How To! with Mike Pesca

Jackie is newly engaged, but thoughts about her big day fill her with dread, not excitement. Jackie and her fiance want to have only vaccinated people at their wedding to protect some vulnerable family members from COVID-19. However, requiring vaccination means Jackie's parents and sister likely won't attend, which would break Jackie's heart. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Nwandi Lawson, a former journalist who now runs a communications firm specializing in difficult conversations. She's had her own challenging family discussions during the pandemic, and has some surprising tips for how to speak truth to power while keeping your relationships intact, and maybe even change a few minds. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Talk Politics Without Wrecking Relationships." Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For nearly a decade, Jono devoted all his time and energy to creating and running a customized shoe company. But, unfortunately, his start-up didn't survive the pandemic. Now Jono is in the tricky position of transitioning from CEO to working for someone else. He's wondering how to brand his non-linear career path and transform himself into an ideal job candidate. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Joseph Liu, a consultant who has made a career out of changing careers, and host of the podcast Career Relaunch. Joseph has some practical tips for finding the right job opportunities, rewriting your resume, and creating a compelling cover letter that will land you an interview in no time. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Find a New Career Before It's Too Late". Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shanimarie has a story in her heart, one she believes the world needs to hear. It's a story of immigration, sacrifice and a mother's love that this first-grade teacher wishes she had read as a young girl who moved from Jamaica to the U.S. Shanimarie has been working on the idea for a couple of years now. She's submitted a manuscript to several publishers, but is making the rookie mistakes that most aspiring authors make. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Denene Millner, a New York Times best selling author of over 30 books who runs a children's book imprint at Simon & Schuster. Denene focuses on stories about the humanity of Black children and shares some insider knowledge with Shanimarie about telling your story in a way that publishers, and children, can't ignore. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Write a Bestseller" with author Taffy Brodesser-Akner. Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This episode is supported by Work Check, an original podcast from Atlassian. Bethany was ecstatic when her husband Travis got a promotion. They've been co-workers for over a decade and Bethany really valued being on equal footing. But that power balance has since gone topsy turvy. Travis is now her boss (technically her boss's boss) and things are suddenly not equal at home or at work. Her coworkers are treating her differently, and she feels like her career identity is being overshadowed. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Carley Roney, co-founder of the wedding and lifestyle company, The Knot. Carley worked with, and for, her husband for years. She has some hard-won advice for maintaining your independence while keeping the marriage intact. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Fire Your Daughter." Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For a behind the scenes look into some of the articles we read when we create the show, check out our Pocket collection at http://getpocket.com/slate. Every day around 2:00 p.m. Rob hits a brick wall. A busy job and two young children have zapped all of his energy, and he's desperate to do something—anything—to make it through the rest of the workday. Enter the elusive and often guilt-ridden midday nap. But there too Rob struggles to really rest and then wake up without making things worse. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Dr. Sara Mednick, author of Take a Nap! Change Your Life and the forthcoming book The Hidden Power of the Downstate. Sara draws on years of research at her sleep lab to advise Rob, and all of us, how to stay energized during a long day (Hint: It might not involve napping at all). If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Sleep" with Andy Puddicombe, co-founder of Headspace. Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. To listen to How To! and other Slate podcasts with zero ads, read unlimited articles on Slate.com, and support Slate's journalism, sign up for Slate Plus now: slate.com/howtoplus. For a limited time only, you can get $25 off your first year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Grace and Nikki both need more friends. Grace is an ICU nurse whose best friends have moved away. Nikki is an electrical engineer who worked remotely for the last year and is now moving to a new city. Making friends as an adult is hard, but not impossible. You just have to do things differently than when you were in 6th grade. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Elizabeth Newcamp, co-host of Slate's Mom and Dad are Fighting and the author of Dutch, Dutch, Goose, a parenting and travel blog. Elizabeth's husband is in the military so they're constantly moving to new places. She's figured out a playbook for transforming casual acquaintances into close friends, even if you're an introvert. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Talk to Strangers" with expert Susan Cain. Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. To listen to How To! and other Slate podcasts with zero ads, read unlimited articles on Slate.com, and support Slate's journalism, sign up for Slate Plus now: slate.com/howtoplus. For a limited time only, you can get $25 off your first year. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Last week we learned how to stop a public fight before it starts. But despite our best intentions, ugly confrontations still happen—sometimes with tragic consequences. On this episode of How To!, the second in a two part-series, Dan Christensen, a bus driver in Portland, Oregon, and Matt Smith, a crisis intervention trainer and the co-founder of Aegis Training Solutions, are back to teach you what to do when a fight is already underway. Dan talks about his experience with the 2017 Portland train attack that left two people dead. How do you stay safe? What is your responsibility to those around you? In short, how can you be a better bystander? If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Have a Fight That Actually Helps Your Relationship." Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John and Rosemary Belson. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Things are a little more tense than usual these days. Stress and anxiety levels are up and so are fights in public. We've all heard stories of bad behavior in restaurants, airports, hospitals, school board meetings, etc. So on this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Dan Christensen, a bus driver in Portland, Oregon, and Matt Smith, a crisis intervention trainer and the co-founder of Aegis Training Solutions. They both have years of experience defusing ugly confrontations, and a bevy of surprising tips to keep yourself safe while calming down those around you. If you liked this episode, check out: "After a Year of Survival, How to Start Living Again." Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Podcast production by Derek John and Rosemary Belson. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When Kelly volunteered to be the head coach for his son's baseball team, he was nervous. He had no formal training, but he knew he wanted his players to have equal playing time and, more importantly, have fun. Which they did….until the yelling started and the season ended in a surprising loss (and quite a few tears). What can Kelly do better next season? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Doug Lemov, author of the books, Teach Like a Champion and The Coach's Guide to Teaching. Doug has some fantastic advice for commanding attention, and managing failure, that we can all learn from—on or off the field. If you liked this episode, check out: "Congrats, You Won the Olympics. Now What?" Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Susan never really got over saying goodbye to her eldest daughter, who left for college four years ago. She knew it would be sad, but she didn't expect to be nauseous. Now her youngest is applying to college, and she's already dreading drop-off next fall which makes her feel like a "pathetic loser." What can Susan do to prep herself for more heartbreak and a completely empty nest? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Kelly Corrigan, best-selling author and host of the podcast Kelly Corrigan Wonders. She recently dropped her youngest daughter off at college, which she wrote about in an essay for the New York Times called "How to Let Go of Your Irreplaceable, Unstoppable Daughter." She shares some hard-earned wisdom about how to handle major life transitions with grace. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get Your Kid to Finally Grow Up" Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Every kid sneaks a cookie from the cookie jar, but Jamie's 8 year-old daughter Simone has taken it to the next level. If you look under her pillow or in the back of her closet, you'll find stashes of candy wrappers and other illicit items. When confronted, Simone never cracks under pressure. Jamie is worried that if this behavior isn't stopped soon, Simone will grow up to be a "supervillain." On this episode of How To!, we bring on Christina and Ryan Hillsberg, authors of License to Parent: How My Career As a Spy Helped Me Raise Resourceful, Self-Sufficient Kids. They draw on their years of experience at the CIA to help Jamie figure out how to handle Simone's sly behavior. Is there any way to harness it for good? Christina and Ryan give Jamie a crash course in building trust and influencing people without them realizing it. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Convince People to Give You Money." Do you have a question with no easy answers? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Usually when something enters Rachel's parents' home, it never leaves. Growing up, Rachel and her siblings tried to clean out the growing piles of junk, but her mom would often dig into the trash to retrieve whatever was tossed. Rachel finally escaped her parent's over-stuffed house but she still worries about their safety and quality of life. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Jessie Sholl, author of Dirty Secret: A Daughter Comes Clean About Her Mother's Compulsive Hoarding. She knows what it's like to spend hours decluttering a house teeming with stuff, only to have it come back with a vengeance. Many of us will eventually have to parent our parents, but how do you handle such an extreme case? Jessie explains that hoarding is a mental illness and advises Rachel on how to find agency in a situation that feels so helpless. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Avoid Becoming Your Mother." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever had to make an impossible decision? One that doesn't have an obvious "right" answer. One that someone will inevitably hate. John knows this feeling all too well. He's the superintendent for a mid-size school district in California. To say the last school year was difficult is a major understatement… John tried to ensure the safety of his students, teachers, and faculty while balancing the reality of students struggling in their virtual classes. Throughout the school year, John's relationship with his teachers and the teachers union deteriorated. Now, classes are back in session and he's hoping to find common ground as soon as possible. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Gary Friedman, a world-renowned conflict mediator. He has some tips on how all of us can mend a fraught relationship before it's too late. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Stand Up to Your Terrible Manager—Without Getting Fired." Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Do you think of yourself as a "good" person? Most of us do. You probably show others kindness and respect—no matter their age, gender, sexuality, or race, right? But our unconscious biases are often more powerful than we realize. In fact, mountains of evidence show the extent to which implicit bias is ingrained in our police departments, doctor's offices and hiring committees, often to the detriment of marginalized groups. Our listener this week, Tim, has spent a lot of time thinking about his privilege as a cisgender white man and how it affects his work and his community. While he believes he no longer harbors any conscious prejudice, he's still struggling to uncover and combat his implicit biases. On this episode of How To!, guest host Celeste Headlee talks with Mahzarin Banaji, a psychologist at Harvard and the author of Blindspot: Hidden Biases of Good People. She has some tips on how to interrogate our gut feelings and consciously change the way we see people who are different from us. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Fight Racism in Your Town." Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

It's painful for Barbara to think back on her son Ethan's childhood. For years Ethan was caught between feuding parents until, one day, Ethan went to live with his dad and never came back. Barbara regrets not fighting harder for her son or at least communicating better. Now she wants to ask for a second chance before it's too late—but isn't sure how to go about it. On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series, we continue with Amy Baker, a developmental psychologist who specializes in restoring family connections between parents and adult children. Amy helps Barbara recall specific memories as she writes a letter of amends, paragraph by paragraph, in an attempt to open Ethan's heart. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Reconnect with Your Kid After a Nasty Divorce," the first in our two-part series. Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Barbara survived a divorce so brutal that she refers to it as 'The War of the Roses.' Perhaps the most painful casualty was the severing of her relationship with her son, Ethan. Decades have passed and Ethan is now married with kids of his own, who Barbara adores. But due to their chilly, distant relationship, Barbara doesn't get to see them as much as she'd like. Can Barbara repair their broken relationship before it's too late? On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series, we bring on Amy Baker, a developmental psychologist who specializes in restoring family connections between parents and adult children. She has a specific method for writing a letter of amends that, more often than not, can lead to a breakthrough. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Walk Away From an Impossible Parent." Do you have a problem you can't get out of your head? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Avalon is driven, creative, and… can't meet a deadline to save her life. In her defense, she's a card-carrying member of the gig economy, juggling a complicated schedule as a DJ and visual artist. Avalon's tried to organize her life using a bullet journal, but procrastination keeps getting in the way of her career pursuits. On this episode of How To!, the second in a two-part series on time management, we talk to Christopher Cox, author of The Deadline Effect: How To Work Like It's the Last Minute Before the Last Minute. He explains why concrete deadlines, the shorter the better, can actually help Avalon's creativity. And he gives all of us tips on how to set the perfect deadline—and never miss it. If you liked this episode, check out the first in our series: "How To Ditch Your Distractions Once and For All." Do you have a problem you're focused on? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

There's one thing that all of Helena's personal projects have in common: they remain unfinished. The family photo album is empty, as is her mom's recipe book. And the lavender garden is still unplanted. Helena is not lazy. In fact, she's a busy lawyer who has no problem finishing tasks at the office. But she's also a busy mother raising a family, and free time is hard to come by. So how can Helena banish her distractions? On this episode of How To!, the first in a two-part series on time management, we talk to Nir Eyal, author of Indistractable: How To Control Your Attention and Choose Your Life. Nir used to be just as distracted as Helena, but then he figured out some tricks to break free from his stray thoughts. He explains why procrastination isn't a sign of laziness, it's a sign of discomfort. And why it's more important to address your feelings than silence your push notifications. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Stop Procrastinating" and make sure to tune in next week to learn how to set the perfect deadline. Do you have a problem you're focused on? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Winning the Olympics is everything Steve Mesler ever wanted. So when he and his U.S. bobsled teammates stood atop the podium at the 2010 Vancouver Games, his life seemed golden in every way. But soon after his triumph, Steve began to experience a period of extended mourning. Even though he won a gold medal, he lost his identity and sense of purpose. And he wasn't the only one. On this episode of How To!, the former Olympian, co-founder of Classroom Champions, and current United States Olympic and Paralympic Committee board member talks about the complicated aftermath of achieving an all-consuming pursuit. He discusses his struggles with depression, losing teammates to suicide and what the USOPC is doing to destigmatize mental health treatment. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Be a Badass On and Off the Court." Do you have an Olympic-sized problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Alexandra and her boyfriend want to buy a house, but they're looking in one of the hottest housing markets in the U.S. So when they got outbid for their dream home, Alexandra was secretly relieved. Spending money, even if it's something she can afford, is absolutely terrifying to her. Alexandra grew up homeless and even though she's now a lawyer, she has a hard time ever feeling financially secure. On this episode of How To!, we bring on Athena Lent, founder of Money Smart Latina and financial advice columnist for Slate's "Pay Dirt." Athena had a similar upbringing to Alexandra and learned the hard way how to revise her beliefs around money. If you figure out your net worth and plan for the unthinkable, you'll be free to make big purchases without feeling panicked or guilty. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Get Out of Debt Faster Than You Think." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Rich thought nothing of going to the hospital for a routine colonoscopy—until he got the bill. Even with insurance, Rich is on the hook for nearly $2,000, way more than he ever expected. It's particularly painful because Rich was planning to finally pay off his credit card debt before getting married. So what can he do? Our expert this week has a suggestion—don't pay the bill, at least, not at first. On this episode of How To!, we bring on investigative reporter Marshall Allen, author of Never Pay the First Bill: And Other Ways to Fight the Health Care System and Win, to walk Rich through his options. While most of us pay our hospital bills without thinking twice, Marshall says there are several surprisingly easy steps we can all take to make sure we're not being overcharged. High healthcare costs may be inevitable, but we can still fight back. If you liked this episode, check out How To Give Your Mom a Kidney. Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Subscribe for free on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Podcast production by Derek John, Rachael Allen, Margaret Kelly and Rosemary Belson. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Have you ever thought about running but been too intimidated to start? Or maybe you've already got an after-work jogging routine and need tips on how to increase your endurance? On this episode of How To!, we reveal the game-changing, unexpected running tips you didn't know you needed with the help of Alex Hutchinson, author of Endure: Mind, Body, and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance, and Shannon Palus, a Slate senior editor and marathon runner. Our experts say the key to running well isn't how fast you go or how many times a week you hit the pavement—instead focus on training your mind to push past your limits. In the process you'll ease your anxiety and build your confidence. If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Lose 155 Pounds Happily" and "How To Withstand Pain" Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Further Reading Working for the Run: How Does an Ultrarunner Do Her Job? by Shannon Palus Mary Cain's Chilling Story Highlights Problems That Plague Many Female Runners by Shannon Palus Why Can't the NYC Marathon Happen? I Thought We Were Safe Outside! by Shannon Palus Why Pay to Run a Race at Home? by Shannon Palus Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Lee is worried that one day soon her 25-year-old adopted daughter, who is pregnant and struggling with a drug addiction, will show up on her doorstep with a baby in tow. How will she be able to explain the situation to her other daughter, who's only 6 years old? And how can she prepare her for the day she'll confront drugs and alcohol herself? On this episode of How To!, we bring on Jessica Lahey, a teacher and the author of The Addiction Inoculation: Raising Healthy Kids in a Culture of Dependence. As a recovering alcoholic herself—and the mother of two kids—Jess knows firsthand how hard it is to talk to your kids about substance use in an effective way, especially when addiction runs in the family. "If you tell kids drugs and alcohol are just bad, they know we're hedging or lying because people wouldn't do drugs and alcohol if they were all bad," Jess says. "So a very important part of substance use prevention is being really honest and giving kids real information about consequences." If you liked this episode, check out: "How To Kick a Meth Habit." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

For the past year, Brandon has been terrified of leaving his apartment. And so he's settled into an extreme pandemic routine. He cooks all of his own meals, has yet to see his parents, and on the rare occasion he takes the trash out, still wears double masks, rubber gloves and safety goggles. Brandon has been fully vaccinated for weeks now but the very low risk of a breakthrough Covid case seems like a grave danger because a few years ago he suffered another incredibly rare viral infection. On this episode of How To!, we bring on economist Tim Harford, author of The Data Detective and host of the podcast Cautionary Tales, and clinical psychologist and Stanford professor Debra Kaysen to help Brandon work through his anxiety—from a statistical and an emotional perspective. Most of us feel varying levels of anxiety about getting back to "normal," but Tim and Debra's advice can help us reframe risk and find coping strategies to get back out there. If you liked this episode, check out "How To Survive a Shark Attack." Do you have a problem that needs solving? Send us a note at [email protected] or leave us a voicemail at 646-495-4001 and we might have you on the show. Slate Plus members get bonus segments and ad-free podcast feeds. Sign up now at slate.com/howtoplus. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices