Interior Integration for Catholics

My guest, Dr. Gerry, answers questions from our live audience about his new book, Litanies of the Heart: Relieving Post-Traumatic Stress and Calming Anxiety Through Healing Our Parts. We begin by receiving some wonderful feedback for Dr. Gerry about his book. Then we dive into some questions our audience has for Dr. Gerry: 1) Can 58 years of rearranging my life to recycle the feelings of shame from being molested be resolved? 2) Can it be true that not all parts can know Jesus or not all parts can have a relationship with Him? 3) Are we naturally in self as children, before experiencing trauma? 4) In attachment terms, can misattunement happen pre-verbally, affecting access to your inmost self before you are able to express it? 5) How much culpability do we have for sinful behaviors driven by the unmet needs of parts who have good intentions? 6) What are the relationships among the inmost self, the intellect, and the will?

In this episode, I address a controversial clip from episode 79 of the Restore the Glory podcast, in which host Jake Khym provides an example of how he brings Jesus into his own parts work. I explain the potential issues I see with bringing God into human formation work. Then, I dive into the seven reasons why I initially focus on the natural realm: 1) Almost no one else focuses on human formation grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person; 2) Human formation is the basis of all formation, according to St. John Paul II; 3) There is a huge wealth of information from secular sources that I can and should bring to the Church; 4) So many spiritual problems are spiritual consequences of human formation deficits; 5) My training and experience are in human formation, not spiritual formation; 6) Natural means are primarily used for the early development of infants, toddlers, and preschoolers; 7) Explicitly God-centric approaches are not optimal for every part in every person, and may even be harmful in some cases.

My guest, Dr. Gerry Crete shares with us the inside story of his brand-new book, Litanies of the Heart: Relieving Post-Traumatic Stress and Calming Anxiety through Healing Our Parts. This book grounds IFS and parts in a Catholic understanding of the human person, showing how parts work is both Biblical and harmonizable with our Catholic faith. Because the intellectual experience doesn’t fully encapsulate the human experience, Dr. Gerry uses stories and vignettes in a way that connects with everyone, not just therapists. He invites all the outcast parts into relationships, making them feel safe enough to connect on a deep level with others and God.Dr. Gerry also provides a glimpse of the writing and publishing process, the challenges and struggles he faced, as well as his moments of inspiration. We discuss a few favorite pages from the book, such as Dr. Gerry’s diagram of the soul and body overlapping in the heart, where all the parts are.

In this episode, my guest, licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Gerry Crete and I discuss how best to engage with borderline dynamics within your family. People with “borderline personalities” have surprisingly intense internal experiences that are rarely handled well by the people around them. Dr. Gerry suggests avoiding both expressing too much frustration and invalidation. Instead, he recommends trying to view situations from their perspective and looking for the kernel of truth in their reactions. Acceptance of borderline emotions and perspectives can create the opening a person needs to engage more collaboratively. Learn how to avoid one little dangerous word and use another, much better little word in conversation with those with borderline traits. Dr. Gerry also responds to these questions (among others) from our live audience: 1) How do you deal with blazing rage and other extreme emotions? 2) How do you navigate narcissism and borderline within a marriage and the battle between the integrity needs of both? 3) How do you learn to love people with borderline tendencies? 4) Where is the balance between sacrificial love and self-care? 5) Will people with borderline ever be capable of developing an awareness of other people’s feelings and perspectives? 6) What is the healing and forgiveness process between a mother with borderline and her daughter? 7) How do you deal with the guilt, shame, and anxiety caused by borderline? 8) How do you stop the cycle of borderline tendencies from being passed from parent to child?

In this episode we explore in detail how Internal Family Systems can help with borderline dynamics. We review the definitions of the innermost self and parts, the six attachment and six integrity needs, and we discuss the three major reasons why clients with BPD have been bruised and wounded by mental health professionals. I review the seven tenets of Therapist-Focused Consultation (TFC) and then we walk with Tina from episode 127 as she begins IFS informed therapy, and how that therapy invites and includes all her parts, without the need for grounding exercises that suppress her exiles and firefighters. This episode may be particularly helpful to Catholic therapists and counselors to not be afraid of or destabilized by those clients with borderline dynamics.

(Please note that sound effects are used in this episode and may be triggering to parts.)In this episode, I take you inside the experience of Tina, a 32-year-old Catholic woman with “borderline personality” and introduce you to seven of her parts and how they switch inside her. These switches involve not only emotions, but all of Tina’s internal experience, so her parts are not merely transient mood states. We review the IFS understanding of innermost self, exiled parts, manager parts, and firefighter parts. And then we break down everything that happened in the restaurant in her conflict with her fiancé, Phillip, walking through each DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for BPD and seeing how her parts contributed to the symptom, getting to the “Why” of borderline behaviors.

In this episode, my guest Dr. Greg Bottaro of the CatholicPsych Institute shares with us the most important thing he wants us to remember about borderline personality dynamics, the things that Catholics and non-Catholics most often misunderstand about borderline presentations, and his takeaways about borderline "personalities." We then open the floor to these questions from our live audience: 1) How do you stay in relationship with someone who is threatening to harm themselves, you, or other family members? 2) Are anger and anxiety typical coping mechanisms for those with borderline characteristics? 3) I think I may have borderline personality with a strong strain of self-hatred. What is the role of concupiscence and wounds in borderline personality? 4) How would a Catholic parent with a spouse with Borderline Personality Disorder characteristics navigate teaching or picking up the pieces with young children who witness severe emotional dysregulation on a regular basis without undermining the spouse or triangulating? 5) Someone brought to my awareness that they see BPD characteristics in me. How do I approach true authentic healing so that I don't wound others, while not falling into the trap of getting a formal diagnosis to justify my actions or over-spiritualizing, trying to pray it away or just go to confession? 6) How do I help my young adult son who is married to someone I suspect has BPD characteristics who is now cutting off communication with us and who is not taking care of himself and who has said he is in turmoil when his wife, my daughter-in-law, who seems controlling and needing lots of "space"?

This episode focuses on the internal experience of borderline personality dynamics, what it feels like. Next, I share how “borderline” is a relatively new diagnosis, and previously indicated a range of personality development, rather than a specific disorder. I then discuss the standard diagnostic criteria from the DSM-5 and the Psychodynamic Diagnostic Manual, 2nd Ed., summarizing the symptoms in plain English. I explore the etiology or the origin of “borderline personality” and the underlying unmet attachment needs that fuel borderline dynamics. I describe different subtypes of borderline presentations and explore the types of partners to whom those with borderline dynamics are romantically attracted. From there, I describe five major treatment approaches and briefly discuss an outcome study. In closing, I review some suggestions for living with someone who presents with borderline characteristics.

In this special edition, I invite you to an experiential exercise to connect in a loving way with your parts who are in any distress or suffering with the armed conflict between Hamas and Israel and the humanitarian tragedies that conflict has brought. I do this experiential exercise along with you, working with my Adventurer part who has been burdened with fear and anxiety, especially around the conflict broadening out regionally in the Middle East and beyond. Parts also have an opportunity, with your innermost self to question and challenge God about what is happening.

In this episode, I invited licensed marriage and family therapist Dr. Gerry Crete and a live audience to discuss the best ways to relate with family members with narcissistic traits while still preserving one's own limits and dignity. Dr. Gerry addressed the following: 1) Why is it important to prepare yourself for relating with someone with dominant narcissistic parts? 2) How can we recognize our own limitations and the fact that we cannot change another person by our own efforts? 3) How can we understand the positive intentions of others' narcissistic parts? 4) What should you do if you are flooded and agitated by a family member with narcissistic tendencies? 5) How should you communicate your limits and boundaries with such family members? 6) How can you distinguish between standing up and advocating for yourself an just being "oversensitive" or prideful? 7) Are idealizing and devaluing the primary signs of narcissism or is there a deeper key feature? 8) How does narcissism often play out in a family when an aged parent dies? 9) When is it necessary to temporarily disconnect or separate from the family because of narcissism in other members? 10) How do we maintain "radical acceptance" of others and still hold boundaries and protect ourselves? 11) What kind of IFS groups are available online? 12) How does a lack of empathy present differently in narcissism vs. autism?

In this episode, we review several definitions of gaslighting, discuss the tactics of gaslighting, explore the inner experience of both gaslighters and gaslightees, describe gaslighting in the workplace and with children, and list the four relationship dynamics of gaslighting. Then we describe how gaslighting and being gaslighted connects to deep, unmet attachment and integrity needs. We also address the special aspects of spiritual gaslighting with examples. Finally, we cover how to assess whether you are being gaslighted, describe recovery from gaslighting and address gaslighting from an Internal Family Systems perspective.

Today with our live audience, we start with 15 minutes of Q&A about narcissism addressing these questions: 1) Does acknowledging our own narcissism makes us more or less vulnerable to exploitation by another person? 2) Are children of parents with borderline personalities more likely to be attracted to narcissistic partners? 3)What is “healthy narcissism”? Then from the 15-minute mark to the 50-minute mark, we engage in an experiential exercise together to encounter and connect with parts of ourselves with narcissistic features. Afterward, we debrief and share our experiences addressing these topics and questions: 1) Can narcissistic approaches be helpful in certain situations or environments? 2) Is narcissism the result of too much self-love or too little? 3) How can we get normal needs for affirmation met in non-narcissistic ways? 4) Why is it important to be gentle with narcissistic parts? 5) Why do narcissistic parts often sense themselves to be aged 2, 6, or 13? 6) Why is there such a “rush” or dopamine “high” when narcissistic parts receive the admiration and idealization that they seek?

In this groundbreaking episode, Dr. Peter explains how to conceptualize narcissistic "personalities" and narcissistic reactions through the lens of Internal Family Systems. Looking at narcissism through the lens of subsystems and parts is an entirely new paradigm that makes it easier to accept the reality the unmet attachment and integrity needs that fuel narcissistic positions and behaviors. Through four case vignettes, Dr. Peter illustrates how both covert and overt narcissism look and function from a parts and systems perspective.

In this episode, Catholic psychologist Peter Martin and I discuss narcissism with a live audience, covering the following questions: 1) What are two primary clinical approaches to treating individuals with narcissism; 2) How do we distinguish between boldness and narcissism; 3) How does one relate with a narcissistic spouse; 4) How do we work with narcissistic family members who don’t believe in God; 5) The importance of feeling cherished and treasured by God; 6) The relationship between narcissism and spiritual abuse in religious communities and organizations; 7) What makes it difficult for a person with narcissism to receive the love of God; 8) what are the different attachment styles associated with overt and covert narcissism; 9) How do children’s experiences of narcissism impact them in adulthood; 10) What are the effects of narcissistic parenting on children’s separation and individuation; and 11) How does one manage a contentious co-parenting relationship with an ex-spouse who is narcissistic?

