Crunch Wears No Pants

AN OWNERSHIP DEBACLE! ANT IS SO GOOD! NAZ AND JADEN AND SLOMO ARE ALIVE!

guys. remember when we used to release episodes regularly. we're getting back to that, i promise. On this week's episode, we discuss our life post-KAT injury, Ant's continued ascension, Luka Garza (sorry), and Dune.

We're back with our second consecutive Random Wolf of the Week spotlight on Nikola Pekovic! These totally weren't pre-recorded during the Trail Blazers game on 2/15! Normal episodes begin again next week, but in the meantime enjoy this deep dive into the life, legacy, and lore of Nikola Pekovic.

SPECIAL EPISODE! We love highlighting the Random Wolves of the Week at the end of each episode so we figured we'd do some deeper dives into beloved Wolves throughout history. This week, we discuss the legacy and lore around COOL HAND LUKE RIDNOUR.

Wolves twitter melted down over former and future guest of the pod Claire de Lune's 1 minute segment discussing the Timberwolves and KAT on another pod so we talked about it cuz we are white knights and simps. After that, we just bantered about how insanely good the Timberwolves are and then we did the fictional player buyout segment, where we add various fictional basketball players to the Wolves.

We did one episode without a guest and we got bored so we invited our pal CHELANGA LANGASON FROM THE CND NBA SHOW to discuss why Kyle Anderson is secretly still good, the trade deadline's impact on the Wolves, potential buyout guys, and why Luigi is a bad person. Also, we snuck in a cats draft in celebration of Karl-Anthony Towns' fourth all star appearance. Some episodes are like this guys, idk what to tell ya. If you're still here from the Dane episode or Meatsauce episode we appreciate you lmao journalism is DEAD we only care about vibes now.

WOWOW KAT AND ANT ARE ALL STARS BAYBEEE. The gentlemen react to the news, as well as the current performance of the team. It's also our first episode since Guestuary so it's just us again. We also spend some time fawning over Nickeil Alexander-Walker before pitching trade targets in our Shark Tank Trade Machine segment. Love you so much! Don't drive stupidly in residential areas!

THE FINAL GUEST OF GUESTUARY IS CLAIRE DE LUNE! You've seen Claire on twitter, and perhaps you've heard her music as Tiny Deaths or read her basketball words with the Guardian. Speaking of, she just dropped an article about how the Timberwolves went from league laughing stock to legit championship contender. We discuss the Wolves with Claire, as well as her Lakers fandom*, the D'Angelo Russell experience, and how her artistry and journalism intersect. We also did our "Create a Band" draft, which is where we all made a band out of past and present NBA players. Claire is awesome and you better go show her some love cuz she's now forever intertwined with the lore of CWNP okay love you so much have a great weekend BYEEEE!

Dane Moore joined Crunch Wears No Pants to talk EVERYTHING. Does he like Hennessey? Who are his ideal trade targets as the deadline approaches (also this, predictably, is when Dane and Brandon go super deep, it was every ball-knowers dream conversation)? How has his podcast evolved over the last couple seasons? How are his vibes towards the team at the moment? What is the best NBA video game of all time?

We finally got him. Timberwolves In Arena Host MC Jon B joins the program to discuss the vibes around the team, his in-game fan hype approach, and the things he noticed in the pre-season in Abu Dhabi that let him know that this team was different. We also go over the vibes of this lil rough patch/growing pains thing the Wolves have got going on right now (spoiler: we all still think everything is fine) and then draft our Star Wars starting five. MC Jon B is great and if you don't give him a high five and say "thanks for making my Timberwolves game experience awesome!" next time you're at Target Center, we will get angry about that.

oh BOY. The Timberwolves have hit a rough patch and we're here to talk about it! but here's the thing: we can still believe in a team's future and potential while addressing elephants in the room in terms of perimeter defense, apparent effort, and ball movement. So there's your hoops talk. We also do our first installment of Timberwolves What Ifs: What if Ricky Rubio never tore his ACL, What if Stephon Marbury never left, and What if the Wolves traded for Allen Iverson in the 2006-07 season the way God intended them to. Love you so much. See ya next week!!

After much demand, CWNP perseveres through the post-holiday haze to give Vit Krejci his much deserved ceremonial send off.

hello hotties, in between last night's loss to the Joel Embiid's foul merchanting and tonight's dub over the Los Angeles Lakers, we recorded a podcast. we focus on how great KAT and NAW have been, as well as discuss little things you may not have noticed during this overwhelming avalanche of basketball success. And then, as a show of goodwill and love towards beloved Wolves Community Member WolvesHotBoxScores, we participate in the BIRDS DRAFT, where we draft birds.

guys there's no sugar coating this one: Brandon used his math and stats brained and solved the Ant On/Off Offensive woes and the best part is, the answer lies within the roster. It was a true, deep sports segment. Wowzers. We also discussed whether or not Santa is a human or an elf mid-ad read. For our fun bit, we went back through years of Timberwolves' past and thought about which old wolves role players would've fit well on this current roster.

hey hotties - this episode we basically just fawn over how good Rudy Gobert is. We also give an update on Panty Nation Member of the Year Standings, as well as the recent uptick in Communist Wolves memes. We also do another draft lmao we do the "Same First Name as the Starters" Draft, which means we've either ascended or are scraping the bottom of the barrel. We love the Wolves. What a time to be a Wolves fan.

What's poppin Panty People. If you're willing and able, please consider donating to Kai's Mom's GoFundMe: https://gofund.me/48c15f9aKai is a beloved member of Wolves Twitter and is such a ray of sunshine in our digital community. You may have seen him at the CND NBA Show Live Show Extravaganza, and you've def seen his work outside of Parkway Pizza (HOOOONK!). If cash is tight for you, please lift up Kai's family in your thoughts and prayers.*non-sequitur* on this episode, Brandon and Durf share stories about their recent eBay happenings (my lord). We also go over the "ban the stupid slide under the guy trying to dunk charge" argument. We also create the Mt. Rushmore of coolest presidential names (inspired by Troy Brown Jr), as well as play Cast a Wolf, where we cast current Timberwolves in existing properties. We love you so much BYEEEE

Today, a Wolves Twitter and TikTok legend joins the show: WolvesHotBoxScores! Jordan offends him by calling him a duck! And then Jordan kills the vibes with unfounded anxiety around how good the Timberwolves are. The gang also chat with WolvesHotBoxScores about the state of the Timberwolves, KAT's recent successes, and even MORE reasons to believe why the Timberwolves are legit. Oh yeah, we also discussed a secretly hot former Timberwolf. The gang then share a bunch of basketball and non-basketball things they're thankful for. Also listen all the way to the end to hear our first ever Mad Thibs, which we will be deploying at a live show eventually lmao aight guys, love you so much. Please don't drive stupidly in residential neighborhoods.

We recorded this episode in the back of the Top the Tater Van in a parking lot down by the river in Stillwater lmao what in tarnation is goin on. What an experience. On this episode, this gentlemen look back fondly on the Wolves' first seven game win streak in 20 years while also giving their perspectives on the fight, instigated by stupid DRAYMOND! The gentlemen also figure out what we could get in a trade for KAT, since everyone agrees that we wouldn't even be able to get picks for him right now. And then lastly, in honor of Draymond, we do the first annual Draymond Green Memorial Bitches Draft, where we draft people who index highly in bitch factors. Alright guys, love you, thanks for listening. Remember, don't drive recklessly in residential neighborhoods or else I'll come and find you!!

What's up, hotties. We actually went deep on hoops this episode lol I think it's actually serious hoops talk. Brandon details why he's changed his mind on this year's Timberwolves team and why he thinks there is reason to believe in sustained success. We also revived our ChatGPT script-generating bit "Timbertales", which is what the WGA was fighting against. Also, Jordan makes the case to retire D'Angelo Russell's jersey outta nowhere. Have a great day, you're awesome.

