Earwash

In a month already full of unexpected election results, this week's Earwash brings you another - the outcome of the Footscray (or should that be Foots Cray?) school board election. I'm going to go out on a limb and say the unexpected result will cause as many controversial outcomes as other, more highly publicised recent elections.

As the news this week is likely to have caused considerable stress and tension, this week Earwash presents a soothing audio balm of Douglas's notebook nonsense. Pour yourself a glass of human juice, find somewhere confortable to lie down, press play on this episode, and let your sphincters unclench. All your sphincters.

Just when you thought the American elections couldn't throw up any more weirdness, out comes this week's episode of Earwash, contains an excerpt from eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular's new novel, Trumpy Pumpy. In an election season that's been full of outrageous soundbites, I can guarantee that there's some new and outrageous ones in this episode

What to say about this episode? "Enjoy" seems too much, "I'm sorry" not enough. So, something between the two is what i want to say about this episode, which contains the distilled essence of my notebook.

By way of apology for the recent disruptions to the release schedule, Earwash presents a soothing ear balm of turning pages, the clink of glasses and the sound of a ukelele impeding progress. Earwash will not, however, be apologising to anyone who feels that this is an inadequate apology for the disrupted release schedule.

This week, country singer Bruce Plank drops by to tell us about his travels and collect the dog with no name. Some listeners have reported hearing a strange whistling noise every time the phrase "the dog with no name" is spoken; I can guarantee that there is no such sound in this episode, and anyone who can hear it should get themselves checked for tinnitus.

I'd like to say Douglas has a good excuse for the late release of this episode, but he does not - He did however have a delightful weekend. But I digress. This week we dip into the contents of Douglas's notebooks, which feature a preponderance of lesbians, centipedes and semen. So, business as usual.

In an episode guaranteed to banish all thoughts of sleep, Douglas reveals the new alarm tone he has developed to overcome the shortcomings of the iphone alarm tones

In an episode delayed due to unforseen feline-related incidents, we are joined by eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular, who has found inspiration in sport

In this semi-auspicious episode, a semi-auspicious treat awaits: I asked the listeners of Earwash to provide nuggets of strangeness worthy of my notebook, and nuggets of the purest strangeness were provided. Plus a bonus song from Erin, the chief miner of madness.

An ambiguous sign has thrown an insomnia-stricken Douglas into a quandary about what can be considered temporary, whether the Marvel Cinematic Universe will outlast the physical Universe, and how the temporary/permanent dichotomy will affect his chances of getting a parking space at the station.

This week we delve behind the scenes of a surprisingly sensual ad for an airline, with someone with an intimate knowledge of its conception

Country musician Bruce Plank joins us to tell us about how his travels have gone. If you take only one thing away from this episode, it is that you should always ensure your travel agent is able to clearly hear you.

After a month of the high drama of insect sport, it seems a good idea to use this week's episode to unwind with the assorted oddments from one of Douglas's notebooks. If you enjoy these oddments and have some of your own that you'd like to contribute, please ad them in the comments!

In an unexpected midweek episode, American expat Jennifer Cash explains her absence from our Insect Games coverage and reveals a conspiracy theory about the Olympic Games that I can guarantee you have never heard before

Who else could we have on episode 69 than eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular? Fresh from the opening night of his new musical, Jonathan tells us how he has overcome the struggles he faced in staging his bold re-imagining of 'Cats', his unorthodox methods of gaining publicity, and reveals which US political figure he is planning to write a musical about. Plus three grandiose genital euphemisms.

Earwash's coverage of the 2024 Insect Games concludes today with an interview with the Australian Insect Games team's unofficial mascot and bringer of good vibes, the Earwig. Acting on legal advice, Earwash wishes to make it clear that this podcast is NOT in any way seeking to suggest, imply or otherwise convey that the Earwig has been involved in an elaborate plot to kill insect athletes, take their medals and melt those medals down for use in his sinister plots, and anyone who says that is the case is lying and is likely to wake up with an angry Earwig using its pincers on a delicate part of their anatomy. Okay?

In today's episode Douglas and French omni-critic Horace Perrault discuss the memorable moments of the 2024 Insect Games, including a centipede called Legless Carl Thresher, ironic snail deaths and the Anteater Incident

Mantis madness at Mortein Staduium where Morocco's Munira and Muntaz Mantis make moves for gold against Melbourne's own Mandy and Mary Mantis, in a memorable match involving microcephalic male Maltese mantises, Mecca and mayhem