the swing and then in its resilience, it launches off the racquet, discharging all that energy as it flies away. What resilience is not: Misconceptions that people have. Being resilient does not mean you won’t struggle, suffer or experience adversity. It also doesn’t mean that hardships and challenges don’t affect you. It’s not stoicism and it’s not being numb or nonreactive. It’s not about not having needs. Resilience is adapting well, regaining your shape after you’ve been knocked hard, just like that racquetball springing back into shape. It’s not a fixed trait – it is something that can be learned, practiced, improved. And that is what this series on resilience is all about – it’s about helping you become more resilient in the face of this coronavirus crisis, so you can be loved and you can love God and others. So what are the 10 factors of resilience, according to Southwick and Charney? Let’s just list them, and then we will go into more depth on each one. Remember, I am using their language here and keeping their focus on a general audience. In future episodes, we are going to ground the concept of resilience in a Catholic worldview and we are going to really tweak these. These will be in the show notes on our website, so you can find them there, no need to take notes. Really listen in, take these in. In future episodes in t

Episode 19: Healing from Losses, Healing with GriefJune 8, 2020Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resiliency, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 19, Healing from Losses, Healing with Grief, released on June 8, 2020. And in this episode we really get into how do we heal? How do we move through our losses and heal?Story TimeRemember the story of Richard and Susan from Episode 17? Let’s catch up with them and see how they are doing. Now Richard and Susan have been married 28 years, and their three sons are 27, 25, and 23 years old, and all have moved out of the home and are very busy with their lives. Richard is 61 years old and is somewhat emotionally reserved – he was introverted, and didn’t talk a lot about feelings. He is not that interested in religion, but usually attends Sunday Mass with Susan. He had risen in management at his international engineering firm, eventually leading a team of six in joint venture in artificial intelligence with a foreign company. When that joint venture ended abruptly due to the other firm stealing intellectual property, and the coronavirus lockdowns happened, Richard was laid off. With the worsening economic environment, it’s unlikely he will return to that position. He is struggling with identity issues now, as he has been so invested in his work for so many years. After the layoff he initially kept himself busy with home projects and tinkering with go karts, but lately he has been much more withdrawn and spent much more time distracting himself on the internet, and also experimenting with day-trading stocks. Susan is 60, she is more extroverted, much more emotionally expressive with a wide circle of friends and acquaintances. Susan is eagerly awaiting grandchildren now that her oldest son has married. She had been hoping that with her husband home from work and their sons moved out, they would renew their relationship, but there is more distance than ever. Susan has been troubled by the emotional distance in her marriage for the last 25 years, and doesn’t know what to do about it, and for several years there has been almost no physical closeness. This is more acute for her now, that her social activities and connections have been curtailed by the social distancing restrictions. Twenty years ago, Susan experienced a real deepening of her faith and she began to practice it more seriously, with a regular prayer life an occasional daily Mass and regular confession. She had a scare with breast cancer five years ago from which she recovered. She continues to be in high demand as a professional translator in Spanish and Italian. She has been deeply worried upon finding out two weeks that the first case of the coronavirus has been confirmed at her mother’s assisted living facility. Now her 87 year old mother has shortness of breath, a fever, fatigue and a cough. Now her mother’s health is failing rapidly as they wait for the results of a COVID-19 test. Susan also recently discovered a pornographic pop up window on her husband’s home office desktop. She asked her husband about it, but he said it was nothing. Quick review from episode 17, where we made clear some definitions. Loss: deprived of a real, tangible good. Something good is taken from us – it can be the loss of an actual good, or a potential good.Grief is our individual experience of loss –Grief is our reaction to the loss. It’s our experience of the loss. Psychological, physical, behavioral, emotional. Mourning is a public expression of our grief, it’s what we show to others. Mourning is how we show our grief. For Richard Loss – loss of job, loss of income, loss of identity, confronting aging and physical decline (no more go-karting, too hard on the body) Grief – Six stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, Making Meaningexpressed through increased activity initially, seeking distractions through focusing attention (excitement of day trading), seeking comfort in increased pornography use, emotional and physical withdrawal, numbing negative emotions Mourning – façade of being unaffected, brushing off attempts at connection, consolation For Susan: Loss – Loss of mother, loss of trust in her husband, loss of illusions about marriage Grief – Six stages: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance, Making Meaningcrying, sadness, anger at husband (sense of betrayal), body image issues (sexually undesirable) regret over lost time, “wasting her life” in the marriage, accepting her husband as he is and loving him anyway. Concentra

Episode 18: Grief vs. DepressionGrief:Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. Ok, so I know we’re now into some really heavy, difficult times in our country and in our world. There’s lots of things going on – we have the pandemic, we have partial lockdowns and closures, we have major unemployment issues, nearly half of small businesses are in danger of shutting down permanently. We have escalating tensions with Xi Jinping’s government in China and the possibility of the cold war with China turning hot. We now have riots and looting over the tragic death of George Floyd while under arrest by a Minneapolis police officer, we have very flawed and contentious politicians battling with each other in petty ways in an election year, we have growing revelations of corruption by current and former government officials and bureaucrats. There is a growing lack of confidence in our government, our news media and in our secular and religious institutions. None of these factors changes the basic Gospel message. None of them. None of them can keep us from psychological and spiritual growth, unless we let ourselves be kept down. We need to rise up, we need to go beyond mere resiliency, to become even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 18, entitled “Grief vs. Depression” released on June 1, 2020. Today, we’re going to really dive into the difference between grief and depression, and to illustrate the difference between grief and depression, we’ll be looking at five people from the Scriptures.First, though, I want to offer a big Thank you to all the Resilient Catholics: Carpe Diem community members who came to our first ever Zoom meeting last Friday evening. We had a great conversation on unacknowledged or hidden grief. It was very good for us to get to know each other better and for us to connect and to be in relationship with one another. Thank you for praying for me, and know that I am praying for you. So some of you may be asking, Dr. Peter, why, why is it important to know the difference between grief and depression – both of them feel bad, and we want to feel better. So why bother with the difference? Normal GriefWaves or intense pages of painful emotion associated with the loss, which gradually soften and diminish over time. Emptiness and loss – something is missing -- but also there are moments of happiness, joy. Self-esteem generally remains intact. If there is self-criticism, it tends to be focused on perceived shortcomings about the loss (I should have visited my Mom more often before she died, I should have told her I loved her).Relational connections remain intact. Able to give and receive in relationships, and can be consoled. Ruminating on what or who was lost; Hope remains. Since of life going on. Thoughts of death and dying focused on the lost person and perhaps reconnecting with the loved one in heaven. Some loss of desire to live on, but not overt wishes or impulses toward suicide. Distress, sadness activated by memories or reminders of the loss. Clinical Depression Sadness, distress experienced continually over timeOngoing depressed mood with anhedonia – unable to enjoy good thingsFeelings of inadequacy, worthlessness, with self-criticism. Critical toward self, feelings of worthlessness, and self-loathing. This is much more general. May involve significant shame. Emotional withdrawal from others – perhaps with avoidance. Could be a physical withdrawal as well. Difficulty being consoledSelf-critical or pessimistic thoughts; tendency toward a loss of hope. Suicidal thoughts related to feelings of being unworthy of life, or of not wanting to live anymore. Suicide considered an escape from unbearable pain with no other answers. Depressed mood is not tied to specific thoughts or preoccupations Let's flesh this out with examples of grief vs. clinical depression from Scripture:Abraham’s GriefGenesis 23: Sarah’s Death and Burial23 Sarah lived one hundred twenty-seven years; this was the length of Sarah’s life. 2 And Sarah died at Kiriath-arba (that is, Hebron) in the land of Canaan; and Abraham went in to mourn for Sarah and to weep for her. 3 Abraham rose up from beside his dead, and said to the Hittites, 4 “I am a stranger and an alien residing among you; give me property among you for a burying place, so that I may bury my dead out of my sight.”David is one of the most expressive men in the Bible. David’s Grief: 2 Samuel 1Saul and Jonathan, beloved and lovely! In life and in death they were not divided; they were swifter than eagles, they were stronger than lions.24 O daughters of Israel, weep over Saul, who clothed you with cri

