Hard Factor

So not that we didn't know this already, but apparently FAR more Boy Scout leaders are molesting kids, and they don't even sell delicious cookies. Bill Cosby is not happy with the judge that oversaw his case, and now he wants out of jail on bail while he awaits an appeal. He claims he is not a threat, but until he's dead, he is likely still a threat. And much much more in the lightening round, and in case you don't what the hitchhiker Kai looks like, his pic is below. Search him on youtube. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The US Supreme Court held oral arguments on Tuesday about whether or not to allow the Trump administration to ask questions about citizenship status on the 2020 US Census… and you wouldn't believe it but, it looks pretty likely that they're going to allow it. Which at the end of the day really means nothing because only nerds fill out the census and everyone knows if you have the balls to swim across the Rio Grande River while Border Patrol is chasing you, you aren't a nerd and were never going to fill out the census anyway. A golf loving family of four (a foursome) ironically named The Freedman's are facing some serious charges this week after their Masters Golf Tournament scam was uncovered by the Feds. These evil geniuses have been exploiting the Masters Ticket Lottery for years. Here's the scheme: they would buy bulk snail mailing lists and submit a hundreds of submissions to the ticket lottery associated with dummy email addresses, and if one of their counterfeit entries was lucky enough to hit, they would forge drivers licenses and other documents and reroute the tickets to their address. MAYBE they were making $10k a year. They're facing 20 years max... Totally worth it. Between 2013 and 2014 Canada shipped 103 shipping containers filled with what they said were "materials for recycling." For the past six years said containers have been rotting at a port in Manila. It was recently discovered that Canada lied about the contents of the containers, which did not have materials for recycling in them, but rather household garbage. You can guess how the murderous "president" of The Philippines, Rodrigo Duterte took this news -- he wants the trash gone, or WAR with Canada. Excited to see how this plays out. @HardFactorNews @HardFactorMark @HardFactorPat @HardFactorWes @HardFactorWill Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

So stop me if you've heard this before, Social Security is going to run out right before you're old enough to collect. Word on the street is that people are going to be collecting a lot less than 100% of their social security check starting in 2035, but that can change. Baby boomers are good though so don't worry about them. Elon Musk had his space ship blow up, one of his cars spontaneously combust, and his smelly girlfriend Grimes said she feels like she's in "villain mode" and turned into Thanos because of hanging out with him. What the fuck have you done lately. Okay enough of the Florida hand job shop in the news already. Apparently now there is a video of Bob Kraft getting his front drained that is now on sale to the highest bidder. We propose that Kraft just lean into this whole thing, buy the video himself and play it over the giant screen at Gillette before the first home game right before they drop the banner. Blurring of any objects onscreen could be a game time decision. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Three churches and four hotels were bombed in Sri Lanka on Easter in an apparently religiously motivated attack. There have been counter attacks, and it's a bad situation. A Seton Hall professor wanted to “celebrate” Easter by lighting several Catholic churches on fire… good news for everyone that this man is an absolute moron and didn't get away with his plan. Also, a pastor in Ohio encouraged his 12 year-old Sunday school kids to spit on him and cut him with steak knives to simulate the torture that Jesus Christ endured; and aggressive lesson plan to say the least. 69 year-old Larry Mitchell Hopkins has been arrested for leading a militia group on the border, apprehending border crossers they felt were unable to be handled by the Federal authorities. The real star of this story is the mug shot. Cannabis Cup Recap, Michael Avenatti allegedly stole over a million from Hassan Whiteside and his ex-girlfriend, and Ukraine has elected a comedian as their new president. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Coral Lytle, of Tulare CA is being accused of banging her daughters two separate freshman boyfriends and bribing them off with booze and smokes. Sounds like a great deal for a 15 year old boy, because she is kinda hot.....The whole thing fell through when one of the freshman got a conscience and alerted police because he felt guilty shaking her husband's hand.....what an idiot that kid is. Apple and Qualcomm have finally settled their lawsuit. What does it mean?? Well this is great news for Iphone users because it means Apple will be able to bring you 5G service quicker, so quicker stream times for porn clips and whatever else you like to look at on your phone. Federal prosecutors charged 60 physicians and pharmacists Wednesday with illegally handing out bullshit scripts for opioids in what they are calling is the biggest dirty doctor opioid bust ever in the U.S. It's probably laughable in China. Doctors were handing out prescriptions to friends, trading them for sex, and even pulling teeth to cover up the prescriptions. Lightening Round: - Double Suicide, including the girl who was terrorizing Colorado schools with threats of another Columbine Massacre, she's dead. Former Peruvian President, Alan Garcia, killed himself while police were in his house to arrest him for charges of money laundering and accepting bribes. - Scientists now believe that you know you are dead for several minutes when your heart stops and are actually conscience of what is happening around you....bummer. - The dog that was found swimming 135 miles off Thailand is back on land, safe and sound, maybe.. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Today's Episode of Hard Factor: Roll back out the veto gong. Our guy Donnie got a taste a few weeks ago. He got his first veto in over the National Emergency “invasion” in air quotes at the border and now he's going to be smashing that veto gong a lot. Number 2 came on Tuesday when President Donald Trump vetoed a congressional resolution that sought to end U.S. involvement in the Saudi-led war in Yemen. There has been a four-year-long civil war where one side is backed by Saudi Arabia and the other side is backed by Iran those being the Houthi rebels. A few quick facts about Yemen are it is located at the southern end of the Arabian peninsula in western Asia and is only separated from Africa by the Gulf of Aden. Really sexy gulf front property with a vast array of coral, fish and even whales I would love to go snorkeling there. An article published by the Sun, an Australian news outlet, on Monday is scaring the shit out of news readers everywhere because it talks about all the things that can happen when permafrost is melted by global warming/climate change/being hot outside, whatever the fuck you want to call it. The basic gist is that prehistoric bacteria and diseases can lie dormant in permafrost that's been frozen deep beneath the earth's surface for thousands of years, or more. Some more news out of the handjob capitol of the United States, Jupiter Florida. Where a man being identified as “John Doe” is suing the Jupiter Police Department for violating his constitutional rights to privacy because he was at the Orchids of Asia on the same day the police were operating their bullshit sting against Patriots owner and all around great guy, Bob Kraft. So he is suing the Palm Beach County State Attorneys Office, the detective who got the warrant to spy with cameras, and the Jupiter police department for damages. Something tells me the judge is going to throw it out and tell him sorry about his divorce. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Well that was wild, the whole fucking cathedral almost burnt to the ground and the whole world was watching it and acting like it was a royal wedding except one where someone got stood up at the alter. This is not the first time Notre Dame was nearly or just straight up destroyed, it happened in World War I as well. No one died, they will rebuild and the baguettes and wine will still be phenomenal in the meantime. Tiger won the Masters, holy shit let's give him a Medal of Honor, the Nobel Peace Prize, the Pulitzer, a Grammy, a Kennedy Center Honor and the Presidential Medal of Freedom along with his fifth green jacket. President Trump says he is actually going to give Woods the Medal of Freedom, good for Tiger and great for local madams because Tiger is back and he be fucking. Yesterday was Tax Day and fuuuck Tax Day. Bernie Sanders seemed to be loving it though as he released the last ten years of his tax history and revealed that he became a millionaire when he ran for President in 2016 by selling a shit load of copies of his book as well as whatever else money you make running for President. Brought to you by: We The People Holsters Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The guy Beto O'Rourke wishes he was, Julian Assange, has been detained and is now facing charges from the United States… but everyone doesn't agree on if he's guilty or not. A family of complete savages wrecked shop on the Eau Claire, Wisconsin Walmart, and hilarity ensued. Even the dog got in on the action. A man in Michigan, recently divorced, is suing his parent for over $80K for destroying his porn stash, claimed to be valued at $29K. The additional $50K is for the emotional stress he's had to endure without his pile of porn… Nancy Pelosi wants President Trump to lay off Ilhan Omar, a 75 year-old Florida man was killed by his pet cassowary (basically a raptor, see pic), and Tiger Woods is BACK. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hard Factor VP of Football Operations & Host of Pardon My Take PFT Commenter joins the show today to talk... A festival that takes place on the first Sunday of every April in Kawasaki, Japan is quite the event!! The centuries old festival, which is based on a legend involving a jealous demon hidden inside the vagina of a Goddess who bites dicks off, is basically the worlds biggest bachelorette party. NASA unleashed the "first ever" picture of a black hole that is 55 million light years away and 6.5 billion times bigger than our little bitch Sun. PFT discusses his theory on how NASA may be trolling Trump with this new incredible photo, and we discuss why it actually is not that cool to look at. A new species of tiny humans has been discovered. Standing an estimated max height of 3 feet 6 inches, the Homo luzonensis, as they are being called, suffered from a form of dwarfism, and PFT believes the guy who first discovered the tiny foot print and then dug for 9 more years, may have a little bit of a foot fetish. Lightening Round: - US Attorney General Bill Barr says Trump was definitely spied on during his campaign, yea no shit. - Bernie Sanders unveils his new 1 trillion dollar Medicare plan for all citizens. - A woman in Tennessee was arrested for stealing an electric scooter from Wal-Mart and driving it to Waffle House for "coffee" - You can now change your gamer handle on Playstation, first one is on the house, after that its $10 a pop. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Federal agents busted one of the largest medicare schemes in history on Tuesday. The scheme, which targeted elderly and disabled persons on medicare, involved shady doctors, who were getting bribes from medical equipment companies to write fake prescriptions for knee, back and neck braces that patients didn't actually need. Telemedicine companies would call up people known to be on medicare, tell them they could get them braces they didn't really need, then would bill medicare after the braces were delivered. This will cause YOUR healthcare premiums to go UP, and you should be outraged!! Andrew Lippi, who just bought an 8 Million Dollar private island off the coast of Key West, is being charged with grand theft in Florida, after returning products to K-Mart (yes a few still exist) that contained nothing more than bullshit. The man, who was attempting to fill his new home with necessities like a new Keurig machine, was returning the boxes of these items for refunds, but the kicker is the boxes didn't have those products in them. Florida should really up their qualifications for "grand theft" Lightening Round: - Everyone forget all the opportunities Johnny Football carelessly blew over the last six years. Johnny's dead, he died... and like a Phoenix rising from the ashes - meet John Football. All is forgiven. -Aunt Becky is probably going to jail for bribing her ridiculously hot daughters into USC. -A 34-year old professional gambler set the new record for the largest single-day-cash-win on the game show Jeopardy, taking home over $110,000. Unfortunately for him even $110k isn't enough to make a know-it-all degenerate gambler lovable. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Today's Episode of Hard Factor: We're joined by special guest host @UncleChaps. Trump had such a big day. So much stuff. Trump fired the director of the Secret Service. He named the Iran's Islamic Revolutionary Guards Corpsas terrorists. The Senators he tapped for the “healthcare policy group” just aren't that into him. And a California judge blocked Trump's policy of returning asylum seekers to Mexico as they wait for their cases to be heard by an immigration court, and it's only Monday. I would bet the over on an early departure to Mar-a-Lago for Donald this week. If you're saying to yourself “yea, there is something vaguely familiar and also evil about this guy's face” then you may have paid attention in history class. Meet Julius Caesar Mussolini. He is the great grandson of the bad boy of the Axis Of Evil, Benito Mussolini. Beyond his name being Julius Caesar (which is equivalent of an Austrian being named Archduke Franz Ferdinand) he is running on behalf the the Brothers of Italy Party; so this should work out well for all parties involved. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Special co-host Kate joins the boys to discuss the news on this episode. DHS Secretary Kristjen Nielsen Resigns Department of Homeland Security (DHS) Secretary Kristjen Nielsen resigned effective immediately on Sunday amid criticisms from all sides on how the situation at the US southern border has been handled so far. Double Feature from Africa: The American Hostage in Uganda was Found, and A Poacher was Killed by Elephants and Lions The American hostage being held ransom for $500,000 inside a Ugandan national park on safari, Kimberly Sue Endicott, was found. Over in South Africa, a suspected poacher was killed when he was mauled by elephants and later devoured by lions inside Kruger National Park, must have been pretty satisfying for the lions. PA Man Raids Maxi-Pads and Cereal on Meth Binge A man in Altoona, PA woke up to a stranger passed out on his kitchen floor, surrounded by cut up maxi-pads and empty cereal boxes. Turns out the guy was on a meth binge and just really wanted cereal and maxi-pads. Lightning Round of Other Headlines Devin Nunes is moving forward on criminal investigation referrals to AG Bill Barr about alleged illegal activity carried out by the Mueller investigation team made up of the FBI and DOJ. A Florida man was arrested for burglary after he was released from jail and immediately began stealing stuff out of the cars parked inside the jail parking lot. Will skipped a Liz Warren speech for a weed convention, and Kate grades Austin, TX. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Ever had a manicure that got you just a little too excited that you do something illegal? Well that's what happened to Steve Wynn, who is being accused of raping and impregnating a woman who gave him a very special manicure inside his hotel, and he thinks its all a conspiracy against him....Ok Steve.... A man and his dog were attacked by hundreds of bees in their home after the bees penetrated the abode through a hole in the wall, and while the man escaped with only hundreds of bee stings, his dog, who likely tried to bite every single bee, had a different outcome. An American woman and her safari drivers, who maybe or maybe not were in on the job, were abducted at gunpoint while on safari and the kidnappers demanded $500,000 in ransom for HER safe return. So Uganda deployed its most "elite" police force to find them. Good luck lady! LIGHTENING ROUND: - President Trump Hates Wind Energy -Olivia Jade Is Still Hot, Who Cares What Happens to Her Mom -TSA About To Make Our Lives A LOT Easier AND FINALLY OUR QUEST TO BE MUCH LESS UN-SEXY HAS ENDED, FIND OUT HOW MUCH WE ALL LOST AND JUST HOW EASY IT IS TO DO THE SAME WITH YOUR LIFE! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Trump said on Tuesday: "If we don't make a deal with Congress, the border's going to be closed. 100 percent." Not only does Trump want action now from Congress, he cut foreign aid for Guatemala, El Salvador and Honduras, basically saying why would we aid them if they send caravans at us?? Your move congress. Also...the Republican Party is now the Party of Healthcare. Whatever that means. In other Trump news, he keeps saying that his father was born in Germany when convenient. Joe Exotic is a former Oklahoma gubernatorial candidate, zookeeper, and tiger salesperson. He was convicted on Tuesday as part of an attempted murder-for-hire plot. His target? Carole Baskin, the founder of the Big Cat Rescue animal center who repeatedly criticized Exotic Joe's treatment of the animals, which is not something Joe could let fly. A Greenville, SC newspaper has been getting a little too up-in-the-business of the non-denominational Relentless Mega Church; and it's pastors DO NOT LIKE THAT. They are so offended that the newspaper has been doing things like, questioning their obvious embezzlement, that they have been saying things like “I cut people. I got a knife right in that pocketbook,” during their sermons... FYI the woman pictured above drives a $200k Lambo. Which, you know, is totally normal for a preacher. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Mayor of Baltimore is corrupt. Any questions? There's Michelangelo, Mozart, Maya Angelou, the Beatles and Wes. If you haven't heard Hard Factor Wes describe Brexit then you haven't experienced art. Go grab a nice bottle of Argentinian Malbec, light some candles, take a bubble bath and listen to Wes break down Brexit in a way that makes you feel like you're an MP. Have you ever starred in a play? Well then don't judge Jake Wascher who was just trying to act his dick off. Turns out our boy Jake is a bit o' a method actor and turns out his method is extreme violence. Jake stabbed two of his co-actors multiple times while all the other pussy actors stood around in shock and then took off like Dr. Richard Kimball from the Fugitive. The Fugitive is one of the best movies of all time and we'll leave you at that. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A former Nevada assembly-member has come out alleging that Joe Biden is overly-handsy, and now people are compiling the extensive evidence… Recent decisions at airports to ban Chick-fil-A from the premises have many crying bigotry. We're pretty sure that these airport owners are bigoted towards customers not being able to eat on Sundays. A man in Australia sued for over $1 Million for being repetitively farted on and harassed by his former boss. A real stinky situation for this fella to say the least, listen for the full details. … Lightning Round of Other Headlines: Nipsey Hussle shot and killedBorder closures coming??AOC hard to get ahold ofNo Limits Construction's Bookkeeper WoesElon Musk Harambe Tribute, and more Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Theresa May said she will step down as the Prime Minister of the United Kingdom if her Brexit proposal passes. Essentially everyone hates Theresa May, and she's all "you want me to quit? I'll quit" JUST like Robert The Bruce in Braveheart, but you gotta fight for her one last time (in reality Robert Bruce became the King of Scots, at least according to Mel Gibson's history book). Donald Trump and Billionaire Department of Education head Betsy DeVos had to cut some money from the budget so they decided the Special Olympics was a good place to start. They cut $18 million from those poor kid's budget. They didn't stop there, they also slashed funding for books for the blind (which honestly makes sense). But don't worry, DeVos donated a portion of her government salary to the Special Olympics last year, or as she calls is her "per diem." A couple fun facts about DeVos... Anna Sorokin is a "NYC Socialite" who was in court yesterday for grand larceny and theft of services charges because she swindled various people and businesses out of $275,000 in a 10-month romp which started with free world travel and ended with her in Rikers Island. She was parading around New York claiming to be a German heiress, when in reality her father was a truck driver who also ran a heating-and-cooling business. Also, she fell asleep in the court room today because the proceedings "were just too bland" (fake socialite accent). Lightning Round: - AOC has a serious rant - Facebook BANS White Nationalism - Boeing is working on it Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