In this episode, we examine different definitions of narcissism, we look at the markers and diagnostic criteria for narcissism, we examine the main beliefs, emotions, assumptions, and internal experiences that fuel narcissistic defenses (especially idealization and devaluation), we focus on relational patterns that narcissists have, and we look at how narcissists subjectively experience themselves. I show how narcissistic defenses represent maladaptive ways of trying to get deep needs met, especially integrity needs. We explore different kinds of narcissism, especially the different between overt and covert narcissism. We then go into how to identify narcissistic behaviors and appropriate ways of responding, according to the secular experts. Also, I issue you an invitation to a special opportunity. Tonight, Monday, August 7, 2023, from 8:30 PM to 10:00 PM Eastern Time -- I will have Catholic Psychologist Peter Martin as a special guest and we will be discussing narcissism -- in this free Zoom meeting, for the first 30 minutes or so, Dr. Martin and I will have a conversation about narcissism, and then for the next hour, we open it up for questions. Register by going to our Interior Integration for Catholics Landing page at soulsandhearts.com/iic. At the top, there's a link to register for the Zoom meeting. You can send me questions to [email protected] -- or leave me a VM at 317.567.9594 and I will play that voicemail on the air and Dr. Martin and I will answer you questions.

Dr. Gerry Crete, Marion Moreland and Dr. Peter Malinoski discuss the relationship among parts and how your manager parts make up what is perceived to be your personality. Dr. Peter offers a 25-minute experiential exercise to help you connect with your manager parts, the ones who make up your "personality." Then we debrief, describe our experiences of the exercise and answer questions from our live audience.

In this episode, Dr. Peter discusses five reasons why the conventional understanding of a single, homogeneous personality is insufficient to more fully understand your internal experience and how alternative conceptualizations of the human psyche that recognize internal multiplicity, parts, and systems are not only more helpful, but also harmonize with our Catholic Faith.

Join Catholic IFS therapists Marion Moreland, Jody Garneau, and Dr. Peter Malinoski for an in-depth discussion of unburdening, informed by Internal Family Systems and grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person. We explore three kinds of burdens -- personal burdens, legacy burdens, and unattached burdens (the IFS equivalent of demons), we provide examples from our own lives, we emphasize the importance of felt safety and protection for all parts, and we discuss the role of attachment theory in unburdening. In our Q&A with our live audience, we discuss how to approach "hiding parts" as well.

Have you ever wondered what inner work with Internal Family Systems looks like with troubling sexual issues? Join us as podcaster and coach Drew Boa reviews an unburdening of three of his parts from a sexual issue with Dr. Peter and other Christian therapists.

Join RCC Lead Navigator Marion Moreland and Dr. Peter for a demonstration of Internal Family Systems work around anger, followed by a Q&A where we discuss with our live audience member the topics of exiled anger, forgiveness, and legacy burdens.

In this episode, Dr. Peter takes close look at an alternative way to manage, work through, and let go of anger, informed by Internal Family Systems (IFS), and especially by the work of Jay Earley. After a brief review of the major tenets of IFS, we discuss how to work through the different ways that manager parts, firefighter parts and exiled parts hold and manage anger. We look at the functions of anger in the internal system and especially at the process, the steps of working through and resolving anger held by parts in different roles. Then Dr. Peter discusses how parts of him hold and respond to anger in a particular subsystem of parts within his broader internal system.

In this live experiential exercise, Dr. Peter leads listeners through an experiential exercise that explores why anger might feel important, necessary, even indispensable for parts. We look at how anger can develop from parts feeling forced to choose between attachment needs and integrity needs being met. Dr. Peter and the audience members shared a lively, personal debriefing and discussion of their experience of the exercise.

(Please note that sound effects are used in this episode and may be triggering to parts.)In this experiential exercise I invite you and your parts to approach Jesus in the psychological, emotional, relational, and bodily anguish He suffered in His humanity in the Garden of Gethsemane. Which parts of you might avoid Jesus, turn away from Him in His suffering -- and why? Here is an opportunity to gently learn more about how our parts react to Jesus and to gently connect with them in understanding and compassion.

We explore the inner experience of Jesus and the psychological, emotional, relational, and bodily anguish He suffered in His humanity in the Garden of Gethsemane as the drama of of salvation history unfolded. We also explored the reactions of the apostles Peter, James, and John to the experience of Jesus' agony.

In this experiential exercise, we invite parts of us to share their stories of why they hold anger toward God. Dr. Peter offers an invitation to parts to see if we can listen to those stories in an open, nonjudgmental way, understanding that there are always reasons for anger at God, reasons that stem from misunderstanding and misinterpretations of experiences. Parts are angry more at their images of God -- their idols -- than at who God really is. Live audience participants share their experience in debriefing and Dr. Peter also answers questions.

Summary: Dr. Peter walks you through the four tracks or pathways Catholics commonly follow with their anger at God, tracks proposed by Michele Novotni and Randy Petersen in their 2001 book Angry with God, and elaborates on them extensively. These four tracks are 1) Trust in God Track; 2) the Cover-Up Track; 3) the Wrestle with God Track; and 4) the Long-Distance / Disconnect Track. We discuss how to better resolve anger issues with God through a wide variety of means with a focus on practical solutions. Dr. Peter emphasizes the importance of God images, felt safety and protection, a sense of trust, the infused virtue of Faith, courage and fortitude, and the critical role of emotional co-regulation in working through anger at God.

In this episode, informed by Internal Family Systems and grounded firmly in a Catholic worldview, Dr. Peter guides you to connect with your spiritual manager parts who protect you against your own anger at God, getting to know those parts' concerns about why anger at God is dangerous or unacceptable. This is an important step in the journey to working through your anger at God. We discuss how to work safely with your parts, with a spirit of cooperation and collaboration, not rushing. Come join us on an adventure inside. At the end, audience participants debrief, share their experiences with Dr. Peter and he answers questions.

In this episode, we explore: 1) How anger at God is far more common and intense that you realize; 2) Why you need to work through your anger at God; 3) Your hidden reasons for your anger at God; 4) Why your anger at God is so frequently banished to your unconscious; 5) 16 defense mechanisms that drive your anger at God outside of your awareness; 6) How your anger at God is so often overpowered by your fear of God; and 7) The signs and symptoms of your unacknowledged anger at God.

In Episode 104, in a experiential exercise, a guided reflection, Dr. Peter guides you in helping your parts who struggle with anger and also parts who work protect you against your anger. Come join us on an adventure inside, where we work to overcome the human formation obstacles to our interior integration. At the end, audience participants share their experiences with Dr. Peter and he answers questions.

In this episode, Dr. Peter reviews the limitations of current Catholic resources on anger, and then reviews secular resources, including interpersonal neurobiology and the structural theory of dissociation. We examine the role of the body in anger responses, and discuss more wholistic ways of working constructive with parts that experience anger, rather than trying to dismiss anger, suppress it or distract from it. The entire transcript is available at https://www.soulsandhearts.com/iic.

In Episode 102, Dr. Peter guides a live audience to helping their parts get the love they need in an experiential exercise, especially the parts that may have been unnoticed or even neglected. Come join us on an adventure inside, where we work to overcome the human formation obstacles to embracing God's love for us. At the end, audience participants share their experiences with Dr. Peter and he answers questions.

Summary: In this episode, Dr. Peter brings together what we have been learning about receiving love in the story of SusannaLead-in: There is something in us, as storytellers and as listeners to stories, that demands the redemptive act, that demands that what falls at least be offered the chance to be restored. The reader of today looks for this motion, and rightly so, but what he has forgotten is the cost of it. His sense of evil is diluted or lacking altogether, and so he has forgotten the price of restoration. When he reads a novel, he wants either his sense tormented or his spirits raised. He wants to be transported, instantly, either to mock damnation or a mock innocence.” Catholic Novelist Flannery O'ConnorIntro. I have been doing a lot of podcast lecturing. Dense programming, lots of information. Like Episode 99. Not a bad thing. But I want you to really take in what I'm offering at a bones level. To possess it at the felt level, to be that familiar with it. Not just head knowledge. Whole self knowledge. So I am going back to another way of learning, one I haven't emphasized enough. Stories. Today, I am going to tell you a story. A story about receiving different kinds of love. Why?Here's why. In the words of Edward Miller tells us. “Stories are our primary tools of learning and teaching, the repositories of our lore and legends. They bring order into our confusing world." Our primary tools for teaching and learning. And it's true. We teach our children in their earliest years through stories and experiences. Not through lectures. I am Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist, passionate Catholic, co-founder and president of Souls and Hearts and soulsandhearts.com, and I am very pleased to with you as your host and guide in this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, episode 101 to be your storyteller, to tell you a story. This episode is titled A Story about Receiving Different Kinds of Love -- a story we can all related to. Prepping for the Story Ways to Listen Listen to the Story Listening to yourself as you listen to the Story. What is going on insideListen to your own parts Can pause the audio Reflective space What are your noticing What are you resonating with in the story, what is impacting you.? What are you rejecting Parts -- Episode 71 A new and better way of understanding myself and others. Needs Primary Conditions for Secure Attachment Felt sense of safety and protection -- have to go through the valley of shame, fear, anger, grief Feeling seen, heard, known and understood -- have to tolerating being in relationship, being present. Feeling comforted, soothed and reassured Feeling cherished, treasured, delighted in Feeling the other has your best interests at heart Integrity Needs My need to exist and survive My need to matter My need to have agency My need to be good My need for mission and purpose in life Resistance to Being Loved from IIC 99 Limited vision and lack of imagination, leading to a refusal to be transformed by GodWe don't understand God's loveThe Costs of Being Loved by GodPoor God imagesPoor Self images -- ShameRefusal to be vulnerable, to be exposed, to be revealed to God. Lack of courage.Anger at God -- rebellionCautions -- could be evocative for you -- parts of you may really connect in various ways. I want you to take care of your self and your parts as you listen to the story. If you need a break, take a break. The Story -- Hero's Journey outline The Ordinary World Susanna -- 40 year old married mother of three -- Brown hair, warm brown eyes, and easy smile, she laughs at your jokes -- the kind of person that you immediately felt comfortable with. Open and engaging with other people, was well read, and could talk about your interests. Socially adept, she coordinated making meals for local women who had babies. Had a sense that she had suffered in her life and understood something about suffering. And that was trueLife wasn't always easy for Susanna Grew up in Culpeper, VA, 75 miles west of Washington DC, oldest of four children, all girls. Named Susan. Mother -- quiet, introverted - an interior designer turned homemaker. Father -- extroverted, warm, gregarious high school teacher - taught algebra, geometry and trigonometry at Culpeper County High School -- great sense of humor, gratifying, and a pretty easy grader, students loved him and he really liked being a popular teacher. Strong sense that father had favorites among the daughters, and she wasn't one of them When Susan was age 16, her mother divorced her father -- his affairs, excessive drinking Mother devastated. Really wanted her daughter to understand. Susanna was cold. Read the divorce decree "Irreconcilable differences" And she was so angry At an emotional level, Susan repudiated both Mom and Dad. Not understanding, not wanting to understand. Decided to go by "Susanna" -- three reasons Devoted to the Chronicles of Narnia -- The last book of the series, The Last Battle. Aslan says "Susan is no longer a frien

