Behind Our Smiles Marriage Podcast

When we go overboard with giving good gifts, it's often called spoiling someone. But spoiling isn't just for the grandkids: we can also show that abundant, extravagant love to our spouse! We can find ways to make him or her feel super special and cherished. In this episode, we share ways what that "spoiling" can look like and common pitfalls to avoid. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you have special pet names for your spouse? Babe, sweetheart, honey, darling? One easy way to grow our connection and intimacy in marriage is using those special names that only we can use! This week we're sharing our history with pet names and sharing a few new ones you might want to add to your vocabulary! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

How does it affect your marriage when you or your spouse are going through a hard time? That could be grief, depression, or feeling directionless. This week we're following up on the last two episodes and share what that struggle looked like for us and how we got through it with our faith and our relationship in tact. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

What happens when your perfect plan falls completely apart and you have to start from scratch? We're sharing about a time in our lives when Joe was figuring out what to do with his future and nothing went as he planned. But God was faithful even in the rock bottom, walking with us and teaching us to trust. In this week's episode we share what we learned how we learned to trust God in that painful season. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you remember a time you felt hopeless and weren't sure you were going to make it? When your world seemed to be falling apart and you doubted if God would pull you through? In this episode we revisit a pre-marriage season of our life that shook our world and our relationship. And how God used those painful moments to bring us to where we are now! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Happy New Year! The start of the year is a great time to set goals and reflect on the areas we need to improve. Sometimes our spouse is the first person to notice and be affected by those weaknesses and then we react in defensiveness. But when we own our weaknesses and commit to change, that benefits both ourselves and our marriage! In this week's episode, we share about how to give and receive grace as we work on our personal shortcomings. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Our special guests today are Larry and Hope Ware, hosts of the popular YouTube Channel, Under the Median. Even though they specialize in helping families with practical frugality and getting our of debt, they also have a lot to share from their 35 years of marriage. From a rocky start to infertility to having babies "past their prime" to major financial hurdles, Larry and Hope have had to lean on God and learn to work together though it all. Join us as share their wisdom and hear how God has provided for them in every season. Check out Hope and Larry's frugal resources on their website https://underthemedian.com/ Under the Median YouTube Channel (We also talked to just Hope on Episode 155, "I'm a Verbal Processor!" To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Joe and Tara are stopping in to wish and your family a Merry Christmas and to share about where they find joy when Christmas isn't everything we're dreaming it should be. We hope you and your family are enjoying a joyous and hope-filled Christmas season. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

To quote C.S. Lewis, "The central miracle asserted by Christians is the Incarnation. They say that God became Man." At the heart of the Christmas story is the "word becoming flesh" and without that first miracle, the rest of the story doesn't matter! In this week's episode we talk about the significance of that primary miracle and our place in that story. Read more of Lewis' thoughts on the incarnation: To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Are you so excited it's Christmas? Will you get to see family?" Have you ever wanted to answer: well, it's complicated. The holiday season can be a magnifying glass to whatever joys and hurts you're experiencing in your life. For many people, it is a time that can be isolating and painful. So even though the reason for the season hasn't changed, our circumstances and feelings around it can vary widely. In this week's episode, we talk about how Christmas has been complicated for us and how we navigate our differing emotions. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

One common source of marital contention is when one spouse is more interested in being on time than the other. This simple difference can end up adding more tension to already stressful days. In this episode, we share about growing love and unity even when we're running late! If you're not 15 minutes early, you're late. That's what they say, and I agree with them! I really don't like being late. I'm sure some of that is a combination of some "fomo" plus I do like to respect people's plans by being there at start time. I can relax and feel less stressed when I'm early. But Joe doesn't have the same dedication to being early. He wants to be on time in a general sense. But he's not going to hurry like a crazy person to make it happen. He's the slow and steady, check-double-check kind of guy. Everyone chill, we'll get there when we get there. No surprise that those differences cause conflict for us on those days we have somewhere to be. Who's right? And how do we keep that conflict from hurting our marriage? To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you ever feel like you deserve more than you're currently getting in your marriage? Look at the facts, it's in the contract, I'm getting the short end of the stick and deserve just a little more. Even though marriage involves a promise and even a legal document, feeling entitled will destroy the intimacy and connection in marriage. In this episode, we share how we're growing true gratitude in our marriage by eliminating the phrase, "I deserve". To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Have you ever thought, I don't deserve this? When you have experienced pain and suffering, you are often quick to think, I deserve better. But the more we feel entitled to the good things that God has for us, the less we can truly appreciate them. In this week's episode we share how understanding God's grace and mercy helps move us to a place of true gratitude. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Have you ever just wanted to be given the benefit of the doubt? It feels awful when someone, especially your spouse, assumes the worst of you in a doubtful or unclear situation. When it's assumed that our intentions are off, we get defensive and less likely to offer grace in return. This week we're sharing how we're learning to give each other benefit of the doubt and how to grow in grace in your marriage. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Behind Our Smiles just celebrated three years of podcasting! And over 160 episodes!! Many listeners have asked us if we enjoy podcasting together (we do!) and where we find our topics for each episode. This week we're giving you a behind the scenes look at our podcast- how we plan our episodes and why we love spending time with you each week! Thank you so much for listening these past three years! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