Episode 17: Loss, Grief, Mourning and Resilience – How do They Go Together?Intro: Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resiliency, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 17, released on May 25, 2020 entitled Loss, Grief, Mourning and Resilience – How do They Go Together?Some of you have been in touch with me and asked for work on Grief, which we touched on in Episode 3 with the loss of the sacraments in the lockdown. There’s been conversation about grief on the discussion boards in the Resilient Catholic: Carpe Diem Community space in Souls and Hearts, and now we are going to dive deep into this whole area of grief. We are going to do two podcast episodes on grief and the coronavirus, and I will be doing one Zoom meeting for our members. Seating is very limited for that, I’m only taking on 12 for that meeting at 7:30 PM eastern time on Friday, May 29, I saw one or maybe two open seats left, so check that out at Souls and Hearts. Joining the community is free for the first 30 days, so come check it out at Souls and Hearts.com. Our thinking can be heavily impacted when we are experience intense emotions, so let’s really get some clarity, let’s shine some light on things now. The first thing, really quickly, is to define a few terms around grief, loss, and mourning. Let’s get our vocabulary straight, because that really helps our thinking. We’re going to start with the concept of loss, loss – and that’s because loss comes before grief. Loss always comes before grief. Loss precedes grief. So we’re going in order here, and starting with loss. There are two kinds of loss: Actual Loss and what I call the Loss of Potential. Actual loss and the loss of potential. Actual loss is the loss of a real, tangible good. Something good is taken from us. It could be death of a loved one, when we lose the relationship, with its intimacy, connection, the love. It can also mean the actual loss of some part of us – our sense of hearing for example, or the Loss of Potential – this is the loss of possibilities that we hoped for – something anticipated in the future. a wedding that will never happen, children that will never be born, a promotion that will not come now, etc. It also includes words that were never said, words that were never heard, stories that will never be finished. Grieving at a funeral of family members – not of the actual loss of the abusive, alcoholic, philandering husband – not for the loss of the actual person. But for the symbolic loss – no longer married, no longer the possibility of living happily ever after. Grief is our individual experience of loss – so remember, the loss is the good we no longer have. Grief is our reaction to the loss. It’s our experience of the loss. And that experience is emotional – sadness, anxiety, irritability we may feel mood swings -- or we may feel nothing apathyPsychological – disbelief, impaired concentration and attention, flashbacks, ruminations, going over and over some memory of the person. Grief is also physical – for example when the tears flow, have intense fatigue, headaches, loss of appetite, trouble sleeping. Grief is also expressed through behavior – the heavy sigh, when put our hands to our heads and groan or when we withdraw and sit alone in a dark room. The experience of grief varies a lot from person to person, situation to situation. It can be painful, sometime exquisitely painful, horrendously painful, it may seem intolerable. Sometimes it’s much more quiet. It may also be bittersweet, or even have a sense of peace in it, such as when a loved one suffering from a terminal illness dies well. There are different kinds of grief, and we’re going to get into that later in this podcast, but for now, let’s understand that grief is our individual experience of loss. And with grief comes mourning. Mourning is a public expression of our grief, it’s what we show to others. Mourning is how we show our grief. How we share our grief with others. How we connect in grief. Some of this is conditioned by our culture – 3 rifle volleys salutes for deceased veterans, funerals, eulogies, the chicken dinner in the parish hall after the Mass, tossing a handful of dirt on the grave. Review the above: Actual Loss Loss of potential Grief MourningSo how can we really solidify our understanding of these definitions? How can we make these concepts come alive? Hmmm. Let me think. [Ding] I’ve got it! How about a story, to make all this come together for us? I think that’s a great idea. So it’s story time with Dr. Peter. Story T

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem Episode 16: Who Am I, Really? Identity and Resiliency May 18, 2020 Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resiliency, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 16, released on May 18, 2020 entitled Who Am I, Really? Identity and Resiliency In the last episode, we discussed the main sign of psychological health. I asked you to send in your thoughts about what is that main sign. In the Resilient Catholics Carpe Diem community space at Souls and Hearts, which we launched a week ago, I was having a great exchange with Kathleen which spurred me on to some further consideration about integration, resiliency and especially identity. Really want to thank you, Kathleen. Alright, I want to take you back with, way back to the beginning human history, come on with me to Genesis 3. We’re picking it up in the middle of the story. Adam and Eve have fallen to Satan’s temptation and eaten the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil. Let’s listen to the story but be thinking about the theme of identity – Who Adam and Eve were, and how they saw themselves. That’s what I want you to keep in mind. So put your listening ears on, and get ready -- It’s story time with Dr. Peter. Then the eyes of both were opened, and they knew that they were naked; and they sewed fig leaves together and made themselves aprons. And they heard the sound of the Lord God walking in the garden in the cool of the day, and the man and his wife hid themselves from the presence of the Lord God among the trees of the garden. But the Lord God called to the man, and said to him, “Where are you?” And he said, “I heard the sound of thee in the garden, and I was afraid, because I was naked; and I hid myself.” Here we see a radical shift in both who Adam and Eve really were – they had been in a state of grace and now they have fallen into sin. Also, though, you have a radical shift in how Adam and Eve see themselves. They hear God walking in the garden, gently calling out to them – and God, being all know, He knew exactly where they were. In his gentleness, in His consideration for them, he didn’t want to startle them or disconcert them any more than they already were. He was calling out to let them know He was coming. And their response – to be afraid, to hide from him. Their identities were devastated. Think about what just happened. Very difficult to underestimate the catastrophic psychological effects of the fall. We get the physical effects of the fall, the effects of the fall on our bodies -- Subjective identity includes the experiences (and how we recall those experiences), the close relationships, and values that come together to form one’s subjective sense of self. You might say subjective identity is who we feel ourselves to be, in the given moment. For some that sense of identity is more consistent and stable, and for others, it may vary more from day to day. Conscious Subjective Identity Who we profess ourselves to be. Unconscious Subjective Identity – Parts of us that hold assumptions about us that are not available in conscious awareness. There are moments when these unconscious assumptions break into conscious awareness – particularly when we are stressed, tired, overwhelmed. These moments are when our regular defenses open up and some of what we keep out of awareness starts bubbling up. Example: Remember the Boasting Traveler from Aesop’s fable in the last episode - episode 15- you know, the one how bragged about how he made the most prodigious leap in the city of Rhodes? That traveler was troubled with narcissism – deep sense of sense of inferiority, weakness, shame, and inadequacy. These were not in conscious awareness – but those unconscious beliefs existed and they influenced and motivated his behavior to try to impress others. But then the bystander punctured his puffed up presentation – challenged his boast and may have deflated him, brought him into contact with his own inadequacy, both real and felt. Another example of unconscious subjective assumptions about ourselves. Let’s look at dependency. Dependent people may not be in touch with their deep unconscious beliefs that they will only have their needs met if they are subordinated to more powerful others – they need the powerful other person to make them whole or complete. Every personality style every personality disorder has implications for our conscious and unconscious assessments of ourselves. In a word, every personality style reflects assumptions about our identity. So let’s break this

