Daily Mail

Financial Dominatrix makes thousands torturing men online, the KKK wants to rebrand, Scottish chick wins Miss Hitler 2016, first death in an autopilot car comes as driver was watching Harry Potter, brawl erupts at Dallas taco joint because of chips and dip

Woman kills her husband and feeds him to a dog (real nice, lady!), France legalizes protitution but not paying for prostitution, Florida dude dies in cockroach eating contest, Transgender man turns into a female and now is turning into a dragon, oh and the world is ending in a week

Chinese baby wakes up right before being cremated, goat arrested in India, Indian police are going to use slingshots, Red Lobster up 33% after Beyonce mentioned them, Florida man throws an alligator through the drive through window, drunk Wisconsin couple lets their 9 year old drive them home

Handicapping who got KFC banned on twitter, dude in Eritrea have to marry 2 women or go to jail, BK employee quits and steals all the chicken nuggets, kids die from drinking Mountain Dew mixed with gasoline, and Spanish bullfighter in hot water for bullfighting with his 5 month old.

Harry Potter has a new movie as a farting dead dude, school teaches kids about bullying by bullying them, Washington Post columnist is mad kids arent shoveling snow, Martin Shkreli talking shit to Ghostface Killah, Indian chick sets herself on fire because her family doesnt have a toilet

From trading puppies for crack to killing your cross dressing voodoo priest lover, it's an entire Florida edition of Daily Mail. Each topic ranked on a scale of 1 to 5 Floridas.

60 year old woman gets stuck in her chastity belt, NYC is installing masturbation booths on the streets, Tanzania says mini skirts causes AIDS, chicks are putting herbal balls up their VJs, North Korea says they invent hangover free alcohol

No Groundhog for Groundhog Day, ISIS chopping all their salaries in half, George Bush selling monkey parts on eBay, El Chapo caught because of tacos, and new childrens book about George Washington's slaves not going over so well

Oregon Militia gets sent a bag of dicks, dude never gets laid because he has "Henry The Hoover" tattooed above his dick, Conor MacGregor might be on the 1 Euro coin, and Science Says

Farrah Abraham and her 6 Year old vs Nicki Minaj, chick bites off Wal Mart employee's finger, bicycle thief banned from riding bikes for life, dude assualted twice after refusing to accept attacker's apology, Asian chick makes soap from her own fat after losing weight and sends the soap to his family, Cubicle Chronicles

Zuckerberg's creating a robot to raise his kid, 43 year old with the bionic dick losing his virginity to a dominatrix, Jaden Smith is modeling chick clothes because hes an asshole, Florida man crushes a kid while playing video games, Powerball winner drops 21 mil on bailing out her boyfriend 3 times, and a Marry Fuck Kill of the worst days of the year

Dude eaten by an alligator hiding from police in a pond, chick gets 34% more matches on Tinder with DD tits, first US penis transplant is about to go down, NJ gas station owner charges 2x as much for his gas and DGAF, Georgia woman puts up an ad on Craigslist for "unwanted babies"

Dude has sex with a tow bar in front of a grandmother and her granddaughter, astronaut running a marathon in space, Bud Weisser arrested for breaking into Budweiser factory, inviting kids to your birthday is now discrimination, chick stabbed at Art Basel, and Lebron now has his own font

Fifth graders try to blow up their school, mom faces jail time for letting her kid play outside, Spanish incest couple blames everyone else for ruining their relationship, Disney Dating sites, and is calling someone Gollum really considered an insult?​

The ​Cavs ban "hoverboards," Japanese porn star opens up the GROSSEST restaurant ever, deer hunting season is stripper season in Michigan, and Russian Maxim forgives famous gay people for being gay

Doctors yanked a baby's head off in India, student kicked out of school for consensual threesome, school bus driver has sex on the bus, the smartest people in the world are sarcastic, and new rules prevent Paralympians from sitting on their nutsack

Pimp facing life in prison in Florida confesses to NYC murder to come home to New York, Asshole showdown of the week: Woman who got catfished for $200,000 vs Dude who gave $718,000 to psychics, the moon may actually be a planet, Pastafarians are the worst people in the world, Angelina and Brad Pitt's movie BOMBS

cold pizza, Rumblr is a hoax, woman runs over her husband with a car over chores, Indonesia using crocodiles as prison guards, police compare sexual assault to drinking tea, kids who grow up religious are assholes

dude goes on a rampage because there was no mayo on his sandwich, Chinese kid denied treatment because his mom was wearing short shorts, blind barber suing because he was fired, toddler eats one of the most venomous snakes in the world, Chlymidia outbreak in Texas high school

The kid from Who's The Boss got AIDS from a crystal meth orgy, Furries want to have sex with Tony The Tiger, the creator of the Pop Up Ad apologizes, theres a new Transgender Beer, and kangaroo farts are apparently bad for the environment