An Arby's manager from Tulsa Oklahoma is being charged with 1st degree murder after chasing down a customer who spit in her face during an altercation at her restaurant. The 25 year old woman allegedly chased down the man in her car and shot him in the torso with her unlicensed .45 caliber handgun. She then returned to work as if nothing happened...what a hard worker!!! Little update from Capitol Hill where Obamacare is once again at the forefront of the Democratic Parties hopes to beat Donald Trump in 2020, AOC's Green New Deal suffers a crushing defeat, The Mueller Report will soon be available for public consumption, and somebody please send Trump a Veto Gong, cause he really wants to smash it. Lightning Round: - Charges Against Jussie Smollett dropped and we don't know why - Conor McGregor being charged with rape in Ireland - Woman kicks Marine out of her wedding for looking better than her - Boeing 737 Max 8 in more trouble Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Michael Avenatti is a world class scumbag. The guy doesn't pay child support, rips off every business partner he ever had, makes an announcement saying he's no longer defending porn stars, and now it turns out embezzled money from his client, falsified tax returns and extorted NIKE (Allegedly). This greasy bald bastard is facing up to 97 years in prison and our thoughts are just hook is ass off the face of the earth with a giant cane and launch him into outer space. Not a great week for weed. That's not a sentence that makes a lot of sense, but New Jersey cancelled the vote to legalize recreational marijuana and expunge the records of people with prior marijuana related offenses and apparently a lot of idiots in Colorado are greening out on edibles and ending up in the ER. Let's get it together here people, stop eating too many edibles and fucking this up for the rest of us if you can't handle your shit. Do any of you have a 19 year old in your office that looks like he's probably dosing the water cooler with LSD. Well you might and if you worked at Enterprise car rental in Arnold Missouri, you did. Turns out the teenager was actually trying to help, admitting to dosing his co-workers water and coffee but saying he was only doing it to improve the negative energy in the office. Something tells me this kid is going to be dosing a few more offices before he just figures out every office has a negative energy and quits corporate life to become his own boss, selling tie dye shirts. Here's the best of the rest:- Cuck of the year flies his plane into building he thought wife was in but she and everyone else had evacuated so he just killed himself and on one else- The family that owns Krispy Kreme and Panera Bread had a closet full of Nazi German ancestors that did some real bad shit in Germany during WWII so they are going to donate a bunch of money to charity- A man was arrested at an Indonesian airport for drugging and smuggling an orangutan in his luggage Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Mueller Report is finally done. While the entire report hasn't been provided yet, a summary from the Attorney General indicates there will be no formal charges for collusion or obstruction coming for the President. The report also contains other details about how Russia did indeed seek to influence the 2016 election. A cruise ship in Norwegian waters (first of all, why are people doing March cruises in Norway) lost control of itself in giant ocean swells and barely made it back to shore over the weekend. Mel B (Scary Spice) told everyone about how she went down on Gerri Hallwell (Ginger Spice) back in the day, and now there may be trouble with the upcoming Spice Girl reunion tour. Turns out Ginger Spice's conservative husband may not like her hanging around her old squeeze. The PowerBall is going to be at least $750 Million for the Wednesday drawing. There's a multi-state recall on avocados. Reload with your bookie, the Sweet 16 is coming, and don't forget to support New Zealand shooting victims by getting your Unbreakable shirt. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Authorities seized 1,000 lbs of cocaine at a port in Philadelphia and coke heads in Philly are probably not happy about it. The combined street value of the bust was 18 million dollars, but was not nearly the biggest bust in our great countries history. In 1989 a warehouse in CA was busted with 21 tons of cocaine inside, at the time it had a street value of 6 billion. A woman who adopted 7 children and started a VERY popular YouTube in which she made them perform in sketches, has been arrested because she was not only collecting checks from YouTube, but also torturing her kids. Her YouTube channel titled "Fantastic Adventures", which had over 250 million views and over 800,000 followers has since been taken down and her and her sons are going to jail and are permanently in the Soft Corner. Apparently Adderall can cause psychosis... Who knew that stuffing yourself with Government Methamphetamine could cause your brain to turn on itself?? Also, VERY hot tea can increase your risk of esophageal cancer, probably because when you drink 140 degree tea you are constantly burning your esophagus, leaving it susceptible to cancer...maybe. Lightening Round: - Crazy bus driver in Italy sets a bus full of middle schoolers ablaze. - President Trump needs to chill with insulting John McCain - Weight loss update Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Florida prosecutors are offering Bob Kraft an essential draw, by giving him the option to get off on all blowjob charges, with some minor penalties, if he simply admits that if he were to go to trial that he could possibly be found guilty. If Kraft were to take the deal he would be subjected to community service, some bullshit education classes on prostitution, and would have to pay court fees.. In addition, if he did take the deal he could also face some NFL penalties under their personal conduct policies/Roger Goodell is a very jealous man policy. We will keep you updated and we stand behind Robert Kraft. Ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. Gracelyn Sorrell claims she figured out how to stop masturbating.. WHAT?!?!?! Did she also cure cancer!?!?! We aren't sure how and we aren't sure if we believe her, but she was a great interview none the less and is a must listen!! In all honesty, she was a great sport and we hope all our listeners who are struggling with porn addiction, guessing about 100%, listen to the interview to find inspiration... Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