The season has started and we are talkin HOOPS baby, mostly through the Howler. Which, if you didn't know, is the #1 fan giveaway item in Timberwolves history and is available to the first 15k fans to pull up to the 11/8 game vs the Pelicans, which will also be the first Classic Edition game of the year. The fellas talk about the first three games of the season, including * THAT GAME *, as well as discuss the KAT/Ant difficulties. Bwandon, Nate, and Jordan also assemble a player in the frankenplayer draft. Love you so much, BYE

Oh my goodness, a basketball podcast with a predictions episode. Who saw it coming?! We over leaguewide stuff as well as some Timberwolves-centric thoughts. Idk if you heard, but the Wolves are back. Please go vote on the Wolves Things bracket on Twitter (@NoPantsCrunch). Long live Lou Amundson.

WE ARE JOINED BY THE ILLUSTRIOUS AND ICONIC PAUL MEATSAUCE LAMBERT FROM THE POWER TRIP MORNING SHOW ON 100.3 KFAN. On this episode, Paul regales us with the Timberwolves scoops he's received that never came to fruition, as well as his unbridled hate for a beloved TImberwolves legend. He's also just a great guy with great takes on the Wolves, which you'll hear. Additionally, Paul gets in on our yearly Over/Unders bet. We also do the Big Things draft, which is literally just us drafting things that are big. Go listen to The Power Trip and go cop some UNRL, Lamb Chops, and Duke Cannon. We love you so much.

OUR FIRST LIVE SHOW. MY GOODNESS. Chelanga, Brandon, and Nate held it down at the gorgeous Parkway Pizza to bring the CND NBA Show Wears No Pants crossover madness to Northeast. Thank you all for coming out. If you missed it, we had Jonny K to discuss the nitty gritty of the Wolves roster, Leonard Miller, and LeBron to the Wolves steam. He also fielded some listener questions about the state of MN sports and whether or not the Wolves could become MN's team. Later on in the show, we pitch t-shirt ideas to the iconic Jake's Graphs. Big love to Pulltab Sports and Green Screen Studios for making this a reality, as well as Parkway Pizza for hosting.

S2E1 HAS FINALLY ARRIVED. Sorry about not doing those off season episodes we talked about doing lol we were busy and tired. Stoked to be back gang. In this one, we discuss how we prophesized the Vit Krejci signing, Shake Milton's frosting-less birthday cake, what we're excited about this season, plus we do the worst vibes draft, which is where we try to assemble the worst and most cursed assembly of Timberwolves-adjacent things. Love you guys big time. Big love to Lamb Chops, UNRL, and Duke Cannon for making us look and smell so good

Long have we waited... it's time for the most serious Timberwolves podcast of all time. Brandon, Nate, and Jordan joined forces with Chelanga and Dylan of the CND NBA Show to go deep on Timberwolves free agency, the draft, summer league, the nature of being Italian, Jar Jar Bink, The Whale, and so much more. I'm not really sure how to describe it but it's one of the pods of all time. Tony B, we know what you did. Netglow and Jonah: I promise we will have you on eventually.

My bad, Panty Nation. We recorded this a week and a half ago and I finally was able to edit it. We celebrate THE OFFICIAL CRUNCH WEARS NO PANTS SEASON END NO PANTS ALLOWED RECOGNITION SEGMENT AWARD SHOW and give out end of season awards, as well as shout out some of our favorite members of Wolves twitter! We also talk about how Minnesota is still, miraculously, still holding back D'Angelo Russell, the Jaden McDaniels All-Defensive snub, and more. LOVE YOU

Here we are. Together. At the end. After a week and a half of games starting at 945pm, the gentlemen power through exhaustion (both physical and emotional) to discuss the series loss vs the Nuggets, as well as the insanely chaotic 2022-23 season. We also relitigate season 1 of the two bigs experiment while also showering love all over the growth of Anthony Edwards, as well as the song "Paralyzer" by Finger Eleven. The gentlemen then briefly go over their favorite season moments, fawn over Atlanta Hawks PG (future Wolf) Vit Krejci, and get sassy to all the twitter fingers who think it's cool and edgy to be negative all the time. Love you. Love JoMomma's Salsa, Jimmy's Dips, and Duke Cannon.

Well, here we are. The Timberwolves got decimated in game 1 vs the Denver Nuggets. We try to find the silver linings but it's mostly a lot of talking about what went wrong, with a sprinkling of optimism every few sentences. We also discuss things that ACTUALLY went well during the Play In Games, as well as give our official Crunch Wears No Pants NBA Finals Predictions. @NoPantsCrunch on social media hotties, see you there. Long live Pulltab Sports.

what's crackin hotties. oh my god. the timberwolves are so frickin back. we talk about the euphoria of the Golden State Warriors game and then, since we precorded, made predictions for the game against the Sacramento Kings. We also discuss the return of Karl-Anthony Towns and how his successful reintegration is probably the result of something that will get us cancelled by D'Angelo Russell stans on Twitter. We also break down how the Minnesota Timberwolves' schedule looks for the remainder of the season. We also say goodbye to our ChatGPT Scripts and Timbertales for the time being. Godspeed, ChatGPT. Oh yeah, we also heap praise on Jaden McDaniels. @NoPantsCrunch on social media, follow us if you're sexy (if you're a wolves fan, you're sexy)! Love you!

Hey hotties. On this episode, we discuss how the Timberwolves are the most .500 team of all time. We also shower praise all over our beloved Kyle Anderson, as well as inquire into the West's playoffs standings and figure out who we want the smoke with. We also engage in another two table reads with TimberTales, which as you can recall, is the bit where we type script ideas into ChatGPT and then it spits it out back at us. They are WEIRD. Please let us know if you like or hate this bit. And then finally, Durf lies to us during Random Wolf of the Week. See you on social media! We are @NoPantsCrunch. Please leave a review too and remember to leave baguettes out for Rudy.

WHAT'S POPPIN PANTY PEOPLE TODAY FRANK GARZA TO TALK TO US ABOUT HIS SON, LUKA! As well as the parallels between basketball and life. This man just rattles off so many gems you'll be like "oh damn, this guy is awesome and insightful." That starts around 40 minutes in! Before that, we discuss the post-All Star Break Timberwolves, the early returns on Mike Conley and NAW, and debut the greatest bit in Timberwolves podcast history where we type in prompts in ChatGPT to spit out ridiculous Timberwolves-themed movie scripts. Submit your script ideas to us and we'll read them on the show. Also let us know if that bit is actually good. Okay. Love you so much. DUKE CANNON, JOMOMMA'S SALSA, AND JIMMY'S DIPS 4EVER

WHAT'S POPPIN PANTY PEOPLE, this week on the show we say goodbye to our beloved D'Angelo Russell while also welcoming our NEW friend, Mike Conley. We break down the discourse around the trade, the pros and cons of each player/the move, and what we can expect from a Conley-fied Wolves team going forward. We also discuss the landscape of the Western Conference and where we think the Wolves will net out, and then, finally: Durf takes us through an all time Timberwolf dating game. We have many hot and nice players that have come through Target Center, ya know. S/o to NEW SPONSOR Duke Cannon! And JoMomma's Salsa! And Jimmy's Dips of course!

PLEASE WELCOME CHELANGA LANGASON FROM THE CND NBA SHOW AND ZONE COVERAGE DOT COM TO THE POD! If you like our pod, you'll like their pod, we have formed an alliance. On today's episode, the fellas get the displeasure of reacting live to Anthony Edwards' all star stubs. They also do their best to make sense of the mean and bad faith shenanigans of the national media against our beloved Minnesota Timberwolves. Then, to wrap up the show, the gang discuss the Last of Us on HBO Max (use promo code NOPANTS for a free month) and create an all-time Wolves zombie apocalypse survival party. We love you!

the gentlemen are BACK! Vibes are discussed, Durf and Beck finally wear down Jordan's D-Lo standom while also discussing the silver linings of the season thus far. Brandon also decides to lift the trade talk embargo, which is mostly just us fawning over Mike Conley. Then the gentlemen engage in the Wolves Villains draft, where they draft, you guessed it, Timberwolves Villains (LIKE DOH ED MALLOY and his big, wet mouth). Drive safe, hotties. We love you as much as we love JoMomma's Salsa and Jimmy's Dips.

Brandon, Jordan, and a totally in-studio, healthy, and non-generically-pre-recorded-statements Nate give their New Year's Resolutions for our beloved Timberwolves for 2023. The gentlemen also discuss the last four games, Luka Garza's phoenix rising from the ashes, hot and juicy D Lo goss, and engage in the first ever Random Wolf of the Week Mano y Mano Special Edition Beat Down Beat Off.

The gentlemen discuss the vibes over the last 16 games. Jordan compares his hate for the Gobert trade for something that had to be bleeped but rhymes with gleamin' detention. The gentlemen also discuss life without KAT, the joy of our friend Austin Rivers, and Naz Reid (Naz Reid). At 54:00, the gentlemen dive into The First Annual Crunch Wears No Pants Year End Panties Award Extravaganza (The FACWNPYEPAES) to dish out awards and accolades to those who donned a Timberwolves jersey in 2022.

That's a real headline from some real journalism that we broke down this episode. Durf, Brandon, and Jally break down the weird last few games post-KAT injury, a potential KAT-less future, Rudy Gobert's love life, the state of the Timberwolves' twitter account, and we give Durf a light roasting over Luka Garza. The guys also played Wolves Jeopardy but the end result was so bad that we cut it lol if you want us to release it, let us know @NoPantsCrunch,

THE VIBES ARE WHOLEHEARTEDLY BACK INTO POSITIVE TERRITORY. The gentlemen discuss the last six Timberwolves game, in which they're 4-2 and are on a four game win streak (it quickly turned to five after we stopped recording). The gentleman discuss the Rudy Gobert experiment thus far, Brandon slanders D-Lo (what's new), and go deep on Jaden McDaniels' improved play. After all the SERIOUS STUFF around 42 minutes, the guys draft their best Wolves Twitter all-stars to three teams for you to vote on on social media @NoPantsCrunch. Jordan also says the F bomb twice and we decided to bleep it because this is a family friendly show.

Our first mailbag! Who's a better dunker: Ant or Crunch? Could Naz Reid defeat the Night King? Who knows? Only we know. That's why you listen to Crunch Wears No Pants. Also, what's up with that? Why doesn't he wear pants? We should probably tackle that at some point.

Durf and Brandon save a very-down-in-the-dumps Jordan from the horrendous recent performance of the Timberwolves, and the sassy environment of Wolves twitter. KAT gets his flowers, Jordan puts Ant on trial, and Brandon breaks down what's going wrong and where solutions may lie. Brandon and Jordan debate whether or not "big owner syndrome" is to blame for the demise of our beloved basketball squad while Nate provides the silver lining. The gentlemen than engage in a rousing game of Wolves Family Feud and Random Wolf of the Week/Guess That Wolf/RWOW.

The gentlemen discuss the rocky beginnings to the Timberwolves' season, as well as offer a few silver linings, glimmers of hope, and potential solutions. Jordan says a joke that needs to be censored. The gang then dives into the ALL TIME TIMBERWOLVES GREAT HANG Draft where we assemble a team of Wolves to hang out with. Then, as always, they wrap up the show with everyone's favorite Wolves guessing game: Guess That Wolf Random Wolf of the Week RWOW. Please keep us great ratings and follow us on the ol' social media @nopantscrunch.

In Episode 2, Jordan apologizes after the woke mob holds him accountable for his takes last episode. The gentlemen also discuss the developments of pre-season, the leaked City Edition jerseys, the ninth rotation spot, Michael Grady's voice. The gentlemen go on to predict the West's playoff seeding, cast various Timberwolves in movies and TV shows, and end the show with a rousing edition of Who's That Wolf! Guess That Wolf! Random Wolf of the Week! RWOW!

Welcome to the inaugural episode of Crunch Wears No Pants. It's like Wolves twitter, but in audio form. This week, Jordan, Brandon, and Nate review media day and roster construction, debate what fictional basketball player would be most valuable to the 2022-23 Wolves, and round out the episode with a rousing edition of everyone's favorite Minnesota Timberwolves gameshow Who's That Wolf. All hail our Pulltab Sports overlords. Big love to Jimmy's Dips and JoMamma's Salsa.