In our 100th episode, we celebrate by going inside in an experiential exercise. Recorded before a live audience, Dr. Peter guides you through an experiential exercise to help you connect with parts of you that resist God's love. We create a space where you can much more deeply understand the negative, distorted God images that some of your parts may have -- mistaken ways they see God, and how those misunderstandings came about. With gentleness, kindness, and love for your parts, your parts might be ready for your innermost self to be a bridge between them and God and Mother Mary. Come join us on an adventure inside, where we work to overcome the human formation obstacles to embracing God's love for us. At the end, audience participants share their experiences with Dr. Peter and he answers questions.

IIC 99 Why We Catholics Reject God's Love for Us and How to Embrace that LoveIt is so common for Catholics (and others) to reject the love of God, to not let that love in. Join Dr. Peter for this episode where we explore in depth the eight natural, human formation reasons why we refuse God's love. We also look at what Hell really is and why it really exists. Through examples, quotes, and an exploration of Dr. Peter's own parts, listen to how this critical, central topic comes alive. And then Dr. Peter presents the an action plan for accepting and embracing God's love. Transcript "It's very hard for most of us to tolerate being loved." That's psychiatrist and Harvard professor George Vaillant. The hardest thing about love for many of us Catholics, is to be loved--to tolerate being loved first. We can't love unless we take love in first. We can't generate love out of nothing on our own. We just don't have that power.And the truth is, many Catholics make sacrifices great and small in their attempts to love others. Many Catholics go to great lengths to try to please God and to love their neighbor--very busy people, most parishes have a few of these always--volunteering, always working, always making things happen, St. Vincent de Paul, soup kitchens, corporal works of mercy, working so hard to live out the Gospel as they understand it, but it's all external. They are very out of touch with their internal lives. Their prayer lives are shallow and sketchy, and they're often really uncomfortable in their own skin. They will not tolerate silence, which is why they're always on the move--why they're always going, going, going.The vast majority of us Catholics will not tolerate being loved deeply or fully by God. We shy away from receiving that love. We get so uncomfortable, we skirt around the edges of being loved. Or we allow love into us, but only so far--only so far. We set limits, we set boundaries, we won't let God's love permeate all of our being. We let the "acceptable parts" of us to be loved. Those parts that we allow in the shop window, those parts that we believe others will accept, those parts that we believe God likes. But to allow God to love all of you, including your nasty parts, your shameful parts, your disgusting parts, your hidden lepers, your sinful parts, those tax collector parts, those inner prostitutes and blasphemers, your Pharisee parts, the parts of you that are so lost and so isolated and so angry and hateful, those parts? Most of us will say "no way, no way does anyone get to see those parts if I can help it, let alone love those parts. Love those parts? That's crazy." How about your terrified parts, your desperate parts, your wounded, traumatized parts? The ones that no one seems to want? The parts of you that have been rejected by everybody, including yourself.This podcast is for us Catholics who understand at least intellectually, that we have those parts. And that those parts need to be loved, and that those parts also need to be redeemed. Now for anyone out there who is saying, "Well, I don't think I have any parts like that, Dr. Peter, I don't have any problems being loved." Well, my response to that is one of two possibilities. Either you are 1) a very special person who has been freed from our fallen human condition, and you've achieved an extraordinary degree of perfection in the natural and spiritual realms, and if so, congratulations. You don't need this podcast. You don't need this episode. You are so far above the rest of us--I'm in awe of you. You don't need what I have to offer. That's the first possibility.Second possibility? You don't know yourself very well. You are out of touch with yourself and your parts--you are disconnected inside. Unless you've reached a fair degree of sanctity, it is especially hard for you to tolerate being loved by God and our refusal to accept the love of God throughout all of us. That's the primary reason we don't love God back. That's also the primary reason we don't love our neighbor, and why we don't love ourselves. We won't be loved first.God loved us first. It all starts with God's love, not our love. Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow in his book, 'Shaken' says, "We were created by love, in love and for love." And St. Paul, he tells us in Romans 5:8, "God shows his love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." God loved us first.And the world does not know God. Christianity is the way to discover who God actually is--to discover who love actually is. 1 John 3:1, "See what love the Father has given us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are. The reason why the world does not know us is that it did not know him." What I want you to remember, St. John in his first letter says, "We love because he first loved us." We love because God first loved us, and it's up to us to take that love in, to let that love come into every corner of our being. And that doesn't sound easy, and it's not as easy as it sounds.I

Confusion and controversy abound in the Catholic Church about self-love. Learn four ways to understand self-love, why we avoid self-love, the six reasons it is important to cultivate proper self-love, what is appropriate self-sacrifice, and receive two practical spiritual means for growing in proper self-love: The Litany of Self-Love and also an entirely new way of examining your conscience.IIC 98 Self Love -- What Catholics Need to KnowToday we are talking about self-love: the love of self. There is so much controversy, so much confusion about self-love among Catholics. Is self-love good and holy, or is self-love bad and dangerous? Is self-love necessary for loving others? Is self-love unavoidable? The answers from Catholic writers and thinkers and saints are all over the board with regard to self-love, with so many apparent contradictions that it can make your head spin. And the positions from different reputable Christian sources are extreme; their positions seem irreconcilable.Here is just a sampling: St. Augustine said, "there can be only two basic loves...the love of God unto the forgetfulness of self or the love of self unto the forgetfulness and denial of God." St. Maximus the Confessor, "Flee from self-love, the mother of malice..." Thomas A Kempis, in the 'Imitation of Christ', "Know that self-love does you more harm than anything else in the world." Father Jean Nicholas Grou, Jesuit priest, "Self-love is the one source of all the illusions of the spiritual life. By its means, the devil exercises his deceits, leads souls astray, drags them sometimes to hell by the very road that seems to lead them to heaven." St. Thomas Aquinas says, "Inordinate self-love is the cause of every sin". And here's from Pope Francis from December 9th, 2015, "The movements of self-love, which make mercy foreign in the world, are so numerous that we often fail to recognize them as limitations and as sin." 'The Catechism of the Catholic Church', paragraph 1850, "...sin is thus 'love of oneself, even to contempt of God'". And St. Paul in 2 Timothy 3:1-5, said this, "But understand this that in the last days there will come times of stress. For men will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, inhuman, implacable, slanderers, profligates, fierce, haters of good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding the form of religion but denying the power of it. Avoid such people."Lovers of self. Now we also hear from St Thomas Aquinas that, "Self-love is in one way common to all, in another way proper to good men, in another, proper to evil men." Father, Jacques Philippe, in his book 'Called To Life', with his pastoral approach, says, "Love of God, love of neighbor and love of self grow together and sustain one another as they grow. If one is absent or neglected, the others will suffer. Like the legs of a tripod, all three are needed in order to stand, and each leans on the other." He also says, "Love travels along two paths that are inseparable in the end: love of God and love of neighbor. But as this text suggests, there is another aspect of charity--love of one's self. ("You shall love your neighbor as yourself"). This self-love is good and necessary. Not egoism that refers everything to "me", but the grace to live in peace with oneself, consent to be what one is, with one's talents and limitations." And the Bishop of Sioux Falls, Donald Edward DeGrood, said this, "We are called to love ourselves as God made us and loves us. It is sometimes difficult to know our inherent dignity, to receive God's love and live out of the truth of who we are. And just as God loves us and indeed rejoices and delights in us, so too are we call to rejoice and delight in who we are and who others are." And Catholic moral theologian, Michel Therrien, in a December 3, 2020 article in Denver Catholic said, "...the proper love of self is the foundation for knowing how to treat others."Alright, so you might be asking me, "Dr. Peter, Which is it? Are we supposed to be loving ourselves or not loving ourselves?" Laura, an Australian Catholic writer, in her blogpost, 'Self-Love for Catholics: What is the Catholic teaching on loving yourself' says this, "Depending on who you ask, the idea of self-love can get some very different reactions. Even the Bible seems a little confused. On the one hand, Jesus calls us to love our neighbors as ourselves. On the other hand, St. Paul condemns those who are 'lovers of self'. I won't like to bag out the Bible but mixed messages much? There is no section in the catechism on self-love. There is no treatise entitled 'Loving Thyself' by St. Bernard or 'The Internal Positive Dialogues" of St. Catherine of Siena. There definitely aren't any ancient meditations on "How Awesome a Monk Am I Today!", or "Eighty Affirmations for the Doubting Deacon" from the Patristic Era. And if I'm honest, this is super fru

