Earwash

Today's episode comes to you from the exotic surrounds of Traralgon, where Douglas has encountered Earwash regulars Bruce and Jonathan midway through their anniversary roadtrip. Are they working on a new album to commemorate their anniversary and road trip? Of course! Will they share the track listings on the new album? Of course! Will it all get a bit weird and uncomfortable? Of course!

Today we are joined by the Earwig, whose first move in his fight against AI is a new creative project

Chef Ludwig Rinder­kennzeichnungs-und-Rindfleisch­etikettierungs­überwachungs­aufgaben­übertragungs­gesetz gives us his top answers to some Emergency Questions (courtesy of the book 'Emergency Questions' by Richard Herring), which includes far more discusson of bull semen than I can stomach

Today's episode is far more educational and edifying than usual, as Douglas shares some interesting words from his notebooks

Today we are joined by omni-critic Horace Perrault, who shares his outsider's view of Australia Day

Country musician Bruce gives us his top answers to some Emergency Questions (courtesy of the book 'Emergency Questions' by Richard Herring), including discussion of how the future will be like South Yarra, extinct Australian megafauna and cryogenics. Crack open a beer when you listen to this and it'll be just like sitting in the pub for a chat with a top bloke (and Douglas too, unfortunately).

In an impromptu al fresco recording at a pub, Douglas muses on the practicalities of paying for things with art

Today is a good day for another dose of oddments from one of Douglas's notebooks. Music: 'Chantarelle' provided by mobygratis.

Today we are joined by omni-critic Horace Perrault, who shares a miniscule fragment of his comprehensive critique of Australia

We are joined today by a newcomer, chef Ludwig Rinder­kennzeichnungs-und-Rindfleisch­etikettierungs­überwachungs­aufgaben­übertragungs­gesetz, who wants to promote his new restaurant

Champion insect athlete Kevin the Centipede joins us today to answer some Emergency Questions, courtesy of the book 'Emergency Questions' by Richard Herring. Hear Kevin's thoughts on man caves, purple things and conspiracy theories. Particularly on conspiracy theories. At length.

This year, the traditional start of year descent into Douglas's notebook is going all the way back to the beginning - Volume 1, begun in 2009. What has changed since then? What has remained the same? What is Brookism, and how does one go sideways with it? I cannot promise any answers, but I can promise that this episode will make about as much sense as any other episode does.

As is customary as one year ends and another begins, the Earwash regulars have gathered to share how their resolutions for 2025 worked out, and what they resolve for 2026

So that was Christmas, and what did you get? Listen to this episode, and learn what the Earwash regulars got for Christmas. Deep within the stocking of this episode you shall also find such delightful trinkets as the insectoid tradition of Centi Claws, an ominously suggestive machine and the gift of pussy. Gift receipt also enclosed should you wish to exchange this episode for something in your size.

This International Men's Day, we are joined by an unconventional man who shares his wisdom on how to be your own man

This week Kevin the Centipede has scuttled in to tell us why he is saying Nup to the Centipede Cup

We bid farewell to Notebook Month by welcoming back Douglas's voice and listening to the collated nonsense from one of Douglas's notebooks. Contains attempts at singing, quasi-poetry, and coded messages that are probably intended for horses

In the penultimate episode of Notebook Month, we present for your delectation a sort of audio fortune cookie, containing gnomic wisdom of obscure words

Today is the midpoint of what has been arbitrarily declared Notebook Month, and the pinnacle of this esteemed and august month (not to be confused with the esteemed month of August) is a bout of nonsense from one of Douglas's notebooks. Does it cure laryngitis? Well, it couldn't make it any worse, surely?

Due to an unexpected case of laryngitis, we're rejigging the release schedule a little and jumping ahead to November. Here at Earwash we don't do silly things like No Nut November, or Non-Stop Nut November; instead we have No-tebook November, a full month of notebook nonsense. After all, if shops are already selling Christmas decorations, then why can't we do a November-based activity in September and October?

This week we take a brief rest from the rigours of heavy political interviews with some notebook nonsense. Let your weary ears be rejuvenated by such intriguing concepts as the song of the onion men, Tilda Switnton's affable sneer, and echidnas sipping cherry cola.

In part VII of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about how extracurricular activities have changed under her administration. In this exclusive interview, hear what Jennifer considers to be the only acceptable sport for girls, why chess clubs are forbidden, and what book clubs do when all books are banned

In part 6 (or VI, as only Roman numerals are now permitted) of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about her changes to the science and art curriculum, which bring in the latest breakthroughs in Christian science, the removal of DEI from math(s), and protect against the unexpected side effects of theatre.

In part 5 of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about her changes to the humanities curriculum. There is a lot to learn: the rules of anti-woke Scrabble, how to speak a foreign language without speaking a foreign language, and how Christopher Columbus was the first man to circumscribe, circumbobulate and circumcise the world.

This week's episode is a welcome break from the hard-hitting political journalism. Instead, relax in a bath of warm nonsense from Douglas's notebook, with recurring motifs of socks, sandwiches, and what can only be described as a rhapsody of llamas, farmers and bananas.

In part 4 of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about her first contentious policy decision, and how it led to unexpected geese, Vietnamese complications and the revelation of a child called Ketchup.

