Dating, Relationships, and Disability

Body shame is one the hardest things that impacts dating with a disability. People REALLY don’t like to talk about it. There’s a particular type of body shame for people with disabilities. It involves feeling negative about yourself that is then connected to shame about how your disability affects your mind and body. How Body Shame Manifests Body shame is a belief that there is something inherently wrong with your body or mind that needs to be fixed. This can get manifested through a lack of self-confidence, negative self-talk, and limiting beliefs. This is especially true in dating and relationships. Oh, if I were only prettier, if I were only thinner, if I only knew how to talk to people. Think of all the ways we think about what we need to be better at before we can be successful at for another human to love you in that “special” way, at least that’s what your brain tells you. Not everyone may feel shame, but a lot of people with disabilities do. If you’re living with a disability, body shame can cause you to believe that just because of the nature of a disability, you are set apart from other people. This then affects overall self-esteem and confidence when dating and trying to meet people. Media and Society Promote Body Shame It’s important to remember how easily media (including social) can trigger negativity about your body. If you listen to ads, believe all Facebook post, or go to almost any movie, it can do a number on your self-esteem and confidence. A lot of messages about what’s beautiful STILL doesn’t include disability. These messages can cause you to feel your difference is a source of shame or a negative body image. Promoting a Positive Body Image So how do you possess a positive body image? It’s so key to having a healthy sense of sexuality because the better you feel about yourself, the more you will seek love and relationships for the right reasons. It may seem counterintuitive, but you develop a positive body image by acknowledging your shame. What are the areas you don’t feel so good about yourself? By communicating about the negativity you feel about your body actually helps reduce the intensity of shame because you’re bringing it to light. It’s when we keep it a secret and keep it buried within us that it grows bigger and bigger. Healing body shame is about honoring your difference, how your muscles move, different facial features, your spasms and differences in movement, and how you may process differently. Honoring these as natural parts of yourself make you attractive. We all have the ability to attract people to us by focusing on the positive in ourselves and how your body is different can be very attractive. Key to Remember We are never born with shame. No babies can feel shame. Shame is something we acquire along the way. Because we acquire it, we can always give it back to where it came from and not have to live with the doubt and anxiety it instills. Resources to Help Healthy Sexuality and Relationships for People with Disabilities Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation |Artwork photo by Elevate  

Did you know the month of July, which is when this publishes is Disability Pride month? Disability Pride Month is intended to honor the history, achievements, experiences, and struggles of the disability community. I would like to do this through the lens of  dating and relationships for people with disabilities.As we celebrate Disability Pride Month this July, it's essential to recognize the significance of fostering inclusivity, understanding, and empathy within the realm of romantic connections. So let's explore this further! To begin, let's talk about why Disability Pride Month holds such importance. It's celebrated every July to commemorate the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA), a landmark piece of legislation that was signed into law on July 26, 1990. The ADA aimed to dismantle barriers and ensure equal rights and opportunities for people with disabilities. This act represented a major step forward in promoting inclusivity and accessibility in all aspects of life. When it comes to dating and relationships, understanding the history and struggles of the disability community is fundamental in building meaningful connections. By honoring this history, we acknowledge the resilience and strength of individuals who have faced countless challenges throughout the years. Recognizing their experiences and struggles fosters empathy, compassion, and a deeper understanding of the unique perspectives they bring to the table. It's also important to celebrate the achievements of the disability community. People with disabilities have made significant contributions to various fields, including arts, sciences, sports, technology, and advocacy. By acknowledging these accomplishments, we challenge preconceived notions and stereotypes surrounding disability. It helps us shift our focus from limitations to the vast potential and talents that individuals with disabilities possess. When it comes to dating and relationships, embracing the achievements of the disability community can empower individuals with disabilities to pursue fulfilling connections. It promotes self-confidence and a sense of pride, demonstrating that disability does not define one's worth or ability to love and be loved. Now, let's talk about experiences. Every person, regardless of ability, brings their unique experiences to relationships. For individuals with disabilities, these experiences often encompass navigating inaccessible environments, facing societal stigma, and encountering barriers to education, employment, and healthcare. By acknowledging and empathizing with these experiences, we create an environment of understanding and acceptance in dating and relationships. When someone with a disability feels understood and supported in their experiences, it fosters a stronger connection with their partner. It shows that their experiences are valid and that their perspectives are valued. It opens the doors for open and honest conversations about the challenges they face, while also creating opportunities to celebrate their resilience and adaptability. Lastly, let's discuss the struggles faced by the disability community. These struggles can range from physical limitations to social exclusion, from inaccessible infrastructure to employment discrimination. When we acknowledge and honor these struggles, we demonstrate solidarity and a commitment to creating a more inclusive society. In the realm of dating and relationships, understanding the struggles faced by people with disabilities is crucial in providing the support and encouragement needed for a healthy and fulfilling partnership. It means being aware of the unique challenges they may encounter and actively working to remove barriers and promote accessibility in all aspects of the relationship. Ultimately, honoring the history, achievements, experiences, and struggles of the disability community in dating and relationships is about creating a culture of inclusivity, respect, and understanding. It's about recognizing the value and worth of every individual, regardless of their abilities. By doing so, we foster relationships that are based on equality, empathy, and shared experiences, leading to deeper connections and a more harmonious society as a whole. I hope this discussion has shed light on the importance of honoring the disability community in the context of dating and relationships. Remember, Disability Pride Month is an opportunity for all of us to learn, grow, and celebrate the diverse perspectives and experiences of individuals with disabilities.  Where Do We Go From Here?  Here’s my challenge for you. Something to noodle on. How can you bring your own history, achievements, experiences, and struggles of being disabled into your dating and relationship journey to demonstrate your own version of Disability Pride? Resources  Free download: To help you bring out your disability pride in dating, How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile and Disclose Your Disability

If you’re listening to this the day it publishes, Happy Fourth of July if you live in the States. When we think of July Fourth, two words most commonly come to mind: independence and freedom. I want to talk about the latter today, especially in regards to dating. As I work with people on having courage and confidence to date, especially in our membership, Dating Made Easier, I’m reminded of all the ways freedom plays a role in dating. The freedom I’m talking about is mostly the freedom we give ourselves. In coaching and teaching people, especially people with disabilities, on the social and emotional skills needed for dating and relationship success, I’m reminded of how for a very long time I was not free. I was held back by a lot of fear and concern about what people thought of me and my disability in the dating scene. Today I want to share with you the freedoms that I wish for you in dating that I denied myself for years. When I finally gave myself these freedoms, like magic, my husband came into my life. But…it wasn’t magic at all. It was me realizing how much my thinking and belief system was ultimately the biggest barrier to me getting what I wanted. As I go through these freedoms, I encourage you to ask yourself “Is this a freedom I need to give myself?” As you mull that over, also ask yourself, “Is this something I’m waiting for others to give me permission to do or believe?” I think in my case I was silently seeking permission for these freedoms from every guy I dated or was interested in. Don’t do that. Don’t wait for others to give you permission to be the person you long to be. If you do, you’ll be waiting a long time. I wish for you freedom to not care about making others comfortable with your disability. News flash, they won’t be, at least not at first. That’s okay. It’s not about you.  It’s just something their brain and their heart hasn’t wrapped itself around. Your comfort with yourself and your disability will be their greatest guide. I wish for you freedom to see yourself as a desirable partner and to focus on all the amazing qualities that make you that way. For way too long I was focused on imagining the barriers that potential dates saw in me, mainly because of my disability. This only left me feeling unattractive and lonely. It was when I placed my energies on my strengths that others saw that too. I wish for you freedom to not be so intimidated by rejection. Rejection is a fact of life, my friends. This is doubly true in dating and relationships. I spent so many years alone because I was just so afraid of the hurt that accompanies rejection. Yes rejection definitely hurts and no one wants to experience it, but when we go through life trying to protect ourselves from the pain of rejection, we’re not taking the risks to really be alive and pursue the life we long for. The pain of denying yourself your own dreams is much worse than any rejection. My next freedom wish for you is connected to rejection. It’s the freedom to take risks. We usually avoid taking risks to keep us safe. Now when we’re talking about our physical safety, avoiding risks can be a very good thing because it may keep us out of danger. But when we’re afraid to reach more, pursue our dreams, or challenge ourselves to grow because we’re afraid of getting emotionally hurt or being rejected, that’s when we begin to limit our very own potential. To me this is one of the damaging things you can do to yourself and you life. Lastly, I wish for you freedom to unapologetically be yourself and to trust that if they don’t get that, they’re simply not your people and you would be very unhappy if you ended up with them. Most of us learn this the hard way by getting into relationships that dissolve into regular fights, constant disappointment, and misery that slowly eats away at our peace of mind. There you go. The freedom to not care about the comfort of others about your disability, to see yourself as a desirable partner, to not be so intimidated by rejection, to take risks, and unapologetically be yourself. Those are the freedoms I wish for you, my friend. If you feel you need support and encouragement in discovering these freedoms for yourself, I invite you to join us inside Dating Made Easier, to get the support and coaching from me and the community of others to get the results you want in dating and relationships. Just go to RadiantAbilities.com and check out the membership info. Resources Check out our Dating Memberships Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabiliti

Today we're diving into a topic that many of us have experienced on online platforms: ghosting. We'll explore how hurtful it can be and share some strategies for getting over it.  Here's an email I recently received about being ghosted: Dear Kathy, dear Radiant Abilities Team, I found your site through Google while looking up resources regarding Ghosting and relationships and first of all I want to say I’m really happy to see there are people like you and your team who care about giving disabled people help and more visibility. I’m disabled myself and even if I feel the acknowledgment and care for people with one got better in recent years, some aspects of living with a disability still feel like glossed over and it's heartwarming to see that there are people who seem to genuinely care to help here. I'm reaching out to you from Germany because I've been ghosted by someone very dear to me. To this man and all of you, I say this woman who ghosted you helped you identify something within yourself. She excavated it for you but all these positive qualities you’re now feeling have always been within you, waiting to come out. They belong to you, completely independent of her presence in your life. Let’s move on to the strategy of self care. Self-care is crucial during times like these. Instead of internalizing the ghosting as a reflection of self worth, remind yourself that ghosting says more about the other person's inability to communicate than about you. It's important not to take it personally. Journaling your thoughts and feelings to be therapeutic and allowed you to process emotions and gain clarity. Engage in activities you enjoy as a way of getting your mind off of the ghosting experience, even if you need to go through the motions. And lastly, get support from people who love and support you - and who will always be there for you. Closure doesn't always come from external sources and happiness should not be dependent on someone else's actions. Create closure for yourself by either saying or writing what you would say to the person as a goodbye. Ghosting is a reflection of the other person's behavior, not your value. Take the time to heal, focus on yourself, and maintain a positive outlook. Most importantly, don't let past experiences hinder your future chances at finding love and connection. Keep an open mind and believe that the right person will come into your life at the right time. Resources Use this Rejection Survival Guide to see rejection in a new way so that it doesn't crush you and you may even learn and grow from it. Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.

In teaching about dating and relationship skills, we cannot do that without addressing sexuality. Sexuality and disability has long been a complex issue due to what was discussed in Episode #2 regarding sexual ableism. Sexuality, as defined I define it, is a natural part of you, independent of your relationship status. We are typically socialized to think that sexuality relates to the act of having sex. This is another concept we’re flipping around to teach that sexuality is something internal that belongs to each of us. It is more connected with our individual feelings, needs, and desires rather than specific people. Sexuality is not about who you have sex with, or how often you have it. “Sexuality is about your sexual feelings, thoughts, attractions and behaviours towards other people.” From Department of Health and Human Services in Victoria, Australia (from their BetterHealth website). “You can find other people physically, sexually or emotionally attractive, and all those things are a part of your sexuality.” From Department of Health and Human Services in Victoria, Australia (from their BetterHealth website). How does disability impact on your sense of sexuality? Does disability affect your sense of sexuality? Do you ever feel it less because of your disability? Is it hard to feel your sexuality when you appear different from others? How do you own your sexuality? Owning your sexuality means acknowledging it and allowing it to be part of who you are whether you’re in relationship or not. Sexuality is about the beautiful dance of honoring your feelings and responses with the attraction you feel toward others. Free Download: Healthy Sexuality and Relationships for People with Disabilities Healthy relationships and sexuality begin with you and how you feel about yourself. This guides helps you gain clarity in what a healthy relationship and a healthy sense of sexuality mean to you. You’ll be encourage to develop to implement healthy and positive views about yourself in regards to sexuality and relationships. Use this download as a resource for strengthening your skills live the life you want and have the relationships you want. If you’re a professional, use this guide with the people you work with. Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.  

Family and friends. You probably rely on them the most. They’re the people who love you, hopefully see you for who you are, and I really hope they get the value you bring to the world. I know that’s not always the case, and relationships with family and friends can get sticky and complicated. We’re going to talk about one of those sticky situations with family and friends today—navigating the difficult situation when your family and friends don't support your decision to date. Protectiveness and Concerns Family and friends can certainly be very protective. They can resist out of concern about your well-being and fear that dating can bring additional challenges or heartbreak. It can be tough navigating those conversations and trying to convince them that dating is important to you. Listening to Their Concerns It takes time and patience, but if you want to try to problem solve this in a proactive way, you can start by listening to their concerns. Often their worries come from a place of love and genuine concern for your happiness. You can reassure them that you are aware of the potential challenges and are ready to face them. Reminding Them of Your Worth Sometimes they need to be reminded of the obvious, even at the risk of offending them—that having a disability doesn't make you any less deserving of love and companionship. They may need to be reminded that disability doesn't define you or limit your capacity for a fulfilling relationship. Educating and Communicating Communication and trusting that people get you is key. Sometimes we need to educate our family and friends about disability inclusion, highlighting the fact that love can flourish regardless of physical or cognitive differences. We also may need to emphasize that by limiting dating options, they are inadvertently limiting our opportunities for personal growth, happiness, and independence. And then sometimes we just say nothing. However, in our minds we say confidently, “Watch me.” Winning Them Over with Positive Examples For my family and friends, they saw my determination and the positive changes that dating brought into my life. I made a conscious effort to introduce them to my potential partners, so they could see the genuine connections we were building. They began to witness the joy and fulfillment that came from being in a loving relationship. Slowly but surely, their concerns began to fade away, and they started embracing my dating journey. Staying True to Your Path Firstly, don't give up on your dreams and desires just because others don't understand or approve. Believe in yourself and your right to pursue happiness. Secondly, be patient and understanding with your family and friends. Remember that change takes time, and they might need time to process their concerns. Keep an open line of communication and share your thoughts and feelings. But also, if needed, remind them it’s ultimately your life and your choices. Building a Supportive Community Finally, surround yourself with a supportive community of like-minded individuals who can offer encouragement and understanding. This includes maybe limiting or ending relationships with people who don’t fully support you in your dating journey. Conclusion: You Deserve Love and Happiness To everyone out there facing resistance from their loved ones, remember that you deserve love, companionship, and the chance to explore meaningful relationships, just like anyone else. Your disability doesn't define you or limit your capacity for love. Stay true to yourself, communicate openly with your family and friends, and believe in the power of getting the love you want. Resources Free downloads: Having Difficult Conversations Who is Your Support System Email sign up

If you’re listening to this close to the time that it publishes, we’re in Pride month. For years now, and I mean before honoring Pride became so acceptable, I thought as a disabled, heterosexual person, there was volumes that the disability community could learn from the Pride community. Today we’ll be exploring the parallels between the disability rights movement and the LGBTQ+ movement and how the lessons learned from the latter can be applied to dating with a disability. One crucial aspect we can learn from the LGBTQ+ movement is the power of visibility and self-advocacy. No doubt the disabled community may be the forerunners on the self-advocacy, but I think the way the LGBTQ+ community has mobilized their advocacy so that all sexualities are valued by more and more people is something to take note. I do want to acknowledge that I’m very aware that I live in a politically blue state and the inclusive thinking that I’m accustomed to for the LGBTQ+ community is not present in many areas of the United States and the world. That said, I’m an eternal optimist and believe we’ll change the most hardened of hearts and minds someday. The LGBTQ+ community has successfully challenged societal norms by embracing their identities, sharing their stories, and demanding equal rights. This visibility has helped shift public perception and create empathy and understanding. Similarly, within the disability rights movement, embracing our disabilities openly and advocating for our rights helps to challenge stereotypes and promote inclusivity. In the realm of dating, visibility plays a significant role. When individuals with disabilities openly discuss their experiences, challenges, and successes, it helps break down barriers and foster a more inclusive dating environment. It allows potential partners to gain a deeper understanding of the unique perspectives and needs of individuals with disabilities, leading to more meaningful connections. It allows people to see our inherent value as full partners in dating, relationships, and intimacy. So how can individuals with disabilities apply the lessons of self-advocacy and visibility to their dating lives? First, individuals should embrace their disability as an integral part of their identity. Just as members of the LGBTQ+ community take pride in their sexual orientation or gender identity, individuals with disabilities can also celebrate their own unique experiences. By being open and honest about their disability, they can attract partners who value them for who they are, fostering genuine connections. I often encourage people to come out as disabled. What I mean by that is to not try to blend in or make your disability not so obvious in order to gain acceptance or ease the discomfort of others. Life is too short for that. Be you. If they can’t get that, they’re not your people. But what about the fear of rejection? The fear of rejection is a common challenge in both the disability and LGBTQ+ communities. It's crucial to remember that rejection is a part of the dating process for everyone, regardless of their background. The key is to focus on finding partners who are open-minded, understanding, and share similar values. By being authentic, individuals can attract partners who appreciate them for who they are, including their disabilities. Listen to episode 85 about the Rejection Survival Guide. Let’s talk about support systems. How can the disability community learn from the supportive networks built within the LGBTQ+ community? Get the Acceptance in Relationship guide.

Too Busy To Date “I’m just really busy.” How often have you heard this and have also found yourself saying it? About anything? We live in a too busy world. I sometimes find it being my automatic response when people ask how I am. It’s probably very valid. You are busy. Life frequently offers a lot to us. It can be very hard to say no. But….many times what keeps us busy is not what is most important or will give us the results we really want in our life. Being "too busy" can be an excuse to avoid dating and potential heartbreak. It felt safe to keep myself occupied and not take the risk of getting hurt. But deep down, I knew I was missing out on meaningful connections and the opportunity for love. Breaking free from the cycle of using busyness as an excuse It took some self-reflection and a realization that my fear of getting hurt was hindering my chances of finding a fulfilling relationship. I had to prioritize my happiness and make space in my life for dating. It meant reevaluating my schedule, setting boundaries, and making a conscious effort to carve out time for socializing and meeting new people. It also meant I had to get really honest with myself that I was using being too busy to avoid being vulnerable and getting hurt. However, I was just hurting myself in a different way by isolating myself from love under the guise of a busy calendar. So, for those who find themselves constantly using busyness as an excuse, what advice would help? The first step is to acknowledge that being busy is a choice we make. We have control over how we manage our time and priorities. It's important to assess what truly matters to us and make room for relationships. Start by identifying any unnecessary commitments or activities that can be scaled back or eliminated. Delegate tasks if possible, and learn to say no to things that don't align with your priorities. Remember, making time for love is really about putting yourself first and that your desire for love is as important as any other aspect of our lives. There are many potential fears and concerns that may be driving individuals to use busyness as an excuse. What are some common underlying reasons behind this behavior? One common fear is the fear of vulnerability and getting hurt. Dating requires opening ourselves up to the possibility of rejection or disappointment, which can be scary. Using busyness as an excuse shields us from those potential hurts. Additionally, some people may have experienced past relationship traumas or have a fear of commitment. These factors can contribute to the desire to stay busy and avoid emotional risks. It’s important to recognize that taking emotional risks is a natural part of dating and finding a meaningful connection. While there are no guarantees, the rewards of love and companionship are worth the vulnerability. Seek support from friends or a therapist who can help navigate these fears and provide guidance. Also, remind yourself of the positive aspects of love and relationships, and envision the kind of future you desire. Ultimately, it's about finding a balance that allows you to pursue your passions and make room for love. Now let's touch on the impact that being too busy can have on existing relationships. How does it affect the quality of connection between partners? When one or both partners are constantly busy, it can lead to a lack of quality time and emotional connection. It's essential to make intentional efforts to nurture the relationship and prioritize quality time together. Regular communication, shared activities, and making time for each other's needs can help maintain a healthy and fulfilling relationship. Remember, that love and connection are fundamental human needs. Embrace the possibilities that dating can bring, and be open to the journey. Challenge yourself to make room in your life for love, and don't let busyness become a barrier to finding happiness. Take the risk, and you may be pleasantly surprised by the joy that comes with meaningful connections. Where Do We Go From Here? What is one thing you can do this week to open up a few hours on your schedule for dating and relationships? This doesn’t mean you need to necessarily go on a date, but maybe you use the time to work on something related to dating like touching up your dating profile, checking out possible dating apps, or letting a friend know you’re looking if they know any single people. Make yourself the priority by making time for what you long for the most.   Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training

Today we'll be discussing the importance of doing a belief audit to improve self-esteem and confidence when it comes to dating.We'll be diving into the importance of doing a belief audit and how it can positively impact your love life. But before we jump in, let's define what a thought audit actually is.A belief audit, also known as a thought audit, is the process of examining and evaluating the thoughts and beliefs we hold about ourselves. It involves questioning and challenging the beliefs we have internalized over time, especially those that may be negative, self-limiting, or hindering our progress in any aspect of life, including dating.Beliefs are like the lenses through which we view the world. They shape our perception of ourselves, others, and the possibilities that lie ahead. When it comes to dating, our beliefs about our worth, attractiveness, and abilities can significantly impact our self-esteem and confidence. Many people with disabilities have faced societal misconceptions and stereotypes, leading to self-doubt and limited belief systems.Our beliefs can either propel us forward or hold us back. They can influence how we present ourselves, engage with others, and ultimately, affect the outcomes we experience in our dating lives. So why is it important to conduct a belief audit?Doing a belief audit is a powerful tool for improving self-esteem and confidence when it comes to dating with a disability. By examining our negative beliefs and challenging them, we can develop a more positive self-image and become more resilient in the face of rejection and other challenges. Where Do We Go From Here?  I’m going to challenge you to take 30 minutes within the next 48 hours to do a belief audit. You can download the Five Beliefs to Successful Dating guide to help you with looking at key areas to strengthen your beliefs in yourself for dating.ResourcesEpisode on the Power to Attract.   Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

If you have been listening to me or following me for any length of time, you know that what I want most for people is to have success in dating and relationships. I see the mission of my life’s work to move the needle so that people with disabilities or the disabled, whichever you prefer, are more easily viewed and accepted as dating and relationship partners. That’s why we now have the Dating Made Easier membership for people to give people skills and support to make dating more easy and enjoyable, while helping you get the results you’ve been longing for. Many times when we think about achieving a goal, we think about all the things we need to do in order to have success. And yes with dating there are a lot of thing you have to do like working up the courage to put yourself out there, work on your own belief about what you deserve, and figure out exactly how you're going to meet people. But sometimes when we’re pursuing a goal, the things we stop doing can get us to success even quicker. I was reflecting on this in my own life and realized there were five clear things I stopped doing that directly led to my version of ultimate dating success, meeting my husband. Check out Episode 1 for our first date story. Here are the five things I stopped doing: I stopped being open to long distance relationships and narrowed the radius of the location of my potential matches. I stopped thinking younger men would not be interested in me. I stopped believing that someone’s discomfort with my disability was about me and withdrawing because of someone’s discomfort with me. I stopped giving in to thoughts that would not serve me in the moment I stopped refusing to take risks to say what I really felt. What might you need to stop doing in order to get the dating success you’ve been longing for? Are there things you’re doing that you know in your heart of hearts is holding you back from the love and belonging you know you deserve?     Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

Many people will not try online dating or maybe tried it at one time, had a bad experience or no experience, meaning no results, and will not try it again. While I will always say, you need to do you and decide what’s best for you, there’s no denying that online dating can be successful for many. According to a 2019 study, around 39% of straight couples and 65% of same-sex couples meet online. I want to encourage you, especially if you’re having trouble meeting people, to consider changing up what you do in trying to get out there and date. This may include trying new ways to meet people in order to allow new people into your world. Sometimes when you’re not meeting new people in your circles, online dating can be that path that opens you up to new possibilities. Ah, but then there’s the safety factor. I wholeheartedly agree and years ago when I was single and online dating was very new, it took me a long time to warm up to the idea of meeting someone through a computer (these were the days before we even knew what an app was). When it comes to dating, safety and happiness go hand in hand. I don’t think this topic gets talked about enough but in order to enjoy dating, feel good about yourself and be confident, you need to feel safe. The good news is you have a lot of control around how safe you feel. Listen to the show for 10 online dating safety tips. It’s so important to feel safe and happy while dating, and encourage your audience to prioritize their own well-being when pursuing romantic relationships. If you find you need a little more support in this area, check out our Do I Feel Safe guide to help you determine your level of safety in relationships. Episode 14 on Dating Apps and Safety Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

Dating skills are so important for all people, but especially people with disabilities.  That's why RADIANT ABILITIES IS COMMITTED TO HELPING PEOPLE, BOTH WITH AND WITHOUT DISABILITIES, TO MAKE DATING AND DEVELOPING HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS EASIER. When addressing issues surrounding dating and relationships with parents and support staff, collaboration can be difficult and challenging.  Some parents or support staff may feel uncomfortable addressing dating and relationships due to a variety of reasons:  safety concerns, discomfort, lack of resources, or general unfamiliarity with dating and relationships.   AND IT’S ALL OKAY, BECAUSE IT’S A PROCESS. We need to ACKNOWLEDGE STIGMA SURROUNDING DISABILITY, INTIMACY, AND RELATIONSHIPS. Stigma can create barriers and challenges for people with disabilities in relationships due to potential barriers due to lack of education/resources on healthy relationships and lack of support, not promoting dating and relationships for PWDs can result in issues/conflict, abuse/assault, unhealthy relationships, and safety issues. We need to educate parents/staff on the stigma surrounding disability and intimacy and how it can create barriers for people with disabilities and increase the likelihood of abuse/assault if not addressed.  The main goal in supporting people with disabilities in dating and relationships is to help them develop a healthy support network by…TEACHING DATING AND RELATIONSHIP SKILLS. Importance of self  esteem and confidence as key tools for happy and safe dating through developing positive core beliefs about oneself. A core belief is a thought you have about yourself that shapes most of your words, actions, thoughts, and feelings. Developing healthy, positive core beliefs about yourself builds a solid foundation that leads to successful dating and relationships. Why Confidence is So Important People with disabilities can often feel like they’re not attractive enough due to the differences caused by their disability. Your sense of attraction is another core belief about yourself. You attract others because of much more than your looks. You attract people to you because of your inner qualities - your personality, how you treat others, your perspective on the world, etc. Self Esteem and Confidence Help a person develop a strong sense of boundaries and understanding of personal values. A foundation to success in dating and relationships is being safe and feeling empowered in all your interactions. This includes not being taken advantage of physically, emotionally, sexually, or financially. Next week we'll address safety skills.  ResourcesSTRATEGIES FOR SUCCESSFUL DATING   Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

There are some real scary statistics out there about the high rate of sexual assaults on people with disabilities. While they should be discuss every day as a means of figuring out how to bring down this horrendous number, April being Sexual Assault Awareness Month, is a good time to do so. In 2017 the US Justice Department came out with a report that said someone especially with an intellectual disability is seven times more likely to be sexually assaulted than someone without a disability. Seven times! Sadly, the DOJ didn’t even find this alarming statistic worthy of a published report. Says something about DOJ’s value on people with disabilities, doesn’t it?The following conversation is still embedded in my brain and continues to haunt me in my work in sexuality and disability. “Kelly’s telling me she has a boyfriend,” Lisa began. I supervised Lisa in a one to one service that got people out into the community. Normally this would be something to celebrate, but it wasn’t. “And that it’s her next door neighbor,” Lisa continued. She knew that Kelly’s neighbor was about 20 years older than her, married, with kids. Kelly was in her early 20s and lived with an intellectual disability. Lisa went on to say, “Kelly tells me they’re having sex.” In the midst of investigating what was happening, interviewing Kelly several, and having her examined by a doctor, it was concluded that Kelly’s neighbor had befriended her, groomed her, and eventually lured her to his basement to have sex with her one weekend while his wife and kids were away for the weekend.ResourcesStatistics on Sexual Assault and DisabilityNPR's Abused and Betrayed SeriesSupporting Dating and Relationships membership (for family members, special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

Sign up for these workshops happening TODAY (publish date):How to Solve the Dating and Relationship PuzzleWhy Dating Apps Are Not Working and What to Do Instead*?Nichole Hastings is  Coordinator of Self-Advocacy & Community Engagement Westchester Institute for Human Development (WIHD) and is the Vice president of the Hear Our Voices Self-Advocacy Group And a current Trainee in the LEND programs with WIHD. Nichole Hastings is a pioneer in every sense of the word.  Nichole lives independently with her roommate rural Central New York and will be the first to tell you that “I can’t” is not in her vocabulary.   She graduated from her High School in 2002 and then continued her education attending classes at Cazenovia College.  She volunteers with the Development & Communications Department at The Arc of Madison Cortland and serves on several committees and boards.  Once Nichole puts her mind to something there isn’t anything she can’t do. In fact, the following year she propelled her adaptive bike with her hands and arms and rode the 2017 Marine Coors Historical Half in Fredericksburg, Virginia finishing the 13.1 mile race in 4 hours and 11 minutes.   She has presented at several conferences around the United States and credits the American with Disabilities Act (ADA) for providing changes that help her live an active and fulfilling life.  As a person with disabilities the ADA has allowed her to access her community to the fullest and independently use her power wheelchair.   Nichole has spent many years directing her own services and advocating for herself and for others.  In this interview we discuss Nicole's 16 year relationship with her partner and the devastating emotional impact that US governmental benefits have on the disabled.  Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

Sign up for these workshops happening on April 11:How to Solve the Dating and Relationship PuzzleWhy Dating Apps Are Not Working and What to Do Instead*? Today I want to step back and have a “bigger picture” look at dating and relationships and talk about why we date. Now, of course, we all have our individual answers for that. But I think in the grand scheme of things, most of our answers come down to wanting love - to both give it and receive it. I believe that love makes the journey of life, with all its complexities and challenges, way more easy. For me, it’s like having a team mate who’s always there with you through the good and the bad. When you’re in the thick of dating, putting yourself out there, and facing rejection - or worse, no one giving you a chance - it can be easy to say, screw it, it’s not worth the trouble or the heartache. That’s why we need moments to remember why we date and why we continue to pursue that sometimes elusive experience of loving and being loved. And why we open ourselves up to the possibility of rejection, heartbreak, and disappointment.  So why do we do it?  Love is a powerful emotion that can make us feel alive, happy, and fulfilled.  Love is one of the most fundamental human needs. We all crave love, affection, and connection. It’s what makes us feel alive and gives us a sense of purpose. When we love, we experience a deep sense of joy, fulfillment, and meaning in our lives.  For some of you listening, what I’m talking about may feel like something you’ve been dreaming of for years, but for one reason or another, it feels out of your hands. You’re tempted to give up and say it’s not worth it.  The key is to approach love with intention, mindfulness, and self-awareness. Before we jump into a new relationship, we need to be clear about our own needs, wants, and values. We need to communicate honestly and openly with our partner about our expectations, boundaries, and goals. We also need to be willing to take things slow, to build trust gradually, and to be patient with the process. For those who have been hurt before, it’s important to take the time to heal and process those experiences. This might involve therapy, self-reflection, or spending time with supportive friends and family. It’s also important to let go of any lingering bitterness, anger, or resentment towards past partners. When we hold onto these negative emotions, we prevent ourselves from being fully open and present in new relationships. Finally, we need to trust ourselves and our instincts. We need to listen to our intuition and choose partners who align with our values, needs, and desires.   Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

Sonya Rio-Glick (she/her) is a queer and disabled Disability Justice practitioner, organizational leader, writer, and cultural worker based in Atlanta. Raised by two moms in Upstate NY, Sonya has contended with complex social justice issues her entire life. In 2013, she began providing disability etiquette and accessibility workshops at COLAGE, the largest support network for people with LGBTQ+ parents & caregivers in the US, which spearheaded a career in social change: in 2015 Sonya released a full length documentary on disability The Souls of our Feet, and would go on to reform fire evacuation policy for students at Purchase College, SUNY, where she would graduate with a BA in Arts Management. Since graduating, Sonya has danced, choreographed, and facilitated trainings on a range of social-political issues across the US. Notably, she produced the Dance Poem Waves With Nowhere To Go in 2022, and is the former Co-Executive Director of Dance for All Bodies. Recently Sonya had the honor of supporting Stacey Abrams' 2022 gubernatorial campaign in a Disability Engagement & Accessibility capacity, and is pursuing graduate studies in Social Justice at Harvard University. She dreams of a world that integrates principles of Disability Justice- find out more about Sonya's work at www.sonyarioglick.com. ResourcesHow you can connect with Sonya: Instagram LinkedIn Website Waves With Nowhere To Go (English) Waves With Nowhere To Go (Spanish) I'm Sexy and Disabled: Now What?  Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

Marco, 36, loves everything to do with cars and working out. His relationship with Dana is my second serious relationship ever.  Dana, 44, has three children, and has a property manager for ten years. She now works for the New York state housing authority. She never dated someone with a disability before meeting Marco.  They chat with me about meeting on a dating app, Dana getting to know how to support Marco, deciding to live together because they were long distanced, and the unfortunate resistance they have faced from Marco's family.They also share some sage advice about getting out there, taking a risk, and possibly falling in love.ResourcesMarco's email - [email protected]'s email - [email protected] Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

 “Joey” Pagano,  a Central New York-based journalist, columnist, and writer. He recently obtained my masters degree in Cultural Foundations of Education and certificate of advanced study in Disability Studies from Syracuse University’s School of Education. He graduated from Syracuse’s S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications in May 2021, one year early, and am pursuing a career in journalism and politics. Currently a research assistant at SU’s Burton Blatt Institute and a legislative correspondent in the office of New York State Senator John W. Mannion, he is seeking freelance opportunities. Since graduating, he's been a guest columnist for Syracuse.com/The Post Standard, writing columns on a variety of topics. He also written for Yahoo Life and contributed to work at Syracuse’s Center on Disability and Inclusion.” (Website: wheelchairqb.com)We chat about: His experience in dating, relationships, and disabilities. The particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationships. As a person who communicates in alternative ways, how that poses particular challenges or possibly advantages when it comes to dating. The challenges he needs to consider n dating regarding needing help with the logistics of a date, such as getting there, but then naturally,  wanting privacy once you’re with your date.  Why he sometimes wonder if dating is worth the effort.  How he thinks society can change to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners. The most helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships. Follow Joey on Instagram   Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

Today I want to focus on transitional behavior change in dating. In this episode, we will be discussing how to change your behavior in small ways to get the results in dating and relationships that you want. Whether you're moving from casual dating to a committed relationship or just trying to work up the courage to put yourself out there, these transitions can be challenging, and changing your behavior can be even more difficult.To start, it's essential to understand that transitional behavior change requires self-awareness and intentionality. You have to be aware of the behaviors that no longer serve you and intentional about changing them. It's also essential to remember that these changes won't happen overnight. It takes time and effort to make significant changes in behavior.When it comes to the behavior changes required so that you can put yourself out there, that even more challenging. That’s why you want to begin with small steps like maybe just reading a book or an article on dating. Maybe you join a free dating site or app to just get used to it. Maybe you tell one friend you’re thinking of dating and ask if they know anyone that may be a good match for you.The key is you begin to take action to develop new behaviors that will lead to you being more open and available to meet potential dates. I recently heard someone talk about transitional behavior change when she began losing 100 pounds. Now losing 100 pounds feels like a monumental task. This woman began by just walking 15 minutes a day. 15 minutes is very doable. Many of you don’t know I wrote a book several years ago called Firewalk: Embracing Different Abilities. It took me several years to write and I finally finished it by beginning to write 15 minutes a day.So if you’re having a hard time getting going with dating, what can you do in 15 minutes a day to make progress?In conclusion, transitional behavior change in dating requires self-awareness, intentionality, and effort. Whether you're transitioning from casual dating to a committed relationship or from a long-term relationship to being single, the key is to be open to change and willing to do the work. Remember that change won't happen overnight, and it's essential to be patient and kind to yourself along the way. With the right mindset and commitment, you can successfully navigate these transitions and create a dating life that aligns with your values.Resources Dating Made Easier membershipKathy's book - Firewalk: Embracing Different AbilitiesCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

I'm sharing a Q & A session from the dating presentation in Episode 72 I  gave to the Myositis Association. Malati Marlene Shinazy from the Myostis community dropped a wisdom bomb on  the best question - and the only question - you should ask on a first date.We also talk about:Ableism in datingThe Promotional Self versus the Real Self in DatingHow to disclose a disabilitySex versus intimacy ResourcesFree download: How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile and Disclose Your DisabilityCheck out our Dating Memberships:Check out all the support and resources you get in the Dating Made Easier membership to help you get the results you need. You get a ton of support for just $29 a month! :)Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships.Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills.Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Listen to a live workshop I gave to the Myositis Association.  You'll hear the three essentials to dating with a disability. The simple breakdown is:Beliefs - You have to have a positive belief system about yourself, your disability, and your potential for dating. A Dating Plan - A lot of people want to date, dream about it, hope for it, but don't really plan for it. You need a plan for how you're going to turn your DESIRES INTO ACTIONS.Support - Dating is hard for anyone! You need support. Who are the people who you can turn to listen to you, encourage you, and help you problem solve?Listen to how I break it down in a simple format in just a few minutes.Get the Three Essentials to Make Dating Easier workbook here.If you feel you could use support on any or all three of these essentials, check out all the support and resources you get in the Dating Made Easier membership to help you get the results you need. You get a ton of support for just $29 a month! :)Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

For Valentine's Day, I wanted to share a story of a couple living out dating, relationships, and disability. Victoria is a 32 year old woman who was born prematurely with an official diagnosis of spastic diplegia cerebral palsy within her first year. She is  a full-time wheelchair user - college educated with a degree in Spanish. Sean is a science writer, maker, cat dad, and halfway decent baker. Originally from Connecticut, he has lived in Knoxville, TN since 2014. He enjoys gaming, comedy, and sci-fi and fantasy, or “nerd stuff,” as Victoria calls it.In this interview they share how they met on Tinder, their first date, and how they have brought Victoria's disability into their relationship. They also discuss:What do you think are the particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationships?Victoria: ABLEISM! Internal, sure. But especially external/societal. I’ve lost count of the number of times the question “can you have sex?”is the first thing a Tinder match would ask. Yes, especially for those of us with physical disabilities, our differences and challenges and limitations might be immediately apparent, but trust me, there’s so much more beneath the surface! Sean: On the partner side, I had to learn to think about every aspect of an activity or outing through the lens of disability and accessibility. You have to put yourself in your partner’s place and consider more factors that just don’t affect non-disabled people in the same way, like adjusting travel times, accounting for crowds, and researching a place’s accessibility ahead of time. How do you think society can change to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners?Victoria: I’ll echo Sean’s sentiment. Interabled couple representation in the media isn’t the missing piece of the puzzle, so to speak, but it means a hell of a lot. Sean: Representation of interabled couples in the media would definitely be a step.  Normalizing disabled romance and affection in public so people’s default thought when seeing an interabled couple is not “that’s their caregiver”What do you think is the most helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships?Victoria: Learn about yourself. Learn about your wants and your needs and your values. Learn about your attachment style. Therapy is a great place to do this work, if you are fortunate enough to have access to it.The more you learn about yourself, the easier it will be to determine what you’re looking for in a partner. Show your partner what you’ve learned, be curious about what they’re learning. See if they're willing and able to learn and grow alongside you. ResourcesCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

This year we're aiming to make dating EASIER for you. Join us for lunch of Valentine's Day, bring a question or dating dilemma you're dealing with, and let us share some solutions with you.Sign up here to join us on Valentine's Day at 12pm EST.Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

“Consult your own heart and decide what kind of person you want to be,” -Chris Lowney, Heroic Living Often when we’re dating and not getting the results we want, ie, not getting dates or people even looking at our profile, it can get pretty discouraging. That discouragement can certainly intensify the loneliness and frustration you feel about dating. This may cause you to think, What else can I be doing or what am I doing wrong? I remember thinking this a lot when I was single and trying to date.I was so wrong and I think that my approach of focusing on what they wanted kept me feeling like I was hitting a brick wall. Putting so much energy into figuring out what others wanted left me not being my authentic self. One of the most important lessons I have learned in life is the more authentic you are, the more you draw the right people for you, the people who really get and understand you. Sure, some people won’t like you but they’re not your people and you need to trust that being with them would ultimately make you miserable.There’s an important question you can ask yourself to help you put the focus back on you when it comes to dating. I mentioned it in Episode 66 when I reviewed Three Essentials to Make Dating Easier.  The answer to this question transformed me from feeling insecure and awkward in dating to relaxing into the truth of who I was.Who is the person you want to be when you’re out there dating? Think about this for a minute because it’s an important question. For me, I wanted to be someone who unapologetically accepted myself and my disability in the dating scene. You see, I felt like I had already done that in all areas of my life except in dating. I wanted to be able to address issues related to my disability without worrying that it was this big obstacle that potential dates could not work through. I wanted to feel more confident in what I could offer as a partner and focus on that.I also made another decision that made all the difference. I decided to enjoy dating rather than dreading the whole process of putting myself out there and meeting new people, which is what I did until then. As you can imagine, this changed the energy I brought to dating. By staying inside my own head  and focusing on the person I wanted to be in the dating scene, dating did become easier for me. And within just a couple months, I met my husband.I encourage you to really think on this: Who is the person you want to be when you’re out there dating? Come up with just 3-5 adjectives or phrases you can focus on such as confident, secure, owning my disability, open, relaxed. Then really allow your words to roll around in your brain and being. Embody them. Become them. Remember we’re always evolving into the person we’re meant to be, so just because you haven’t been Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

If you saw the title of this podcast and thought, Wait a minute, you’re always saying how you need dating confidence. And while i still agree with this, I think one of the ways we grow the most in life is to consider different alternatives to looking at our own ideas so they're not etched in stone. I recently read a great book that i was actually asked to review before it’s published. It will be out on February 23. It’s a business book called Two Weeks Notice by Amy Porterfield, who has been an online teacher of mine for several years now. The book is great one for giving you a framework for beginning your own business or side hustle. And as a side note - I will actually begin connecting this to dating in a second - but even though employment is not my area of expertise in the disability field, I’m a huge proponent of people with disabilities beginning their own businesses and dictating their own career path. And to be honest, a lot of why I feel so strongly about this is because there’s so much employment discrimination to deal with even once you’re given a position. So I say, screw it, forge your own path to success and money. Okay, I’ll get back in my lane and return to talking about dating…In the book, Amy distinguishes courage from confidence with this statement: “Courage is something you choose. Confidence is something you earn.” She goes on to explain courage starts when you begin to have the desire for something, although you’re uncertain about how or even if you’ll get it. Courage is also present even when you have no proof of succeeding at something in the past. Confidence is then the outcome of courageous acts and what you gain over time. To put this in the dating context, you need courage for example to go on a dating app and put your profile up. Confidence will develop as you begin to feel more comfortable and talking with others on the app.Courage is driven by your desire for something - wanting to share your life with someone, not wanting to feeling lonely, longing to be loved, wanting to be accepted and seen. A number of things could be driving your courage even when you don’t feel confident. What is vital is that you honor that desire within yourself and choose to pursue it, even though you feel insecure and unsure how to go about doing so. Remember if you don’t honor your dreams and desires, who will?If you want support in gathering your courage and gaining confidence, check out the brand new Dating Made Easier monthly membership, where you’ll get support for figuring out the dating puzzle and learn skills to make it way easier and enjoyable. Check out the link in the show notes.Yes, you heard it from me. If you don’t feel confident in dating, no worries. You just need a little bit of couraCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Today is a big day at my company, Radiant Abilities, because we’re taking a deeper dive into our mission of helping “move the needle” on people with disabilities being seen as dating and relationship partners. As I have mentioned previously on past shows, we spent most of last year researching what people with disabilities were experiencing when it came to dating. Here are some highlights we learned:72% of the people with disabilities interviewed rank dating and relationships as either Very Important or Important in their life.Most reported the following challenges they encounter when dating: not finding online dating successful, not meeting the right type of person, being unsure how to effectively communicate about their disability, and lacking confidence in the dating scene.64% of the people with disabilities interviewed reported a desire for ongoing training and support to learn skills in communication, healthy boundaries, increase confidence, and coping with ableism.We wanted to create a space in which people trying to date and develop healthy relationships, to work on skills such as confidence and communication in a supportive learning community. While we are certainly known for helping people with disabilities, our new membership, Dating Made Easier, is open to all people, with and without disabilities. This is because inclusion is one of our core values and two, so many times over the years, people have said to me how work really applies to all people.Now on the professional side, we are also opening Supporting Dating and Relationships membership. Last year we interviewed over 100 professionals in disability services.Here are some of the key findings from talking with them:87% of professionals interviewed rank dating and relationships with PWDs as important all the time or important when it comes up.  93% who are concerned about social issues rank it either important all the time or important when it comes up. A third of professionals identified dating as one of biggest challenges These same professionals tend to go to “Expert Resources” in dating and relationships while online and find them helpful 100% of the time.Aside from the above statistic, professionals report that resources for dating and relationships are not working 75% of the time.I realize, though, that many professionals have a strong desire to do this but don’t feel they have enough training and adequate resources to do so, especially when it comes to helping someone with dating skills.We are hosting free informational workshops this week and next. Links to sign up for the Three Essentials to Make Dating Easier workshop:Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Before we begin, I want to invite you to a free workshop next week. We’re actually offering two. The first is for people wanting to date, called Three Essentials to Make Dating Easier. In this workshop, you’ll learn how to take overwhelm and frustration out of dating. You’ll learn how to do this by focusing on increasing your dating self esteem, having a dating plan, and follow through. The workshop will be offered at a couple times. Sign up here.The second workshop is for professionals, particularly those with people with disabilities. Effectively Supporting Dating and Professionals will lay out a framework for supporting people in developing skills for successful dating and healthy relationships. You can sign up here.Have you considered what’s possible for you in dating and relationships? Often when we have a dream, our brains tend to focus on the barriers or limits to reaching that dream. That’s our brain being primitive and trying to protect us from harm or disappointment. When we begin to think about possibilities in our life that bring some level of risk, like dating, our brains think about what can go wrong as a way of trying to minimize the harm we may experience. The problem with this is it can keep us stuck in limited beliefs.The Possibility Formula There’s an incredible life coach I follow, Brooke Castillo, who uses what she calls the Possibility Formula in her teaching. She describes the formula as “working really diligently on is helping people reinvent their personal truths. Uncovering their limiting belief, the things that they’re using to limit themselves, and helping them release those things so they can see beyond what they thought possible for themselves.”To break this down, the way you come up with a possibility formula for yourself is to look at the goal or dream of what you want to achieve. Then look at the limiting beliefs you have about yourself in achieving that goal or dream. So for dating, the goal may be you want to find a partner, but the limiting belief is that you believe people won’t even give you the chance, maybe because you feel they don’t see beyond your disability.That’s the limiting belief that is holding you back from the possibilities of a partner. This is where you need to ask yourself is this belief helping me create the possibilities I want or blocking them?You then do the work on releasing the limiting belief. Maybe that no one gives me a chance becomes there’s someone out there who would love to meet me.I want you to think about how you can lean into possibilities. By thCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Did you know that January 8, which was just two days ago if you’re listening live to this podcast, is the “best” day of the year to be doing online dating? The theory behind this is its due to the combination of New Year’s resolutions and the large number of post holiday break ups that drive people to online dating sites. Apparently, right about now is an optimal time to be online dating because the selection of prospects of dates is higher than usual. However, that’s not at all intended to imply that your prospects are dismal the rest of the year. But you may be thinking, Ugh, online dating, do I really want to do that? For years and I mean years, I felt the same way, despite watching a close friend get on a dating site in the very early days of online dating and eventually meet her husband. At that time in my head, online dating felt like a “phony” way to meet people. But here’s the catch - I wasn’t meeting many people offline either Whether you’re doing online or offline dating, I want to talk to you about three essentials that help when you’re dating. In my most recent work in the area of dating and relationships, I’ve been asking people about what does not work for them. Many interestingly reported that online dating does not work and it further discourages them from dating altogether. This is because it’s hard to continually put yourself out there and face rejection.  Essential #1 - Dating Self Esteem and Confidence  That’s where I believe Dating Essential #1 comes in: Dating Self Esteem and Confidence. You may feel overall good about yourself and confident in your life, But what about when you have to put yourself out there in a vulnerable way and risk rejection, like in dating? It IS scary because there is a good probability that you may be rejected. And rejection hurts and can do a number on your self esteem and confidence. But how do you do that? It begins with a MINDSET that builds your dating self esteem and confidence. Who is the person you want to be when you’re out there dating? Think about this for a minute because it’s an important question. The answer to this question transformed me from feeling insecure and awkward in dating to relaxing into the truth of who I was. Essential #2 - A Plan, Not Just Hope  How are you going to turn your actions into desires?  Often the things we want the most in life require a lot of work. It is the most in life require a lot of work. Even when we fail. What is your plan for being consistent about getting out there and meeting people? Where will you meet people? Online? In person? Where are you most comfortable meeting people? And equally important, where can you reach out of your comfort zone in order to meet people? This is where Essential #2 leads to Essential #3. Essential #3 - Follow Through and Support You need at least 1-3 people yo Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate  

This is going to be a slightly different episode today. Usually most of the episodes are geared toward people with disabilities and providing dating advice and strategies. Today, I want to turn the attention to professionals who work in disability services, whether you’re a special educator, program coordinator, direct service provider, or executive director. My mission and the mission of my company, Radiant Abilities, is to “move the needle” as I call it so that people with disabilities are more readily seen as dating and relationship partners.In order to do this, I believe the work in changing the dating scene is not only up to people with disabilities but also the professionals within the field. For years, as I built my business, I worked myself in the disability field in various positions ranging from program coordinator of direct service to Medicaid service coordinator to community integration counselor. I have to say, I would very infrequently see services and goals include dating and relationships, even though that was one of the most meaningful goals for many people I have worked with.I think the main reason this is not addressed as much as it should be is that professionals themselves aren’t sure how to go about assisting someone with solving the dating and relationships puzzle. Last year we here at Radiant Abilities undertook the tasks of interviewing over 100 professionals in disability services throughout the United States.Here’s some highlights of what we learned:87% of professionals interviewed rank dating and relationships with PWDs as important all the time or important when it comes up.  93% who are concerned about social issues rank it either important all the time or important when it comes up. A third of professionals identified dating as one of biggest challenges Aside from the above statistic, professionals report that resources for dating and relationships are not working 75% of the time.The Solution We’re launching at the end of January, the Supporting Dating and Relationships membership for professionals. Last week we announced a membership for individuals, with and without disabilities, to teach dating and relationship skills. We are also launching a membership for professionals in teaching and supporting professionals in how to effectively address and foster these skills in the people they work with.A Look InsideFor professionals who join the membership, which is a monthly membership in which every month you get new resources and ongoing support, you get our complete curriculum on supporting dating and relationship skills for people with disabilities. The curriculum includes 16 video lessons, accompanying worksheets, discussion guides, and other resources. You get instant access to that as soon as yCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

We're going to make dating easier in 2023!  Coming in late January, Dating Made Easier, a monthly membership that will teach you dating and relationship skills that will transform you and your dating journey in the following areas:Increase Dating Self  Esteem  - Learn how to identify your unique Power to Attract the dating experiences and relationships you want.Grow Your Confidence - Develop confidence and achieve your specific dating and relationship goals.Learn Skills to Keep Relationships - Gain the skills in communication, problem solving, and being authentic in relationships. Here's what you get with the Dating Made Easier Membership:Workshop of the Month - 30-40 minute live presentation on a dating and relationship skill or issue.Group brainstorming session to address questions people are having about specific dating and relationship challenges. Additional resource guide of the month released with a live video tutorial to accompany it. Networking meeting for group members to get to know one another and work on communication skills. Bonus Week 5 of the  Month - Group members will vote for their preference at the beginning of the month for an additional workshop, brainstorming session, or networking meeting.Additional Features:“Ask Alexa  (and Kathy)” - members can email or through the site us direct questionsFacebook group - this is only for members to social share with each otherAll workshops, brainstorming sessions, and video tutorials will be recorded and added into a video library on the site.Cost:  $29/month or $290/annuallyPremium Features: For $179/month, members get all the above issues and two individual, 45 minute consulting a month.FAQs:Workshops and all meetings are in a group format. They are offered live to maximize interaction and answer specific questions. Everything is recorded for on demand viewing.There's an option to purchase a premium membership and receive one-on-one coaching.Results are based on you and that’s great news because you’re the only one that can get out there and meet the person you’ve been longing to meet. We can certainly help give you the skills and support to make that EASIER and to help you feel less alone in the journey.You can cancel the membership at any time before the 25th of each month for the following month.The membership will be run by myself and my colleague, Alexa Strickland. Kathy has 25 years of experience working as a mental health counselor on dating and relationships skills. She created the Dating and Healthy Relationships curriculum, an online course and hosts the weekly podcast on dating. Kathy transformed from a struggling single to happily married. Alexa is a counselor and trainer in dating Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

There are a lot of hard parts of dating - having the courage to put yourself out there, facing the possibility of rejection, getting hurt, having difficult conversations, and the list can go on and on. Sometimes it certainly may not feel worth it, but it is, especially if you want to share your life with someone. Today I want to talk about a dating difficulty that wasn’t on that brief list - putting yourself out there and receiving no response at all. It’s a rejection but not a direct one. It can sometimes feel worse than a direct one because you think, What, I’m not even worthy of a response?This is a very common problem for all people dating. Many people don’t have the skills to communicate hard things like “Thank you so much for the offer, but I have other plans or I’m not interested.” We think we don’t want to hurt people’s feelings, but downright ignoring someone’s interest in you is not exactly kind eitherHow To Handle No ResponseAs I see it, there are basically two ways to respond to no response. You can obviously do nothing about it. Let it go. Write it off. Move on. The key in all this is to not internalize it as rejection. You have no concrete reason why they didn’t respond so don’t make it something negative about you. If they don’t have effective communication skills, that’s on them, not you. Don’t use no response against yourself.Remind yourself it’s their loss. Congratulate yourself that it was terrific that you put yourself out there and took a risk. Also remember as with most things in life, the more you get a no, the closer you get to a yes.The alternative to not saying anything to someone not responding to you at all is, of course, to say something. Circle back. Say, “Hey, I mentioned us doing XYZ and never heard from you. Could you tell me what’s going on?”Yes, this is a more bold option. But if it’s calling to you to not ignore a no response, then go for it. I would just recommend doing it in a more matter of fact way and not an emotional way. If you do react emotionally rather than try to have a conversation, you may prove to the person why they didn’t respond to your invite. Also with this option, don’t internalize what the other person says. Remember, there’s another way of looking at rejection. Rejection is simply someone else’s preference. It’s not about you, who you are, or what you’re about.Where Do We Go From Here? It’s not fun to work up the courage to reach out to someone and express interest, only to receive no response or follow up. But what else are you going to do? You have to put yourself out there if you have that dream in your heart about finding your person. Putting yourself out there is how you do that.Keep doing it. Keep showing up for yourself, not them. If you don’t get a response to asking someone out, decide if you’re gCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

How can we change society to accommodate disability?I was recently at a conference in which this was asked of the audience in a workshop on presuming competence and ableism.  It got me thinking what if we were to substitute the word society with dating? How can we change dating to accommodate disability?That question in itself may be the rest of my life’s work. It’s huge. It’s the answer to so many challenges around dating and disability. If we accommodated, which I define as people opening up their minds and hearts, in the dating world, how would dating become different for everyone? Would people be more compassionate, tolerant, and understanding of not just people with disabilities but all people? Would people be more patient and kind, rather than be so quick to swipe left?How Do We Accommodate?Self Awareness I think we begin with a lot more self awareness on everyone’s part. This means being aware and taking responsibility for the judgments we have. I’m talking about people who are disabled and people who are not. We often think that if we’re dating someone without a disability that they will certainly have judgments of us, but don’t we also have judgments about them which creates defenses? These defenses then create barriers to further understanding one another.If we engage with one another from a place of being aware and owning our judgments, that will foster a more genuine understanding and openness with one another.Willingness to Let Go of What You Think You WantThis will seem contrary to what I usually talk and teach about regarding knowing what kind of partner you want, which I do believe is important. However, it helps to have a little openness to being surprised by what the universe sends your way. While it’s good to know our general type, it’s also very healthy to have wiggle room for the unexpected.I’m sure if six months before my husband met me, if someone said to him, “Hey, you know that woman you’ve been longing to meet? She’ll have cerebral palsy by the way,” he probably would have said, “I don’t think so.” But meeting me and having the openness to let go of expectations as we got to know one another helped him accommodate for a disabled partner.Become a Problem SolverWhen you live with a disability, problem solving becomes second nature because we have to do it constantly. Everything from inaccessible entrances to workplace discrimination to dealing with condescending people, we problem solve.What I notice in the dating world, is a disability equates to a problem, but not as easily do people think about a solution. When you’re face with the potential of your date being a wheelchair user or on the spectrum, why not ask “Well, how could hanging out with this person work?” This question is so much more accommodating than the “They’re different, this won’Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Today I want to flip the script a little. Normally I’m encouraging people who are out there dating and meeting people to focus on yourself, your thoughts, your behaviors, and what you want. All of those things you should definitely do. But sometimes it helps to just consider what your dates or people you want to be your dates are thinking.Remember, a thought doesn’t make anything real. This actually can work to your advantage. One thing I’ve been thinking about lately is how there are definitely people who would never consider dating someone with a disability. I think it may actually be a good exercise to go into the mind of someone like this to examine that belief and see the fallacy in it.Let’s even give them a gender neutral name, Pat. Say Pat looks at someone with a disability and thinks I would never want to be with someone like that. If we’re really being honest, there’s a good chance that Pat would not even see the person with a disability.So Pat has some belief systems that separate them from other people. It could be they think they’re superior. It could be there very consumed in their own little world. It could be the perceived vulnerability of a disability shakes their own vulnerability way too much.What may come out instead is pity, ableism, judgment, or all three. This is where the fallacy thinking comes in. It’s the belief in staying in the past, in what has been, rather than what could be. That thought of I have never been attracted to people with disabilities, why would I begin now?Why would I open myself to a new way to love?I believe we’re are changing how people see us with disabilities, but it’s slow. I believe the more we can pursue the relationships we want and even risk rejection and getting hurt, the more we evolve that thinking that shuts down so much growth and opportunity.The important thing for you to know is their thinking is not ultimately about you, even though you may feel that way. Their belief system is based on a way of thinking that hasn’t yet caught with the potential of you.When you encounter this, it may be helpful to pause and say, “Oh that’s interesting that you think that way.” No need to get defensive. They just have not caught up with you yet.  You just keep being you and getting out there and doing your thing. I assure you, the more you do, the more you’ll increase your chances of finding more like minded people.ResourcesRemember your affirmations and beliefs for helping you stay grounded in your value. Check out the updated version of Rising Above Sexual Ableism for this week to help you with that.Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Ableism is a system of false beliefs that discriminate against people with disabilities in society and can be quite hurtful and damaging to your self-esteem and confidence. The good news is that you don't need to buy into ableism. Yes, it's out there but it doesn't need to define you. To feel more empowered over the effects of ableism, let's first look at how it has affected you. What are some ways you have dealt with false beliefs related to ableism? How has it affected you in both overt and subtle ways? Take five minutes to write about your challenges in this area. How does this affect your feelings about yourself and your confidence?"The secret to change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but building the new." - Socrates What are some positive beliefs you can believe about yourself and your disability? For example, My disability and the experience of living with it only adds to what I have to offer.Boundaries and Relationship Skills In rising above ableism, it is so crucial to focus on developing healthy boundaries and the ability to clearly communicate them. This helps to build healthy relationship skills. What boundaries do you think are important for a healthy relationship then practice communicating your boundaries. You can communicate your boundaries by first identifying what you need and want to be different in the relationship. Example -  "Having personal space and time to myself to engage in activities that I enjoy" or "Having a partner/friend that respects my ideas, thoughts, and opinions." Example - "My personal space and time is important to me, I need space to do the activities that I enjoy." Checking In With Yourself If something doesn't feel right, trust how you feel and communicate about it. Ask yourself "Is this how I want to be feeling with this person?" It is so important to take the time to practice checking in with yourself. This will help you become aware if you are being treated fairly and what needs to be addressed in the relationship. In the area below, write down 3 questions that you can ask yourself to check in to see if you are truly happy in a relationship. Example -"Do I like the way I am being spoken to?" "Are my needs being met?" "Am I feeling happy and satisfied in this relationship?" ResourcesDownload the updated version of the resource guide, Rising Above Ableism, to help you take a look at how you are so much more than the discrimination you deal with due to your disability.Episode #2 - What is Sexual Ableism?Radiant Abilities Dating ResourcesCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

If you’re someone out there trying to date or even wanting to date and maybe you’re not yet seeing the results you want, it may be challenging to feel grateful for the dating process. When you’re feeling lonely, isolated, and not receiving the attention you are so craving from others, being grateful may very well be the last thing you want to feel.But it could be so helpful.Hear me out on this. According to Harvard Health, “Gratitude helps people feel more positive emotions, relish good experiences, improve their health, deal with adversity, and build strong relationships.” Basically, gratitude changes our state of mind from one of lack to looking at what we do have.I know you’re saying, “But what do I have? I don’t have a girlfriend or boyfriend. I can’t even get people to swipe on my profile.”I realize how hard being alone can feel. I had many years of enduring that feeling. It definitely doesn’t feel good. But this right here, when nothing feels like it’s working and you’re lonely as hell, is when you most need that sense of gratitude.What to be Grateful for About Dating I’m encouraging you to look at whatever your dating experience has been and find what you’re grateful for. There has to be something. Whether it’s a relationship that ended, but taught you something about yourself or a quality about your personality that you have learned about yourself in pursuing relationships. Maybe it’s something that when it happened, you felt angry or resentful, but then after time, you realized there was some blessing in that not so great experience. I remember dating a guy for a few months and really liking him, but he broke it off. When he did he told me he wanted to be with someone who was “more into their body.” I of course took offense to this but over time, I realized that I was not really appreciating the body (and figure!) I had in my early thirties. So I was eventually grateful for that “nudge” by that former boyfriend.Step into gratitude by looking at what you’re learning about the dating process, even through failure. Are you learning to better communicate through trial and error? Are you getting a better sense of the kind of person you want to be with? Maybe you’re learning what you won’t tolerate in relationships? There IS something you’re grateful for, my friend. Find it. Name it. Own it. And use it to help you get even better in dating and relationships.Simple Exercise There’s no resource guide for this podcast because I want you to do a very simple exercise. Take out your phone, tablet, or even a good old fashioned index card. Write or record what you’re grateful for. Look at it every day, preferably multiple times a day, until it’s embedded in your beautiful brain. Embody what you’re grateful for. If you do this, you’ll begin to notice a change in your thinking and approach to dating and relatiCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Are you someone who has difficulty dating because of others in your life not being receptive to the idea of you dating? I continue to hear about this happening. The supports in someone’s life are just not open to the idea of dating. They say no, you can’t date, even though they have no authority to do this. Keep in mind, in most states, even legal guardianship, doesn’t give someone the authority to do this.But it can be hard when the people in your life don’t support, and hence, don’t do anything to help you with one of your biggest dreams. Sometimes you may need transportation to meet up with someone, or you may need someone to give you encouragement, or you may need help accessing your money to pay for something dating related. And you don’t get it.This can be very frustrating and can make you feel helpless. What may help in situations is to become a dating advocate. What exactly is a dating advocate? Well, it’s pretty simple, much like any advocacy situation, you promote your right to date and have intimate relationships.This may begin by talking to others in your life about why you want to date and why it’s meaningful to you. Many times others put up barriers to dating because they’re afraid for someone’s safety. I like to believe that once someone understands your why behind your dream, they're more likely to want to help you. If people love you and want your best, then wouldn’t they want you to ultimately feel love And happiness despite heartbreak, failures and challenges that go along with dating for most people.However, sometimes they may know your why and still not be supportive and even try to prevent you from dating. This is when you may have to elevate your advocacy efforts.As I said at the beginning, even legal guardianship can usually not prevent a person from developing relationships. We’re all entitled to love and affection and that is our right.I want to talk about sexual consent for just a minute. It’s a complicated issue and varies state by state. I’m am definitely not an expert in it, but I do want to say unless you have been deemed unable to understand what sexual consent is and the implications of giving sexual consent, and your viewed as an adult in the state you live in (it varies by state), you can give sexual consent. Someone else cannot say no on your behalf.Going back to advocacy, you can intensify it in the area of dating by reminding people of your rights to relationships, to make decisions, to take risks, and even fail. If the people preventing you from dating are saying they’re just trying to keep you safe or from getting hurt, please remind them that most people who date and eventually form very loving relationships, get hurt somewhere along the way. This is about the dignity of risk.You may also need to identify a couple people in your life who can be allies for you and help you advocate. Remember strengCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

One of the most significant barriers I have found in both working with people with disabilities on dating and relationships, as well as counseling people is how to undo a negative belief. It can be real hard to do so, especially when you had others give you negative messages, reacted negatively to you, or you haven’t received the results you have wanted in your dating pursuits. Just to explain a little further by what I mean by results. Results are the outcomes you’re looking to achieve by anything you try. In dating and relationships, results can be getting a date, people responding to your dating profile, meeting new people who could be potential dates.If we don’t get good feedback on what we’re trying to do and/or the results we want, it makes it hard to undo a negative belief. For example, I know a man with CP who worked up the courage to ask a girl out in high school. She just said to him, “Are you always going to walk that way?” Statements like this can keep negative beliefs, like no one will find me attractive because of my disability, really entrenched in our minds.When we have been hurt and the world hasn’t validated our worth, it can be really hard to undo negative beliefs.But what else are you going to do? Go through life letting negative beliefs rule and make you feel worse about yourself?Our brains can be very sneaky. They can make us think that what we believe is reality. But I don’t think you want your reality to be doubting yourself or feeling you can’t achieve what you want.You need to consciously choose what you want to think and believe about yourself. Let me show you how to to do this by example.Let’s take the example of no one will date me because I have a disability. You have to begin to undo this by thinking what is the replacement belief you want. In this case, the thought you might obviously want to have is people will date me and accept my disability.This may seem like a jump from no one will date me to people in general will date me. But what about a bridge thought? A bridge thought is a thought that is a smaller step to a bigger belief. For our example here, the bridge thought could be, there’s someone out there who would love to date me. That way you’re focusing on believing a more manageable belief. This more manageable belief can then help undo the negative belief of no one wanting to date you.Now here’s the key to all this. When you find yourself believing a negative, you got to stop your brain and redirect it to the positive belief, almost like you would a small child. Say “Oh no, we’re not doing that, we’re going over here.”It takes work to redirect our minds away from negative beliefs but that’s how we begin to do it. This is so important because most of the time, whatever we believe becomes our reality. If you believe people won’t date you because of your disability, that will likeCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

The most common questions people ask when wanting to date is how do I meet people.I certainly wondered about this when I was single. Most of my friends were married and by the time I was in my 30s, I really didn’t want to hang out in a bar. So how do you meet people? I have some ideas. As with much of what I recommend, it involves strategies and you’ll need to actually do it.FamiliarityFamiliarity sparks friendships and relationships, find activities you would like to regularly participate in. The more others see you on a frequent basis, the more they get to know you.This will increase the probability of meeting people you get to know over time and allow relationships to grow.Take a new look at the places and activities you’re already involved in. Are there people in those places that can be of potential dating interest?Try New PlacesThe key is to balance familiar, regular places you go to with trying new places and events to meet people.Get outside of your comfort zone. Try new places, events, and activities. You never know what will come of it.Online DatingOnline dating is not for everyone, but can be a great way to meet people.Do what feels right for you. Always make safe decisions in getting to know someone and before you meet them in person.If you decide to try online dating, what are 1 - 3 sites you can look into and possibly join. It may be good to stay with a site at last three months before switching.Putting thought, time, and energy into these details to reflect who you are will likely increase the chances for success.ResourcesHow to Meet People guideThe Dating Profile guideLink to podcast episode 29 on How to Meet PeopleRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Chris Johnson describes himself as a 42-year-old man in a wheelchair with Cerebral Palsy,  He says, "My experience with dating and relationships amounts to a series of unrequited crushes throughout my adolescence and adulthood. I’ve never been on a date or had a girlfriend. In the past two years or so, I’ve really grown emotionally and spiritually, and I feel ready to enter a committed romantic relationship with a woman who’s willing and able to share a life with me. I believe that ableism poses a large obstacle to dating and relationships for people with disabilities. We’re seen as undesirable partners due to our physical limitations, as well as the issues these limitations pose regarding mobility, fitness, and perceived attractiveness. I’m average-looking at my worst, but for years, I believed I was ugly because of my weight. Although I think I would be seen in a better light if I lost quite a few pounds, I doubt if that alone could negate the effects ableism has on my social life.One of the many reasons I appreciate Radiant Abilities is their effort to educate people on how to recognize ableism and overcome it. It’s so ingrained in our society that people—both able-bodied and differently-abled—don’t often realize on a conscious level that they are engaging in it. I guarantee that I myself have deep-seated ableist attitudes that need to change. Radiant Abilities can help me change them with the resources you provide. The advice I would give to people with disabilities who are in search of dating success and healthy relationships is to first cultivate an attitude of self-love and self-confidence. Become the person you want to be in a relationship with. Stay humble and grateful, while filling your mind with positive thoughts and intentions. Then, speak those affirmations aloud until you feel as if you have already attained the success you seek. Your confident, positive energy will attract potential partners who will also be confident and positive. This type of manifestation takes patience and faith. It’s a process I’ve found myself in for nearly two years now, and I feel like things are slowly but surely aligning for me to find a path to a life partner."ResourcesRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesYou can connect with Chris on:FacebookTwitterInstagramThe Purple Knight podcast about his favorite musician, PrinceCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

This may sound in opposition to what I normally talk about when it comes to dating and relationships. If you’re having fear and doubt about yourself in the dating and relationship, that can actually be a good sign. And you’re saying, “Wait a minute, don’t you preach self esteem and confidence when dating and in relationships?”Yes, I do, but having good self esteem and confidence doesn’t mean you’re free from fear and doubt. Sometimes the people who have the highest amounts of self esteem and confidence struggle with fear and doubt the most. Many times this is because they’re taking big risks to reach their dreams and it’s scarier than all heck.The difference with these people is they don’t let fear and doubt stop them. They work through the fear and doubt to keep meeting the new opportunities and challenges to face them on the way to their dreams.Fear and doubt, in nearly anything, can be a good sign because it usually means you’re growing, changing, and challenging yourself to move forward in life. If you have fear and doubt in dating, maybe that means you’re challenging yourself to get out there, rather than allowing your fear to stop you from doing so.Make Friends With Fear and Doubt It’s human nature to shrink from fear and doubt. No one wakes up and says, “Yes! I’m going to fear scared and doubt myself all day long.” But when we avoid feeling fear and doubt at all costs, even our dreams and what we want most in the world, we’re letting fear and doubt rule.We don’t make friends with fear and doubt. What I mean by that is we don’t chase fear and doubt away and we don’t hide from it. We just let it be. We have it come to us as a way of understanding why it’s there, much like we would a friend.I have a few prompts that you could ask yourself to help you be less intimidated by fear and doubt, especially in dating and relationships.How about just being curious, rather than upset or nervous, by fear and doubt? This helps put you in a state of wonder, rather than anxiety.Why don’t you ask fear and doubt why they showed up, much like you would a friend? The answer may give you the exact insight you need.Ask yourself how can I take fear and doubt along with me on this endeavor rather than allow it to stop me? Again, much like you might go on a journey with a friend.These tips might sound weird to you, but be open to it. What do you have to lose if you find fear and doubt are preventing you from maybe putting yourself out there, connecting with someone, or just believing in yourself.Trust me, when I was confident enough to tell my husband I wanted to get to him more on our first date, I was still filled with fear and doubt. I just did it anyway.Remember fear and doubt can be a good thing. It means you’re shaking things up and reaching outside your comfort zone. A lot of growth can happen there. Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

If you’re listening to this around the time that it’s published, we’re newly into the last quarter of the year. It seems every year, although we know October, November and December come every year, we are surprised by its arrival.Did you have plans and goals for yourself this year, maybe around dating and relationships? Was this going to be the year that things finally changed and you met someone? But now it’s October and you’re thinking, “Shoot this is like every other year.”Don’t give up! You got three months to make progress.Why not pick a small goal for each month - October, November and December - to make just a little or a lot of progress toward your goals?Some examples could be writing your dating profile. Remember you should have one whether or not you’re doing online dating,You could join a group, virtually or in person, as a way of meeting new people?Or tell three people you’re looking to date and do they know anyone for you to meet?Pick one goal per month to work on. Who knows? You may actually meet someone.ResourcesIf you feel you need help with this, download the 3, 2, 1 Plan, which helps you come up with three positive affirmations, two powerful beliefs about dating, and one action you can take toward your dating goals. Bonus points for coming up with three actions, one for each month.The year is not over! Make this season count! Don’t give up!CreditsMusic by Successful MotivationArtwork photo by ElevateCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

We're talking about the effects of ableism on intimate relationships. We're talking with my colleague at Radiant Abilities, Alexa Strickland. Alexa is a Mental Health Counselor and Trainer who has researched ableism, sexuality, and intimate relationships.In Alexa's research, The Effects of Ableism on People With Disabilities in Intimate Relationships,  the premise was “the purpose of this study is to examine the effects of ableism on PWDs in intimate relationships using the Ableism and Relationships survey to assess experiences of ableism in dating and relationships and how these experiences may affect their self-esteem and confidence, sense of sexuality, and their ability to form intimate relationships.” Alexa does a great job breaking down what this means.She also discusses both the type/severity of a disability can influence attitudes towards PWDs in intimate relationships.We talk about the challenges participants experienced in dating/relationships such as rejection, receiving hurtful/discriminatory comments about their disability, and perceived as asexual/unattractive.Alexa shares a sampling of the answers to these questions:What challenges have you experienced in dating or relationships? Do you feel like this challenge(s) makes it difficult to form intimate or meaningful relationships with others? She wraps up by talking about the three biggest takeaways you had from the research.As with most of my guests, we chat about the particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationships, as well as societal changes needed to see people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners.Alexa also shares the most helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships.Lastly, she mentions the two new groups she's beginning on Acceptance, Disability, and Relationships and Managing Anxiety.  Open to NYS residents. Contact Alexa for more details.Resources Free download - Rising Above Sexual Ableism. Use this download as a resource for strengthening your skills live the life you want and have the relationships you want. CreditsMusic by Successful MotivationArtwork photo by ElevateCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

I want to give you a little context because I realize I often refer to “when I was single,” when talking about when I was on the path of trying to date with a disability. I did not meet my husband until just before I turned 39 and we were married two years later. I consider adulthood beginning at 18, so I was single and trying to date successfully for a good 20 years. Twenty years. That’s a long time. Trust me, it felt long in the midst of it.In those 20 years, I had a lot of lonely nights. To me, lonely nights are twofold. There’s the lonely of 8pm on a Saturday night and then there’s the lonely of 3am. I’m sure you know what I mean. The 8pm lonely might have thoughts of “Everyone’s out on a date or cuddling with their sweetheart but me.” It feels lonely and it sucks.Then the 3am lonely feels more like a panic. “Will I ever meet someone? Will anyone find me attractive?” And then it can spiral out of control. You begin to think, “Will I die alone?” Or at least, I did.I wanted to let you know that whether it’s 8pm or 3am, you’re not alone with these thoughts.\And it will be okay.I think back now on my life and how those nights terrified me at the time. For a while, I had them so frequently, it left me sleep deprived.And life ended up working out for me. Nowadays my sleep is mainly disturbed by my son or dog waking me up.The Remedy The best advice I can give you for these lonely nights is to begin by acknowledging YOU’RE NOT ALONE. Many other single people are having lonely nights too. We just don’t talk about it that much.Then develop a plan for yourself of how you’re going to address the problem of the lonely nights. Are you going to begin going somewhere, maybe join a group to meet people, get on a dating site? What are you going to do that is within your control to meet people? When we’re experiencing a negative emotion, such as loneliness, we want to honor and acknowledge that feeling, but we also want to take action toward the problem. This will help you from feeling like the problem is completely outside your control.Here are some concrete tips for that 8pm loneliness:Plan something for yourself ahead of time if you know you have plans. Maybe pick out a movie or show you’ve been wanting to see. Call a friend and get together. Or plan to dive into your hobby at that time.Pamper yourself at that time. Do a spa night. Be good to yourself, as long as it’s not eating a tub of Ben and Jerry’s and a package of Oreos.Join a group, either online or in person, so you don’t feel alone.Now, for the 3am loneliness:Love yourself. If you’re having panicky thoughts about your life, your body and mind need love. Acknowledge three things you love about yourself.Reassure yourself that these are just thoughts in your beautiful heCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

I want to thank the listeners who have already volunteered for the research interviews my colleague, Alexa, and I are doing. We have gotten such amazing insights and information already. If you would be willing to give us 30 minutes to interview you for some research, and yes, you can be sure it will include dating and relationships, sign up here for Kathy and here for Alexa.Now, I have a question for you, as I usually do. Do you have a dating tool bag? Are you saying, Kathy, what the heck is a dating tool bag? Well, if you’ve been listening for a bit, you know something I say a lot about dating with a disability is that it’s hard, but totally possible, meaning you can figure it out. However, like a lot of puzzles in life, it may take time and TOOLS to figure it out. I have some suggestions based on what worked in my life and what is helpful for the people I help with dating and relationships.A Dating PlanFirst, you need to have a plan for approaching dating. I encourage you to come up with three positive messages you can tell yourself about dating, two encouraging beliefs you can develop about dating, and then decide on one action you’re going to take to put yourself out there to date, such as get on a dating app or go to a particular event. I call this the 3, 2, 1 plan. The Dating Profile and Disclosure Writing a profile helps you get clear on the strengths and assets you bring to dating and relationships. If you are dating with a disability, you need to learn ways to disclose it in your dating profile. The How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile and Disclose Your Disability Guide may help.Your Support SystemUse this guide sheet to help you identify not just people but books, activities, and resources to help you in your dating and relationship journey.Talking About Your Disability This is NOT the same as disclosure of your disability. Once you disclose your disability, you need ways to talk about it  in a healthy, empowering ways. Check out the Bringing Disability Into Relationships Guide.Being Able To Have Tough Conversations Having Difficult Conversations Guide can help you figure out what to say for those difficult, but important conversations.CoachingThis is a service I offer in my business, Dating and RelCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

I often get messages on social media like this: I’m looking for a disabled woman who wants marriage. Do you know of any honest matchmakers?While my heart goes out to people who have the vulnerability to ask this, I also cringe when I get asked this because I suspect that when someone asks about matchmaking, they are doubting their own ability to attract someone to themselves.Now, before you say, wait a minute, matchmaking works for a lot of people, let me say I know and I agree. My own parents were set up on a blind date and happily married for 65 years. I am not saying matchmaking doesn’t work. What I am saying is it should not be your “go to” strategy for dating success. I believe a crucial part of making dating work for you is developing this sense of ownership that you are in control of your dating destiny. I think when people don’t feel this, they can feel on some level like a victim because they're depending on others to find them “someone.”I know that’s a strong statement to make and I truly don’t say it to be critical. I just want you to consider if you’re out there dating or wanting to date, are you depending on someone else to find your person because you don’t believe you have that ability within yourself? Or perhaps you have been disappointed so many times, you have given up on being able to find someone on your own?I truly get the frustration and wanting help. I encourage you to ask for help. In fact, I always tell people if you’re dating, let everyone in your life know so they can keep an eye out for a potential someone for you. But this is vastly different from solely relying on others to “hook you up” so to speak.If you want to use matchmaking to meet someone, use it as one of your tools in your dating tool bag. We’ll be talking about that next week. Don’t put the power in one person or site or organization to find you what you want most in this world.Where Do We Go From Here? Cultivate your Power to Attract. The message I shared at the beginning of this episode was from someone who said “normal women don’t like disabled men for partners.” Therefore, he wanted a matchmaker who would match him with a disabled woman. Again, nothing wrong with preferring to date disabled people, except when you’re doing it because you believe nondisabled people won’t give you the time of day.Cultivating your Power to Attract is about owning that belief in yourself that you are attractive (whether physically, emotionally, intellectually, or all of the above), even in face of rejection and disappointment, because it’s something that belongs within you. It doesn’t come from outside or from others. It’s about recognizing and nurturing the qualities within you that draw others to you. I would love to see you become your own best matchmaker. I Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Click this link to schedule a time to talk with myself or my amazing colleague, Alexa. You can schedule at a time that’s convenient for you.One of my biggest goals is to “move the needle on people with disabilities being seen as dating and relationship partners.” What I mean by that is I want to help not only people with disabilities see and own their worth, ability to attract, and what they offer to relationships, but I want society to see that more as well.If you know my story, you know why I’m so passionate about this. And if you don’t know my story, here’s the abridged version. I grew up having no models or guidance on how to date with a disability. No one talked to me about how to value myself in the dating world with a very obvious difference that cause others to judge me and immediately rule me out as potential dating material. Then came along a particular first date. In one moment, I was faced with giving up or taking a huge risk and acknowledging my value as a potential partner to my date. I chose the latter and my life changed. Listen to episode 1, I’m Just So Uncomfortable, for more details.Now I live the life I dreamt about for so many years. I want the same for you.Ah, but dating is hard, isn’t it? Especially in a world where we can so easily swipe left to not even give someone a chance.And exactly how do you go about dating if you don’t have experience? If people won’t give you the chance?Do you tell people up front about your disability or wait until you get to know them? What if your disability is so apparent that that isn’t an option for you?Lots of questions. Lots to figure out.IT CAN BE FIGURED OUT. Everything is Figureoutable. Check out one of my favorite books on this.I’m here, as well as the company I run, Radiant Abilities, to help you figure dating out for yourself.But first, I need to talk to you. Yes you, out there listening. I want to talk with you, meaning on zoom, in a one to one call.We’re looking to talk to you about your dating experience, what has worked, what hasn’t worked, and most of all, what would be helpful to you in feeling more successful in dating.Where Do We Go From Here? Click this link to schedule a time to talk with myself or my amazing colleague, Alexa. You can schedulCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Sometimes our own beliefs can be the biggest stumbling blocks to our dating and relationship success. Sometimes we just need to get out of our heads.My friend, Patrick McMullan, is back talking about his experience dating as a man with Cerebral Palsy. Patrick talks about how he did NOT tell his wife about his disability before their first date and why he chose not to tell her.He talks about how he learned to get out of his head and negative beliefs about himself in order to find dating and relationship success. Soon after he got out of his head and realized he just needed to be himself, he met his wife of 25 years.Patrick is also a father of four. His oldest children are twins. We talk about parenting with a disability, juggling the demands of a busy family life, and the secret to a happy marriage.Before signing off, Patrick shares some wise advice about showing up in the world as a person with a disability to really live the life you want. And most of all, why you need to share yourself with the world.Resources Free download - 8 STATEMENTS TO BOOST YOUR CONFIDENCE FOR DATING WITH A DISABILITYCreditsMusic by Successful MotivationArtwork photo by ElevateCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

I've been wanting for a while to do a podcast from the male perspective of someone dating with a disability. Today I have another special guest, a friend of mine for over 30 years, Patrick McMullen.  Patrick and I first met as college freshman. Both of us have CP, but until then, knew very few other peers with disabilities.We talk about how growing up as one of five kids allowed him to be  naturally included in activities. However, because of the CP, Patrick struggled with being different and what he thought people thought of him.Patrick has enjoyed a successful career as a banker, has been married 25 years, and has four beautiful children. We talk about his personal experience in the area of dating, relationships, and disabilities.Since Patrick's been married quite a while, we talk about the concept of bringing a disability into a relationship so that it has a healthy presence in a relationship. ResourcesDownload - 5 Success Beliefs for DatingRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by ElevateCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate

Whitney Bailey is on a mission to educate society while advocating for the needs of the disabled community and motivating others to maximize their potential.Whitney was born with cerebral palsy. She is a podcast host of Spastic Chatter, a platform meant to feature those in the cerebral palsy community. She gets together with individuals who have CP to have an uncensored chat about what it’s like having this type of disability.Whitney is also the Director of Operations for Diversability, a social enterprise with almost 70k following across all social channels focused on elevating disability pride through disability community, visibility, and engaged allyship.In this episode, Whitney and I chat about:Why she began her podcast on Cerebral Palsy, Spastic Chatter.Her background or personal experience in the area of dating, relationships, and disabilities.The particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationships?Her initial resistance to dating her boyfriend because of his disability.How she thinks society can change to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners.Her most helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships.And her role in the organization Diversability.ResourcesThe Spastic Chatter PodcastDiversabilityWhitney's websiteWhitney on InstagramRadiant Abilities Dating ResourcesPlease leave a review so that more people can learn about the podcast and share the podcast with a friend.CreditsMusic by: https://www.purple-planet.com "Successful Motivation"Artwork photo by ElevateCheck out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation | Artwork photo by Elevate