In this episode, we review the many ways we fail to love ourselves, through self-hatred and through indifference toward ourselves. We discuss the ways that unlove for self manifests itself, contrasting a lack of love with ordered self-love through the lens of Bernard Brady's five characteristics of love. We discuss the impact of a lack of self-love on your body. I then invite you into an experiential exercise to get to know a part of you that is not loving either another part of you or your body. IIC 97 Unlove of Self"Mourn not the dead that in the cool earth liedust unto dustThe calm, sweet earth that mothers all who dieAs all men must;Mourn not your captive comrades who must dwellToo strong to striveWithin each steel-bound coffin of a cell,Buried alive;But rather mourn the apathetic throngThe cowed and the meekWho see the world's great anguish and its wrongAnd dare not speak!"--Ralph Chaplain, Bars and ShadowsI am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist, passionate Catholic. This is the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast coming to you from the Souls and Hearts studio in Indianapolis, Indiana. This podcast is all about bringing you the best of psychology in human formation and harmonizing it with the perennial truths of our Catholic faith. In this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast, we take the most important human formation issues head on, without trepidation, without hesitation. We don't mince words. We directly address the most important concerns in the natural realm, the absolute central issues that we need to take on with all our energy and all our resources.We have been working through a series on trauma and wellbeing. It started in Episode 88, and in the last episode, Episode 96, that one was called 'I Am a Rock How Trauma Hardens Us Against Being Loved', and that episode we discuss the impact of trauma on how we accept love from others, including God. In this episode, we're now going to address how trauma sets us up to refuse to love ourselves.Welcome to episode 97 of Interior Integration for Catholics titled 'Unlove of Self: How Trauma Predisposes You to Self Hatred and Indifference'. It's released on September 5th, 2022. It is so good to be with you. Thank you for listening in and for being together with me once again. I am glad we are here and that we're exploring the great unlove of self.The great unlove of self. Sort of like the uncola ads from 7-UP in the late 60s through the 70s, the 80s, even into the late 90s. Unlove of self. What do I mean by that? You might tell me that if I don't love myself, then I'm hating myself. All right, let's go with that. Let's explore self-hatred and self-loathing. Self-hatred. What is self-hatred? Self-hatred is hatred that's directed towards one's self rather than towards others. And there is an article titled 'Self-Loathing' by Jodi Clark. She's a licensed professional counselor at verywellmind.com where she says, 'Self-loathing or self-hatred is extreme criticism of one's self. It may feel as though nothing you do is good enough or that you are unworthy or undeserving of good things in life. Self-hate can feel like having a person following you around all day, every day, criticizing you and pointing out every flaw or shaming you for every mistake". Self-hatred, right? This is a critical thing.Brennan Manning said, "In my experience, self-hatred is the dominant malaise, crippling Christians and stifling their growth in the Holy Spirit". Now, I'm not sure I agree with that. It depends on your definition of self-hatred. I'm more focused on shame and the fear of shame overwhelming the self. Those are such drivers of self-hatred. And you can see that in that in that definition that we just had from Jodi Clark, right. Undeserving of good things in life: criticizing you, pointing out every flaw, shaming you for every mistake. Shame, shame, shame. And Angel Plotner, the author of 'Who Am I?', Dissociative Identity Disorder survivor says, "Shame plays a huge part in why you hate who you are". Shame is so central. I'm going to invite you. I did a whole 13-episode series on shame episodes 37 to 49 of this podcast all about shame and trauma. So, so good to check that out if you haven't done it already.Eric Hoffer said, "It is not the love of self, but the hatred of self, which is at the root of the troubles that afflict our world". And Basil Maturin says, "We never get to love by hate, least of all by self-hatred". So this whole topic of self-hatred, so important, so common, even when people don't realize it. Even when people don't realize it because so much self-hatred is unconscious. Laurie Diskin says "We cannot hate ourselves into a version of ourselves we can love". Self-hatred gets us nowhere. Self-hatred brings us to a grinding halt in human development and in spiritual development.So let's talk about this. What do we mean when we're talking about self-hatred? The primary way that you hate yourself is for a part of you to hate another part of

Summary: Real love (agape) is given freely -- but it is not received freely in our fallen human condition. Join me in this episode as we discuss the costs of opening our hearts to love\and the price of being loved fully, of being loved completely, in all of our parts. We review why so many people refuse to be loved -- and we examine the psychological and human formation reasons for turning away from love. Finally we discuss what we can do to get over our natural-level impediments to receiving love. Lead-in I am a rock I am an islandI've built wallsA fortress deep and mightyThat none may penetrateI have no need of friendship -- friendship causes painIt's laughter and it's loving I disdainI am a rock I am an islandI am a rock -- Paul Simon wrote it in 1965 and Simon and Garfunkel Released it as a single in 1966, and it rose to #3 on the charts -- why because it resonated with people. It was popular because it spoke out loud what many people's parts feel. The desire to become a rock, the impulse to build the walls, to keep everyone out, to repudiate love and laughter, to not need anything or anyone. Kate McGahan -- untitled poem I don't need anyone, I said.Then you cameI need I need! I NEED YOU. I needed you.What did you teach me?Not to need you.NOT TO NEED. - I don't want to be in love, anymore. I just want to be left alone. And no, I am not depressed or something. No suicide is happening here... I am fine. Trust me. SharmajiassamwaleSo you want love. But you also don't want love. But you want love. But you don't. You do. You don't. You're conflicted. How do you understand this conflict within you? Can you and I understand this push-pull, this attraction - avoidance, this Yes and No within us more clearly. Yes we can. And we must. Or we will wind up always skating along the edge of love, never really entering in. And there are consequences for that -- and no one put it more succinctly than the English poet and playwright Robert Browning, who said: “Without love, our earth is a tomb” Intro We do want to be loved, but we don't. Why? Because we want the benefits of love, but we don't want the costs The Benefits To love and be loved is to feel the sun from both sides. David Viscott If you don't have that memory of being loved, you are condemned to search the world for something to fill you up. -- Michael JacksonThe costs. Real love is given freely, but it is not received freely in this fallen world. Almost no one talks about the costs of being loved. I find that so strange. People don't think this way. There are costs to receiving love, to accepting love, to allowing love in to our hearts. It's painful to be loved in this fallen world. this is not well understood by many people, especially those who are not in touch with trauma, or who haven't suffered as much as others Bernard Brady's 2003 book "Christian Love: How Christians Through the Ages have Understood Love Second sentence of the book, in the preface: "Loving seems entirely natural and being loved seems wonderfully good."Not to many peopleRCC member -- so glad you can discuss tolerating being loved. Real love -- Agape -- burns away things that are sinful within us -- it doesn't coexist with the vice within us. Bernard Brady: Christian Love, p. 16: "…love transforms those who love and those who are loved." Every true love and friendship is a story of unexpected transformation. If we are the same person before and after we loved, that means we haven't loved enough.” ― Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of LoveChange is scary “Taking a new step, uttering a new word, is what people fear most.”― Fyodor Dostoevsky, Crime and Punishment Real love also purifies us from anything that is not morally wrote, but that is disordered or dysfunctional or imperfectReal love is the greatest good. And because it's the greatest good, it requires us to give up lesser goods. Perceived good and actual goods. Coping strategies, crutches that helped us in the pastAnalogy of the safe -- limited room, silver and gold. VulnerabilityI will lose what I haveI will lose to possibility of being loved in the futureI don't want to find out I am unlovable. I can't bear that. Because for love to be real, for love to be agape means me allowing you to love all of me. All my parts. My entire being Not just the acceptable parts of me in the shop window, those that I allow others to see. The greatness of the adventure of loving can be intimidating Love, in some sense, is nothing other than an invitation to great joy and suffering, so they shy away from it. Paul Catalanotto Refusal to love is also refusal to live The Catholic Weekly Dietrich von Hildrebrand those who "wish to linger with small joys in the state of harmless happiness … in which they feel themselves to be master of the situation … lacking any element of surprise or adventure. Let's go on this adventure of being loved and loving together. I want you to come with me into the themes of this podcast. I want you to really engage with what I'm p

Summary: In this episode, we focus on how unresolved trauma undermines and sabotages both our capacity and our inclination to love well. We explore how unresolved trauma impacts each of the five characteristics of love -- compromising our ability to love in an affective (emotional), affirming, responsive, unitive and steadfast way. We also dive into how so trauma pulls us to focus inward, and to protect ourselves, undercutting the vulnerability and willingness to engage that are required for deep love and we discuss hope for change. Lead-in They say love is blind, but it’s trauma that’s blind. Love sees what is.“ — Neil Strauss, The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships And Neil Strauss is right on that. Love connects with reality. With God who is the ultimate realness, the ultimate being, the I AM. Trauma is blind and it blinds us. That's what we are talking about today. Trauma and its impact on live. Intro: Dear listener, You and I are together in the adventure of this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am thankful to be with you. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, Why are we here? We are here together to bring you the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith. So we can have the best of both. That's why. Today, we're going to take a broad perspective, a bird's-eye view of trauma's destructive consequences to our capacity to love. What is the effect of trauma on our capacity and inclination to love? That is the question for us to explore together today. So welcome to episode 95, of Interior Integration for Catholics, titled Trauma's Devastating Impact on our Capacity to Love, released on July 4, 2022, Independency Day in the USA,This podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com. Review Trauma. We are in the midst of whole series of episodes on trauma. So just a brief thumbnail review. Started with Episode 88 Trauma: Defining and Understanding the Experience Really important to understand the inner experience of trauma -- so you can recognize it in your own life and recognize it an empathetic and attuned way in others' loves. Part of loving them. Episode 89 Your Trauma, Your Body: Protection vs. Connection -- a current understanding of how large a role our bodies have in our experience of trauma. Our bodies. Episode 90: Your Well-Being: The Secular Experts Speak we review how philosophers and modern secular psychologists understand mental health and well-being. In this episode, we look at the attempts to define what make us happy, from the 4th century BC to the present day. Aristippus, Aristotle, Descartes, Freud, Seligman, Porges, Schwartz, and two diagnostic systems. We take a special look at how positive psychology and Internal Family Systems see well-being. Episode 92: Understanding and Healing your Mind through IPNB neuropsychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel's Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) and what IPNB can show us about psychological health. We review the triangle of well-being, the nature of secure attachments, and the basis for mental health from an IPNB perspective. We examine the characteristics of a healthy mind and how it functions, and the two signs that reliable indicate all psychological symptoms and mental dysfunction. We discuss the nine domains of integrationThree inner experiential exercises in Episode 93Episode 94: The Primacy of Love In this episode, I discuss the central importance of love as the marker of well-being from a Catholic perspective -- our capacity to live out the two great commandments. We explore how love is the distinguishing characteristics of Christians, and we discussed Catholic theologian Bernard Brady's five attributes or characteristics of love -- how love is affective, affirming, responsive, unitive and steadfast. We discuss what is commonly missing from philosophical and theological approaches to love, and we briefly touch in the death of love and distortions of love. So check those out if you haven't already. This Going to address love in general -- focusing on loving In future episodes, will review Tolerating being loved Brady quxote Ordered self-love The experience of trauma screws up our loves -- where we go to find good. It screws up where we are seeking, how we seek to be loved and how we seek to love. St. Augustine: He lives in justice and sanctity who is an unprejudiced assessor of the intrinsic value of things. He is a man who has an ordinate love: he neither loves what should not be loved nor fails to love what should be loved. On Christina Doctrine, I, 27We need ordered love. Why -- Bernard Brady put it -- Because we become like what we love. Whatever we embrace in our love, we become like that person or that

Summary, In this episode, I discuss the central importance of love as the marker of well-being from a Catholic perspective -- our capacity to live out the two great commandments. We explore how love is the distinguishing characteristics of Christians, we detail the eight different kinds of love, and we discuss Catholic theologian Bernard Brady's five attributes or characteristics of love -- how love is affective, affirming, responsive, unitive and steadfast. We discuss what is commonly missing from philosophical and theological approaches to love, and we briefly touch in the death of love and distortions of love. Lead-in I want to speak to you from my heart today. I want to share with you heart to heart about what it most important to me. And maybe what is most important to you. I want to talk with you today about love. Real love. Fundamental Love. Radical love. The real thing. Not the counterfeits of love that you and I have pursued in our lives in one way or another -- the fakes loves we've mistaken for real love, or the lesser loves that we've tried to inflate into more than they could possibly be. I think love is not only the most essential experience in the whole world, it's also the most confusing for us. Think about it. What else has confused you more than love? What has been more enduringly puzzling than love? What has been more elusive for you? What has been more enigmatic than love in your life? What have you struggled with more than love? Love -- the word is evocative. The word is provocative, it stirs us up. You parts react in so many different ways to the word love. And so that's where we are going today. Into the mystery of love. Intro: Maybe you are feeling like you're just struggling to survive. I want more for you than that.Maybe much of the time you feel like things are OK, maybe pretty good. I want more for you than that. I want to share with you the very best of what I have with you on the central focus of well-being from a Catholic perspective. Broad overview Let's review a little. In episode 88, we began a series on trauma with that piece Trauma: Defining and Understanding the Experience -- that one was a huge hit -- so many people interested in it, by far the most downloads of any episode. In episode 89, called Your Trauma, Your Body: Protection vs. Connection -- we did a deep dive into the effects of trauma on the body, really understanding trauma from the perspective of Polyvagal theory by Steven Porges and Deb Dana. From there, though, I really wanted to look at well-being -- how does secular psychology understand well-being -- It's so important to understand what well-being is, what it looks like, how it feels. So many people have never really experienced well being. It's possible that you've never really experienced well-being. So I started a subseries on well-being within the broader trauma series. So shared with you the secular views of well being in Episodes 90 and 92 of this podcastWe really dived into what the best of current psychological theorizing says about well-being Episode 90 Your Well-Being: The Secular Experts Speak DSM 5 -- which doesn't have a description of well being PDM 2 Hedonic Well-being Eudemonic Well-being Freud's ideas of well-being Contributions of Positive Psychology - pioneered by Martin Seligman Polyvagal Theory -- Stephen Porges, Deb Dana Internal Family Systems Episode 92 Understanding and Healing your Mind through IPNB Interpersonal Neurobiology -- Daniel Siegel -- a lot to say about the healthy mind, a sense of well-being. Very well developed. Episode 93 consisted of three experiential exercises The first on the ways in which you reject yourself or condemn yourself as a person The second on protection vs. connection -- your internal reactions to your wounds. That one was based off of polyvagal theory The third was on exploring your own inner chaos and rigidity within -- based off of Daniel Siegel's Interpersonal Neurobiology and one point he makes is that all psychological symptoms can be thought in terms of rigidity and/or chaos. Rigidity and chaos are signs of having lost a sense of well-being. I invite you to check those out if you haven't already, there's a lot of opportunities in those experiential exercises for you to do your inner work. As you know, I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist, passionate Catholic, and I am the voice of this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics In this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we take on the most important psychological questions. We take the most important human formation issues head on, directly, without mincing words, without trepidation, without vacillation, without hesitation -- We are dealing with the most important concerns in the natural realm, the absolute central issues that we need to address with all of our energy and all of our resources. And up until now, the most important episodes I've done are numbers 37 to 49 -- that was the 13-episode series on shame. Why? Be

Summary: In this episode I discuss the crucial role of the right kinds of corrective and healing experiences in our lives. I then offer you three inner experiential exercises to help you understand three questions: 1) In what ways do you not love yourself (with a special focus on inner critics); 2) your inner tension between connection and protection; and 3) your internal battles with rigidity and chaos.Lead in: Experience. I have been wanting for a long time to offer you some experiential exercises In episodes 89, 90, and 92, I gave you a lot of conceptual information about polyvagal theory, about interpersonal neurobiology, some more about Internal family systems, but something has been missingAnd what's been missing, in my opinion, is the experiential part of this for us. Julius Caesar "Experience is the teacher of all things" De Bello CivilliJohn Stuart Mill: There are many truths of which the full meaning cannot be realized until personal experience has brought it home. -- On libertyExperience. There is no substitute for experiential learning Otherwise it can stay all in the conceptual realm, all in your head, all in your mind. Michael Smith: The major problem is that we tend to live our life in our head, in our thoughts and stories, cut off from our actual experience.What I want for you is much more than that. I want you to be able to change for the better in the deepest ways. And you can't think or study your way thereNot the same experiences over and over -- some people have that kind of life. Rather, a capacity for experience -- the ability to take in, process, and integrate new experiences as part of your human formation. George Bernard Shaw: Men are wise in proportion, not to their experience, but to their capacity for experience.What holds us back? Many would say fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of putting ourselves out there. Fear keeps us from new experiences and for the corrective effects of new experiences. And I think that's true. But I don't think fear is the primary obstacle. There's some thing deeper than fear that holds us back. What is it that really holds us back from new experiences? What goes deeper than our fear? [Drum roll]Our Shame. It is our shame that holds us back from new experiences and the healing that new experiences can bring to us.The fear is a secondary reaction. We wouldn't have the fear if we didn't have the shame, the gnawing sense of inadequacy or not being good enough. Too much shame makes us fragile, way to concerned about protecting ourselvesAnd in the natural realm, it's shame that most often keeps us from taking in the love from God, from others, and from ourselves -- it's shame that generates our fear, the desire to protect our wounds, that shuts us off from ourselves and other people Shame generates fear -- fear fuels our self-protection and shuts down the openness to experience. The shame to fear to self-protection progression builds walls around our hearts. We see vulnerability as dangerous. Brené Brown, Daring Greatly Vulnerability is the core, the heart, the center, of meaningful human experiences. Shame is so important, I spent 13 episodes of this podcast just on that one topic. Those 13 episodes, episodes 37 to 49 on it Those episodes on shame are foundational -- they are the most fundamental episodes of this podcast. So many of our problem go back to shame, and nearly all psychological dysfunction in the natural realm has its root and origin in shame. If you haven't listened to those episodes, or if it's been a long time, go back and listen to them. So now, in this episode, I am bringing to you the kinds of experiential exercises, the kind of experiential learning that can help you understand yourself so much better and get you started toward a more solid natural foundation for your spiritual life, much better human formation.And what I want for you most of all is for you to experience love. To be able to receive love -- to receive love from others, from yourself, from God. And to love. To join those men and women who are on an adventure of love 1 John 4:18 There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. How does it do that? How does perfect love cast out fear -- does it just numb fear while leaving your shame intact? No, I really don’t think that's how it works for me and you. Love is the antidote for shame. Love cures shame. Three kinds of love. Love from GodLove from others, including the saints, especially our Mother MaryLove from ourselves to ourselves. I invite you to join me on this great adventure of loving, especially in this episode, right now, this episode number 93 of this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, let us journey togetherI am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we can have the relational encounters we need to learn to be loved and to love. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts. Souls and Hearts brings you the best of psyc

Summary: In this episode, I invite you to explore and understand with me neuropsychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel's Interpersonal Neurobiology (IPNB) and what IPNB can show us about psychological health. We review the triangle of well-being, the nature of secure attachments, and the basis for mental health from an IPNB perspective. We examine the characteristics of a healthy mind and how it functions, and the two signs that reliable indicate all psychological symptoms and mental dysfunction. We discuss the nine domains of integration, mindsight, and the healthy mind platter, and I share my exchange with Dr. Siegel about whether and how IPNB can be integrated with Catholicism. Lead in: Today I want to share with you an approach to understanding ourselves and guiding ourselves toward health that I am really excited about, that I think has great potential to help us in our human formation as Catholics. We are together in this great adventure, this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am honored to be able to spend this time with you. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology and human formation grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com We are continuing our series on how the best of secular psychological approaches define mental health, psychological well-being. We started with Episode 89 on Polyvagal Theory and covered Positive Psychology, Psychodynamic Psychotherapy and Internal Family Systems in Episode 90. Today's episode, number 92 is entitled "Understanding and Healing your Mind through IPNB" and it's released on April 4, 2022. We are going to unpack what IPNB is, what is says about our human condition and I will share with you an exchange I recently had with neuropsychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel, who brought this whole integrative framework into being, about whether IPNB can be reconciled with Catholicism. Stay with me for a really interesting deep dive into this fascinating way of understanding ourselves and others. Interpersonal Neurobiology or IPNB Let's start by understanding what IPNB is. Interpersonal neurobiology. Breaking down the name interpersonal neurobiology Inter = between us, among us -- implies relationship. Relational model. Not just between you and me, but also between you and you -- inner relationships within you, inner relationships within me. Personal -- very relational. Inter-personal and intrapersonalIPNB is all about the way my deep inner experiences connect with your inner experiences Neurobiology -- not just the field of neurobiology, but all the branches of scientifically studying how human development takes place and how we can promote well-being in our lives. Neurobiology brings in all the embodied, physical dimension of our existence. Our bodies, our brains, our whole nervous system and all of our embodied biology being, that what the neurobiology part refers to Interpersonal neuro-biology or IPNB -- works to be a wholistic approach to the human person. IPNB was developed in the 1990s by neuropsychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel who brought together more than 40 professionals, more than 40 experts from a wide range of scientific disciplines to discuss and demonstrate how the mind, brain, and relationships integrate to influence and change each other. Questions that IPNB asks and addresses these questions, five questions standing out to me: What is the human mind? How does the mind develop? What does the human mind look like when it's doing really, really well, when it's functioning optimally? How can we encourage, nurture and cultivate a healthy, strong mind? How can we take what we've learned about the mind and find practical applications that make a real difference in our daily lives? Guidance for how to live our livesPointers for what may need to change in our thinking and behavior to help us live more fully. Very practical -- not just academic ivory-tower, pie-in-the-sky speculation -- Daniel Siegel really wants IPNB to bring healing, growth and well-being to people. I like that. I'm into that. What IPNB is Not Not a therapy. Not a way of doing therapy. Rather, a way of understanding that can inform different schools of therapy. IPNB is not a discipline. It's not a specific branch of knowledge. Rather, IPNB is a framework that draws on all the different disciplines with a rigorous and structured approach to studying things – not just science – They all have a place in the framework. It's a consilient framework: Consilience: E. O. Wilson Assessing the universal findings discovered and recognized as real or true across fields and disciplin

We discuss the brand new release of Souls and Hearts' Litanies of the Heart. These prayers were composed to be very attuned to the needs of closed hearts, fearful hearts, and wounded hearts, bringing in the best of psychological science around how we trust, how we connect and how we form bonds with others in our humanness -- all to help us better develop a deep, personal relationship with our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Join us as we discuss the origin of the Litanies, their development, and recommendations for praying them in a way that suits your particular needs.

Summary: Join us as we review how philosophers and modern secular psychologists understand mental health and well-being. In this episode, we look at the attempts to define what make us happy, from the 4th century BC to the present day. Arristipus, Aristotle, Descartes, Freud, Seligman, Porges, Schwartz, and two diagnostic systems. We take a special look at how positive psychology and Internal Family Systems see well-being. Lead in In June of 1991 I was really traumatized Just left a spiritually and psychologically abusive group and I was struggling How could this have happened I thought I was giving my life to God -- and then I find out the community I was in was like this -- Had to confront my own behaviors in the community -- manipulation, deception, betrayals of trust -- things like that. I knew I had to recover. And so I went on a quest I was still Catholic, I never lost my faith, but I felt really burned by the Catholic Church I wanted to learn everything I could about social influence, about group dynamics, about psychological manipulation -- in part so what happened before would never happen again, and also to tap into wisdom that I didn't have access to in my very sheltered community. In short, I was on a quest to find out the best of what secular psychology had to offer. I would have gone to a Catholic Graduate What I was looking for What I found Introduction Question may arise, "Why Dr. Peter, since you are a Catholic psychologist, why are you even looking at these secular sources? Why even bother with them? Don't we have everything we need in Scripture, in the traditions of the Church, in the writings of the Church Fathers and the saints, and in magisterial teaching? I thought this was a Catholic podcast here. Let me ask you question in return then -- Let's say you're experiencing serious physical symptoms -- something is wrong medically. You have intense abdominal pain, right around your navel, your belly is starting to swell, you have a low-grade fever, you've lost your appetite and you're nauseous and you have diarrhea. How would you react if I were to say to you: "Why are you considering consulting secular medical experts? What need have you of doctors and a hospital? Don't you have everything you need in Scripture, in the traditions of the Church, in the writings of the Church Fathers and the saints, and in magisterial teaching? If I responded to you like that, you might think I'm a crackpot or that I believe in faith healing alone or that I just don't get what you are experiencing.Those are the symptoms of an appendicitis, and that infected appendix could burst 48-72 hours after your first symptoms. If that happens, bacteria spread infection throughout your abdomen, and that is potentially life-threatening. You would need surgery to remove the appendix and clean out your abdomen. Remember that we are embodied beings -- we are composites of a soul and a body. The 17th Century Philosopher Rene Descartes' gave us a lot of great things, including analytic geometry, but he was wrong splitting the body from the mind in his dualism. Descartes' mind-body dualism, the idea that the body and the mind operate in separate spheres, and neither can be assimilated into the other which has been so influential in our modern era. In the last several years we are realizing just how much of our mental life and our psychological well-being is linked in various ways to our neurobiology -- the ways that our nervous systems function. And the relationship between our embodied brain and our minds is reciprocal -- each affects the other in complex ways that we are just beginning to understand. In other words, brain chemistry affects our emotional states. And our emotional states and our behaviors affect brain chemistry. It's not just our minds and it's not just our bodies and it's not just our souls -- it's all of those, all of what makes me who I am, body, mind, soul, spirit, all of it. And since Scripture, the Early Church Fathers, the Catechism and so on are silent on neurobiology, neurochemistry, neurophysiology and so many other areas that impact our minds and our well-being, as a Catholic psychologist I am going to look elsewhere, I'm going to look into secular sources. I just don't think it's reasonable to expect the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops or the Congregation for the Doctrine of the Faith in the Vatican to be experts in these areas -- it's not their calling. I just don't think anyone is going to find an effective treatment for bulimia by consulting the writings of the Early Church Fathers or in St. Thomas Aquinas' Summa Theologica. That is unreasonable . And it's just as unreasonable, in my opinion, to ignore the body and just try to work with the mind. I also believe that God works through non-Catholics in many ways -- many non-Catholic researchers and clinicians and theorists are using the light of natural reason to discover important realities that help us understanding well-being, and

Summary: Join Dr. Peter as he explains how trauma impacts our bodies, through the lens of polyvagal theory. Through quotes, examples, questions for reflection and experiential exercises, Dr. Peter walks you through a current understanding of how large a role our bodies have in our experience of trauma. Introduction I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist, bringing to you, my listener the best of psychology and human formation and harmonizing it with our Catholic Faith This is the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast -- you are part of it, right here, right now and I am glad to be with you. This podcast is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com -- we have vibrant communities, we have courses, we have podcasts, we have blogs and shows, all kinds of resources at soulsandhearts.com, check it out. Trauma. Last month, we began a whole series of episodes on trauma -- such an important topic Quote from trauma therapist and research Peter Levine: “Trauma is perhaps the most avoided, ignored, belittled, denied, misunderstood, and untreated cause of human suffering.” – Peter Levine We started with an overview of the best of the secular understandings of trauma. In that first episode in the series, number 88, we got into the definitions of trauma and attachment injuries, and we dived into the experience of trauma -- what trauma is like. That sets us up for today's episode, number 89 -- Your Trauma, Your Body: Protection vs. Connection. Today, we are getting into the body's response to trauma, really focusing in on what happens in our nervous system. What happens in the brain, what happens in our spinal cord and our nerves and throughout our bodies We will be especially tuning into our own nervous system. There's going to be some vocabulary here, I will help you with that. There will some big words, but I am going to walk you through the concepts and make them easier to understand. In the past two decades we have learned so much about how trauma impacts the body -- the physiological effects of trauma So what is physiological? Physiology the branch of biology that deals with the normal functions of living organisms and their parts organ systems, individual organs, cells, and right down to the level of biomolecules The parts within us carry out the chemical, electrical and physical functions within our bodies. Our bodies are living systems Put simply, physiology is the study of how the human body works Today we are looking at how trauma impacts physiology -- how trauma affects the workings of our body, especially in our nervous system. Lots of misconceptions out there. Old way of understanding stress -- what I learned in graduate school. Most prominent. You were either stressed or not stressedfight or flight or rest and digestStress on or stress off. No nuance, very simple way of understandingToday, we are going to do much better than that, go much deeper than that. Review: Definition of Trauma Integrated Listening Systems website: Trauma is the response to a deeply distressing or disturbing event that overwhelms an individual’s ability to cope, causes feelings of helplessness, diminishes their sense of self and their ability to feel a full range of emotions and experiences.from Duros and Crowley 2014: …what happens to a person where this is either too much too soon, too much too long, or not enough for too long. From Stephen Porges: Trauma is a chronic disruption of connectedness. Most clients come to therapy for one main reason. One main, overarching reason. They are dysregulated. What does that mean? They are poorly regulated. Overwhelmed with emotion or on the other side, Emotional shutdowns, numbing outCan't control their thoughts, so distracted, intrusive thoughts, ruminations, racing thoughts, obsessions, disorientation, having a sense that their thoughts are no longer under controlImpulses -- rising upIntrusive memoriesThey are having trouble keeping it togetherHigh reactivityMood swingsAnger management issuesIntense depressionFeeling unreal, depersonalized, not myself, identity issues -- don't know who I amFeeling fragile, vulnerable, about to fall apartIn one word, they come in to therapy because they can't manage their lives well anymore and they feel losing control and that makes them feel unsafe and scared. Polyvagal theory -- Great discoveries in recent years about the vagus nerve. The vagus nerve is responsible for the regulation of internal organ functions, such as digestion, heart rate, and respiratory rate, as well as vasomotor activity, and certain reflex actions, such as coughing, sneezing, swallowing, and vomiting10th of 12 cranial nerves -- On Old Olympus Towering Top, a Finn and German Viewed Some Hops. Memorizing the cranial nervesLongest nerve of the body, and the most complex, it branches into 11 different directions. Responsible for slowin

Summary: In this episode, we gain a deeper understanding of the experience of trauma, the impact of trauma. we clarify definitions of different aspects of trauma, various categories of trauma, the immediate and delayed signs and symptoms of trauma, and the effects of trauma. Then I share an experiential exercise with you to help you discover potential areas that might be fruitful for future exploration of your own internal experience. Opening Dramatic Short Brief descriptions of the experience of trauma “Outside, the sun shines. Inside, there’s only darkness. The blackness is hard to describe, as it’s more than symptoms. It’s a nothing that becomes everything there is. And what one sees is only a fraction of the trauma inflicted.” ― Justin Ordoñez“My current life, I realized, was constructed around an absence; for all its richness I still felt as if the floors might give way, as if its core were only a covering of leaves, and I would slip through, falling endlessly, never to get my footing.” ― Esi Edugyan, Washington Black“I wish I’d fallen softly. Light and graceful like a feather drifting slowly to the earth on a warm and dreamy summer’s day. I wish that I’d landed softly too. But there is nothing soft or graceful about that devastating moment when the worst has come to pass. The unavoidable truth is that it is hard, cold and brutal. All that you know to be true and good in life shatters in an instant. You feel like a delicate pottery bowl violently tossed from your place of rest, watching yourself crash and scatter across the hostile dark earth. The sound is deafening. Time stops. Inside, the quiet ache of shock and heartbreak slowly makes its grip known. They cut deep, these jagged edges of broken sherds. You gasp for air hungrily, yet somehow forget how to breathe.”― Jodi Sky RogersIntroduction We are born into a not only a fallen world, but a traumatized world We not only share in a fallen human condition, but a traumatized condition. “No matter what kind of childhood we’ve had, nobody escapes trauma while growing up.”― Kenny WeissThe Fall goes way back, before the world was even created, to the fall of the Lucifer, the light-bearer, the morning star and his angels -- and then the fallenness entered our world through original sin, the sin of Adam and Eve, and these are the original traumas, the fall of the angels and original sin. You and I are together in the adventure of this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am thankful to be with you. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith. This podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com. Trauma. We are just beginning a whole series of episodes on trauma. You’ve been asking for this -- so many requests for us to address trauma head on. It's such a tough topic and such an important topic, and we are taking on the tough and important topics that matter to you.Really important to understand the inner experience of trauma -- so you can recognize it in your own life and recognize it an empathetic and attuned way in others' loves. Part of loving them. Today, we're going to get an overview of the best of the secular understandings of trauma. So much has changed since I entered graduate school in 1993 -- back then there was one seminal text on trauma, Judith Herman's Trauma and Recovery. Now, especially in the last 10-15 years, there has been an upsurge of new, fresh and much better ways of understanding trauma. Outline Impact of Trauma Definitions of terms Definition of trauma Definition of Attachment injury Definition of relational hurt Definition of adverse experience. Categories of Trauma Recognizing Trauma from the Reactions, signs and symptoms. Discuss commonly accepted effects of trauma Go over the traumatic effects of what didn't happen, what was missing Experiential exercise to help you identify areas of your internal experience that are impacted by trauma Impact of Trauma From the North Dakota Department of Human Services Fact Sheet • People who have experienced trauma are:◉ 15 times more likely to attempt suicide◉ 4 times more likely to abuse alcohol◉ 4 times more likely to develop a sexually transmitted disease ◉ 4 times more likely to inject drugs◉ 3 times more likely to use antidepressant medication◉ 3 times more likely to be absent from work◉ 3 times more likely to experience depression◉ 3 times more likely to have serious job problems◉ 2.5 times more likely to smoke◉ 2 times more likely to develop chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD)◉ 2 times more likely to have serious financial problems16-minute TED MED talk from How childhood trauma affects health across a

Summary: In this episode, we explore the conventional secular and the traditional spiritual ways of understanding scrupulosity, bringing in the experts to define scrupulosity, tells us the signs of being scrupulous, speculate on the causes of the trouble, discuss that standard remedies in the secular and spiritual realms. Then I share with you my views on it, looking at scrupulosity through an Internal Family Systems lens, grounded in a Catholic worldview. We discuss how parts have different God images and the role of shame and anger in the experience of scrupulosity. Description of Scrupulosity Suddenly my stomach tightens up, there’s a choking in my throat, and my torture begins. The bad thoughts come. . . . I want to drive them out, but they keep coming back. . . . It is terrible to be in a struggle like this! To have a head that goes around and around without my being able to stop it; to be a madman and still quite rational, for all that. . . . I am double. . . . at the very time that I am trying to plan what I want to do, another unwanted thought is in my mind. . . . Distracting me and always hindering me from doing what I want to do. -- Quoted in Albert Barbaste, “Scrupulosity and the Present Data of Psychiatry,” TheologyDigest, 1.3 (Autumn 1953) 182.Fr. William Doyle: Around 1900 “My confessions were bad. My confessor does not understand me, he is mistaken in me, not believing that I could be so wicked. I have never had contrition. I am constantly committing sins against faith, against purity. I blaspheme interiorly. I rashly judge, even priests. The oftener I receive Holy Communion, the worse I become,” Around 1900My story just turned 19 -- terrible bout of scrupulosity. Around sexualityJust started dating the first woman I might consider marryingPhysical touching -- romantic contact How far was too far? Thoughts of sex with her -- plagued me. Do I break up with her? How do I handle this? What was sinful, what was not? Was I on the road to hell? Was I putting her on the road to hell? I thought I was going crazy. Review: I encourage you to review the last episode, number 86 -- Obsessions, Compulsions, OCD and IFS That episode went deep into obsessions and compulsions and serves as a basis for today's episode. Today's episode, number 87 is entitled Scrupulosity: When OCD Gets Religion and it's released on December 6, 2021, St. Nick's Day. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.comOverview Start out with definitions of scrupulosity both from spiritual and secular sources, really want to wrap our minds around what scrupulosity is and the different types of scrupulosity. We will discuss the connection between scrupulosity and OCD -- discussion of OCD We will then move to the signs of scrupulosity -- how can you tell when there is scrupulosity? Then we will get into the internal experience of scrupulosity. What is it like to experience intense scruples? Had a taste in the intro, but we will get much more into that. We will discuss what religious and secular experts have to say about the causes of scrupulosity Then what religious and secular experts have to say about the treatment of scrupulosity -- that most recommended therapy approach and the medications typically prescribed. After we've discussed the conventional secular and spiritual approaches to treating scrupulosity, I will how I think about scrupulosity, the root causes of scrupulosity, and how scrupulosity develops and how it can be treated. I will give you an alternative view, grounded in a Catholic understanding of the human person and informed by Internal Family Systems thinking. Definitions: You know how important definitions are to me. We really want to make sure we understand what we are talking about. Scruple comes from the Latin word scrupulum, "small, sharp stone" -- like walking with a stone in your shoe.Ancient Roman weight of 1/24 of an ounce or 1.3 grams. Something tiny, but that can cause a lot of discomfort. Definitions from Spiritual Sources Fr. William Doyle, SJ. Scruples and their Treatment 1897: Scrupulosity, in general, is an ill-founded fear of committing sin. Fr. Hugh O'Donnell: Scrupulosity may be defined as a habitual state of mind that, because of an unreasonable fear of sin, inclines a person to judge certain thoughts or actions sinful when they aren't or that they are more gravely wrong than they really are… Scrupulosity involves an emotional condition that interferes with the proper working of the mind and produces a judgement not in accordance with object truth, but with the emotion of fea

Join Dr. Peter to go way below the surface and find the hidden meanings of obsessions, compulsions and OCD. Through poetry and quotes, he invites you into the painful, distressing, fearful and misunderstood world of those who suffer from OCD. He defines obsessions and compulsions, discusses the different types of each, and evaluates two conventional treatments and one alternative treatment for OCD. Most importantly, he discusses the deepest natural causes of OCD, which are almost always disregarded in conventional treatment, which focuses primarily on the symptoms. Lead-in OCD is not a disease that bothers; it is a disease that tortures. - Author: J.J. Keeler “It can look like still waters on the outside while a hurricane is swirling in your mind.” — Marcie Barber Phares Poetry or word picture (prayer of the scrupulous) Aditi Apr 2017 Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. OCD. That is what we are addressing today. Here is what OCD is like for Toni Neville -- she says: “It’s like being controlled by a puppeteer. Every time you try and just walk away he pulls you back. Are you sure the stove is off and everything is unplugged? Back up we go. Are you sure your hands are as clean as they can get? Back ya go. Are you sure the doors are securely locked? Back down we go. How many people have touched this object? Wash your hands again.” Introduction We are together in this great adventure, this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am honored to be able to spend this time with you. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com Today, we are getting into obsessions and compulsions -- a really deep dive into what's really going on with these experiences. I know many of you were expecting me to discuss scrupulosity today -- And you know what? I was expecting I would be discussing scrupulosity well, but in order to have that discussion of scrupulosity be well-founded, we really need to get into understanding obsessions and compulsions first. I have to bring you up to speed on obessions and compulsions before we get into scrupulosity, and there is a lot to knowThe questions we will be covering about obsessions and compulsions. What are Obsession and Compulsions? Getting into definitions. Also What are the different types of obsessions and compulsions, the different forms that obsessions and compulsions can takeWhat is the experience of OCD like? From those who have suffered it. Who suffers from obsessions and compulsions -- how common are they? Who is at risk? Why do obsessions and compulsions start and why do they keep going? How do we overcome obsessions and compulsions? How do we resolve them? What does the secular literature say are the best treatments" -- Medication and a particular kind of therapy called Exposure and Response PreventionAlternatives Can we find not just a descriptive diagnosis, but a proscriptive conceptualization that gives a direction for healing, resolving the obsessions and compulsions Not just symptom management.Definitions Obsessions DSM-5: Obsessions are defined by (1) and (2): Recurrent and persistent thoughts, urges, or impulses that are experienced, at some time during the disturbance, as intrusive and unwanted, and that in most individuals cause marked anxiety or distress. The individual attempts to ignore or suppress such thoughts, urges, or images, or to neutralize them with some other thought or action (i.e., by performing a compulsion). Not pleasurable Involuntary My compulsive thoughts aren't even thoughts, they're absolute certainties and obeying them isn't a choice. - Author: Paul Rudnick To resist a compulsion with willpower alone is to hold back an avalanche by melting the snow with a candle. It just keeps coming and coming and coming. - Author: David Adam Individual works to neutralize the obsession with another thought or a compulsion. From the International OCD Foundation: Obsessions are thoughts, images or impulses that occur over and over again and feel outside of the person’s control. Individuals with OCD do not want to have these thoughts and find them disturbing. In most cases, people with OCD realize that these thoughts don’t make any sense. Obsessions are typically accompanied by intense and uncomfortable feelings such as fear, disgust, doubt, or a feeling that things have to be done in a way that is “just right.” In the context of OCD, obsessions are time consuming and get in the way of important activities the person values. Common Obsessions Sources What is OCD? Article by the International OCD Foundation o