California Congressman Devin Nunes has been getting owned so badly on Twitter by a guy pretending to be his Mom and by someone pretending to be his cow, and he's now suing the social media platform for $250 million for being bullies and for being hypocrites. Hey Nunes, how about you come on the show otherwise we are going to start busting your balls on Twitter something we both know you don't want. Wait are we having a fucking mob war or not? Frank "Franky Boy" Cali the boss of the infamous Gambino crime family was wacked off by a 24 year old Q follower? Come on, no way. One of the other four families or someone in his own family hired this easily brain washed punk in the perfect cover. Maybe they told him Franky Boy was hiding Muslims in the attic. Apparently Space is the last place you want to go if you have herpes, and you will never guess why? Any guesses? Its because just like on earth, the virus is activated by stress, and we imagine being locked inside a capsule for months at a time, unsure of whether or not you will ever get to eat another meal with your family or if you will just get incinerated upon re-entry plays a little bit of a factor on your stress levels as you peer out the window at our very round blue planet. Also it's kind of hard to hide from your fellow astronauts for a few days in a row. "Why does Jeff have his helmet on inside the spaceship?" And so much more in the Lightning Round. All you have to do is click the link above or any of the links below to find out. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

EggBoi, of New Zealand, smashed an egg over NZ Senator Fraser Anning's head, and the internet went wild! Fraser claims that the link between muslim immigration and violence are undeniable… in the wake of the Christchurch mosque shootings. No matter how you fee about that, head over to the store to buy your UNBREAKABLE charity tee to support the victims of the shooting that claimed 50 lives. Former Italian Prime Minister, Silvio “The Knight” Berlusconi, is in hot water over paying a witness to falsify their testimony regarding his famous sex parties, and the fate of the women who attended them. Italian news does not disappoint. In the most terrifying story of the day, a woman in Long Island is suing a cemetery for $5 Million for leaving vacant space in the ground near her parents grave site that caused a sinkhole effect, plunging her into their burial plots, clinging to the gravestone to avoid falling in. Finally, a lightning round of other stories about Beto O'Rourke's bad weekend, Boeing black boxes, and a casino robbery gone wrong. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The scandal that is shocking some, and not surprising to most who know how rich people operate, has many stars being named for paying off college coaches, as well as manipulating ACT and SAT scores to get their privledged kids into the college of their liking. We take a look at just how this scheme was operated, who was involved and most importantly, what is the link to Olivia Jade's Instagram profile.... Facebook and Mark Zuckerberg are under yet another investigation involving two large cell phone companies, and once again selling our private data, FUCK YOU FACEBOOK!! It looks like Zuckerberg will again be in a lot of official looking rooms, staring at water like he has no idea what it is. Also Facebook and Instagram were shut down yesterday, maybe still shut down, and everyone now knows just how addicted they are to those two social media sites. John Capparelli, a priest who was previously named on a list with other child molesting Priests, was found dead in his Nevada home, and police think it may have been a crime of Karma/Homicide. This guy had a long post being a creepy pedophile, including becoming a high school wresting coach where he forced his team to wear speedos during practice while showing them just how to perform certain moves, most of which ended with his crotch in their faces. He also ran a website dedicated to erotic sweaty male wrestling. What a peach, may you not rest in peace you piece of shit. Lightning Round: A Bomb Cyclone/Hurricane Blizzard is destroying Colorado and leaving hundreds of motorists stranded President Trump finally grounds Boeings 737 Max plane, saving all of our lives Another government shutdown seems imminent Weight Loss Update LIVE POWER HOUR FRIDAY AT 8PM EST, FOLLOW US ON TWITTER (LINK BELOW) FOR UPDATES ON HOW TO JOIN IN ON THE DEBAUCHERY. WE WILL BE JOINED BY PFT COMMENTER AND MARTY MUSH, YOU WILL NOT WANT TO MISS IT!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On today's Hard Factor we talk to our first Congressman, and maybe our first Nickelback fan, Representative Rodney Davis from Illinois. We discuss his new found fame after his hilarious interaction about his favorite band on the House floor, his love of Budweiser Beer, his stance on legalizing marijuana, and if he has ever made love to a Nickelback song. Overall a great guy and we cannot wait to be invited to The White House when he becomes President. Also in The Lightening Round: Brexit fails again, and Wes doesn't know what Brexit is. Rich people and celebrities were paying for their kids to get into elite colleges. Cardinal Pell of Australia is finally getting his comeuppance for a lifetime of touching choir boys. Michael Avenatti wants everyone on Twitter know that he no longer represents Stormy Daniels. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Look we've all said some things we regret or maybe don't even regret but wish not everyone heard right? We just probably haven't all done it on a shock jock radio host who arranged for his wife to fuck the Hulkster on camera's radio show for five straight years. Tucker comes off as a real asshole but the real story here is that the Hulk has a hammer and everyone that he leg dropped probably has CTE. Who has two Presidents and no electricity, that would be the country with the world's largest oil reserves, Venezuela. Venezuela is having a worse year than R. Kelly. Four days without power, that is one sweaty fucking place ... actually the weather is perfect right now in Venezuela. Nicolas Petit keeps getting close to winning the Iditarod but blowing it. First he couldn't navigate a blizzard in 2017 when he was about to win the race and likely ended up eating all of his dogs just to survive. Now two years and ten new dogs later and he finds himself with a commanding lead 83% through the race. All he has to do is not yell at his alpha dog in front of all the other dogs. Oops. Petit embarrassed lead dog Joey and Joey and all the other dogs said fuck you Nicolas and parked their asses refusing to race. Maybe next year. And so much more in the 'Lighting Round.' Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Plane travel takes a trip to the Soft Corner, as an Ethiopian Air flight crashed over the weekend despite being one of Boeing's latest models, and another Boeing Turkish Air flight experienced turbulence so bad that it broke bones and sent several to the hospital. New reports point out that Mark Zuckerberg spends almost $20 Million a year on personal security for him and his family. As you might imagine, many of his security protocols are outrageously nerdy and over-protective, listen to learn more. A Lightning Round of other headlines, including more high profile connections to "Orchids of Asia" rub and tug spot, this time it's President Trump. A doctor tells a family that a member is going to die via robot visit (pictured). Jaguar selfie mistake, and California arsonist blames "ghosts" for cause of fire. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Today's BONUS Episode of Hard Soft Factor… ALL SOFT CONER FRIDAY Utah 4th grade teacher who made a kid wash off his ash Wednesday forehead – you're in the soft corner. R. Kelly – obviously you're in the soft corner. Also probably hell (soon). Elon Musk haters & the former Soviet Union – get in the corner. Canadian scammers who ripped off a bunch of geriatrics – soft corner. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Canadian government is in “shambles” because Canucks are so darn moral. Apparently Canada's favorite son (and possibly the son of one or more members of The Rolling Stones) has been pressuring cabinet ministers to give a break to massive engineering company SNC-Lavalin – who has apparently been doing some shady things in Libya. SNC-Lavalin happens to be one of the biggest employers for the people of America's hat via government contracts. There in lies the rub. Truth be told – if you're not bribing and doing business with an iron fist in Libya, you're doing it wrong. For the second time in history a person has been fully cured of HIV. Which seems like amazing news – but don't throw away your Trojans quite yet. It's possible to get the cure you might also need to get cancer…? That can't be right. Either way this is middling news. If you live in West Germany, you know that you DO NOT FUCK WITH 59 year-old German gardener Bernhard Graumann. He is a man who knows how to hold a grudge. The vengeful seedsman was found dead in his home on Friday leaving countless untrimmed hedges, oh and also a bunch of booby trapped bombs at the homes of anyone that ever crossed him – including his long time doctor and some other poor lady that probably criticized his mowing job. Also a Lighting Round of other headlines + a weight-loss update (Spoiler: we're slightly less fat) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A 65 year old man shot an Amazon delivery driver after the delivery driver parked in a handicapped spot and then tried to beat the old man's ass for confronting him about it. The old man then fled to a nearby Famous Foot Wear where he was apprehended by police, perhaps looking for a faster pair of shoes to escape with. A Sioux Falls, South Dakota High School is in some hot water after putting on the play “The Foreigner” A play which featured many of the cast dressed in KKK garb, but does the play's positive message outweigh the racist costumes it requires? You be the judge. FDA Commissioner Scott Gottlieb is resigning from his post citing he needs to spend more time with his family. Sounds a little fishy, Scott. In some good news though, a nasal spray form of Ketamine will soon be available to fight depression and put you in a government induced K Hole. AWESOME!! And so much more in the ‘Lightning Round.' If you have gotten this far in the blog you owe it to yourself to click the link to the podcast at the top and find out. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Sorry for the obnoxious title. Hard Factor has yet to attend blogger school. Let's get into today's news. It seems like the Mueller investigation is ending, although who really knows with that thing. So what's next, we just return to normal, roll up the sleeves and get to work? Apparently not. The House of Representatives is about to launch a very long and tedious brand new investigation against President Trump...sound familiar? Hard Factor is just hoping we learn about some obscure porn star we can look up and/or a pee tape comes out of this one. Uhhhhhhh. Uhhhhhh. Don't watch 'Leaving Neverland.' Spoiler alert: Michael Jackson fucks the daylights out of very young kids, a lot, allegedly. Nothing new here right? Well this documentary has the details from first hand victims and YIKES! A 30 year old unemployed rich girl from Potomac Maryland, decided to throw her Mom's giant landline phone directly at her head after her Mom didn't drive her to yoga. She couldn't drive herself because along with not having a job she didn't have a driver's license. She probably thought that was how you use the phone, you throw it at the person you want to talk to. Anyways this chick sucks and the story is fucking wild, so listen to the podcast to get the full details. And so much more in the 'Lightning Round.' If you have gotten this far in the blog you owe it to yourself to click the link to the podcast at the top and find out. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Elon Musk's SpaceX team becomes the first commercial spacecraft to dock at the International Space Station, while new imagery from Mars confirms an ancient network of above and below-ground lakes that point to potential life in the planet's past. Listen to learn how Elon is inching closer toward the eventual goal of sacrificing humans to his Martian gods. The Colorado jogger who claimed he had killed a mountain lion that was "at least fifty pounds" actually just stomped out a baby kitten mountain lion, is a pathetic liar, and is headed straight for the Soft Corner. A man in Oregon got stuck in the snow with his dog in his 4Runner, and resorted to eating Taco Bell Fire Sauce packets to help him and the dog survive. Finally, a Lightning Round of other headlines, including the Senate likely voting to block the border emergency, deadly tornadoes in Alabama and Georgia, US/China trade deal inching closer, and another week of iTunes reviews for a chance at a Friday episode. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On todays episode we give you some of the softest shit we heard all week, including a lady who called the cops on a guy because his dog humped her dog. An Arizona town that threatened to throw a 12 year old girl/journalist in jail for two years because she filmed the town's Sheriff and posted it on the internet, and tons of other soft shit. Thank you to everyone who wrote reviews and made our FRIDAY show possible, we love you guys!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Todays Hard Factor.... Michael Cohen testified in front of the House Oversight and Reform Committee today, and all we really learned is that Cohen is a jealous ex-girlfriend that got his day to talk shit about his ex. This known liar is going to jail and wanted to dick punch Trump before he goes, and that he did. Marty Mush joins us to talk about his good luck gambling bird, Rudy. We also talk about his run in with PETA and the threats he received over clipping his beloved birds wings, because as Marty puts it "I cant't have a bird flying around my house if I want to bring a chick home." Also in the lightening round.. India and Pakistan are beefing big timeWeed will soon be legal, hopefully in your stateVA is still very racistA South Carolina drug dealer named "Fat" loves girl scout cookies. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Donald Trump's former personal attorney and fixer Michael Cohen was officially disbarred yesterday by the New York State Supreme court. If you're confused WHICH later-middle-aged-white-dude-w/-a-legal-degree-who-served-our-president-Michael-Cohen-is... don't feel bad, we're not quite sure either. A tag team mother daughter murderous duo in Bucks Country, Pennsylvania killed five family members in one of the most gruesome murders to ever hit the Keystone State. When authorities arrived, the killers took a page right out of Livia Soprano's book and acted bewildered and unsure of what was going on. When questioned, the killers claimed their heinous acts were motivated by a sense of duty to their now-deceased family members who mutually agreed on a suicide pact. The Villages is a retirement community the size of a small city; just 62 miles from Orlando, it is known as “Disney World for Old People." This geriatric theme park is home to 100k+ residents of varying twilight-ages, with it's youngest member bringing up the rear of the Baby-Boom generation at 55 years young. This pristine Florida gem features thirty-three sprawling 9-hole golf courses and is a virtual oasis for both golfers lovers and golf-kart enthusiasts. Over one hundred miles of cart path "streets" support the estimated 55,000 golf karts that reside within The Villages city limits - this is by far the most golf carts in any single city in the US. It sounds like paradise right? And It is... That is... except for ONE, very sexy, problem. A problem that's been recently plaguing residents after dark... some of The Villagers have gotten so caught up in the fun and fancy free life style afforded by retirement at The Villages that they've been engaging in hangy public sexual intercourse in open air golf-karts. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

When you're Donald Trump, life is not boring, but some weeks are crazy even for him, and on those weeks, we like to give a 'Trumpdate.' This week, there is a new sexual assault accuser, Trump is beefing with large Knicks fan and tiny individual/Oscar winner Spike Lee. Oh yeah, also the North Korea Summit Part Duex is happening this week. Guess what, another Tesla caught on fire. After a man drove his Tesla into a palm tree in South Florida, probably as an ultimate tribute to former WWF heavyweight champion The Macho Man Randy Savage, the car would not stop burning. It caught fire a half dozen times and the man was trapped in the car because the doors open upwards. Also the group of nerds at the SEC is on Elon's ass again for his tweets. Doctors/quacks are claiming there is a new weed syndrome for chronic marijuana smokers, which are those of us that smoke 20 times or more a month. The syndrome is called Cannabinoid Hyperemesis Syndrome or CHS and can lead to "scromiting" which is intense vomiting while screaming. Good news though, you can reverse the affects of CHS with a six hour long continuous hot shower. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

PETA lands directly in the soft corner after trying to take a shit on Steve Irwin's grave on his birthday. This comes right on the heels of them trying to take on Marty Mush over the treatment of his bird, Rudy.R Kelly wasn't able to make his $100K payment on his $1 Million bond. Apparently loads of overdue child support payments, and other terrible financial decisions, have left him far less wealthy than he should be.KTLA news anchor Chris Burrous has passed away after one of the most epic sex romps ever reported in detail in the national news. Listen to the pod to hear the wild details.President Trump is suspending tariff rate hikes for China in hopes of coming to a long-term deal on the next trip to Mar-o-Lago. The world's largest bee has been rediscovered, the Oscars were on Sunday night (listen to Light, Camera, Barstool to get the details on that), the NHL Stadium Series, and another chance at a Friday episode (HINT: leave more 5-star reviews on iTunes). Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Today's Hard Factor... All the Soft Pieces of * From the Week We are throwing anti-vaxxers right in the soft corner. Anti-vaxxers make vegans look like the Fonz. Shocker, there are a a ton of anti-vaxxers in Portland, Oregon. Hey all you anti-vax parents, give your kids vaccinations. Our ancestors have been working their dicks off to create these fucking vaccinations and it's a miracle they even exist, so stop spitting in science's face you losers. The man pictured above is an all time psychopath. A father of six asked this micro-penised lunatic to stop blowing cigarette smoke into the faces of his six kids who were all under the age of 10. A normal reaction would be to be slightly embarrassed and upset, not to get in your car and run over the entire family. This guy is not normal. He ran over the family and then threw the car in reverse and backed over them. Not everyone in the family died, but the mother did. There is going to be a lot of hard ones for this soft heartless prick in prison. Let's all find out where he's going and mail him a letter with no writing, just pubes. If you think that statue looks like Robert E. Lee, you're as dumb as a group of anti-vax vegans from Dunn, North Carolina that tried to set fire to it, to get back at the dead leader of the confederate army. It's actually a statue of General William Lee a World War II hero and pioneer of airborne warfare. The statue just happened to be located outside of General William C Lee Airborne Museum. I guess these soft brained morons missed the velcro shoes and zippers on General William Lee's flight jacket. Below is a list of other soft people. Who'd we miss? Throw it in the comments and subscribe to Hard Factor. - Jussie Smollett - Alabama ISIS lady - Coast Guard mass murderer wannabe - The Catholic Church Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Today's Hard Factor... Jussie Smollett is officially in deep shit for filing a false police report claiming he was the victim of a hate crime, so either he is completely insane, or really really wants more fame, you be the judge. A woman who previously pledged her allegiance with the United States' biggest enemy, ISIS, says she wants to come back home to America. Sure, she could have changed and no longer a soldier of ISIS, or she could be lying and wants to come home to do some ISIS shit. Probably a good idea to not let her back in. And a Coast Guard Officer had some big plans, to kill every person on the planet. Thank God they caught this crazy son of a bitch, because from the looks of his arsenal above, he was going to make a decent dent. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