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem Episode 15: The Main Sign of Psychological Health May 11, 2020 Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. We are going beyond mere resiliency, to rising up to the challenges of this pandemic and becoming even healthier in the natural and the spiritual realms than we were before. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski your host and guide, with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 15, released on May 11, 2020 entitled The Main Sign of Psychological Health. In the previous 11 episodes, we have described and discussed the four pillars of resilience: Mindset, Heartset, Bodyset and Soulset. Now, we are getting to the really fascinating exploration of how these four pillars interact. We’re diving into our internal psychological lives to see how our psychological strengths and weaknesses impact our resiliency but also how they affect our spiritual lives. Because as a Catholic psychologist, I’m really focused on how psychological factors, our psychological structures, our psychological functioning, our entire psychological lives impact how we accept love from God and how we love God in return. It all boils down to that. If what I do as Catholic psychologist doesn’t at least help others to accept God’s love and to love God in return – then I am missing the point of the greatest commandment. So what is the main sign of psychological health? What is it? Take a minute and consider it. What do you think the main distinguishing characteristic of mental health is? Let’s struggle with this a bit. In fact, some of you gutsier types might even be willing to stop this podcast for a few minutes and write down your ideas before you listen further. Write them down, email them to me at [email protected] or text them to me at 317.567.9594 – let me know before you continue on. Let me know what you are thinking! I want to hear from you. The answer to the question of what is the main sign of psychological health may not be what you think. Let’s explore this together I promise that I will tell you what this central, essential psychological characteristic is. Not only that, today, I’m going to go over with you the disadvantages of not having that essential quality. I’m also going to give you a bunch of examples of why this particular quality matters so much and I’m also going to give you some guidance in how to overcome the deficits you have in that area. All today, all for you. So hang in there with me. We are going to start with a story, with a fable by Aesop which will help to illustrate the point. I really want this to stick with you. So it’s storytime with Dr. Peter. A man who had traveled in foreign lands boasted very much, on returning to his own country, of the many wonderful and heroic feats he had performed in the different places he had visited. Among other tales, he told his listeners that when he was at Rhodes, he had leaped to such a distance that no man of his day could leap anywhere near him as to that. The traveler claimed there were in Rhodes many persons who saw his prodigious leap, and he could call them in as his witnesses. The traveler firmly believed his own tale and was adamant about his abilities, and was convincing many of his listeners. One bystander, though, interrupted him, and said: "Now, my good man, if this be all true we have no need of witnesses in Rhodes. Let’s pretend that we are in Rhodes. Let us see you leap! Jump for us!" What kind of personality does the boasting traveler demonstrate in this little vignette? What do you think? Dependent, Schizoid, Obsessive, Paranoid, Self-defeating, hysterical, psychopathic, narcissistic, depressive, dissociative -- what do you think. One might argue that you can’t definitively assign a personality style to an imagined character – Oh, but I can. And I am going to do it, right now. I see this character, the boasting traveler as narcissistic. Many of you may have guessed that. People with narcissistic styles work hard to maintain a very fragile sense of self-worth by getting affirmation from outside themselves. Something very important is missing – they don’t have deep sense of essential goodness – that they are good because they exist and are made in the image and likeness of God. At a deep level, often in their unconscious, they feel loveless and fraudulent and are very frightened of their inner sense of inferiority, weakness, shame, and inadequacy. They work really hard to keep this out of awareness by focusing on the admiration and complements of others. But their efforts so often backfire and they wind up exactly where they don’t want to be – exposed, ashamed, rejected, despised, alienated from others – like the boasting traveler in the vignette. Whenever there is psychological disorde

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem Episode 14: Soulset: The core of usMay 4, 2020Screwtape letters: From the experienced demon Screwtape to his nephew Wormwood – Screwtape is teaching Wormwood the ins and outs of tempting men, trying to drag their souls to hell. When Screwtape refers to the Enemy he means God. “Be not deceived, Wormwood, our cause is never more in jeopardy than when a human, no longer desiring but still intending to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe in which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys.Cue musicWelcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. Soul CCC: The spiritual principle of human beings. The soul is the subject of human consciousness and freedom; soul and body together form one unique human nature. Each human soul is individual and immortal, immediately created by God. Soulset. Soulset is essentially our attitude of soul, how we orient our governing spiritual principle. Soulset is the core of a man or woman or child. It can and does operate independently of mindset and heartset, both of which are bound up in the body. Our soulset reflects how we see God, and how we see ourselves in relationship with God, how we see God viewing us. Consider the man that Screwtape was describing. A man who has lost his desire for God, who experiences God as vanished, gone, who feels forsaken, alone. Heartset. Mindset. Bodyset curling up. But he still intends to do the will of God. In spite of all that his wounded, heart is telling him, all that his confused mind is telling him, all that his aching body is telling him, he still – that man still intends to do the will of God. That is an admirable man. The way I’m describing soulset includes our conscience, The council's Pastoral Constitution on the Church in the Modern World (Gaudium et Spes) defines conscience "as man's most secret core, and his sanctuary. There he is alone with God, whose voice echoes in his depths. By conscience, in a wonderful way, that law is made known which is fulfilled in the love of God and one's neighbor" (16). And I love the idealism and I believe every word of this definition. It was extremely helpful to me when I was experiencing an existential crisis at age 22. This paragraph was precious to me, in its idealism and its beauty and the way it shows the dignity of men and women and children. But. Here’s the But. but I’m a psychologist, I work with people in messy, painful situations with raw emotions and excruciating, unresolved experiences. I don’t have the luxury of just retreating and staying in the realm of ideas like philosophers or theologians can. I’m down here in the trenches often with people who are desperate and frantic, whose lives are chaotic, and you know what? They hardly experience the voice of a loving God echoing in their depths. They are not experiencing, in this wonderful way that Vatican II describes, God’s law being fulfilled in the love of God and neighbor. In their distress, they do not seek out a philosopher or a theologian. Who does that? Would you do that? When you are suffering, do you go to internet or pick up the yellow pages and look up philosophers and theologians in your area? Why not? Because we need to nourish and heal not only the mind, but the heart, and the body and the soul, the whole person. In an integrated way.When people are suffering this can just seem like words words words, blah blah blah, it just doesn’t seem to stick. Haven’t all of you experienced that? How many sermons have you heard that might be speaking to your mind, but not the rest of you? This intellectualized sermons that speak not to your heart, not to your body. Or it can happen the opposite way – a charismatic sermon that speaks to the heart, it really pulls on the heartstrings but it speaks to the heart only, not the mind or soul or body. How many of you have heard really emotionally moving sermons that were quite confusing or unclear or even heretical in their actual content. And let’s also just say it like it is. Some sermons don’t seem to move the heart or the mind or the body or the soul at all. Just meh. Dry. Boring. Distant. And then they can start to feel irrelevant, unattuned. It’s amazing how mediocre some sermons really can be. It’s not that they are evil or anything. They just aren’t very human. Dietrich von Hildebrand:God has called us to become new men in Christ…This new life is not destined merely to repose as a secret in the hidden depths of our souls; rather it should work out in a transformation of our entire personality. Our entire personality. All facets of our psychic life. And I am going to go farther than that statement. Not ju

