Bitch Bible

Jackie is coming off a social media fast and recounts Gloria’s recent near death experience, reviews the Oscars fashion, and graces listeners with answers to their questions.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:AG1: While supplies last, get a free AG1 Flavor Sampler and AGZ Sampler, plus free Vitamin D3+K2 and AG1 Welcome Kit with your first AG1 subscription order at www.DrinkAG1.com/BIBLENutrafol: For a limited time, use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.comPique: Get 10% off for life at www.Piquelife.com/bibleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

After reviewing past episodes Jackie realizes the show is as great as it has ever been, issues an apology, discusses her blunt but honest communication style, and extols the sleep benefits of a recreational, domestic argument.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Quit with Jones: Start your personalized quitting journey and get 15% off with code BIBLE at www.QuitWithJones.com/BIBLEWayfair: Find furniture, decor, and essentials that fit your unique style and budget at www.Wayfair.comRevolve: Shop my edit, and take 15% off your first order with code BITCH at www.Revolve.com/BITCHSKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.skims.com/bible. #skimspartnerLittle Spoon: Use code BIBLE for 30% off your first order at www.littlespoon.com/BIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back from a grueling commercial shoot and talks about the toll of being social, the two approved methods of socialization for females, and a paranormal experience at the Sunset Tower Hotel.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by Ashley and Rayna from Girls Gotta Eat to talk about micro-penises, their four and a half hairs, Jackie’s recent exorcism, and Pampas grass.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie discusses some aesthetic revisions she would like to make in 2022, discovers her husband's childhood attempts at poetry and goes over some celebrity TikTok conspiracy theories.  See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie makes a strong case for mother of the year with her Valentine’s Day dedication to Clyde and his grown up vocabulary, explains to Andrew what a landscape architect does, and pitches herself as a new friend to Rihanna and Adele.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie has been struck by divine inspiration for her backyard renovation and talks about her grand welcome to the stone yard, Clyde’s night in Abu Ghraib, and wiping away tears of laughter to be a Good Samaritan.Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Merit Beauty: Get Merit's Signature Makeup Bag with your first order at www.MeritBeauty.comRevolve: Shop my edit, and take 15% off your first order with code BITCH at www.Revolve.com/BITCHPique: Get 10% off for life at www.Piquelife.com/bibleLittle Spoon: Use code BIBLE at checkout to get 30% off your first online order at www.littlespoon.com/BIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie continues to persevere through facial paralysis to bring you a recap of the Grammys and Clyde’s visit to urgent care, while also taking a moment to rip linear lantern light fixtures to shreds.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back from the clinic with 110 units of youthful rejuvenation and fighting through facial paralysis to discuss Little Ricki’s baby, Taylor Swift’s text messages to Blake Lively, and makes a huge backyard announcement.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie desperately tries to eradicate her previously questionable behavior by giving the world a wholesome (not really), informative (kinda) and intellectual (hard no) update on pop culture, mental health and relationship advice!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie exposes her plastic surgery journey in the most embarrassing way possible, dissects the “2016” trend and reminisces and details her most recent altercations!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is sticking with her New Years resolution and sets the financial record straight, does a deep dive into Ashley Tisdale’s toxic mom group, and explains why you shouldn’t trust people with fake plants and accent walls.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back and resolves to be bitchier than ever in 2026, laments the derth of proper entertainment, and recaps her first holiday off in years that includes power outages, flooding pools, rodents, spoiling caviar, and an incontinent child.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie greets 2019 with the same morally flexibility of years prior. She breaks down the post holiday blues, her friendship with Taylor Swift, the Golden Globes and why sending 160,000 text messages to a guy is totally normal!See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie chats with good friend Heather McMahan to purge their souls pre-Holiday festivities and find eternal optimism in unlikely places.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie celebrates Chrismukkah early by spreading joy (not) on all things festive and annoying. From targeting innocent civilians, berating Bachelor contestants and expressing distaste for the holidays - just paint this bitch green and move her to Who-ville.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie gives an update on Rat Search 2025, gives Diddy the dressing down he deserves, and critiques Bethenny Frankel’s home decor.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back stateside and recaps her trip to Paris with Heather McMahan, puts on the performance of a lifetime in an attempt to get a leather appointment at Hermès, and praises raccoon fur sweaters.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie has changed her Yelping ways and writes not one, but two powerful, glowing reviews for a local oyster bar, reviews Wicked for Good, and goes cold turkey on Diet Coke in preparation for Paris.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie counts down the days to her Paris trip, beams with pride at Clyde’s love of schadenfreude, and gives thanks for hoes in multiple area codes.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie takes a well earned deep breath following the completion of the Dim the Lights tour, rails against the glorification of tinned fish, and advises against combining bodily fluid colors in an outfit.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie announces some exciting news (don't worry, she is not pregnant) drops some spicy marital advice and tackles religion (why?).See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recounts the inappropriate attire at the Sabrina Carpenter show in Nashville, plans a second heist at the Louvre, and extols the benefits of her impenetrable immune system.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by Amanda McCants to discuss being late, Westlake mom’s, Amanda’s recent breakup, and everything on her hate list.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back from her San Fransisco redemption show, and discusses the perfect soundtrack for a plane crash, takes family photos before Andrew loses his front teeth, and endures an annoyingly positive trip to Aritzia.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie’s back with new extensions and shoulder pads to discuss fostering a child at the park for 8 minutes, clarify that she is not a rat with a mic, and point out Hellen Keller’s real greatest accomplishment.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recounts her recent social encounters, pays homage to her favorite celebrities and alienates 96% of her listeners.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie discusses her recent staycation and the benefits of sympathy upgrades, her thoughts on The Life of a Showgirl, and the heavy burden of being deeply funny.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by the incredible Michelle Collins to discuss, fixing and being fixed in relationships, bringing back bullying and shame, and why the housewives need a villain.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Alone in the trenches of her home this week, Jackie discusses how some people need to be punched to get some grit, names the greatest trait in a house wife, and suppresses the urge to beat children at the park with her purse.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is feeling loose after a couple drinks, and plans a bathroom renovation, laments the clothes that got away, and previews Off Brand October.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is back from Australia, jet-lagged and bitchier than ever. She recounts her unlucky flying history, Real Housewives and why Bermuda shorts are for people who have never been to Bermuda.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie loses sleep over Amy Bradley, gets into a fight with a girl from high school, and recalls how much simpler the early 2000’s were. And of course Melissa Wood Tepperberg’s neck brace.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recounts a beautiful experience with Clyde feeling unwell, books a flight for Paris, and explains the Princess Treatment, Red Nail Theory, and Soft Goth.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recaps the sick game Belly is playing in The Summer I Turned Pretty, discusses Clyde’s aspirations to be the next Mikhail Baryshnikov, elaborates on the perfect murder plan, and delights in her guests’ discomfort at her With Hate birthday party.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie sits down with living sculpture John Hill to discuss his sobriety, the most trouble he’s ever been in for something he said on the radio, a shared love of Allison Janney, and John’s additions to the With Hate, Jacqueline list.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

It's Jacqueline Taylor Schimmel-Haas' birthday, and she's been preparing for months her 2025 list of things she hates - some are broad, some are niche, but all of them are felt deeply in her soul.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie gets her sphincter lasered, creates a fake Instagram for her husband, and has the harsh realization that she may never see Cheryl again.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie deals with a biohazard event with her drunken sorority sister Clyde, chastises the internet for its mediocrity and lack of intelligence, and does a very special Ask Me Anything.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie suspects she has been bugged by Scientology after her live show in Clearwater, discusses the real problem with Madi Prewett’s husband, and the traumatic experience of visiting a public splash pad on a weekend.See Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

How much does Jackie hate the beach? Let her count the ways…Jackie suggests JoJo Siwa is in desperate need of a transformational, spiritual journey to make up for the developmental damage she has accumulated as a former child star, asks Andrew what he loves most about her, and rails against frosted glass doors and the character flaws they harbor.Thanks for Supporting My Sponsors:Cornbread Hemp: Use code BITCHBIBLE at checkout to get 30% off your first order at www.CornbreadHemp.com/BITCHBIBLENutrafol: For a limited time, use code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription at www.Nutrafol.comHero Bread: Use code JACKIE to get 10% off your order at www.hero.coLittle Spoon: Use code BIBLE to get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLEHomes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a home, all in one place at www.Homes.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recaps the first leg of her Dim the Lights tour, discovers that she is brave and vulnerable, and introduces Clyde to the bright lights of show business.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Magic Spoon: Get $5 off your next order at www.MagicSpoon.com/BITCHBIBLEWayfair: Shop outdoor furniture, grills, lawn games, and way more for way less at www.Wayfair.comPique: Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at www.Piquelife.com/BibleHome Chef: For a limited time, get 50% off and free shipping on your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLESKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.SKIMS.comHers: Start your free online visit today at www.forhers.com/BIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie deals with her Grammy nomination snub, why some funerals feel like low budge Coachella and delights with some new poetry she penned after a few cocktails of despair.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Hungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbibleLittleSpoon: Get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLEHero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.hero.coRitual:Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLESKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.skims.com/bible #skimspartnerSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is joined by Olympic figure skater Adam Rippon to discuss Chat GPT's lies, waxing mishaps, and Adam's obsession with collecting stone fruit, crystals, and life-size porcelain animals.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Pique: Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at www.Piquelife.com/BibleChime: Open your account in 2 minutes at www.chime.com/JACKIEHungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbibleRitual: Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLEHomes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a home all in one place at www.homes.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie takes up pickling, shoots up at a child’s birthday party in the park, and goes over her tour packing-list that will almost certainly get Josh searched by the TSA.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Nutrafol: Get $10 off your first month's subscription and free shipping when you enter the promo code BIBLE at www.Nutrafol.comHomes.com: Everything you need to know about buying a house, all in one place www.Homes.comHero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.Hero.coSKIMS: Shop my favorite bras and underwear at www.skims.com/bible #skimspartnerAddyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie mourns the death of quiet luxury, heralded by Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez’s childhood-trampoline-park-Chuck-E-Cheese style wedding invitations, grey CVS aisle carpet, and nonsensical guest list. Also, Sydney Sweeney’s collaboration with Basking Robbins - Gummy Bears!Thanks for supporting my sponsors:Pique: Nourish your body the right way. Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at Piquelife.com/BibleRitual: Don’t settle for less than evidence-based support. Get 25% off your first month today at www.ritual.com/BIBLEBetterHelp: Get 10% off your first month at www.BetterHelp.com/BITCHBIBLELittle Spoon: Simplify your kiddo’s mealtime with 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie recounts a harrowing experience trying to buy candle pillars for grandma Gloria, has a religious experience with a pink canvas Bottega jacket, and regurgitates the timeless story of backdoor Rhonda.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Pique: Nourish your body the right way. Get 20% off, plus a free rechargeable frother and glass beaker at Piquelife.com/BibleAddyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.comHome Chef: For a limited time, get 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie addresses some public scrutiny from a recent radio appearance, discusses what Labubu represents, talks shit on Andrew for party mix, and reveals her sister's childhood sapphic inclinations.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Leesa: Get 25% off mattresses, plus get an extra $50 off with promo code BIBLE at www.Leesa.comCornbread CBD: Use code BITCHBIBLE at checkout to save 30% on your first order at www.CornbreadHemp.com/BITCHBIBLEChime: Work on your financial goals through Chime today, and open an account in 2 minutes at www.chime.com/JACKIENutrafol: Enter code BIBLE to get $10 off your first month’s subscription and free shipping at www.Nutrafol.comAddyi: Check out the FDA-approved treatment for certain premenopausal women who are bothered by low libido and want their sex drive back at www.Addyi.comSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie makes her highly anticipated (not really) return and attempts to breeze into 2018 with the finesse of a young Grace Kelly. Until she is confronted with a rat mid recording and has to seek shelter, refuge, alcohol and access to basic cable. New year, same bitch.    Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Hero Bread: Use code JACKIE at checkout to get 10% off your order at www.hero.coHungryroot: For a limited time, get free shipping and 50% off your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLELittle Spoon: Use code BIBLE at checkout to get 30% off your first order at www.LittleSpoon.com/BIBLERitual: Don’t settle for less than evidence-based support. Get 25% off your first month at www.ritual.com/BIBLESee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.

Jackie is solo parenting this week and explains why Andrew's use of the words "Cozy" and "Chilly" is grounds for divorce. She also gives the single best piece of advice for high-schoolers, points out the consequences of Carrie Underwood turning her back on her gay fans, and makes her stance on Labubu clear.Thanks for supporting my sponsors!Ritual: Don’t settle for less than evidence-based support. Get 25% off your first month at www.Ritual.com/BIBLEHome Chef: For a limited time, get 50% off and free shipping for your first box, plus free dessert for life at www.HomeChef.com/BIBLESKIMS: Check out the SKIMS Ultimate Bra Collection and more at www.skims.com/bibleHungryroot: For a limited time get 40% off your first box, plus a free item in every box for life at www.Hungryroot.com/bitchbibleSee Privacy Policy at https://art19.com/privacy and California Privacy Notice at https://art19.com/privacy#do-not-sell-my-info.