By this time in an elections season, we can become worn out from all the divisive rhetoric both from the politicians and their followers. Sometimes it makes you want to scream, can't we all just get along? Why is everyone talking and no one actually listening? We can have similar issues in our marriages and relationships, where we become more and more polarized when someone doesn't agree with us. Then we can fall into the same trap of divisive rhetoric and me-vs-you language that makes unity impossible. In this episode we share how we can find unity and consensus in our marriage so that we both win. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

As adults we may not dress up in costumes as often as our kids do. But we do wear our own kinds of masks that keeps people from seeing who we really are. In this week's episode we're sharing how to live without the masks and have more authenticity in our marriage. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

How do you feel when someone asks you to share a cup of coffee with them? That request indicates that they want to connect with you and get to know you on a deeper level. In our experience, coffee dates promote conversations that are both comforting, encouraging, and full of laughter. Our marriages can benefit from coffee-fueled conversations too!! In this episode, we share from sharing about our daily habit of sharing a cup of coffee and how it strengthens our marriage! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Sometimes conflict is necessary and other times we just need to pause and say, does this fight even make any sense? We both want to be close an grow our connection… but we are sabotaging that very goal by fighting over something silly. In this episode we're working to avoid super silly arguments that serve no purpose but to divide us. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Sexual intimacy requires a vulnerability and giving of ourselves like nothing else that we share in our marriage. Then throw in previous trauma, marital disconnection, and the demands of modern life, and it's not surprising that we're not always "in the mood". In this episode, we talk about how we overcome our obstacles to sexual intimacy. Content note: Although we do discuss the effects of trauma on sexual intimacy, there are no explicit descriptions of abuse or sexual activities. More resources: J at Hot, Holy, and Humorous The Body Keeps the Score To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Happy Fall! Instead of bringing you a new episode of our podcast, we want to share with you some of the podcasts we're listening to! If you're looking for other podcasts to binge on, these are a great start! WowGod.com Morning Focus Daily Devotional Manly with Andy (The Sex Talk You Never Got w/ Sam Jolman) I Love that Song (Consumed by Fire) Mental Health w Dr. Mork (Panic Attacks) To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

After an episode full of verbal processors, we're letting Joe, our resident internal processor, respond to that conversation. What exactly is going on inside the mind of a man who has less words to say? And why do steady men like him tend to not respond as expressively as their wives would like them to? What is the nothing box and how does it work? We try to find the answers to those questions in this episode! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Move over Joe, the ladies are talking- I mean taking over this episode! Does your marriage have a dynamic with a very talkative, excitable wife, and a quiet, steady husband? Verbal processor vs internal processor?? Then you'll relate to the conversation I had with three of my friends who have similar marriage dynamics. But this is not an episode where the wives get together to complain about their husbands. This is about celebrating the way God made them and learning how to extend grace and love them better. Even when they don't talk as much as we do. We hope you are encouraged and can laugh with us well! Hope's YouTube Channel, Under the Median Jennifer's podcast, Living the Grace Life Listen to Kristy on weekends at WCIC To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

We love to look back at those key moments that have radically changed the trajectory of our marriage- those times the lightbulb comes on and you're able to see things more clearly. Over our 27 years, there have been many lightbulb moments, most of which we wished we had had earlier! In this episode we share some of those times in our marriage that we thought Aha!! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Have you ever experienced that A-ha!! moment? So often, we hit the same wall, again and again, until God gets a hold of us and A-ha! The light goes on. We see what we were too blind to see before. Ignorance to understanding. In this episode we share about why we all need a good lightbulb moment! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Our marriage is affected by the many decisions that arise in parenting. One of those big decisions that we need to find unity on is how are kids are educated. Even though we had very different educational experiences, we were in agreement early in our desire to home educate our kids. Looking back on almost two decades of homeschooling, we're sharing how that decision has benefitted our family and our children. Tara's Homeschooling Resources My favorite homeschool supplier To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Are your expectations of your spouse realistic? We may all answer, of course they are! I mean, I don's ask for much, right? We usually consider ourselves to "not ask for much" while also thinking that our spouse is asking too much of us. In this episode we talk about the danger in thinking "But I don't ask for much!" And how to navigate those expectations with grace. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you ever feel like your ideas are dismissed by your spouse, often from the get-go? We've been there way too many times! This week we're re-visting our very favorite phrase that we use to strengthen our marriage. We're sharing how adding "That's a great idea" to our vocabulary has helped our marriage in so many ways! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you and your spouse ever disagree? That's a silly question. No one agrees with one person 100% of the time. But disagreements can become a source of tension and conflict in our marriage when they're fueled by stubbornness and disrespect. In this episode we talk about to keep disagreements from weakening your marriage. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Before our son, Stephen, got married to Anna, we shared a special evening together with them and the parents of the bride. It was a night of prayer and blessing for Stephen & Anna. In this episode, we share how that conversation went as the four of us prepared our kids to build a marriage, and not just a wedding. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you love weddings? We have always loved weddings, but a wedding as the parents of the groom was a whole different experience! In this episode, we reflect on our son's wedding day and how attending weddings encourage our marriage (and make me cry….) Stephen & Anna's First Dance Video To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you feel "free" in your marriage? That might depend on on your definition of freedom! There are many cliches about marriage being the end of freedom, but the right kind of freedom makes a marriage healthy. In this week's episode we talk about the importance of both freedom and boundaries in building a strong marriage. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Interview w/Brian and Carole Pucel We are so excited for you to meet our friends Brian and Carole Pucel. When they married in 1982, everything seemed to be bliss until Brian began to follow Jesus. Brian's new-found faith almost destroyed their marriage, until Carole slowly became curious about what had caused this change in her husband. For several years, they had a picture-perfect marriage, raising their three children, involved in church. Then a church split triggered a spiritual battle within Brian that threatened to divide them. You'll love hearing how God redeemed their marriage even when things seemed hopeless! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you remember all the little things you would do for your spouse when you first met and got married? We took such joy in giving an receiving those small acts of love. As the years go by, we can let the little things go. In this episode, we talk about how keeping up with the little things has grown our marriage. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

How do you feel when someone starts a sentence with "you should…" No one likes being told what to do. Some of that comes from our own aversion to being corrected, and some of that is when someone is talking to us as if they know more. This dynamic shows up in our marriage as well and we start sentences with "you should…" more often than we should! In this episode we share our struggle with "shoulding" each other and share healthier alternatives! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

We're celebrating 27 years of marriage this week! In honor or our anniversary, (and our son's upcoming wedding!) we're sharing the 27 things we would tell our newly-wed selves! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Have mental health struggles affected your marriage? When one spouse is struggling, both spouses are affected, often in different ways. After our conversation with Dr. Mork last week, we wanted to reflect on what she shared how it relates to what we have experienced in our marriage. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Does your spouse's driving drive you crazy? Can you get through a road trip without feeling very frustrated? Many of our worst traits show up when we're on the road and in stressful driving conditions. In this week's episode, we share how we avoid driving each other crazy while driving! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

This week we are talking to our new friends Shawn and Jayneen, and theirs is a unique and powerful story. How does a marriage survive when one spouse is self-destructing? After their marriage was almost completely destroyed by infidelity and a five-year separation, God redeemed not just their marriage, but healed them as individuals. Hear all the skills and wisdom they learned on their journey from brokenness to wholeness. Shawn & Jayneen's Needs Posters To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Ladies, do you want to receive a Mother's Day gift from your husband? Even though we are not their mothers, we do need their encouragement! In this episode, we talk about one of the best gifts you can give the mother of you children: unwavering dedication to your family. We share 6 principles that Joe has practiced in supporting Tara as a mother. M- Model Respect O- Offer Resources T- Talk about the kids H- How can I help? E- Encourage her R- Radical Involvement To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you like to cuddle with your spouse? Cuddling isn't just for babies and puppies! Taking time each day to hold each other and enjoy that physical closeness is great for our physical and mental health! In this episode we share about why we love cuddling and how it has benefitted our marriage! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

This is our final week in our series on the Gottmans' Four Horsemen. Our final horseman is stonewalling, which is when one person withdraws and refuses to engage in a conversation. When is stonewalling harmful and when is it helpful? How do we handle conflict when we are flooded with uncomfortable emotions? In this episode we share our experience with stonewalling and how we keep it from hurting our connection. Gotmman's Four Horseman: Stonewalling More about Stonewalling from the Cleveland Clinic To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

We are in third week of our series on the Gottman's Four Horsemen. One of the most dangerous of all the horsemen is contempt, which John Gottman calls the "sulfuric acid for love". Contempt begins when simmering negative thoughts about our spouse grow into a belief that our spouse is inferior to us and is insignificant. In this episode we share about the dangers of contempt and how it can creep into our marriage. The Gotmman Institute: Contempt Contempt in Marriage: Greg Smalley To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

This is our second episode in our series on Gottman's 4 horseman as we tackle to the topic of defensiveness. When the horse of defensiveness is running wild in our marriage, we go into self-protection mode and refuse to take responsibility for our behavior. In this episode we're sharing our struggle with defensiveness and some of the ways to combat it. Gottmans' Four Horsemen: Defensiveness To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

This episode is our first in a series where we are discussing the Gottmans' work on the "Four Horsemen": the four conflict patterns that can cause damage in our relationships and marriages. We're starting with criticism, which is bringing up a concern by describing our partner (You always you never) and attacking them as a person. When the horse of criticism is running wild in our marriage, we will feel devalued, rejected, and hurt. In this episode, we share our struggle with criticism and some of the ways to combat it. What is Criticism? How to complain without criticizing How Criticism poisons your marriage To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Every week, we love to share the stories behind our smiles. We talk about how we pursue connection and find joy even in the struggle. But we know that you have a story behind your smiles, as well! Have you and your spouse overcome obstacles in your marriage? Is there a time God intervened in an otherwise hopeless situation? We'd love to hear about it! We're handing you the mic so you can share your story. You can click HERE to use our new WowGod microphone. Just click on the microphone, talk into your phone, enter your email, and press SEND! Or just share with us what makes you smile about your husband or wife! When sharing your Wow God Story: Keep it a true story from your own life! Aim for about nine minutes. Tell us about a time when God provided the strength or resources to conquer a seemingly insurmountable challenge. What was the obstacle and what was the turning point? How is your life different now? To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

This week we are so excited for you to meet our new friends, Craig and Jennifer Sakata. After marrying later in life, they have learned to love well despite their different childhoods and expectations for marriage. They share their story of becoming one and living in grace even when facing miscarriage and grief. Their love story is a beautiful testimony of God's grace in marriage! Jennifer Sakata is a speaker, author, and podcaster who nurtures joy at the corner of real grace and real life. Her passion is helping distracted women overcome the overwhelm of 'doing more' so they can receive God's grace to live God's grace. Her favorite moments as a workshop and retreat leader are those thin-veiled glimpses when someone recognizes God's grace rewriting their story. Learn more about Jennifer's ministry HERE! To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

We all carry burdens and in marriage, we each have unique struggles. The problem is when we fall into the trap of comparing our loads and wanting to be the one who has it harder. In this episode, we talk about the difference between empathy and sympathy and how it affects our ability to love. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Does your spouse understand the hardships you have been through and how it has affected you? Joe and I have both often failed in understanding the ways we each have suffered. In this episode, we talk about the role of empathy in growing true intimacy. To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]

Do you ever feel like the odds are stacked against you? The odds against us are real and we all have challenges that affect our marriage. We recently we had an opportunity to speak at a marriage event about how God has worked in our marriage to help us face the odds that were against us. In this episode, we share the audio from that live event titled, "Beating the Odds"! To learn more about the ACE score: Dr. Gottman's Ice Bucket The Deepest Place by Dr. Curt Thompson Reflection Questions: What are the odds against us? What do we have going for us? What has been hard for you that I maybe don't know about or haven't acknowledged? How can I help? What does God need us to surrender more fully? How are we going to beat the odds that have been or are against us now? Any ideas from what we heard in this episode? To connect with us on social media: Facebook Instagram behindoursmiles.com wowgod.com Email: [email protected]