Daily Mail

Man sentenced to marriage, dude wont allow life guards to rescue his daughter, Shakespeare was a pothead, North Korea has their own time zone, Porn Hub trying to become The Netflix Of Porn

Millennial Chicks having tons of orgasms, dude gives a 4 year old a wet willy, Donald wants Mexico to pay for his Wall, Dude on Meth at the zoo declares himself Tarzan, old chick offs herself at 75 because she doesnt wanna get old

Japanese girls invent the new "Hangover Look," Chinese people keep dying on escalators, Dutch woman marries her dog after her husband cat dies, everyone in St Louis is killing each other, 364 pound mom goes blind from 28 Red Bulls a day

Iran is 165 Degrees, India trying to ban ALL porn, Village People feud, KFC has invented a bucket that prints photos, Snoop stopped with $422,000, new nominee for MailMan of the Year.

The world's oldest panda, a toddler obsessed with a personal injury attorney, and yes, you will soon be able to spray a condom onto your penis

People who drink make more money, dude complains that bald people are vilified, Deez Nuts officially files to run for President, fugitive gets caught after appearing, and a Real Or Fake involving a pig and an Alabama Walmart

Priest quits church in Antarctica, Snoop detained in Sweden, San Fran combating the homeless with pee resistant paint, cyclists poops in the woods and causes forest fire, Missouri man sits on his dads head and kills him

Chris Christie bails on Springsteen, Trump campaign tactics, a drunken bear, Onion article about nuclear weapons comes true, and Science Says involving cocaine and teenage sex

Backstreet Boys and Nsync are making a movie, a mom arrested for leaving her kids 30 feet away from her, pedophile writes letter asking to legalize sex with kids, 21st birthday in Texas with gunplay, and Hope Solo at the Kids Choice Awards.

A Liverpool soccer player hasn't touched his own dog in 7 years, Serial Pooper caught, Dick Measuring Contest (literally), dead guy in Demi Moore's pool, and weed can make your bones super human.

Canada most admired, intruder wants to smoke weed, asian locks her son in the car and doesnt want to get him out, drankin with pigs, engagement photos with burritos

Fuck Pluto, Farrah Abraham tooth fairy, half staff for the gays, cooking your girlfriend with hot sauce

50 Cent bankrupt, Lil Wayne/Birdman feud, strangling your mom over the TV volume, grabbing dicks, Cracker Barrel racism

KFC is out so I'm filling in. Listen to me screw up a bunch of times! I talk about Nashville and Minions and beer pong. Go buy a Mazda.

Creed fans mad at new Rocky movie title Donald Trump shocked by his campaign backlash Dude banned for life for passing out on the toilet in a plane for 30 minutes Zuckerberg says next step for facebook is telepathy Dude invents air conditioned shirt

Peas in your guacamole Baby Floats out to sea Mixtapes in your happy meal Dude creating the largest Confederate Flag on earth Texas dude eaten by alligators

President of Zimbabwe asks to marry Obama, China NOT falling for the gay hype, middle aged NYC men riding skateboards, Google Maps responsible for train deaths, and Japanese women obssessed with new sexy gorilla at the zoo

Pastor says he will NOT light himself on fire because of the gays, dude mistakes the NBC logo for gay pride flag, Lutheran pastor blames the Jews, Bunny Ranch chick wants to be on the $10 bill, 35 year old reports missing teddy bear to the police

Dolezal tells student she's not Hispanic enough, Jaden Smith explains why he was Batman, Brooklyn school eats their class pet, dude buries himself alive and dies, Terry Francona ate 17 popsicles

Spider Man must be white and straight, Sweden invents new world for female masturbation, KFC proves it wasnt a rat, chick goes to hospital for wearing skinny jean

China wants to ban "Your mom" from its internet, Russia doesnt think we went to the moon, Japanese dude pays 3 grand for a watermelon, Cat wins a dog hero award, dude gets beaten to death by his gf with a can of peas

Goldman Sachs restricts interns to 17 HOUR work days, Florida woman and a dog, threesome ends in stabbing, sex toys in the hotel room, and cat owners are dumb

Cardinals cheating, Torri Hunter's Beavis and Butthead conspiracy theory, Smurf Nazis, Rachel Dolezal, Lance Armstrong calls himself Voldemort, Boy Scouts still doing creepy inappropriate stuff, and the worlds oldest newlyweds get married at 103

Kim says her baby won't be named South West, woman goes to jail for not returning a VHS she rented in 2005, dude roasts a guinea pig in an NYC park, Montana Governor candidate says Noah worked till 600 years old so we shouldn't get to retire, and a pregnant woman craves bars of soap.

sex in space, suing actors on TV, Pinterest Stress, mad kidnaps his girlfriend from wedding, Arizona bar in hot water with a tranny

Florida Roommate Violence, Asians cant get into college, Jessica Lange Cant be happy, sex with a mcdonalds sandwich, the Circle of Life in Florida

Pakistan Leader Says Women Wearing Jeans Are Causing Earthquakes, the Indian chick who killed herself because she was forbidden to wear jeans, the kid who called 911 and said Deez Nuts, Chinese condoms are too small for Africa, and the dude who slapped elderly sneezing people

Dude marries his adopted son, kid suspended for bringing chili pepper to school, Putin is pissed, SKY MALL IS BACK

Dude kills himself because his dick was too big, 90 Russian sailors go down on a porn star, a kid blackmails his mom into sex, ISIS suicide bombers complaining about nepotism, and poor kids in NYC dont have fun.

Teacher arranges sex in classroom closet, dude steals 1000 eggs, suspended for nerf toy, 8 yr old in a suitcase

Couple dies from Carbon Monoxide having sex in a car, teacher swallows live hamster to teach kids a lesson, chick gets pregnant through anal sex, Saudi Arabia searching online for 8 new exectutioners, Whiskey Vagina is real and it sucks.

Cell phones in pregnant ladies and lost brains

French drinking death, Japanese virgin problem, Disneyland kid injured by Pluto, Pizza emoji order,

Death by wedgie, the Game of 72, prostitutes in the old folks home, Las Vegas Cocaine Addict convention, and a ginger threatened to assassinate Prince Charles

Twins by different fathers, Morgan Freeman loves weed, goldfish surgery, soccer player pays for celebration damages, and a Chinese drug dealer smuggling in his foreskin.

Chipotle delivery, Cop bites balls, Hip Hop > Beatles, and Barstool Blast from the Past

Florida woman takes a dump in a police car, entirely different Florida woman has sex with underage boys AND dogs, Canada wants to protect fat people with laws, Gwyneth Paltrow steams her vagina, and High Horse Beer Guy tries to sue Blue Moon

Suge Knight bail out, dude stabs his brother to death over Mayweather fight, Russian conspiracy theorists say Kate Middleton didn't actually give birth to the Royal Baby, and the Anti-Semite who found out he was Jewish, Clayton Bigsby style.

More sex = more money?, track your smelliest farts, mom "lunch shamed" for giving daughter oreos, woman unawares shes pregnant gives birth at wendys, man banned from using vending machines until 2020