Dating, Relationships, and Disability

Happy July and Disability Pride Month. Now, I like to think this podcast celebrates Disability Pride year round. However, throughout the month, we’ll highlight strategies and techniques for building pride and connecting it with dating. Today we’re talking about the Choose Self Love technique as a transformative approach designed to help individuals recognize and embrace their intrinsic worthiness of love and fulfilling relationships. This technique is particularly empowering for people with disabilities who have often been marginalized in dating and relationships. If you heard last week’s podcast, its closely related to Discovering Your Worthiness, yet a bit different because it focuses more on self-love as a way of effectively dealing with prejudices and internalized doubts, paving the way for healthier,j more fulfilling connections. The Choose Self Love technique emphasizes the importance of self-acceptance. This is so important in the dating scene for people with disabilities because of societal messages and sexual ableism which can often undermine self-esteem and self-worth. Consciously choosing self love helps to counteract these negative influences by encouraging individuals to recognize and appreciate their unique qualities and strengths. By fostering a deep sense of self-acceptance, people can begin to see themselves as deserving of love and respect, irrespective of societal biases. The Choose Self Love technique encourages individuals to reframe their perceptions of dating and relationships. Many people with disabilities may feel that they need to conform to certain expectations or hide aspects of themselves to be accepted. The Choose Self Love technique teaches that authenticity is the key to genuine connections. By embracing their true selves and presenting their authentic identities, you are more likely to attract partners who appreciate and value them for who they are. Moreover, The Choose Self Love technique provides practical tools for building self-confidence. This includes exercises and affirmations designed to reinforce positive self-beliefs and diminish self-doubt. For someone who has faced rejection or discrimination in dating, these tools can be instrumental in rebuilding confidence and fostering a positive self-image. With increased self-confidence, individuals are more likely to approach dating with a sense of optimism and self-assuredness. Another crucial aspect of The Choose Self Love technique is setting healthy boundaries. People with disabilities may sometimes feel pressured to settle for less in relationships due to fear of being alone or societal expectations. This technique teaches the importance of establishing and maintaining boundaries that honor one’s needs and values. By doing so, you can ensure that their relationships are mutually respectful and fulfilling, rather than accepting less than they deserve. Additionally, The Choose Self Love technique emphasizes the significance of a supportive community, like Dating Made Easier, our membership offering coaching and resources for dating success. Isolation can be a significant barrier for individuals with disabilities, affecting their self-esteem and opportunities for social interaction. This technique encourages you to seek out and build connections with others who affirm their worth and offer encouragement. A supportive community can provide a vital source of strength and affirmation, reinforcing the sense of worthiness and boosting their confidence in dating and relationships. The Choose Self Love technique also addresses the importance of self-care in the context of dating. People with disabilities may face additional challenges and stresses, making self-care an essential component of maintaining emotional and physical well-being. This technique advocates for regular self-care practices that nurture the individual’s mind, body, and spirit, like checking in with yourself through reflection ona regular basis. This helps to ensure you are in the best possible state to engage in healthy relationships. Choose Self Love helps individuals to navigate the complexities of intimacy and vulnerability. For those who have experienced marginalization, opening up to others can be daunting. The Choose Self Love technique provides guidance on how to approach intimacy with trust and openness, while also safeguarding one’s emotional well-being. By learning to be vulnerable in a healthy way, individuals can create deeper, more meaningful connections with their partners. The Choose Self Love technique is a powerful tool for individuals with disabilities who have been marginalized in dating and relationships. By fostering self-acceptance, authenticity, confidence, healthy boundaries, community support, self-care, and healthy vulnerability, this technique empowers individuals to recognize and embrace their worthiness of love and great relationships. It transforms the dating experience into one where they can thrive and find genuine connections

I often talk about my Power to Attract method when it comes to helping people build their confidence in dating. It involves focusing on your positive attributes, which we all have, that draws others to us. Another way of looking at this is a process in Discovering Your Worthiness. When we can connect and own our sense of worthiness, we begin a transformative journey that naturally increases our dating self-esteem, a critical component for attracting the right people into one’s life.  This process begins with an open and honest look at self-worth, encouraging you to recognize and embrace your inherent value. For those who have been marginalized in the dating world—whether due to disabilities, body size, weight, or a general lack of confidence—this approach offers a powerful change in perspective. It moves away from societal pressures and superficial standards, focusing instead on the unique qualities and strengths each person brings to a relationship. For individuals with disabilities, dating can often feel like navigating an unwelcoming terrain. Society’s narrow definitions of attractiveness and desirability can marginalize those who appear different. Discovering Your Worthiness process counters this by fostering a strong sense of self-acceptance and pride in one’s identity. By emphasizing that worthiness is not contingent on ability, this process empowers you to approach dating with confidence, knowing you deserve a partner who values them for who they are. Similarly, if face prejudice due to body size or weight often struggle with low dating self-esteem. The relentless promotion of a singular body type as the ideal can lead to feelings of inadequacy and rejection. The "Discover Your Worthiness" process challenges these damaging narratives by promoting body positivity and self-love. It encourages you to focus on their overall well-being and to reject societal judgments. This newfound confidence allows them to attract partners who appreciate and love them for their true selves, rather than an unrealistic ideal. A lack of confidence can also stem from various other sources, including past rejections, societal pressures, or internalized negativity. The "Discover Your Worthiness" process addresses these issues by helping individuals build a strong foundation of self-esteem. This involves identifying and dismantling negative self-beliefs, setting healthy boundaries, and cultivating a positive self-image. By doing so, you can approach dating with a sense of empowerment and authenticity, making it easier to attract compatible and respectful partners. One of the key elements of this process is the emphasis on self-reflection and personal growth. It encourages individuals to explore their values, goals, and desires, ensuring they have a clear understanding of what they seek in a relationship. This clarity not only boosts dating self-esteem but also helps in attracting the right people who align with these values. By knowing and honoring your worth, you are less likely to settle for less than they deserve, leading to more fulfilling and healthy relationships. Support and community play a vital role in the "Discover Your Worthiness" process. Engaging with a supportive network, like our Dating Made Easier membership, can provide encouragement, share experiences, and offer validation. For those who have felt marginalized, finding a community of like-minded individuals can be particularly empowering. It reinforces the idea that you are not alone in your experiences and that they have a rightful place in the dating world. This collective support helps maintain the momentum of personal growth and reinforces the belief in one’s worthiness. The process also involves practical steps to enhance dating self-esteem, such as setting realistic and achievable goals, practicing self-care, and developing effective communication skills. By focusing on these areas, individuals can present their best selves in the dating arena, confident in their abilities and desirability. These practical strategies complement the deeper work of self-acceptance and worthiness, creating a comprehensive approach to dating self-esteem. Ultimately, the "Discover Your Worthiness" process transforms the dating experience for those who have been marginalized. It shifts the focus from societal standards to personal empowerment, helping you toi recognize your worth and approach dating with confidence and authenticity. This shift not only improves their chances of attracting the right partners but also fosters healthier, more respectful relationships. By believing in their worthiness, you can break free from the limitations imposed by prejudice and self-doubt, opening the door to meaningful and fulfilling connections. Resources Dating Affirmations Worthy by Jamie Kern Lima Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or

  Visualizing the person you want to meet as a potential partner is a crucial step in the process of dating, as well as finding a loving and happy relationship. This practice helps clarify your desires and priorities, ensuring you have a clear understanding of what you are looking for. I think many people underestimate the value of your own clarity in searching for a partner. By forming a mental image of your ideal partner, you can better identify the qualities and preferences that matter most to you. This clarity is essential in guiding your decisions and actions as you navigate the dating world and can give you a profound calmness as you meet people and determine if they are right for you or not. When you visualize your ideal partner, you create a detailed picture of the qualities and characteristics that are important to you. This could include traits such as kindness, intelligence, sense of humor, and shared interests. I have a download called My Relationship Vision that will help you with this. I came up with this exercise when I was having no luck dating and decided I needed to get clear on what I was looking for in a partner. I got very detailed in doing this exercise, down to qualities such as wanting pets and loving being outdoors. I then said what I wrote every single day for years focusing on saying “I attract into my life…” To this day, I have no doubt that doing that exercise so faithfully, even when I still wasn’t sure it would work, led my husband to me, all the way from Detroit to upstate New York. Knowing what you value in a partner helps you stay focused and prevents you from settling for less than what you truly want. It also allows you to recognize potential red flags early on, saving you time and emotional energy. Visualization also plays a significant role in boosting your confidence and self-esteem. By envisioning yourself with a partner who possesses the qualities you desire, you begin to believe that such a relationship is possible and attainable. This positive mindset can be incredibly empowering, motivating you to take proactive steps towards finding the right person. It reinforces the belief that you are deserving of a loving and fulfilling relationship, which is essential for attracting the right kind of partner. It’s also particularly helpful when you’re dating with a disability or another significant challenge because it redirects your thoughts to what you want, rather than thoughts about what you lack. Furthermore, having a mental image of your ideal partner can act as a guiding light during challenging times in your dating journey. There may be moments of doubt, frustration, or disappointment, but keeping your vision in mind can help you stay resilient and committed to your goals. It serves as a reminder of what you are striving for and why it is worth the effort. This perseverance is often necessary to overcome obstacles and ultimately find the right person. Moreover, visualizing your ideal partner helps you set clear intentions and goals for your dating life. When you have a specific vision in mind, you are more likely to take intentional actions that align with your desires. This could involve seeking out social environments where you are likely to meet people with similar values, engaging in activities that reflect your interests, or being more selective about who you choose to date. Clear intentions help you stay on track and avoid distractions that may lead you away from your ultimate goal. In addition to setting intentions, visualization can help you communicate communicate your needs and preferences effectively. When you have a clear idea of what you are looking for, it becomes easier to articulate this to potential partners. Open and honest communication is a cornerstone of any successful relationship, and being able to express your desires clearly can help build a strong foundation of mutual understanding and respect. Visualization also encourages you to reflect on your own qualities and what you bring to a relationship. It encourages you to consider how you can be a good partner and what you need to work on to attract the kind of person you envision. This self-awareness is crucial for personal growth and development, ensuring that you are ready to meet your ideal partner when the time comes. It creates a balanced dynamic where both partners are equally invested in the relationship. Visualizing your ideal partner can also bring a profound sense of peace and reassurance. When you have a clear mental image of the person you desire and the relationship you seek, it becomes easier to trust that this person is on their way to you. This trust alleviates anxiety and uncertainty about your dating journey. Instead of worrying about when or if you will meet the right person, you can rest assured that your positive intentions and focused visualization are guiding you towards them. This sense of calm allows you to enjoy the process of meeting new people and forming connec

One of my life goals is to “move the needle” on people with disabilities being more viewed as dating and intimate partners.Inclusive dating is a significant part of making that happen. Inclusive dating is all about welcoming and respecting diversity, making sure all people feel accepted and valued. This approach emphasizes the importance of equality and inclusivity in romantic relationships, ensuring that every individual, regardless of their race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, physical and mental abilities, or socioeconomic status, feels they belong. Inclusive dating recognizes the unique experiences and perspectives that each person brings, fostering a dating environment where differences are celebrated rather than marginalized. One of the key aspects of inclusive dating is its focus on equality. This means treating everyone with the same level of respect and consideration, regardless of their background. It involves recognizing and challenging any biases or stereotypes that may influence one's perceptions and interactions with potential partners. By doing so, inclusive dating promotes a more equitable and just dating culture where everyone has an equal opportunity to find love and companionship. Inclusivity in dating also involves creating safe and supportive environments for all individuals. This can mean providing platforms and spaces where people from diverse backgrounds can connect and interact without fear of discrimination or prejudice. It also means being mindful of the language and behaviors used in these spaces, ensuring that they are respectful and inclusive. For example, using inclusive language that acknowledges and respects different gender identities, abilities, and sexual orientations can make a significant difference in making people feel valued and understood. Inclusivity in dating is also about recognizing and addressing the unique challenges that certain groups may face in the dating scene Inclusive dating requires an understanding and appreciation of the various cultural, social, and personal contexts that shape individuals' dating experiences. For people with disabilities this involves being open to learning about the history of neglect and sexual ableism of how we have been viewed for too long as not being capable or valued as dating and intimate partners. It also means recognizing that one's individual path of living with a disability does not apply to everyone else, and being willing to adapt and accommodate different perspectives. For example, individuals with physical or mental disabilities may encounter barriers that others do not, such as accessibility issues or social stigmas. Inclusive dating seeks to remove these barriers and create an environment where everyone can participate fully and equally. This can involve advocating for greater accessibility in dating venues and platforms, as well as promoting awareness and understanding of the specific needs and experiences of disabled people. Socioeconomic status is another important factor to consider in inclusive dating, particularly for people with disabilities who contribute to face extreme discrimination at work, endure a 70% unemployment rate, and are often forced to live on Social Security. People from different socioeconomic backgrounds may have different opportunities and resources available to them, which can affect their dating experiences. Inclusive dating involves being aware of these differences and finding ways to bridge the gap, such as by promoting affordable and accessible dating activities and venues. It also means challenging any prejudices or assumptions based on socioeconomic status, and treating everyone with equal respect and dignity. Ultimately, inclusive dating is about creating a dating scene where everyone feels they belong, no matter their background or identity. It is about fostering a culture of acceptance, respect, and understanding, where diversity is not just tolerated but celebrated. By embracing inclusivity in dating, we can build stronger, more meaningful relationships that are based on mutual respect and appreciation for each other's unique qualities and experiences. As we wrap up, let’s remember that inclusive dating is a vital step towards building a more equitable and just society. By welcoming and respecting diversity, including people with disabilities, and by creating safe and supportive environments for all individuals, we can ensure that everyone has an equal opportunity to find love and companionship. This approach not only enriches our personal relationships but also contributes to a broader culture of inclusivity and respect. As we continue to promote and practice inclusive dating, we move closer to a world where everyone feels valued and accepted, no matter who they are or where they come from. This can only increase kindness, acceptance, and joy, which is what we’re all truly longing for. Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to

Maintaining healthy and positive belief systems about oneself and relationships is crucial for mental health, especially in the context of dating. Belief systems shape our perceptions, actions, and interactions. When these beliefs are positive, they promote self-worth, resilience, and constructive behavior, which are essential for navigating the complexities of romantic relationships. Conversely, negative beliefs can lead to self-doubt, anxiety, and unhealthy relationship patterns. Therefore, fostering positive beliefs is vital for emotional well-being and the development of fulfilling relationships. First, a positive belief system about oneself enhances self-esteem. High self-esteem is a cornerstone of mental health, as it influences how we view our worth and capabilities. In dating, people with high self-esteem are more likely to set healthy boundaries, communicate their needs effectively, and choose partners who respect and value them. They are less likely to tolerate abusive or toxic behavior, as they recognize their own value and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. Second, positive beliefs about relationships foster a healthy approach to love and partnership. Believing that healthy, respectful, and loving relationships are possible encourages individuals to seek and maintain such connections. This belief system helps individuals to remain hopeful and optimistic, even when faced with challenges. It also encourages the development of essential relationship skills, such as empathy, communication, and conflict resolution, which are crucial for sustaining a healthy partnership. Third, a healthy belief system helps individuals cope with rejection and setbacks. Dating inevitably involves some degree of rejection, whether it's a relationship that doesn't work out or unrequited interest. Those with positive beliefs about themselves and their dating prospects are better equipped to handle these disappointments. They view rejection as a learning experience rather than a reflection of their worth. This resilience helps maintain mental health by preventing the negative spiral of self-blame and despair. Lastly,, positive beliefs can reduce anxiety and stress associated with dating. When individuals believe in their worth and the possibility of healthy relationships, they are less likely to experience debilitating anxiety about dating. They approach dating with a sense of curiosity and openness rather than fear and trepidation. This relaxed attitude not only makes the dating process more enjoyable but also allows individuals to present their authentic selves, increasing the likelihood of forming genuine connections. Now let’s look at some examples of positive belief systems. The belief that "I am deserving of love and respect." This belief reinforces self-worth and encourages individuals to seek partners who treat them well. It also helps individuals recognize and avoid relationships that are disrespectful or harmful. Another example is the belief that "Healthy relationships require effort and communication." This promotes a proactive approach to relationship-building, encouraging individuals to invest in their relationships and address issues constructively. A third example is the belief that "Every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow." This mindset helps individuals view dating experiences, even negative ones, as valuable learning opportunities. It fosters resilience and a growth mindset, which are beneficial for both personal development and relationship success. Lastly, the belief that "I can be happy and fulfilled on my own" is crucial. This belief underscores the importance of self-sufficiency and self-love, reducing the likelihood of entering relationships out of desperation or fear of being alone. In summary, maintaining healthy and positive belief systems about oneself and relationships is vital for mental health in the dating context. These beliefs promote self-esteem, a constructive approach to relationships, resilience in the face of rejection, and reduced dating-related anxiety. By fostering beliefs that emphasize self-worth, the possibility of healthy relationships, learning from experiences, and self-sufficiency, individuals can navigate the dating world with confidence and emotional well-being. Success Beliefs Download Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Mot

Believing that you are worthy of finding love and happiness begins with the realization that your current thoughts and beliefs are simply reflections of what you have accepted as true in the past. If you want to change these beliefs, you must first acknowledge that they exist and then make a conscious decision to change your mind about them. This process starts with recognizing the beliefs you've accepted and choosing to un-accept them. Many of us operate in a default mode of thinking, continuously replaying programmed and practiced beliefs. These automatic thoughts often shape our perceptions of ourselves and our worthiness. To create a different future, especially one filled with love and happiness, you must create new beliefs that don’t exist in your past. This means that your current thoughts, rooted in past experiences, are not useful in building a new reality. Believing is about deciding and accepting something as true. This doesn't mean that it is inherently true; it just means you have chosen to believe it is true. Understanding this distinction is crucial. If you want to disbelieve something, you must first recognize that you've accepted it as true and then decide to change your mind. This involves a deliberate process of un-accepting the old belief and choosing a new one. The concept of truth is not an external entity but rather a decision we make internally. You have the power to choose which truths to believe and which to disbelieve. This means you need to be deliberate about the beliefs you hold. By actively deciding what you want to believe, you can focus on building new, positive beliefs about your worthiness and potential for finding love. A belief is merely a thought you keep thinking. It becomes ingrained through repetition and acceptance. To cultivate a new belief in your worthiness, you need to practice thinking this new thought over and over again. It’s through this repetition that the new belief will eventually become familiar and accepted without question. When you want to adopt a new belief, such as your worthiness of love and happiness, you must be intentional about learning and practicing it. This involves consistently thinking the new thought, embracing it as true, and reinforcing it until it becomes a natural part of your mindset. This deliberate practice is essential for transforming your self-perception. It's important to understand that your current beliefs are not set in stone. They are simply thoughts that have become familiar through repetition. By recognizing this, you can take control and consciously choose to adopt new beliefs that support your desire for love and happiness. This shift requires effort and persistence but is entirely within your power. In summary, building a belief in your worthiness of love and happiness involves recognizing and changing your current thought patterns. By deliberately choosing and practicing new, positive thoughts, you can transform your self-perception and create a future filled with the love and happiness you desire. This process is about making intentional decisions, practicing new beliefs, and embracing the power you have to shape your reality. Success Beliefs Download Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Make dating more possible for you! Join our webinar on Dating Simplified in Three Easy Steps and discover how to make your dating journey easier and more successful with just three simple steps. Register for the webinar here. Maintaining rock-solid confidence while dating with a disability requires inner strength and resilience, especially in the face of negative comments, rejection, and others not seeing you as a potential partner. First, it's essential to cultivate a strong sense of self-worth that isn't dependent on external validation. I know, easier said than done. It is critical that you recognize your inherent value as a person, irrespective of others' opinions or attitudes. Remind yourself of your unique qualities, strengths, and achievements, reinforcing your confidence from within.  If you find yourself really struggling with this, please consider getting support from a mental health professional to help you see your own goodness and strengths. I want to talk specifically about how to maintain confidence in the face of three common situations that come up in the dating scene, particularly nowadays with so much contact being online. These are receiving nasty comments, rejection from others, and people not seeing them as potential partners. Nasty Comments  When faced with nasty comments or discrimination, remember that they stem from ignorance or prejudice, not your worth as an individual. Develop strategies to cope with hurtful remarks, such as practicing self-compassion, seeking support from loved ones, or confronting the issue assertively when necessary. Refuse to internalize negative beliefs about yourself based on others' biases, affirming your worth despite external negativity.  Think about it, if you begin to believe the nasty things that people say to you, you give them your self worth and no one deserves that. Rejected and Confident  Rejection is a natural part of the dating process, but it doesn't diminish your value as a person. Embrace rejection as a learning opportunity rather than a reflection of your worthiness. Understand that compatibility is multifaceted and goes beyond physical appearance or disability. Rejection simply means that the other person isn't the right match for you, not that you're unworthy of love or companionship. Maintain a positive outlook and focus on the aspects of yourself that you can control. Invest in self-improvement and personal growth, honing your skills, interests, and passions. Cultivating a fulfilling and enriching life independently of romantic relationships enhances your confidence and resilience. When dating, approach interactions with authenticity and confidence, knowing that you bring valuable qualities and experiences to the table. Surround yourself with supportive individuals who uplift and encourage you. Build a strong network of friends, family, or support groups who understand and appreciate you for who you are. Lean on them for emotional support and validation, especially during challenging times. Having a supportive community reinforces your confidence and reminds you that you're not alone in your dating journey. Practice self-care regularly to nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in activities that bring you joy, relaxation, and fulfillment, whether it's meditation, exercise, or pursuing hobbies. Prioritizing self-care replenishes your energy and resilience, enabling you to navigate the ups and downs of dating with confidence and grace. When Others Don’t See You  There are definitely many in the world who don’t - or shall we say will not - see people with disabilities as potential partners. Remember them not seeing you this way doesn’t take away from your potential at all. It’s really their loss. Focus on the people who will get it. Focus on fostering genuine connections with others based on mutual respect and understanding. Seek partners who appreciate and admire you for your authenticity and uniqueness. Surround yourself with individuals who see beyond your disability and recognize the depth of your character. By prioritizing quality over quantity in your relationships, you'll build connections that enrich your life and reinforce your confidence. Lastly, celebrate your victories and milestones along the way, no matter how small they may seem. Acknowledge your courage and resilience in navigating the complexities of dating with a disability. Celebrate moments of connection, growth, and self-discovery, recognizing your worthiness of love and companionship. By maintaining rock-solid confidence, you'll approach dating with authenticity and resilience, attracting partners who value and cherish you for who you are. If you would like ongoing support in maintaining rock solid confidence for dating and have a community of support around you in your dating journey, come check us out in Dating Made Easier, our membership providing coaching and resources. Resource for Finding a Mental Health Profess

Maintaining self-esteem while dating with a disability is both empowering and challenging. Affirming oneself is crucial in this journey of probably taking the biggest risk with your heart of putting yourself out there to be vulnerable, show up exactly as you are, disability and all, and face rejection. Last week I did an broad perspective episode on how dating can be a mental health issue as we kick off Mental Health Awareness Month in the States.  I want to follow that episode with some tactical episodes of how to maintain mental health while you date. Remember, much of what I talk about stems from over 25 years of providing mental health counseling and working with many people with disabilities who wanted to date and share their life with someone. Over the next three weeks, we’re going to look at ways to maintain your self esteem, confidence, and belief system while dating. I broke down how to keep your self esteem intact through four ways: through affirming self, having good boundaries by expecting others will treat you respectfully, seeing your disability as an asset, and being resilient in the face of rejection. Affirming Yourself  Recognizing your worth beyond your disability and focusing on your strengths bolsters self-esteem. Focus on your unique qualities, talents, and achievements. This doesn’t mean you only focus on your strengths and ignore the parts of yourself where you need to grow. It means you acknowledge their are beautiful, appealing qualities about you that you bring forth. This is what I call the Power to Attract. This can certainly include qualities of your disability that makes you unique. Affirming yourself means you embrace self-love and acceptance, understanding that your disability doesn't define you entirely but adds depth to your character. Focusing on personal growth and fulfillment outside of dating is essential. Pursue hobbies, interests, and goals that bring you joy and fulfillment. Cultivating a rich and fulfilling life independent of romantic relationships enhances your confidence and self-esteem. When dating, you'll approach relationships from a place of abundance rather than seeking validation or fulfillment from others. Practicing self-care is vital for maintaining self-esteem. Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Engage in activities that nourish your soul, whether it's meditation, exercise, or spending time in nature. Nurturing yourself holistically reinforces your sense of worth and resilience, enabling you to approach dating with confidence and authenticity. Healthy Boundaries  Establishing and maintaining healthy boundaries is essential. Spend time thinking about what boundaries you want for dating and relationships. Learn to communicate  your needs clearly and assertively. This may mean practice saying them out loud or writing them down. Setting boundaries reinforces your self-worth and ensures that you're treated with dignity and kindness. Remember that anyone who disregards your boundaries isn't worthy of your time and affection. Disability/Difference as an Asset Viewing your disability as an asset rather than a barrier can significantly impact your self-esteem. Understand that it shapes your experiences and perspectives uniquely, offering insights and strengths that others may not possess. Embrace your disability as a part of your identity. This shows yourself and others how resilient and adaptable you are. Highlighting how it enriches your life can attract partners who appreciate and admire your perspective. Embrace vulnerability in dating, recognizing it as a strength rather than a weakness. Opening yourself up to potential partners requires courage and authenticity. Vulnerability fosters genuine connections and intimacy, deepening your relationships. Embracing vulnerability allows you to express your true self authentically, fostering meaningful connections built on trust and mutual respect. Handling Rejection  Resilience is key when navigating the dating world with a disability. Rejection will most likely occur at some point, but don’t make it about you and let it diminish your worth. Expecting rejection as a possibility can lessen its impact and empower you to persevere. Each rejection is an opportunity for growth and learning, not a reflection of your value as a person. Channeling resilience allows you to bounce back stronger, remaining open to new connections and experiences. Surrounding yourself with a supportive community can bolster your self-esteem. Seek out friends, family, or support groups who uplift and encourage you. Sharing experiences and advice with others who understand your journey can provide invaluable support and validation. A strong support network reinforces your worth and reminds you that you're not alone in your dating endeavors. Lastly, celebrate your successes and milestones along the way. Acknowledge your courage and resilience in navigating the complexities of dating with a disabili

I unfortunately lost my voice so today you're enjoying a replay of a popular episode on "Feeling Attractive." It's a good cue for the remainder of the episodes in May about preserving your mental health when dating. "I don't feel attractive." If you haven’t said that at some point in your life, I think you’re in a very small and fortunate group. Most of us have grappled with this feeling, which is really a belief, at some point in our lives, especially when it comes to dating. While we are certainly working on changing this on both an individual and collective level in the Disabled community, we can still make some significant inroads. For years now, I have been running a dating with disabilities survey that people get a link to when they opt in to many of my resource guides. A top concern that people with disabilities express relates to believing they’re not attractive. I grew up with that concern and didn't shed it until I was well into my thirties, despite dating and having relationships. It's a belief that can really weigh you down. It did me. The GREAT NEWS is feeling this way can be UNDONE and once it is, there's no going back. I think the majority of people, both with and without disabilities, struggle at some point in their life with this feeling. We're all bombarded with messages from traditional and social media about what is and isn't considered "attractive." Then throw in a disability and where is any framework around what's attractive? Time to make our own! Feeling attractive is a state of mind. It is not something that is determined by your physical appearance. What you believe about yourself is more important than what others believe about you. If you believe that you are attractive, then you will be more likely to feel attractive. You can change your beliefs about yourself through positive self-talk and affirmations. It is important to focus on your positive qualities and to celebrate your unique beauty. Remember that everyone is different and that there is no one definition of beauty. Be confident in who you are and be proud of your appearance. Feeling attractive is a state of mind because it is based on your perception of yourself, not on how others perceive you. Your perception of yourself is influenced by your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself. You can change your perception of yourself by changing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself. You can change your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself by practicing positive self-talk, affirmations, and visualization. Positive self-talk is when you say positive things to yourself, such as "I am beautiful" or "I am worthy of love." Affirmations are positive statements that you repeat to yourself, such as "I am confident" or "I am capable." Visualization is when you imagine yourself being successful or attractive. It is important to focus on your positive qualities and to celebrate your unique beauty. Everyone is different and there is no one definition of beauty. Be confident in who you are and be proud of your appearance. It begins with a relatively simple process called "Flipping the Script," turning around your thoughts when you feel yourself sinking into negative thinking. What if...instead of placing your energy on worrying if you're attractive, you placed that focus on what IS attractive about you? This will take practice, but here's the thing I have learned about living fully and happily with a disability: it's a disciplined practice until it begins to come naturally to you. If you need help with this, here's an exercise to get you beginning to flip that script. I know there's at least 25 attractive characteristics about you. Don't worry, I won't ask you to list all 25, just five of them. Then spend the next 30 days (yes, 30 consecutive days) reading the list at least once a day. This daily practice is going to be very integral to flipping that thinking to all that is attractive about you. This is then going to lead to increased confidence - and not just for dating, but overall. This change in my mindset was a game changer for me and I just began to feel better about myself in general. How to Feel Attractive Guide Dating Survey Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Dating and choosing healthy relationships significantly impact mental health due to their profound influence on emotions, self-esteem, and overall well-being. First, the process of dating itself can evoke a wide range of emotions, from excitement and anticipation to anxiety and vulnerability. These emotional fluctuations can exacerbate existing mental health conditions such as anxiety disorders or depression, and for those without pre-existing conditions, the stress of dating can still lead to temporary feelings of distress, with the potential of decreasing self esteem and damaging confidence  Moreover, the experience of rejection in dating can have a detrimental effect on mental health. Rejection is an inevitable part of the dating process, but repeated rejections or a pattern of unsuccessful relationships can contribute to feelings of inadequacy, low self-worth, and even depression.  These negative emotions may perpetuate a cycle of unhealthy dating behaviors, such as seeking validation through relationships or avoiding dating altogether to protect oneself from further rejection, both of which can hinder mental well-being. The important thing to remember is rejection doesn’t define you at all. It’s just the other person indicating a preference. Not everyone likes asparagus but that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with asparagus. Check out episode 30 on Rejection for more guidance on how to not let it get to you. The quality of relationships plays a crucial role in mental health outcomes. Healthy relationships characterized by mutual respect, trust, and effective communication can have a positive impact on mental health by providing support, companionship, and a sense of belonging. Conversely, toxic or abusive relationships can be profoundly damaging to mental health, leading to anxiety, depression, trauma, and even post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). Victims of abuse may also experience feelings of shame, guilt, and isolation, which can further exacerbate mental health issues. Self-esteem is intricately linked to relationship dynamics, as individuals often derive a sense of self-worth and validation from their romantic partners. In healthy relationships, partners uplift and support each other, bolstering self-esteem and fostering a positive self-image. In toxic relationships, partners may engage in manipulation, gaslighting, or other abusive behaviors that chip away at self-esteem and undermine mental well-being. Over time, this erosion of self-esteem can contribute to a host of mental health problems, including anxiety, depression, and even personality disorders. This is why having a good understanding of yourself and your boundaries before you get involved in relationships is uber important. This will help to protect you from harmful relationships by giving you that feeling in your stomach that you know you need to listen to. The societal pressure to be in a relationship can also take a toll on mental health, particularly for those who are single or experiencing difficulty in finding a compatible partner. In a culture that often equates relationship status with personal worth, individuals who are not in relationships may feel marginalized, inadequate, or stigmatized. This societal stigma can exacerbate feelings of loneliness, isolation, and low self-esteem, all of which are risk factors for poor mental health outcomes. This is why much of the work I do with people is about suring up their self esteem and confidence, regardless of relationship status. Online dating and social media has introduced new challenges to the dating landscape, with studies indicating a correlation between social media use and poor mental health outcomes such as anxiety, depression, and loneliness. The curated nature of social media profiles can foster unrealistic expectations and comparisons, leading individuals to feel inadequate or dissatisfied with their own lives and relationships. Additionally, online interactions lack the depth and nuance of face-to-face communication, making it easier for misunderstandings to occur and for conflicts to escalate, further straining mental health. Attachment styles developed in early childhood can influence adult romantic relationships and mental health outcomes. Individuals with insecure attachment styles, such as anxious-preoccupied or fearful-avoidant attachment, may struggle with intimacy, trust, and emotional regulation in relationships, leading to heightened stress and anxiety. These attachment patterns can perpetuate cycles of unhealthy relationship dynamics, as individuals may unconsciously seek out partners who replicate familiar but dysfunctional patterns. Finally, unresolved trauma or past experiences of abuse can shape relationship patterns and impact mental health in profound ways. Individuals who have experienced trauma may struggle with issues of trust, intimacy, and emotional vulnerability in relationships, leading to difficulties in forming and maintaining h

Making meaningful connections is a fundamental aspect of human existence, vital for emotional well-being and personal growth. The strategy of making meaningful connections goes beyond mere socializing; it involves actively engaging in relationships that enrich our lives and contribute positively to our sense of belonging. Breaking the cycle of loneliness and isolation requires learning new skills to develop quality relationships, and there are several key strategies and skills that can facilitate this process. One crucial skill for making meaningful connections is effective communication. Communication forms the bedrock of any relationship, enabling individuals to express themselves authentically and understand others empathetically. Effective communication involves active listening, genuine expression of thoughts and feelings, and the ability to navigate conflicts constructively. By honing these communication skills, individuals can foster deeper connections with others, leading to more fulfilling relationships. Another crucial skill is developing the confidence to approach others with authenticity and openness. Confidence serves as a catalyst for meaningful interactions, empowering individuals to initiate conversations and forge connections with those around them. By cultivating self-assurance and a positive self-image, individuals can overcome social barriers and engage more confidently in social settings, ultimately expanding their social circles and reducing feelings of loneliness. Furthermore, the Making Meaningful Connections strategy emphasizes the importance of finding common ground to develop quality relationships. Finding common interests, values, or experiences provides a solid foundation for connection and fosters a sense of belonging. By actively seeking out shared experiences or topics of conversation, individuals can establish rapport and deepen their connections with others. This approach not only cultivates a sense of camaraderie but also encourages mutual understanding and empathy, laying the groundwork for lasting and fulfilling relationships. Despite the desire for connection, many individuals may fear rejection or mistreatment by others, leading to hesitancy in forming new relationships. The fear of being vulnerable and experiencing hurt or betrayal can contribute to a cycle of loneliness and isolation. However, the Power to Attract method offers a transformative approach to overcoming these fears and attracting positive relationships. The Power to Attract method emphasizes self-worth and personal empowerment, teaching individuals how to attract the right people who recognize and appreciate their value. By cultivating self-confidence and embracing authenticity, individuals can radiate a magnetic presence that draws like-minded individuals into their lives. This method encourages individuals to focus on their strengths and unique qualities, recognizing that they deserve to be surrounded by individuals who uplift and support them. Moreover, the Power to Attract method emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care. By establishing clear boundaries and honoring their own needs and values, individuals can attract relationships that are healthy and mutually fulfilling. This approach empowers individuals to discern between those who genuinely value them and those who may not have their best interests at heart. Furthermore, the Power to Attract method emphasizes the power of positive thinking and visualization in manifesting meaningful connections. By envisioning the kind of relationships they desire and believing in their ability to attract them, individuals can cultivate a mindset of abundance and possibility. This method encourages individuals to let go of limiting beliefs and past traumas, opening themselves up to new opportunities for connection and growth. In conclusion, making meaningful connections is essential for breaking the cycle of loneliness and isolation, enriching our lives with deeper relationships and a sense of belonging. By learning new skills such as effective communication, empathy, and emotional intelligence, individuals can cultivate quality connections that bring joy and fulfillment. Additionally, the Power to Attract method offers a transformative approach to overcoming fears and attracting positive relationships, empowering individuals to embrace their worth and create meaningful connections based on mutual respect and understanding. Check out our Skill Based Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help studen

As mentioned in the last episode, here's the TV interview I did on dating with a disability. Dating can be a complex journey for anyone, but for people with disabilities, it often comes with additional challenges. One significant hurdle is societal attitudes and misconceptions surrounding disability, which can lead to isolation and a lack of dating opportunities. Many individuals with disabilities face discrimination, stigma, and ableism, which can make it difficult to form romantic connections. This isolation that already exists due to inaccessibility, employment discrimination, and general exclusion can further exacerbate feelings of loneliness and diminish self-esteem. One of the key issues faced by people with disabilities in the dating world is the lack of accessibility. Physical barriers, such as inaccessible venues or transportation, can limit opportunities for socializing and meeting potential partners. Additionally, there may be a lack of understanding and accommodation from others, which can make it challenging to navigate social situations. Furthermore, there's often a lack of representation of people with disabilities in mainstream media and dating platforms, which can perpetuate stereotypes and further marginalize this community. This lack of visibility can make it harder for individuals with disabilities to find meaningful connections and feel valued in the dating scene. Deconstructing this with Power Hours The Power Hours in Dating Made Easier membership aims to address these challenges by providing a supportive community and resources specifically tailored to the needs of members in solving dating challenges. Similar to how going to the gym can improve physical health, participating in these Power Hours can nurture self-esteem and build confidence in dating skills. Through workshops, coaching sessions, and peer support, members can learn strategies for navigating social interactions and building meaningful connections. By fostering a sense of empowerment and self-worth, the Power Hours helps individuals with disabilities recognize their value and potential in the dating world. This can be particularly transformative for those who may have previously felt marginalized or excluded from mainstream dating culture. Just as regular exercise can lead to physical transformation, consistent participation in the program can lead to positive shifts in mindset and behavior. Moreover, the community aspect of the program provides a sense of belonging and camaraderie, which can counteract feelings of isolation often experienced by people with disabilities. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can be validating and empowering, fostering a sense of solidarity and mutual support. The skills and confidence gained through the Power Hours program extend beyond dating and can positively impact various areas of life. Just as building physical strength at the gym can enhance overall well-being, developing social skills and self-assurance can lead to greater fulfillment and success in relationships, career, and personal growth. Ultimately, the Power Hours in Dating Made Easier membership offers a holistic approach to addressing the challenges faced by people with disabilities in the dating world. By nurturing self-esteem, building confidence, and providing practical tools for navigating social interactions, the program empowers individuals to pursue fulfilling relationships and lead more enriching lives. Through support and encouragement, members can overcome barriers and embrace their full potential in the realm of dating and beyond. Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills.  Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

April is observed as Sexual Assault Awareness Month, serving as a poignant reminder of the prevalence and impact of sexual violence in our society. It's a time to raise awareness, educate communities, and advocate for prevention measures. One crucial aspect often overlooked is the intersectionality of sexual assault, particularly concerning people with disabilities. Shockingly, individuals with disabilities experience sexual assault at a rate seven times higher than those without disabilities. This alarming statistic highlights a deeply concerning trend that demands urgent attention and action. Addressing sexual assault among individuals with disabilities necessitates a multifaceted approach. One crucial aspect is empowering individuals with the necessary skills and knowledge to navigate dating and relationships safely. This includes providing sexual health education to all students and to stop pulling students with disabilities out of these classes so they don’t learn about their own bodies. This also includes comprehensive education on consent, healthy boundaries, and assertiveness in communication. By equipping people with these tools, they are better equipped to recognize and respond to situations of potential harm. Prevention strategies must also include addressing the systemic issues contributing to the vulnerability of people with disabilities. The shortage of staff in disability services exacerbates this vulnerability, leaving many individuals without adequate support and protection. This shortage not only limits access to critical resources but also increases the likelihood of exploitation and abuse going unnoticed or unreported. Furthermore, promoting a culture of consent and respect within relationships is paramount. This involves fostering open dialogue about sexuality and intimacy, challenging harmful stereotypes, and promoting positive relationship dynamics built on mutual trust and respect. By promoting healthy relationships, we create environments where sexual assault is less likely to occur. Education on dating skills and healthy boundaries is not only about prevention but also about empowerment. It empowers individuals to assert their rights, communicate their needs, and advocate for their own safety and well-being. It's about shifting the narrative from victim-blaming to empowering survivors and holding perpetrators accountable for their actions. Moreover, sexual assault prevention efforts must be inclusive and accessible to individuals with disabilities. This means providing resources in formats accessible to various disabilities, ensuring physical spaces are accessible, and offering support services tailored to the needs of individuals with disabilities. By addressing the unique challenges we faced, we can work towards creating a more inclusive and equitable society for all. Raising awareness about the prevalence of sexual assault among people with disabilities is crucial in challenging societal attitudes and misconceptions. It requires dismantling ableist notions that perpetuate the vulnerability of individuals with disabilities and advocating for their rights to safety and bodily autonomy. We need to stress the true meaning of Everyone when we talk about the right to live free from violence and exploitation. Furthermore, collaboration between disability services, advocacy organizations, and government agencies is essential in addressing the root causes of sexual violence and implementing effective prevention strategies. This includes investing in training programs for service providers, expanding access to support services, and advocating for policy changes to better protect individuals with disabilities. Sexual Assault Awareness Month serves as an important opportunity to shine a spotlight on the pervasive issue of sexual violence and its disproportionate impact on people with disabilities. By promoting education, empowerment, and inclusive prevention efforts, we can work towards creating a safer and more equitable society for all individuals, regardless of their disability status. It's time to break the silence, challenge societal norms, and stand in solidarity with survivors of sexual assault. One of the many reasons why I created the Dating Made Easier membership was to equip people with knowledge, skills and resources that would both empower and support them. If you’re interested in increasing your success in dating and relationships, please check out Radiantabilities.com and learn more. Be empowered and safe, my friend, and always let someone know if you don’t feel that way. Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in

In a society where stereotypes often overshadow their potential for romantic connections, people with disabilities face the challenge of being seen as worthy partners. However, your journey isn't limited by these preconceptions but rather defined by unique insights and experiences that can reshape perceptions and foster meaningful relationships beyond mere friendship. Part of the mission I’m on is to help people with disabilities redefine how they are seen. This involves claiming worthiness of love and romance while projecting this belief to a world that often overlooks us as potential partners. Recently in the Dating Made Easier membership, a member asked, “How can we get people to see us as more than friends?” Good question. It sparked a discussion in the membership about not being seen as romantic partners. Despite how much we have advanced in our social views to be more inclusive of diversity, people with disabilities continue to struggle with being seen as romantic partners. We have all heard “You’re a good friend,” too many times. While we can’t exactly change what others think of us because that’s ultimately up to them, we can change how we think about ourselves and consequently show up in the face of resistance in acknowledging our sexuality. Today I’m going to offer you some tools you can use when faced with the challenge of others not seeing you as a potential partner. Personal Narratives Be transparent and even raw. Sharing personal narratives becomes a powerful tool for individuals with disabilities to shed light on their desires, dreams, and experiences in romantic relationships. Through candid discussions about their journey and the obstacles they've faced, they humanize their experiences and offer profound insights into navigating romance with a disability. This is how you begin to open minds to see ALL of you. Education and Awareness Promoting education and awareness about disabilities becomes crucial in dispelling myths and misconceptions surrounding romantic relationships involving individuals with disabilities. Take those “micro opportunities” to address common stereotypes and emphasize the importance of inclusivity and acceptance in matters of love and romance. We often do this by simply expressing our desires to others, rather than keeping it inside. Advocacy Active involvement in advocacy initiatives and representation, particularly on social media platforms helps amplify the voices of individuals with disabilities in the realm of romantic relationships. By advocating for inclusive policies and challenging societal norms, they strive to pave the way for greater acceptance and representation in dating contexts, projecting the message that they are indeed worthy of love and romance. Redefining Beauty and Attraction Individuals with disabilities possess the power to challenge conventional notions of beauty and attraction by embracing diverse forms of attractiveness. Through celebrating their uniqueness and individuality, they inspire others to see beyond physical appearance and appreciate connections based on mutual compatibility and respect. This is why one of the core principles I teach is the Power to Attract, a concept that teaches you to identify what is uniquely attractive within you and then projecting that to others. Communication and Assertiveness Effective communication and assertiveness become vital for individuals with disabilities to convey their romantic intentions and preferences clearly. By expressing their desires and boundaries confidently, they empower themselves and others to engage in open and respectful dialogue about dating and relationships, thus projecting their belief in their worthiness of love. Role Modeling Healthy Relationships Knowing you’re worth healthy and fulfilling relationships becomes a powerful testament to the potential for romantic connections involving individuals with disabilities. Know what you want in relationships and be choosy. By demonstrating traits like mutual respect, communication, and support, they challenge stereotypes and inspire others to view them as desirable and capable partners, thus projecting their belief in their worthiness of love and romance. Fostering Empathy and Understanding Encouraging empathy and understanding among peers and acquaintances creates a more inclusive and supportive environment for individuals with disabilities seeking romantic relationships. By sharing their perspectives and experiences, they foster empathy and promote allyship, projecting the message that they are just as worthy of love and romance as anyone else. Embracing Vulnerability and Authenticity Embracing vulnerability and authenticity becomes essential for forging genuine connections in romantic relationships. By embracing your vulnerabilities and sharing you authentic selves, we inspire deeper connections based on trust and mutual understanding, thus projecting their belief in their worthiness of love. Advocating for Accessibility Advocating fo

You know my parents were matched on a blind date and they had a love affair with one another that lasted for 65 years of marriage. Of course I’m profoundly grateful that my parents had friends that thought they would make a good couple and set them up. There’s a lot of power in matching people with potential partners. It can change lives and lead to very fulfilling relationships. Many people, both with and  without disabilities, are looking to be matched by people they trust. Why not? It can be an easy way to meet people. But it’s not what I do. Many people have trouble believing that I don’t match make. A few months ago a follower of mine insisted that I match him up with one of the “dozens people i knew that would be a potential match for him.” Keep in mind I never actually spoke to this person but was supposed to magically know the right person for their most intimate relationship. More recently, someone was disappointed that the Dating Made Easier membership that I developed and run to offer coaching, resources, and support in dating didn’t have a match making component to it. My approach for the membership is the same as the private facebook group I have run for many years for people with disabilities who want to date. While I don’t intentionally match people or even encourage it, I certainly don’t prevent people from getting to know one another on a personal level. When there was this most recent confusion about the absence of matching making, I thought once again, how can I effectively explain why I don’t believe match making is the best thing I can do for people. Then the “feed a person a fish versus teach a person to fish” analogy came to me. Learning dating skills such as self-esteem, confidence, effective communication, and boundary-setting offers a powerful advantage in the realm of relationships. First, cultivating self-esteem and confidence equips individuals with the inner strength and assurance needed to navigate the complexities of dating. With a solid sense of self-worth, individuals are less likely to settle for less than they deserve and are better positioned to attract partners who value them equally. Moreover, mastering effective listening and communication skills is essential for conveying one's value and worth in relationships. Being able to express oneself clearly, actively listen to others, and communicate needs and boundaries fosters mutual understanding and respect between partners. This, in turn, lays the foundation for healthy and fulfilling connections built on mutual appreciation and empathy. Furthermore, the ability to develop healthy boundaries is crucial for maintaining autonomy and self-respect in relationships. By establishing and enforcing boundaries, individuals safeguard their emotional well-being and prevent potential exploitation or manipulation by others. This empowers individuals to engage in relationships from a position of strength rather than vulnerability. Making good decisions is a cornerstone of successful dating. With sound judgment and discernment, individuals can assess potential partners more effectively, identifying compatibility and foreseeing potential pitfalls before committing. This not only reduces the likelihood of entering into unhealthy relationships but also minimizes the risk of heartache and disappointment. That’s what it looks like to develop essential skills that can set you up for dating success. Now let’s talk about being matched by a service or someone else. Relying solely on being matched with someone overlooks the importance of skill development and personal empowerment in dating. While matchmaking may facilitate initial introductions, they do not guarantee compatibility or long-term success. In the event of a failed match, individuals who lack essential dating skills may find themselves at a loss, unsure of how to navigate the dating landscape independently. Furthermore, investing in personal growth and skill development empowers individuals to take an active role in shaping their romantic lives. Rather than passively waiting for opportunities to arise, they proactively seek out connections and opportunities for growth. This proactive approach not only increases the likelihood of finding compatible partners but also fosters a sense of empowerment and agency in one's dating journey. Honing dating skills fosters resilience and adaptability in the face of setbacks. Rejection and disappointment are inevitable aspects of dating, but individuals with strong self-esteem and effective coping strategies are better equipped to bounce back and continue their search for love. They view each experience as a learning opportunity, growing stronger and more resilient with each challenge encountered. Additionally, developing dating skills enhances overall interpersonal competence, benefiting not only romantic relationships but also friendships, family dynamics, and professional interactions. Effective communication, empathy, and boundary-setting

Dating can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience for individuals with disabilities, yet it often comes with unique challenges and apprehensions. These challenges can be so overwhelming at times that you can get stuck in “I don’t know what to do.” Today with all the choices in dating platforms and more and more people using them, I get why you would feel like “I just don’t know what to do.” But “I don’t knows” can easily lead to no action, no follow through and the risk of giving up. We don’t really get taught or supported around how to counter the “I don’t knows” in a proactive way, especially when it comes to dating and relationships. Until now. If you have listened to me for any amount of time, you can probably say this with me now, everything related to dating and relationships can be figured out. But they can’t be figured out when we stay in “I don’t know.” This is why I created the Dating Made Easier membership - so that dating can be figured out for you. Yes, I’m talking right to you. You just got to willing to try something versus nothing. Some things may not work and that is okay. Look, I tried for 20 years before dating really worked for me. That is indeed a lonnnng time, but what was key is I never gave up and then it eventually came all together. I’m speaking to you right now because I would have given my life’s savings for this advice when I was feeling I didn’t know how to date or meet the right people. So here’s what you need to get out of “I don’t know.” One question and many different tools. The question you want to ask yourself is if you did know, what would you do? This is such an important question to ask because we usually have some inner wisdom within us that knows what to do or at least try. Trust that part of yourself. It knows. Then the tools, which partly this podcast is all about, offering you tools to figure out the dating puzzle. For the sake of example, I’m going to use what has been our theme in recent episodes - how to meet people. A common concern is the difficulty in meeting potential partners. However, with the right approach and support, individuals with disabilities can navigate the dating world confidently and successfully. We often just need guidance, information and resources to break down the bigger problem. And this is vital, you got to be willing to put the time and effort into figuring out how to make such tools work for you. For example, the new "How to Meet New People" guide offers valuable insights into various ways of initiating connections tailored to individual preferences and comfort levels. This resource not only empowers individuals to explore familiar avenues but also encourages them to step out of their comfort zones and embrace new opportunities for social interaction. One of the key aspects of getting out there to meet new people is fostering a sense of confidence and self-assurance. By providing guidance on how to initiate conversations and forge connections in a manner that aligns with their personality and preferences, "How to Meet New People" empowers individuals to approach dating with a positive mindset. This resource emphasizes authenticity and encourages individuals to embrace their uniqueness, recognizing it as a strength rather than a limitation For many individuals with disabilities, time constraints can present a significant barrier to engaging in the dating scene. The concept of "Power Hours" addresses this challenge by emphasizing efficiency and effectiveness in utilizing limited time. Through structured sessions lasting just one to two hours per week, participants can acquire essential skills and receive invaluable support to enhance their dating journey. These dedicated sessions offer a manageable and focused approach, allowing individuals to make meaningful progress while accommodating their busy schedules. Moreover, "Power Hours" serve as a dedicated space where individuals can receive personalized support and guidance from experts and peers alike. These sessions offer a platform for sharing experiences, seeking advice, and building camaraderie with others facing similar challenges. Through collaborative learning and mutual encouragement, participants can overcome obstacles and gain the confidence to navigate the dating landscape with resilience and optimism. “Power Hours" offer a structured framework for individuals to develop essential social and communication skills that are integral to building healthy and fulfilling relationships. From active listening to effective communication and conflict resolution, these sessions provide valuable insights and practical techniques to navigate the complexities of interpersonal dynamics with confidence and grace In addition to practical strategies, fostering a supportive and inclusive community is essential for individuals with disabilities embarking on their dating journey. By participating in group activities, workshops, and meetings in Dating Made Easier members can expand their social ne

Dating can be intimidating for anyone, but if you're living with a disability, it might feel like an impossible hurdle to overcome. One of my core beliefs about dating is that dating, for anyone, can be a puzzle to be figured out - in your own way. You may just need guidance and support in doing so. One of the areas this is very true is how to meet new people. While many people find their partners through work and other common venues, many others need to new people in order to meet people they can date. When you have a certain routine in your life or you have limited access to go where you want when you want, meeting new people can be hard. You may be thinking meeting new people is hard work. Yes, it might require a bit more effort and creativity, but the rewards can be immense. It's natural to feel hesitant or uncertain, but don't let that stop you from putting yourself out there. One common struggle for many people, disability or not, is following through on commitments. It's hard for me to follow through on anything. This sentiment can be particularly daunting when it comes to trying to meet new people. But remember, meeting people is quite like a puzzle in itself. You often have to try many places and get to know various people before finding the right combination of what feels like a fit. Don't be discouraged by setbacks or missed connections. Keep moving forward, and eventually, you'll find someone who appreciates your efforts. But in order to do this, you need commit yourself to doing the work. Accountability and follow through are crucial in any dating efforts. This is another key element I teach about dating and one of the reasons I created the Dating Made Easier membership because a lot of trials and errors are needed to make dating successful and you often need ongoing support and encouragement when you’re putting yourself out there. Why is accountability and follow through important? Because it shows reliability, trustworthiness, and respect for both yourself and others. When you make plans to pursue your dreams, sticking to those plans demonstrates your commitment and integrity. The most rewarding things in life always require a little more focus and time. This holds true for taking risks and trying new things like meeting new people as well. While it might be tempting to rush into things or give up when faced with obstacles, remember that meaningful connections take patience and dedication. Take the time to truly get to know someone and allow them to get to know you. Seeking support from your friends and the people who love you can make a world of difference in staying accountable and continuing to put yourself out there to meet new people. Whether it's friends, family, or a therapist, having a support system can provide encouragement, advice, and a listening ear when you need it most. Don't be afraid to lean on others for help and guidance along the way. It's easy to blame external factors or circumstances for how hard it is to meet new people, but ultimately your dating success comes down to you and your willingness to do the work. Take ownership of your journey and be proactive in pursuing the connections you desire. By staying focused, resilient, and true to yourself, you can handle any challenges that come your way. To help you, I have updated my Roadmap to How to Meet New People guide to include ideas for where to meet people and how to go about doing so in a way that feels right for you. Just a side note, another benefit to joining Dating Made Easier is members get more extensive guides on topics like meeting people with a plan and support of how to put your learning into action. Don't let fear or self-doubt hold you back from experiencing the joys of dating. Embrace the journey, celebrate your successes, and learn from your setbacks. With determination, patience, and a positive mindset, you can find meaningful and fulfilling relationships, regardless of any obstacles you may face. Remember, everything, no matter how impossible you think it may be, in dating can be figured out. And if one of your biggest dreams is finding love, then what else are you going to do? Deny yourself of happiness? I don’t think so. You’re going to keep trying until it works. Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

For the last few weeks we’ve been looking at The Big Three challenges in dating with a disability - Communicating with potential dates, figuring out how to meet people, and issues that are specific to disability, such as accessibility and transportation. I would easily argue that most people dating, disability or not, struggles with the first two. If you haven’t listened to them, I would encourage you to do a little binge session, beginning with The Big Three and then the following episodes that break down each of the challenges while offering guidance in finding solutions for them. Dating with a disability can present unique challenges, often compounded by societal misconceptions and prejudices. It's not uncommon for individuals with disabilities to express feelings of unworthiness or doubt regarding their desirability in the dating realm. However, I want to discuss today about how whatever challenge you’re encountering with dating is something that can be figured out. I know that may seem like an oversimplified way to encourage you, but the biggest factor that has influenced my ability to get what I want in life is my ability to believe that whatever problem or challenge I’m dealing with can be figured out. By the way, a terrific book I recommend on this topic is Everything Is Figureoutable by Marie Forleo. I know when you live with a disability, a lot of things don’t feel figureoutable, especially when it comes to how other people react and respond to you in social and dating settings. But let me ask you this, what else are you going to do? Are you going to let one of your biggest dreams go because it feels too hard? I hope not. I often say if a dream of having a partner is on your heart, it’s there for a reason, it meant to fulfill you and your life. Oh but it takes work, huh? You may have to improve your skills, work through your fear of rejection, and keep trying different things until something clicks. But again, what else are you going to do? Accept a smaller life for yourself? Get used to the loneliness? Always wonder what might have been? This is why for the rest of my career i am dedicated to helping whoever wants to figure out what I call the dating puzzle. And that includes both people with and without disabilities. The thing is that as a society we don’t approach dating as a problem to be figured out or a set of skills to be developed. We tend think of it as some people can do it and others can’t. That’s BS and that kind of thinking will only lead to disappointment. It’s a process to figure out dating and develop skills. But again, what else are you gonna do? That’s why in the Dating Made Easier membership, every month we focus on skills and figuring out the unique dating dilemmas members are experiencing. We do this through giving people tools to better equipped them for going out and meeting people. Today I want to give you a peek at two of the tools we use inside of Dating Made Easier. Identifying one's Power to Attract and utilizing the Attracting the Right Partner method. These two techniques help culltivate self-worth and clarity in their search for meaningful relationships. To begin, recognizing and harnessing one's Power to Attract is essential. Each person possesses inherent qualities that make them lovable and worthy of love. Whether it's kindness, intelligence, humor, or compassion, these attributes transcend physical appearance or ability. By embracing these qualities, individuals with disabilities can bolster their confidence and understand that they have much to offer in a relationship. Moreover, cultivating self-love and acceptance is integral to unlocking one's Power to Attract. Society's narrow standards of beauty and desirability often perpetuate feelings of inadequacy among individuals with disabilities. However, by embracing their uniqueness and celebrating our strengths, we can radiate confidence and attract partners who appreciate them for who they are, rather than focusing solely on their disability. Furthermore, the Attracting the Right Partner method provides a framework for individuals to discern compatible and supportive partners. This approach encourages individuals to reflect on their values, interests, and relationship goals, thereby gaining clarity on the type of partner they seek. By defining their ideal relationship dynamic and setting boundaries, individuals can navigate the dating landscape with intentionality and confidence. Additionally, fostering a supportive network of friends, family, and community allies can enhance one's journey towards finding a compatible partner. These individuals can offer guidance, encouragement, and companionship, serving as a source of strength and affirmation. By surrounding themselves with positive influences, individuals with disabilities can cultivate a sense of belonging and worthiness, which is integral to attracting the right partner. Embracing vulnerability and authenticity in dating can foster deeper connections and mut

There are obviously many challenges to dating with a disability. After all, that’s why I have created a podcast devoted to these issues, as well as my work. Over the last few weeks we have been looking at the The Big Three challenges of dating with a disability: communication, how to meet people, and disability related issues specific to dating. Today we’re looking at the last of the Big Three. When I thought about preparing for this podcast, I thought, where do I begin? Then I thought, how the heck do I organize this info, there’s so many factors. I decided to go back to the data I have, the research I did two years ago in interviewing 78 people with disabilities about their experiences in dating with a disability. Here’s what stood out in my big spreadsheet - communication of challenges related to having a disability, dealing with overprotective families, lack of transportation, health concerns, understanding disability, sex related issues when you have a disability, asking for help from a potential date. It can be daunting to articulate the intricacies of one's condition to a potential partner, especially when there's fear of being misunderstood or stigmatized. Finding the balance between honesty and vulnerability is crucial in building a foundation of trust and understanding in a relationship. We’re often find we’re educating people in the process. I believe one of the most helpful ways to approach this issue is to treat it as a DEI matter of fact issue and not with any ounce of shame. I know, easier said than done, but you needing an accessible restaurant to dine at on a date is just a fact. Dealing with overprotective families adds another layer of complexity to dating with a disability. While their concerns may stem from a place of love and care, navigating the dynamics between protection and autonomy can be challenging. It's essential for both parties to establish boundaries and assert independence while also acknowledging the importance of familial support. The lack of accessible transportation poses a significant barrier to dating for individuals with disabilities. Simple activities like going out for dinner or catching a movie can become logistical challenges when transportation options are limited. This limitation not only restricts opportunities for social interaction but also adds a layer of frustration and isolation, making it harder to foster connections with potential partners. Health concerns are another critical aspect that impacts dating with a disability. Managing one's health condition while navigating the complexities of a relationship requires careful consideration and communication. It's essential to find a partner who is understanding and supportive of the unique health needs and challenges that may arise. Understanding disability, both within oneself and among potential partners, is crucial for fostering meaningful connections. Breaking down misconceptions and stereotypes surrounding disabilities is a continuous process that requires patience and empathy from both parties. Building a relationship based on mutual respect and understanding can help overcome societal barriers and create a supportive environment for both individuals. Naturally, TONS more can be said on this one, but helping someone understand disability is way easier when you are already at a good place of accepting it as a natural part of who you are. That’s why in Dating Made Easier, my coaching membership, we spend a lot of time solidifying your self esteem and sense of worth. Sex-related issues can be particularly sensitive for individuals with disabilities. Navigating intimacy and addressing physical limitations require open and honest communication between partners. It's essential to prioritize consent, comfort, and mutual satisfaction while exploring intimacy in a relationship. Asking for help from a potential date can feel daunting and vulnerable, especially when it involves accommodating one's disability. However, it's important to recognize that asking for assistance is not a sign of weakness but rather a demonstration of trust and openness. Building a relationship based on mutual support and understanding allows both partners to grow together and navigate challenges as a team. Reflecting on these challenges, it's clear that dating with a disability requires resilience, patience, and self-advocacy. It's about embracing vulnerability, celebrating individual strengths, and fostering genuine connections based on understanding and acceptance. By acknowledging and addressing these challenges openly, individuals with disabilities can navigate the complexities of dating with confidence and authenticity, ultimately finding fulfilling and meaningful relationships. And if you find you need some help in the form of coaching, resources, and community around you in your journey to date successfully and develop meaningful relationships, do check us out at Dating Made Easier. We’re on a mission to figure out dating for eve

The most common question I get on dating is, "How do I meet people?" It’s one of the top three challenges people with disabilities (and I’m sure people without as well) report as being a barrier to dating. I did an episode on how to meet people back in episode 29. It gives a good structure for combining the familiar with new venues to meet people. Today, I want to expand on this and look more at why it’s hard to meet people and offer you 10 ideas for doing so. I also share some ideas on how to meet people if you don’t drive or have your own transportation. So let’s dive in—we’ve got a lot to talk about. Why Meeting People Can Be Difficult Meeting people whom you'd like to date can be a challenging endeavor for several reasons. The Importance of Compatibility First, compatibility plays a crucial role. Finding someone who shares similar values, interests, and life goals can be like searching for a needle in a haystack. Even in social settings or through online platforms, it's not always easy to determine compatibility upfront, and mismatches can lead to disappointment and wasted time. Choice Overload in Modern Dating Secondly, the modern dating landscape often presents an overwhelming array of options, which paradoxically can make it harder to connect with someone on a deeper level. With the rise of dating apps and social media, people have access to a vast pool of potential partners, but this abundance can lead to a phenomenon known as "choice paralysis," where individuals struggle to commit to one person amidst endless alternatives. Fear of Rejection: A Common Barrier Additionally, the fear of rejection or vulnerability can hinder one's ability to put themselves out there and meet new people. Opening up to someone romantically requires a certain level of emotional risk-taking, and the fear of getting hurt, or what I call Projected Rejection, can often hold individuals back from pursuing potential connections. The Role of Timing in Romantic Encounters Lastly, timing plays a significant role in romantic encounters. Sometimes, even if two people are compatible and interested in each other, external factors such as career commitments, personal circumstances, or geographical distance can prevent the relationship from flourishing. Despite the mutual desire to date, logistical challenges can pose significant barriers to forming meaningful connections. Overcoming the Challenges: 10 Ideas to Try The challenges of meeting people whom you want to date are multifaceted and can stem from issues of compatibility, choice overload, societal expectations, fear of rejection, and timing. Negotiating these obstacles requires patience, self-awareness, and a willingness to take risks in pursuit of meaningful relationships. In the spirit of looking at dating as a problem to be solved, here are 10 additional ideas to try as ways to meet people. Get the brand new Initiating Conversations guide here for a list of 12 topic ideas for conversations.  Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Initiating Conversations  >>>Get the brand new Initiating Conversations guide here<<< Initiating conversations with people we are attracted to or interested in requires a combination of confidence, effective communication, and genuine interest in the other person. Firstly, confidence plays a crucial role in breaking the ice. Confidence doesn't mean arrogance; it's about being comfortable with yourself and expressing genuine interest without fear of judgment. When approaching someone, maintaining good posture, making eye contact, and using a friendly tone can convey confidence and make the interaction more inviting. Effective communication is another key aspect. It involves being a good listener and responding thoughtfully to what the other person is saying. Asking open-ended questions can encourage a deeper conversation and show genuine interest in the other person's thoughts and experiences. Avoiding interrupting and being present in the moment contribute to creating a positive and engaging atmosphere. Additionally, genuine interest is vital for building a meaningful connection. When initiating a conversation, it's important to focus on the other person rather than solely on oneself. Expressing curiosity about their interests, opinions, and experiences helps establish a connection based on mutual understanding. Authenticity is appreciated, so being true to oneself and expressing feelings or thoughts sincerely can foster a more genuine and enjoyable conversation. Overall, combining confidence, effective communication, and genuine interest creates a solid foundation for initiating conversations with those we are attracted to or interested in. When meeting people for dating, it's important to choose conversation topics that are light, interesting, and help you get to know each other.   Get the brand new Initiating Conversations guide here for a list of 12 topic ideas for conversations. Remember to be genuine, listen actively, and let the conversation flow naturally. It's also a good idea to gauge their comfort level with different topics and adjust accordingly.  Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate         

When I was younger, I wasn’t very interested in research, mainly doing research. It’s the main reason why I never pursued getting a PhD even though I was encouraged by my professors to do so. However as I have gotten further and further along in my career and especially in my work with dating, relationships and disability, I really see the value of it as a means of figuring out solutions to problems. So two years ago when I was asked by funders to do some research about what people with disabilities were actually experiencing in dating, I rolled up my sleeves and decided to figure out how to do research. In late 2022 my colleague and I interviewed 78 people with disabilities about dating and relationships. The biggest demographic we spoke to were women with physical disabilities in the age range of 25-44, just to give you some perspective. I think their concerns are pretty reflective of many people with disabilities. Episode on Resilience Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Do you often feel the dating industry does NOT get disability? Or at the very least. you don’t see a lot of representation of disabled people? In 2022, the dating industry in the US was a $10 billion industry, expected to grow to $24 billion by 2032. Yet, it seems like people with disabilities are not included in designing apps, marketing, or just valuing diversity. I was thrilled when I was invited to be on the Global Dating Industry podcast to discuss how the dating industry can be better at including people with disabilities. You can take a listen to the interview on this week’s Dating, Relationships, and Disability podcast. We talk about how Radiant Abilities is helping to make dating easier, the challenge of sexual ableism, three ways the dating industry can be more inclusive, and the important role of confidence. Resources: Affirmations for Dating Confidently with a Disability Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Today we're delving into three essential communication skills that can transform your dating and relationship experiences. We'll also go over practical tips for mastering these skills. Listen for the actionable steps to help you cultivate these skills. The Art of Listening Our first key skill is often overlooked but plays a pivotal role in any successful relationship – the art of listening. In the hustle and bustle of life, we often forget to truly listen to our partners. It's not just about hearing words; it's about understanding the emotions, fears, and dreams behind them. In the dating world, active listening can foster a deep connection, build trust, and create an environment where both individuals feel heard and valued. Active Listening: Focus on what your partner is saying without interrupting. Show that you're engaged by nodding, maintaining eye contact, and providing verbal cues. Avoid Assumptions: Don't assume you know what your partner is thinking or feeling. Ask clarifying questions to ensure you understand their perspective accurately. Validate Feelings: Acknowledge your partner's emotions and validate their feelings. This helps create a supportive environment and fosters trust. Be Present: Put away distractions such as phones or other devices when having important conversations. Being present demonstrates your commitment to the relationship. Checking In with Yourself Now, let's talk about the importance of self-awareness and checking in with yourself. Dating and relationships can be a rollercoaster of emotions, and understanding your own needs, boundaries, and desires is crucial. Taking the time to reflect on your feelings and motivations allows you to enter relationships with authenticity and clarity. We'll explore practical tips on self-reflection and share how this skill can lead to healthier connections. Self-Reflection: Take time to understand your own feelings, needs, and boundaries. This self-awareness can help you communicate your needs more effectively. Emotional Regulation: Learn to manage your emotions in a healthy way. Take a break if needed before discussing sensitive topics to avoid saying things you might regret. Set Boundaries: Clearly communicate your boundaries and respect your partner's boundaries as well. This ensures both parties feel comfortable and secure. Regular Check-Ins: Schedule regular check-ins to discuss the state of the relationship, any concerns, and goals. This promotes open communication and prevents issues from escalating. The Power of Clear Communication Our final fundamental skill is clear communication. Misunderstandings and conflicts often arise due to a lack of effective communication. We'll discuss the significance of expressing yourself honestly, listening actively to your partner, and navigating through difficult conversations with empathy and respect. Clear communication lays the foundation for trust, intimacy, and a thriving relationship. Use "I" Statements: Express your thoughts and feelings using "I" statements to avoid sounding accusatory. For example, say "I feel" instead of "You always." Be Specific: Clearly articulate your needs and expectations. Vague communication can lead to misunderstandings. Express Appreciation: Regularly express gratitude and appreciation for your partner. Positive communication strengthens the emotional connection. Listen to Understand, Not to Respond: Instead of planning your response while your partner is talking, truly listen to understand their perspective before formulating a reply. Resources Three Fundamental Skills guide Episode 1: I'm Just So Uncomfortable Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Share your thoughts about the podcast here. Today, we're taking a look at the skills that lead to meaningful connections in dating. While that’s obviously been the intention of dating as long as dating has been around, I definitely feel in the last few years with our post Covid world and so many people meeting online, that developing a meaningful connection with someone has become even more challenging. We’re going to explore this through four key skills. However before we go there, I want to talk about skills as they relate to dating. Now obviously, I’m a big proponent of skills and our potential to always improve upon them. I think much of the reason why I’m so skill focused comes from being a mental health counselor and spending my career breaking down problems with people and helping them identify what tools, ie skills, are within them to solve the problems. I see dating as no different. There are of course many skills when it comes to dating. You could easily overwhelm yourself with the number of skills to work on. In my membership that teaches dating skills and provides coaching, Dating Made Easier, I’m recommending that members pick just three skills to focus on for the year. This is so they can really hone in on them and see the progress they can make by gaining just a few skills. And as you know, when we become skilled in one area, it naturally begins to refine our skills in other areas. For the purpose of our discussion today, let’s focus on these four skills - being friendly, giving genuine compliments, being helpful and supportive, and showing interest while listening effectively. These skills can be game-changers when it comes to building meaningful connections. I encourage you to pick two of the four to focus on over the next couple months and take note of the changes you see within yourself. Being Friendly How does this contribute to successful dating? Being friendly creates a warm and inviting atmosphere. It puts both individuals at ease, making the entire dating experience more enjoyable. People are naturally drawn to positive energy, so being friendly can open the door to deeper connections. Being friendly involves cultivating a warm and approachable demeanor that fosters positive connections with others. Start by maintaining open body language, such as smiling, making eye contact, and offering a genuine handshake. Actively listen to others, showing interest in their thoughts and feelings. Use inclusive language, and be mindful of your tone to create a welcoming atmosphere. Small gestures like remembering names, expressing gratitude, and offering help when needed contribute to a friendly persona. Additionally, be supportive and encouraging, recognizing the value of diversity and treating everyone with respect. A friendly attitude not only brightens your interactions but also contributes to building strong and meaningful relationships. It's all about setting the right tone from the beginning. Now, let's move on to our second skill. Giving Genuine Compliments Compliments can be tricky. How can giving genuine compliments impact the dating dynamic? Genuine compliments show that you're paying attention and appreciate the other person. They should be sincere and specific, focusing on qualities that genuinely impress you. It boosts confidence and fosters a positive connection. Giving a sincere and thoughtful compliment involves expressing genuine appreciation for someone's qualities or actions. Start by being specific and identifying the particular aspect you admire, whether it's a person's skills, achievements, or personal attributes. Be genuine and avoid exaggeration, as authenticity is key to a meaningful compliment. Use positive language and a warm tone to convey your admiration, and consider the impact your words may have on the recipient. Timing is crucial; offer your compliment at an appropriate moment to ensure it is well-received.  Being Helpful and Supportive Being helpful and supportive might not be the first things that come to mind in dating. How do these play a role? Dating is about forming a partnership, and being there for each other is crucial. Offering help or support when needed shows that you're invested in the other person's well-being. It builds trust and strengthens the connection. In the realm of dating, being helpful and supportive involves fostering open communication, understanding, and empathy. A supportive partner actively listens to their significant other's thoughts and feelings, creating a safe space for open dialogue. Offering encouragement and validation, especially during challenging times, helps build a foundation of trust. Being reliable and dependable demonstrates commitment, as does actively participating in shared interests and activities. Understanding and respecting boundaries is crucial, allowing each person to maintain their individuality within the relationship. A helpful and supportive partner seeks to celebrate successes, provide comfort during

We're diving into the incredible world of resilience, and how living with a disability can actually be a superpower when it comes to dating and relationships. So, you might be wondering, "How on earth can THIS be a superpower?" Well, let me tell you, it's all about resilience—the ability to bounce back, adapt, and thrive in the face of adversity. Now, imagine this: you're navigating the world with a disability, facing unique obstacles every day. The resilience you've developed is like a secret weapon, and it can be a game-changer in the dating scene. Let's break it down. First off, resilience teaches us empathy. When you've faced challenges, you develop a deep understanding of what it's like to struggle. And in a relationship, empathy is gold. It allows you to connect with your partner on a whole other level, creating a bond that goes beyond the surface. Another aspect of resilience is adaptability. Living with a disability often means finding creative solutions to everyday problems. And guess what? That adaptability can make you an absolute rockstar in the dating world. You're not afraid to think outside the box, to find unique and personalized ways to make a connection. Now, let's talk about that undeniable strength that comes from overcoming challenges. It's like having a well of inner power. And who wouldn't want a partner with that kind of strength by their side? Your resilience becomes a source of inspiration, showing that obstacles can be overcome and that you bring that strength into the relationship. I know, I know. The dating scene can be tough for everyone, but when you've cultivated resilience through living with a disability, you've got an edge. It's not about what you can't do; it's about what you've overcome and what you bring to the table. So, here's the takeaway: living with a disability doesn't hinder your ability to thrive in dating and relationships. In fact, it can be your superpower. Embrace your resilience, showcase your adaptability, and let that inner strength shine. I hope you found inspiration in the power of resilience. Remember, your uniqueness is your strength. As always, thank you for tuning in. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share it with your friends. Until next time, stay resilient and keep spreading those positive vibes.  Resources  Free download - What Makes You Resilient? Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate  

On today’s show we’re keeping it real and tackling the tough stuff with a side of humor. We're diving into a topic that many of us can relate to but might not talk about enough—dealing with mean comments about dating with a disability. Yep, we're going there! Facing Mean Comments in the Dating World So, picture this: You're out there in the dating world, swiping left and right, and then bam! You come across someone who thinks it's cool to drop a not-so-nice comment about your disability. Ouch, right? Well, fear not, my friends, because today we're talking about how to handle these moments like a pro. First things first, let's establish one thing—you are a total catch. Brushing Off Negativity: A Key Skill Your disability doesn't define you, but how you handle these situations sure can. So, step one: brush off the negativity. I get it, easier said than done. But seriously, those mean comments are not a reflection of your worth. Imagine them bouncing off you like water off a duck's back. Trust me, it takes practice, but it's a skill worth mastering. Crafting Your Response: Choose Your Approach Now, let's talk about responses. You have options, my friend. You could go with the classic eye-roll and move on. After all, who has time for negativity? Or, if you're feeling a bit spicy, a witty comeback might just do the trick. Remember, humor is a superpower. Building a Support Squad Next up, surround yourself with a support squad. You know, those friends who always have your back and can turn a frown into a smile. Share your experiences with them, and let them lift you up when you're feeling down. The Power of Educating Others And hey, don't forget the power of educating others. Sometimes people are just clueless, not necessarily mean. So, if you're up for it, take a moment to share some knowledge. It might just open their eyes and change their perspective. Embracing Self-Love and Confidence Lastly, let's talk about self-love. You are amazing just as you are, and anyone worth your time will see that. And those who don't? Well, they're missing out. Remember, love and respect yourself first, and the right person will follow suit. Keep Shining Thanks for tuning in. Until next time, keep shining, stay fabulous, and don't let those mean comments dim your sparkle. Resources Affirmations for Living Confidently with a Disability Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Grab your favorite beverage, get comfy, because today's topic is all about dating and why having a game plan for the new year can be a game-changer in your quest for meaningful connections. So, let's dive right in. The new year is upon us, and with it comes the perfect opportunity for a fresh start, especially when it comes to our dating lives. Now, I get it, the whole resolution thing might seem a bit cliché, but think about it – why not use this time to set some intentions and make sure this year is different, especially if you're looking for love? First things first, let's talk about why having a plan matters. Have you ever found yourself halfway through the year, wondering where the time went and why your dating life hasn't changed? Guilty as charged, right? Without a plan, it's easy to fall into the same patterns, meeting the same people, and expecting different results – the classic definition of insanity, if you ask me. So, here's the deal – having a dating plan isn't about creating an exhaustive checklist or turning your love life into a military operation. It's about being intentional and proactive. Whether you're single and ready to mingle or already in the dating scene, having a plan can give you direction, purpose, and increase the chances of meeting someone who aligns with your values and goals. Now, you might be wondering, "What does a dating plan even look like?" Well, it's simpler than you think. Start by reflecting on what you truly want in a relationship. What are your deal-breakers? What values are non-negotiable for you? Understanding your own needs and desires is the first step to finding someone who compliments you. Next up, set realistic and achievable goals. Maybe it's committing to go on at least one date a month, joining a new social group, or even trying out a dating app you've been hesitant about. The key is to step outside your comfort zone a bit and open yourself up to new possibilities. And hey, don't forget to sprinkle in some self-love and self-care. The more you invest in yourself, the more you'll have to offer someone else. So, whether it's hitting the gym, picking up a new hobby, or simply taking time for introspection, make sure to prioritize your own well-being. Now, let's talk about the magical ingredient – patience. Rome wasn't built in a day, and neither is a meaningful relationship. Be patient with the process, enjoy the journey, and don't be discouraged by the occasional bumps in the road. Good things take time. So, there you have it, lovely listeners – a simple yet powerful guide to kickstarting your dating game in the new year. Remember, having a plan doesn't mean you're rigid or inflexible; it means you're intentional about creating positive change in your life. As we wrap up today's episode, I encourage you to take a moment, reflect on what you want, and start planning your own dating adventure for the coming year. Who knows? The love of your life might be just around the corner. If you enjoyed today's episode, be sure to subscribe, leave a review, and share with your friends. Happy dating, everyone! Resources  Two guides to help you with creating a dating plan for success: Exactly How Do I Make Dating Easier? The 3, 2, 1 Plan Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

We're talking about dating and relationships, but with a special focus on why it's a quality of life issue for people with disabilities. Love and connection have a profound impact on our health, happiness, and attitude, and today, we're breaking it all down. Now, let's kick things off with the big question: Why is dating and relationships so important for people with disabilities? Well, the answers are pretty common sense but I think there’s still some resistance from society to really understand that we have the same needs as so many others. Connection is Key First and foremost, let's talk about the power of connection. Regardless of ability, we all crave meaningful connections with others. Relationships, whether romantic or platonic, provide a support system that can be crucial for individuals with disabilities. Sharing your life with someone who understands and supports you can make all the difference. Boost in Confidence Another reason why dating is a quality of life issue for people with disabilities is the undeniable boost in confidence. Finding someone who sees beyond your physical limitations or health challenges and appreciates you for who you are can be a game-changer. It builds confidence, self-esteem, and a positive self-image, which radiates into all aspects of life. Emotional Well Being  Studies show that individuals in loving relationships, regardless of their abilities, tend to have lower levels of stress and anxiety. The emotional support provided by a partner can be a powerful buffer against life's challenges. Having someone to share your joys and sorrows with can significantly improve emotional well-being. Physical Health Benefits Now, here's a fascinating one – did you know that being in a loving relationship can actually have physical health benefits? It's true! Research suggests that people in happy relationships may experience lower blood pressure, reduced risk of heart disease, and even improved immune function. Love really is the best medicine. Life Enrichment Last but not least, let's talk about how dating and relationships can enrich our lives. Sharing experiences, creating memories, and building a life together brings a sense of fulfillment. It's not just about the day-to-day; it's about the long-term journey, and for individuals with disabilities, this journey can be incredibly rewarding. So, there you have it  – dating and relationships are more than just matters of the heart; they're critical elements of a high-quality life, especially for those with disabilities. Connection, confidence, emotional well-being, physical health benefits, and life enrichment – these are the reasons why love truly makes the world go 'round. That's a wrap for today's episode. If you enjoyed the show, make sure to subscribe and leave a review. And hey, if you have any thoughts on this topic or ideas for future episodes, shoot me a message on social media. Remember, love knows no bounds, and everyone deserves a shot at happiness. Until next time, take care and keep spreading the love.   Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Why a Dating Curriculum? We have quite a few terrific curriculums out there teaching people with disabilities about sexuality and sexual rights. But as I always say, what about dating?? I know much of my podcast and resources are geared toward people with disabilities who want to date. However, I often work with professionals in disability services raising the issue of dating and providing training in how to effectively support people in developing dating skills and navigating relationships. I could tell you about my previous life working for disability organizations and encountering how dating was never addressed or strongly denied when it came up. Instead, though, I have two stories that make poignant points about why dating skills and relationship development need desperately to be integrated into disability services. The Cost of Ignoring Early in my career I received one of those famous 4pm on a Friday afternoon calls. I was a program coordinator at the time for a one to one service that got people out into the community. Lisa, one of the staff I supervised, worked with Kelly, who was in her early 20s and lived with an intellectual disability. “Kelly’s telling me she has a boyfriend,” Lisa began. Normally this would be something to celebrate, but I could hear the concern in Lisa’s voice. “And that it’s her next door neighbor,” she continued. Kelly’s neighbor was about 20 years older than her, married, with kids. “She’s saying they’re having sex,” Lisa went on to say. In the midst of investigating what was happening, interviewing Kelly several, and having her examined by a doctor, it was concluded that Kelly’s neighbor had befriended her, groomed her, and eventually lured her to his basement to have sex with her one weekend while his wife and kids were away for the weekend. One of the sad pieces of this story is that Kelly truly believed this meant they were boyfriend and girlfriend. However, the saddest part is that before this happened Kelly talked openly about wanting a boyfriend and she was ignored. People in her life thought she wasn’t capable of love and relationships simply because of her disability. Kelly watched her two sisters go out routinely with their boyfriends. She wanted that for herself, but her support system ignored those desires. Not having guidance or skill development in dating and relationships, Kelly sought to figure it out for herself and find the love she longed for. Who could blame her? When the need for love and intimacy is so great, but we don’t have support in our search, we end up in unhealthy situations. What if someone had responded to Kelly when she talked about wanting a boyfriend with a reflective question like, “What kind of person would you like to date?”  Imagine how learning skills in dating would empower people in feeling worthy as relationship partners, have confidence to seek out relationships, and the skills to make the right ones last. Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

In the complex world of dating, our judgments and attitudes can significantly impact the dynamics of our relationships. Whether it's societal expectations, personal biases, or the influence of stereotypes, understanding and managing these factors is key to building healthy connections. Dating is already a complex journey, but for those with disabilities, it often comes with an added layer of challenges. Today, we'll explore the importance of understanding and managing judgments and attitudes in the realm of dating. There will be a workshop tonight in Dating Made Easier on Dealing With Judgments. Join here. So, let's begin with the impact of judgments. What exactly do we mean by judgments in the context of dating? Judgments in dating can be defined as preconceived notions or opinions we form about others based on various factors such as appearance, background, or interests. These judgments can have a profound effect on relationships, influencing our decisions and interactions. Consider societal expectations and stereotypes, for example. These can create unrealistic standards and expectations, leading to judgments that may not accurately reflect an individual's true character. It's crucial to recognize and navigate through these societal influences to foster genuine connections. Now, let's move on to self-reflection. It's an integral part of understanding and managing our judgments and attitudes in dating. Encouraging self-reflection involves taking a step back and examining our own beliefs and biases. It's about recognizing the lenses through which we view others and understanding how our past experiences may shape our judgments. Being self-aware can have a transformative impact on our dating attitudes. By acknowledging our biases, we become better equipped to approach relationships with an open mind, fostering understanding and empathy. These judgments can significantly impact relationships, influencing how individuals perceive themselves and others. The weight of societal expectations and stereotypes can create barriers and hinder the potential for genuine connections. Self-reflection becomes a powerful tool. Encouraging individuals to look inward and recognize their own biases and judgments is a crucial step in fostering healthy dating attitudes. Becoming self-aware allows individuals to better understand how their preconceived notions might be affecting their dating experiences. It empowers them to challenge and change these attitudes, fostering more inclusive and open-minded connections. Let's explore the importance of breaking stereotypes in the realm of dating. Another aspect of overcoming judgments in dating involves identifying and breaking down stereotypes. Whether it's assumptions about abilities or societal expectations, challenging these stereotypes is essential. Promoting open-mindedness and acceptance creates a dating landscape that is more inclusive and welcoming to everyone, regardless of their abilities. It's about celebrating the diversity that each individual brings to a relationship. Identifying and challenging stereotypes is essential for creating a more inclusive and accepting dating landscape. Stereotypes can limit our perspectives and hinder genuine connections. Embracing open-mindedness and celebrating diversity are powerful ways to break free from these constraints. When we challenge stereotypes, we open ourselves up to a world of possibilities. It's about recognizing the uniqueness of each individual and appreciating the richness that diverse perspectives bring to relationships. Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Get half off a whole year of Dating Made Easier here. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

It's crucial when you are fostering a healthy sense of sexuality and relationships, that you reflect on where you're at by beginning to ask these questions: When you think of being in a relationship, what do you envision? How do you want the other person to treat you? Why do want to be in relationship? What needs and desires are you hoping it will fulfill? What are your fears about being in relationship? Do you think these hold you back from being open to relationships? What does both sex and sexuality mean to you? You may need to explain how sex is an act and sexuality is a component of someone’s being. What are your fears and concerns about sex? What messages have you been given about sex and sexuality? Resources Healthy Sexuality guide New Radiant Abilities website Half off discount to Dating Made Easier Half off discount to Supporting Dating and Relationships Half off discount to Empowering Healthy Relationships Curriculum Episode 89 - Developing a Healthy Sense of Sexuality Episode 93 - Healing Body Shame Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

I have done several podcasts about the power of beliefs when it comes to dating. Actually when I think about the work I do in dating and relationships, it’s really all about mindset. Transforming my own beliefs from someone who people would reject in the dating scene to someone who knew the value of what I could offer to a relationship was the key for me in finding lasting love. I often think if I had been able to change my beliefs earlier, I would have saved myself years from self afflicted pain. That’s why I despite how much pressure I get to offer a matchmaking service, I stay true to what I know is the more life changing effect I can offer people - to change your beliefs to create more of the life you want. Today, I’m doing something a little different with your beliefs. I’m asking you to really get honest and look at what beliefs is that beautiful brain of yours using for excuses to not pursue dating. Now you may bristle at the word excuses, but at the end of the day, in order to succeed, we have to look at what we’re holding up as the reason we can’t accomplish what we desperately want for ourselves. I’m going to go through the most commonly held beliefs that keep people from dating. As I do, I ask that you just be honest with yourself about whether it’s something you use as a reason to not pursue dating more. Then ask yourself, “Is this really helping me to create the life I want for myself?” Fear of rejection: Many people fear being rejected by potential partners, which can lead to feelings of embarrassment, inadequacy, or emotional pain. This fear can be a significant barrier to dating. Low self-esteem: Individuals with low self-esteem may not feel confident or worthy of dating. They may believe that they are not attractive or interesting enough to find a partner. Past traumas: Previous negative dating experiences or past abusive relationships can create lasting emotional scars that make people hesitant to enter the dating scene again. Commitment issues: Some individuals fear the responsibilities and commitments that come with dating, such as exclusivity, emotional investment, or long-term commitment. This fear can prevent them from pursuing relationships. Career or personal goals: Some people prioritize their careers, education, or personal development over dating. They may believe that romantic relationships could be distracting or interfere with their goals. Fear of vulnerability: Opening up emotionally and being vulnerable in a relationship can be intimidating for some individuals. They may worry about getting hurt or rejected when they share their feelings and thoughts. Social anxiety: Social anxiety or shyness can make it challenging to meet and interact with potential partners. People with social anxiety may avoid dating situations due to the fear of social interactions. Negative body image: Concerns about physical appearance can be a significant barrier to dating. People who feel uncomfortable with their bodies may believe that others won't find them attractive. Trust issues: Past betrayals or experiences of deceit can lead to a lack of trust in potential partners. Some individuals may have difficulty trusting others, which can hinder their ability to date. Fear of change: The prospect of entering a relationship and experiencing change in one's life can be unsettling for some individuals. They may prefer the comfort of their current lifestyle and resist dating for fear of disruptions. Lack of time: Busy schedules and demanding work or personal commitments can leave little time for dating. Some people believe they don't have the time to invest in a relationship. Where Do We Go From Here? Resources Free download Mindset Beliefs Psychology Today for mental health support Other podcasts on beliefs and dating: Episode 84 - Belief Audit Episode 40 - What We Believe is What Others See Episode 4  - Believing in Yourself, the Hardest Work Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Bear with me for a minute on this one so that I can properly explain this. A Love for Grocery Shopping Wanna know a weird fact about me? I LOVE grocery shopping! Yes, I know many people dread this unavoidable task. Not me, though! Being the foodie I am, it’s a weekly journey to Mecca for me. Being Seen and Judged It’s also a common place to see and be seen by many other people. When we are seen by others, it’s just human nature for others to define us. We all do it, don’t we? We see people and our minds form opinions based on looks, mannerisms, and actions. I wouldn’t say we do it all the time. Sometimes our minds are thankfully preoccupied with more important tasks. The Impact of Differences I would say, however, when there is an obvious difference in someone such as in weight, appearance, and ability, people more easily come up with definitions as a way of explaining what’s outside the “norm.” Boy, he must be lazy to let himself get that overweight. That woman must not have much to be dressed like that. I wouldn’t know what to do if I had to get around in a wheelchair. All of these thoughts that pop into our heads, sometimes with very little effort. We look at someone and BOOM, we have a definition of them, especially if they have a difference. Personal Struggles with Judgement I used to really struggle with this. I’d be doing a mundane task such as grocery shopping and suddenly feel eyes on me. Sometimes there would be comments attached to the stares. They would go like this: You do so well. I know this is intended to be a compliment, but to me, it’s a backhanded one as it follows the assumption that because of my disability, I’m not meant to be successful at things. Do you need help? When I am just cruising along the produce and dairy sections, indicating no sign of having difficulty, just perhaps moving in a different way than others. You are so courageous. No, just hungry, that’s why I’m at the grocery store. Subtle Comments and Self-Definition Now you may be saying, those comments don’t seem so bad. You’re right, they could definitely be much worse and more cruel. However, I use these benign statements to demonstrate how subtle comments have the power to define you. Given the three examples above, the definitions I took on of myself as a young woman were incompetent, helpless, and vulnerable (which was covered with the word courage). I would come home from the grocery store carrying way more than the bags. A Moment of Realization It wasn’t until I was well into my 30s – and walking into the grocery store – one day when the light of wisdom (which can sometimes only come with age) hit me. People are going to think whatever they want about me. I can’t control that. I can only stay true to who I know I am. From that moment on, I became less aware of the stares. People say that I’m now oblivious to the stares. I also have fewer and fewer incidences of others making comments that indicate they see me very differently than I see myself. Funny how total strangers can pick up on our energy and respond differently to us. Defining Yourself The fundamental key to living happily and successfully with a disability is to learn how to define yourself and keep returning to that as you filter out the definitions of others. Applying This to Dating This can easily - and helpfully - apply to dating. Now let me say the obvious, going on a date or even being on a dating app is a thousand times more vulnerable than going to buy milk and bread. But you can channel the same energy of People are going to think whatever they want about me. I can’t control that. I can only stay true to who I know I am. while on dates. The Power of Not Caring Ask yourself, “What would it feel like if I didn’t care as much about what people were thinking of me and just stayed focused on what I knew to be true about me?” Over time I turned this into what I coin as “Respectfully Not Giving a $#@&” about what people think of you. I do emphasize respectfully because more kindness is something I think the world always needs and we can disagree with someone but still be respectful of them as a human being. Embracing Independence Think about if you were to respectfully not give a $#@&, or as the great self-help leader Wayne Dyer said, What other people think of me is none of my business. One of the highest places you can get to is being independent of the good opinions of other people. How would that cause you to feel differently and perhaps have you showing up differently on a date or talking to people in an app? Would you feel calmer, more self-assured? And consequently, would that then allow the dynamic parts of your personality to shine through even more? A General Question This is a good question in general, not just in dating: if you respectfully did not care about the opinions and judgments of others, how would you show up more? What risks would you be less afraid to take? A Transformative Date I refer to my first date with my husband a lo

We have an important topic to discuss: the significance of saying no to sexual ableism in dating and relationships, especially for people with disabilities. Understanding Sexual Ableism Let's start by defining sexual ableism. What is it, and how does it manifest in the context of dating and relationships? Sexual ableism is the discrimination and bias that people with disabilities face concerning their sexual desires, capabilities, and experiences, based on a belief that people with disabilities are inferior in these areas. Manifestations of Sexual Ableism Sexual ableism can manifest in various ways. For instance, people may assume that individuals with disabilities are asexual or incapable of having fulfilling sexual lives. This assumption can lead to exclusion, stereotyping, or patronizing behavior in dating and relationships. The Harm of Stereotypes and Fetishization These stereotypes can be deeply harmful. One common example is the fetishization of disability, known as devotees. Some individuals may be attracted to people with disabilities solely because of their disability, which objectifies them. On the other hand, some might reject individuals with disabilities because of their preconceived notions about what a "normal" or "ideal" partner should be like. Both situations are harmful, as they reduce a person to their disability rather than seeing them as a whole, multi-dimensional individual. Combatting Sexual Ableism So, how can we actively combat sexual ableism in dating and relationships? First, we need to name it. Open and honest communication with partners is also key. Inclusive conversations about desires, boundaries, and needs help create an environment of mutual respect. The Role of Media in Shaping Attitudes Media has a significant role to play in shaping societal attitudes. When the media portrays people with disabilities in meaningful, diverse, and authentic ways, it helps break down stereotypes. Embracing Diversity and Respecting Autonomy It's about embracing diversity and respecting individual autonomy. For individuals with disabilities, it's essential to know and own the right to pursue fulfilling and satisfying relationships just like anyone else. We need to communicate openly with their partners about their desires and boundaries and be empowered to say no to any form of discrimination or objectification. Conclusion: A Call for Inclusivity and Respect I hope that this conversation has shed light on the importance of saying no to sexual ableism in dating and relationships, and that we can collectively work towards a more inclusive and respectful society for all. Resources  Free download - Rising above Sexual Ableism Episodes references: Dateability and I'm Just So Uncomfortable Facebook group: Confidently Dating with a Disability Sign up to get resource guides and announcements on dating and relationships delivered to your inbox. Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Try Dating Made Easier for 14 days for just $7. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Do you sometimes read online advice articles and think, "Well, I didn’t learn anything new?" I often feel that way about articles offering dating advice, and many times, the articles don’t speak to the particular challenges of dating with a disability. Today, I’m taking some nuggets from an article, "How to Be Better at Online Dating According to Psychology," and offering a twist to them if you live with a disability AND also if you prefer to do offline dating. Step 1: Choose the Right Dating App The first piece of advice is all about choosing the right dating app. Remember, dating isn't a one-size-fits-all game. Be selective! Different apps cater to different needs and preferences. Some are known for casual encounters, while others are designed for people with shared interests or beliefs. Use apps that align with your partner preferences. Step 2: Honesty Is the Best Policy Step number two: Honesty is the best policy. Research shows that people tend to connect with others who are similar to themselves in various aspects of life, such as relationship history, family planning, pet preferences, and religion. So, be honest about who you are and what you want. If you have any deal-breakers, mentioning them upfront can save you time and effort in the long run. Step 3: The Power of Your Profile Picture Moving on to step number three – the power of your profile picture. It's essential that your photos accurately depict your physical appearance, but they should also be ones you genuinely like. Research suggests that specific attributes, like a genuine smile and a slight head tilt, can increase your likability. Remember, these photos are your first impression, so choose wisely! Step 4: Crafting an Engaging Profile Description Step number four is all about your profile description. Nobody wants to read a lengthy essay. People swipe through profiles quickly. So, get to the point! State the things that matter most to you, but also highlight what makes you unique. People are drawn to interesting individuals. Step 5: Be Open-Minded In step number five, we encourage you to be open-minded. Don't write someone off just because they have different hobbies or interests. Being as open-minded as possible is important, as personal growth is often a hallmark of successful long-term relationships. You might be surprised at what you can learn from someone you meet online. Step 6: Keep Conversations Short and Engaging Now, let's discuss keeping your conversations short and engaging. While online interactions are essential, there are aspects of a relationship that can only be discovered face-to-face. Make an effort to get to know the person by asking about specific aspects of their profile, likes, and dislikes. Step 7: Have Fun! And finally, step number seven: Have fun! Dating apps should be an enjoyable experience, not a chore. If it starts feeling like work or you're not having fun, it might be time for a break or to try something different. Enjoy the process, and remember, love should feel exciting, not exhausting. Conclusion: A Holistic Approach to Online Dating Remember, it's all about choosing the right app, being honest, picking the right profile picture, crafting an engaging profile, staying open-minded, keeping conversations interesting, and most importantly, having fun. Resources How to Write a Kick Butt Dating Profile Conversation Guide Sign up to get resource guides and announcements on dating and relationships delivered to your inbox. Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Try Dating Made Easier for 14 days for just $7. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

"I don't feel attractive." If you haven’t said that at some point in your life, I think you’re in a very small and fortunate group. Most of us have grappled with this feeling, which is really a belief, at some point in our lives, especially when it comes to dating. While we are certainly working on changing this on both an individual and collective level in the Disabled community, we can still make some significant inroads. The Prevalence of This Belief in the Disabled Community For years now, I have been running a dating with disabilities survey that people get a link to when they opt in to many of my resource guides. A top concern that people with disabilities express relates to believing they’re not attractive. I grew up with that concern and didn't shed it until I was well into my thirties, despite dating and having relationships. It's a belief that can really weigh you down. It did me. The GREAT NEWS is feeling this way can be UNDONE and once it is, there's no going back. I think the majority of people, both with and without disabilities, struggle at some point in their life with this feeling. Media and the Concept of Attractiveness We're all bombarded with messages from traditional and social media about what is and isn't considered "attractive." Then throw in a disability and where is any framework around what's attractive? Creating Your Own Framework for Attractiveness Time to make our own! Feeling attractive is a state of mind. It is not something that is determined by your physical appearance. What you believe about yourself is more important than what others believe about you. If you believe that you are attractive, then you will be more likely to feel attractive. You can change your beliefs about yourself through positive self-talk and affirmations. It is important to focus on your positive qualities and to celebrate your unique beauty. Remember that everyone is different and that there is no one definition of beauty. Be confident in who you are and be proud of your appearance. The Power of Perception: Changing How You See Yourself Your perception of yourself is influenced by your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself. You can change your perception of yourself by changing your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself. You can change your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs about yourself by practicing positive self-talk, affirmations, and visualization. Positive self-talk is when you say positive things to yourself, such as "I am beautiful" or "I am worthy of love." Affirmations are positive statements that you repeat to yourself, such as "I am confident" or "I am capable." Visualization is when you imagine yourself being successful or attractive. It is important to focus on your positive qualities and to celebrate your unique beauty. Everyone is different and there is no one definition of beauty. Be confident in who you are and be proud of your appearance. Flipping the Script: A Practical Exercise It begins with a relatively simple process called "Flipping the Script," turning around your thoughts when you feel yourself sinking into negative thinking. What if...instead of placing your energy on worrying if you're attractive, you placed that focus on what IS attractive about you? The 30-Day Confidence Boost Challenge This will take practice, but here's the thing I have learned about living fully and happily with a disability: it's a disciplined practice until it begins to come naturally to you. If you need help with this, here's an exercise to get you beginning to flip that script. I know there's at least 25 attractive characteristics about you. Don't worry, I won't ask you to list all 25, just five of them. Then spend the next 30 days (yes, 30 consecutive days) reading the list at least once a day. This daily practice is going to be very integral to flipping that thinking to all that is attractive about you. This is then going to lead to increased confidence - and not just for dating, but overall. Conclusion: The Power of a Changed Mindset This change in my mindset was a game changer for me and I just began to feel better about myself in general. How to Feel Attractive Guide Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Dateability has been featured in the Washington Post, USA Today, and National Public Radio to name a few. Our Mission Dateability is the only dating app designed for the disabled and chronically ill communities. Here's a description from their website: People with disabilities and chronic illness often encounter ableism on other dating apps. We understand the unique circumstances that present when dating with a disability, which is why we created a safe and accepting space to create meaningful connections for people with physical, intellectual, and psychiatric disabilities. We are dedicated to creating an inclusive dating app which means welcoming people of all genders and sexual orientations. Today I talk with cofounders of Dateability, Jacqueline and Alexa Child, about their app and their background/personal experience in the area of dating, relationships, and disabilities. Jacqueline found dating challenging and would always fear disclosing her disability. She shares her process for becoming comfortable in disclosing your disability in dating? From Jacqueline's’s blog: Most people have to kiss a lot of frogs to find their person, but no one should have to go through abuse, harassment, or discrimination to find them.  We talk about the Dateability app itself and the process when one signs up on Dateability. Dateability Deets is a section on each user’s profile. Users can choose from an extensive list of broad terms, such as ‘wheelchair user,’ ‘mental illness,’ or ‘service animal.’ Using Dateability Deets on one’s profile helps users disclose in a way that does not divulge too much specific information about a person’s diagnosis or condition.  Dateability is an inclusive app and we talk about decision to open it up to nondisabled people and what is your percentage of nondisabled users. We also discuss the issue of devotees. Dateability offers optional profile verification. To enhance safety, users can verify their account by submitting three photos modeling specific poses and receive a yellow badge. Verification is human-approved. I love this feature because safety is such a significant issue for people. We chat about how this works and if they have been able to screen people out with it. We also talk about the skills of confidence and self esteem in regards to successful dating and healthy relationships. I ask them about how they think society can change to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as dating and relationships partners. They also share their most helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability in search of dating success and healthy relationships and for nondisabled people in considering dating someone with a disability. Connect with Dateability: Website Web based app On Instagram Dateability App can be downloaded with Google Play or the App store. Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Try Dating Made Easier for 14 days for just $7. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Try Dating Made Easier for 14 days for just $7. According to the Googles, “Skin in the game” is a phrase made popular by renowned investor Warren Buffett referring to a situation in which high-ranking insiders use their own money to buy stock in the company they are running. The saying is particularly common in business, finance, and gambling and is also used in politics. And I would add personal development. Today we have a topic that's not just important but deeply empowering, especially for people with disabilities. We're diving into why it's crucial for people with disabilities and limited budgets to invest in items that will help them acquire the skills they need to pursue their dreams and lead fulfilling lives. To begin our discussion, let's first acknowledge the unique challenges faced by individuals with disabilities and limited budgets. These challenges often include financial constraints, limited access to specialized resources, and the need to navigate a world that may not always be accommodating. It's essential to recognize that many individuals with disabilities are eager to learn, grow, and contribute to society, just like anyone else. However, they may face additional hurdles in accessing the tools and resources required to achieve their goals. Let's explore why investing in items that can help individuals acquire essential skills is so crucial. Of course, we can't ignore the financial aspect. Many individuals with disabilities and limited budgets face challenges in affording these empowering items. However, there are strategies to overcome these obstacles. Financial planning and assistance programs are available to help individuals with disabilities access the resources they need. By exploring these options and prioritizing their investment, individuals can move closer to their goals. The Power of Skills Let's talk about the significance of skills in shaping one's life. Skills are like keys to unlock doors of opportunity. They empower individuals to overcome challenges and achieve their goals. For people with disabilities, developing specific skills can be a game-changer, enabling them to be more independent, confident, and successful. Breaking Down the Myths Let's debunk some common myths surrounding investing in skills when on a limited budget. First, some might think it's unaffordable. But remember, not all skill-building requires expensive tools or resources. There are often accessible and affordable alternatives. Building a Support Network and Getting Creative Building a support network is essential. There are various organizations, grants, and programs dedicated to helping people with disabilities acquire the skills they need. Connecting with these resources can be a lifeline for those facing financial constraints. You can also get creative and perhaps ask for what you’re looking to invest in for a holiday or birthday gift. Or could you offer to do some side work to earn some cash. Encouraging Empowerment Investing in skills is not just about acquiring knowledge; it's about investing in oneself, in one's future, and in the empowerment of individuals with disabilities. It's a statement of belief in the limitless potential that every person possesses. Paying for something can be empowering for several reasons: Autonomy and Choice: When you pay for a product or service, you exercise your autonomy and ability to make choices. You are in control of your decisions, which can boost your confidence and self-esteem. You're not dependent on others to provide for you; you're actively participating in the marketplace. Value Assessment: Paying requires you to evaluate the value of what you're buying. You consider if the item or service is worth the cost, which encourages critical thinking and decision-making. This process helps you become a more discerning consumer. Financial Responsibility: Making payments fosters financial responsibility. It requires you to manage your budget, prioritize spending, and plan for future expenses. Being in control of your finances is a fundamental aspect of empowerment. Ownership and Accountability: Paying for something often means you own it. This ownership can give you a sense of pride and responsibility. You're accountable for maintaining and using what you've paid for, which can lead to a greater sense of empowerment and self-reliance. Contribution to the Economy: Your payments contribute to the functioning of the economy, supporting businesses and livelihoods. Knowing that your financial transactions play a part in sustaining the economic system can be empowering. Fair Exchange: Paying for goods or services is often a fair exchange. You receive something valuable in return for your money. This transactional fairness can boost your confidence and reinforce the idea that you're getting what you deserve. Goal Achievement: Paying for something can be a step toward achieving your goals and desires. Whether it's buying a home, pursuing education, or investing in self-

If you have been listening to me, even for just a tiny bit, you know I often say dating is very hard and then I quickly follow that up with but totally possible. However, I may not have added that latter part when I was in the throes of dating. Whether I was or wasn’t doing online dating, I actually did not know if I would be able to experience dating success. For me, success in dating meant finding someone to share life with and possibly raise a family with. For you, that might me having a series of monogamous love affairs or just having a good time dating a few people at once. I trust that you have a good idea on what your definition of dating success looks like. But let’s face it, dating is damn hard. I must also confess that one of the many joys of having a life partner is knowing you don’t have to be in that vulnerability again of putting yourself out there and date new people. If you have listened to me for a bit, you also know I have created the Dating Made Easier monthly membership to offer all people wanting to be successful at dating skills, resources, and support to make that happen. Having been born with CP and life with adversity being all I have known, I grew up - much to the credit of my amazing parents - to believe that you don’t back away from something simply because it’s hard. As I always say, if there’s a dream in your heart, it’s worth pursuing because it will help you feel like you’re living your life to the fullest. Today I want to look at exactly why dating is perceived as being so hard and offer my own take on how it can be easier. For the reasons why dating is hard, I’m referring to an online article called of course, Why Is Dating So Hard? So Many Choices You can easily get overwhelmed by all the choices for online dating platforms and apps. It seems like there’s specialty dating spaces for all kinds of people. Did you know there’s one for farmers, for example? So of course diversity is great, but it can actually pause progress if you get caught in trying to decide the best one. My advice is pick 1-3 dating platforms to try. No more than three. You’ll overwhelm yourself. Then commit to at least three months on a platform to allow yourself to gain traction. Personal Expectations Many people go into a date thinking or hoping that this may be their last date—or this is the person they’re going to marry. That’s a lot of pressure, not just on them, but on you! Ease off on yourself. The article I’m referencing gives a good analogy of thinking about dating in terms of friendship—you wouldn’t go into a party thinking you’re going to meet your best friend that night, right? Why is dating different? Societal Expectations Things are rapidly changing in our society and heteronormative rules of the traditional family unit of finding a partner, getting married and having kids is no longer the standard. I believe that’s a good thing for people with disabilities as we frequently don’t fit into norms. But for many, the expectation that we should is still there. This is where I believe personal empowerment comes into dating. I encourage people to spend some time getting clear on what they want for themselves in dating and relationships. What’s your long term vision? What kind of relationship will really meet your needs? I have a great exercise to help you get clear about this. You get out a note app or pen and paper and write this sentence repeatedly, “I attract into my life _________.” Then you fill in the blank with qualities of a partner and relationship that would truly fulfill what your heart desires the most. Download a copy of this exercise at the link in the show notes. Dating Apps The article cites that nearly 40% of people report meeting their significant other online. “Apps, on one level, make it harder to sort through,” says Carmichael. “However, it makes it easier to locate a broader swath of people you might not ordinarily be exposed to—and establish right off the bat that you’re single and ready to date.” I encounter many people who don’t want to do online dating or the platforms are not disability friendly, either in terms of accommodations or attitudes. We definitely have work to do in the dating app world. With that said, I do recommend that if you haven’t tried online dating or a dating app, to give it a try because hey, you never know, right? And…I do have to say something here that will be controversial and I may do a separate episode on this because it’s such a complicated issue, but here goes. I understand many, many people with disabilities are living on limited incomes, which naturally is a broad and systemic problem. That being said, I think if you want to increase your chances for dating success, you need to consider budgeting a small amount of money for a dating app, coaching, counseling or a membership like Dating Made Easier because it gives you what they call “skin in the game.” For better or worse, when we invest some money, we tend to be more invested in the outcome

Recently, a podcast listener asked me this: May I ask, what were you doing at 23 socially and what do you wish you knew then? My Social Life at 23 Ummm…I had to think about it for a few days. I told him it was a great question and my longer answer would make for a great podcast. Here’s what I told him: What I Was Doing in My Early 20s At age 23, I was living with a roommate of mine from college. We did a lot together socially. I have to admit I went to a lot of bars to try to meet people. These were pre-internet/online dating days. I wish I knew back then that everything would work out in its own time. That might have saved me from getting into a not-so-great relationship at 25. Hope that helps. Six Major Lessons I Wish I'd Known That was the abridged version. After thinking more about it, here’s six major things that if I could go back to 1991 and have a cup of coffee with that young woman trying to find her way, I would say: 1. Be Patient Be patient. Everything does truly work the way it’s meant to. I recently heard this fantastic Steve Jobs quote: "You can't connect the dots looking forward; you can only connect them looking backwards." So you have to trust that the dots will somehow connect in your future. You have to trust in something—your gut, destiny, life, karma, whatever. 2. Be Brave Be brave. The world may not get disability right now and in your lifetime, it may not ever be fully understanding and accepting, but do not let the judgments and reactions of others shape how you will be in the world. 3. Do the Work on Yourself Do the work on yourself. Own your issues, take responsibility for them and problem-solve. That’s the only way we truly get what we want in life. Do not give up on a dream unless it’s no longer driving your heart. 4. Know What You Want and Say It Loudly Know what you want and say it loudly. Get clear on what makes you happy, not on what you think should make you happy or what others think should make you happy. Spend time in quiet, thinking and reflecting about what’s in your heart and beautiful brain. 5. Don’t Tolerate Unhappiness in Relationships Don’t tolerate unhappiness in relationships too long. Now I know relationships are a lot of work and you definitely have to commit to difficulties if you care about someone and want to be with them. But when everything feels like a struggle and you’re bickering and triggering one another a good percentage of the time, then do everyone a favor and split. 6. Enjoy the Process Enjoy the process. You think you’ll always be young and you’ll be in this transition forever. You won’t be. Life will change. You’ll get more responsibilities, go through significant challenges, and each stage of life comes with a chance to deepen your opportunities to love and be happy. Try to hold on to that wisdom with whatever the ride of life has you go through. Resources Affirmations for Confidently Living with a Disability  Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

First, how do you feel about the word interabled? Let me know at [email protected]. You see, 1-in-4 U.S. adults – or about 61 million Americans – have a disability according to the CDC. With mental illness and invisible disabilities on the rise, the statistics of people living with disabilities are probably greater. If you’re out there dating, the likelihood of having a partner with a disability is higher than it has ever been. If 1-in-4 people have a disability, it only makes sense that interabled dating and interabled relationships are normal and  Things are beginning to change as we begin to break down the stereotypes in regards to interabled relationships. For example, Hannah Aylward and Shane Burcaw, who has a genetic disorder called spinal muscular atrophy, have a popular YouTube channel titled “Squirmy and Grubs.” Stereotypes in Need of Further Deconstruction  The burden myth - distribution of labor within a relationship is unique and ever-changing. Naturally, all couples support each other in many ways – physically, emotionally and spiritually. A couple is a couple- consider seeking out insight from other couples of all abilities – able-bodied, interabled and disabled.  Prioritize Self care - Not getting it right doesn’t mean not getting it at all - show grace  Keep in mind that relationships are hard, maybe they aren’t that hard when you’re with the right person (who may or may not have a disability). Resources Why Interabled Relationships are the New Normal Check out our Dating Memberships: Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

September is often considered the other new year because nearly all of us have it ingrained within us that we begin new things in the fall from our school days. I recently heard this time of year is the most productive time for people. So why not take advantage of it in your dating life? Four things to consider to help you gain more success in dating: 1. Decide to do things differently this year If you’ve been trying to date for a while and haven’t had much success, chances are you need to change up what you’re doing, along with your “dating mindset.” Maybe you need to join a new group (remember you can meet people virtually) or find a new way of communicating with others which may get you more welcomed responses. 2. Work on letting go of the fear of dating and meet people from a place of power If you’re human, you probably are at least a little intimidated by the thought of dating. And don’t even get me started on what people may think of your disability. But consider what may happen if you were able to let go of this fear of rejection and showed up exactly as you are, feeling confident and peaceful? Learn to be yourself with others, disability, and all. Letting go of the fear does not mean you don’t have it. The fear just doesn’t stop you. 3. Make more meaningful connections Often once you start to meet people and begin to get to know them, there’s a lot of foolish game playing. You’re probably left feeling like, “there’s no one good for me to date!” Awww, but there is. Learn how to develop your own personal dating “policies” or rules that cut out the game playing and lead you to more meaningful connections with people. 4. Develop a personal plan for the entire year to help you to TAKE ACTION for success So you’ve decided to do things differently, stop playing games, and make meaningful connections. Awesome, so now what? You need to create a step by step plan to help you stick to your commitment that things will be different for you this year. The best way to do this is with a specific plan to hold yourself accountable which can help you see the results you want. Resources  3, 2, 1 Dating Plan Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

If you have been listening to the past couple episodes, you know we’ve been in a theme of looking at dating from a problem solving lens. Approaching dating with problem-solving skills can be a practical and thoughtful way to navigate the complexities of trying to put yourself out there, take risks, and manage the vulnerabilities that are inherent in dating. Adaptability: Just like solving a problem might require adjusting your approach, be prepared to adapt your dating strategy. Not every date will go as planned, and you might need to shift your approach based on feedback and outcomes. If you’re dating strategy isn’t working, can you tweak that. Communication: Effective communication is key in problem-solving as well as in dating. Be open and honest in communicating with potential dates. Ask them questions to better understand their perspective as well.  Reflect and learn: Regularly reflect on your dating experiences. What worked? What didn't? What patterns are emerging? Learn from both successes and setbacks to refine your approach over time. Don’t let lack of success define you or predict your future. Look at the issue, whether it’s a lack of dates or people looking at your profile, or simply meeting the wrong people and ask yourself, how can I solve this or where can I take control here. Seek advice: Just as you might consult experts or peers when solving a problem, don't hesitate to seek advice from friends, family members, or even dating coaches. Their insights can provide valuable perspectives. Stay patient: Problem-solving takes time, and so does dating. Not every challenge will be resolved immediately, and not every date will lead to a lasting connection. Stay patient and persistent. Remember that dating is a dynamic process, and while problem-solving skills can be helpful, emotions, chemistry, and other intangibles also play a significant role. Balancing analytical thinking with emotional intelligence is key to successful dating. Resources Conversation Guide for Meeting People 3, 2, 1 Dating Plan Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

Last episode we covered what to do when you’re experiencing dating burnout. I offered several strategies for what to do when you’re frustrated to the point of not feeling inspired at all to continue pursuits to find your person. Today, I want to offer you some tactical strategies to try if you’re saying, yes, I’m frustrated, but I’m still all in, I want to figure this out. Approaching dating with problem-solving skills can be a practical and thoughtful way to navigate the complexities of building relationships. Self-awareness: Start by understanding yourself and what you're looking for in a relationship. Identify your values, interests, and long-term goals. This self-awareness will help you make more informed decisions about potential partners.  Define the problem: Approach dating as a series of challenges or problems to solve. Clearly define what you're seeking in a partner, what kind of relationship you want, and any potential obstacles you might face. Research and gather information: Just as you would research a problem in other contexts, gather information about potential partners. This includes getting to know their values, interests, goals, and background. You can use dating apps, social media, and mutual connections to gather relevant information. Analyze options: Consider your potential partners' qualities and compatibility with your goals and values. Think critically about whether the individual aligns with what you're looking for in a relationship.  Set criteria: Create a list of criteria that a potential partner should meet. These could be related to personality traits, values, interests, or life goals. Use these criteria to evaluate your dating prospects objectively.  Develop a strategy: Just as you would formulate a plan to tackle a problem, develop a dating strategy. This might involve choosing the right places to meet people, creating an appealing online profile, and being proactive in initiating conversations. 123 plan Evaluate and iterate: Treat each date or interaction as a learning opportunity. After a date, assess how well it went, what you liked or didn't like, and how it aligned with your criteria. Adjust your approach based on your reflections. Resources Download the Relationship Vision guide Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate

***Register here for a free workshop on Exactly HOW Do I Make Dating Easier? to learn three simple but actionable steps to make dating easier for you and get the results you want.*** Today we're diving into a topic that many of us can relate to – the burnout that can come from trying to navigate the world of dating. We've all been there, swiping left and right, going on countless dates, and sometimes feeling like we're hitting a wall. But fear not, because in this episode, we'll explore what causes dating burnout and share some practical strategies to help you recharge and approach dating in a healthier way. Understanding Dating Burnout: To kick things off, let's talk about what dating burnout really is. Dating burnout occurs when the constant search for a partner, disappointment from failed connections, and the pressures of modern dating take a toll on our emotional well-being. It can leave us feeling exhausted, frustrated, and even questioning our self-worth. But remember, you're not alone in this experience. Causes of Dating Burnout: It's important to recognize the factors that contribute to dating burnout. First, the endless swiping and messaging on dating apps can create a sense of emotional detachment – it's hard to form meaningful connections through a screen. Additionally, societal expectations and the fear of missing out (FOMO) can add unnecessary pressure to find the "perfect" partner. And let's not forget the disappointments that come with ghosting, mismatched expectations, and failed dates. Signs You're Experiencing Burnout: Now, how can you tell if you're experiencing dating burnout? Look out for signs like a lack of enthusiasm for dating, feeling emotionally drained after interactions, and an overall negative attitude towards the process. If you're finding it difficult to manage your emotions and it's affecting your well-being, it's time to address the issue. Strategies to Overcome Dating Burnout: First, it's crucial to take breaks when needed. Step away from the apps and give yourself time to recharge and reconnect with your own interests. Self-care isn't selfish; it's necessary. Setting Realistic Expectations: Another strategy is to set realistic expectations. Understand that not every date will lead to a lifelong connection, and that's okay. Focus on enjoying the process and getting to know new people without putting unnecessary pressure on yourself or the situation. Quality Over Quantity: Remember, it's about quality over quantity. Instead of going on a million dates, try to focus on building deeper connections with a few people who align with your values and interests. This can lead to more fulfilling interactions and potentially more meaningful relationships. Seeking Support: And don't be afraid to seek support. Talk to friends, family, or even a therapist about your feelings. Sometimes, just sharing your experiences and emotions can provide immense relief and perspective. Rediscovering Yourself: Lastly, use this time to rediscover yourself. Engage in activities you're passionate about, pursue hobbies, and invest in personal growth. Remember, a strong and fulfilled individual often attracts healthy and fulfilling relationships. As we wrap up today's episode, I want to remind you that experiencing dating burnout is normal, and you're not alone in this journey. By taking breaks, setting realistic expectations, prioritizing quality connections, seeking support, and investing in yourself, you can overcome burnout and approach dating with a fresh perspective. Remember, your well-being is the top priority, and finding the right partner will happen when the time is right. Free Workshop Happening TODAY on Exactly HOW Do I Make Dating Easier? You’ll come away with three important things that will make dating easier and leave you feeling more confident in dating. Register here. Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more.   Music by Successful Motivation |Artwork photo by Elevate

***Register here for a free workshop on Exactly HOW Do I Make Dating Easier? to learn three simple but actionable steps to make dating easier for you and get the results you want.*** Believe. Trust. Risk. Those are my recommendations as you go out into the world and hopefully begin a.creating the life you want. Believe. Trust. Risk. These three factors are needed to be effective and successful in life. You have to believe in yourself, in possibilities, and even in a miracle here and there. You need that belief to trust your abilities, in the kindness of others and the twists and turns life will take you on. You have to believe and trust in order to take the risks in life that count. By the way, I’m naturally not talking about foolish risks, but the risks that come from belief and trust and lead to a more full life. Let’s look at each of these. Believe. First and foremost, you need to have your own back. Even when no one else does, you have to believe that your presence is needed in the world. You’re here to do something that only you can do. Who you are and what you do is needed in the world. Hold on to that belief with all you got. That belief will carry you through days of doubt, nights of dread and worry, and dealing with others who clearly don’t believe in you. For me, that belief carried me through years of trying to build a career on my terms, enduring people who discriminated against me because of ableist attitudes, and wondering if dreams of having a family of my own would ever come true. When you have belief and trust in yourself, you can then take the risks that pay off big. When I look back from my vantage point now, I realize that belief was trusting in the future. That brings us to trust. You definitely have to believe yourself to form trust. Trust is the reliance on your character, ability, and strength. Trust is often built over time through consistent experiences, positive interactions, and a track record of dependability. Where belief in yourself may not take much time because it refers to the acceptance of something as true, trust develops over a period of time. It involves relying on someone or something based on a belief in their reliability and integrity through different experiences. You learn to trust yourself more and more by showing up for yourself repeatedly. This looks like going to work on the days you don’t feel like it because you want to be a person who is responsible and reliable to yourself most. It looks like going after that dream of yours even when others don’t believe you can make it happen. And it looks like always checking in with yourself and doing what’s right for you, even though you may be the outsider. Trust in yourself, allow that trust to run deep over time. If you can’t rely on yourself, who can you rely on? I can best describe what this looks like through examples. It was because I believed in myself and trusted my potential to be a good partner to someone that led me to tell a guy on our first date that I would like to get to know him - after he confessed that he was very uncomfortable being dating someone with a disability. For the whole story, listen to Episode 1.  Risk. Remember I said it’s not about taking foolish risks, but the risks that come from belief and trust and lead to a more full life. These are the risks you take when you have done the work to believe in and trust in yourself. We usually avoid taking risks to keep us safe. Now when we’re talking about our physical safety, avoiding risks can be a very good thing because it may keep us out of danger. But when we’re afraid to reach more, pursue our dreams, or challenge ourselves to grow because we’re afraid of getting emotionally hurt or being rejected, that’s when we begin to limit our very own potential. To me this is one of the damaging things you can do to yourself and your life. Learn to take healthy risks. Risks that challenge you, may make you squirm with discomfort, but ultimately allow you to grow and become more the person you’re meant to be. Another story from my life illustrates this. My entire life I wanted to be a mother. As a young girl I fed my dolls baby bottles and changed their diapers. As a teenager, I babysat on a regular basis for families in my neighborhood and loved every minute of it. I felt destined to be a mother. But I didn’t get married until I was 41 and not that being married is a requirement for parenting, but I knew I wanted a partner in the journey with me. So at 41, the biological clock was not working in my favor. We tried, though. We had three miscarriages. I was devastated after the first one. I knew to get me out of my devastation, I had to focus on a solution. I began researching adoption. I was led to the idea of foster care, which to me was about one of the biggest risks of all - to open your heart and home to a child but have them ultimately leave.  My husband and I took the risk. We took a one month old baby in our home and

***Register here for a free workshop on Exactly HOW Do I Make Dating Easier? to learn three simple but actionable steps to make dating easier for you and get the results you want.*** We continue to conversation with Pauline Bosma and Oscar Hughes of the Rainbow Support Group. We talk about what true acceptance looks like for someone in the LGBTQ community. Pauline shares about her story of lack of acceptance from her family and her decision to build a family that would support her - that's a lesson to learn from. We also discuss the answers they received when they as the following questions for their Rainbow Support Guidebook. Is there anyone in your life who does not accept you? How do you know they do not accept you? Is there anything that is hard about being an LGBTQ+ person with a disability? What is hard? What are some ways that a person’s identities (for example, age, race, location) impact their experiences as an LGBTQ+ person with an intellectual and developmental disability? We also talk about what they think society can change do to be more open to seeing people with disabilities as part of the LGBTQ community. How  society begin to see people with disabilities more as dating and relationships partners. Their most helpful advice you can give for someone with a disability and part of the LGBTQ community in search of dating success and healthy relationships. Resources The Rainbow Support Group Rainbow Support Group Guidebook Pauline's YouTube playlist Contact Pauline and Oscar here Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation |Artwork photo by Elevate

Pauline Bosma is the founder and coordinator of the Rainbow Support Groups, a network of support groups for LGBTQ+ people with intellectual and developmental disabilities. Pauline works for Massachusetts Advocates Standing Strong, where she also leads sex education webinars and trains people with disabilities to respond to and report abuse. Oscar Hughes is a PhD student in special education at Boston University. He collaborates with LGBTQ+ adults with intellectual and/or developmental disabilities to create resources that support gender and sexual expression. He also works as the assistant to the Rainbow Support Groups and as a sexuality education trainer for Elevatus Training. We chat about the following: What is your background or personal experience in the area of dating, relationships, and disabilities? The particular perspectives in dating that are both a benefit and a challenge in expressing your identity and sexuality in the LGBTQ+ community. The particular challenges for people with disabilities in dating and relationships. Why Pauline founded the Rainbow Support Group for people with I/DD who are also in the LGBTQ community and their biggest insights from running it. Their new Rainbow Support Group guidebook which is an excellent resource for providing support to people with I/DD and in the LGBTQ community.  Resources The Rainbow Support Group Rainbow Support Group Guidebook Contact Pauline and Oscar here Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation |Artwork photo by Elevate

We’re nearing the end of Disability Pride Month and I have to share an experience I had in trying to celebrate it. Unfortunately, it points to misperceptions about how people define Disability Pride. The definition I use is as follows: Disability Pride Month is celebrated every July and is an opportunity to honor the history, achievements, experiences, and struggles of the disability community. It is celebrated in July to mark the anniversary of the Americans with Disabilities Act, landmark legislation that broke down barriers to inclusion in society. From the national Arc website. From the Ameridisability.com site, they state: Disability pride is defined as accepting and honoring each person’s uniqueness, and seeing it as a natural and beautiful part of human diversity. Disability pride is an integral part of an inclusive crusade and, furthermore, a direct challenge to systemic ableism and stigmatizing definitions of disability. In preparing some content for a weekly reflection on Disability Pride in the month of July, I included a story of parents neglecting their son to the point of death because I felt it was important to represent the struggle that many people with disabilities continue to endure. I believe if you really want to know Disability Pride, you need to also know the struggles we have endured and continue to endure. And of course this is an important element of dating, nurturing relationships, and fostering true intimacy. I was told no because it would be too distressing for people, mostly nondisabled people, to hear. I feel strongly that an important element of any Disability Pride or awareness needs to include talking about the ongoing struggle that most people with disabilities face on a daily basis, even if that “distresses” able bodied people. I am disturbed by the message of “your lives and experiences are too hard to listen to.” I expect more empathy and understanding from people who say they want to hear about Disability Pride. I believe that to just include “successes” of disabled people sends an ableist message that one can only be celebrated if they “overcome” (a word I detest) their disability. And if you’re starved to death and have bed sores so deep, they go to the bone, that can’t be talked about as a reality that happens daily to people. With this approach, it is not true Disability Pride or awareness. I realize I’m using strong language but I feel strongly about this issue and with all due respect, I believe no nondisabled people should be making decisions about the content of anything about disability. Would we assume that for the Black or LGBTQ experience? I hope that your view of Disability Pride includes the ongoing struggles of the disabled. The struggles are an important piece of our pride. Look at what we have and continue to endure. When it comes to dating and relationships, the collective and individual struggles we face with ableism instill in us perseverance, compassion, and determination to create a better future. Never underestimate how important these qualities are in developing meaningful and loving relationships. Thank you so much for listening to this. I know I got on my soapbox a bit, but I hope it can help you look at how your struggle intermingles with your sense of pride. Check out our Dating Memberships:Dating Made Easier (for all people wanting to date) - is a monthly membership for anyone (with or without disabilities) who wants support and guidance in dating skills and getting the RESULTS you want in dating and relationships. Click here to learn more. Supporting Dating and Relationships membership (for special educators and professionals in disability services) - is for professionals in the disability field who are looking for training and resources to effectively help students/people with disabilities in developing dating and relationship skills. Click here to learn more. Music by Successful Motivation Artwork photo by Elevate