Join me as we discover explore all the elements of perfectionism, from its root causes to its surface manifestations, through an Internal Family Systems lens, grounded in a Catholic world view. Through poetry, quotes, research findings, personal examples and the current professional literature, I pull together many strands into a unified whole to help you deeply grasp the internal experience of perfectionism.Intro The Quintessential Persona Leanna Smith We are together in this great adventure, this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am honored to be able to spend this time with you. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.comLet's get into answering the questions -- the who, what, where, when, why, and how of perfectionism. This is episode 85 of the Interior Integration for Catholics Podcast it's titled: Perfectionism: Who, What, Where, When, Why, and HowPerfectionism -- a major, major problem for so many Catholics. A major, major problem for so many of us. Thomas Curran and Andrew Hill 2019 Psychological Bulletin Article: Perfectionism Is Increasing Over Time: A Meta-Analysis of Birth Cohort Differences From 1989 to 2016 reviewed dozens of studies from a 27 year timespan all using the same instrument the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale by Hewitt and Flett 164 study samples comprising more than 41,000 college students in the US, Canada and Great Britain between 1989 and 2016 Results: there is no doubt. Perfectionism among college students is on the rise. Between 1989 and 2016, the scores for socially prescribed perfectionism — or perceiving that other have excessive expectations of me — increased by 33%. Other-oriented expectations — putting unrealistic expectations on others — went up 16%and self-oriented perfectionism — our irrational desire to be perfect — increased 10% The Who of Perfectionism -- the PartsThe What of Perfectionism -- What is it? What are the different kinds of perfectionism, what are the elements?Where Does Perfectionism Come From Within UsWhen Does Perfectionism Get Activated?Why Does Perfectionism Start and Why Does it Keep Going?How Do We Overcome Perfectionism? How do we resolve it? Not just a descriptive diagnosis, but a proscriptive conceptualization that gives a direction for healing, resolving the perfectionism. Not just symptom management, this is your cross nonsense. There are real crosses that God gives us. Yes. But those crosses fit well. The crosses we impose upon ourselves do not fit well. What -- What is perfectionism? You know that I want precise definitions when we dive into deep topics together. I think it's ironic that there is a lot of unclear, sloppy thinking about perfectionism by perfectionists. Shining a bright clear light on it. Definition of Perfectionism Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection: Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels the primary thought: If I look perfect, live perfectly, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or minimize painful feelings or shame, judgment and blame Marc Foley O.C.D. Editor of Story of a Soul: Study Edition There is an unhealthy striving for perfection which psychologists call perfectionism. Perfectionism is the state of being driven to achieve a standard of perfection in an area of life that is fueled by either the fear of failure or the need for approval. This unhealthy striving is not the type of perfection to which God calls us. So you may have perfectionistic parts that would like to challenge me on this. Your perfectionistic parts may say to me So, Dr. Peter, Mr. Catholic Psychologist, you want us to have low standards, huh? You think that would be better, for us to be lazy, to be weak, to take our ease, to relax, to give up the fight, to be mediocre, to be lukewarm, huh? Is that what you are saying? Didn't St. Jerome say: Good, better, best, never let it rest, 'till your good is better, and your better's best First off, let's start with your quote. Often attributed to St. Jerome, but there's no evidence for it in his writings: Fr. Horton addresses this alleged quote on his blog fauxtations. September 26, 2016 post. "Good, better, best: St. Jerome?" Oldest google books attribution is from 2009. 1904 Dictionary of Modern Proverbs 1897 Christian Work: Illustrated Family Newspaper. Others attribute it to Tim Duncan, NBA all-star player, often considered the greatest power forward of all time. I want you to pursue excellence. Perfectionism is not the same thing as striving for excellence or a commitment to self-i

In this episode, I lay out the whole mission and purpose of the Interior Integration for Catholics Podcast -- answering the six central questions so that you can make an informed decision about whether this podcast fits you and your needs. Get the latest in my discernment about this podcast and the Resilient Catholics Community, where we are going. Lead in: [cue Sundancer music] Who, What, Where, When, Why and How -- those are the six questions we're addressing today about this podcast. Why those questions? It's all about fit. It's all about being clear about the target audience for this podcast and whether or not you fit. I'm putting all my cards on the table, total transparency, so that you can make an informed decision about whether you want to engage with me or not. So let's ask the questions. Who is this Interior Integration for Catholics podcast for -- yes, it's for Catholics, but it's only for a small number of Catholics, maybe about 3700 Catholics in the world. How did I get to that number -- stay with me for the calculations later in this episode. What is this podcast all about -- what is the mission, what is the purpose of the podcast? Where does this podcast focus? Spoiler alert: -- Deep inside you, but you'll have to stay tuned to find out more about that…When: what is the new frequency and episode length for this podcast?Why: Why should you listen? I'm asking you for time, attention, concentration and effort -- why should you engage with this podcast at all? I'll be fleshing out all the reasonsHow: How do we make it all happen with you, for you and in you? Find out the answer to all of these questions in this episode of Interior Integration for Catholics, number 84, The Who, What, Where, When, Why and How of the IIC Podcast [cue intro music]Intro: Welcome to the podcast Interior Integration for Catholics, thank you for being here with me, I am honored to be here with you, and today we are discussing you and me and us and this podcast. We are going to get all relational as we often do here. Because this is a relational podcast. I'm not just a talking head in podcastlandia, I'm a real person, you're a real person and I'm into real relationships. I am clinical psychological Peter Malinoski and you are listening to the Interior Integration for Catholics podcast -- the IIC podcast for short). Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the English-speaking Catholic world through our website soulsandhearts.com. Check that out, soulsandhearts.com for so many great resources that bring psychology and Catholicism together in a way that is faithful to the truths of our Faith. Let's get into answering the questions -- the who, what, where, when, why, and how of this podcast. Who is the IIC Podcast For? It's for You. Ideal listener If you have it all together, if you're sky high on life, if you continually leap from one pinnacle of natural excellence to an even higher summit of human greatness, bounding upward, always with grace and precision and a laser focus on perfection -- good for you. I'm happy for you and in awe of you. But you don't need this podcast. Let me put it this way. This podcast is for the Catholic who admits he or she is hurting, struggling, a lost sheep, in need of help.This podcast is for you who are like me, who are very imperfect, wounded, harmed in various ways, who are confused and frustrated, who are weary, who are lonely, who are burdened in different ways. It's for your parts. we are a unity but also a multiplicity. We don't have a single, unified, homogenous, monolithic personality. We have several or many parts, each one with its own personality. This concept of parts of us is absolutely central to this podcast. If this idea of parts does not appeal to you, you probably won't like these episodes. I believe there were two major discoveries in psychology, one at the end of the 19th Century -- the discovery of the unconscious -- Freud popularized that. And the other near the end of the 20th century -- the discovery of the multiplicity of self which Richard Schwartz popularized. Definition of part: Separate, independently operating personalities within us, each with own unique prominent needs, roles in our lives, emotions, body sensations, guiding beliefs and assumptions, typical thoughts, intentions, desires, attitudes, impulses, interpersonal style, and world view. Each part also has an image of God and sense of identity, who you are. Robert Falconer calls them insiders. You can also think of them as separate modes of operating if that is helpful. This podcast is especially for your inner outcasts, those parts of us that you reject -- inner lepers, inner tax collectors, inner Pharisees, inner critics, our inner prostitutes, the untouchables within us, our inner rebels, fugitives, inner vagabonds and bums, our inner abused children. Our refugees, our inne

Join me for a deep exploration of the ways our parts process grief in healthy ways, the back-and-forth alternating between focusing on the loss and looking at restoration. Guided by the work of IFS therapist and author Derek Scott and by using a dramatized example of loss with resulting grief, we will explore the internal interactions among our parts that lead to such a multifaceted experience of grief. We also examine the two paths of grief that Catholics can choose. Lead-In Intro -- activation warning What you are about to hear is a fictional dramatization of a car accident and Brian Moreland's internal reactions -- the reactions of his parts - to that accident and its effects on him over time. Listen with care and prudence -- if you have unresolved trauma responses surround a car accident, please be thoughtful about whether or not to continue. News Story: [Insert News Intro music]: And now out to James Fieldler, our roving KDTT reporter, coming to us live from the scene of a terrible accident earlier this evening, a really difficult story that we have been following for you. James – what do you have for us? [background traffic and rain and truck backing] Terry, I am here just off the shoulder of I-94 Westbound, about four miles west of Miles City, near mile marker 142. Earlier this evening, an eastbound Ford pickup crossed the median into oncoming westbound traffic, striking a Honda Odyssey minivan at full speed and sending it careening through the guardrail, and rolling down this shallow embankment. In that minivan were a 37-year old man, a 33 year old woman, and four children ranging from about 9 to two years old. From this angle, you can see how damaged this minivan was, nearly crushed as they are winching it up onto the wrecker. Montana State police have just confirmed this was a fatal accident, that one of the children, about five years old has died of massive head injuries. The man and two of the children have been airlifted to St. Alexius Trauma Center in Bismarck, no word on their condition right now. That is tragic, James. What do we know about the others, James? Terry, we have some good news, too. The woman was able to walk away from the wreck. EMTs used the jaws of life to break open the back of the van and rescue the other two children, who have also been transported by ambulance to Bismarck. The 45-year old driver the pickup was shaken up and was taken to Holy Rosary Hospital in Miles City, apparently with minor injuries. No one else was in the truck. What do we know about the cause? The investigation is ongoing. As you can see, driving conditions were also difficult – the rain coming down here. There is some question about driver fatigue in the driver of the truck. No word yet on any charges that might be filed, but it’s likely. A source told me that the pickup driver’s license had been revoked for a second DUI. There is no official word yet on whether alcohol or drugs were involved in this crash. Thank you, James, and we will continue to follow this story for you. Our hearts and thoughts go out to all those involved in the crash, we wish them a rapid recovery. Now on to Jeff Springer with sports, and the surprising finish to the Griz’s matchup with the Idaho State Bengals. Jeff, tell us what happened at Washington-Grizzly stadium today in the rain? [Cut to Intro MusicIntro We are together in this great adventure, this podcast, Interior Integration for Catholics, we are journeying together, and I am honored to be able to spend this time with you. I am Dr. Peter Malinoski, clinical psychologist and passionate Catholic and together, we are taking on the tough topics that matter to you. We bring the best of psychology and human formation and harmonize it with the perennial truths of the Catholic Faith. Interior Integration for Catholics is part of our broader outreach, Souls and Hearts bringing the best of psychology grounded in a Catholic worldview to you and the rest of the world through our website soulsandhearts.com Today's episode, number 83 is entitled The Internal Dance of Healthy Grief and it's released on August 30, 2021 Heard a reenacted story about Brian Moreland, and I’ll be bringing that story in throughout todays episode to add depth and examples to the concepts Review: I encourage you to review the last episode, number 82 -- the many faces of grief inside us. That episode goes over what happens to our parts when we experience grief?The experiences I'm about to describe are not the parts themselves. Definition of a part -- Separate, independently operating personalities within us, each with own unique prominent needs, roles in our lives, emotions, body sensations, guiding beliefs and assumptions, typical thoughts, intentions, desires, attitudes, impulses, interpersonal style, and world view. Each part also has an image of God and also its own understanding of self. More than just one factor More than just one emotion, more than just one desire or impulse Rather -- a whole constel