On Today's Hard Factor... I hope America is ready to feel the Bern, because everyones favorite grumpy politician has declared he will be in-fact running for president, again... that's right the 77 year old Senator from Vermont is back for seconds. If he wins the democratic nomination he will have to go head-to-head against DjTrump - which I imagine would play out a lot like a third Grumpy Old Men movie; a movie no one asked for, a movie no one wants. On Monday, the New York Times published an article about the “next big scandal” in the Catholic Church… and guess what, it's all about the priests fucking the churchgoers again, but this time it's about the secret children that they father when they do it - because while they believe in the holy trinity, unfortunately their faith does not extend to condoms. High Fashion racism seems to be in this SPRING, and why not, black face knit sweaters and sweatshirts with nooses-for-strings make a statement wherever you go, and that statement is that I have more money than brains and I will sue you if you touch me. Gucci's CEO Marco Bizarri made a trip to Harlem to apologize to the African-American community for the brand's insensitive but sheik black face pull-over which retailed for the modest price of $890. (pictured above) The ever trendy Burberry couldn't let Gucci have all the fun - this year during London Fashion Week the brand unveiled their line of KKK Noose Hoodies. Creative Director Riccardo Tisci claimed the hoodies were "nautical themed". Like that makes it better? Seafaring racists are some of the worst racists. Oh yeah and a ton of other shit. Listen, subscribe, review. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Venezuela still has two presidents one has the support of the military and the other the support of the United States of America. Guess what side Hard Factor internet pundit Digger who lives by the motto "nothing much to say, let's ride" is on? Pamela Taylor the woman who once got fired from her government official job for calling Michelle Obama an "ape in heels," is back in the news for defrauding FEMA. It seems like Pamela Taylor took advantage of FEMA's "we can't vet everyone" during emergencies policy and collected some funds by claiming her West Virginia house flooded when it really didn't. Oh Pamela you rascal you. There is a college lacrosse player who is riding the sidelines because the NCAA can't provide a helmet big enough to fit his gargantuan dome piece. Alex Chu was able to get around this problem in high school, when he had a company cut apart and weld two of their extra large helmets together, forming one mega helmet, but the NCAA has a no limousine style helmet clause which is preventing Alex from getting on the field. Oh yeah and a ton of other shit. Listen, subscribe, review. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

President Trump has declared a state of emergency to enable him to pay for the border wall. Rapper YNW Melly is an alleged murderer. Another human/dog sex ring has been discovered in Houston. Finally, a lightning round of other headlines, including 11 year-old arrested for not saying the pledge, Anthony Weiner released from prison, a JetBlue passenger goes on an epic drunk rant, and Jussie Smollett may have staged the attack?? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

NASA launches its new SPHEREx program during the same week they officially lost the Mars Opportunity Rover. Paul Manafort got his plea deal voided by the same judge who may slap a gag order on Roger Stone in the coming days. Cages in Texas: parents are trapping their kids in em, and stoners are walking in on tigers in em. Finally, a lightning round of other headlines, including cow killing blizzards, El Chapo paying for the wall, Bill Cosby comparing himself to Mandela, and a Hard Factor Hard Body Weight Loss Competition Update. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Surprise, surprise…. El Chapo has been found guilty of absolutely everything, and it's a lengthy list, now we all get to wait for the prison break. The saga of who leaked Jeff Bezos' dick pics rages on; was it the girlfriend's brother, a friend, Saudi Arabia?? A Florida man (pictured) got caught assaulting his girlfriend in the face and chest area with a burrito; and a lightning round of other headlines, including time running out on a border wall funding deal, the senate forcing a vote on the Green New Deal, and a Houston man slaying several in self defense. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Pete Hegseth of Fox and Friends told everyone he hasn't washed his hands in 10 years, and then walked that back, basically explaining that it was a joke to try and own the Purell-inclined libs… nice one, Pete! Polar bears have taken over the Novaya Zemlya archipelago in Russia, eating all the trash and trying to break into everyone's house to find food. A batch of deadly homemade booze in India has killed at least 105 people and counting; and a lightning round of other headlines, including Tesla roadster may crash back down to earth one day, Barney's getting in on weed paraphernalia, dueling rallies in El Paso, and new McDonald's donut sticks. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Surprise surprise, guys love to send dick pics and some "expert" broke down a bunch bullet points explaining why. Really they could just research Anthony Weiner's brain. Also on the show we discuss a disease in large woods based animals called "Zombie Deer Disease," another presidential candidate announcement, a woman was eaten alive by pigs and a Georgia lawyer who killed his mother is on the run. Listen to our first show back post live New York power hour. Brought to you by Tommyjohn.com/hard Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The Attorney General of Virginia, Mark Herring, second in line to take over the Virginia governorship, took it upon himself to tell the world that he attended a party in 1980 in blackface, adding to the dumpster fire that is Virginia politics in 2019. President of Maduro in Venezuela has used a military blockade on a bridge to bock foreign aid coming from the US to feed the supporters of his challenger, Gauido. Finally a Lightning Round of other topics, including the suicide text girl, suitcase murder in Connecticut, Meghan Markle's “best friends,” NASA's climate report, a Hard Factor Hard Body Weight Loss Competition update, and details on the LIVE POWER HOUR on Periscope TONIGHT 9 PM ET. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A summary of the State of the Union address, complete with all the hilarious gags and entertaining plot twists… just kidding the speech was long and boring, so we condensed the highlights for you. The Catholic Church says it may have more than just an altar boy problem… turns out those same frisky priests have been sexually abusing nuns for years. A giant sewage spill on Miami beach shut down public waters for a few days, and a lightning round of other headlines, including hand-killed cougar, killed by vape, Stormy denied in court, more young NFL coaches, and LIVE POWER HOUR WITH PFT COMMENTER 9 PM EASTERN THIS THURSDAY NIGHT 2/7!!! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices