Cocktale Hour

<p> What do old guys fantasize about? Evidently getting an RV and dreaming of turning the whole repair experience into a new reality show. Go figure. Also, if you want help during the cold and flu season, turn to ActiveHerb...not a sponsor.</p>

<p> Did you know that John is an AI expert and regularly lectures people...or is it randomly lectures people? Anyway, we talk a little about new generative AI stuff and how it is poised to change Hollywood as well as small town TV which I think is infinitely better. Enjoy!</p>

<p> Is Taylor prepared to save America, or does she resent you for hating on her for her 38 seconds of air time in an NFL game? We discuss this as we also dive into other important topics like master guitar player/actor Jerry Reed and the meaning of life and assisted suicide. Call someone today if you need help, otherwise...enjoy!</p>

<p> It sucks getting old. Kelly's arms are worn out and Danny has a bum foot, but we can still laugh. Kelly is offering a cash prize to anyone that can heal his elbows. Let us know at [email protected] if you have an answer. As always we have tons of money making ideas including how to sell a movie for 20 grand and make a profit. Cocktale Hour for the win!</p>

<p> This week we talk about how Tesla owners should get out of their cars at the superchargers, come on and create community, you rich bastards! Danny is on his own and Kelly remembers dragging things out of a hole in the floor of his '77 Chevette.</p>

<p> Cocktale Hour has become a global phenomenon, not because of the well-rehearsed, tired banter of the other celebrity podcasts, but because we connect with our listener through impromptu, timely topics. For example my decision to call some ex-president "Fat Hitler." It is a rare case that we'd bring a prepared topic to share with you, but I had to get that dog shit at Aldi's - yes it was Aldi - story out. Dog Shit. In the grocery store. That shouldn't be a thing I have to report on.</p>

<p> Happy almost Christmas everyone! We had a big wedding yesterday and we talk about how John can capitalize on making money out of religious services. The key, unfortunately is his learning to walk and talk simultaneously on camera. Can you believe that we've done 150 of these?</p>

<p> Can ChatGPT make a photo of John's dead dog frolicking in Heaven? Hell yes it can. We talk about weddings, AI assisted services and how it does not use as much profanity as I do. That's where the comedy is.</p>

<p> Thanksgiving is over and we are looking forward to Christmas. Relive your childhood stuffing recipe with us as we talk about fake vs. real trees. Who is Aunt Geoffrey? Your guess is as good as mine.</p>

<p>Happy Thanksgiving to all our listeners! We are celebrating by wondering why there is no Thanksgiving song, especially set to Knights in White Satin. Thank the Lord that Danny doesn't have covid after his New York trip. We talk about subway homeless, getting a bunch of shots and and the immigration situation around 90 Day Fiancee. Enjoy!</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>

<p> More New York tales with Danny and Dave this week as we dive into caviar prices, luxury cars and the rich! I've also started uploading old episodes again, so check out some of our pre-Covid laughs.</p>

<p> Recording on a Sunday this time because Danny had the big yard sale yesterday and we talk about the eternal fight of what you save and what you leave for your own estate sale. </p>

<p> John is back from New York with product ideas and we discuss what the future of religious gatherings could look like. Enjoy!</p>

<p> What keeps these old farts in government going...we have an idea. Also we talk about the conflict in Israel and all the SAG insurance stuff you ever wanted to know. Hang in there.</p>

<p>Missed us? After 2 months we are back in action with some great ideas. John's cruise turned into another fantastic idea for what to do when you are going to die, and we came up with a new reality show idea about a town full of swingers that don't do Ancestry.com.</p>

<p> As we prepare for Hurricane Hillary, we talk about her 2016 opponent and the chances that he doesn't run off to his brethren in Moscow. Book banning is my new hobby and I want to see how I can get involved to ban the bible in each Christian™️community. That'll teach them a lesson! </p>

<p> In the immortal words of Khloe Kardashian, "It's been a minute." We're back with more pontification for you. Danny and John saw the Barbie movie and have thoughts about the future of the studio business. It's good to be back.</p>

<p> It's tough to stick to a schedule this summer! We're back and as always with even more information for our listeners. Stay close as we drop pearls of wisdom!</p>

<p> We're back. I need to stop going out of town so that we can have more regular episodes. This week we talk about birthday parties, school board meetings and The Seagull performed with a gender-fluid cast. As always, we're about education!</p>

<p> We are back after another hiatus! Kelly has had a birthday and we all got to meet our fans at the first annual Cocktale Hour Fan event. If you want to be invited to the next one, head over to Patreon and subscribe. That is a sure way to get a mug and a party. We're back talking about the same stuff we were before the last episode, so it's like you haven't missed anything!</p>

<p> We are back with a discussion about AI and how much fun it is. I made Kelly's obituary and except for the lies, it was pretty good. We lament the lack of good Presidential candidates-The Rock and Tom Hanks are my front runners. Next week we are off again so enjoy this one while you wait!</p>

<p> This week we touch briefly on that guy who was indicted for hush money payouts to actress Stormy Daniels, and focus on really important things like what I would do if I was the heir to the George Jones throne..I'd sign autographs and take photos with EVERYONE. Danny's wife is drinking margaritas in Jamaica this week and we learned that of all the accents that Kelly can do, that isn't one of them.</p>

<p> This is the week to celebrate St. Patty's day and we hoped you enjoyed a green beer and listening to our song over and over. We talk about secret massage parlor tricks and Danny's new love for Google Lens.</p>

<p> Celebrities and Estate Sales, pretty common here in LA, so add celebrity Estate Sales to the long list of things we need to do like Karaoke and Burlesque shows. Oh and soon the Patreon mugs should ship!</p>

<p> Joy, hope and looking optimistic...that's something to try out, huh? We address the big issues facing today's youth and how the best thing to do might be just to ignore it all and move to Harlingen, Texas.</p>

<p> Dave joins us this week and tells us all about his colonoscopy and Taylor Swift. Yikes. We hit on different topics as we return after a little break. Thanks to our Patrons and welcome to the show! You too can help to keep the lights on by checking us out on Patreon.com</p><p><br /></p><p><br /></p>

<p> Scandal today, did someone get nominated for an Academy Award because of advertising? Does anyone care if the Scientologist leader is missing or ever heard from again? Would you be embarrassed to be a porn performer at 80? Finally, and what age is it acceptable to get full body tattoos? We've got the answers!</p>

<p> 2023 is in full swing now and we plan what's on deck for us this year- Danny is going to start auditioning for drug commercials like Cialis or Zeljanz or some other crazy named product, and Kelly is finally going to work on his stand up act, I hope as a mean Surfer Jesus.  Look for his Hallmark Christmas special coming in December! Thanks to our loyal Patreon subscribers! You should get your mugs by March - they claimed that I didn't click a button when I set up the account but it is 100% their fault, not mine for not looking at anything ever...</p>

<p> It must be really embarrassing to lose the vote 14 time, but hey, politics is a racket and they'll suffer any embarrassment to hold on to power won't they? Also we talk about open carry in Texas and how easy and legal it is to shoot a guy that is carrying a toy gun. Finally...thanks to our Patreon subscribers, I'm trying to get them to ship your mugs!</p>

<p> It's the end of 2022 and we offer a light recap for the year and a hopeful view for next year. Best wishes to all for a prosperous 2023!</p>

<p> Happy Holidays! Christmas is almost here and the stress of gift giving is in full swing. Danny is having a hard time getting in to the mood and Kelly has to go to the Mall! Let's talk Snapchat filters and how chicken and waffles are gooood.</p><p><br /></p>

<p> That's one thing about the Cocktale Hour, we are full of great ideas to make money. If you'd taken our advice from one of the early episodes, you'd be a thousand-aire by now. Don't miss you chance with the great ideas in this one! Remember, we're off Twitter so you'll have to send your fan letters by email now. [email protected].</p>

<p> It's almost Thanksgiving and Kelly is back from New York city, drinking $80 Mezcal shots. We are thinking about this podcast and how it will be presented as the greatest example of podcasting in the Smithsonian in just about 200 years. We're no longer on Twitter, and you should drop it too.</p>

<p> The midterms are over and we don't know who won. So let's talk about affirmations and Hollywood instead! Join us for the most stimulating Saturday morning talk you'll find, and don't bother connecting with us on Twitter, we're out. Don't let anyone impersonating us steal your money!</p>

<p> Kelly's truck was never found, but we did find a great way to protest, show up in Maricopa County Arizona in a speedo and a smile. Kelly can mime his heart out while the Gravy Seals look threatening around the ballot boxes. Happy Halloween!</p>

<p> When you went from 150 to 400 pounds, it just snuck up on you didn't it? If your BMI is over 40, you might expect some health issues, but I can tell you what restaurant you will really enjoy. We dig deep on this episode even though the cops have 0 leads on Kelly's truck. Do the police care enough to help you when you need something? Danny ponders attending a local school board candidate meeting. I wonder, should you go to every local political board meeting and cause trouble?</p>

<p> It happened. Someone stole Kelly's truck from in front of his house. Will he ever get it back? How long do you have to wait before it is declared gone forever. Do people masturbate to your personal photos if you AirBnb your house? All these questions will be answered in this episode!</p>

<p> The prayers worked and Kelly is chipper as ever! We discuss skin grafts and discover that foreskin is available for any kind of facial graft you need. Now we just need to figure out to corner the market for our own retirement goals. Speaking of retirement, would you retire to a community that we ran? Come on, it would be fun!</p>

<p> This week we come back from a few days off and celebrate the fact that Willie is still alive. America still needs to get its shit together and Kelly needs prayers of comfort. Don't forget to follow us on Twitter!</p>

<p> TikTok and influencers. Kevin Spacey's morality clause. Whether Danny is susceptible to advertising or not. We have a politics free talk today and get deep into what the young people want to see. Join us as our popularity skyrockets on The Cocktale Hour!</p>

<p> Mi peluquero era un pervertido y Kelly se cortó el pelo muy corto. Hablamos de la cultura de la cancelación y si puedes volver de ella. Planeamos un control remoto para mi reunión de secundaria. No olviden seguir mis quejas en Twitter. La hora del cuento de gallos!</p>

<p>My barber was a low-key pervert and Kelly's cut his hair too short. We talk about cancel culture and if you can ever come back from it. We plan a remote for my high school reunion...yikes! Don't forget to follow my rants on Twitter- CocktaleHour! </p>

<p> No big political topics this time. We're talking about what happens if aliens are real and they come to take all the women. Who would help us decorate? Kelly says it leads to a new series, Handsjob Tale. Let's get in better spirits and make the world a better place, what do you say. Follow us on Twitter, I've been complaining a lot there...</p>

<p> The Fourth of July didn't seem so festive this year. We riff on politics, the supreme court and what's going to happen to all those babies the high school cheerleaders in Missouri and Louisiana are going to have. As always, you can complain to us on Twitter at Cocktalehour. I've been making angry tweets there, so feel free to enjoy!</p>

<p> This week America is a dumpster fire and I for one blame Christianity and have taken to Twitter to express my impotent rage. Danny is trying to keep us level headed, and Kelly has given up on voting as a way to institute change. Whether you believe in our opinions or not, here they are. Remember, no one can see your vote. If you live in a Christian Taliban state, you can still vote for change and no one a the Garden Club will ever know...</p>

<p> Follow your dreams, but make sure your funeral expenses are covered. We spend this episode diving into parenting and generational trauma. How would we rank as fathers? Stay tuned and maybe we'll share the results next time...</p>

<p> Gas prices are high for no good reason. What can we do but pray about it? Join us for comforting words of wisdom, and not a whole lot of penis jokes this time. We want to make Kate happy.</p>

<p> It's Memorial Day weekend and we're finding it hard to find much joy in America. Another school shooting, price gouging and inaction from every branch of the government. We find that it's the little things, like Herschel Walker's inability to make coherent sentences that give us joy.</p>

<p> Even though we have Zannie as a new Patreon patron, we could use a big sponsor to drive engagement. Maybe John Varvatos is the way to go, I guess we just need to send him a note. Ketosis, Probiotics, alien Jeff Bezos and illegitimate supreme court justices...today is for learning!</p>

<p> Where you live has a big impact on family planning assistance. I propose that Native Americans start up abortion clinics on their lands. Casinos and healthcare for the Southern states! Danny and Kelly deep dive into Covid testing and bounties, not for women seeking abortions, but men ejaculating. That brings a whole new twist to $10,000 a pop. Start saving money today, teen boys!</p><p><br /></p>