In part 3 of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about the changes she has made to the district's library, including her reason for banning particular books, her views on librarians and her new cost-saving way of heating schools.

In part 2 of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about abolishing school uniforms, free expression, and what the significance of a boy in a pink shirt is.

In part 1 of our groundbreaking miniseries exploring the tumultuous first months of Jennifer Cash's term on the Bexley Parish School Board, Jennifer talks about taking charge, making change, and how Big Clock tried to put a stop to her agenda.

A delve into Douglas's notebook gives us such unexpected delights as rudimentary side-toes, spider ticklers and carbon neutral witch burnings. There is no connection. There is no context. There is only distilled essence of a messy subconscious mind.

The Earwig is back from his mission of vengeance, and this little insect has a big story to tell.

This week we are joined by omni-critic Horace Perrault, who has experienced some rather unusual symptoms of COVID

In an attempt to counteract the ongoing bleakness of the world, this week's Earwash is excerpts of nonsense from Douglas's notebook. If you squint your ears and turn your head just so, some of it could almost sound profound.

Brought to dire financial need by the cost of unclogging a cat's crystal-ridden bladder, Earwash for the first time contains *shuddder* an advertisement. But what is it an ad for? Why did a sinister man with a sinister accent give Douglas the ad on a cassette tape? And why did this entire transaction take place on the platform at Ringwood station? Onle one of these can be answered - it's an ad for a board game called Scoffton, and it can be found here: https://thequestsuppliers.com.au/products/scoffton# See, capitalism doesn't have to be all bad!

Pop this week's Earwash into your ears. It's a short but juicy podcast bursting with stories of things bursting in strange and upsetting ways, guaranteed to cleanse your ears from the sound of the smell of cat wee

This week Douglas is joined by country musician Bruce Plank for a few drinks and a chat covering such topics as which athletes Bruce would turn into worms, unusual ways to celebrate Pride Month, and the secret ingredients of Bruce's homemade moonshine

In a break from Earwash's usual weirdness and filth, today's episode is almost edifying and educational: a collection of interesting words from Douglas's notebooks, recorded at different times but conjoined into the time and space of a single episode. And if you can think of a word the means 'obscene' that starts with W, please let Douglas know

In an attempt to break into the lucrative and low-cost/effort podcast genre of 'Three White Guys Talking About Nothing', this week you will hear the pilot episode of Douglas's own contribution to the form, provisionally and unfortunately titled 'Male Bondage Time'

The Earwig's been acting oddly for the last few weeks (I know he's always odd, but i mean even odder than usual), so I thought I'd bring him in for a chat. I was not prepared for his tragic tale of how six shapely legs and a trio of cerci led to his downfall. Listen and muse on the fickleness of love and silverfish

Celebrate Earwash's second birthday with a relaxed saunter through the oddities of Douglas's notebook. Definitely doesn't include any surprising details about the personal life of the new Pope

In the aftermath of the 2025 Australian Federal election, eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular joins us to share the artistic outpourings the election has inspired in him. By Jonathan's standards, it's quite wholesome

Eroticist Jonathan Crepuscular joins us today to give a surprisingly nuanced analysis of the number of phalluses on the Bayeaux Tapestry and their significance. Includes an eye-watering alternative way that King Harold may have met his end

We are joined today by Jennifer the American, whose political ambitions have expanded to encompass the spiritual as well as the temporal

It's omni-critic and possessor of an inscrutable pan-European accent Horace Perrault's turn to answer some Emergency Questions. Listen enthralled as the self-described greatest critic the world has ever known turns his incisive mind to the purpose of clowns, the emotional attributes of radiators and why it is better to be cold and dependable than warm and largely unused. It's either the product of a great mind or a great bullshitter - listen and decide which it is...

In this episode we are joined by the Earwig, who has an unconventional solution to the Wellington millipede plague

As the deluge of earwashing this week continues, we delve once more in Douglas's notebook to hear what sort of nonsense he considers noteworthy. This episode's iteration contains running themes of of crabs, worms and Freidrich Nietzsche; in other words, a perfectly normal and unremarkable episode of this perfectly normal and not at all deeply strange podcast.

The Easter Bunny has left a large auditory egg in you podcast feed in the form of this episode of Earwash. In an appropriately Easterly ramble you will learn many things, including how best to hide Easter eggs from yourself for hunting purposes, whether Jesus was a tardigrade, and best practice for home crucifixions. Happy Easter to all, particularly invertebrates and friendly Scotsmen.

It's the Earwig's turn to answer some Emergency Questions, and although it is a strangely sushi-focussed episode, you will hear fascinating insights into how Hugh Grant became a star, what Julia Roberts had surgically removed, and why there is a sinister painting of the Earwig in the roof of my house

The hundredth episode calls for something monumental. Unfortunately, Douglas could not think of anything sufficiently monumental, so he decided not to bother. Instead, you can expect to hear 4 minutes and 13 seconds of wholesome gratitude, which is a major change from what this podcast usually is. Oh well, next episode we'll be back to the usual semi-obscene nonsense...

As we assume the brace position in readiness for whatever madness Douglas has in store to celebrate the hundredth episode of Earwash, we can at least listen to some soothing nonsense from his notebbok, and hope that the 100th episode of Earwash makes more sense than his notebooks do