Episode 13: Bodyset: Loving and Reverencing Our Bodies – With Dr. Andrew SodergrenJohn Paul II, in Theology of the Body. The body is the sacrament of the person – there is a certain sacramentality of the body. A sacrament makes something present, manifest in a concrete way. The Body reveals the personhood. The body is essential for human beings in order to relate. The body is essential for prayer.Some heresies devalue the body (e.g. Manicheanism). God in his infinite holiness took on our human flesh. This elevated the dignity of the human body. Our bodies are designed for a sacred purpose, like the sacred vessels for the liturgy. Like we care for the sacred vessels, we need to care for our bodies. The way we dress can adorn the body or debase the body. It is valuable to reflect on how I have fallen short of honoring my body and those of others.

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemEpisode 12: Bodyset: Accepting our Bodies – with Dr. Andrew Sodergren Show NotesTo accept the body, we need to accept the body as a gift. Obstacles to receiving our bodies as a gift:1. Our bodies are imperfect and we are very aware of things we don’t like about our bodies, that fall short of the ideals that we have for our bodies. Can be superficial issues, or more major issues such as disabilities and major medical problems. Shame is often body-related. Body as an obstacle to my self-perfection. Our body and identity are given to us, not as blank slates. There is meaning, order, and purpose already built in to our bodies, we discover those, we don’t create or command the meaning, order and purpose of our bodies. Times when our bodies let us down, not strong enough. 2. We associate the body with sin or sinfulness. We can blame the body for sinfulness and hold the body in distrust. 3. Our bodies link us to other people, especially in our families of origin. My body reminds me of my past, my family. 4. How other people have treated our bodies. How people react to our bodies. We can despise our bodies because of what our bodies have elicited from others in the past. There is always a coherent story about why we might have feelings of hatred toward our bodies. We want to get to the wound, pain, and the story behind the feelings of hatred for the body. The feelings toward the body and body sensations can point us toward deeper issues and realities. Hating our bodies means that we are hating ourselves. Guided reflection on noticing what is going on in your body and receiving it as a gift. Dr. Andrew and Dr. Peter discuss the need to resolve correctable disorder in the body and about the body either in this life or in Purgatory before entering in to heaven.Get in touch at [email protected] or at 317.567.9594. Register at soulsandhearts.com for the podcast as well.

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemTitle: JR’s Story: What Happens When You Listen to Your Body Episode 11: April 24, 2020Welcome to our podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem. Let us seize this day! This twice-weekly podcast helps us rise up. It helps us embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis. And our podcast does this through being thoroughly grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. It is great to be together with you, thank you for tuning in. This is Episode 11 and its April 24, 2020. This one is called JR’s Story: What Happens When You Listen to Your Body. I am super excited about this episode, because we’re going to do a deep dive into the experience of JR, who is one of us in this podcast community, and what he discovered about himself in doing the guided reflection in the last episode. But first, a quick review:We have been discussing our Catholic bodies in times of crisis, and how we can increase resilience through a better bodyset. Remember that when I use the term bodyset, I’m referring to how our body affects us, how our physical reactions impact us and our dispositions and inclinations. We are embodied beings, composites of body and soul. Our physical bodies have a huge impact on us. The state of our body, our relationship with our body, that’s bodyset.So as I discussed with you last time, the main message about bodyset is that we need to listen to our bodies and respond in love to our bodies. Last episode we focused on listening to our bodies and at the end, we did an experiential exercise where we did some really focused listening, to hear the messages from our bodies that we may otherwise be ignoring. And that brought in some great responses from some of you, our podcast community members. Nothing brings me as much satisfaction as hearing you really engaging with this podcast, taking in the information, doing the exercises, discovering new things about yourselves, and growing. That is what this is all about. So before I share these emails, I’m going to suggest that if you have the time and the inclination, go back to the last episode, episode 10 titled Your Catholic Body and this Crisis: Bodyset and listen if you haven’t done so already. Go back to the last episode and really experience that exercise, truly listen in to your body with our guided reflection together. Then come back and listen to the story of JR in Indiana, and what he experienced as he did the exercise from the last episode. Whenever I share these kinds of stories on this podcast, because they are so deep, and meaningful and personal, I always ask for permission from the person, out of respect. If the person is not willing to allow me to share it on the air, that is totally understandable. I really value your privacy. These stories, though, illustrate the experiences that I so much want all of you to have, they show the possibilities of what you can learn and how you can change by deeply engaging with this podcast and with our community. This is also a clear example of what this podcast community is all about. It’s not about me, lecturing to a microphone off in my makeshift studio far away, and you, just listening alone, a passive recipient. No. This podcast is about engagement, it’s about relationship, it’s about connection, it’s about community and it’s about being pilgrims together in these hard times, in this valley of the shadow of death, Yes. Be we are also together on the road to salvation. I have responded to every one of you that has reached out by phone or by email, we’re a small enough community that we can do that together and that is a top priority for me.So I want to start by thanking JR in Indiana for his openness and his willingness to share his experience from the last episode with all of you. Thank you, JR. I am going to read this as JR wrote it, because he expresses himself so well in his own words. He emails me last Monday, four days ago: My back is physically out of shape due to lack of exercise (and I was diagnosed with some arthritis in my lower back a couple of years ago). Also, I have had to perform some physical home chores recently that I thought might be the cause of the pain.I have been working hard at self-care: stretching, walking, a lot of time on my back with my legs elevated. Usually, this self-care would have worked by now; but not this time. I can move; but, not without pain.This morning I followed your guided meditation and asked my back pain what it wanted to tell me. It said, “Slow down.”I replied, “SLOW DOWN? I am on my fricking back and can’t move—I can’t go any slower. I am isolated—i can’t go any slower. I can’t find meaningful work—I can’t go any slower. I can’t engage with the Body of Christ—I can’t go any slower!I have no idea what “slow down” means; but, I will take the suggestion to prayer and further meditation. I write to him: I suspect t

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemTitle: Your Catholic Body and this Crisis: Bodyset Episode 10: April 20, 2020Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem. Seize the day! This twice-weekly podcast helps us rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. It is great to be here with you. This is Episode 10 and its April 20, 2020, entitled Your Catholic Body and this Crisis: Bodyset. Today we are focusing on the body. Your Catholic body. Does that sound weird to you? That your body is Catholic? I bet it does. Why? Is your body not Catholic? We’re going to get ito all at that body stuff in today’s episode.[cue music]ReviewWe’re in the middle of a program about building resilience in this crisis, so that we are ready to take advantage of the opportunities God is giving us to grow, to grow spiritually of course, but also to grow psychologically, to grow in faith, but also to grow in our human formation, in the natural realms. Episode 4 – the Four Pillars of Resilience Mindset, Heartset, Bodyset, Soulset. That episode introduced the four major domains, the four major parts of us. Mind, Heart, Body, Soul. We need these four areas of our lives ordered so that we can be resilient and adapt well in a crisis. If you’re new to the podcast, you can listen to each episode in its own, it can stand alone, but remember they all hang together into a program to strengthen your resilience to live out our duties of state, to live our your vocation. So if you have the time and interest, it’s great to go back to episode 4 and work your way up to this one. In Episodes 5 and 6 we got into mindset. Our mindset is the position of our intellect, and how we habitually apply reason to our situation, to our experiences. In Episode 7 we moved into heartset. Our heartset consists of the dispositions or the orientation of our heart, the emotional and intuitive ways of our heart. We discussed the huge mistake of neglecting our emotions, the costs of that neglect, and how to get in touch with our emotions again. In Episode 8 we had a brief detour and we discussed reconciling psychology and Catholicism, and I shared the story of how I got into the field of psychology.In Episode 9 we got back into heartset, with another huge issue, the issue of being overwhelmed by emotion, and how to prevent that and with that we wrapped up our initial look at heartset. So now we’re continuing and we’re working with a new pillar – our bodies. How do our bodies impact our capacity to cope in a crisis. That’s the deep dive for us today. So just a review from Episode 4 – what is bodyset again, Dr. Peter? Glad you asked. Bodyset is how our body affects us, how our physical reactions impact us and our dispositions and inclinations. We are embodied beings, composites of body and soul. Our physical bodies have a huge impact on us. The state of our body, our relationship with our body, that’s bodyset. Here is the main message: We need to listen to our bodies and respond in love to them. What does that mean, Dr. Peter? We need to listen to our bodies? Aren’t we supposed to subjugate our bodies? Aren’t we supposed to control them, keep them from leading us into sin? Are not our bodies the “flesh” that St. Paul condemns so often in his letters?And this business of loving our bodies? What does that mean? Sounds fishy. Sounds dangerous. So let me back up a bit and tell you how I as a psychologist got interested in the body.Episode 8 – told you a bit of my story. Pretty unimpressed with the clinical training I was getting, really uncertain about how to ground psychotherapy in a Catholic worldview. And that was so central to me. I never wanted to lead anyone astray morally or spiritually Program not helpful at all. I also was far from convinced that psychotherapy was really effective. So I clinically I got into health and rehabilitation psychology -- I could see the benefit in that. Pain control, helping people stop smoking, weight loss stuff. Helping people sleep better, helping people recover and cope with traumatic bodily injuries. But it was all about symptom management and habit control. And I was interested in the meaning of the bodily symptoms and the body habits that troubled people. Nailbiting Symbolic meaning. Anger. 8 months. Here is the main message: We need to listen to our bodies and respond in love to them. Why. Because our bodies are us. My body is a part of me. Because we tend to be down on the body. Lots of people hate their bodies. Body getting a bad rap – the flesh. Jansenism, Manicheanism The good part is the soul (which is composed of light) and the bad part is the body (composed of dark earth). JPII Theology of the BodyThere are many references to “the flesh” in the New Testament, especially in the letters of St. Paul. The phrase is confusing to those who

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemTitle: The Flip Side of the Huge Mistake We Make with our Emotions in a Crisis Episode 9: April 17, 2020Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is Episode 9 and its April 17, 2020, entitled The Flip Side of the Huge Mistake We Make with our Emotions in a Crisis. In Episode 7, last week, we discussed how some of us make the huge mistake of neglecting our emotions, disregarding them, disconnecting from them. We discussed the costs of that neglect. Today, we discuss the flip side of that mistake – the mistake of being dominated by our emotions. Heartset is the dispositions or the orientation of our heart, the emotional and intuitive ways of our heart. Heartset is essential our emotional state and the positions we take because of our feelings. One of the four pillars of psychological resilience, Episode 4 -- introduced all of them.Emotions are not morally right or wrong. We often believe they are – we don’t always say it that way. My sadness is sinful. We have an innate sense of right and wrong. But we also learn what is right and wrong by what our parents reward and punish. And frankly, parent like pleasant feelings in their children and the don’t like unpleasant feelings. So anger, disappointment, sadness, fear – parents sometimes don’t tolerate these emotions well in their children. Anger as an example. A lot of parents do not allow their children to express anger in any way. No expression of anger is well tolerated. IF you’re a kid an every time you are angry, you get punished no matter what you do, it’s very easy to assume that the anger is wrong. Let’s face it: Kids are not very nuanced. I hate you mommy you’re a bad mommy. So the child learns not to express anger in any way. Anger is dangerous. Keep it inside. Deal with it silently. So it wells up and explodes.Some parents can’t handle children’s anger well – they fear their own anger coming up. So it’s somewhat protective. You parents know this. Sometimes it feels like you just can’t take the kids’ fighting any more, the arguing and bickering in anger, and you drop the hammer. There are no people on earth better able to confront parents with their inadequacies than their children. So kids bury them. And they ping pong back and forth. Beach ball under water. Emotions can come rushing back. That’s why we want our emotions integrated. Banning words like hate. Because we don’t like the thought that hate is there. Such a strong word. But there are strong emotions. Burning the map doesn’t destroy the territory. How I learned not to ban words. Telling a story Big brown eyes. Banning the word Stupid. Children have a way of really getting under parents’ skin in ways no one else ever can. I have seven children. Oldest was about 8. Calling each other stupid. Like kids do. Another way. Or parents may simply allow all kinds of emotional expression. In this very laid back acceptance of all emotions, the child learns to accept all his emotions, all the emotions are validated, so they all must reflect truth. Temperaments of children matter, too. This stuff is really complex. Two ways to be dominated by our emotions:1. To be overwhelmed by them, to be driven by our passions, to lash out in anger or to flee in fear when we shouldn’t 2. To give them too much weight in our thinking – for example consider how you might hold a grudge against someone – harboring resentment. Interpret that person’s behavior through that lens of bitterness. We’re not overwhelmed with emotion. When we allow ourselves to be dominated by emotions and when we assume that our emotions just reflect reality, our heartset leads us to a mindset of subjectivism. My subjective experience is what matters. If I feel it, it must be true. I have my truth, you have your truth, and they can contradict each other. So we want emotions integrated and we want them regulated. Breathe, Holy Names, Confide, Listen. Four-step plan to calm emotions down. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.So about this podcast. I way underestimated how much work this is. And I was very optimistic. Building an ark. Not working out the way I expected. Very optimistic. Yeb dub dah. Flfalg. Very used to talking with people – presented for years, but I could always watch the reactions. Is this any good? Not much response. Can’t go with what is gratifying. Turning away potential clients. Worried. Does anybody even care. Some days March 14 no one listens. Started asking – brilliant. Connections with you: Worried initially. Calls coming inLetter writing Now super excited. Big ideas about how to br

Dr. Peter discusses some of his journey to harmonize psychology with Catholicism and invites listeners to get in touch with him as we form a community of Catholics who are committed to both human and spiritual formation and who are willing to put in the work to grow, even in this time of crisis and especially in this time of crisis.

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemThe huge mistake we make with our emotions in a crisisEpisode 7: April 10, 2020Let’s get right to it. Today we are discussing the one huge mistake that we human beings tend to make with our emotions when we are in a drawn-out crisis situation. One major mistake that we all are prone to make when we are stressed. And we’re going to also not just discuss the remedy to that huge common mistake – but also we are going to practice that remedy. I will walk you through an experiential exercise to help you rise above that common mistake and help you know yourself better. So stay with me, here we go…Cue musicWelcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem where together we embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth during this pandemic, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts. Thank you for being here. So what is the great mistake that many of us make with our intense emotions in a crisis? In one word the answer is: Neglect. We neglect them. We disregard them. We don’t pay attention to them. We avoid them. We defend against them so that in an emergency they don’t keep us from being able to act. And that is helpful in the short run. Imagine firefight on a battlefield where a soldier’s legs are wounded by shrapnel and he can’t move. His buddy moves quickly and efficiently to stop the bleeding and is carrying him back to the medic for care. It would not help his buddy to get overwhelmed with emotion, fear, or a sense of loss, or to remember in that moment all the good times they had together on base. Temporarily, his buddy can keep out of conscious awareness all those memories and all that emotion to be able to focus on the demands of the moment. And that is a gift from God. We naturally have defenses that keep some of our internal experience out of conscious awareness so we can function under stress. We call them defenses because they defend us, they protect us against internal experiences that otherwise would overwhelm us, swamp us with their intensity. Some clinicians call these defenses coping mechanisms. So what are these defenses? You’ve heard of many of them – denial, repression, avoidance, dissociation – I have a list of about 50 of them that I consider when I’m doing psychological evaluations. The function of all of these defenses is to protect us from being overwhelmed by our experience, particularly intense emotional experiences. The problem is that over time, these defenses all have costs. There is a price to pay for using a defense. The costs is often part of the defense itself – for example, getting hung over after drinking too much. But a cost common to all defenses is that are not as in touch with our emotions. In general, people only deal with what they consciously experience and they assume that this is all that there is. If I don’t feel it, it’s not there. If a defense is working effectively, it keeps all or at least part of an emotion out of our awareness. And when we don’t know what we are feeling we are at a disadvantage. For example, we can’t share those experiences with other people or bring them to God in prayer. We are not integrated, connected with emotion. Let me make comparison to the body. There are some people with rare genetic condition who cannot feel physical pain. It’s called congenital analgesia And it’s thought to be related to a genetic mutation that interrupts the normal functioning of pain messages in the central nervous system. They don’t feel it when they burn their mouth with hot coffee, they don’t feel pain when they injure themselves in any way. Some people might wish to have this condition – to live a pain free life! But they tend to have short lives. They don’t have the warning system to protect themselves. So an example. Let’s say that you are angry with your spouse, but you have defended against that anger. It’s likely to come out in your behavior, in ways that you intellect and will can’t address as effectively. We call that enactment or acting out. It’s a way of discharging some unconscious emotion through action. Have you ever had the experience where you where pretty sure someone felt something toward you, but they weren’t aware of it? Or how about the guy who insists in a frustrated, angry tone, that he is not angry. “I’m not angry, why do you keep telling me I’m angry?!” Often people believe what they are saying in those moments. They are not in touch with their experience. . Floyd at the work. He’s the last one – never complained. He’s enacting. So now we are weeks into this crisis. It’s dragging on. We’ve had time to build up emotions about it. The problem is not that we have some temporary disconnect from intense emotion. But when we don’t seek to understand ourselves, when we stay unaware of what we are feeling – then problems come in.How can my emotions influence my actions when I am not feeling them? Emotions signal importa

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemA Call To Arms: Rise Up, Red-Blooded CatholicsEpisode 6: April 6, 2020Look, I’m going to get right down to it. We are in a real crisis with this virus. You’ve seen the news – New York City’s hospitals are overwhelmed and infections and deaths are accelerating exponentially. We’re facing shortages of some basic items and supply chains are breaking down. We’ve never experienced anything like this. And I believe we are in it for the long haul. The bottom line is this: The Catholic Church now, more than ever needs heroes to rise up. The Church needs you to be an unsung hero in your vocation, in your duties of state. Other souls need you to be clearheaded, calm, effective, thoughtful, patient, generous, and resilient. They don’t just need you to be a holy man or woman. They need you to be well-formed on a human level, well integrated, soul, heart, body and mind. Other souls are looking to you for safety, security, guidance, direction. Are you up for that yet? Are you equipped to handle whatever may come? Cue music Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem, where you and I rise up and embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. This is Episode 6 and its April 6, 2020, entitled A Call To Arms: Rise Up, Red-Blooded Catholics. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. The stakes are high. Yes, there is life and death on the line. But there is more than just life and death. There is salvation and damnation for souls on the line. Our parishes are shuttered, we’ve lost the Mass and many of us have lost access to confession unless we are in danger of death. We’ve lost access to the Eucharist. Now is the time – now is the time for red-blooded Catholic men and women, drinking deeply of God’s grace, to rise to the challenges of these wild times. There has never been a better time for you to rise up and seize the day. If you are willing to take on this mission, this mission of rising up and shining like a beacon for others, I am here to guide you, step by step and this podcast is for you. I’m here to be with you and walk you through an entire program of human psychological formation to help you triumph in the challenges you are facing, the stresses that confront you. I am looking for probably less than 1% of Catholics, those that really get that grace builds on nature, the supernatural builds on the natural, and that know they have to work not just on their spiritual life, but also their psychological life. I’m looking for just a few Catholics, maybe 100 committed souls, maybe more, who want to join me in our online community where we can mutually support each other in becoming unsung heroes in our daily lives. I’m looking for red-blooded Catholics who want to feast on the nourishing Word of the Gospel as it is, and live it out to the max. I am looking for Catholics who are tired of the limp-wristed, narrow, timid, lukewarm, worldly approach to our Faith we see all around us. I am looking for Catholics who are tired of spineless, risk-averse approaches to the faith, masquerading as prudence. I want Catholics to join me who are ready to be creative, think way outside the box, to find real solutions to real problems, who are willing to make great and small sacrifices, but who just need some guidance, who are looking for some guidance grounded in the perennial teachings of our beloved Church. And not because we’re great – we’re not great -- but because we want our Lord to live and act through us. If you engage seriously with what I offer you, my bet is that many of you will grow much more resilient and much better equipped to carry out your mission to answer God’s call for you. So you might ask: Who are you, Dr. Peter, to volunteer to lead us and why should we follow? My whole career has been focused on bringing people closer to God and Mary through shoring up the natural foundation. I almost left the field in grad school because I was struggling with how to ground the practice of psychology in an authentic Catholic worldview. I have decades of experience working with clients, helping them through crises of various kinds. And I have a wealth of information to share with you. My spirituality is essentially Carmelite and I’m focused on removing psychological barriers to contemplative union with God. You can look up my bio on Soulsandhearts.com but this is not really about me. It’s about you. If you really engage with what I have to offer you, you’ll know by the fruits you see if this is helpful or not. So if I commit, how does this work – how are you going to guide us? So we have this podcast, which is twice per week, Mondays and Fridays. Every week. You know, a lot of Catholic websites have shut down or reduced the frequency of their offerings. We’re ramping up and adding resources four or five days per week a

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemYour Catholic Mind and Resilience in Crisis Episode 5: April 3, 2020Mindset. What is a mindset and how can I understand my mindset? These are the questions we will be addressing in depth in this episode. And to help us, I’m inviting in Denethor II, Steward of Gondor, in his moment of crisis. Here you go, you Lord of the Rings fans. In the Return of the King, the third volume of the Lord of the Rings series, Denethor is in an extremely difficult position He is the leader of the kingdom of Gondor. And Gondor is one of the few kingdoms left standing against the evil Sauron his army of Mordor. · Gondor in a strategic position to defend against Mordor. But now the vast, powerful army of Mordor laying siege to the gates of Denethor’s castle and the situation looks very grim.· But let’s rewind just a bit. Who is Denethor? And what was his mindset?Denethor is · Hardheaded, traditional, old-fashioned· a grim political realist – pessimistic· lonely – his wife has long since died· Self-reliant -- Denethor relies on his own resources to resist the powerful evil ruler Sauron. . · Denethor is a father of two sons. · Beloved Elder son Boromir has diedo This increasing his distance, bitterness and detachment· secretly uses a the seeing stone – the palantir -- to gather information,· Seeing stone or palantir is a ball of indestructible crystal, used for communication and to see events in other parts of the world, events from the past or future. Some might describe it as a crystal ball. · Denethor believed he that he could control the seeing stoneo The seeing stone could only show him things that were true – real object or events, but o The seeing stone is not a reliable guide to action – it’s unclear whether events shown are in the past or in the future, and it doesn’t show everything. o Sauron biased what the seeing stone showed Denethor, selectively choosing real events and positioning the presentation to convey a lie. In the moment of crisis, the vast, evil horde of Mordor is arrayed outside the castle walls, and Denethor’s younger son Faramir is brought in on a stretcher – Faramir is pierced with arrows and looks like death. In the darkness of his hopelessness, Denethor says this to Gandalf: “I have seen more than thou knowest, Grey Fool. For thy hope is but ignorance. Go then and labor in healing! Go forth and fight. Vanity. For a little while you may triumph on the field, for a day. But against the Power that rises there is no victory. To this City only the first finger of its hand has yet been stretched. All the East is moving. Even now the wind of they hope cheats thee and wafts up the Anduin a fleet of black sails. The West has failed. It is time to depart for all you would not be slaves.”Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem where together we embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this time of crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview. I’m clinical psychologist Peter Malinoski with Souls and Hearts at soulsandhearts.com. Thank you for being here with me. This is episode 5: Your Catholic Mind and Resilience in Crisis and it is Friday, April 3, 2020. We are one week away from Good Friday. Mindset is one of the four pillars of resilience in crisis for Catholics, and this episode builds on the last one, in which I introduced you to the four pillars of resilience. These four pillars are critical for you being able to not just survive, but to thrive in times of crisis like this moment we find ourselves in now. Now we are going much more in depth on mindset. So what is mindset? Our mindset is the general position or attitude of our intellect. Mindset captures how we habitually apply our thinking to the situations we face. It’s the soil in which our cognitive processes grow. Mindset is not our thinking per se – it’s the mental attitude from which our thinking flows. So here’s a simple example to clarify. A person with a pessimistic and bitter mindset looks at a glass, sees it as half-empty and considers how he doesn’t really want water. He wants iced tea. With a twist of lemon. He thinks about how he never gets what he wants. A person with a providential mindset recognizes that four ounces of water is what he needs right now, and gives thanks to God for the gift of water. You can think of mindset as filter through which we perceive our situations, other people, and ourselves. Our mindsets can range all over in terms of the accuracy of their perceptions and the quality of the thinking they produce. Think about it. You’ve seen this in others, when they totally misunderstand you in a situation. And if you’re honest with yourself, you can probably remember times when your perceptions of situations have been really misguided by your mindset. And reminder of what we discussed in the last episode, our mindset greatly influences not only our thinking but also our behavior. It’s much easier to act well when we have a healthy mindset So

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemThe Four Pillars of Psychological Resilience for CatholicsEpisode 4:It’s the late 7th century BC in Judah. The northern kingdom of Israel has already been destroyed by the dominant Assyrians, 200 years ago. The whole northern kingdom lost forever, 10 tribes gone, utterly ruined. The little southern kingdom of Judah survived, two tribes left, Judah and Benjamin, but those two tribes are surrounded by powerful enemies, idolatrous nations running rampant. The ruling Assyrians are brutal, even by the standards of the day. But by this time Assyria is in a late-stage empire collapse. Assyrian nobles are jockeying for power and position, with palace intrigues and dirty dealing. Betrayals and internal power plays are the name of the game. Insurrections are on the rise, civil disturbances are breaking out as factions consolidate under rival warlords. The political situation was very dangerous and rapidly changing. The conquered peoples under the Assyrian’s harsh rule – the Medes, Persians, Babylonians, Chaldeans, Scythians, Cimmerians became increasingly restive and hostile. These subjected nations, all much more powerful than little Judah smelled the Assyrians’ weakness like blood in the water. They sharpened their swords and were bided their time for payback. And little Judah, powerless, weak, vulnerable -- little Judah finds itself riding a red tricycle in a demolition derby. And in 616 BC it happened, like rolling thunder, real rebellions break out from the simmering tensions. By 613 BC, the Babylonian army has broken free and with a vengeance is headed for Nineveh, the capital of Assyria, the biggest, most powerful city of the world. The Medes, Persians, Cimmerians and Scythians all join in with the Babylonians and pile on. It’s payback time for the brutal years of subjection. The Assyrians have ruled for centuries and they are not rolling over. It was a clash of titans. The battle for Nineveh lasted months, with hand-to-hand fighting from street to street and house to house. The city finally falls in 612 BC and the victorious armies sack, loot and burn Nineveh. Now we have a huge power vacuum. The political and military situation was highly fluid, very unpredictable and really dangerous the cars crashed and burned in the derby and little Judah rode on. Cue the Prophet Habakkuk: I hear, and my body trembles, my lips quiver at the sound;rottenness enters into my bones, my steps totter beneath me.I will quietly wait for the day of trouble to come upon people who invade us So why am I sharing with you the story of the fall of Nineveh and the words of Habakkuk? Because the book of Habakkuk is all about a wild, tumultuous time, and there is great psychological wisdom in it. Those wild, unpredictable and dangerous days are also a great rea-life historical backdrop to this five episode series on resiliency. In the next five episodes I am giving you a mini-course on psychological and spiritual resilience in our own current crisis. I’m sharing with you the four pillars of internal, personal resilience in the face of crisis. These are the four critical elements that distinguish among those that thrive in hard times, from those that survive, from those that don’t make it and fall into despair. I call these mindset, heartset, soulset and bodyset. I draw from the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview. And I also draw in references from CS Lewis’ Screwtape Letters and JRR Tolkien’s Lord of the Rings. So four pillars of resilience. What are these four pillars? Mindset, Heartset, Soulset, Bodyset. I’m going to start with the most important pillar – guess which one it is. Mindset, Heartset, Soulset and Bodyset. All of you who guessed Soulset – you’re right! Soulset is Pillar 1. But were are not starting with Pillar 1. We’re starting with Pillar 3. Yeah. Pillar 3 is Mindset. Because people are more familiar with mindset. Pillar Three: Mindset is essentially a frame of mind. Our mindset is the position of our intellect, and how we apply reason to our situation and our experiences. For example, a person could have a pessimistic mindset or an optimistic mindset. That person filters the perception of the world and our thinking through that mindset. More intellectual, analytical people weigh mindset much more heavily in their decision making. A classic example is Mr. Spock from the original Star Trek series, or the character of Sherlock Holmes by Arthur Conan Doyle. Here’s the thing – our mindset is dynamic and changes – we can have a very positive outlook at one point in time and a very negative one at another point in time and look at the same set of circumstances. Our mindset greatly influences not only our thinking but also our behavior. If we give free rein to our behavior, it will partially flow from our mindset. It’s much easier to act well when we have a good mindset. And one more thing – our mindsets can range all over in terms of their accuracy of perception and the quality of the

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemGrief over the Loss of the Eucharist Episode 3March 27, 2020Mary Magdalene saw two angels in white, sitting where the body of Jesus had lain, one at the head and one at the feet. They said to her, “Woman, why are you weeping?” She said to them, “Because they have taken away my Lord, and I do not know where they have laid him.” John 20. Who resonates with Mary Magdalene’s lament? They have taken away my LordThe reactions of faithful Catholics to our churches being shuttered are not getting much press. But grief comes up a lot, a lot in conversations, with tears: Committed Catholics are grieving the loss of access to Our Lord in the Eucharist. And there are many other emotions as well. So we know the reasons that are offered for the closing of the parishes. On March 16, the White House guidance to avoid gatherings larger than 10 people. In response, almost all dioceses closed the churches and cancelled public masses and gatherings of all kinds. Even confessions are to be postponed unless there is risk of death. No reasonable person wants to arbitrarily increase the death count from the virus. What has gotten much less attention is the real pain and loss of those of us dedicated and devoted to the Eucharist. The impact of that loss. And this is a place where we can acknowledge that pain and the weirdness of it all. It is weird to watch Mass on TV or a computer monitor on Sunday morning. Mary Magdalene yearning for Jesus outside the tomb would not have been satisfied by watching a video of Jesus on the angel’s iPhone. Remember, this podcast is all about embracing the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth in this virus crisis, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.We are always embracing the situations we find ourselves in and the people we find ourselves with, in deep confidence that all things work together for the good for those who love the Lord. All things. All things. Including our losses of access to the Eucharist. So ask the question: How in God’s Providence can this situation be good for my spiritual life right now?It’s really important to ask the question. Many people won’t seek the answer, and won’t find it. Some Catholics will cover their grief with anger, and rail against the present circumstances, suffering like rebels. Others will endure their grief without imbuing it with spiritual meaning, suffering like Stoics. We have another option. Action item for this episode. Ask the question: How is this loss of the Eucharist best for me? How is it best for me, right now, that I’ve lost access to the Blessed Sacrament, the Mass, Eucharistic adoration, Confession? It’s vital that each of you who is struggling with the loss ask that question, and not just accept answers from other people, including me. And you need to turn it into a prayer, not just asking yourself, but asking God. Because there are reasons for the loss. God allowed it out of His love for you.. And those reasons vary from person to person, depending on our needs. I want to give some possible answers, not so you can just accept them, because they may not fit you and your needs right now, but to serve as examples. 1. One possible answer for some is to increase our thirst for the Eucharist. Maybe you’ve stared to take our Lord’s presence in the Eurcharist for granted. Psychologically, we tend to desire things more once we are deprived of them. So if this is going on for you, you can ask for the love for Our Lord in the Eucharist to increase 2. The loss of the Eucharist may help you to become in touch with some experience of abandonment or betrayal from your past. There is a psychological technique called an affect bridge – that is where you work to remember when in the past you felt the same way you do now. For many of you, grief or anger over the loss of the Eucharist may tap into some other unresolved loss in your life. You can check that out. In your prayer, your quiet time, go back through your life to the times when you have felt the same way as you do now about the loss of the Eucharist. Is there something there, unresolved that you should know about? Something that God is allowing to surface in you now, so that you can take it to him for healing? 3. For me, I’m finding out how dependent I have been on my routine. I rely on my routines. For me this is about not relying on my spiritual plan of life and my regular spiritual routine. It’s about relying on God moment to moments and maintaining the Presence of God, recollection, rather than just during my prayer time. It’s about coming back to deepening the relationship, and embracing my dependency. I don’t need daily Mass or an hour of Eucharistic adoration to do that. In this situation, I can embrace the idea that it’s better that I don’t have them. As hard as it is for me to say that. I need God, and He is not bound by my lack of access the Eucharist. Again, it’s important that you for yourself ask how this loss of the Eucharist

Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe DiemOur Stress Responses: Discovering, Understanding and Improving Them Episode 2March 25, 2020Introduction:Welcome to the podcast Coronavirus Crisis: Carpe Diem where together we embrace the possibilities and opportunities for spiritual and psychological growth, all grounded in a Catholic worldview.Today we’re going to talk about how our stress responses give us very valuable information about ourselves, our psychological functioning and also our spiritual development. So stress responses are the things we habitually do when we are stressed. They are ways of coping, ways of trying to adapt to the situation. You may know your stress responses or you might not know them. Here are some examples of stress resposnes: · Raiding the Fridge (chocolate)· Biting nails· Caught up in video games solitaire· Online shopping· Obsessive exercise· Staring into space· Starting arguments with the spouse· Cleaning· Baking· Viewing pornography onlineSo now we’re going to explore our stress responses? Why do that? Why should we care? Because they tell us what we need, or at least what we assume we need at some level. And when those stress responses are maladaptive, we can fight them head on and sometimes we have to. But if we can find the underlying need, we can address it in an entirely new and healthy way. My stress response is __________________Next, let’s ask, “What does your stress response do for you?” How is that response trying to meet an assumed or real need?If you listen in, you might find the answer. You may already think you know the answer, and you may be right. But let’s go deeper together. Let’s have an open mind and an open heart toward ourselves on this one. We may have an insight if we are open to it. The big theme: Our stress responses show us our growing edges, the areas in which we need to receive grace and help. OK, so here’s the final part. Let’s bring those needs into the spiritual life. In a crisis like this, the need often has to do with being secure or having a sense of safety. As Catholics, our need for security and for safety can’t be met by maladaptive stress responses. They don’t work. Chocolate can’t really make you safer. Nailbiting can only temporarily cover stress, not resolve it.So to recap: First, Let’s recognize which of our behaviors are stress responses. Let’s name them and acknowledge them, own them, be real about them. So for me, that stress response is way too much internet surfing and study both of the economic and political news.Second, Let’s then reflect and be open to the needs or assumed needs we have that drive them. In my case, an assumed need to predict what is happening and to control it. My real need though, is for a sense of safety and security.Third, taking those assumed needs and real needs into the spiritual life in some way that is helpful to you. In my case, bring the need for safety and security to God the Father and to Mary. Ok, so we are winding it up for today. Subscribe to this podcast and become a regular listener.Email me at [email protected] and let me know what was helpful and what was not. Sign up for our upcoming assessment and limited-space webinars that will help you learn more about your reactions in a crisis at https://www.soulsandhearts.com/coronavirus-crisis.Let me know what you need from this podcast. Check out Soulsandhearts.com . Dr. Gerry has just launched his course for married couples who are recovering from the discovery of porn use – porn use is a stress response for many people. Let’s pray for each other. Our Lady, Untier of Knots: Pray for Us. St. John the Baptist Pray for us.

Sign up for our upcoming assessment and limited-space webinars that will help you learn more about your reactions in a crisis at https://www.soulsandhearts.com/coronavirus-crisis.